Locked In with Ian Bick - Ex-Cocaine Addict Gives Inside Look at 10 Years in a Medium Security Prison | Cassandra Degraw

Episode Date: March 11, 2025

Cassandra DeGraw’s life took a dark turn when addiction led her down an unexpected path. After struggling with cocaine abuse, she was sentenced to 10 years in a medium-security prison, where she had to fight for survival, redemption, and a second chance at life. Following her release, Cassandra built a huge social media following, captivating millions with raw and unfiltered prison stories. But at the height of her online success, she made the bold decision to walk away from it all to refind herself and start a new journey. In this episode, she opens up about the harsh realities of prison life, the struggles of addiction and recovery, the pressures of social media fame, and what it truly takes to start over #PrisonStory #TrueCrime #AddictionRecovery #LifeBehindBars #MediumSecurityPrison #SecondChances #SurvivingPrison #realstories Big thanks to NORDVPN for sponsoring this episode! To get the best discount off your NordVPN plan - go to https://nordvpn.com/ianbick which will also give you 4 extra months on the 2-year plan. There's no risk with Nord’s 30-day money-back guarantee! Connect with Cassandra Degraw: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/its.cassmichelle/. Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cassandkids/ Website: https://getunfiltered.org/ Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@itscassmichelle?_t=ZP-8tJ9jPtytnq&_r=1 Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@itsCassMichelle Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Presented by Tyson 2.0 & Wooooo Energy: https://tyson20.com/ https://woooooenergy.com/ Buy Merch: https://convictclothing.net/collections/convict-clothing-x-ian-bick Timestamps: 00:00:00 Cassie's Journey Back to Social Media 00:04:15 The Journey to Self-Care and Wholeness 00:08:45 Unexpected Path to Addiction 00:13:08 Overcoming Addiction: A Personal Journey 00:17:56 From Addiction to Crime: A Personal Story 00:21:56 Initial Arrest and Felony Charges 00:26:31 From County Jail to Prison: A Better Experience? 00:31:02 Parenting Challenges During Incarceration 00:35:38 Unexpected Life in Prison 00:40:31 Life After Prison: Transitioning to a Creator 00:44:27 Coping with Emotional Disconnection in Relationships 00:49:15 Reflecting on Early Influencer Days 00:53:53 The Pressure of Viral Content Creation 00:58:18 DIY Prison Makeup Hacks with Skittles 01:02:12 Life in Prison: Working in Property and Laundry 01:06:48 Overcoming Self-Doubt in Content Creation 01:11:09 Preparing for an Exciting Session Powered by: Just Media House : https://www.justmediahouse.com/ Creative direction, design, assets, support by FWRD: https://www.fwrd.co Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ready or not, summer is coming. And Wayfair's Memorial Day clearance is on now. Right now through May 25th, get up to 70% off everything home at Wayfair. Plus, score amazing Doorbuster deals all sale long and surprise flash deals on Memorial Day. We're talking thousands of products at every style and budget. Now is the time to save big on must-habs for your patio, backyard, and beyond. These savings won't last. So don't wait.

Shop Wayfair's Memorial Day clearance now through May 25th. Wayfair, every style, every home. Cassie, welcome to Lockton. I think this was like almost three years in the making. Yeah, yeah, because I kind of disappeared for a while, but I'm excited to be here. Yeah, thank you so much for coming. We met back in 2023 in January when we were in Texas at like that prison influencer retreat. Yes, oh, yes. And then I was trying to get you on my show then because you were, that was when I just started out. I hadn't even re-filmed an episode yet. And you were on like my list of prison content creators that had a big following,

come. Yeah. Which, you know, I always thought we'd get this interview done a lot sooner, but it worked out the way it worked out. And sometimes we need the time, right? Yeah, but I'm so glad you're here. It's so good to see you again. And I want you to tell the audience about what you're into now, what you have going on and why you took kind of like that break from social media to focus on what you're about to explain the audience. Okay. So I lost my grandfather in 22. And that kind of flipped my world upside down, right? Because he was like my dad. And then I started to question life. Like, why am I here? What am I supposed to be doing? Why am I so sad all the time? And I kind of had to navigate that by myself. So I just disconnected from everything. In fact, when we were in Texas, I realized at that point that I cannot do this. I need to just disconnect. I was so antisocial. I had to just stay in the room mostly. It was very hard. That was very hard for me. And I'm not normally like a client person in the corner, but that was like my reality shift where this isn't working for me. I need to do something different.

So when I stepped off from filming, I threw myself back into school. And I was studying quantum, the quantum field, quantum physics, and trying to figure out the sciencee to death and life. and like where do we go when we died now that my grandpa's gone. I needed to know this because I was like, you can't just not be here, right? Doesn't make sense. And through that, I found quantum healing. And it's through meditation, I guide my clients to their higher self. It's like the big me and the little me, right? We're the little me is running around on earth. Our big me is like our spirit that is guiding us to do all the things we need to do. But if you're not, aware that you have a big me, you're not going to listen to them, right? So what I do is I take

clients down through a meditative state to connect them to their big me. And then they get to keep that big me with them on a regular basis. And it's just, it's game changers for everybody that I've worked with, including myself, which is why I had to start doing it as a career. So I started my own business and it's get unfiltered.org. And basically I just work with clients. on a one-on-one session one time, and that's all they need. And I'm going to be doing a session in the coming future. And so I'll tell the audience about how that went to. Yes.

And we'll have the link to your website and everything. I'd appreciate them. In the description of this episode, too. Beautiful. And it's also interesting to hear, like, we hear so much about, you know, the big, more famous influencers that, you know, take steps back from social media or, you know, have those moments where they need to take a pause and, you know, you know, you know, You don't really hear it on kind of like our level of influencing.

So I think it's very refreshing for the audience to hear that later in the episode about the following you built up, but you also walked away from that. And you're kind of restarting that now that you're on to this new career. Yeah, with a higher purpose, I guess. So before I was just kind of going with it, I loved being on camera. I loved filming and talking to people and sharing my experiences in life. But it became too superficial for me. I got too worried about my looks, and it would take me like three, four hours to even fill myself to end up not even putting it out there.

I think I had like 2,000, like a drafts. Yes. I remember you showed me on your phone. Oh, my gosh, right? So I was like, this is not normal. I lost the joy. So I stepped away. I got myself in order.

And then I started getting other people in order. And I was like, oh, this is a job. I got this. Yeah. So it's, it feels good to finally be whole. myself because if I'm not whole, how can I help anybody else be whole? You know, and I'm just a walking picture. Yeah, that's something I've been really focusing on for myself is focusing on me because I can't put the energy. Other people need me to put into them unless I'm at 100%. So I'm saying,

like, old Ian, when I was sick, and we were talking about that, I would have pushed through all the interviews just because I felt bad and wouldn't have rescheduled anything. And now I'm like, hey, listen, I lived a fight another day, you know? Yeah. Got to be a lot. a push, just got to do that. And I'm really trying to hone in on taking care of me. Now that I've done the building stage, now I'm kind of like on the coast stage and slowly climb and be patient stage. Yes, the patience. That's the biggest thing is that people expect change to be like this when they make their mind up of how they want things to go. But that's how it works. You're going to get thrown things as you're going, but that's how you're going to

build your character to the strongest, right? So being able to stop and stay. And calm is so important. And self-care. Absolutely. So you live in the D.C. area now, right? Where did you grow up? And, well, I grew up in Tennessee, then Texas, and then Northern Virginia. So, and I live in Northern Virginia now. And who were you raised by? I was raised by my mom for the first nine years or so. But there was a lot of abuse and trauma in that, which led to me being put up for adoption. And then I got adopted out by my grandparents and was raised by them. And it was a beautiful thing. I loved them just like they were my parents, which is why when my grandpa died, I died too. But I know where he is now, so it's all good. And I had like a normal childhood with them. I graduated high school a year early, went to college a

year early. I was rock and a roll and until I started doing drugs and then went to prison. But then I got out and I stayed out. So that's good. Did you have siblings? No. No. Well, kind of. So I didn't know who my birth dad was until I was 28. And then I found out I have a half-brother who looks just like my oldest son, who was born in 2001, super weird, super weird. But we don't have a relationship. It was kind of now I met the guy and I met the kid, but I just don't have that connection. I think it just was a passing thing. I don't know. Why did it take so long for you to know about your dad? Did your mom not talk about it or your grandparents? No. So, the first time that I asked my mom who my dad was, she told me this guy. And this was right before I started my spiral that sent me to prison. So he came down from Tennessee and met me in Virginia for my birthday. I decided to get a DNA test done. And it turns out he was not my dad. And so that was just a pile of shit on shit. I couldn't handle it. So I said, okay, I don't care anymore. I don't care who the guy is. That sucked.

but I did care. I totally cared. But then when I finally did meet the real dad, I did the DNA test first. And then when I met him, I was like, oh, okay, so it's just another man. I think I was already so over it that I didn't really care. I know that sounds like I should, but I don't know. I think I was so disappointed the first time that I was already kind of numb from any other risks going forward. I want to do one of those DNA tests to see, like, my background.

My brother just did it. And it shows that he's like over 50% Ascanazi Jew, which we didn't even know about anything like that. Yeah, I've got Cherokee, which already knew, but my cheekbones, in South African. So I was like, okay, where's my butt? Got to get that back. Now, young Cassie, how would people describe her? Weird, awkward, lanky, goofy, not shy, but internally, extremely insecure. I was always insecure, but that comes with trauma, right?

Which everybody has, and if people can recognize that, every human on earth has trauma. We have ancestral trauma. And so I just, I need to say that because it's important. But I was fun. I mean, I would make videos with the big ass cameras. I would do like performances in the front yard with a flashlight holding up in the tree. So I was always very animated. That's the word.

I was very animated. Do you think if we asked any of your friends at that time period, if they thought you would end up, you know, addicted to drugs or in prison, what they would say? No, no, no. I was always very, I was like a smart girl, like that didn't really do things. Like when I started hanging out with my oldest son's father in high school, they were the partiers.

I was not. I came from like the Lake Ridge, which was like the, upper-class area. And so it just would not be expected. I mean, even now when I tell people, yeah, I went to prison, I did almost 10 years locked up. So they're like, no way. I was like, yeah, professional crackhead. So they're like, well, what did you do? I stole a diamond. They're like, but they, no, they definitely wouldn't. And people still don't believe it. And I'm like, I got the record to show. Yeah, you're like, I have a lot of like moms that went to prison on the show. And they are the least suspecting people.

And I'm very least suspected too to have got in prison. Well, that's important, right? Because it shows people that you can't count on what you're seeing right here. We are all different. And prison does not care. They will put anybody in there. So it's incredible what you're doing. You're showing the human side of the reality of prison.

Thank you. When you're in high school, what did you want to be when you grew up? Did you have a plan? I know you graduate high school early. You definitely ambitious a little bit. So when I got out of high school and I went right into college, I was 17. I studied emergency medicine. So I was volunteering in the fire department since I was 16 as a medic.

And then I decided I wanted to do that as a career. And then I started doing Coke. So that didn't really go too far. I hooked myself up to the EKG. Just watching my heart rate bounce around. You know, don't worry. I didn't go on any calls. What happened that triggered that?

You know, I think it was my mom. She had come back into my life and I didn't, it took me forever to admit the reason why I was an addict, right? I just thought I was just stupid and bored and wanted to do drugs. But through my sessions, I was told that my mom broke my heart when I was little, which is a really big thing. Like, because it makes sense. I'm like, oh, shit. Yeah, when she came back, I was like, okay, I'll party too. But that's literally what it was. As simple as that, my heart was broken at a young age and then I found a filler. And when I go big, I stay big until something stops me. Do you remember how you were first introduced to cocaine? Yeah. So we were at like a basement party at a, like a kid's house. I was 19 and they were all on ecstasy.

And that was like, that was like the big thing. And so to me, I wasn't an Ehead, but we would go to D.C. and go to the clubs when I was like 16 with fake ID and just roll our face off and then get back. And all of a sudden, Monday back to school. Here we go. So by then I was on, I was rolling. And somebody offered me a line of Coke. And then I was, oh, this is great. And then I just kept going and kept going.

It started with the weekends and it bleated to the weekdays. I couldn't go to school and I didn't go to work. And then it just kind of consumed me. And it was awful. I didn't even, I was addicted to the numbness, I think, and just the difference from what my life was, more or less than the substance. Because coming down off of that shit is not fun. I think every time somebody's coming down, they're like, man, this sucks. I'm never going to do it again.

Just like a hangover, right? So it's just psychotic, right? It's like, why do we do that to ourselves? But there's always a reason. And it's once you find that reason, you don't have to have that worry anymore. Was your family starting to take notice? Like your grandparents, your close friends, what was going on? So I think that my family was in denial.

They saw, like, just the personality change. So I had a townhouse. And it was me and my son's father. We were getting ready to get married. And so within, like, three, months, I'd already become like a full-blown eight-ball a day, cokehead. And it was not being a functioning addict at all. Like, I would just get down and just get high. And my grandparents came to the house and found my box. I had a, like, this little wooden box that I'd keep

all of my drugs did in and all my little paraphernalia. And she was like, what is this? Your little dirty box. I was like, you can't say that. Like, that doesn't sound right. So then they were like, okay, we've got to do something because this is not what we paid for because they were paying for my education, right? So we did a rehab, put me in one of the little local rehabs. And I was there for like three days and I decided to leave. And then it went down a little rabbit hole again. And then I would be fine for a couple of years. And then something would happen.

I'd go out and party and then I'd just go back down to a spiral. Let me tell you something. I never go online without NordVPN anymore. Seriously, whether I'm traveling, watching sports, or just scrolling at a coffee shop, I know my data is safe, secure, and private. Ever try to watch a show or live game only to find out it's not available in your region?

Super frustrating, right? We've all been there before. Well, with NordVPN, I can switch my virtual location and watch any sporting event, TV show, or movie from anywhere in the world. no more annoying region blocks. And let's talk security because I used to connect to public Wi-Fi all the time without thinking about it. Airports, hotels, coffee shops, you name it. Hackers love those places. But NordVPN encrypts my data so I don't have to worry about someone stealing my passwords, bank info, or personal details. Oh, and here's a pro tip. I've even used NordVPN to save money on flights,

hotels and subscriptions just by switching my virtual location. It's insane how much cheaper things are in different countries. Plus, NordVPN is the fastest VPN in the world. No buffering, no lag, no ISP throttling, just smooth, secure browsing. And with one account covering up to 10 devices, I have every phone, laptop, and tablet protected at all times. So if you're online, which you obviously are, you need NordVPN. To get the best discount option, if your NordVPN plan, go to NordvPN.com slash Ian Bick, where you'll get four extra months free on a two-year plan. And don't worry, there's no risk with Nord's 30-day money-back guarantee. The link is in the podcast episode description. Was cocaine your only drug a choice or did you start

to expand? So I went from Coke to crack. And I think that was like a natural progression because of people I was hanging out with. I had my excuse, my excuse, right, for doing crack was I had gotten really upset over a situation. Okay, so I walked in on my mother and my son's father in bed together on New Year's Eve, which was his birthday. And so I fought him in his sleep. He was all drunk and passed out. Mind you, he was a kind of drunk that would, like, piss himself.

So I couldn't really get mad at him because I'm like, he's just so stupid. But my mother, that's where it was like, ah, that bitch. You know, so I stormed out and I went to a friend's house and I could not put anything up my nose anymore because I was crying so hard. And so we're like, here, try this. And I was like, oh, okay. So it was like a whole other level. And my excuse was, it's not going to hurt my nose. Okay, that's not, that doesn't make sense.

But things we make excuses for to get by with our behaviors. Was your mom young? She was a, she was 19 when she had me. She did raise me as a single mom. I now know, like, the gravity of the abuse that my mom had gone through, starting at the age of, like, five. So now I love her so much. She's, like, my best friend. She's with me four days a week to come help with my kids.

And so even though I share things about our dark past, I think it's so important that people know that if you hate your mother now, you can love her eventually if you want. too, right? There's always a reason for the feelings and disconnect with people. And when you can stop faulting them and try to figure out what it was that made them the way they are, that empathy can turn into love. So I love my mommy so much. Walk us through how your addiction would lead you down to a path of crime that would ultimately land you in prison. Oh, yeah. Okay. So when you're in an addict, right, you can't, well, for me, I could have. work. I couldn't make money. So I'm sitting there. My grandparents kicked me out of the house. I couldn't live in a townhouse because my almost husband wasn't there. So I was just run around on the

streets, like couch surfing, I think is what the kids call it. And it got to the point to where I didn't really have anywhere to stay anymore. I didn't, couldn't go work because I was always strung out. And so I decided to start boosting. And I thought, okay, if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it right, so I don't have to do it all the time because people would go and boost like stupid shit. And I was like, no, I'm going to steal diamonds. That's going to be my thing. So I figured out this plan. And this doesn't mean people need to go out and do it, right?

But I had a took into loose stone out of a ring that was not a real diamond. It was like a fake diamond stone. And I went to a local jewelry store that I knew didn't have cameras. They were just kind of like a mom and pop store. and I switched out the loose stone of theirs with a fake one. And that was like going to be my one and done so I could get food and get out of the streets. And it didn't work out that way. I ended up getting caught within like a few hours.

But yeah. So that's kind of how that started. How did they catch you? So apparently they have, they put in a new security system. But that's not even what caught me. So they just hired a new girl that used to. work at like a big jewelry store that has chains. And whenever they would take out stones, they would have to weigh them before they put them back. And so the weight difference was like

twice as heavy as a real diamond. And so she weighed it, not even supposed to be doing that in this company. They never did that before. Just by chance, this woman did it. But that's kind of what got me caught. And then you were on camera or? So I was on camera. But my, My dumb ass went to a pawn shop and pawned it. I got like three grand for it, which was pretty good, right? That's all I was worth? Paper trail. Paper trail caught me quick.

But yeah, I was not a smart criminal. I mean, I was smart, but it wasn't, I didn't think it through. I didn't think it through. But, I mean, I was a fucking crackhead. So I wasn't going to sit there and like, okay, first I'm going to do, da, da, da, da. It just an idea popped to my head. And with like 20 minutes, I was already on the move. Where were you when the cops got you?

I was sitting in my hotel room waiting for my drug order to come. I was like, oh, man. So, but I guess it was a good thing because I wasn't high yet. That would have made it a lot worse. But, yeah, they came to the hotel that I had stayed at the day before, like an idiot. But it wasn't meant to be a criminal. I was meant to get caught, honestly. So I don't look at it like, man, if only I, I look at it, like, thank God.

Thank God, because who would have known what I would have done if I could have kept doing stupid shit like that, right? like the harm that I could have caused. But I was just sitting there eating a can of raviolis, smoking my Newport 100s, just chilling in a hotel room. And I could hear the fucking radios on their cop outfit, whatever it is. Going down the hall is it, oh, fuck, they found me already. Could even eat my raviolis. They were so quick. But I let them in.

And I was like, okay, yeah, yeah, I did it. Oh, you admitted to it. Absolutely. Yeah, because they were like, so we went by this pawn shop and, do-da-do, so the pawn shop had called because they said that it was suspicious. So why would the pawn shop give you the money then? I don't know. I don't know. It was a whole shit show.

And I took a cab, which was also stupid, right? Because then they followed, they can trace. It was all fucking traceable. I mean, they had me on camera at the store. They had me in the cab. And then they had me selling it at a pawn shop with paper. portrayal. So it was just dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. Now, this was your first time ever getting arrested? No, no. But that was my first, like, big crime. I'd gotten, like, dumb, dumb charges,

like getting drunk in public or being disorderly. Like misdemeanors. Yeah. Yeah. This was my first felony, my first big, big charge, right? They were like, you're going to do five years and da-da-da-da-da. I was like, it's just a little diamond. You got it back. Everybody got their stuff back, Minus like $300 I spent. Oh, so you gave them the rest of the money. Oh, they took it. I didn't give it. They took it.

They took everything. And they took my new ports. I was like, can you just put in my property? I'll get it when I get out. I think I'd bond out. No, my grandparents made me sit there on a $5,000 bond. I was so mad. The whole time waiting.

Yeah. So I got bonded out the day before sentencing just in case I got the five years that they were wanting to give me. But what they ended up doing, is giving me five years, but then they had me just do, but I sat there for like nine months, I think, and they suspended the rest. So I served like that. Nine months was like seven months or something, if it fell any time. We do like 85% in Virginia. So then I had the five years suspended, but it didn't work because I ended up getting more charges. So I got a few DUIs back to back to back. That's really what sunk me. But then I had a possession charge that comes with

the territory. You're going to do drugs. You're going to get in trouble. Now those nine months you were in a county jail or in an actual prison waiting? No, I was in a county jail. I stayed a lot of time in county jail. So in Arlington, I sat there for 15 months, I think, waiting to get shipped out. I did not want to go to prison because I had set in Prince William County Jail. I was there for nine months in and then I did work release and I got in a fight with the girl work release so I got sent back to the jail and all these different little petty charges. I'd always be in jail and out of jail and then when I went to Arlington, that's I got a DUI trying to drive down to D.C. And then they kept me and then they didn't let me out. And so I sat there and then I tried to plead not guilty on a

charge I was 100% guilty of, 100% guilty, but I didn't want to have a felony DUI. And, oh, this is, this is important. So when I went to trial for my second DUI, my mother was a passenger in the vehicle that I was driving. And she had written a testimony against me. Now, I had to pay like 30 grand for a lawyer to get off of that second DUI, which I would have, because subject matter, they didn't prove where it was. They could have been Arlington, Texas, right?

So they didn't prove what Arlington it was. So that was what we're going to use. But my mother had testified that I can't really share details, but some stuff happened. And at the trial, they presented her testimony against me. I'm like, how the fuck did my lawyer not know this, that this was coming in? How is this acceptable? So my mom had signed something, not knowing what it was. She was signing the retainer or something for her lawyer. She had no idea what was going to happen. But because of her written testimony, I got 12 months on the second DUI, 12 months on the

driving on suspended, which made my pending second DUI, a third DUI. Also in Arlington because I was going down to the strip club with my friends all the time. And they gave me 18 months on that one on the DUI and then 12 months on the driving on revoked. And they ran my time consecutive. Or, yeah, concurrent consecutive. Back to back to back. That's all I would say. Back to back to back.

And then you had to finish the time from the first suspended five years. Yep. And then I got violated for the diamond. and then they just ran all my time. But I sat in Arlington trying to appeal the verdict on that second DUI, which suspended the hearing in the case for the third. So when they finally were done with all of those, then I got to go to the big house.

And I realized, oh, this is actually so much better than the county jail. Why was I a little bitch? So that's how it added up to 10 years. Yeah, yeah. It was about eight. It turned out to be about eight years. but when you count all the time I was bouncing in and out of the jails the couple of years before the shit hit the fan. Yeah.

Now, while you were awaiting sentencing for the diamonds, did you get sober during that county jail stint? Well, I was sober in the jail. So for that whole nine months? Yeah, yeah. They didn't, um, the only thing, the only kind of drug abuse that was happening like within our county jail was the nurses would give drugs to the girls, like stupid drugs. Benadryl and like for sexual favors. And I'm thinking, man, are they that desperate for a Benadryl? But I was shady. The nursing staff at Prince William were so shady. I mean, it's kind of like all of them are, right? And everywhere, because in Arlington, it was, I know there was a guard

that I was flirty with and inappropriate with, right? And then prison, there's always, I mean, everywhere you go, it's so, there's, I mean, there's not very many good ones, honestly, good staff. at least in the system. At least back then, I don't know what it's like now, thank God. What was most surprising to you in that county jail that first stint? Because that was your first time you're young, your early 20s, right? Yeah, yeah. It was like, first, it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be, right?

Because I always thought like jail is like the worst. Like they're going to, I'm going to get murdered. I'm going to get shanked in the shower. And I realized, oh, this is a bunch of little Girl Scouts. It's like high school. There was a bunch of drama. It really felt like an isolated college, but there weren't mature or just a bunch of idiots. But I didn't like the turnaround.

I didn't like getting a new person all the time. I don't do change well. I do now. I'm fine, but I didn't like that. The food, awful. I mean, I didn't expect it to be good, but I was pleasantly surprised with the commissary. Like, I got to get Air Force Ones and like shit off of there. So that was pretty cool.

And you found respect for white shoes, right? Did you lose passion for your career at that point, becoming the medic and all of that? Yeah. Yeah. So I already, at that time, I decided I wouldn't be allowed to. I have a record now. Nobody's going to want me to continue an education. They're not going to pay for it.

My family's not going to put me through it because nobody's going to hire me. So I never reflected on this. But I think at that point, I just kind of lost a few. your goal. I think honestly, and I'm just processing this is that first jail stint removed my passion because I felt like it was gone. It was lost. And then I never really found another one until I started doing like TikTok in 2021. I think you'd asked when I started. And it was like COVID, right? 2021 is when I started. And I was like, oh my God, this is great. I don't actually have to talk to people, but I could talk to people. So, um,

And now I can, it's good, but yeah. And now you can actually talk to people. Right. Yeah, now I can talk to people. Did you have kids before going into that first, before the diamond situation? So I had my first son when I was 17 and I shit you not. I got pregnant the first time. It's not a lie.

But I had him. So he was, he was little. He was little. And that was the hardest thing. I carried that guilt for so long because he was probably about two when I started with the drug addiction. And my way of protecting him from my behavior was to disappear because of what I grew up with. And my mom lost me too. So I didn't want to, it was easier for me to just be homeless than to admit that I had a problem and get help. and going into prison and going to jail. So when I was in the jail, I think my family brought him to see me a couple of times. So we had a mother's, no, it was a Christmas thing for the mothers where we had a contact visit with our children. If you were like a certain level of good. And when they brought him, he was scared and it was too hard for him.

And so I made a decision after that that I'm just not going to ask him to come in. So I went my entire bid without seeing him. And that wasn't, I had to learn how to be selfless in parenting. Even when I got out of prison, I could have ran and gotten custody and getting all my shit back together. And I didn't do that. I knew that he was established. His father and his father's family were raising him. He has a stepmom and they did so good taking care of him.

I'm not going to go fuck that up. My job was to get out, be good, and stay consistent. So when he was ready to come back around, I would be there instead of trying to pull him out of what. Ryan Reynolds here for MintMobil. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same premium wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistance assistants to switch you to MintMobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do at mintmobile.com slash switch.

Up front payment of $45 for three-month plan equivalent to $15 per month required. Intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See full terms at mintmobile.com. He's already known. Now, having a mom in prison, you know, we hear about the kids that have the dad in prison. Did you ever get to talk to him about what that was like for him with his friends or or anything like that?

No, no, we haven't really, the only thing that I know about what my, so my son, he works for the government, so I can't really talk too much about him, but when he was little, he was playing monopoly with the neighbor. And his friend, he had landed in jail. And his friend said,

now you can go visit your mom. And I'm like, oh, that's so fucking funny, but that's not funny, you know? It's kind of the only thing that I've got. but I don't, I haven't had that talk with him. I don't want to have it. I want him to come to me. And he's in his 20s now. He's got a really good career. And we've got a good relationship. It's not, it's not where it's going to be. And that takes time because he's in his 20s, right? At what 20-something-year-old is running around trying to build a relationship with their parents?

They're trying to run away and do their own thing. And so I respect that. And I know. So as long as I keep doing the right thing and just staying consistent with my being, that when it's time, that we will be able to rebuild that to the next level. Do you think you are running away from being like your mother? Yes, 100%. Yes. That was my biggest fear was to become like her. And the funny thing is I did everything she did 10 times bigger, right? So I guess I wasn't like her.

I outdid her on that sense, but I got my shit together a lot easier than she did. I mean, it took a lot for her to get her feet on the ground, but she also had a lot of stuff she went through. So I had a traumatic life, but as we all do. But hers was like another level. And so it's, but yes, yeah. Answer your question, that was a long yes. By running, it's almost like you kind of became her. Yeah.

Even though you were running from becoming her, that's what ultimately made me like her. And it was the ego got in the way. Like I didn't want to admit that I was a fuckup. I'd rather just go be a fuck up in the corner privately with my fellow fuckup friends than to be like, okay, look, I've got a problem. I need to get help and stay in the help for as long as I can. It was, I was in denial. Like I said, I didn't even realize that my.

drug addiction was rooted in my mother until this year, right? And I'm going to be 41 on the 3rd of March. So how many decades, right? Too many. So that alone shows the amount of deniability that I was carrying within that it had to come from somewhere. But yeah. Now, you mentioned earlier that prison itself was kind of shocking you because it was much better than the county jail. Yeah. What would you say was the biggest difference? that really kind of hit you when you made that change? The freedom. So I went to a medium security prison because of my time.

And I got in a fight some stupid shit when I was in the jail. But we get like the point system decides how, what level you are security. So I was medium. And so I went to a prison that had, you know, women that were there for, had been down for like 15 years. And so they, there were wise, wise owls. But what shocked me the most was prison is just like a college, right? I went from like Girl Scout camp to like all girls college. And then you could kind of make it your experience the way you want it to be.

Right. I made it kind of fun. I went to school. I was in there. Being able to go outside was like the hugest difference because in the county jails, we would go on a courtyard. But it was like on the seventh floor. of a still building, and it had wire on top. So it wasn't outside. You didn't see any green.

And so it was just being able to be not only outside, but we have like field days. Like we had a dance off. That was pretty cool, pretty epic. I'm like crumping in the courtyard. But we play softball like we like to do. But it was a lot more normal than I expected. But the food still sucked. But it got more creative. It sure did. Why were you getting into fights? I mean, I've known you for a couple years now, even though there was a kind of gap. And to me, you don't have a single violent or angry bone in your body. Yeah. So there were like stupid things. When I was in work release, I got kicked out for this. I was on a top bunk and an old owl was on the bottom. And my blanket would fall off and it would piss her off. And I'm like, I'm fucking sleeping. I don't know what blankets doing. I'm up here sleeping. And she didn't like that. So she yes. I thanked my blanket when it had fallen on her, and it kind of jerked me out of the bed a little bit. And so I jumped down. I went to yank it back, and then she was just not happy.

And so I was like, ah! And so it was like stupid things. I threw a tray at a girl. I don't even know why. I got put in the hole for that for like three weeks. That was awful. A full of food, tray? Yeah.

Yeah. I don't even know why. I was so ridiculous when I was in the jail. I would do the stupidest shit. I did a toga party. I had all of us taking our sheets off the bed and tying them like little togas. And we got all locked down for the rest of the day because we're using our stuff the wrong way. So I was still a kid. I was still stuck a kid with a child mine. And I was just goofy and annoying. And it was just my personality was too big for the jail. And so there would be certain people that. did not like that. And I wasn't a quiet person, so I would just stand up for myself. And a lot of women don't like that. If they're fighters, I wasn't a fighter, but I was a defender, right? So I wasn't going to let somebody pick on me, which is why I would end up in the hole a lot, which was fine,

because I like to be by myself. I get let to read it, read a lot. That was fun. I read all of the saga of the Twilight series. I did too in the hole. Yeah. Awesome. Great book, because I saw the movies, just like the Harry Potter movies, and I read both series and the whole. Yeah, so this was before the movies came out is when I read these books. That's how long ago that was. But, yeah, they were so good. They were so good. But that's so funny. Were you getting more comfortable in your body by the time you were in prison? Because I know you said you dealt with those issues as a child growing up. Now you're in prison. You know, there's not nearly as much stuff to make you feel better as there would be in the outside world. Yeah. So yes and no. You would expect to

if you're isolated with a bunch of women, that insecurity would fall away. And it doesn't. It's, when you're in an ego mindset, you are materialistic, right? You're naturally going to be a materialism type person. And so with that, we do our jail makeup. And we still try to do our hair. When you get to prison, you can buy real makeup and real hair stuff. And so it was, I was always comfortable with my spirit, but my physical body, I didn't. I was not. So, That was, but no, not really. It's something it carried through for a long time. Were women jealous of you because of your age and your looks and maybe, I'm sure you had some sway over the guards given those attributes?

Yeah. That was part of the problem that would start, like, the fighting. I think people are just, they would see a young white girl that doesn't look like they should be doing time. And they have a lot of commissary. They get the mail. They're on the phone. and then it's going to make people feel a certain way. And when you're stuck in a space that the people can't get away from you, it can cause problems.

But I also had a lot of friends that were in the same situation. So kind of you get your click and then everybody else just falls away because everybody has their little circles. Now, I don't want to skip over the prison stuff, but I'd love for you to share some of these other prison stories through the lens of when you actually became like a creator talking about that. So we'll get to that aspect. What year did you get out of prison? Oh, two, God, I don't even remember 2011, 12th, 2012. And how old are you? 28. And that was the last time you ever got into trouble again? Yeah. So what was that time period of, you know, getting out up until you actually, until TikTok became a thing and you got on social media? So when I got out, I had a subletted apartment.

So I got out early. I got out like six weeks early. It wasn't supposed to get out. They didn't have my time calculated right. And they fixed it. So then I all of a sudden I got to go home soon. That was cool. But I had enough money on my books to where I was able to get a place.

And so I subletted this condo out near D.C., sort of bartending in a strip club because I had people that I knew. So I was like, okay, I need a job, and you do this, that, and the third. And so the money was coming in automatically. I started dating another bartender. And within a couple of months, I was pregnant. I think that's the thing. Most women, they get a lockup, they get knocked up. That should be a thing.

Locked up and knocked up. But then I just started the mom life. And it was a beautiful thing. My partner at the time, he was a good provider. he was also a drug addict. I was not doing the drugs anymore. I was doing the caretaking, but that nightlife, DC nightlife, was not my style anymore. And that's why it kind of, we separated. But then I ended up having another child. I had a little boy. Then I had a little girl. And through that, I just kind of was a stay-at-home mom. And I would do schooling at the time. And it just was natural. easy. The prison thing never really came up in my life, which was so bizarre. So I would get so nervous

when I would try to get a job. So being a bartender in D.C., like, they don't give a fuck. But when I decided that I no longer wanted to stay with my son's father, we had to go to court for custody and all that drama, I was like, I've got to get a job now. I've got to be a big girl. Can't just be a stay-at-home mom with no money. So I had to start feeling out applications. And I think my son was like two. And I was so worried that I would have to explain to people either, A, why I was gone for like 10 years with no work, or B, why I am a felon. And I ended up working at a car dealership, and it wasn't a big deal, which was great. So, and I was a CS manager. It was pretty, pretty successful at that. And I did that for a while, which was like aftermarket and finance running.

It was pretty simple, simple life. Was it hard to work in nightlife and also date someone that was an attic when you were? Not. Yes. Yeah. And you had came from that lifestyle or was it easier because so much time had passed. So when I first started working again as a bartender, there was another girl that I actually knew that helped me get the job. And she was a single mom.

And so we could bartend and it wasn't about getting fucked up and partying. It was about having a job. that's fun. You get to see a bunch of naked women all night, right? Like, can't complain and get paid for it. Okay. So she would be home at like three in the morning, still be sober. And it wasn't a problem. But then when you start dating a guy that is a drinking behind the bar type bartender who's also stashing stuff out of his pockets to people for money, it became a problem. But I figured, well, we're both in the nightlife. He's providing very well. So I didn't complain. I became complacent. It was in the beginning, as long as he's providing, it doesn't matter what he's doing if he's not here.

Just don't bring it home, right? And he never did. He kept it in D.C. And we moved out to Northern Virginia and bought a house out there. But it was the disappearing acts. It was the non-emotional connection anymore. And that's where that kind of nightlife separates from the daytime. It's because, yeah, I'm a stay-at-home mom.

but I was like a single mom, and it was not fun anymore. So. Why do you think your mindset, you know, getting out of prison was to tolerate someone like that back in your life? They're people. And it was familiar. I understood them. And it just, it was, it gave, I don't think I gave myself enough credit when I came out. I think I still carried that, that I'm not good enough.

and therefore I wasn't looking to be anything better. And I'm not going to surround myself with anything better if I'm not looking for it. So I think it was just falling into the same patterns, even though I didn't have the same behaviors, but I still had that insecurity and that same mentality. But also being in the prison system, I'm friends with murderers. I'm friends with people that have done some really crazy shit, but they're fucking people. They're not bad people. They're just people. And so I don't ever want to want to fault somebody for their faults or their upsy daisies, you know. How was your relationship with your grandparents and your mom when you got out? My mom was not so good. So I would not let her visit me in prison because the whole testify against me shit.

But my grandparents were so amazing. They never came to see me. They said they couldn't see me like that, which I understood. But they would answer the phone every day. But I wanted to show them that I was worth their time and their love and that they didn't fail. Because that was, I think, their opinion of you is what mattered the most. So when I came out, they were always super supportive. Okay, honey, what do you need?

Don't get yourself all stuck in a situation because you didn't want to ask for help, which is normally what people would do. The pride gets in the way, right? So I love them so much. Now, going on later to stumbling across social media, when does that happen? Okay, so I guess no reason I know it was in 21 is because my grandpa died in 22. And I don't even, I think my son had mentioned something about TikTok. And I was like, wait, like I could just make little videos and that's cool people do that. And I just started doing it. And it was fun. It started with me watching people on it. And I like go down the rabbit hole of scrolling. I'm like, wait, I could do that. I could totally do this. And so I just started. making videos and they were successful and it was fun. It was natural. It was just like me being me that I could watch again, you know, so. But was it about prison at first? When I first started,

I didn't know what I was going to do. I was just doing it. I didn't know about niches. I didn't know that I knew nothing. I was just a mom that wanted to do something fun and this was fun. So if you go back and look at like my early videos, it would make no fucking sense. But then I I found Jessica Kent. I went on her podcast and realized I have a story to tell. Like, I've lived a life. Everybody's lived a life. Why can't I share my life?

And that's where the fun went into passion. And that's kind of what put that trajectory going in that direction was finding the passion again. Because I had lost it for so long, right? So that's kind of how that happened. And were there other prison content creators? I know you mentioned Jessica, but were there others that were. were just emerging at that time too? Yeah, it's almost like, it almost became like a thing, I think.

I think like all the prison content creators started getting big at the same time. But I didn't really, in the beginning, I just, it was Jessica. And then you guys, like you and Jesse and Carrie. We were the second round of influencers. Because you guys were like the OGs, the original ones. Yeah. I was an OG that disappeared. So I had to step back for the young ones to take over.

Do you remember your first video about prison and how hard that was to create and put out there for the world and what it was about? So I don't know. I don't remember exactly what it was about. But I can tell you that making content about prison was never hard because it was just me sharing my life. The only thing that was ever hard about making content was me taking and picking apart myself and like physically seeing myself on camera. That I did not like to do. But the storytelling and the skit performing like that was just I didn't plan out things.

I would just say, oh, this is a good idea. Let's do it. And then I would just do it. And it was just fun. But I wasn't, I can't remember like the first or if it was hard. I don't think any of them were really hard, but I never really went on a deep level with sharing my prison stories. Did the thought of your kids might getting some, you know, kicked on? Picked on.

Yeah. Or some, you know, kickback for this. Yeah. Did that come into play before you started on social media? It did. I was very mindful about that. So my children were in a private Christian school. And I was like, okay, well, at least if anybody finds my videos, I have a big enough following to where they can't really make fun of me.

But I was very aware. The person that I was most worried about was my oldest son because of his job and the unrest in my disappearing act is what we'll call it. So I've always was mindful about that. But I also started getting more confident, I think. So being able to share my experience and share that I went to prison and people were like, no way, you went to fucking prison? And I'm sitting there dropping my kids off at Christian school. But it gave me the confidence to owning my past and that, yeah, I went to prison. You'd be surprised how many people go to prison.

It's more common. It made me not afraid of my story. And it took that fear about other people finding out like my kids' school. Like, guys, it was just my oldest son. That's what I was most worried about. It was just sharing something that would make him uncomfortable. But he was also grown up, growing up, I guess. What were your most popular videos you would say with the audience on social media?

My childhood trauma video. So I did a series of childhood trauma. And that one, those took off really well. And then with prison, it was just little skits. Little skits took off pretty good. Story times. Those were fun. Give us some of your top story times from prison.

Oh. That made it on to social media. So I think I told about the Toga. I totally told about that. I shared about a experience with the guard. Of course, anything sex or sexy is going to sell, right? So that did pretty good. What was the full story behind that?

So I would be in isolation a lot. I'd have a lot of mental breakdowns, and they'd put me on the top floors, like 13th floor. And it would be the CEO that worked nights. We would have a little flirty relationship. We never were physically intimate, but we were pretty close. Way inappropriate. Should not be doing that as a professional if he's working there. So, yeah, it was so inappropriate.

Now that you're in your current role now and you know a lot about, about, you know, psychology or the mind to some extent. Why do you think those types of individuals do that and entertain that in those positions? Because they are the one in power. They're the ones that can, that have like, because at home they don't have the power. They don't have the control. Their life is not controllable by themselves. And so when they're back in an environment that they can control, it gives them that power, makes them feel good and feel.

How many discounts does USA? Auto insurance offer? Too many to say here. Multi-vehicle discount. Safe driver discount. New vehicle discount. Storage discount. How many discounts will you stack up? Tap the banner or visit usaa.com slash auto discounts. Restrictions apply. Big. That's my picking apart. Now, so the audience knows it's not like you just had a couple thousand social media followers. You amassed, you know, over 500,000 on TikTok, a couple hundred thousand on YouTube. How long to take to build that. Was it instant? Was it gradual? And what was kind of like the pressure of dealing with that? With TikTok, it was pretty quick. I want to say within like six months, I had 600,000. And then I went ghost, right? And with YouTube, within a year, I had had 200,000

or 100,000. And then the second year, I got about 200 and something thousand subscribers. So it was when it would happen and happen in big chunks, right? Like you get that one video to pop off and you get 50,000 followers or subscribers. But then you'd have a little slow trickle. You might lose a few here and there going on and then something will hit and it pops off and then it kind of just starts a little trail. When it would happen, the pressure to keep doing whatever it is that they saw that worked, that would suck. Because it's like, I don't know exactly what it is because now this next video is not getting any views. but this one just got 14 million. Like, what the fuck? So that was part of the mental turmoil that was

making me need to not do it for a while. It was if this isn't fun anymore, I'm putting too much self-pressure. I'm not going to do this. I got to do self-care. Yeah, I mean, watching your views, I used to go crazy about my views in the beginning when I first started making those TikToks in the car and everything. Now I just slap clips up for my podcast all day. If it hits, it hits. If it doesn't, you get back. and you push some more. But back then, I remember all of us being in, like, that content creator house. Everyone's looking, you post a video, you're studying the views, you're analyzing it, you're doing all of these things, you know, you're getting really focused on that.

It's so unhealthy. Yeah, and everyone's just making content throughout the day because they're trying to get those numbers out. Yeah. And their content is, it has to be recorded in the moment. Whereas, like, now my content shifted to, okay, I have 100 clips ready to go. And it feels so much bad. It's way better on my mental health because I could physically shut off. Yes.

Like I could go home and 7 o'clock and I don't have to record videos like what I used to. Yeah. And that's what it was. I was not doing the right kind of videos. It was too much pressure. Like you found your passion. You found your niche, right? And if you don't have a natural flow and it's not fun, you got to sit there and you've got to watch your view count and you've got to make sure that you've got three videos out every day, that's so much.

unnecessary stress. That's not good content creating. That's unfun. So yeah, it was unfun for a while for me. Were some of the comments eating up at you? I know in the beginning for me, they were very hurtful. I can imagine you being a woman who went to prison and then seeing those comments, being one of those early on prison creators. What were some of those comments like? And how did that take a toll on you mentally. Yeah. So in the beginning, it really, when people would say, well, you need to go back to prison or she's probably F, X, Y, and Z, it was stereotypical judgment, right, that did you would expect to get, but when you actually get it and read it and see it, and it's towards you, regardless, it's from a stranger or not. If you're not confident in yourself, it will chip away at your

soul, right? So it was hard. And you got to where, especially when I would share things, about like my past with my mom or like the child of trauma stuff. Some people are just really rude and totally inappropriate. The trollage. The trollage was real bad. I just wouldn't read comments anymore, really. I got to a point to where I'll spend like the first like 30 comments to pop in. I'll like and comment back and then I'll just stay away from it because it's no point.

If it's going to come in, the nasty comments come in a little bit later, right? Once it gets traction, it starts moving out of your field. And so I just wouldn't even comment. I wouldn't look at the comments. I wouldn't read them. The good ones too. I wouldn't get the good ones either because I wouldn't be looking at them. Something I realized with the female prison content creators is there's a big fascination from the audience of, you know, how they would make lipstick or makeup or how they would make food or what their hustle was.

What were some of those videos for you like? Like what would you do to showcase what your prison hustle was or any of that? So I did like a little makeup thing. Like this is how we make makeup in jail. How do you make makeup in jail? With candy. With candy and the little jail pans. And we would use Vaseline skittles.

A lot of skittles. A lot of skittles. That's really what we used. And what's like the process? Do you melt it down? No, no. We would just lick it. And then it would be like, oh, look at my lipstick.

Oh, look at my rosy. cheeks and then we'd blow out the ink from the pens. God, this is so dangerous. How am I not blind? Now that I'm thinking about it, oh my God. So we'd blow the ink out of their little rubber pens and mix it with Vaseline and then take our jill toothbrushes or like this big and just we got our mascara on thinking we look like hot shit, right? We got candy on our face and pen on our eyeballs going to a visit behind a glass. But yeah, that was pretty gross. Pretty gross. And did the audience react well to those types of videos? Yeah, I think anything, like any DIY stuff is interesting, right?

But make it prison. It's so much cooler. It's some little badass, right? So people are interested in seeing that stuff. And add the mom aspect into it too, and you got to slay him dunk. There you go. I always tell people you have to play to your strengths. Like I played to the fact that I was young, nerdy.

I look the way I look, you know. And I always say, you know, that's how, yes, it's a big. an oversaturated market people telling prison stories, but you've got to find how you... You're you. Exactly. You're you in that mix. And that goes the same in any type of genre on social media. That's why there will always be like new, you know, DIY content or, you know, gardening or, you know, mom content because people fall in love with the person.

It's the personality. It's the person. Exactly. 100%. 100%. And that's what people need to understand. stand. It doesn't matter what you're talking about at the end of the day. It's the passion that you have behind it. It's the personality that you're bringing in front of it that people are going to be drawn to. I mean, talking about making Togas in jail, that's not, that's kind of weird, right? It's kind of funny. But if you're talking about it because to you when you're doing it, like, it was the coolest thing. It was hilarious. And then we got locked down for it. It makes it a better story than just a thing. Now, you mentioned you had walked out of prison with a lot of money in your books enough to get an apartment.

Did you have some type of hustle that allowed you to do that? No. Well, yes and no. So before I went in, the guy I was dating was pretty well off. And I was driving his car when I had gotten arrested. And he felt bad that he let me drive it when I should not have been driving because, number one, I was drunk. Number two, I didn't have a license because I had already had a DUI. Two weeks prior, just to be clear, I got all of my DUIs within like a three-month period.

And so I didn't, I wasn't mentally well enough to understand my behavior. I was just a shit show. I don't want to make it seem like drinking and driving is a fun thing. It's really fucking stupid. And this was before they had Uber and Lyft. Okay, guys, this was like the fucking 90s. But I had a guy that I was dating and he had enough money. And so he'd always put money on my books regularly.

And I would say, I need this for this because we could order stuff out of like Victoria's Secrets and everything. And so I was getting jeans off of Victoria's Secrets out of the catalog. I had a Victoria Secrets robe in prison. I had the slippers in prison. Like, it was pretty ridiculous. It was pretty awesome to be in prison with style that was different, not to be expected. You're loving good. Yeah, I was.

I was. Considering I couldn't leave the space. I was living good in my cube. Would there be options to order outside food? No. No. I don't think we ever did that. We would have it if the guards had it and we'd eat it.

So I worked in property and laundry. I liked the best fucking job. I worked, I did laundry at night. So everybody's sleeping. I'm like in my own world doing laundry. I got my headphones on with my little Walkman and just bleaching the shit out of stuff. Just have my own little party.

And then when I'd go to sleep and everybody else is doing their own thing, so I created my own little space. And the other women that worked in property and laundry, they had done a lot of time. So they were so wise. And they just so patient with my little dumb ass that I just got to retain so much wisdom. And it kept me from getting in any trouble, right? Because I got these women, one of them was a lifer. But we had in the jail, I got in so much trouble. And the second I got to prison because I had that, almost like the mother guides to kind of put me under their wing and help me, it kept me grounded and it kept me matured in a situation.

I don't remember I was talking about. No, I was going to think. So now you build up this big social media following. you're making money, how hard was it to walk away from that and just stop? Because that was such a big part of your routine every day. It took me about three months of doing it and hating it to be able to walk away. Like, I was miserable. It was awful.

It wasn't the creating that I hated. It was the process of creating. It became unnatural. It became almost forced. Like, I had to do my hair. I had to do my makeup, had to film it, then I had to edit it, then I had to put it out. And then I was like, why am I doing this? This is not fun. But it was, it stopped being fun when my grandpa died. Because when he died, I moved out of my house and I moved into my grandma's house.

And then I lived there for three months. And to try to be happy on camera when you're trying to not cry so you can take care of grandma, it was so much. It just compounded on me. And then that just just bogged me down. And walking away from the numbers, it was hard. But it's harder to start again because I'm so different. I mean, I'm still the same personality. I'm still me. But I'm, my mindset is not the same. I'm not prison oriented to be silly. It's more like, okay, now let's grow up and share the heavier side of it. and how you can evolve to be a professional and just now I have a story of success instead of I went to prison, then I did TikTok.

It's I went to prison, I did TikTok, and then I have my own business. And I think that was another thing that I was sitting there, especially in Texas when we were all there. Everybody was doing something. Everybody had something going. They had a book that they written. They had a podcast they were doing. And I'm just like, oh, well, I made a video yesterday. I didn't really have a, I didn't feel like I fit it.

I didn't feel like I belonged. Even though I understood everybody has their thing, I needed to go find my bigger me. I need to go find my purpose. You didn't think it was sustainable to just keep creating TikTok videos? No, no. Because to me, like I started out with it being fun and then it became a passion. But then I lost it. I lost that passion.

It became painful. I couldn't picture myself making TikToks at like 92. and making money off of that, right? I mean, maybe. I don't know. We never know. No, you did have a solid YouTube following and income from that, that, you know, is more career-based out of any of the platforms.

That in Facebook. So I had, like, one of my videos was, like, $38 million on Facebook. Like, I got a lot of money off of those. So I was getting a pretty good money from the YouTube videos and Facebook, not really TikTok. But it sustained me to go back and finish my schooling and to get my mental health in order for a while. And then I got my business up and running. And so I was very grateful. And I can't wait to get it alive again.

Do you think if your mental health was a lot more stable back than you would have stuck with it? Oh, 100%. Absolutely. I mean, the only reason why I couldn't do it is because I hated myself. I didn't like myself. I didn't want to see myself on camera. I was not happy with what I was seeing. And I just, I just didn't like it.

But it's all about what is in your heart and what is in your mind. And if it's polluted and it's dark, then it's just not going to be enjoyable. Yeah, I remember seeing you in Texas. And there would be some days you didn't want to leave the room or come out shopping or, you know, or come to a video with us because you were going through those phases. And that was like I didn't necessarily understand at the time because I was only three months in, four months in to making videos. You know, I had barely 100,000 followers yet. Then as time went on, like, I probably would have quit had I not started the podcast

because I couldn't sustain that level of pressure and how draining it is energy-wise to get up and make those videos and do that. Like I see my good friend, J.D. Delay, what he has to do throughout a day, you know, to produce content. He's grinding 24-7 in front of that ringlight, making content and stuff. and I give them a lot of props for that. I couldn't do that, you know? Yeah.

And it's already draining enough to do interviews, you know, every day, but it's a different, it's different, you know? It's on a personal level, right? When you're sitting, it's like, so working with my clients, it's, it's, I still get to, like, be with somebody and help them as a person and share my, my stuff with them. It makes it so much different than grinding in front of a camera all day long and watching numbers go, numbers go, hoping they go, watching them not go. It removes that self-pressure because now you're engaging with another person that's also in the same passion as you.

And it's that natural energy is going to make it easy to do. What's your goal now that you're, you know, this is your first podcast interview you've done in years. Yeah. What's your goal coming back into kind of the spotlight working on your social media again? What do you want to achieve? So I want to let people know that you can make your life different. You literally control your future. And that's what I've chosen to do.

I've chosen to control my future. I have started my business at get unfiltered.org. And I hope to keep sharing my wisdom of what I do as my job through my content while still touching base with my experiences through life. but I'm on such another trajectory now. Like, I just, it's exciting to share. I can't wait to share it with people about, like, it's that whole, I just kind of flip my life upside down and then threw it up in the air now. It's just flying.

It's exciting. How will you protect your mental health this time around? Self care. So I am a health nut. Now I meditate three times a day. I do yoga in the morning. I do yoga at night. And that keeps me grounded.

It keeps me in a purpose full life. and it keeps me in my passion instead of waking up and going to a phone right away, checking your stats, right? I don't do that unplugged. I unplugged for a full year. And I continue to stay unplugged because it's not a lot of good out there anymore. So if I do get on something, it's with purpose and intent. And it's not to watch my numbers.

It's nice to have good numbers. It's how you can earn a living. But it feels better to just be. Now, if you could go back to your teenage self before you tried cocaine for the first time, what advice would you give her? Stay strong. It'll get better. I wouldn't have stopped any of it. I would have led everything that I have ever done up until today. I would let it glide because that built me. That gave me my purpose. That any change of one thing would have had. have a little trail effect of it, right? So I would just say, stay strong. It's going to be worth it. Cassie, I appreciate you coming out here and sitting down with me. I'm so glad we finally got to do this. Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here. Yeah. And you did a lot better than you thought you were.

I know you were a little nervous. I have to catch my breath. You work through it. And, you know, I'm very grateful and I'm excited to do your session soon. Yes. Ooh, I can't wait. It's Awesome. And we'll have you plugged in. on everything in the description in this episode. Awesome. Thank you, dear. Yeah, thank you. It's safe travels back.