Lions Led By Donkeys Podcast - *PREVIEW* lions Led By Robots Presents: Real Steel

Episode Date: May 14, 2024

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Hey everyone, what you're about to listen to is a preview of a bonus episode that is available on our Patreon. If you like this clip, you can grab the whole episode, as well as years of other bonus content, at www.patreon.com slash lions led by donkeys. Now, uh, this movie is a- the premise of this movie is questionable. Um, the whole, uh, idea is boxing has been replaced in the future, mind you, the future, which is 2020 in this film. By. Yeah, I like that point where

they're like, oh, yeah, all the way back in 2014 is like, oh, fuck. Yeah, we officially watched a movie that came out while we were alive and adults, mind you, not like children, but like adults. I was in my 20s and it is set in the future, which is now our past in 2020. And I assume the reason why they had to replace all the boxers with robots is because they all

died of COVID or something. That part's left out. And so they replace all the boxers with robots. And that is all we know about the possibility of like neurologically linked robot fighters, like the greater possible impacts of this technology are not explored. So this is and you know, this is actually taken from a Twilight Zone episode. It was originally a science fiction story from the mid 50s, which Twilight Zone adapted, yeah. Yeah, they churched up a Twilight Zone episode instead of like having a message at the end

that's just like, this is man versus machine and instead it's just like, look, my son finally loves me. Like they really Americanize. Because the original one is like the guy gets in the robot thing and fights, right? Get in the robot, Hugh. Yeah, Hugh Jackman, Hugh Jackman Ava. Yeah, he mechanical Turks a fighting robots inside of it. Which in going back to the themes of the greater led by robots

story arc that we're undoing G Gundam, there's a reason why there's no Australia Gundam. It's mostly because I don't think G Gundam can effectively cut out someone saying the word cunt that many times. I just figured that there would be Australian Gundams, but there would have to be two because there would have to be a Ford one and a Holden one. Holy shit. They would both run on entirely on, once again, light domestic loggers.

Was it the VB logger or whatever the fuck it is in Australia? Some Aussie somewhere is fucking furious because I said it wrong. I don't know. I've never been there. This is just Mad Max. We can make Gundam Mad Max and put Max inside of a, inside of a Australian Evo of some kind. Just not Mel Gibson, please.

Because then we're gonna have to worry about a lot of other different words coming out of the Gundam. Exactly. Deploy the, what was it that he said? He called the cop sugar tits? Deploy the sugar tits Gundam. This is the best thing he's gonna say. It's all downhill from here. Yes, it's a misogynist, but just wait what it comes next

And like the whole movie is it starts with Hugh Jackman Has an illegitimate child with a woman who then dies? And then he has to fight for custody, but instead of fighting for custody he sells his He sells the child to this to his sister, erstwhile sister-in-law. $50,000, which I have to say, that's a much larger price than me, my brother, or my sister would have gotten.

Well, it was like $100,000 because it was 50 now, 50 later. Yeah, that's true. See, still, $50,000 alone is too much. I think if someone tried to sell any of us at Family Court, they would have just like, it would have been haggling down to, I don't know, like a used Red Wings jersey and some steak you bought

from a shady guy at the Walmart parking lot after a union meeting. Like a hundred dollar, like, you know, red lobster gift card. I mean, I'll tell you what, listen, here, Joe's mom, I got a $50 Applebee's gift card. I've already used $20 of it. Is that good enough? And she'd be like, yes. I got a Jersey Mike punch card that's got eight out of 10 punches in it. I do like though that this heartwarming family, you know, friendly story or whatever else starts off with, yeah, so I sold my illegitimate son to this, you know, to his aunt and her

much older dude boyfriend who is the guy who, or like her husband or whatever, who gave me the money. Don't look too far into that. It's totally fine. Kerry, I'm sick of you slandering the American dream. Okay? You know, some people have that hustle and grind mindset. Yeah, just it has that hustle grind, buy and sell children mindset. And that's why he's a fucking champion.

I mean, you know, I'm sure there is a child labor because the kids, the one doing all the fighting. Yeah, and all the work like building everything he did. He buys a child and then makes them get into robot fights. Gets them really hooked on Dr. Pepper. This is literally gigandum. Yeah. No, I mean, it's very clearly

this would have been Mountain Dew. Like, you know, this would have been peak Baja blast period. Oh yeah, this has been a Code Red kind of time. That kid should have been seeing God with as much. I also enjoy that like all all kids of like this year from like I don't know like 1995 to like 2015 all like Hollywood made them all look vaguely the same they all have the same like bowl cut. Yeah that stupid bowl cut hair cut. It's because Haley Jill Osment started hating acting so they defined a replacement and they

all tumbled about it like the The clone factory got jammed. It's so weird because they just cast the same forgettable child actor in 15 different ways in every movie of this period. They always have this weird attitude. At the very beginning, it was just like, the kid is supposed to be 11. He's just like, give me half the money. It's like, what are you going to do with $25,000? I'll take care of it. It's like, you'll what? I have a crippling heroin addiction, dad. Then that kid's never in another movie again. The kid- Wise choice, honestly. No one wants to be a fucking child actor. It never ends well.

You get that check, you get the fuck out. He was in a Marvel movie. He played young Thor in the original Thor movie and I guess it just never took. After 2014, he stopped acting, which I guess he won a lot of... He was in R.L. Stine, some stuff like the Goosebumps stuff. I mean, probably it's what happened to... P so like, you know, puberty did some, you know, like off putting things to you and like, you know, your screen test and it goes so well after that. Hey, it happens to all of us kids. Well, the problem is he doesn't have a mother and father who also have links in Wikipedia.

So that's always working against you. Yeah. I mean, that was really poor planning on his part. It did generally mean if your parents have Wikipedia links, that probably means your parents have are either a horrific criminals or terrible parents or both. Usually both. Who? Hey, who knows?

Uh, Charles Taylor, Charles Taylor's son loved his dad. So it was the same. Yeah. Those goddamn Nepo babies, you know? Well, he was picking up his dad's, you know, his father's work that he was doing, I guess. Swiss bank accounts? Yes. I mean, there's a... So in this movie, you have the main character, Charlie Kenton, who

is Hugh Jackman. Used to be a professional boxer. Now he fights robots. And this seems to be largely done at like country fairs, which is, I mean, there's like a professional league and whatever, but that creates like a weird, much more interesting concept of how the world works in this movie where there's effectively robot fight clubs

happening at the same place, the same kind of venue that you would watch Puddle of Mud perform. Yeah, you're gonna have robot fighting open up for trapped instead of an opening band, which is, yeah. But then you also have like, it's like either like, you know, down home country animal cruelty where you have a robot just absolutely smashing the skull in on a fucking like, you know, cattle or whatever. Oh yeah, I forgot it starts off with him wanting his robot to fight a bull.

Yeah. And he's like, oh, it's like, it was only supposed to be, it's like that bull is at least 2000 pounds, which like, I don't know a lot about like livestock, but I feel like most of them are kind of that size anyway. Yeah, they're quite large. The first time I saw a bull was when I was in Texas and I was like, wow, I did not know that thing was, you know, a large size car with horns. Yeah. I also just feel like the robot would just immediately murder it. Like it like.

Apparently not. According to Hugh, not when Hugh Jackman's piloting it. He got distracted by some hot chick in the crowd, which, you know, like that would happen if you are... The type of person who is fighting, is performing anything at a fairground is the type of person to be distracted by a fairground attractive person in the crowd. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, I mean, it's like, if you've got that kind of, to use the term from King of the Hill, that country fair smell about you, then you probably haven't made a lot of really great life choices, you know? you probably haven't made a lot of really great life choices, you know? She's wearing, she's wearing a tank top that she's had on for the last three days straight. She's got a little bit of fried Oreo still stuck in her teeth.

I should call her. She's, she's, she's giving you that look and kind of gesturing towards the, the cleaner of the porta potties for a quickie. She's married to a man who only wears like flat build monster snapbacks Don't worry. My husband's on the road because her husband's a carny Or an independent wrestler you never know she gives you that look in her eyes that says I have Smoked a little too much meth today and I'm feeling some ways about it. Look, I'm really sick of you guys insulting Hugh Jackman's taste in women. Dude, it's my taste in women too, it's fine.

I have been to many a country fair, sir, and I have nearly made some mistakes.