Lions Led By Donkeys Podcast - *PREVIEW* The Great Locomotive Chase LIVE IN LONDON

Episode Date: April 17, 2025

Come see us live in London June 22nd at the Big Fat Festival: https://bigbellycomedy.club/event/lions-led-by-donkeys-podcast-live-big-fat-festival-southbank/ Joe and Tom take the stage at Rich Mix to tell the story about the world's first military high speed train chase. Get the whole episoide on Patreon here! https://www.patreon.com/posts/126771552

If you've ever wanted to see us live, well, we're heading back to London. That's right. Again. We will be performing June 22nd at the Big Fat Festival at the Big Belly Comedy Club in London. So get your tickets now. They'll be in the show notes. You can come see us, like 20 other acts, including friends of the show that we have worked with before. Get your tickets now and we hope to see you there.

So now they realize for this to work, when they get to a town and telegraph wires, they get to towns with anything of importance, they have to slow down or stop for people to jump out and just mob up on shit and then climb back on. And because the environment is, you know, doing the whoopty whoops. The train has to slow down and or speed up because it's a fucking steam powered train and that means every time they slow down fuller is still chasing them. And this is like a fucking buster keaton movies, just like the fucking benny hill chase me playing the whole time or yacity sacks. This is the most dedicated train engineer the world has ever seen. I don't know anyone in my own life who's that dedicated to their job. I

I'm willing to be like, Oh, they steal the streets coming out of my paycheck. Maybe he didn't love his job. Maybe he just really fucking love trains. Yeah. Not the general my one love that sweet passionate love to it on multiple occasions. I painted the Thomas the train injured face on it myself. So as they're doing this, they keep looking back and they see full or just pumping the fuck away. And then they get to another place, right? The general polls into town called Edoa, where they find another train called the Yona, because all these trains, like I said, have names.

It's pulled off to a side track, and it's right next to a place called the Cooper Ironworks. And Andrew's and the Raiders decided, these two things are really important. Destroy the train. There's not many trains in the Confederacy. And this foundry would be a very important military target to take out. So they decided not to do any of that because there's a

group of civilian workers just milling about outside. And despite all of these guys being armed to the fucking teeth, they're intimidated by these southerners just standing around and just get out of there. They also that fuller is still behind them. If they stop long enough to do a lot of damage, like this one man will catch up to me. I don't want to fight this guy. He's like chasing after like the Proto liquid terminator. Exactly. Yeah. It's the liquid LA. It's the only thing more racist than a liquid LAPD cop from the future. And that's a Confederate train engineer. Dude has like fucking four arms like

Popeye just pumping it. I'll get you. He's the confederate rich Piana with fucking the mass and they realize that they might be in the slowest speed chase in military history, but they need to keep moving to get away from fuller. So the general pulls out of edowa without stopping and doing anything. This is also where the night pointed out to Andrews that their plan has one serious flaw in it. It's a pretty big one. One flaw, a big one. There's a guy who's nearly catching him on a fucking hand crank tram. One flaw.

If there is one thing about a train you'd like right, it's regularly scheduled right. It's never late. The general was a regularly scheduled train and it had a pretty precise schedule. It was almost never late for and it's on again as we point out one track. Now that's generally not a good idea and it's worse because they were not keeping to the schedule at all, which is beginning to raise alarm down the line and soon southbound trains, which were keeping to the schedule at all, which was beginning to raise alarm down the line and soon southbound trains, which were keeping to the schedule were

causing a fucking traffic pile up and this they got to a switch house, which forced them to pull over because they're running behind and the southbound trains need to go. This took hours and fun fact. The original engineer, William Fuller is still chasing them and and he gets to edewa and he's on his stupid little fucking push cart and he's like well, I don't need this anymore. He steals the yona yes, yes, we're doing my box finally and he starts catching up to Andrews at his stolen train and he's leading out with a fucking crowbar at the window.

Andrews, knowing he can't wait approaches the there in a town called Kingston. He approaches the station master like, look, I have a special load of ammunition going north for a Confederate general PGT Beauregard. Oh my God. Name alert. Don't worry. Full name Pierre Gustav to taunts Beauregard. Oh. If that isn't bad enough, his nickname, remember, he's a confederate, is the little black Frenchman. Oh. Because he's French Creole, but he was not mixed race

because of course he wasn't, it's the Confederacy. I fell into a bit of a Beauregard hole, so bear with me here for a second. I hate falling into the Beauregard hole. So bear with me here for a second. I hate falling into the Beauregard hole. The Beauregard holes got me acting on wise. He, he was thought of a curiosity due to him being Catholic and French in the Confederacy and from a predominantly French speaking family that it creates something in a moral panic in the ranks. This is from the biography about him titled Napoleon and gray quote because he was French and seemed different. He was the

victim of all kinds of rumors, most of them baseless. He was charged with immorality because this was inevitable. Some soldiers believed that he was accompanied by a train of concubines and wagons loaded with cases of champagne. Even louis, even in louisiana, it was said by non creoles that he was unfaithful to his wife. So the confederate saw guy speak french and just immediately knew he was cheating on his wife. He's just like subject to the most esoteric, like layered insoles. I have, I have at least some news for you that this is not going to be the weirdest confederate racism we come across.

Anyway, it was Andrew's that Andrew said to the station matter. That is who he's working for. He's working for Beauregard. The station matter says, okay, well, do you have paperwork? And Andrew says, of course I do. And the station manager says, well, can I see it? And Andrews just says, no. It's just a crumpled piece of paper written in cold us one free pass. Well, the funniest part is he just says, of course you can't see it. And the station master goes, all right, go on through. He hits him with the steamed hams defense. It's a much simpler time. You just got to believe me. Trust me, bro. So the station master just lets them keep on going by and Andrew's knowing William Fuller has done

that liquid fucking cop future shit on him and is definitely still chasing him. It begins tearing up rails successfully for the first time as they pull away. This doesn't even phase Fuller. He jumps off the Yona and he steals a second train. The William R. Smith and begins chasing the Raiders. At the 10 of Adair'sville, Anders and his crew tear up more lines, forcing Fuller to abandon the William Smith without even stopping it, just allows it to run off the rails, sprint to the next town on the other side of the torn up tracks, and steals a third train. Dude's fucking wrong.

This guy is so class. This one is named The Texas. And the funniest part about this is the Texas was going south, meaning he was out chasing Andrews and the funniest part about this is the Texas was going south, meaning he was now chasing Andrews and the general backwards. He's doing fucking Tokyo drift shit like Andrew's night and the other Raiders are probably completely and rightfully terrified of the world's most dedicated train engineer and knew they to do everything to stop this man. So they lit some of their own box cars on fire, uncouple them and send them flying down the

tracks at the Texas Fuller being the world's hardest train engineer and most racist train ninja jumps off the moving train, sprints down the track, diverts the oncoming fire box cars, relines the track back up, runs back to the Texas and climbs back on board. He's playing like train-based Crash Bandicoot right now. He's jumping over barrels, he's spinning around collecting apples. He literally ghost rode the whip incredible andrews and the raiders keep trying to damage things, but now we're moving too fast to really rip anything up and this is where the gang comes to the

conclusion that the only way to get away from this engineering psycho would be to start torching bridges yeah and then it starts raining so they can't do that a cheat train to start fires and throwing their own box cars at him like union donkey Kong. They missed tearing down the telegraph wires in one town, meaning not just the guy in the town folder himself got to the town jumps off the moving train runs over the telegraph sends a telegraph to the next town jumps back up on his moving train and begin and continues his chase. He's the only man in the Confederacy. There's only one man in the

Confederacy and his name's William Foller. This man loves trains, hates ethnic minorities, loves slavery, loves trains. He's a simple man. It's like what does he love more? Is it enslaving people or trains? Which is he more dedicated to? I think if he could somehow enslave trains, maybe he believes the trains are like he is the machine God. I mean this goes back to Thomas the train engine. If he sees them as sentient beings, he is in fact a train slave owner. You gotta chase after them fuller. I can't

believe they've stole the train. You've had to take three of them. I mean one memory of Thomas the train engine does come to mind. Tank engine. Whatever. You said it wrong like 17 times. It's really annoying me. Sorry. It wouldn't be like you to mispronounce something, say something wrong. What is a tank but a train with a gun? Anyway, you were a tanker. My tank did never face. Maybe it should have.

But I do have a memory of one of the trains being bricked up in a tunnel and dying? Weird phrasing, Joe. Bricked up trains. I've seen that online.