Lions Led By Donkeys Podcast - *PREVIEW* Soochow, The Drunk, Racist, Marine Corps Dog *LIVE IN GLASGOW*

Episode Date: October 8, 2025

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Virtually every group of soldiers ever sent somewhere eventually adopts a dog or a cat or fucking something because there's a hole inside us and we're trying to fill it with something that loves us because our parents and our friends don't. And you know the stripper's lying when she says it to you as well. Yes.

Yeah, we know, we know, it's fine. It's wrong that they do it, but listen, respect the game. I know my dog doesn't love me either. I'm just what that feeds it. The Marines did their best that keeps Such a secret in their guard posts because they didn't want their commander a guy named Joseph McCaffrey nicknamed Little Joe

because he was about five feet tall to do him being, you know, a little angry guy, they didn't want him to find the dog and make them get rid of it or worse, make him shoot it or something, because, again, Marines. But it's only a matter of time to Little Joe found out and one night while touring his Marines guard post he discovered a group of Marines, and I swear to God

this is true, gathered in a circle attempting to teach Suge how to smoke a cigarette. Yes! Yes. I hate it when my homunculus company commander finds me peer-pressuring a dog to smoke. Just a circle of Marines going, yes, yes, yeah.

Fuck. And your CEO who looks like fucking Justin Barrett Littler from Ireland who talks up, what are you doing? You guys better stop doing that. Cigarettes are for people, not for dogs. It'll stunt it's gross.

Dogs don't even have a T-Zone. It's not good for their health. Now, of course, McCaffrey at first is very upset about them having a dog. Maybe also upset about them feeding its cigarettes. I don't know. But then they're like, wait, sir, we have to show you what this dog is good at. Being racist. So they went and found a Chinese person and just kind of pushed him in.

I mean, thankfully, thankfully I should point. This dog is really small, like maybe five kilos. It's like, fuck it, this guy sees the dog be racist. It's like, Jay Robert Oppenheimer watching the Atomic Talk. It was like this weird mutt thing. It looks something, there's pictures of it, but it looks like if you took a Jack Russell Terrier and just got to beat the shit out of it.

There's just one other officer who's like Einstein in the movie, so like, be careful what you wish. this dog might get so racist it'll set the atmosphere on fire no the dog could differentiate between types of white people next it's going to be racist against the Slavs in the unit

not a single safe Bosnian inside we can't control it it's parking at everyone it's biting the Italians so they they push a local Chinese guy in from the dog of course Souch loses his mind, and Captain McCaffrey's like,

we'll keep him. I like this dog. He reminds me of my daughter. That joke makes no sense. It's still so bad. Shut the fuck up. Marines quickly tailored him a little Marine uniform and got...

I know, right? But also, he's racist. But he's got a little uniform. Once again, Justin Barrett, leader of the nationalist party in Ireland, dresses up like Hitler and he's like 5'2. So he ended up, after this, he got free range of the marine compound there

to do whatever he wanted, though he still mostly hung out at the guard post to bark at any Chinese people who dared to exist near him. And I should underline here, Suge didn't just have one uniform. He had a version of every Marine Corps. uniform. Oh, hell yeah.

Who made these? The Marines did. Like, the Marine, well, the Marines got the fabric together out of their old shitty uniforms and brought them the Chinese tailors who then made, like, who probably looked at them. They brought up to Chinese tailors. For the dog that hates Chinese people. It's the most

American thing to do. Oh, God. Like, he had, uh, the work greens. He had the, like, the traditional Marine Corps dress uniform with the little hat. He had everything. He had everything. he ate the hat eventually just to bring it back

to teaching it how to smoke would it not make more sense to give the dog dip there are a lot of story the dog liked it and got addicted to it that it would just go fucking like absolute ape shit if it didn't have dip

these guys wouldn't be like they would be you know the dog would smell Copenhagen inside their cargo pockets start ripping into the dog just walking around with one fat label there are a lot of stories about the good things that Suge did like fight off meaner stray dog

that might bite the Marines or barking at the night to warn them of like Japanese infiltrators coming into the settlement. There is even stories of Such wearing his tiny little Marine dress uniform

standing alongside the rest of the men on parade ground and learning how to salute. Wait, what? None of that happened. One Marine described Suchly. Quote, Such was worthless.

He couldn't fight his way out of a paper sack. He was also ugly as sin. But we loved him anyway. he couldn't do shit he was completely pointless and worthless as a the only thing he existed to do

was entertain the Marines by eating cigarettes and barking at Chinese people I mean look at you know 50 years later they would have had like you know smash mode doing this I feel like he could get

the suitch could get a cabinet position currently he's he is as accomplished as Pete Hegg Seth I love the idea it's like Rom Immanuel ambassador to Japan trading out with the new ambassador, the racist dog.

But from here, Suche became a China Marine as much as any of them were. And when Marines got passes to leave the Marine compound and go into the settlement, Such went with them. And he went with them everywhere that Marines went in China. Bars, opium deads, brothels. Yes. Such is right there. Yes, the dog is smoking opium. The dog The dog is smoking, he's drinking, stumbling back drunk to his compound and vomiting, vomiting on the ground alongside his main friends. Honestly, when you mentioned...

Do you think there was a tiny dog brothel, though? Otherwise, was he just... Who is having... Who is okay with Such watching? Oh. What was it? That's a real weird way to discover that's what you're into. That's the most fucked up version of voyeurism.

It's a weirder way to find out that's what Such is into. Well, also, it's like, when you... When you mentioned... He goes wild when you do a doggie style. Doing the cigarette thing. Like, they're making him smoke cigarettes. I'm like, well, it's Marines. They're in China.

And they have rudimentary gas masks in the 1930s. You know they got this dog to smoke opium in a gas mask. They did, yeah. Yes. Like, you understand this. I don't mean, wouldn't really necessarily be voyeurism because that dog would be fucking traveling through time. That dog is seeing sex you're going to have next century.

I feel comfortable saying this is the highest any dog has ever been. this is like the lyca of opium no this is this reminds me of a friend of mine who had a dog who during COVID he just smoked so much weed in his house that like his dog would get stoned as well and the dog would get noticeably irritated

if he hadn't smoked in the house in a while sorry I have to smoke weed my dog's getting mad at me in the morning after a lot night of drinking, Such would wake up with the Marines and go out on their once-weekly 20-mile-long Rook March. And like the Marines, he often vomited

during it. After going on several of these, Captain McCaffrey decided that Such had done enough to warrant being promoted. So he ordered Private Ford to go get Private First Class rank and sewed on Such's tiny little uniforms, meaning he now outranked

the guy that was taking care of him. Imagine being a Marine and now you're alcoholic, angry, opium-addicted dog outranks you? Like, I feel like I've failed in my professional career. I have to go take my dog to the brothel and it's not for me.

Don't mind him. I'll just put him on the shelf. He just likes to watch. It's okay. Though Such Such's rank never lasted long. He was demoted constantly. He's not racist enough.

The racism is one of the reasons why he was still around. The problem is, it's like he sucked at everything else. Sometimes this is for sleeping in. Other times it's for

shitting indoors. Or in one case, pissing on the floor of the Marine Corps non-commission officer club, which I fully support as a former non-comission officer. This dog is so

unbrand for being a Marine. Well, it's just, it's just like, it's a dog, and you're feeding it stuff dogs aren't supposed to have. Oh, it gets much worse, trust me.

Oh, God. One time he got demoted for fighting another dog and having his uniform get all torn up in the process. He would get demoted and face no other punishment because, like, he's a dog. And then he'd just be allowed to go out into town

anyway. And in case you're wondering, yes, according to the Marine Soutch had a favorite drink. Two of them. You want to guess what it was? I'm going to say brandy and blood. Thank you for making the dog Armenian, I guess, mate. Rye whiskey and

lager. closest dog full bowl uh dog bowl full of beer uh was his favorite his second was a whole dog full of rum and coke yes and in case you're wondering how did this dog not die this is not going to be the only time you asked this during this episode