Lifeline - 79. Sick Innit

Episode Date: October 15, 2023

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Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by car and other conditions apply. We're starting to make the thing jump off. Arabian King in the 13th century. What? They would make people jump off cliffs to prove their obedience.

They would die. Correct. It's not good obedience. What good is obedience if you are going to die with it? It proves to like... The most obedient guy dies. Heads of state would visit like other territories and to show his power,

he would like... I forget which guy, but it was a specific guy. He would walk, go on horseback with that other head of state through his, the valley he controlled.

The people would have like a, his guys would have a bird's eye view to attack. Yeah. And he would just like give some physical command and the guys would have a bird's eye view to attack yeah and he would just like give some physical command and the guys would jump off to like in deference to their king yeah and the king it would be like a flex deference to the king yeah it would be a uh uh in vast deference to the king you would jump off and die yeah exactly well but that sucks actually

if kings used to do that make people it couldn't jump over the hills and then die is that um the most obedient dudes basically were you were losing and that's not good for well they wouldn't have like all of his men do it everyone jump, jump off. And then they get attacked. Oh, this was a bad idea. Bad timing, yeah. Yeah. Oh, I want a Coke. This is a bad idea.

I guess I'll get it myself. They didn't have Cokes, actually, back then. Yeah, a stickler. It's a stickler. Hey, dude. First of all, Detroit, Cleveland, and Pittsburgh. I'll be there. Coming here soon.

October 19th, 20 20th and 21st i believe um most working class cities in america on your birthday yeah i'm mr rust belt dude that's who i am i'm russ belt what russ t belt what date where are you going to be dragging it out what where are you going to be on my birthday? Pittsburgh. I'll be in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and then I'm going to Cleveland and then Detroit. And then I'll be in Long Beach, actually, November 2nd. I just announced that.

I'm going to do it. That's where I'm doing new material. Then back to the Don't Push Me Tour, Orlando, Florida, Fort Myers, Richmond, Virginia. And, you know, that's how it's going to be from now. That's how it's going to be. Do you... I always think about this about musicians.

Okay. I started thinking about it with comedians since you've been on this tour. Does it... Like every night doing the same song. Like I think about big bands, they have their hits. That seems like misery to me. What about comedy with the same material? i think about big bands they have all hits yeah that seems like misery to me yeah what about comedy with the same a little different it it it i find different ways to say

stuff and i'm the jokes are always kind of evolving okay but it still is you mean you're paying attention in in a way that allows it to feel different every single time well to me it's like i'm working on it i'm working on it to become the best it can be okay so then when i shoot it after that i have a huge then it's way harder to do it again yeah after you shoot the special yeah i already have the special in the can so now since it's done yeah now what saying, I'm going to do the Don't Push Me Tour the way it has been. I always do this. I'm going to do whatever I've been doing until that special comes out. Then I'm going to do new stuff.

And then every time I go on stage, I'm doing it, I'm doing it. And then I do like 30 minutes of new stuff. And I just can't bring myself to do it the whole hour. So the last time I performed the Don't Push Me tour, the way it is going to be on the special was the special. Was the special. And what actually sucks for me is I should just do that over and over and over again, do all the cities, make the money, and then come up with a new material and then go back to those cities and then make that money.

But instead I cannot bring myself to do that. So what happens is I will mix the material up now from now on. And then I'll have to think about later on. Oh, well I did Pittsburgh. I did some of that new stuff in Pittsburgh. Maybe I won't do Pittsburgh too early. It's a lot harder.

Okay. Okay. Now we're cooking. Now we're getting somewhere. It's pretty cool. It's a pretty cool. And why can't you bring yourself to do it? I guess I could.

I just, it's boring. Okay. Because I know I have it. Here's another reason too. It's either I did it. It was one of the best times I ever did the show was when I shot it in minneapolis and what if i keep doing it and think of better ways to do the joke i'm gonna be so upset i didn't take that so i almost don't want to do it so there's a few

reasons um now we're really getting somewhere before we get into the pinpoints here uh what's happening musicians have it i think i think honestly, way worse. Yeah, it's terrible. My buddy in Chicago just recently saw Peter Gabriel. And he's doing Sledgehammer. And I was like, what does he still do? He has to do the hits. I saw Michael McDonald at the Bowl semi-recently. They want to do the old stuff. They don't want to do the old stuff.

No, no, no. The crowd wants them. It's all the crowd wants. I know. That's way worse. Because for me, I'm just never going to do it. People are still like, do this bit. Do the fucking fitness bit. Do Drunk Girls.

I just won't do it. Right, yeah. I won't do it. Well, apparently neither does Peter Gabriel, and everybody was mad bummed. That's way... As a musician, you've got to do it. You've got to give the 30,000 people who are buying a ticket. I know.

They're there to see Sledgehammer. As a musician, it's tough. And the worst song of all time, Salisbury Hill. I want to be on record somewhere saying that because that is the worst song ever. Sledge! That's a great song. Hammer! Yeah, okay.

Wow, wow, wow, wow. The guy in Police Academy. Anyway, yeah, dude. Go sign up for Lifeline Luxury, patreon.com slash lifelineluxury. New episode out today. Lifeline Luxury is where we do episodes of us just bantam i just love the bantam so get a bantam i wow um and uh you'll pull that video up for later that's so funny but um and uh so that's what you can do there it and just uh there's a lot of um lifeline luxury videos that

you can go access now if you sign up today. At this point, we've stacked a bunch. You better get in there. Yeah. Now, listen. I'm going to be honest with you. Do not send any more Jordan with the slime videos anymore. We don't want any more Jordan with the slime. You clearly don't get it.

You're clogging it. No, it's not that. You're clogging up our megabytes with John. So we can't. The problem is this is an advice show. Yeah. And it has, without us trying to make it, it has turned into a John show.

It was fun for a little bit, but you guys got so excited and kept saying, and we can't have that, dude. We love talking about John, but we can't do only joint. So there we go. If you have a question, please click the link in the description below and don't sound a child. And so, or hit the hotline.

One-on-one advice sessions with Matt. Go to mattdalia.com and the Lifeline merch is at lifelinemerch.com. And if you don't get the Lifeline merch, you don't love us. You don't love me and my family. So, uh, Well, it's more than that. They specifically wish terrible things upon us if they don't get every single piece of merchandise from the store.

Many, many men wish death upon me. I am. So insecure. However, that singer, whatever that is, that's the most insecure style of singing. Many men. Yeah. You might insecure style of singing. Yeah. You might as well laugh soft. Yeah. Yeah, that's what it sounds like.

You're going to do... Wow. Okay. I don't know what that is, but... It's another 50... 50 Cent? White dudes who say 50 Cent. 50 Cents? How bad is that? It's another 50... 50 cent? Or as old white dudes would say, 50 cent. 50 cents?

How bad is that? It's a 50 cent thing. How bad is it when people say 50 cent? Not as worse as 50 cent. That's worse. The worst is when someone calls him Fitty. Like some white guy in a blue Brooks Brothers shirt. That's crazy.

You never heard somebody call him Fitty? Just Fitty? Fitty, dude. No, I'm cringing even though you're calling it out. Dude, let's watch that clip. Go ahead. There it is, right? Which one? The king of banter one this yeah weird already getting mad searching for a man to take her off oh this is too but where's the one clip though uh macco do you know

where you don't know where it is i don't know anthony's doing this right now well anthony's yeah no i know that you can't have the problem with anthony is that he can't do anything he's doing this right now. Well, Anthony's... Yeah, no, I know that. We can't have... The problem with Anthony is that he can't do anything. He's right there. Left, left, left. It's probably the short, no? Yeah, probably. Would you like someone who can give banter

as much as they can take it? Listen, I'm like King of Banter. Wow. Bold statement. What? I'll tell you she can give banter. Yeah, I love banter. Sick, innit?

Touch! I'll tell you she can give banter as much as they can take it. Never close his mouth the whole time. Touch it. Yeah, yeah. What? I'll tell you she can give banter sick in it you love banter yeah sick in it you know what's interesting about people who don't close their mouth yeah their breath smells terrible

and they're crocodiles dude it's so why do they talk about banter like it's... Banter. Sick in it. It's just talking. No, but I mean, you know banter is a specific thing. You're flirting.

Well, no, we do banter on the show. We're not flirting with each other. Right. You know what I mean? But with... Banter is like you're riffing. You're like giving it back to each other. Boom, boom, bing, bing, bang, bang, bang, bing, bing, bong, bing, bong.

No, but it's just talking really is what it is. Banta secana. Wow. Secana. All right, all right, all right. Hates when I do it. I love banta. I love banta secana.

All right, so next. Let's do a new one. Next, you know? All right, yeah. Hey, Matt. Hey, Chris. My name is Stephanie, and I'm 26 years old. I have a birthmark on my neck.

Oh, well. That looks a lot like a hiccup. I already know where the, yeah. So a lot of times people will- Get a tattoo. Like meeting in public or friends of friends or whatever who haven't met me will be like, oh, what'd you do last night? Or who gave you that?

And it's kind of annoying. It's not something that offends me, but I always wish I had a good clap back for it. But yeah, also I know it's way too big to actually be a video which is what's even more annoying. It was a giraffe, didn't it?

If you guys have any advice on things I could say in response to that, that would be awesome. Thanks, I love the podcast and everything you guys do. Bye. Great, I got a great one. You notice the hickey-like birthmark, the way that she said it.

Roleplay, you're saying? Yeah, be somebody and I'm her. Hey, uh, oh, what'd you do last night see i didn't see your neck your fucking dad sucked on my neck while i fucked him sick and that i uh i only said dad because i was being her yeah yeah yeah i know obviously not my dad because that would be your dad yeah that's what you're saying well that doubly would be bad i love it i love it keys are sick and that yeah yeah um or you can get a circle tattoo a circle around it and a little writing this is not a hit kids at birth mark yeah that would be a bit going a bit like bending too far to the annoying

people would be so annoying so awesome if you circled it and then pointed to it and wrote sick in it on it yeah that would be good okay do it again i'll do it again okay hey whoa somebody had fun last night what's that all about your fucking dad did it after i fucking slobbed on his fucking knob he gave me a big ass fucking hickey what's up okay you'd be thrown out of the party so overboard yeah no no if she did it it would be fine okay the other people just cake falling off their fork the kid's birthday party pop a balloon and that scared me when you did the pop i mean you know i'm sorry i bet i bet what everyone watching at home rewind just a little bit and zoom in on my face i bet i flinched yeah when he did okay in an unauthorized fashion unauthorized fashion oh okay second second second all right so uh yeah

i think that that's good and that kind of stuff or just rock turtlenecks all the time is so dope but then you're kowtowing or not kowtowing you're um yeah exactly you're kind of giving in too much what would what would you suggest your day i was gonna say your dad sucked my neck last night next oh yeah yeah yeah go like this next what else you got go like this or go like this your dad next that'll be really good point to the other person that you also don't know who's seeing you for the first time and say what you got you know let's get out of the way what do you got that's good that's good oh hey whoa what an original fuckhead yeah i wish someone would do that kind of shit i want to be friends with somebody like that

but dude if anyone's going to be doing that shit it's me man yeah you should do it yeah be the be the change be the change you want to see in the world and that's why people say that is because they want me to do that yeah yep okay so she called in because she wanted you to do that i think people want me to be the change that they want to see in the world by doing shit like fucking, you know. Oh, what an original guy. Next. Sick in it.

What an original fuckhead was what it really was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is way better. Okay. All right, next one. What's up, bros? Much love from Bulgaria, if you know where that is. Yes.

Anyways, that was a really bad week. I'm going to keep going, though. My question to you guys is, how much weight or importance should be placed on political views when picking a significant other? I found that as I get a little bit older, I'm getting a little bit more into global politics and economics. And I feel like it's starting to play a bigger role in my life

and i feel like my partner should have at least the same um views i guess you could say or the same morals or values that one i guess stance takes so uh i don't know just wanted to hear your guys thoughts on that thanks i i i. Thanks. I try to look past it. It doesn't matter really too much to me. I mean, look, the truth is you're probably going to end up with someone who feels the way you feel because it's like attracts like. People with similar beliefs end up generally in similar circles. beliefs end up generally in similar circles you know so the likelihood of you meeting someone who shares generally your political beliefs is high you know but that being said if you fall in love with somebody uh or just want to do the horizontal mambo with someone and they want to do the

horizontal mambo with you and you happen to have different political beliefs that shouldn't really matter yeah like that also there are people like famous political figures like james carville has been married to this hardcore republican for like 40 years or something that's wild it's crazy that's cool and that idiot uh and that other idiot george conway and kellyanne conway they only recently divorced or something yeah but they were together forever they have like an 18, 19-year-old daughter. They both realized they were different political values. And Mary Magdalene.

That's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mary Magdalene, exactly. Mary Magdalene. But it shouldn't, yeah, it shouldn't really matter. She's a Republican. But yeah, yeah.

No, I think it shouldn't matter. And I've been with both sides of the spectrum. And it shouldn't matter. And I've been with both sides of the spectrum, and it shouldn't matter. And it doesn't to me. But there were times where I was like, I know she thinks that. And that's kind of. Sure. But that's normal, though.

You're an ideologue if you refuse to date anybody who differs from your political opinions. That's stupid. Also, if I like pasta and you hate pasta, that's not a thing. That's a bigger deal than politics. Because I love pasta and I don't want to have to eat less of it. And no matter who's the president, most likely your life is the same. Although in Bulgaria, I don't know if you have lords or whatever you have over there. Lords, the biggest idiot ever. I don't know if you have you know

the thing i want to talk about this guy or whatever are his green eyes and what i wanted to talk to you about was how he's probably a cat at night he turns into a cat at night so he's obviously liberal so he has green what do you mean they weren't green i'm just being a contrarian oh okay yeah but he was he was green, green. Those were green, green eyes. Green eyes are really rare, man. And he had green, green, green, green eyes. The phone ringing. Green, green, green, green eyes.

Hello? Hello? Yeah, I think he had green-ish eyes. And I think that Bulgarians have lords. Oh, okay. Is that your political opinion? They don't. What do they have then?

Smarty pants. Well, basically, no one has lords anymore because it's not 1412. You know? Yeah. Bard Google it? Yeah. What's that? Bard Google it? Yeah. What's that? Bard Google?

Bard Google. Does somebody want to explain it to him? No one knows what that means. You made it up just right now. Bard Google. Okay. What is happening? It's Google's version of AI.

Oh, really? It's a chat. Oh, I don't like that at all. Like Shakespeare, the Bard. The Bard. I don't know. The Bard, dude. Get out of here. I'm just saying. Anyway all. Like Shakespeare, the bard. The bard? I don't know. The bard, dude. Get out of here.

I'm just saying. Anyway. Boo. Bard Google, boo. All right. All right. All right. Well, let's do the next one then.

Hey, guys. Love you so much. So my issue is I live in Charleston, South Carolina. Love it. Wait. Open parentheses. Chris, please come to Charleston. I'm going to.

We all want you here. I'll be there next year. Close parentheses. Oh, he's going to be there. So anyways, I'm in my last year of law school here, and I work for an attorney I've worked for for a few years. I love him. He's become like family to me.

He bought me a car, like not to get into the whole relationship, but we're really close. So when I graduate, I'm going to go work for him. I'm going to move closer to where I work. And he happens to have a house there that they just moved out of and he's renting it out now. And I've house sat there before. I'm super familiar with the house. Great house. And he was like, instead of

renting another apartment, just move into our house, rent it from us. We'll take your rent out of your paycheck. That way neither of us have to pay taxes on it. Saves a lot of money. Blah, blah, blah. Illegal. And at first I was I was like oh that's like a really good idea but then I started thinking about it and I was like

well and maybe this was just like me being paranoid but do I want to put all my eggs in one basket like that all at once like I'm working for him I'm driving the car he got me I'm living in the house he's renting to me and it seems like a lot and I don't think anything is going to. I'm living in the house he's renting to me. And it seems like a lot. Yep. And I don't think

anything is going to go wrong at least in the near future. One thing goes wrong. We have a really great personal and work relationship. But it's like... Hey, have you ever heard of a house of cards?

If something did go wrong... Hey, have you ever heard of a house of cards? Do I want my entire life tied to like one person or one career, one job? Hey, have you ever heard of a house of cards?

It just seems like a lot. And I don't know if saying no... I can't hear her. Okay. ...to his offer is like offensive to be like because he knows

it's like a really great chance to I don't know if he would be offended by me saying like let me not. Like it just seems like a lot. Oh, you didn't think about that?

I don't know. No, man. Relax. So all of your advices would be helpful. Thanks. Bye. Yeah, like what if you

clog the shitter? You take a big fat dump shit and it fucking gets all clogged up and you gotta fire the owner and he has to fire you you gotta get fired you gotta go all the way to court say i got fired for improper reasons i was taking a big fat dump shit in his house and the toilet was bad and i got order order dump shit what is this dump shit stripping

stripping why is sandstorm the stripper song this is gross no matter what whoever does it do you know what I mean like this as a stripper move is bad no matter what not if you're a chick

and you got the soul out right here like this right and it's shaved and it's nice second second if you go like this you're just like this and then you go up to the guy and you go second you doing that made me upset well because i thought about you doing it at like a strip club and it was me dancing you were just doing it but as if you were at a strip club So I have a good imagination. I would never be at a strip club dancing at a strip club. I would kill it if I did. Oh, really? Yeah.

Oh, okay. I thought maybe you would. I mean, of course I know that you would not do that. But I will. Well, you know what? I might as a joke or to make some cash. Yeah. A little cash on the side.

For guys, though, that wouldn't be. I wouldn't want to do it for guys or unattractive women. Only attractive women I would want to do. Only for my wife. At this point, I want to do it for guys or or unattractive women only attractive women i would want to do only for my wife at this point i would only do it for my wife are there like gay strip clubs i mean that probably is a stupid question yeah yeah yeah are there for women women for women no right i've never heard of either one well there's that thunder down under yeah there's dude you yeah there's for women bachelorette it's not it's something that women are like no i don't want to do it. But then they all get there and they're like, oh, you know, this is, oh my God, oh God.

And then before you know it, the guy's got the towel in front of him and he's doing like, just suck it a little bit. It's all good. And he's like, oh, oh, oh. No, I'm talking about. And then the fan's like, did you do it? And she's like, no. I'm talking about women strippers for women. Like there's male strippers for men.

No. Well, all women strippers are for women too. Because all strippers are also lesbians. You know what I'm saying? I mean, that made sense what you said, but I don't think I agree. All strippers are lesbians. The more trauma you have, the more stuff you got going on. You know what I mean?

So? That's independently true. Yeah. But more trauma you got going on makes you more likely to be a stripper, you're saying? More likely to be open to everything in the world. Okay. There you go.

So not... Throw bread at my head. Why? Well, you know what I mean? I could be into that. The bread at the head kink? I've heard of that. uh yeah so it's called carb heading but um yeah i you know i don't know man i i think that you know oh yeah what does this girl

do what do we what is a paraplegic but what what should she do she's a paraplegic paralegic paralegal um she should not it's too yeah i agree it's too much your instinct is right it's too much but what's he thinking like why is he well he well what i take it as i'm joking about the well oh like he's gonna want to fucking you know but yeah what i think it is is like he's just like i'm making it up that he's like a close family friend or something that knows... That wants to help her and then it just turned into another thing or, you know. Or he's just a nice guy. My question is, like, for her would be if she was still here, would be like... No, she was never here.

Is he ever... Has he ever given any hints that he wants to be horizontal and with that he wants to do what's up no i don't think she would have said that right yeah i mean it seems like it was all on the level you know although she is an attractive female and he's obviously older so i don't know you know who knows there's always that really when a guy which is why i get why you wouldn't want to right take him up on that house part right if it's a good enough deal though i mean what's he gonna i mean yeah he's a fucking lawyer for fuck's sake so you know he i guess that's true yeah it's probably okay but I just think beyond that reason, I wouldn't want to live in my boss's house.

Separate yourself. Yeah. Actually, that's good. Say, as your employee, I would feel extra stress and anxiety inhabiting a home that my boss owns, and I think that I'd be more relaxed in a home that is mine, and if I were to i don't know ruin something i wouldn't the stakes wouldn't be that high it would just be a thing that is mine yeah but living

in the house i do i mean i would never want to live in my boss's home i live in my boss's home calvin well no i'm the boss. That doesn't work though, obviously. So it works out fine. So don't even say that. It's uncomfortable for me sometimes. You know what I mean? Yeah, you know, it's... But I think that's the thing you say. I think that's how you get out of it.

You say, I don't think living in my boss's home, I think that would add anxiety to my life. And you're great and you've been great to me and this is a great offer. But I think even though it'll end up costing me a little bit more money, I think it's worth it for me to not guess yeah i guess that you think she should take it no i don't think she should i think the way i'm saying is the most reasonable way an understandable way to get out of it without even remotely being insulting

making it specifically about him or anything like that. Because you have the benefit of it being true, which is always good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you want to get out of a thing, always go to the truest possible excuse. You don't want to make up something because you're going to end up getting caught in a dumb lie. Don't tell a dumb lie.

Just tell the truth. Right. Especially when the truth is relatable and understandable. In this case, it is. Bing, bong, bing. You got it. All it all right oh i'm sorry am i boring you i agree i'm sorry am i boring you no no it's all good next one hello guys matt and chris i'm so stunned just so stunned been a long time fan of the show especially with congratulations i was one of those people was very very sad when

it stopped i've got one question though what do you think about people who's doing karaoke was already bad enough but then just certain regular people trying to copy a seniors or an artist voice like you know artists like brian adams or like the the vocalist from the creed who have this recognizable distinct voice and it's already bad enough when you're doing karaoke but then you're trying to copy their voice which definitely not gonna come out or it's gonna sound the same but then they're still trying bro this guy's's AI. This guy was made by an AI. Bro, this is this guy's question? Like of all the questions.

You know this guy loves karaoke. Yeah, of course he does. That's why. Of course he does. This is something that bothers him. Where is he from again? He didn't say, did he? He did Philippines. Oh, he is from the Philippines.

The Filipinos just, they want to kill it on the karaoke. There's actually a big, I weirdly read this article about uh karaoke in the philippines it's like a massive part of their culture i know and it gets so serious that people have been killed over certain oh wow so he's just trying to save lives basically my way frank sinatra's my way which is a common karaoke song it's the biggest song there and if you do it or do it wrong or do it a certain way with too much machismo people will kill you

it's sick and i might be actually getting like some of those details wrong but it's basically that it's that crazy oh dude i would get killed immediately it was in the new york times there you go what is that it no karaoke song that killed countless people oh the my way killings i mean dude oh my gosh look at that the my way killings are a social phenomenon in the Philippines. They lead to a number of fatal disputes, which arose in the singing of the song, My Way. And I'll do it my way.

They're all nurses, so they all help. Yeah, I don't. Mistakes. I've made a silencer and i'll do it my way no no no dude what is wrong with you people stop killing people at a karaoke bar because they sang my way damn dude i didn't realize i was gonna be that right you know how sometimes you remember a story and you're like yeah you start telling it and you're like oh now i'm in the middle of i'm in

midair without a parachute and i forget some of the details and then you could tell it with authority even though you're not sure yeah that's what i did but i was right my whole life that's my whole life um all right well um so to answer the guy's question that when it's actually a good good good question and here's why it's very specific and it also is a thing that i've encountered in my life and thought about when someone sings a song like the actual singer of the song but obviously worse because they're not singers or at least not famous popular singers it is upsetting and annoying sing it bad sing it Sing it like you. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's the fun of karaoke. So not, with arms wide open.

Not like that. You just go like, with arms wide open. Like me? Like how I would do it? I guess so. I guess that's a good example. Or a, That's better than singing it.

Yeah. How about, what about this one? You have to. You have to, right. But that's a song specifically. Once there was this girl who... You're not going to... You know what?

Got into an accident and didn't go to school. Wrote it in 30 minutes, that song. Is anything... Okay, wait, hold on. This is a specific question. I'm going to try to get it right. It's not that it's the most 90s thing, the Crash Test Dummies.

Yeah, right. But more than anything else, it could have only been popular in the 90s. Right, right. More than any other thing that was popular in the 90s. Even the Macarena.

The Macarena could be popular now in some way, shape. You're right. You're right. But the Crash Test Dummies, the way they looked, the music video for that song, and that song particularly, especially, could only be popular in the 1990s. I'm not sure if it was on the soundtrack in the movie singles, but it definitely was. Do you know what I mean?

It basically was, yeah. Singles, dude. Yeah. Yep. Remember how we had a live-in nanny for a little while her name was rachel yeah uh and she was so stoked about seeing singles oh yeah she went and came back and she cried so much that she was still crying when she got home why it was and then she went to see it again no not it's a cam and crow movie but then what the hell was she so sad about? She was just like so deeply moved by singles.

Oh, wow. She cried at the series finale of Cheers. And another time she cried was when you called her pizza face. Dude. Okay, man. Listen, dude. I just wanted to make sure I got that in there. Because it's true.

And anything you say in refutation is false. So go ahead. That was a big mistake i should not have done that oh i thought you're gonna say something else no okay but she told me in confidence that you make her feel bad all the time and i know that this has been a contention yes making it up no we've talked about this she just said hey chris you know what matt makes me feel bad i'll talk to you later she didn't say it like that okay she said for sure that you make her feel worse than i do come on dude no one has even ever said that to anybody you know what's interesting

chris makes me feel worse than you do you know i called her pizza it. It was so shitty. I actually, I was 12. Such a bad thing to do. I genuinely still feel bad. And I remember she used to wear a mask with sausage peppers on it. But I don't. Her eye mask had pepperonis on it. I remember she had a big fucking doughy head. But no. No, can we be clear as to why he called her pizza because she had an acne problem she was an adult and some shitty

little fucking fuck kid like this one all right called her pizza face dude can i can i tell you something though the truth of it is okay i didn't call her pizza face because she had an acne problem i called her pizza face because i didn't think she had an acne problem i called her pizza face because i didn't think she had an acne problem she i knew she felt bad about having zits and so i was so mad at her so i dug deep and i fucking hit her with real real hard with that so i'm sorry what is it wasn't because she had acne it was because i knew it would make her feel bad oh so even worse okay no i mean that's fine but i have to be honest with you i her feel bad. Oh, so even worse. Okay. No, I mean, that's fine. But I have to be honest with you.

I still feel bad about that. I actually still feel bad about that 30. You should get in touch with her. Make amends. Ew, her? That pizza face? Yeah, well. Dude.

She's probably like 60 now, dude. Whoa. No, she wasn't that much older. No, no, no, no. no no she's she's in her mid-50s right yeah but i'm just like i remember when they did that at the olympics yeah but that was the atlanta olympics so weird the reason i know i I know it was the Atlantic. You know why?

It's because that awful movie, Richard Jewell, directed by Clint Eastwood, is about the 96 Olympics in Atlanta. And there's a scene in the movie that at least attempts to capture the Macarena craze. And it's the worst movie in the world. And that's the worst scene in the the worst i don't even know that movie when did i come out clint eastwood just makes movies that no one even knows about ever i know and then he's just like i'm done with that movie what's the next one he was like the first streaming service you know like now there's movies that come out and you're like boy that's out what

is that what is that or there's just hype around a movie and you're like oh shit and then three days later everyone forgets about it yeah cl eastwood was that before before streaming services right yeah because you he would have you like oh my god clean eastwood oh my god and then and then you'd be like what was now it's like what was the one with the car dude he's like gran turismo gran turismo gran turino i know that's the joke oh okay okay that's the joke yeah yeah good joke good joke because you don't remember and you think of the video game. Got it. Fuck.

God damn it. Got it, got it. Settling on now. Clint Eastwood, wow, the weirdest career ever, dude. What a weird career. What a weird career. And now he's just all like, cut, got it. But, I mean, Jim Carrey.

Do you want to do it again? Before that. No. Before that, he was a spaghetti western star who never spoke in italian movies then he was a big movie star then he started being a director of like prestige shit that people thought was good like unforgiven yeah then he did like the schlockiest shit in the 90s remember no and then now he just makes movies with people like matt damon that no one in the world has ever seen even matt damon's wife hasn't seen that movie that he was in with Clint Eastwood.

Hereafter or whatever. Oh, that one. Oh, Invictus. That one too. Yeah. Oh, he did that one too. Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. Looks like a movie a year. That's two takes I've ever seen. Doesn't even watch the monitor, you know? Yeah.

He goes like this, and action. In the middle of Matt Damon's line, cut, got it. Yeah. For sure. Doesn't he not say action? I think that's right, actually, yeah. They just start.

I don't know what he says, but it's like, start whenever you want. Yeah. So low energy, you know? He can't even bring himself to do that. Is Clint going to do it from bed today? He just says do it. I don't know. Do it. No, he just told me to tell you to do it i think he has the um headphones on anyway go ahead there's no way of knowing but also it

wouldn't make a difference anyway because you're only going to get to do it once why do actors like that working with him it's like let me do it more times me dude no not me not me oh not me i i sit out the first take i i i'm telling you okay i'm johnny first take okay yeah so clint eastwood if you're listening which you probably are or watching you're probably watching actually i know you love to watch youtube and especially this show let me just tell you cast chris this is the most annoying thing that the most annoying thing about doing why are you laughing bro i don't know i'm just anticipating okay the most annoying thing about acting and or doing a movie probably mostly for actors nah anybody but the director is that you you have to do the same thing

15 times that sucks this is why i don't understand besides the money obviously why actors ever would want to do screen acting yeah it doesn It doesn't make... The money. Well, they want to be a star. Right, which is money. But the craft of it, it's fucking... It sucks. It's so piecemeal. It's so repetitive.

The amount of times you have to do it for everyone else, especially on a TV show where they just blindly get coverage of anything. Right. If there's four or five people talking in a room, everyone gets their medium shot. Everyone gets their close-up.

Dude. Every single time, all those actors are off-camera feeding the lines the actor who's shot it dude and it's so boring and even even if you're leonardo dicaprio let's you like let's not use him because he literally can do any movie he wants but like you know tom hardy like the the next tier of movie star in any given movie he's doing four scenes that are awesome for him to do right okay i mean all right and other than that the scene is this the scene is this you're off yeah i mean it would be a better shot because your head is cut off

hey you gotta do that nine times yeah i mean a lot of times big stars have a double do those things but not if it's going to be you know sooner or later it'll be a fucking ai right but no but it'll be like someone else doing it and then their face will be obscured you know what i mean right no i understand but it'll be they can't always do that they can't always what i'm saying is how many scenes do you get where you really got to make it we get to make a meal of it fucking four i mean if you're even if you're writing it am i writing it a hundred percent of the scene imagine how exhausting that movie would be at the end yeah well that's the other thing.

People don't want to see that. Walk the wall just like. But that. Yeah. I do want to see that actually. Yeah. I don't get it. I don't get it.

It's so weird that people want to do it just because I think people want to be actors because they think they want to be actors. Yeah. Watch this though. Okay. You know what I'm saying? And cut. Yeah.

Yeah. You know what I'm doing? We have to replace Matt. That's just me. That's just me. Yeah. me like yeah banta oh i'm sick in it but it's acting banta oh you know you can do that if you want cut in it all right uh next one oh oh my god sarah and autumn here again yeah much for your advice you're here um my fiance and i watched it together, so it was fun. Quick question.

When are you going to get true baby gear in the merch store for true babies? Interesting. No, but my real question is, and it's a little deeper. Oh, good. Those are the best questions. What do you guys think about mediums? And I ask this because two and a half years ago, I lost my younger sister.

And there's some circumstances around her death that we'll never know. Oh, no. There was another person involved, and the only people that know would be that person, and obviously my sister, who is no longer with us. Do you think going to a medium would, you know, maybe get some answers for questions that I have

or give a little bit more to what happened around her death. What do you guys think of mediums? Shut the fuck up, man. Or do I just kind of come to terms? I'll just never have those answers. That sucks. I'm really sorry. Let me know.

Yeah. No, mediums, no. There's no werewolves either you know here's what i would say if it's if you have specific questions i don't believe that mediums are right and shit this is not what i'm saying i believe the answer is no okay you know what i mean she's here yeah she's here yeah don't what i was fucking what i was gonna say is don't i'm like don't let your pain make you a sucker is all i'm saying it's fine to go to them and explore it and see if you vibe with someone and you see if they like say interesting shit and they're not a fucking like huckster but uh generally what are they gonna possibly do not generally they're going to hold your hand

and just going to be like i sense her in the room and she's telling me yeah it's like and there was a tip this is a long history of these people preying on yeah broken people and not that you're broken but in this instance this is something that broke your mind together yeah it certainly broke your heart really sorry about that and uh and chris keeps like literally every time i talk he just cuts me right off and it's really annoying but uh yeah the answer is no but i don't think it would be it would make you stupid to go no and check it out like well every circumstance is unique it's not smart if you think it'll make you feel better potentially in that sense try it but don't get sucked into some bullshit where someone's like bilking you

for money i mean i've read stories where these people fucking get people's savings because they've made someone believe that they're in touch with their dead father or dead brother or whatever the fuck you know it's just not true it's only entertainment and it'll only either make you feel better or not but it has nothing to do with reality uh and there's but that's true of a lot of things though there's no ghost yeah well i mean a lot of people think religion is that you know but um right exactly so if that makes you feel better and it helps you get through life as long as you're not being hurt in the process either financially or mentally or whatever spiritually whatever you want to say yeah monetarily yeah be careful is is the thing i would say it's just it's if you're if you're asking if it's real or not though the

answer is resoundingly um and there's no werewolves and there's no uh half men half sharks okay glad you got that in there and there's no ghosts okay i mean so scared that there's ghosts the way you said and no matter what it's not scary at night when i go to bed all right uh and there's no frogs okay see you man you know straight frogs that's for sure because the water turned them gay okay bye hi chris hi matt it's lucy from manchester quick question so me and my boyfriend are going to to New York this month for his 30th birthday. And we've got everything planned in terms of the day-to-day. But we wanted to catch a comedy show whilst we're out there.

So if there's any recommendations that you've got as to where we can head, that'd be great. Because it's kind of hard to know whether a place is going to be good or bad. Also any good coffee place recommendations that'd be also helpful. And we love it when you take the mick out of people that are from the UK. So if you can do an impression of me or someone from Manchester, that'd be great.

Thank you. I don't know who the fuck is from where in London. I've got one thing I do, and it's this. Well, I know that people who sound like that are from Manchester. Exactly, man. Me too. And here's the thing about Manchester. Sick, isn't it?

Is that everyone from Manchester is named Lucy if they're a woman. Right. And Lucy is the most... I mean, it's crazy to be from Manchester named Lucy. It's just like you're the most manchesterian human being imaginable okay yeah uh go to the comedy cellar and yeah but except for you have to wait that's really hard to get in i would honestly say there are like really there's so many good comedians around new york that you can just go to the stand.

You can go to New York Comedy Club. You can go to Comedy Cellar. You'll see good comedians, I think. So, yeah. When I lived there, I used to go to the Comedy Cellar. This is forever ago. But that was a lot of fun when I would go to the Comedy Cellar. Yeah, it's fun.

It's a cool room. I saw some legitimately great comics. Thank you. There's only like 110 seats in it. Yeah, it's pretty tiny try to go on a weekday i guess yeah it's always sold out but and um and then uh what was the other question coffee shops i don't know i've been there in so yeah i haven't been there in forever you've been there more recently yeah but i go for a day and then i come back you know yeah what was

that one good place ah fuck i fuck. I'll never remember. It was in, it was, it was. Also, it's not, it's not worth it because I don't know where you're staying. It's like sometimes it's like an hour and a half to get up, you know? So they got good coffee. They got good, they got good pizza. If you're in the East Village.

It gets you here, gets you right here. Mud, if it's still there. Mud? Oh, it's probably not there anymore. I mean, what the fuck do you know? I'm an analyst. You know? Self-flexing because. I don't even notice when I Oh, it's probably not there anymore. I mean, what the fuck do you know? I'm an analyst. You know? Self-flexing.

I don't even notice when I'm doing it. Okay, see ya. Was there one more thing? Oh, yeah. She wants us to make fun of people from England. We already did that. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah.

All right. Second. Actually, we did that before she even called. Second. Lucy from Manchester. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wonder how people from Manchester feel about Oasis

well I think they love Oasis they got it right yeah yeah yeah fuck yeah anyone named Lucy from Manchester loves Oasis so

I didn't know Lucy and I have something in common Lucy is a an English name I mean dude yeah I had no idea about that well it's not specifically only English

no I know that but it's it's a plenty there? Lucy is a common name in England. And I'm guessing Manchester especially because... It's like Nigel? No, Nigel's more old school. Okay.

Lucy's more people alive now in England. Nigel, I'm sure there's still a lot of Nigels. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's old school. I get it. Yeah. It's like Harry or Henry or yeah yeah but it's old school i get it yeah it's like um harry or henry or what no it's not it's like london head london head is a very very common hello mate my name is london head what you want to do play fucking cricket or whatever

oh shit what castle do you live in i live in one wow for fuck's sake why are you why are you saying london like england is london well because it's just a place in london it's funnier it's in england london is a place in england i know oh okay i thought you were actually getting that backwards getting what backwards that you thought i thought england was in london yeah Why did you think that? Because you keep calling it London. Like that's the name of the country. It's funnier that way.

Oh, okay. I'm London. My name is London. And we live in England. What are you talking about? Dude, if you do something crazy, it's mental. Yeah, that's good. Anyway.

I've got three sisters named Lucy. What is that? My mom was Manzo. All right. We live in England. Anyway. It's mental, mate. So, yeah.

Okay, cool. All right. Cool. Congrats, Lucy. On what? Being from Manchester. All right. Next one.

Shit. Oh, shit. Wearing a thing so he won't bite himself. Chris, I just flew to Ottawa to see your show. Hell yeah. I got to meet you and whatnot. Cool. I mean, totally blind.

Just completely blind. Before I got to your show, Chris, I met my biological sister for the first time. I found out about her when I was 18. Oh, it's a Canadian. She found out about me when she was 18. She's a Canadian. You know, she found out a bit. She found out about her when i was 18 she found out about me when she's a canadian you know she found out a bit she found out about but after doing that a lot of people said to me don't you want to

meet your biological mom she also lives in ontario this goes blind to real life terminator and i'm torn uh i feel a little selfish by not beating her but i don't know how i feel about it i was really adamant about being that's it just cut him cut his ass off wasn't happening um the deal is with stuff like that i have no experience with i mean just just start losing your fucking mind just all right you don't feel like you have to do anything if you don't want to meet someone who is your biological family member just simply do not don't get caught up in like that but but i should because people like think it's better like oh yeah no no no no no you wanted to meet your sister you did meet your sister that's good if ever you do want to meet your biological mother then do that but only if you want to do that there's no right way to do stuff like that and that kind of is a cop-out of

an answer but it is the answer do not feel obligated or that you are forced to do it or you should or that it's like a rite of passage for people in your super that's bullshit dude just do what you want to do that you think will make your life better. I have a good thing to say. Great, go for it. I think you should do it. And why is that? Because you're not always going to have that chance.

And what if you kick yourself after she passes? Oh, well, I meant don't do it now if you don't want to. Like, I'm not saying decide now forevermore. Do it tomorrow. But like, if you don't feel comfortable doing that yet, then don't do it again. I mean, maybe if she's ill and then she's dying, but that's a totally different story. Well, she's probably still young. He's young.

But yeah. What is she in her like 50s, maybe 60 with that guy as her son? Yeah, 60. That's still pretty young. Unless she had him when she was old. But yeah, I don't know. I don't know if there's a healthy a healthy going on obviously it's a different story but you don't need to do it just because just don't do it also met your sister yeah you feel

pressure don't do it because uh you think you should do it because you want to and if you are going to do it because you feel like you should do do it when you're ready. Like, just be ready for it. And whatever it might be. What if you hate her? What if you love her so much? Like, there's so many ifs or variables. If you don't feel comfortable doing it, don't do it yet. Don't do it. Don't do it.

But definitely wear those sunglasses the whole time. Don't do it. Okay. Okay, yeah. One more? Next one. Can we get one with beautiful lighting? What up, Chris and Matt? What up, Chris and Matt?

What up, Matt and Chris? Just want to ask you guys a quick question today. What do you do when you find yourself being a stay-at-home dad? How much is this a young preacher? He's looking for a job with limited hours available to give to companies. I haven't really enjoyed many of the job interviews that I've had or the options that I have to work with. Every time that I get into a part-time job, it either doesn't pay

or I'm uninterested within the first couple weeks of doing the job. My girlfriend makes good money, so we're well taken care of at home. But I just want to help them out in any way I can and bring on the dough to help my family and show my baby girl that daddy's going out there and working. Oh, that's cool. Appreciate what you guys do. Let me know what you think.

Thanks for making me laugh and chuckle. Peace out. Thanks, bro. Only fans, solo. Solo, only fans. If you don't need to work, only keep a job that you like. Yeah, right.

But I also do understand he wants to set a good example for his daughter and also wants to contribute. Totally. I mean, 100%. But if you don't need to work and it's technically, at the end of the day, it's optional, make sure it's a thing you like. Especially, dude, if it's a really low-paying job and it doesn't matter, but it's a thing you like, you're in a great situation. You can do a job that pays like shit, but that is cool. There are a lot of jobs like that.

That the reason they pay so low is because they're good, like easy, either easy or fun or whatever. Like people take that into account and pay shit for it uh so like if pay really doesn't matter then just get a job that is like enjoyable for you because you can get any job because the job doesn't matter because you don't need the money this is a good situation for you do something easy like stand up yeah do something easy like and that nobody else does like be an astronaut or something yeah there's so few people that are astronauts just get in there are there actually a few people who are astronauts yeah because it's so hard to do oh man you know it's just weird to do that joke because i i would

have thought you would have done it hard to do. And also everyone does it. Like we need more fucking podcast hosts. Oh, that's not that hard though. It was very, very easy. Yeah. Pretty easy.

Uh, yeah. Um, yeah, I, I, you know, I,

what are your passions? Lead with that. That's the thing. Lead with that and not the money thing. Cause you don't have to, that's good. You're in a good position. Yeah.

What do you want? Exactly. What do you like to do? What what do you want exactly like to do what do you want to do honestly what do you like to do for real like you know say you love to play basketball you're not going to be in the nba but maybe you could do something with that yeah you could teach camp yeah do you know what i'm saying yeah camping exactly like yeah lead with the shit you really love if you love eating what what what you work at a what? A restaurant, you're a chef, I don't know. But, like, don't do anything, but think about the things you like and work out from there.

I mean, you basically have everyone's dream scenario is that, A, they don't have to work. And so, because of the financial situation. So, like, but you want to work because you want to set a good example, which is great. That's very cool. But like, don't just get any random ass job because like you said, you're just going to want to quit because that's like what he said. He's quit a couple of jobs that he started.

Right. Yeah. So stop taking jobs that you don't think are going to be fucking fun, man. I wonder if he's depressed. You know, he doesn't seem depressed at all. He doesn't seem depressed. No, but that's what depressed people do. Yeah. anyway all right i'm gonna be in pittsburgh i'm gonna be in cleveland here i come detroit here i come long beach california here i come

chrislea.com i'll be in baltimore i'll be in oh fuck i'll be in go be in virginia i'll be there i'll be in baltimore i'll be in richmond i'll be in Trenton, New Jersey, Philadelphia, yada, yada, Redding. Oh, that's a whole place to come. But if you have a question, click the link, the thing below and patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury. A new episode of Lifeline Luxury is out today. So go get that right now and go get that and all of the month's worth of episodes that we have there already.

Yeah. You want a one-on-one with me? You want it? Come and get it. MattDeLeo.com. You're going to get it. Mano y mano? Huh?

You want it? MattDeLeo.com. So gross. The merch is at LifelineMerch.com. Get it or you do not like our family. And beyond that, you wish death upon us. Yes. So there you go. And like and subscribe and leave a comment thanks a lot guys