Lifeline - 9. Die Engaged

Episode Date: June 5, 2022

🎧 Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: apple.co/3NG2G2G 🔊 Subscribe on Spotify: spoti.fi/3NPUwoT 🔗 All our links: linktr.ee/watchlifeline 👉Thank you ORIGINAL GRAIN: Use code LIFELINE at OriginalGrain.com/Lifeline to get 30% OFF sitewide In this week's episode, we're talking about how to deal with incessantly boring people, wearing out your friends in times of need, weird sex faces, how to answer the annoying "have you set a date for the wedding?" and taking breaks from social media. 💚 Lifeline is the first podcast about you, hosted by Matt D'Elia & Chris D'Elia. 🤳 Want to submit to Lifeline? Go here: forms.gle/EYbqjvyy1A9r728Y9 More LIFELINE: 📸 Instagram: instagram.com/watchlifeline 💃 Tiktok: tiktok.com/@watchlifeline Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lifeline is an advice show for entertainment purposes only. If you need real help or advice, please seek a therapist or licensed professional. Hit it. Hit the clock. Hit it. All right, here we go. you know uh ready yeah dude okay um now you gotta do is hit it though i know but time you sing a song you make it sound like it's a fucking opera song with a vibrato now you know how

I said I didn't like how you wore sunglasses sometimes now you're wearing sunglasses and do you know why I'm wearing sunglasses because I found them that's why I'm wearing these sunglasses but the reason I'm wearing sunglasses at all is because I also feel fucking ugly as fuck today

so I can relate adding to it yeah man check this out check this out you see this yeah it's like it's my elbow doesn't move that much but my fucking no your elbow is moving so much but mainly it's my arm wow look how fucking good that looks dude it doesn't look good so now my elbow hurts is the other yeah yeah but you yeah the fucking last cowboy i'm keeping it live dude um anyway dude let's just you know bring it down a little bit you know what i'm saying and a matter of fact if you're gonna wear sunglasses i'm just gonna keep it cool and real personal okay because i'm personal because you don't look ugly today i don't i actually don't feel like i look ugly today but i'll tell you right right now what's fucking going crazy or my allergies dude i woke up yesterday i was

so i went in the pool two days ago and i took calvin in because he kept saying you want to go in the pool and i did it and i go like hey what the fuck i get in there and it's pools murky but what do you mean murky like it's like you you know how you can usually see all the way to the bottom yeah you can still see the bottom but it's a little bit cloudier. So why'd you make that? Because that's what murky is. Okay. So just say it's a little cloudier though.

Why'd you bring up seeing to the bottom when you can see to the bottom anyway? Because murky, it's murkier than normal. And when you talk about something being opaque or not, then it's in water, it's murky. Opaque. You would say it's murky. You wouldn't say the air is murky. Okay. So anyway, dude, I so anyway dude i go in the i'm like all right well he wants to go in and i go in and then my fucking and then my assistant comes out and she says you know what you can't you the pool guy didn't come last week and he didn't come today either and i was like he was

supposed to come today so what the fuck so i fire off some emails and then after i got out of the pool i i figured the pool guy comes and it's not even i fire off some emails and then after i got out of the pool i i figured the pool guy comes and it's not even i fire off some emails and i didn't mean to him like where is the pool guy is everything going okay and then he showed up so now i got that email out there and everyone's gonna fucking think i'm a dick because i didn't wait in there but also he didn't come last week so that's why it's murky so what why my question is why does your pool guy need to come every week why does your pool get so fucking murky dude i didn't know that either but if you if you don't have your pool up kept you're supposed to it says three to six days you're supposed to have the pool guy come every three to six days i know that's crazy you know

who made that rule that's crazy i know pool guys fucking pool guys it's crazy but it but after two weeks or whatever two and a half weeks it was like it honestly looked a little bit murky and and so i i went in anyway and my assistant like it's fine. And my assistant was like, it's fine. Don't worry about it. Trust me, it's fine. And then I woke up the next day and I felt all fucking clogged up. And I was like, it's because of the algae. You know guys die like this?

If someone had like a little piece of diarrhea on their anus and went in the pool, everyone dies. What? Did you know that? What are you talking about? If you have a little piece of diarrhea, if you do diarrhea. I have a question. Who has a little piece of diarrhea? People who do diarrhea. I mean, I've done diarrhea. diarrhea yeah but you think you get rid of all of the diarrhea i fucking damn well do no you need to take a shower after your diarrhea

so anyway i i went i i i don't have diarrhea but i'm like i don't know if anyone in my house has diarrhea i have a son right he could i mean you actually you probably know if he has diarrhea yeah i know but also he could like i don't even know what in my house has diarrhea. I have a son. Right. He could. I mean, you actually, you probably know if he has diarrhea. Yeah, I know. But also he could like, I don't even know what it looks like if he like, sometimes kids have diarrhea, like a little bit, you know, like kids are always like some kind of sick. Right. So I'm like, I don't know. So I'm like, so I'm like, are you sure it's okay?

And she's like, yeah, trust me, it's fine. And I went in the pool. And then the next day I woke up, you know, now I realize it's allergies, but it was fucking crazy. And I was like, I went in the pool. And then the next day I woke up. Now I realize it's allergies, but it was fucking crazy. And I was like, the algae in the pool gave me fucking. I'm going to die. And she was like, you're not. And then Kristen and her were laughing at me.

But dude, whatever, man. Can we get back to why a little bit of diarrhea kills a bunch of people? Because if you have a little bit of diarrhea in water and then you leave. And then in a week, I mean, that bacteria goes bacteria goes nuts man it's like ibiza for for algae but don't you have a fucking cleaner in the pool like a thing yeah but you need it to be the ph balance and also the chlorine i just don't have a fucking pool this sounds too dangerous and there's a chlorine yeah if you have diarrhea you just don't go in the pool but no one knows that rule yeah yeah you they do dude have you ever seen apartment complexes when they you just don't go in the pool. But no one knows that rule. Yeah. Yeah, they do, dude. Have you ever seen apartment complexes when they're like, don't come in?

There was a diarrhea catastrophe or whatever the fuck. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, for real. They're like, please do not come in the pool. We have to really figure this out because diarrhea has been in here. That's why public pools, dude. Yeah, man. People die off that shit.

You go take one dip. You think you're going to have a nice summer day and you walk out with a little diarrhea in your ear, you're dead. Because diarrhea doesn't just go in your mouth, it goes in your ear, it gets in your brain. It's all fucked up, man. The bacteria goes nuts. It's Ibiza in there forever.

What killed you? Murky Ibiza. What killed your friend? Diarrhea. No, it wasn't my friend. I just read about it. I know I'm doing it like it happened in the world, in the wild.

What killed your friend? Diarrhea. Yeah. That's the saddest way to die on pools it'll say it says persons having currently active diarrhea or who have had active diarrhea within the previous 14 days do not enter the pool 14 days yep 14 14 days yeah 14 days dude that's two weeks i should just say two weeks honestly yeah they should It sounds so much worse 14 days. For a few weeks. If you have a diarrhea

So you mean to tell me if someone had diarrhea 13 days ago. Everyone's dead. It could still be on their fucking ass? It's the amoebas and shit. You know how small they are? You don't know anything. When someone says it's the amoebas I'm the one who's fucking educating you about diarrhea.

When someone says it's the amoebas and shit, rest assured they don't know what the fuck they're talking about. I do it for the one who's fucking educating you about diarrhea isn't but when someone says it's the amoebas and shit rest assured they don't know what the fuck they're talking about i do it for the layman's dude like there's a lot of scientists that watch our show obviously but a lot of more way more layman's so i'm like fucking telling people yes about the amoeba and shit so the layman's go like this oh okay the layman's yeah okay so anyway yeah if you have diarrhea 13 days ago and you take a dip and there's no cleaner in a pool everyone dies yeah so it's hiroshima in your word to the wise don't diarrhea and swim anytime soon how much would it suck if you were working out for that summer body getting a nice tan summer was coming it's the first hot day you know and you're just like oh can't wait to go to my pool and then you realize shit man 12 days ago i had diarrhea i don't think that if you're

sanitary you need to worry about that who who who diarrhea is and doesn't shower for 13 fucking days who's doing that you're not it's not not showering i'm just saying there could be a little piece of diarrhea is really small dude diarrhea amoebas are really small diarrhea in the murky water yeah man we got the movie on the air out where the rubs don't even like that i heard your voice so bad i know little amoebas in in fucking murky abiza i know what bo don't know and then another diarrhea comes. Touch them up and go. And then it gets in your ear and you go, oh, wow. Dude, that's what happens.

Na, na, na, na, na. Start lower because it's right. Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na man right i guess so and then fucking uh touched him up and go in the ear and then you go oh and then you run to the bottom and then you're shitting with your legs up big old movie on the area wait wait wait i have another question do you get diarrhea from other people with diarrhea or do you just die? Oh, I don't know. Actually, that's a good question. Or you just have a bad stomach. Pigo de movi on the area.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Still living. Still. Well, not living anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, dude. I guess we're going to stop singing now because it's hurting my fucking ears.

I mean, I bet a lot of people would really like that, especially the scientists that watch this. They'd be like, oh, I, because it's hurting my fucking ears. I mean, I bet a lot of people would really like that, especially the scientists that watch this. They'd be like, oh, I see. It's like a musical fucking educational music. So what we're going to do is we're going to stop singing. That's fine. I'm out of breath anyway. Okay, cool.

But how about... So anyway, it's not the... I don't have... It's my... It's definitely... What do you call it? Diarrhea? Allergies.

Oh, I see. Yeah. what do you call it uh diarrhea allergies oh i see yeah and i was trying to do the thing where i where i was sleeping this morning and moving the shit down and then i would sleep it and i'm moving the shit you know how it changed the snot in your nose will change and you can breathe out of one oh yeah and i move over to the other side and so i could breathe out of the other should we talk about the thing that you and i both have and we both just realized we both have it and no one else in the fucking world has it the thing with our nostril this thing yeah dude i think you know who else has it theo von he does yep dude he'll be doing the podcast and he was like he's doing this what

is this it's an epidemic i'm like what are you doing dude are you doing the thing he's like man i can't really breathe out of that i'm like dude me and my brother have that but i'll tell you what well didn't you have the sinus surgery i did i'm gonna have that did you know that i don't but i dude i i only had it after the sinus surgery so i don't know well i'm gonna have uh the sinus surgery because my shit is really curvy dude when i went into fucking doctor before i had my sinus surgery my doctor was like he sat down he got a couple brochures he went out of the room came back in with the brochures got all solomon shit and asked me about my cocaine problem seriously and i was like i i know you think i'm gonna be lying when i say this but that's the one drug i've just never done oh my god yeah and he was like i don't know like he didn't oh really i mean like he just he was like cock sure he got brochures before he even fucking asked

me what was the brochure like it was like how to stop using cocaine wow dude yeah i was like i my nose is busted i guess but i've never done cocaine i swear he was like a real sure dude is that because of the time where you ran around the corner and bumped your nose into the fucking kid's head probably i mean i don't know because i had the surgery after that because my nose was like this that's what mine was like no but oh you had this after that well i ran into the girl's forehead right wow and my nose was like this i was such a fucking hard ass at the time though i didn't even say shit i know i came home and mom was like what happened your fucking face yeah i was like what i looked in the mirror my nose is like this wow it's like all crooked like

this and you had surgery then yeah because it was like if i kept growing my nose would have been like this by the time i fucking loved it dude got it i definitely would have been the hot brother i would have been the owen wilson brother yeah right um strangely he's kind of the hot brother out of the two is he though i think so i think girls think he's sexy sexier than luke luke's kind of just kind of normal and he's kind of just got that fucking but normal is better than fucking yeah when it comes to like people in the no one likes blonde guys no no no i i know that blonde guys are fucking all extremely ugly but no one's ever liked a blonde guy no i know i've never seen a blonde guy that's good looking no one in history a no gay man or heterosexual woman has ever been

attracted to a blonde not over a brunette dude no no way no fucking way dude but also just never no i know never okay never and also if it's up to liking a blonde dude or a brunette dude a girl would literally fucking shoot the blonde dude in the head with an arrow oh just just to breathe in the same room yes as a guy who has darker hair that's even though even if he's fucking three foot six because blondes are fucking so ugly yeah and they're all ugly and um and uh not blonde women this is just no blondes men are ugly as shit and if you're a blonde man and you wear a fucking leather jacket like you're hiding your ugliness and all of a sudden you're cool lop your head off so so fucking lop your head off like this shing and then have it just go na, na, na, na, na.

You don't control what you do with your head after you cut it off. No, I know. But I'm saying you lop it off like this, and then you wait, and then it just kind of teems off. Oh, you wait all right after you lop your fucking head off. Yeah. You wait forever. But what I'm saying is, you know the movies when a fucking samurai guy goes, shing, and you're like, ooh, did he get him?

Did he get him? And the guy just goes. Yeah. And his fucking face. I do know that. And you're like, oh, he got him. I do know that. Dude.

I do know that. The dumb movies are dumb, dude. Movies are dumb. People think shit just because it happens in movies. Yeah, it's true. It's really, really stupid. Top Gun. We got to see Top Gun, dude.

Everyone's saying how good it is. I know, but guess what? It's not. I know. All it is is a bunch of guys sm saying how good it is. I know, but guess what? It's not. I know all it is, is a bunch of guys smirking. I didn't see it, but guess what? It's not.

How many times in Top Gun do they go like this? Probably 300, more than 300. In the class, where they're fucking like, yeah, I got a toothpick.

Dude, he's got a fucking toothpick. Did you know? That's so dumb. The guy's like, just smirking, and the guy's flying, just smirking it you can't see the motherfuckers you're flying yeah well that's true but did you know you have you seen the first top gun parts parts it's it but that's a movie that don't make don't remake a movie fucking 30 years later

not remake but couldn't agree more yeah it's like but that wasn't you remember how that wasn't my question what's the question have you ever seen the last not all the way through i answered that 30 years later, not remake, but the- Couldn't agree more. Yeah, it's like- But that wasn't, you remember how that wasn't my question? What's the question? Have you ever seen the original? Not all the way through, I answered that. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. But the point is, you know how Anthony Edwards- And then we'll get to some questions. Anthony Edwards is in

the first one. And he dies and he's Goose. Ruined it, but yes. He, Miles Teller plays his son in this one. That's not good, dude. But also-

That's not good for anybody. But also, wouldn't he good for anybody. But also, wouldn't he be older? Miles Teller, his son would be like 50, no? No, I mean, how long ago did Top Gun... He was like 40

when he was in Top Gun, wasn't he? But he was probably like an infant then, so no, I mean, it kind of makes sense. Dude, there's some timeline issues here.

They're not going for fucking reality in Top Gun Maverick. Patrick Stewart should be, should play behind the bar. Oh, yes. Up in the air like this. smirking oh clouds yes um so anyway dude top gun's probably bad stop saying it's good um saying it's good stop don't don't remake a movie don't sorry i see it keeps it in remake but the it's like the matrix dude don't make the trilogy come 30 years later make new shit no but they won't do that. But do it.

I guess, man. I don't know. I mean... All people do is recycle shit that happened before the year 2000. That's all that ever happens anymore. Because they didn't think that's going to... They're going to start

ready-making movies that weren't even hits. I can't wait for that. Absolutely they are. Yeah. Nothing new will be made in 12 years from now. Okay.

You said you heard it here first? Yeah, you heard it here first. Alright, well, let's get to some questions. How this is Lifeline. It's an advice show, right? It is. And we've just kind of been bullshitting. I know you guys like it sometimes when we bullshit, so we bullshit a little bit also. Remember we had that debacle when fucking Chris, our producer, didn't have enough videos. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was horrible. So, anyway, we're good

now, dude. And maybe we have some videos. Maybe we have enough. Maybe we don't. But here we go, baby. Hi, Chris and Matt. My name's Hannah. I need advice about a coworker relationship. I work with this woman Monday to Friday, nine hours a day. And she tells horrible stories. There's no point to them.

There's no arc. There's no point to them there's no arc there's no beginning middle or end she just starts off on a story that has no point and i don't even know what part i'm supposed to be reacting to wow because nothing happens in them so i just do a lot of wow that's crazy and uh you know like fake laughing and it's getting really exhausting. And I don't know, maybe I should spin move out of this one. Probably not going to work. So any advice you can give me would be great. I don't know if I should say, Hey, these stories suck. I don't know what you want from me. Or if I just keep fake laughing, let me know. I love you guys so much. You have no idea. Thanks.

I love you too. It is a predicament. Here's what I would do. Okay. I don't know if I would advise this, but this is what I would do. I would start and then increasingly do this. I would start to do this and then increasingly do it louder and louder until she inquired about what the fuck i was doing right i would just start saying oh all right and then longer and longer oh

and like over her story so she knows you she knows you're not even hearing her anymore you know and then she would be like what are you doing mark what are you doing right exactly and then you just be like it's all i it's all i i don't know yeah what are you doing yeah yeah yeah um and then take it from there but take it from there to have a conversation about it i think um well first of all part of me wants to be like this is part of your job like whatever job you have that's a part of it also you have too many drinks out here right i'm ready dude i'm ready too many drinks i'm always thirsty at the end so i came fucking ready this time you hate shit like this right yeah dude why like dude no first of all there's two you have two of these

you should only have one of them look at what i do i keep my shit clear because i want people to be seeing fucking who cares shut the fuck up the shots all why don't you like this is the question the shot's dirty you're not in a fucking you know what i mean a fucking what's his name movie what movie the fucking guy who did the um look though my coffee's traffic who did traffic steven soderbergh my coffee's hot my coffee's hot it's an awfully hot coffee drinking like a dildo all right yeah my fucking coffee's hot dude what the fuck dude i should do that drink my coffee man okay um so anyway advisor okay so um fuck now i'm hot and shit all good dude um how can you not be man you're sucking in a dildo you know what i mean um fuck so i think that it's part of your job you know i know what

your job is but that sucks but also just be like um i mean i don't know i i what i would do is i would say like i mean i do it to my i have a friend that he he's kind of guilty of this he'll he'll be like did i tell you about this chick and i'll be like no and he'll be like about the chick that i met the at the thing and i'm like no and and then he'll be like okay so and then it take he'll like do this preamble of like you didn't even start the goddamn story. Nobody needs a preamble, first of all. You didn't even, like, you didn't even, like, you didn't even say anything yet. You know?

It's like, it's like, so there's multiple ways of telling bad stories. It sounds like she just wants to talk to hear herself talk. It sounds like she's actually impressively bad at it. Well, yeah. I kind of want to hear how bad this is. Yeah, I do too. And that's the other thing too here's what i would advise advise her is

have fun with it dude i would love to hear a story like that yeah you would because dude it blows my mind that people like i have friends that do that and kristin will be like how do you hang out with that person yeah you. And I say, because it's so fun. You have the always had. You have always had the weirdest friends. I know, dude. I really have. Right now you have the least weird in your history.

I know. I do. It's true. I do. I need to get back to weird friends, but I do have some, but I just have fun with it, dude. This is a gift. She's giving you a gift.

This lady is giving you a gift. She's being boring as shit which means you are allowed to just take that brain time off right she's saying what she's saying think about whatever you want and have fun with it do the oh thing like that yeah or just i mean are you worried about hurting your feelings or what i don't know why you would be though because she's clearly oblivious to a lot if she's telling stories like this do an intervention with her but at a certain point just like do whatever the fuck you want don't fake laugh don't don't be courteous yeah you don't have to be rude but just be weird see what happens like this woman clearly is

something's a little bit wrong in her head like who the fuck tells stories like that that's a very strange thing to do you don't begin you have no end it's just like you just are saying words you know we could do this is a really great way to have fun with it she tells her story it's very boring yeah keep keep bringing it up after yeah yeah like every day multiple times a day yeah like i can't stop thinking about actually like that was the way you told me like what it's really crazy you were at the park right and you saw that guy doing karate like yeah you know what do you think he's doing yeah yeah and just keep bringing it up and having her be like having her be the this is great having

her be the one who was like why do you keep asking about this guy? I was like, well, because it was obviously really important to you and like, you know, and then she'll stop telling you stories for sure.

Yeah, I think so. Yeah. But then even keep bringing it up. Yeah, never stop. Call her late.

Call her one night. Text her. Email her. On your work email. God, that's crazy about the karate guy or whatever the fuck story she did,

you know? On your work email. Keep a conversation going. this is great. I wish it happened to me. I would love to do this. Subject, remember the karate guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wish it happened to me. I would love to do this. Subject, remember the Karate Guy?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Karate Guy update. And then in the body, anything? Karate Guy Memorial. All right, cool. That's great advice. That was good advice, yeah. All right, cool.

Next one. What's up, Chris and Matt? My name is Norma Jean. I'm from Southern Oregon. This is my dog. Oh, look at that dog. I have some breakup advice. Question for you guys. I am 30 and going through my first breakup in a very long time.

I spent most of my 20s single and haven't been through a breakup in a long time. And I need my community a lot. And I think I'm making the right choice. And man, I keep trying to do this video without crying. Breakups are sad. And I don't want to wear my friends out with it. But I do need them. And I guess my question is, when do I know that my friends are fucking sick of it? Is there a timeline?

Like you get 30 days. Just maybe some general rules about breakups and how you guys approach them and how you support friends in breakups. And maybe some words. Thanks for the podcast. And I look forward to hearing from you guys. Thanks. That's my favorite person that has called into the show so far yeah you like the realness of it yeah um so i think that they're not your friend if they get sick of your thing about being broken up it doesn't there

is no fucking time limit there is no nothing if you're if your friends are like oh my god she's going on again about the breakup i actually think they're not really that good yeah yeah yeah i've had friends that have gone on and on and on about it for fucking months and months and months right and i'll tell you this though i mean this ought to make you feel good it's just true though i'm not trying to make you feel good it always ends up the same way the person fucking moves on and forgets and ends up with with someone else and that is a better relationship that's happened to every single fucking time me me or any of my friends who have come to me about breakup advice yeah or wanted just to fucking wallow about the breakup it's always the case that they end up not only forgetting about it but in a relationship that

they are better off in so my advice to you is don't worry about wearing your friends out that's it yeah well this is your time right yeah exactly like like i guess that's what i would say like you're this is what your friends are here for if you're if you're not building up like goodwill with your friends and fucking being friends to them then this is your time where you get to only worry about yourself yeah worry about yourself but also like just worry about yourself. Take some fucking me time. I hate when people say that. But I have a feeling probably you couldn't get through this video without crying because of the realness.

But also because I noticed you have a dream catcher. A lot of women with dream catchers cry more normal than women who don't have dreams. Now, here's my question. Yeah. What is a dream catcher? It's the thing in the back that was a circle that people hang on their car. A lot don't have dreams. Now, here's my question. Yeah. What is a dream catcher? It's the thing in the back that was a circle that people hang on their car. If you have, some people have,

a lot of people have two. They'll have one in their room and then one in their car and they're on their windshield. Those people cry a lot. Okay. Are you talking shit about her? I mean, I'm lightly just having fun.

Okay. But also it's true. Be careful though, because if you talk shit about that person. No, I love her. Norma Jean with overalls is awesome. I never knew somebody like that. Okay.

And also she's very sweet. She's obviously very sweet. And also crying isn't bad crying isn't bad crying is great no crying is great but like here's the deal though where's the cutoff and i'm gonna play devil's advocate because i understand you're like it doesn't matter how long but where's the cutoff six months okay a year bro if my buddy was like man this chick you're a year and a half later it sounds like it's recent okay and i'm on her side and i think that you should talk about it with your friends as much as you want and i'm sure they want to be there for you too because if they're not gonna be there for you they're shitty friends yes right but also where's the

cutoff well she's not gonna be wallowing for a year look look at her she's fucking great she's gonna have fucking picket a litter in no time i know but i'm just saying there's got to be some sort of cut off give yourself a fucking cut off too you can do that i mean if you're just talking about when this also just i think broadly the broader advice here is that don't she said a month she was like a month ago she said is a month too long oh no no way longer than yeah but my advice to you is don't worry about when the end is going to come because when you're worrying about when the end is going to come that's when the end never fucking prolongs the end you spoke over me very very very poignant and that's a lot like john lennon john lennon once said stop bringing up john lennon quotes

you don't even know all right you always do this he said something about like see you always bring up shit john lennon said you don't even know what it was, dude. Something about time I can't fucking remember. Oh. Okay. You don't even remember any more words than just time? I don't really know much about John Lennon. I'm just saying.

No shit, man. Somebody out there said something really fucking poignant about something that what you're saying and they said it probably better than you did. No, I said it fucking great. Yeah, you did. And you spoke over it. Okay.

Don't worry about when the end is going to come. When you're worrying about when the end is going to come when you're worrying about when the end is going to come the end never comes just fucking hang out with your dog hang out with your friends talk about it as much as you want think about whatever the fuck you want to think about but don't think about when the end is going to come because that is when the end will never fucking come get it it doesn't matter i'm not saying stop thinking about it you think about what you think about but don't try to hurry it the fuck up it's going to come when it's going to come but it's never going to come when you're worrying about when it's going to come all right so but then you're saying think about you're going

to think about what you're going to think about it's okay for her to think about what she's thinking about right but it's not okay for me to be thinking about when i'm talking about john lennon and that's shitty right why are you making it about you i'm not i'm saying it's okay to think about what you're going to think about as a person but also when i mentioned the john lennon thing you're like don't mention John Lennon. But that's what I'm thinking. I only say that about John Lennon because you don't know what the thing John Lennon said is. And you say, that's like a thing John Lennon said.

And then you don't even know what it was. You're going to be fine. Bottom line is you can tell you're a very sweet woman. And you got that dog that's very sweet. And you obviously care. And you have some sort of like quality about you that's very sweet and you obviously care and you have some sort of like um quality about you that's very like um i mean that dream catcher like it's very nice to be like believing in things and like hoping for the best like it's a very spiritual kind of a i think you're gonna be well you are

gonna be fine yeah she's the best she's the best person that um okay asked for our advice all right well she's the very very best okay sorry to else, she's the very number one best. I mean, we don't know, but yeah. She was definitely good. She was a lot better than the fucking guy with the towel on his head, I'll tell you that much. No, no, remember the fucking guy... No, a lot better than the guy who had the fucking towel on his head, or the guy who had the big eyes

and the big mouth that did the fucking Instagram filter. Yeah, we've had some bad dudes. But she's great. And it's great yeah and now i gotta do dates because i forgot to do oh i know atlanta washington dc stockton oakland peoria illinois i'm coming chrislea.com raleigh north carolina savannah georgia chrislea.com denver colorado boston massachusetts jacksonville florida and this week i'm going on sale with lakeland and also dallas which is the Grand Prairie area.

And then also another one, I think Kansas. So go to chrisleah.com and get your tickets. But that was great, man. Things are going to work out for you. So rude. Go ahead. What's the next one? Hey, Chris.

Hey, Matt. That's Jason. Love the show. It is. Love you guys. You already know. All right. Coming to the point.

Taking breaks on social media. So I know it's absolutely necessary. Everyone should take breaks when they need to. Uh, I would just like to know maybe your perspective on how you navigate breaks from social media, uh, especially if there's an influence of income from your social media presence. So with that, is there such thing as too long of a break or should you just not even care and always take as much of a break as you need, no matter what income is influenced, good or bad. So we'd love to know your guys' thoughts on that. I'm kind of going through that dilemma myself and, you know, just hearing your guys' personal

experience, I think will will will help a lot in that uh in that situation so appreciate you guys bye-bye he's fucking hilarious i know he's so funny on tiktok or instagram or whatever it is yeah every time he comments on my thing his name is like jason rodello or something and every time he comments on my thing i'm like oh shit jason derulo commented on my shit no but it's better than jason dances better than jason way better that's fucking hilarious. Way better. He reminds me of, first time I saw him, I was like, that's like Alfred Molina in Boogie

Nights. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. He's like Alfred Molina when he was a kid. Yeah. So, well, anyway, he is very funny. Yeah. Okay.

I have a fucking thing about this, actually. You got to make those racks, right? If that's how you're making racks and that's how you're making income, then great. But money is never as important as your fucking mental health, right? So man, fucking social media fucks up your mental health. Like I can't even go on a lot of social media. I go on, you know, I post an Instagram, I'll post a TikTok and I don't really look at, I definitely, the only thing I really kind of look at is Instagram. But, a tiktok and i don't really look at i definitely the only thing i really kind of look at is instagram but um but this is what you do if you take a break you happen to be taking a break you don't say hey guys i'm taking a break that's the most annoying fucking cock sucking ass

yeah social media as egotistical shit guys just to let you know i'll be taking a break from fucking social media and you're just like you don't call your friends to tell them they're to tell them you're staying home if they didn't invite you out like who gives this shit hello hey rick what's up yeah hey dude just to let you know i'm staying home tonight cool didn't ask if you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again. Message C5. Yeah, actually, that's true. I never thought about that, but that's so fucking true.

Dude, it's so annoying. These chicks with like 2,500 followers are like, guys, it's just getting to my brain. Mental health is real. I'll be taking a break for a month. And then fucking six days later, they're like, whoopsie, went to Kirk's and Keiko's. Here's the undercarriage of my anus. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

I saw fucking that shot where they shoot it like this, where they're like this. I'm unfamiliar. They're like, boots be popping. Wow. They're like, wow. Kicked up. You're just like, all right. Do it. It this fucking boner

i saw i follow this guy who this is the worst one i've ever seen he typed it out on his computer and took a picture of it oh wow and posted it yeah was it fucking like a 70 year old that's insane he's younger than me oh my god i love to think of the whole like imagine him and then yeah i think he wrote it out in final draft too no he's all right yeah oh that's so bad once he wants to flex that he's got deals i'm sorry to say it yeah wow dude don't think he has deals um but i think that i agree with what my brother just said, but I also just from personal experience, I've gone through phases where I've been like without even realizing it, just checking Instagram incessantly. That's right. That's good.

And then I've gone through phases where I'm at first I'll force myself to stop checking incessantly and then I just will stop. Yeah. And now I'm in a place where like I don't really, I think it's more about how often you check it right it's not about how much you post it's about how much you check right yeah yeah well yeah that's i mean posting is fine is is what it is that takes no time sure but also the checking of it almost up on my mouth the checking of it is what makes you is the is the what makes you feel bad about yourself yeah so stop checking right i know that's what i'm saying yeah but um stop checking jason and also that the first day you do it is easier the second day you do it like dude when i get a fucking burger from in and out

the next thing i want to do is get a burger from in and out but if i don't eat a burger from in and out then i don't want a burger from right now right yeah yeah yeah that's true too you're being smart today well it's not always what the deal is that we love that guy though jason uh hello and he's funny as shit you should follow him on tiktok i know he's taking a break maybe but i'm not on tiktok i follow him on instagram it's fucking great you know your boy's on tiktok because he goes stupid viral right what's that my shit goes mean at all your boy is you yeah me got it and it goes and my my numbers go nuts okay it's crazy it goes, my numbers go nuts.

Okay. It's crazy. It's like the doubt. People look at it, they're like, what is it? This is Dow Jones. Like,

I don't even understand. Getting ahead. Chitting. The way Sean faces. So, I have a quick question. I have been

engaged for two years and I That was cute work 50 60 hours a week my fiancee works 50 60 hours and you know people ask us like when's the date oh when are you gonna get married don't like that and you know we don't got the bags baby you know yeah so you're young yeah my question is do you think it's okay to be engaged for a long time and you know how to respond when people ask like when's the fucking wedding you know because we don't get the bags and you know i want to get married he doesn't care as much about as much as me about like having a big wedding he's got a

cock you don't say you But, you know, fuck. His balls are under his cock. I want to, but it's just not in the curves right now. Because he's got balls on the other side of his anus. You know, that's my question. So thanks, guys. Love the pod. Thanks. Fuck all those people that ask when's the date.

Dude, when somebody says they're engaged, I don't even think, oh, when's the wedding? Who the fuck are these people? No. Well, I mean, this is a perfect fucking spin move mentality, dude.'s the date when i wanna and twist yeah well yeah moonwalk but i've never agreed with that but i agree with it this time yeah but also that how much is that fucking girl for real the girl that they would cast in a movie where that's how she's supposed to be fucking looking ugly and then she gets done up and people are like wow when she's even hot like that yeah i mean she's already so fun no she's saying yeah yeah that's what i'm saying but like she would be like

like that's how they would dress her in that fucking like rachel lee cook i was just gonna say she's so hot but she has glasses on like that's how that's what it would be um so uh yeah dude um it's okay to be engaged for a long time fucking engaged for 10 fucking years yeah dude only be engaged die engaged die engage i Fuck it. Be engaged for 10 fucking years. Yeah, dude. Only be engaged. Die engaged. Die engaged. I agree. Die. Have kids.

Have a whole family. Never get married. Have your kids get married first. Grow up. Get married. And be like, mom and dad, why are you not engaged? Be like, because you motherfuckers. People are like, you motherfuckers keep on asking.

Spin away. Have your kid. Pass on the spin movement mentality. That's what's up. Made it about the spin movement mentality. But yeah, die engaged. That's a good way to live. Die engaged.

And get tattoos that say that. Die engaged. Oh, that's a good that's a guy engaged and get tattoos that say that die engaged oh that's cool so so german die yeah yeah um but uh yeah die engaged dude like that's awesome as a matter of fact and and and if somebody asks you unless if you don't want to do the spin move then do the spin move but if somebody asks you when the date is, just do a long pause and don't answer them. So I guess it's not a long pause. Just wait until they say another thing, but stare at them. Honestly, let tears come out of your eyes. Stare at them until they say another thing.

Or say, oh, that's an interesting question. What's the last date you jacked off? Oh, yeah. That's good too. Yeah. And then they say what and they say well since we're asking personal questions yes spin and fucking you're out so you add a spin to that that's the one of the coolest things about spin movies you can do before you say the thing or after you say the thing oh is that one of the coolest things about it okay yeah dude good don't sweat the question dude fuck those fuck well those people i mean that's just a natural question to ask yeah dude good don't sweat the question dude fuck those fuck well those people i mean that's just a natural question to ask i would i don't ask it come on

don't be i don't ask it dude i don't i don't fucking think it to be like yo dude come on with that question just be like that yeah that's good come on with the fucking you're gonna be one of those guys yeah before they even finish the question just go or or go like this go like this yeah we're engaged and then before they say anything go like this, go like this. Yeah, we're engaged. And then before they say anything, go like, man, when's the date? That's good. That's great. That's the best one.

Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. That's the best one, actually. Yeah. Scratch everything that we said before. All right.

Next one, dude. DJ Khaled. What's up, guys? My name is Bellman. I'm loving the show. I just thought I'd reach out for some advice. So I've noticed lately that whenever I have sex with my fiance, you know, I look at myself in the mirror if there is one nearby. Oh, that's your face is just fucked up. You know, I just look like Adam Sandler and little Nikki, just all like, oh my god oh you know so just wondering you know does

this face matter during sex um should i try to focus and work on maybe making a more sexy face as i'm doing it you know or let's just let my face muscles do what they got to do thanks that guy's fucking hilarious also he has the creakiest motherfucking floor in history what a great question i think about this often dude i would also suggest just my advice actually would be a little bit of a misdirect stop looking in the fucking mirror i don't know when you're having sex with patrick bateman maybe he's trying to not splurt early and he's just like you're so hot and he just looks at himself he's like whoa i'm ugly by making those faces fuck it and then the splurt level goes down okay okay um oh i there's two things you can do go fully fully into it yeah i don't i don't think you should change you gotta let yourself go yeah you gotta go to the net what i like to call the next level, right? Okay. You got to go to another planet. You got to go to Mars.

And say it too. When you're about to splurt, sweetie, I'm going to Mars. And then just go, humph! Right? Okay? So you could do like that. Uh-oh, sweetie, we're going to... And fucking, you know what would be cool if you...

Blast off in 10, 9. So stupid. You got to get it good, though. You got to get it right, bro. You know, you you gotta get it good though you gotta get it right bro you know you gotta get it right 8 7 prepare prepare for blast off 6 5 oh oh i'm going early to mars you know or or what you can do is if you don't like that approach going full into it if there's too many mirrors around and you get insecure seeing your fucking ugly face while you're humping what you can do is and this really works bro it really fucking works dude before you have sex throw in a stick of gum and just concentrate on the dude i mean that is really patrick bateman what the fuck i'm saying i'm saying though dude get a

job on wall street too well because then you're just like but what but what is what does it help because you're not you're subconsciously not necessarily thinking you're subconsciously chewing the gum

and you can't really scrunch up your face when you're just kind of chewing your gum and you're it's a very relaxed vibe right yeah but uh oh

like this and then you're like this uh oh go tomorrow sweetie chewing gum while you're having sex is not for good people it's the shit having sex is not for good people it's the shit it's not for good it's the shit i don't agree also that's crazy let the face fly

dude just fucking let it rip let the face fly for sure but i'm saying if he's insecure about it put a stick of extra in your mouth or have a maybe a maybe just a pouch of gushers and just be eating them just don't look in the fucking mirror. Maybe if you're getting a BJ eating a fucking stack of Gushers. Don't eat Gushers. And they go, oh, here comes a Gusher in his self. If you're over 10 years old, don't eat Gushers. When I was- Gushers was terrible.

10 or 11, I ate so many electric blue Gushers that my shit was electric blue. Senator. Senator, please get back to healthcare. It's true though it happened senator and i was i was really superimposed over your face i was really worried about it and uh then i remembered i ate so many guys senator those are my poll numbers the republican fucking going yeah those are my poll numbers i asked you a question okay yeah yeah okay okay all right yeah don't

look in the mirror just stop i don't know let the face fly don't look in the mirror you're good let the face fly you know let the face fly hey guys my name is molly i'm a mom of two boys one who's almost 12 one who is four so we've got quite an age gap there yeah you guys are brothers so i'm hoping you can help me out with this i have been a single mom since october 2021 because my husband is deployed he gets back in about four months wow i absolutely am going insane yeah because they cannot stop picking on each other and it's constant whining by my little one and constant frustration by my older one so first and foremost is this normal oh yeah should i expect this for the rest

of their i don't know teenage lives until they get out of the house i don't know what to expect they're complete opposite kids um and if this is the norm what the fuck am I gonna do what do I do how do I do I stop it do I let it happen do I ignore it do I address it do I you know tell the big one to buck up and take care like I have I just I'm to the

point where it is so gross that I just like my little kid will come running out and I hear him whining and you'll where it is so gross. I just like my little kid will come running out and I hear him whining and you'll say mommy. And I just look and turn and I just say no. And then he whines even more. So I don't know what the best thing is to do.

So I would love your advice on this. And I'm sure you guys have some great stories. Please tell me what your mom and your dad did, but mom specifically, maybe, I don't know. You guys, thank you so much.

Love the show. Thank you. Can't wait to hear what you tell me. Oh, dude. Remember the time when fucking we were at the cozy end and, and you, this was a place in New Jersey that had Taylor ham and eggs,

right? And is that what you call it? Taylor ham and eggs. Taylor ham can be with anything, but that was what the cozy end has, which is what i'm asking you obviously you're asking what something's called right but is it taylor ham and eggs on my podcast i said taylor eggs and ham i think is what i said that's wrong i know it's taylor ham and eggs so that's the thing that's tailored it's taylor not tailored i understand that but if if you're talking about

the past tense that the ham was tailored no because it's t's T-A-Y-L-O-R. And then after you eat it. You're not getting like a suit snipped. What did you eat? Tailor ham. Correct. Right. That's it.

And how was it? Good. It was tailored. Okay. The suspense is killing me. What happened at the cozy end? Okay. So we were at the cozy end.

We're at the cozy end. And mom was sitting in between us. And we were at the fucking counter. And we were eating at the cozy end? Okay, so we're at the cozy end. We're at the cozy end and mom was sitting between us and we were at the fucking counter. We were eating at the counter and you said something that was shitty. And mom turns to me immediately and fucking goes pop in my face. And I was like, what the fuck? And she was like, you. She was like, oh, sorry. I meant for Matt.

Oh, my God. Yeah. You don't remember this? Not at all. And I was like, well, we can hit him now. She you nah i mean you know okay yeah i mean she never you know she goes like nah just a little fucking like this like watch your mouth you know okay yeah well anyway i don't remember that at all and i actually don't even think it happened no and i say you gotta hit matt now and she laughed i mean that is she laughed dude and she was like no i'm not gonna hit him

now i didn't i shouldn't even have done it to you and i was like that's not fair that's a good mom was so fun dude so i owe you so i should slap you so one i have a story of myself of my own one summer you were like 14 and i was 11 it was in our peak picking on each other years our mom offered us 70 or 75 25 dollars to not fight for the whole summer 75 right it was 25 something like that to not fight for the entire summer it was like it was like end of may or something i think it was 10 okay any fucking way i just you know inflation you gotta count okay sure factor it in uh 1.5 so the day that we agreed to that we were like so stoked like that's gonna be so fucking easy i remember we got into her suburban yeah and within fucking two minutes of the car

ride yeah we're like punching each other yeah and she was like all right the deal's off you get no money yeah but it was like within a fucking hour. We were like going to do it for three months. We were so stoked about it, so confident. And within an hour, we lost our money. And I will tell you this much, and I know this with my heart. It was your fault. I'm sure it was. You were.

You were the person that, because I was like, this is going to be easy. I can do it for sure. And then you didn't do it. And then I was like, but I still get the money. And she was like, no. No, well, it's not. It's both of you. So you owe me 10 and I get to slap you.

On the heels of that, I would say the answer is absolutely you have to expect it with boys 12 and 4. It's going to get worse. 14 and 11. It doesn't matter. The thing that might save her is that eight is a pretty big gap. And eight years, like when he's 18 and the other one's 10, there might not be a lot of picking on each other. The 18-year-old might just be at that point mature enough to not do it anymore but right until he's maybe at least 16 i would say definitely expect also um it's gonna get with like i always like my friends who

are older and have older kids like i mean calvin's too but like they say that the teenage years are the absolute worst for sure they're the worst yeah for sure but i would say that because your kid will be like fuck no and you're like oh yeah yeah yeah yeah uh talk to the 12 year old the four-year-old's four what the fuck is he gonna do yeah talk to the 12 year old and be like look you're the man of the house yeah dude you're the man of the house be a fucking dude. You're the man of the house. Be a fucking man. Don't be a little shitty little brat picking on a four-year-old. Fucking four years old, you're going to pick on him? The kid? You got to talk to the 12-year-old.

Yeah, but don't say it like that. Be like, dude, I'm really disappointed. Yeah, right. I wanted you to be the man of the house, but it turns out you're just not. And then turn your head and kind of turn your body, let your body follow, and then just walk away. And then see what he does. Also say, body, let your body follow, and then just walk away. And then also say, and your father would also be very disappointed. Yep.

Yeah. And God forbid, and you know, maybe you're together with the father, but he's at work, or maybe you're not together with the father, even worse, or maybe the father even passed away, which even- What do you forget? He's fucking deployed. She said that? Yeah.

Oh, I didn't hear that. Comes back in four months. Use those four months as like a- That even better, dude. Like if this keeps up i'm gonna have to tell him when he gets back if you stop and you know he has i won't even tell him yep he's gonna drive his fucking fleet back or whoever you know maybe he's with i don't know if he's with the navy or the air force or whatever the fuck doesn't matter doesn't even matter at all yeah like when

he gets back you know your dad's gonna come back and you know he's gonna be really pissed off and he's probably gonna have some ptsd and he's gonna fucking flip really pissed off and he's probably going to have some PTSD and he's going to fucking flip out. Okay. Well, that's not good. Maybe he saw his friend die or something like that and you're going to fuck it all up just by complaining about how you have to wear long pants. Speaking of fucking him up, you're going to fuck up the kid if you say that.

Oh, so you're mad because we have macaroni and cheese again and your dad's out there watching his best friends die. Right. Say that. Leave that part out and just say the part about your father will be very disappointed in you. And if you stop now, maybe I won't tell him when he gets home.

But if you keep it up, I'm going to tell him and it's going to be very bad for you. Oh, I'm sorry. You got to go to bed at 830 tonight when your dad is out there burying his friends six feet deep, trudging through the mud, holding a half a body. feet deep trudging through the mud holding a half a body okay well let's find out when he we get all when he gets home let's see what matters yeah you could try that i guess i mean you've been so aggressive about it i kind of relented but i don't think you should try that but i guess you can because you won't stop doing we're out there your father's out there fighting a war that doesn't need to be fought right wow and you're pissed you have soccer practice that's not what's happening they're picking on each other did you listen yeah no you didn't they're picking each other oh you have to share the batmobile with your brother when your father's out there yeah yeah 12 and 4 12 and 4 dude getting

fucked by iran 12 and 4 has got to be hard fuck dude yeah 12 and 4 is hard and on our own i mean my i know yeah god bless for real my son looked at me today and he's the other day and he said i don't like that. Yeah. Well, okay. Well, here we go. You should have been more likable. I'm fucking super likable to him.

I'm the most likable. I don't. Well, that's obviously not true. He said otherwise. No, but he doesn't know what he's saying. I made him paper airplanes all night last night and he fucking took them and just basically crushed them. Like, I mean, like it took a long time.

I was looking tutorials making. I made an F-16, dude. I made an F was looking tutorials making i made an f-16 dude i made an f-16 that looked just like an f-16 speaking about being brothers i remember i could never make a paper airplane you always could do it really well you had a book that had all the different instructions about the different ones you could do oh you got one stuck on you that's why i got that for you oh thanks yeah for us for our childhood it was now get the fuck out of it that's not why you did it i swear to god that's why why you never even told me that it's for me well i don't want to be like fucking you just want to tell me on the podcast only yeah it's a symbol of how like of brothers

oh for real oh i didn't know that yeah why didn't you ever say that until now i did say that but you were probably doing your own thing that's probably yeah not listening anyway i'm cute i do cute stuff but yeah molly talk to the fucking 12 year old and expect it to never stop even after you talk to him but try talk to a 12 year old the four year old's four the fuck is he gonna change he's just gonna be four until he's not four you know it's gonna be five he's gonna be five until he's not five maybe when he's 10 maybe you could talk to him then 9 maybe but that's 5 years later yeah so don't

so just forget about that I'm saying right the other kid will be 17 by then talk to the fucking older one tell him to be the man of the house yeah man I mean it's like

John Lennon said dude wow I'm not even gonna get into it but that well just cause you don't know what he said cool is that it that's all we have

no we have one more no another one oh cool hey matt and chris uh my name is helga i was just about to pull up the episode of lifeline but instead decided to share my wealth of toxic ness with you guys cool um so i was wondering if you guys had any advice for me. It's about a sexual partner. Him and I have been just randomly having sex for about two years. But he hasn't really wanted me to tell anyone. And the fact is because he did date my best friend oh shit um and so i don't know i've always thought it was kind of lame like obviously i don't want to go tell everybody like hey i'm fucking this

guy but like i always thought it was kind of lame that i don't know he would even be like let's not tell anybody yeah so i you know whatever we continued and now it's been two years and now like sometimes i think it's personal i don't know that's just my mental health where i'm like oh does he not want people to know because it's me or of me you know so um i just don't know what to do and i'm asking for your advice if I should either, I don't know. I feel like there's a couple options. I could either just drop him completely, which is kind of not fun because the reason why I do just hook up with him is because he's just like an easy and fun lay, to be honest. And he hopefully says the same about me, but I'm just being brutally honest.

He's fun and he's easy. The second thing is, like, bring it up to him. Like, tell him, like, hey, I don't like that we can't really tell people. Like, it makes me feel gross. And then see how he reacts, but I don't want that to turn the tap off. And then, or I could just keep going on with my life and just feel the way I feel I don't know

or just tell me that this isn't even that big of a deal and that I'm being dramatic because that wouldn't make sense that could be real too

well thanks for listening guys I so appreciate it life rips and I'm so happy that you guys have this show together can't wait to

hear it and i hope to hear your dad on here soon she's cool too um she's cool yeah i think that definitely don't sit on it like if it's been two years and still like oh we can't tell anybody no pun intended don't talk over me but you know what i mean no you don't know what i mean no that's what this whole podcast is but don't talk over me where's dad i think that you don't know what I mean? No, that's what this whole podcast is. But don't talk over me. Worst dad. I think that you don't sit on it. You don't just not say shit. I think what you should do is ask him why.

Because maybe that will clarify something. And if his answer- He's not going to say because it's you, if that's the reason. But maybe there's an answer we're not thinking of. Maybe he has a good reason. Good. Right? And if it's a good reason's the reason but maybe there's an answer we're not thinking of maybe he has a good reason good right yeah and if it's a good reason that would change her feelings it would remove her insecurity because it's a good reason right and if he's fucking fumbles over his words or has a shit reason or like is clearly thinking of a lie then you'd be like oh well like this i don't really like this anymore like it doesn't it's been going on two fucking years we can't tell anybody that's so stupid what are we fucking 17 like we gotta fucking be adults about this like two years is

a long time you know so i think ask him why he doesn't want to tell anybody don't say i want to start telling people don't get any other way about it just plainly ask him why he wants to continue to not tell people. I mean, his original reason was he doesn't want people to know because it was his friend, right? That's what we would assume, but that's not necessarily what she thinks. Got it. Yeah. But she said recently she's just been starting to think about that it might be that. I don't know.

I don't know. She hinted at that. I think that was implied. Yeah. That lately she started thinking about that maybe it's her uh you know what it sounds like dude what sounds like she might be fucking kidding herself and she might be getting some feelings for the guy oh and i think that you got to look into that you got to check yourself about that and that's okay if it happens sure because the truth is man i'm not one of the if you want to date somebody that your friend

dated like who gives a fuck yeah i don't care about that shit it's so lame when people are like possessive about people that they used to be with i get it on one hand and like i you know if my friend started dating somebody that i dated i might immediately be like oh that feels weird but then i'd be like well actually it's not it's not. It's not. This life is a long time. This is fucking fine. But you might be feeling a little bit of, to me, it sounds like you want, you're starting to maybe have a little bit of feelings for the guy. And that's kind of all I have to say. I feel like maybe you want people to know because you want to experience the other side of not just sex i mean yeah you said you

don't want to cut off the tap which is a disgusting way to put it but also you um i disagree by the way i don't think it's gross at all look i know like it's great when you bust off like a sprinkler but like you know i think that maybe you're feeling for him a little bit, and that's okay. But he may not be reciprocated if he doesn't want people to know, right? Not because it's you, but because he feels shady about his friend or whatever the fuck it is. But I would just tell him and be like, bro, who cares? We've been fucking doinking for a bit now. And it was a while ago.

I dated your friend. And who gives a shit? No, no, no, no, no. He dated her best friend. Oh. Yeah. You didn't listen again, which is- Well, then even more than it doesn't matter

because it's her the one that'd be in the shit. Yes. The quote unquote bad person. It's not bad, but like- Well, yeah, but I would understand why they wouldn't. Yeah, I would get it too, especially for a female, the shame aspect. But like, yeah, yeah.

I mean, you're assuming a lot there though, to be honest. Yeah. Maybe that's not true what maybe she's not getting feelings for him yeah but that's what it sounds like right when she says that that's how i feel okay but if she's not i didn't that didn't cross my mind that could be the case but assuming she she's not actually getting feelings for him she's just sick and tired of not being able to tell anybody because otherwise why would you care at all i know i get it well yeah it's weird after two years it is weird why we're not allowed to say

anything anybody has it been two years that's what she said you don't listen to anybody but that's interesting she definitely likes him then because why the fuck would you give a shit if you didn't care truly you would be like yeah i don't want anybody she explained she said she's starting to think maybe it's because it's her and that's making her insecure no what i know i know but i'm saying if she that's why you know she's getting feelings no dude no i'm just saying dude i'm a detective when it comes to shit like this then you're a shitty detective no way dude i'm like yes i'm we got some evidence you're a shitty detective no i'm not dude yes you are i guarantee she's got feelings for him there i said it i fucking said it dude and she's got feelings for him and i know it dude and you know what the guy knows it too you don't you know what her friend knows it no

about that no one knows no one knows that i guarantee more people know it than nobody shut the fucking fuck up fine dude i have a follow-up question and tell me how i'm i guarantee she has feelings for him and i wasn't going to come out and be that broad about it but you know what you back me into a corner you backed me into a corner. You backed me into a corner. And I know that shit. I'm like this. I'm like this.

Okay. Boss, we got to bag this. That's not what detectives do ever. Okay. That's what Inspector Gagarin does. I got one of those hats that go, you know what I mean? With no sides. Just like a duck bill and a fucking one in the back. What is that?

In case the sun. I don't want to get back. That's not even something you know those fucking hats dude do i you know those fucking hats oh yeah you're just thinking i know it's fucking hot of course i remember that um yeah i just think ask him why he he's so insistent you don't fucking tell anybody it's been two years get over it dude fucking people are gonna know do you like the way i make you bust off like a sprinkler yes or no just come out and say that and when he says yes not at all

the issue would be like then i'm tweeting about a relationship if the answer is no i gladly bow out and i'm done. Just ask. Just fucking ask him why he doesn't want to tell anybody. Okay. And take it from there. Oh, okay. If it's a shitty answer,

be like, that's fucking stupid. I think I'm going to, either we continue and we can tell people or like, I don't really want to do this anymore. Yeah, it makes you feel gross, dude.

And you talked over me again. And, or if it's a good reason and it opens your eyes to whatever the fuck, I don't know what that could be, or if it's a good reason and it opens your eyes to whatever the fuck i don't know what that could be but maybe there is a good reason then your mind would not be on this sort of insecure trail that it is currently on yeah so you do yourself a favor get the fucking truth answer true answer from him it's like fucking john lennon said if you're lying away you may if you're lying away i make you bust off like a sprinkler.

Tell people. Yeah, that he did say. Yeah. Yeah. All right, cool. Well, you know what, dude? That's good. Lifeline, episode nine in the books, man.

Is it episode nine? Yep. Nine. Episode nine, dude. Episode freaking nine. And I will do my dates here. Boston, Massachusetts. Again?

I'm coming. November 12th. Cheyenne, Wyoming. Denver, Colorado. November 5th. Cheyenne, Wyoming. Denver, Colorado. November 5th. And dude, check it out. Washington, D.C. Stockton, Atlanta, Georgia.

Oakland, Peoria. Rockford, Raleigh. I'll be there. ChrisLee.com. So you don't know if they heard you the first time you said? No, I'm just saying. People tune in and out. And I fucking say it for a second time.

Somebody goes, ooh, I live in Cheyenne. I live in Rockford. Okay. Okay. So yeah, so that's good. And we got to fucking, we're going to start coming out with some merch okay um so yeah so that's good and uh we got to fucking we're gonna start coming out with some merch here yeah and uh that's what's up and uh join our super cult right yeah man uh so yeah lifeline thanks and if you have a um what do you call it uh submission

go to fucking uh watch lifeline at gmail.com and uh is that what it is? watchlifeline.com oh watchlifeline.com and then you can click on the thing it's like ask chris and matt or something right? what is it? watchlifeline.com should have had it up already huh matt? watchlifeline.com and then click on that and then go to submit a fucking video

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