Locked In with Ian Bick - Cooking Meth, Racking Up Charges, Surviving Jail & Facing Abusive Cops | Jessica Renner

Episode Date: October 27, 2024

Jessica Renner shares how she got caught up in cooking meth, racked up criminal charges, and survived jail. In this interview, Jessica opens up about her experiences with abusive cops, the harsh realities of jail life, and how she managed to come out the other side. #TrueCrimeStory #SurvivingJail #MethLabConfession #AbusiveCops #CriminalCharges #JailSurvival #LifeOfCrime #CrimeAndPunishment Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Connect with Jessica Renner: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100009960434644&mibextid=LQQJ4d https://www.lcrecovery.com/ Presented by Tyson 2.0 & Wooooo Energy: https://tyson20.com/ https://woooooenergy.com/ Buy Merch: https://lockedinbrand.com Use code lockedin at checkout to get 20% off your order Timestamps: 00:00:00 Welcome Jessica: The Former Queen of Crime 00:03:42 Surviving Abuse: A Personal Story 00:07:21 Overcoming a Troubled Past with Forgiveness 00:11:00 Entering the World of Drug Addiction 00:14:37 Life in the Van and Finding a New Place 00:18:13 Facing Jail Time for Methamphetamine Charges 00:21:55 Struggling with Addiction and Opiates 00:25:38 Overcoming Addiction: My Downward Spiral and Arrests 00:29:20 Overcoming Adversity: A Journey Through Treatment and Self-Discovery 00:32:47 A Turning Point: Choosing Sobriety Over Relapse 00:36:59 Overcoming Personal Tragedy: A Call to Recovery 00:40:29 Transformative Journey of Recovery 00:43:43 Bringing Christmas to Jail: A Unique Outreach Program 00:47:09 Life-Changing Advice from an Inmate 00:50:30 Struggles in a Toxic Relationship 00:55:59 The Power and Struggle of Addiction 00:58:08 Closing Remarks and Gratitude Powered by: Just Media House : https://www.justmediahouse.com/ Creative direction, design, assets, support by FWRD: https://www.fwrd.co Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Jessica, welcome to locked in. Like Bambi, this is a year in the making. It is. I've been excited. Yeah, you know, like I said, on Bambi's episode, which either has come out or is coming out the next episode. I met you at Mickle's office, and you guys both sat on the couch and shared your crazy stories. And Mickle hipes you up as like the queen of crime. So you got quite the reputation, or at least former queen of crime. Yeah, I wasn't real good at it.

Sounds familiar. At all. So it didn't pay off. Now, were you, are you from Kentucky? I am. Where in Kentucky? So I was born and raised in Three Links, Kentucky, back in the hills. Where the hell is that?

That's in Jackson County. Okay. So it's like a population of three. I'm just kidding. It's really small. It's four. So I was raised there until I was about nine. or 10 years old.

My family, my dad said the family were kind of crazy. They always called him like the Mean Johnson's. A lot of them had been to prison. But my mom and dad divorced when I was like nine or 10 years old. So I was raised in the country and it was like we would go to the store like once a month or, you know, it wasn't just, people just didn't go to the store to grab milk. That's just not what it was. I was raised on a farm.

We had animals. They milked cats. house, all the jazz. You guys love your farms out here. Yeah, yeah. I was excited to move out of there, but my mom left my dad for a police officer when I was nine or ten years old, and that was my first resentment against law enforcement. What a plot twist.

Yeah. Wow. So he was like your stepdad or that didn't go that far? Oh, no. He was definitely my stepfather. And so I was nine or ten years. old and it was crazy because he was like really mentally, physically and verbally abusive. I mean, he was the knot in shining armor at first, right? So my mom left my dad and divorces in Kentucky

is just nothing but division. You know, usually you don't see families just co-parenting and everybody getting along. So my dad was really pissed off at my mom for leaving him. And so I have this step-parent that is a police officer. And so when I seen how he truly was, I thought all police officers were like him. So I got this resentment, and I didn't know it was a resentment until later on in life. So I started acting out. Like I'd slashed his tires. And I was a kid, right so and too when i moved out of the country and i moved in town my life like really changed because like i was secluded from the world i felt like as a child and then when i moved to mount vernon it was like wow the store was right down the road then i've got this asshole of a stepdad and so that's where

i seen my life started to take a turn for me acting out because i started using it 11 12 years old. Did you have siblings? I did. I had a brother and sister. Your age or? No, they are older than me. I'm the baby. The baby. So my brother and sister lived with my dad and I didn't leave my mom. So that, that marriage lasted. It didn't, I don't really remember how long it was a few years. We ended up having to get an EPO. He tried to kill me. My stepdad did. Um, not the cop one. The cop one tried to kill you? Yeah.

And I get it. I was, I mean, looking at my part, I was a nuisance in his life. But in my defense, I felt like my mom, I couldn't physically hurt him. So I would have to do other things to get under his skin, like tear up his vehicles, kill his police dog. You didn't actually kill the police dog, did you? Mm-hmm. You killed the police dog? I poisoned it.

Holy cow. Yeah. The canine? Well, I don't know if he, I mean, he looked like a canine. He acted like a canine, but I don't know if he was really trained. So was he had the actual department dog? Like when he died. Well, it was his dog.

Oh, okay. So, I mean, back then it wasn't a thing, really. I mean, he had a dog. He said it was his police dog. Like, I never really seen him take it with him. So what led up to this? Like, what actions was he doing that? That brought you to this point before people.

He was a psychopath. Yeah. before people paint you in a negative light. Yeah. So he was physically and mentally abusive to our family. So I remember being at school one day at a school function and my aunt come and got me and I played basketball. So everybody on the outside looking in like I had a okay life

because I didn't want to tell everybody at school how crazy my life was. So like, and my aunt would come and get me and he would have broke everything in the house. Like I would be watching TV and he would just come and grab the TV and just bust it in the floor. He would lay in the floor with a gun to his head and saying he's going to kill himself. And me, at like 19 years old, I'm seeing this grown-ass man that's supposed to protect and serve cause true chaos in their lives. And so I was raised up and like, you know, my mom and Dad, they didn't act like that growing up. Like, they might have fought, but they wasn't hitting each other.

And he was just, I mean, he was really crazy. And I feared for my mom's life. And I probably feared for mine, too. I remember having to stay at the Family Life Center when I was in middle school. And that was probably, it was so scary because I don't know if you've ever stayed in a Family Life Center, but they take you to this disclosed location. So it's me and my mom, and we went in, and like, it's not even on the maps, right? It's back out in the country, and if anybody comes out there, they call the police. And I remember walking in there as a child

so scared because I didn't know what to expect, us sleeping in a place for our own protection. Right? So it was scary, and so the only thing that I knew to do was act out. That was the only way I could hurt him, right, is to flatten his tires or to act out. And so I started drinking my first interaction with law enforcement was when I was in middle school. I showed up to a school dance drunk with my friends, pissed on myself. It was embarrassing. And early on, what I didn't realize is I played basketball, so the school had me get up

and apologize for my behavior. but that was all I had to do. And I was like, wow, is that it? Right? So, and they told me I would have to do community service, and I never had to do community service. I don't know if it was a scare tactic. And then my mom ended up leaving the guy.

He didn't last long after that. I ended up having to get an EPO on him. He came in while my mom was at work and tried to kill me. So after that, she left him. What ended up happening to him? He had an EPO, and I don't know, it was for a long time. He didn't go to jail or anything. We just had an emergency protective order.

Did he lose his job at all? Yeah, he ended up not being a police officer anymore. I actually seen him at the grocery store not too long ago, and that's when I realized I had healed because I didn't wish him dead. And I really don't know what happened in his childhood, but he was a very miserable individual. And usually people don't act like that unless they're suffering from something. And now that I've worked on myself and no,

but for many years, like, I wish that man harm. And the funny thing is, is I didn't even realize who he was. And mom's like, do you know who that is? And I was like, no, I don't. And then she told me, and I was like, oh, and of course I didn't speak. I didn't have anything to say, but I truly didn't wish him any ill will at that point. You know, it's interesting hearing this perspective because it kind of gives you kind of the psychology of some of these officers that do do, you know, like kind of atrocious things that you see in the public and kind of what they're at home life is like. Yeah.

And I think that growing up it caused me because that that is what. what I looked at officers as. So automatically at a young age, I had this picture painted of evil, right? So when I carried that on in my addiction, because, you know, I had the interaction with law enforcement, I ended up moving out. I got with a guy that was an alcoholic, and I stayed in that relationship, but I finished school. I quit playing basketball in high school. I started working But I started seeing myself, I was always like a people person. I never dreamed I'd end up being a homeless needle junkie. Like that was not in the cards at all.

That's not what I, when I was little, I never remember thinking, I can't wait to be a needle junkie. That wasn't it. I don't think anyone goes down that. No, not at all. And then I end up leaving this guy. And his family was great. Like I still talked to his sister, his mom.

They were really good people. And I left this guy and I moved in with this guy that manufactured methamphetamines. Did you know when you moved in with him? Oh, absolutely. Were you attracted to that type? Well, there was no attraction. The attraction was... The money or the meth?

The methamphetamines. That was the attraction. And how old are you when you moved? move it in with that? Gosh, I was probably 19 or 20. So were you done with high, like, did you skip high school? No, I completed school. I'd done some college. I was working and I was dabbling. I'd hurt my back when I was 18 at a job and I got introduced to some pain pills. And I used to laugh at people that would spend $18 on a pain pill until. It was you. Until I started on the pain pill.

but when I got introduced to methamphetamines, I was introduced to my first love. Right. And when I say my first love, methamphetamines made my world go around. And so I was hanging with these people, and it's the lifestyle that you get caught up in. Everybody wants to be with the dope man. You know what I mean? And I really don't know why. Looking back, I have no idea.

It was a lot of trouble. You know what I mean? A lot comes with being with the dope man because it's you and 14 others with the same guy. It's pretty weird. So I move in with him and I'm not a chemist, okay, at all. I don't really think none of us in the house were. We probably didn't even path math in school. But we were cooking meth and, of course, selling it, right?

And so back then it was the whole process to cook methamphetamines. You had to have a whole village of people. And we end up blowing up our house. Wait, wait, you blew up your house? Yeah, well, it wasn't my house. It was a house. How did you blow it up? Well, cooking meth.

Yeah, but what exactly went wrong? So there's anhydrous and all these parts to cooking meth. So there were, I remember vividly there were three tanks downstairs. And remember, we're all geeked out. I mean, we're looking at here, Ian. We really shouldn't have been trying to be making methamphetamines with, that can explode, right? So we're down there, making a batch of dope, doing what we do.

And it got too hot, and we had three tanks down there. and when one explosion, it just hit the other tank and hit the, I mean, it was three explosions. And the crazy part is all I was worried about is my eyebrows, you know what I mean? And nobody else was worried about my eyebrows. But the crazy part is, is like, you know, the first in scene after the eyebrows is we got to get the hell out of here. Right? And there was a guy upstairs asleep and we finally got him up. I mean, he was lucky he didn't lose his life, right?

But the side part about that, that is it was normal, right? Let's get the hell out of here. And that's when I moved into a van that didn't run. With your boyfriend? With my dude. Your dude. Yeah. So that's sexy.

You know what I mean? Living up in this fan, not even down by river, no water. The windows didn't row down. We was up on a hill. And not at one, not at any time I think my life was unmanageable. You know what I mean? Just thought I was another day in the life. It was another day.

And after a few months of living in that van, um, and I have to laugh about it today, but, uh, oh, do come home and we had made enough money to get a place. And so he was wanted by the feds.

I'd had a misdemeanor at that time. And the other dude, so everybody around me was in a lot of shit, except for me, really. I hadn't got the first felony. And so he comes home and he's like, find us a place to live and I'm geeked out. I'm literally four eyebrows, 80 pounds.

You know what I mean? Living in a van probably haven't bathed in forever. So I go to London, Kentucky, and that's when there wasn't cell phones, really. There was pay phones. And I'm geeked out. thinking where do you live if you're running from the police? So I rented a house a mile from the state police post.

Literally you could step out the porch, see what's going on down there, you know? So we moved in and it was this A-frame. And it's crazy because like we lost everything in the house fire, right? So we're literally sleeping on pallets, right? And I remember one night vividly that that got. I was like, man, if we could take all this back, because he was looking a lot of fed time for making meth, right? And the coulda, woulda, but I wasn't there yet, right?

Like, I just had a misdemeanor. I hadn't had any real time. And my other buddy's like, let's go and stay in front of the motel at the state police post. Great idea. You know what I mean? People on methamphetamines shouldn't have great ideas. and if you're on methamphetamines, you probably shouldn't do what you plan.

So we go and we put surveillance around this motel room and we stay there and we run out of full because we're smoking meth and my friend was like I'll go to get some full. Well, he just had escaped Rock Castle County jail.

Escapeed. Escape. So he was wanted, okay? He was very wanted. Also, we were driving a stolen truck I thought it doesn't run or this you switch trucks. No, we were living in a van that didn't run. Okay.

We had accumulated this truck that did not belong to us. By that. You stole the truck. So we had this truck that wasn't ours. So we run out of full and they go to get the guy that had escaped, runs a group. The police pulls up and asks him his name. And then on the camera, you can see him run straight to the state police post. Well, we're in a motel room one way in, one on the way out.

We're gone. You know what I mean? So, and when you can't come up, like, they're talking to talk us out, you know what I mean? Trying to get us out of there. And after so long, they just come in and get you. You know what I mean? You know, I was wanting a helicopter and flown to, like, Mexico. And I was ready to start a whole new life.

I've seen it on TV, but that's not how it worked, come to find out. All that was bullshit. So I find myself with the trafficking methamphetamines charge, right? We all go to jail, and that was interesting. I thought while I was locked up, you know, we get sober when we're sitting in jail a few weeks, and we come up with these manipulation tactics of what we're going to tell the judge. You know what I mean? Because we're so full of shit.

So the only thing I could think of was, this is so embarrassing. I was like, I'm going to join the Army and be all I can be. I was like, who wouldn't do that? Do you know what I mean? Like, this judge is going to go for this. I'm going to change my life. Well, I got up there and gave him the spill and he wasn't on avidate. I don't know.

Maybe he didn't want me fighting for our country. And I'm really glad today that he didn't because I was like, man, that would have been a lot, wouldn't it? God, boot camp, I probably wouldn't have made it through it. Imagine. Yeah, so I got some time and... How much time did they give you for that? Gosh, I can't even remember. I've been to jail so many times.

Several few years. Why was that not a Fed charge? God. You got lucky. That could have been. Yeah, it could have been. It absolutely could have been. But they were after the bigger fish.

Yeah. And so after that, I'm in jail. So it's my first real experience of staying anytime in jail. And that was interesting, right? So I get sober, gets some meat on my bones, and I'm in there. And there's this maintenance man. Poor guy. And he starts coming in our sale all the time, right?

He works for the prison? Yeah. Not an inmate. Not an inmate. He's a worker. Okay. So my mind starts turning, right? Hey.

So one day, like we would tear up shit, right? And he would come in there and fix it. And one day his little worker dropped his phone number and I called it. And the thing is, and I've always been real stunned by, he knows the calls are recorded. I guess he was lonely and and so I called and so I started asking for like chocolate

and like little shit you know what I mean like not drugs and so he would bring it in there and then it was around New Year's or Christmas I can't remember and I was like I'm going to get some alcohol

and so he you know those big bison bottles so he brought one of those in and that didn't go down like I had had it planned in my mind. We were just going to get shit-faced and have a good time. And I got this old lady drunk, and she fell and broke her nose, and we got busted. So I ended up getting sent out of that jail.

And did he get caught? Yeah, he lost his job. You never talked to him again? No. No, I don't even remember his name. I feel bad for him. I hope that he's worked on his boundary issues. I have mine.

You know what I mean? But I feel bad because I did. Straight cost him his job. And then I got out of that. I got out. And while I was there, you know how we're in jail and we're thinking about what we're going to do with the rest of our life? The only thing I could come up with was I'm going to stop using methamphetamines.

Good plan. You know, that was it, though. That was the only plan I had. And that's exactly what I did. I swore off the meth, and I get out, and within weeks, I'm doing opiates. And that was the OCs, and that is people will sell their soul when it comes to OCs. And it turned me into another individual, a person that, that I didn't like.

The world definitely didn't like. And I end up meeting this other guy. And I should have known it was a red flag when we was fighting over the big half and little half. You know what I mean? That's always a red flag. But no, I'm just going to marry you, and we're going to see what happened.

And I did. I end up pregnant with two beautiful kids. And how old at this point? Gosh, I was in my, well, my kids are 20, so I was, gosh, how old was I? Yeah. I got good assistance in the room. Yeah, so, and so I bring these kids in this world that I couldn't even take care of.

And they were beautiful. And I get in this relationship. I get married. And he's one of us, too. God rest of his soul. And we're in this so sick of a relationship. I mean, drugs has took us, too. And we've been in and out of jail.

I'm talking numerous times. Listen, I got on Benzos, Zanex's. I would still sink stoppers, candles, whatever. The crazy thing about Xanax's is you just don't remember it. And you do some of the most embarrassing stuff and end up incarcerated for it. You know what I mean? extension cords and stuff. He would steal an extension cord?

Well, I mean, copper, and you do all these things to get high. So I went down this road and I ended up losing my children. And that was the worst feeling in the world. I truly thought when I lost my kids, I just wanted to die. I had no idea that there was something. I knew something was wrong with me, but I didn't know what. And like, I could not shake addiction. I really didn't know it was addiction.

I just thought that I liked who I was when I was getting high. No matter what happened around me, I felt if I had something in my system. And no matter what circumstance it was, if I had a drug inside me, it didn't matter if I was homeless. No job, no kids, whatever. And I lost my kids. and I end up, me and my ex-husband got into it, and I feared for my life one night, and the next morning I called social services all myself.

And this lady come, and she took me to treatment. And it was co-ed. So I go to this co-ed rehab, and I have a problem with men money or drugs, so that was interesting. I did learn there was a solution to the, the problem and there was these steps and that people did get sober, right? But I got out of that treatment center and I ended up going on downerile spiral. I mean, I couldn't even tell you how many times I've been arrested. I couldn't even tell you how many times I have laid in

jail begging God. But this last time done something to me. I was looking at. I was looking at a lot of time I was looking at 15 years of one county, 12 in another. I went on a crime spree. It was rough. And the thing about addiction is you do some dumb shit to get high, like stealing copper. I mean, do I look like I know how to steal copper? Yeah. Thanks. Thank you. It's the southern accent. Okay. So if you talk like me, you still copper. So I went on this downerile spiral. I've done things that was unspeakable. I hated.

who I was. My mom had my kids, and my kids, between me and their dad, on their weekends, growing up, they spent going to treatment centers or jails to see me of their father. And so I went on this crime spree, and I have charges in Lincoln, Fayette, and Rock Castle. And I used to work at Denny's in this office, or Ron Ladder Millcarat, when he came to arrest me. Like he knocked on the door and he's like, Jessica, it's Ryan Ladderby. And I was like, oh. I have to answer.

And I told the guy, I have to enter the door. And he's like, no, you don't. I was like, it's Ryan. Like, Ryan always treated me like somebody. Because usually when I'd get arrested, they'd be like, you're going to die with a needle in your home. You're worthless. Your life's going nowhere. And I believed all that stuff for years.

So every time I would get arrested, it was just like I'd be mentally beat down. Right? So he knocks on the door and he's like, get your stuff, brush your teeth. And he's like, well, you've got several warrants. He's like, which shell do you want to go to? And I was like, well, let's just go ahead and go to Lincoln County. Stinking Lincoln. And I went down there.

And I thought my life was over. and I was going to court. They was transporting me back and forth if you know, have you been to prison. Yeah. They just drive you around to jail to jail. And I remember it was beautiful outside, and I was shackled and chained in back of this police car.

And it was so beautiful. And I was looking out the window, and people had their radio up, and they were bopping their heads, and they were living their life. And there I was going, to another jail and had no idea. I was trying to shoot for 10 years. I was like, if I can get 10 years, I'll take it. And my attorney said, let's play the rehab card. And if you're an active addiction,

you're willing to play any card. You know what I mean? You're like, you're a chameleon. And so that's, that's what I did. And did I want to get sober at that time? Absolutely not. I didn't think I could recover. I thought people that went as far as I had and done the things. Like, you know, I've been in the newspaper. Everybody says if you're a felon, you can't have a good job. My name was shit. So they end up letting me go to treatment. They're not going to, they're not going to know if they're going to, now the deal was you're going to go to treatment. It's a long term, but you have to report back to jail. Right. So they sent me this long term. treatment center and whoa it was different it wasn't co-ed it was behavior modification and that's where

i learned a lot about me like i had criminal thinking i mean i every thought it was you know it's that's what i'd done since i was 12 how to get drugs right while i still cheat and so i was in this treatment center I steal this girl's M&M's and I help her look for him because that's what we do. And I got caught eating them. And I got this contract. And I remember they gave me this contract and this lady come in and she's like, you're going to either get better or you're going to get better. And I was like, I'm already fucking bitter.

Like I was so bitter at the world. And I'd done that contract. And after about three months in, I'd see people come in and tell their stories. and they had stories similar to mine. And they'd get their license back, they'd get their kids back. And truly, I thought my kids were probably better off with somebody else. Because I never dreamed, like, how was I ever going to be able to give them the life that they deserve? And after three months in, man, I hit my knees.

And I cried out and prayed to God. and begged him, like, do something with me. Like, I have no idea what you can do, but just do something. And the next morning I woke up and it was different. Like, I had a fire inside of me. This lady come in and she's like, you know, your problem is you don't take suggestions. You don't ever listen to anybody. And I was like, tell me what to do.

Tell me your ways. I don't care what it is. I'll do it. And that's what I did. and I did that and I completed treatment. It was such a big thing that the county attorney come and was there front row. I know he was like, I got to see this with my own eyes.

I remember I walked up when they called my name for graduation. And there he was. And it was cool. So I got out, I completed and remember I had to go back to jail. Right? So, and that's why. because you know you have these two voices. Don't do it, do it. You know how I mean? Like you're so I report back, push the little button. Jessica's here. They let me in. As soon as I walk through

the Sally gate and you'll see it tomorrow when you walk in the Sally gate, this girl that I know is walking out and she hands me something and I stuff it immediately because that's the first thing we do, right? So I stuff it and I go in there. And I get processed booked in, and I go to the drunk tank. I pull it out, and it's this suboxone. So mind you, I've been to treatment for nine months. I'm gunhole. I'm going to live life.

I don't know what I'm going to do, but I'm going to be sober. It's what part of me is saying. And the other part of me is saying, well, you're going to end up doing your time. So I pull it out, and I'm sitting there for three hours looking at these suboxone. What do I do? This girl come in, and I ended up passing them off. I didn't do them. That was the first time I said no. And that was a real big, like, the next morning they drug testing me and released me. So I ended up doing, I think, five years on paper. Looking to start 2026 with an unforgettable getaway. Fiji Airway sale is on now. Fly nonstop round trip to Fiji from just 748.

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Yes. I would have probably been doing 15 years if I would have. Absolutely. What was that original charge that you were facing that much time for? Well, it was a crime spree. So I had some PFOs, persistent felony offenders. I'd rob this guy in Lexington. I can't remember what the charge was, maybe burglary.

The other one was like a copper thing, but it was a big deal. Like it was a burglary too. Rock Castle, I can't even remember what that felony was. But there were three of them, back to back. So, but the, The older guy in Fayette County, like they, they were real mad. And I'd stole a ring, and I was actually working, and he brought all these rings in, which is a bad idea to a restaurant, you know what I mean, and showing waitresses you don't even know.

But I was in active use. And so, but Fayette County is a lot different. They indicted me in like 24 hours. They don't play around up there. So that one instant, like when they released me that day, I realized like, whoa, I could have, that could have changed my whole direction. Yeah, that one moment, just like that probably that initial decision back when you were younger affected your life. You know, this was a chance to fix that mistake you made from the beginning. Yeah.

So when it was real hard, I got out, I didn't have a job. I didn't have a car. My mom let me live with her. My mom is not one of us. My mom is an amazing human. Like, she's stuck by me through every bit of it. My dad ended up dying, like, I think I might have been a year sober. So after I got out and I had, like, a year sober, I got a job at Denny's, waiting tables.

And I'm a hustler at heart, right? So I love waiting tables. and then I moved up to management, and they started letting me hire people, and I'd hire people in recovery, but I didn't want to work in recovery. I just still, like, my self-worth was still just absolutely listening. I was content 10 years ago.

If you would have asked me 10 years ago, I was okay just being a waitress the rest of my life because that's how mentally beat down I was about my self-worth. And then after a year, I'm taking my kids. I'm getting back in my kids' lives. But I'd made a deal with my sponsor that I wasn't getting back until I got off paper. Right. So, and I had to do all these things.

I had to have a car, a house, and I didn't have those things. So we were, I was taking my kids and doing stuff with them. And we were at the trampoline park, and this is another pivot in my life. I get a phone call that my ex-husband overdosed and I was like a year sober just trying to figure out life and I was looking at my kids jumping on this trampoline and I thought well you know myself and him has overdosed numerous times and made it Narcan's a powerful drug it really is and I was like surely not I was being real optimistic about it and we get in the car and we're going to the hospital and I called my friend that worked for EMT and she's like you just need to get to the hospital and he was married to another woman at the time and I get there and he'd overdosed and died his friends had drove him around for six hours in the trunk of his own vehicle and my kids were 11 and 12 I watched them change overnight so going through that funeral process like I knew I was selfish and self-centered

in and I knew all the terrible things that I had done. But sitting in that funeral home, watching them pick out the casket for their father, changed me. I made a deal with myself sitting there that I was going to give recovery like 120% every day. Because, like, you know, I would say I would die for my kids, but I wasn't willing to live for them.

And, you know, that's hard for me to, that used to be hard for me to say. say. And that whole funeral, like, it really changed me as who I was. You know, I was probably giving recovery 70% at that time. I was doing all the things, but I wasn't doing it wholeheartedly. And so, man, I just plugged myself in. There really wasn't a recovery community where I lived. And so we started a meeting and I just started doing all the things. I just started being of service. I started volunteering, taking people of treatment for free. And then this lady offered me a job being a peer support specialist. And that was years ago. And I didn't even know what it was. They said

it was for an opioid expansion project. And I was like, man, I used to love opioids. This has got to be cool. You know what I mean? So they put me in this room with all these DOC clients. And it it was so cool because I'd been praying for purpose. And right there, I was surrounded with a group of individuals that was going through exactly the crap I went through. And I could relate with him. I knew how they felt. I knew when they was talking about their probation and parole or all these things that they have to do and how many meetings they had to get. And I knew when I walked in that room I spent eight hours with those individuals that day, that's where I belonged. And man, God just took it from there.

I mean, I've got to watch a lot of individuals recover, and it's been cool. And, too, I have found who I am for the most part. I mean, I still don't even know my favorite color. But I've, like, this recovery is true. really changed my life. And tell everyone what you do now, what your current role is. Well,

I'm actually the vice president of Lake Cumberland Recovery, which is awesome. I also am the president of Lake Cumberland's Overliving. Last year, I've got some amazing mentors. Last year I set a goal.

Well, it was about a year and a half. I caught up, I have a doctor that's a mentor of mine. And I was like, so he's like, well, what's something you want to do? And I have all these dreams and aspirations. You know what I mean? I'm like, this is what I want to do. And he's like a hot man too.

He's really cool. You've got to meet him. And he's like, what's something you want to do? And I was like, I want my own billing company. He was like, okay. And a week later, I was at the bank. And he's like, what would you name? it and I was like grace billing.

And so I've had a billing company for about a year and a half. And a lot of people told me it would take me four to seven years to get it to where I wanted it. In six months, I met that goal. And my most favorite, you know, I have a home, especially when you've been homeless and hungry before. like that's real big you know what I mean um so I you know my first go when I got sober is just to have my own couch right I was like I just want my own couch so nobody can run me off and I can do whatever if I want to eat Cheetos in the middle of the night um and so I got my own place I end up getting married I got my kids back I have amazing kids and like um

what they've been through, and my son is a welder. He works for the union. My daughter, she is a dental hygienist. God gave me two more kids. That's how he works. Seriously. So we got my ex-husband's daughter, and then we got Devin.

Devin's been with us about seven years. And I just, I don't know. Like, I've, sometimes I can't believe my life is my life now. When you're in prison, when you're in a jail cell, did you ever imagine you'd have what you had now and doing what you would do now? Oh, no. That wasn't even a thought. And, you know, my sponsor always told me, Jessica, don't forget where you come from.

So when I got out, what I'd done was after I started working in this field, I decided I was going to start this jail program, which is a big dream. I was like, I'm going to go in the jails and I'm going to buy everybody noodles. Nudels? Where were you doing prison? Well, because I couldn't have noodles because I didn't have any money, right? So I would see all these people get canteen and I was like, what about the broke people? So what I did was I called up my buddies that run the jail and I'm like, hey, will you let me come in? And they're like, yeah. I was like, will you let me bring noodles and cookies?

So what I've done is I started this Christmas program that I've done for the last six years. So we dress up as like Santa and elves and you got to wear the costume. even the L shoes. So it's these competitive felons going back in. And at first I funded it myself. At first, I tried to make the cookies. And that was a lot of work because I was... You're a meth cucker, not a cookie maker.

I really, yeah. So I done... So last year I added another jail. I'd done Louisville Jail, Jackson, and Ront Castle. You should invite me. I'll come one time. Come this Christmas. I'll come.

What do you want to be? Do you want to be a candy strip? Do you want to be an elf? Can I be Santa? You can be Santa. I'll be Santa. Yeah. So.

We can dress Matt over here as an elf. Yes. So what we do is I think last year they got 10, 12 packs of noodles apiece. So I make sure every year that at Christmas time they're not going to be hungry, nobody. That's so cool. So on Wednesdays, I go into Rock Castle Jail and give everybody hope that, man, And you don't have to be stuck. But there was many times that I would sit and I would lay in my bed and jail.

And I always had to sleep with my hand up on the wall. And I would pray that, like, for God to do something. But I had no idea that he was going to turn my mess into a message. But, man, he's gave me a job that, like, it's not even like words. really. That's like this. I know. Yeah, I get to talk to people.

I know, and that's amazing. And that's why I want to do one about recovery, all about recovery, because a lot of people don't get a touch on those things about people losing their loved ones. Man, we didn't choose to turn out this way. And a lot of addicts get flat because we talk about real things. But that's how we get free. Like, I done some shitty things that I have to live with every night. that I've had to make personal amends and I have financial amends.

But the reason that I choose to recover out loud is because there is somebody that's going through things that they cannot talk about. And you're in your own prison. And I was in my own prison, whether I was in prison or not, I was in my own prison. I remember this inmate. She was like 60-some years old. And she come in and she had some meth charges and she got five years. And all I could think about was my grandma. And she came in and she was in the day room because everybody had all the bunks, right?

And I sit there for a couple of days and just watched her. And she was like over 60. And I told them the girls because I'd already had a bed. I was like, I'm going to bring this lady in here with us. And they're like, okay. And I was like, I think she's got a little bit of money too. We probably won't go hungry. But I brought her in there and I gave her my bunk and I slept in the floor.

And I always had a heart except for when I was actively using. I would steal your hair if I could and sell it if it was worth anything. But that little lady looked at me and she said, Jessica, if you don't change what you're doing, you're going to be 60-year-old in here just like me. And that always stuck with me. And, you know, a couple weeks ago I was in the jail, and I seen two of my son's classmates that's 20 years old in there. And all I can think about is what kind of road they're going to go down.

Because right now it's cool, right? That's awesome. It's crazy. It's crazy where life brings you. I know. And, you know, like, what am I going to do now? You're going to make a podcast. I'm going to make a podcast.

Absolutely. I'm definitely going to podcast. And, too, I want a podcast so I can open up a homeless shelter. Because homeless shelters don't pay, but there's homeless people that need love. So you've always been entrepreneurial. You just used it to cook math. Yeah, I just wasn't good at it. You know what I mean?

You applied it to the wrong businesses. Yeah. And one thing that my sponsors always told me, too, is don't let nobody outwork you. But I come from a family of workers. Like, my mom. Well, outwork anybody. Like, she will build the whole house, and I'm not even kidding. And my dad was always a worker.

So I got to work, and I just didn't know that I could actually apply it. And I really didn't think that, I really didn't think that, I really thought I was in this world in. I thought God had me here for nothing. And that's, that's a lonely feeling. And there's a lot of other people out there that's going through shit right now. I'm thinking, like, they have no reason to be here. Or what is their reason?

Mine was, why am I here? Like, have you ever worked at a job and thought, is this all? Is this all to life? That's what inspired me to start this. See? And now look at you traveling and stuck here with you. It stuck here with me. Yeah.

You got me working my butt off today. Yeah. You shouldn't let me play in your schedule. You got to be working my butt off. Yeah. It's been. It's been a blessing. Now you've got to tell us the cop story.

Okay. Well. Yeah, you've been holding now on us this interview. Save the best for last. So one time, there was this one time at Denny's restaurant. So this is the same Denny's cop that, that, uh... No, no, no. This is a different cop that came to Denny's.

Oh, yeah. So all the cops around here loved Denny's. Well, when it was open, yeah. Oh, Denny's is gone. Denny's shut down. Because of you? Because of you. Because of you?

You robbed of the blend. No, no, God shut it down because. I would still be there. But I was waiting tables and I had got sober and I still had some resentment against law enforcement because I hadn't worked on all my resentments. So here comes this guy. He was a police officer and I decided that it would be a great idea to, because I thought that it was just like a backup plan like I could get away with shit and like he could do certain things for me because that's the whole thing like it in the active addiction world it's quid pro quo so now everything works you know what I mean what you can do and so I hadn't it took me a long time

to heal so I met this guy and he ends up leaving me his number and it was the worst idea ever if I had anything I would never do that again so I go out with this guy I completely lie to him and tell him like I like him and stuff and it was hard so I'm in this relationship with this guy

that is not good looking that is a completely weirdo for all the wrong reasons right and anyways this relationship took a real turn from the worst So I started using, you know, things would start showing up at my house like peels that got confiscated for me years ago. They would magically appear.

And I was like, yes, he loves me. You know what I mean? So anyways, I'm working at, so I'm working two jobs at that time. And I'm working at this BP. BP's right here, Denny's is right here. So I go and work and I get this, I do 100 milligram fentanyl patch and I eat 60s annexes.

And I have this real bad headache. So evidently what they say happens is I overdose right there at the cash register. So I wake up, my boss wakes me up, and I remember saying I've got a real bad headache. the cash door is open, so I have no idea. Like if anybody's robbed me, I wasn't concerned about their money at that time. I was just like, damn, I think I got caught here.

So he sends me home. And my boss lived, at that time I lived with this cop, right? So there's three houses that look identical on my mom's road. My mom could literally see my house from there. So I remember vaguely telling myself I needed to get home. About seven hours later, I wake up with lights, bright lights, and I'm in the hospital room. Come to find out, they find me naked with my hands tied up and my feet tied up. My boss came over there to check on me, and he,

called the ambulance, they took me in the hospital. That man was going to let me, I don't know what he was going to do with me. This was a cop that tied you up? And so it was reported. He was a city cop and I was really embarrassed by everything. And I knew what it was going to be publicly. And they asked me, like his boss asked me if I wanted to press charge. charges and I didn't. I just never wanted to see him again, right? Actually, I have not, like,

he hit me up, like, I don't know, six months after that and was like, hey, I miss you. And I was like, eh, I hate you. But, yeah, so I woke up and I was overdosed. And I went to the Trillium center after that, but that really, I couldn't talk about that for a long time because, like, the thoughts of, like, all my other actions I can, like, tell you what happened or why, but that, like, you know, it was real hard for me to read the reports because why was I tied up? Or naked, like, what was you doing? So I really don't know. I still don't know.

Now it really don't matter. I don't wish anything ill toward him. I don't want to see him. I'm probably not going to hang out with him ever. I would probably be interested in knowing why, but I'm sure I'd never know, you know what I mean? Because I'm just weird like that. Like, what was you planning on doing?

I'm really glad this plan didn't work out, whatever it was. But literally, my boss saved my life that day. And I think it really, like, it really affected him because I seen him like a year or so later, and he's like, man, I have dreams about that because I was dead. And you would think after you overdose that you're going to be like, woo, I'm going to change my life. But the mental obsession, man, the next day I was just dying to get high again.

Like, that is the power of this disease. We have a disease that wants you dead and it's going to kill you. Like it can strip you down to nothing and you still want it. that's the crazy part about addiction it took me listen i thought rock bottom rock bottom has a basement and it has two or three basements and some people never find the solution some people don't even ever get to be introduced to recovery that's scary god's grace man now you're here to fight yeah and i love i love fighting for people that's my favorite thing like I love all my clients.

I've got to work with thousands of people over the years. I've got to work with people in Indiana, Ohio, Virginia. And, man, I truly love each and every one of them. It's awesome to watch somebody come from absolutely nothing, homeless nothing, and rebuild their life. We all love a comeback store. Oh, I know. It's the most amazing thing in the world,

and getting to witness it is truly a miracle. And then, It's not always those. I mean, you see people die. You get to meet a lot of families that are amazing. But there's a lot of cool comeback stories. And that's what I have to hang on to. I can't think about all the ones we lose.

You've got to think about all the ones you save and can continue to save. Yeah, I'm just a small part. I'm just a real good hot man. Listen, if you ever need a hot man call me, I will have you ready. I will have you ready to take a co-host. I will have you ready to take over the world. And I've always been that way, though, because who wants anybody that's like, eh, you know what I mean?

I have people hype me up every day. That's what we all need. Everybody needs a high man. Well, we found you. Yeah, I'm here. Jessica, thank you so much. This was incredible. You killed it.

You made my job easier because you told your story perfectly. I guess when you have a year to plan, you're good. Yeah, thank you. And you were sitting here all day. I guess I see why you wanted to go almost last. Yeah. Awesome. Well, thank you, Jessica.

And, you know, keep rocking and doing everything you're doing. Thanks for having me.