Locked In with Ian Bick - Ex-Convict Reveals How He Survived Decades in Virginia Jails and Prisons | Jason Brewer

Episode Date: November 20, 2024

Jason Brewer shares his story of surviving decades in Virginia jails and prisons. In this interview, Jason talks about the challenges he faced, the survival tactics he used, and the lessons he learned. From navigating the prison system to rebuilding his life after incarceration, Jason provides a look at life behind bars and the realities of long-term imprisonment. #PrisonSurvival #LifeBehindBars #VirginiaPrisons #JailStories #IncarcerationJourney #PrisonSystemInsights #TrueCrimeInterviews #CriminalJusticeSystem Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Connect with Jason Brewer: YT: https://youtube.com/@freedomforged?si=PMlQMM5ldqftAPhv IG: https://www.instagram.com/freedomofthemindff?igsh=b2h5M3pwM2JtY3E3 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@freedomofthemindff?_t=8qqIoORQc8s&_r=1 Presented by Tyson 2.0 & Wooooo Energy: https://tyson20.com/ https://woooooenergy.com/ Thank you to our sponsors this week: Buy Merch: https://www.ianbick.com/shop Use code lockedin at checkout to get 20% off your order Timestamps: 00:00:00 Journey to New York: A 5-Hour Drive 00:05:57 Childhood Memories and Family Dynamics 00:12:01 Life with Dad: A Difficult Transition 00:17:50 Life Transition to Living with Grandparents 00:23:33 Life After Fairfax County Jail 00:29:40 Surviving a Coma and the Psych Ward 00:35:48 Jailhouse Conflicts and Survival Stories 00:41:31 Intense Jail Fight Experience 00:47:18 A Moment of Sobriety and Reflection 00:53:25 Overcoming Feelings of Worthlessness 00:59:21 Life Inside Prison: Not a "Tough Guy" Experience 01:05:30 Life in Virginia Prisons: A Firsthand Account 01:11:41 Birth of the "Soda Pop" Legend 01:17:40 Emergency Treatment 01:23:05 Survival Mindset in Prison 01:29:16 Overcoming Personal Demons and Seeking Redemption Powered by: Just Media House : https://www.justmediahouse.com/ Creative direction, design, assets, support by FWRD: https://www.fwrd.co Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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quite a journey for you to cut here. What was it, like a four-hour drive? It's a five and a half total, but it was beautiful. I was doing 93 on the New Jersey Parkway and getting passed. I was like, oh, my God. People drive fast. People do drive very fast. Yeah, but there wasn't a lot of traffic.

I got to go by New York. I got to see MetLife Stadium on the left and then kind of New York City on the right. It was pretty cool. Awesome. So what state did you come from exactly? I came from Fairfax, Virginia. Virginia, okay. It literally neighbors D.C.

So a lot of people won't know Fairfax, but they'll know D.C. Awesome. And did you grow up in Virginia? Yeah, I was born in a very small town, Winchester, Virginia. And then we moved to Florida from like three to six, and then six to eight, Manassas, and then basically Fairfax Sons. Isn't Winchester famous for something? Apples. Apples? Yeah, Apple Blossom.

Really? It's like the second largest fire parade or fire engine parade in the United States, Apple Blossom apples. Okay. Wasn't there like some type of horror thing based on Winchester? Is that like England or? Yeah, that would be Winchester maybe somewhere in England, but not Virginia. Okay, got it. We're apples.

Well, at least you guys got something. What was your family like growing up? Did you have a mom, dad, any siblings? I have two brothers, Bri-Bri, which is the older brother. He's three years older. And then my little brother, Travi, who's 18 months younger than me. You know, I basically grew up with my mom. You know, my dad wasn't around a whole lot around the age of 12.

He, you know, I made the mistake of moving in with him. My mom and I had a big five. I was like a daddy's boy and I always wanted to be with my dad. But my dad was like kind of, I want to say redneck because that's not, that's not right. Country boy. He liked to race cars, drink his liquor and his beer, fight. He's a tough man, very quiet, never talked. And he was content living in trailers and trailer parks and hunting cabins and stuff like that.

where my mom, who came from hell, her, if there was ever a woman to admire on this earth, it's my mom, she came from literal hell and got away from it, got out of Winchester, went to school, married up, got her kids out of that, because Winchester is either, especially back then, drinking, drugging, poverty, jails, institutions, or get the hell out, or be a country farmer, you know, there's like the good country folk, and then there was just the bad folk, and she was raised, God awful father, just a terrible, terrible life. And when she started having kids, I think, which was her escape from the hell she was living in, she got us out of there.

Did you guys stay together? I mean, did your parents stay together? Your mom and dad? No. My dad was never really, I don't ever remember them being together. My first memory in life is my little brother cutting his hand, watched my mom play softball, and he was in diapers. So I was probably two or three, three years old.

How do you think that affected your child? to the two of them not being together? I didn't realize it until today, not this instant, but until much later in life that when a child is raised with a mom and a dad in a stable home, they just produce, they're better children. And I think my mom did everything she absolutely could. I think my mom and my dad did the best they could with what they had.

You know, their suicide on both sides. My real grandfather and my mom's side, killed a man, killed himself, was going to kill everybody. And then my grandfather, my dad's side, told Aunt Jackie my dad's sister, every day he said, I'm going to shoot myself, I'm going to shoot myself, and Aunt Jackie said, no, you're not. Just shut up, Dad. And he went into the back room and put a 270 in his mouth and blew his head off.

So my brothers have been married and raised children, and both their children are great. One's in vet school for G-U-Tec. The other one, so there's Brian. I'm nervous. I'm talking too fast. There's Brian and Travis. Travis had Hannah and Alex, which were twins. One boy, one girl. They're both at Virginia Tech.

They're doing well. Hell, I think Hannah's still a virgin. She's like 23 years old. Like, she's super into the church, still lives at home. Although right now at school, she's not living at home, but they both live at home. Hell, Alex didn't even start driving to have to college. He only started driving to go to work. And he's at veterinary school, which he's super disappointed. Took him two tries.

I didn't know if that school was so hard to get into. and Hannah is sports medicine. Brian's children, one's a project manager, one's the FBI, not profiler, but they do background checks. They bought 20 acres of land in front row. They all lived together. Their grandchildren, their two boys, which are my brothers, four grandchildren, they all live together, and they're all really, really good kids. My two children were, you know, their dad, when they were nine months or four months old, went to prison. They were raised by their single mothers.

they are a hot mess. So now that I'm older and I can see having a nuclear family benefits to the children. So today my view has changed on that a lot. So I think, yeah, it did affect me, but not with any malice. I think my mom was trying to survive and keep us alive.

And she did the absolute best she could. But you were still closer with your dad, even though your mom was the one kind of raising you and taking care of you guys. I was, Travi was moms You know what I mean? Like Travi, my little brother was the most beloved child Still is

Like nobody loves Travi as much Travi is the most beloved member of our family And always has been I gravitated towards my dad I was a daddy's boy He would do little things that made me feel special Um Wake me up at 4 a.m. to go hunting

But we never really went hunting We'd go to this I don't know how to describe it It's like It was like a bar inside of a mountain It's hard to describe Because it was so dark And we'd go in

And I remember opening the door And there's all this smoke And there's just men Sitting at the bar drinking And I could drink as many of the little Back then in the 70s There were these little cokes Oh my God, I can drink as many as I want

And then he let me sit on his lap And drive up the mountain He only cried once that I can remember And then I was like 10 He wanted me to stay with him Still took me two years To get the courage to do it but I like that.

I liked, my dad was very strong to me. Very good look and you had thick, full head of hair. I didn't get it. I'm so pissed. How would your brothers describe you back then as a kid? Hellion. Hellion. I was always bad.

I made a terrible decision when I was six years old, and it took me to, I'm part of a 12-step program now. I just celebrated three years, two days ago, of this 12-step program. And then writing out a fourth and fifth step of this 12-step program, I realized that I made the biggest mistake of my life at six years old. And my conscience told me not to do it. I stole a silver dollar. But I was always the kid that after that moment I shifted,

after I stole that silver dollar and the consequences of stealing that silver dollar, the consequences were immense. And it altered who I was at that age for the rest of my life. And I was never able to trust people, especially men. I just didn't know how to function anymore. I always felt dirty and ugly. I couldn't pay attention in school anymore. So then I made an agreement with myself that I must not be very smart.

And it just took me down a different path. Why do you think you stole that silver dollar? I can't think. And I've thought about this for a long time. I'm glad you asked that question. We were poor. And when I say poor, I mean dirt poor. Like, we lived, I don't know if it's exactly Section 8th Housing, but we had no food, no money.

We bought our shoes. I have a bin at the supermarket. And I wouldn't know that now. Like, I know that now, but back then I didn't know, and I just thought that's what childhood was. You know, I thought when you visited Dad, you ate candy bars for them. That's what I thought it was. And with my mom, she did the best she could defeat us in race, but we didn't have any money. And as a selfish, stupid six-year-old, I wanted to play a video game, and we could never play video games because we never had any money.

and I knew that silver dollar because I was six and I was pretty sharp there was a little Italian restaurant where we lived in Manassas right behind late in Hall Elementary School. We lived in Stone Ridge and there was a highs and there was a little Italian restaurant and they always gave me sodas. I was like the little kid that would just pop in.

My mom couldn't watch this. She was working. I was always out and I always had my little brother in tow. However, I'd go there and they'd give me sores but they had an asteroid machine. I knew if I took that silver dollar I could play four games. And this is how creative I was at six years old Because we only had one pair of shoes And we were at my aunt Mary's

And when I stole the silver dollar I knew that if I hid my shoes My mom would have to go to work and I was able to miss school And so I hid my shoes And I missed school And I went down there And I gave the guy by silver dollar And he gave me four quarters

And he gave me the free soda And then a young man set up When my games were up He was like, well I know with a bum sleep And they have wallets You want to go get some more dollars? And I was just so stupid. I said, yeah.

And then, you know, there was no bombs. There are no dollars. You know, there was just an altering moment. And I think that that's what led, like, every sense of that moment, it just piled on because I was too scared to tell truth. I really thought that he would kill me if I told anybody. You know, he took me up on this, it's hard to describe. They're like oil thing.

in Manassas over there where he took me and it looked all sludgy and grossed in there he's like I'll fucking throw you in there if you say anything and I didn't and then it got worse you know so that was that was a mistake because didn't happen to someone that I really really

love and I'm not going to say who was because people are going to see this and I don't want to say anything to hurt anybody else but that haunted me forever I always felt like I was really weak I was really dirty I was really dumb and I felt just so gross all the time that I didn't I lost the ability to function normally at that point.

And that's where I became very aggressive all the time. Even at the age of like seven, I started thinking life would be better off if I wasn't here. And it was just a weird, a weird moment that it's so funny. I've been nervous because I don't, when I have to speak for someone in my recovery stuff, I go back to what it was like at the end of my drinking and stuff. Or whatever I was doing.

I don't, I don't break traditions. and I have to remember this stuff. So I thought the most important thing to do today would be real. Don't fake the phone. Try to give any person out there to hope like, oh, I understand where he's at today from where he was then and use anything that's happened from that point to this point as a measuring stick that you can change.

Things can alter. You don't have to keep that agreement with yourself, that I'm really dirty and ugly and stupid. So my brothers would say that I was kind of crazy. You know, I threw a butcher knife at my older brother. I just didn't, I just, I would go from talking to completely, I would, like, I'd lose moments of time. I'd be blacked out and come back. And I started to get real distant in school.

Did you end up finishing, like, middle school and going into high school? I made it to the ninth grade before I was just done with school. I was completely kicked out of school at that point. My mom had given up. I think I'm trying to think I was 15 years old when I lost my virginity I was 15 when my dad died I was 12 when he told me he didn't want to see me again we never spoke again after that wait what happened with your dad I asked my mom if I could live with dad because I came home and she was giving me a ration and shit about something and I was like I'll go live with dad and she just laughed it was the end of the summer I just spent a week with him she's like sure I'll call him right now and living with dad is completely different than visiting with dad. It's cool when dad drinks on the weekends and has fun, and I get to see all my cousins,

and we get to run around and do whatever we want, because, you know, but living with dad was a little different. I had step-sister and stepbrother. I had a particular, like, stepmom that thought it was her job to beat me. You know, my mom whooped our ass. My mom was the enforcing. My dad was just scary as hell.

My dad was very big, very strong, very quiet, and would just look, and that was enough. He only hit me twice. He backhanded me when I pushed my little brother down. And then he beat me with a belt when he caught him smoking at like 10 years old. We were like puffing cigarettes. And my little brother, my two little brothers, Aza, which is my stepbrother and my little brother. They got two wax with the belt bare ass.

And then I was the oldest, so I got four. Oh, my God. We had bruises across our blood. It was awesome. So why did he end up passing away? My dad had been wrecking cars his entire life. He would go race. He'd build them.

But he was in the car with some guy. I never met him. I didn't know him because I'd seen him for three years. And the guy sworeved to miss a dog on a back road. And when he sworeb, because they were going fast in a Mustang, he swirved to miss the dog and hit the embankment. It shot my dad out of the car. That didn't do anything.

But the car rolled over him and broke his neck. He still held on for another day or so. How did that affect you when he passed away? Because you had such a good relationship with him. Oh, I hadn't seen him since I was 12. And I had a mental breakdown when he refused to see me for my 12. birthday, but always held on to the idea of seeing him again.

When he, because Molly, that's what I was saying, Molly Barnes, who I was, my first arrest was at Army Navy Country Club at 12. Ironically, I was working at Army Navy Country Club in Fairfax County. I was the grill boy. And Molly Barnes was, she just

finished her freshman year at Ole Miss. She was the head lifeguard. And we went out and she was drinking. I hadn't started drinking yet. And she was drinking grain alcohol and sunk. kissed and I lost my virginity tour that night. Holy shit, I was in love. So anyhow, she ended up falling in love with me, but then my dad died and I just remember something broke inside me. It just broke. I actually felt like I was having a good life at that point. You know, I was

spending summers at Uncle Ray's Lakehouse. My mom and I's relationship was doing okay. Molly was telling me to go back to school or get a GD, go to, like I was starting to get some good guidance. And then when he died, that was it. I started drinking a lot. I started fighting a light. Like my hand, I don't know if you guys can tell. My hand is just mulled. It's been broken so many times. I literally couldn't hold a soda pot bottle when I came out of. I could not do this when I came home or open a soda pot bottle when I came out of prison. Because I took the cast off, but at that point, I just started fighting all the time. I get drunk and fight. Because I didn't have the ability to express myself. I didn't know how to say I'm sad and I miss my dad.

I didn't know how to say, hey, I feel dirty. I didn't know how to say any of that. The only way I could function is to drink, get really. USAA knows dynamic duos can save the day, like superheroes and sidekicks or auto and home insurance. With USAA, you can bundle your auto and home and save up to 10%. Tap the banner to learn more and get a quote at USAA.com slash bundle. Restrictions apply. Upset and then explode.

Had you told anyone about the silver dollar incident? I lied and said Philip did it. I told my older brother Philip did it And then they went hunting Philip But it wasn't Philip And it was it was like a quick thing And in my family Like I will catch out for this

If this gets seen You don't fucking tell family secrets Keep your fucking mouth shut You know And that's why I will admit Certain details So you're kind of living with guilt for a while That was building up mixed with your dad's passing

And you had a lot of anger and resentment Built up in you And then it's just started to explain. Then it was, it's weird how I started falling into the criminal life. At 12, it was silly. We were, you know, it was in wintertime. We were running around the Army Navy Country Club as trespassing, no big deal.

But at 15, I got into a fight with some long hair guys because back then, it's weird. I had hair back then. I had great hair. But I always rocked a ball cap because my older brother gave me an Alabama ball cap. And I didn't like the long hairs. Even though I hung out with people that had longer hair, it was. It's weird. But these guys were picking on Baby Boss. Baby Boss's mom had died from cancer. And he was my little brother's friend. He was tiny. He's a little guy. He was 12 or 13 years old, but little. He was little for any age. And these guys were picking on him. I just went off and I hurt this guy. I just kept, I wrapped his own hair around my hands and just kept kneeing him until I pulled out both locks. So that was my first malicious wounding. And it got dropped down to a simple assault. but I kept violating probation.

I kept going to June. And I'd run away because Molly, after her second year at Ole Miss, went to O'DU. She transferred to Old Dominion. And so whenever I get pissed off at home, I'm like, I'm going to go see Molly and have her come get me. And what did she think about your anger and your fighting and drinking? Her and Shane Bates, Shane Bates was my buddy. I only had a couple friends. I've never been one to have a lot of friends because I really didn't know how to be a friend, to be honest with you.

And people would get tired of it. Like, you know, they'd be like, come on, man. You're going to flip out tonight. We don't want to see that shit. So Shane and Molly were like, you are a completely different person when you drink. We don't like being around you when you drink. They didn't like it. And then with Molly, she was just very loving.

She was madly in love. I don't know how a woman three years older fell in love with this kid, but I think because I was damn as goods. I always think women fall in love with damage goods. It's probably why I married the woman I did. So what happens next? You're going through those years. You should have been in high school, kind of just out on the street, doing your own thing? I was out on the street, running around.

My mom sent me to live with my grandparents when I was 17, and then she was like, you got to go. Because they gave me a suspended sentence to Beaumont. Beaumont is like juvenile prison. And my mom was like, we've got to get you out of here to turn 18. So they sent me to live in the forest. The Ocala Forest, where my grandparents were living. Not my original granddad. As soon as Grandpa of Penwell died,

Grandma ended up with Grandpa Cruz down in Florida. And they had Cruise Landlian Lake Delancey because of the Creek Indian Heritage Right Blood that my grandfather had. His father was full creek. He was Half Creek. And all the way up to the grandchildren go to any Florida school, like Florida State, any Florida college for free because of the settlement. So they had Cruise Land, Lake Delancey.

And it literally was three miles back on unpaved roads where cars kind of, You had to keep your wheels in the sand to get back to the compound. And I was back there for about eight months. But then I started drinking a lot because in 17 down there, it's okay to drink. And I was getting drunk. And I was too much from my grandparents. They sent me back. And when you say sent you back, you went back to your moms.

Yeah, my mom came down to visit with my little brother, and they just took me back. So then what happens after that? As soon as I came home, I got into a fight. This is the one that's in the papers. The YT guys were going around. They called themselves the young terrorist. Just a bunch of high school kids, black and white, thinking that they were gangbangers, which gang banging and fair.

Well, back then, anyhow, maybe now. And they would go to parties and just wreck people. And they came to a party we were at and we were waiting. And the irony of it all is, is I was high and I was drunk. I wasn't, when I smoked weed, I didn't want to fight. I didn't want to be involved in any of that shit. Matt Saunders and I were hitting on some girls. I was like, oh, shit, this is going to be a really good night.

And they came in and said, Jay, baby brewers out there. They got baby brewers, which is my little brother, Travi. And something clicked in my head, and I ran out. And first I broke the window of a car and pulled a guy out. And then I looked up, and George Reyes had a brick, and he was running down on my little brother. So I ran up and hit George Reyes in back of the head. When he fell, I took a cane from someone.

I can't remember who, but I beat his eye out of his head. And they charged me with malicious wounding. Of the three of us that got charged, Matt Dinger, Nelson Estrada, myself. They were adults. I was a juvenile. And they got these great pleas. They went to PRC and work release. I went to trial because I didn't think they could win.

I didn't see how 20 kids could be jumping on 20 other kids. And then I get found. And I had lots to my mom and said I didn't. do it. So I had a three-day trial and I lost. So I got five years, two and a half suspended. They certified me as an adult, move me over to the adult jail. And you were at 17 when I was I turned 18 at that point. Oh, my cow. So the guys I literally popped out of his head. Popped out, but they've got it back in. He just lost a lot of vision. But, and this wasn't a self-defense type of case? No, because, you know, I've learned since then.

Let's say you and I decide to have mutual combat. And I'm like, I don't like you. And you're like, I don't like you, let's fight. And if we're fighting and you fall down, I say, okay, we had our mutual combat and I said, but if I continue to hurt you while you're down, then it's assault. And then if you use a weapon, it's a malicious wounding, because it's with the intent to

maim, disfigure, deface or kill. And I popped his eye out. He lost vision, but he got his eye back. So what was your angle at trial then? Like, what's the defense? I just said it wasn't me. And so how do they prove it to you when there's that many people? All those tough gangbangers got on the stand. And I made the mistake.

I wanted him to know it was me. I was in a rage. I was like, this is Jason Brewer. I'm doing this to you. You know, and for whatever reason I took pride in that then. And I thought it was, I thought it was something that had to be said. I think he deserved to know who it was. I wanted him to know, because we'd all been beefing.

Like, they had jumped Nelson Strata. They had jumped me. They had jumped me. Hit me in the head with a baseball bat in front of my mom. Like, you know, this has been a little war going on between our fashion and their fashion. but neither one of us they try to be a gang. We weren't a gang.

They called us the Pickett Road Boys. But it's all because we hung out of Pickett 7-Ewen, like after school, because all my friends went to Woodson. I wasn't in school. I was supposed to be in Fairfax, but my friends went to Woodson, and Woodson is where the 7-Eleven was,

and we go there and hang out, get cigarettes or dip or skate, or go hang out, go drink at the box and stuff like that. Wow. Yeah, that's the social. So they made it a gang thing, but if they had the numbers

and they saw one of us, it was on it. If we had the numbers and saw one of them, it's definitely a one. So was this like small town vibes? Like everyone kind of knew who everyone was. The cops knew who you were? No, because Fairfax is a very large county. But most of the people did know, you know, they knew who was with YAT.

And they knew, you know, they knew Jim, not Jim Kelly, Chuck Kelly, Billy Garland, and a few of the other ones that were on that side. And the Brewer boys were known, baby Brewer and Brewer. Like me and my little brother were just known. Not for being badass. It's just because we were known. I don't know why because we were always together, I reckon. So you get the five-year sentence?

Which is two and a half, which I did 12 months a one. Okay, so you only do 12 months in an adult facility prison? Well, I just stayed in Fairfax County Jail. But yeah. Excuse me, oh, my God, I edit that out. Now you're good. And then, I said a joke, we don't tell you about it to me. I went to a three-day-a-week drug and alcohol outpatient thing afterwards.

So when I was released that probation, I started sleeping with Story Ellis. She's kind of look her up. You really remember everyone's names very well. Oh, yeah, I'm really good. At one time, I could read something and just about memorize it, but now not so much. That's a good trait to have. Yeah, it's pretty cool at times.

But then there's the memories that I can't let go. Yeah. We all have those. Yeah. So, yeah, so story. It's funny. It's fun. I used to brag. I used to know everybody's phone number.

So 73, 273. That's helpful in prison. Yeah, 3, 4, 6, 96. I used to remember everybody's phone numbers. Like my mom, my older brother lived with his dad. We had different dads, and he lived out in Winchester, Virginia. And my mom would be like, what's Brian's phone number? I said, 5406-6-7-5-6-2.

And I was like 10, 11, 12. She's like, thank you, honey. She'd have to break out her book because we didn't have phones back then. You have to break out your phone book and go down the list to Brian and then dial. There's a big effort to do that. So you're going to now these classes three days a week after the 12 months. Yeah, and everybody's in there are older guys. And they're all talking about crack, crack, crack.

And I never tried crack. I had, like, done some mushrooms. I smoked a little weed and I liked to drink. I wasn't even drinking hard liquor back then in vodka occasionally. Oh, yeah, I had a real bad incident with the, God, dang, I forget the name of it. I can't even take the smell of it anymore. But I said, I want to try crack. And they're like, don't do it.

Worst mistake you'll ever make. And there's this guy, Brian Murphy, he was hysterical. He worked at Benegans. He had like a DWI. And so we left and he's like, hey, you want to go have some beers? And I was like, sure. We were at Fair Oaks Mall, which is where Benegans is, which is about 10 minutes or so from where the class was at.

And we're having some beers and I came out and I run into Eric Yule. Eric Yule was in juvenile with me. And Eric Yule was on my side. They didn't like the YTs. And he was from around when we didn't like, in like that fashion. So we kind of were buddies in there. And he's like, damn, Jay.

Good to see you, man. I was like, good to see you, bro. What are you doing? Oh, yeah. I said, yeah, I did a year. He's like, you want some acid? I was like, sure. Like, I haven't seen you such juvie.

And you're offering me some acid? Absolutely. I'll take some acid. And so Brian and I are eating this acid. We're drinking some beers. Because we didn't drink at Benegans. We drank at a, I don't know, it was a Mexican place.

I can't think of it now. And he was like, do you really want to smoke Greg? I was like, yeah. And so the next thing I know, I am tripping balls. The acid is kicked in, and we're going down 66 into D.C. And I was like, oh, shit, I guess we're really going to go do this. But I had no idea what's happening.

I don't know exactly what's going to go on. But then we parked the car, which we lost, which was funny, because I had to call Molly. I'm like, hey, I'm lost in D.C. come get me. Anyhow. And we get out on the street, and we're walking. Like, what are we doing? He's like, we're getting it. I'm like, where?

And we pass these kids. And I say kids, they're like eight or nine years old on bicycles. And he was like, what's up? Give me this. And they're like, nah, you police. And we walk up maybe one more street in the same kids pull up with a handful of crack. We give them some money. And then out of nowhere, some tripping balls.

This guy comes out of nowhere and like, we can smoke up here. And we go up into, I guess, what's called a trap house, crack house. Oh, my God. We go into the bathroom. And Brian tells me how to hit it. Like we crouched up a can and we poked holes in it. We put ashes on there. He put it on there.

He's like, now hit it, but not real hard, but hit it. And hold it as long as you can. And so I did it. And when I exhaled, I slid down the wall. I literally, I was like, holy shit. And I'm tripping. I was like, oh, shit. And I looked to my left and it's sludge.

I remember the bathtub. It was sludge. It wasn't white. That's for sure. It's just too dirty with a wheelchair in it. And then kind of like here was the, the, toilet sludge and nastiness. And I said, oh shit, I'm a crack.

Like that, I couldn't get that thought out of my head. So we did a little bit more there. Then we left. We went back to his house. We spoke some more there. But then we ended up at Benegans after hours drinking. And I can't get the thought out of my head that I just, I'm sorry. I just smoked crack.

I was tripping. So I called my mom because I still lived at home. I was only 19. I just turned 19. I did my year because I was September 20th, 1991. I got arrested. I was released September 21st, 1992, and then in November, because I'm going to return 51.

November I turned 19, and I was in this class. I called my mom. It was like, 2.30 in the morning. It's like, oh, my God, I was running. I was no crack. And I started crying. Oh, my God. She came and got me.

And then she took me to a psychiatrist the next day. And they just said it was a manic episode. Don't worry about it. And that's where it all just went downhill. Because then I just, I hooked up with people that. did that and then I just kept getting probation violation after probation violation and then I really went down a dark rabbit hole with that at 21 I'd started prostituting I couldn't keep a job I never really had a job I was couch surfing and at 21 I tried to take my life a friend of mine um Greg he was he was

dying he was dying and um I went to his uh medicine closet and there was all this stuff like it was just volumes at percassette and i said whenever i whenever i whenever this party ends because he always goes to sleep i'm going to sneak in i'm going to take all the pills i'm going to pound that bottle of vodka and i'm going to end it because i i don't like who i am i lost story at this point you know everything was real dark i didn't have much communication with anybody my family um i had nothing to live for at all. And I took all the pills and I drank the vodka thinking he would sleep

twice. I was naive. It wasn't a false attempt for sure. I just didn't know how long it would take. And he woke up about eight hours later came out, saw I was blue, called the first he cleaned up any

drug pair for night. And then the ambulance came and got me. I fell into a coma. That's happened twice. and then about 12 days later, I thought I was dead. When I came out of the coma, my mom was holding my hand praying. My mom doesn't pray. My mom isn't, you know, she believes in God, but not, she's not like Christian or anything like that.

And I thought I was dead. And then I went back to sleep, and then I finally came out of it. And the horrible part is that they put me in a psych ward. And it's Christmas time. And my mom wants to somehow bring me home. And the family ain't having it. And she came to visit me at the cycle where to talk to me. And I was like, you know, mom, I was out in some stupid kid.

I was like, I was living in the cosmos. So you decided to fuck. And then you brought me into this shitty world. Get out of here. Leave me alone. Stay away from me. It was so horrible. I was such a horrible child.

To my mom, it's hard to think about this stuff now because the mom loves unconditionally. And she just knew I was in pain. but, you know, and it never got better from there. How long were you in the psych ward? Only like seven, ten days. I signed down the AMA. What was that like, the psych ward? Sleeping a lot.

I've been to a couple of psych wards. They're nothing. They're nothing. Are those voluntary or involuntary? Well, I was committed at first, but then after, when they believe you're stable, it's either follow the direction of the doctor, or you can sign out AMA against medical advice. and I signed out of AMA and went and headed my moms.

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and the best selection of Rettestine tires. Go to Tirec.com to see their Red Astine test results, tire ratings, and reviews, and be sure to check out all the special. special offers. Tire rack.com, the way tire buying should be. For a little, because there's a warrant out for my arrest. And what was it a warrant for?

Just probation violation. Okay. Because you kept violating from that initial sentence. Like back then, you'd give a urine and then they had to send it out and then, you know, when it came back in. And I'd always just stop reporting. Were your brothers down the same path as you? No, my brothers are angels.

My older brother got his top secret through Lockheed Martin. started he did security for a while then he did HVAC work for them on the side he did a landscaping business and then he ended up joining with a guy named jason ironically not me and they were in the union he was doing HVAC work now he works for the like the city of front row my little brother married is funny Chrissy is five years older than him like we must have a pension for older women because mom was three years older Chrissy was five years older than Travi. They started dating when I got arrested for the malicious wounding, but it was on the secret.

They ended up getting married when he was 21. He went to welding school. He started welding for Fairfax County. He's been welding for Fairfax County. And now he's a supervisor and has a great life. They have a beautiful house. Coal pepper, two beautiful children. Did you envy them at all when you were going through your life?

I wish I was a better person. And they were great examples. They're great parents. They love me the best they could. It's difficult to love someone like me. I had a friend say this recently. Like, God, I love you, Jason. But damn, you sure do make it hard to like you.

Which is weird. I was like, that's powerful. I've heard that before. So you get out of the psych ward, you're like 21, 22. 21? 21. What happens next? Just right back to it.

Right back to the drugs and alcohol. I'd get moments of sobriety, very short. short, very short moments. You know, I was just lying, you know, check it to an Oxford house for a little bit. I always went to work for Randy and Randy smoked, so I'd end up with him. I think when I was 25 years old, I had somehow miraculously gotten two women pregnant at the same time, which is a marvel that I wasn't on drugs long enough to do that, that I would be off drugs long enough to do that. But I had to a big fight with Story at Christmas.

And I was 24 because it was just jail Like I got my lip bitten off in jail Because I'd go back to jail for six months Eight months, nine months, four months, three months, One weekend, two weekends Like I was constantly going back to Jail. I have two really funny jail stories If you ever want to hear him.

Yeah, get on us. Okay, so I was 20 years old. And I'll hold you, and this is one of the things I have a mild disdain For these guys like West Walton And these clowns that get on these And this dude, I can't give his name I think of him. I've been calling him out for a while.

Who? Anybody comes home acting that tough? You were not. I promise you, you were not. Who is it? West Walt? Yeah, who else? West Walt and, shit, what's his name?

I've been calling him out for a while. Because he's from Virginia, and he tells these stories. From Virginia. He's from Virginia. His name's, oh, shit, I had it all my head to do it. Like, I remember all the names and not that one. Okay. Well, we know Wes Watson, yeah.

Yeah, well, West Watson's a clown. I've been calling him a clown. Now he's getting exposed, but he's the, I get suspended for the shit. say to him. Like, meet me at street beef, punk. You're a clown. You're contradicting yourselves and your stories. And then, damn it. What's this guy's name? I got to know it now

because now. Because he does the same thing. They block me. They'll get me suspended for the shit I say. And I'm not. You've got some beef coming. I try. I try to get him. It's from Virginia. We'll figure it out. But anyhow, I'm

in jail. And I'm 20 years old. I'm up on the third floor. which, you know, the B floor is for, we call it the bitch floor, but it's not. It's just for first timers. Then you get the A floor, which is Segg and J. L.L. and Hulling and L4, which is the actual hole. But third and four floor were what, consider maximum security back then. And it's just because I was young, kid. I've been in and out of jail.

So they put me up there. And there's this guy named Alan Younger. Never forget it. Alan Younger. 6.5. 275. Southeast D.C. She's driving up fucking wall, man. So anyhow, I get the TV turned off.

at night when wrestling's playing because I'm playing cards. Now there's three black guys in me and we're playing cards and we're all like, set that shit, you know, talking shit and I get the TV turned off. They blame me for the TV getting turned off. And the deputies because there's deputies in jail, CEOs in prison. Some jails have deputies, but

Fairfax County Jail was deputies. And it was Heflin. So I was like, let me out, let me out. I go out and there's a center pod. I's like, yo, Heflin, I'll be quiet. I'll go to my room, you know, don't take the TV from the guys, they're like, all right, bro, go up then, shut up. All right.

But everything's good that night. But he gives me a look. You know, he said something, and, like, fucking white boy. And I said, what? I didn't like that shit. I never liked that shit. And so I gave him a look like, what? And nothing happened then, but the very next day we're playing Spades.

He's watching stories, like, young and the restless or something stupid. And I get the TV turn off again. I'm like, yo, I'll be quiet. Like, nah, that's it, two hours TV. And he said again, my fucking white boy for getting this place. I said, what are you talking to? Man, holy shit. He stood up and walked over, and I can't express to you, because I am a crackhead.

I'm six, one and a half. I'm 170 pounds if I'm 170 pounds. And he's like, wait for getting his place. And he poked me, right? Oh, shit. And I knew I was going to fight him, but I wasn't going to give him a fair one. Hell no. So he went back and sat down.

And back then we had these blue chairs. They were plastic with little handles. and I waited for him to go set down and the whole pod's looking he's embarrassed me and no matter what's going to happen so I ran up behind him and I hit him as hard as I possibly could

I mean I ran up behind him and just stole him in the side of his face wow bang and none of this is bullshit he goes that's what I'm talking no he goes oh you want to hear somebody do you and when he stood up his chair sitting to me so I grabbed his chair and I start

whacking him with the chair and he's trying to get away from me and then Michael something I forget his name he was from DC he took a step to him that's a duck old motherfucker and when I turned around He had turned around. So I threw the chair at me, and he called.

He said, want to hit people with chairs, do you? And he came over and hit me. That's why his finger is still fucked up. It still bends. I was like, ah! And my finger literally shot, it went, did too. This folded and then this folded over. So it looked like that.

And I'm looking at it. He's whacking me with the chair. And so I'm looking at my finger all jacked up. So I grab it and pull it straight and a guy slides me a chair. So I'm whacking this giant in his legs with a chair. And he's beating the hell. my bridge my nose was all messed up. And Michael Chapman,

who was my little brother's future brother-in-law because he hadn't got married yet? God damn it, Jason, calm down. And he put the slot in the mace. And I was like, oh, shit. So he backs up and goes to put down his chair, and I'm kind of putting mine down slow. When he put it straight down,

I went to throw my chair out of him, and he picked his chair back up. I said, okay, fuck it. And then he transferred to D.C. So I only spent one night in the hole and came back up. 21 years old, I'm in 3-North 4,

And Darren Williams, not the basketball play. Darren Williams, about 5 foot 9, 195 pounds. I'm a crackhead in there. But I've been out of jail and all my life. So I don't know. I play dirty hearts. I play spades. I do the push-ups.

I do the sit-ups. I'll go into the room and go to the body. It doesn't matter. I'm not black, but I'm not scared. But there was some scared of white dudes. And he started bullying people. And I was like, and I got it in my head. That fucker tries me as on.

He don't even know. I'm not the one. You know, I call the bullshit you tell you. And I put a note on the phone, Jason, phone, because there's no clock. I said 7.30. So you have to keep touching the TV to see what time it was. And at like 705, he went over there and looked at the note and threw it. And dialed out.

No, it was 715 because I was calling Story. I was calling, ironically, Benegans, where she was working. She ended up working in Beneggans. How funny is that? And so I kept checking the TV. And back then, phone calls were 30. minutes. So I walked over and, you know, and, yo, it's my phone.

And he had turned a trash can upside down, a little trash can. I don't see one in here. And he said, he was like, I don't know. So I don't know. Something on the phone. So I was on his shoulder. I was like, yo, you got 10 seconds, homie. And he hangs up the phone and he goes over to the picnic table.

And I get through and I break the block because you have to hit it with your shower shoe. And I break through the block. And just that story is about to accept the phone call, he, me. I was like, yo what? He's like, what were you going to do after 10 seconds? I said, I was going to take the fucking phone. And he said, oh, okay.

Just as calm as he could be. And he walked over to the picnic table. And I don't remember the one name. He said, yo, red. And then he said another name, and these trees came out of their cells. And I'm telling you, man, it was so calm. He goes, when that white boy gets off of that phone, I'm going to take him in that room and beat the hell out of him.

I said, we ain't got to wait. Man, I don't know why I said that. And I don't know why I did that. but you can see this beautiful scar I had where he bit my lip off. I go over and swing on him, and he can actually fight, fight, like street fight, and he is beating the fucking breaks off of me. So I'm grabbing, I grabbed him, and I thought him over by the phone, and I try to run over and kick him, and I swear he just blocks it, boom, boom,

and he's beating the shit out of me. What it sounds like is, my boy, I had a boy in there with me, and he's like, yo, this is what y'all, that's all you can hear, because we were punching the show of each of, but I just know his rating out a much higher frequency. And I'm thinking to myself where we're fighting, because I'm starting, because when you fight for two minutes, or when I fought for two minutes,

I ran out of gas. I could feel, that's what happened in street beats. I lost both fights because I couldn't breathe. I could feel that I was, like, running out of breath. And I remember thinking, why aren't these deputies breaking the shit up yet? So I grabbed him, and I threw him over by the window,

like I threw him with the last bit of energy I had over by the windows, hoping these damn police would see it and come in and break the shit up. But they already saw it. Everybody had already locked in, but I wasn't thinking like that. He didn't stand up, so I slid up on him. When I went over there, I just kind of walked over to him and slid up on him, and I grabbed him, and I'm hitting him, and he's hitting me,

and I see that he's got a big welt on his face. So I headbutting him, and I go to bite his cheek, and I guess he got the same notion because he bit my lip. And when I ripped back to headbutting him again, he had tore my lip off, and I head butted him, and he was kind of stunned, and I pushed myself up, and I'm hitting him as the police come in, but I have no pop left. I have nothing.

There's no juice in my punches. The damnedest thing happened, they handcuffed me, and they help him up. And when they helped him up, oh, my God, he hit me so hard. Like, there's a saying, all the bitch came out of me. All the bitch came out of it. He hit me so hard. I go, oh! And they front.

Then they slam me. He hits me so hard. I'm falling. They slam me down. They get me cuffs. And I got, like, if you were like a sink that's just running a little bit, a steady stream, not drip, drip, but a steady stream. That's what the blood.

coming out of my face look like and I was tripping I was like oh shit hey I know I'm going to the hole but I think I need to see medical and they're like don't speak don't talk brewer don't talk and they took me down to to medical and the nurse is like touching all around my face and was anybody seen it does anybody know where it is I'm what and Fred Foistead comes in he because I have his lip right here on the request form and I remember my eye because I said you got to go down the elevator and you got to go down B floor to get to medical and all the B4 cats know when there's a fight upstairs because all the deputies run upstairs.

And there's all these little faces looking and people are like literally doing this. Like they're in the, you only got a little thing. They're going, oh, that's how it's called me down. I felt my eye closing. My face, my lip is bitten off and it's bleeding, but I don't know what I look like. I just know that these guys are going, oh, shit. Anybody that saw me when I was going down B floor? And I remember going, my lip.

And because my eye was so swollen, the tear was so fat that it came up and over my eye. And then I went and got four hours of plastic surgery at first. Perfect's hospital. Holy cow. Yeah. And then my brother came and saw me and laughed at me because my mom came to see me. She sees my face. Because after the surgery, it looks like my whole face is like something, but it's not.

It was just real swollen. Those stitches were like up to here. And my brother's like, and I took a kiss. And my mom was crying. My little brother was like, hey, got your ass whooped. Yeah. What did your lip look like missing? Like, was it just like?

I had pictures of it because the police, the deputies took Polaroids of it. And I've lost them over the years. You know what it actually looks like? Little pieces of, it's red, but you can see little pieces of fat in there. Holy cow. Because he bit it here and it ripped off. I don't know if you want to get close enough, but you can see it. It all fades out over there.

Wow. So it went down and over where it ripped off. So those are my really great jail stories. So now it's 25. It's Christmas time, you were saying. No, it was 25. I turned 25. Oh, shit.

You're right. We got off the track that way. I was 25 in Story Ellis and I got to this huge fight. Because it's always off and on, off and on. I went out to Winchester. I had a cousin out there. My dad's side of the family and my mom's side, but mainly I went to see my dad's side of the family.

And I went out. I don't have a car. I hitched out there with a bag. I met some girl. Her sister, this is how redneck and podunk, Winchester is. Her pregnant teenage sister, because she's 18 and older,

was fighting pregnant, like eight months pregnant, in a parking lot, not a jiffy loo, but like a jiffingot. Like some podunk store. And then after the fight, she put me in her car and we went out, and when the friends she was with had vodka, and I'm drinking vodka with her, she wasn't really drinking. I was drinking at the Denny's, and I started hitting on her.

Next thing I know, we're in the side pocket in this little tiny-ass escort. And I'm having sex. I'm crushing. I'm like, hey, I have to. I have to release now. And women in Fairfax, like, get that thing out. Wear a condom.

Put it, come anywhere but inside me. She's like, oh, I can't get pregnant. I was like, what? Also, of course, we were pregnant 30 days later because I had it a few more times. And then when she's like, I'm pregnant, I was like, you told me you couldn't get pregnant. Like, I'm a crackhead. I'm working. I don't even have a job.

I'm literally couch surfing in Winchester. He's like, oh, after the miscarriage, I didn't think I'd get pregnant. I said, you were pregnant before? Oh, shit. sitting in the chair. I picked up the chair and smashed it. She fell. Her sister was on the phone with the pole. America's first pledge was freedom. Jeep still carries that fighting spirit.

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So this is the second kid. So when she's pregnant, I flip out, stay in Winchester for like three months. I come back to Fairfax. And, of course, I call Story immediately. And she's like, did you get married while you were going? I was like, no. She's like, did you get anybody pregnant? I was like, ironically, I did.

And at that moment, and she'll deny it to this day, bullshit. We had sex seven times a day. She's like, it feels better when you come in me. It feels better when you come in me. I've been with you off and over seven years. Never once have I come than you. All of a sudden, it feels better when you come in me. And then she got pregnant.

And I was sober. I was staying sober for that month. We must have sex 500 times that month. And when she said she was pregnant, she's like the only stipulation, she's like, I'll take care of you, we'll figure everything out, because she comes from a lot of money. but you can't, can't party anymore. My, my first thought was challenge accepted.

And I literally left because we were staying in Sterling at the time. I went, I went in D.C., I said, take me to a meeting. I'm not going to say what kind of meeting. Take me to my meeting. And when she left, I went right into D.C. And when she found out, she's like, all right, I'm moving with my parents in Westchester, Philadelphia. Then she ended up going to school in Westchester, Pennsylvania, or New York for our school and now she's a relatively well-known artist.

Wow. So all throughout your 30s, you're just going through the same cycle. No, I went to prison at 25. I came home at 40. So what happens at 25 then? So I have two girls pregnant. Okay. And I'm back to basically selling my body, robbing people,

getting shot at, getting pistol whipped. Like, I'm literally on the verge of dying every day. And I just made, it's so weird. I'm thinking back, I remember being with some people and I wasn't willing to, I wasn't willing to just go into DC and grab and go anymore. I've been shot at, pistol whip, jumped. My mom was worried every night I was going to die. She'd come see me just to give me money and cigarettes. I haven't smoked every two months now, by the way.

That's a big deal for me. I said to, I said to, I got to put in some more snus. Snus, what's snus? Zen. Isn't that just as bad as smoking? No. Tucker Carlson, who's a 23-year sober person, says that this is good for you. It's natural testosterone. Zin. They put a little nicotine in it. Smoking has all the bad stuff in it. This is good for you. Yeah, but it rots your teeth and gum.

No, this is not tobacco. So what is it? It's just, there's a little bit nicotine in the white pouch. That's it? No tobacco at all. Really? Yeah, none. A little nicotine in it. I didn't know that. Yeah. And I said to the people I was with, I'm like, I'm going to rob the Blue Max gas station.

I'm like, yeah, yeah, I am. Pull over. And right before I robbed it, I called my friend Randy, who I'd always smoked with. I said, hey, I want to rob the Blue Max gas station. And he was like, don't do it. I'll take you to a detox. We'll get you help. I was like, no, no, bro, I don't deserve that.

I said, I don't deserve help. And I hung up in my cutoffs, walked into a Blue Mac gas station and robbed it with a fake gun. I said, give me the money. He's like, no. Give me the money. Like using your hand? No, I had a fake gun. It was like a pow-pow.

It was so plastic. It was so fake. Like a cap gun. Yeah, exactly like a cap gun. And he would give it to me to I put the gun down. I put the gun down. He opened up the register. And in my mind, I thought it would be like in the movies.

Like, give me the money. And they put it in a paper bag. Hell no. He's like, you get it. And so I grabbed the money. And I was like, lift up the register because I didn't want a fingerprint. Now I'm in here with cameras everywhere. No mask.

No gloves. No dothie. A pair of shorts. I have a, the only tattoo I had time and said, story. It's like, a fucking idiot. And I didn't want to touch the cash register. And I was like, lifted up the big bills

are underneath there. He's like, you left it. So I was like, and there was no big bills. And I was like, and it's so stupid. I was like, there's a big black guy with a gun over there. If you call the cops, he'll shoot you. He's like, get the fuck out.

So I ran out and went in D.C. And as I were going in D.C., all the police were coming. And then I kind of kind of got a big high from that. I robbed the Blue Max gas station. Then I robbed the Citgo gas station. Then I jumped over the table at a record and tape exchange because they kept their money in a cigar box. I did that. And then the people I was like, hey, we can go to Virginia Beach because it's summertime.

We can go to Virginia Beach. There's lots of scams there. And then, of course, there's no scams to be had. I robbed. And this is the one that made me feel bad. I went and bought a pellet gun. And I robbed a Chinese restaurant. A Chinese restaurant.

Yeah. For money or for the food? For money. And they screamed. Nobody screamed before. They were all annoyed before. Like with the sitcom, I like had a leather man or a handyman. Like he's called a leather man.

It has like branch and pliers and shit. Yeah, leatherman, yeah. Yeah, I was like doing it like it was a butterfly knife. I was like, give me the money. He's like, there's no money in here. I was like, give me the money. It was $85. I got $800 and change for the one.

The second gas station was $85 on the head. And then the record in the check exchange was like 300 and something. Then I robbed a guy for over $2,000. But that was considered grand larceny. I just popped his trunk and went in and found the money. So you got less than $5,000 for the string of robbers you were doing? I was like a born-to-lose. You remember the scene?

And he was like, do I have born-to-lose tattoo on my forehead? That's who I am. I was the guy born-to-lose. And so I had all these robbery charges out for me. and I got arrested and I was happy when I got arrested I was happy

it was over life was hell I got arrested at 156 pounds at 255 years old I had two children on the way no they were both born at this point the life is just got off it was unreal

it was terrible do you think a party you wanted to get arrested so you could restart your life well because I'd always going to jail before to get a release to get off the streets because I'd get real, real strung out. And going to jail, I'd get commissaire, get fed.

I already knew how to fight. I mean, like, jail was nothing. There's nothing to be scared of in jail for me. It was a rescue. And in my head, I did not realize the amount of time I'd be gone. I actually thought I'd be gone for the rest of my life. And I thought that was the best, that was the only solution I could see to my problem in life. I'm completely worthless to society.

I have no skills, no education. I feel ugly, dirty all the time. I had no self-worth. And I was so tired of faking it like I could ever succeed. I was so tired of giving my mom and people that love me and expectation that I could do something in my heart. I didn't think I could. Or I knew I couldn't at that time.

And it was a big relief to get arrested. How did they catch it? I had had Robin bring Jacob to me because Jacob was born I'd never met Caden I never met Caden until I came home from prison he was at most 16 when I met him and we were sleeping in the basement and Jacob was crying and I was like shut that fucking get up

and I bowed her like I'm past that I've been partying for three days I was blackout drunk and she said I bowed her and she I remember her getting up saying say goodbye to yourself I was like, bye. And she went and called the police. So when the police showed up, I answered the door. Because I thought it was them knocking on the door to come back in. And the people upstairs, this lady's house had met at a 7-Eleven

and just basically put her hand on my dick. Anyhow, it was crazy. Yeah, edit that. We were staying there. You know, she's a 40-year-old lady. She met me at a 7-Eleven. I carried her wine. She had a little hitching her giddy up.

And then me and my buddy would go over and hang out with her. And then we turned her on. And then she allowed Robin to come with Jacob. And they were upstairs partying or sleeping. I don't know which at this point. Because I was passed out. And when there's knocking at the door, I didn't think police. I thought it was Robin.

And they were yelling, Robin's at the door. So I get up ass naked because I fell asleep naked. And open up the door to, oh, in the way, a Fairfax City police. I was kind of stuck. And they were like, who are? you were you? I was like Travis. We're like, no, you're not. You're Jason Brewer. And they, um, had warrants for my arrest. It was funny because they hadn't charged me with all the robberies. They had a, uh, some bullshit, uh, stealing the credit card thing. And when they were taking

me in front, like they took me to question me. So first I went to a little station in Fairfax City. Then, then they came in to question me there. There was Detective Little who ended up killing himself. And I forget the other detective's name. And they set down the recording thing and, and I, and I, and I knew I wasn't going to tell. I knew. I knew. when I got arrested that I thought, I knew I was going to prison and I was afraid of having a snitch thing on me. So I knew if they tried to question me, I'd seen enough movies. I want a lawyer. And when they came in and they hit the thing, they read me my Miranda rights. I just remember saying, lawyer. And he'd get mad. Lawyer, I want a fucking attorney.

And I hit the thing and the detects like, a piece of shit like you doesn't get one. I was like, fucking attorney. Because I was snapping. I was tired. And then when they took me in front of magistrate and they started reading off my charges like oh shit they had they said i abducted my son i was like how do how do i do that and so when they said the ones i hadn't done i was getting i started getting buck even though i was handcuffed i started getting buck it's like fuck you and the um detective literally grabbed my throat pin me on the wall so i'm doing this like looking at the match straight like help me and the match straight just turned i was like oh yeah i'm fucked so then um i had one two three robberies i had 11 felon these two

misdemeanors. And when I beat the abductions, the abduction of my son, the abduction of his mom, which I don't even know how the fuck they gave me that charge. They said I prevented her from leaving, but none of that was true. Because she came in and testified, so they dismissed it. And the, but I did end up pleading guilty to two robberies, two grand larcenies. And when the prosecutor attorney laughed about that, I kicked the chair at him. I was like, this is my life. And I kicked the chair at him. charge again for that? Yeah, I got today for contempt to court. Man, they cuffed me too.

I thought, man, I thought they were going to break my wrist. They cuffed me and took me in the back for 30 minutes and brought me back out. And there was like, any time I went to court after that, there's like six deputies around me. They did not give me a chance to ever move again. But your hands on the table and don't

move. I wouldn't even a lot to sit down anymore. So what was your plea deal for that you agreed to? There was no, it was two robberies, two grand larcenies. All the gun charges were drop because even though in this place into to Virginia Beach in Virginia even if the gun isn't real the threat to the person is real they don't if they don't know the gun is real isn't real or isn't where they're still scared the same but because everybody on my two not co-defendants because they

they got PR bonds they were released he got out of 15 check charges that he stole from his grandmother who who was dying um they got gave them the deal of the century and just didn't charge them if they testified against me. So I took the plea. And I played it through two robberies, two grand larcenies. I got 20, 2020, and 20, run concurrently with eight years, five months to spend it. So I ended up with 11 years, seven months, in 10 days. In a state prison.

In state prison. And then I had to go to Virginia Beach. So then I went down to Virginia Beach. And they offered me 18 years. So I went to trial. I had a four-day trial and got a hung jury. Oh, so they never concluded that case? No, no. Then they offered me a five-year deal.

So I took the five-year cap. And so I had 16 years, seven months, and 10 days, which I did 15 years and 20 days on. What were the Virginia Beach charges? Robbery in Grand Lawn City. Okay, so those are separate robberies from the other ones. Yeah, then the ones in Northern Virginia, two different jurisdictions. All right, so 15 years in Virginia, give us some crazy stories from there. You know, it's fun because I didn't experience a whole...

And I want everybody to understand this. I was not... Wherever the cameras are, I was not a tough guy in prison. I would never pretend to be a tough guy. I won't perpetrate that I was a tough guy. Only to the prosecutors. Because there were real killers in there, and I wasn't a killer.

Some of the cool, like, the shit I saw was way more intense than the shit I did. Yeah, well, it doesn't have to be about you. Let's hear what you saw in there. So going, when I first went to prison, I went to what's called Deep Meadows. We call it Sweet Meadows. It was a receiving center.

It's a level two. Man, you walk in, like, hey, grab a juice. Sit down. We got to give you a haircut. We'll get your laundry. And we'll get you to your building. You're like, this is prison. Right?

There's only a couple razor wires. They're a big deal. All right. And I go in there. My boy Josh is there. My boy Rico is there. I know all these cats from Virginia Beach jail. Life is good.

There's weight pile. I get a real bad sunburn. Everything's lovely. But because I had the aggravated assault on the child molester in Virginia Beach jail. I crushed him in there. He made the stupidest statement. He was like,

I only love my stepdaughter too much. I was like, what? What do you mean? What are you saying? And so he got massed. I called him a child molester. I said, you're a little man on tow pole. We're going to fuck you when we get down the road,

all this shit. And he ran at me, and I hit him, and I heard him. And they gave me an aggravated self for that. It was stupid. But so my points were high. So I went to Sussex One State Prison, and that was terrifying.

Let me tell you something. There's nothing more terrifying than when you pull up to a prison. It's not but razor wire, razor wire, fence, razor wire, fence, raise your wall, fence, raise your... And you're like, oh, shit. This is different than Sweet Meadows. And then when you get there, they keep you cuffed. Like, you have to come in, like, like this.

And then they left me in a cell for hours. Like, and then when they pull you out, they completely... First of all, they uncuff you and get naked. They're filming it. They're literally filming you, get naked. Bend over, spread your ass, cheeks, cough, lift up your dick. I had hair back then. Give me your hair.

And then they come in four deep, and they grab you by your legs, your arms, and your head. And they got the camera on you. Like, we have fucking permission to use deadly force, motherfucker. Cross the fucking red line. We will fucking shoot you.

And I am tripping. I am so fucking scared right now. Like, this shit is real. Then they bend me over. They live, do you fucking understand the rules, motherfucker? And I start tensing up. And they're about to beat this shit out of me,

but this female lieutenant was like, leave him alone. He's scared. You're okay, right? I'm like, and I'm just, tears are coming down my face. I'm like, man, what the fuck is going on? And so I walked in to a prison.

I was like, this is real. I fucked up. This is not what I expected. But I was lucky. My first trip to Sussex won. It was full of old-timers. They just built those prisons because they changed the law from no parole to 85%.

They moved all these lifers up. I slept above death row. I saw a couple of death row guys. That was scary. That was tough. I don't think about that stuff too often. there's a guy there I was up on it we were in 4D

and and and then Super Max prisons you have annual lockdown every three months but we stayed on luck all the time so violent and one to see us which is pretty cool

like we're doing lockdown and all of a sudden there's just a big emotion out there like what the fuck is going on and this guy drowned his celly because you got plastic bends you got two gray plastic bins

at Sussex 1 his celly comes in is a schizophrenopherson black guy. They put this little white guy in there. He fills up his tub saying he's going to work out. Drowns his sely and then tucks him in his fucking bed. And when they come to shake him down,

he's like, oh, I think my cellie's dead. That was fucked up. That was weird. I saw two, an MS in a blood fighting and when the guard went to break it up, they stabbed him up real bad. The guard, they stabbed the guard. Yeah, he had to get helicoptered off Sussex I. Were guards getting attacked a lot?

Yeah, they got attacked that they got out of pocket. But they knew, like, lower-ranked prisons, not so much. The higher-ranked prisons, they could catch it quick. There was a much stronger code of conviction, like convict code, at the higher levels, as opposed to the lower levels. I saw lifers telling in the lower levels to get their single cell.

Up on them higher levels, like fat man, fat man Tony Lewis, hysterical guy, I called him, I called him Unk. Man, he played me like a fiddle. In a good way, though. We walked the yard, we kick it. we played poker because he didn't have anything he came off death row but he always blinked he's always blinking all the time i was like why he blinked oktony he goes when i was on death row that's a how way of start off a sudden saying it so casually yeah he's like yeah when i was on

death row i blacked out everything i was like what we're on death row for he's like i try to escape and i killed the guard they put me on death row but then in the 70s when they abolished the death penalty all those guys got natural life the serial killers i have in contact with that phone I ended up blocking him. But their silver killer, Monty Russell, I kept up with him when I got home. Because this is how sick I am. I'm like, oh, he's a famous serial killer.

I'll get some letters and sell him. Nobody gave a shit. Nobody wanted any memorabilia from that. You've probably heard of filmed for IMAX. But what does it mean? It means some of the world's biggest filmmakers partner with IMAX on everything from cameras to sound to ensure audiences fully experience their vision

on the biggest screen possible. When it's filmed for IMAX, the only way to experience the movie as the director intended is in IMAX. The Mandalorian and Grogu is filmed for IMAX. Buy your tickets now at imax.com. Because I thought like serial killers were like a big deal. I have a bunch of his letters from J.Pay.

I have a video recording of him on YouTube and on TikTok. Did you run in the... Jesse Croson at all? No. I think he's from Virginia. Or was out there? Nope. I was in there for 15 years.

The biggest name was Monty Russell because he was still a Jew, he was still a teenager when he did his serial killing. Then there was the Beltway Strangler. There was Mahada, the, he was a rapist. Those were kind of, the guy

I was in jail with the guy that shot up the CIA thing. He tried, he's like, let me get them, Trishkin. I was like, no. He went to his kid. He was like, Tres good. I was like, no.

He was cool. That was when I was doing jail time, though. Not when I was in prison. Did you have to run with anyone, like the white boys or anything? No, man. See, that's the difference in Virginia prison. As I was leaving, so I got offered to be in the Crips.

I was like, man, fuck that. Like, I was soda pop. And I'll tell you how it became soda pop. And what a soda pop, man? That's my name. Soda Pop. If you went to prison right now and said, Who's Jason Brewer?

I don't fucking know. Who's soda pop, that? Oh, shit. He's great. You know, I used to hear all the time when I go to do prisons. I thought you'd be bigger.

Because the stories about me were much larger than who I am. And I would always swell up. And then I go to the hole for 60, 90, 100 days. And I come out, 198. When I was on the yard eating peanut, because I didn't eat prison food. My mom made sure I had money,

so I'd always eat swoles and prison food and peanut butter and oatmeal and go lift and get big and strong. And then I had. I'd do something. I didn't know. I'd get through phases in prison where I just couldn't function. I'd just go fuck something up.

Whether it be a person, an inmate, a staff member, I'd assault on staff, slapping a nurse on the ass. You slapped the nurse on the ass? Yeah. For what? I wanted to. And what happened after you did that? She smiled and then a different CO, a different nurse saw it told on me. I hoped that was CO Ross.

Wait, wait, were you hooked up with a CO? Yeah, I hooked up with a CO. I hooked up with two nurses and one CO. How? Talking to them, what do you mean? Oh, man, guys were fucking in there. Yeah, but you say it so casually. Why did they pick you?

Because they're in there 12 hours a day, 15 days out of the month. And I was Soda Pop. Not to sound pretentious because I wasn't a killer. I became Soda Pop really at Augusta. So Buzz, it's so funny because all of us hard-ass, thug-ass white boys were at, and black guys. but the top row in 2D at Sussex after 4D, 2D. So when I left 4D above death row to 2D because there's 1, 2,

and then across the yard it's 3 and 4. Building at Sussex 1 is max. And they're all cookie cutters. Same thing with Sussex 2, same thing with Walton Ridge, same thing with red onion. They're all cookie cutters. They're all the same. But these are super maxes.

And I end up in 2D with Buzz, Moneymaker, Big Young. And I've never seen Dawson's Creek. You know what Dawson's Creek is? Yeah. Teenage Love Story, basically. It's a show. And we get locked in on Dawson's Creek. So you only get about an hour a day, if you're lucky, out.

And if our hour a day came on when Dawson Creek was, it came to be when Dawson Creek was on. Literally, you see all these guys with like life and 20 years of guys like me with 17 years. Yo, nah, nah, the guy coming out with Creeks on and go back. I always thought that was so funny. I was like, you were killers. You guys are a couple of were killers. I wasn't a killer.

And, you know. That's hilarious. I always cracked me up. So these, the nurses and stuff. Oh, because I was, when I went to, so I finally transferred from Sussex 1 to Augusta. Josh was there, Buzz went right before me, and Buzz had been

down about 13 years, and he knew everybody. He knew a lot of people. And so at Sussex 1, my name is Jason. So there's Big J, J. Rock, J, J, J, J, everybody. 's freaking name start with it. Jason. He was like, you got to come with a different names.

with your favorite book. I was like The Outsiders. I see Hinton, loved it. You know, drugstore, cab, all those, and then pick a name. And Soda Pop is the middle child. I'm the middle child. Good looking and could fight back then.

I was good looking and I thought I could fight. So he's like, okay, Soda Pop. So my name was then Sotapop. So I went to Augusta. He was introducing me as Soto Pop. And I talked about it in the other podcast. The first real skirmish in prison, because I fought in jail.

I didn't have to fight at Sussex One, but Augusta, I knew eventually I'd be tried. And fat man, Tony Lewis, Uncle Tony was like, the first time you tried, make an example. And I wasn't a pussy. I don't walk around like a pussy, but I don't walk around like a killer either because I didn't want to invite trouble. And Josh was my homeboy. I love Josh to death. I can't say his whole name because he got out.

He did 20 years now. He has a house, a kid. He's doing great. You know the recidicism rates like 75%. And I don't want to do anything to jeopardize the job he has. So Josh was my homeboy And he's Italian And he's like, oh, it's spaghetti

I was like man I want to go to the dog It's spaghetti I was like all right, fucking Sunday Spaghetti And the line is out the door And so we're waiting I'm like I'm going to give you one of spaghetti And I'll sit with you

Because we were never apart When Josh and I were sally's You would not see soda pop without So without Josh And vice versa if you did see you're like What the hell's going on Without each other And we go in and it's packed

And all the tables are full and so they see us some of our guys see us in his Billy Red, Red Johnson Teardrop who was a thug guy that was a thorough ass white dude Who was it was Red? I think it was Scully

I can't remember the fourth guy I thought I think Scully, Brent Teardrop and Brad Anyhow, I'm getting one of the names wrong But they were like Yo Pop And when he said yo pop I see Kevin Austin

Kevin fucking Austin Turn his head Because everybody's walking around Looking for a try We got you So Brent gets up for Josh and Josh sits down and as I think it was Billy Red

stood up I go to set down my tray and I just I see it you ever see something happening in slow motion you know what's going to happen and I go to put down my tray and Kevin Austin is a big black guy was like nah nah bitch this is me and put his tray down and set down and he sat down and everything slow motion at that point

and I knew right then that it was either become a hoe you know what I mean get fucked or hit this dude and all that fear jumped into me. All of it, I was so fucking terrified that if I did not react accordingly that bad things would happen to me, so I stuck him. I hit him so goddamn hard that I fractured his cheekbone.

I hit him again, gave him seven stitches, hit him again, three stitches. And the joke was, it was blood and spaghetti. Blood and spaghetti sauce all over the dana hall, but that's not sure. I only hit him four times. And then the police came over and I turned around and cuffed up. but that because it happened in the Donahaw, because it happened in front of 300 people, my name rang bells everywhere.

That's when Soda Pop the Legend was born. Holy cow. Yeah, I'd already stomped out a guy for snitching on Buzz for tattooing, but you didn't go anywhere. It was a white dude that we stomped out. But when I crushed him in the Donahawk. So these nurses and guards get wind of your reputation

they're into you for this? Kind of because, in a sense. No, because then I was cool. And I had hair. I was good looking. I was working out. I was built like a shit brick house and I had personality. And Nurse Frady was the nurse that did men.

So we'd sit there and kick it. I would fake an injury and she'd wash my hands. Like then she became like, it's called gunning them down. They stand it at you're doing it, watch you come and shit like that. You would do that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's kind of gross.

Yeah, it's kind of gross. But it's the only release. I mean, what else you're going to do? You know, I see that thing. That's what the nurses do. Some, and COs. Okay. And they would come up to your door.

Or be in the booth. You go and be like, yo, can I get the shower? They're like, yeah. Get in there. You know, they were freaks. You know, voyeurism is a thing. But I didn't really,

I got, I got, I did it a couple times, but they didn't get me off, off, you know what I mean? It wasn't something that was big time for me, but grabbing their ass and they're, you know, kissing them and playing with their tits. That shit was fun. And C.O. Ross, when we got caught, um,

boo Foster told on me. And, um, I went to jail for investigation. That's when my boy Josh fucked him up. And we're missing stories. I did that on the other podcast. But saw a dude get stabbed in his chest over drugs, pulled out and slice the dude's whole face open. I remember when Philly came up to me and we were in 3D.

And he's like, Philly's like, you see that nigger over the game? I said, yeah. The thing owe me money. I was like, calm says tomorrow. Calm down. Philly's like, nah, he's fucking. He's fucking, he's fucking trying. He's fucking.

I forget what he said, because I'm trying to remember. He's like, I forget what he said. He's just saying he's trying me. He's gambling in my face. Oh, he's disrespecting me. Not in the disrespect. I said, let it go, Philly's this big. This guy is 6'4 with, but he had diabetes.

I didn't know about this, but he had diabetes. Yo, Philly said, no, I can't have it. Man, it was one of the grossest things I've ever seen. He didn't kill him or anything. He didn't even stabbing. You know, stabbing's are different because you don't even see it, really. He beat this guy for so fucking long that he kicked his teeth across the thing. and there were so much blood.

I mean, just so much. And I got called out there. Like, so when the fight happened, they were, like, locked down. But I was where I couldn't get to myself because I wasn't getting in the middle of this shit. And so the door's locked, and I eventually made it to myself because he was beating him all over the day room.

And his teeth came into my room. And, you know, because he kicked him and they hit and the trustee came in with all this braid. I just remember seeing that much blood. I call my mom next day. And I'd seen a lot of shit already. And I was like, man, it was a bad one mom.

Did your brother stay in contact with you when you were in prison? My little, my brother, my older brother didn't talk to me for the whole 15 years. I had talked to my old brother until I came home. My little brother came in bed. My little brother brought my son. Jacob never Caden. He would take phone calls. Went to send money.

My mom sent money. She held you down the whole time. Yeah, yeah. My mom was my, my mom was my girl. So you never had to hustle or anything? I don't know. The guys said, and I respected the guys, the tattoo. are the storeboxes.

I got called bringing in tobacco. It's packing my ass with tobacco. Wait, you packed your ass with it? Yeah, I had a girl visited me at coffee wood, and we were bringing in tobacco, and they just bring in like shit, boof it, go in. But I couldn't get it up, right? So I got caught with a package of fucking tobacco

hanging out of my ass. That was terrible. And it's like all covered in shit and stuff? It's so good. You can smell it. See? You get it out of all the plastic. You got to smoke your first. Because they took away smoking in 2010.

So tobacco became the biggest hustle. Dope and tobacco. Cokes not so big in there. But dope is the show. I was strung out on dope right before I came home. I was terrified to come home. So you were strung out in prison? Oh, yeah.

I called my mom. I had gone back up to Sussex One. And my level didn't so much drop. Oh, yeah. Sussex One the second time. So when I went to, I went through a really dark period in prison. I've been down about 10 years.

And I was like, this is real. I don't even give a fuck if I'm home anymore. I don't give a fuck. And I hurt this child molester in a bad way, really bad way. And I got super sick. I had kidney infection. I didn't know him. But the psychiatrist went, because that would be the deal.

If you take your meds, you know, you're a, okay, if you don't take your medicine, we're going to put you on, you know. So I was supposed to be taking 1,800 milligrams of lithium, cypressa, and trilophon. And I wouldn't take it when I was out. I just go throw the cup or sell it because people wanted that medicine, not the lithium, but the cypressia, the trilophant. And I developed a kidney infection, and I hurt this guy really, really bad. So when I went to the hole, I would always just trance out.

I spent a lot of the time in the hole. I spent probably 16 months total of my 15 years in the hole. I was taking my lithium in shit so I could sleep. And I was getting sicker and sick. I couldn't stop throwing up. I didn't know what was going on.

And I got to the point where I couldn't even write an emergency request for him. And the nurses didn't want to help me. Fuck you. We know what you did to him. We're not helping you. But I got so direly sick. that when the doctors saw me, they sent me to Coal Pepper Hospital.

I had, you see, there's six or eight hundred times the legal limit of lithium in me. Because I had kidney infection. My body couldn't do it. So they did emergency blood transfusion. They didn't do it here. They went in on one of these sides and transfused my blood. And then for two weeks, I was like in a dream state. I went to MCV.

Then I went to another psych ward because then they put me on Deppicoat. and then they sent me to Dillwyn. Now, Dillen is another dorm. It's another level two. And a guy owed me 50 bucks of tobacco I bought. And each week he's like, oh, man, my roller didn't come in me, and the CEO bringing it, didn't bring it in. I was like, all right, here's a commissary list.

Next week you didn't have a commissary list. So I pulled up on him, I said, listen, you know, not, not, it's going to make me sound like a dickette. I said, then I'm soda pop. I want to give you one more list. or you have my folks get $50. You do whatever it takes, but come next door day, have my $50.

Because I felt like he was playing me. If you're going to try to play me, then other people are going to play me. And the next thing in my locker is getting, like my brain goes real crazy with it. So when he didn't, then the next door day came and he didn't give me anything. And I saw him out on the yard,

and he went to say something. I put my, he went to say, but shh, and he punched me. And then I heard him. I was beating him so bad that one of my boys came in. Because I hit him in the, His ankle broke. It's weird.

You know how you buckle someone and his ankle rolled? And so his ankle was destroyed. So he was on his knees and I had him by his lapel and I was just, I was just, I was hurting him. His glasses exploded. His face was all opened up and my boy grabbed me. He's like, yeah, you're going to kill him. And I got taken off. And then about a week later they figured out who I was, who did it.

And so they sent me over to Buckingham, like on an emergency transfer. Because Buckingham was a level three prison right across street. And I got the aggravated assault. I was under probation. I mean, a secret investigation for what I did to the child molester. So I played guilty to the aggravated assault. Got 30 days for that. I did 90-day referral.

So when you're in a jail or in a prison and you're breaking the rules and they lock you up, you go in front of the inmate authority, classification authority, the ICA, and they'll say, you're a threat to the orderly direction of this institution. We're going to hold you for 90 days to determine where we're going to put you. So I did 30 days for that. Then I did 90 days for the ICA referral. And then when I went up in front of the, and made a classification authority to see we're sending you back up.

You know, you got to get back to the Supermax. And so then I spent another three months. That was the longest stint ever did in the hole. I did whatever that is, six months, seven. Wow. You really fought your way through present. Yeah. And it's funny because it's 15 years.

It only seems like to me I only had a couple incidents to me. Yeah. Because I would see shit every day. Like you see someone get dragged in a cell I saw a homosexual Say something to the wrong Gang member and I told you we don't do that faggot shit And then drag we go to the gym at Sussex One

And this was the only one time I saw this particular thing But they drug him in like the COs You know They raped him for fucking an hour And he came out beat up crying Now I told you about that shit Like can you see it on a regular basis You see a man in the morning

and a girl the next day. Like I was always so scared that'd be me. So I didn't have a lot of incidences. Over 15 years, you would think it's a lot, but I didn't. So when I went back to Sussex One, the second time, there's a lot more gang activity. The old heads had moved back down to the lower levels, and it was just young, a lot of blood gang members up there. They were saying, like either you fell under the color of that particular, I don't know anything about gangs. That blood said, they stab them to fuck up, don't remember the tear.

They didn't care. and it was a lot more violent I heard of Selly in there pretty bad he just wouldn't shut the fuck up just always non-stop I was like yo please please like a constant complainer like a Debbie Downer

just non-stop and I was like bro please please please please you gotta stop you've got to fucking stop and so he didn't stop and then there was a complaint so I'm sitting there and I have maybe 16 months left on my sentence and an investigator

for Sussex 1 showed him Do it like, yo, you got provis. I said, provisit. So my cases are done. I'm going to really, my biggest fear was like, oh, fuck. What did I do that? They get charged for? They charged me with something from my past?

I was scared. I went in. It was two Virginia State detectives. They were state police. And they're like, we have had three criminal referrals on you. If you touch one more person, we're going to arrest you, we're going to charge you. We're going to violate your probation, which was 18. 18 years over my head, and we're going to bury you under this fucking prison.

And my first response was, are you kidding me? I just saw yesterday, I didn't say, I said, a dude just got beat up and raped and robbed. And the only thing that was said was put out his TV or he's going to tell on you guys. He's leaving the pod, but give him his TV back. And because I said, because I'm white, I thought it was like, oh, like, I can't understand it. I literally have seen people fucking get killed. Their faces sliced up. I saw a guy that had a homosexual boy touch his food.

Now they're sucking each other's dicks in the room, but because he touched your food in public, you're going to take him in the cell and beat the fuck out of him. Like, I have teeth underneath my door. People are getting thrown off tears, hanging themselves, eating glass, not to live in here anymore, trying to kill themselves. Because I stood up for myself with a couple guys,

you're going to charge me. Oh, I was so heated. And that was my mentality back then. I didn't want to take responsibility for what I did. I thought that's what I was supposed to do to survive. I built 15 years on surviving my personality. I got along with everybody. I had a strong disdain for child molesters.

I still strong. It makes me shudder thinking about how intense it was with those guys. I just, I did some things that I, you know, in my world of recovery, it's, you know, we don't regret the past one. We wish to shut the door on it, but I regret some of the things I did in there. You had to do what you had to do to survive. A couple of those things I didn't have to do. What I did to those guys was on call for. Do you think prison makes you a worst person when you're in there, going against your morals and who you...

Yes. But you don't know. I didn't understand that. I wanted to survive. And I didn't want to be a boy and I didn't want to be picked on. And my mom came to see me, which is ironic when I was still in jail. And I was like, Mom, going away for a long time. She's like, good.

I don't have to worry about you dying anymore I don't have to worry about calls at 2 a.m. that you're dead. You know how to survive. And then she said, do whatever you have to. Just come home. You know, so I felt like my mom gave me the green light to do whatever I had to do. And my scariest day was going into Sussexville.

My second scariest day was right before I came home. I didn't want to come home. And it was, oh, man. I was one strung out And I called my mom I was like yo either pay this bill Or I'm going to have to hurt these people She was like I'm going to pay this bill

But you're a fucking coward And it didn't register It didn't make sense I was like how am I a coward I said You've been with me for this 15 years You know why I'm at Super Bowl You know why

She's like you're scared to come home That makes you a fucking coward And I went back to my bunk And I sat down and it was true I was like man Because I knew who I was in prison I had a good standing I wasn't a rat.

I wasn't a thug or a killer, but I wasn't soft and nobody really fucked with me. Like, I was cool, and anything that did come up, I handled. I never clicked up with a gang. I never got on the race side. Black guys liked me. Like, the blood should be like,

damn, what you eat with that crab, I had a nigga for? And then I'd eat with the bull. What you mean with that slob ad, dude for? I was like, because I'm soda pop, I'm not part of a gang. I do what I want. And when I was coming home, I was terrified. I didn't want to come home.

But I wanted to at the same time. It's the queerest feeling in the world where you're like, I'm about to embark on something that I know I'm not fit to do. You know, when it was real tough when I came home, I was in Richmond. Nobody wanted me. None of my family, but me like, nah. We don't know what you are anymore.

And I went back to drinking and drugging. I got real heavy into heroin. I tried to take my life again. I had hurt someone really bad and I blacked out drunk and I had new charges waiting for me and I went to Richmond and I got a big big, big ball of heroin

cooked it up, put the thing in my arm I wrote a note, this is a suicide, left my ID out and shot that shit up and the cleaning lady found me and then that was another two weeks in a couple I woke up, I didn't know my shoe was on top I woke up with my leg, handcuffed to the bed

and the first I had the tube down my throat so it took like a day for it to come out and um they were wet in my lips because they were so dry and so filled with shit and the lady and i was crying she's like what's wrong i was like i don't want to be alive like i couldn't it doesn't sound like they're like i don't know it's like because i could barely talk i just remember thinking oh fuck why do i have to be a part of this world i don't want to be here and um it's just awful so i did one more year in jail like i did a year because i beat the charges and then i had two probation violations and they let me up for

probation, which was crazy. I've been on probation since I was 12. I'd never been free. And so when I came home, I made a deal with I thought it was like I'm not a religious person at all, but I was like, God, if I come home, I swear I would never drink or drug again, I swear to God. If you, you know, if I come out of this and all the charges were dropped, you know, the person at top secret clearance, like they, I got all stabbed up and I just fucked them up.

up on a drunk it was a drunk and rage it was bad um and as i got closer to coming home i couldn't get the thought of drinking out of my mind i couldn't stop thinking about drinking and smoking crack and heroin i just and i'd be like god damn we made a deal and i wasn't out 14 hours and i was in a bar i got out at midnight five six so 17 18 hours and i was sitting in a bar and i was like what the fuck and so i started going to this 12 step program the very next day i get like six days six months eight months, 20 months. And I was a worst human being not drinking than I was because I always got to blame drinking

for going to prison or drugging. I always got to blame everything else but me. And it was just, it was really hard. And I went back out when I was 45, right when COVID started, I had 20 months, I went back out. I was like, fuck those people in there. You're all sick as shit. I blamed everybody but myself.

And it got real dark. I ended up getting married to a woman who, if you do ask me a question, who are the two strongest people I've ever met my life. It's going to be my mom and Sheila, my wife. And I don't know how to love either one of them. I do the best I can at times. But Sheila is a remarkable woman. Just a remarkable one, but I turned her on to drugs and took her out with me.

And we had made a death pack at the end. I was like, I can't do this anymore. She's like, I can't do this anymore. I was like, just give me a shot. give me enough that I don't wake up. And she would give me a shot and I'd go to sleep, but she would never do it. And then one day she goes, okay, I'm ready.

I'll do it with you. I don't want to do this anymore either. And that was the one saving grace because, you know, Sheila Cheswood School, nurse, cardiothoracic, worked 9-11 in New York City, was there when they were putting the body parts up, how they empty the hospital, walked through the ashes,

had fucking a hell of a childhood, and still saw the world through, through innocent eyes. Like I'm like, how the fucking, you know, have a disdain for this fucked up world after? You know, the person that her dad was awful. And when she finished, when she graduated from Fairfield,

she thought he was going to make an immense to her. He blew her fucking head off and blew his head off and made sure she found, like, she did all that and still fell in love with a convict like me. Someone is broken and has shattered as I am. And so I think she's a very strong person. I don't see how anybody can love the way. And she was the first person to have as a child,

Ticulitis something. Her large intestine was an ulcer in there, doing all these experimental surgeries on her. But anyhow, and she loves me. So that's, I almost, it's almost too painful for someone to live. Now, I don't like being loved. I don't.

It's uncomfortable. And I've like, oh, shit, I'm a tough guy. I would like to know why that is. I would like to one day understand why it's so difficult. For anybody, like, care for me. I don't particularly like it. But then, you know, about three years ago, she kicked first. Then she babysit me while I kicked.

She has every, she has a little more than me or something like that. Because I went out one more time. Instead for the last three years. I've been working these steps for this 12-step program, and I'm a terrible example. You know, I've, I've, I've, I've, have, uh, not. been a good husband, I'll put it that way, because I don't want to embarrass her. I've had a temper from hell.

I've exploded and gotten fights and meetings, but I've kept this job. Now, I can't say the name of the job because I don't want, you know, people not to work with Andy because of me. And I got these puppies. I got a 12-week-old Connie Corso named Luca and a 15-month-old named Lulu. I call my mom every day, so she doesn't have to worry about me.

And the point I was getting to is that I blamed drugs and alcohol. And then when the drugs and alcohol, I blamed prison. And then when I couldn't blame prison anymore, I blamed my childhood. And it really came down to me living in so much fear that I was unworthy of being in society that I had to really start working on how I react to people, how I view things. I read a lot of literature. I go to a lot of my meetings, but it's not the meetings that I get to choose from. It's seeing these people that inspire me.

And then people would always say, like, man, you're this great speaker. You know, you could really help people. I'm like, what? Me? I can't help anybody. And I was thinking with this podcast that maybe I could help someone. Maybe. You know, I didn't have any skills in society.

And it's just because I just didn't have them. That doesn't make me a bad person. It just means that I lived a life that didn't give me the skills to be productive in society. And I have to learn that. And it's okay to learn things. It's okay to be behind. I get down on myself. My mom is I was like,

your brothers have a 30-year head start on you. You know, I don't own a house yet, Mom. What your brothers do? But they had 30-year head start. Everybody's had this big head start. Instead of being like, I can never get out of this, so I'm like, all I've got to do is take one step at a time. Dig, you know, just one level at a time.

That's all you can do. And then when I'm going to own a house. You know, one day I'm not going to hate myself and having this thing for being loved and blame everything but myself. I am a man and I'm a child of something that's creative out there and I get and I get an opportunity to live here now instead of having a disdain for living here. I get I get an opportunity to be a part of this world and meet people like like if you had asked me when I came off a prison that if I'd be sitting in the room with Ian Beck going, no, what are you going to do? Do a public assassination?

Like, you know, execution? I'm not worthy of any of this. And you did amazing. I did? Yeah. Okay. And, you know, maybe your skill is sharing your job. journey and your testimony so others don't make the same mistakes or others that feel the way you

do can have someone you know that understands them right because there are you're not the only one in the world that feels the way you do you know yeah i'm not special because people aren't comfortable with sharing that so when they hear a story like you you know that resonates with them and it goes it's so powerful and it's better than them going to a therapist who doesn't understand them you know and and is told some whatever, you know, not saying they're all like that, but, you know, I think it's if I was in your shoes and experience what you had experienced, to me, it's more comforting hearing your story than sitting down in front of anyone else. So that's where your power is, you know.

Thank you. You're, I don't know what to say anymore. You did really good, Jason. I'm proud of you, man. Yeah, you're good. You're off the hook. You did really good, man. Do you think so for real?

Yeah, yeah. You killed it, man. You did great, especially the end. But Jason, thank you, man, for coming here today and sharing your incredible journey and story. And, you know, I wish you the best in the future. And you got big plans for the world. Yeah. Thank you so much, Ian.

You guys are great. And very comfortable here, by the way.