Lions Led By Donkeys Podcast - Episode 51 - The Dogs (and bear) of War

Episode Date: May 20, 2019

Joe, Nick, and Rich tell the stories of Sergeant Stubby, Chief Dog Sinbad, and Corporal Wojtek BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL SUCH GOOD BOYS. Buy Joe's new Military Sci Fi Novel Citizen of Earth: https://www.amazon.com/Citizen-Earth-Galaxy-Fire-Book-ebook/dp/B07NSMFSHN/ref=sr_1_fkmrnull_1?crid=1OWAX5TWGSTT6&keywords=citizen+of+earth+joseph+kassabian&qid=1558351936&s=gateway&sprefix=citizen+of+earth%2Caps%2C294&sr=8-1-fkmrnull Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/lionsledbydonkeys buy some shirts: https://teespring.com/stores/lions-led-by-donkeys-store Follow us on twitter: @lions_by sources: https://www.warhistoryonline.com/history/chief-dog-sinbad-cheerful-brave-coast-guard-mascot-ww2.html https://www.navalhistory.org/2019/03/21/sinbad-the-dog-behind-the-legend

According to Business Insider, the story of Wojtek, the 440-pound bear that fought the Nazis in World War II, is being made into a movie. Wojtek was bought as a cub by Polish soldiers while they were in Iran and eventually became a part of what would become the Polish II Corps 22nd Artillery Supply Company in 1942. Wojtek traveled with the soldiers around Egypt and Iraq. Wojcic-Nabriski, a Polish soldier who spent three years alongside Wojtek during the war, said he was like a child, like a small dog. The movie about Wojtek is going to be an animated feature created by animator Leon Harvey, who is known for his work in British children's television. Hello, and welcome to yet another episode of, and Rich is already laughing, Lions Led

by Donkeys podcast. So the first time ever on our lovely show here. As everybody knows, I'm Joe. With me is Rich and Nick hey guys yay I managed to get all three of us you forgot when I was coming

I did not think you were coming over like literally like five times Joe forgot when Nick was coming back and he was like you have to record with me I was like Nick will be back by then I just always assume he's never coming back so our show like Jesus Christ baby I was like, Nick will be back by then. I just always assume he's never coming back. So our show.

Like Jesus Christ, baby. That means I have to kill you first. Coming soon to a podcast near you. Are you Judas? Oh, yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah. Gotta get those pieces of gold, baby.

So our show does not have a wonderful reputation on not covering things are just horribly depressing and awful i guess it's our it's our brand it's what we do um but like i know rich you've been on some some of the worst ones i think nick has definitely been on the worst ones though maybe that maybe the the title of being the co-host for the worst episode ever might go to Riley Dosh because she had to talk about war crimes with me for almost two hours. I've heard that I get a little bit shrill. You just get upset.

You're definitely the most unflappable of the group. I've never seen you flap. What does that even mean? Like a bird. Yeah, you're just unflappable. I'm like a bird. Because I have gotten so upset that I screamed so loud that Nate has told me to shut up.

When I was doing an episode with Travis, I threatened to show an old man my asshole. I'm not good under stress, is what I'm saying, but we cover some dark shit. I can't have, I'm not good under stress. That's what I'm saying. But we cover some dark shit. I can't make Catholic jokes. No, you can't make specific Catholic jokes, Nick. You can't make like any jokes, Nick, because you always say bad words.

It's my experience. I was Catholic too. It's different for little boys. We cover bad stuff. We've covered genocide we've covered you know the liberian civil war need i say more about that uh we just covered the kent state massacre uh rich is with me when we covered a literal vampire what is this episode about and we're getting uh so i decided that um we would do an episode that's completely unlike us.

It is going to be happy. And some people are still going to die because it's war. But like, I was about to leave. But cute, fuzzy animals, y'all. Puppies. Puppies. Actually, two of the three things we're going to talk about are puppies. Wait, two of the three.

I was promised all puppies today. Bears are also also they're like forest puppies the bear that fought in the german german no we would not be talking about nazi bears wait if you're talking about the field artillery bear we're getting there we are getting there so my dog is a forest puppy yeah i like the she is i like to think that you know we we talk about a lot of awful shit so i've kind of become like an alcoholic, emotionally abusive history teacher for our audience. So I like to lighten things up a bit. And, you know, maybe at the end of this episode.

Oh, and none of these animals die horribly gruesome deaths. I need to, which is great. I normally don't get to say that. Did they die regular deaths? Because I don't want to hear about that either. Well, they're not immortal, unfortunately. We are not talking about the Highlander of dogs. Just don't talk about them dying, Joe.

I just want He-Man's battle cat. Is that in this episode? It turns out that that didn't really happen. And I know from the wonderful public schools we went to, there's a good chance we may have learned about He-Man and his battle cat fighting in the War of Southern Aggression. aggression or Northern aggression. Sorry, Texas. Unfortunately, no. So we're still breaking hearts today is what you're saying. Not really. Everybody dies a normal death, except some of the people the animals kill,

but they're bad, so it's fine. so for people who are not aware animals have been accompanying humans into battle and playing integral part in military life ever since people managed to domesticate animals for any purpose would that be you know logistic pack animals and obviously war dogs um elephants well yeah um you know as soon as anybody figured out stabbing someone while riding on top of a horse is better than stabbing someone on foot. The links have been together. And we have worked with animals in the military. I know I've worked with military working dogs.

That was my favorite part about being deployed whenever the working dogs would come out and go on patrol with us. Yeah. They were so sweet. And there's even like... Also, some of them are not sweet, but they were so cute to look at. We had one in the shower stall that we lived in, which for people who haven't read the book, I'm not going to go into it very much. We lived in a shower stall.

But the dog slept in the hallway outside of it right in front of all of our doors. Between us and the doorway to get to the bathroom. So if you had. And the dog would just try to attack anybody who walked past it. So you had to pee in bottles that night. Also, girls can't pee in bottles. No, they can't. You can pee in anything if you're brave enough. That's very true.

One of my buddies definitely had his tricep ripped off from one of them. That's not unheard of. There's military working dolphins now in the navy uh they find landmines sea mines landmines would be kind of difficult it'd be like the episode of the simpsons or the dolphins come on land they're fucking just up top but you know that and no they don't find

sea mines by running into them they're not kamikazes. Recently in the news, I believe it was last week, it was Norway or Finland or something found a fucking spy whale that had like a harness. Oh yeah, from Russia, right? Yes, a fucking defector. And then it didn't want to leave, so they became friends. Yeah, there was a defector. I want to be friends with a whale, a Russian spy whale.

Cool, like I'll be friends with you still. Yeah, I mean, if I was to be friends with a whale, a Russian spy whale. Cool. Like I'll be friends with you still. Yeah. I mean, if I was to befriend any whale, it would definitely be a Russian defector whale, I suppose, is the sentence I never thought I'd say. Now, some people might be a little shocked to talk about war dogs and not just like canine handler dogs. These aren't dogs that were necessarily friendly to pretty much anyone. Think more like the dogs from Game of Thrones where they were just like beaten and mistreated and hungry. Like Ramsay's dogs? Yeah.

You have to be specific because the dire wolves were very friendly. Those are wolves, not dogs. There's a difference. First of all. Semantics. Man's best friend has been shoulder to shoulder with humans in battle for at least as far back as the Roman Empire in organized formations now which is really fun to think about

like imagine if legionnaire, legionnaire, legionnaire, dog does the dog have a shield? they did have armor yes but you know probably even further back than that Marcus Aurelius had a special breed of Molossian dogs That is fucking awesome. But, you know, probably even further back than that,

Marcus Aurelius had a special breed of Molossian dogs trained specifically for formation-based warfare. They would wear armor with spiked metal collars and would be put in their own formation. It's a bitch when the enemy throws a ball. Marcus Aurelius was like, blast, I didn't think of that. That's why the war cats didn't work out. So that's why somebody invented the fucking laser pointer. As soon as somebody has a cut of meat,

you're just like done. And there's even like, there's sketches I found of like old historical supposed good sources of like war rhinos with armor. But I need to express your skin. I saw no legitimate proof that this was ever used, but I fucking hope it was. I want a war rhino.

Great Danes were weaponized in England during the Middle Ages where their huge size was enough to scare off horses. But they have big hearts. They do now. Ramsey II of Egypt had an actual pet lion that fought alongside him at the Battle

of Kamdash. So it turns out that later season of The Walking Dead where things get really fucking stupid wasn't exactly as ridiculous as we all thought it was. That's when I stopped watching. It was when Ezekiel's lion died. It still sucked, but I mean, also historically based. Also, there was a fucking lion.

Yeah. So cool. Yeah, there's a lion. But then they killed it in the worst way possible. So fuck you. I mean, The Walking Dead sucked way before that, but it's an underline. I want to say something, but I'm not going to say it. I guess my mom sucked.

My mom sucked. You can say that. Your mom is a nice lady. Yeah, that's what I fucking thought. Karen Kasabian is a saint. Does your mom listen to this? My mom doesn't even know how to fucking email people. Do you think she knows how to podcast?

I don't think she knows what a podcast is. Exactly. But I'm still not going to say that because... She thinks I have a radio show. I'm not going to break her heart. I'm going to let her think I'm a successful person. And because the topic of our episode is happy, I am going to skip right on past the pain of talking about Soviet tank dogs.

Oh, no. We're not going to talk about those. Rich, have you ever heard of tank dogs? Nope, and I don't think I want to. You're not going to learn about us today. Just based on the looks on both of your faces, no thank you. So it turned out the Soviets trained a tank full of dogs. So you're going to tell me anyways.

Yeah, I'm going to tell you a lie because it's really cute to think of a T-34 just full of dogs. They drove the tanks? Yep, they sure did. What good puppers. I know, they were great. And nothing bad happened to them. Loyal communist dogs, each and every one. So instead of talking about all these ways that

dogs were used in war uh throughout history uh we're going to talk about individual animals who make every human soldier around them look like shit and also us they're all better soldiers than us i feel like i need to point that out which isn't saying much when it comes to me or Nick. Us as in you and I or us as in the US overall? Yes. Okay. Both. All of the above. Got it.

Everything. And nothing. Check Raj. Oh, dang it. I fucking hate you. The first we will talk about is a very good boy named Stubby, who is sometimes known as Sergeant Stubby, though. Did he have a stubby tail?

He was a stubby dog in general. He was just stubby everywhere. I need to point out that unlike, and this is true, unlike the other two entries on this three-entry list, Stubby was not officially a member of the United States Army. Did he not get his pension? Unfortunately, he did not. But he was taken care of really well uh so stubby was born sometime around 1916 as a stray nobody's entirely sure what his breed was

but it's generally thought to be a mix of bull terrier or boston terrier uh to me he looks like a boston terrier just a little different because this is probably before everybody was in breeding them and they couldn't breathe. And their eyes would randomly pop out of their fucking sockets. My grandma's dog did that. I know. It's fucking gross. Yeah, it's disgusting.

One of the guys I worked out with in Texas had a Boston Terrier and his eye would randomly prolapse. Fucking gross. But thankfully, Stubby got in at entry level being a boston terrier and he was just a homeless dog which is better than being any of those um at the time the boston terrier was kind of a new thing as a new breed so nobody really had quite worked out uh what they were supposed to be uh but i'm we're gonna call him boston terrier not that any of this is important anyway little stubby was found wandering the grounds of Yale University in 1917, where members of the 102nd Infantry Regiment were training in preparation for deployment to the Western Front of World War I.

Just imagine how different the world is for those random infantry units drilling trench warfare in the front yard of an Ivy League college. Because that's what happened. As soldiers tend to do when they're around stray dogs, they begin to feed Stubby and befriend him. I have done this to multiple dogs, both overseas. I did too, but they were all murdered by our chain of command. Fuck all of you, 411th MP.

That's because they're monsters. And I'm sure Nick has befriended random dogs. Stray dogs anywhere. Yeah. That look really cute. It's weird. They just flock to him like out of the alleys going to Seattle. It's a straight solidarity.

Yeah. They come out of the alley stick together and it's my thing. Yeah. Maybe it's the smell. Yeah. Hard work hard work wanting to belong doesn't go with axe body spray no I don't have axe

old spice old spice you have old spice you fuck I do have old spice I've been using the same deodorant since I've been 14 years old I have no idea why butice. I've been using the same deodorant since I've been 14 years old. I have no idea why, but literally everywhere I've been deployed, every soldier tries to befriend dogs. It's like, you know, you had a dog

back home, soldiers need friends, and you're... Everybody likes to think that the soldiers they serve alongside them are their best friends they'll ever have, but you probably hate the vast majority of them. Dogs will hate you. Small dose of humanity in the middle of a war zone. Yeah. Well, this is Yale, so preparation, whatever.

Or college. We need safe spaces there, right? Yeah. Sure. On the few occasions where dogs have lived with us, even those against the rules and against all regulations of field sanitation, most commanders look a blind eye, because they kind of understand the morale benefit

of having a dog around. During my last deployment to Afghanistan, one of the dogs that followed us around at night and would bark when everybody got near air patrols, which is pretty fucking helpful when you're trying to sneak around through the bushes. And someone ended up bringing it home, which is really cool.

But like soldiers tend to do. Cujo now lives in Colorado with his best friend, Annabelle. And I would like to hope he still chases random Taliban in the middle of the night. Noted hotbed for Taliban, Colorado. Like most soldiers tend to do, Corporal Robert Conroy developed a friendship with the little dog and decided he didn't want to leave him

to wander the streets of Connecticut. So Conroy hid the small dog under his overcoat and smuggled him aboard the SS Minnesota for the night. How? Just shoved it under there. Okay. It's not like they had to go through customs. It's 1916. I'm sure he didn't really

have to hide him. Nobody gave a shit. I'm pretty sure they're like, is that a dog? You have to think, his company commander may have not cared, but he's being packed aboard a ship with literally thousands of other people. There's other officers who would have cared. I'm sure they all smelled like dog. They all probably smell terrible.

Wool. Sweating. Smells like shit all the time. He tried to keep the dog secret for the trip to France, but he did not succeed at all. I did that often when I was a kid, snuck pets into my home to keep them hidden from my parents. It never works out. Oh, yeah, I tried that, too.

I lasted about as long as Conroy did because within the first 48 hours, they were doing an accountability formation. And Stubby just started barking his fucking ass off like a little snitch but when Kyroy's like the commanding officer of his regimental commander not his company commander found him he did exactly as he was Stubby did exactly

as he was trained to do which what Conroy trained him to do sit down and salute him. Nice. What a good fucking boy. The commander thought it was so fucking adorable he just let the little dog stay. Unfortunately for Stubby,

he was not going to a good home. He was going to the western front of one of the most violent wars in human history. Stubby, it turns out, would take to the relentless brutality of trench warfare better than pretty much every soldier around him. Stubby would it turns out, would take to the relentless brutality of trench warfare better than pretty much every soldier around him. Stubby would tour the line going from soldier to soldier and raising morale when he saw them getting sad. This is in the middle of gas and artillery attacks.

Stubby had no fucks to give. Did he have a gas mask? I'll get to that part. Oh, no. a gas mask? I'll get to that part. Oh, no. He would sit through barrages and air attacks

and gas attacks. He would actually hear the artillery before soldiers would as well because, you know, dog's hearing is better. At least before he sits through numerous

artillery barrages, he would hear the guns go off and bark. Unfortunately, he would bark at everything. So, like, nobody was really sure if somebody was breaking into the trench,

like raiding it or they're going to get gassed or they're going to get shot. It's like when a dog barks just in the middle of the night, but nobody's actually like, what the fuck did you hear? You're just barking.

I'm getting my gun, but I don't know what you're barking at. So you do a whole parameter check with your weapon and there's nothing there. I'm not saying I did this last month. I'm just saying it happens. Another thing that he would do is

at night when, you know, they had night raids and trenches is a big thing. Stubby would stay awake all night and bark whenever Germans got close to the trench. So Germans would learn to stay away from the trench line where Stubby was stationed. Also, I don't know fucking why other members of the United States Army were like, man, dogs are a really good idea.

Let's get more dogs. Because they fucking didn't. I'm sure somebody's going to prove wrong. Like, no, this unit totally had dogs. Whatever. Fuck you. I don't care. But like, I'm just saying, like.

We're talking about Stubby here. I feel like they should, like, all right, go around, get all the busted terriers in Yale we need them all in France I imagine just a whole unit of dogs in one trench all led by a not inbred German shepherd

they would have stolen Stubby's valor oh my god what just happened to my mouth that's what she said. Ha ha! Consider yourself flapped, ma'am. You're no longer unflappable. Ha ha!

I've at you. Stubby, however, was not immune to the effects of war. His ones blinded in a gas attack, but recovered quickly, and was soon defeated with his own tiny gas mask What does it look like? I couldn't find pictures of it

Horseshit But it is noted in his official biography Oh that's adorable Do you have his war diaries? No If he was a SEAL he he'd already have a movie. Actually, he does have a movie. It's animated and it looks really cute.

It's called Sergeant Stubby. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Which I'm going to assume leaves out the blinding gas attack portion. It definitely does. In another occasion, he was wounded by a German hand grenade, but before the war was over he would be awarded two wound stripes

as Purple Hearts did not exist for animals quite yet they do now though leave it to fucking army regulation to be like you're a dog you can't have Purple Heart just give him a fucking Purple Heart Jesus Christ Stubby did so much shit they they had to invent metals for him. But not the army.

It was the Humane Society. During the American offensive into the Argonne Forest, Stubby found a German scout hiding and attacked him, pinning him down by the seat of his pants until a human showed up to apprehend him. Which, this is a fucking Boston Terrier. How shitty were German soldiers? I give up small animal.

Like, how did this war go on for so long if a Boston Terrier could pin down a German soldier? Maybe he pinned him down with his cuteness. He was like, I will sit here and lick you for hours. He's just rolling around giggling. He's just rolling around giggling with a Boston Terrier.

Okay, I would be the scout that get captured that way. No, you distracted me. I would definitely be that guy. Before Stubby was brought back to the United States, which was much of the same way he got there via smuggling, he would end up fighting in 17 different battles. He was awarded the Gold Hero Dog Medal by the General of All U.S. Forces in Europe,

General Blackjack Pershing, in person. And there's pictures of it. It looks hilarious. That is fucking awesome. What does this medal look like? It just looks like a little small medal. You can't really tell. It's a black and white photo.

Can we see the pictures? Oh, yeah. Yeah, you can pull them up right now on your phone. Just look up... I don't bring my phone. I left my phone downstairs. You guys are both not good at this. Just as good as I am by not having pictures of this ready.

I didn't want to destroy your sound, Joe. If you didn't want to destroy my sound, you would have never been on my show in the first place. Take it back. Take it back. Not Joe's sound. I get a little abusive. Nate is going to get pissed. He always is.

a little abusive. Nate is gonna get pissed. He always is. Nate is like the friend of an alcoholic to the podcast where he just keeps telling his friends, I swear he's gonna do it right this time. And then I don't. I never do. Poor Nate. I'm sorry, Nate. We love you.

Never learn. But Blackjack Pershing is a rather tall man for his name, probably about six foot. So they have a boss interior on a very high platform. So he can reward him a medal. Once back in the States,

Stubby became a celebrity. He would lead marches of the American Legion, which, so let's go on record here, say the American Legion sucks. And we've been on record on this show multiple times saying how bad they suck. On this one occasion, they're okay.

They're okay on this one occasion. He actually ended up following his master, Conroy, to college where he studied law. Conroy, not the dog. Was it at Yale? No. Oh, okay. That'd be great if it went full circle. It was at Georgetown University, which, if you think in your head the georgetown hoyas what is their mascot it's fucking stubby yeah

it's a boston terrier it's stubby it's like legit yes oh it's sergeant stubby that's right now you have one good reason to like georgetown law congratulations everybody uh and uh so stubby Georgetown Law. Congratulations, everybody. And so Stubby died in 1926, and he was remembered as a hero by survivors of his unit, and the obituary in the New York Times is an entire page long. What a good boy. Did you just say what a good boy over and over again? Oh, look at your face. I've had bylines in worst articles.

Fuck it. I would do that. So this brings us to our next dog, who also saw action this time in World War II, but at sea. Also, I have to point out, I had no idea this dog even existed until somebody in the Discord told me about it.

So I'm not going to drop names, but thank you for doing that. Fuck, I need to get back on the Discord. Everybody needs to get back on the Discord. By the way, a $1 donation will get you access to the Discord. What is a Discord? Not going into this again with you, Rich. I had to mute my Discord while I was out in the field. No, I

have to do that like every day. It's like fucking Thunderdome. It never stops. It's great. Yeah, but I gotta get it back because I've been back for like every day because it's like fucking thunderdome it never stops it's great yeah but i gotta get it back because i've been back for like a day or two um so this is sinbad the coast guard dog what sinbad yes like like sinbad i'm more shocked i can now name one coast guard hero whoa whoa whoa First of all, is Sinbad the person, actually a dog? Is that why they can't find that Shazam movie?

What? I'm lost. Continue. Just continue. There is also a movie called Sinbad, also a comedian named Sinbad. None of them have to do with the dog. No, the dog stand-up is probably better than the guys.

I'm sorry. This is probably going to make me sound really stupid, but the movie Sinbad is not with the comedian Sinbad. No, Sinbad is the Sinbad's name. There's a standup comedian. No, but he was the reason why there was a movie called Sinbad. No,

it was a pirate. Oh my God. Yeah. You suck at this. Find all your shit. This is fucking awesome. Pull it all in. Put it all in a box.

Get your shit together. That's what I'm trying to tell you. I don't know if I can at this point. So nobody's really sure of when or where Sinbad the dog was born. Not the comedian or the pirate. But we do know it is a Coast Guardsman named Blackie Rother. Yeah, that was his name. Who served aboard a Coast Guard ship named the George W. Campbell,

found the dog in the street and intended to give the little pup to his girlfriend. Unfortunately, she could not take him because even back then, her apartment refused to allow dogs. Anybody who's ever lived in a shitty fucking rental property can probably sympathize with. My boyfriend never tried to give me a puppy. dog because anybody who's ever lived in a shitty fucking rental property can probably sympathize with. Ugh. My boyfriend never tried to give me a puppy. It turns out landlords have always been fucking terrible. Gross. Rother brought the dog back with him

on the ship. I've had a good landlord. And would just try to find somebody to take him. But as most people bored were like Rother himself and lived on the ship, nobody could take him. So while they're on shore leave, the crew decided to take little Sinbad out with them into town. Let's get fucked up, Sinbad.

You have no idea how right you are. Yes, yes. He would drink coffee and booze as well as eat cigarettes before running off and banging stray dogs. Oh no. Sinbad, no. Which makes him the most sailor that he could possibly be. He had his fucking freedom cuffs on, ready to go.

For obvious reasons, the sailors quickly bonded with the dog and did not want to leave him behind when they were ordered back out to sea. Okay, so I need to point out. I do not know if sailor is the proper verbiage for a Coast Guardsman, but I'm using it. Sorry. Liberty cuffs. I'll ask my cousin.

I'm using sailor. They're on a boat. They fucking sail. I'm using sailor. Coast Guardsman, I love you, but Coast Guardsman's just too long to say. Coast dog. Coast dog. Rother presented Sinbad to the ship's commander and said, Sinbad was clearly an able seaman and proof that he stayed up all night drinking.

This dog can drink you under the table, you bitch. The proof was that Sinbad stayed up all night drinking with the men, fucking stray dogs, and then woke up and pulled guard duty with the sailors on the ship. Hungover and hating life. Better than most soldiers that I deployed with. Just as hungover as everybody else. The commander, acknowledging a good sailor when he saw one, agreed.

Sinbad was officially enlisted to the United States Coast Guard, complete with enlistment contract, which was signed to the paw print. He was issued his own Red Cross ID number, service record, and bunk assignment. This is the best story I've ever fucking heard. He was even given an official pay rate of dog first class.

Yes. I hope that rank has a paw print on it. This is incredible. That's adorable. He did have a little uniform with a tiny sailor hat. This is awesome. I used to come up with stories when I used to fucking cosplay. Fuck you all.

And I used to bring my dog around, and he used to wear a little sailor hat and a little sailor jacket. It turns out your dog was stealing Sinbad's fucking valor, you bitch. First of all, it was the British, so suck it. So it's valor with a U and you're still stealing it. It wasn't Sinbad's valor. It was somebody, some other dog's

valor. All dogs steal Sinbad's valor, is what I'm getting at. Sinbad is the coolest dog to ever exist. I didn't know Sinbad until today. Well, that's your fault and that's Sinbad's. Like every other sailor, he soon fell into the routine of shipboard life. He showed up for duty. He showed up at the chow hall and would eat and sleep in whatever cot was open. And sometimes he would just cuddle up next to the other men, which I assume is like most boats.

No homo. You know what? Full homo. Who cares what? Full homo. Who cares? It's a dog. Let him live his life, man. I'm sure there's a shit ton of dudes at night. Come here, Sinbad.

Come here. I know I would be like, come on, buddy. Everybody wants a dog. Come on, buddy. Yeah, because then you're going to be like, yeah, Sinbad likes me. Go fuck yourself. He slept with me all night. Two nights in a row.

I would totally be the guy who would get treats to try to get the dog to sleep with me. Definitely. You would just have treats hidden in your pajamas. In your pockets like Napoleon Dynamite. But like any good sailor, Sinbad truly thrived on shore leave. And mother of god did Sinbad

fucking love shore leave. During one of those spells of leave, Sinbad nearly caused an international incident. In 1940, as the world was falling into World War II, the Campbell was stationed in Greenland, as Denmark's,

which is, for people who aren't aware, controlled Greenland at the time, had been taken over by the Nazis. So the US took over the job of defending Greenland. Greenland is a pretty sparse place with little resources. One thing it did have, though, was sheep. Sinbad, it turns out,

really liked to chase some fucking sheep. Unfortunately for the Greenlanders, Sinbad had been pent up on a ship for months and he had enough energy to chase some of these ships until they dropped dead from exhaustion. Which I don't even know how long that would take. Jesus. Maybe the sheep were out of shape. They probably were. They probably weren't used to it.

Farmers soon learned that the dog was terrorizing their herd, had come from the American ship and sent an angry letter to the captain demanding Sinbad be killed. The captain was never going to kill one of his own men. That seems dramatic. Simply restricted the poor pup on the ship for the rest of the time patrolling the island

just put him on the brig a little doggy brig it's just a kennel I never thought I was going to have to say this to you dog first class Sinbad but go to bed go to bed you've been a bad boy where did the dog go to the bathroom?

Was it on the deck anywhere? I was really curious about that too, and I do not know. Maybe they had a special corner for him, and the lowest ranking dude in the ship had to pick it up and throw it overboard. Go pick it up, you bitch. You're the dog shit guy.

All they have to do is throw it over the side of the boat. Maybe someone just picked him up and held him overboard while I squeezed one off. I'd be terrified of that. So I could imagine how a dog would feel. If somebody could pick me up, first of all. Just hold you over their shoulder and see poop over there. I could pick you up. Good on you.

You're not even that big. I'm talking about straight out like that. Oh, yeah. Thanks, Nick. Now I'm picturing it. Are you shitting overboard? Yes. You're not even that big. I'm talking about straight out like that. Oh, yeah. Thanks, Nick. Now I'm picturing it. Are you shitting overboard? Yes. We can always take a ferry. Holding you at an L-shape as you drop Trow

and poop into the ocean. Somebody get the Nick Square. I'll drop logs. But you're quivering a little bit because you're scared. Yeah, a little bit because the water's kind of cold. I mean, you are in fucking Greenland. Exactly.

The L shape is the worst part of that whole thing. It's hard on the abs. It's real hard on the abs. It's not that it's hard on the abs. It's just scary. Well, over a ship or in general? No, she's just afraid of the letter L. That's a little known phobia.

It's a Texas thing. Yeah, yeah. If the letter isn't in the word Texas, they're terrified of it. Everything. So the U.S. eventually got sucked into World War II. Spoiler alert.

The Campbell and all the other Coast Guard cutters were transferred over to the U.S. Navy. Soon Sinbad was taking part in battle drills, and his much beloved shore leave was much shorter. There's a lot of pictures of Sinbad sitting adorably by cannons in his little sailor hat.

Fucking adorable. If you don't provide me with pictures next time we do an episode like this, I'm never coming back. I did not bring visual aids because this is an audio medium and also because I am a hack and a fraud. I also feel like there's not going to be a lot of episodes like this.

This is a nice episode. There's actually enough animals to do several episodes. I had to cut it down to three. Well, we usually cover things that aren't the best. The last episode we did was college students being shot by National Guard.

I'm sitting across from you. If you need to show me a picture, just pull it fucking up on your laptop, Joe. Your mom's laptop. I still gotta pick up my laptop from Best Buy. What? Why? It has nothing to do with anything. Why are you saying this? No, it just reminded me of it.

Cut this out. This isn't a fucking notepad, Nick! No, it just reminded me of that thank you fuck and you remind me why i'm pro-choice uh it did not take you're welcome it did not take long for sinbad and his boys to see action for the first time februarynd, 1943, the Campbell was protecting a convoy in the North Atlantic. A German submarine ambushed

the convoy and sank a steamer. The Campbell responded to try to save the crew, only to find out the steamer was bait. Once the Campbell was in the area, the submarine opened fire on them. The Campbell gave chase, forcing the sub to dive, leading the Campbell to drop death charges

for hours fuck Sinbad remained on the deck the whole time yeah pups got balls that dude's awesome eventually the Campbell uh while maneuvering the ship around ran smack dab into the sub which had the added benefit of destroying the sub, but also badly damaged the ship. All that water. Yeah. Turns out when a ship fills with water, it starts to sink. Yeah.

The crew began to abandon the Campbell. They decided to come down to just the people absolutely needed to operate the ship. Whoever was not absolutely necessary. I'm not sure who needed to operate the ship. Whoever was not absolutely necessary. I'm not sure who that is on a ship. They're all transferred over to the Polish destroyer called the Berza. One of the sailors left on board was our boy Sinbad.

No, Sinbad wasn't running around and plugging holes and bailing water, though that would be fucking adorable. Is he a morale guy? Well, he was good luck. Since Sinbad had been aboard the ship, nobody had ever been harmed on the crew. And the

crew believed him to be good luck. So, as long as Sinbad was on board, the Campbell could not sink. And it turned out, they were right. For his actions, Sinbad was promoted to chief dog and continued his wartime service. Did they just make that up too?

Yes. Good job, Sinbad. Breaking fucking ceilings. As much as other branches like to make fun of the Coast Guard, they did not make it a habit to officially enlist dogs. Breaking ceilings. If women have a glass ceiling, what do dogs have? Bones? Kennel ceilings? Kennel ceilings. If women have a glass ceiling, what do dogs have? Bones? Kennel ceilings?

Kennel ceilings. They break through kennel ceilings. Breaking through kennel ceilings. Way to fucking go, Sinbad. Break through that kennel. Woke as fuck in this show. So he continued his wartime service aboard the camel for the rest of World War II. In 1943, Life magazine ran

a story about the combat actions of Sinbad describing him as, and this is true, quote, a liberty rum chow hound with a bit of bulldog, Doberman Pinscher and whatnot, mostly whatnot, and, quote, an old sea dog who has his favorite bars and plenty of girls in every port.

Yes! Which is the most favorable thing I've ever heard about a Coast Guard. That's awesome. Sorry, guys. I'm full of Coast Guard jokes. And I think I have one person who's in the Coast Guard who listened to the show. My cousin's in the Coast Guard, but I don't think he listens to the show. Actually, no, I do know somebody in the Coast Guard.

Never mind. That's really hard to think about. By the three people we just mentioned, we know about 25% of the entire coast guard. Good on us. As the ship was returned to the United States, the captain arranged for a huge party for the returning crew. And then the press learned about Sinbad. Way more people showed up to the party than the captain originally intended. As dozens of photographers wanted poor Sinbad to pose for photos, he eventually got sick of their shit and ran off into town.

Sinbad, Sinbad. Because he was not officially on shore leave, he was charged with being AWOL. What the fuck? Did they give him an article 15? So in the Coast Guard and Navy that's called a captain's mast. And he was brought before a captain's mast and

demoted. Oh, no. From chief dog back down to... Dog first class. What do you lose? Does he lose an extra treat? He lost pay. He was getting paid. What is he doing with the money?

Did he have a bank account? I assume direct deposit. Next question. Yeah. This is going to my direct deposit. Do you have any allotments Sinbad? did he have fucking child support somewhere? I mean with all the strange he was getting

he had to have a couple litters out there probably and he had a chimera with like 26% interest their litters are fucking heavy he had a fucking chim Camaro 26% interest. Sinbad went hard on the fucking shore leave. This was not the only time

Sinbad would be demoted. Yes. Thanks to the coastie fan who brought Sinbad to my attention. He gave me several reasons why Sinbad ran a fall of the regulation

and was promptly demoted. And this is follows. Being drunk on duty going. Which means like he wasn't drinking on his own. Like someone is.

That's fucking odd. Yeah. Like somebody has to pour in this shit. How do you even tell that a dog is drunk on duty?

Because he was so. First of all, what is his duty? Yeah. I was about to ask that. What does he do? He's dog first class. was about to ask that. He's a dog. What does he do?

He's dog first class. I don't fucking know. He's a good boy, Rich. Honestly, I don't know. Does he sit at a... No, he would sit up on guard duty with sailors all night. And was he like leaning over and staggering? I'm assuming he just like shit all over himself.

He just poop popped everywhere. Oh yeah, I'm not done yet, by the way. Oh, Sinbad, you smell of whiskey. You smell like shit. Going AWOL and missing duty while on shore leave. In Italy, after

which he was arrested by shore patrol. Holy shit. How'd they arrest him? I think at this point they're like, get the Sinbad cuffs. Put him on a leash. You know I didn't want to do this. Randomly jumping overboard. Because he's a fucking dog.

This is great. Sinbad's a fucking dog after my heart. He's fucking awesome. After 11 years, Sinbad's a fucking dog after my heart. He's fucking awesome. After 11 years, Sinbad finally retired from sea service, which means Sinbad served longer in the military than I did. And my knees and back are shit, so I don't know how he felt. Well, he had four of them. He was trans. Yeah, he had four backs.

Kneesez you fuck the dog with four backs is just what he called his shore leave yeah

yeah I spun that right around so after 11 years he retired to a nearby boat station with a pay rate

of K9C or chief dog he just can't get away from the ocean Sinbad lived for another three years after being retired he would hang out at a local bar of K-9C or Chief Dog. He just can't get away from the ocean. Sinbad lived for another three years after being retired. He would hang out at a local bar called Kubel's.

What a fucking retiree. And stare out the window looking out into the sea. Did he have a veteran hat on too? He did. It had pins everywhere. No, no. You know what he didn't do? Wear a fucking grunt style shirt because Sinbad wouldn't do that. Not style shirt because Sinbad wouldn't do that.

Not my boy. Sinbad wouldn't do that. He totally had a fucking veteran hat with pins. But he's like from World War II, so he's allowed to do it. Exactly. So he had it. Like anybody from after Vietnam

who's wearing a pinned up veteran hat can fuck right off. So you need to stop wearing yours. I don't wear, I don't even, fuck you. I'm personally offended, sir. Whoa, need to stop wearing yours. I don't wear, I don't even fuck you! I'm personally offended, sir! Whoa, you are flappable.

First of all. I'm very flappable. Oh, you haven't even began to see me flap. The pin's way down the hat on you. You just need to take the hat. The only hat I have is a Detroit Tigers hat! The one slippery spot on your head. Sir, you have a lot of hats. None of them are veteran hats.

The only shirt that I... The only shirt. The only hat that I wear. You're so flustered. It's great. I hate you. I love this. So he ended up passing in December of 1951.

He was buried with full honors at the base of the station's flagpole. Did he get a 21 gun salute? Yeah. Where a memorial stands to this day. So where is this at? It's in Florida. So was this before the comedian Sinbad? Jesus.

I'm not saying anything regarding the stolen valor Sinbad. Today, there's a new Coast Guard ship named the Campbell, just like the Campbell that Sinbad served on. And there is a statue of Sinbad that stands in its chow hall, where it's someone's job every day to balance a rawhide bone at the end of Sinbad's nose. I want that duty. Didn't you used to have to clean Patton's balls?

Not just his balls, his everything. Oh, okay. So it's almost like that. There's a statue of Patton, except Patton was an asshole. He was an asshole. Yeah. Yeah. Patton would probably call it an ass neck.

Taint, dick, and balls. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Cool. I don't want to talk about it. Why does the statue have all of that? It was the horse.

It's not like Patton himself had a dick and balls. It was the horse. Yeah, which is really weird. Which is why they made an anatomically correct horse statue. I have no fucking idea. If anybody's ever been to Fort Irwin, they know that the stallion is their big thing. Those things have giant dick and balls on them.

Of course they do. They have to ride into battle, Nick. They need to have giant balls. All the way in fucking Death Valley, California, ride into battle. Yeah. So now I introduce you guys. This is great.

To our last entry. And that is Wojtek the Bear. Wojtek? That's like tech. What the fuck does that mean? It's Polish. I don't know. I'm going to name my son Wojtek.

In 1942, the newly created Polish Anders army left the Soviet Union for Iran, accompanied by thousands of Polish civilians who had been forcibly deported by the Soviet Union. Following the 1939 Soviet invasion of Poland. Once they had arrived in Hamadan, Iran, young Polish soldiers came across an Iranian boy who had a bear cub. Who happened to be orphaned when the cub's parents had been killed by hunters. What'd they do with the kid? I'm assuming they fed him to the bear. One lieutenant named

Oh boy. Yes! It's been a while. Do it. Fuck his name up. Anatole Tarnowicki Probably not far off. I can't tell. it bought the bear cub from the boy um the bear lived in a polish refugee camp for about three months uh during that time

soldiers nursed the young bear with a bottle of condensed milk from a vodka bottle which might be the most polish thing on earth i don't think condensed milk has any nutrients at all. Well, I don't think they were fucking seasoned bear-ers. I mean, okay, I'm a baker. If condensed milk is what it is today, it's sugar and milk. Well, what would you feed a bear? Regular milk? I mean, Jesus. Would you breastfeed, a bear? Regular milk? I mean, Jesus.

Would you breastfeed Wojtek? No, they just don't need that much sugar with their baby. What are we going to do with all this bear milk later on? We better buy a bear. Fight milk. So it was that time that they named him wojtek which means smiling warrior or he who enjoys war how do they know they're fucking polish you idiot how do they know he likes war because he's a bear bear eats the bear they got him as a cub just a cub could have been knew his destiny friendly just

a side note here. They're not fucking Jedis. I named one of the puppies in Afghanistan Hondo, which also means war, and he was murdered by my unit. Live by the war, die by the war. That's what I say. I don't say that often, though.

I've never heard you say that. Eventually, the bear was given to the 22nd Artillery Supply Company, and as all young bears do quickly began to grow up. What? According to hopes according to

Dimitar Swalogo mother of God that's an awesome name too. I fucking love names too. One of the he was one of the soldiers whose job it was to take care of

little baby Bojtek. He would quote, Slow go. He would quote, Accept lit cigarettes, take a puff, and then swallow them. He would drink from beer bottles, and then when it was empty, he would look down into the bottle to see where the rest of the beer was, which is fucking adorable.

I would pay to see that circus act if circuses weren't so awful. You do that on the reg. Yeah, but I'm not a bear. It's not adorable when I do it. It's just a problem. You're also hairy. Like a bear. Except for in one spot. Still not adorable. What? The top of your head.

I thought you meant I was only hairy in one spot. You're bald. I'm not all the way bald. I'm bald adjacent. Soldiers taught the bear how to pick up new recruits and dangle them in the air. How? Tricking them into thinking the 500-pound bear

was going to eat them. I would not want to be the first one to be like, I'll fucking do it. Let's train them. I don't know how many Polish people they went through until they figured this out. Dangle me. That's my fetish.

This is a vaguely racist Polish joke. How many Poles does it take to train a bear? That's the best fucking hazing I've ever heard of. That's peak hazing. You can't get past that. You're not even in the military at that point. You're just recruiting. It's only introducing them. You can't get past that. You're not even in the military at that point. You're just recruiting. It's only introducing them.

If you join the Polish army, you get to get dangled by a bear. Fuck yeah. This is in every unit. You get your own bear. Then once you get to the unit, go mop that floor. There's no bears. I'd be really fucking pissed if there was no bear. As the army was transferred to the Middle East,

they ran into a bit of a problem. The British transport ship they were riding on was for soldiers only, not for some random half-ton bear, and army regulations strictly banned mascots. So the Polish army did the only logical thing and officially enlisted him into the army as a private, which, much like Sinbad,

he was given an official serial number, uniform, and paybook. That's awesome. Yeah. Did he have a bank account? Where did all the money go? That's what I want to know. We've been through this.

Animals all have direct deposit. I just, no, I want to know what they spent their money on. You know how he looks into the bottle of beer to buy more beer. And the same reason why any soldier continues to reenlist,

crippling alcohol addiction. While in the Middle East, the poor bear needed all the water he could get. He would chase after oranges the soldiers would use for grenade practice, as well as break into the shower huts and turn the water on. Now, this is a problem

because water was strictly rationed and the thirsty bear routinely created water shortages. But because he was a fucking... I feel like I'd still be okay with it. But because, need I remind you, he's a fucking bear, he was allowed to do whatever the fuck he wanted. Like, imagine it's like Wojtek, no.

Wojtek, you need to go on the red carpet. Fuck off. I have got claws and teeth. I was going to listen to you, and then I realized I'm a bear. It turns out private bears don't listen to chain of command all that well. And it was during the invasion of Italy that Wojtek fought in his first battle. The Polish Second Corps found themselves caught in a brutal battle of Monte Cassino in 1944.

As the Free Polish Army fought for their lives in the ruins of Monte Cassino, Private Wojtek was not far behind. As the men of the 22nd Company ran ammunition to the artillery line, Wojtek decided to copy them. He watched the humans pick up crates of ammo and begin to carry them toward the firing line so the bear grabbed a hundred pound crates of artillery shells

by himself and followed after them doing the job of four men at once never dropping a single one of them that's the cutest thing I've ever heard that's a two man carry put that down four man carry oh my bad also terrifying

it notes he never dropped a single one because that's all you'd have to do there'd be no more Wojtek I wanna hug him so much right now I wanna see him on like a tricycle he wasn't a circus bear he's a fucking warrior

they're horribly abused they really are but they look great he just learned this on his own for his actions at the Battle of Monte Cassino Wojtek was promoted to corporal abused, you monster. They really are, but they look great. He just learned this on his own. For his actions at the Battle of Monte Cassino, Wojtek was promoted to Corporal, which is something we both have in common.

Who did he command? Who did he Corporal? Did he have a team? Imagine being like the new soldier, like, here's your team leader. It's like, oh god! I don't know. New soldier's like, here's your team leader. It's like, oh, God. I don't know. He's yelling at me.

Just for all of you listeners out there who can't see what's going on in this room, Nick and Joe just literally made the exact same face and sound at the exact same time for Wojtek. I feel like we've really nailed this character. We have. I'm not a very good... I think we corporaled together. Yeah. And as a career corporal, I can tell you.

Wojtek probably did as good a job as I did. I wasn't a career corporal. I lost corporals so fucking fast. This 22nd artillery supply company also changed their official symbol to a picture of a bear carrying an artillery shell that's fucking awesome which it remains to this day

also if we have any Polish listeners I don't know if we do I know we have some in Denmark and stuff I'd absolutely love to get my hands on a fucking Wojtek pin so if you're in the Polish army hit me up y'all maybe we'll open up a PO box

no I'll just give them my home address fuck it if you have a Wojtek pen I will give you my address so you can find me easily without problems as I do anyway

as the war after the war Wojtek was allowed to retire to Scotland's Edinburgh Zoo. Oh. During his time in the zoo, if- He can't be contained. I mean, he couldn't be released back in the fucking wild.

No, somebody be friends with him and keep him forever. Did they put an artillery piece in the zoo for him? Just for the drag rush? Ammo? I'm still in the war. During his time in the zoo, if Wojtek heard anybody speaking Polish, he would rush up to the fence and frantically begin to wave. Oh, that's adorable. Holy shit.

Dozens of Polish soldiers from his unit made the journey to the zoo to meet their old friend where they had tossed him beer and cigarettes for old time's sake and hang out with him. This is the worst story you've ever told. There is more than one occasion of Polish soldiers just climbing over the fence and then hanging out with them as everybody watched in horror it gets so i'm coming buddy it's so like adorable but it's also probably the worst episode i've been on i don't want him to be alone in a zoo he was never alone uh he was a local celebrity i just don't like him caged up he was a a frequent guest on BBC's children's show, Blue Peter. What the fuck? Because, I mean, fuck it.

He's pretty well trained. He's never killed anybody that he probably... I'm pretty sure he's not even trained. He just look and looked. Oh, we're transporting shells? Let's do it. I couldn't find any accounts of him, like, badly mauling people, but it probably never happened.

He didn't bear too hard, I guess. So, unfortunately, Wojtek died in December of 1963 at the age of 21 years old. Since his death, the warrior bear has been immortalized in dozens of statues, TV shows, movies, as well as one anime.

Really? Yeah. Interesting. Yeah, I didn't see that one coming. What's it called? Something to do with Panzer Girls. Yeah, never mind. Like one of the characters wears the Wojtek pin.

Oh. Which is pretty fucking cool. So that's our happy episode. What do you guys think? This was awesome. Yeah, it was fun to have everybody together. And also, happy stories. Next time, let's do stories about dogs and bears that don't die in history.

They all eventually die, Rich. No, no. They don't die. We've been through this. No dog is the Highlander. And if it was, we have other things to worry about. I would like to worry about those things. I've had two Chewies in my life, so...

You named one dog after the other? Yes. That's horrible. Happened. It's fucking terrible. So, for people who are unaware, our one-year anniversary is coming up

next month, in June. not exactly sure of the day i just know i registered the twitter account in june of last year could you also imagine that a year like last year we were thinking of this really drunk like we should do a podcast so i literally never thought we'd make an episode like right now last Yeah. One year ago today. Yeah. Never in my life. Was that the time that you threw up all over? It was actually. So it's coming up again and we're going to be doing it again. No.

It's tradition now. Oh my God. Is it 30 taco weekend? It's 30 taco weekend. So we have a tradition now where we go to the local gas station slash taco restaurant, which also has a drive-thru. And we all get 30 tacos and attempt to eat them. We did succeed.

And also drink various amounts of alcohol, various types and amounts of alcohol. Hilarity does not ensue. It does not. There's just vomit everywhere. We had a good time. So like I said, our one-year anniversary is coming up. And we are going to do a Q&A about anything. History, not history, about the podcast,

about Nick's dick tattoo. We already got a question about that. Really? We will talk about your dick tattoo at a later date. Who brought that up? I'm not going to be saying any names. But if you want to submit a question, you can email me at jjcasabian at gmail.com. You can slide into our DMs on Twitter

at lions underscore buy, or you can just tag me in whatever comment you have and I'll see it. The podcast that is. I'm getting tagged in a lot of weird shit on my regular account, and I have to ignore a lot of it, or otherwise I'll get banned. Thank you so much for supporting the show uh any kind of donation whether it be one dollar three dollar five dollar whatever goes to getting new equipment getting more books which i am now drowning in i'm getting hopefully a new desk at some point instead of this nasty ass beer pong desk that we're which i am a champion on i'm sorry solidarity i'm a champion on. I'm sorry. Solidarity. I'm a champion on it. God, talk much?

Sorry. For a dollar donation, you can get access to our Discord. You get access to all of our bonus content. And you get access to episodes before they come out, whether it be a couple of days or a week, whichever happens first. And also there's new designs up on the Teespring store. Uh,

thanks to Francis of the Hellboy Die podcast for helping me. Cause I suck at Photoshop. Um, so you can follow us at lions underscore by you can follow Nick at Nick Cass M one, which he never posts on it anymore. You can follow me. I've been in the field asshole.

You can follow me personally at jcast99. My book, Citizens of Earth, will be out by the time this episode drops. So buy that so I can keep my lights on. Hey, guys, it's really good. I finished reading it like yesterday. It's not bad, I've been told. So you've probably read worse things and paid for them. Oh, for sure.

Yes. So yeah, buy my book. I mean, if that's the bar that we're holding the standard at things and paid for them. Definitely. Yes. So yeah, buy my book. I mean, if that's like the bar that we're holding the standard at, yeah, for sure. I learned a valuable lesson from my father and that was aim low. Aim so low that if you fail, nobody even notices. But again- They'll stop to ask. Thank you.

No. Thank you so much for tuning in and we will see you next week. Bye guys. Later.