Lions Led By Donkeys Podcast - *PREVIEW* Sharpe's Regiment

Episode Date: March 26, 2024

This is a preview. For the entire episode support the show on patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/101087767?pr=true Sharpe rejoins the British Army to root out corruption and the boys talk about the worst pizza party ever

Hey everyone, what you're about to listen to is a preview of a bonus episode that is available on our Patreon. If you like this clip, you can grab the whole episode, as well as years of other bonus content, at www.patreon.com slash lions led by donkeys. I had one, Drill Sergeant Williams, who was from the Virgin Islands, who anytime we asked him what he did before he joined the army, he was like, I'm a pipe layer, I laid pipe all day. Ask your mom. He, yeah, he did. He did the same thing. He had never left the Virgin islands until he joined the army. And so he had a really thick accent too.

And he got us all out. He's like, all right, you privates. I got juice. I got cookies. And he brought out like one of those reclining, um, like folding chairs that reclines and put it in the middle of the bay and then got us all to tow the line So I got my juice. I got my cookies. I got my music. I'm a smoke the fuck out of you people And then just put on music and proceeded to smoke us and at least when we laughed he was laughing too

Yeah, Peck would do that too Peck would absolutely make us laugh and think was the funniest goddamn thing on earth Like he was also the there's the infamous story of the basic training pizza parties, where like, you know, privates who did such a good goddamn job this week, on Friday, we're gonna order pizza, pool all your money together. And then like, Peck would be like,

guys, I need to tell you something. He's gonna order you pizza. He's gonna let you eat all the fucking pizza you want until you're sick, and then he's gonna smoke you and you're gonna vomit. So, I'm giving you a heads up. Don't eat too much pizza. Y'all ate the pizza though, didn't you?

Oh, fuck, yeah we did. We're like three months in, living on shitty defact food, and like, Peck is like sitting there laughing and joking with us and like we're drinking like Dr. Pepper and like Coke and shit. He's like, man, it's gonna hurt like a bitch when it comes back up and we're like laughing like yeah, we don'ts coming man We don't give a fuck. I Hope it's as good coming up as it was going down that hallway was disgusting within the next three hours Yeah, there's this Papa John's everywhere

Like Papa John's isn't all that doesn't smell all that good before it's in there. Yeah man, after you've been eating defact food for three months, Papa John's is like the ambrosia of the gods. Oh I know. And they're making us do like burpees. And I remember when I finally puked, because it takes a lot to make me puke from being smoked.

It's not because I'm in such great shape. I just don't puke that often. Unless there's tequila involved. And and like I'm doing burpees after eating what was probably an entire large pizza within the last 30 minutes and I've and like I'm not I'm keeping my eyes closed because I'm hearing people vomit Everywhere and you hear it get splash onto the tile floor. We're like we have to do like like rolling around in other people's vomit and I'm like, Oh no, it's coming. It's coming. Like I can hold it back. And I opened

my eyes and the guy right in front of me is making eye contact and just vomits down his own chest. I'd finally like, Oh, I lost it. I just fucking hurled barbecue chicken Papa John's pizza in every direction So sharp I Did I I was I was Surprised at how this one is also still a really good sharp because we have the as you said sharp sharp joins the army He rejoins the army yeah i also love that um apparently in the british army they employ the same promotion system as a

starship troopers it's like that guy's dead tears rank off it's yours now like so we've got sergeant major harper because the guy sharps just like well i mean that guy's dead harper you've been with me for long enough i guess you're starting a major now. Also, even the recruiting process is the same. Instead of showing up to lower income schools, they just go to the local bar and shit. So you wanna get really fucked up and get drunk forever? Get a job with the military.

Take the King's shilling and you'll always be drunk. I'll give you, I'll get you some food, some booze, I'll give you ten bucks and you can join the military. Yeah, you can bring your dog. Like yeah, no, it's cool that you're like, you know, like clearly 12 years old and like, you know, five foot one. Like no, it's- Oh, don't worry. You don't like your job getting dysentery and dying in Spain. After six months, you can just put in paperwork and change your job. Right. You can dive cholera. Yeah. Nobody's checking your birth certificate. There's no records here. You can just join the

army five times if you want. Yeah. People did do the head. It's like you join, get the bounty and then bounce. Yeah. The only thing you needed was like all of your fingers and toes and enough teeth. Well, and even then they show that they got the one doctor who himself is dying of consumption, who kind of wanders- Got the vapors. ...wanders around all the recruits and then is like, yeah, they're all good, I guess.

And then the recruiting sergeant gives him a shilling and he just like fucks off. And it's like, well, there was your medical exam. Yeah. The only difference between then and now, at least when I initially enlisted, my medical exam was dog shit again, 2005. The only difference between then and now at least when I initially enlisted my medical exam was dog shit again 2005 you only do between then and now is that there was no I guess there was kind of a hearing test because they talked at you and you heard it they didn't drug test them and there was no vaccines yet so it's like now you're probably fine there's also no turn and cough I got the the ball the ball squeeze when I went through MEPs.

I got more of like a tap. They didn't care, man. They're just like, yeah, it seems fine. Get out of here. I joined in 2000 before 9-11, so they were still making sure that we at least didn't, I guess had two balls and didn't have a hernia. 2005, they stopped caring.

I was gonna remember, you still have to duck walk too. Remember having to do that? I didn't have to do that until I was actually in basic training as punishment. When I went to the, whatever MEP stands for, I don't remember. Military Entrance Processing Station. Yeah, I went to that in Detroit and literally all they did was drug test us, give my nutsack a ball tap, make sure I had all my, like, gave me a vision test, a hearing test to make sure I wasn't deaf and blind.

But the thing is, I am mostly blind. I wear very thick glasses. Right, exactly. It wasn't that you weren't deaf and blind, it was just like, eh, can you like, you know, can you see through like, you know, a reticle? You know, like. I think most of it was just checking our paperwork

to make sure some recruiters weren't giving them like a 16 year old felon. Right. But even then you could probably get a waiver. Well, that did happen at that map station because like you can enlist when you're 17. And they sent someone there like months before they even turned 17. They were still 16. They dropped out of high school and given them fake diploma and all this other shit. And he was a 16-year-old felon using forged paperwork to get a federal government job,

and he had a criminal record, and he still made it all the way to basic training. Yeah. I had a couple 17-year-olds in my company when I went through boot, but they were all actually supposed to be there and were, I think they were all reservists who were like- There was only two 17-year-olds in mine. It was me and someone else. It was good. They were going through before their last year of high school. So that way they could drill while they were in their last, like as seniors or whatever. Yeah. I did the same. I joined between my junior and senior year

and I just did drill weekends until I went to basic training like a year later. And if they gave me a little taste of that shit, they never would have seen me again. Like if I didn't enlist with a contract and get my ass shipped to Fort Knox, I would have left so quick. Like do like the summer basic training,

like man, fuck that shit. I'm never going back. You want me to show back up for this? Fuck no. I remember my friend who was joining the Navy at the same time that I was, she would talk to me and she'd be like, oh yeah, my recruiter made me show up and we had to do a cadre run with all the other recruits that he has. Then we had to do physical fitness stuff and blah, blah, blah. I'm like, cool, my recruiter told me to show up at

MAPS on the day that I needed to ship off and that was pretty much it. The most my recruiter did is make me take a drug test before I went to MAPS to make sure I'd pass a drug test at MAPS and I failed it. He's like, come back in two weeks and I did. My recruiter was public affairs before he was a recruiter. So I at least had that kind of going for me. But like at one point he was, I don't remember it was before I went to maps and

he was, uh, he was like, you know, there's a lot of people that worry about, you know, the food and the army makes you makes like it's full of salt Peter. So you don't get hard. He's like, I'll tell you, I've been eating normal food my entire life. My dick still gets real hard. I'm like, cool, I guess. You wanna see? I'm 17. Like, why are you telling me about your penis, man?

My art career was rocket artillery, and I was like, oh, that's really cool, because he'd been to Iraq, he'd done a tour in Iraq. So what was that like in Iraq? He's like, it was great, I didn't do anything. Okay. It's like, you shouldn't list this job. Honestly, that's probably the best advice anyone probably gave you during that whole period. Yep, yeah, I mean, it's not like you shouldn't list this job. Honestly, that's probably the best advice anyone probably gave you during that whole

period. Yep. Yeah. I mean, it's not like you ever did tanking shit overseas. No, I should have known better because there was an armor guy in the recruitment office and he was like this fat dude in a dirty uniform, surrounded by bottles of dip spit and always show up to work late. I'm like, ah, yes, these are the people I want to be my coworkers.

I found my people.