Lifeline - Lifeline 2022: Our Year In Advices

Episode Date: December 25, 2022

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Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. you know what i don't like is when fucking guys talk about 50 cent the rapper and they say 50 cent why do they do that why do white guys like with fucking button downs do that i don't know because they think it's fucking funny i guess no i think sometimes think they think that that's what it is it's so it's it's it's uh mildly racist if they think it's fucking funny, I guess. No, I think sometimes they think that that's what it is. It's mildly racist. If they think it's what it is, then yeah, it is actually. You guys like 50 Cent. I'm a 50 Cent.

I like 50 Cent. You know those guys that like barbecues with open toe fucking sandals? They all always have button down shirts that are a shade of blue. One shade of blue or another. No matter what. Yeah, I know. Oh, you already knew? Yeah, for sure. Then forgive me for fucking saying anything. And they get pink when they drink yeah definitely they get like lobstery

yeah yeah yeah for sure fuck yeah i'm not trying to brag but like my shit gets so crowded down there that one time sounds like a brag is coming no it's not a brag but one guy there was a guy i was just sitting on a on a fucking i was waiting i was waiting on a plane and i was i was waiting on a plane i was in the fucking plane and I was waiting on a plane. I was in the fucking terminal and I was waiting, delayed. And dude, this guy next to me kept putting a fucking camera on my head. And I'm like, what are you doing, dude?

Finally, at first I was like, get out, what the fuck? And I, it can't be, I must be crazy. Why would a guy be putting a camera on my head? That's a great question. Yeah, and he finally kept putting the camera on my head and I go, hey buddy, what are you doing? And he goes, whoa, he got scared. And I go, hey, buddy, what are you doing? And he goes, whoa.

He got scared. And I was like shocked he was so scared. He said, I'm sorry. I thought you were a tripod. And I said, oh, yeah, you know. So he was like, I get it. You're crowded downstairs. And I go, and I was like, oh, so you didn't even know I was human human that's why i got scared when i started talking he said yeah because and both at the same time

both at the same time he said yeah because tripods don't talk oh okay i don't believe you that that happened guys try to put cameras on my head all the fucking time just twisting it twisting it in on top of trying to twist you around i was running that is so stupid wow if a guy picks me up they instantly think that guy's a cameraman okay well no one ever picks you up because what the fuck no one ever picks you up no one ever picks up an adult male human my coffee's hot my coffee's hot it's an awfully hot coffee drinking like a dildo all right yeah my fucking

coffee's hot dude what the fuck dude um i should do that drink my coffee, man. Okay. So anyway, advisor. Okay. So fuck. Now I'm hot and shit. All good, dude. You don't want to. You want to know what happened when I got here? First of all, I should tell everybody what just happened.

This is like memento. You're so out of order right now. Start at the right place and go. Do you want to know what happened right before this? Yes. Why is that like memento? Because you start about your shoes or something. Because it made me think of...

I was thinking about shoes. See, that's why it's like memento. Yeah, you started and then went in another direction and then another direction and it was all out of order. I go on crazy cool tangents and it all comes back the way it does. So go ahead. Tell me what happened before this. So I...

We're on our way here, right? There's a good burrito place that oh i'm pissed already but i mentioned burrito that you said burrito again dude every single episode you've said the word burrito at least once in the first two minutes okay okay no not the first one the second one i wanted to call the last episode or the episode before that the upswing of the burrito and you didn't want to do that you wanted to call both of them the upswing of the burrito and those those words all together each one of those words is fine but those words together like just the aesthetic the sound of that is fucking terrible upswing of the burrito that's

so bad and i can't even believe you're my brother and you would want that it would definitely be a fucking great you're telling me dude all right look if you want to make a movie called the upswing of the burrito starring josh what's his name and fucking brolin no the other one oh i want josh boland no but the guy the bad guy in the hall one of the hulk movies josh it would be josh lucas yeah dude he would be in the upswing of the burrito and it would be no and the chick would be uh cameron diaz and it would be in 2006. What's it about? Like missing each other and then meeting each other again, and it all took place outside of this fucking Mexican restaurant. Wow.

Okay. Just tagged on the fucking burrito. Yeah, but that's what they would do. They would be like, can we make it a burrito? Can we make it a Mexican? Can we involve Latina? It's hot. Can we involve?

You know, producers would do that shit. Okay. When your lover's best friend becomes your best friend's lover the upswing of the burrito fall in love all over again love it's tasty the the problem the problem is is that ever i can't even really think about what you're saying because in the middle of it you said upswing of the burrito again and it like it's like nails on a chalkboard okay it makes me fucking mad dude now that's some shit that you have that you have to do i'm not saying it's not but i don't want to have to do with it so stop all right so look that's like the fucking how many meters stripping stripping

stripping the sandstorm that would be so bad dude no dude that's like the number one strip no you know what's the number one strip stripper song sandstorm i wanna fuck you like an animal i wanna feel you from the inside you're right or that portishead song i mean i had no fucking idea what that was and also what portishead song because that doesn't sound like any portishead well they all kind of sound the same but this one goes i heard jess can't really tell what it is until right here so rude how close your hand is to my face also were you saying like don't interrupt me is that what that was yeah well yeah here it comes so fucking rude dude if i just close your mouth like this and no or or like a lollipop mr take my yeahme. Yeah, I know. Well, now we got to explain it.

Okay, so go ahead. That's the great thing to explain. Mr. Takeme was a guy. A Japanese man who taught Spanish in high school. Very funny. In high school. In our high school. Now, we're not saying, oh, look, all walks of life, all races can teach whatever the

fuck they want. Equal opportunity. We're all about inclusion. But look, dude, Mr. Takeme was a Japanese guy. See, it's good to bring up, dude. He's a Japanese guy. I'm probably's good to bring up, dude. He's a Japanese guy. I'm probably talking about this on my podcast at some point, but this Japanese guy who fucking, he taught Spanish.

But like from Japan, he has a thick accent. Oh, yeah. He would say, yeah. I mean, he would say, welcome. Welcome to class. I mean, like it was a tradition, like a Japanese. And he would be like, hola, como esta usted? And we were like, it was very, and I remember one time.

It was so confusing. And I remember one time he was like, the bad kids came into class and they smelled of like drugs and shit and alcohol and he was going, ah, ah, ah, ah. And I was like, what? And he said, tira, tira. And I was like, what are you saying?

And he said, smoking, oh. Tira, tira, smoking, oh. I had him too. But he would go. What was the thing? Yeah. He would go. Yeah.

When you were talking? No. He would go. Oh, that's right. And he would look at his watch or whatever, right? Okay, muchachos. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking got it.

Yes. Okay, muchachos. Okay. He would just do that. He would breathe like. He was a guy from police academy breathe like like you know how like in between on a walkie talkie it'll go he would do that with his mouth though okay over and out it was just a human walk that's right that's right i forgot even go

dude he was a human walkie talkie why would he go because he was a human walkie talkie okay human walkie talkie that's it mr tekka made the human walkie-talkie. Why would he go... Because he was a human walkie-talkie. Okay. Human walkie-talkie. That's it. Mr. Takeme, the human walkie-talkie. That sounds like a fucking movie that... What's his name who did Isle of Dogs would do? Wes Anderson? Yeah.

Wes Anderson would do that. Mr. Takeme... Is that Isle of Dogs? Yeah. Mr. Takeme, the... What is it? The human walkie-talkie would be made by the guy who did the fucking... Stop saying the guy.

Just say Wes Anderson. I just said Wes Anderson. I forget what his fucking name is, dude. How could you forget Wes Anderson's name, dude? You don't know anybody's name. No, that's not true. Mr. Takeme. So far away.

Oh, dude. In a fucking town and country magazine. You can see his balls. Magazine. Dude, wearing no pants. Wow. Balls and country. Balls and country magazine.

Everything in the show. Dude, wearing no pants. Wow. Balls and Country. Balls and Country magazine. Everything in this show. Oh, fuck. Balls and Country, man. Holy shit, man.

Oh, man. This guy couldn't fucking be like the sixth seed tennis in his fucking... Oh, dude. Every, every, every color in this shot is a different shade of the same color yeah lighter shade on him on his skin the back the brick the fucking uh couch his balls balls and country magazine wow dude jesus this is This is the cover of Balls in Country magazine. Yeah. All right, cool. Next. I mean, not next, but next. You're watching an episode.

This is Matt. Jonathan calling out of Fresno, California. Jordan, how are you? Chris, I didn't miss the last time you came here. I don't know if you'll ever come back. Maybe not. I don't know how to work, of course. The day you have a show in town, my boss won't let me leave early.

Anyways, I Need some advice So me and my wife Got our first baby Should be popping out any day now Hopefully soon Got a little girl on the way Question is I'm the last of my last name

For you fellow Italians Chris and Matt Last name is Vietti i really want to have a little boy yeah obviously don't know what the future holds but you know i'm thinking if i pop three girls out that's max for me i don't know if i want any more after that so just want to see what you guys take on it keep going for it until I pop out a boy. You're so casual about it. Just chill.

Three is too many. Until some more peak out. It's kind of pushing it, but, you know, maybe four. I mean, talking to him, I don't know. Let me know what you guys think. I have five, six. By the end. I appreciate everything you guys do.

Love the pod. I watch every week. Helps me get through my day after work. Forget about it, which is what I'm doing now. Let me know, guys. Thanks. Cool. I think about that sometimes. Stop thinking about it.

The family line, the fucking vibe of the family still goes if you have a fucking fuck girl or a boy. That was Jesus telling you you're wrong. It's... I think we're past the stage of worrying about if the name continues they do in the tutors they do that a lot they want the name to continue what are you fucking henry exactly yeah it's what are you henry the 350th this isn't 1445 it's fucking 2022 we don't need to worry about our names continuing it's not a thing yeah but you know what on the other hand hey i get it

you know what i mean hey my my hey i get it you know you want that name to live on right well okay you want to have a son of course but the name could still live on she can fucking combine her name with whoever she finds a partner with well broads can't carry the name maybe she'll be gay and they keep her last name like sounded like you had a fucking kind of sick last name i like his last name you want my fucking mario andretti whatever the fuck his name is you want to fucking keep that name going right why are you being a lot louder when you do that because we're italian we're emotional you pop out a fucking girl or two your namesake is god right right you want a fucking son coming out of that fucking what's that coming out the twat right the worst gynecologist on the face of the earth hey so what are you here for you think you're pregnant let's see spread them

looks like it's got somebody in it so terrible congratulations you're like four or five weeks you're like two three weeks in there. So terrible. Hey, congratulations. You're like four or five weeks. You're like two, three weeks in there. Papa Mao. Well, let's hope it's a boy so your fucking husband's lineage can live on, right? Because you know these broads, they don't carry the names. Hey, they don't carry nothing, right?

You need a piano getting upstairs? Who do you call? Anyway, take two of these and call me in the morning thanks a lot smoking man i love my fucking job tell me order a pizza pizza dude i know i know a couple who kept the female name what and they named the child the female they gave the child the female's last name. You just got to be kidding me. The fuck out of here. You ever seen Tudors?

They don't do that shit there. Tudors? Tudors. The Tudors, the Tudors. Henry VIII. Wow, okay. It started at Henry, then it was Henry II, then it was the, you know, there was three Henrys. Doesn't know the story at all.

How is there three Henrys if it's henry the eighth because you need three and four and five and six and you get to eight and that one was the mother that motherfucker was crazy he was all up ahead in his fucking broads you know they were having fucking women and shit yeah yeah yeah you got one kid he died of like syphilis he got older okay sad case honestly okay chris evans caller this guy's the shit i'm watching since day one big fan day one was two weeks ago my question is about fucking a roommate do you fuck your roommate oh my god thought of it right then chris evans and thor had a baby that can can get complicated. So sexy. So sexy. Turning us on. Hypothetically, let's say I've been sleeping with my roommate

and she's become emotionally involved despite being forward about intentions and what have you. Yeah. Thanks, guys. Being so casual. Being forward about intentions. Dude, being so casual forward abood intentions dude being so casual my question is it had to be quiet because his roommate's in the other room no dude she's sucking him while he's doing it and he didn't want to you want her to know that he's doing the video the question is

about fucking your roommate so what's the deal with that so i'm talking about this. How much was that guy? I'm getting sucked by her right now. Dude, that's Bill Clinton. That guy was basically Bill Clinton. You know what? He is honestly,

question should have been which Marvel Avenger am I? Because he was in between Thor and also Captain America. He actually really was. You're usually wrong, but that was right. No, I'm not usually wrong.

So here's the thing about what this guy's asking about. Here's the thing about what this guy's asking about. Here's the thing about what this guy's saying. He fucked up so bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everyone in the entire fucking universe knows that.

In the Marvel universe. Apparently except him. What do you mean? Because that was obviously a bad idea to do it. So he did it already? He did it already. Okay.

Did he say he did it already? He said, what do you mean? Oh, because she got mostly involved, yes. But you know, people get mostly involved before they even fucking do it. But that was obviously

going to happen with one of them. One of them was obviously going to get more emotionally involved before they even fucking don't. But that was obviously going to happen with one of them. One of them was obviously going to get more emotionally involved than the other one because of obvious life living. Because of obvious life living, this was obviously going to happen. All you had to do

was look at obvious life livings of everyone that's ever lived a life. Wow. And you would know that this is going to be a bad fucking idea. I don't even want to give him advice. He fucking did the dumb thing.

But guys are stupid though, dude. I'll say. If you're a roommate and she's going to be walking around, obviously in not many clothes because they're roommates and she's got to get ready and he's going to catch a glimpse of her fucking, you know what I mean, walking by with the door open and he's just going to go like, huh.

And then he's going to one day just be so stupid and drunk what a fucking i'm sorry you're handsome boner and you're cool but you're a fucking that is so dumb no but here's the thing though it happens all the time and somebody's probably going to wind up dead but the main thing is you just basically have to not ever fuck your roommate ever it's all unless you're prepared to move because you gotta move now yeah and guess what you gotta move no matter what you gotta either move if you work out or don't work out if you don't work out one of you has to move yep right obviously if you do work out you still gotta move because she's never gonna be happy with the fucking place that you have

because it's probably too small and it was for roommates exactly not for loving living yes yes it's a deeper and it's all good but that's the truth so that is the truth yeah so you fucked up honestly shave and go into the witness protectors program dude don't don't fucking ever leave just leave leave leave the country leave the country come to america because you're obviously in canada a boot dude that guy also thickest canadian also the beard just so canadian yeah but um also wore carhartt which is fucking super popular in canada up up super north he's so canadian he like carries around an axe in case he needs to chop wood yeah and he never has a shirt on even when it's snowing but he has that hat on he's like the guy from the simpsons yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. So, yeah, dude, you fucked up.

But if the advice is what do you do now, you have two options. One, move, but that's the obvious option. You're going to move. Two, just be real about it. Be like, I think we made a mistake. Is there any way we could go back to the way it was before? Obviously, the answer is going to be no,

but there's a slim chance it's yes. But those are your only two fucking options. You did a bad bad bad mistake chris isaac baby did a bad bad thing isn't that that chris isaac song baby did a bad bad so i think i was singing it oh bad bad thing i think that he also it's too bad that we're not in a sci-fi movie because he could wipe her memory and then just fucking walk around and be like we didn't fuck here come the men in black every song you sing you sing, the note is exactly the same no matter what. The galaxy defenders. Okay.

Bad. So yeah, dude, you fucked up. Get out of it. Unless you love her. Obviously, if you are into her, then just continue the relationship. Right. Yeah, but you made a really bad mistake. A little bit of really bad mistake.

Little bad, bad thing. That's good when I do that. That is one of the good things. That song, Chris Isaac had two good songs, and that's it, dude. Wicked Game and that? Oh, the wicked thing, dude. Miss sound. Say that high line. Bill Clinton wow so Bill Clinton

got jizz on your dress the oval office no I cheated on Hillary so sad such sad lyrics. Back in the 90s. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

Bad, bad thing. Every song is medley. Dude. Oh, shit, dude. Wow. I thought I'd be the president. Wow. But I am. Yeah. But I am.

Yeah, but I am. Did you say Alabama? Yeah. Arkansas. Same. It's exactly the same. Arkansas and Alabama is exactly the same. So rude what you did.

Alabama. What's the end of the part? The end of the song where he just starts talking? Alabama and Arkansas. He doesn't do that. You're completely making that up where he just starts talking Alabama, Arkansas he doesn't do that you're just completely making that up Chris Isaac does it no he doesn't

at the end of the song he just starts at the end he just like kind of trails off and it's the end of the song and the girl's running at the beach

oh yeah yeah yeah yeah do it hi Matt and Chris I love you and I love Calvin too okay I am extremely embarrassed I'm a woman in my early 30s and I still live at home

with my parents and younger brother. The other night, I was in bed watching some dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, naughty videos. Oh, boy. Here we go. I had my AirPods connected, of course. What I was completely unaware of was that my phone was also connected to the Bluetooth speaker

in my, all caps, parents' bathroom. I didn't know your phone could be connected neither did i do two devices at once but apparently it can crying clown face my mom no regular face oh regular crying face uh my mom confronted me the next day to ask if my phone was hooked up to the speaker and i checked and still unaware of the major atrocity said oh yeah oops it didn't hit me until she said i noticed it last night shocked face oh god i want to die i want to fly to outer space and never return i want to change my identity and only wear wigs from now on what do i do do i leave it at that do i confront her about what exactly she heard please help shoot me love you no just honestly this the advice i have

is you didn't do anything wrong no you didn't you made a mistake by having your parents hear that shit but you didn't mean to um but like the whole shame of it is like you don't need to feel that that's a very human emotion but like you don't need to feel that because honestly it's just sex it's not even sex it's i mean it's sex but it's like naughty videos and you're a fucking grown-up you know yeah she says she's 30 right yeah yeah you're 30 in your 30s like you're a full-ass adult you can do whatever the fuck you want your mom directly in her eyes and say my bean needed attention my what you look at your mom right in the eyes and you like say it like mr

mr anderson in the fucking matrix say my bean needed attention what were you saying bean my bean needed attention yeah what's that what looks like a bean on your body in between your legs like a coffee bean okay no no well it looks like yeah it looks like a coffee bean yeah but i'm saying there's it looks like a lentil bean up top i don't think it looks like a lentil bean it looks like a coffee bean the actual thing looks like a coffee bean but i'm saying like a lentil bean up top. I don't think it looks like a lentil bean. I think it looks like a coffee bean. The actual thing looks like a coffee bean, but I'm saying the lentil bean up top. Lentil bean. Oh, okay.

There's a lentil bean on top of a coffee bean, if you know what I'm getting at. There's a big coffee bean. It's like a Russian doll of beans. There's a big coffee bean, but I'm saying actual size lentil bean above the big coffee bean so that's the bean that needed attention really got it hello bean okay so what you need to do is realize that your mom also needed to attend to her bean at some point uh that everyone in the world attends to their beans that's why in all the old ass fucking religious texts it says nobody's allowed god said nobody's allowed to play with their beans yeah okay it should have been everyone love you know it's okay to attend to your beans

attend to your beans wow that's good the 11th commandment and it's okay to attend to your beans you shall always attend to your neighbor's beans all the commandments have to do with their neighbor you know yeah yeah i know that's so weird just make sure you are not hooked up to your neighbor's bluetooth as well yeah only be hooked up to your own bluetooth when it attend when being attentive to your bean or just attending to your beans right i think i got the language right yeah i mean it doesn't really matter because it's not real but yeah okay anyway just own it dude you're fucking attended to your bean and you got caught i needed to lightly move my bean around also what's with the mom yeah i noticed like what a dick dude

she's just she got all pent up she needs to fucking hang with her being a little bit dude send her the video uh airdrop the video to her and say yeah bean attendance is required yeah yeah yeah yeah that's true bean attendance required comma mom yeah re-bean attendance in the email and she seizes it to other people and gets she's just so bad with technology oh no all right yeah for sure here's what i think about elon musk buying twitter okay okay that's what that's my take on okay why though because i do the fucking fuck cares who owns twitter right right elon musk just happens to be able to make a story or fucking get all of a ton of attention about whatever dude

you gotta let if twitter already is a fucking cesspool you gotta let everybody on it if you're gonna let anybody on it or make actual strict rules where people like if trump can't be on twitter then other there's so many other people that shouldn't be on Twitter. Agree, yeah. That's the thing. It's like if there's going to be a rule, make it for fucking everybody. Even people who aren't Donald Trump. Like that's the thing, the hypocrisy. The hypocrisy about Twitter is that it definitely leans left.

And it does extremely. But it is a private company. That's just not public owned. I know that. I know that. So if some liberals own it and they're like, we don't want fucking right wing assholes on it, then that's their prerogative, right? I know that.

I know that. I do know that. But right now it's bigger than just a company. It's the way the world runs. So it's changing. I know, but you can't just have an exception for... It's like the same thing they're saying. I know that.

You can't have just one company be like, no, no, no, you can't do that. But every other company can do whatever the fuck they want. I know that. I know that. You can't have just one company be like, no, no, no, you can't do that. But every other company can do whatever the fuck they want. I know that. But I think that this is what you're asking. If Elon should buy it, if he's going to buy it, what he should do. And this is what you should do. If you have a big company like this, I think it's your responsibility to make rules and make sure everybody abides by it.

That's it. Because Trump got kicked off for shit that people are doing all the time every day. He's already said he's going to let Trump back on. And what I think about the whole fucking thing is... All right, cool. So there's the advice. Be the one that goes broke spending it on your boys. Yep, that's what MC Hammer did.

Not to that extent. But that's what MC Hammer did. Yeah, that is what he did. It's really sad. People were like, go Hammer, go Hammer, go. And he went, and now he's fucking broke, dude. Now he's got to go get a loan. Yeah, he would perform at a high school graduation

if you paid him $2,500. Go Hammer, go Hammer, go, go it like, you know, high school graduation if you paid him. Wow. You know, $2,500. Go, Hammer. Go, Hammer. Go. Go. Go. Go. And they meant to Wells Fargo to ask for a loan.

That's what they meant. Right. All right, cool. Sweat coming all over my cheeks. And a weak stand. Harder than I ever did before. And they would go, got to make time. And they go, and then one day he would go, instead of saying the R's,

like he was Mexican. The amount of sounds you made that go along with the amount of words you said is very strange. You made so many sounds instead of so few words. Here we go. And now,

see, now it's my turn to talk, right? So you talk for a while, I let you talk. Now it's my turn to talk and then you keep so, just keep doing it, right? So now the way we're going to do it is I'm going to talk, right? Just for a little bit and then you talk again it's my turn to talk and then you keep so just keep doing it right so now the way we're gonna do it is i'm gonna talk right just a little bit and then you talk again okay go ahead

okay i forgot what i was gonna say go ahead he goes horror than i ever did before that's what he said horror than i ever did before spanish yeah too legit too legit dickwood, hi. Dos legit. Wow, made it so bad. Hey, hi. Dos legit. Yeah, dos legit. Dos legit.

Dos legit to quit. Hey, hey. Dos legit. No, it would be dos legit to quit. Aye, aye. Yeah. There's a slight difference. Dos legit.

Dos legit to quit. Aye, aye. That's the only word they would change they would uh yeah dose i don't know what the legit oh i know that i'm just saying what if the song really was that in uh dude it probably is even try you know all right dude but what is what is here he's looking it up what's legit in spanish oh wow It's legit. Go to S. Go to S, dude.

Oh, my God, man. Oh, fuck it. It's right there, dude. Legitima. Dos legitima. Dos legitima quit. Legitima. Legitimo. Dos legitimo. And then quit?

We don't know quit. I don't know. Probably like... Dositimo. Dos legitimo. Yeah. And then quit? We don't know quit. I don't know. Probably like... Dos legitimo. Dos legitimo abandonar. Hi. Hi. And aye aye. All right.

Dos legitimo abandonar. Aye aye. Dos legitimo. Dos legitimo abandonar. Aye aye. Doesn't have the same ring to it. So. It doesn't have the same ring to it. So bad. It doesn't have the same ring to it.

So bad. Dos legitimo. Dos legitimo abandonar. Ay, ay. Dos legitimo. Dos legitimo abandonar. Ay, ay. So bad, and I want you to stop.

I want you to stop so bad, it's wild. That's the greatest part about this podcast that has ever happened, dude. And what's interesting is that's true about I want you to stop so bad. It's wild. That's the greatest part about this podcast that has ever happened, dude. And what's interesting is that's true about I want you to stop. Dos Lejitimo has to be the fucking absolute title of this. Don't burn bridges. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there's also a way to make sure to...

Oh, my God, dude. He just... Oh, my God. Look at that. Demasiado Lejitimo. You just have to god, dude. He just... Oh my god, look at that. Demasiado legitima. He just looked up to the jitquit, dude. Demasiado legitima para dejar fumar. I mean, that's too many fucking words. Demasiado legitima para dejar de fumar.

Ay, ay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Demasiado legitima para dejar de fumar. Ay, ay. My question is, do you have people in your life who are allowed to fart and people who aren't? What a great question. My buddies were over the other day and one of them farted. And I was appalled and disgusted and said, no, don't do that.

Wow. And he was rightfully offended because apparently a few minutes earlier our other buddy farted and i giggled wow so i had to dig deep inside myself and question why can't you and why can he and why um and i can't find any explanation other than you're just not that guy like you just can't and i proceeded to make a list of people in my life who can and the list of people that i can't find any similarities um what's that about am i just being a fart gatekeeper does it make sense think about the people in your lives who can and can't have fart rooms here's what i think no one can fart around me yeah don't not no and i can also fart around everyone that's how everyone

feels but it's like it's like your own spit like you can look at your own spit when someone else spits it's like you fucking pig well farting uh it is because it leaves a fucking trace but it's like you know somebody farts and it's like you're a fucking motherfucking pig like david sullivan farts so much you know i was just with him and he farted yeah of course he did because he's got that big fucking head i don't like that he's fucking gross and he fucking wears shorts and farts and fucking smell goes over so i can't eat cheese man and then he does anyway we're in savannah and you pay the price we were in savannah we were in savannah and he was he was there in savannah at his film festival his film festival coincided with my cool and he was there in Savannah at his film festival. His film festival coincided with mine. Oh, cool.

And he was there and he was like, yeah, I'll get this without cheese though. Oh, wow. And then the guy left and I was like, man, you fucking got to eat cheese. And they're like, no, it makes me fart, man. If I eat that special around people, I'll start farting immediately, man. Why does he have to think he cares? He doesn't care. That guy's a fucking disgusting fart machine.

So dick. He doesn't. But my point is. So dick. He doesn't eat cheese a lot when I'm around me, but I make him do it. And then I tell him not to fart because I want him to be uncomfortable. That's torturous.

But okay, so here's the deal. Or saw a movie. You've been bypassing eating cheese so much and not farting, but now you're subjecting people around you to the stench of your insides. Here's some Parmesan. Eat it and fart your way out.

Oh. I want to play a game. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Here's some Parmesan. Eat it and fart your way out. Oh. I want to play a game. Took so long to get to the joke, you know? Walks up and people are like, ew. Okay, so? The detectives later. I think I know what happened yeah and it's chris rock for some reason i don't know what happened chris rock okay so i smell farts so sam jackson background god damn f. No one is allowed to fart around me. I just watched Spiral.

Okay. No one is allowed to fart around me. No one is allowed to burp around me. Burping is worse. No one is allowed to be fucking disgusting around me without my express permission. Moses' fifth tablet. And a fucking signed contract saying it's okay i mean signed permission you know you need signed permission for me about my farts to fart a fucking just keep it walk out

of the fucking room walk out of the fucking room you're gonna fart i won't you won't but that's great you don't it's gross your farts smell like fucking death that's not true you just your farts smell like decomposed corpses after three days i put altoids up my butt okay well they fucking don't work okay but none of this is true guys i do know what she means though about how some people are less gross when they fart and some people are more even if they're the same fart but for me it's a no fart rule just don't do it your house is a no fart zone unless it's you and i'm alone yeah right oh you fart if i'm in a room with somebody i don't fucking fart that's disrespectful

fucking disgusting disrespectful to fart no to not fart no the other way around you know because you gotta be when i am in a room and i fart i'm being me i'm giving you all of me i'm not holding back no one wants that respectful that's not respectful no one wants all of you they go i go you're welcome that's yeah and that's come on and i said you want me to not be me you're a psychopath you're a straight-up psychopath for doing who was the person that called in we're just kind of started talking about oh yeah i think that there's a no farts on it that's really i really like that you have a list of people who can and can't fart yeah and i think that you should brief people on who can and can't.

Yeah, if that's your shit, yeah, totally. And then when they say, why not me? You say, honestly, because I think you're more disgusting than the other guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're the kind of guy I don't want to smell their insides. Yeah, you're gross. You grossed me out already. Yeah.

And then when you fart, it puts you over the fucking edge because you're disgusting. You fucking pig. But also, some farts sound wet. Some people do wet ones. Oh, come on. I don't farts sound wet some people do oh come on i don't do wet ones my shit's dry but i don't do wet ones but sometimes you hear like their cheeks working you know and it's disgusting as shit yeah it's so gross and then dude have you ever farted but and then shit by mistake not me i never honestly i actually never have done that i've heard people talk about me too eric griffin talked about it last oh well then then that is gross. Yep.

He farted, dude, and he didn't know any shit when he took a steppy shit. So funny to think about. Him doing it? Yeah. And then get up and be like, uh-oh. I bet when he tells the story, he describes the fart like this. 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because that's his signature move. All right, cool. First time I met him, I was astonished at how story, he describes the fart like this. 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's his signature move. All right, cool. The first time I met him, I was astonished at how many times he did this. I know. Yeah. I know. It's disgusting. We were at the one-on-one.

Yeah, it was farting, shitting, cumming. Everything was that noise. It had to do with privates, everything. He was in a fucking comedy movie I looked at the other day. So far in a comedy movie. It wasn't a comedy movie I looked at. A comedy movie I looked at. Yeah, like an old lady says it. Seriously. I looked at one of my programs and madden was in it was it the

drinking movie yep no i don't know what's that well i don't know what's the movie you saw oh not the drinking movie no uh it was a foreign movie okay well he's foreign but what's the name of the movie i don't know okay well then you brought up something that we can't even discuss i know we can't but i do love mads he's another guy who's funny and he doesn't seem like he is yep yeah that's true he was on a flight once he also he also commits so hard to the roles that he's playing i know like he's in that fucking movie uh that nicholas winding reference movie that nobody saw the one that's black and white he plays like a crazy crazy, crazy Viking. And he...

Anyway, he's just like... It's like the bloodiest fucking movie ever. What the fuck is that movie, dude? Rio? Rio, the cartoon? Yeah. Yeah, no. Is it Rio?

Ice Age. Ice Age, yeah. So, no, but I saw... He was on a plane of mine. He was on a plane with me. And he was sitting like maybe one behind me and I would look back and I'm like, that's a fucking guy.

Then I didn't really know his name, you know, it was like years ago. I was like, that's a fucking guy. That's the bad guy in the James Bond movie. Oh, right, yeah. Yeah, and he was reading a script and he was just like reading the script like this and the light was on.

I mean, it was so cinematic. It was a nighttime flight and he was just like turning it over and I was like, he's so, I mean, maybe this is fucking me, but like, you know, succumbing to Hollywood, but I was and i was like he's so i mean maybe this is fucking me but like you know succumbing to hollywood but i was like dude he's so an evil villain yeah he's yeah totally i mean he's a great actor you know what he got huge he was always a popular actor but he what made him huge is that show he was on where he's playing hannibal lecter oh yeah that's right he's playing hannibal lecter probably such a goofy show but yeah also was he

the lead of the fucking pusher movies is that what that was like first shit i don't know what that is uh all right well since nobody knows anything and is i mean this is literally everyone's unwilling to help me talk about madison mickelson for nine nine minutes well everybody loves mads though i know but people don't even know who he is though we show him on the screen right now and they'll be like oh yeah that guy True He's super Super Super Handsome In a weird way

How much when he has sex Dude it's so quick Valhalla rising And this is how he has an orgasm He goes like this Ha And that's it That's the whole orgasm

Right That's the whole orgasm But then Ha In a few minutes Like in the shower Whoever he had sex with Hears him

With the door closed She hears him off Like in the bathroom And just go And sex with hears him with the door closed. She hears him off in the bathroom and just go... What's he doing? He's just like getting the energy out. Pull your ass down or take it off. Pause it. I don't like when hair peeks out of the hat. That's what I was going to say.

It's fine, but if it's like that, like an actual garden growing under his hat, take it off. It looks like Chia Pet. Like he just fucking puts the hat on and then smears that fucking stuff and then waters it and then that and then the hat stays there and it grows out a little bit like this is the time lapse like that right but he's trying to also hide his chia pet because it's poking out from underneath right also pubes pubes for sure 100 pubes on his head yeah like there should be a dick on his forehead yeah and there is and that's why he's wearing a hat he's hiding it okay all right cool and so we figured that out so let's do this as you both actually um i've been for a long time matt obviously got to you a little late in the game chris been a long time fan of you for a long

fucking time through thick and thin baby um but so i need some advice so my name is river and that's pretty different pretty unique name at least around here you know like i'm thankful for it my whole life i'm 24 i have dealt with uh you know like the the jokes on my name so um which is cool like i don't care because they're all pretty kindergarten you know um of course words that they use like you know lake ocean all that good shit so i matched with this girl on a dating app the other night i know stupid shouldn't be on that and she said nice to meet you pond i go nice pretty big talk from somebody with a normal name what's your name michelle being good billions of them and so she uh then she responded back with wow are you victim blaming it's not my fault that my parents

named me that and i said, it's not victim blaming if I'm saying it in a way of, I know it's not your fault, but you have a normal ass name. So know your normal ass name place in life, you know? So I'm not asking advice on how to deal with that. I just want funnier ways to respond back to people that give me those kindergarten nicknames.

Like, you know, just the ones that are just so on the nose and easy to grab for. That's a good question. Yeah, thanks, guys. Dude, I think you should say... First of all, I think he dealt with it really well. He did, but he should say, actually, that's funny because I wish we were near a body of water so I could drown you right now and kill you.

In a river? Anywhere. Or a pond. If they say, hi, pond, you say, interesting, I wish we were near a pond. It's funny you bring that up because I would love to drown you. And then river? Well, anywhere. Or a pond. If they say, hi, pond, you say, interesting, I wish we were near a pond. It's funny you bring that up because I would love to drown you. And then the person's like this. Yeah.

For so long. Yeah. Yeah, and then, well, not if it's on social media. No, what you, but yeah, oh, right, I see what you're saying. No, but what you should do is, honestly, write all of the things

that people say all the time on cards. Okay. And always have them with you. Oh, good. And then you show them. And then when they say one, just go like this. Yep, yep, yep. Pick it out and go like this.

And it says, do you know how many times someone has called me pond? They would feel so moated, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be so cold busted, man. Yeah, it's true. That would be so moated dude yeah that would be so cold busted man yeah it's true that would be so moated but also when you start like start with a number that's already high don't start at one because then when you pull it out like don't start from scratch when you make that list because then when somebody does it and you're like you know how many times people have called me pond

and then they read it and it says like two no no no but just no but just say something that people often say to me is, hey, pawn. So there's no counter on it. And then hand it to it. There's no counter, dude. It would be so moated. What is moated?

Cobusted. Oh, cobusted, okay. One time when I was in second grade, Mrs. Beattie. Did you remember her? I remember her, yeah. I had her. She was the frumpy fat one? No.

Oh, then I don't know her don't okay so now that was miss benaxis you had miss benaxis okay but no but so now you're being worse than i was in the beginning i wasn't saying i was just like calling it back okay but that's fine but maybe they're dead now who's mrs beatty mrs beatty beatty mrs fucking mrs beatty was great fucking beat me off you know what i'm saying nope nope absolutely not man okay okay okay wonderful woman oh okay second grade teacher and i was yeah i didn't have her i had miss caldwell i remember her matcha venon had her she was pretty oh maybe it's not she probably got hit on she was really

old right mrs caldwell no she was very young oh damn i don't know okay so anyway um rashid i remember rashid do you he was pretty funny yeah he was fucking funny I wonder what he's doing now he was saying something to Miss Beatty and Miss Beatty was like Rashid no

hold on a second hold on a second and Rashid said oh Miss Beatty that's co-busted and then Miss Beatty said Rashid if you don't get out of my face

I'm gonna co-bust it all over you whoa yeah dude and it was so hilarious, dude. I laughed so hard, as you can imagine. I mean, even in second grade, you knew it was funny? Oh, me?

Yeah. I had never heard co-busted before in my life. Oh, wow. So I was laughing. I was having a conniption fit, dude. It sounds good. I mean, man, it was so funny. Oh, but that's co-busted.

Rasheed, if you don't get it in my face i'm gonna co-bust it all over the place so she was i'm gonna co-bust it so that would be a version of clapping back not the best idea in 2022 exactly because she because rachid could have went right to the and she said the teacher said but she was gonna bust on my face then she's gone forever right right but no witnesses i was a witness so i would have been like she didn't actually say that okay well the principal but she did say that she didn't know all over the place co-busted all over the place to get caught doing something you shouldn't while you're convicted guilty of a um cold yeah they used it differently though back then co-busted meant like fucked up not that wait what's over co-bust

deliver insult that's what it was delivered insult in time to highlight inadequacy i'm trying to raise money for college your mom goes to college co-busted that's what it was delivered insult attempt to highlight an accuracy i'm trying to raise money for college your mom goes to college co-busted that's what it was yeah right okay yeah hell yeah dude russian astronaut in space allegedly scammed the japanese woman into paying for his return trip to earth vowing to marry her once he landed this is from vice believing this man would be her future fiance the woman paid him about 4.4 million yen, about $30,000 in five installments. From August 19th to September 5th, the Japanese newspaper Yomiuri Shimbun reported. But when his demands continued, the woman grew suspicious of his intent and reported him to the police who are investigating the case as a romance scam, local media reported.

Romance scam? Intergalactic romance scam. Dude. Dumb. Intergalactic romance scam. Romance scam. Intergalactic romance scam. Dude. Dumb. Intergalactic romance scam. Romance scam. Intergalactic. Dude, this is the thing, dude.

Scams are shitty. You can prey on people and make them scams. Like, I watched this HBO Max fucking documentary on scammers. And these guys really go out of their way to make people feel, like, you know, comfortable and good at giving money and shit like that. their way to make people feel like you know comfortable and good at giving money and shit like that those people uh you know those people deserve to pay some sort of penalty or whatever this guy yeah figured it out she should pay some penalty for being so fucking dim hello i am in space i need to get home i need you know rubles or whatever the fuck the... Rubles. Whatever the fucking Russian money is. Yen.

4.4 million yen. Oh, it's Japanese? She was in Japan. Oh my God, dude. Yeah. Like, imagine this guy just like... If I only had certain thousand dollars. And also, how did he find this woman?

Like, here's the thing about... The scammers whatever obviously they're fucking villains fucking service up there but the people who get scammed was it on zoom yeah like don't get scammed dude oh dude it was dumb ass fuck dude it was the zoom with the space background that you're right right right he's just like this he's just like this doing it like just like like having the wallet float so you can't see his hand. Yeah, he's really just in Moscow somewhere, you know what I mean? Oh, my God. They saw Alien.

I need five grand. I need five grand. Alien allergic to yen. Please, need rubles, need anything you need. Yeah, I mean, the advice here is flat, bottom line. Anybody who emails you that you don't know, you do not give them anything, information or money. Further than that, the advice is never trust somebody on the internet. Period.

Even someone you do know because it might not be them. Yeah. And if they want money, no. This is crazy, dude. How are the cops going to get him, though, in outer space? It's hard. It's hard. The Intergalactic Police Force.

Freeze! He's like this. Yeah. He's going to get away though in outer space it's hard it's hard the intergalactic police yeah he's gonna get away dude fucking so fucking stupid i mean it's taking it's taking so long because the space is slow. That's the bullet. My question is, so my fiance, we actually just got engaged a couple weeks ago. But the other day, I noticed that my toothbrush was wet. We've been together for almost seven years. And I noticed my toothbrush was wet. And I was like, I didn't brush my teeth.

So I went up to him and I was like, did you use my toothbrush he didn't have his and he was like yeah I yeah and I was like that's disgusting and he's like no it's not so I guess my question is like maybe Chris would you do that with Kristen or is that disgusting or is it normal because we've been together so long should I not be grossed out by that I think it's gross but whatever let me know what y'all think it it's the bane of my existence right now why because i and let me tell you why all right i i like my shit you know me right okay my shit's my shit okay if you want to drink some of my drink, it's yours now. Okay? Let me just chill, have my shit.

There's very few things that you get to just kind of experience in your own body. And brushing your teeth, that's one of them. Okay? So I've noticed the same thing. My toothbrush is wet. I walk over. I'm like, this has been like two years now. I'm like, Kristen, did you use my toothbrush? And she's like, oh, yeah.

And I'm like, oh, okay. Well, that's disgusting. So where's your toothbrush? She's like oh yeah and i'm like oh okay well that's disgusting so what where's your toothbrush she's like i couldn't find it and then i go look for two minutes and i find it right so look a little bit harder for your toothbrush also don't lose a toothbrush also if you lost your toothbrush walk around with a dirty mouth that's your penance. Here's the other thing too. I bought, and I'm not joking, 20 toothbrushes. I bought 20 toothbrushes. This way, oh, Kristen, these gold ones are mine. I bought them all the same.

The gold ones are mine. And you have your blue one. Okay. Okay? Did you buy her a bunch of blue ones or no? No, I got her. She has a blue one and I got her. There's also like a green one and a red one if she wants to use it.

no i got her she has a blue one and i got her she's also there's also like a green one and a red one if she wants to use it and like dude she'll just like willy-nilly take one of the gold ones and bring it in the shower which is fine because i'm like okay hers is in the shower mine's out here and then i gotta bring mine in the shower i bring mine in the shower and then i put it down like wait a minute which one's mine the gold ones are mine dude it's so gross to use someone else's toothbrush and let me me tell you why. Not because of the brushing the teeth, because some people brush their tongue. Dude. That's disgusting. But you fucking,

you're macking all the time on each other. Hang on. If you're macking, if you're fucking got your mack on and you're macking nonstop with your mouth on the other one, macking away, what the fuck is the difference

between that and sharing a toothbrush? The staleness. The staleness, okay? Staleness is fresh ass toothpaste on it. Mackin is about fresh kissing, mix of saliva, beautiful temperature. You know, my temperature of my mouth

is meeting your temperature of your mouth. Okay. This is lovemaking, okay? Okay. Using a stale toothbrush that someone else brushed their fucking tongue on or got the fucking lettuce out of their teeth come on with that but it's the realness and that's why you don't like it because you don't like the

realness which is what it actually is which is what i'm talking about but like who cares you're not you're not seeing it happen like i don't know that shit only grosses me out when like i'm visualizing it or seeing everyone who cares the fuck? Everyone who cares walking through the door. That's who cares, dude. Oh, no, no, no. A marching band of people who care. I don't like that. I don't like that.

All right, well, it's the truth, dude. I like that you did that. That's fine. What's this? We're opening the garage. Oh, wow. With the clinger? Somebody got drove out with a bunch of people in it. A parade. Dude, it's just disgusting. You don't think it's disgusting and here's the other thing i really

actually don't i really just i don't yeah if i was gonna pick somebody to do this with it would be kristin of course exactly which is why it's not gross it's still gross it's not gross dude it's not gross she should divorce you's not gross. She should divorce you. That you think it's gross. That means you don't love her. If you loved her, you wouldn't fucking care, dude. Does she care that it's yours? No, because she actually loves you.

You're not going to sing this song? So insecure now. Just me, just me. now oh just you yeah uh no i just i don't i don't think it's gross and if you think it's gross i think that's weird that's just my take on it dude i don't know what to say it's like you're macking away you mack all the time on each other's mouths like who fucking cares dude macking also how annoying is it to me getting all the toothbrushes and then her still using for my tooth that's that's a bit like is she trying to i mean it's a little bit yeah it's like that's like gangster shit yeah that is actually it's pretty baller to be like i'm gonna use the

gold ones you know my gold toothbrushes are around my bathroom right now for real they're all i mean i'll take a picture of it and i'll send it in. Is there a way to put like a label on it? Like a tape with a letter on it? Frankly, I don't think that that would matter. Yeah, but we do have a label maker. Yeah. You have a label maker. Try it out, dude.

Okay, I'll try it out. And same advice for this woman. But it sounds like he gets the idea now. I would imagine that if you call your partner out on it for doing it, that they don't like it, that they would stop. Obviously, Kristen is such a fucking hard-ass baller doesn't want to do that this woman's husband might actually respect her wishes and stop so maybe you don't even need advice time you even have a purple phone case so i mean blending into your shirt but might as well it in the center there so we can see it on the screen QVC

QVC We have got a beautiful Purple case Matt will show it to you It's absolutely gorgeous isn't it Hold it a little bit so it more There we go Now I get why they do that

Look at that You got grease stains in the middle That's from his thumb That's from his thumb. Okay. No, it's from my fingies. That's from your fingies right there. It's absolutely beautiful.

Look at that, the way you type it. You can type on that that way. You can type on it the other way and you'll be texting. It's just so not true, you know. But it is absolutely gorgeous. It is coming right now. If you buy one purple case, you will get a purple velour shirt. You will get this as supplies. we only have how many do we have phil he's saying we only have a hundred left we're gonna dock it down we want them to fly but

they're honestly they're going a little too quick so we're gonna dock them down we're gonna make them you can get now you can get these you can get another version of this you can get another version of this for probably $110. This is a better version. And we are not going to give it to you for $100. Fucking screaming, dude. Just absolutely outright screaming. Here's the thing. If you want this for $100, you go to them, right, Phil?

You can go to, we can't say the competitors' names, but you go, we are not going to give it to you for $100. We are not going to give it to you for $90. We are not going to give it to you for $80. What? We are not going to give it to you today right now for $70. We are not going to give it to you today right now for $70. We are not going to give it to you for $60. We could give it to you for $50, but I'm feeling generous. We are not going to give it to you for $50.

We are not going to give it to you for $40 or $30 today. Only today while supplies last. Phil's telling me not to do it. We are going to give it to you for four payments of 12 cents.

And they're gone. They're gone just like that. It took so long to get to the end you know with the purple velour shirt also he's you have been doing you yeah how can you say who when i say you pointing at you yeah i think i know you're talking about me he i'm like he who he is me laughing you wow wow fucking wow he who he who you Okay. So you've been doing that? Yeah. For? Can't even tell you how long.

23 years? Can't even tell you how long. Probably 23 years, something like that. More, maybe? 25 years? I would just pick up stuff around the house. Look at these glasses. Okay.

And we've got, we have these. And we're going to give them away. We can't give them, we're going to practically give them away. Dude, yeah. You can get this green wall right now. 40 easy payments of two cents. Wow. It's not even worth it, you know?

That's 80 cents. The postage would cost way more. Yeah. Postage would cost way more, honestly. What did they say? So you can check on postage so i have a question for chris how do i use a napkin where's my mouth how did you become so sick with it well i mean oh wow you know just so that was the best submission we ever gotten and because of the chocolate on his face. It was so quick. What was good about it, it sounded like Chris cut his ass off because it went too long, right?

That wasn't the end of his video. That was the end of the video? Oh, really? How to get too sick with it? Let's play it again. Look at his slovenly face. I have a question for Chris. How did you become so sick with it

thanks oh even better first thank us for our time first off he started wiping his face when he had shit all over it what do you mean that's how you started oh that's how i started me it's like step one or step one when you when it looks like you have dookie on your mouth yeah yeah yeah wow dude so that's number one yeah i mean dude didn't give it that guy doesn't give a fuck honestly how sexy is that guy in a relationship for real because he so doesn't give a fuck i mean zero percent sexy okay if anyone was going in to kiss that guy no when he had this shit on his face but the attitude about it is that he did the video and thought, and obviously saw,

he's not blind because he's driving. He wanted it. Like, he thought it was funny. That's why I don't think so. Oh, okay,

then never mind. You know, he thought it was being funny. All right. Okay. But he still has his question. He's pretty sick with it already. You think so?

I mean, he's asking you. I mean, I probably don't want to hang out with a guy like that, but he's pretty sick with it. Okay. Because he's already,

he doesn't give a fuck. What makes you say these two things? That he's already sick with it, A, and that you don't want to hang out with a guy like that, but he's pretty sick with it. Okay. Because he's already, he doesn't give a fuck. That's what makes you say these two things, that he's already sick with it, A, and that you wouldn't want to hang out with him. Well, because I don't want to hang out with a guy who thinks it's good to have fucking stuff all over his face. That's disgusting to me. Okay. Period.

For any amount of time. Yes. And then he's already sick with it because he doesn't give a fuck what people think, obviously. Okay. Because now he's on, you know, hundreds of millions of people are going to see this. Yes. Billions. Yes. By the way, hundreds of millions of people are going to see this. Yes, billions. Yes.

By the way, subscribe to the channel. We need to break 596. This is a conspiracy. Super cult. Sooner or later, even I, who never believe anything is a conspiracy,

will start to think this is a conspiracy. Yeah, neither do I, dude. But I'm starting to be like, okay, man, maybe we're a little bit Alex Jones in this bitch. The girlfriend just quit

and the guy just became friends with me. So now we're friends. But then the mom of the girl has been like spying on us and telling her daughter hey they're like flirting and hanging out 24 7 i could care less like i literally don't care to be friends with him i'm just friends with him and that's hilarious like i don't hang out like alone with him yeah and so basically so she's been messaging me saying i'm shady and to never talk to them again.

The mom? She doesn't like her boyfriend having friends at all. She's in control of him. But anyway, I just want advice on how to, like, do I stop being friends with him? Or do I just say fuck it and just lean into it, you know, and just say screw it? Like I don't care what she says and just because I don't like that she can control his life, you know. Anyway, that's my question. I love you guys.

Bye. Aw, sweetie. Here's two options. Just fucking block her and then do whatever you want. And who cares about this fucking asshole? That's the third option. That's cool. Go to HR, sweetie. There's two options. Just fucking block her and then do whatever you want. And who cares about this fucking asshole? That's the third option. That's cool. Go to HR, dude.

If you all work together and somebody's making it uncomfortable for you, you can go fucking tell them, dude. You can go tell them. Yeah, but then you're kind of like the neighbor calling the cops. Okay. But I mean- What's option two? What's option two?

Option two is fucking spit all over his cock and deep throat. Oh my God. Don't do that. A hundred percent, dude. Don't do that 100 don't do that why not dude let's make waves baby that's the wrong way lean back dude i Dude, I tell you what, man. That's like, dude, if you're going to make my life difficult, at least I'm going to come. Dude, forget it. Like, that's so annoying. Oh, well, you know what I'm going to do if you're going to keep telling me that I'm trouble?

I'm going to turn around in front of your boyfriend and show you what trouble is. Yunk. Yunk. Yunk. friend and show you what trouble is young young young runk runk dude do the rock away ha lean back lean back that's her afterwards wiping up. Okay. Okay. That's so annoying. People are so annoying. That's true. That is extremely, particularly annoying.

Block that fucking idiot and never ever think about her again. And fucking the mom. The mom is the most depressing. Fuck the husband or the mom, dude. The mom is the most depressing human alive. I know. Oh, really, dude? Where's your husband at? Show up at Target while mom, dude. Oh, dude. The mom is the most depressing human alive, dude. I know. Oh, really, dude? Where's your husband at?

Show up at Target while he's getting shit for the family. Yonk. Yonk. A samurai. A samurai. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. So uncomfortable to get head that way. Yonk. Yonk. Get in there, dude. Why lean back? So uncomfortable to get head that way. Young.

Young. Get in there, dude. Why lean back? It's gangster. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

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