Locked In with Ian Bick - Brittany Schmitt: How I Survived Jail

Episode Date: April 2, 2024

Comedian and Podcaster Brittany Schmitt bares all in a candid episode where she recounts her tumultuous journey through childhood trauma and struggles with alcoholism, leading to a stint in jail. Tune in as she shares how hitting rock bottom became the catalyst for her sobriety journey and the unexpected discovery of comedy as her saving grace Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Connect with Brittany Schmitt: https://www.instagram.com/brittanyschmitt/?hl=en Listen to her podcast: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4Ln6UubIl21ODdERI1E3TA Creative direction, design, assets, support by FWRD: https://www.fwrd.co Buy Merch: https://lockedinbrand.com Use code lockedin at checkout to get 20% off your order Timestamps: 00:00:00 - Intro 00:03:34 - Growing Up in Big Bend, Wisconsin and Oxford, Wisconsin 00:07:18 - Challenging Relationship with a Borderline Personality Disorder 00:11:08 - Difficult Family Life 00:14:48 - The Struggles with My Mother 00:18:42 - Relief After a Tragic Loss 00:22:14 - Following the Universe's Guidance 00:25:32 - The Toughness of Being a Woman in Comedy 00:29:33 - Comedy and Corporate America Stories 00:33:22 - Getting a DUI in Arizona 00:36:58 - Going to Jail 00:40:28 - Life in Jail 00:43:58 - Discovering Comedy 00:49:33 - Being Sober in the Entertainment Industry 00:54:55 - The Impact of Online Harassment 00:58:31 - Building a Following Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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I had to sell my car to pay for the DUI, so I didn't have a car. So I was borrowing my friend's car to go to jail. But I couldn't always borrow my friend's car. But then I was like leaving early to get drunk to then drunk drive myself back to jail. And then I would park and have them validate my parking. But I'm in jail for a DUI. I don't have a driver's license. I'm drunk driving myself to jail.

I was like just taking the piss because I was like, these cops are so stupid. I'm like, why are they validating my parking when I'm in here for a DUI? Welcome back to the Locked InBick podcast. I am so excited to have comedian and podcast host Brittany Schmidt on the show today. I got the opportunity to interview her and listen to her incredible story when I was in Los Angeles at Spotify Studios. Shout out to Spotify for letting me use their studio. And I'm looking forward to filming more episodes there. Brittany's the co-host of the podcast with Brittany Furlan called This Is the Worst.

It's actually titled This Is the Worst. And it's a podcast. they launched a couple months ago, produced by Just Media House, and it is insanely funny. I'd listen to this episode, episodes of their podcast every week, and I crack up. The two of them, the two Britneys, yes, they're called the two Britannies, are so funny, and I definitely recommend you guys check it out. But on today's episode, Brittany shares her incredible story of her battles with alcohol and the trauma she experienced as a child and into her early adult,

hood and how that ultimately landed her into some trouble. And then we get to find out how Brittany was able to turn it all around, turn it into a successful career in comedy. I'm excited for you guys to hear Brittany's story today. And I hope you guys sit back, relax, and get ready to lock in with Britney Schmidt. Host of one of the co-hosts of This Is the Worst Podcast. Probably one of the fastest growing podcasts, I'd say. It's pretty, it's coming together.

It's great. I mean, I love Brittany. And it was like the whole idea was just we voice note and we talk every day all day. And we're like, this is like funny and entertaining. Why are we just entertaining ourselves? So we decided to make it a pod. And yeah, it kind of, I mean, I don't want to say it blew up right away. But it's doing well.

And we're like very grateful for everyone who's tuning in and listening. Yeah. And what I look at it as you guys have grown so much in the first episode. Yeah. Like even you yourself, because Brittany is I know is a little bit more comfortable. The other, Brittany, because she's done a podcast. But you have just like, I look. listen to the last episode, and it was so much different from the first episode in a good way.

Oh, thank you. Like, what do you mean? I'm very curious by that. So a couple things was, like, one, like, when you were looking down at, like, the phone and the iPad for questions, you're so much more comfortable now with it. And I know you guys are, like, looking on the screen now to do it. Yeah, yeah. And you're just having conversation and you're just, I don't know, it's a good show.

And I notice there's, it's funny, too, because, you know, you don't see stuff until it's played back. But, like, I would, like, play with my hair and, like, my hair. and like my face and that's just like me being like nervous to be on camera and Brittany is so still because she has been doing this for so much longer than I have. She's done a podcast. She's also been like a public figure for a long time. So I'm like figuring it out.

But she's like my big sister. Yeah. I mean, you're a public figure now too. I know. I know. But she's been one longer. Much longer. Yeah.

And it's interesting getting to know someone through social media. Like I know all of these things about you. I know. I don't know who the real Brittany is. Yeah. It's fascinating to learn through someone. social media has this way of, you know, teaching you things about a person. And then when you get to meet them and talk to them, you kind of find out more. And that's like the art of podcasting

and learning and whatnot. Yeah. Yeah. There's lots of, I'm very multifaceted. So where did you grow up? Where are you from? I grew up in a little town called Big Bend, Wisconsin. It's a truck stop of a town. It's 1,200 people. It's right outside of Milwaukee. So when people ask where I'm from, I just say Milwaukee because nobody's ever going to know where I'm from. The closest thing we got to knowing where I'm from is Waukesha, which is the county that Big Bend is in. Remember when there was that parade and that guy ran people over with a car? That was Waukesha.

So we've got like some maniac put Wau on the map. So I'm like now people kind of have a little bit of a sense. How far was Oxford from you? I don't even know. I've never even heard of Oxford. That's where I was in prison. I didn't even know of it either. Oxford, Wisconsin.

Okay. It must be northern. I couldn't tell you. You don't know. You didn't even look at a map when you were in prison. No, I thought they were sending me to England when they said you're going to Oxford.

That's really funny. Yeah, because who was... You're like, I'm going to read my first book ever. I'm going to finally read a book. I'm going to England. That's what I thought because I went on con air. You ever see the movie Conair? No.

You got to watch that. Okay. So I'd, you know, handcuffed chain shackled and you on a plane and I went to Wisconsin. Yeah. And you thought you were going to Oxford. You thought you were going to where Stephen Hawking went to school. Yeah, exactly.

It turns out from prison to fucking Stephen Hawking's living room. I know. Exactly. So what kind of family did you come from? Was it? Oh, gosh. We got to start there. Well, you know, we always like to start at the childhood.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no. Very, very dysfunctional. But we always tried to seem like we were great. Like, you know, my mom's side of the family was very waspy. And they always acted like nothing was wrong ever. and then my dad side of the family, my dad has 12 brothers and sisters, and they, you know, grew up definitely lower class. Like, they were all kind of like fighting for food growing up.

And it was, I think, a little, a little bit gnarlier on my dad's side. But then, like, my family unit is my dad, my mom, and my sister. I have an older sister who is a year and nine months older than me. And we get along great now, but we, when we were kids, it was really tricky. because my parents started getting divorced, I think, when I was like five or six years old. I mean, they got divorced then. And then their divorce lasted. I think they were in court for like seven years. So pretty much all of my childhood, I just remember was a divorce. Like it was the parents were fighting over, you know, before they started getting divorced. They were doing well. They had, you know, money and land and property and all of this. And we were getting fucking ponies for our birthdays. And like,

things were good and then you know the longer you fight in court the less you have because you're spending all the money on lawyers so my dad finally just gave up and he stopped fighting over all of the property and the monetary stuff the only thing he was fighting for was custody my mom wanted full custody my dad wanted split custody obviously that is what ended up happening um but my mom you know like when you're a kid you don't know like you have a parent that's maybe mentally ill. You just know you have a mom who's different than the other moms, but I like kind of started putting it together that my mom wasn't like all right in the head. And she was very, she was a real tough mom. Like she was a real tough cookie when I was young. Like we had to, we had to have perfect grades.

We had to be in, you know, a bunch of different sports. We had to be the best on the team. We had to be, it was a lot. So she had, you know, as we kind of went along further in life, and as I've like talked to therapists and all of that stuff have concluded she had undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. And it was just, it was too tough. It was too tough for me to maintain a relationship with her. Like in my adulthood, we tried on my 18th birthday. You asked one question. I just like went off the fucking deep end.

You're looking at me. You're like, glazing over. I've heard bits and pieces of the story in a comic setting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So to hear this is like different, and that's what I like, to give someone the opportunity to tell it in a different format because that's how you get new listeners and a different perspective of you. Yeah. Yeah. No, she was just really brutal.

Like when I was growing up, you know, she was, she had an eating disorder. And that in our family, she would like, she would literally send us to school with like a slim fast shake and a brown paper bag as our lunch. And she would put a potato in there to fill up space. She didn't want us getting fat. we had to be the prettiest. Like, I mean, it's so embarrassing the way that I looked in my school pictures. Like, I looked like John Bonae Ramsey. And my school pictures, like, you know, kids are kids.

They have, like, bowl cuts and, like, buck teeth. And I would come in with, like, curled hair. She wouldn't let me cut my hair. I, my hair was down to my hips. It was, like, fully curled. And I'm like, you know, she didn't put makeup on me. But I was, like, the most glamorous bitch when I was, like, seven, which is a lot. Because everyone's like, who does this bitch think she is, you know?

Mm-hmm. So, yeah, everything had to look good, but then nothing. Like, we were great students. We, you know, like I said, we were athletes. We were everything, but nothing ever felt good. The family was always in turmoil. We were always fighting on, like, Father's Day. She did many years ago.

She, like, many, many years ago, I was probably 10. She did, like, one of the most fucked up things ever. She took my sister and I to a hotel the night before and was, like, feeding us like ice cream and like just like having like letting us swim and do all of this stuff. And I was like something is a miss. Like something's because she was never that night. She would never let us eat ice cream. I was like something's definitely wrong.

And then the next day was Father's Day. And she brought us home late. And my dad was waiting for us and he had been waiting for like maybe two hours. And she did it on purpose. You know, she always used us to make my dad mad and would like try and keep us from my dad. my dad was mad and he was like rightfully mad and he like sped up the driveway really fast we had a quarter long uh quarter mile long driveway and he like sped up the driveway and he was just like you know I don't know what went on between them there was definitely no violence there was no he was not

he might have like raised his voice at her but he never yelled like my dad's not a yeller and she like just faked this whole thing and was like kids get inside we're not safe and like hit us and called the police and got my dad arrested on Father's Day. Wow. And I just remember she was just like fucking bananas. Like she always ruined. Like I don't know if this is something that specifically that borderline people do or if this

is just like something fun that like my mom did. But like she, if it was ever a holiday, it was like her Super Bowl to like fuck shit up. You know what I mean? Like if it was a Christmas, a birthday, whatever. It always ended up being about her. And like she always made everything really really. challenging. And then to that point, like on my 18th birthday, I came home from school. I'm like, I'm 18 and, you know, all throughout my like adolescence, I wanted to go live with my dad.

Because my dad and I just were like homies. Like he was a really, really good father. He was very strict. He would get, you know, I respected him. So I listened to him. And I didn't really respect my mom because she was so like violent and angry and mean and people didn't like her. And I just kind of was like, she kind of gave me the ick.

So I always said I wanted to go live with my dad. And in Wisconsin, legally, when you turn 16, you can compete. pick what parent you want to live with. And I said, I want to go live with my dad. And she started fighting it. My dad was like, it's not worth it. He's like, it's just two more years. Just hang in there.

Like, we don't want to go back to court because, you know, she's like, I'm going to tell the police that he's an alcoholic and that he's letting you drink and all these things. So my dad's like, please, please, please, just stick it out. So I did. And then on my 18th birthday, when I got home from school, I'm like with two of my friends and all of these boxes were on the front porch. and I walked up to them and I noticed it was all of my stuff and a note on it that said if you ever step if you ever step foot on my property again it will be considered trespassing and I will call the

police and I was like this bitch I'm like I wanted to move out like you you don't get to kick me out when I wanted to move out it's like quitting when somebody fired you you know what I mean I was just like okay and yeah so I was like great see you later and I packed my shit up and I went to my dad's and my dad was like we have to go to the bank you know because she's the custodian on your college fund and I was like okay uh why and he's like we just have to go get your money because I was supposed to go to ASU for school and um I just wanted to go somewhere warm I wanted to just like get out of Wisconsin and um we went to the bank and I'm like pleading with the teller I'm like please please please I need this money I'm going to ASU in a few

months. I need to give them my deposit. And she's like, she's like, you're doing what with this money? And I was like, I'm going to ASU. And she's just like, honey, there's $16 in this account. So she drained my college account. And I just sat there and I was like, this bitch, she got me again. She got me again. So I just, you know, my dad laughed in my face. He's like, I knew she was going to do that. Because it's like when shit is bad, you have to just laugh. Like my dad taught me that. Like, he's, I'm crying. He's laughing. He's laughing. He's like, this is exactly what she did to me when, you know, we got divorced. Like, I knew this was going to happen. And, you know, so, um, family life was always difficult. It was always hard. My relationship with my mom was always, always very hard. We didn't talk after that. And then she resurfaced in my life. I went to UW of Milwaukee because that's where I had a scholarship to go to school because I had $16 nowhere else. I could not afford anywhere else. And she found out I was, going to that school and it's not a good school and you know everything has to look good for my mom so she like came in she intervened she like lied to me and she told me she was dying of cancer and she's like

this is my dying wish that you go to Marquette and get out of this school and go to this other school and I was like okay whatever and then like you know we found out she was not dying of cancer she did have like some stuff with like amavium in her lungs but she wasn't dying and then um she got me into Marquette, which is actually honestly probably the best thing she could have ever done for, ever did for me because Marquette was fucking great. And then, yeah, she ended up killing herself three days before my wedding. Before your wedding? Yeah.

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Wait, it doesn't. It's as simple as downloading the ARCO rewards app to get started. Class dismissed. Savings of up to $1 per gallon were being able with $20 rewards dollars in your loyalty account. At participating locations, terms and conditions apply. Wow. It's one way to RSVP. How did you feel about that when that happened? Honestly, when I got the call, I felt so relieved because she was in such turmoil on this earth.

Like, I didn't ever look at my mom and be like, she's enjoying this. You know what I mean? She was always fighting someone or something. Like she was never, you know, she just was never content. She was never okay. I think later in her life, when I wasn't really around, she got a little more addicted to pills. Like she was taking pills to sleep and then taking anti-anxiety while she was awake.

And it's just like she wasn't, she couldn't get it. She couldn't figure it out. And then she would never admit that she was mentally ill. So if anyone ever said to her, like I did say to her at one point, point when we had our last falling out. So like when I moved to California, I got a DUI and I ended up having to go to jail and we can get into this later. But I got a DUI and she called me and she's like, I fucking told you you're going to be an alcoholic just like your dad, rah-rah-rah. And I was like, at this one point in my life, I need you to be a mom right now. I don't need you to be like the

fucking person that's telling me, I told you so, you know, or being like a villain. Like I'm in a bad place right now. And so I told her, I was like, listen, if you ever want to get help, I will fly home, because at this point I lived in LA, I was like, I will fly home to go to therapy with you. I will be there with you. But until you get help, I cannot have a relationship with you. And I meant it. And I didn't speak to her again. I blocked her phone number. I blocked her emails and you know I had a weird feeling things were getting really bad everyone else in the family started cutting her off my sister cut her off and my sister was always her girl you know like my sister like growing up it was always kind of like me and my dad and my sister and my mom like no it's not

like we officially like wore jerseys and pick teams but it's like it was like kind of an unwritten thing we had you know that was kind of the allegiance and my sister cut her off and uninvited her to her wedding and then everyone else started falling away and when everyone cut her off i was like i then i was still drinking at the time and i got very emotional and i was like she's gonna kill herself she's gonna she's gonna kill herself she has nobody and nothing she has nothing to live for she's out of money um this is not gonna end well and i wrote her like this long email just being like pouring my heart out about it, like how much I loved her and how sorry I am like that her life took such a

turn and just that she was so alone and just that like, you know, I loved her and I always loved her and I just want her to get help and like, let me know if I can help you and I was like going back and forth on whether or not to send it and I went to send it and she had deactivated that email

and then I tried to call her and she had changed her phone number so I couldn't even get a hold of her but I knew what was going to happen and and then when I was the night I think I was like the night before I was getting ready to leave because my wedding was a destination wedding in Nicaragua. Right when I was getting ready to leave, I went out day drinking with my ex-husband and I got really, really drunk because I, when you block somebody on iPhone and you block their phone number, you can go in. to your messages and there's all block numbers they can still leave

a message but they're just not you're not going to get notified about it so I just had like this pit in my stomach and I listened to them I had a message for my mom and I listened to it and I was like she was like hey you know just calling to tell you I love you and I'm so proud of you and I'm so

happy for you she's like I'm going on vacation to Northern California don't worry I won't be down by you but I just want to tell you like I love you and I'm really proud of you and I hope everything's going well. And it was the first time in my life my mom had ever left me a voicemail that was just nice. Like she might start off nice where she would be like, hey, just going to check in anyway. Anyway, like Donald Trump is in my lights.

Like, you know what I mean? Like it would like always take a really hard left and it would be like a scary voicemail. But this one was just sweet. And then I got hammered because I knew I was like in my head. I was like, it's it. She's done. She's like gone. And I got blacked out.

And I don't remember this, but I, like, fell. I was, like, in bed. And the next morning I woke up. And my ex-husband was like, do you remember what you said last night? And I was like, no. And he's like, you said that your mom's dead. And I was like, oh, yeah. He's like, why did you get so drunk yesterday?

I was like, well, she left me this voicemail. And I, like, told him about it or whatever. And I was going to, like, run some errands for my wedding. And I got a call from my aunt. And I just remember thinking, it's a little too early for you to be calling because my wedding's not for, like, a couple days, like, about the wedding. So picked up the phone. She's like, are you driving? And I was like, yep. And she's like, you need to pull over. And I was like, is it my grandma or my mom? Because my grandma, her mother was terminally ill with cancer. She said, it's your mom. And I said, how'd she do it? And she said, she shot herself.

And I was like, yep, that tracks. And I felt just such enormous relief. I was just so happy. not like not so happy my mom was dead but so happy she didn't have to keep struggling and keep making everyone in her life struggle because her existence on earth was a ripple effect in our family of like everyone that had to deal with her like she just didn't bring anybody peace you know she stressed everyone out so and then of course I'm devastated because I'm you know I I'm fucking sad my mom's dead that sucks but I think the biggest feeling I felt was relief you have think that if that email was sent and got through to her, it would have had a different outcome? I think, you know, I'm spiritual now and I'm like sober and I do believe in God. And I really believe that God prevented that email from being sent because I do think that if that email was sent or if I had gotten a hold of her, I think if she has somebody to like suck the life out of, that's like what was keeping her alive, which was like draining everyone. So I do think if I would have opened those doors to her, I think maybe it would have bought her more time.

I think ultimately, like, what was going to happen was supposed to happen. I think God's plan is perfect. Like, what happened is absolutely what was supposed to happen. And I remember my grandma at the time, you know, she was obviously devastated. Her daughter just committed suicide. And my grandma was very Catholic, very religious. And she was praying and praying and praying. And was like, why did this happen?

Like, what, you know, like, why? Like, what could we have done? differently and she just kind of got a download from the universe being like this is exactly what was supposed to happen. So yes, I do think the email might have changed the course slightly, but I don't, I ultimately don't think so. Because I think even if I opened that door to her, if she was still the same way she was to me back in the day, probably a hundred times worse because I hadn't spoken to her since 2012. I would have had very little tolerance for it. I'm like if you're not going to get help. You know what I mean? It would have probably

been like maybe things would have actually been nastier if we opened the doors of communication. You know, the universe works in mysterious ways and I'm a big spiritual person too. And I listen to what you said to Alex and Jordan on their podcast about how like fate kind of brought you to meeting Alex. Like you guys were both divorced. She needed someone to help get her through it. And you guys end up in Paris together. And now you have the podcast. That was wild too. I mean, like I sometimes I get really strong downloads from the universe. They don't happen often, but when they do, they're strong. And after the first time I talked to Alex, a literal download from the universe was like,

you need to go to Paris with this girl. And I was like, I ignored it because I was like, that's insane. I just talked to her on the phone for 20 minutes. And then she posts something on her Instagram that she's either going to Paris or London. I was like, go to Paris. I'm going to try and come. And then like for a minute we thought our schedules weren't aligning and it wasn't going to happen. And then I realized I had her dates wrong.

and I was in Toronto and I could just fly right over to Paris. So I was like, pack me clothes, bitch. I don't have clothes for Paris. Like, I was in Toronto doing shows. So I was like, you know, my stand-up clothes, which are very casual, I'm like, pack me clothes for Paris and I won't meet you there. And that was like Alex, my friendship with Alex is another like complete godsend. Do you think it was more mental or more like a gut feeling or how do you describe that feeling? Because I think a lot of people could relate to that in some sense.

Yeah. It was just a very strong thought that came. It was like I hung up the phone. and I was like, you should go to Europe with that girl. Like, you should go to Paris with that girl. And I was like, that is an insane plot. Like, I just talked to her for 30 minutes. I don't even go to Europe with, like, some of my closest friends, you know, traveling

with someone is, it can fuck a friendship up. So, like, it was just a really wild download. But, yeah, usually when I get downloads, they are, they are, like, they're mental, but they just come through me. And it's like, you know, you have that voice in your thought that's, like, always nagging you and telling you your piece of shit and nothing's good enough. And, like, I think that's, like, I think that's, like, a lower voice. Like that's a very low vibrational voice. When I get like a download, it's like

almost like a beam of light, like just goes through me and I'm like, this needs to happen. I love how we're on a podcast. You're calling it a download. It's a perfect fit for it. Yeah. Yeah. Do you ever look back and think about how your childhood has affected everything that's to come, like, you know, even leading to jail and leading to comedy and everything. Like if you didn't experience that kind of, it's trauma. You know, you did go through trauma if you didn't experience that. Because I know a lot of your pieces are on your childhood trauma too. Yeah, I mean, I think, so here's the thing. Like, my mom and my relationship with her was one incredibly difficult part of my childhood.

But another incredibly difficult part was, like, the people at school, I was bullied pretty mercilessly all through school. And, like, I was actually just in New York and I was talking to one of my best friends, Kate, about this. Because she was, like, one of my, like, ride or die friends in high school. But she was the only one. Like everyone else was horrible, horrible to me. And I was telling her, I was like, I kind of feel like being bullied when I was a kid prepared me for being bullied as an adult, like as a comic. Because I get, you know, I get all these crazy comments on my page telling me,

saying horrible shit about me. And it's so painful to read. Like, I think people think when you're at like a certain level, you're not a real person and you're not like looking at. this and you're not receiving it and you know oftentimes I do take Instagram off my phone because I do think it's like really bad for people's mental health but I think like all of it prepares you like I couldn't have picked a harder career like point blank period being a woman in comedy is like it's fucking tough so yes I think all of that prepared me for this I don't think

I would have been a strong enough person um to pursue my dreams if I if I didn't get tough when I was a kid So you ended up finishing four years at Marquette? I did. And what was your degree? I did a communications major with a psychology minor. Oh, psychology? Yeah. Are you using the psychology stuff now or no?

So the psychology minor was really, I took because I wanted to figure out what was wrong with my mom. Okay. Like I really, I was very curious about that. And then I also'm like, I'm always just curious about people and how they interact and why they interact in the ways that they do. I've always just been a very curious person about that kind of stuff because I'm like I definitely want to separate, you know, it's like my dad always says when someone says something negative to you, like consider the source. It's like I always want to separate a person from what might be mentally inhibiting them. Like if you are a narcissist or if you have borderline or if you're bipolar.

Like you do communicate differently in the world. And I'm always trying to like understand that. I'm always like very curious about it. But I'm not like active. pursuing psychology. I'm not like Sigmund Freud over here. You know, I'm just like, I observe people and I think the observation of humanity is part of comedy. Do you think people give you a hard time in the comments

because they don't see this side of you? 100%. And I've had so many people tell me, like, present this side of yourself on stage. And I'm like, I almost don't know how because I'm so scared to be vulnerable. Like, sitting here and talking to you, you're

a stranger. Like, I don't know you at all. And I'm so comfortable doing this. But there's something about like on stage and my persona. Like I, my persona is like this tough chick. You know what I mean? Like I'm like a bad bitch and like nothing fucking bothers me. And I'm like, I couldn't be less that. You know what I mean?

I'm so bothered. I'm so I'm off and sad. I'm wearing a sweatshirt today. That says I cried today. Like I'm like, you know, I'm a soft person and I'm like very sensitive. And I do like want people to like me. It hurts my feelings when they don't, but also, like, I know that, like, the art that I do is, is not everyone's going to like it.

You know, I'm very dark. I'm very edgy. I don't, I do not prescribe to any, anything society has told me to done. Do I just, like, go in the opposite direction? So I forgot what the question was. No, just about if people saw this side to you. Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, I could totally see you having, like, another podcast where you show this side.

of you. Yeah. Like, just, like, doing the interviews. And because Alex said, like, you're incredibly smart. And I hear that on the show and whatnot. But I feel like the world doesn't really get to hear the side of you. And it's cool. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, like, listen, I'm early in my career. I think that, you know, I have another good 20 years in me to figure out how to, 20 is, like, being generous, maybe 10. No, you'll get more than 20. 15. Maybe five. What's a life expectancy?

I might have, like, another day. Like, I think about quitting every day. No, I do definitely, because, you know, I think ultimately too, like, comedy for me started by like, I want people to laugh at my pain because ultimately they're laughing at their pain or things that, like, I think laughing through really tough things is, it's medicinal. And I do want to help people. I want to be of service. And like, I think until comedy can't do that anymore, like if there's a point where I'm like, like, okay, this is no longer serving anyone. This is no longer, you know, doing what I wanted to do. There will be a world where I pivot. And I, you know, open up a little more about this kind of

stuff. But I just, I don't know, you know, some of it's so sad, too, that audiences don't know what to do with it. Like when I try and talk about it, like, for so long, I have a joke about, you know, my mom and the stupid slim fat shake. And I was, like, trying to figure that joke out for like a year and a half. And I believed in it so much. I was like, I know there's something funny here. But for like a year and a half, I was working on it and audiences are just like, this isn't okay. You know what I mean? Like you're talking about a 10 year old being given a slim, fast shake. Like, that's not funny. So it's like finding the funny in that really dark stuff, you know, it takes time and that is that is the craft of it. But it's really hard to go on stage

and be like, oh, my life was hard. Because also people look at me and they're like, shut the fuck up, bitch. You know what I mean? Like people just see what they see and then they make their assumptions and they don't want to hear it. What was your first job out of college? Because you got into corporate, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually was very fortunate. I worked at an advertising agency in Venice Beach called Zambizi.

It was Kobe Bryant's ad agency, and it was run by a guy named Brian Ford, who to this day is like one of my mentors and my best friends. So he worked at widening Kennedy, which is the biggest ad agency in the world, I would say. And he worked on Nike, and he did the witness campaign with LeBron James. Do you remember that one?

We are all witness. Maybe if I saw it. He worked on a bunch of big. Or did you remember the hated? At Hyundai of Glendale, Lisa New, 2006 Hyundai Tucson SC Frontwheel Drive for 269 a month, plus tax for 36 months, with owner's assurance in America's best warranty,

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Hate it or love it campaign with Kobe? I could have been in jail during that time. I could have been in jail during that time. You were in prison. You're like I wasn't watching commercials. So anyway, he did like a bunch of these iconic campaigns at Wyden and then Kobe was like, you're the dude. Let's go start our own shop.

So they started a shop in Venice. and then I was an intern copywriter. So I was working on like champ sports and pop chips and all these brands like writing, you know, taglines and like all of it. Like everything you would see on their campaigns. I was like helping them. You know, I was an intern so I didn't really know what the fuck I was doing. Like very few things got through to like final rounds. But yeah, I did that and I loved it.

It was like 15. people in Venice. It was a really small agency. It was so cool. And then it grew really quickly. And then they moved me over into creative recruitment. And then I kind of just got stuck in creative recruitment. And I worked in corporate America up until 2019. So my last, I did head hunting. And then before that, I worked internally at Media Arts Lab. I was the head of recruitment there, which is Apple's agency of record. So I kind of like blew through it. And I did it. And I was like, I hate this. Like, I hated it.

I didn't feel creative. I started comedy in 2012, but I was doing it, like, I was such a drunk and I was, like, doing it as a hobby and I was, like, showing up ways. I was like, woo! Like, with very serious comics. Like, Damon Wayans was on a show. I remember Theo Vaughn, like, all these guys immediately. And I'm, like, a brand new comic and I'm just, like, showing up hammered.

Like, it was not a vibe. So I stayed in corporate America. I did, like, a few comedy shows a month. And then, you know, I ended up getting sober and going back to comedy. Why do you even decide to get into comedy in the first place? So that actually is because I was going to jail for my DUI. You got to tell us this story. Yeah, yeah.

Okay. So like I said, I'm from Wisconsin. And in Wisconsin, you can get like 40 UIs before they call your landline and they're like, hey, stop it. So I went to visit a friend in Arizona for Christmas when I first moved out to L.A. I went to go visit a friend in Arizona because I couldn't afford to go back to Wisconsin. The flight was like $600. And I could not afford that, but a flight to Arizona was like $70. So I was like, I'm going to go do this.

And I remember I got so drunk, I missed my flight to Arizona. So I had to like buy another flight. So I'm already like in the red. And then I get to Arizona and we went out and I was with one of my girlfriends from college. And she was with one of the girls that she was working with out there. And we all went out and we were drinking our asses off. I remember right before we left the bar I took like three shots of Jameson

and then we were leaving she's like she was gonna drive and then her friend is like you can't drive the laws here are so fucking crazy like if you get a DUI it's over and I was like I'll fucking drive and then like Paige my friend goes to hand me the keys and she hands me the keys but she

dropped them and then I picked him up and then I dropped them and then like get in the car it was just like a very messy handoff situation and I pull out and I go got to one stop sign and I got pulled over and I was like

but what did I do wrong? I was like I have a great drunk driver like I didn't do anything wrong and I didn't say I was a great drunk driver I was like I know I didn't disobey any traffic laws but they were doing a sting and the cop just saw me like fumbling the fucking keys and then getting in the car

and he's like I'm just going to take a wild guess and then yeah I got a DUI and it was an extreme DUI so when they drew my blood it was a point 0.18. It was a 0.18. And I'm like, I was so grateful that they didn't wait a second longer to draw my blood because I was like, those three shots of Jameson are running through me right now.

Like, they're right here. So I'm like, please take my blood as fast as possible. And I was so lucky that they did because 0.18 is, it's bad. So Arizona has a zero tolerance policy for drinking and driving, which I really think every state should have now. I didn't think that at the time. but it's like if you have one beer, you go to jail. I'm just one. Just one. Just one. There's no legal limit, none of that.

That's not 0.08. You don't get any leeway. It's like, if you've had drank at all and you're driving, you go to jail. Those are the rules. And I was like, that can't be real. So you wanted to test the theory. No, I didn't even know about the theory. I literally, the DUI is how I found out about it. And they're like, okay, so this is an extreme DUI and a point two and above. So an extreme DUI is 30 days in jail. And then point two and above is like, it's a whole different ballgame.

I don't know what it is now, but I think at the time it was like six months. And it was Tent City, which was an outdoor jail in Arizona. And it was just like horrendous. So I got a lawyer and I fought it, but they threw the book at me. They were like, because I was a fucking asshole. When they pulled me over, I was like, I thought I was being like funny and cool. And I was like, let me just like suck your dick. And like, oh, it was like, you know, whatever.

And he's like, no, bitch. He's like, also, don't say that, you know? Like, don't do that. So I, there was like a moment where I thought I was going to get out of it because my lawyer was like, they misfiled your paperwork. So they have 30 days to refile it. But they don't have your headshot. They don't have anything. They don't know where anything is.

They can't find it. So unless they find it, like, you're off the hook. And so then I started, like, partying and celebrating like I was off the hook. I was like, whoa. Like, let's fucking go. And then, yeah, no, they really. filed it. And then they gave me 30 days in jail and I think it was six months with a breathalyzer in the car. And I ended up going to jail at the Beverly Hills pay to stay, which is in Beverly

Hills. It's where you pay and you can do work release. So I wasn't going to lose my job. I had to have my boss sign it, which was crazy. I'd been working there like only for a few months. You know, like I was an intern for three months. I was full time for August, September, October, November, like three or four months before I got the DUI. So I'm so grateful for Zambisi and everybody who worked there who like signed off on me going to jail at night. Like the fact I was able to keep my job was truly just a miracle. But I was so defiant. Like I was still such a defiant alcoholic about it. Like I had to sell my car to pay for the DUI. So I didn't have a car. So I was borrowing my friend's car to go to jail. But I couldn't always borrow my friend's car. But then I was like leaving early to get

drunk to then drunk drive myself back to jail. And then I would park and have them validate my parking. But I'm in jail for a DUI. I don't have a driver's license. I'm drunk driving myself to jail. I was like just taking the piss because I was like, these cops are so fucking stupid. I'm like, why are they validating my parking when I'm in here for a DUI? They didn't check it at all? Nothing. I mean, they're just, that's why I just had no respect for the law. I was like, you guys are fucking idiots. I thought I was so much smarter than them. and then my last day I got like hammered and when I was supposed to be at work it was like a Saturday though so I didn't have work and I went and got a tattoo got like shit face drunk and

this is like when I had a Blackberry so I didn't have like GPS on my phone and I didn't couldn't like I was so drunk I couldn't remember how to get to Beverly Hills like I was just like and so it was like 45 minutes late showing up to jail and I I mean the way that I sweated when I got back to real late and they're like I have a tattoo like I have cellophane on my ankle they're like what's this I'm like nah just nothing don't worry about it and then they just put me in the cell and I was like this is it this is this is actually the end because they caught me I got a fucking tattoo I'm late I'm wasted I'm like I'm probably going to like prison that's what I thought I was like prison's next for me and then the next day they like knock on my door and I was like pit in my stomach I was like I really

did it like I really fucked up and the guy was like so we can't release you and I was like yeah That makes sense. And they're like until, you know, 45 minutes past the hour because you came late yesterday. So you do have to serve this extra 45 minutes. And I was like, are you fucking kidding me? And I was like, none of that was, you know, I was deep, deep, deep, deep in my alcoholism at the time. So I was not even close to considering stopping drinking. I just was like, no, I got away with it.

Have you heard a prison talk like on TikTok? So there's this like, you know how there's different talks. So there's this thing called prison talk. and there's a lot of female influencers that go to jail, but they do the weekends day. So is that literally you're just like surrendering on a Friday and you're leaving Monday morning? Yes. So for me, the first, I couldn't get out for the first 48 hours. I had to be in jail for 48 hours. And then Monday through Saturday from 8 to 8, I could go to work if they signed off on it, which they did. I never worked Saturdays because I worked in a corporate job. So Saturdays I was always partying.

And then I remember in that sentence was like the 4th of July too. So like I got out on the 4th of July and went to a fucking party. And I have like a joke about it in my first special. But it's all, you know, it was just like I was a menace. I was absolutely insane. So when you go to the jail, are they like putting you in a jumpsuit and stuff and you leave your weekend clothes like separately? No, no, no. So the jail, I mean like Beverly Hills Paid Estate is like I guess it's kind of a joke.

It was like I had my own cell and it was like a futon bed. And then I also had a little couch. And there was a TV. It was like a tube TV, but it was a TV. And if I put on Comedy Central, because I would always want to watch Tosh, I would put on Comedy Central. But Comedy Central synced up to the Beverly Hills, their cop monitors. So I could hear what was going on in all of Beverly Hills at all times, which was like the best of both worlds. I was getting Tosh.

And then when I wasn't getting Tosh, I was getting like a housewife overdosed on pills, like getting all the fucking tea about what was going on in Beverly Hills. But it was like I had that and then I had to sink. and a toilet and a mirror. I think the worst thing was the mirror was like polished metal because you can't have glass in there. And I had contacts at the time so it was like really hard to get my contacts in. But that was the biggest complaint. Was it like bars on the door too?

Is it an actual cell? Yeah. Wow. So you got the actual jail experience. Yeah. How are the guards treating you? They were like I said, they were so nice. Even though you were an asshole.

I mean like they were just like they were as nice as they could be. Like they were like, hey, you're still in jail. You know what I mean? Like, chill out. Like, but. Is this like where Lindsay Loanne went? No, Lindsay actually did a, what I should have done is what Lindsay did. Lindsay went to county and Lindsay got immediately discharged because they're like, we don't, this is not what we're dealing with.

We have bigger fish to fry. But I couldn't risk going to county and then them saying, you're in. You know what I mean? Then being like them not discharging me. I couldn't risk that because then I lose my job. lose everything. I have to move back to Wisconsin. I have failed. I go home. You know what I mean? Like, so I couldn't risk going to county. Lindsay went to county and she, I think, got discharged in like 12 hours. And they let you just switch dates to pick your own place. Yeah. So, I mean,

that's why I had to lawyer up. I had to get a lawyer that was like going to be able to me finesse that because I couldn't have done that on my own. That's a great deal. Yeah. What about the food? Was it any good? You had to bring your own. Wait, you brought your own food to jail? Because nobody's in this jail. Like it's literally, it's like if somebody in Beverly Hills gets put in jail overnight. That's where they stay. There's like four jail cells and then there's this pay to stay cell. It's literally like a weird little apartment jail. And then you have to bring your own food. You bring your own blanket. You bring your own pillow. What kind of jail is it? It's like white people's jail. It's like summer camp. Yeah. It's like white privilege jail.

Wow. Yeah. Do you think it taught you anything? Do you think it was like a deterrent at all or no? No, but I mean, so you, the thing you asked me in the beginning was how did you get into comedy, I think? And the jail, so I was so depressed because I was like, this is a branding crisis. Like, I'm not somebody who goes to jail. This is fucking horrible. I hate this. And I was really sad and I was really depressed. And I was deep, deep, deep in my alcoholism. And there was a guy that I worked with at Sam Bezzi, who sat across from me. His name was Tamara Katan. And he was a comic. And he was quick. advertising to go be a comic and he was like you're really funny he's like I know you're going through some shit right now he's like you should try comedy because it is like therapy but it's cheaper like because I couldn't afford therapy I was out of money I spent all my money on this DUI and I was like okay but like no and then he like quit and he would call me every day and he's like did you call that guy because there's a comedy teacher that I went to to learn how to do comedy his name is Jerry Katzman I still work with him. I still love him dearly. But he called me every day and was like, did you call Jerry yet? Did you call Jerry yet? And I was like, no, no, no. Like, I'm not going to do it. I can't do it because the class costs money. I'm like everything. I had no money. And he's like, bitch, he's like scrape the money together. Call Jerry. So I called him. I got into the class. And it truly did like change my life. Like when I did my first comedy show, I was like, oh, this is like what I was born to do. Like it was a truly magical night. And Jerry has a rule.

which is great that you can't drink or use in the class, in the group, or while you perform the first night. So I was sober the first time I performed comedy, which I think a lot of people aren't, you know, if they are drinkers, like I was at that time. And yeah, it was just, it was magical. And I was like, this is what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. But at that time, I couldn't see a way that I could quit advertising. I didn't see a world where I could just jump and the net would appear. Like, that wasn't my mentality at that time. I had to kind of, you know, keep working and make a living.

Did you ever think deep about what caused the alcoholism? Oh, you know, they say in AA that the genes load the gun and the environment pulls the trigger. And I think that's very true. I think genetically alcoholism runs in my family. Actually, on both sides, my mom's brother, you know, drinks a lot. And then my dad's family, there's a lot of alcoholism. A lot of them are sober now, too. I have two uncles that are sober, which is amazing.

And my dad drinks a lot. And, you know, so I think genetically it was in me. And then environmentally, my mom being so tough and school being so tough and everything, like feeling like I didn't belong anywhere. When I drank, I felt like I belonged. Like, it just made me feel powerful and confident. and strong and I finally was like, oh my God, I don't give a fuck about any of you. Like, it just gave me the power to stop because all my whole life, I cared so much. I cared what people thought of me.

I wanted to have friends. I wanted people to like me. I wanted this. I wanted that. I wanted that. And then alcohol was just like, bitch, fuck all y'all. Like, I was like, literally all of you guys can suck my dick. And that was like my entire personality until I got sober.

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Save on the stay Oh, and free waffles are yours to claim Well, I hope you like my little song Book Direct at soysvilletales.com I'm still sad. What was the final straw that it took you to get sober? I got sober after my mom killed herself because I think a lot of it was I was drinking at her.

You know, I was so mad. She called me an alcoholic my whole life. She's like, you're going to be an alcoholic just like your father. And I was like, bitch, I'll show you an alcoholic. Like I took it as a challenge. You know what I mean? I was like, I'll show you that I can drink and I can have a successful career and a happy marriage and great genuine friendships and all of these things that she

never was able to have, you know. And I was like, and I'll drink and it'll be fine. And then it's like, you know, as I got deeper into my drinking, I was like, This is killing me. Like this is, this is, it used to give me life and now it's taking my life. Like it's not, I was not showing up. I would not do comedy shows if they were on the other side of town because I'm like, I have to drink and I can't drink and drive because I already got to DUI so I can't go.

So I just like wouldn't do, I wasn't doing comedy. I wasn't showing up for myself. I wasn't being a good partner. I wasn't being a good friend. I just wasn't like, I wasn't being the person that I wanted to be. Like I didn't identify with who I was when I drank. but I was like, I'm going to keep drinking because I still have to show this bitch. You know, so when she died, I was like, oh my God, thank God.

Thank God I can stop. So the last time I drank was the morning after I got really drunk at my mom's funeral on December 10th. And then on December 11th, I had like a fucking mimosa. It's so embarrassing. It's such a like pussy way to quit. Like I just like had a fucking, yeah, I had a mimosa. And I was like, I'm done. Like, that's it.

And then I started, you know, I told my husband at the time. I was like, I'm done. and he was like, no, you're not. And I was like, okay, well, then I'm just taking a break. I think, like, for people, for it to be palatable to people, like, my entire personality was that I drank. So for people to, like, understand, I was just like, I'm just taking, like, a little break. But I knew I was like, I'm done.

What do you use as a substitute to that now to pour your energy into to give you that life and that energy? Oh, boy. I mean, I don't know that I have a direct substitute. It's, like, through my sobriety, I've done. done, you know, the 12 steps and I do like prayer and meditation and like I try and just like stay even keel and like be a good person and keep my side of the street clean. I don't, but I'm not. There's no replacing that energy. Like the person I was when I partied and I drank and I was like,

whoa! Like that person, RIP to her because she's like, I saw it fun. Like I just went to New York this last weekend and went to Saturday Night Live and I was up till 7 a.m. Like a fucking maniac sober. but like yeah there's nothing that's like taking its place caffeine is it but I also struggle with caffeine because then it like fucks my sleep up so yeah I'm trying to get off the Celsius's oh my god I took it I had a Celsius yesterday you'll listen to the episode I had a Celsius on an empty stomach and I was having a stroke like I literally couldn't I was mixing my words up I was like having a fucking panic attack and then like once you're like you notice you're mixing it up I'm just like I just sounded like a fucking bird on yesterday and you got

A bad Delta flight too, right? Oh my God. I saw the notes. Yes, yes. Horrible. But, like, that's actually where I was, like, fucking my words up. I kept mixing up miles with money.

I'm like, it was $100,000. Like, miles. It was miles, you know, but it was just, I kept fucking everything up. Is it hard to stay sober in the entertainment industry? Especially with the people you're around and whatnot. I know Britney is sober. Yeah, Britney's sober.

I surround myself with a lot of sober people. And I think, you know, I was very fortunate that when I got sober, I was married. and I was living a pretty quiet life. I wasn't back in comedy yet. So I wasn't in the entertainment industry. So I got like a pretty good footing under me and like with my sobriety when I wasn't around it. I think it would be incredibly difficult to get sober around like if I had to go do comedy every night.

It's just so easy. You know, you can be so sneaky. You can sneak off and go get a drink and everywhere you go. They're like, what do you want? When you're a comic and you're on the road and you have a rider, they're like, what kind of alcohol do you want? And it's like, you know, I have literally on my writer, it's just like Celsius's and fucking like quest bars. Quest bars. So boring.

Like protein bars. Yeah, I've had those before. So do you think it's more welcoming now in the entertainment industry to be open about past struggles with alcohol and drugs? 100%. I think most of the people that I'm close with like are sober or they don't have an issue with it. I think like the hardcore alcoholism and drug use of like, of, of, you. the past like, you know, the Richard Pryor Robin Williams era where it was like, that's what everyone did.

You fucking blew lines until 7 a.m. And like, that's just not what comedy is anymore. Like if you want longevity in this business and in this life and if you want like a meaningful life, like that's, it's just not a meaningful life. Like it's fun. And then it stops being fun. You know what I mean? Like it is not fun forever.

It's fun for like a short, pocket. of time and like and if you're in that fucking go get it but like coke and all that shit is so scary now it's like all fucking laced and everyone's dying and I'm like this isn't fun this is like Russian roulette like yeah so I think a lot of people you know that I surround myself with are are sober like a lot of the people that I'm the closest with are sober do you want kids one day whoa um you know I froze my eggs last year just in case but kids have never been um something I'm like dying to do. I ask because I'm wondering if you're worried about passing on those genes that you have

and what you've gone through onto them like you were describing how it runs in your family. Yeah. No. I, I, no, I would be more worried about passing on the mental illness. Truly. Yeah, no, I just, kids for me, it's like if I meet the right person and it all has to make such perfect sense. I love freedom.

I love being able to just hop on a flight to go to Paris with Alex. I love like just being able to get to do what I want when I want to. And like maybe one day that'll lose its flare too and I will want like a more meaningful like family or something like that.

But like for now it's not it's not a priority and I do you know there's a lot that you would have to also I donated eggs. So there's two like kids out there that are genetically mine. So like I'm going to call them in a couple of years and be like, how's it looking? You know? Like how they do it? Are they drinking yet? Are they drugging? What's going on? Do you put your jail stuff into your comedy at all?

I feel like that would do well as like a woman that went to jail. I feel like that's got some spark and spice to it. Yeah, I put it in my first special. And that was the one that went viral on YouTube. That was pretty cool. I was watching some of it yesterday. Yeah. That's at like what, almost 500,000 views? Maybe. Yeah. I. I. I don't look at views. I try not to get caught up in that. Yeah, it's just such a rat race. I think it's so unhealthy for us to look at like how many of you. It's just like, because then you attach your value to it. And I'm like, I just don't. It's doing whatever it's doing. Do you and Brittany Furlin want to use your platform to kind of help in the recovery space since

you guys both kind of came from that? I don't know. I think we're just trying to have a good time right now. Like I think we're succeeding. Yeah, I think we're just trying to have fun and bring some joy and some levity to people because it's a tough time. I think everyone, like, you know, people are anxious and depressed and sad and bummed out. And I think we're just trying to bring levity to people. And we're having really fun with the format as it is right now, but that's not to say it won't evolve. But I think, like, specifically helping people in recovery would be something so wildly different from what we're doing right now. Like, it might be a completely different project. I think you indirectly help people.

Yeah. Like when you have people like Bunny on the show or like when you talk about your own stuff and you kind of loop it into something funny and saying, well, we're sober now or whatever. Like it does that and as like I read all your comments and because that's my job, I got to look at all that. Yeah. And people are, there's more positive than negative. Well, I don't know what comments you're looking at. Well, on the YouTube, I would say they're all.

Oh, the YouTube. Yeah. Well, YouTube also does this beautiful thing where they put the bad ones at the bottom. And TikTok's starting to do that now. Yeah. So they have all the good ones at the top and you have to like go down to the bottom. And I think every site should do that. I was just watching a news clip the other day of Zuckerberg on like the Senate floor getting like yelled at by these parents who have lost their children to suicide and bullying online and all of this stuff.

And I think about that often. I'm like I am a hardcore bitch. Like I am a tough girl. I've been through a lot. But I look at this stuff and it can fuck my day up. It can fuck my week up. it fucks you up. And I just don't even, like, there's no way to, like, not allow it because it's free speech.

You can say whatever you want about it. But I do think it should be, like, deprioritized if you're, like, clearly being a fucking troll. Yeah, TikTok does the hidden comments now. But, like, I feel like Facebook and Instagram, they prioritize the hateful comments. Yes. Instagram's horrendous with that. Instagram's, and Instagram is all I have on my phone and I oftentimes take it off. I don't even have TikTok on my phone.

Yeah, I don't know. It's just like devastating to me that people even think it's necessary to just spew hate. I'm like, I always think like, what is your life? Like what position are you in that you're spending your energy? We get such a finite amount of energy as human beings and you're spending some of it to take somebody else down. Like unless you're really like doing something righteous and it's a really good cause and you, you know, really think you should be shouting from a amount. mountain top that someone's a piece of shit. It's just, to me, it blows my mind that people even do it.

And you don't know what someone else is going through? Yeah. Like that one comic could be someone's tipping point too. Totally. That's the same thing as bullying. Yeah. I mean, that was like the wild thing when I put that first special out and it did do really well.

And it made my social media following grow in a more significant way than it had ever grown. I think it went from like 50,000 to 150 or something like that. And like, you know, when you get. more people looking at you, you also get more people hating you. And from the outside, all of my comedian friends are like, oh my God, you're crushing it. You're blowing up. Everything's amazing. But meanwhile, personally at that time in my life, I was going through a divorce. It was incredibly painful. I was in mentally probably the worst place of my life. And everyone assumes you're doing good because people are following you on Instagram. And I'm like, no, I'm literally doing worse

than I've ever done in my life. And then I have all these like gremlin fucking stranger trolls telling me to kill myself and I'm like I fucking will you know what I mean I'm like I'm right I'm right here don't push me so it's like you know I know now when I like get to a point with Instagram where I'm like it's bringing me when it starts to bring me no joy I just take it off my phone and I have a girl who runs it what's a piece of advice you tell your teenage self if you could go back in time now that you know everything you know now oh honey um I would probably say Oh, God, I don't even know. And it's like, this isn't a new question.

It's like I want to tell her to not drink so much and I want to tell her to not fuck so many guys. But, like, that's all part of the journey. You know what I mean? Like, that's all part of what made me who I am today. So it's like probably just like everything is going to work out amazing. You're going to make it. And just fuck the haters. Literally.

Yeah, literally. Brittany, thank you so much for taking. in the time to do this. It means the world. It was a great conversation. I'm sorry you said four words. You literally said nothing and I just said, no, this is how my interviews go. We're not one of those podcasts where like it's like it's different. That's why it works for us. And we've built this following. And it's amazing having stories like this on here. Amazing. Thank you for having me.