Living The Red Life - From Abuse to Power: Reclaiming Your Life

Episode Date: May 23, 2026

After years of narcissistic abuse, trauma bonding, and survival mode, this holistic trauma healer now helps others reclaim their power. In this episode, Sherry Lou Canino breaks down the truth about narcissistic relationships, how childhood trauma shapes partner choices, and why most people unknowingly repeat destructive patterns. Through her journey of arrest, emotional awakening, and rebuilding her life, she reveals the mindset shifts and healing strategies that changed everything. From equine therapy to holistic healing, her unconventional approach challenges traditional methods and offers a new path forward. This is a raw, unfiltered conversation about boundaries, identity, and breaking free.Key Takeaways:• Why people unknowingly choose narcissistic partners• The difference between healthy and malignant narcissism• How childhood trauma shapes adult relationships• Why healing requires more than just talk therapy• The role of boundaries in reclaiming personal powerNotable Quotes:• "We’re picking them. They’re not picking us."• "They want you to think you have nothing without them."• "We all have to have healthy narcissism."• "Just because someone calls you something doesn’t make it true."• "Burn the boxes. Nobody puts you in one again."Connect with Rudy Mawer:LinkedInInstagramFacebookTwitter

One of the biggest things I would say to men or women in narcissistic abusive relationships, or if they want to learn to trust, go be around horses. Wow. Horses are prey animals and they don't just trust you. And if you can earn their trust, you will learn what you should be doing with men or women in your relationship to have them earn your trust. Absolutely. It shouldn't just be given.

Folks tell me that narcissists don't know they're narcissists. Can you tell me what your philosophies on the topic are? Okay, they know what they're doing because if they can turn it on in circumstances when they want to or need to and turn it off, of course they can. And of course they know. So don't be fooled. How do you spot a narcissist? Is there a clever trick saying, oh, well, he's wearing red on a Friday narcissist.

Just like what is the tauntale signs? Personally, I would tell people that... My name's Rudy Moore, host of Living the Red Life podcast, and I'm here to change the way you see your life in your earpiece every single week. If you're ready to start living the red life, ditch the blue pill, take the red pill, join me in Wonderland and change your life.

Welcome to another episode of the Living Your Legacy podcast, The Red Life Edition. Joining me today is another amazing woman in power. I'm joined by Sherry Lou Canineau. So Sherry, you literally finished filming your episode in an easy bake oven. Give us a little bit of the experience of filming your woman in power episode in a very warm room because their air conditioner is broken. Well, it was actually very empowering.

We had a few emotional moments. So very cathartic and very healing as well, I will say. More intense than I expected. I don't find you there. I don't find you as an intense person, Sherry. Are you an intense person? No, not too much, but I felt like the whole take on it was a little more intense than I. Intense is the wrong word.

In depth. Much more in depth than I thought it was going to be. You know, I'm 52. So I told the camera guy, I said, hey, if you would have got me in my third. 30s, it would be a lot less to tell. What will we learn about your episode? Why was it so intense? So, you know, I think some memories from childhood came up.

Some things with my sister that I had kind of, I don't want to say I had forgotten about, but I hadn't thought about in quite a while. My oldest sister, without a doubt, would probably be one of my biggest mentors. And she would have been one of my big protectors. in childhood and yeah, just had a few little mushy moments about some things with her. Right on. What is currently your day-to-day hustle, your why? What's getting you out of bed?

Work-wise? Work-wise, life-wise, all of the above. I mean, I have four horses, so they get me out of bed because one, I need to take care of them, but also they're my life. Are they literally waiting for you out the window? Like, when do you wake up, do you just wake up to a horse in your face? Not yet. Not yet, but that's the goal.

That's the goal. I need more fencing. Right on. No, they're in their stalls. But honestly, helping people, you know, I really absolutely absolutely love working with people. And the one-on-ones is amazing. It really is. I meet so many great people.

And it's not that I work only with women because I don't. I work with a lot of men too. Sure, sure. But I get to help women just find their power again. Wow. What is your common client? What do you see as a common threat amongst women that you help? We all have narcissistic abuse.

So that's the big common thread. It must have a ride of passage. Yeah, yeah. It's childhood trauma. Yeah. I mean, so with people, one of the biggest things that they don't realize is that we're getting in the narcissistic abusive relationship. We're picking them. They're not picking us.

Oh, yeah. It's a very misconception when people say, he picked me because I'm an empath. Sorry for laughing now. That's a little bit of a narcissistic stance there. No, we pick them. It's their facade. You know, I mean, I always picked older men, you know, the facade of like they're going to take care of me. Of course, we all either have mommy or daddy issues.

Do narcissists know they're narcissists? I went through a phase where I thought I was a narcissist. I went through a really bad breakup and it went through some shame. I'm like, am I the narcissist? Did I create this? I clearly created it, but not to the level of narcissists. folks tell me that narcissists don't know they're narcissists. Can you tell me what your philosophies on the topic are?

Okay. In this day and age, they know, because it's everywhere, right? So when my son's biological father was diagnosed, so my son was born in 93, narcissism was not a buzzword. Rudy was born in 92. No, 91, actually. Oh, my. Well, I graduated high school in 91, so they're,

go. Very cool. I was 2001. Carry on. But yeah, so back then, it wasn't a buzzword. So when he got diagnosed when my son was about 10-ish, no, he probably didn't know he was a narcissist because they said he's a narcissist. I was like, okay, great.

All I cared about that he was going to get custody, he was going to get visitation, and he was going to go away now. Nowadays, yes. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Unfortunately, they do, but they're not going to go get help for it. Some of them may just realize that they got something going on that something's off. Yeah.

But they know what they're doing because if they can turn it on in circumstances when they want to or need to and turn it off, like Professor Sam Vakinen will say, if they've been arrested and they're, they're in jail or, you know, certain circumstances, of course. Sure. Of course they can. And of course they know. So don't be fooled. Don't be fooled. Well, isn't it, is it narcissism something that is very kind of necessary in today's

and age where social media is kind of like, me, me, me, me, me, you need to be almost, almost delusional like Rudy says in his episode where it's like, this delusiones you and you're essentially kind of like, this is what you're trying to become. perception, like perception rules all. There is some level of narcissism, even among CEOs, there has to be a level of narcissism where they've sort of used it in their favor. Would you agree or disagree? So there's healthy narcissism. Wow. There we have to have healthy narcissism where we wouldn't take care of ourselves, right? We'd just be like not putting on our own oxygen masks. Or wrapping our own butts. Exactly. Or there's malignant narcissism. So it's, it's,

Where does this wisdom come from? Are you reading a lot of books? Did you go to school for this? Like, when folks come to you for guidance, what are they getting? This is not all, but a majority of my knowledge on narcissism comes from Professor Sam Vaknan. He is a professor of psychology. He's a diagnosed narcissist. Wow.

More than once. And you can listen to his lectures on YouTube. Anybody can. He has hours and out, like, that. thousands and thousands of, they're a lectures. They're not fun. Most people don't listen to them.

Hmm. Yeah, my favorite. It's not enjoyable. Well, I can imagine so. There's nothing worse of having a narcissist being told they're a narcissist

and I'm trying to grow and learn from that. Is there a recovery plan for narcissists? Is there a path of enlightenment? Or is it just Debbie Downer from here on out? For someone who is actual diagnosed? Diagnosed or even self-diagnosed. It's just really.

I don't want to say as Debbie Downer, they can manage their behaviors, but you have to understand that this develops in childhood. They're never allowed by their mom and I'm going to get crucified by this because they always do.

Like, don't blame the mom, don't blame the mom. Blame the grandmother. I'm not blaming anybody. This is just scientific facts that from zero to age three, it's the mom that nurtures the child. It's the mom that actually turns the child into narcissists. And we're not blaming moms.

We're just explaining that this is how it happens. Moms, all moms, do the best that they can do with what they have. We don't know what we don't know. Nobody wakes up one morning as a mom and says, I want to be turned my children into narcissists. So we're not blaming. We're explaining. And they can't go back to child.

childhood and individuate from the parent. So, no. Do you fight a lot of narcissism in men that are, or women that grew up only children or had a traumatic event? Like, I'm adopted.

I'm an only child. Raised with my grandmother. And I was left with my mother at four. I don't remember anything else. But now I'm 42. No children. Unmarried. But doing it really well.

Is that red flags? Or good sides? Like, as someone made a joke earlier, It's like, well, I'm 42. I'm doing all these things. You sound like a very happy depressed person because it's best of both worlds. Like, at 42 as a man, I'm supposed to have children, be married, and do the American dream, correct? But I'm not. What does that make me? And I'm going to say, why are you putting yourself in a box?

I don't know. I really don't know. And just because what everybody else is doing, what's right for you is that, what's right, that doesn't turn you into a narcissist, right? Right. But everyone keeps telling me, look, you're this, you're that. I'm like, well, okay. Sure. You tell me what I'm. I'm supposed to be in your reality. What am I in my own reality? I guess that's what I'm asking you. So that in itself, when people are like, you're this, you're that.

That's a form of narcissism. Because if we take the focus off of us and point the finger at other people, then we don't have to look at our own issues. I mean, mommy daddy issues, we all got them, but some turn into narcissists and some don't. gravitate like me towards narcissists. You know, my mom didn't, my mom would have been diagnosed with BPD, borderline personality disorder. Same with my mom. High narcissistic tendencies. She might have even had the dual diagnosis, you know.

My dad, high narcissistic traits, what do you have been diagnosed? Not sure because. They mask it so well. He lived with my mom. Uh-huh. He could have picked up trait. You do. Mental illness is contagious.

Yeah, I completely agree. I had to make the, the Kylo Rind decision of stabbing Han Solo in the heart and killing off my father with both my mother and father because I just knew that wasn't great for my mental health.

A lot of my narcissistic qualities and a lot of my wacky tobacco that happens in my brain is because my mother. And the moment I realized that and disconnected her, I found the peace. Yeah.

I don't have to shake when I hear her name. It's just, you're out of sight of mind. Yeah. And it's necessary evil of you will to be able to survive as a 42-year-old man that thinks he's got his stuff straight, but speaks to folks like you and go, I'm going to take this opportunity and go, I don't think I've got my shit together, even though I may seem like I do. But I don't think I do. We all like to seem like we have our shit together. Percentively, I think they're doing it pretty well.

here's the thing. The only person you have to answer to is yourself, right? So if you're happy and you're happy in what you're doing and you're not out there hurting people. Yeah. You know, at this point, like when you say, oh, I should be this and I should be that. This is what culture says I should be. Right. And I say, fuck culture.

Foot culture. Because I think the worst thing that we do is keep putting everybody in a, box. It doesn't let us grow as people. It doesn't let us have dreams. And I know for myself, it's happened to me because my mom wanted to keep put me in a box. And then my first narcissist want to put me in a box and the next one want to put me in a box. Quite literally. I've been trapped in my own party. I'm like, I'm burning all the boxes and nobody's ever putting me in a box again. I don't like boxes. Forget it. So just because someone, somebody calls somebody a narcissist, doesn't make them that, and we should all have healthy narcissism.

Yes. We have to. And I don't think that there's one route for everybody in life, you know? I don't want to say accidentally, but it was accidentally, got pregnant. I would have never had children. Now, do I love my son? Yes. He's been my savior in many, many ways and many dimes and helped.

He was the reason that I walked away from my family when I did because I didn't want him around the unhealthiness. But I still mothered him wrong. I still taught him to be just like me and a people pleaser and a fauna. And because he saw me with a pathological narcissist. He saw me with his stepfather who would have been a psychopath. And he saw me keeping the peace, doing the things. that I should do. I didn't teach, you know, I'll be the first one to say, yeah, I screwed up a million times.

But at the time, I did the best that I could do with what I knew. Yeah, for sure. And if you don't know what you don't know. And now that I know, I'm just going to say, now that you know, no, I'm definitely making sure I do better, you know. I mean, he's 32, so I can't go back and mother him as a child. He's an adult. But we have a great relationship.

And I think that that's, oh, we can't really hope for anything. life is that we grow as people, you know. And that's my goal with the people that I work with is to to help, to help women, help men to, but help women find their power again. They have it. We all have it. It's in us. But we have narcissists make us forget that we have it. They want us to think we have nothing without them. And so that's, you know, that's really, that's my goal. That's, that's, that's, That's what gets me up every day. What's a transformative story that you can share with us? Maybe a client that had that Eureka moment that they were a narcissist or with a narcissist.

So I would have to say my biggest moment was when the last guy that I was with, he, I kept pushing him to go to therapy. Yeah. And he didn't want to. And he kept saying he's not a narcissist and he got diagnosed. Wow. for folks that are watching and or listening, what's, and I hate to sound so like,

content creator, what's the top 10 list? Like, really, what is a clear, tall-tale sign that someone's a narcissist or your, folks are dating online. Did you hear about these dating apps or a new thing? I'm just kidding. But folks are just jumping the gun and meeting someone based off of photos

or a 15-second clip and they're walking into literally the lion's den among wolves or vice versa. How do you spot a narcissist? Is there a clever trick saying, oh, well, he's wearing red on a Friday? Narcissist. Like, what is the ta-tale signs? Personally, I would tell people to stop online dating, go meet people in person. Sure. That's a different podcast. That's the number one thing I would say.

Go buy a lady a drink in the old-fashioned way. Trust me. It's a lot more fun. Well, because in all actuality, you need to get to know these people. It's so easy to hide behind a phone or a computer. And then, we fall in love with the facade that you're putting on. Now, if you can get in front of somebody and you can see facial expressions and you can trip them up in lies, you know, I would dare to ask somebody instead of questions that I would ask a guy if I was going to date. I wouldn't say, what do you do for work? I would say, how do you spend your days? Yeah. How do you podcast? Are you dating now? Me? Yeah, you.

Yeah. Maybe. Mahomenal. I got to keep that quiet. I was just going to say, I'm kind of like, what's dating like for you? Are you like interrogating? Are you asking all these key questions? I go, aha, I caught you.

I knew you were this. Mr. handsome, tall, dark and handsome. So I'm very big in manifesting. And I tell the universe that I'm not going to go out there and look for men because I really like staying home. Right on. And I'm like, you're going to have to drop a man at my house. And I'm just going to say, it may just have happened.

Gosh. So we'll see. Was he an Amazon delivery man? Like, that's the only way I can phantom someone random man to show him up at your house. Was he a delivery man? It was the milkman, wasn't it? I remember, I literally live out in the middle of nowhere. I was going to say.

My nearest neighbor is about a mile and a half a way. way. I live on a dirt road. I'm surrounded by cornfield. So, no, I may have some work done in my house. Okay. My next guess was literally a flying saucer, but we'll go with that. But I'm not really fully sure I'm ready to date. I really, honestly, I really like being a woman. Yeah, same. And I think I might be like a crappy girlfriend at this point. You know, when I say crappy, meaning like a little bit self-centered. Like I just want to do what I want to do and I want to be with my horses.

And like if you don't horseback ride, I don't know if I'll have time for you on the weekend. Can't talk horse. Sorry. So, yeah. So I don't know if I'm there yet. I love it. But do you know, I may just have met the one that gives me enough space and, you know, I don't know. We'll see.

I was just going to say, like you are definitely a woman in your power. what is next for you? How can people discover your journey? How can people learn more about you? My website is my best place. And that's hopefully wild.com. And I hope to be doing in-person retreats where everybody will get to meet my horses that I love so much soon. I don't know. It's not going to happen this winter because I got to rebuild the barn. But maybe next year, maybe earlier late spring next year, I will have my facilities set up and I'd love to do in-person retreats and incorporate equine therapy because one of the biggest things I would say to men or women in narcissistic abusive relationships or if they want to learn to trust, go be around horses.

Wow. Horses are prey animals and they don't just trust you. And if you can earn their trust, you will learn what you should be doing with men or women in your relationship to have them earn your trust. Absolutely. It shouldn't just be given. Can you give a shout out to your horses? I'm imagining you in your living room with your four horses and you're the new man in your life. Give a shout out to your horses, please.

Yes, I'm going to give a shout out to Cain and Rionan and Jesse and Spirit. Shout out to Jesse and Spirit. Gosh, that was such a lovely time. I hope you had a fantastic journey here on the podcast and with Kofi. Thank you for everything. No, thank you for your time and energy. Yeah, that concludes another episode of the Living Your Legacy podcast, The Woman in Power Edition. For Insight Success, I am Regatieres.