Lifeline - 80. Meditate In Your Jacket

Episode Date: October 22, 2023

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Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by car and other conditions apply. Earth to Chris. Yeah. Oh. Oh. uh earth to chris yeah oh oh episode 80 oops is it clicked out it is the episode out it clicked out it but uh yeah it's sunday october 22nd sundays are for lifeline go sign up for lifeline luxury that's that's what we do we do lifeline luxury man the last episode of lifeline luxury was absolutely bonkers crazy good i was i never think about the episode after we do. We do Lifeline Luxury. Man, the last episode of Lifeline Luxury was actually bonkers crazy good. I never think about the episode after we do it.

I was thinking about it all week. Yeah, same. It was good. Last week, right? Patreon.com slash Lifeline Luxury. Stop with this Jordan with the slam videos. We got them all. But thank you very much.

I am on tour. This is going to be on the 22nd. So I be in fort myers and uh whoops why is it not on whoops why is it not on the tv dude whoops why is it not on the tv right so so loud i know and i'm sorry and it absolutely scared the shit out but was it warranted i was already sweating a little bit now i'm sweating more but was it warranted i gotta calm down but was it warranted yeah yeah so long beach california november 2nd whoops go down orlando florida november 10th november 12th fort myers florida roosburg virginia baltimore uh maryland you know trent new jersey we got a bunch of different ones but uh be more i'll be in be more man be more in the house uh so that's good with that and then um if you god whoever's doing this needs to be quicker huh it's interesting isn't that right

it's pretty interesting because we're done with that so we go back to the great there we go so you got a question click the link in the description below or go to watch lifeline.com or just leave us a message on the hotline which is uh you know down there too uh one-on-one advice sessions with matt go to mattdalia.com and lifeline merch is at lifelinemerch.com so there we go and that's it really i don't think i've even one time done the opening for for us that's so funny you've said some of the things right but i've never i've never i mean you because it starts with my i usually do my tour first i'm like why would you why would you do that yeah yeah yeah i was thinking we're recording at night we don't usually record at night no we don't and so this is a drama this

episode's a drama oh oh it's like a it's got a prime time kind of yeah because it's late and it's nighttime and nighttime is for dramatic stuff right so i'll just be like this okay that's not that good you still gave a stroke i it's not that good but i have a gun too because i'm just like well it can be dramatic without a gun where's the where's the guy so bad where's the guy who did it check it out so bitch listen so bitch so listen freeze a face gun What hurts my face so bad If I shot a gun like that The predator with this thing Dork

No Absolute dork But I'm not though What is the deal with Seinfeld What is the deal with How I went to I was going to be here early

Okay Didn't be Decided I was going to be I was going to be here too early Okay Stopped Looked for coffee I wanted a coffee bean I don't normally get coffee going to be here too early. I stopped, looked for coffee. I wanted a coffee bean.

I don't normally get coffee bean anymore. I get different ones. Really? You love coffee bean. I know, but I go to, there's Pete's, and there's another coffee shop I like, I'm not going to say it, but that I go to,

and I go there all the time, and I don't get coffee bean too much anymore. What is going on? I mean, I'm happy about that, because I think that the coffee bean too much anymore. What is going on? I mean, I am happy about that because I think that the coffee bean is terrible. It's not terrible. It's like drinking dookie in a cup. It's not like drinking dookie in a cup.

It's iced dookie. That tastes, is that coffee bean? Mm-hmm. It tastes like iced dookie. Hey, I like this. I have iced dookie. They would know what you meant, dude. They would know what you meant.

Yeah, so I typed in, I was on what you meant. Yeah. So I typed in. I was on my way here on the 101. I typed in Coffee Bean because I'm not really familiar with the area coming here. Right? I just know here and home. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

In between here. So there was one, a robot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So there was one. I went there. It was a little bit out of the way, but it was okay. Which one? Maybe I know. It was a little bit out of the way, but it was okay. Which one? Maybe I know.

It was on like... Was it on... I got off on like Western or something. Is it up? Did you make a left, like go up on Hillhurst? Well, you'll know when I tell the story. It's straight up in... It's Koreatown.

Oh, okay. I don't know it. What? I don't know it. Okay. So I was in Koreatown. I've never got... I've driven through Koreatown.

I've been driven through multiple Korean towns I've never got out and stopped in a Koreatown ever I don't think so that's weird dude why because just for a number of like even work reasons I've been to Koreatown like meetings I back I mean forever ago when I used to actually try to act like there were auditions in Koreatown yeah but but that's a little different ago when i used to actually try to act like there were auditions in koreatown yeah but but that's a little different because when you go to audition you can see people like you which are white people if you're going to an audition for a certain part so oh you're saying commingling in koreatown you're around a bunch of koreans yeah also korean like barbecue

restaurants if you want like the right yeah so i've never been but i went to coffee and tea leaf which happened to be in a korean market the only thing that was american there was the coffee bean and tea leaf that's like uh uh little tokyo yeah has big markets right right mall type places and everything's japanese so i went well this was korean but i went to i know that so that's different so japan is so uh i went to this market to get carvin tea leaf and there was not there was one other person that wasn't asian one and i think that person might have been asian and then there was i think it because i think they were indian but that's kind of that's actually it is right yeah so then there was just me that wasn't Asian. How did you feel?

It was interesting. I really enjoyed it because I was like, whoa, this is not like anything I've ever experienced before, just visually. and um then i was like it's kind of unfair because uh wherever you go that's technically white there's always not white people around and koreans have that all to themselves i mean places where you go but i i feel like there's probably places in the country where only whites and then there's like one black dude and that now you felt like that one black dude. But there's more than one, though. There's more than one. I'm saying I bet there are places where there's just one person. In the South, maybe. Yeah, in the South.

Nobody will hear that, though. So now they just think you said oops for no reason. I did. Ooh. So. E-40. Yeah, it was really interesting, though. And I took a video there and I sent it to Bobby Lee.

Oh, because you thought he would fit in? Well, he's Korean. And then I took pictures near some Korean stuff. Very straightforward. And I sent it to him. That's why I'm late, sending pictures to Bobby Lee. You're late because you were sending pictures to Bobby Lee? Yeah.

Okay. And then he texted me back that I was a dipshit for doing that. He actually responded? He never responds to texts. Yeah, he's not a good texter. But anyway, so I was in Koreatown, dude. Have you done it? I've done it. Have you been to Koreatown? he's not a good texter but um anyway so i was in koreatown dude have you have you done it i've done it have you been to korea something like in a market like that uh i don't know if i've ever been in a koreatown market i started thinking about like movies and shit where

like the the white guy goes over there like to korea or whatever and it's like just like the only guy there that's like you know out of water fish out of water yeah and then i started thinking like man what if i went when i was like 21 and just moved there and fell in love there and had a korean family out there when i was 21 and i still lived there and i was 43 with a korean family and my kids were like eight but korean you're asking me what if that happened that crazy dude we'd probably have to talk limited yeah well yeah we couldn't we couldn't see each other as much we would not have this podcast yeah and life would be much different if i had a korean family the most obvious thing to say about that life would be different that's very true life would be very

different it would be even more different if you moved to north korea but oh yeah yeah yeah well we'd never see each other but now let me ask you a question when you go into korean market why does it stink like shit what is that about that huh it's just the cuisine it's cultural i know it's the cuisine yeah cultural specific right but but but but culturally they go in they go yum yeah yeah yeah right yeah i had a Korean friend. I mean, there's a lot of Koreans where we grew up. Yeah. When we moved to California.

And there's no Koreans in New Jersey. Yeah. But in Southern California, a lot of Koreans. So many. Half. Yeah. Very, very. Where we were, it was half Korean.

Yeah. Yeah. And you walk into his house and just like- Yeah. It smells like the back of a freezer. A wall of kimchi. It's kimchi that I'm smelling. Okay.

But kimchi is what I- It's a smell that goes straight, that puts a needle in my brain. I cannot handle it. Yeah. I used to date a girl who loved going to eat Korean barbecue. Oh, really? And I'm so not like this.

I actually, I think about this sometimes because I'm so not like this i actually i think about this sometimes because i'm so not like this and i think back to like i can't i can't believe i did that but i can because of what it's about okay i was like listen i need you to stop going there whoa oh because you would come back and smell like it for a week oh come on for at least four or five days really yeah oh backtracking backtracking yeah for at least four or five hours. Really? Yeah. Backtracking, backtracking. Yeah, for at least four or five hours after shooting. So, whoa, that's crazy. So what I'm saying is, okay, so let's look at this. So what did you guys order today?

Chicken and like broccoli and shit? Okay, I walk in. To me, I could understand how people would think that that stinks like shit. But to me, I'm like, okay, that's food. I can get behind being it like yummy. But if like somebody out of our culture or whatever, the whiteness comes in, they'd be like, oh, this might stink like shit.

Right? Yeah, of course. Right. So, but okay. So. Yeah. Like somebody from Korea might come in here and be like, oh, what is that terrible smell?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like we, how we do when we go to Korean markets. It's very likely. That's wild, dude. Isn't that weird? It's all about upbringing, but it doesn't feel like it because you go in and you're like, oof, what is that terrible smell? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like how we do when we go to Korean markets. It's very likely, yes. That's wild, dude. Isn't that weird? It's all about upbringing,

but it doesn't feel like it because you go in and you're like, oh, my mouth is watering. I'm so hungry. But really, it's all learned. It's all learned, yeah. Yeah.

Fuck, dude. I think about shit like that all the time. Yeah, me too. More than me. Me more than you? Yeah, I think about it a lot more and I think much deeper about it too. No, I think about it like,

and I think so deeply about it a lot more, and I think much deeper about it, too. No, I think about it like, and I think so deeply about it, people can tell how much I think and how smart I am just because I'm like so deeply in thought about it. And you're not thinking about it? And you're not even talking about it? Oh, my God, look how smart that guy is. Yeah. Well, anyway, dude, there were fucking so many rice bags there, it was crazy.

What the fuck is a rice bag? There was bags of rice with just Korean letters on it. What? what's that mean i don't know they like rice what do you mean but where was the rice bag at the market at the fucking market just sitting around the market yeah they'd leave it on the ground like chairs yeah but stacked up tables just rice bags of rice yes okay like big bags of rice you're thinking about this wrong they're just big bags of rice but where were they on the floor of the market for sale oh okay well you didn't say the first part not pissed well they're in the market what did you think they were i'm thinking of like a mall where you go in there's a bunch of different establishments including a coffee mean including

a little market including a place where you can get ice cream or whatever. Okay, okay, okay. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I get it now, but that was crazy. All right. Well, okay. Let's do it. You want to do a thing? Let's do a thing.

Okay. We'll get into the bing bong. We're already coming up on 12 minutes. Let's get to it. Okay, okay. Who we got? Hey, Chris and Matt. First off, thanks for doing what you guys do with this podcast and putting a smile on my face along with so many others each week.

Second off, I'm calling in because I need some advice. I work out seven days a week every morning at this gym in my town. And about a month and a half ago, the gym closed down for the club scrub, which is like cleaning, reorganization, whatever. So the day it opened, they had donuts for everyone. And while I was leaving, I wasn't going to grab a donut because I just worked out and didn't eat a donut. But one of the trainers told me to grab one. So I grabbed two because I have two little kids at home that would love a donut.

And he made a joke to me like, oh, yeah, I bet those are for your kids or whatever. Right. Well, it was reality. Well, since that day, a month and a half ago. Oh, no. I see him about five days a week. Oh, no. And he has made a donut

joke no every time i've seen it some days it's oh is your protein donut flavored or i'm as i'm leaving he'll ask me if i'm heading to the jelly donut or one time i was warming up on the treadmill and he drew a picture of a donut on a sticky note and came and stuck it on my treadmill and he's losing his mind. I hate to be rude. I don't like awkward situations, but this is to the point. It is so not funny, and I try to avoid him at the gym

because I know a donut joke's coming, and I don't know what to say to him. So please help me out with some advice. Thanks. Oh, dude. I have one question to clarify. Is it her trainer or a trainer? No, just a trainer at the gym. Okay, Oh, dude. I have one question to clarify. Is it her trainer or a trainer? No, just a trainer at the gym. Okay. Okay. Okay. Why? Dude, this is crazy. How can somebody think that

this is still funny to do? It's actually not funny once, but if you do it once or twice, I understand you don't really get the language of humor. You're just trying to flirt with her. You want to say something three, more than three times, times dude you know how not funny it is it's so not funny that it's doubly not funny in this way right it's not funny because it's just not funny yeah but on top of that it's not funny like a character like that would be in a movie in a bad comedy who like does those that kind of stupid joke yeah yeah yeah even as like an idiot it's not like to make fun of the person that's not funny that does it it's not funny like that just sucks in every level it is it is a four quadrant suckery you know

it is a four quadrant suckery uh and the post- post-it note, I almost feel like he's trolling you. But he's not. He's not. Right. But, I mean, that is so – that sucks, man. Whenever this stuff happens, my first thought is always he's, like, in an utterly boneheaded way just flirting with you. Well, yeah. I mean, he is.

He wouldn't do it – well, maybe he might do it to a guy. I don't know. I mean – I get weirdos come up do it. Well, maybe he might do it to a guy. I don't know. I mean... I get weirdos come up to me and do shit like that, but maybe it's because they... Like that? Yeah, shit like that, yeah.

Maybe because, like, they know who I am or something. I don't know. What does she say? How does she get it to stop? Do not make a donut joke anymore. What? Do not make a donut joke anymore. And then he would make a joke about that. Yeah. You would always say, do not make a donut joke anymore and then he would make a joke about

that yeah you always say do not make a joke he said oh you said donut yeah uh that's horseshit that sucks dude but what does she do don't cough um that's oh god i mean i would say that like 85 to 90 percent of the time the advice is just be straight up with the person, whatever you call in or you do video in. But you're just, no matter what, honestly, dude, somebody who does that, no matter what happens, you're going to get, guess what? Guess what he gifted you? Awkwardness, no matter what. Yeah. Because now either it's going to be awkward because of the donut joke and you're going to be like, ah, ha, ha.

Or you're going to say something and it's going to be awkward from then on seeing him that he isn't doing the donut joke. you're gonna be like or you're gonna say something and it's gonna be awkward from then on seeing him they isn't doing the donut joke but here's the thing when someone sucks that much why are you awkward why why do you have to feel awkward this guy sucks i i i understand that and you and i get that but i get why she is but i'm trying to convey to her yeah like this guy sucks to such a degree that it, think about it this way, like, let that minimize or even totally erase the potential awkwardness of saying, hey, stop. Like, this isn't funny. You do it every time I see you.

It makes me feel like I have to laugh, but it's so not funny. I can't. Like, just don't do that. Or just, yeah. That would be great if you said exactly that. Well be or you could just be like oh another donut joke great oh another keep doing that he'll get the hint but then he might think you're flirting back or worse do it more oh you're right dude you know yeah if he's like one of our parents friends i'll tell you who it is later after the show yeah dude, dude. That's crazy. You know what?

This is one of those fucking things. It's just too bad. Yeah, it's just a shame. You know what it is? You're a chick. And this is the shit that chicks have to deal with. It sucks, dude. It sucks.

And I get a little bit of that because, you know, when I walk in, somebody might make a joke about something I did or, you know, because they know me and shit. But, man, being a chick is like none other, dude. It's unbelievable. You know? People, sure. It just sucks. Not like being a man, that's for sure. Hell yeah, man.

No, that's not what I meant. Red-blooded American man. No, mans, you know? Well, I just, yeah, that's annoying. That's just some chick shit. It is. You just got to deal with it. She should say something.

Well, yeah, but she still will have to deal with it, is my point. Even after. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But if she's going to have to deal with it anyway, she should say something. Don't ever, pretty much ever talk to anyone at gyms. Pretty much. That is the rule.

It's pretty much the rule. But, you know, maybe like, oh oh you're using that or oh you know obviously yeah of course right yeah no no no you go right little notes uh yeah yeah uh that's that's tough man he just how do how do people not know that rule that seems like one of the most obvious rules that there is there's no obvious rules people are dumb especially men well obviously but i'm saying that seems so obvious. To break that rule, you got to be a big idiot. There was a woman at my gym.

And she comes in. She's a little older. She always seems no nonsense. Do not approach me. In the zone. Works out hard. It's cool. And I was just like, that's a woman that you don't.

Does anybody hit on her? Have you ever seen somebody hit on her? No, I haven't seen anybody do it. No, I've seen her like three or four times, right? I noticed she's on the machine that I want to go to, right? So I'm not going to ask her when she's done. I'm just going to assume that she'll be done and I want to go to, right? Oh, okay. So I'm not going to ask her when she's done. I'm just going to assume that she'll be done and I'll pick it up, right? So I go to stand kind of near it, but not to where she's like, oh, he's waiting for it. Do you know what I'm saying?

Okay. So I go there and I have like half of a water bottle full i there's a wall and i go to kind of like instead of bending it down and placing it on the floor i just kind of like chuck it over there to see if i can get it to stand up against the wall i'm also very very very out of breath because i work out like a monster now you're getting sidetracked in a way i don't like and my delts they get big when i work out i look very fucking i look massive so i do it and i go oh and she says uh wow somebody's angry so loud whoa and i it fucked me up so much because she did not seem like somebody she was making like a sit being silly oh yeah not man

you know because i wasn't angry i was just she was making like a sit being silly oh yeah not you know because i wasn't angry i was just she was making a joke like oh you threw it down hard and i was like i didn't know what to say and i finally mustered out oh yeah dude i would have bent down and put it put it on the ground but no extra movement except for the exercises it's all for the exercises and she went really loud like not like that but like you know what i mean yeah and i was like you never really can judge a book you never know dude you never know yeah no it's true yeah she was very sweet i mean i'm not making fun of her i'm just you could not have guessed that yeah crazy so uh uh why do i say that i have no idea gym related i guess why did i say it probably just

because you wanted to talk about being at the gym because it's all you ever talk about every video you send me which is often you send me a lot of videos throughout the course of the day is always of a buff guy doing something and it sucks so much that you send me that and i tell you all the time why do you send me this i don't want to see this i don't care it's not even at all something i'd ever want to look at two hours later maybe less you send me another one those guys are too big i mean i know and it's why are we looking at fascinating dude dude it's not that fascinating fascinating because they're too fucking big and it's obvious what are they doing that big looking at him you look at him so much but because it's just fascinating 20 of his day he's looking at really big buff dudes yep that's i mean not 20 but a lot 20%. But it's not, wow. It's not a, oh, that's great thing.

It's just like, what the fuck? Yeah. A lot of them are short. And you're like, what? Well. If you're going to be that big, be big and tall, dude. No, but I mean, I think the obvious thought. I know.

Yes. Yeah. Yes. But, guy, we can see what's going on here i mean some women like that though some women are into that big big guys like that really buff a limited amount of women i think it's limited limited i think it's more than a little amount it's a miniscule amount no it's it's it's then why do they do it because dude they're fucking why does the guy write donuts to the fucking lady why does the right guy because he's it's it's then why do they do it because dude they're fucking why does the guy

write donuts to the fucking lady why does the right guy he's being funny he's cute or something just like the other fucking short big dudes right but no dude okay i mean i don't know how to prove it but this is my actual belief i think more than we realize because obviously my whole life i've never been like a big muscly dude and i And guys and my friends in my orbit are not either. Right, right, right. So I don't really have any experience with how people – But my sense is that why else would guys do that to their bodies if not to like enhance their chances with significant other or whatever?

But that doesn't mean – But okay, you're talking about muscles on muscles yeah a good body is different no i know i yes yeah we're talking about the same thing okay yeah no i had one girlfriend that i dated that was like i like that i would date a guy like that and i was like no like really really big and she's like yeah i think it's i think it's good looking there you go and i was but that's one out of oh my god how many girls have i dated dated seriously not that many not that many like you've had you know not that many anyway i'm a lonely soul i'm a lone wolf anyway i'm right okay well whatever yeah okay next what's up guys chris i saw you in phoenix and salt lake hell yeah stalker

a stalker you're one funny guy. Thanks, dude. Anyways, I have a bit of a concern. I have a very high sex drive, but my girlfriend has a very low sex drive. And I'm probably going to marry this woman. And I don't want to cheat on her. And I don't want to be jacking off all the time. That's just weird to me. Anyways, I'm not sure what i should do any advice would be helpful thank you guys meditate

and jacket meditate in your jacket meditate in your jacket jacking it isn't bad i i don't i don't really get it jack in it is often healthy yeah i don't jack it i have a guy that i hire that comes over and jacks it yeah he jacks it okay well that's good it's not gay because i'm watching porn straight porn right but um no i don't uh i don't think jack in it is that bad honestly i i i uh i never used to why who thinks jacking is bad besides religious people well no well no i don't think he's religious he's just saying i don't want to be jacking off but why not well i don't know but well he probably wants to have sex instead which i get that it's better i guess but the reason you're jack in it is so that you can have that release and remain happy or whatever even keeled whatever you want to say so we have to call it a release not like what so we have to call it a release

but then that's literally what it is you gotta like let it out it's a lenny kravitz single it's like it's like imagine like there's a sealed jar and something inside it is expanding yeah you got to open the top that's so hot the way you're talking about you know what it's so sexy you know what i'm saying like you gotta have that you gotta let that go but also you're not supposed to bust that much so i would ask this guy right how much how great really is your sex drive are you trying to bust like three four times a day well that's no good i mean i even every day is crazy to me i that's crazy it is yeah but you're not even supposed to i mean no according to like tantric whatever you know you're not you're

really supposed to hold it in so that like the power of it once you do you know let that release out of your p-hole oh man you chill. I'm getting a boner. I think one time I was talking to I guess I was I was out of high school at that point. But I was talking to I remember I was at my friend's house and one of the guys said, what's the most you masturbated in a day? And I don't know. I don't I don't maybe, you you know maybe when i was like that age maybe twice i don't think any more than that but um really twice i mean there were six days sick days when i was in high school were like like when i was actually sick in bed yeah i mean at

least five times oh really no i've never done that really not after being a teenager but yeah back then oh no i never did that so uh he said the most i've done is 11. oh first of all how long are you awake yeah yeah so it's every hour what a maniac yeah i know who he is of course you do you had the conversation with him i know that man i believe i wonder who i wonder what he's doing now jerking off well he's definitely probably not 11 times but probably still pretty healthy no i mean right this second he's probably now. Jerking off. Well, he's probably not 11 times, but probably still pretty healthy. No, I mean, right this second, he's probably jerking off.

That'd be weird if he was. Yeah, 11's too much. But here's the thing, when you're in a partnership like that, whether you're the man or the woman or if you're in a gay relationship, it doesn't matter. Then you'd be man.

You have to only have sex the amount that the person who wants it the least wants it. That's just the bottom fucking line. So so like no but what i'm saying is there's no advice to give dude you just gotta learn how to fuck less because you can't fuck someone else obviously and if you don't want to be mr jack in it then yeah you're shit out of luck buddy yeah. Yeah. There's nothing else to do. That is right. That's the only thing. You know?

And you're right. That's it. Okay. Next one. What's up, Matt? What's up, Chris? Love you guys. Love Lifeline.

I watch every week. I love Congratulations. Been watching for a long time now. My question today is, I'm in the Army, and I'm up here at Fort Lewis, Washington, and we have a transit service. That's like an Uber. It's free. It goes anywhere on base. So it's not like a super long drive at all.

And I use it a lot. I know most of the drivers, but there's this one guy who's always seems like he's in a bad mood. Not, you know, not the kindest guy. Doesn't talk a lot. So today I got this driver and I get in the I get in the vehicle the van and i'm playing a i'm playing a video on my phone like it's like a tiktok video it's pretty low volume i can barely really hear it uh but he turns around and he's like you good and i'm just i look at him i'm like yeah yeah are you good like what's going on kind of made me laugh and he's like can you put some headphones in or turn that video down i'm like yeah yeah i just i laughed i was like yeah my bad dude um but he's always kind of just in a bad mood i just i didn't know maybe maybe i should have said

something else you know to try to cheer him up i guess but i you know i try to always be as kind as possible you know because these these guys you know this is kind of their job but he's you know no music playing no just silence uh and that's his you know if i'm an uber driver right i'm gonna be listening to music i'm gonna be blaring that shit out uh but yeah i know he got mad that i was playing a tiktok video i mean as soon as we left to like five seconds after we left uh the spot that i got picked up at you know he was already mad so i just i i don't know maybe maybe he was having a bad day i don't know but i just try to be as kind as possible i just you know in my mind as soon as it happened i was like it's a piss right yeah kind as possible. I just, you know, in my mind, as soon as it happened, I was like, I'm so pissed, right?

Yeah. But I just thought, what would you guys do in that situation if you get into like an Uber and you're listening to a video on your phone? I know what I would do. And the Uber driver looks at you and he goes, can you turn that off? Yeah. You know, it's a dick, right? But I just try to be as kind as possible. I love you guys.

I love you. So what would you do? I watch every week. Appreciate you guys. Love you. Take it easy. You're the man, dude. Thanks so much. Love you too, man dude thanks so much love you thank you thank you bro thank you what a good spirit good energy said the same thing nine times but it's all good so go ahead uh i if i got into an uber yeah and the driver i was playing a video as i got in slide in the sea close the door starts after

five seconds and after five seconds before the video is over yeah he turns to me and he says you good yeah and i somehow make the connection that he's saying because of my video i would because i don't think i would by the way well he did so i'm assuming i would too whatever and i would i would definitely laugh either naturally or because I would I would process it and be like wow I have to respond in a way

that is commensurate with how big of a dick this guy is and I want to laugh at his face I would like make a choice even if I didn't do it naturally

haha yeah I'd pull his head back yeah I would laugh because like you're you're a crazy guy you're you're so deeply like perturbed at all times yeah that the slightest annoyance at your job to technically people who you're working for yeah well that's the thing it's like absolute dickhead dude like imagine how miserable that guy is i want to talk go like uh the adage the old adage the customer's always right of course they're not

always right but that situation you're working for them you let them listen to a tiktok video if they want to yeah you're the driver yeah so if that happened to me i would say do you think that this video is too loud i'd have questions for the guy and then i would and then i would say yeah something like are you upset with the fact that i'm listening to something at all or are you upset with the fact about how loud the video is okay because i would want to know deeply i would want to understand what this guy's gripe is you Or are you upset with the fact about how loud the video is? Okay. Because I would want to know deeply. I would want to understand what this guy's gripe is. Do you think he would answer you? I don't know.

But I would ask that. And then I would say, is something bothering you today? You'd like ask how he is? Not because of a good person, because I'm like, what's going on? Oh, yeah. No, yeah. I would say like, why are you asking me like that well actually with the context that he gave i might be like if he did that to me i might be like why are you so miserable all the time yeah i might just like immediately

in response ask that like what's wrong with you dude like why do you have to be so i ride with you sometimes you're miserable what's going on? Stop. Yeah, that's probably I would do something like that too. That's good. You don't want to like clap back at him too hard because that's like you could be. Okay, motherfucker. Here we go, dude.

Do that and then. You don't want to turn into the aggressor. But anything to reflect, hold up a mirror back at the guy is good in that situation. You know what I'm saying yes i do know what you're saying and you're right but that's crazy yeah well i do agree though don't listen to well you know what that you know what you know what's awful though facetiming that really is annoying when people are doing that in public yeah but you you're it's his job again he's not in public.

You're right. You're right. Using a service that is a part of his army base. He's right. He's right. He's on FaceTime. I would want to get off my FaceTime before I started broadcasting it to some stranger just because I'm private.

But someone has a right to get into an Uber while they're on FaceTime. Yeah, you're right. Who cares? Just drive the fucking car. You're right. You're right. You're right. All right. Okay, next one.

Hi, Chris. Hi, Matt. My name is Sophia. I'm a huge fan of the podcast. Chris, I've been a longtime Congrats fan. I'd like to consider myself an original baby. I was so excited when you guys started Lifeline and I've been waiting for a year until I had a question that I thought was good enough to submit. And I finally do.

So I was recently rewatching cast away with my boyfriend and some of our friends and about halfway through the movie, he said something that I thought was just fucking crazy, which was, wouldn't it be sick to be stranded on a desert Island? And I said, basically immediately without even thinking I'd rather fucking die. And a lot of people took that as like super morbid, which I get, fucking die. And a lot of people took that as like super morbid, which I get, but like, I am not interested in surviving a fucking plane crash, surviving a plane crash into the fucking ocean. And then also surviving in solitude for five years on an Island. And then like, I'm not even, that's bad enough. I'm thinking beyond that. I'm thinking like what happens when

you re-assimilate back into society and you have like trauma and ptsd and like yeah night terrors and you'll never get on a plane again yeah it sounds awful so let me know would you guys want to survive interesting question you do you guys think it's morbid that i wouldn't want to i mean he pulls his fucking tooth out yeah so let me know well i don't think it's morbid because you're just picking, you feel, the lesser of two evils. I wouldn't. I would. Dude. I mean.

I would run that island, dude. Well, there's nothing to run. Well, that's why it would be easy. But I would figure out how to run it, dude. I'd figure out how to run it and get it going. And when I came back in five years, dude, oh, dude, I would be so interesting to everyone. So that's all gravy, man.

Well, that's true. You would be interesting to everyone, but you'd be like a... I'm getting back. What? I'm getting back. I would get back. Oh, I see what you're saying. And the ocean is by far the scariest part.

Yeah, but here's the thing. Like when he's laying in the fucking whale. Remember that part? Oh, yeah. The blowhole and he's just chilling. I yeah i like that movie yeah the movie's cool you like it yeah yeah movie's great when he's trying to fish sorry you know it's no it's cool that's a great movie yeah it's all right the wilson part is amazing uh but here's soundtrack all right don't be like that dude now i'm getting pissed here's my gripe what fucking absolute dipshit moron fucking idiot watches castaway and says i would love to survive on a desert what the no what she said it'd be so sick to be on a desert island sick and i well okay that's the thing that's very overworked to say he's a dipshit moron.

He is, because his brain doesn't work, dude. His fucking brain does not work. You know how fucking awful that would be? You know how fucking shitty it would be if he was around someone who that actually happened to, and he said, I wish I went through what you went through? You know how fucking rude that would be? Yeah. This guy's a fucking idiot.

He's not able to use his brain. Right. Be careful of that guy. He's probably just talking. What if the whole plane went i mean it's so gruesome too the way the plane goes down and shit it's so scary so and then he's just sitting there he's just going and when it happens he just goes sick i mean what is that guy did she say it's her boyfriend yeah her boyfriend yeah break up with him no no he's out he's out it would not be sick to be on and stranded on and everyone knows knows that, so he's out. He's probably just trying to be cool in front of his lady.

I don't know. He's out. An empire. He's making conversation. He's out. He probably wouldn't mean it. If it was sick, he'd just go do it. He doesn't mean it's sick.

Another reason why you shouldn't have said it. Sick in it. Sick in it. Sick in it. reason why you shouldn't have said it sick and it just don't fedex packages smashing against his head i was out for sick break up with him break up with him sofia or sofia i didn't catch the end would you rather but would you rather die well that, that, yeah, okay. That is a separate issue. The question for me was break up. The first part was break up with that guy.

There was a glaring problem there. So, but would I rather die? Here's my question in response. Am I guaranteed to survive? I knew that that was what you were going to ask. If I'm guaranteed to survive, of course I would not not want to die she's saying she actually would rather die because even just the possibility of not the life would be ruined which i totally actually i get that i i and i sympathize with that but i wouldn't choose that i wouldn't i wouldn't have ptsd for that

yeah you would everyone every single person would every single person would the plane the plane crash alone i would get right back on a plane i would have to dude i know a guy who was in a plane crash and then got right back on a plane and then crashed again no okay see there you go no but that's not anyone there we go that's not anyone where's doctor that's no one's no you're fixed um uh yeah that's crazy jesus yeah and he told me this story right before i got on a plane what an asshole yeah wow it was crazy just to hear the story i was like planes don't crash though let's face it well i mean it doesn't happen well it does it's never happened in the history of planes okay now you're you're lying. Yeah. Okay, a lot of them just disappeared too, which is scary as shit. Chris D'Elia.

Here we go. Chris D'Elia. Oh, that was short. Short video. What's up? That's a good question. Okay, play it. Do it better.

What's up, man? Chris. So I'm looking for advice in regards to my father. Long story short, he's been in and out of my life. We had a falling out in my late teens. Saw who he was as a person. Wasn't a fan. Got him.

He split from my mom when I was really young for domestic violence issues. Anyways, he goes to prison not too long ago. I'd say like five or six years ago for attempted kidnapping, attempted sexual assault, domestic violence. Again, he got out and he's been shooting me texts asking how I've been, giving me updates on his life. I haven't responded to him. The thing been, giving me updates on his life. I haven't responded to him. The thing is I'm really close to his family. His family is really close to my family.

I've just been toying with the idea of just blocking his number. I'm just wondering what you guys think and maybe the advice you give me will help someone else with an estranged father. What do I do? How do I react? Do I ignore him? Do I block him? Do I block him? Do I answer him? Gone for five years? I don't know.

Anyways, Matt, you rock. Chris, you rock. I really appreciate this podcast. Been a fan since it was created. Been a baby forever. But yeah, thanks guys. Later. You know, I think that – I mean the whole point of prison is that it changes you.

So ideally – As we all know. all know, it only makes more criminals. I know. But maybe there's a shot. I don't know. It's been five years. Sure. I would say give him a shot because, see, maybe he's different. But his experience with his father counts,

and he didn't get too far into that. If you don't, again, I said this about last week to someone else about something else kind of similar but not this drastic if you don't want to be family is amazing and if your family's good or even just kind of okay right you're lucky okay right most people in most families have real problems with their immediate family members and you obviously are one of them but the truth is you don't need to be in touch or involved with your immediate family it's not necessary don't feel like guilt true or whatever the fuck i'm not saying you are but if you're

considering responding or letting him have a chance just because he's like knocking on the door and you think you own that you don't you absolutely don't only respond and engage if you want to yeah if you want to block him like you suggested earlier absolutely just fucking do it and say fuck it and never think about him again if you don't want to right if you want to block him, like you suggested earlier, absolutely just fucking do it and say fuck it and never think about him again if you don't want to. Right. If you want to have him in your life

because you think it might be interesting because maybe whatever, for any reason, doesn't matter, whatever your reason is, then do it. And guess what? If you respond

and then he responds and you start talking a little bit and it sounds like it's going maybe okay and then he does something and you're like, oh, there's that again, you can block him then. It's all fucking fine.

The only good thing about a situation like this is that you hold all the power and you get to do whatever you want and not feel bad about it. That's the fucking deal. He fucked up a whole bunch. He fucked up with your mom.

He fucked up with you. He fucked up obviously with other people after you. He's a fuck up and I'm sure he'd be the first one to admit it. Just because of that doesn't mean he's not

going to fuck up anymore. He could and then you have every right to block him again okay i this that was good advice and but still without me this podcast wouldn't be as good wow okay okay just a hundred percent making it about you no that was great that was great advice i mean that was really good it was almost like you have a daytime talk show i do i do a good one um yeah no i agree you know but he is human and you might feel bad if you do block him so but you don't have to there you go that's all good matt said it really really well yeah cool good luck that's alright guys how we doing it's Malcolm from

Scotland here hope you guys are good there's one glaringly obvious thing standing out about me is this flipping beard so I'm just looking for a bit of dice do I

keep it or do I just go not keep it i'm bald as you can see fucking bus driver waving to me that's you know you're from a small town man well i love this guy so much uh do i keep it it's coming into winter and i love to ride my motorbikes so it kind of fits the aesthetic of that yeah or i just fucking get shot at this bad boy i'm driving just now very very recklessly because i'm fucking concentrating this damn video boy anyway love your shit ah what's he said which part ah all of it i heard he was weird or not he said i'm driving recklessly because I'm focusing on the video.

And he laughed. I did not hear that part. Whatever he said that wasn't about the beard, should I shave it or cut it, did not hear it. He said the bus driver waved at him. And he said a lot of things. Oh, that's what he said there. Wow. You speak Scottish?

Yeah, I speak Scottish. That guy was great. Honestly think. He looks. And look, what do I know? Because I've only seen you one time. I think your beard is great and it looks like you are a guy this sounds stupid because you are a guy with a big beard but you look like a guy who has a big beard you know what i'm saying yeah you have the energy of a guy with a big beard yeah and it seems like if you got rid of

it you might be like not energyless but missing something and you might feel not naked literally because you will be more naked than you were before but like sometimes people have such a specific identity i had a friend in high school whose dad had this crazy fucking thick ned flanders mustache yeah and he shaved it like a few years later and i saw him again i was like you're not you dude you're not you i see you i hear you you're talking to me we're catching up you're not you so you don't want that to happen but then again beards grow back so whatever if you're asking should you shave it because you want to shave it then you should shave it but if you're asking does the beard suit you it looks fantastic that's a great beard it's a great beard yeah i mean it's red ish it's no gray yet it's just fantastic strong beard yeah

i don't think you get rid of it strong guy strong vibe strong beard strong energy okay you got it going on yeah you're in a truck you know you're in a truck you're happy you're laughing you're yeah dude got a great brogue is it uh annoying to have a beard like that you never had a beard like that right my experience with beards obviously no i've never had it like that yeah is that the longer it grows the less annoying it is really until it gets to a certain point and you're like now it's like in the way that's how it is with my penis the longer it grows the more noisy it is and i got and it gets in the way and you know what i mean the more noisy it is okay it's not a word but that's all good uh yeah yeah okay yeah i think you keep it unless you really want to obviously do what you want but yeah i my vote if it's all the same to you is keep it what about my brogue do you think my brogue is good you don't have one what is that i don't know why there's some shit like this that

i think about all the time brogue is only i don't know if it only means this but it's only used when people talk about scottish accents yeah it's like pregnant women people say pregnant women are beaming yeah right they're beaming it's like that's stupid that one i do people don't use that word in other scenarios but i always use it about pregnant women i do there's some word no you don't i do when do you say baby i go dude that that dude is beaming okay if he walks in a room and he's like really happy, like, man, this dude is fucking beaming. My name is Willie. Willie beaming. It's for the women.

I keep them creaming. So gross. You know what that's from? Yes, I do. Any Given Sunday. You do? Wow. Jamie Foxx, Oliver Stone.

Good job. Why were you saying brogue just now? Oh, God. Absolutely destroy me, dude. I got a question for Matt. Why did you say brogue? It's the next video. No, why were you saying brogue? Isn't that what a brogue is?

Shoes. What? Brogue is shoes? No. No, no, no. But you're right. Yeah, so what is he saying? I don't know what he's saying.

They might be shoes as well. I'm asking what you were saying. Why you were saying it. His voice. Oh. Yeah, no, no. But you're right. Yeah, so what is he saying? I don't know what he's saying. They might be shoes as well. I'm asking what you were saying. Why you were saying it. His voice. Oh. Gunna. Oh. Absolutely destroyed me. Okay.

I don't know. So furious. Furious with me. I'm going to pass out for 20 seconds. And convulse a little bit. All right. Let's do it let's do it all right i can't help it i know hello matt and chris um first of all i'm a huge fan of both of you chris i've loved you since you made fun of lenny kravitz's scarf on vine and matt it's true what

they say you made chris better this is the best podcast in the world um all right to get to my question or my advice that i need is uh i am pregnant with my fourth child and um chris you might remember um you recently did a uh cameo for me because um my sister-in-law can't come to my baby shower and um it was hilarious but um all of my kids names start with a j including mine and my husband's which might sound really fucking weird because it is, but it was unintentional. It was. It just kind of happened that way. And when you start to have a couple of the same letter names, you have to continue it. Or else your kids will feel left out eventually.

I don't know. Yeah, you're right. Good, good, good. Your suggestion was Jumericoi. We're considering it. Oh, I remember that. But my question is, how do I address when people comment about all the J names? Because I don't bring it up because I don't think it's like a cool thing.

I think it just is what happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's kind of embarrassing because it's kind of stupid, but it is what it is. Don't be embarrassed. So rather than getting into the entire details of like why it started and why we kept doing J-Names, what do I say to people? Because it just gets so repetitive and everyone's like, why? And I don't want to be compared to the Duggars, the worst family on the face of the planet. I didn't know they did that.

Who's that? Yeah, it just seemed like a good, maybe funny, simple comeback for why we decided to stay with J names for my entire family yeah it was awful that's it thanks so much guys love you both love you too yeah you're the you're the best just be like I mean I

understand that that would be annoying but just be like well we're both we both have J names we thought it was cute to name our kids J here's the thing. It's not true. In situations like this, my advice, and in my own life, I do this as well. When there's a question that annoys me that I get a lot, I give the simplest, quickest answer, even if it's not true. Right?

So for her to have to explain, she'd have to use a lot of words because it wasn't intentional and they didn't mean to and now they keep perpetuating because they don't want to leave feel make any kids feel left out too many things to say me and my husband both have j names we thought it was cute to name our kids j names bye bye bye bye bye bye okay and then you're done do Bye. Bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Okay. And then you're done. Do that, though. Do the bye-bye. I think that what I think that I, okay, so here's what I think about that.

So in my family, it's Chris, Kristen, Calvin. When we named him Calvin, I didn't mean to have another kuh sound. I just liked the name Calvin. She said, you know, we're all kuh sounds. So for the second kid, do you want to do that? And I said, no. Yeah. Because I don't want to do that.

But that's where you have to nip it in the bud. Right there. If you have two kids with the kuh we're all K and then a third kid, that's what she's saying. Yeah, right. Yeah, I know,

but I'm just saying, let's be clear on where it stands. So once you're in after two, yeah, she's got two more. It's just worse and worse. You can't have a like Steve after that. And I wouldn't have thought of this.

I don't think, but she's right. I think what she says, if you don't, if you abandon it at kid number four or three they're gonna be like why wasn't i named that way the second one's fine because nobody yeah but also with you it's cck right it's different anyway right yeah um and i only like three sounds kkk like that i mean you know okay um so yeah so i was like no let's do william we'll call him billy

so there's not even close to it there's not even a k in the whole thing right correct yep correct bilky too killy so what's your advice for her change their names change their names because the question is so annoying yeah change them i think when somebody says oh like first of Your advice for her. Change their names. Change their names. Because the question is so annoying? Yeah. Change them to what? I think when somebody says, oh, like, first of all, what do you think they're saying? Like, oh, did you mean to do that? Or, oh, they're all J's, huh?

People just say the thing that comes into their brain that they actually don't even know, that they think is going to be like a good thing to be a conversation filter it but they never consider and this is the real shame is how obvious it is that that's what pops into other people's brains too people think they're special and they have special brains they don't everybody's brain is pretty much the same and everybody pretty much has the same first thought when they meet someone and they have a family and they all have j names so guess what skip commenting on that because you know damn well everyone comments on it okay go ahead yeah i think you could go like this what was it supposed to do right that would be great yeah that would be funny to get really defensive

yeah oh you have four oh you have also all six of your J's. Yeah, what was I supposed to do? Yeah. That's funny, dude. Yeah, dude, I think. Or hold them by the shirt and say, what would you have done? Over a building. Right, yeah. Yeah. Come up with me up to the top floor. After they ask.

Look at this, dude. I got a house over there. What was I supposed to do? What are you saying? About what? I'm saying about back down there on the second floor when you asked me about all my me and my husband are j names and then also my kids are j names we get so tiring to do for every one of them you have to go to a building when you're not near one yeah you have to work out your arm curls go for a ride and work on your core it's core strength

you could coax them you don't have to force them what do you mean no you do when you have to pull them out like this oh right right yeah okay right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah. Core strength, holding them over the building. I got it, got it, got it. I'll send you some Instagram videos of some guys. I'm sure you will, yeah. Yeah. Wow, dude.

I think that's annoying. But also, it's one of those things that you had to know it was coming. He speaks the truth. Oh, hey, look. Oh, hey, look. I can't believe it took this long. Look what Anthony's doing. I can't believe it took this long. 53 minutes Anthony's doing. I can't believe it took this long.

53 minutes into the thing, he's going to go potty. He never, ever doesn't go plopskis during a recording of the show. He goes plopskis every single episode, usually in the first 10 minutes. I'm shocked that he did not go plopskis. You think he's going plopskis? 45 minutes. Of course he is. We won't be able to tell think he's going Plopskis? 45 minutes. Of course he is.

We won't be able to tell because it smells. Maybe that's why he got broccoli. Because now we won't be able to tell he went Plopskis. What do you mean? Because broccoli smells like Plopskis. Oh, so you're saying with his. Ooh. You think he's that smart?

I don't. Yeah, me neither. But he could have got broccoli. This is what we probably really did have. He got broccoli. Then it was like, oh, dude, I got broccoli. I could probably go shit. No, I don't think he thought that far.

That's less smart than. Less smart than planning it the whole way. Yeah, premeditative. Premeditated. Premeditatively. What's up? So do we want to do another one or we're done? Yeah, we got another one or not?

No, we're done. Oh, wow. Shut it down immediately, dude. So you can blame Chris Mako. If you're into the episode, you can blame Chris Mako that it stops. Okay, it's not us. It's not our fault. At all.

At all. My DMs are open. The what? I said my DMs are open. Wow, you know? Wow. His feet up, you know? His feet are up, dude. He said my DMs are open.

By the time this episode airs, it will have been my birthday. Oh, yeah. Huh? Yep. I'm turning 15 years old no i don't think so i look way older excited to finally be 15 i've been wanted to be 15 since i was 10 just five years ago that's the stupidest thing anyone ever said so i'm really looking forward to that congrats for mark's joke and uh and uh yeah by the time you guys watch it i will have been 15 for three days well i can't wait to celebrate your 15th birthday on october 19th on october 19th i will be in pittsburgh right i think i'll be in you will be in pittsburgh on my birthday and then i'll be in cleveland and then

and only then i will be in another place I forget. Detroit. So wait, you'll have your, this won't matter because we already have it, but it's Pittsburgh on the 19th, then Detroit the next night? Or Cleveland the next night? I believe so, yeah. Wow. Why?

Why is that? Wow. Busy, busy. Yeah, but well, that's what I always do. I know, I know that. Oh. But don't you also stay places for weekends? Oh, you can drive.

Oh, everything's closer than it seems yeah rust belt cool dude the uh i do stay sometimes when i'm doing a club or oh i see multiple nights like if it's a big city for me like boston or something yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah cool all right well oh they took a day for sure we're gonna find out took too long took too long to flush well no that's, that's a, that is a, that is a plop ski. That's what I'm saying. Oh, okay. What do you mean? That's what I'm saying. I didn't know.

I'm sorry. I took too long to flush. Yeah. But what does that mean? Took too long to flush. For a piss. Right. Okay.

Because if he pissed, he would have flushed way before that. Absolutely. And it's 100% very obvious. No, it's not really. You didn't do it right. You didn't say the things in the right order. I did. Good for you. I did. Sick, isn't it? All right. So that's it. You didn't say the things in the right order. I did. Good for you.

I did. Sick, isn't it? All right. So that's it. That's it for the episode. Happy birthday, Matt. Thank you. Happy birthday.

Happy B-Day. Thank you. Happy B-Day. And then that's it. Like and subscribe, dude. Oh, and go to chrissy.com. I'll be in Fort Myers. I'll be in Long Beach.

I'll be in... And don't forget patreon.com slash lifeline luxury. Yeah. It's where it's at. It is. sign up now yes