Locked In with Ian Bick - Cops Shot Me in the Head — Then I Spent 9 Years in Prison | Sabrena Collins

Episode Date: September 30, 2025

Sabrena Collins had what most people would call a good upbringing — but by 13 years old, she was already hooked on meth. After getting sober once, a painful divorce sent her spiraling back into addiction and deeper into the drug world. What started as using turned into selling, and one night a police chase changed everything — ending with Sabrena being shot in the head by law enforcement. Instead of ending there, things got worse. Sabrena was charged by the DEA in a federal drug conspiracy case for trafficking meth and was sentenced to 9 years in federal prison. #ShotInTheHead #PoliceShootings #PrisonStory #TrueCrimePodcast #PrisonDocumentary #SurvivalStory #PrisonInterview #lockedinpodcast Connect with Sabrena Collins: Tiktok@ sabrenamorgan Facebook @ Sabrena Morgan Insta @thesabrenamorgan YouTube @thesabrenamorgan Www.transformingcriminaljustice.com Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Presented by Tyson 2.0 & Wooooo Energy: https://tyson20.com/ https://woooooenergy.com/ Use code LOCKEDIN for 20% OFF Wooooo Energy Buy Merch: http://www.ianbick.com/shop Timestamps: 00:00 Shot in the Head & 9 Years in Prison: Meet Sabrina Collins 02:00 Growing Up in Kansas City & Family Life 06:00 Struggling with Body Dysmorphia & Diet Pills at a Young Age 08:30 Turning to Meth & Living a Double Life 13:00 Hiding Addiction from Family & Excelling in School 18:00 College Years, Quitting Meth & Big Life Choices 22:00 Marriage, Motherhood & Becoming a Real Estate Agent 27:00 Divorce, Custody Battles & Emotional Collapse 36:00 Relapse, Drug Dealing & Mental Health Spiral 41:00 High-Speed Chase & Getting Shot by Police 47:00 DEA Investigation & Federal Arrest 51:00 Indictment & The Moment Everything Changed 54:00 Pre-Trial Rehab: Getting Clean Before Prison 59:00 Sentenced to 9 Years in Federal Prison 01:04:00 Prison Life: Survival, Growth & Finding Purpose 01:12:00 Halfway House & Home Confinement Challenges 01:18:00 Becoming an Advocate & Rebuilding Her Life 01:23:00 Early Clemency: The Day She Walked Free 01:27:00 Life After Prison: Adjusting to Freedom 01:33:00 TikTok, Community & Helping Other Women 01:39:00 What the Prison System Gets Wrong & Needs to Fix 01:45:00 Nonprofit Work, Advocacy & Fighting for Change 01:51:00 Advice to Her 13-Year-Old Self & Final Thoughts Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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It's like the female version of Get Hard. I ended up with nine years. Did you get yourself a prison girlfriend at all? Sabrina Collins was addicted to meth by 13, survived getting shot in the head by police during a high-speed chase and was later sentenced to nine years in federal prison for meth trafficking. Today, she's sharing her raw, unfiltered story of addiction, survival and redemption. Sabrina, welcome to Lockton.

I'm so glad we finally made this happen. We've been talking for like, what, a couple of years now? Yeah. It's got to be since we first connect on TikTok. Three years maybe? Yeah, because I don't follow too many people and your stuff always pops up. I think you were one of the first like female ones. Really?

Yeah, I think so. I mean, there was like Marcy. There was a couple. But early, it's been early in my TikTok page too. Yeah. Probably like the first couple hundred thousand. Well, you reached out to me. but I was still on home confinement.

I remember. I couldn't do anything. Yeah, and me, you and J.D. would, like, talk. Like, J.D. would say, you got to get her on the show. I'm like, I reached out, but she's on home confinement. And you just got off of it in December, right? Yep. And then I left for the Mr. Beast video, so it didn't work out.

And here we are. Now we're here we are. We're good. We're there. Yeah, well, I'm glad you made it out here from Kansas City, right? Correct. Did you grow up there? Yep.

I did. I grew up in Parkville. And I live in Kearney, actually, now. So, just north of Kansas City. What was that like growing up there? Normal, just normal, you know, nice middle class, great parents. They're still married, actually. Just super cool.

I showed horses for years. I started showing horses when I was like 10. And I was really, I had horrible body dysmorphia. I was positive that I looked fat at all times. And so I got into diet pills and I, um, I started using meth, went straight to the meth because I was like, somebody was like, hey, instead of these diet pills, you should try this. And I'm like, okay. That's wild.

Yeah. Just rip the band-aid off. We don't need anything. Just let's just go straight for the meth. I'm surprised I didn't even like recommend cocaine or. No, not even that. And this was from a person that was, you know, same thing, middle class family. He had an older brother that was into a lot of stuff. But, you know, I, It was weird because I wasn't like I was doing it and partying. I was like using it to, I would smoke it and then I'd go run 10 miles. I would stay up and do a thousand setups. And then I lettered in academics.

Like I was a nerd, but I was high. So I was like self-medicate. It was more like a self-medicating situation more than it was like a partying situation. And I didn't use it with other people because I didn't want anybody to tell. that I was using it and then I would have to stop. You know how high school is. Like everybody's going to talk. So even then I was like,

nah, I'm just going to live this double life. Like this is comfortable. I'm skinny. I can run for miles. I don't know how I didn't have a heart attack. I'm not really sure. But yeah,

I mean, it was great. And I was showing horses and I was on the road and just doing whatever, you know, just everybody, nobody,

I had everybody fooled. Nobody knew. Were drugs common in that town? They were, for the most part. And there was, this is back in the 90s. So drugs were different than than they were now. Like, you don't have, you didn't have fentanyl. Drugs weren't scary. Like, they were easy to get and they were safe to use, if you will. I mean, there wasn't a threat of dying. You know, like, it wasn't a heroin thing. It was Coke. It was meth. But people weren't dropping dead from that. So you didn't have that.

fear and it just kind of became normal. It was normal for me, even though I didn't share it with anybody. Like, I kept myself pretty private. Like, I was gone on the weekends showing horses, so I wasn't like at high school parties. I didn't like, I mean, I had a lot of friends, but I'd rather be with my horses and like gone rather than like hanging out with people. So people knew me, but they didn't really know me. They knew what I let them know. What's showing horses? What does that mean? So I showed quarter horses and Appaloosa. and I would do, you weren't going to understand this, but I did like showmanship, barrel racing.

You know what barrel racing is, right? No. You've got to know what barrel is. Wait, is that when they hop over the barrels? No, that's jumping. I did that too. But like I did barrel racing, you run in, and you run around three barrels,

and then you run back out. It's very simple. No, I've never seen this. And like the Appaloosa Association, like the big shows, it was really cool because we would just drag race. So you would run an elimination round. So you'd run until you got 16 horses, and then they would bracket you up.

And they brought this big drag light in, like drag racing for cars with the lights, right? And so somebody had to go to one end, and the other person was at the other end, and they had six barrels in the arena with the drag light in the center. And so you had to take your big, dumb horse, which didn't have like an accelerator. You know, horses are idiots, and you have to get one at the other end, which they're losing their minds because they're running. horses. So anyway, then the lights, they would do the thing and the lights would go and you had to, you couldn't cross the line before the light went. So you had to hold your horse back and then go. Then you ran horse against horse until you got a winner. So you'd run over and over and

over again until you won. And you're actually riding the horse. Yeah. Okay. Oh yeah. Well, I guess when you hear the word showing horses, you know? Oh, no. I rode. Okay. Yeah. I did showmanship and stuff on the ground, but not very much. I didn't like that. I like actually, I like, I really like the speed events and I like jumping and stuff like that. Isn't this an expensive hobby? Yeah, it is. It was, it was very expensive. And it was really funny because, like, I mean, I just thought that we were poor.

My mom was always like, my mom was really funny because she's like very, you know, frugal with everything. And she's like, oh, we're so poor, you know. And I mean, I bought into this for quite some time. And we weren't rich. but one day I was talking to somebody I was like oh we don't have any money and they're like you have four horses that are boarded and you show every weekend with custom clothes I don't think you guys are doing too bad because I'm like no we don't have money for that you know it's fine and I was like yeah I'm thinking like doesn't everybody do that doesn't everyone have a truck in a trailer and all this stuff like isn't this normal it wasn't normal what were your parents doing for work my dad was a lawyer my mom was stated at home, but she would work during the day for like just two hours as a lunch lady. And everyone loved her. Like she was a little tiny black-haired lady, looked like a net phonicello, which you're probably

too young. The Skippy Peanut Butter Woman, do you know what I'm talking about? Black hair, cute little thing. So she passed out napkins for like two hours a day. But she like made it fun and like she would draw on the napkins for people. So everybody that went to that school loved her. just absolutely adored her. So anywhere we'd go, everyone knew my mom,

and they were just like, oh, I love your... To this day, people are like, I just had a friend reach out to me just recently, and he was like, you know, I had a crush on your mom since I was seven. I was like, okay. But she was just adorable. She was a cute little thing, and she was, you know, just... My parents were older.

My mom was 38 when she had me. And so I think when you're when you have older parents like they're they just get blinders. Like I think they pass them out at the hospital. Here's a set of blinders for you. Because they just, I think they just thought I was crazy and maybe had some mental instability. Because, you know, when you're using drugs, you're going to snap out at some point. You're going to be hungry. You're going to snap out.

You're going to do weird things. And I did that. But I had the lower half of the house. And so I'd be down there all night long doing crunches, doing, you know, doing what? whatever, working out, doing my homework, because I was still, I was into school. I liked school. And so because I was doing well in school, nobody really thought to question what I was doing. I rode horses every day after school. I did well with showing and everything. I worked really, really hard with them. Like, I had four horses and I'd go work them. My work ethic with the animals was

insane. Like, I was all in. I loved it. It was my passion. What kind of attorney was your dad? He did a lot of personal injury stuff for quite some time, but he, and then he eventually evolved into doing estate stuff and things like that. He's actually the oldest practicing attorney in Platt County. No, he's still practicing. He's 80. Good for him.

Yeah, he's awesome. And he's, he works super hard. He comes up to my house on the weekend and gardens and does all kinds of stuff. And so, yeah, he's awesome, but he's still kicking it. My mom's 85. and she still is doing her water aerobics every single day. Yeah. Just doing the damn thing.

So they're still healthy and still doing them. I put them through hell. I ain't going to lie. I put those people through some hell. And they were awesome and they were supportive. And, you know, as I got older, I had a friend, you know, come to my parents and they're like, she's got a drug problem.

My parents were like, what? You know, they didn't listen. And I was like, they're stupid. I just take diet pills. You know what I mean? Like, so what? I take some diet pills. You know, it's no big deal.

It's over the counter. And then I had a friend, his dad was a cop. And one of my horses was collicking. So if a horse cannot shit, they can't throw up. And you have, it's a whole thing. Their stomachs can flip. And so I had been up at the barn walking this horse for hours. You have to walk them.

You have to make them walk. They lay down. They're done. It's a really serious situation. So I'd been up there for hours and the vet was like, okay, I think we're good. I think we're in the clear. Everything's fine. So I had went to my friend's house and his dad and his family had a whole intervention.

And I was like, today, I'd been up there since like 6 a.m. You know what I mean? I'm like, we're going to do this right now. Like, are you serious? And then right then my dad called. And he was like, I need you to meet me on front. Street. I have the horse in the trailer. He's sedated. We've got to go. So we had to drive three hours to get to Columbia to take him to the university vet because it's a big surgery and you have to have a big

surgery center to do it. So my friend's dad, the cop, drove me to Front Street to deliver me to my dad. And he opens up the door of the truck and he's like, she has something to tell you and you have a long ride. do not let her out of this car until she tells you. And I'm like, oh, shit. You know what I mean? I'm like, oh, my God. Again, this has been like the longest day of my life. I'm like, I cannot believe this is happening.

Now I'm going to be stuck in this truck with my dad for three hours with the horse in the back that's possibly, I mean, if they go down in the trailer, you have to put him down. That's done. So it's a little bit of a stressful situation. So we're driving along. My dad's just so chill. So chill about everything. Like, he doesn't get upset about, he's got the. The disappointed dad looked down to, like, a science.

You know, he doesn't even have to say anything. He just has to give me a look. And I'm like, oh, my God, I can't believe this is happening. It's nothing. But I just, I just, I'm, he's got the disappointed dad look. It's amazing. So we're driving along and he's like, so, what do you want to tell me? And I'm like, well, I do a lot of drugs.

And he's like, okay. He's like, I said, I do a lot of drugs. basically every way that you can do them and as much as I can. And he's like, huh, I just thought maybe you were crazy. I swear to you. It was just like that. And he's like, so what do you want to do? And I was like, well, I mean, I guess I'll go to rehab.

And I hear Baptist has really good ice cream. And he's like, do you want to go there? And I'm like, okay. And I'm like, this is literally how the conversation goes. we go on to Columbia, we get the horse surgery, we do all that, we're there until the next day. And then the horse had to stay there for a month because you can't move them

because their guts can come back out. Because we watch the whole surgery. They shave their belly. They back them into a shoot. They give them a shot. It makes the horse sit down and then the wall drops down. And then they put these boots on them with a hook. And then this thing comes in with a,

and picks the hook up and takes them into the surgery. and they cut them open and take their entire intestines out. So this is what we watch. This is all unfolding after this big, you know, admission. And I'm trying to, I'm trying to think how old I was. I kind of, like a lot of this period of time is kind of sketchy in my brain. I'm like, I'm not sure if I was like 19. I think I was around 19.

We'll say 19. So, and I graduated. I lettered in academics in high school. So again, another reason not to think anything of anything. If kids doing good, you know, seems like they are hardworking and they're doing what they're supposed to be doing, you don't question anything. You don't look any further than that. At least back then you didn't. So anyway, we go to Columbia, we come back.

And at this point, I am shooting at meth. Like that I, when I said I do it every way that I can, I had gotten into. to shooting up. And I was with a guy that was doing the shot, he was mixing the shots up for me. And I didn't know how to shoot myself up. I would have to have him do it for me. I wouldn't take that step. And so this was on like a Thursday. And so Friday was the horse surgery. Come back Saturday. My dad's like, we'll go to Baptist on Monday. We'll check you in on Monday. And I'm like, okay that's fine and by like Saturday afternoon I'm in my bed and I am miserable I feel like a truck has hit me because now I'm sobering up and I'm coming off of everything and I had come off meth before

but I hadn't I guess I hadn't come off like from the shooting up you know I had periods of time where I didn't do it but this was different like this was really interesting different because I started hallucinating really bad. Like I remember like army crawling to the bathroom. And I mean, I was sick as a dog. I was really, really ill. And I was like, God, this is, this is very strange. And by Sunday, I had a friend call me and he's like, I have to tell you something. And I'm like, okay. He's like, you have been getting heroin and meth in your shots. It's not just meth. It's got heroin in it too. He was giving me this so I would be super hooked and I could never go anywhere else to get meth because it would never work for me the same way as this.

And I had become physically addicted to it. So I went through this whole detox throughout the whole weekend by myself. By Monday morning, we went to Baptist and I didn't tell my parents. I didn't go upstairs and tell them. They had no idea. They were like, do you need anything? Is everything okay? I'm like, yeah, I feel great.

you know, this is fine, you know, everything's fine. I don't ever admit. So, like, if I'm in pain or something, like, it's going to take a lot for me to be like, yeah, I need help or I hurt or something's wrong. It's going to take me a really long time to tell anybody anything. So they had no idea what I'd been through. So on Monday when we went to Baptist to do the check-in, the nurse, you know, I told her that, yeah, I shot up.

So she searched, looked all over my body and everything. and I told her what my friend had told me, and then I told her my symptoms of everything that had happened over the weekend. She's like, I cannot believe you detoxed yourself. And I was like, what's the alternative? Like, what do you want me to do here? She's like, well, generally we would, you know,

admit you and keep you in here, but because you detox yourself, we're just, all we can do is an outpatient. And I'm like, okay, cool. And that was, you know, that was back in the 90s where it was like, I don't know. Their idea of that rehab that I went to, it was such a joke. And like, they had me go to the eating disorder floor too. And it was really interesting the difference between

the drug addiction and the eating disorder floor. Because the drug addiction floor, all you do is talk about drugs. You don't talk about back then. You didn't talk about the why. You didn't talk about what got you there or anything like that. You didn't go very. deep in it. Just why are you doing drugs? Don't do drugs. You shouldn't do drugs. Just say no. You know how that well that works. But so then on the eating disorder floor, it was different where they approached it at let's let's talk about like what triggered this. Let's talk about, you know, what led you to that. Like what what transpired, what happened in your life. And it's not like they had ho-hoes hanging from the ceiling. We didn't talk about, you know, treats all day long, which I thought was really

interesting because then I'd go back down to the drug rehab floor and all they did was talk about drugs and I'm like, does anyone else see how this is a problem? Like, just curious. So I did my 30 days and I was like, see you later. And I was like, whatever, this is so stupid. So I went back to using drugs, not like I was, not with the guy that was, you know, given me additional heroin and stuff like that. And I know it sounds stupid. You're like, how would you not know that? But if you're not mixing up your shots and you're not administering the drugs yourself, you have no idea what somebody's putting in it. And I think that today, that makes it even scarier. But back then, you weren't going to die. You know, you might get real high and you might have a hard time

coming off of it, but you weren't going to die. And so anyway, I didn't have any fear of drugs. That's a common denominator in my life. So I don't have a whole. lot of fear. And so I went back to using drugs, but not quite like I had been. But I was in college, and I did fine in college. I actually went to law school for a year. And when I got into law school, I quit using drugs. I'm like, all right, I'm done with everything. I'm done. Like, no more playing around, no more cocaine on the weekends. No, I'm done. And so that's really not the time to try to come off drugs and get clean after years of use because, first of all, law school sucks. Second of all, mentally, you're not stable. So I started having panic attacks, which for somebody

like me is really hard to admit, be like, I literally would have to pull over the side of the road and just wait until they would pass. And I was like, I think I might be dying. I'm not really sure. But of course I didn't tell anybody. And then eventually, I told my dad, I was like, I don't think this is for me. And he's like, oh, thank God. I'm like, what? I went through therapy to be able to tell him this because I was like, he's going to be so disappointed.

He's like, I don't think you should be a lawyer because you would probably tell a judge to fuck off and end up in contempt of court. Like, you can't shut up. And no, he's like, I think this is a good thing. And I was like, oh, okay. So my mom's like, so I'm like, what am I going to do with my life? Like, you know, I'm just going to go up and ride my horses for a while, you know, so I still had the horses. I wasn't showing anymore.

I was just riding my horses and doing my thing. So one day I was like, I think I'm going to be a realtor. So I got up, went upstairs. My mom was like, what are you going to do today, honey? And I was like, I'm going to go be a realtor. And she's like, you're going to be a realtor. going to be a really good realtor. I'm like, thanks, mom. And I drove this place and enrolled for the courses and everything and took my real estate license. And in the meantime, I had some mutual

friends that set me and my now ex-husband up. And so I started seeing him. He was in the military. He's the Marine Corps. And so we were talking. I was flying back and forth to see him. He was flying back and forward to see me. And shortly into my real estate career, which took off really fast, like it was super easy. We ended up getting married, like on a whim, just quick. And my parents are like, are you okay? Like, what's, okay, you're getting married. But in my brain, I was like, okay, this is my normalcy. Like, this is, you know, as you're, especially having parents that are married that get along, that that's what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to grow up. You're supposed to get married.

You get a house. You have kids. You do all these things. So I'm like, okay, I'm doing life. Like, I'm doing normal life now. I'm going to get married. I bought a house with five acres. And I'm like, okay, you know, he doesn't use drugs.

So this is my, this is my chance to just be normal. You know, everything's going to be fine. I was still drinking. We drink a lot. So sober, whatever. You know, I'm still drinking. And so, um, We'd been married for, I don't know how long.

And then I know I'd been clean for a year and a half, clean from drugs, still drinking lots of whiskey. And then I ended up pregnant. And I'm like, it was right around the time that I was thinking maybe a divorce might sound more fun. And I went and told my dad, and he's like, oh, this is so exciting. And I was like, yeah, okay, yeah. You know, this is normal. This is what normal people do, right? And so anyway, I got into, well, did the pregnancy thing, which that's another thing that's always been interesting to me because people are like, oh, it's so beautiful being pregnant and everything's so wonderful.

Bullshit. Bullshit. It was awful. It was the worst. I mean, I don't know. I think that there's a lot of women that are like, oh, this is fantastic. You know, maybe their bodies are correct. I was on. bed rest for like two months and even longer than that. I was sick the whole time. I was like, I hated my husband. I was like, this is pure hell. This episode is brought to you by Redfin. You're listening to a podcast, which means you're probably multitasking, maybe even scrolling home listings on Redfin, saving homes without expecting to get them. But Redfin isn't just built for endless browsing. It's built to help you find and own a home with agents who close twice as many deals. When you find the one, you've got a real shot at getting it. Get started at redfin com. Own the dream. Tomorrow morning is knocking. Stock your fridge now. How about a creamy

mocha for a chippuccino drink or a sweet vanilla, smooth caramel maybe, or a white chocolate mocha. Whichever you choose, delicious coffee awaits. Find Starbucks Frappuccino drinks wherever you buy your groceries. Sounds pretty miserable to me. Yeah. When I see people talk about how great it is and it doesn't sound appealing. No. I mean, it has a good outcome, but not, and maybe the early stages of pregnancy, but I don't know. And it affects your career. It affects everything.

It affects everything. And it's disgusting. I'm going to tell you right now, pregnancy was absolutely repulsive. It was gross. Like, your body does weird things. Just going to say that. But, I mean, in my head, I was like, I'm one and done. This is my one and only time.

I'm going to get through this. I'm going to have this baby. This will be. this will be over and then I'm done. And I, when I had the first sonogram, I was like, okay, how can I sign up for a C-section? And they're like, you can't sign up for a C-section. I'm like, what do you mean? Like, why not?

Like, I could have a plastic surgeon, maybe a little, you know, little nip-tok, you know. In my mind, this is how this should work. Like, why wouldn't it be this way? Just get it cut out, you know, do your thing. I wasn't trying to do the maternal. Let's go through however long of, you know, suffering through a birth. Like, no, just take her out. So anyway, the doctor was like, absolutely not. So then I kept coming up with like things. I was like, I can't remember what all I said. I went in there one day. I was like, I have to have a C-section because I came up with some bullshit excuse. And he's like,

you're going to have this baby. You're going to be fine. And I'm like, whatever. And I just kept arguing with him about it like throughout the whole thing every time i saw him i'm like come on just set this appointment let's just cut this cut this kid out call it a day just give me what i want and so um my placent ended up rupturing i was bleeding to death internally and here comes this doctor and he's like well i guess you got your wish huh because we're gonna we're gonna do a C-section right now and so then i have this baby this amazing baby like she was the best baby like Just slept through the night right off the bat, just easy as could be content, happy at all times. And I was bed rested again after I had her because my blood pressure was so high.

I gained like 80 pounds with my pregnancy. I was not, there was nothing cute about my pregnancy. I'm just like, oh, God, that was awful. But I have this great kid. She's awesome. And so yeah, I mean, and at that point, my husband was not doing anything. And I was like, well, I guess I'm, I mean, he was working. But he was working and, but it really wasn't paying the bills.

And I was like, I got to get my ass back up. We got to get going, kid. So I threw her in a pumpkin seat. Off we went showing houses. So she showed so many houses as a small child. It was really funny because when she got to be like 18 months old, like she walked when she was seven months she took her first steps and then it was really creepy and she didn't do it anymore

and I was kind of glad because I was like this is too soon so at nine months she started walking was talking right off the bat so when she was like 18 months old it was hilarious because I'm showing this house and she walks in she's got this little dress on she always loved to wear dresses and she's like what beautiful cabinets these are and I'm like I did not teach her that and then she's like look at this carpet it's beautiful And then people are like, she's so cute.

She was my closer for a while. Like she would just go in and like do her thing. It was hilarious. But one day we were showing houses like 104 degrees. She's about four at this time. And she's like, it's hotter than hell. It's so hot. And she's miserable.

She's in the back of my Pacifica watching her movies. And she's like, she goes in. And this house is out of this lady's budget, but we went to one more house. And she walks in and she's like, This is the one. This is the one for you. This is perfect. It's everything that you wanted. A lady bought that damn house. It was so funny. And like I sold condos downtown. I had this six-eater golf court and she would ride with me on it. She loved it. But there was like the Folgers coffee used to be there and like people would be outside smoking. He was right around the time Britney Spears got caught with her kid on her lap, driving her car. So they'd be outside. I had investors on the back. And they're like, hey, Brittany. I'm like, shut up. just cruising down Broadway with a kid on my lap. But yeah, it was fun and she was awesome. And, you know, time was going on.

And the marriage situation was getting worse and worse and worse. And so I told my dad, I was like, I can't do this much longer. And he's like, oh, yeah, you are. You're going to stay right there until she can walk. Well, I had said something to him earlier. And he was like, you have to wait until she can walk and talk well. Well, by this time, I'm like, she can walk and talk real well. and he's like, you need to understand

that when you pull the trigger on this divorce, you lose 50% of your custody. You know, he's going to have her. You lose all control and this is going to be a nightmare. You understand that. I'm like, I can't keep doing this. But I, you know, you don't fully play everything out in your mind.

And so we got divorced. And it was okay for a little bit with the custody. But then he got into where he was doing these games. Like he knew, the one thing he knew about me was that the only way to hurt me was through her and to take her from me. She's all I wanted. I didn't care about anything else. Like, she's all that I wanted. And it was almost, I mean, like, it was almost a codependent thing. Like, this was my life. I didn't want anything else, didn't care about anything else. And I can see how he probably got jealous of that whole situation. And there was a lot that happened.

But there was one day where we had gone to the zoo with her. And we came back. We were on 10 acres. And so we get back. He starts playing video games. And I hop on the tractor and I brush hog the pasture. And she's playing in there. So I get done brush hog in the pasture probably four or five hours later.

Come in. And he's still playing video games. But she's playing by herself. She's cool. So I'm like, okay, I'm going back out. I go back out, hop on the finish mower, finish mow everything, do some weed eating. And it's now dark. So I come back in, make dinner, get her dinner, do the laundry.

And I lay down in bed with her and he comes in and puts his hand on my leg. And I'm like, you will never be in this room again. Bye. And so that's when, you know, finally I was like, I told my dad, this is it. I can't do it anymore. Like, there's no point. I can literally run this whole place by myself. So that's what I'm going to do.

I can afford it by myself, I can run it by myself. But, you know, divorce doesn't go down like that. You don't know somebody until you live with them. And you really don't know somebody until you get a divorce. And then you really find out who you're dealing with when you have custody situation. And that's where shit went south, really, really quick. And so it just got to where it was a mess going back and forth. I didn't know if he was going to show up.

He started dating this girl. And that's a whole story. I don't even know if you want me to get into that one. This girl came from Iowa, and she had moved to Kansas City. And she was actually friends with one of my friends. And my ex and I were divorced, and my friend was like, listen, this girl's new in town. I'm going to have a birthday party for her. Do you want to come?

And I was like, yeah, I can come for a little bit. And then I found out he was going. I was like, no. Well, what I didn't know is that the. this girl had been on my friend's Facebook stalking my page. She was watching everything that I did and she knew who he was because she kept watching me. Like this story gets really weird. So anyway, so they meet up at this party.

They hook up and they start dating. But he's dating another girl still and he's telling her that this girl's a lesbian and that they're just going to ride, you know, four-wheelers and stuff. No big deal. In the meantime, I have there at one point I was trying to find my daughter couldn't find him couldn't find my daughter and so I was the one that set up his email long ago and so I was like I'm getting his email let's see if I can figure out what's going on it said there was an email that said welcome to your

congratulations on your new Google account or something and I was like oh let's see what this is and he had set up some app that was like all of his text messages backed up this email and he used the same damn password that I gave him on the first account. So here I am. I have these emails in real time. And I'm like, oh shit. You know, I was like, okay, I figured out where she was because I could see all the text messages. I could see who he was talking to where he was at. So I was like, okay, this is convenient. But of course, I couldn't tell anybody about this. And I'm like, oh my God, this is probably not good. But then, you know, he's dating this girl who she and I were not friends but then you know we went ahead and became friends and

I was like so yeah he's actually at the dunes with his girlfriend and she's like what I'm like you want to see the text messages and the funny thing is is that I don't know to this day that he knows that this went down like this but um anyway uh he he's so he he's now with with the the girl from Iowa. And she's, you know, they're texting back and forth. And we, we have another custody situation going on. And so she texts them, hey, I'm going to go get a restraining order against Sabrina. And that way, you'll be able to get custody with, you know, a lot easier. You can get full custody this way. And I'm reading this text message. So I know this is coming. And I'm like, oh, fuck, you know, what am I supposed to do with this? So I call my dad. And I'm like,

I have to tell you something. And he's like, okay. And I'm like, this girl is going to get a restraining order against me right now. She's on her way. And he's like, how do you know? And I was like, um, and I didn't tell him. I was just like, this is happening. I just need you to know that. And he's like, okay. And he's like, so then they file it and I get served. And he's like, what did you do? Like, what happened? I was like, I've never seen this girl in person. Honestly, I never have. So we go to court. And she admits in court she's never seen me before. And so the judge throws her out. And she, like, bust her the double doors and has a temper tantrum. It was bizarre. And I'm like, okay, this is getting weird. In the meantime, the stress of sharing custody and dealing with all of this and seeing all these text messages and you can't avert your eyes.

You know what I mean? It's like watching a plane crash. You're looking at all this stuff come through and all the stuff that they were plotting against me. Like, you know, you'd think I was just a narcissist. I was like, oh, that's all they do is talk about me. But I had it in text messages. Like, I was reading these text messages back and forth.

They literally talked about me all day long. And I'm like, I have an idea. Why don't you guys go have a relationship? Like, don't worry about me. But that was what everything was based on. I was like, what I was doing. And so anyway, I, she continued to try to file restraining orders. And it got so bad that the judge was like,

I'm going to give Ms. Morgan something. she didn't even ask for. I was like, wonder what I'm going to get. He's like, I'm going to give her restraining order against you. So if you're at the soccer games and her daughter's there, you're going to get up and you're going to get your keys and you're going to leave. And he called my ex-husband up there. He's like, you need to step in. Like, this is the mother of your child. Like, you're going to have to do something here. Because it got so bad, like my daughter had her tonsils out and they filed a restraining order so I couldn't be there for the surgery. And so I was really losing my mind. Like, it got to where I couldn't take it anymore. And

And so I went to the doctor and I got some Adderall and I got Xanax. And then, of course, as somebody that was an ex-met user, I was like, this is not cutting it. And so I hop back in it. I ran into somebody that I knew and he was like, you want to smoke some? And I was like, yes, I do. And the next thing I know, I am, you know, when you get older, you buy in bulk. You know what I mean? Like, you're not just going to have a little bit.

Like Zens. I've got a whole role. I don't just go get one. I'm going to have as many as I want. I'm always going to have them because that's what I do. It's like going to Costco or BJs. Exactly. And so that was my mentality.

I was like, well, I'm just going to go by, you know, an ounce to start, whatever. And then, of course, it gets out of control. And then the next thing I know I'm getting it for other people. And then I'm finding myself further and further up the food chain. But then I'm dealing, you know, I've got my daughter every other week at this point. and I'm spiraling. I'm spiraling mentally because of that. And I'm spiraling mentally because I am self-destructing to the point of I didn't want to live anymore.

Like I was just, I was over it. I was over. I love my daughter. But at the same time, I also felt like it was more of a detriment, me being in her life. Because here she has what appeared to be this family. You know, she's got a stepmom, she's got a dad. She's got her mom losing her mind. And I'm like, this isn't, you know, it's not good for her.

But I mean, of course, I wanted her. And so I just got worse and worse, spiraling and spiraling. And I can't tell you how many times I, like, had a gun in my mouth. I'm thinking, I'm just going to do this. I'm going to do the damn thing. And then I thought, I would always think to myself, I'm like, this probably won't even work. I'll probably just end up all fucked up. You know what I mean?

And so, and it's taken me a long time to admit how suicidal I truly was. Like, I was bad. And so I'm selling a lot of drugs, a lot of drugs. But I'm not out and about. I'm pretty recluse and I'm selective about who I'm dealing with. And there's a guy that, you know, he doesn't know for sure what's going on, but he's trying to date me. And I'm like, no, I'm cool.

And then he's, you know, he's like, hey, let's do some business. And I'm like, I don't do that. I don't know what you're talking about. And so he's, you know. He starts sending me, he gets mad. He starts sending me text messages of all the things that he's going to tell the feds that I'm doing and all the drugs that I've sold him. And I'm like, this motherfucker, you know, I'm like, okay, well, I'd been to law school for a year. You know what I mean? Like in law school and normal people land, that's just hearsay. Who's going to talk, who's going to

look at that? Three days after I get those text messages, I had bought this truck. The four-wheel drive was out. A guy that I knew that could work on it came over to work on the four-wheel drive. It was snowy. It was icy. And it was middle, you know, it's midnight in the country. And so he's like, you want to test drive this thing really quickly? And I'm like, yeah, let's run it down the street.

We were a mile from my house. And there's nothing going on out there. And the cops pulled up. And he's like, you know I'm wanted. I was like, yeah. And I knew he was wanted. I mean, I'd been in a high-speed chase with them before. It wasn't the first time.

And I'm like, well, fuck it, go. You know what I mean? Because at this point, when you don't give a fuck and there's just not much to lose, you're like, fuck it, let's go. And the four-wheel drive's not working. I had changed out the wheels and tires because I'm one of the pretty ones and they were not good for snow and ice. And so he takes off and the cop doesn't chase him. and we go up over the hill and there's cops everywhere. And they've got the stopsticks they throw out.

Not well, by the way, because they didn't get them out very far. In fact, one of my neighbors has them as like a souvenir. Yeah, he still has them. He's like, hey, got those stopsticks still from that night, you know? Anyway, so to make a long story short, it's like the weirdest chase you've ever been in your life because nobody's really chasing us. there's not anybody rolling up on us and we're just kind of going along he takes a turn and I'm like I don't think this street goes through I've always had a rule you never turn around in his high speed chase but it was like it was kind of my head it was kind of weird because I was like this isn't really high speed you know so he turns around and when he turns around he pops over the hill and there's a cop car off in the side and he's out of the car and he's aiming a gun and he's he's shoots five shots in the front of the car. When you're on the receiving hand, you don't hear it.

But I could see the gun firing. And I was like, holy shit. But he looked to see where I was as a vehicle goes by. He shoots five times at the back of my head. And I'm like, and I felt it. Like I felt there was, so there was bullets flying past my head into my dash. And then I felt one go into my head. And I'm like, oh, fuck. But I, I'm not a big reactive person. So I'm just like, oh, this sucks. It's not all the way through. I could feel the bullet. I could smell it. I could smell my head burning. My hair burning. And so the guy driving was like, oh my God, I got to get you the hospital. I'm like, you're not getting me anywhere. Just stop. I'm going to hop out. He's like, what? I'm like, just go. Just take off. You're good. You're go. And he's like, I got to get you the hospital. I'm like, you're not going to get me anywhere. So I'm out. I jump out. Slam the door. I was like, see you later. And I've got like a couple minutes before like all the cops rolled up on me and I'm just standing there and it's snowing. I got blood pouring everywhere. I've got this thing in the back of my head.

It didn't hurt. It just smelled bad more than anything. And my vision was kind of getting messed up and I was like, oh, this sucks. But like there was something in my head that was like, you're going to fight for this yet? You know what I mean? And I can't really quite explain. It's just one of those things. you're like, are you going to fight for this yet? And I'm like, but all you got to say to me is you want to fight?

Fight? Absolutely. And so it was kind of an interesting moment. And then all the cops rolled up. And then, of course, I started shit because I'm like, oh, so you shoot the passenger in the back of the head. Is that your policy? Is that your written policy? Like, that's how you do things. And I'm yelling at all these guys. And they're trying to put like a maxi pad on the back of my head. They don't know what to do because I don't think I'm supposed to be alive. and the one cop, it's like, well, can I pat you down? I'm like, oh, yeah, sure. So I'm finger-painting in my own blood on the top of this cop car. God, help me if I ever see that video.

Why would they pat you down while you're, you have a bullet in your head? Here's the funny thing. They said that we had shot at them. And I was like, oh, okay, well, when you retrieve that truck, go ahead and test it and make sure, because I'm going to tell you right now, there is no gunpowder of residue in there. That's bullshit.

it. If somebody said that we shot out of that vehicle, I promise you, you're not going to find any drugs in that truck and you're not going to find any gun powder. And so they didn't. They had that truck for like two weeks. But anyway, so they take me the hospital. The ambulance guy pulls up and he's like, he looks at me. He looks at the back of my head and he's like, do you think your hair stopped the bullet? I was like, I don't know, but you're funny. I was like, just pull this thing out.

Let me go. I'll walk home. He's like, you know, that's not going to happen like that. I'm like, whatever. So he takes me in the hospital. There's cops everywhere. DEA shows up. I know what time it is.

you know what I mean? But I'm still not really putting it together that this guy's text messages. I think they were coming to kick me in from this guy's text messages. Like I think that's what kicked off the whole thing. So the DEA's there, you know, they're asking where this guy's at. I'm like, I bet you have him by now. So, you know, whatever. It was just, it was so weird, but I was like, I'm going down. Like, I'm screwed. I'm not dying. So I'm probably going to, I'm probably going to prison. They got a hold of my dad and they searched my house. He met him out there. They searched the house. Didn't find any drugs. They took a picture of my 12 gauge. And that was that. They didn't take the gun because I wasn't a felon. But they didn't find anything. They didn't find any drugs. They said they found some weed. And I'm like, I don't do weed. Thank you, though. Anyway, so I'm at the hospital. And I have this bullet in my head. And I'm cussing everybody out. My, you know, you're, I'm just, I'm zinging. I've got. I'm on the biggest rush of my life.

Cussing everybody out, they were like, oh, that's just glass in the back of your head. I'm like, I can smell my flesh burning. You cannot lie to me. That is a bullet. I felt it. Come on. So they pulled it out because it wasn't like through my school. They took it out.

And that was the last thing that I remembered. And then everything after that's like a flash. Like I have flashes of memory of like the nurses in the shower with me, like trying to get all the blood off of me and everything. I've got flashes. of being in this hospital bed with a cop sitting next to me and I have a handcuff on and I'm like, can you get a pink one? And then I passed back out. When I woke back up the next time, I got a pink hand cuff. I'm like, thanks, man. And I just went back out. I don't know how long I was there. And it's not something my dad and I have had long conversations about the next thing I know he's

picking me up. Well, a lot of people thought I was dead, which was fine. But he takes me home. And I'm just like, you know, what do you do? At what point, what do you do? Because, I mean, obviously, if you're getting shot in the back of the head by the cops, you're pissed off. And I was pissed off. I was really pissed off. But I was more pissed off that I was alive.

I was pissed off that I didn't die. I'm like, who the fuck gets shot in the back of the head and doesn't die? I was mad at the cops. But ultimately, at that moment, I was fucking pissed. I was still alive. Because I'm like, seriously? I'm like a cartoon character. This is ridiculous.

Yeah, I can't believe you got shot. shot in the back of the head and survived. Yeah. Wishing you could be there live for the big game, soaking up the atmosphere in the crowd. But too often, life gets busy. Or the price holds you back. Priceline is here to help you make it happen.

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whether you're building it up for a full glam moment or targeting correction for a more natural vibe. At only $12, it's great for affordable touch-ups on the go. Get this new must-have concealer at Sephora or at Sephora.com today. Yeah. And running... Like, what are the odds of that? Right. And then still running around, cussing everybody out and being a complete fucking asshole. So do you end up, do the doctors give you one of those statements where it's like, oh, if it went a centimeter to the left, you were dead, did they say anything like that?

No. They didn't really talk to me because I just had cops in there. Did they say why you survived? No. So you still don't know to this day why you survived? No. Wow. They don't really, nothing really makes a whole lot of sense. It's a God thing. It has to be, like, all of this, what it boils down to it.

It has to be. And you didn't go into a coma or anything? No. Any memory loss? I had vision loss. And I mean, obviously, I went into shock and everything was very spotty on anything after that in the hospital. Next thing I know I'm leaving. I don't remember leaving very well.

Like, it's pretty flashy. But I remember my dad driving me home and he was like, you know, just calm. But I could tell he's upset. And I get home. And I'm like, what do I do? My vision, like, my vision was weird. It was like if you took a lens and you flung mud up on it, like parts of my vision weren't there. And so in the meantime, you know, my lawyer, my dad gets a lawyer for me because this is going to be a big deal.

The feds are already circling, whatever, because this guy that sent the text messages went straight to the feds. How much drugs were you actually selling? I mean, I was I was doing the damn thing, but it wasn't How much would you say? Like, how much were you making? What were you selling? I was doing okay, but was it 44 kilos, like what they hit me with? They said you sold 44 kilos? Of ghost dope. It was all ghost dope. So it's like what he said, she said. Yep, it was all statements made by people. And it was what kind of drugs just meth, meth, meth, all meth. Yeah. So out of 44 or out of of that many kilos, what do you think you actually sold? I probably sold that.

Over the course of it. Okay. But you didn't get physically caught with that. I never got physically caught with anything ever. So that's all those kilos over the course of how long, like a couple years or months? It wasn't that long. Like it was, well, their investigation started right after I got shot. Isn't that weird? So it didn't start before?

All my, my entire discovery starts after the day I was shot. So you think they got rid of things? I do. Because they don't want to make it seem like they showed up to the raid or something. I don't know. There's so many things. I need to file like a FOIA and get the reports of that night. Like I need to do.

There's a lot of stuff I need to do. But it's been stuff that I've just kind of been like, I'm going to deal with that later. Like I'm just not. It doesn't matter. You know, at this point? None of it matters. Did you sue it all? I didn't.

Because then, okay, so I knew they were in. investigating me. I had all my, my property was all wired up with cameras. So I'm sitting on this like beanbag couch watching my cameras, watching them watch me. And nothing's happening. And so it was six months after I got shot that I got indicted. And when they picked me up, they, you know, what was interesting, I came home in the morning and I got swarmed by the cops. My whole driveway, I have a big driveway. It was full of, you know, federal vehicles and marshals were there the rangers were out in the pasture it was it was a mess and so um so they arrest me and they put me in the truck with this guy i'm in like a jeep Cherokee and i'm

sitting there in handcuffs i'm watching these cops swarm my house and i'm just watching all this shit go down and the guy was really cool and he was like he was this russian dude and he was like yeah i used to be ex-military And I'm like, oh, that's cool. And he's like, yeah, I used to eat bugs for, like, protein and all this stuff. And we got these weird conversations, but it was exactly what I needed because it, like, took me out of my head for a minute. And then he switched and he was like, listen, this really sucks. And I know this really sucks.

And you're going to go to prison for a while. He's like, but I need you to look at this from a different perspective. One in that you were never going to be able to get out of your lifestyle that you were in. Like, there's no way you could have gotten. out by where you were at. You couldn't have done it. And he's like, this is the one thing that could possibly extract you from this. And if you look at it with a perspective of this is an opportunity, yep, it sucks. But this is an opportunity. He's like, this is a huge opportunity for you. And he's like, you seem like a nice person. He's like, why don't, you know, this can be the

time you change your life. And I'm like, it was, in my 48 years on this earth, that is the most powerful conversation that I've ever had. And for somebody that hates you. cops and got shot by the cops to sit there and listen to a cop actually get through to me in a way that nobody ever had reached me before. I was like, holy shit. But he, he drove me to the courthouse, but he didn't know where he was going. And this was his last day. He told me this was his last arrest. He was retiring after this day. And I'm like, are you, I'm, there was so many times during this thing that I was like, am I being punked? Like, what's happening? And he was like, you know, I don't remember all the things that he said, but he was so hopeful and like really

helped me see a different perspective that I would not have seen at that, maybe ever. So it changed my life. And I'm like, son of a bitch, there's a good cop. You know what I mean? Like, God, bless. I wish I could find this man. I've asked, I was like, who was the guy that can somebody tell me who drove me to, you know, who drove me that day? Who was the guy in the Jeep Cherokee? Nobody knows who I'm talking about. Nobody. I'm like, you don't have a record of who drove me there? Like, you don't know that nobody knows who this guy is. Like, if I could find this man, I would hug him and probably cry my eyes out. He was awesome. And so that would, so I went to federal court, I get indicted.

You know, they put the United States first Sabrina Morgan in front of you. You've got all these charges. And I'm at the top of the indictment. I didn't know what that meant at that time. And so the judge was like, well, do you have physical evidence? The prosecutor said no. He said, do you have wire top?

And he said, no. He said, do you have hand to hand? He said, no. He's like, what do you have? He's like statements. He's like, okay. You know, it's ghost up. It's cool.

It's feds, whatever. So anyway, I go back in the holding cell and then they transport me to this little county or whatever. And I'm in the van with like all these people and they're like, what are you here for? And I was like, uh, meth conspiracy. And they're like, I was like in drug trafficking with weapons. You know, I'm in shock. And they're like, where are you out on the indictment? I'm like, I'm the first one.

They're like, how many is there? I was like nine. They're like, oh, I'm like, is it that bad? they're like yeah that's fucking bad i'm like shit so my attorney's wife was having a baby so i got left in county for about three days was just probably really good for me and then when i got after three days i got out i got on pretrial and my dad picked me up once again from the courthouse and uh i met with my p o who was another amazing person and he was like so you're ready for some rehab and i'm like probably ought to, huh?

He's like, yeah, I think it'd be good. So again, I did an outpatient rehab, but this was different. It wasn't like the first rehab that I'd gone to where they were like, let's just talk about drugs and war stories all day long. It was awesome. And I got really into it. Like, I kind of fell in love with it. And I don't know if it would, like, some of it was this perspective, this new perspective

of this is opportunity. Let's, let's do the damn thing. Like, this is a time. from that to like it was a different kind of program like it was it was it was it was just different like it was more no war stories were allowed thank god you know because that doesn't do anything good for you so it was i did it for nine months i even like did some art classes and taught people i would make like giant paper flowers and stuff like that like i got it into the damn thing and after i got shot and after i came off of drugs and detox and did all this stuff i gained

so much weight. I gained so much weight. I got up to 236 pounds. You were 236 crowds? Yes. Holy cow. And my dad got me a pass for like nine rounds. He's like you want to like work out maybe? I'm like probably a good idea. And so I started going to nine rounds and I was like a gym or something. Mm-hmm. Okay. It's like a watered down boxing gym. You know, it's just it's just a fitness type thing. And then I got into that, but then I was like, I want to like go, I had boxed years before. And so I was like, let's go do this. Like I'm going to go. I went to title and I was like getting into it. And I was starting to lose weight. And then that gym shut down. I swear like the day that I got that email about drove off the road. I was like, what do you mean? Because I'm on

pre-child. You don't know when you're going to leave. You have no idea like what's going to happen. And like, nobody's telling you anything. And so I was like, oh my God, I'm going to die. Like, what am I going to do? And so. I had a friend that was at this other gym and he was like, why don't you come over here and check it out? I think you'll like it. And I walked in and my friend from childhood was there and he's this big bodybuilder dude. He knew exactly what was going on and he was like, why don't you come work out with me? He'd been to a USP. So he'd already been through the feds. He spoke that language and I was like, he mentored me like through the rest of my pretrial. And I just, I lifted with him every single day. Like I was benching like 225 before I went in. It's like the female version of Get Hard. Oh, it was ridiculous. Yeah, it was. You remember that movie with Will Farrell?

Fucking hilarious. Love that shit. But yeah, it was. It was hilarious, though, because, like, I mean, I was into it. Like, I didn't care how many hours we worked out. Like, if he wanted to work out for four hours, I'm like, cool, let's do it. I wouldn't give up. Like, never give up.

So I was really jacked when I went into prison. Like, I wasn't small like I am now. I was, like, 220 pounds, benching 225 pounds. and like big shoulders and just. Right, to eat a bitch in there. But yeah, and I boxed four days a week on top of all that. So when pretrial came to an end, it was time to turn myself in. I was like, come on, motherfuckers.

You know what to me? And I was like, what are we going to do here? So how does the case get settled? Oh, I end up with nine years. You plead out. Yep, I pled out. I pled out. And there was people that had tried to extort money

from my family that admitted that they had no idea who I was. There was people that admitted that, you know, they completely fabricated it or, you know, they just were trying to get out of trouble. And so the DEA actually, they admitted to some stuff. And so my sentencing was a shit show. It was insane. And, like, I had a ton of people in the courtroom with me. And they admitted to some mistakes.

and at the very bitter end, it shook out that I got nine years. The judge gave me a break because of the extort. Yeah. That's a break, nine years? Yeah. This is your first time of fence. It is my first time of fence. And you had drug issues.

I had drug issues, but they didn't care. I mean, I, yeah, that's how it works with the feds. What were the weapons charges that you got hit for? Drug trafficking with the furtherance of a weapon. The weapon that was at my house that they took a picture of after they shot me in the head. That's a gun. And then there was a couple people that made statements about this gun. It was a 12 gauge, a pink 12 gauge.

So people knew about this gun. There was lore about this gun. You know what I mean? Like it was bedazzled. I love this gun. It was my 12 gauge. I loved this thing. I'd had this thing since I was 19.

This is my gun. But people knew about it. And so they, you know, they talked about it. They would sit down and tell stories about it. They love people love to tell stories. Love it. What they were showing up to drug deals with the gun or something? No, not even that.

They would just talk about this gun. like I hear she has this 12 gauge and all this crazy stuff. Yeah. The guy that had originally sent out the text messages, he was not indicted right away. He ended up stepping in it all by himself and got caught with tons of heroin and tons of guns. And he ended up being the kingpin.

I've never been so happy in my life to be number two. But like everything went sideways with this whole deal. Like everything, all the craziness that could come about but actually work in my favor, it worked out. Everything worked out. He did this all because he wanted to sleep with you. Yeah. Isn't that fun?

But he ended up in prison himself for snitching on you. Yeah. So it doesn't make sense why you would do that to begin with. No. Because he's an idiot. But he got like 29 years. So you got nine years in prison and they let you self-surrender. I got to turn my, no, I was at my sentencing.

Okay, so I took my plea. When I took my plea, I had to turn myself into the marshals. Oh, okay. So I stayed in federal holding for one year. And then I got sentenced. But during federal holding, they gave me my PSR, which originally read, I'm in a cell by myself. And they give me my PSR and then lock us down. And I'm looking through it.

And I'm like, where does it say how long I'm supposed to get? And they're like, look for the numbers. People are yelling through the walls. I'm looking. I'm looking. I didn't see numbers because it said life. Originally, I was looking at life until all of this came out that, yeah, people had made stuff up. People were coming forward.

And it was insane. A lot of it was insane. What's your parents' reaction to all this? They were, you know, they were upset, but they were 100% supportive. I have an older brother. He's 13 years older than I am. and he was incredibly supportive throughout this whole thing. So I had wonderful family support.

My daughter, I was able to see her, you know, that's the weird thing. So during pretrial, after I get shot in the head, actually a couple days after I got shot in the head, I had to go see the guardian at light him because obviously my ex-husband filed for custody. So I go there with my head stapled chat, you know, and I'm like, yeah. So I got shot in the back of the head and I really can't do this right now. I don't know what to say to you. But they let me keep custody of this child. I had her at my parents' house.

So I had her 50% on, a week on, week off. And they allowed me to keep this custody arrangement as long as we're at my parents' house. Okay, cool. You know, whatever. But I look back on some of this stuff and I'm like, you guys are a bunch of fucking idiots. Like, that's the time you take that kid. You get her the fuck away from that person. Like, you, come on.

I had no business being around that kid. And I mean, I'm glad I got to be around her. I wouldn't trade that for the world. But at the same time, like, I wasn't doing, nobody was doing her any favors. And here her mom is like on the news and, you know, all of this stuff she's going through with her dad, hearing everything at her dad's house and then going to school. Teachers treated her differently. You know, they just, mom's going to prison.

So obviously, you're going to go to prison. Parents talked. So, of course, kids talked. And she was kind of bullied. and treated badly. But she rode through that thing like a straight gangster. Like she was, she's always been my ride or die. Like, that's my little gangster girl, boy, I'll tell you what.

She was just loving and supportive and just adapted to everything that was going on. Hey, we got to be at Grandma and Grandpa's house when I have you. Okay. I mean, she was so smart and she knew everything. She knew what was going on. I didn't sit her down and be like, hey, you know, let me tell you about your mom. Didn't do all that. But I was just like, I just tried to love her through it the best that I could, which I don't think at the time was

very good. I mean, I was mentally unstable. And I mean, thank God for my parents because there were 100% on our side, obviously. But it was, that was horrible. The pre-trial and like watching her and like, I remember smelling her head at night. And I'm like, how I'm going to leave this child. This is awful. And going back, before I turned myself in, the night before I took my plea, I was at my attorney's office. And she was with me. And I remember looking at her through this glass door. And I was like, I was talking to my attorney's assistant. And I was like, how do I leave her? Like, how do I do this? How do I tell her? And she's like, she was 12. She's like, you see that sweet little girl out there right now? I said, yeah. She said she's about to be a teenager.

And what's going to happen is you're going to go to prison and you're going to miss all the terrible years. And then you're going to come back and be the hero. And I'm like, yeah, I don't see it like that. She was right. I did. I missed all the bad stuff. Came back to like this well-developed kid. I'm like, oh, okay, cool.

But I, you know, she was crazy. In the morning when I was getting ready to tell her, you know, that I had to leave for prison, I was like, hey, I got to talk to you. Because, you know, how do you tell a kid? How do you tell a 12 year old? I'm going to be gone. I have no idea how long I'm going. Because in the feds, you don't, if you turn, before you get your sentence,

if you're going in and turn yourself in when you take your plea, you don't know. You have no idea. And I'm like, I don't know how long I'm going to be gone. So it, and this kid did not shed a cheer. She was just, she hugged me and she said, I love. you and I'm like okay I have to walk away now and I get upstairs and I hug my mom she's bawling my dad gets me in the car and he's like this is how this is going to go we're going to get there you're going to take your plea you're going to hug me we're not crying and then I'm going to leave

and you're going to turn yourself in I'm like okay he was like the coach right I'm like okay so that's how that all went down turn myself in go into federal holding and it was uh you know You go in and you're just like, I don't, I don't know what the fuck's going to happen. You have no idea what you're doing, what's going to happen, what you're going to encounter. I mean, I'd been in that county for like three days. So that's all I had to compare it to. I was like, oh, shit, that's going to suck. So I go to CCA and Leavenworth.

And it was this giant building. And I'm just like, let me back up. So my doctor had prescribed me at advance. And so before I walked in and turned myself to the marshals, I said, took a couple of those. And I was like, hey, their prescription. The doctor gave them to me, told me to take them as needed. I'm cool. Here I go. So I take two, go in. I slept through everything. I slept through like three days, could care less. They were like, hey, you know, we'll get to you in a little bit. I think I sat in the room waiting for like intake for like six hours. Could care less.

I'm like, whatever. So I get into the intake cell and I'm in there with one of my co-defendants. who has these weird lumps on her head, like these giant horns on her head. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And this lady was like at the bottom of my indictment. And she was clearly very nervous to be in there with me. And so I think it was about two days into it. She started hitting the button and telling them I was going to kill her.

I swear I didn't say anything to her. I didn't do anything. I might have looked at her crazy, but I was looking at her head. She had these fucking weird lumps on her head. And I'm like, I couldn't stop. I couldn't avert my eyes. I couldn't not look at it. I was just like, what the fuck?

So I think I was looking at the back of her. Like I kept looking at her. I wasn't looking at her crazy. I was trying to figure out if I could pop them. I really wanted to pop them so bad. And I'm just like, anyway, so apparently I looked crazy. And so they separated us. And then I ended up in a cell by myself for a year, which was fine.

That's what I wanted. But anyway. So yeah. Got my sentence, nine years, and then I was off to Pekin, Illinois for camp. For what I thought was quite a long time. And I was, like, when I was on Conair, when we got to the transfer center, they were like, you're going to Pekin, Illinois Satellite Camp. And I was like, I don't think that's right. You know, you go in and you've got this high level of everything, and then you end up at a camp.

But, I mean, I was in federal holding for a year, and I'd done all these classes. and I just, I worked all the jobs that I could work. So, like, I don't know what was going. Anyway. So I end up in camp and I'm there for three years. And then, of course, the pandemic takes place. What years were you at in Illinois? So I was there until 21.

So from 2018 to 21. We were there at the same time, like in Illinois. So I went to MCC Chicago. You were? Yeah. In 2018. Yeah. I passed through there and then I went to Oxford, Wisconsin.

Okay. And you pass through like the Illinois camps and lows to drop people off on the way to Wisconsin. Yeah. So yeah, at that time, and I did a year in Wisconsin. Okay. And we would always get those Italian beef sandwiches from Portillo's. Yeah. In Chicago had dropped off to us.

Did you really? Yeah, people would sneak them in at the camp. So the women's camp is really boring. And that's always been the funny thing. Like I hear all these crazy prison stories from these women that are like, oh my God, it's so crazy. And I'm like, this place was like watching paint dry. Like literally it's a bunch of old ladies, crocheting and, you know, really peaceful people just really not doing much. We didn't have anything brought in.

I think two people had cell phones. They got busted because women can't keep their mouth shut. And so, you know, if somebody's on the phone, they're like, yeah, I got a cell phone. The fuck is wrong with you? Like, why are you on the phone that they listened to? It was just dumb, but it was a really peaceful camp. Like, I was pretty blessed with that whole situation because, like, people were cool. And I ran the food service warehouse, so I was the inventory person.

And when I first got there, it was funny because I was like, I just want to mow because I love mowing. And I, you know, I was like, they were like, can you drive a tractor? I'm like, I can drive anything. What do you got? He's like, I got a $6,100 with a bat. wing. I said, hook me up. Let's go. So I drove this tractor. I loved it. I'd be out in the field, singing to myself, just getting it, you know, doing mowing, having a great time. And I would roll up to the food service warehouse and the boss would be out there. I'm like, I know you have food in there.

What do you have? Bring me some snacks. So I started messing with him and asking, you know, asking for, I'm like, what do you have? I know you got something. Bring some stuff out here. And so I started getting snacks and stuff And about, I don't know A couple weeks into it He sent for me and was like My inventory person is leaving And I would like for you, he's like

All of this is yours If you just come be my inventory person I'm like, you don't even know if I can count He's like, I read your case I'm pretty sure you can count I'm like okay Did you get yourself a prison girlfriend at all? I didn't

Did they have a lot of those there? They had some But it was so lame You know, it was just like it reminded me of like little kids in grade school like holding hands and just passing notes and shit and it was just always so dumb to me

I'm like I don't I don't this this sounds like and you can't escape anybody you're there you're locked up with them so if you break up you're right there like why would you get in relationship with somebody same thing with guards like there was one guard that I was like

are you hot or am I in prison like I can't figure it out you said that too Yeah. I was like, I'm not sure if you are hot or if I've just been locked up too long. I'm not sure what's going on. But I'm going to go with, I think I've been locked up too long. Would you have slept with him? No, because again, I'm locked up and I can't get away from anybody. And I had had a lot of bad relationships that I'm like, fuck that shit. Because for the first time in my life, I was, I was incredibly peaceful because I didn't have a relationship. And I could just work on myself. I didn't have to worry about. out like I let go of the outside. I talked to my daughter for a while, and then my ex-husband took off to Florida with her and cut ties. So I just had contact with my parents and my brother. And so I just let go of the outside world,

and I let go of relationships. And I was like, I am not interested in having a phone relationship, and I'm not interested. Like, no, I'm just going to work out and do what I do. And I'm just to do this time. What was the biggest thing you felt like you had to work on? The biggest thing I had to work on? There's so many things.

I don't even know if I could just name one. But I knew that my depression and my anxiety and basically how I process things, like how I insisted on living a double life because I was never willing to accept or admit pain or any kind of anything that was going on with me that might show weakness. You know what I mean? Like my whole life, I'm like, nope, nothing's wrong with me.

Everything's fine. Everything's perfect. No matter what. And that was something I really realized was that I was just not capable of being truthful with that. I was a liar. And I lived a double life. And I was cool with that.

I was very comfortable with that. And I'm like, you know what? Fuck it. I have nothing to hide anymore. I have nothing to hide. Like, the whole world knows I'm an addict, first of all. And or anybody that's seen my story, they know what time it is. Obviously, you don't go to the feds for all this math and not have a problem.

And I'm like, I just, I can't, I just have to be honest about shit. So like, to this day, I'll walk up to somebody and they'll start talking. And I'm like, yeah, I was in prison. I mean, I just immediately tell them myself. I just throw it out there. I'm like, yep. But the interesting thing about when I was in prison is that my brother came to me and he was like, you have a really interesting story.

You should write blogs. And I'm like, what's a blog? And he's like, so he starts sending me blogs, blog ideas. He's like, if you email me, I can post this blog, post the blogs for you. And I'm like, what am I supposed to write about? When I run out of stuff to say and he's like, you're in prison, you're never going to run out of something. And I was like, yeah, okay. So I started writing.

So on Mondays I would pick a topic and I would write all week long. So my goal was like write 250 words and I'm very wordy and I talk a lot obviously. So I write like I talk. And so my 250 words would turn into pages and pages. So on Friday when everyone else was watching a movie, I was landing my plane. And then Saturday morning I'd be up at six typing and you know you type 30 minutes on, 30 minutes off. You have to wait. So I got really good at typing really, really fast.

But I'd battle that computer all day long, and then I'd have a deadline for myself for Sunday to get it to him so that he could do a quick edit and post it. And so it was cool because I was writing from an ivory tower. Nobody could touch me. I wasn't getting criticism. I wasn't getting any kind of backlash. I could write freely.

But my topics were always trying to help a loved one that was in prison or help. somebody with a loved one in prison. And so it really helped me to, you know, develop and be able to deliver my story in a way that I had talked about my story so many times. And I remember the first time I went to write about it. It was really hard. But then over time, you write it out. You keep writing it out. You know, you've got a piece of this story. You got a piece of this story. You know, you start being more comfortable with the truth. And so, it was interesting because at one point I called my brother and he was like, guess what?

When I Google your name, it's not a pile of meth anymore. It's your blogs. And I'm like, I didn't know it was a pile of meth. You know? I was like, what? But yeah, so it was very interesting on how that all went down because I'm like, well, so like people are actually seeing these. He's like, oh, yeah, he's like, you have one trending on Google right now. Like my ghostop blog, started trending on Google.

at one point and I'm like I don't know what that means you know I'm in prison I don't I'm not looking at and stuff and so my dad started sending them into me and I could see what it looked like because he would add a picture you know what do whatever and so then people in prison started reading them they're like you're really good writer and I'm like I don't know about that but but it helped me to develop my narrative and it helped me to be able to deliver my story in a way that was honest and truthful and And I didn't look like I was hiding something because I was just, this is what it is. And so on the other end of it, it was controlling my, I was controlling my own narrative by my brother publishing these. Because again, you know, every time the DOJ releases any kind of press release with anybody that gets in trouble, everything refreshes.

Everybody's press releases refresh. And so if you had a federal indictment, you're always going to, that's what's going to end up at the top over an over and over again, no matter what you do on social media or, you know, whatever your, you're, it's always going to make its way back up to the top. And it was awesome because I had all of these blogs that here you have this news story, but then I have all my blogs and my narrative and my story. And it resonated with a lot of people. And so when I got out, I had, I had one employee I was like, I've read all your blogs and you do not need to be working in a warehouse. And I'm like, yeah, but I need to right now. You know what I mean? He's like, go, be free. You don't want to work here.

And I was like, what? I mean, I got a job. But, but it, but that was, it was interesting because it controlled my narrative. I controlled my narrative. My brother, you know, I don't know what is, I think he was just giving me a project. He was just giving me something to get through. But it, that's the one thing that helped me more than anything is because all the writing, I was able to sort out so many of my feelings and it helped me to process what I'd gone through and what I was going through. And it's taken me through to today

to be able to, you know, process it in a more even manner rather than lose my shit and go get drugs. You know what I mean? So I've been clean for 11 years. And it all goes back to the day with a cop, which has always blown my mind. And I'm like, cop did that. But yeah, so I was in Pekin for three years, and then the pandemic happened.

And I remember they called me up to put my paperwork in, but I thought they were calling me up to, like, get a UA. And they never tested me. So I was like, okay, whatever. So I'm sitting in the UA line, and the case manager comes out. And she's like, what are you doing? I was like, I think I'm getting a UA. She's like, no, we're putting your paperwork in for the CARES Act. And I was like, okay.

sure I had guns nobody you know people with with guns weren't supposed to be getting out on the cares act and I didn't qualify for the first step act so I was like okay yeah go ahead and put that paperwork in I didn't believe it I didn't get my hopes up I called my dad and I was like listen I'm going to tell you what's going on because I want you to be aware but I need you to understand that it's probably not happening and so just in case something does happen I need you to know what's going on. I don't want you to be shocked. I thought, God, I've shocked them enough in my life. So let me tell you what's going on, but do you understand that I don't qualify for anything, so I don't know why they would let me out on this. But they did.

And they came down in the warehouse, and they're like, hey, you need to go pack your stuff. You're going to quarantine. And I'm like, what the fuck? So I'd done four years. I was at my 50% mark, and they let me out. But I ended, I was up in, quarantine and the whole time that I was there I was like this is bullshit they're not really going to let me

out but then the day came my parents drove all the way to peek in to get me and the administration came the administration dude comes and gets me at 7 30 in the morning I give in all my stuff away and I'm like he's like Morgan you got to come with me put your mask on and I'm like I'm not getting out he's like so I'm walking next time I'm like I'm not getting out am I he's like listen we need to work through some things I need you to stay calm so I'm like focusing on that I'm like we're working working through things. We're working through things. So we get up there and my case manager is there and she's like, somebody from your case has a separity on you. They landed at the halfway house before you did. We have to send you to another halfway house. And I'm like, okay, where am I going?

Because at this point, and I don't know about you, I wasn't even thinking about a halfway house. I wasn't thinking about anything because I wasn't supposed to be out until February of 25. You know what I mean? Like that was my out date. So I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing here. You know what I'm saying? Like it was so bizarre. Everything was just, it went so fast because I was like, I wasn't ready for that.

And I told myself it wasn't going to happen. So when this got pushed back, when the halfway house got pushed back, I'm like, what? I'm going to home confinement. like, yes, but you have to have a halfway house that monitors you for the home confinement. I'm like, okay, he's like, you're going to have to do check-ins there. And he's like, it's going to be in Topeka, Kansas. Well, that's a long way from my house. And I'm like, because I came out, I lived with my parents for the first year. So it was about 60-some miles for my parents. Not horrible. And he's like, you want to get out, right? And I'm like,

yeah, you can put me wherever I don't give a shit. It's fine. So I'm like, well, you shut my phone off. call my parents. I call my parents. My dad's like, well, we just made a practice run. We'll be back on. I was the first of June. And I was like, okay. And I'm thinking myself, God, you were so nice. To this day, you know, you're not complaining about anything. Like, that's, that's awesome. Like, I want to be that person. You know what I mean? And so they left. That was the worst week of my life because I was like, I'm not getting out, but you had this dangling carrot in front of you, and you're like, I might get out. I was a mess. Like, officers came and saw me.

People were like, you're okay. Everything's okay. I had girls, like, our quarantine was so funny because it had, like, it was, like, flaps of plastic in the wing. And so I'm like, this is quarantine. But I would have girls that I worked out with that would come to the plastic and we'd work out together. So, like, I had kind of, like, a schedule of, like, people that would come and work out

with me. So basically I just worked out nonstop, like the whole time. Like I worked out until I just passed out. That was my quarantine. And but there was a lot of officers that were really cool. I mean, obviously I'd done good things since I'd been there. Like I had no incident reports. I had nothing bad.

I taught myself sign language and taught like sign language classes. And I just did whatever I could to like try to better myself. Like even though, as you know, those classes, a lot of those classes are bullshit. I took every class that they had, even though I knew I wasn't going to get first step act. Even before First Step Act even existed, I was taking everything. Every single class that I could take, I was like, fuck it, I'm doing everything. Just because I was like, maybe there's something. Like, what if there's something there that might help me?

So, like, it was my desire to, like, do as much as I possibly could to change. In the meantime, I'm writing as much as possible, and I'm getting a blog out every single week to my brother. And so when I got cut loose for home confinement, I had done nothing to prepare for it. And in my mind, up until the moment I walked out, I didn't believe what's happening. You know, it's surreal when you come out. Pool days call for cookouts and lots of laundry.

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I can work with that. This should be tons of fun. Marvel television's Daredevil, Born Again, now streaming only on Disney Plus. Oh, you're just like, this is not really happening. Did you go to the halfway house? Yeah, it was terrible. If I ever had to do it again, I would never do it. I would just max out until my good time date.

How long were you there? Was it the halfway house for the first month? Then they let me on home confinement, which is the stupidest thing in the world with the phone call system. Oh, God. And I had a, in my, the judge sentenced me to the first year supervised release on home confinement on the bracelet. So that didn't start until after the halfway house. So I was like, why don't you just put me on the bracelet now to just start?

It didn't make sense backwards. So I'm on the home monitoring thing where you could literally, they say it's a violation if you have the forwarding, call thing. So the guy that would come and inspect like that that would do that whole process, we never turned it off because we didn't know how to do it or we'd call the company and was just built into the phone. Because this was 2019, he would just listen to the first two rings and be like, all right, you're good. Call forwarding didn't take effect to like the third ring. So it was on the whole time. Oh my God. So when I realized this, I just started leaving the house and I got an apartment. I was hanging out. I was going on dates. I was doing whatever. You know, just messing around.

And then at night, like when I was at home, my mom would just wake me up because she stayed up late when they would call because they call once throughout the night. That went on for like a month and a half and then he came by one day to check. And the one time he decides to listen for the third ring, it's like, oh, this call is being forwarded. They send me back that night. I'm in the halfway house for another week. They gave me a hundred series shot. And I ended up beating it because I was able to prove. I was like, hey, we never turned it off.

This guy messed up. It was your fault. So I beat the shot. they reduced it to like a 300 series and they let me back on home confinement and they set me, then we proved that it was off or that my dad got a new phone for it. And with this phone, all you had to do was hold nine or whatever and it activated on and off. So then I was back on it again and I was just doing the call forwarding. So that was from altogether under halfway house jurisdiction from the last week of January

to the middle of May of 2019. But out of that probably five weeks was spent in the halfway house. which was miserable, nothing to do. Food was terrible. They let me have a car once I got my license back. But it's just so strict. Like, it's so petty. You know, they don't care about you actually getting a job.

The computer's there. Everything's silly about the halfway house. It's just all kids working there. Young people, the case managers, counselors, they are just looking to get a better job. It was terrible. And then I got on to supervised release. And I actually could have got away with not doing home confinement.

So when the probation officer came to meet me at work for the check-in, he's like, hey, just so you know, you're on supervised release now, like on that day. And he's leaving. He goes through the list and he's leaving. I'm like, I think I'm supposed to be on home confinement. And then he looks at it. He's like, oh, crap. So he had to go all the way back, like, an hour away and then come back with the device.

Oh, my God. Yeah, so I probably could have got away with never going on it. But I earned some brownie points with him. He was a cool one. Finally, I had a good probation officer because my pretrial lady was a fucking bitch. Really? did not like her. She was out to get me from the start. But my supervised release officer after he was great. And then COVID happened. Yeah. After my last two years, the supervised release, so they're never around. Everything was like FaceTime and stuff. I was living in a different state because they read the system just messed up. Like I moved for work. Yeah. And they tried to transfer me. And I only had like eight months left. And New York wouldn't take me. They were like he's only got eight months left. So I was in limbo for like eight months because they're not going to say no because I had a good job. Right. So the whole thing was just screwed up.

I understand that completely. So my job is I have to cross state lines every single day. But they were fine with it. I mean, I feel like the halfway house is like set up for a show. You know, just to like barely meet the bare minimum. And halfway houses aren't regulated. Because they're making money and they're for profit, they're private. So they're going to keep their expenses low.

It's funny because so many of them are non-profits. Yeah. And it's hilarious. They're making money. They're making money. They're paid six figures. Yes. At mine, there was an executive director, a vice or an assistant to the executive director,

like a VP or whatever, then even more people. And they're all getting paid good salaries. Yeah. And that was always a funny thing. I would talk to, I would talk to different people and they're like, they're nonprofits. So they're not. I'm like, no, no, no, no.

Maybe you don't know what a nonprofit is. Like that's that they're making money. Those people are driving nice. cars for a reason. Like that's the people at the top, they're doing well. These people that are taking the phone calls, they're not. They're getting paid nothing. And they're the ones that have your life in their hands. These people on the, on the, you know, that you have to call into. And they were pretty good to me for the most part. Like, I had a couple little issues where one guy called and he was like, hey, you're out of bounds. And I'm like, I'm at the gem where I'm supposed to be. And he's like,

No, you're at a vape store. I'm like, it's a strip mall and I'm downstairs. Oh, you're on a GPS one. Yeah, I was on an ankle monitor. Yeah, when I was on one for like Supervisor release, it was the old school one. Oh. So you didn't have to charge it.

It was just it would tell you if you're outside of your house. No, no. This was a GPS. Those are almost kind of better because then you could prove you're not getting anything in trouble, but then you got to charge it and stuff. Oh, yeah. And then the chargers break. And then I'd have to drive all the way out there and get a new one.

But yeah, it was. So what do you have to? to submit passes for what you wanted to do? No, I had to work off an itinerary. So I would have to know exactly what I was going to do for the following week. And I'd have to have it approved on Thursday, by Thursday, with my case manager, do my UA, and then I'd have my itinerary for the week. And you have to be exactly where you are.

But I work a sales job. And so I was on the road quite a bit. And during work time, I had to write down and log every single place that I was at. And I was like, oh, this is awful. But I did it for 43 months. I mean... That's crazy around a house harassed for 43 months. They should have just transferred everyone to supervised release.

Oh, they should have, but, you know, they didn't... I wonder how much money the halfway house is made. A lot. A lot of money. But when I was on home confinement, I would talk to anybody with ears. I'm like, there's not a federal halfway house in Kansas City. Like, are you aware of this? Is anyone aware of this?

You're sending people to home confinement, and there's nothing in Kansas City. So, like, in Missouri, you have a halfway house in Spring City. field and you have one in St. Louis and then you have one down like the boot hill. But there's nothing in Kansas City because you have Leavenworth Topeka. But still you have all this space where it's not being covered. These people aren't, there's nobody to like monitor these people. And so anybody with ears, I'm like, there needs to be a federal halfway house in Kansas City. So I was working. I got a fellowship with dream.org and it was like a pilot program for, and it was all Zoom, which was perfect because I'm on home confinement. So I get involved in this. And I,

and I'm on a soapbox about this federal halfway house. And so that was my project. They're like, yeah, this is a great project for you. And I'm like, oh, that's that little thing? No big deal. But it was pretty cool because, you know, when you're on home confinement, you better have something to keep you occupied. And so the government affairs director, I had hopped on a Zoom.

I was real nosy. Like anything that was going on, I would just hop on a Zoom and be like, what are you guys doing? You know what I mean? Like, I knew where all their zooms were. So I'm like, what's up? I don't have anything to do. And so I started connecting with people.

And I connected with the government affairs director. And I was like, there's not a federal halfway house in Kansas City. And with people come into home confinement, this is a problem. I mean, I have a good situation. I have a supportive family. I'm always going to get back and forth. I'm always going to be able to make that trip. I have, you know, reliable vehicle, all that stuff.

But there's a lot of people that don't. I mean, when you come out on home confinement, you don't have a lot going on. You're shell-shocked from coming out of prison. You've just left a community inside the prison, and now you're out in a community that doesn't necessarily accept you. So you're in a traumatic situation. And so anyway, he set up a meeting with Congressman Cleaver, and I went with my ankle monitor and had this meeting.

And, of course, I'm passionate about it because I'm like, I'm living this. I need you to understand. And they were like, you know, we looked it up. We thought there was a federal halfway house. I'm like, no, not since 2017, closed down, along with 16 other halfway houses across the country. When they cut funding for the Second Chance Act, just quietly cut funding, all these halfway houses closed down. Then the First Step Act comes. And so you have all this less, you're minus all these halfway houses and you have all these people that are supposedly going to be possibly doing more home confinement than you've got the pandemic.

So it's kind of like a perfect storm. You've got to get some of these people out of there. you've got to get more halfway house as well. So I had this meeting with him with the Congressman Cleaver's office. But on my way there, I was talking to a friend of mine earlier that morning that was involved with the unions. And he was talking about the workforce, how it was so bad. So I called my dad and I was like, if I could get the unions involved, Kansas City unions are a big deal. Like Kansas City's huge for unions.

And so I was like, if I could get the unions involved with this. you know, maybe they can get, like, be part of it and, like, push for this. This might be a good thing. So I had the meeting with him, with Congressman Cleaver's office with his staff. And by the time I got out, I called my dad. And he was like, hey, I've got a meeting with the FLCIO for you on Friday here at the office. And I'm like, what's that? He's like, it's the elected union official. I'm like, right. Okay, cool. So I went to that meeting with him And he was awesome I told him everything that was going on

You know Trying to let's link this up We have all these people coming back From federal prison to this area If we had a federal halfway house Could somehow link it to the union jobs And things like that You know it could be a win-win for everybody

So he takes out his phone And he calls he's like I'm gonna call the rev I'm like who's that It's Congressman Cleaver They call him the rev And so he's like hey Just staff tell him you about this and he was like yeah actually they did and he's like I want you to know the unions are

100% on board with this so I'm like what's happening this is awesome so I ended up he um I went to breakfast with him and a federal judge who is awesome such an awesome dude like he's all for you know preventative justice he's all for so many things and like really helping people and so he got on board with this and obviously I'm on home confinement with an ankle monitor and I'm not you know I can only go to these things by permission only and so um you know I kind of had a wait in the shadows I'm like I can't really be a part of this like I can't be talking to the BOP and I can't be you know you guys handle this so I was on the email thread so I see all the emails going back and forth hey we're we're waiting for the

request for proposal RFP there's all these initials whatever um waiting for this you know it's going back and forth and then when the election happened and they're like, I'm sorry, we don't have funding for this. And then just shut it down. But I'm like, okay, well, we'll maybe fight for this one later on. I'm not sure. But it was awesome for me to get involved and get that kind of experience. And I was like, lobbying might be a fun thing for me one day.

You know, I'm like exploring all these things. I'm like, this could be cool. And obviously, with my felonies and my federal experience, you know, you have a different kind of education. that you're, you know, closest to the problem, so you're a better solution. So that was really cool. I got involved with that. And so that kind of nursed me through some of my home confinement, gave me some wind, some highs, some lows.

I was also working out for two hours a day. And busy on TikTok. And gotten busy on TikTok, but I was scared of TikTok. I would start to get going, and then I would get scared because I never asked the halfway house if it was okay. Like, I never asked permission. and then I would start kind of getting bigger and I was like, ooh, I don't know if this is a good idea. Like I don't want to be too obvious out there, but then I would kind of back off and kind of get scared.

And then I was like, fuck it, I'm going again. And then I'd be like, I don't know if this is a good idea. So it was fun. And it was so interesting. And the reason I got on TikTok is because my daughter comes back from Florida. And she lives with me. You know, she left on her 18th birthday from down there. She's been home ever since, but she was sitting there flipping through TikTok, and I'm like,

what are you doing? What is this? Like, why are people, you're watching all these idiots dance and see, like, lip seeing? Like, this is the dumbest thing I've ever seen. She said, type in prison and you'll find your people. And I did. I typed in prison and I started seeing people make videos and I was like, I can totally do that. And like some of the stories, I'm like, I think that's bullshit, but that's okay.

So I started doing it and that gave me more something else to do. You know, you start finding all these little purposes. You're like, I can do this and I can get this story out. And it helps to be able to talk about your story and then find your community is huge. Obviously, you know that as well. Like where you don't have to hide, you don't have shame. Yep, you fucked up. Yep, went to prison.

But you have a community and you have people that are willing to share their stories, which I don't know about you, before I went to prison, there was nothing out there. There was nothing online. You could Google to your fingers fell off. And there wasn't a community out there where you could find out more about what you were about to go through. And so I found a lot of value in that

because I was like, this could really help somebody. This would help me. This would have been great for me. If I had this before I went in, I would have, that have been wonderful. It's just so it wasn't so much of the unknown. And so people would start reaching out to me and I'm like, yeah, you know, I talk them through it, women, you know, just being like, it's not that bad.

And of course, I went to Peking, so I don't know where all these people went, but probably wasn't as cushy as where I was. But I'm like, get the job in the warehouse, you know, do what you can do, go get fit, you're going to be fine, you're going to come back, you're going to be fine. Of course, so many of them have these small sentences and I'm like, you're going in for six months. Yeah, you're going to be okay. But at the same time, any sentence is going to be traumatic to somebody, especially so many people that go to the feds, it's their first time offense. Like, the majority of people I talk to, they're like, I've never even had a speeding ticket. Do you know what I mean? Like, there's so many people.

They're like, I've never had a speeding ticket. I've never been in trouble. I've never been in handcuffs. And here I'm going to the feds. And I'm like, yeah, welcome to the feds. Yeah, it's interesting how, like, the information landscape has changed about prison. Whereas before you were dependent on hiring like a prison consultant. who had been to prison and then COVID changed all that with social media.

Now, I mean, unless like someone's actually doing a motion for you. Yeah. There's really no need to hire someone for advice because that could all be found online or interviews. Yeah. Like if I was going to prison tomorrow, I would just hop on one of these show like mine or anything and just watch the interviews. Yeah. Find one that relates to the type of prison you're going to. Everything's pretty much been covered.

Yeah. Lows, mediums, camps, penitentiaries. Yeah. And just watch that. Yeah. You don't need to pay someone to do that. No. I paid a prison consultant in prison. My parents did. One of those like OG ones. Like back in the day, a guy that went to prison for fraud, got out, started a company, promised me the moon saying that he could help get me moved to a different prison because I got put at a low and I probably should have been at a camp. And nothing. It was a waste of $2,500. Sure.

Now I know it's a little bit different because there's like things that there's certain motions that could help you with that you don't need a lawyer to do. Right. But I don't know any of that. I don't have experience with that. Neither do I. But it's just information-wise, you don't need to hire someone to help you go to prison for advice. You just don't need it. You don't. It's, that's, that is, that's an old school situation.

But that's like most things, I guess, in today's world. Like with chat GPT or YouTube, you know. Yeah. I use chat GPT for everything. So do I. Like if I, I'll even have it pick out outfits because I'm not going to at the whole matching thing. I'll take pictures. And I put it on my bed of like, is this a good fit?

Do you really? Yeah, I do it. That's a great idea. Perfect. I do everything. I do that with the bodybuilding stuff. So I started plugging in like everything that I ate, how much I slept, my workouts, like specifically my workouts. I would specifically tell it I walked five miles in the pasture with winter muck boots that weigh five pounds.

I would tell it everything. And then I put in like progress pictures and it will analyze from from day to day. like this was your last one, this is where you're at now. You have this many weeks out. And so this is where you need to be. You're actually ahead or, you know, work on this. It's amazing. It's crazy.

Yeah. And my coach at one point was like, am I getting fired? I was like, no, I need you. And then chat GPT, I put in my weight one day. I was like, I was two pounds heavier and I put my weight in and it said, okay, thanks. And I'm like, what? I call it PD. It's PD for me.

And I'm like, that's it. Okay, thanks. Like, we have things to talk about. Like, I'm two pounds up from yesterday. Like, it's time for you to talk me off the ledge. And it acted like it did. It said it didn't keep any information. And I was like, yes, you do.

I'm yelling at this son of a bitch. I'm going off. I'm like literally fighting with type. Anyway, it finally remembered. I was like, this is a bad relationship. Like, I think we're going to have to break up. But then, you know, it's got me by the balls. I got a bodybuilding competition.

So, I mean, it's got me. So now you got off home confinement early. I did. I got a clemency from Biden. I was one of the care. So there was 1,500 people on CARES Act that was still on home confinement. And so when the election happened, there was some advocates that went and tried to get, it was like, hey, let's try to get these people clemency.

Throughout the CARES Act, I don't know if you know this, but at one point Trump had talked about sending us and then Biden took over and we weren't really positive that he was going to let us stay out. And then eventually he said, yep, you guys are staying out because it was such a great area. The CARES Act was such a great area

that nobody knew what to do with it and here they are trying to put us back when we have a less than 1% recidivism rate. So why would you put people in the community they're doing good? Why are you going to send them back? There was a group of Republicans out of Tennessee that had tried to get some legislation

legislation, sneaky, put it through to where we'd get sent back. And I'm like, don't you guys have anything else to do? Like, there's so much going on. You want to send people back that have a less than 1% recidivism, right? And so, um, so we, 1,500 of us ended up getting the clemency. And I was supposed to be done February, shit, how do I not know that? Like February 5th, I think. Of 25? Oh, so it was only a few months different. Yeah, it wasn't much. Some people got years off. They did. And I'm so happy for them.

It is crazy to be on home confinement for years. It is. 43 months was brutal. Yeah, that's a lot too. I think home confinement sweet spots maybe like a year. Yeah. Year or two. At the most, you learn your lesson.

That's it. I would think there could be more of a stepping system to it. Like you have one year of like being super restricted, like the original home confinement. Or maybe even six months. And then step down from there like, hey, you've done all these. these things. You've completed all these tasks. Let's, let's move you down a little bit more. But because I was on it during the pandemic, at first, I was going out there like twice a month. I was on like an OSM phone monitoring thing. So I'd take a picture and send it in and say things like raspberry,

red raspberry something or whatever it told me to say. And I would send it back in. And so that was cool because I didn't have an ankle monitor. How did it feel to get off the, the, monitor like physically. Unbelievable. I slept for like four days. Because at first I was on this OSM and then they called me back in. I got out June 1st. They called me back in.

It was September. So I'd had all these months with no ankle monitor. People did not notice, you know, I could go to the gym. I didn't have an ankle monitor on. And then they called me back in and they're like, you have to put this on. We just, you know, they decided that the CARES Act people have to wear this. And I'm like, I was devastated. It set me back so bad because I was like, people are going to think I fucked up.

You know what I mean? And like, it fucked with my head really, really bad. I was like, I kept telling my parents, I'm like, I swear to God, I didn't fuck up. I swear. Like, I've done everything that I can. Like, and my case manager was like, I'm so sorry. She's like, this is not you. It hasn't, you didn't do anything wrong.

And I'm like, devastated. I cried and cried my eyes out. I was like, oh, my God, I can't believe this giant ass ankle monitor. And so, oh, that was awful. So the day that I got it taken off. It was funny because my daughter, I bought a pair of Freebird boots because I just felt like that was fitting. I couldn't wear tall boots during this ankle monitor thing. I love tall boots.

And so I ordered my boots and my daughter went with me. We went out and they cut it off and then she put the boots on me and tra-l-la. And then I went straight to the plastic surgeon that day and I was like, I need boobs. You got a boob job right after? Fuck yeah. I went straight to the plastic surgeon. I was like, well, I'd always said I was going to get a set when I was 45, but I was in prison, and then you can't get him when you're on home confinement.

And so literally the day of, like, I got my ankle monitor cut off. I went to the PO. I was like, do you care if I get boobs? And he's like, what? I'm like, I'm going straight to the plastic surgeon after this. And he's like, okay. So I did. Went straight to the plastic surgeon.

Got them, got my sizes and stuff. And then I had to get a mammogram because I'm old. And so, yeah, I scheduled it like by, I think it was January 13th. I was like, yep, let's go. Wouldn't get my boobs. I can't believe that's the first thing you do after getting off the house or else for four years. Fuck, yeah. Straight to the plastic surgeon.

That's iconic. It is. It's crazy. But I was like, what do I want right now? Boops. I want boobs. Hell yeah. Straight to the plastic surgeon.

Good for you. Yeah. I mean, I feel like every, every woman in middle age needs to have a set. With the RAM Declaration of Deals, we're pledging our allegiance to the American people. With great deals on the RAM 1500, back with the legendary Hemi V8 and the RAM heavy duty. With the available Cummins Turbo diesel delivering 1,075 pound feet of torque, all backed by a 10-year-a-100,000-mile power train limited warranty, because nothing stops RAM.

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You know what I mean? Like, there should be some philanthropy for this. I mean, it's just glorious. So what's your life like now? My life now. So since I've been off home confinement,

it's kind of been a whirlwind. It's been my, I work, I sell barnuminiums and custom home. homes. I work for a really cool company. And I love my job, love my day job. Still doing TikTok, obviously, but I wanted to do something way more than just that. And so my daughter and I are co-founding a nonprofit, which is transforming criminal justice. And obviously, it's huge that she's doing this

with me. Like, she has initiatives. She wants to help kids that their parents are in prison. And I actually have a reentry app and development that could help. with somebody's plan. Like, I feel like reentry needs to start the day that you're arrested. It doesn't need to start when you come out. Like, it can start in the beginning before you go to jail or, you know, at first point of contact with cops. And again, this goes back to the officer that took me the day that I was indicted.

Because I feel like there's so many, so much law enforcement that get involved. They get this job and they have all these really good intentions. and then they lose hope and they don't have a good tool and they don't have, I guess, maybe any inspiration to be like, hey,

so I feel like the reentry app that I have my vision for it is, and it's in the process of being developed, but my vision is to be able to do like an AI type interview where, you know, you can learn about the person

and what their hopes, what their dreams, what their interests are, and like try to help, them set up, not step by step, but help them to set the trajectory of their life and then set their intentions and do like a daily checklist type thing. Like, hey, get up today. Let's set your intentions for the day because that's something I learned in prison was setting my intentions when I brushed my teeth in the morning. But it's not human nature to do stuff like that. And so

I try to set my intentions every single morning. And so if I can help other people to set their intentions and start not just dreaming but start taking steps and I'm not saying you know take huge steps I'm talking about taking little steps in the correct direction in in line with the trajectory of where they're trying to go and so the other thing with this app is that there's no resources resources are the best kept secrets at least in Kansas City they are it's embarrassing and so I think that if I would like to I would like for Kansas City to be like a pilot for this reentry app where it can be kind of a one-stop shop for resources, for housing, to get the unions involved with jobs.

You know, here's these jobs. If you're, you know, here's all of this stuff that you can do. There's people that will employ you. But I wrote like an eight-week course on like exploring, developing, and delivering your narrative because it's something I feel truly helps. If you're able to tell your story and tell it in a way, like say it with your full chest. I fucked up. Yep, I did all these things. People receive you so much differently if you're just like not bashful about it and you're like, this is where I was, here's where I am now.

And so I feel like there's a lot of stuff out there. There's a lot of people that want to help people. But I don't think there's like a step by step type thing to where, you know, people can come up with ideas of little things that they can do every single day to make those steps in the correct direction. So I have lots of ideas for it. And I mean, obviously I'm going to have to just use Kansas City as like a pilot for right now. But yeah, I mean, so much of this goes back to that day in the car. And it's wild. But at the same time, like, I have talked to like a lot of law enforcement.

And I'm like, I want to tell you a story. I want to tell you what happened to me and how it changed my life. Like, I need you to understand that you have. you have a lot of ability if you use it properly. This is opportunity. Once again, this is opportunity. Like, look at this. This situation sucks, but this is your opportunity.

Like, this is your chance. And if you frame things in that manner and you're able to sell that to somebody, then you got a shot of them doing something different. You know what I'm saying? And so I want to help people that have loved ones, like with my blogs and stuff that I wrote, I would like for this app to be a place where people can go kids can get help from other

my daughter with her initiatives to help kids that their parents are in prison obviously she went through a lot and so she has a lot to give back with that so I don't know I don't know where it's going and it's all happened so fast but it's awesome and the coolest part is that my daughter's involved like she's all on board with it she's super excited about it she's set up the nonprofit she's the one doing all this stuff. And so it means the world to me, obviously, to have her involved with everything. And my parents are still amazing. My brother, his wife, my nephews and nieces, like, everything's great. I mean, I, but, you know, I, I don't think I would change a thing.

Like, I needed every single part of that journey. And at the time, obviously, it sucks. But I look, I am at the point now. I can look back and be like, I needed all. of that journey to happen, just the way that it did. Home confinement for 43 months. Yeah, that sucks. But would I have sat there and gotten involved with advocacy? What I've found out different avenues of things that I feel passionate about? What I've had the chance to really evolve and develop my narrative and be able to talk to people with things. Just like the plane right here. And get on the plane, plop down next to these people. And they're like, are you going to New York on business or fun? And I was like,

Kind of both. I'm like, I'm going to do a podcast with Ian Bick, locked in with Ian Bick. And he was like, what's it about? And I was like, prison. He's like, I build prisons. I'm like, I went to prison. And I mean, I'm just like, yeah, all this stuff happened. Here's what I'd like to do.

And I was like, you want to do a podcast? And he's like, I don't think so. But I'm like, I feel like, that wasn't a no. That wasn't a hard no. I was like, I think people would like to talk about like people building prisons. Like that's interesting. But there's so many aspects of it that, you know, the more stories you get from people, you get all these different perspectives of it.

And I think it's just so interesting. So I started my own podcast. And it's just getting started. I'm brand new. And I'm going to be honest with you about I know nothing about anything that I'm doing. Like I'm just like, I have no clue. But I have people that are like helping me. And they're awesome.

And I am incredibly grateful. but yeah so much of this comes from TikTok and people reaching out and different things like that. What's one thing you wish you could tell your 13-year-old self? Oh, stop being a liar. Stop telling everybody that you're okay. Stop telling everybody that there's nothing wrong, that you have no pain. Physically, mentally, like, talk about it. Like, I have wonderful parents that would have sat there and listened to.

to anything that I had to say, but I wouldn't talk. I wouldn't say anything about it. So I just hit it because I felt like it was a sign of weakness. But at this point in my life, like, that's weak. When you can't own your shit and you can't be honest and you can't be truthful about pain or anything that you're going through, that's when you're weak. That's when you're being a pussy. If you can be like, hey, I've fucked up and I'm still fucking up, you know, I'm still fucking up, but I'm heading in the right direction. I feel really good about it. That's when you got a set of balls,

not hiding shit, not living a double life. So if I could go back and tell myself, I'd probably beat the shit out of myself at 13. I'd be like, what is wrong with you, psycho? But, you know, also I struggled so much with body image, with weight. And to this day, I mean, here I am about to do bodybuilding competition. and I think that bodybuilding was a sport created by the mentally ill for the mentally ill,

but it fits, you know, it works for me. And at this point, like, I'm in control of my diet. I'm in control of my workouts. And I'm not out using drugs. I'm just following a regimen, and I've got a goal in mind. And this comes from my dad sending me Strong magazine every month in prison. These women would be on the cover. And I was like, I'm going to train like I'm going to be in the cover of that thing.

That's what I want to do. I told my dad the other day, I'm like, this is all your, fault. This whole bodybuilding thing, I went and got my bikini fitted and it's like, it was like $800 for this tiny bikini. And I'm like, this is your fault. Because I looked at all these magazines and I was like, I want to compete. That's what I want to do before I turn 50 and I'm 48. So here I am. I'm like, do or die. You got to go. It's time to go. Don't be scared. Just go. So, yeah, in seven weeks from tomorrow, I'm going to be on a stage pretty much naked. I'm really excited about that. You're going to have a lot of men DMing you after this. Well, Sabrina, I appreciate you coming on

the show today. Thanks for traveling out here to do this. Well, thank you so much. This is fun. Good. I'm glad it was fun. It was awesome. I really appreciate you. Yeah, I appreciate you and safe travels back. Thank you so much.