Lifeline - 77. See You In Hell

Episode Date: October 1, 2023

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Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by car and other conditions apply. We're rolling, rolling, rolling rolling rolling we are rolling rolling rolling that's what i want to ask you about because we were just talking about this started before the air before the air airing of this podcast what i want to know is if you were going to get a tattoo, and you have some, right? If you were going to get a tattoo and you could do it efficiently like, say, you want to get a chest piece rather than sitting there for 10 hours or 15, 20 hours total, whatever,

depending on the intricacy of the chess piece. If you could just go and just, and you're done with lasers, would you rather do that? Is it all, everything is the same? Everything is exactly the same. Well, I mean, then obviously. I know, I know. Who would not? Besides like people that read ink subscribe

to inked mag right nobody I okay I would too I would go in and go I would do that right but I would feel cheaper about it would you well define that was like I would feel like it's not as good even even take everyone else. I'm not even counting, like, you wouldn't even have to tell anybody that you did that laser shit. Is it cheaper, though? Like, is it chintzier or, like, worse? No, no.

Well, they don't do it yet. I know. I'm saying I know that. There's no flying cars. Okay, so I'm just saying. In this hypothetical, though, is it actually cheaper or worse? No, everything is the same. Then I would not know. Then I'm just saying. In this hypothetical, though, is it actually cheaper or worse? No, everything is the same. Then I would not know.

Then I would not know. Only if it was actually worse or there was an argument to be made that it was actually worse. No, there's not. Then no. It's better, in fact, because you save time. Exactly. That's why I would do it. Yeah, I just feel like it's ingrained in me that you have to sit there and take it.

Which is so stupid. Bo, that's only because that's true. What? That's the only way to get a tattoo yeah that's true i feel like if it well okay if all of a sudden you could laser tattoos on on and it would be exactly the same people would do it there would be a huge community that was like oh you ain't people who subscribe to ink to mag right and but that's the true of literally every single thing yes Yes, I know that. There's a community. They're like, oh, the new way is stupid.

I know that. I know, I know, I know. But that sucks that that's ingrained in me, even though I don't even agree with it. Yeah. I have something I want to talk to you about, too. Okay. It's on my mind.

Oh. Are you done? Yeah, I guess so. Thought maybe it would lead to something else, but okay. Do you think that, I'm not going to talk about this is not like a political question it's going to start out sounding like i know i talk about in my in my in my show bleep that out um and it's not political and i can tell sometimes people clap because they are political about i'm like dude it's not political right boo boo to all of you boo i don't like that bleep out that i said that word though they'll definitely boo to all of you who do that boo

okay so go ahead um that's crazy we have to believe that we do though we do yeah so i'm talking so i'm actually in the driver's seat right now so i'm in the driver's seat go ahead so uh um joe biden is as of now, running. Gotta bleep that. Is that what you said? Yeah. And he's like struggling in the polls. Him and Trump are neck and neck. Whatever.

Who cares? Right. Repeat. Yeah, exactly. Three-peat. You know what I mean? No, I don't. But he would win.

I believe he would win by a significant margin. Joe Biden. If he did one very simple thing okay you know the song i can already tell this is not political you know the song i'm so excited yeah i'm so excited okay sure if he this is already so wrong no i believe it though nothing with this so so excited thing so you know how trump had the ymca thing like he was so but he would do the guys off dance right okay but it became a whole thing stop talking about bleeping things

a censor the fcc and if joe biden came out to i'm so excited but sang actually sang yeah i'm joey biden instead of that he would lose he would win he would win by so much he might win my vote back right right right right because he does not have my vote okay well relax because i said we're not getting into politics i know that but uh but i just want to say and yeah so if he did if he did that he would win so i'm not pundit. So he would come out and be just like, I'm Joey Biden. The problem is he wouldn't even remember that. He would be like, I'm, wait, who? And he'd have his aviators on and he would do that.

And he would win. So take my advice. Don't take it. It's up to you. But if you want to win, I know his aides all watch the show. So pass that along to him. Put it on the thing.

Huge fan. But also. The White House, huge fan. Yeah, the White House loves Lifeline. aides all watch the show so uh pass that along to him put it on the thing but also um the white house huge fans yeah the white house loves lifeline put on the thing on the tv woo um well that's weird he's not here he's probably unloading right when we start the show he was here the whole time anthony within the first 10 minutes leaves his station he does doesn't he he because he goes he goes to the bathroom dude doesn't he? Because he goes to the bathroom. Dude, I don't even think he goes to the bathroom to go to the bathroom. I think he goes to the bathroom, and I think he like... Orders shirts, orders more shirts.

With his phone. Tillies, tillies, tillies. Paxson.com. That's cool. Ooh, the devil on the eight ball. So, all right. It's episode 77. What up, my babies?

Go sign up for Lifeline Luxury. It's actually on and popping over there. Lifeline Luxury. Patreon. up for Lifeline Luxury It's actually on and popping over there Lifeline Luxury Patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury I'm going to be in Cleveland I'm going to be in Pittsburgh I'm going to be in Virginia I'm going to be in Baltimore

I'm going to be in Reading I'm going to be in Pennsylvania So go to ChrisLea.com and get tickets for that Man the show's been on and popping baby on and pop shows look like they've been crazy lately yeah they've been pretty crazy man they've been really great packed houses everybody's clapping everybody's going crazy yeah it's like you're the rolling stones well yeah you know but not really though because i keep my shirt on and um well i do kind of look like that guy a little bit. What's his name? The lead guy? Oh, you don't know Mick Jagger's name?

Mick Jagger. Wow. Mr. Jagger. I mean. Also, you want advices from Matt, go to mattdalia.com. He'll have a one-on-one session with him. I will. mattdalia.com.

Yeah. If you got a question, go down in the link below and go to watchlifeline.com or go click or you can also call in with the hotline. And the merch is awesome. I think my favorite thing is the purple pim-pim-pim-pim hoodie still. The purple hoodie is my favorite. LifelineMerch.com. I can't wait for it to get colder a little bit more so I can start wearing it again.

It is the best piece of merch in the world of merch at this time. Thank you very much. Whoa, Elvis. Yeah, dude. Okay. So, well. at this time whoa thank you very much whoa elvis um yeah dude i uh i i okay so well so insecure let me tell you something right now though okay i'm not insecure okay that's don't we wouldn't want to say that right i wouldn't because i would go crazy okay um but it's insecure but you look and he was doing it wrong he left his station and something was wrong great great great great great oh even worse talking about having sex i hate it when i walk by the most had a quickie

quickie sex of all time so you uh have a really you put an outfit together man did you mean to uh did i do mean to match my colors yes i do you put an outfit it makes me uncomfortable when i here's the two things i can do oh boy i can no no my fiance i can streamline and no chris mocko my outfit okay with the color color wise right right so i match generally speaking like this is obviously yellow or neon yellow and gray and i have this hat on and gray shoes so it's like i can do that or i mean that's not something that that's very easy but or i can completely have like an insane disarray of colors go against the traditional color scheming and just have like nine colors on my body and just be

basically you dress like patch adams like i fell into my closet a few things ended up on my body, and then I got out and didn't even look. Wow. But I cannot have like, I generally match, but there's one thing off. I can't do that. Yeah. It's slightly, it's like a rock in the shoe. It bothers me. I agree, though. Oh, okay. I agree.

I agree. I think, like I had on different shoes here. I have on this Ollie's Kingston, New York pizza thing. I went there i have this shirt on and i was gonna wear these uh orange shoes but it didn't really match with this right so i walked out red what is it right it's like kind of pinkish orange i'm just like i look at it i'm just like a teacher and so it looks i had to put these on because they matched better because i had on a little bit orange shirts

on uh orange shoes on it was like this and it just looked weird oh that would that would be all right for me i think yeah yeah well you're not as fashion forward as i am right i mean that's can we all agree possibly true we definitely have very different styles thank god um but yeah now you have actually not bad calves what you don't have bad calves okay why do i have bad calves i don't even know what a bad calf would be what what makes mine not bad they're not that skinny oh really i mean i have really skinny weird legs don't i well little then you look at me and you go oh he's on stilts oh you have weirder legs than me i mean i'd never go backward like a t-rex like a chicken dude mine do too they when I stand with my knees locked

They go Oh right I see what you're saying They curve the wrong way You're a bitch boy right Nope Alright well let's get into Some stuff dude But we have a great time

Go to LifelineLuxury.com Or no sorry Patreon.com Slash Lifeline Luxury To join Lifeline Luxury And get the episodes On Patreon That are only on Patreon, exclusively on Patreon. And here we go.

What's up, Matt? What's up, Chris? Love the podcast. Chris, I saw you when you were in Denver. It was an awesome show. Anyways, today my question is regarding my marriage and my friend in prison. Oh, my God. So I have a good friend who's been in prison for the last, I think, three years. Jesus. And I'm getting married next August. Now, a couple years ago,

I told him that he could be at our wedding and we'd wait to have the wedding until he got out. Problem is, wedding stuff is so crazy that you have to book it so far out that we couldn't wait another year to do it. And honestly, it's kind of trashy to hold a wedding for one guy in prison. That's not even family.

You know what I mean? How do I tell him he calls every once in a while and I still haven't brought it up. I don't know how to tell him any advice would be great. Thank you. So what I don't understand yet is it's so hard to book stuff. So he has to book stuff soon? Did you understand what he was saying?

Yeah, it's really annoying that you would get hung up on that But I do understand what you're saying Okay, so what does he mean by that though? That's annoying that I would get hung up on that? Yeah, because it doesn't matter Ultimately, yes But if we're dealing with somebody Who's saying stuff That doesn't matter It sounds like What matters They didn't know exactly

When he was going to get out They booked a date And then to cancel it now They'd have to book it Even further out You're using deductive reasoning That may be right But he should have been

But that's what we all do Every day All day long I don't do that We would never get anywhere If we didn't deduce things I'd pretty much go nowhere Because people

Never make sense So because people never make sense. So because people never make sense, we have to make sense for them, fill in the gaps. That's what we're doing all day long, nonstop, literally every time someone speaks. I try to be as specific as I possibly can. I know that. That's why you're supremely annoying. So what about the guy's advice? I know what you do.

about the guy's advice. I know what you do. You call the guy or the guy calls you from prison and you say, hey, look, man, I know I told you I was going to wait for you to get out of prison

so you could be at my wedding, but the problem is I want to get married and you're still in prison. And that's a problem. You shouldn't have killed anyone. You should. Dude, how about this?

That's a you problem. How about this? And the guy in prison goes like this you're lucky i'm in here because if i was out i'd kill you too yeah that that is the movie that played out in my head like you tell him and he's just like okay and then he for the next year he's like throwing darts at photos of your face working out yeah like max katie yeah i mean he's your friend he'll understand because he's in prison the guy can't do anything and i think one thing that people tend to deal with probably first when they get sent to the clink for a long time clink is they it sinks in that they're going to miss out on life that happens outside. Also, this is your friend.

This is not your mother. Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy, honestly. Hey, bud, what are you doing? That you even feel bad at all is kind of sweet and enough. Hey, bud, he shouldn't have stole that car or whatever you know i really wonder what he did i always i'm like he stole a car you know what i don't know i fill it in and i go they stole a car it's possible i've said this before on this podcast but

there's no way i could ever i could ever be on a jury and the reason is i would i would never say guilty you have said this i know i would never i i just i wouldn't want that on my own conscious i don't care i have no sense of like vengeance on behalf of other people if someone killed someone in my family obviously i wouldn't be on the jury because i'm biased but i would want to kill them right but like out in the world it's all immaterial to me someone i don't want them to go to jail i don't want them to go i get it i feel like that a lot i mean i don't care if they go to jail because they did something wrong i don't want to be the one that did no i know you're saying that i know what

you're saying um yeah dude get married man be happy and then when he gets out or here's another thing you can do is have the wedding at the prison yeah the imagine the the the the the the wife's dad the father of the bride like not what i expected but at least he doesn't have to pay much for it although maybe prisons are a lot to rent out i don't need a lot uh secure be like okay so we got a block of rooms uh it's pretty much cell block d uh but you're gonna want to get them quick there's a hotel in the neighborhood but it's not as nice i mean what like what goes on and the the guy that called the guy that's made yeah what goes on this guy's head so yeah

the night before is like the night before is like oh man it was great uh so yeah everyone's pretty much cool uh your aunt got your aunt got but um well we got to bleep that your aunt got shanked yeah your yeah your aunt got shanked uh she's fine she still wants to come uh can we hurry it up though yeah this is a kind of a non-problem yeah but i i get it you're probably a little too sensitive though you gotta let this go yeah you gotta let it go you came to us for advice for a reason because we know what's up we cut through the bullshit hey get the wedding done bro yeah also congratulations yes next all right shit dead hand shit hey matt and chris uh matt i've noticed you and i like a lot of the same stuff on instagram anytime there's a super weird person doing something really strange on instagram reels i can see if matt delaney's like it

which makes me laugh. My question today, though, is a bit of a random one. So I was recently overseas in Europe in a country that the D'Elia family has a bit of heritage in. Let's just say that. I don't want to dox anyone. But I was at this beach club, and I was taking some photos and footage. I'm a travel photographer, so that's what I do every day. I go there, I create create content and oftentimes i'll post

it online it'll blow up for these places that uh and they get a lot of exposure on this particular occasion though uh when i was taking footage and and doing all that kind of thing that i do every day uh the club took exception to it and three of the employees from this club came zooming up on motorbikes proceeded to bash me up take take all my camera gear, ripped my shirt, and held me hostage for about three hours. Two other guys came. They were all speaking in their local language, laughing at me, belittling me, emasculating me for quite a while

until the cops came eventually and let me go, which ended up being just such a non-event. It was such a weird situation and something that really, like, traumatized me for that day. Fortunately, everything ended up okay and it ended up not being too much of a big deal but uh i felt very powerless yeah um now i'm back home uh i feel like i have a bit of power back and i want to get them back i want to i want them to suffer i don't want to just write a shitty review for them because i've got plenty of those even though it's a really nice place um but i really want to get the owner back this guy was really mean really rude he had a rotten soul and

i want to fuck him over a little bit um so what can i do to get them back that isn't too spiteful but will potentially let them know that what they did was not okay uh without jeopardizing my safety in the future when i go back to that country. If you have any ideas, please let me know, because what these guys did to me was really traumatic at the time. Wow. And I think they deserve some kind of recompense. I feel like you guys will have some good ideas. Dude, that's...

Hope the story made sense. Hope you guys have got good ideas, and keep doing what you're doing. I love you guys. That's crazy. Dude, that's terrible. Dude, that's crazy. And we got connections. We got connections we got connections yeah hey hey dude

you don't want to fucking be from our heritage where our town is and where we're from dude we're connected dude and it'll get you we'll fucking you send us a private link of of what this fucking place is and i'll tell tell you this much, dude. Hey, you ever heard of sleeping with the fishes? Drunk? Dude, that's crazy. That's terrible. That's upsetting, man. What is wrong with people?

What? Here's what you do, dude. He's a good looking guy. He is, yeah. Find his wife. Oh. And be... Even if you just flirt with her.

Yeah. Even if that's where it ends. Yeah. You're in the guy's head. Even if it's just that. Here's what you do. If you end up smashing... Well, a mime.

A mime. If you end up smashing bro yeah you have to say words now do i you're mr phil's in the gaps i'm just saying it's like bro this is not cool that's not cool i don't know what they did to him they at least belittled him is what we heard. No, they physically roughed him up. Yeah, they did. That's insane. What is... Dude, what is this? Like, what? Pick him off one by one, dude.

Kill him. Pick him off one by one. Kill every single one of them. Yeah. Yeah. He's just like, well, I caught him. So what you want to do is

find out who his wife is. You're a good-looking guy. You're obviously better looking than the guy that owns that place. Of course. Well, yeah. Honestly, nobody good-looking is ever that angry enough to be like that kind of person. That's true. It's just one of the unfortunate facts of life.

It's just a ground-level truth. People that are good-looking are never so mad they want to rough you up for taking a picture of their that's why i would have never done that i almost got i almost got roughed up once i took a picture of a motel in uh i mean what's up with taking pictures of places that nevada and these two tweakers came out we're like what are you taking pictures of i was like the sign of your motel they're like what's what's the problem i was like nothing i like the sign of your motel they're like get out of here man where you from they had the california plates you know the california like there's no problem here anywhere at all on any level i mean maybe it was like a drug den i have no idea probably but uh anyway so well just the moral of the story is

don't take pictures of places find the guy's wife behind his back develop a relationship with her online do the long play yeah yeah yeah and like dm with her and talk to her and flirt with her get compromising pictures of her okay well this is okay not compromising not to like mess with her oh but then just get enough of them and send the pictures to him. Oh, illegal. Send the pictures to him. Yeah. And then in addition to sending the pictures of him,

send pictures that you took of his resort at another time that you got away with. So he knows. But don't send it from your account. Just send the pictures that you took and pictures of his wife posing like would love it if he took selfie went back secretly took selfies of him at the resort that would be good yeah and just kept tagging him yeah yeah yeah that would be good too there's a number of things you can do dude uh it sounds like you've been there more than once if you've taken pictures i know they took your camera and fucked it all up which which is insanity. What are they protecting, exactly? If it's a legit, beautiful place.

Exactly. This guy takes beautiful pictures of travel photography. Dumbo taking pictures of drug dens. Yeah, no. It sounds like there was no problem to begin with, and these guys were just being bullies.

But that's weird, though. That's weird, though, because if you're in America, if that happens in America, you have actionable stuff you can do after that, right? And you probably do in Italy as well. Yeah, you do. Oops, don't know where where it was but don't tell me right but um it's a secret yeah yeah but we don't know okay we don't know it could be anywhere but um but you don't really feel you do you're a foreigner you don't really

feel like you know uh that this is something that you can kind of see through. And also, you don't know the laws there. But also, you're traumatized. You just want to get out of there. Like, what are you going to do, press charges and stay there? Just get out of there, dude. I know, right, yeah. I totally get why he would want to do that.

Yeah, yeah, of course. No, I know. I'm saying the same thing. But that's a nightmare, man. God, people like that drive me absolutely crazy. They do, too. Yeah. Especially foreigners that do it, right would say because i bleed red i'm american i would send them to jail i would send those three guys to jail how like if i was on the jury oh got

it calling it back if you're on the jurissimo yeah yeah a television jury yeah hello we are now all welcoming the jury simo they come in it's like it's like beautiful like just like straight up bitch-faced women and like just like fat cannoli eating like dudes you know right being racist yeah yeah and then just like somebody is it that you can be so racist towards italians painting someone painting come in with painting like beautiful like still life like a fucking some oranges Come in with painting, like, beautiful, like, still life. Like a fucking some oranges and shit. With a hat. And he just goes like this.

Guilty. We're finding the defendant. Like this. Turns it around. It just says guilt. It's a beautiful, a beautiful painting of the defendant in prison just like this. With one shaft of light coming out. What? like this with one shaft of light coming out no like this like this like this

he's so tired to have a finger out he's doing a courtesy flush like this wow because the other guys in the in the sitting on the bug bed like this yeah I call it the courtesy flush we find the defendant wow well nobody's ever done that in the history of man what I've done what I did right there what I said and the thing the two things I did nobody's ever done that in the history of man what i've done what i did right there yeah what i said and the thing the two things i did nobody's ever done that in the whole history of man it's funny i think about that sometimes too okay but i i did that i'm unique i do you ever done something like that yeah i do you think you have yeah i know i have i know i have okay well

dude if you were to be do something like that's been done dude i totally agree okay so i'm just saying to be truly unique yeah yeah yeah yeah i know i know agree okay so i'm just saying to be truly unique yeah yeah yeah yeah i know i know i did that i'm with you we find that the defendant did nobody's ever nobody's ever done what i just did yeah i agree okay i mean i i can't agree because i don't know but like i know i i also believe what to be true what you said okay and i know this to be true next one oh is that. And I know this to be true. Next one. Oh.

Is that Spider-Man? How do I get that, guys? My wife and I grew up very strict Baptists. We went to church three times a week. We never drank. We never listened to normal music, just church music. People like this. Recently, we switched to a different church. And this church, in my eyes, just makes a lot more sense.

It's more chill. They have what they call contemporary Christian music. They think drinking's okay. Here's the thing. This is the one church that my wife's parents always said, if anywhere, don't go there. There we go. It's basically the ultimate disappointment to these very strict people.

And so my wife and that's why it's dreading this she feels like she has to inform them that we're going there and that it's going to be a huge disappointment how do we go about this uh i don't think we necessarily need to tell them what do you think thanks i mean you don't need to tell them except for it might get back to them and in which it does that does that matter enough to your wife that you, you know? Because she could always be like, well, why did we need to tell you? I get the whole thing is absolutely so stupid. It's just so petty. From the beginning.

What are these people, seven years old? Like, get over it. People are different. They do different things. What's crazy is that the parents are probably upset. The reason they're upset is because they're worried that their daughter's gonna go to hell now that is dumb yeah she's not gonna go to hell she's fucking married to spider-man that's yeah i mean come on no but uh i i think if she wants to tell them you have to because she's the daughter of the yeah you're the son-in-law

yeah so you got to kind of go with what she wants to do so tell them and when they start tell them at like a family dinner yeah at home not like out to dinner and then you say or they you know she says so you know that we're going to this church now i know you know and approve that but i just want to let you know so you don't find out some other way. And then when the parents start to express, you know, that they're angry or that they're upset, that's when you come in and you say,

that doesn't matter, pass the potatoes. Wow. That's when you come in. So stupid. It doesn't matter, guys. I mean, that is such a crazy thing that so many people struggle with this kind of thing. I know. During my advice sessions, I've talked to a lot of people who are or have been raised religious.

Oh, wow. And they're in their 20s now. And they live close enough to their parents. And they're like, I don't know how to separate from the church because my parents are going to be so upset. They're going to think I'm going to go to hell. And I'm just to go to hell. And I'm just like, wow, that is such an, I mean, life is hard for everybody and it's all relative. But that is such an interesting and strange to me, foreign to me, problem to have. And I really empathize because that sounds like miserable.

Yeah, it's miserable. But nobody wants to go to H-E-double hockey sticks, you know? Nobody wants to go to H-E-double hockey sticks. Nobody wants to go to H-E-double hockey sticks. But Nobody wants to go to H-E double hockey sticks. Nobody wants to go to H-E double hockey sticks. But no one is. I know that's the truth. Did you know that? No, I know that.

That's good. No one's going to go to hell. Nobody wants to go to two lines and a line connecting them, backwards three, double hockey sticks. Nobody wants to go there. Wow. Nobody wants to go there. Wow.

But nobody wants to go to a U sitting atop of an upside down U to a backwards three double hockey sticks. Nobody wants that. So complicated. But, yeah,

no, nobody is going to AHE double hockey sticks, but, Do you know why? Because it's not a place. I know that. I know that.

Okay. I know that. I know it's not a place, okay? But neither is Fry's Electronics anymore. But Fry's is not... Fry's isn't around? I don't think so. He knows. They went out of business? Yeah. I wonder what they did with that alien spaceship that crash-landed in there.

I have it. I bought it. It was 20 grand. And I'm jealous. I bet it's in a scrapyard somewhere. It was a bad investment. It's still there, I think. The fries? Has no idea. Just said it, you know?

Just absolutely fucking said it. It's still there, I think. Just said it. You know what I mean? People just say stuff. It was there a few months ago. The cojones. Fries? Or the alien spaceship?

The abandoned fries with the fucking alien thing in the on the facade okay there's one inside though too and that's the one i like oh you know what i'm talking about oh um yeah dude just just go tell the parents and let them be mad you know let them be you're not in control of their of how they react and they're not in control of you right but you're just in control of what you do and they're not in control of you though you're right and they're not in control of you so they got to deal with it they're not they should if they get super mad say you know what just be happy we're still going to church relax okay yeah it's still a church nothing's wrong with it we're all christian

we're all we're all the same religion we all still believe in the same things so relax now let's sing kumbaya it's not no but it's not like they they lay they're leaving the religion it's just a different church bro how bad is this people need to get over kumbaya dude my lord, kumbaya. I mean, is it even really a song? Someone's swimming. What is it? I don't know.

Someone's singing. It's definitely not swimming. Someone's in the pool, my lord. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I hope they're not drowning, my lord. Grab a a stick that one's not long enough my lord oh my god the fucking stick broke my lord wow now he's headed down the goddamn river i have a pain in my neck, my lord, is it because I said goddamn? And then it would be good.

That song rips. That song rips, dude. All right. Let's go to the next one. Someone's swimming. What the fuck is up, Matt and Chris? Wow. Kurt Cobain.

My name's Austin. I live in Nashville, Tennessee. Chris, I just saw you at the Ryman Theater. You fucking killed it, bro. Thanks so much. Those guys got anger problems. Fuck yeah, dude. They're aggressive. Anyway, Chris, on your congratulations podcast, the last episode you just did, you mentioned how you went to Soho House in Nashville while you were here and you were really fucking confused if it was a restaurant or it was

a hotel. Right. You're in the right, man. It makes no fucking sense. I work there, put in my two weeks on my way out oh wow uh my question is i'm a photographer and i get a lot of face time with a lot of a-list uh celebrities uh musicians specifically and i've been just blatantly asking them like yo can i shoot your show tonight yeah and 80 of the time they're like totally down for it the other 20 they're like i gotta talk to my manager or some shit um what do you guys think about this is this too much like am i a dick for doing that because people have been making me feel like i'm stupid or like i need to be uh kind of watching out because i might get blacklisted or some shit which is fucking stupid because they're just putting celebrities on like a

pedestal and being like oh they're unapproachable they're not they're normal ass people is it okay to be doing this it's worked uh let me know your thoughts how you would feel as people in the public eye if this happened to you anyway october 21st jack white theater go see crystalia uh get your crystalia tickets at crystalia.com maybe let's get it is that detroit what is that i'll be there. Scared. I mean, it's okay. I'll say hi to them. Dude, I get this. I get this. People say, can I shoot a show tonight? And if they're good, I say yes. If they're

not good, I either don't respond to them or I send them to Sam, my videographer guy. I say, if you think this guy's good, have him come. If you don't, don't. Or I say no. It's okay to say no, I think.

Now, look. Of course it is, but this is not his question. Go on. I know. I hope you answer his question. This guy seems to be pretty normal, despite the glasses. And the aggression.

Yeah, but that was just for fun. But he seems pretty normal. and you know despite the glasses and the aggression yeah but that was just for fun but like he seems pretty normal like if if if he asked me to shoot my stuff and i had seen his stuff and i didn't like it i would just say i already got a guy and you know i don't i don't know i don't think i don't think so but you know and and I think he would probably be like, okay. Well, he said some of them say no, so obviously he is like that. Well, no, what he said was some of them say, I got to talk to my manager and shit like that. But which is fine, too. But like, you know, I feel like people need to know.

It's all about I hate this word, but it's all about boundaries like if you're if somebody asks you something and the answer is no and you get butt hurt about it that's all on you it's not on the person who said no i mean and he seems like he's able to take it yeah but he seems like he's able to take that yeah well yeah wait hold on i'm being you for a second but he's asking if it's okay for him to ask yes that's what he's asking the answer is yes yeah 100 yes you can ask yeah yeah yeah yeah it's okay yeah now there are annoying ways to do that totally so don't do that yeah right like i get approached in annoying fucking ways and then i get approached in cool ways so in his sense i'm imagining it goes like this they're doing the photo shoot and then at the end of the shoot hey i know you're in town for a gig can i come shoot it that's right and and my whole thing

is if you're already doing a photo shoot with the people you're obviously you're gonna say yeah i wouldn't understand why somebody would say no unless they just didn't like your stuff but in which case why are they shooting with you in the first place right yeah um but also um i would say no well just for because then i would think well maybe he wants to hang out with me later and i don't want to do that yeah but you you have guys to be like just give him a pass on you know oh right he shoots in the thing and it's all good but they if they're good they know to not fucking right right of course yeah yeah you know um but i have got like we had a guy who came with us matt what's his i'm gonna

let me look him up because... What if it was me and he had to look me up? Matt D'Elia. There it is. He was great, but let me put him up here. Matt Azzarello. He traveled with us through the whole Canadian stuff. Is the guy with the E40?

Matt Azzarello. Azzarello. He would take a shot. He goes... And he would take a shot and he would go and I wish it was water he's just the craziest rapper ever

water I'm on stage I hear in the crowd water that's a great one water um so uh no but I I um yeah I I don't like I have there's another guy too undeniable media on Instagram who's great and he asked to shoot my show in I think it was Kansas somewhere I don't know but he travels to LA he shot golden hour the other day like he's a great photographer if you know i think that's how you get your name out there i don't understand

the blacklisted thing maybe that's a thing what does he mean by that i think what he means is you get the rep of you ask people to to take pictures and it's unprofessional and god forbid you ask i don't know i yeah i don't i don't know maybe and then maybe like bands will be like yo that guy's gonna try to shoot you don't do that i mean a monster but okay hurt my throat well good i mean honestly hurt my throat real bad um so no you're good dude you did it yeah i think it's okay you're just an enterprising fellow it's okay i was uh people got to be okay with this though like the other day i was in montreal and three dudes came up to me uh two of them said wait a minute no way you're a fucking legend bro like they're like you're so funny no way

and the other guy was like oh shit chris you're the man the third guy goes like this who's this guy yeah fine fine fine that's annoying a little annoying because don't do that in front of my face just on principle yeah i get not every most people don't know who i am yeah that's not the annoying part not knowing who you are the annoying part is in front of your face being like who's this guy yes yes people do that like it's a badge of honor too right right of course so i don't have a tv like that kind of shit right nothing more annoying i know so but i don't really care they're like 20 something and they're probably a little tipsy and like it's nighttime and it happens and whatever and um so then they go like this guy's a comedian he's fucking hilarious his podcast and shit like that

the guy the third guy says oh can i get a picture yeah and i said bro you don't even know what the fuck i am yeah right yeah and the other two guys are like oh dude and whatever and i'm like yeah of course we can get a picture i get a picture with the three of them we're looking across the street they're talking they're like what are you doing here in montreal and i'm like i got a show and this and that i'm with my crew right and uh the light goes from green to red so now we're stuck we don't get to cross the street right and they're still talking and they're like oh man and then like do you know bobby lee and i'm like yeah he's fucking hilarious and shit and they're like oh cool hey are you gonna be on rogan or whatever the fuck saying all this shit and finally i go like this hey guys we're done here like that right i say just like that and

they just go oh and i'm like they didn't like laugh oh weird which my my people did so who cares but if you know you they're fans of yours i know i know yeah but i was like yo guys i'm fucking with you like yeah like it wasn't like they were like fuck this but they were like oh oh you know like yeah worried and i was like guys fucking i'm joking yeah but like what the fuck are we doing here you know okay go hang out and they're like no come to a bar with us and i'm like And I was like, guys, fucking, I'm joking. Yeah. But like, what the fuck are we doing here? You know? Okay. Go hang out. And they're like, no, come to a bar with us.

And I'm like, no way. Right. Yeah. You know? And that's, that's okay to do. Yeah. And if they were butthurt about that, which they're not, they're fine, but that's on them. So my whole point is you've got to express your boundaries and you have to understand what you do. If a guy's going to say no, they're going to say no, then fuck it.

And that's on them. So don't suppose their shit on you, basically. Yeah. When they say no, just be like, oh, who cares why they said no? They did. But it means nothing about whether it's okay to ask them or not. When they say no, you go like this. Fine.

I don't want to shoot you anyway. Yeah. Can I shoot your show? No. I i don't want to do it anyway fine i'm gonna go ask who bestank the reason is you the reason is you anthony's favorite song when that song came out yeah dude anthony goes anthony heard it first and goes like this huh the second time he heard it he legit was like like eyes got watery and he was just like his heartbeat wow his heartbeat this fucking is so good dude his heart rate sped up yep i did have that album dude of course he course he did. His other two favorite bands, Linkin Park and Evanescence. What was the big Evanescence song? Oh, dude, I can't sing it

because I'm so bad at it. What is it? Marco, what was it? What is it? Anthony knows it. Wake Me Up inside, right? Yeah, Wake Me Up. He has a tattoo of the lyrics

on his side, you know? Yeah, definitely. How does it go, though, again? Oh, yeah, the one that goes, Wake me up before you go. We're Evanescence. It's not goes, Wake me up before you go. We're Evanescans. It's not them. Wake me up.

What is it? Anthony can sing it. I'm not singing it. Oh, you know what it is? It goes like this. When I wake up and I know I'm going to be, I'm going to be the man who wakes up next to you. No, that's the Proclaimers.

We're Evanescans and we walk 500,000 miles. That's Proclaimers. So what is it then? It's on the tip of my tongue, man. Wake. Wake me up. I'm'm gonna play two seconds okay yeah it's okay oh yeah yeah yeah yeah who's the guy in the back just yeah oh yeah yeah i think in that song it is lincoln park isn't it? Oh, yeah. Wake me up inside. Fuck yeah. Oh, yeah.

The guy in the background. Just absolutely having sex. Just having an orgy. Oh, fuck yeah. I'm so lucky. Wake me up inside. All these chicks. Wake me up inside.

Oh, fuck yeah, dude. Look at all these fucking tits. That's so dumb. So dumb. All right. Who's next, baby? What is up? In NBA 2K. Just got back from Little Rock.

Seen Chris. Great show. Great weekend. You responded to my DM after that. Go back. Go back. A fucking guy in NBA 2K, dude. With such good agility.

Oh, his agility is off the charts. Look, it's all the way at a 10. I'm going to be honest. I love this guy's hair. Just got back from Little Rock. Seen Chris. Great show. Great weekend.

You responded to my DM after the show. That was really cool. I appreciate that. Not much of an advice today. Just wanted to see what you guys thought about having like a routine when you shower um i do the standard shampoo conditioner first but for some reason i always have to go pits then junk and then chest and then on from there i don't know why and um also i can't be the only one that gets done showering and uses my hand like a squeegee to get the extra water off.

I'm 6'5", tall, glass of water. So I've got a lot of body to dry off. And my towel is soaked at the end of it. So I can't be having that. So what do you guys think about shower routines? Is it sufficient to wipe all the water off yourself? I like how mundane the submission is. I mean, we've got to do all of them

what i'm not called in before no no dude no he's on nba 2k anthony don't say no you're mixing it like that he's mixing it up because he was playing nba 2k dude god damn it anthony don't say wrong shit man he was playing nba 2k listening to evanescence he got confused and fucking got confused yeah okay so you have a routine don't say junk that's first yeah don't ever say junk about when you're talking about your prick and nuts don't say junk okay prick and nuts prick and nuts a fucking uh like a a goddamn uh cafe that would be in williamsburg you know fucking in new york and everyone would be like dude you gotta go pricking nuts pricking nuts around the clock yeah or it would be in

fucking los feliz and be like you gotta try this fucking place pricking nuts and i'd be like so pissed off you know oh yeah what do you get there oh you got to get the mortadella sandwich dude pricking nuts baby so that's what we call junk now get the get the mortadella sandwich with uh an olive um pistachio spread top and off it's dude it's so good at freaking nuts in williamsburg all right so shower routine i a while ago i realized i have one without knowing i do. Like, I would imagine that's true for almost... Spork!

I would imagine... He fucking has... I know, dude. He set it up. Spork! Yeah, it's like everybody does the same shit when they get in the shower, probably. Otherwise, that's just how brains are. They're just like, I do that.

Out, you know? I mean, the guy from Place Academy. They go... A blowjob. The second attack. Second attack. Yeah, yo, bro. Damn, you assassinated me with that, dude.

Wow. So violent. You assassinated with... You stabbed... Wow. You stabbed me In the throat And then pulled my Tongue out of it

And made it Tied around my neck And gave me a Colombian necktie Jeff Garbo What about you Answer him And then fucking

What was it The NBA 2k yeah i think that you know whoever you want to play on that game is fine what was the question do you have a fucking routine this show yeah i go in um wash my junk no i go in i wash i guess i do i wash well i don't wash my hair every day i have something important to say about this actually yes okay mark albert so you're it's not and i people are going to be like yeah it is i promise you okay i said i'm this is not my idea i know this for a fact okay i've read it numerous places i looked into it it's just true okay it's not good good to wash your entire body every single day. It's not good for your body. French.

Things. No, you shower every day. Sure. I'm just saying, don't use soap. French. Scrub every single part of your body. French. Parts of your body need the things that are happening on it to happen.

Foreign. Like microbes and shit. You know what I mean? So lost it right there. Shut up, dude. You know, like microbes and shit you know what i mean so lost it right there you know like microbes and shit a dad from brooklyn yeah you need the microbes come on man eat up um i mean eat up you know because they don't know what they're talking about you gotta eat this you need not mean microbes. The things you have to wash are...

Jeans. The under here. The down in there. An acting coach. The behind the there. All right? And the there. The key areas.

Okay, yeah. You don't need to wash your forearms. Yeah. All right? All right? All right. All right. So, okay. I wash my hair maybe once every three days

i wash my body every day i wash my armpits good i wash my penile good well i wash my crevice in the backside very well you have to wash all those things my feet otherwise yeah you gotta wash those too necessarily lather up right good good good good good good french but okay um and that's that this obsession with cleaning is wrong dude that was i hate when people say stuff like this but it's it was it's like it was made up and sold to us yeah just like women shedding their legs and armpits that was made up by razor companies thanks hall Yeah. Just like women shedding their legs and armpits. That was made up by razor companies. Thanks, Hallmark. Now we don't have enough microbes.

So many things like that that we all consider gross if we don't do them was literally made up by some company or corporation or conglomerate of companies. Thank you. Oops. Thank you, Hallmark. And they just now, 70 years later, we're all like, if you don't do that, you're disgusting. Oh, yeah? You're a sheep. Alex Jones.

Dude. Yo, dude. Hey, thanks, Hallmark. Dude. Hey, thanks for sucking on the crank, the teat of the crank of Hallmark. Hey, dude. Thanks, dude. I'd like to keep my microbes.

Next. Hey. Hey, Gillette. Yeah. Stop turning'd like to keep my microbes. Next. Hey. Hey, Gillette. Yeah. Stop turning the frogs gay with the water. Yeah. Whatever that means. That's an Alex Jones thing.

Do that. So frogs are gay because of the water. God, Alex Jones. And frankly, I do too. I think all frogs are gay, though, you know? Frogs are gay. They're never wearing clothes. Frogs are gay.

And they're always hanging around each other. And they're green. Anything green is gay. Oh, really? Yeah. Not my money. I'm going straight and narrow. And they're green. Anything green is gay. Oh, really? Yeah. Not my money. I'm going straight and narrow. Wow, so stupid.

Because it goes right into my bank account. All right. Next one. What's up, guys? Stefan here. You're a longtime fan from Serbia. Hell yeah, dude. I called in a few months ago.

I mean, the lighting is so Serbian. And I have a Jordan with a slam moment for you. Oh, here we go. It was a long time ago when I was in elementary school. I think seventh grade, something like that. We went outside of our city with the bus to have a field trip. And there was one girl in my class that wasn't really in my group, let's say. She was a bit odd odd i would say okay

and um there was one moment when we got a little bit bored me her all all the kids i think and she said one thing that i will never forget and to this day i repeat that with my friends. She said, I will translate it to English, but it doesn't sound probably the same, because in Serbia we have this saying, but I didn't know about it before that, because I was a kid. She said, I'm bored like a wafer on a grave. And you know, in Serbia, it's kind of tradition when you go to funeral to bring food. Because if you are, let's say, your father or mother died or somebody like that close to you,

you will have a lot of people that know them there and you need to offer to those people something. So some people do bring sweets like wafers and nobody's really eating that it's just like i would say stupid tradition and those wafers stay there for days i think and they get bored so that's why she said i'm bored like a wafer on a grave and i never forgot it and it was so funny i was crying laughing back then and i repeat that i mean almost every time i get bored with my friends that uh know that joke so yeah that's my story guys thanks man the lighting was so serbian so i mean the lighting is like an art film yeah it's serbian dude yeah i mean it's so serbian that's the lighting in his house always by the way uh

so it is a saying though that's the only thing that's the thing that butts up against the jordan with so here's the thing it is a jordan with a slam if that is not a saying but it is a saying so it's not technically so but he didn't know it was a saying that that doesn't really make a difference but it does to him in the moment all right but ultimately to make it a jordan with a slam you can't give it a jordan jordan with the slam but it's definitely the closest it's the closest any submission has been to a to a true jordan with a slam saying it wrong but yeah jordan with a slam okay wow that one hurt me that is the closest we've ever gotten yeah it was debatably not it's

not technically it's technically not yeah but it's very much on the right to you and your heart it was yeah so that that's a personal john with this lion but it's not a universally true john it's a personal john with this lion but not not a universal Jordan with a slime. Exactly. All right, cool. Wow, that was amazing. That was a good one. Good story.

I like it. Wafer on the grave. I'll use that, man. Yeah, LeBord. So French. LeBord is a wafer on a grave. Joe Biden. A wafer on a grave. Wafer on a...

Is that what he said? LeBord is a wafer on a.... Wafer on a... Is that what he said? Board is a wafer on a... My leg hair is curly. Oh, man. Let's see a guy. This guy just killed a fox, no doubt about it. Let's see what the sixth lead of Triple Frontier wants. What's up, man?

Chris. So I've been watching the pod recently to see if anyone has a similar question to mine, but I'm just going to have to make the submission myself. assume a lot of people are have been or are going through the same thing so um i started dating this girl back in may um just the sweetest girl i've ever met in my whole life um couldn't think of a single con about her we instantly hit it off it was perfect we dated the entirety of summer hung out way too much probably um and then together but mostly her decided that we didn't want to try the long distance thing when she moved back to college for her senior year um damn the thing i'm really struggling

with though is like we kind of decided to pick it up when she got back and it's kind of leaving me in a weird spot where i'm like trying to get over her but like yeah still trying to hold on um i'm doing the whole cliche breakup things i just got back from the gym i'm trying to like stay busy and everything but i don't know if you guys had any tips for me that'd be great love the pod guys thank you damn dude that's weird to me kind of which part well he is not in college, and she is in college. It's her last year, right? That's what it sounds like. That's what it sounds like.

And so they really like each other, had a great time, but they're doing the thing where they are not going to be together because she's away at college for the last year. I guess technically it's probably the right thing to do to see if they were good for each other, but that just kind of sucks, man. That's not why it's a good idea. It's a good idea because other but that just kind of sucks man i don't know why it's a good idea it's a good idea because it's her last year of college and she i'm assuming wants you know

the way people think is like well it's my last year of college my last year of like freedom and yeah things not really mattering as much as they do in true adulthood and i want to be free so i can remember that for the rest of my life as like my last yeah final triple frontier of freedom triple frontier uh but you know that's funny good good job i get why people think like that but life gets in the way of plans like that and you if you met a guy that you're really into yeah you shouldn't really worry about that stuff i do get it though here's the thing the risk you run of sticking to plans like that even when they stop making sense because you've met someone like you run the risk of

when you do like return to the relationship it being different yeah it was before the other thing though at the same time staying together you run the risk of that whatever is so good about the relationship changing and by the time you do get back it's already gone so it's like she should just drop out of college you get you have plans and then the plans you have play look i wanted to finish that sentence but a yawn came through okay you got to adapt i don't say the same sentence i yawned regrouped talked about the yawn entered the chat into a different way this is the wisest thing you've ever said you have to grow or it dies and i say this all the time grow or die you gotta grow

You gotta grow you had a plan You met a dude you met a woman It changed now All this being said could be Her secretly saying I don't want to be with you anymore We don't know enough about this Yeah but I don't like reading into stuff I know but I'm just saying you should keep that in the back of your head

Because I don't think That I fully think that you should try and I don't think that I fully think that You should try And I don't know How often you're talking to her But I fully think You should try and get over her

Because this is too much To handle for a whole Fucking year And you run You run a great chance Of her coming back And shit just not working out That's probably

What's going to happen It could not you know it might be 60 40 i don't know but yeah but he's he's young she's looks seems like she's maybe even younger like what's the harm in trying to wait see if something sticks well there is no harm because yeah no matter what happens it's okay that's what i'm saying but my point i think he should try to keep it going but what does that mean though he She went away to college, and they're doing their own thing. So he might as well meet other people as well. Sure, but you're saying it like forget about her.

Oh, I'm not saying like don't talk to her at all and shit. Yeah, you can keep in touch with her and stuff. But I think the second you're like, we're going to try and, you know, this is my last year of college, you act single. Sure, yeah. Yeah last year of college. You act single. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Right. Like, don't be, don't be like halfway into meeting a new person. You meet a new person. You go into that date thinking this is going to be probably awesome. You know, you hold out the possibility, hold the possibility that it might be even better than the thing. Yes. That is on hold for the time being.

Right. Yes. And that's honestly great advice and you're welcome yeah that's tough though because like the way the mind works it's not like he's stuck in the middle and that doesn't really help him get over it stuck in the middle and you can't get out of it wow uh wow yeah it just kind of sucks the only thing is that i would say is that it's not that long it's like yeah less than a year it's a few months or something yeah and you might see her over christmas break yeah you might see her again you might get the dome slopped on so you might you maybe go visit her maybe she has a little break she comes to see you who knows you might soak a little bit that sucks man i hate that kind of you might soak a little bit stop you know well soak uh oh damn whoa that was a whole episode yeah all right we appreciate you i'll be in pittsburgh i'll be in cleveland i'll be in Virginia. I'll be in a bunch of different places.

Baltimore. And I can't wait, honestly. I love doing this stand-up. It's really, really fun to do this. Where else am I going to be? It's your best hour. Thank you. Cleveland, Detroit, Orlando, Fort Myers,

Richmond, Philadelphia, Reading. Oh, yeah. Reading Oh yeah, I just added Oxnard I'm going to do some new material in December That'll sell out, get the tickets And also Covina I'm going to be in like two weeks or something It's like near LA At the Laugh Factory In Covina over there, get your tickets, that'll sell out too

Go see him in Pittsburgh on my birthday Oh yeah, I know, true so that's that and i got news uh the specials coming out soon i got news um appreciate you guys and uh patreon.com slash lifeline luxury there's a new episode up today uh and if you want to go to watch lifeline.com Send a link we love the submissions You guys are great you're sending good ones Or call the hotline You want one on one advice sessions With Matt And then our Lifeline merch is

At Lifeline merch Sorry Lifelinemerch.com no at It's at and then also Here we go another part of this Because you say the at the symbol it fucks everything up nowadays Right it wouldn't have if you just Go to Lifelinemerch.com And then also, here we go, another part of this. Because you say the at symbol, it fucks everything up nowadays, right? It wouldn't have if you just kept saying it. Just go to lifelinemerch.com and talk about it.

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that's what it is and it's not that's not that no it's patreon.com slash lifeline luxury the episodes are amazing we don't take callers yeah they're good we just banter and talk bullshit uh and they're great they're great. They're great. Bye.