Lifeline - 78. Jordan With The Slam

Episode Date: October 8, 2023

LIFELINE LUXURY is available at patreon.com/lifelineluxury. 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 ☎️ You can also call the hotline at 213-973-8095 🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. Hello! Okay so here's the deal, today we have a bunch of "Jordan with the Slam" submissions. I hope you know what that means, because it's pretty impossible to explain otherwise. There is definitely one real one, and one that is close. The rest are trash. We also have some advice for a woman who is dating a guy who is getting the ick from his LL Cool J lip bite. 📆 Book 20 or 40 min one-on-one sessions with Matt at mattdelia.com. More LIFELINE: 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline 💃 Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello like if i go i want to put something on this side yeah yeah if i'm looking at that yeah that's interesting that's funny that's... Especially because you've seen yourself on camera a lot. A lot. Trust me. A lot, dude. So self-centered. I am always on camera. Self-centered. Somebody's always taking video of me and I'm, you know...

And you're looking at it? They're making me look at it. I am making me. It's all right, dude. We got it. It's at 39. It's fine. We are chilling here, right?

Robot. Chillbot 3000. We are chilling here, right? Robot. Chillbot 3000. We are chilling here. Relax. Take a load off. It was nice walking in here for once. The AC was actually blasting instead of walking in,

and it was sweaty. I actually was able to put on something long-sleeved for once because I always have to wear short sleeves because it's always 10 degrees in here. Dude, I made that mistake before. What? I said 10 when i meant to say 100 what is earlier like before we started recording wow oh well i guess that's good i have a bubble in my throat can you tell can you tell my voice is higher i can yeah there's a bubble in

my throat i was sick last week can you tell from my voice i can yeah yeah it sounds terrible um so anyway did you want to talk more about the sweatshirt that I'm wearing? You pointed out something about it that I didn't think about, but it's true. I put it on and you said, I said, look at how weird the neck is on this thing. And you said, oh, it's probably for bodybuilders. It is for bodybuilders. Well, it says body alive and there's a big buff guy on it. And I'm wearing it and I'm a big buff guy. So you're probably right.

It is for bodybuilders. So you didn't think about how that was a bodybuilder thing? It has a bodybuilder on it that says body alive. No, I don't think about there It is for bodybuilders. So you didn't think about how that was a bodybuilder thing? It's got a bodybuilder on it that says body alive. No, I don't think about there being clothes for bodybuilders. Obviously, there are, though, as you pointed out. But I didn't think about that. Body alive. That's why.

What's that? Baby alive is a thing. Oh, what is that? It's an old toy. It's creepy. Baby alive? Baby alive. Where you're like your own little Dr. Frankenstein?

I don't really know. Oh. I talked about it on Congratulations once, but I forget what it is. Interesting. Or did we talk about it here? Anyway. We talked about it on Luxury. Oh, we talked about it on Lifeline Luxury.

Wow. And you don't even remember. Bad guy. Bad guy. So. I don't even remember what we did right after we did it. Same. Same.

Ever. I'm so that way. And when I watch an episode, which i don't watch every episode but i'll like put one on every once in a while when was that and it'll be like four days i know i know i i'm like that too if i can do a song like that baby alive i'll remember it but if i can't i won't the reason why that shirt's a bodybuilder shirt is because the next big so the traps can stick out and you look crazy good. Yeah, and also so that the tops of the guy's big taters can stick out, right? Well, yeah. Top taters.

The tops of the taters. Right. Very, very to be tops of the taters. Yeah. So anyway, that is a cool shirt. I like it and I want it. And if I was wearing it, it would fit better because I'm a bodybuilder now. I don't think it would fit you at all.

Here's the deal about the Baby Alive doll. Oh, yeah. Now doll yeah now the thing that we talked about with the baby live doll that is on lifeline luxury if you want to join the lifeline luxury go on over to patreon.com slash lifeline luxury and that is where you can get the extra episodes only on patreon only uh for the lifeline luxury and that's where we do not take submissions we just bull we just bull crap uh as brothers uh if you want to get me on tour oh trenton new jersey is on live right now uh is that a new date yes it is december first chris uh chrislea.com but i'm also going to be in uh cove oh wait Covina, Cleveland, Detroit, and Orlando, Florida, Fort Myers. And it's just going to be

Richmond, Virginia, and Baltimore, Philadelphia, Redding. And then Oxnard dates coming up. ChrisLeah.com, go get those tickets. Thank you very much. And then if you have a question or if you have a submission, we don't need any more Jordan

with the slam submissions, by the way. We've got a lot of those. We're inundated with those. So go to WatchLifeline.com and send in a video. You guys always get the Jordan with the Slams wrong anyway. Or you can do the hotline. It's below. If you want a one-on-one advice session with Matt,

Matt D'Elia will give you very, very coveted opinions and great, great advice. Great advices. you very very coveted opinions and great great uh advice great advices uh mattalia.com and the lifeline merch for the purple pin or the other ones that you want to get lifelinemerch.com you know what what sorry and we're off uh the other merch that i really like a lot is the the sweatshirt the gray one yeah that's the best one yeah but the with the logo. Very, very, very nice. Kristen wears mine, and it looks good on her. Just very nice material. Just a very nice piece of clothing.

Everyone who wears it looks very nice. Okay. All right. I mean, I guess so. I mean, there are probably people who don't look good in it. No, I've seen a lot of people wearing them, and they all look very nice. I will say that gray crew neck sweater is one of those things that when people wear, they do look nicer.

Yeah, they look very nice. Sometimes people don't look nicer with clothes on, but that one is absolutely popping. Almost everyone almost always looks better with clothes on. True. Not me. I look crazy good naked. You should have longer sleeves on, and here's why. What is that

what is what oh the cupping oh that's the cupping mark why are you cupping on your arm i didn't know i was going to be doing it but uh the guy this guy uh anthony came over um he just snuck a cup on you he's in lit it no no no he's a he's a um a physical therapist for the lakers and since we're all and since we're all athletes, me and the Lakers, he came over and he's a fan. He cupped you? He listens to Lifeline, actually. And he was helping me with my, I guess, tendonitis, tennis elbow.

Tennis elbow. Climbers elbow, I call it, because I did a rock climbing. That's actually how i got it but um and so he was like we can do this cupping and i was like okay had you ever done it before no have you it's weird i i've done it a few times but all on my back yeah so i never really i didn't know you could not do you could do it anywhere i thought you do you're on my back and that's it oh i didn't know what it was what is it is it you do it on your back, and that's it. Oh. I didn't even know what it was. What is it?

So it's a local thing? You can just, if something hurts, you can do it there? Yeah. Did it help? I don't know. You don't know? I mean, you're the only one in your body. Well, because I did it once. You have to keep doing it.

It's not just like, you know what I mean? But isn't that convenient for all the cupping artists out there? I know, but I got to get more sessions with him he said he just texted me i gotta text him back but anyway uh but anyway that's what that is so i don't need your shirts but i you know look crazy i've been at the gym been doing crazy so i'm in a caloric deficit and so it's fine dude what's that mean it means i take i eat less calories than i burn because i burn more because i'm you know i'm getting rid of the fucking i'm getting rid of the excess stuff i'm trying to get my body fat down.

Is that good though? That sounds like a bad thing, caloric deficit. No, it's fine. I mean, I'm in good shape, but I want to be a little bit in better shape. Okay. That's good for you. Good. You ate a bite of my thing and then you were like,

I can't eat this anymore. Well, I've been good and I didn't want your food, but I was like, oh, that looks interesting. I'd like to taste it and I tasted it. And then I said, no, I'm been good and I didn't want your food, but I was like, oh, that looks interesting. I'd like to taste it. And I tasted it. And then I said, no, I'm being good. And then I just ate rice and eggs. Now, that part was boring.

Well, man, you just told a story about how you were cold and then hot and then said 10 degrees instead of 100. I bet I'll do it again today. Look, we'll all be boring. We're boring. And that's fine to be boring as long as it's just quick. In and out, right? In and out boring and that's fine to be boring as long as it's just quick in and out right in and out boring

yeah in and out boring fine bad sex in and out boring that's what Farnguy calls bad sex so

I saw the Equalizer 3 oh okay didn't dude we saw the first one opening night in the theater we did

yeah me you and Chris the other chris oh right so many chrises dude oh i remember that chris is in my life that's so weird now what i want to i have a question okay what do you like better john wick or the equalizer because they're the same movie in essence kind of uh i don't think they're the same movie in essence, kind of. I don't think they're the same movie, but I feel similarly about them. Okay. First of all, what do you mean they're not the same movie? What I mean is John Wick is like huge on stunt filmmaking.

Okay. And specifically like violence on camera and like The Equalizer is much more of like a dramatic thing where he happens to be a guy who can break your elbow like in one swift motion but it's not about the action. Okay, so you're right. Okay.

When's the last time you've seen either John Wick or the equalizer? I've only seen the first ones of both of the franchises. When they first came out? Yeah. So how do you know that?

Oh, because I know... Because I just saw it last night and i didn't even think of that but you're right i know that because people are obsessed with john wick uh-huh it's like become a huge huge huge franchise yeah and the people that are obsessed with john wick are people who like love fight fight uh choreography okay cinemat, stuff like that. Like Mike is like crazy about that stuff. But how do you know that the Equalizer isn't that? Because I saw the first one and nobody talks about the Equalizer. But nobody cares about the Equalizer.

Really? Yeah. I mean, they make money because Denzel's in it and Denzel's the man and he's the greatest actor ever to exist. I thought The Equalizer was almost as big as John Wick. It's not? I don't think so.

It may not be. I don't think so. But it definitely, obviously, if they made three, it does well. Yeah. I came to a decision. I'd rather watch The Equalizer movies. Oh, without question. Oh, really?

Me too. Oh, okay. Yeah. Why? Because of Denzel Washington. Nothing against Keanu Reeves. No, me too. Well, you know I'm the biggest Keanu Reeves fan.

Yeah, I love Keanu Reeves, but it's not the same thing. He's just like a great entertainer. He really is, man. Denzel is the greatest actor of all time. What is the fucking dog thing, the Basset Hound thing he's doing now with the lip coming like this? I think it's just getting worse with age. He's always had that.

Yeah, but he does it, though. He does it. He's definitely getting worse with age. He's always had that. Yeah, but he does it, though. He does it. He's definitely doing it, dude. In Equalizer, it's so low, it's like a fucking fangs coming out the bottom. Like you're saying he... I always thought it was just like a... Yeah, I guess...

I think that these actors do that and then they get known for it and then it's like the Bruce Willis smirk. It becomes more and more and they don't even know they're doing it now, but you're just like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. You know what I mean?

Al Cumbcino, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, I don't know. Because he doesn't do that in interviews, Denzel. So he doesn't do that normally. But he's not being badass in interviews. Dude, Equalizer 3. Is he just being so badass it doesn't even make sense or what dude the first shot the first scene is

this guy it's actually really cool the way they do it this guy pulls up walks out of his car the bad guy uh goes into a place a house in the, he keeps passing brutalized dead bad guys. You know, just like literally a butcher fucking in his head like this. This is the opening scene of the movie. Yeah. Okay. People are just like their faces blown out with a gun. Okay.

He's going downstairs into the second level down it. I mean, 25 guys. Gets into the basement. Dude, I mean, you know where this is going. Gets in the basement. Two bad guys like this. Yeah. Denzel Washington sitting down with the guns to his head with his ring

cleaning it with a towel. Why is that happening? Dude, he's just like this. But what? Like, just... What, though? Like, he's waiting in line at...

But what? At... Is happening, though. You though you know like what is happening so that's what's happening but and now what you want to know why he's there you want to know okay yes yes so the guy is like do you have any idea you fucked basically what so denzel equalized and now he's at the bottom he came in it was a bit uneven and he just equal equalized everything yeah he leveled the playing field and that's why as his name he's the equalizer yeah okay and he's like and they're like uh how there's the first five minutes of the movie that's so crazy and the guy and the guy's like uh do you have any idea who you fucked with right and he was like he's like now you're fucked you know because you got two guys it sure seems like he couldn't be more fucked yeah right and he says denzel says uh

we are where we're supposed to be oh wow so he's not some line like he's not worried at all no dude he's so not worried like there's different levels there's not there's there's not some line like he's not worried at all no dude he's so not worried like there's different levels there's not there's there's not worrying because nothing bad is happening right then there's something bad is happening but you're not worried you're like more concerned then there's oh shit i'm worried right and then there's being defensive and being like we don't have to worry about it i got this but deep down your word you may not even know it right but other people can see it other people can see it then there's on top of that cleaning your ring with a fucking where to get the cloth even who knows dude he's in the middle of the room the sun's coming this way through a

basement shaft clearly and he says and he says uh we all are where we're supposed to be whatever by the way the whole scene in italian is he speaking he's in italy yeah he's speaking italian yeah how could you fail to mention that because i wanted to uncover it okay okay okay so okay so then um he's he says you're fucked now and and denzel says in english i'm not i could tell you that i could tell you that uh your man to the right is holding a gun on me and he's a foot too close and and which means he's which means he's already dead luckily those guys don't speak nobody speaks english thank god that was just for us i guess or he was saying it out loud and then he then he goes like this and he go shoots the other guy that was a mistake goes like this breaks

his fucking thing yeah shoots take the other guy shoots the now the main bad guy through the guy's face who's holding the gun. Interesting. Into the other guy's face. Interesting. Interesting. Interesting. What else you got? And then the movie just starts from there?

Starts from there. Dude, that's so weird. The first one was like so, like it took forever for him to like equalize anything. After that? Yeah. How do you remember that?

After that? That was my criticism. I was like why is he not like he's not equalizing he's not equalizing anything until like 50 minutes in after that it took a really long time for him to start equalizing again you know a little spurt of violence or action excitement in the beginning of a movie will go a long a long way yeah yeah a really long way it was really actually good the way they did it. And the movie is good.

But it's- Equalizer 3, is it the best one of the three? I don't remember, bro. The first one is not good. Oh, really? But that sounds good. I liked it because it was in Italy. And it was too, it was too, it was, it was just a lot of Denzel, just like-

That's all, see, that's the problem with the first one he had a cane for a while all anyone wants I know when they go to the equalizer is to see Denzel equalize endlessly just like with a straight face

just like popping people's elbows yeah taking people's guns when they don't even realize it turning it around and shooting them in the face like that's all we want

by the way the first one's like a drone oh in the first one he goes like this you've got nine seconds and then right yeah nine seconds and then right yeah

nine seconds and then that's the good part yeah and then he puts his watch away for the whole movie takes it out when it's business time

at the end yeah right yeah how funny is that that's very Denzelian what's funny about the Equalizer and then we'll get to some submissions but the Equalizer is a little known fact

is that that script was like a passion project for Denzel Washington. What? That's not like a studio effort to be like, well, we need a star to make this movie. He like found the script and he asked Antoine Fuqua to direct it. At least the first one. I don't know.

Yeah, he did the third one too. He's got weird taste, man. He does have weird taste. We've talked about that here. He's the greatest actor in the world, but he's got weird taste, man. He does have weird taste. We've talked about that here. You know, he's the greatest actor in the world, but he's got weird taste. Yeah. All right.

Just straight up never done a comedy, you know? Nope. He did work with the Coen brothers recently, but it was when he was doing Macbeth, you know? Wow. Weird. All right. All right.

First submission. Let's get going. But that's kind of what... Join Lifeline Luxury. You get more of that. Now we're going to do submissions. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Patreon. yeah. Oh, yeah. Patreon.com. Let me set it so fast. I love that, Lifeline. Oh. Oh. Wearing a Cardinals shirt. I know you zonked my last...

Jordan with the slam. Oh, my God. But I just want to know, I need help when we're getting Jordan with the slam. Wow. Merch. Oh. Got to make it like those old help when we get Jordan with the slam. Wow. Merch. Oh.

Got to make it like those old 90s t-shirts with the little pocket, little Bugs Bunny hanging out. Well, and we get probably right infringement. Runk. Oh. Oh my God. A dad. A dad. Dude, that guy, you know what's a shame?

It's so funny. I thought this guy better have kids. Otherwise, he's a worthless human being. Oh, wow. That's true. He's still pretty young, though. Yeah I thought this guy better have kids. Otherwise, he's a worthless human being. Oh, wow. That's true. He's still pretty young, though. Yeah. Well, you better have kids, man.

Otherwise, it's just going to waste. Yeah, he's not worthless. So, Dick. But yeah, that's a good idea. We actually have talked about it, Jordan, with the Slam merch. I think that will be the next one. That's a good idea. Well, we've talked about it. We give you no credit.

Well, we've talked about it before. Yeah, we have. But yeah, so... So you didn't actually do anything, man. Okay, well, he thought of it too, which is fair, and he's... it seems fine, you know? And he's got the lightsaber, which is dorky. Write in the comments

how much you want the Jordan with the slime! Yeah, let us know if you would get the Jordan with the slime merch. That's pretty good. Well, that's crazy to think of that. Yeah, let us know if you would get the Jordan with the Sly Merch. That's pretty good. Well, that's crazy to think of that. Justin McKinnon knew about that. Dude, he's going to sue us, you know.

Well, I actually came up with that when I was eight. No? Yeah, he did. All right. All right, next one. Who's next? Hey, guys. I just wanted to say I think I know what that guy who took Chris's orders was saying.

No. I think that's good, but the quickest, swiftest way you can possibly say it. Just work on it until you eventually arrive at... Skip. Skip. I forget, what was your thing? Skip. The guy would come up, no matter what I would order, he would just say, skip. Yeah, he's probably, that guy's right. Yeah, it's good.

No. I don't think so. I don't think that's right. I don probably that guy's right yeah it's good no i don't think so i don't think that's right i don't think that's right why would he say that you know it's good yeah why would he say that no i mean he doesn't say a skib that's weird yeah he might well he does though no yeah what comes out of his mouth is his skib yeah i don't know what he's saying uh i don't think it's it's good was that a bob's big boy yeah oh the waiter's name was utai utai uti uti the worst thing ever uti urinary tract asshole infection his name is std

all right uh you're wrong next his name is std okay great you're wrong very cool yeah next g'day boys uh big fan of the podcast i've got a possible jordan with a slam here we go um there's this funny interview of kodak black where he's talking to charlemagne the god and i forget the context but he says i hope so like in a funny way so now whenever something happens where a warranted answer would be i hope so me and all my friends just always go i hope so okay yeah so is that a jordan with a slant or is that not it now here's the worst game show ever yeah also chris please come to australia i will want to see your next year very bad love you now he just said he loved me

that's interesting i love you too okay uh now listen this poses a very very interesting and important query about jordan with the slam that would count yeah but in my head it counts but okay see here's the here's why it's a question interesting question stop rushing me right i'm not rushing you so stop rushing me and uh it's like it didn't happen in front of him. Right, right, right, right. It is a public, it's like it was on something like a screen. But we have ones like that. It is that, it is that.

True, true, true, true. So I think it's a Jordan with a slam. So it's a Jordan with a slam and not a it is that, it is that, it is that. Right? No, it's both. It is that, is Jordan with a slam. Oh, so there's no delineation between is that, is that. I mean, I don't know.

I guess there could be. I think there's a little bit of a difference, yeah. The shorthand we have talking now, I hope people are on board with what that, I mean, definitely the people who listen to every episode understand. If they've been watching, they know what's going on. It is. You know what I mean? All right, so I, I.

We have to decide right now if it's a Jordan with a slant. Okay, you're right. Okay, so I guess technically the creme de la creme. Jordan with the Slam. Happened in front of you. Right. The creme de la creme ones. Yeah.

Right. But so it still counts as a Jordan. I think it's like a second tier Jordan with the Slam. Oh, Slam. Yeah, yeah. So, anyway. Oh, so tier two. It's a tier two Jordan with the Slam.

Okay. So, that is a tier two Jordan with the Slam. Right. If it did, if it happened in front of two. It's a tier two. Jordan with a slime. Okay, so that is a tier two. Jordan with a slime. Right. If it did happen in front of you. It's a tier one. It's a tier one. Okay.

J-W-T. Taking so long to get the acronym. Taking so long to get the acronym. I thought you guys were for sure going to say that's not Jordan with a slime. Why? For the reason I said, right? For the reason Matt said, yeah. Right, right, right.

I thought he was going to say that too, but it's counting as a tier two. It's a second tier. Okay. Tier two Jordan with a slime for the reason i said for the reason matt said yeah right right right i thought he was gonna say that too but he's it's counting as a tier two it's a second tier okay yeah so tier two jordan with all right great yeah all right cool for those of you don't remember jordan with the slams you're fucked matthew modine johnny bravo matthew modine dude johnny bravo's's son, Tim Bravo. Gay Matthew Modine. Can no one do the Jordan with the slam? Another one? No one's getting it. Save the world.

I had this one guy in high school. He was really quiet, but he was like a big dude. You'd expect like this husky voice. Big dude, tall, but super quiet okay so great he knew that he would make people uncomfortable with his like high voice he talks like he's deaf and he would be kind of like out of it a little bit so whenever he made people uncomfortable blind he owned it and he just went it's all in my head it's all in my head and come on that's just that's just the best you're fucking with people and it always made

the boys laugh you know it's just goofy so if that's a real jordan the slam then uh i win i guess if you say it though to be fine you have to like the other guy call calling him before you it's like now it's a thing that him and his friends say right that is a key component of a jordan with the slam you can't just be like that was a funny thing that someone said once so yeah that's a german slam that's not no it's also in fact just a funny thing someone did it also can't be a tier two tier one jordan with a slam. That's not a Jordan with a slam. It is, in fact, just a funny thing someone did once. It also can't be a tier one, Jordan with a slam, if the guy was saying it to be funny.

Yeah, no, no, no. That is an immediate disqualifier. Yeah, it's pretty much a tier three, I'd say. Yeah, it's pretty much, I'm going to put you in tiers for even suggesting that that was... No, no, no, no. A Jordan with a slam!

But that guy was Tim Bravo, Johnny Bravo's son, and it's all good. Yeah, that is all good. Hey, this is a question for Matt Delia. Oh, boy. Okay. So I know he likes stats, baseball stats,

and I just want to ask, because a Dodger player named Max, I mean, it's not Matt, but Max Muncy, he's pretty close to Matt. He's about to have 100 RBI, and he has more RBI than hits, and I was just curious if he knows when was the last time that a player had over 100 RBI in a season while having more RBI than hits. Okay, that's boring.

So the question that I actually want to ask is, I almost ran over a pedestrian. Oh, okay. The cops are after me. I was inches inches away and I didn't even feel bad and I think the change of the law in America were in California where it's word firstly Joe Alters have more rights to where actually legal to run him over well so like is it bad is, am I a bad person? Because I don't feel bad. You didn't hit him. I almost killed a jaywalker.

What, did he what? Okay, so. He said he almost hit him? The last person to have more RBIs than hits in a season before Max Muncy was Max Muncy. So there's that. He did it?

Yeah. What? Wow, such a, he did it? He did it? Just so dumb, you know? He did it twice? Yeah, because his whole thing is his average is always super low, but he gets a lot of walks and hits a lot of home runs.

And when you hit a lot of home runs, you get a lot of ribeye steaks. Don't say ribeye steaks. Ribeye steaks. Runs batted in. Ribeye steaks. That's really dumb, dude. Ribbies, dude. Ribeye steaks.

So this guy almost hit a pedestrian, and he's wondering if he didn't feel bad about it. Well, that is what we call normal. Yeah. So if I, for instance, took a step and wasn't paying attention and stepped on my dog and my dog yelped, I would feel bad. Did a yelp review? And I would feel bad. If I took a step and i didn't step on my dog and my dog was completely fine because i didn't step on it i wouldn't feel bad because i didn't do anything it also kind of depends though on the other person's reaction if you almost hit him and they're like holy shit i might feel bad right which is why you should never look at people if you almost hurt them because then the look they give you will last with you forever oh like that one time you pretended while someone was checking their mail you pretended to swerve and like you remember this oh my god i was in i was i might have not

even been in high school yet i think it was in middle school you were driving that black uh yukon or whatever the fuck uh yeah and you would do this thing where you would it's hard to explain you wouldn't pretend you were gonna hit them yeah but you would like jerk the wheel at them knowing you were just gonna jerk it right back actually jerk the wheel yeah you would like you would like like the car toward them the car would do it right you would steer at them right but knowing you were just gonna do it right i'm not gonna kill him yeah but they don't know that because all they do is see a car barreling at them come on and this guy was checking his mail and i'll never forget he was so scared and like you he looked up while he had his mail in his hand and and and you obviously

like swerved back onto the road but he didn't know you were gonna do that and so he like like no his body was like ahead of his legs and he tried to run back toward his house and he slipped you don't remember this i did not yes you did you used to do that like what you used to do that bro i i hate shit like that that's so awful are you sure it was me i i don't know who i don't know who else it could have been it definitely wasn't mom or dad i know but the only person that was ever driving me around was you besides that i can't believe i did that dude i have i have no memory it was on uh verdugo road it was literally right on that road like before it curls up back into uh but fuck bro

and so now what was what did you so you looked at the guy i looked at the guy and he was so just abject terror dude just absolutely he thought he was gonna die fully thought he was gonna die the mail went in the air his legs went out from under him he fell i mean the way you probably forget is because you blocked it out of your memory because you felt so fucking bad how would i have forgotten that i'm telling you why because your brain was like we can't allow him to remember this is too much but that was something i would do yeah and actually i think you stopped doing it because of that all right well at least i didn't do it after

that though i don't know because i wasn't always in the car with you. But yeah. I'd just do it alone. That fucking guy got him. That's a terrible human being. Fuck his mail. He should be on electric and electronic. I mean, that is so a thing a teenager would do, though. I know. I know.

But that sucks. I don't believe I did that. Okay. It was dad. It was mom. Like this. Yeah, I fucking got him. No, dude.

It was you. But it's all good. All right. All right. You're repentant. You stopped. Yeah, no way. I feel so bad. If I did that, I'd die him. No, dude, it was you. But it's all good. All right. All right. You're repentant. You stopped. Yeah, no way. I feel so bad.

If I did that, I'd feel so fucking bad. I felt terrible. I felt terrible. He was like, I think he was like of some kind of, maybe he was Armenian, Middle Eastern something. Oh, so he deserved it. Wow. No, I actually felt even worse because you don't want, yeah, you don't want him to think

you're doing it because of that. But I do equal opportunity. Wow. I almost, I scare the shit out of equal opportunity people. I don't give a fuck what color, race, or creed you are. I'm the equalizer when it comes to that. Okay. Well, that makes you shitty all around the board.

I got a few white guys. Ooh, let's get this brown guy. Like that. Yeah, that makes you terrible to everyone. Okay, cool. Next. All right, next one. A horror movie. Campsite. matt sup chris whoa just sending in

my jordan with the slam situation from my past used to play online games with this guy and after every sentence almost this dude would say nah just kidding oh they didn't say nah just kidding he said nashkin every time that not constantly oh that's a hundred percent jordan with this that is oh brian callan's my favorite comedian nashkin yeah nothing worse than that absolutely don't do that nashkin nashkin but nashkin's great you know nothing about it every three that's such a good for the past 15 years that's such a good jordan with the slam nashkin that we would adopt that yeah nashkin nashkin died uh you did it hey the video's over you know dad on the pod at some point let him give his advices i'm sure it's great he's got a lot but that's just for us you're done at the yeah yeah you're done lot but that's just for us you're done yeah yeah yeah

you're done the video was over for so long buddy you're done hey hey hey the video's not over Nashkin that's a great

Jordan with the slam he did it we finally have done it we've achieved there you go a full tier one tier one top tier

Jordan with the slam yeah Nashkin and it's not a Nashkin it's definitely not Nashkin you're not just kidding that it's Jordan's slam it's like inception it's Jordan's slam alright cool yeah it's not a Noshkin. It's definitely not Noshkin. You're not just kidding that it's Jordan's son. It's like Inception.

All right, cool. Yeah, just a tier one, four alarm, Jordan with a slim. Okay. Pirate. Time here. Time. Wow. I mean, just straight Tourette's.

Just only Tourette's. Didn't say a single word. Bro, this is why I like this podcast is we have our own way of talking. You guys are our friends. I don't give a fuck about these dumb ass podcasts, man. We lounge out. We have a good time and we lifeline, dude. Yeah, we lifeline. And dude, that is a top tier four alarm.

Yeah. Four star. Yeah. It is absolutely great, dude. Wow. 100% top tier top tier dude that's great uh crying dog when you do that all right next one hey chris and matt freddie mercury uh i think i might have a jordan with the slam moment freddie saturn um for you guys back in high school i had this friend freddie earth that would always say i guess in replace of the phrase eff it instead of

saying ah eff it um he would say ah fuge thailand fuge thailand kind of in that cadence and one i always assumed he got it from a movie or a show because he was always that kind of guy to take phrases from shows or anything like that. And two, the way he said it, I guess me being stupid, I always assumed it was one word. And I think I asked him about it and he was just like, ah, it's just something I say. It's fuck it, Thailand. Yeah. And it was always funny to me.

This guy doesn't know? The way he said it, the cadence in which he said it. Oh, maybe he doesn't know. Who get Thailand? It didn't take me until recently. I would say, well, not recently. Probably like seven years ago. Yeah.

Recently enough, I guess. That I was dating this girl and we wanted to go on vacation. And she was like, oh, how about Thailand? Thailand. And I was like uh oh how about uh thailand thailand and i was like oh that's cool how about phuket i think that's how you say it properly phuket yeah and i'm looking at the the flight and phuket thailand wow i can't believe oh phuket thailand wow and it kind of clicked in my head and it brought me back to those times where he would always say it in the the situations that he would say it so i kind of clicked in my head and it brought me back to those times where he would always say it in the situations that he would say it. So I kind of wanted to ask, especially you, Matt, the movie buff.

Did he take that from a show or a movie or something? Or is that just something he created? No, he just created it. And you know what? How I know he created it? I did a bunch of dumb shit like that, too. Remember when I used to say, what are you golf of talking about? Yeah.

bunch of dumb shit like that too remember when i used to say what are you gulf of talking about yeah it's just like people kids dumb little boys get shit in their head and they just they think one thing sounds like another and then they start saying it and then they never stop saying it ever i bet that guy still says fuka thailand that's so i would have loved to seen his reaction yeah yeah wow that's really funny that's that guy honestly is the wrong hue he looks like a more he would be a white guy he's the you know i've ever seen um what's that uh white lotus he's the gay guy in white lotus but brown oh oh season one yeah yeah i know that guy though has such a good way about him oh yeah the way. The way he was talking and his body language. Dude, that guy is my friend.

Okay, well... That guy is... Is it a Jordan with a slam, though? Not really, because he doesn't do it with his friends. It was just all internal. No, no, no. That's not even a tier two.

It's also the guy who's trying to be funny, so it's not really a top tier. Yeah, yeah, no. But I feel a kinship with the guy. Okay, cool. So that's good that he called in. Yep, there you go. All right.

What else we got? Hey, guys. Vinny here from Cincinnati. I think I have a good Jordan with a slam moment for you guys. So my best friend and I work out a lot together, and we were working out with my other friend. And my one friend wanted to comment on how wide my other friend's back was, which is kind of weird to begin with,

but Chris, you get it. You're a wide guy. It looks like you're feeling the Lord of the Rings on your back. We all know that. But for some reason, he couldn't think of the word wide. It just wasn't coming to him. It wasn't clicking. So he went up to my friend and said, hey man, you're really long this way. And he did this with his hands. And those words came out of his mouth. And that blew our minds and we died laughing. And long this way has And he did this with his hands. And those words came out of his mouth. And that blew our minds. And we died laughing. And long this way has stayed with us since then. Anytime we see something that's like big or wide,

we'll be like, that thing's really long this way. That's good. So hopefully that's a good Jordan with a slam moment for you guys. Feel free to incorporate it into your lives. It is. And stay long this way. It is,

except for the fact that if the guy didn't like say it in a funny way usually usually it's like you get to do the impression yeah i'm saying yeah you know a great journal with the slam is you know what the fuck you're doing what the fuck you're doing what the fuck you're doing right yeah that's a great journal you have to tell okay so yeah i played soccer for like two one or two seasons when i was like 12 and my friend morgan doizaki job japanese kid i love this kid right uh we were on the same team he was the goalie and i was the whatever the fucking guy is right after the goalie the defender right somebody was uh coming up to score, I was bad at soccer, okay? And I also am a cut up.

I didn't give a fuck. So everyone wanted to win except me. I honestly did not give a shit. Worst defense. And so the ball was in the air and I had learned that you could do bicycle kicks. I didn't learn how to do a bicycle kick, but I learned that you could do bicycle kicks. That they exist. Yeah. bicycle kicks i didn't learn how to do a bicycle kick but i learned that you could do bicycle kicks that they exist yeah so the ball went in the air and i thought quickly my my chance to do a bicycle

kick i went up went upside down kicked the ball uh with my shin but morgan was going for it and he was going to get it and instead of him him getting it, I kicked it. And Morgan, seeing the disastrous effect, which was going to be probably or at least 50-50 shot, scoring on ourselves. In our own goal, yeah. In our own goal. Morgan, as he was jumping, I remember it fucking clear as day with his gloves, his goalie gloves. He was saying, no, no, no, Chris, what the fuck are you doing? What the fuck are you doing? No, no, Chris, what the fuck are you doing?

What the fuck are you doing? And dude, and I did the fucking thing. And we actually scored on our goal. And the other team got a point. So the only goal you ever scored was against yourself. But also, I was a defender. So it's not like I was going to score for us. But yeah, so what the fuck are you doing?

What the fuck are you doing? So defensive. So yeah, well, I'm a defender. That's true, yeah. Anyway, yep, to this day i'm defensive yeah so uh so that is a true top tier right it really is right yeah so anyway you're welcome for that that's a good one too i think about that one sometimes what the fuck you doing what the fuck you doing what the fuck you doing john with the slam and doing twinks remember that's Dwayne's. Remember that one?

Dwayne's Dwayne's. We have a bunch of different Jogging with the Slam. Dwayne's Dwayne's. I haven't thought about that one in a fucking while. I have. I thought about it recently.

Wow. Okay. I mean, probably a week ago. Competing with me. So I'm up on the Dwayne's Dwayne's one. All right, let's go. Next one.

Hi, Chris and Matt. I'm calling from Montreal, Canada. Chris, I was not able to come see you when you were here, but hopefully next time you come I'll not able to come see you when you were here, but hopefully next time you come, I'll be able to make it. So my situation that

I need advice on is about this guy that I just started dating. He's wonderful. Like, I have like, there's no even red flag so far. He's great. The only thing that he does that really gives me the ick is he does like that LL Cool J lip bite

where he licks his lips and bites his lips. And I think he thinks it's so sexy, but I find it so cringey. And it really gives me the ick. How do I know I'm dealing with that? Because he does it all the time. And I don't know how to tell someone, hey, when you do that, That's so funny that this guy's such a,

he has no idea. She's laughing at him. So we appreciate any advice you guys have. And he's totally sexy. Thanks so much. Bye. Dude, what a great submission. Let me tell you something, too.

That might be like the best submission we've ever gotten, which makes up for all the fucking Jordan with the slam videos we had to answer about so listen uh it's so bad that that guy does that anybody who's not lo cool jay here's it even cool when lo cool jay does. No. But at least he is kind of came up doing it. If you're doing it. It's intrinsic to who LL Cool J is. To think you're sexy, it's bad. But if you're doing it because you think LL Cool J is sexy when he does it. That's way worse.

But that's not what she's suggesting. No, but I know. But you're obviously, as a dude, if you're a good dude that's like. Yeah. You're doing it because you've seen other dudes do it. You're gay. I mean, that's what you do. You see another dude do it, and you're like, ooh, that works for him.

I got to start doing that. You think so? That's what you're thinking. I don't know, though. I mean, it's certainly possible, but I don't know if it's necessarily true. Okay, so... You know what I'm saying? There's different levels of how horrible it is.

If the guy's white, saw his lips off. you're saying it's worse if he's white? Way worse. Okay. It's so bad to do that. Which brings me back. I think I agree, but why is that true? Because any time a guy thinks he's being sexy or is trying to be sexy, you are now labeled Mr. Keeps It Dry. Because there are, dude, her twat is going to be drier than you are pretending your lips are.

Okay, don't say twat in seriousness in a conversation. No, because I don't want to say P-U-S-S-Y because we'll get demonetized. Okay, you could also say hatchet wound. the pink stuff no okay whatever fried butterfly just say vagina vagina i'm not a doctor but vagina your vaginal cavity now is now drier than you're pretending your lips are hatchet wound you know what i mean so grotesque sideways burger all right whatever you want to know well nobody wants to call it whatever you want to call it uh but wait i'm asking i wasn't asking about that i was asking about why is that why is it worse if it's a white guy oh i said i think i agree but i don't know why why is it because it's something that like people of color like men of color do

they just like it's like yo well i mean okay so when hello cool j does it is it sexy no but it's sexier than when her anyone else boyfriend is doing it oh my god dude i mean maybe it is sexy when hello cool j does it people that well some women do dumbos people that don't actually have a brain and are like oh he's doing that because he thinks it's sexy. They don't know that. You might get it. I have a question, actually. Why the fuck would anyone think that that is sexy? It's just fucking kind of gross. It's reminding you that the mouth is there and that's used for kissing.

But who needs a reminder of that? That'd be like if Uncle George was just honking his dick the whole time. Yo, what up, ma? Just stroking it. Yeah, I mean, that would be at least more direct. But like, what the fuck? I mean, I know men do this, and it's not like a new thing. It's not news to me.

But I'm thinking about it in a certain way now, and it's so weird. It has to be because of the eating, the vaginal cavity eating. Oh, boy. Okay. It has to be. Because it reminds you of what what that mouth do you know what i mean now that's sexy how you do it um but that's why my i started to do something that never caught on his mouth is dry like this yeah that doesn't work yeah um dude that is the the... I feel cringe, and I'm not even looking at you. This was a phone call that she called in for. I just hear her.

I'm cringe. Bro, it's so funny. She's laughing while telling us. She has to laugh. Otherwise, she'd cry. No, no, no. It's like too much. But she's laughing at the dude.

The dude thinks he's being sexy, and she's laughing at it. That's the worst thing as a man. Yeah, I guess so. I mean, I know what you mean, but it's better than some other things, though. No, no, no. But generally, men are afraid to be laughed at. Yes, that's true. Yeah.

Especially a guy who does that. Yeah. A guy who does that is not looking good. It's not like us. We laugh at each other all the time. That guy probably takes himself so seriously. Any dude that they take themselves so seriously. She says he's a great fucking guy though, except he does that.

So here's my advice actually. Okay. If he's such a great guy, tell him. Like if he's so great. I mean, I'm not like challenging you on that. I'm saying if he really is. I bet you can't. So great.

I mean, I'm not like challenging you on that. I'm saying if he really is. Go ahead, watch it on. I'll bet you can. If he really is, then I'm sure he'll be like, look, at a certain age, I don't know how old you are. Maybe you're in your early 20s and it's not really applicable. She sounds 30-something. Yeah, she does. Yeah.

So if he's like you in his 30s, like we're big boys at this age. If you don't like a thing that I do, that I do either without consciously realizing it or even worse, I think specifically it's to turn, I'm doing it to turn you on and that's not working. I want to know. So I cannot do it.

He wants to know. Yeah, but you have to let a guy there is no man in history that has the uh self reflect that has the how do i say this any guy that does the licking lips thing in all seriousness doesn't have the capacity to own yes i do that because i'm trying to be sexy okay but then they do not then might i suggest something slightly different okay what you should do is say something and that's the truest shit i ever said something like hey i noticed you lick your lips a lot i'm curious if it's because you, like, are your lips dry? Draw attention to it,

but don't, like, say how much you think it's disgusting. I think you should. I think you should draw attention to it and be like, oh, it's interesting. No, I've just noticed it. And make it clear

that you're not noticing it as something that you think is either sexy or not sexy, that you're noticing it it as something that you think is either sexy or not sexy. That you're noticing it as like a bodily function. So then he'll realize, oh, if he is doing it to be sexy, he'll realize, oh, that's not working. Okay? If you want to be indirect about it, that's the way to do it. No.

I suggest being direct. Yeah, I do too. But I understand if you can't do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. it's your situation not mine it's in front of you you know the guy better than i do i would say every time he does i say oh that's not sexy or there's that oh that's not sexy yeah dude that is that i can't i actually it's tough to think it's something worse honestly it really because some worse things genocide yeah but we're talking about in the realm of this is like i i i i just feel for you and uh wait i'm now for some reason i'm like like does he lick his lips yeah oh god it's gross it is gross it's not even that it's not sexy it's specifically kind of gross

hey why do you do that why Why do you lick your lips? You do it all the time. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just say that. Yeah. Why do you do that? You have dry lips? It's weird because when you do that, my hatchet wound gets dry.

So maybe we can get some dual chapstick stuff going. Maybe you just work your shit on my sideways burger. Dude, sideways burger? Why don't you work your shit on my sideways burger, and we're both better for it, right? Let's see. LL Cool J. Oh, look.

Look at that. No, the top. You clicked the wrong one. Unbelievable, dude. Wait, hold on. No, no, no. Don't click anything. Un-fucking-believable.

He clicked that one. There is an LL Cool J lick count with a counter in the bottom left, and he doesn't click that one. He clicked a different one. But this is a compilation. I want the fucking counter one, dude. Yeah, he wants the counter one. World News Now.

ABC Now. He's like, get out of my house, man. That LL was always licking his lips. Get out of my house. And then he's doing it so bad. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a. You know what I mean? LL was. Okay. He kicked that guy's ass so bad. LL would

kick that guy's ass so hard if you saw him do that. Here we go. I mean, not news. What the fuck is this program? Do it again. That's the thing. I came up with it on the skin a few months ago. I was making fun of LL. Maybe he did click the right one. He always is licking his lips no matter what he's doing.

Singing, hosting, whatever. And he did the same thing again at the Grammys when he was hosted the right one. Because he always is licking his lips no matter what he's doing, singing, hosting, whatever. And he did the same thing again at the Grammys when he was hosted on Sunday night. So many thanks to the good folks over at Jimmy Kimmel's show because they actually had this funny set up last night. Oh, Jimmy Kimmel did it. Okay, cool. He's too woke, but cool.

He's too woke, but okay. Let's do it. For that song, music's biggest night. And a show had to change. Wow. Ew. Okay, he's doing it because he has a dry mouth.

Period. He's not doing it to be sexy. No. He's doing it to be sexy. Thank you. He's still going to be sexy. He did it to be sexy. Come on.

Okay. Go to the lip compilation. Dude, do you know how many times Jimmy Kimmel's made me laugh? No. Absolute zero. Wow, really? Yeah. Okay, well. Look how long he's been doing it.

What's the name? He's doing it to be sexy, dude. How could you not? Yeah. In some cases, I think you really just seem to... I mean... Wow. Ew. How about this one?

How about this one? How about this one? When he did that. Disgusting. The hat. The hat is sick. The hat. I mean, the last one.

Someone was getting fucking destroyed, you know? How was that? Someone was getting their fucking throats slit. All right. Well, he licks his lips too much. It sure looks like a tick when you look at it that much. And if it is, then I feel bad. I think it is, dude.

I don't think he's doing it to be sexy man i don't know bro i don't think he's doing it consciously you know what it is he started when he was younger doing it because he thought was sexy and he did it so much because he thought it was working and now he can't live without it and it's honestly he made his bed and now he's got fucking now he's got to keep doing it because now it's a tick he's developed such a ridiculous like yarn that you just completely made up. No, it's not true. If I was a therapist, that's what I would tell him. Well, there's a reason you're not a therapist.

It's because you're not qualified to be one. And so what you would tell him is an unqualified, bad, wrong opinion. How's that feel? When I said that, I'm a therapist. How's that feel? It honestly doesn't make me feel any sort of way at all. He's got a tick. And your boyfriend, I mean, you're judging it as something that he's doing

that he thinks is sexy. I defer to you. Just break up with him. That's a problem, and you need to end that as soon as possible. Just break up with him. Make him self-conscious about it if you can't bring it up directly. But you got to do something about it because otherwise it'll eat you alive

and it'll make your relationship bad and then you'll end up breaking up with him for some other made-up fucking reason. Or start to do something that he doesn't like. No. Fart a lot around him. You're going to make it worse that way. That's not a solution.

And he's like, why have you been farting a lot? Damn, why have you been farting a lot? Why are you licking your lips a lot? Let's both stop. stop right like you're trying to pull out yeah okay yeah that's a bad idea too though um all right well look sunday it's sunday and uh go sign up for lifeline luxury uh um patreon.com lifeline luxury trenton is on sale now. New Jersey, I'm coming home. I'm coming home. I'm coming home.

You know, I said, I'm coming up. Chrisley.com and a bunch of different ones. Baltimore, Philadelphia, Cleveland, Covina. I'll be there. And Pittsburgh and Detroit. Detroit, Chrisley.com. And then the oh, do it. Stop with the Jordan

with the slams. You get what it is now? Enough is enough. We're not going to do them anymore. Watchlifeline.com Send us a submission or the hotline. Go ahead.

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oh yeah and then get the merch get the merch or you hate us lifelinemerch.com but Jordan what a slalom But Jonan! What a slime!