Locked In with Ian Bick - Criminally Insane Patient On Surviving Max Security Phsyciatric Hospitals | Patrick Durkin

Episode Date: February 8, 2024

Patrick Durkin shares his firsthand and captivating insights into the experience of being committed as a criminally insane patient in a psychiatric hospital. Get ready for a gripping and enlightening journey into this unique perspective. Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Big thanks to FACTOR for sponsoring this episode. Visit https://www.factor75.com/pages/podcast?c=LOCKEDIN50&mealsize=8-1&c_comms=PERCENT&utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=cpm&utm_campaign=podcast50off&utm_content=act_podcast_podcastads&vs_campaign_id=07a8da85-76a7-4540-8dc1-4e6861f6b4c8 and use code lockedin50 to get 50% off your first box. Connect with Patrick Durkin: https://www.tiktok.com/@boston2prct?_t=8j5SlO8HA5O&_r=1 Buy His Book: https://a.co/d/dDvv4YZ Creative direction, design, assets, support by FWRD: https://www.fwrd.co Buy Merch: https://lockedinbrand.com Use code lockedin at checkout to get 20% off your order Timestamps: 00:00:00 - Intro 00:04:15 - Escaping the Psychiatric Hospital 00:08:34 - A Dark Turn in Corpus Christi 00:13:22 - A Spiritual Awakening 00:22:31 - The Deterioration Begins 00:27:17 - Delusions 00:36:03 - The Demonic Fun House 00:40:18 - Surrender Moment 00:48:32 - The Impending Doom 00:52:53 - From Prison to Insanity Hospital 00:56:53 - The Start of a Troubling Experience in the Hospital 01:00:54 - Rhino Darts 01:04:51 - Trapped in Hell 01:08:57 - Desperate Measures 01:12:56 - Exposing Cover-Ups and Escaped Mental Patients 01:16:51 - The Journey through the Justice System 01:24:57 - A Life-Changing Experience Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Up in front of the judge, they signed it in the law, and she banged the gavel, and I beat the case on not guilty by reason of insanity, a completely free man with no criminal record. Today we are fortunate to have Patrick Durkin on the show to share his firsthand and captivating insights into the experience of being committed as a criminally insane patient in a psychiatric hospital. Get ready for a gripping and enlightening journey into this unique perspective. I'd like to thank my friends over at Factor, America's number one, ready to eat. eat meal delivery service for sponsoring today's episode. Skip all the meal prep hassle and get Factor's delicious, fresh, never frozen meals delivered to your door.

Head to FactorMeals.com slash Lockton 50 and use code Lockedin 50 to get 50% off your first box and two free wellness shots per box while subscription is active. Stop getting the same takeout food for double the price week after week and start using factor to not only get healthy but clean. great tasting food. If you enjoy the locked-in podcast, remember to leave us a review on Apple or Spotify and subscribe to the Ian Bick YouTube channel. And I hope you sit back, relax, and get ready to lock in with Patrick Durkin. Patrick, aka Boston. How you do it, Ian? I'm good, man. What a name, the nickname Boston. I love it. That's right. The streets is watching. Is it because you're from

Boston that they call you Boston? Yeah, my accent used to be a lot worse, but I lived in South Texas. for 16 years, it's why it's so weird right now. Yeah, I don't really hear like a Boston accent. No, I used to party and drink beers. There it is. My buddy out there has got a bad one still. That's funny. Big Mark Wahlberg fan at all?

My mom was from the same neighborhood as them. Oh, really? Rochester, Massachusetts. You ever get to meet them? No. No, I'm from Reading Mass, which is like 10 minutes north of the city. Okay. Suburbs.

We've had a lot of people on the show from Massachusetts, like from all over. Springfield, couple like the ex-mobster guys. I saw that guy. Yeah, Chicky. He called me earlier too. He's like, what's up, buddy? He's a funny guy, but shout out to Chicky. Yeah, it was a true. You had a long journey to get here today. I did. I flew across this great nation to come meet you, and this was a big opportunity to tell this story, and I'm so grateful for you, man. Yeah, dude, it's a pleasure, man. I thank you for coming out on the show. We connected, what, on Instagram, right? Yeah, I just messaged you, man, and then a little ways later. I saw the

blue checkmark. I booked flight. 10 minutes later. Dude, I try. It's so hard because sometimes I, like, I hate opening a message because then I get distracted and I don't want to leave someone on red. And then I got the email list of people trying to come on the show. And it's just, but I do the best I can, you know, to get back to people and make things happen. Dude, I'm just grateful to have the opportunity.

It's a pleasure to be here, man. And you have a book, too, right? Yeah, I'm author of Fire and Ice, The Meth Bible. It's on Amazon.com. The audiobook just dropped too. And it's actually, it's free right now. So if you just search the Meth Bible on Amazon, it'll come right up, get you one. So why do the, why make it for free?

It's just a deal that Audible is given. It's usually 30 bucks. So, but you still get revenue. I get paid, yeah. Okay, cool. Yeah. Just making sure you're not jumping yourself. No, man.

Awesome. Yeah, so we'll plug that in the description of the bio for you with all your links. And you have a social media. You have a TikTok that's got almost like, what, 30K? 35,000. 34. Okay, cool. Yeah.

And your Instagram's growing, right? Yeah. It's growing. I just started all this stuff too. You know, so it's, yeah, it's been about a year. Our guests really like to follow the individuals that come on our show. I always get yelled at when I don't tag people, but sometimes people don't realize the viewers that it's, there's so many, I'm posting so many clips. I do it all on my own.

Yeah. So to keep up with everything. But if a guest says, hey, tag me in it, then I'll go in and tag it. It's not like I'm anti-tagging anyone. This is a full-time job, dude. It really is. Yeah. But Boston, do you like Boston?

or Patrick. You can call me Boston. That's cool. That's how most people on there know me. So, yeah. I like the hat to be for Boston. That's it, man.

So Boston, man, you have this incredible story. It's a little bit different than what the you, I mean, I literally got an email from you saying, hey, you want the video of me escaping the psychiatric. It was psychiatric hospital, right? Yeah, I was in a, I did state hospital time in a mental institution for the criminally insane. The stories, the story's insane, no pun intended, man.

Yeah, we had a, a female psychologist on a few weeks ago to give that version of events. So it's going to be interesting to hear your side of it from someone that was actually held in one. But let's start at the beginning of your story, you know, where you're from, where do you grow up? I know you just cover that briefly, but yeah, bring us to the top of it. You know, I always start the story the same way. And I was born on January 31st, 1982. And the devil tried to kill me that day. And I've been fighting for my damn life ever since. And I grew up in an alcoholic, home in Redding, Massachusetts, like I said, is a suburb of Boston. We had a dark mental

illness in my home, too. And I experienced a lot of childhood trauma, things of that nature. And, you know, I picked up some wounds pretty early. And it was a perfect storm to put me on the path that led me to where I am today. So it was about 12 years old. And it started with a half a joint underneath an icy covered bridge in Redding, Massachusetts. And I'm an advocate for plant medicines and everything like that in recovery today. But it was the, it was the, I thought that getting out of my reality was the answer to all my problems when I started smoking weed around 12 years old. And then when I got to the summer of going from eighth to ninth grade, about to enter high

school, I took my first drink. And that changed the entire trajectory of my. entire life. And I remember, there's a story that's based on it in the book. I remember being in the woods with my buddy. And I remember taking like a half gallon of cheap underwood and Pierce vodka and some orange juice. And I remember taking the first sip. And I remember hitting it my, hit my stomach. And I remember I had a chemical reaction. First sip of alcohol ever. I remember thinking of thought out loud. I said, that is what I'm fucking talking about. I want to feel like that the rest of my life. all my childhood trauma washed away like it drained like water in a bathtub i became more interesting i

thought i was more funny you know i thought people liked me more typical teenage story right but uh it took hold of me almost immediately by 14 freshman year i was an everyday vodka drinker right off the rip full blown alcoholic the stars baseball player and i started to you know i lost interest in sports basically just flunked out of high school started working full-time cocaine at 14 oxycontinent 14 heroin at 14 benzodiazepines at 14 then i started messing with those like the adderol and the riddling the pharmaceutical speed that's where my first love affair with like pre-christal myth but crystal myth came about you know so you know my addiction took a turn you know and i was uh it's actually a funny story

story. I was about 17, 18 years old, around 18 years old, and I said, okay, I'm going to get my shit together. I'm going to change my life. I lost a bunch of weight. I was training like three hours a day. I was going to go into the military and I was going to bridge over it. And I wanted to be an undercover Boston narcotics police department officer, you know, detective. That was my dream, right, all of a sudden. So I took the ASFAB, which is the pre-military testing, right? It's an aptitude test and I actually scored military police. That's what I qualified to be is my job, you know. And I was set to go to boot camp in Delaware. And at the last minute, I just made a rash decision and I said, I'm going to go to Vegas instead and I'm going to become a stand-up comic,

you know, logical, because that's where you go to get your shit together, a Sin City. And what year is this to put it in perspective? 2001. Okay. And how old are you like 18? 18-19 area. I think I was 19 years old. And then, um, so you go to Vegas. I go to Vegas and then I get there and two weeks later, 9-11 happens and the, you know, the towers and everything. And then, um, so, you know, I always looked at that like God redirected my life. And he kind of, I think, I believe he saved my life with that, you know, that trip.

And then he had a different kind of hell for me to enter, you know. It was part of my journey, you know, and I think it was all predestined. I came home, you know, and it wasn't. too long, like, just to put in perspective how bad my alcoholism was, you know, I've been an alcoholic for a long time at that point. So I'm 21 years old at this point. I'm living in New Hampshire. And I turned 21 on a Friday night. I'm at the bar, 1201 Friday night, like Thursday night, 12 o'clock in the morning. And by Monday morning, I was in my first treatment center, one of nine. And none of them ever worked for me. I went through the whole treatment center mill,

some of the best that the East Coast had to offer. Nothing worked. I was never ready. I failed every single time, chronic relapser. And then I ended up moving to South Texas, Corpus Christi, Texas. The name of the city quite literally means the body of Christ in Spanish. It was interesting that the story unfolded there. You'll see why later on. But I had a business career at like 25.

I decided I'm going to get married. That's what you do. Get married at 25. I got married to a woman who had a child already, and I was sober just long enough so I could take some hostages to appear normal. And then I relapsed, started drinking. Things went downhill really bad. But I was still, I was starting to become successful in the vacation rental industry. I was leasing like million dollar beach homes. And, you know, after years and years of alcohol abuse, I was making millions of dollars for these companies. everybody was like turning a blind eye to my bad behavior when you're making people money they don't call you out in your addictions and bad behavior as much you know so uh i got beaten a couple of bad

business deals like back to back it was totally my fault i was stupid with contracts i was a young kid everything like that the um the wife and kids disappear the career's gone okay i lose my identity 100 percent. I was a dad. I was a husband. I had this career for like a decade. All of a sudden, I have nothing. So I like, I lost who I was. I didn't even know who I was at that point. This is where it takes a really dark turn. So I move back in with my dad in Corpus, Christi, Texas. Okay? We're back in that city now. I was on an island like 30 minutes away doing all that. I was, I was in Puerto Ranzas, Texas. So now I'm back in Corpus and I find myself just by chance. I've become a nighttime cab driver. Okay. I went on a purposeful suicide mission, a two-year-long purposeful

suicide mission in the underworld of crystal methamphetamates. The cab becomes quickly a rolling felony. I figured out that there was things that I could do so that I could support my drug habit in and out of the taxi. My clientele was pimps, prostitutes, uh, check, cashers, money printers, you know, all the dregs at the lower end of society. We're rolling through the neon slime of the city, you know, just absolute debauchery, you know, and things got really wild. And, you know, I had the girlfriend living at my dad's house and everything like that. So we We keep going like that for a while

And It got really dark It got really, really dark And The house became like a train of drug addicts We called it the trap in the country club estates It was in the country club estates In corpus, upscale neighborhood or whatever

And then all of a sudden it just turns into this this house of evil, basically. I started experiencing a lot of crazy situations and whatnot. And that went on for, I'd say, about a year. And I was driving the taxi. It was a balmy October night. And I was driving down the road. I only had to make it one exit up the road.

This is kind of a major event. in the story. And I was driving down and I'd been falling asleep a lot. I was working a lot at the time if you catch my drift. I was in my personal car working a lot and I was working a lot in the taxi. I was driving from like 7 p.m. till 7 a.m. in that car. So I woke up to some honking horns. Fog was rolling in the city. My eyes started getting heavy again. And the next thing I knew I woke up to a loud crash and I woke up airborne and I looked down at the speedometer and it's like 70 miles an hour. All four tires had popped. I start screeching towards this massive concrete pole the size of a redwood tree. You know in a movie when they say everything

slows down and it's like you see those flash frames, I saw three of those. This was the start of a major spiritual awakening for me this night. So the first one, I recognize it. And I'm like to hear my own voice in my head. And I said, oh, shit, that's concrete. And the second one, I saw the face of my youngest child, my baby girl. And I felt like a strange piece. And the third one, I just, I knew I was going to die. I accepted my death. So I slid, I had my eyes wide open as I'm heading towards this massive structure. And it's got a big sign on the top of it. It was on SPID in Corpus Christi. So I slide and my eyes were wide open at impact. I saw a flash of hot white light just from the concussion of the accident. The engine went into the front seat of the taxi.

Oh, wow. There was, I saw it like tuna can and implode around me. Okay. I fell asleep. And I had a superficial wound at my hand, but it looked like somebody cut my arm with a chainsaw. There was so much blood, broken glass in my eyes. eyes. I had sod all five ribs completely in half. They weren't even touching seatbelt. Like, I would have been dead if I hadn't been wearing a seatbelt. I always wore one for a lot of different reasons. I trained myself by being in that underworld. Like, it's the stupidest reason to get pulled over for not having a seatbelt on. So luckily I had it on. My foot, my left foot was trapped underneath the seat. I was driving a Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor model. It was an old cop car

turn, you know. I never made it to the Boston Police Department, but I was driving a cop car. It came full circle. I was just on the other side, you know. So on drugs. Well, you know, it was like, I had all different types of clients, you know, people who stole, stuff like that. I was ferrying around the lost souls of the city that were looking for safe passage. It was a very, very unique experience. Like, this book is about the meth game told through the eyes of a junkie cab driver. But were you hesitant to who you would sell to?

Like, what if they placed like an undercover or anything like that in the car? I actually didn't deal drugs. You didn't deal anything to them? I was the worst drug dealer that ever lived. I think I tried it one time. And I think I did like 90% of the product in a couple of hours. So you're using while driving around these people? You're high?

Well, I mean, not that night. But no, in general. Yeah, like my personal car. I was a meth addict. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, but what it would be is like these people would need safe passage. And I was like a wheelman.

So you could relate to them because you knew what, like, you were an addict yourself and these are addicts coming in your car. Sorry to interrupt today's episode, guys, but we all have so much going on wherever tomorrow takes me. I'm ready with upscale, pre-prepared, chef-crafted meals delivered right to my door. I order factor every week and always select the chef's choice option. so each week I got a different variety of meals so I never get bored. Last week I got the loaded bacon shredded chicken, and I have to say I'd highly recommend you try it. It's tasty, delicious, and it's ready to go straight to your door. Elevate your daily dining experience with factors delectable, hassle-free meals,

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Which, by the way, you absolutely must try the wellness shots. Not only is there a variety of flavors, but they're. taste good and provide a boost to energy. I was feeling under the weather last week, and I felt so much better after drinking one of Factor's Wellness shots. Because of that, I'll now be including Factor's Wellness shots into my daily routine. And if you need any more reason to sign up for Factor Meals, Factor is less expensive than takeout,

and every meal is dietician approved to be nutritious and delicious. Stop getting the same takeout food for double the price week after week and start using Factor. head to factormeals.com slash locked in 50 and use code locked in 50 to get 50% off your first box and two free wellness shots per box while subscription is active. Now let's get back into my interview with Patrick Durkin. So I met them through drugs. Okay. And then see, the meth game is a real strange place. The book's really popular because it's the first one that tells the life accurately.

You know, it's really the real deal. You can smell the insides of the trap house. You can even taste it. You know, and it's a really realistic book. So you make these connections, and the ice game is really strange. Everybody plays this unique part. Everybody's got nicknames, and they've invented these characters. Like the name Boston, where do you think that comes from?

You know, you inherit these names. You become a new character. Something totally not of you, but you become it. You step into the role. You're wearing masks. Everybody's in a lot of pants. and they're running from something, typically themselves. You know, so the sign on the top of the taxi falls on the taxi.

Like it folds over and lands on the top. So I later on, I go to the emergency room that night. They take me to the emergency room. I would hope so. Yeah, they did. They did. I actually get out of the car. I vomited on the sidewalk.

You were able to get out of the car with those injuries? I'm a beast. Holy cow. I started walking around in circles and I was going, oh my God, oh my God, just in shock. So then I see the blue lights pull up on the scene. And as soon as I saw that, I passed out flat, you know, kind of like a movie. I just passed out. And then I went to the ER and they came in.

They did the x-rays and everything like that. I had the IVs in. There was a lot of family and stuff that showed up. And then everybody cleared out of the room. room and I was really worried about my bank bag that was in the car. I really didn't want that to go missing. So the EMT comes in and he says, hey, I found your bank bag with your money and your ID in there. And everybody was out of the room. They just took the x-rays. The doctors walked away. He threw the bank bag at me and hit me in the chest and it slid down.

And I opened the bank bag and I saw my cigarette pack and I flipped it up. And I closed it and I pulled the IVs out of my arm and I hobbled out the side door of that hospital. And I went home to go about my business. And for two weeks, I lived like that. And I say it's the start of a spiritual awakening because like three or four days after this, I'm having these crazy thoughts. Like I thought I had a major head injury. Now, I didn't even wait for the results to come back.

So I didn't even know if I was internally bleeding or anything like that. So I start seeing these like flashing signs in my head. One of them said like, find the others. And the next one for the next couple days was the big event. I have no clue what that means. I get an idea what find the others means today. Do you think these are like meth monsters kind of? I think that the last, I think it was just these thoughts that were kind of like signals.

I think it was, I think God dropped a sign on my head that night. A week later I go to take a picture. I'm there to take this chick to go to get a drug test. There used to be a drug testing place right next to the, right in the same shopping center. And I snapped this photo. I think I sent it to you. And the photo, I zoom in. And I'm like examining the accident photo.

The headlight is underneath one of the bushes. They hadn't cleaned any of it up. All they did was take the car away. And this was a week later. It was almost like I was supposed to be able to snap this photo. I zoom into the top right and I had fallen asleep and I had crashed into the sign at the Christian sleep study center. So God dropped a sign on my head trying to get me to take my foot off the gas and I wouldn't listen. So I continued down the road to hell and it was covered in ice.

Girlfriend's gone. Cab driver's job is gone for a lot of different reasons. It just went away. So now things start to deteriorate really fast. You know, I'm working a lot still. My dad then gets, he had cancer the year before. My dad was like my best friend. And I was living with him. We played golf together every day for a long time since I was like 12 years old.

He was like my best bud. And he had kidney cancer. He got his kidney taken out. They gave him the six month all clear. And then he came home, you know, and he was like, I think I pulled a muscle in my back, you know. And he's living around all this fucking madness. The orgies, the around-o-clock pornography. I was a total sex and pornography addict, a meth addict.

I mean, different women coming in out of the house every single day, parties. I mean, just people going crazy. People coming to get drugs, everything in the house. And I didn't realize until I got clean what I put my dad. dad through it really it was something i had to work through and i had to do a lot of work on that a lot of guilt with that you know because his life you know it took a turn for the worst he he's like i have a i think i pulled a muscle in my back so he's like we put this icy hot on my back one of those deodorant stick ones two weeks we're doing that every day after work and i'm like shit it seems

like he's getting worse one night he walks by my room and he says he's like patrick i don't i don't feel so good it's like i'm gonna go to bed and i woke up and he was screaming I actually didn't wake up. I was still up from the night before. It was like 5 o'clock in the morning. And I went in there. He's like, I can't feel my legs. You know, and he was paralyzed overnight, you know. We had no wheelchair. We had no shower seat. The house was just, it was in bad shape. You know, he'd been drinking a lot for a long time. I was a complete addict. I didn't even have a real job anymore. I had like a $4,000 a month drug habit. though. The house went down to shit real quick. So I didn't know what to do. Like I'm picking this 200 pound man up and I'm hoisting him in the shower and like I'm bathing him with my swim trunks on until we could figure shit out, you know. So I was, I became his caretaker really quickly. I was a full-blown junkie. I'm on the needle now. You know, you're choking back tears as you're changing diapers. And

watching your best friend and your father die right in front of you. You know, there was times where, like, I picked him up in my arms. He's 140, 50 pounds now. He's wasting away to nothing. And I'm trying to be the strong one, you know, but I'm strung out on drugs. And I would go in the other room and I'd let the tears go and put the needle in my arm, staying up around the clock trying to work. You know, I'm in there, YouTube and lifting techniques and trying to figure out how to take care of this guy.

no clue what I'm doing and nobody was coming to the fucking rescue. It was a really sad part of my life. Like watching that man die taught me a lot about life. And it was a terrible experience. But, you know, we started bonding over it. I knew, he knew he was going to go. So I started, this was a few months after the accident now. Have you ever heard of the term deep methamphetamine psychosis. No. Okay. Deep methamphetamine psychosis is a medical term. If you use enough dope, long enough, and in great enough quantity. See, nobody ever told me on the suicide mission, meth doesn't really kill you. The lifestyle kills you. That's why most mastatics die. Like, you know, it's the disease. You know, you don't drink water for five days. It's going to take a toll on

your body. I was doing that all the time. You know, not eating for five days. You know, not eating for five So my body was going through a lot of trauma all the time. And I was, I was an eight ball a day meth user. I would spread that around. It wasn't all for me, you know. And I want to say this too, I wasn't a gangster. I wasn't a tough guy. I was a junkie cab driver who worked with a lot of scary people.

And I was around a lot of scary people in the drug world. But, you know, that wasn't me, man. You know, but I made it me. I put myself in a lot of bad situations. because of my meth addiction. A lot of really scary, dangerous situations. I'm using needles off the floor.

There's homeless people just throwing them on the floor. And three days later, I'll pick up a mystery needle. You know, all the partners I had. And then I'll tie into the story later, how scary that is. So he's dying. And I start getting these delugeesious. You know, and I had so many women come into the house. There's like a gangstocking thing in the meth world.

Do you ever heard about that? No. Gangstocking? Gangstocking is one of the most popular videos we do, right? I work with a bunch of content creators and this thing, it's like if you make an enemy in the drug world, in the meth world especially. So you get somebody's girlfriend or you beat somebody in a dope deal or whatever. And I've seen... At first, I didn't think it was real.

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This happened, you know, in real life. You become a target for some people, and they play like a psychological game with you. They'll send people to your house. They pretend they don't know each other. There's like a double talk language. We do videos on this all the time. It's crazy because so many people claim to have been through it. Now, is it delusion or is it real?

I mean, I've seen some people be targeted, for sure. You know, there's some crazy out there theories. Then I'm not saying they're not true about gangstock. but so I get I have people showing up at the house like a girl will knock on the door I've never seen her before and she'll come to the door but the drug world's like the underground where I had like I had a stop on the underground railroad and the meth world in that town it was a free place to chill and do drugs it was a safe place for drug addicts to hang out so the word gets around right but I'm starting to have this mental issue because of the drugs I start spinning out there is what they call it start getting spun out like what way out in the atmosphere. So I'm thinking that these girls all of a sudden, they're being sent. You know, because I'm good looking, Ian,

but I'm not that good looking. And these girls would show up, like, right when I'm running out of drugs, and they would have drugs, and they would come in and hang out with me for a couple days, and then three days later, a new one shows up, and it was just a constant, constant thing.

So this delusion starts in my mind. And that's how it started, okay? And so I'm thinking they're being sent. And then all of a sudden, like I start thinking people know things about me that they shouldn't know. Then I start thinking that they've hidden cameras in my house, right? That's a common delusion for meth addicts. I think for a lot of people that are just mentally unfit, too, in some scenarios, right?

More than just math beyond meth. Deep methamphetamine psychosis mimics bipolar one disorder, schizophrenia, a lot of real mental disorders that the psychological community, the, you know, doctors recognize. and they medicaid people for us. So it's like, it's a common thing. And it's very close. Like, you can't, I was misdiagnosed with bipolar one. So, so I'm thinking they're being sent.

Now everybody starts, now I start thinking everybody's in on this scenario. Then I get it in my head that I'm in this hidden camera movie. Okay. This is where it gets really bizarre. There's a chapter in the book called movie magic. Okay. So now I think I'm in the, this hidden camera movie, like I've been selected as part of this experiment.

It's like a Hollywood film where they took somebody out of the dope game, and it was like a reboot of the Truman Show. I start believing that satellites are filming me and watching me, listening to me, and following me around, filming this movie, so I embrace it. I start believing Jim Carrey's an executive producer on the film. You know, Jim, if you're watching, I'm still waiting on my check. Okay. So, you know, and I start doing like, I'm like, okay, I'm going to be the biggest comedic actor on the face of the planet after this thing wraps.

I'm in Walmart standing up on the counter doing stand-up comedy for the cameras, you know, all the hidden cameras. I think that they could hack into the Walmart camera system in all the fast food restaurants. I started to get thrown out of every restaurant on the south side of Corpus Christi, like band for life, you know. Are you still banned? I'm not going to test the theory from one for sure. We'll get into that in a minute. So, you know, I'm going around, walking around all these missions. My dad's dying.

Okay, I'm supposed to be taking care of them. I'm running around trying to support this habit. And then at the end, like, I didn't even need the drugs anymore. I was like perma crazy, stuck. And I'm in this, like, mass delusion. I was way, way out there. I'm now wearing a do-rag on my head, walking around town, 15 mile a day walks, preaching the word of God. I start having jaw-dropping moments with the Lord Jesus Christ, jaw-dropping moments with the devil, vulgar displays of power.

Okay? I call it the Nebuchadnezzar effect. There's a story in the book of Daniel and the Bible is a prideful king. He goes crazy. He's eating grass like an... knocks in the field, he gets healed. And whatever he saw in between, they don't really explain. But when he comes out the other side, he's a believer in God. So, um, you know, I start going around and I'm like preaching and trap houses. Nobody wants anything to do with me. There's always that one guy

talking about God in the trap house and everybody's like, get him the fuck out of here. You know, so, um, all of a sudden my dad disappears. It was odd. So I'm thinking it's part of the script. Like I'm, I'm thinking, I'm seeing people in full Hollywood makeup. Like, I'm like, I'm like, like, it would be like you wearing a makeup prosthetic as an old man, but I know it's you. So I'm like seeing people I know, but it's not really them. And I'd be acting out scenes. I mean, it got really bizarre and crazy. I was, I was mentally disabled from methamphetamine substance abuse.

I mean, I was taking it to a level that no human being should take it. You know, there's parts in the book that are gruesome, you know, like where you can't find a vein type of deal. and you're there for three hours just jabbing yourself, bloods everywhere on your legs, your arms everywhere. And then you clip the top of the needle off and the most shameful thing you could do. You know, you're laying on your stomach because it's poison and you don't want to waste it.

I mean, it's like my addiction took me to parts of Hades that would blow the human mind, parts of hell that most people don't even know exist. And I think that my dad disappears, And all of a sudden, like, a lot of people show up from my past, like people that I knew in the drug world. I think they kind of heard what was going on. And they swoop in and people started taking advantage of my mental illness. And they started playing into it, like going along with the whole movie scenario, which is only deepening my mental illness.

You know what I mean? Like they were trying to fuck with you. Well, it was a free place to do drugs. And now they could control the situation. They were now in control. because everybody would say that the movie sent them. They would just listen to me, and they had so much to play off of, you know.

And then I was going along with it all. And then they could do whatever they want, basically, in my dad's house. So I wouldn't say that they were friends, Ian. I don't think they were true friends, Ian. Like most people in the drug world are not your true friend. A lot of people think that, though. Yeah.

Those are my homies. Those are not your homies. I mean, that's even outside the drug world. A lot of people in life, you know, you think they're your friends growing up and this and that. And when you get older, you realize you only have a few, like, really good, true friends. And that's okay. Count them on one hand. And you know what?

That's all I want. If it's not real, I don't want it. Yeah. Someone's saying they have 50 friends to red flag. Yeah. I have 34,000 TikTok friends. Yeah. You've got a lot more than me.

Yeah, well, they're called followers. for a reason. Exactly. They're not called friends. I mean, Facebook, I think, still goes by friends.

Right. And I think that myself included, I was in such a low point that drugs make you want to be needed by people or you want to feel wanted, you know, so you invent friends out of these characters that, you know, are just using you.

So they take complete control. My dad's gone. He's like disappeared. So I thought the movie had written him out of the script and I thought my dad was in Hawaii, playing golf. And I was telling people this stuff. There was rumors going around the trap house. that I had killed my dad for the insurance buddy.

And I honestly didn't even know where he was. I legit thought he was in Hawaii playing golf. Like I was way, way gone. So I remember one day, Corpus Christi Police Department, the city police showed up with like some guys that work for the city with like a, they had like one of those trailers that you put a lawnmower back, you know, on the end of. And they showed up with a bunch of plywood. And I was in the bathroom with a needle in my arm.

and I hear the screw guns. The house, I had broken every window in the house. Just like in psychotic rage, just I would get frustrated. And I would break the windows. There's holes and all the walls. All the carpets ripped out is just taken out of the studs. And they boarded this house up with being it. I could see the rays of light just like becoming black, you know, until it was all.

I'd had to pry open the back board on the door so I could get in and out. So basically the house was condemned by the city You know, and they were saying it was a hazard Because there were so many drug addicts going in and out of the house Now, there's like a neighborhood full of nice people there You know, I'm so crazy I had a lemonade stand at like 36 years old You don't think it's part of the movie?

And I'm feuding with like the Fitzpatrick twins Who live down the street who were having one the same day And I'm like screaming at them and their mom comes outside Just wild. I had a nighttime estate. sale sold everything in the house with like Christmas tree lights hanging up like it must have been absolutely like a demonic fun house for my neighbors to be watching just absolute insanity so I was down I was down in this like apartment neighborhood one day this guy put a rambo knife right to my throat

I'd like been screaming at somebody in his family or something earlier he was a guy I knew too in the drug world and he ran into me and he put this knife and I just told him I was like uh I said, do me a fucking favor. And I mean, he was probably more scared of me at that point because I was so crazy. Not being a tough guy. Just he could probably see in my eyes how vacant. I was soulless, you know. So I walked back to the house.

It was probably like six blocks or something like that. And I think I had shoplifted like three, four logos because I didn't have it. I was just nuts and I'm like, I couldn't take anymore. I'm at a breaking point. So I go home and I pass out. The house is like, just picture this. The mattress is bare. There's like stains and blood.

I'm covered in self-inflicted knife wounds. I was like the man Gatorines, the demon-possessed man. It was just like riddled in self-inflicted wounds and just tortured. I hadn't drank water in about five days. I know I hadn't eaten in about a week. Between five and seven days. I hadn't had a meal. So I passed out on the bed after I drank the four locos.

I think it was the red ones, the good ones. And I passed out. And that was a joke. None of them are good. They're, they give you the worst hangover ever. So when I opened my eyes, I looked over and there was a big blade on like an old ratty nightstand that somebody had brought in. And I looked over at it and I grabbed it and I stood up and I verbally said, this ends now. And I couldn't take anymore.

It was 110 degrees in the house. There was trash up to the fiber board. There was needles everywhere. It was just no running water Using the same toilet with no water Disgusting Black mold growing everywhere It was just something out of a horror film

And I remember I had thrown an old TV Like a flat screen out a closed window Shattered the window Threw it out into the Through it out in the driveway And what I did was I stormed outside With the knife I picked the TV up

And I threw it over the fence And I hit the neighbor's house And they called the cops thinking I was trying to break in because there's like There's like a massive dumpster outside. Like we were doing a project that, and the dumpster sat there for like a year. It was insane.

I threw it over there and they called the cops saying that I was trying to break in their house. But in reality, I gave them a TV. You know, a heart of gold. So I start walking around the corner and I went to a fast food restaurant. I had the knife in my hand. And I remember just thinking, like, this is a surrender moment. I was refused treatment twice in the months leading up to this. I went to drug treatment.

I had like my ex-wife dropped me. off and they refuse me. They're like, we don't have a bed for you. In reality, I was so mentally ill, they probably wouldn't have admitted me anyway. And they wouldn't have been able to deal with me. But I'd been getting kicked out of the local psychiatric hospital, like every three days. I packed up so many charges for public intoxication. They just arrested me to get me off the street. They didn't know what to do with me. But the system, because we have a broken mental health system in this country. It's why you see tent cities lining the highways going into these major cities because these are dual diagnosis patients that aren't getting the correct treatment.

They're drug and alcohol patients, but they're also insane. And that was me. And they just kept kicking me out, put me back in. I was a total danger to myself in society. And I walked in, I poked my head in the door with the knife. I had no shirt on. And I walked in and I said, this is not a robbery. Everybody get the fuck up out of here. and four employees ran out the back door. They were scared, but I was like 30 feet from them. Like you're at a McDonald's. I'm at the door, and they're way behind the counter.

So I threw the knife when they ran out. I threw the knife and I walked around the counter and I got me a burger and I poured me a Coke. You went behind the counter. Yes. I was going to do something, but nothing major, right, in my mind. Now I'm in full psychosis. This is not something I recommend to anybody. And you'll see why in a minute.

So it is a robbery, though. took the burger. So you know that, Ian? Right? Do you have a law degree, Ian? Because I didn't know that. All right.

So you pour that, the burger and the Coke. So, yeah, and the motherfucker didn't even have cheese on it. And I was pissed. Like,

I sat down and I took, I took one bite. I see a CCPD officer coming up those big square windows in a McDonald's. He's got a 12-gauge shotgun. He pumps that thing. I've had,

the week before the accident, I had a loaded 357 magnum put in my eye socket. by a drug dealer. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was a big misunderstanding. I thought he was going to shoot because he was so high by accident. He was quaking.

And that wasn't as scary as this. Like, I could feel this cop wanting to kill me. I don't know if you've ever experienced anything like that. Like, I could feel this man wanting to kill me before he even entered the restaurant. So I see him. And I jumped on the floor. I put my hands out. And as soon as he opened the door where he could hear me, I was like, I'm not armed.

I'm not armed. So I got arrested Even the news report in the video Like if you YouTube my name And Corpus Christi My arrest videos there They said I robbed houses and stuff That was because I threw the TV over

And it was a misprint by the news report The cops in the news showed up At the exact same time So When they put me in the cop car The cop goes, I almost killed you He goes somebody called it an active shooter In this restaurant

So he was going to be a hero Like he thought he was going to come in people's lives and I'm so blessed he didn't kill me. And it turns out you're right, Ian, it is a robbery. I took real property in the state of Texas, even though it was a burger and a 10 cents worth of Coke. But I took it and I had a weapon. I was charged with aggravated armed robbery, five to 99 years on that one. Three counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. Those carry a penalty of two to 20 years each in the state of Texas. There was four charged 156 years stacked.

Now, you'll never get that much time for something like that, right? But, you know, I went to jail and I was in some serious trouble. And it was a cry for help. And I was so mentally ill, like I couldn't even discern what was right and wrong. I just knew I couldn't take it anymore

and I wasn't getting help. And I knew I was dying. So I got to jail. They put me in this strange stuff. situations, man. You start in the tank, the drunk tank, you get processed in. The first place they sent me, I believe, was this, it was like one of those small pods where you had like maybe 15 guys. Yeah, like a county jail or a holdover. I'm in the, I'm in New Asis County Jail. It's one of the worst county jails in the country from what I heard. Like that's what everyone says about every

county jail. I have a guy on all the time and they're like, oh, it was the worst county jail because they all suck. They're designed to be that way. They all suck. But, I mean, like, people will die there all the time in this one. I mean, and the food is terrible. Like, there's cockroaches and the food. They're famous for that. They get, they get hit with, like, you know,

humanitarian stuff all the time, you know, where there's violations and stuff. One of the guards there in the news, who I knew when I was locked up, he was charged. I think he killed somebody. They charged him with, like, murder. They called him, like, the grim reaper or something. We'll have to Google it. But he was, like, the nicest guy to me. But apparently he was like known for beating people up.

I think he was like 23 years old too. He was a young kid. That's funny. Yeah. So I'm in there, right? So there's no drugs, right? But I'm getting crazier as the days go on. Like it seemed like the longer I was away from the actual dope, the crazier I started becoming, which is weird.

So I'm in there and I'm thinking that they've hacked the camera system and we're still performing. I'm in this small tank. And there's a story based on this in the book. I'm in there with, I mean, it's legit, like, full of hardcore gang members and murderers, right? One guy's name in the book is Animal, and he was this big black dude with dreads. So I think they're actors, Ian. So I started fucking with him. I'm like, all right, Animal, calm down, you know.

And I'm telling this guy, he's in there for like a double murder. And then there's Boston. There's, yeah, there's me just whiling out. And I become such a problem that they kite me out. All the guys got together and they caused a ruckus and threw. room me out of that pot. Like, I'm so crazy. It's not because I'm a tough guy. They just didn't want to fucking deal with me because I was insane. So then the jail caught on how crazy I was pretty quick. I'm in solitary confinement, you know, and a bunch of crazy shit happens. And they start

moving me around. But I was like that for eight months with no drugs, which is really bad because statistically the team of doctors told me this later on. If you're in deep methamphetamine psychosis for over 90 days and you don't come out, chances are you don't come out statistically. Like those are the people who live in the state hospital the rest of your life. So I'm in there for eight months and I'll just flash forward through this part, you know, everything in between there. But there was one night I remember. And it's weird because I can remember everything in the psychosis.

It's just like you're seeing life through a different lens. So I was watching TV one night. Like they had me alone. So I was there at 3 o'clock in the morning. So I'm watching TV and I'm talking to the weatherman thinking we're having a conversation. And we're talking. And I went to bed that night and I woke up and I was completely healed like I am now. And I went to that little square mirror above your toilet sink combo where you drink out of.

And I remember looking in the mirror and I was like, all this shit that I think is not true. The house is destroyed and foreclosed on. My dad's dead. I found that out four hours before the crime. I called a family member and I said, where is he? Because he's been dead for three weeks. Nobody came and told me. I was too crazy.

I missed the death of my father because of my addiction. Never got closure for that. And I was in there, right? And unbeknownst to me, I get this lawyer. Motherfucker looked like Martin Scorsese, man, which was really bad because I think I'm in a movie and I'm like, look at this asshole. They send me. I'm like, could they get anybody who looks more like Martin Scorsese? Surprise, you didn't actually think it was him.

Yeah, no, I mean, it might as well. Like, I thought it was a spoof. Like, they wanted him to look like Martin Scorsese. Okay. So I almost fire this guy. Okay? I'm like, this guy's a quack. He comes in, he's wearing like a gray tweed suit and everything, whatever, and we're talking.

We have a couple meetings. So I go back to the pod and the guys ask me who my lawyer is and I tell him. And the place erupts, like I said, I had Johnny Cochran as a lawyer. Like, I had won the number two pay attorney in the city of Corpus Christi as my public defender in a lottery. Okay? That was God set in the stage for what was going to happen next. You're great at protecting your data, but lots of places could still expose you to identity theft. I thought it was safe.

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Okay. So he wants to go the insanity route. I don't know if you, do you know anything about NGRI, not guilty by reason of insanity? Oh yeah, I know about that, but not the abbreviations, but it's just, it's NGRI, not guilty by reason of insanity. So 1% of felons.

who apply for that, actually get it in front of the judge. So one out of 100 people. 24% of 1%. So less than a quarter of 1% actually get off on that. And drugs disqualify you. I was in open court. I was talking to doctors too, and I had mentioned that I was on methamphetamine tons of multiple times. I think like three times in court.

And they ended up rejecting my insanity defense or whatever. And so now I'm healed. This is eight months in. and I've got this amazing lawyer and we're talking and now we're setting up a bench trial and we're about to go to court so now I'm like

every day is like that imploding that impending doom like he's talking 10 to 15 years in prison they just offer you a plea deal they never came to me with a plea not once it just seems so small like what you actually did dude

everyone was telling me you're going to get probation even the doctor later on, they were like, you should have got probation for this. You didn't have really a record, right? It was my first felony arrest ever. Yeah, and it wasn't even, it's because you had the knife and it was Texas. And this is what the attorney told me.

He said that because I caused such a ruckus in the town on that end of town and those same cops were arresting me all the time on that side of town, he's like, they want to make an example out of you that you can't walk into a public place with a knife and act like that. And they want to get you off the streets for as long as possible

because they know how crazy you are. So they wanted that outcome just to be rid of me because I was. I was a danger to, you know, I wasn't a violent person, but I was really crazy, man, really mentally ill. So I kind of don't blame him for that, you know, but I thought it was a little harsh. So we're going to court. We got the trial set up. And like, this is where the miracles start happening. So it's like the night before trial.

And I call the attorney. I'm like, hey, man. And I'm getting better by the day, you know. Like I'm starting to discern what was real, what was reality, what was delusion, getting my bearings back, like a baby horse learned it a walk, right? So I'm like, oh, shit, okay. So I call them, it's like four in the afternoon. And I go, hey, are we looking at probation, man?

This is my first felony ever. What's going on? And he goes, I'm sorry, they're asking for 15 years TDC. And I was like, huh? And I went back to my cell and I screamed it out. little white towel that they give you. And, um, and I knew I was fucked. I was going to Huntsville. It's like seven hours away or something. I was like, I'm never going to see my kids forever. You know, 15 years in Texas, you have to do 85% with a knife. So it's like 12 and a half years with,

you know, before you can get parole. So it was a moment of acceptance. And then I really did. I accepted. I had these major God experiences. This is just a crazy story too that leads up to this. I was so insane that I believed that the movie had put cameras behind my eyes before I was healed. And I believe that if I read something in the Holy Bible, I was going to learn something and then the movie would wrap and they let me out. So I read the New Testament three times in that short amount of time. So I have this deep faith now that I'm healed. All the good stuff remained. And I was in the cell. And I said, if you've got me going to prison, I'm going to go up there as a man of honor, integrity, and respect. And I'm going to try to do the best job that I can

to making the world a better place whenever this is over. And I just remember thinking the aggregation of every bad choice I made from the time I was 13 years old led me up to this moment and this prison sentence right here and now. And I accepted it. 8 o'clock in the morning comes around. And New Asis County Jail, there's a tunnel that leads from the jail all the way to the courthouse, underground. Leaky pipes. The light's swinging, you know, real dark.

underground tunnel. There's 12 of us shackled together. I counted. And to me, that was really symbolic later on. And I'm walking through this tunnel. We're on the right side of the wall. I see something up in the distance. And we're walking.

And you're in the middle of nowhere in a tunnel. And I see it. And I'm walking by it. And I look over. It's the same year, not year. It's the same make model and color wheelchair that my dad had when he was sick. And I just got this feeling.

I'm like, everything's going to be okay. I just thought like if I went to prison, I was going to be okay and safe or whatever and come home. We go up in the courtroom. There's Martin Scorsese. He's waiting for me. Looks like he just directed Good old Martin. Good old Marty Scorsese. Okay.

And he's up there. He's like, come on. He goes, get in this side room. And I was like, okay, all right, man. We walked in the side room. He's like, we beat the case. We beat the case. And I was like, what do you mean we beat the case?

You told me 15 years yesterday at 4 p.m. He goes, I was after hours. I was at the DA's office on unrelated business, and I happened to have your medical files because he was getting ready for court the next morning. When I say by chance, I mean by God, Ian, because the caseload switched that day. I got a new DA.

And he goes, I got this really crazy guy tomorrow morning. He goes, here's his medical files, and I guess they look through him, whatever, and the guy goes, yeah, we'll push it through. They usually investigate your Facebook for like six months to see if you have drug history. They go through all your, they look in detail, are drugs related.

They're looking for any reason to throw out your insanity defense. This guy just pushes it through. So he goes, don't say a word. He goes, we're going to go up before the judge. You don't speak. He goes, you just answer the judge yes or no if you ask you anything. And that's it. And I did.

I went up in front of the judge. They signed it into law and she banged the gavel. And I beat the case on not guilty by reason of insanity, a completely free man with no criminal record. But you had to go to a psychiatric hospital. So this is what the next part. So how does that switchover happen, though? Like if you're convicted, because you're convicted by reason of insane, or you're not guilty, but you're still in hold, right? You're not guilty.

Like you don't get, like, release that. No. Yeah. So this is how rare the case was. Even Martin Scorsese didn't know what was next. And he's like a top attorney. He goes, listen, he goes, you're not even crazy anymore. Because we'd been meeting after the eight months, the healing.

We'd been meeting of a little bit here and there. And he knew I was healed, right? So he's like, you're going to go up to the state hospital. hospital. He's like, they're going to do a safety evaluation. He goes, you're not even crazy. He goes, you're going to come home in 30 days. I was like, hell yeah. I was like, I can do 30 days in a hospital. I'll just eat some jello, watch some TV, whatever, right? I'm thinking it's going to be a cake walk. So about 30 days goes by and they have to arrange the transport. They have to get a bed ready for you and all that shit, make room for you. I go to, the transport band comes and I take like a,

it's like a 10 hour drive, I think. It was, uh, I went to Vernon. state hospital is a maximum security mental institution for the criminally insane. And you're still shackled and everything on the way there? Yes. I'm in oranges. Shackled, right? We pull up. I called this place Mars. This is a chapter in the book called Dark Days Asylum Nights. It could be its own fucking movie. Okay. So I pull up into this place. There's gun terrets like towers. It looked like a prison out in the middle of nowhere. This was so if some of these people escaped, there was. no question that they weren't going to get away.

They would have just had a helicopter. It was all flat like a desert. It looked like some you'd see on Mars in a movie. You know? So I go in there. There's a CDC lab on site. So the first thing they do is they're like, okay, we're going to draw your blood.

They're checking for HIV. They're checking for hepatitis C. They're checking for any kind of strange diseases, right? So they do the blood draw, and I'm just like the flashes in my mind of all the bad, terrible choices I've made over the last three years. the needles, the crazy sex with so many people that we have in the ice game.

And then it was like three days later they come to be and they were like, there's a problem with your blood. And you have to take to a specialist. They wouldn't answer any questions. Second day on, or first day on the tier, I see a guy get his nose smashed right in, like five minutes into this trip. Okay. They have a restraints policy at this hospital.

I want to paint like a picture of what it's like. like to be in one of these places for you, okay? Because this is like a bird's eye view that most people don't get because the people who are in there are usually so crazy they can never testify to this stuff. Yeah, when I think about the stuff, I think of the show Gotham. You ever watch that? Like they have like the psychiatric hospital and stuff where they have like the Joker and all that.

Yes. Or a TV. That's the closest I've like witnessed it. Right. And then you have all these abandoned ones that people love exploring. There's one like 20 minutes from here. Right. And Newtown.

Wow. are fascinated with exploring these places. Right. So yeah, give us a rundown. So this is what it looks like. It's like on the outside it looks like a prison, but then on the inside there's wards where it looks just like a hospital day room. Like it has like the couches with like the green leather,

like fake leather cushions and stuff. It looks like an inside of a doctor's office. It's co-ed. Now the villains you're talking about, like the Joker that would be in the Gotham mental institution. These people were far scarier, okay? these are true blue serial killers these are the herders of women and children these are people who like there was one story in the book uh there was a girl i based a character off of called daddy's little girl

daddy's little girl was from a different country like a ukraine type country somewhere over in that part of the world and see the staff will start sharing information with you you know and they're not supposed to do this but they do so they know what everybody's cases are so that this one kid found out from them and he was like he had smoked the chief of police in his town shot him during a traffic stop because he was delusional and he's telling me he goes you know what she did and I

said what and he goes her kids were in the bathtub and she put some plywood over it and she stood on top as they fought for their life holy shit yeah that's daddy's little girl the keyboard the organ player

in the you know for the church that's in there like the you know he played organ for the church service. He was actually a Satanist who played organ for the church service. And he was a guy who killed from what I heard, 10 prostitutes up and down

from Louisiana to Texas. And he would like hit him in the head with a bowling pen and then shove a dead bird in their mouth. It was like his M.O. That's how they found the body count. Staff or something, there was a theory where

they were, somebody had let them sneak off. So Daddy's little girl and the Satan organ player, serial killer, had a serial killer baby behind the walls. She comes up pregnant. And then they had to remove him from sight.

Like crazy stuff like this, tons of relationships between the women who work there and male patients, which is completely against the law. But this is like the insanity of these places. Day two that I'm in there, they go, Durkin, noon meds. And I was like, I went up to the medline.

I'm like, I don't take noon meds. I was like, I only take nighttime meds to help me. me sleep and then I take everything at once at night and the guy goes, shut up or you're, he goes, you're taking them. Or we're going to give you the needle version because you can't refuse medication. So they give me this bucket of pills and I'm like, maybe there are vitamins or something. I don't know. So I took it. My heart starts beating out of my chest like 30 minutes later and buckets of drool coming out of the side of my mouth. I start like, you ever seen the walking dead when that zombie's crawling on the ground? Okay, I started doing that towards the medline and you know what they did?

they dragged me back to my bed and threw me there to sleep it off. And what they strap you down to? They just left me in bed. But they did. Like, if somebody got out of pocket at Vernon, so this is the max security place. If somebody got out of pocket, they would give you one warning. They had the shots in the fridge. The nurse would come out and they'd put it right in the meat right here.

And I called it the rhino dart. And they would go, and you're gone. It was like Thorazine, Benadryl, and something else, a cocktail. These people would drop. they put them in this it's a restraint here i mean you're restrained here restrained on both your hands and your feet and then they wheel you into a padded room while you're out and you're there for a minimum five hours and what are they wearing or is it like the suits you see on tv kind of like the one the scrubs yeah the scrubs yeah they're wearing green scrubs in the state of texas now the

now the patients they're patients not inmates but they're really inmates you can't leave So they would wear like your parents could send clothes in and stuff It's like a step up from prison in some ways because you have a lot more freedoms You can get care packages and stuff Cell phones or no Well yeah that's later That's gonna play a bigger roll in this story So yeah

I mean people would normally like if they started getting out of pocket They'd see the staff coming towards them and even the craziest people don't want to go in the chair So they'd sit back down and start watching TV I was there for two and a half months How is the food in a mental health hospital? Average weight gain in the state of Texas mental hospital system is 30 to 70 pounds. The average person weighed. It's the average weight gain for every patient.

You start blowing up like a balloon. Because of the food? Yes. Like you're in jail. You're eating really shitty. And then all of a sudden, like, they have a restaurant there at Vernon. Oh, wow. They make one hell of a burger way better than the one I had McDonald's.

Wait, can you order which kind of how you want? want the burger cook. It's a restaurant. That's crazy. They have ice cream. And this is a Mac security one? Yes, two movie theaters. With the RAM Declaration of Deals, we're pledging our allegiance to the American people

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Visit mopar.com for complete details and a copy of the power drain limited warranty. Comments is a registered trademark of Cummins, and Hemmy are registered trademarks of FCAUS LLC. Popcorn. So it's like you've got these deranged killers who've like strangled their wife with panty hose sitting in there watching like Police Academy or whatever they're showing that night. Yeah. It's wild. So then I passed this thing called the Danger Review Board and I get stepped down.

So I'm like, all right, I'm going home soon. They made a mistake there. They made a mistake. They passed. I passed the danger review board. I was a model. Like at this point, I'm totally sane. And I'm like, I'm going to get the fuck out of here by any means necessary.

I'm going to be the best patient there is. I'm going to cause zero problems. I'm going to be totally good. I'm going to make my bed, whatever it takes. And you're completely sober. Well, yeah. They have me on nine pills at this point, though. Yeah, but you're sober from meth.

Oh, yeah. And totally healed mental. Like, just like I am right now. So you're normal now. Yes. I'm calling my mom. So the mental health issues. 100% correlated to

the drug use. Well, I mean, I was like that without drugs for eight months. Like, they explained it to me later that I had like a miracle healing. They said that your brain signals fire in straight lines like laser beams. Meth in that volume and time

and the lack of sleep and everything, all combined, we'll throw up a wall. So now your signals are bouncing around. And that causes the alternate reality. This is their scientific definition. They said mine, the night I was healed while I was asleep. The signals found a way to bounce off a sidewall.

This is how they explained it. Bounce off a sidewall and ricochet and land right where they're supposed to. I mean, don't you think it's less about miracle healing and more about just time it took to get flush out of your system? I don't know. I asked them. Because if you stop meth today, you're not going to miraculously be clear in the head by tomorrow. It takes time. Well, it's 18 months.

But when you're in that deep and then come out that dramatically overnight, they couldn't explain it. I've asked all these questions. Trust me, I've been on a search for what happened to me too. You know? And it's like a chemically induced shamanic crisis. I'm sure they have like a million YouTube videos going down this rabbit hole. Yeah, oh yeah, I'm sure. But the truth is they don't know much about the human brain.

And they admit that. Like they take guesses. So they're giving us all these pills. They're making $1,100 a day per patient. And they're making a ton of money writing prescriptions. That's a story for another day. All that crazy shit that goes, they make so much. money. So you're talking, there's 40 people per, 40 people per pod, and there was like seven pods,

do the math. It's millions and millions of dollars. So that's why they don't want to let people out. But you got down to the lower place. So I go to San Antonio. And I get shipped down there. I'm like, okay, I'm like two weeks away from going home. First day there, I meet this, I meet this maniacal doctor. And she's like, what? She goes, a month. She goes average safety evaluation, you know, in the state of Texas on a felony one, that's three and a half to five years. I was. I was, like, you got to be fucking kidding me. I'm like, I'm going to be trapped in hell for another three, four years. Oh, wait.

Yeah, that brings up a good question. What was your hold time for criminally insane? Is it indefinite? Or how does that work? 99 years up to the top punishment for your top crime. Until they deem you healed. It's called safe. Being deemed safe to go back into society.

So you have to prove your sanity. I think that's scarier than getting said that's to prison. It's scarier. It could be longer. And it's, I mean, let's put it this way. San Antonio, even though it's a step down, now there's no restraints policy, right? So it's a less restrictive hospital with less rules, but the patients have more rights. So, for instance, so I get there, it's 50 times more violent.

Because the only way that they can stop a patient from doing a brutal crime is if you're actually hurting somebody. So if you throw your hands up and you stop beating somebody, they can't touch you by law or the staff will get charged. It's a real thing. so like you have to be in the commission of an assault for them to like put their hands on you so i mean i saw all type i mean you can be sitting on the couch watching tv and a girl come up and break your nose people are urinating on themselves and there's girls with you oh it's co-ed so i'm in the crockett unit there's there's people defecating themselves like legit and urinating because the client's rights they give you a book the client's rights handbook these are all your rights as a patient

they couldn't tell people to go shower or change their clothes so these people People were being abused. And I'm talking 30 to 90 days without changing. So they weren't like bribing them with like ice cream sandwiches. Hey, go take a shower. These people have the mind of children a lot of times. So you're seeing all these atrocities. You're seeing sexual assaults in the bathrooms.

I mean, you're in there with perverts. You're in there with like chomos. Now, how are their minds over? Are they functionalable? Like they're not sitting there eating like pudding because they can't like walk or talk or, you know? It's a vast scale. You've got your low functioning, like mentally challenged. Yeah, that's a word functioning.

They can function. And then you've got your top tier evil. Like your little old man. There was a guy in there. He was a little old African-American man. So dangerous. Like the first thing I noticed, this dude's wearing an ankle monitor inside the institution. Why?

Later on, I got into a beef with him later on. And I looked him up. And I got a cell phone inside. I read the client's rights handbook like a hundred times. I found a loophole that if my mom took the camera out of the phone, then I could have it in there legally. I've now got Facebook. I've got YouTube.

I've got Google. I've got an outside world contact, right? I'm seeing so many wild things in there. Like I start devising a plan. I'm like, okay, these people have no voice. We need to stop this shit, right? And then the other thing is I go at the same time, I can, I can secure my release with this, right? So I get the cell phone in.

I look that guy up and like his court documents, his own mother was saying, to pleading with the judge, don't ever let him out. He's a danger to the world if you let him out. Violent sexual thoughts, every waking moment is what the court documents said online. This is like public record. So one day everybody's pounding on the windows. It looked like a zoo. I would have to go to a happy place when I lived there because I'm sane.

The things you would hear, picture the craziest talk you've ever heard times 10 on acid. Like you would have to block it out. You'd have to block it out. So one day I started getting out of pocket and I started raising my voice. This nurse comes over, she's like, I'm going to dose you. I'm going to give you the drug. So if you get that, it's in your file, another six month minimum. You know, safety evaluation because you've shown aggressive behavior.

I'm like, I fucked up, man. And she just, like, for some reason, I had a heart. She came over to me, like, maybe 10 minutes later. She goes, Mr. Durkin, she goes, I'm not going to drug you. And I won't put it in the file, but you have to calm down right now.

She's like, and if you don't like the way that things are here, I suggest that you write a letter, and I'll take it up to the White House personally, and I'll deliver it. The White House was a big administrative building. It was the nickname for it. It was where all the top brass

at the hospital were a doctor's so powerful they could free you with the stroke of a pen, seriously. And they were in charge of everything. They were like right under the judges. And so I sat down and it was like the spirit of God came over. And I wrote a five-page letter, a four-page letter in five minutes. And I said, I am a well-spoken person who used to be in business. I was like, I'm not crazy.

I convinced them to take me off all medications, this doctor. He listened to me, told him I was on drugs, took me off all the people. pills. I said, you can check that out. I said, I have a cell phone that I have legally. I said, you can check my file. That's in there. I said, I've seen this, this, this, this, and this. I named off a bunch of really serious incidents. I saw this guy from Corpus, a male. He was huge, and he beat this girl almost half to death in front of me out underneath one of the trees, kicking her square in the face. She was in a wheelchair for like a month after. Patient on patient crime is not prosecuted. So she's almost dying. She had to go to the hospital.

the cops show up and take a report, but in order for him to be charged, when she gets out, probably two years, three years from now, she's got to be cognitive enough to remember to go to the police department and file the charges in person. Most of those crimes go like unpunished. They're never even prosecuted.

It's just like water under the bridge. So I named off all these charges in this letter, and I was like, I have a cell phone. And if you keep me here, I'm going to become a major problem for your evil corrupt system. And I was like, I have this phone and I'm going to take my journals

and I'm going to go to the local and state media. So it would really behoof you to release me. She took the letter up to the White House, and they had a secret meeting. And I had no clue about this. Staff told me later on. So they started moving, and they put me on this Fanon unit.

Fanon was just nothing, but it was an all-male unit for pedophiles and murderers and people too dangerous to be around women. But there was less incidents there, so they didn't want me seeing anything. They moved me over there, and I thought it was a punishment. in reality that letter was what set me free they were putting me in a holding pattern and i had to do

six months in san antonio state hospital during that last leg legally on a felony one charge they couldn't release me legally a day before so they started moving me around i wrote 12 letters and all so i'm writing these letters like i saved this 26 year old kid's foot they wouldn't change the dressing so i was going around my mom was sending me big packages of like chocolate and all kinds of stuff and care packages. I'm like 300 pounds at this point, by the way. So you can order Chinese food and shit. You have to eat like a hundred dollars worth of Chinese food in one sitting. You can't save it. So I would go up and bribe somebody. I'd be like, hey, give me your dad's phone number. So I call the kid's dad. His dad was like a 1% biker turned out. He had some money and stuff. And they made

a big deal out of that. The kid's foot got saved. They started changing the dressings. They didn't want to deal with him because he would pull it off and he'd be bleeding. I uncovered a sexual assault deal where they covered it up. It was an HIV positive patient and two other guys. And one of them was a really, the guy with the ankle monitor was really evil. And they covered it up and I bribed one of the victims that got his sister's phone number and she called adult protective services. So everywhere they would move me, God had it so that something would pop off and I made it a big problem. And then the final straw was I was on the fan and unit and the hospital hated me like they wanted me gone. my roommate threatened to kill his family the week before and they covered it up they didn't want to do like

whatever paperwork or whatever he was getting visits he was them drugs smuggled and he was he was absolutely nuts like five violent felonies he comes up to me he's underneath the where i'm underneath the tree at a picnic table he goes hey man i'm going to go get this 20 grand he goes i'm going to get out of here and everybody's so crazy you just fuck you you know you can't take anything seriously i go inside like 20 minutes later, these two guys, he formed a human wall with these guys. They had the mind of a child. And he climbed over the fence and just walked off the property. So they reported it to the cops.

They were looking for them, but they didn't report it to the media. And everybody's sitting around watching. They're all going crazy. The whistles went off and everything. So I had my phone, right? So I message Ken's 5, San Antonio. I'm like, do y'all want a story about an escaped mental patient? And the guy, whoever was on the other end says,

you can't have a phone in the state hospital. And I'm like, shit, he's got a point. So some quick thinking, I dropped a GPS pin on Messenger inside the fanning unit. And a message comes back from whoever was on the other end. They said, give me this guy's name. I got to verify the story immediately. They called up, they did. They ran a story that night.

Then the next morning, they ran this huge expose. So for the listeners, if you YouTube San Antonio, like the city, state hospital escape, I think it's one of the top three stories you'll find there because there's been a few. And they did this expose showing that like nine people in two years have escaped. One guy chopped his wife up like tons of police stuff going on. They did this big hatchet piece on the hospital. It was wild.

And they didn't alert the people of San Antonio. There was an escaped mental patient. So they looked really bad. And the news for some reason hated them. My social worker came down like a couple days later like that Monday. and she had a stack of folders and she said Mr. Durkin

my job is to get you out of here today they couldn't find housing for me for some reason they can't even release you if you don't have housing so they just want to get you out of that now all of a sudden you're

it was war dude you're saying now yes and they were just like we got to get this guy out of here and I told them every day I was like the longer I'm here the more problems you're going to have I'm going to do it all right

but I would walk through these doors. You know, every time I'd write a letter or cause a problem, and I'd go back to my room and I'd think, what the fuck did I just do? You know, they could keep me here the rest of my life. Yeah, that's, that's, I think that's got to be worse than being sentenced to life in prison, because in life in prison, you still have some hope of getting out under new laws or anything. Dude, there's people who stay in the state hospital for life. Yeah. And all they would have to do is get pissed enough to really, like, maybe set me up somehow or do something where I'd never get out, right but um but yeah so that story ran and then there's red tape for release and everything they got

so bullshit at me dude and so sick of what i was doing they ended up just releasing me i had court so in that situation you're supposed to when you're when you're released on an ngri you're supposed to see a psychiatrist once a month for the rest of your natural life on a felony one 99 years you're supposed to see a social worker once a week for the rest of your natural life and you're supposed to be drug tested for the rest of your natural life Martin Scorsese He pulls... He pulls...

I mean, he's with me the whole time. He told me my defense would have been well over $50,000. Okay? Well over. He was there for 18 months. The last thing he did was they wanted me to go to like a drug treatment

for like two years. They gave me in writing that I had no access one diagnosis. It was a mistake. The whole thing of me getting off and going to the state hospital was a mistake. They diagnosed me on paper

with methamphetamine substance abuse. That's the only thing that I was diagnosed with. It's in my medical record. records. So, um, so he goes to court. Now, he's like this with the judge. During my trial, one of the, the judge looked at me and she goes, Mr. Durkin, you have a very fine attorney. And I suggest you listen to everything that he says. They were like friends. Yeah. So she goes, he goes to this guy and he's like, we're not going for this. This aftercare plan? She goes, I'll tell you what. Now, I'm waiting

at the door on a Friday. I have my bag packed. I'm sitting there waiting thinking I'm going home on a Friday. Nobody comes from 9 a.m. till four. And then all of a sudden, Scorsese, he's like, listen, I need you to sit tight. He's like, you're going to be there on the weekend, but you got to trust me on this. You can't talk to anybody. So I'm like, all right. Now, your brain starts going nuts. You're like, are they going to release me at all?

Did something happen in court? You know that fear of pending doom. You don't know what's going to happen. So I'm there all weekend. Monday rolls around like 9.30 in the morning. I had court at 9. He was representing me. On Friday, she told him, she said, go home and draw up your own order.

And we'll take a look at it and sign it on Monday. So he basically said I had to go to some like aftercare treatment outpatient program. And she signed it. And they just brought a van up and they dropped me off in downtown Corpus Christi with a bag of used a duffel bag, a mental institution duffel bag full of dirty clothes basically. And I had $300. And the last thing Scorsese said to me is he goes, you got to go up in that drug treatment place up there. There's in a big high-rise building in downtown right near the courthouse. And he goes, all you have to do is sign up.

You don't even have to finish it. So I went up there and did the thing and he's like, it's like the crime never happened. So I came out a completely free man with no criminal record whatsoever. What year was this? That was December 16th of 2019. And how much time did you end up doing in 18 months inside these mental health hospitals? It was 10 months, county jail, eight and a half months mental institution time. And it was like really traumatic.

I saw a lot of terrible things that nobody should see and nobody should hear. Totally wounding. But I'm okay. And that was December 16th. On January 1st, 2020, I was homeless and clean, and I started writing Fire and Ice the Myth Bible. And when did that book come out? Came out on Halloween last year, 22. I shelved it for two years.

But I started writing short stories on my cell phone in the institution. I started releasing them on Facebook and stuff. The response was so big. It was like cool stories from the drug game and stuff like that. So I'm like, I'm going to write a full-length book. I wrote that book in six months to the day, January 1st to July 1, It's 716 pages and I basically have a sixth grade education. Something happened in my brain, I swear to God.

I couldn't write a book like that, Ian. And I wrote it. I didn't change anything until the final edit. I mean, I was writing it on Facebook Live back then. People were watching me, you know? How's your relationship with your kids now? Awesome. Awesome.

I owed $14,000 in back child support. And I wrote that book the last six months, right? you know, God told me to write it. And I sat down and I wrote it and I said, I'm going to sit out to write the greatest book about methamphetamine substance abuse that's ever been written. That was my goal. And I wrote it and I took a major chance because I could have gotten trouble

for not paying my child support. And I was back so far from being in the dope game, then the incarceration. But I'm like, I'm going to do this one thing and then I'm going to take care of business. So I moved to Washington and like the second book, Deep Washington's about this. Like, long story short, I did what God told me to do.

I wrote that book and a check dropped out of the sky for 20 racks and I sent my kids a check for $14,000. I have a $0 child support balance. That's awesome. I started a career doing kind of what I used to do. I'm in like a sales type job. I broke all kinds of records. I was sales consultant nominee for the year, top three for the state of Washington.

Changed my life 100%. I have a ministry that is that's helping people get clean from meth all over the planet. We're getting messages from Brisbane, Australia. from Auckland, New Zealand, South Africa, coast to coast, the United States, England. I mean, it's crazy. I'm watching, like, kids and moms and dads come back together. It's crazy.

Do you ever have urges to divert back to drugs at all? Man, I, uh, that was like one of the miracles, because I know me, Ian, when you were talking, like, is it really a miracle? I've been addicted to drugs and alcohol since I was 13 years old, and I know me. I was hopeless, and that got torn out of me. I'm a stable person.

You know, I've been promoted at my job a couple times in the last year, you know, broke all kinds of records and, you don't know. I don't struggle with it anymore. And actually, I'm helping so many people get off of it. And it brings me a lot of joy to watch people's lives be restored because crystal myth is not the end of your life. It's a paradigm shift. You have to do things. You have to detox from the game. The lifestyle is so addictive.

It's not even the drug as much as the lifestyle. the sex. Sex and meth addiction go together like chocolate and peanut butter, my friend. I was playing pornography in the background like it was elevator music. You know, people walking in, we're having normal conversations and there's like hardcore situations going on. What have you learned about childhood trauma now that you've grown up and you've experienced all this? And that's kind of like the root of where this all started. Yeah, it was. And, you know, I'm a spiritual person and I've had a lot of spiritual experiences. The book is so popular really because it's about the spiritual aspect of the methamphetamine world.

You know, and if you look at the videos, there's hundreds of thousands of comments. People have experienced like supernatural experiences on that drug. It's a different beast. It's different than any other drug and I've tried them all, you know. And for me, God was the answer for everything. I had major experiences with the Lord Jesus Christ. And for me, you know, following that is what keeps me clean, really. you know and a lot of people are getting clean using that but I don't I don't tell people what to believe in

because I was a hater of God and I didn't want him I wanted nothing to do with him I wanted to get freaky I wanted to party I wanted to do crazy things and then he showed up in big ways when I didn't even want him and my life changed forever man and I just tell my story and then whatever people decide and I don't judge anybody everybody's welcome everybody we have this this two percent movement, yeah? You know? That's my daughter's face that I saw in the accident and I put that 2% right there. Because only 2% of us getting stay clean off meth lifetime.

Isn't that crazy? We're going to put a zero behind it. This is a movement. This is a revolution. You know, and people, I'm watching it. I'm watching it grow every single day. And some people say that saying the statistic is kind of disheartening and would discourage people. But to beat Crystal Math, you have to be a motherfucker.

East Ian and you got to toughen up and you got to start following a dream. So what we do is we teach people to have some type of something greater than themselves to believe in, like God or whatever you choose. The other thing we teach them is to love themselves. That'll deal with your childhood trauma. You have to forgive yourself for what you've done in your past. Don't dwell on it. It's a new day, clean slate. And then we teach people to follow a dream because the dream kept me alive when I was homeless and clean. This book. It kept me, it kept me alive. I wrote it for six. I wrote it for six months of my life and I felt like I was on path to do something really great. And then something that I did four years ago when I was homeless is now being read in seven countries and it's

mind blowing.