Lions Led By Donkeys Podcast - *PREVIEW* The Battle of Damascus 1148

Episode Date: November 6, 2024

This is a preview. For the entire episode support the show on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/posts/bonus-episode-of-115479568

Hey everyone. What you're about to listen to is a preview of a bonus episode that is available on our Patreon. If you like this clip, you can grab the whole episode as well as years of other bonus content at www.patreon.com slash lions led by donkeys. I'm trying to remember, I think it was a noir novel that I was reading recently where they talk about the summer flu and the summer flu is basically just... During the summer months, we just make food and then we eat it for the next three days, but there is no refrigeration really. So it all just spoils, but you're still eating off the leftovers because you're too cheap to do otherwise. And this is just... It was enough of a knowledge thing that it was included as part of the novel where you just like you got the summer flu which is just food poisoning Like that's that's all that was like it was just you know

The summer flu is shitting yourself to death Yeah, the summer flu is just because like I ate three day old meatloaf There's just been lying out in the Sun on a plate like that's got a bit of a jelly on top of it You know, yeah, maybe that's why all the weird Cooking things in like the 40s and 50s just involved putting like a whole ham inside jello. Yeah, maybe that's why all the weird cooking things in like the 40s and 50s just involved putting like a whole ham inside Jello. Yeah, exactly. Just like it helps preserve it like that. Give me another slice of Slice of the jello ham. It's you know, it doesn't taste good But at least it won't make me shit my brains out for the next three days

Unless it's the sugar-free jello that you're fucked Yeah It's like I have to I have I want to go to the Sea of the July 4th fireworks this year and I have been able to make it for the last, you know, seven years because I've been on the toilet every single time from like old meatloaf. You think toilets would be more comfortable because people spend so much time on them, but I digress. With the Byzantine emperor and the king of Jerusalem both dead, this put Zangief's crosshairs directly on Odessa.

And I know I'm kind of sick right now, so my voice is a bit weird. I'm saying Zangief, not Zangief. Okay, I was, I didn't want to be the one to bring it up. Zangief from Street Fighter is not involved here. I just love the idea of a crusader having really Knows it Zangief was the big guy. I'm thinking he was the soviet wrestler who were speedo Dalseam was the yoga guy with the long arms and stretchy arms. Yeah. Yeah, I was always my favorite. Yeah, it's Cheese yeah, you just kneel and constantly spam the low kick You know you spam the low kick like you're a shitty Muay Thai fighter and your big brother eventually

gets mad at you and hits you with the Sega controller. Ask how I know. Now because not only did his two main benefactors die, but the count of Odessa, Jocelyn the second was probably just about the worst diplomat in the entirety of the crusader states. Because after the death of his two main bros, he went on to piss off both Tripoli and Antioch, meaning they were now completely on their own and as the weakest of the states in a very very bad spot. Then as if to put the final nail in the coffin, Jocelyn supported Kara Arslan, the

Emir of Diyarbakir against Zangie. Jocelyn supported him for the simple reason that he pinky promised that he wants the enroll Adessa if he was in charge over Zangie. So Jocelyn sent his entire army with him and Mawar Shorjelepo leaving Adessa virtually defenseless. That's a good idea. Everybody knows this is front loading everything and not planning for any possible backblow or is a great idea. Rather than fight the allied forces, Zangie led his army around them and directly towards Edessa.

An alliance of Catholic, Armenian, and Jacobite priests attempted to lead the defense of Edessa, but it failed entirely, I assume because the Armenians didn't wake up until 1pm. But mostly, obviously, because the army is gone, there's just like a bunch of peasants with knives and shit. The walls come down and a slaughter of Latin Christians ensue, killing thousands. Though Zengi allowed the native, non-European Christian population, that being the Armenians, to survive because he's pretty cool.

The ones... Finally, not being white works for you. Yeah, I mean, that's one of the weird things about Armenian history is all these parts where there's mass slaughters going on all around them and then the people committing them on one Saturday, they're like, oh no, you guys are cool. For really no discernible reason. I think we've discovered the actual reason that Joe likes mining the Crusades for various different forms of content. It's because there's like some like very niche Armenian dubs here.

I mean, when you're Armenian, you got to dig deep to find the dubs. Yeah. I mean, you know, I wouldn't know what that's like based on my own ethnic heritage. Armenians are effectively like the capybara of the Middle East. We're like, nobody's entirely sure why, but we're everywhere and everybody's cool with us with the exception being of course Turkey. But like outside of that, everyone's like, oh no, yeah, they're there. They live everywhere and we're fine with them

We don't know why we assume because we like their wine Yeah, the Armenians and the Irish both have this like the handshake handshake meme of Slinking out the back door Well, while the battle is going on and that's how that's how you guys, you know, the Armenians and the Irish they they continue to be great parts of our Society because you know you managed to just kind of get away in the ends like you know Let's just while you guys are figuring this out. We're gonna go home I assumed is because it was still socially acceptable to make racist jokes about both of us is it not in the Italians

That's good. Yeah, the attack we could still do the Italians though, right? We can still be racist against Italians. I think it's weird because they're like, oh no, the like they're treating the Armenians like they're indigenous to that area or something. Like, of course they're not. They migrated down there like everyone else, but they got there before the Crusades. So like the Seljuk Turks like close enough, bro I'm just imagining the Armenians is kind of like the like the medieval Moomin of you know

Like they're just kind of like wandering around you know they're just kind of there They're like kind of form the background like no one no one's really upset with them You know it's just kind of you know just hanging out the moon like the Moomin trolls Yeah, that's why I went with capybara because they're naturally more hairy Moomin are slick they're smooth Now it took six months for word of what happened to reach Western Europe and get to Pope Eugene the third Because I assume he read it of good Pope names he had a subtle for Eugene Yeah, I can't wait to like you you know, oh yes, our ultimate religious leader

that is our, like, you know, our emissary to God, Eugene. The third. The third. Yeah, the third. The third Eugene. The triumvirate of Eugene's. Yeah, just like, hey, Gene, like, you know, do you mind? It's like, just like a big Polish guy. Like, just like, you know, just like.

And usually, I think the Pope's name themselves after saints. So who, I don't know who the Saint Eugene is. Yeah. It all started because once upon a time a Pope's name was also the name of a pagan God. And he decided it would be, you know, uncouth to become Pope with the heretical God as his name. So he was the first one to come up with like a papal name. So we have that guy to thank for it all.

But the Pope was in something of a bad spot. The church was not exactly at its strongest and Italy was doing what Italy does, constant unrelenting backstabbing and war. The Pope wasn't even ruling from Rome at the time. He had been relegated to Viterbo, or Viderbo, after his predecessor Lucius II attempted to retake Rome, and instead got brained with a fucking rock and died. I do appreciate this era because you read about all the backstabbing that happens politically, and it's just like a bunch of guys watching their predecessor just absolutely walk into

a fucking green thresher and just go, well, that sucks for him, but maybe I'm built different and just like over and over and over and over and over again. I do respect an era where a head of state could just get brained with a rock. Like the hypothetically, like the second, third, most powerful man on earth, just getting stoned to death in the street. What's it like when you read about... In history, asterisks. Don't get me in trouble.

When you read about security at the White House prior to, I don't know, World War II. And it was just like, oh yeah. And then Larry walked in and had dinner with the president. Halfway through the dinner, the president realized that A, this guy wasn't supposed to be there and B, he was out of his fucking gourd. You're not the ambassador to Canada? Yeah. He had someone bring him with a platter and then they just continued the dinner and brought him out the back door later.

Let's us forget the story from only a few years ago when I believe Obama was president and a dude just wandered in through the front door. Yeah. In short, the Secret Service has always been really bad at their jobs. Really bad. I just want to, I did a quick search for St. Eugene. There is a St. Eugene the second of Toledo. He was the Archbishop of Toledo in 647.

This is the way I don't recognize him. That tracks. If there has to be a St. Eugene, it would be a Saint Eugene of Toledo. Look, Toledo is rightfully Michigan. Both European Toledo and Ohio Toledo. He's the patron saint of bowling alleys. We're going to start a new crusade right now. We're going to take back the Toledos.

That's right. Pope Eugene immediately issued a papal bowl to King Louis VII of France, calling for another crusade to retake Edessa. He promised anyone the normal crusade stuff. Remission of their sins, protections of their property while gone, full absolution should they die, that kind of thing.