Locked In with Ian Bick - Ex-Dope Addict on Spending Millions on Drugs, Surviving 7 Years in Prison & Losing His Son | Tim Ryan

Episode Date: February 26, 2025

Tim Ryan shares his journey from spending millions on drugs to surviving seven years in prison and the heartbreaking loss of his son. He opens up about addiction, the consequences of his choices, and how he’s working to rebuild his life. This is a raw and real story of struggle, survival, and redemption. #AddictionRecovery #PrisonStory #OvercomingAddiction #DrugAddiction #LifeAfterPrison #RedemptionStory #SobrietyJourney #realtalk Thank you to THE PERFECT JEAN & NORDVPN for sponsoring today’s episode: The Perfect Jean:  F*%k your khakis and get The Perfect Jean 15% off with the code LOCKEDIN15 at https://theperfectjean.nyc/lockedin15 #theperfectjeanpod NordVPN: To get the best discount off your NordVPN plan - go to https://nordvpn.com/ianbick which will also give you 4 extra months on the 2-year plan. There's no risk with Nord’s 30-day money-back guarantee! Connect with Tim Ryan: Website: https://dopetohope.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timryandopeman/?hl=en Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Presented by Tyson 2.0 & Wooooo Energy: https://tyson20.com/ https://woooooenergy.com/ Buy Merch: https://convictclothing.net/collections/convict-clothing-x-ian-bick Timestamps: 00:00:00 From Prison to Redemption: Tim's Journey Through Addiction 00:04:14 Overcoming Learning Disabilities: A Personal Story 00:08:36 Overcoming Drug Addiction: A Personal Journey 00:13:05 Discover the Perfect Jean: Comfort & Fit for All 00:17:35 First Experience with Cocaine 00:21:50 The Downfall of Heroin Addiction 00:27:01 Struggles of Addiction and Family Bonding 00:30:52 Smuggling Heroin into Cook County Jail 00:35:15 Life Lessons from Prison 00:39:36 The Dangers of Driving Under the Influence of Drugs 00:43:45 The Double Life of Addiction and Success 00:48:14 Life After Prison: A Turning Point 00:52:22 From Recruiter to Recovery Advocate 00:56:53 Facing the Challenges of Addiction and Loss 01:01:46 The Cop and the Convict Program 01:06:03 Stories of Connection and Redemption in Prisons 01:10:18 Redemption: From Death Row to Giving Back in Chicago Powered by: Just Media House : https://www.justmediahouse.com/ Creative direction, design, assets, support by FWRD: https://www.fwrd.co Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Tim, welcome to Lockton. thanks to Patrick and Darren for connecting us. Grateful to be here, man. And thank you for the copy of your book right here, man. I appreciate it, man. When did you write this? I wrote that in 2016. I got out of prison, what the hell was it?

2013 and just started doing what I do. And yeah, that was one of the things. I had that come out and then my documentary on A&E. And I wanted people to realize, you know, it was a, addiction. Alcoholism and drugs that brought me to prison. I couldn't stop driving cars and getting DUIs, but there's hope at the end of the tunnel. If you would have met me 11 years ago walking out of prison in the life I have today, you would never thought it in a million friggin years. Yeah. So we're in L.A. right now at Spotify. Shout out to Spotify for letting me use the studio.

Did you grow up out here? No, I actually grew up in the northern suburbs of Illinois. I grew up on a lake there about a half hour south of the Wisconsin border, but it was a beautiful thing because the drinking age was 18 in Wisconsin. And, you know, all I did was water ski drink and party. But I moved to L.A. almost six years ago when I met my current wife now, a lady by the name of Jennifer Jimenez, who's a lady in long-term recovery, but she happens to be a former supermodel and an actress too. And we were speaking and doing intervention. So I shot her a message and said, hey, would you be interested in working together? Six weeks later, I flew on a plane to meet her. It was love at first sight, four hours later.

Just as I'm looking at you, I said, Jennifer, I'm going to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you. She goes, hold on, maybe you want to finish that second divorce? I said, that'll be done in five weeks. She goes, maybe you want to sow your oats, play the field. I said, I don't roll that way. I know what I want. And I's divorced five weeks later. We got engaged four months later and got married December 31st at 2019.

The Justice of the Peace in Beverly Hills. So, yeah, I live between Beverly Hills and South Palm Beach County, Florida, Lake Worth. And we're actually down there on a concier treatment program. We've been on for eight months. But I get calls to go do intervention, speaking events, whatever. We get on planes and go. Who do you grow up with? Who did I grow up with?

Yeah. Mom and dad. At a mom and dad, obviously, they adopted four kids. They couldn't have children. And we had a great life. My dad worked at the Chicago Board of Trade for 26 years, ended up being senior vice president, E.F. Hutton, and my mom co-founded a company called Market Day, which was a food co-op at the schools, and it would help raise money for the schools. That became a multi-billion dollar company,

but we were poor growing up. I had an older brother, two years older than me as just kind of an ass. My little brother and sister, their three-quartered Chappua Indian, Native Americans, so I grew up with a lot of racism, and, you know, I learned to protect them with my, my mouth and my fist. And yeah, that's where I grew up. What your parents? Yeah. Crystal Lake, Illinois.

What did your parents do for work? My dad was a commodities trader. And I'll tell you that one thing that man taught me about work ethic. In 26 years, he took the train to Chicago. It was about an hour and 20 minute ride. Never missed a day of work. Wow. Never called in sick.

Never took a sick day. And at the end, he ultimately ran the whole country. He was senior vice president, E.F. Hutton. And in 88, they were merged. with Sherson Lehman, just when companies were starting to do acquisitions, and they wanted to fire a thousand people, like a month before Christmas. And he said, are you crazy? These people have worked with me my entire life, so he gave them all a bonus and quit right along with them. So you guys grew up with some money? Not really. At first, we were, we were poor. We were

latchkey kids. You know, parents were always working. A vacation was throw the canoe on the van, go up to Wisconsin, camp out, canoe down the Wisconsin River. Then we'd drive. to Colorado snow skiing. My grandparents lived in Florida. We had drive there. The one thing about my dad, his dad didn't have him, Dillia, 64. My grandfather's born in 1880. So they went on two vacations. My dad always wanted us to be a family. So we always got to go on two vacations. In the end, you know, it was Hawaii and some cooler stuff. But family was everything to my mom and dad. I was just the middle kid that struggled with learning disabilities, dyslexia. I got a 1.4 grade average. I took the ACT five times. I got an 11. I don't know what a verbal pronoun,

an adjective, a conjunctive sentences. Throw all that out the window. But I learned life with my street smarts and ultimately business smarts. But I just wanted to water ski. I was a competitive water skier. I went to college on a water ski scholarship through that out the window. But I struggled a lot due to my older brother being a narcissist, beat me up every day. The learning disabilities, getting bullied because of that, my little brother and sister being dark-skinned, and then getting molested by a babysitter at 10, that kind of screws your world up, and drugs and alcohol started becoming my solution to life. Wow.

Did your parents know that happened to you at the time? No. You know, it's funny you asked me that. When my Wikipedia page came out, I don't know, nine years ago, my mom read it, and she calls me crying. She said, Tim, what are you talking about? You were molested. And I said, well, yeah.

So what happened? I said, you guys went to Paris. I stayed at my buddy Jeff's house. His parents were out of town. They had a female babysitter. And she lost to me for two days. And I'm like, well, what do I do? Hey, mom, this happened. I didn't know. I was 10 years old, you know, so she didn't find out until my Wikipedia page came out. Wow, you never talked about it to anyone? Never told. You know, the crazy thing is I kind of compartmentalized it. Then I forgot about it until I was in prison the second time. and we can get into that, but my cellmate, Big Perk and I were talking, we're doing 12-step work. I mean, we're in a structured, it was a medium prison, but at a therapeutic community. So I want to be sober, and I was doing my fourth or fifth step, and it just hit me. And it flooded back all the, and I remembered it like yesterday, but I compartmentalized it and kind of just buried it and blocked it out. That's a trauma response to hiding that stuff, and I'm masked it with drugs and alcohol for years. Do you think if you had talked to someone when that happened, you wouldn't have went down the path you did?

No, not at all. No, because that was, hell, that was the late 70s. I don't even know if they knew what trauma therapy was back then. But I was, I tuted to my own horn. I like to be outside. I like to fish. I like to hunt. I loved being on the water, whether I was sailing, ice skating in the winter, playing hockey, water skiing. But it was different when I grew up. I graduated high school in 88. So 82, I'm a freshman. My best friend Randy was a senior in high school. We're both blonde hair, blue eyes, 6-1. His birthday's 918, 65. I can tell you a social security number and his birthday to this day because I'd use his ID to go to Wisconsin drinking. So at 14 years old, I'm going to Lake Geneva getting drunk every weekend.

At 15, I start doing cocaine. And that was my high school. I was out at 10.30. I got on the work program, junior and senior year. I'd go to the pizza shop, flip on the ovens, go home. water ski all afternoon, go open up the shop at 4. But every Thursday, Friday, Saturday, man, it was blow and booze. And I'm 15, 16 years old. And at 17, I went down to college and got into hallucinogenics. And ecstasy was legal in Texas up until 1985. So when I went to

Monroe, Louisiana in 86, there was a lot of quantities of pure pharmaceutical grade ecstasy laying around. So we started running drugs between Dallas, Houston, Vicksburg, Mississippi, but back then we could go buy 20,000 hits for 20 grand, a buck apiece. Wow. We'd come back sell them for 10, 15 bucks, but it gave me the opportunity to do more blow, and I threw that whole water ski career away and everything, scholarship, everything. I studied partiology and pain. I'm shocked you were still able to get your high school diploma with that schedule.

Well, my high school diploma. Was it a fake? No, but I mean, out of, I don't know, 700 students, I was probably 690, they just, I mean, I went through the motions, but I didn't learn a thing in school. Nothing. I didn't learn anything. And for me with my ADHD, you want, I can't sit still and learn for six hours a day in a classroom.

You know, it just wasn't my cup of tea. Your parents didn't hold you to a high standard when it came to education? My parents couldn't hold me to anything. I did what I wanted. You know, it was different. I mean, Christ, I graduated high school. My dad had a case, Enoch, and waiting for us. Nobody was getting DUIs.

There was no, we lived down a lake, so you bring the girls, we got the boat, you bring some booze. But they were grateful for me to get a C, a C plus, because school was not my forte. It was a different period of time. Much different, much, much different. Damn, that's a good question. If someone would have known, I don't know, because I could remember at probably 15 or 16, one of my older brother's friends I did Coke with a few times.

He worked for Domino's Pizza. that was his front because he is really delivering cocaine. And he got popped. And then once he got out of rehab, I remember my parents saying, do we need to worry about Timmy? He's like, oh, yeah, I did coke with him all the time. I'm like, thanks for throwing me under the bus. But they tried dragging me to a rehab called The Ark in Hoffman Estates, Illinois. And I remember I talked my way out of it. But fast forward to 1990 when I'm 21 years old, I dropped out of college, came back to Illinois, started hanging out with an older guy, and we'd go to Chicago and buy two ounces of Coke every day from a Chicago detective because they were stealing all the drugs, and it was good blow,

too. And we'd sell one ounce, and Roger and I had smoked the other one, and it just got out of control. So I looked up a rehab and a phone book, and I called him, and I went and checked myself in. Wow, I'm shocked you actually were willing to do that. You know, well, it's funny. So I called him and I went and visited, and I had $400 of my pocket. And I guess they're trying to verify my parents' insurance. So I sat in on a group and I'm like, yeah, I don't know about this. So I bolted. And a week later, I went and checked myself in.

I started stealing checks from my mom and my brother and my buddy's gas station. I cashed him at and he called my mom. And thank you, Rick Modrick. And I mean that because he called my mom and said, Mrs. Ryan, do you realize Tim's got a drug problem? What are you talking about? Well, he just cashed another one of your market day checks for $500. in my gas station, I guarantee you didn't give it to them. So the cat was out of the bag and I checked myself into rehab, but I went in with the thought, Ian, that I just want to quit doing Coke. I want to

figure out how to drink like a normal person. I didn't realize that at all kind of, you get me drinking. I want to do blow on this, but that's where my introduction to recovery started, the 12-step-based program. I made it about a year, started an asphalt seal-coding business. Me and my buddy ran a barefoot water ski school. and started competing again. Hell, that summer I won Illinois State, Michigan State, Wisconsin State. And at the Midwest Regional, as I fell and blew out L4L5S1, careers over. Here's 300 Vicod in a month. So you stayed sober up until that point then?

Yeah, but I was white knuckling it. I'd go to meetings every day, those 12-step meetings, but I never got a sponsor and never worked the steps. And I would go in and out. I would burn stuff down. I'd go back to the 12-step rooms for three to six months. Shut up the wife, whatever. But it took me 28 years to get back because then I really started getting consequences. You know, we could sit here and talk for hours about how chaotic my life was.

When I first got sober, I made it about a year, started doing blow, lost everything. So I moved to Austin, Texas with my buddy Traceon to get away. from drugs. And how old are you then? 20. 20. 20. Okay.

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Tracson had good credit. So I take his credit card. I go to Circuit City. I fill out an application. I put him as a co-signer. I remember the guy, I can remember like, the guy's like, where's your friend, Trace? And I'm like, oh, I had to go out. He's like, all right, well, you're approved for $1,500. I'm like, great. So I went right and bought a $1,49 video camera. Got on my my motorcycle, went to the pawn shop, pawned it for 500 bucks, and one bought Tracy and a Harley Davidson custom buck knife, and I want and bought a bunch of crack. Here's my thinking. Gave him that, he was so happy for that. But my thinking is I'm going to get sober, I'm going to get a job. I'm going to get that out of the pawn shop. I'm going to return it, and he's never going to know. I forgot that they send you a bill in the mail. So after New Year's, I started marketing

cable television with these guys that were sober, and I remember coming home. And Trayson is on his front porch with all my stuff packed, just crying. T.R., how could you do this to me? You know, my parents died this. You're my only friend, and you screw me over. My uncle stole millions from me, blah, blah, blah. And I got to spend a week in the Travis County Jail. I did a stint in the Washedaw Paris Jail in college for a night.

But this was the first time in a county jail, real. And I was on an all-black deck and got my ask. kicked every day just because I was a white guy to sleep next to the shitter on the floor. I can say shitter, can I? Of course. And I got bailed out and I hit the road. I left Texas for 20 years, had an open warrant. Started marketing cable television with these sober guys.

A year later, I started my own firm and I'm in Buffalo, New York. Six months, I got 60 guys working for me. And I'm bringing profiting 30 to 40 grand a week. I made my first million at 21, 22. but of course I went back to do him blow. And I can remember prime time was my dealer. I give him 20 grand a month cash. You bring me an ounce of cocaine every day.

7 a.m. he's at my house every morning. I thought he's the next best thing to slice bread. But in reality, I can remember Dan Templeton. He was the manager for Jones Interkable. And they were paying me a lot of money. And he's like, God, you got to be invest in that. Oh, yeah, I'm doing this. I'm doing that.

I wasn't doing a thing. Could have what it should have. But I wasn't ready. I blew that up. All the families out of work. I buried that business. You know, owed the IRS 80 grand and a quarter million in debt and move back to Chicago and stumbled into the recruiting business as a headhunter.

And then I went to work for a management consulting firm. And I was in that industry for 25 years. But it was a great industry because I could drink. I could shoot heroin. I could do whatever I wanted all day long. What was it about blow that attracted you to it? Like, were you trying to escape a feeling? Did you like how it made you feel?

What was it? God Almighty, I don't know. You know, I had all this underlining insecurities because the only thing I was good at was water skiing. School, everything else I struggled. I didn't struggle with girls or anything. But I had a hard time being in relationships because I didn't know how to treat a woman because I was molested by one at 10 years old. So it kind of screwed things up. And I didn't trust many people.

But I just had a total. brain fart on your question. About what it was that attracted to eat. You know, I don't know. First time I did it, the first time I did cocaine, you can tell I'm an addict. 15 years old, me and my buddy Pat and Brian were at Jim Spielman's house. He's dead from an overdose so I can use his name. And Brian's older brother was there.

And they go, hey, you guys want to do a line of cocaine? So we each put up five bucks. We split a quarter gram. We each did one line. I fell in love immediately. We were sleeping at Pat's house. So they said, hey, we're going home. I said, I'll meet you guys there in a little bit.

And I went up to his brother. I said, do you have any more? He said, yeah, I have a half gram. I'll split it with you. You owe me 25 bucks on Friday. I'm like, done. First time I did cocaine, I'm getting infronted to me. First time.

I fell in love with it immediately. But in the end, it just ravaged your soul. There's nothing good about it. There was, and I'm not one of those people that could go get an apeal or a gram or whatever and do a few bumps, go out and go to bed. I don't stop until it's out. and I don't stop drinking and whatever until I got handcuffs on. That's when I stop her.

I overdose because I went from getting in the management consulting space, meeting my first wife there, got her pregnant, five months in. I married her. She had a three-year-old son, Nick, who had a deputy dad. I adopted Nick. And then we had Max, and nine months after Max was born, she's pregnant with Tanner. Tanner's born, nine months after Tanner's born, she's pregnant with Abby. I mean, boom, boom, boom, good Irish Catholic.

Then my wife realizes she's a full-blown alcoholic and drug addict. So long story short, we had a townhouse. I'm working for a management consulting firm. I'm doing blow all the time. And I've been on a three-day bender. And I wake up, and I'm up in our loft in my 14-month-old sons crawling towards my home office. So I pick him up, and I go put him back in his room, and I open my office door. And there's rocks of coke all over the floor, because I take rocks just crumble him on.

It was disgusting. That scared the hell out of me. I'm like, if my son would have crawled in and put one of those mouth, it would have killed them. So immediately back to those 12-step-based rooms. I get about 14 months sober, kind of get a sponsor work that stops, built a five-bedroom house, three-car garage, started another executive search firmer. And things were good, but I met Joel. I met Joel at one of these 12-step-based meetings in Naperville, Illinois.

I met two people that just, it was crazy. I'm talking to this one guy, Jim Gallery. Rest in peace, Jim, Jim took his life a few years ago. But Jim and I started hanging out. And he goes, what's your dad do? I said, my dad was senior vice president, E.F. Hutton, he goes, what was his secretary's name? I said, Kathy Gallery. He goes, did you like Kathy?

I'm thinking, this guy's a fucking weirdo. I'm like, yeah, Kathy's the shit. Why? He goes, that's my sister. What a small world? I said, what? He said, Tim, I'm a bond strator. I've known your dad 30 years.

So Jim and I hit it off. Then we meet Joel. So I meet this guy, Joel, heroin addict who OD'd at home. So they took his wife and kids away. And we start hanging out. And I said, what do you do? He said, oh, I work for on-time courier in Chicago. I said, delivering packages, Randolph Street.

He goes, how do you know? I said, I used to do a lot of blow at your office. He goes, what are you talking about? I said, you know Derris? He goes, that Hillbilly from Louisiana at the Red Pickup Truck. I said, yep, that's Darry. He goes, how do you know Derris? I said he is my best friend in college.

When I dropped out, I dragged Darius with me, and he worked at the Drake, and he worked for on-time courier, but they were also running drugs through the city doing that. So Joel and I hit it off, and a couple weeks later, he asked me to help move out of his Chicago and his apartment in Chicago, and I'm moving him out, and I'll pop Sava, his roommate. Who are you? I said, I'm Tim. What are you doing here? So I'm helping Joel move out.

I said, who are you? He goes, I'm Sava. I go, what are you doing? He goes, heroin. You want to do some? Hell yeah, let's go. Now, I was 14 months sober, but I didn't have a foundation. I'm like, what's one bag?

I never tried heroin. I'll try that. That was it, man. Game on. How old are you at that point? 32. 32. 32.

Wife, four kids, and I try one bag of heroin. And, man, I felt phenomenal. I stayed up. I worked. So I kept calling SOT. Bring me two more of those. 20 bucks, whatever. About three weeks later, Sava doesn't show up.

And I'm sick as a dog. I didn't know what being dopesick was or anything. And Joel calls and he says, hey, man, what's up? I said, dude, I'm sick as a dog. It's 90 degrees. I'm sitting down in the front yard, sweat my ass off. He goes, I'll be at your house in 10 minutes. He comes over, he goes, have you been seeing Saba?

I said, yeah, why? He goes, buying heroin? I said, yeah, a couple bags here and there. He goes, you haven't seen him in a day or too, have you? I said, no, he goes, Tim, you're dope sick. And I said, what's that? And he said, well, if you don't have opiates, you can shit and puke yourself. So my thinking is, great, I just won't run out of opiates.

again. So I said, let's go get a bunch more heroin. And there you got hooked on. And it started. And then I met Sava's dealer. And ironically, all these people I'm talking about, Sava died seven years ago. Joel ended up moving to California, had 18 years sober. I know a bunch of the buddies he knew. He moved to Oklahoma. I saw him seven years ago. I was doing a huge speaking event. He's got some Barbershops doing great, and I got a call off four months ago. He died from a drug overdose. Relapsed. I mean, it's not a winning game.

It will ultimately get you. It will ultimately get you. How does it make you feel when you, you know, you hear about people that you literally were doing drugs with or getting drugs from or selling drugs to or whatever, you know, passed away? Well, the first one started when I walked out of prison. So I went to prison in 08. for for driving on revokes. You can do six months in Cook County jail day for day or take a year in prison,

but you're out in 61 days and you're a felon. I'm like, make me a felon. Let's go. So I get out and I go right back to you. My drug dealer's wife died, had to go console them. And at this time, I've got no driving at a driver's license in 15 years. I've got numerous drivers.

and on revokes, and I drove one more time, December 16th to 2010, and I overdosed why I driving. I hit two cars. I put four people in the hospital one being a nine-month-old baby. I got to kill them all, and I was dead on the sea, and I had overdosed why I driving. And thank God those people were okay. But I tried fighting this in court. I fought it for 21 months, and my dumb lawyer put the paramedic on the stand because they never got blood or urine, so I'm thinking I'm going to beat this. That's how delusional I was. My third aggravated DUI, fifth drive and on revoke, they find the spoon and syringe, and I'm going to beat it in my head.

That's how grandiose and delusional I was. And I can remember that I put the paramedic down the stand of my lawyer. He's like, how do you know my client was under the influence of heroin? You didn't get blood or urine? And the guy just sits back. He goes, sir, I've been a paramedic 30 years in Chicago. I've dealt with 20,000 plus overdoses. is. He goes, your client was dead on the scene, multiple vehicle accident. He said, we administered

Narcan once, nothing, twice nothing, three times nothing, four times nothing. And the battalion chief said, box them up, this one's gone. And he said, I was going to, and I gave you one more shot in Narcan. And we got a slight pulse, and I mainlined it, and I saved your life. He goes, yeah, it was definitely an overdose. Right there, the judge slams his gavel seven years. in prison. I'm like, all right, rock and roll. Wow. And, but, you know, that was probably around the time where they all started carrying Narcan, right? So if it was earlier. They were just not even that, because it was 2000. It was December 16th to 2010. I caught my case in OD'd. So a lot of the paramedics had it,

but people in society didn't. You had like the Chicago Recovery Alliance doing it. So I ultimately fought this case. I stayed high the entire time. You were free on bail? Free on bail. Wow. I'm shocked they gave you bail. So listen to this one. I used to think I didn't need a VPN. I mean, who would hack me, right? Then one day I was sitting in an airport lounge,

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So mom won't pick up my calls. My wife won't pick up my calls. Five days in, I finally get my mom on the phone. And I manipulate her into putting up the bail. I think it was 50 grand or something. And I get out December 23rd. My former wife had been sitting outside of Cook County jail 10 hours waiting for me to get bailed out because you never know when they're releasing you.

We drove home, not a word said. An hour drive, pull into the garage, go in the house. I walk into my home office and Shannon says, your glasses are on the desk and your coat's in the closet. She said, we'll talk in the morning. She turns around. She says, oh, Father of the Year, you do know all the kids' Christmas presents were hidden in the back of the van, and they're almost all gone since you totaled it. I'm like, oh, great. I said, we'll talk in the morning.

She went upstairs. I got my glasses, put them on, went and opened my coat pocket. there was all the heroin the cops never found because my wife had went to the car and got my glasses and coat and there was five grams heroin so i went right back shooting dope that christmas morning the kids open what they had i hopped a cab to chicago to buy more heroin i lived to use i used to live i love my kids more than anything in the world but it's hard to love your kids when he can't even love yourself and drugs and alcohol were everything but uh yeah it was uh it was screwed up but uh you know then i got out and i i i i

fought it and hire the best lawyer and it got really dark then because my oldest son nick who was 17 or 18 at the time the one i adopted but he's like my own son i was adopted so i let nick smoke weed in the house and drink and we probably tripped on acid a few times and uh everyone knows i'm a heroin addict now and i'm dope sick again once again about three months out of fight in my case and nick walks in the bathroom he said what's wrong pops so what do you think you idiot i'm dope sick. He says, no, anymore, Dad. Today's your lucky day. My son threw two bags of heroin on the counter. So I got out of the bathtub and I snored him immediately. And I felt good instantly. And I walk in the next room. I said, Nick, what the hell are you doing? He said, don't worry, dad. I'm just

selling a little bit. I said, Nick, this isn't weed. This is heroin. And you know what this drug has done to me. And my son looks right at me and said, well, dad, you're a successful drug addict. And I said, why would you say that? Well, he got a nice house. He got an office in the Riggly building. you make a good living. So a Nick's delusional mind because I functioned, he thought I was successful. A couple months later, I caught him snorting heroin. So my son and I started using drugs together. That's how Nick and I bonded doing drug runs to Chicago every fucking day.

And unless you've been in that situation, you can't comprehend it and wrap your head around what you were doing. And then October 30th, 2012, I get sentenced to seven years in prison. And I knew I was going to get taken that day. So I leave my wife. I mean, that was such a piece of shit. Six weeks prior, I get a commission check for 20 grand. And I'm like, all, I'm going to spend five grand on drugs. I'm going to give her 15.

They'll be fine. I spent it all on drugs in four weeks. I went to prison, left her with nothing. a house and foreclosure, four kids. I weigh 158 pounds. I am skin and bon. I'm 205 pounds right now. I'm six foot one.

I was walking death. And I was banging about five grams of heroin a day and drinking a gallon of vodka. And I'm like, I don't want to be dope sick. So I call my dealer and I'd never been to his house. I said, dude, I'm in a cab. I'm going to Cook County Jail. I'm going to prison. I need some dope.

He's like, meet me at my house. So I get six jabs of heroin, like 14 bags each. And I wear a Hell's Angels jacket to court. My card heart, Hell's Angels biker jacket, I wear to court. So I cut a hole in it, and I stab all the heroin bags in there. And of course, I'm jacked as a little bird. They sentenced me and they take me him back. And my coat's sitting out there.

So I'm telling the CEO, I said, dude, you need to get my lawyer. I got it in my coat. He's like, you know, I said, it's cold in the bullpens. So it's got my phone and walled. I got to give it to my lawyer to mail home. He's like, all right, give me a minute. it. Dumbass goes and gets it. So, a sudden, Dick, I give them my stuff and they take me him back.

And just as I go in that holding cell, bags, heroin start falling on the ground. So I get them all out and I'm transferring them to my sock. The only thing I was worried about is walking through that metal machine. But by this time, I got them all in my sock, never registered. So I stayed high as a kite in there. I don't remember much at Cook County. Is there about three days? They give you some meds.

Then we get transferred to Northern Illinois receiving. center of stateville. And you've been through that process. I mean, just getting processed 24 hours, up your ass, stand around for six hours, doing nothing, taking blood, looking at you, like you're going to fix my teeth. They're all rotten anyhow from drugs. And then the sickness starts to kick in. Ian, I shit and puke myself for two weeks straight.

I didn't sleep a wink for a month. 30 days, no sleep. But about two weeks in, I'm on eye hall or something. All you hear, it's three floors. People scream in 24-7. They never let them out because the guy next to you can be a serial killer until they know what of the 28 prisons are going to ship you to. And I looked out my little window and I said, God, higher power, al-a-boot of Fred, whatever's out there. Please take away this obsession and compulsion to use.

And I swear, I'll turn my well and life over to you. And I said, please let me get into Sheridan in prison. And the next day at 3 in the morning, there's a brown bag in front of my door and eyes off to Sheridan. And then they get you up at about 3.30 and got about 40 guys in the bullpens because you got to see the doctor before they ship you to prison. And I'm the only white guy in here. And all I hear is, on my mama, keep a 100. On my mom. Who is this fucking moron?

Qualo. Quelo. So I got to listen to Qualo. We get on the bus. Who am I shackled next to? Quelo. And to him, it's a badge honor. He was a P-Stone.

The guy had been in not a prison, ripped like a shit brick house. How much time you get? I got a four-piece. I got an eight-piece. I got a 12-like, this is a badge. And there's a white guy in the back of the bus double shackled. And he goes, hey, Whitey, how much did you get? And the guy calmly goes, 40 to life.

And he goes, what the hell do you do? He goes, I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. So I cut off her head in her boyfriend's head, and I mailed him to her mom FedEx. Holy cow. But I'll never forget getting off that bus. I watch it, man. Just, well, at Stateville, I was watching him because I knew he was a lifer. And this guy's done for the rest of his life.

He's going to be here. But anyhow, we're on the bus, and we're going to go to Sheridan, and then it goes to East Moline. And we go to get off the bus, and sure shit, Quilos gets off the bus. And I said, on my mama, don't let the son of a bitch be my sally. And who do I get to get? Puello is my cellie. So you're in SAG for 30 days because they got to classify you. And we could get dayroom one night, one hour a night.

And since it was called Sheridan Correctional Center outside of Chicago, and there's 28 prisons, and they had two with therapeutic drug treatment programs. So it's still a medium prison. You're locked down 18 hours a day, but you do group three hours a day, five days a week, and it was 12-step-based oriented and a structure board. And you wanted to be there. And I didn't realize once you get in for every four months you do, they take a month off your sentence. So we go to the day room the first night.

And you got to wear these baby blue jump outfits. You look like total dildos. And you had to do this prayer to get off them. And it took me three months to memorize that prayer to get out of the dumb monkey suit. But we go to the day room. We come back. And Qualo is like, hey, Sally, help me get my suit off. I said, dude, I don't roll that way.

He goes, fuck you, I'm serious. And I help pulled. And all of a sudden all these noodles or chili. ramen noodles and writeouts and a pat-up. So what's going on? He goes, oh, bitch, I'm plugged. He goes, these people take care of me here. He goes, half of this is yours. You're my sally? It's half of yours. I'm like, Quilo, I like you. Quelo taught me how to cook a chili ramen noodle on a hot pipe that night. And, you know, we still are friends to this day. Wow. But it got better. It got better. You go to orientation hall and you do 30 days.

Then you either stay in there in one of the 100-person wings or you get to one of the little buildings and back where he only got about 30 guys on deck and I got into it. And this is word for word. I walk into my cell and there is this big black dude, 400 pounds all muscle sitting on the bunk reading an AA big book. And he's sitting right here and I walk in the cell door there. And I walk and I kind of look at him. He looks up at me like I bothered him.

He goes, hey, Whitey, you into recovery? I said, yeah, why? I said, because if not, brother, you ain't coming in this fucking cell because that's all we doing here. I said, I'm into recovery. He goes, hey, I'm Big Perk. I said, hey, Big Perk, I'm Tim. He looks to me again. He goes, Tim, I think I'm going to call you powder. I said, you can call me whatever the hell you want. He was a gang chief for 30 years with one of the vice lord sex on the west side of Chicago, and he was a ruthless man, ruthless man. It spent 23 years of his life behind the wall. And that man's my dearest friend in the world today.

Because Big Perks saved my fucking life. three months prior to me walking into that cell, it's on Hanson had been killed on the south side of Chicago, west side of Chicago, and Hansen wasn't affiliated. Is it the wrong place at the wrong time? So we're reading hundreds of books. We're doing the 12 steps.

Carmic healing, cosmic energy, Tony Robbins, Napoleon. I was there to change. And we wrote two business plans. One called Hansen, help a negative situation on nonviolently. We wanted to go after the inner city kids, tied in the gangs, the guns, and the drugs.

And then we wrote another one called a Manor Recovery Foundation. My motto was we take people from dope to hope, help him one addict at a time because my oldest son, my worst fear, Nick is going to die why I'm in prison. He OD'd two more times. I watched a corn grow, get cut down. Father's Day of 2013, I called Shannon. And I said, hey, you're coming to visit? She brought two of the kids to visit me every two weeks. And ultimately, we lost our home.

She had to move our kids 20 miles away to. Her mom's house, my kids had to change schools, because I'm the guy that couldn't ask for help. And she said, yeah, I'm going to come visit, but I need to let you know I mailed you a package. I'm like, killer. He sends some magazines and some books. She said, no, I sent you divorce papers. Well, all righty then. But you know what? It was the best time to happen because I still had another six to seven months to process that before I was released. And I can remember her bringing my daughter Abby, who's now 23. Abby was 10. in her cheerleading outfit. And Abby had boobs at the time.

And I could remember all the inmates gawking at my daughter. I'm like, I will never put my kids in this situation again. And then Nick came to visit me once. He was high as a frigging kite. And so I walked out, ironically, three years of the day I caught my case, I walked out of prison. December 16th of 2013, I was sentenced to seven years, but I got three, three and one.

Three for the DUI aggravated. three for the fifth drive and I revoke and one year for the spoon and syringe. So I only had to do the top number three. They whack it half, 50% I got to do, and then I got some good time for being in the therapeutic community. But that was enough for me. 30 county jails throughout my journey, first sent in prison, and then this one, that was it. I was done. What happened to the family that you hit? Did they speak at your sentencing? No, so, you know, it's not funny. So my wife at the time had been with state farm insurance for 30 years, 25 years. They never knew I got a DUI. So they covered everything, like a couple million dollars in settlements. Then when my son Nick,

he couldn't get his license until he was like 18. When he got his, they realized I had caused this accident and they dropped us like a hot thing, but nothing ever happened. But they settled with the families. And thank God everyone was okay. You imagine killing a kid? Because I'm, I'm screwed up. And I, it was so surrealian. Like, remember my drug dealer's dead. I'm buying from Flacco his cousin.

He's got a kilo of pure heroin. He's like, team, be careful. It's dung. So I snored a little. And I bought what I bought, and I pulled into a McDonald's off,

I think, Cicero and Grand Avenue in Chicago. And I bang up a big rig adult. And I put my stuff and I put it behind the seat. And I sat there for about two minutes. I'm like, all right, I'm good. So I started driving. See, I'm the smart truck at it. If I'm OD, I'll OD in the parking lot.

And I start driving. And Ian, it was like looking in a kaleidoscope as a kid. I remember that. And boom, next thing, I come to and I'm being wheeled into West Suburban Hospital that my childhood friend is present enough. He's a search and he runs this hospital. And all these little God shots, without these on, I can't tell who you are sitting across from me. they're wheeling me in and a nurse is going, are you Tim Ryan? Are you Tim Ryan? Are you the water skier from Crystal Lake, Illinois? I said, yes. She said, I went to high school with you. I'm older than you. You're in a lot of trouble. I think you killed two people. You need to get your shit together. See, the cop was

telling me I'd killed two people. So I'm locked up, freaking out. They said they want blood and urine. I said, I don't have insurance. Check me out. They took me to the holding police station. The other officer comes and says, hey, man, you need to smoke. I'm like, yeah. He goes, I need to let you know something. You didn't kill anybody, but my partner doesn't like you people. I said, what do you mean you people? He said, well, you junkies, you drug addicts. His brother just died from an OD. I'm like, okay, I get it. But the way people looked at addicts and all this, I mean, you think I want to be a professional water skier and a stop. Man, I never want to be a drug addict and alcoholic, but I didn't realize trauma and all these things and not talking

and nobody knew what to do back then, you know? You know, a lot of people don't even talk about driving under the influence of drugs. It's always we hear about the accidents of alcohol. That's a big thing. I was talking to someone the other day where they said you don't even lose your license right away if you get a DUI for drugs. It takes some time depending on the state. And man, I was high on, you know, I can remember back in the day smoking weed and driving and having to pull over for getting where I'm going. Now that I didn't smoke weed for years.

This stuff now is 70 times stronger than what I grew up with. Well, it's more relevant now than ever. because weed is legal in so many states. That's the problem. Like, I, so me, like, I have friends that will take an edible and they can drive fine, but then there's me. I only take an edible at the end of the night when I'm in bed. You're on the sofa eating potato chips and ice cream.

I can't drive. I can't even really drive with one drink in me. I'm just a lightweight. But that's, like, I think more people are casually driving high now more than ever. And it's a dangerous thought. I see it all the time. I'm, well, was it here of Florida? I see this.

It was in Florida last week. I'm pulling, and there's this. guy just chilling, smoking a dube, amen, what's up? And I'm like, hey, but it's like, man, you can go kill somebody. No, they don't talk about it. And it's a big deal. I mean, people are casually smoking weed during the day. So you got to be driving at some point, right? Forget even the weed. How about all the mothers that are on Xanax or Valium or Perkissettes and they have their couple cocktails? There's more people intoxicated down the roads. And then these things, these are even worse, the cell phones.

Yeah, but also, like, that's why I have a problem with, like, brunch on, like a Sunday. I don't go to brunch, but I see all these people posting at social media brunch. I know half of you are not taking Uber's home or walking. Because that's what we did. I look forward to brunch. I look forward to getting rocked and drinking. I don't know how people could drink during the day. I can't do it personally.

Oh, man. So at the end of my journey, I would get up at 4.30. I'd drink coffee and vodka. I'd bang some rigs of heroin. I'd get a cab to the train station. It was an hour ride to Chicago. I'd take the express train. And I had a time because the bar at Union Station opened at 9 a.m.

I'd have three or four martinis. I'd call Flacco. He'd meet me at the Wrigley Building. I'd get five grams of heroin. I'd go up to my office. Bang Dope. I was at the Billy Goat Tavern. Cheeseburger, Cheeseburger, No Coke Pepsi from Saturday Night Live years ago,

the original Billy Goat on Lower Michigan Avenue. I'd be there at 1030 because I thought Jeff, the bartender that worked there for 26 years was just the coolest dude in the world. I'd sit there to Watt 2, go to my office. And being a recruiter back then, I could place someone making $100,000 and I got a $25,000 fee. So people like, how did you make money? I could pull together a fee every month or two if I needed, but all the money ended up going to my lifestyle of addiction. But I'd usually spend two to three nights a week under Lower Wacker Drive with the homeless. people because that's why I was more comfortable

instead of being in my five-bedroom house with my wife and four kids because that's where the damn disease of addiction takes you. Youth sports families and fans huddle up. Wherever life takes you, game changer keeps you connected. Stream games live and full HD when you can't be there. Get play-by-play updates right on

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All your data in one place with built-in AI for real-time insights. Learn more at intuit.com slash ERP. Yeah, it's so crazy to think that there are super successful people that battle addiction. I mean, I've interviewed so many people that weren't successful like you were, you know, that are able to make money and they struggle and they commit more crime. And then there's someone like you, you know, you were making great. money. And you know the thing, I've made millions of dollars, millions. And I have spent millions on drugs and alcohol, but I never took, I never paid myself first. You know, my dad, Tim,

10% and best payers. I never did that. I could have been retired at 25, 35, 45, 45, but I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be right now, because that was God's plan for me. But it's funny because I would pawn my own shit because things, I'd have, I had a pawn shop in Chicago. I'd have 12 laptops in there a month. I'd get to the point I'd come in with the laptop case, give it to them, which one, it's the Apple. Okay, here's 400 bucks. It'd be full of newspaper. But it was just, and I'm making three, four, 500 grand a year. It was just total insanity. Now, your parents, after they found out, you know, you were an addict when you went to rehab that first time, they check up on you throughout like your 20s.

Oh, they did. I talked to my mom every day. Through addiction, I talked to my mom every day. But it got to the point to where, you know, I got married. I lived an hour away. We'd show up on the weekends, go water skiing, whatever. But I kind of held it together. And it's funny you say that because after the fact, after I got out of prison.

So I asked my wife, I said, why didn't you ever tell my parents? Why don't you do an intervention? Well, but my wife. was comfortable with me being an addict in a sense. The house was clean. The bills were paid. I didn't bother. We didn't have to have sex. None of that stuff. I still ran, I was a Cub Scout Pacmaster. I ran 35 Cub Scout dens for 10 years. I functioned every day. I wasn't this strong out heroin guy till really the end of the journey because it got bad and I want, I didn't care if I lived or died. I mean, overdose. Hell, my last overdose wasn't hitting those cars. I had, this is a crazy story.

Don't trust your friends in the drug world. So I was doing dope with this guy, Rich and Missy, his wife, in Aurora, Illinois. And I go to Rich and Missies. I remember shooting up a rig of dope, one enough. So I made another. And I shot another. And next thing I remember, I'm waking up in Rush Copley Hospital. My face is beat up.

I'm missing two teeth, not these two, two other ones. And I'm asshole naked. And my wife's at the end of the bed. I'm like, what happened? She's like, Tim, you OD, they found you dead on the middle of Hill Street. Like, what are you talking about? I was at Rich and Missy's house. I OD'd and my good friends dragged me down two flights to stairs.

That's what my face was and dragged me two blocks down the road and left me for dead in the middle of the street. A cop just happened to come by and find me. Yeah, I would have been dead there. So I ripped everything out, had my wife drive me home to put on some clothes, took the van, went to Rich and Missy's house, beat the shit out of both. of them got the rest of my money, my drugs. I went back home, kept doing drugs. It's just how I operated. Now, tell us about after prison, you know, your life, what that looked like and bringing up to now. So here's, you know, it got, it got, uh, prison saved my life. For the people that say,

don't lock up addicts in this, bullshit. You know, I needed a timeout. God gave me a timeout and sat me down. I got another quick one I can throw at you while I'm in prison. Yeah, give it to me. I don't know what your timeline is because I'll talk forever. I'll get this guy and your show too. So, you know Ian in prison, you sign up to get out of yourself or whatever they go. You got a Christian weekend? I'm going. You got this? So it's called, I don't know how you remember this. Freedom of God's way. And this guy, Mani Mills. Mani was a Cuban. He had been big in the insurance industry, doing some money, scams, and gets 35 or 38 years in the federal prison system. He started the first prison ministry and really came to Jesus in Christ in there. And they

ended up changing. I think he only ended up doing six or eight years. So Manny was running a prison ministry. And he does this thing. And I feel like the guy's talking to me and right the last day an hour, he goes, what's your name and why are you here? So my name's Tim Ryan. I'm an alcoholic and a drug addict. And I got my third dude. And he says, Tim, you got two choices. He said, do you can actually let God into your life and you can consider changing and put recovery first so he'll have the best life in the world or keep doing the same bullshit. You'll be lucky to come back here. Chances are you're going to die.

So as we're going to leave, he had a book. And it's called Radical Time Out, and he hands me. He says, you want a copy? I said, sure. As soon as I open it, I see Chris to Lake, Illinois. He said, Mani, Chris Lake, Illinois. He goes, do you know the town? I said, of course, I grew up there.

My grandfather built the first houses on the lake. He said, I paroled there 28 years ago. And so I went back, read the book, and I wrote him a letter. Four weeks later, I get a letter in the mail from. quantum executive search firm. I had owned a recruiting firm called Wobo recruiting prior to going into prison. I knew quantum exec. I thought I'm getting sued.

I'm like, I must have screwed this guy over. I don't remember. And it's from a guy Gary says, hey, Tim, I'm dear friends with Manny Mills. We wrote your inspirational letter. We're willing to pick you up the day you get out. But if not, we run this thing. So I got out of prison. Parole agent took four days to show up.

Ramsey, pain in the ass. As soon as Ramsey left, I went to the 5 o'clock 12-step-based meeting. Then at 7 p.m., I went to Mani's radical timeout. And it was a huge dinner, and they do their preaching stuff. But it's for families that have a loved one going to prison, in prison, or coming out of prison. There's a Chicago alderman getting sentenced to 28 years the next day. So they're getting him to be a vessel of recovery and the scripture going in. But it was just a neat thing that.

this guy came in and spoke and the book and all this and it's crazy. So anyhow, I get out of prison. My former wife and mom found a little townhouse in downtown Naperville, Illinois. All our furniture was moved in because we lost the house. My former wife and kids moved it all in. Shannon picked me up, went and had lunch, took me to the iPhone store, never had one of those. I had a Blackberry, and I had to go to my house and wait for Ramsey to show up. My four kids, Nick Max Tanner and Abby, came over that night. You ever had Portillo's, Italian beefs and hot dogs? We used to get them smuggled into the prison camp in Oxford, Wisconsin.

That was the first time. So you were in Oxford? Yeah, it was an Oxford. Yeah, Portillo's. That was a name from the past, and you put the hot jar-nare on it. Damn straight. You had to have it. And by the time it got to us, soggy, but so good.

The best. I spoke in a county jail in Rushville, Indiana five years ago. and I liked the COs and the head guy said, hey, look, this was a great experience. If I send you guys food, will you feed all these? You said, there's 200. I said, I'll send it up for 300, and I shipped them all Portillo's hot dogs and Italian beefs. But those are the things you got to do. So I plugged into recovery.

I got another sponsor, went to 12-step-based meetings, went through the steps again. I needed a job, so I went back into the recruiting business. I still didn't. I hadn't had a license. I had to take a train to Chicago, hour drive, walk to the other train station, take another train an hour to Palatine, Illinois, and take a bus a half hour to work. I commuted two and a half hours each way to work. But I had to pay, you know, child support and get my life together.

That lasted about three months. I didn't want to recruit. I had no passion. I had already set up the first heroin anonymous meeting in DuPage County. and two weeks later a kid comes and he says, hey, I take Xanax. Can I come to your meeting? I said, sure. Two weeks after that, a mom comes in with her daughter and says, can I sit in on your

meeting? I had an epiphany. I said, why don't I have the parents or loved ones come with the person struggling since it's a family disease and this just blew up. I had one in Princeton, Illinois, Dixon, Illinois, Street, or Illinois. Those were all 100 miles from my house. I did those every week. DeKalb, Illinois, Naperville, Illinois, Chris Syke, Illinois.

We were in seven of these. I did them every week for two and a half years. I called my mom. I said, I want to borrow 15 grand. Said, for what? I said, I'm setting up this nonprofit, a Manor Recovery Foundation. My motto is I take people from dope to hope. Help dope to hope.

Helping one addict at a time. Looks like dope bone, doesn't it? I'm the dumb ass. I thought that it goes and gets dope hope. I thought it's a dope again. I thought it's a dope and dope. Some goofy, it looks like bone instead of dope hope. Yeah, that's not at age.

Whatever. Thanks. You got played on that one. I got played on that one. But so started going. And then at 19 months out of prison, or I'm 19 months sober, six months out of prison, my son, Nick is in treatment for the sixth time. He's 20. And I visit him, and he's like, Dad, picture me and you.

We used to get high together, speaking in high schools, father and son. I'm like, fuck, let's do it. This is my dream. I said, you've got to get a year sober. He said, I will. 45 days out of treatment, he's back in jail. Does 30 days in Cook County, 30 days in Cain. And then his mom picks them up, took him to feed them, and said, we're done. You're not coming to my house. You're not going to your dad's. All you do is like cheat and steal. I called Nick five days later. And I said, Nick, come to my house and get some Narcan. And he says, Dad, I'm not on that BS anymore.

Alexis and I are getting an apartment. I'm going to the 12-step-based meetings, and I believed them. Two days later, six in the morning, August 1st, 2014, Shannon called me and said, get out of bed. I'll be at your house in five minutes. Nick O'D again. When I went to prison in 08 and got out, Shannon had got a full-ride scholarship to nursing school. I said, you don't need to work. Said, Tim, the way you're living, you're going to end up dead or in prison. I need to get some degree to take care of these kids. So she was going to nurse. school. So she picks me up, and I normally don't share this part of the story, I get in her car and I plug my phone into her iPhone charger. Have you ever heard of a band called 6am? Maybe, yeah. Nicky 6 from Motley Cruz, started a band, and he wrote a book years ago called The Heroin Diaries. Nicky's in

long-term recovery. And he had wrote a book and had a band called 6 a.m. And it was all heroin-related. Well, when I plugged it in, the song that came up is called courtesy call. And courtesy calls about someone being found dead from an overdose in a hotel room. So I immediately unplugged the phone. We shot to the hospital, running into the emergency room. Tim and Shan Ryan here to see our son, Nicky, he overdosed, and 32nd, sight of the chaplain walked out. I knew my son was dead instantly. And I'll ask people, what was my next thought? They'll be like, you want to get high. No, my next thought was I called my 12-step base sponsor, and I was surrounded by people in recovery, but I can remember the doctor taking us and back and being the doctor, and did you know

your son was struggling? Yeah, we know he's a drug. What's going on? He said he didn't make it. And I will never, ever. Forget that scream that came out of his mother's mouth. And I went with the doctor and in the next room and there was my son laying there and he's 20, he's beautiful. He's got the aspirator in, cold, four hours dead. And I'm like, just, what the fuck? And, you know, for a long time, I said, I helped kill my own son. You know, I led my son down this path, even though I didn't start him on heroin. And he followed in his dad's footsteps.

But on the flip side, Nick knew what to do. He'd been to treatment six times. He'd been sober living. And so I'm dealing with that, dealing with her. his brother came in, and then, you know, we had to leave. So as we're leaving, the cop says, I need to talk to you. So he takes me down the hall, and there's a glass, and I can see three people behind the glass. I said, who's that? He said, that's your son's girlfriend and his two friends he was with. We're charging them all with drug-induced homicide. I said, excuse me? He said, yeah,

they killed him. We're going to charge him with drug-induced homicide. I said, no, you're not. He said, what do you want to do? I said, I want to put them all into treatment. I said, that could have been me getting high with my son. I said, I blame the kids, but I don't because I don't know enough, but I blame the disease of addiction. So anyhow, I helped Alexis and Gary and the other kid. And about a year and a half later, I get a call from Gary's mom. And she says, Tim, we're in Florida. Gary's back using again. He's at our house. Can you get over there? As cousin said, he's overdosed. And I run into the house, 20-minute drive, and Gary's OD'd, so I hit him with Narcan. And call 911, five minutes later they're there, and they mainline it, get a pulse, and they're taking them out.

And I sat back and looked, and I said, son of a bitch, that's the same sofa. My own son died on. And I just helped this kid that let my son die. Because what I found out had happened, Nick went to Gary's house. His parents were out of town with his girlfriend, Alexis, and some other kids. Nick had snorted two bags of heroin, Gary gave a Xanax bar, and he ate it. Well, when you mix a benzodiazepine with opiates, it suppresses your system, you stop breathing. They knew Nick was overdosing.

They didn't call 911. They got the good Samaritan law. Cops would have come, taking the drugs, saved him. Nobody gets arrested. But nobody's educating the youth about this. They don't know about this law. So they went in the basement, did more drugs, came up an hour later he was dead. Then they panicked, put his death.

that body in the car and drove around for two hours before they went to the hospital. They would have called 911. Chances are he'd be in alive. They had Narcan chances already been alive. So what I had to take out of that is how can I take this negative and turned into a positive? So I educate the schools on these laws because kids don't know. They're at a party. Someone ODs.

They freak. Could be alcohol. Could be weed. And they freak out. They don't know what to do. So that's one of the things I do now. but my son died on my 21-month sobriety date. You want to test your foundation, lose your frigging kid.

I went to a meeting and I never looked back. And today I will be attending my 172nd funeral at 4 o'clock this afternoon. That's just what I do. Another dear buddy of mine, 50 I'd been working with for two years and walked out of sober living, took his will back two days later, he's dead. It's just the reality of it. But yeah, that's, I met another. Don't screw checks you meet at AA meetings or 12 set-based meetings.

I shouldn't say AA, but whatever. You're married now. Well, I'm married now, but I sat next to this gal. And she asked me to speak, this is the first meeting out of prison. And she was nice, gave me some attention, some validation, which I needed. You know, I haven't been with a woman in a year and a half. but she was married. Well, next thing she starts kind of visiting me and, oh, my husband, I got to leave them.

She shows up my house with her kids. And the next thing, I'm stuck with her. About six months in, I said, man, I can't do this anymore. You drive me out. You're crazy as a loon. It says, I'm pregnant. You've got to be shitting me. So I thought you're on the pill.

Why am? And she baited me. So I kept her ass around and then I get this beautiful gift called McKenzie. I've got a fourth kid. Fifth kid. So Nick, Max, Tanner, Abby, and now McKenzie. And McKenzie at four months old, her mom pulls some fake suicide attempt drinks robbing alcohol. So she goes into the psych ward.

I fly my mom up from Florida. I get her out of the psych ward. I fly her to McKenzie's mom to a high-end mental health treatment center in Florida. I need a fucking nanny. I'm speaking. Who's my nanny? Annie, Ian. Who'd I have be my nanny? If you're damn straight, big perk. Big fucking perk.

And I started doing work with the police because I started speaking with this cop that was a cybercrimes expert and a swat sniper and we ran a program called the cop and the convict. And Richard Educate on you want to know what your kids are doing, get into their technology. And I share my story. So I called perk up. I'm like, dude, I need this. He's like, dude, I'm there. Came over, lived at my house, took care of my little daughter. But I started getting these cops going, why are you having this gang chief, ex-con? I said, you got to understand. I live with this man for 13 months in a cell.

I trust him more than anybody in the world. I said, until you do that, you're not going to understand what I'm talking about. So yeah, big perk was my nanny. My manny, we called him. That is too funny. Then she comes back, and two days later, fake orders her protection. and I kept this knucklehead around, and it was hell on earth. And we finally, well, I got her sober, thought I did about a year,

and I had it all set up because she relapsed three weeks after I married her ass. And I'm doing a huge speaking event with Elvis Presley's half-brother and the founder of the Make a Wish Foundation at Soldiers Field. And I'm getting calls that she's messed up at home. So I got to go back. She drank a bunch of robitussin. I said, here's your sponsors, your therapist, here's your psychiatrist. One mess up, you're gone. But my plan in my head was when she's a year

sober, I'm divorcing her. And I had set that up, told her I wanted a divorce, and then Jennifer, Benon stumbled into my life. Ian, I wasn't looking for a relationship. Last thing I wanted, but when you see Jenny's discovered at 13 on the Santa Monica Pier, supermodel overnight music videos with Prince, Lionel Richie, Babyface, Mick Jagger, Tupac Shakur, Tupac, Tupac, Tuk, video, she's in all Tupac's books and then all her movies. But she was sober and legit, and I didn't think I, I thought she's way out of my league. And man, it was game on. And been with her almost six years now. And now we travel the country. We speak. We do interventions. I just filmed the movie last year with DeAndre Bonds from Snowfall. And she still acts.

And I wrote a book and I had a documentary in my life called Dope Man on A&E and a guest to the State of the Union. I've been on every news show you can think of. I give shit about any of that. What I care about is platforms like this to where I can carry a message and let anyone know out there. Hey, bitches, R6-8-915 is fucking retired. I will never put that number back into use. I promise you. I will never pick up a drug or a drink again. But I have to take all my years of... There aren't many guarantees in life. Your energy won't always show up. Your jeans won't always fit. but I promise you this. If Just Thrive probiotic doesn't work for you, I'll refund every penny.

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Comments is a registered trademark of Cummins Inc. Graham and Hemmy are registered trademarks of FCAUS LLC. Pain trials and tribulations. It was said to me two weeks after my son died. His mother, we were having lunch. And she said, Tim, you got to understand something. She said, I've been thinking a lot about you and Nick and him dying. She said, I truly believe God put Nick and I in your life for a reason. And had you go through your struggles, had Nick go through his for Nick to pass on to set the stage for what you're going to do next. She said, your 28, 30 years of active addiction have been your training ground to go help people. And that's what I do now.

You know, we were just speaking in the Sheridan prison two months ago for two, three days of 1,500 inmates, 200 at a time. My wife, buddy of mine, Jay, his sponsor, that's what it's all about. And there was four guys on death row there. They didn't have death row. They shut death row down in Illinois. So these four guys got transferred to Sheridan. One of the guy had been on death row 48 years. And these guys all now have masters and MBAs,

and they teach all the substance abuse certifications for Sheridan's substance abuse program. And the one guy who was crazy, Sheridan had this crazy guard, jacked up. What's his name? I'll send you his Instagram. A guy's in the left field, but he's got like 500,000. some followers. So he's drinking beer and working out. But Jen went up and touched this old guy. And he, the CEO got up and Jay's like, hey, Jen, back away, back away. Well, he had killed four

women. My wife was the first woman he had touched in 38 years. So after we did our speaking event and everything we found, she went up and gave him the biggest hug and a kiss on the cheek, but it's just that connection. Those moments. Yeah, I love speaking in prisons and having those moments. It's the greatest. I'll tell you, when we're speaking in Sheridan, I'm talking about my former dealer Ray Rollin. And Ray was a rest in peace, Ray, boss maniac. He was fourth, third highest up with the maniac Latin Disciples Street Gang in Chicago.

Ruthless gang. Of course, I was the only white guy allowed in the neighborhood, the house. I remember I popped off once for a driving on revoke in Chicago. And the guy, and I get a T-shirt on it's cold, and the guy's like, Hey, you're boss maniac's white buddy, aren't you? I'm like, hey, he's like, here's a hoodie, here's sweatpants. We got you taken care of why you're in here. But I was sharing about Ray in the prison.

And, you know, he passed on and all this. And this big son of a bit stands up. He goes, Tim, I know you. Like, what are you talking about? He goes, I was about 150 pounds lighter when I knew you. He goes, I was boss maniac's enforcer. I've met you over 100 times. Like, you can't make this stuff up.

I mean, you just, you can't make it up. one of the guys I was in prison with, we called each other by last names because it was respect Mr. Norris, Mr. Perp. Mr. Norris was ahead with the GDs. And we got out and Westcare, which runs the therapeutic community in the prisons, one, some inmate that got out years ago ran a radio show and Ham in Indiana, shithole USA. So I said, hey, Brad, let's go do this radio show. We pull in, get in, come in like walking in your studio here and the host like you and the guy sees my buddy brad he goes dollar bill what do you dollar bill they were in prison 25 years ago the radio host was a first timer and my buddy brad protected them and saved his butt wise behind because they were in minard then a max and and helped save the guy

and the guy got out and got sober and turn but the chances of us going to do this and these two see each other and Brad's now sober. You can't make this stuff up. It's incredible. It's incredible. And I'll tell you what. I hate ex-cons and all that. But some of my dearest friends I met behind the wall.

Black, my buddy in Chicago, he's got frigging 38 kids. I call him right now. 38? 38 with two women. 38 kids. It's crazy. I met another guy with 24. Yeah, it's nuts.

But I could call these guys. So I need you on a plane immediately. They won't even ask why they're coming. They'll just come. And it's a loyalty and it's a bond and it's a respect that you don't get. I get it in the rooms of a 12-step base room. But that camaraderie I have with ex-coni. And I can talk to them anywhere because I can wear a suit.

I can be tatted out. I can be whatever. But when I walk in and say, hey, I'm Tim Ryan, great for you. I have an alcoholic and drug addict. I also go by R6-8-915 and it's retired. I got their attention immediately. And to be able to go give those men hope, that's what it's all about. If I could just go speak in prisons and schools the rest of my life, that's all I do.

Let people know. But I'm real talk. I'll tell you the fucking realities. I didn't really have much fun. I had some fun for a while, but that went away. And it's a lot of work being a drug addict and a liar and a cheat and the thief and a con and blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, Tim, I appreciate you coming on the show, Tim. I appreciate you coming.

You're a great storyteller, man. So much energy. You know. We could tell stories. We could just have a storyteller series. Yeah. And I mean, you got to get a podcast rolling, man. I had one.

And then I shut, I don't get that thing back going. I'm telling you. I don't want to give you competition. Recomposition. I'm in my own lane, man. You're doing great. And Ian, I got to commend you, man. You came out of nowhere with this, and you're doing a hell of a deal.

And I got a lot of people, some crazy stories that I. Benny Lee, do you know who Benny Lee is? Sounds familiar. I'll get you dialed in with Benny. We did TED talks together. Benny was one of the founders of the vice lords in Chicago. Ended up going to prison. He was in a max, and they had a big fight on the yard.

A bunch of guys got killed. Well, him being the chief, he got put on death row. He spent a number of years on death row, and he ultimately got released, and he runs inner circle in Chicago, and his whole life is about giving back and all that. Send them my way, man. Absolutely. I appreciate you, brother. Appreciate you.

Thank you, my man. Peace.