Locked In with Ian Bick - Former Addict On How He Survived The Streets Of Newark | William Milligram

Episode Date: October 12, 2023

It took more than 40 rehab centers for William to finally find a path to recovery. During his 15 years of substance abuse, William was homeless and struggling to survive on the cold streets of Newark, New Jersey. Listen in as he talks to Ian about the trajectory of his life and the catalyst that helped him truly turn it around. Connect with William Milligram: IG: https://instagram.com/willmilligram?igshid=OGQ5ZDc2ODk2ZA%3D%3D&utm_source=qr TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@risingfromfalling?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc Buy Merch: https://lockedinbrand.com Use code lockedin at checkout to get 10% off your order Connect with Ian Bick: https://www.ianbick.com 00:00 Intro 00:45 New Merch Discount 02:50 Childhood 06:34 What school was like for him 11:25 Being triggered 12:50 Thinking about what could have been 17:32 Weight on his shoulders 18:40 Finishing high school 20:45 Lowest points of his life 24:00 Homeless in Newark 27:27 Relationship with parents 28:50 Advice for saving a loved one 34:40 Day in the life of a homeless addict 41:06 Crazy things homeless people do 45:44 Arrests on record 46:25 Near death experience 52:50 Continuing to use 54:12 Body Brokering  57:24 What rehab facilities are like 1:01:38 His daughter giving him purpose 1:04:52 Triggers after getting clean 1:06:21 Getting the message on substances out there 1:08:05 What he does now  Produced by: https://www.instagram.com/shanedanahy https://www.shanedanahy.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I went to Florida in 2012 for my first real treatment center. I went out to rehab. I did well for like 45 days. While I was in Florida, that was the first time I started, you know, IVing substances. My addiction progressed massively. I wasn't at an all-time low yet, but that was where, like, all the things I said I was never going to do, it ended up happening. Welcome back to the Lockton with the InVic podcast. On today's episode, we have Will Milligram to share his story of battles with addiction,

what it was like to be homeless on the streets of New Jersey, the near-death experiences he encountered along the way, and how he was able to overcome it. Guys, folks, everyone that tunes into this show, we now have new merch in stock. Go to Ian Bick.com to check out our selection of hoodies, t-shirts, and beanies, just in time for the holiday season. You can use code Locked in at checkout to receive 10% off your order.

That's code locked in at checkout. I want to give a big thanks to all of our viewers and listeners that not only tune in week after week, but also tell their friends, their family, their coworkers about the podcast and help get the word out there. It means the absolute world and I wouldn't be here without you guys. Remember, you can help support this show by hitting the subscribe button on YouTube or giving us a follow and leaving us a review. on whichever site you listen to this podcast.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy my interview with Will Milligram. Will, thank you so much for coming on the show today. Of course, buddy. You're local to the area. Yes, move to Danbury like two and a half year, three years ago now. Why Danbury? That's such a random place. Well, I grew up in Brewster right over the border. And at this, when I was looking for an apartment, I'm like, oh, it's cheaper in

Danbury. I can get a sink. You know, there's a little more affordable. So at that time, I was just getting sober. my first apartment. And it went good, man. It actually was exactly what I needed. Yeah. And, you know, Danbury is actually a good location because it's, you know, an hour from New York City. You got Stanford nearby. You got Norwalk. That's not bad. But no one really knows of Danbury, which is crazy. I mean, they know of it from the Trashers and all that stuff, but that's about it. Shout out to A.J. Galante. Yeah, he was on the show a couple months back. And we're going to be

launching his Danbury Trashers podcast in our studio here, which is cool. That's awesome. But yeah, let's dive into the reason why we're here today. Your story, incredible story. You know, you've gone through a lot in your life at a young age. I have. And those are the stories that are most inspiring because you were able to overcome that. Let's take it from the top. Going back to early childhood, where did you grow up? Where did you come from? What's that early childhood like? So I'm from Brewster, New York, you know, pretty basic family. my dad worked all the time my mother actually works in the substance abuse industry so from an early age you know i was always uh involved with you know i'd go to work with my mom every now and then

i'd see the patients and i didn't understand it at a young age you know but as time went on um you know my behaviors started to change at a very early age like four five six i had like very uh obsessive behaviors, you know what I mean? And those behaviors were warning sign number one. And for me, I didn't notice it. Nobody else noticed it, you know, and I mean, it was tough because, you know, addiction and mental health runs in my family, you know, and my mother has had her issues in the past, but thank God she's doing incredible. She's great. And around, I was around 11, I think around 10 or 11 years old. My mother and father decided that, you know, they were going to go their separate ways,

and that's what truly, like, set things off for me. They got divorced, you know. My whole life, it was pretty much everybody, a lot of chaos in my family. My mother's Italian, and my dad has, like, Russian and German in them. So it was very hectic. All the holidays, I was drinking at a young age, you know. it was definitely exciting to say the to say the least but as time went on you know i learned that i could deal with all my issues through a drink or a pill you know at 13 years old i i ended up

breaking a bone in my back wow and uh snowboarding and um i got prescribed oxy cotton at 13 years old and from there you know the first day i'll never forget I was like hysterically crying. You know, I got brought to the hospital. They gave it to me and within a matter of a second, my whole body just settled. I stopped crying and I was home. You know, like I was like, oh my God, this is how I want to feel forever.

Come to find out, it would be what completely broke me years down the line. But, you know, it's one of those things where, you know, for me, me it took a while to to realize and accept like what was happening you know i mean i was spiraling very quickly and i didn't have anybody saying hey you're doing the wrong thing you know hey you're going down the wrong path and uh you know by the time um you know all through high school same thing partying every single night you know i started getting into uh extracurricular activities making money and you know wrecking cars every other week I literally to this day I've had 15 cars and I'm 31 years old oh you were that kid in high school I was that kid you know we hated those

types of kids in high school that always got the brand new car and it was it wasn't new cars they were more just you know I would always be on the go I worked a lot and I'd always get like a little rice or Honda or whatever and then within the matter of you know a week or two of owning it I would have crashed it. You got to like those car meets and stuff at Starbucks. I used to. I used to when I was young, you know, and that brought a lot of trouble for me too, you know. Were you popular or were you the bullied or maybe even the bully? So when I was growing up like when I was in like middle school and stuff, I was bullied often. You know, I have big ears. I have a big nose. And, you know, nowadays I'm just, I'm proud of who I am. But growing up, that was a very, you know, it was a tough thing because, you know,

didn't have the courage to like defend myself when I was younger like that and as time went on I was like you know what like I found out one day I was like I know how to fight you know like we were locker boxing after a lacrosse game and then from that day I'll never forget like you know that whole scenario shifted and I became the person that was like always looking for a fight always picking a fight causing a problem you know and that goes back to the behaviors you know at a young age like things that uh normal kids like you know i wasn't i was never normal there was no normalcy in my life ever you know and uh as time went on you know i wouldn't say i was never like a bully because i was always the one like trying to like i had a lot of friends in school that had special needs

and like i was close with them like i'd try to in a way like i'd want to protect them you know and it uh sometimes it ended up being a flaw like causing more problems for me because I'd end up getting suspended for something that had nothing to do with me but I, you know, involved myself, you know, I'd went and defend some, you know, for somebody else that couldn't defend themselves, you know. Who do you think you were closer to your mother or your father? It's a good question, man. I mean, when I was younger, it was my mother.

But as when my mother and father got separated, you know, my dad moved to Mayapak. and at that time I think he had a fear that he wasn't going to have us as much or maybe whatever so like he would allow us to party my dad was like the cool dad you know so as time you know

as I got into my teens and my 20s my dad definitely was like my rock you know he he really helped me out a lot like with legal troubles he's seen me he pretty much might as well of like been my running buddy

but he doesn't, you know, use drugs or alcohol. Yeah. You know, he used to think he was doing anything in his power to help me or protect me, but really it was just like enabling the crap out of me. Like, you know. Looking back on it now, do you put blame on their divorce for a lot of the things that would occur? I mean, at one point I did.

But today I take ownership, you know, and it's not that, like, their divorce caused me to go do what I was doing, or, you know, it's not that. I think that at a young age, a child doesn't know how to handle that, you know? And I think it definitely played a big role into why I was rebelling and doing things that I was told not to do and whatnot. But I don't necessarily think that that's like the sole cause. You think you were rebelling to get your parents' attention because they were focusing

on their relationship and not on you? Very much so, you know. And it was almost like a cry for help without a cry for help. You know what I mean? Like I was almost, you know, and so I'm going to, I'll like, this is kind of weird. And to this day, like I'll never forget it. So I believe that I had these, you know, tendencies, like these behaviors. I think I had them from the start, like from when I was a baby. You know, I remember one day being as tall as the arm of the couch, you know, in my living room. And my living room. And my. And my. My dad was sitting on the couch and like an intervention show was on the TV. And I was in there, you know, running around. And I remember, you know, I watched a woman who was using narcotics on the show. And I had this feeling in my stomach when I was watching it.

And I was like, I was like, you know, I was like, dad, have I ever done that? Have I ever tried that? And he was like, no. He was like, what are you talking about, you know? But come to find out 10 years later, the feeling that, I would get when I would be on my way to pick up substances or when I would just get what I needed and know that I was going to go get to use or get high, that was the same feeling that I got watching that show 10 years prior. You know what I mean? So I, like, I believe that, you know,

and there's a lot of like science out there, but I just, I believe addiction is like, it's genetic and it also, you know, environment plays a huge role, you know, I think that. I think that. that some people are born with it, you know? So it needs to be, like, triggered, though. Like, you could be born with it. Spot on. And then something triggers, like, in your case, a divorce and the accident.

Correct. And something that's reoccurring on the show is I've interviewed a lot of people that have suffered through addiction. And reoccurring themes are an accident where they get prescribed specifically, yeah, pain meds. And then a divorce. And those are both, like, when those are put together,

in your case, it's kind of a recipe for disaster. 100%. Did you have aspirations at all before this kind of like starts to go down south? Yeah, so I had, I was very passionate about like cars, bikes, you know, like that was my thing when I was young. And I always wanted to have my own shop, you know, I always wanted to be my own boss growing up. You know, I started a landscaping business when I was like nine years old and would cut all the lawns in the neighborhood, you know? and it was more of a, you know, it's crazy how powerful, like, you know, your environment and, like, the quality of life can, it could, it takes all that away. Like, you know, at one point,

I was so driven and, like, wanted to retire everybody in my family and, you know, and thankfully, that does come back, but once I've found substances, nothing else mattered. You know what I mean? like it uh it it changed me as a person you know you ever sit back and think about those times of what you could have been before addiction took over like sometimes i'll think like with the club i'm like i have these flashbacks and i'm like this could have went so differently like it could have been something and it hurts you know and it makes you sad when you think about it so what is like that feeling for you i'll tell you what man like weirdly i believe that like the path that we take bad or good it doesn't matter it's paved for us like even like it's very unfortunate you know

that we some of us have to deal with like terrible things in life but i don't believe that i would be in the position that i'm in now if i didn't go through what i've been through like you know as we'll get more into my story you know i've spent over three and a half years in uh treatment centers you know and like I've been to 44 programs over the course of 15 years. And for me, I was always like a networking guy. I love talking with people. I love, you know, figuring out people. You know, I'm very observative.

I'm always watching what's going on around me. And, you know, I took a little piece from every single place that I've been. And like, you know, I ended up applying that into helping other people. people, you know, and I didn't even know that this was going to be my journey. You know, to be honest, I didn't think I was going to make it past maybe 23 years old, you know. I had full intentions on burning it and running it till the wheels fell off. And a lot of people don't make it. I know. A lot. And they don't even make it to that first facility. You've made it through dozens of facilities. Unfortunately, you know, I work in the space, you know, and I do help a lot of

people my social media is uh you know surrounded with you know it's it's there to help people that are struggling with substance abuse and mental health but i have over a little over 50 people in the last like five or six years i've lost that were close to me due to addiction and mental health um you know my best friend bruce you know uh rest his soul but you know this kid was like the most one of the most incredible humans i think i've ever met You know, and it's always, I feel, I feel, the people that have the most talent and you see doing the biggest things that don't make it, you know. Yeah, that are the ones struggling inside. Yes, you know.

I mean, we see that with actors that we think as outsiders have everything in the world, and they're struggling internally. That's right. And maybe that's society not giving them the ability to speak on it or they think it's not okay to talk about it. Well, there's an image that people feel that they need to upkeep. Like, dude, for a long time, I wasn't before like I got into social media, I was like terrified to let people know what I was dealing with, you know? And I mean, I don't want all the kids I was in high school with a lot of them, you know, we're getting married, doing this and that.

And I'm still battling an opiate addiction, you know. And eventually, you know, it got to a point where there was no hiding it. you know will would disappear every other month like i'd be all over the country you know going to different rehabs doing this and that and you know i got to a point where i was like why not like create something with what i have right like the universe you know whatever it is that i believe in you know brought me on this path and i'm still here i was you know i shouldn't be here with all the stuff that has uh happened and uh you know i'm like all right like all right like Like the day I got sober this time, December 15th of 2019, I went back to rehab for the last time.

And the person that got me help was like, you got to promise me one thing. He was like that you're going to do whatever it takes to help the next person. And when I started doing that, my whole life changed. You know, my heart softened. Like I started feeling again. I started realizing that, dude, I have a path. Like, I didn't know what I wanted to do literally until four years ago. You know, I'm 31 now.

So, and in such a short period of time, so much could happen. Like, four years ago, I was homeless in Newark, New Jersey, you know, begging for change at the end of the Dunkin' Donuts drive-through. But here I am today, you know, me and my best friend, we're, our first facility rehab is opening up middle of October, you know, four years later. Do you think you carry a lot of weight on your shoulders when you see all the people that do pass away from addiction and you've been able to survive and overcome that? You know, this may sound a little tough, but I feel almost like not numb to it, but in a way, like, I'm a little hardened to it, you know, and it's not necessarily because I'm like a cold person. And it's just if I allowed, you know, this, it's like this, this problem that we're facing as a country is so serious that like if I let it affect me, like it's happening every day. No joke. Every day I'm hearing people are not making it.

So if I did let it affect me in like a very negative way where I lock myself in my room and, you know, and I'm not like pushing through, I think it gives me more drive to just keep helping. You know what I mean? Or to find new ways that may work for people like myself. You know, because I was, you know, what they call, you know, a chronic relapser. Like, you know, nobody thought that I was going to make it. So high school is where it basically starts. Do you finish high school? I did.

I graduated high school, which, to be honest, I don't think I was supposed to at all. You know, I didn't do well in school. I was never too book smart. But I did have some great, like, relationships that I built, like, within the school. And I think they were just like, you know what, let's get this kid. Yamava Resort and Casino at San Manuel is California's number one entertainment destination for today's superstars. Catch the Jonas Brothers return to the Yamava Theater stage on April 30th, the powerful vocals of Demi Lovato on May 17th,

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Hold your horses. There's more. The app let you filter hotels by neighborhood, vibe, star level, and amenities like pools and spas and beach fronts and wait, I'm not done. Stop cutting me up. You know, so I did graduate high school. You know, I didn't go to college or anything like that right after high school. I went straight to work and, you know, without having like, really without having any, at that point, I was grown.

You know, I was my own man and I just went straight to work and that's where things really. really took off. You know? Do you think if you went to college, you would have avoided everything that is about to happen? Maybe I wouldn't have avoided it, but I don't think it would have taken the turn that it did. Like with the substances that I was using and with, like, because college, there's a lot of partying. There's a lot of shenanigans that goes on.

But, you know, if it's, I'm not too sure because, you know, for me, anything that I like, I used to get addicted to. Like, it didn't matter. First time I smoked pot. First time I did this, that, that it all was, I needed it, you know. And I don't know. You know, but one thing I do know is, is that, like I was saying, like, you know, there's a reason I didn't. To be honest, if I did say, hey, let's go to college, I probably would have ended up wasting 100 grand going to school because I'm not a book guy.

You know, I've always been good with my hands working and, you know, now I apply, you know, all that, like, I apply everything I've learned like while I was out on the street, but I do it in an ethical legal way, you know, now. I, you know, I try to learn business. I try to grow as a person. Like, I'm very into self-development and, you know, getting other people through their struggles, too. Yeah. You know. So walk me through the low points. What happens right after that, like the lowest. How low does it go? It gets bad, man. So I went to Florida in 2012. I went to Florida for my first real treatment center. I went out to rehab. And, you know, I went out there. I did well for like 45 days.

I was ready to come home. So I came home. Within the matter of a month, I slipped up here and then went back down to Florida. I was supposed to be there for 30 days. It ended up being five years. Um, while I was in Florida, that was the first time, um, I started, you know, IVing substances. Um, and, uh, that's where like, you know, thing, my addiction progressed massively. I wasn't at an all time low yet, but that was where like, you know, I learned all the stuff that I, all the things I said I was never going to do.

It ended up happening in Florida. Um, I ended up meeting a girl in Florida. It always starts with, the girl always starts with a girl bro um well so i ended up meeting a girl which now is my daughter's mother um and you know i'm very grateful for her for giving me the uh the opportunity to be a father i'm a dad you know i have an eight-year-old daughter that keeps me going every day she's literally the uh the most perfect thing in the world to me um but that also was very difficult at the same time because she got pregnant. We were both in Florida for a round. She went down there as well for rehab.

I met her out there, so she's in recovery. I'm in recovery. She ended up getting pregnant, and after being out there for five years, we moved back up our way, so our parents could be involved and the grandparents could be there. You know, we were excited,

and things didn't work out. You know, I had a different vision. She had different stuff that she wanted to accomplish in life, so we ended up going separate ways, but we co-parent for my daughter. And that is when things started getting really bad for me, because I moved to New Jersey, because she's originally from New Jersey. So I moved to New Jersey in hopes, you know, I'll be closer to my daughter. And, you know, Jersey, Newark, New Jersey specifically ended up being a place that took a piece of me.

You know, like, you know, it was a very, very vicious place. And I didn't know anything about it. And, you know, I remember I just heard about Newark, you know, people like I've heard people talking about it. I've seen stuff about it on TV. One day I was like, you know what? I'm going to go get something, you know, and I went to Newark. And I found it immediately because it's all over the place. And that moment is where, um,

things change like forever like for the good you know and I ended up you know back and forth to Newark for a while and eventually after like a few months of going there and get I ended up parking my car I had a crappy old Jeep you know I ended up parking it down there and I ended up homeless out there for for the next nine months um with a terrible habit you know and you know Newark is in a a place that somebody like me belongs. You know, I mean, I'm a, you know, I mean, I'll just be transparent. You know, I'm a white kid in a mainly, you know, primarily black neighborhood. And I had a very serious problem at that point, you know, and I put myself in a lot of dangerous situations,

to say the least. You know, I've had guns put, held up to my chest for $5. You know, I've had crooked cops drive me around at two in the morning and beat the shit at me. And, you know, there's been more stuff that I could even, more stuff that I could probably really get into right now. But, you know, I actually, you know, when I was first out there, I met a guy, another homeless guy. His name was Quills. Well, he went by Quills. And Quills was old-timer.

He was probably like 65. years old he's been homeless for like you know 30 years this guy was like you know an oj but one of the nicest kind-hearted people that i think i've met in that city you know and um he ended up like taking me under his wing and like you know kind of like in a way like protecting me making sure that uh you know nobody was trying to get me and you know we just rocked together you know we hung out We did our stuff together. We looked out for each other when I didn't have something, and he did. And, you know, and I'll never forget.

We were sitting behind a nasty, dude, nasty, a banded building. And we were sitting on like two milk crates, just sitting there, you know, just sitting there shooting shit. And he looked at me, and he was like, Mills. He used to call me Mills. And he goes, Mills, are you really going to do this Newark thing? and I was like, and I didn't like comprehend what he meant right away. But then I like thought about it and I'm like, you know, this place is a trap. Like when you're there, it's so crazy.

But like it's not even the drug. It's like somehow you just get stuck. Like Kensington is the same way. I'm sure you're familiar with Kensington. But people go out there and a decade goes by. And it's not just mainly because of the drugs, but I think it's because, you know, a person like me, even though like I'm not from there, it's so populated with other addicts and alcoholics and like I fit right in. Like I blend right into the streets, you know? It's I felt comfortable in my own skin for the first time in a very long time. Yeah. And it became your safe space, even though it wasn't a safe spot. Dude, you couldn't have said it better. Like that was home.

like, you know, in a way, you know, like everybody knew me. They were familiar with me and, you know, believe it or not, like, I actually felt you're, you nailed it, you know, I felt in a way like that was my peace, that was my freedom being out there, no rules, anything goes, you know. What was your relationship with your parents at that time and could you have reached out to them to get out of that situation? So my, my parents, you know, at that time, unfortunately, like, you know, I used to, you know, I would call them every, you know, I'd check in with them every single day. I, my dad would every now, and then here's 20 bucks, like, you know, be safe today. Like, you know, I was, I was a master manipulator back then. I used to say, oh, like, I'm about to go kick in a door. I need

money, blah, blah, blah, you know, and to prevent me going to prison or something like that, my dad would be like, all right, here's 20 bucks. But, you know, at that point, they, my parents wanted nothing more than to see me get better, you know, but they knew that I needed to want it. You know, I couldn't just like, you know, I can't do it for them. I can't do it for anybody, unfortunately. So, you know, there were times where my dad was like, hey, come home, you know, we'll cook dinner, you know, you'll have a warm place to stay for the night. And I wouldn't accept it, you know, because I wouldn't, because then I'd be an hour and a half away from, you know, my comfort zone.

And I did that for a long time. You know, there was times where he would drive out there and, you know, loop around trying to find me. And he found me a couple times, literally, you know, in the city of Newark. What you're describing right now, there's so many, you know, parents, siblings, friends that have individuals, their daughters, you know, their sons in these situations as a former addict yourself who has recovered and was in that situation, what advice could you give to those people on how they can save their loved one that was in your position?

You know, I, to this, you know, nowadays, I deal with parents on a daily basis, like trying to help their children find resources or whatever it may be. And a lot of parents don't realize how much of a negative impact they're having on their children. All they want to do is help. but realistically what they're doing is is almost like just allowing their children to continue to use like it's very enabling is a big thing and you know i had a situation recently where you know this mother was so fearful of her son you know that you know she'd be given him like four hundred dollars a day like you know it was very uh it was very heartbreaking to see but you know as parents it this Like when a son or a daughter is struggling with an addiction, the whole family needs to heal.

It's not just the kids, like the children that need to go to, the kids go to rehab. And, you know, I think the family needs to learn, you know, how to say no and how to, you know, like let go. And that's extremely hard because as a parent, you don't want to see your child suffer. You don't want to see your kid out there doing the wrong thing. but what I can say is is that you know in order for somebody to get better they need to hit their bottom like they need to be at a desk a point of desperation and the longer you continue to feed you know the nonsense like give your kids money do this do that you know the longer it's going to take for them to get to a desperate place where they actually are willing to get help you know and um and like

I said, I know that's hard, but, you know, sometimes, you know, a mother and father, the best thing they could do, you know, and it's, it's painful to watch, and it's not easy, but the best thing you could do is, is, you know, allow your kids to, because you're not going to get better if you don't want to. Like, I've been to, like I said, 44 programs, probably 25 out of that 44, I was going into rehab for somebody else. You know, my mother was. needed me you know she wanted me to get better whatever but until I wanted it for myself nothing changed you know because it's an internal conflict it's not you know it's something that over time you're battling within yourself and you know it's scary though for parents because it's

like right now I could say oh yeah like don't enable your kid don't give them any money don't do anything like don't do anything that's going to contribute to their addiction but as a parent you know, their kids are the most important thing in the planet for them, you know, and they'd rather not see their kids go to prison or, you know, parents let their kids use at the house because at least they know they're safe, but that's not really helping anything. That's just prolonging what's inevitable. Yeah, a lot of addicts also don't realize in the moment and people that are committing crime to end up in jail, they don't realize the people they're hurting around them, friends, family, whoever, how did it make you feel when you came to terms and realized how many people you hurt along your journey?

Oh, man. It's crazy because now being a parent, you know, I look back on what I put my mother through and what I put my father through. And, you know, I'm genuinely, I do not think there's anything I can do to, like, completely fix it. the only thing I could do to like put them at ease is to continue to do good for myself and to continue to be the son that I am and the father I am to my daughter like I uh you know for parents out there that are you know dealing with this man like it's um they might as well be dealing battling an addiction as well you know with the amount of pain the sleepless nights the oh my god every time your phone rings, you're terrified because you're worried that it's going to be that call, you know, and I, you know, to this day, you know, I still, I help my, my mother and father out whenever I can.

And, you know, I, for years, didn't realize how much, I used to think I was just hurting myself. Like, you know, but it is, it does a lot to the family dynamic. and, you know, I think my dad, you know, my dad saw things and has experienced things because of my addiction that he probably would have never experienced in his lifetime. You know what I mean? But because he was my father, he wanted to be there with me and try to keep me safe. Like, unfortunately, he had to witness that stuff. And I'm forever grateful for him sticking by my side.

But, you know, as far as that goes, man, like, we don't realize the damage we're doing while we're in it. That's for sure. Yeah. You know, and the best thing you could do is to, like, the best gift any parent could receive is for you to get better. You know, like, what more could any parent want if it's something they've been battling for years or even just a few months? It's a, it's taxing to say the least. So as a homeless addict in Jersey, walk me through a day in the life.

Like from the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep, I want to know what you're eating, how you're making money, if anything, how civilians are treating you. Yeah. What that experience is like. So a lot of the times there wasn't much sleep for me. You know, every now and then I'd catch maybe like a couple hours. I'd find a nice little spot to bunk up in a banded building. But, you know, when you're out there, you're on guard a lot, you know, and you don't want to just rest. somewhere it's very uh risky so for me um i would kind of just get maybe an hour or two wherever i could

um you know whether it was under integrity house there was like a little stairwell there's a rehab in jersey it's called integrity house and there's like a little stairwell and uh there's it's literally like a mud pit down there but i used to stay down there you know sleep for a couple hours come back out first thing in the morning usually my clothes were damp they were wet i'd go to the laundromat up the street which was you know coincidentally right where all the the dealers hung out and and i would go in there i'd dry my clothes off at the laundromat 25 cents at the time i would put my stuff in the dryer get my stuff uh you know a little bit not as damp and then i'd come out and start the hustle man you know i'd be running around bartering you know boosting at that point

you know, we used to, uh, pretty much do anything I can for a few bucks to get a bag, you know, a big thing for me, um, I was very crafty, you know, I was very, uh, savvy, you know, and I would even go and, like, knock on doors at one point, like, and be like, hey, I'll clean up your whole entire yard for 15 bucks. Like, I'll, you know, whatever, I'll do any, any work around the house you need done. I can take care of it for a few bucks. And like, I did that for a while, but a lot of people weren't comfortable with it because I didn't look great. You know, I was baggy sweatpants, same sweater for weeks. And, you know, but a big thing was pretty much that everybody kind of kept up with was boosting and, you know, begging, you know,

sitting at the end of the drive-thrues asking, making up this elaborate story. And I used to have my ID. I never forget. I used to have my ID and say, oh, like, I've been stuck out here, you know, I just need a a few bucks to catch the bus and go back to New York, blah, blah, blah. You know, I was at that point, you know, I was pretty young. I mean, I was 20, like 26, 27 years old, and I definitely was in the wrong neighborhood. And a lot of people knew that.

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36-month lease, 4,499 to its signing. Tax title license and dock fees extra, plus government fees and taxes. 7,500 miles per year, expires 6126. Who available at this payment? PH 71529, PH7159. So, in a way, like, you know, a lot of older people would look out and stuff, but there has been times, man, where, you know, I'll never forget. I was at the end of the drive-thru one day on Broad Street, and, you know, I was asking

people for their change and whatnot. and a woman in a red Porsche SUV came through the drive-thru, she saw me and the look of terror on her face, like she looked petrified. Because, like, you know, I mean, and when I mean petrified, like, I'm not a scary person, but when I'm under the influence on Coke and all different types of stuff,

I probably looked all crazy. You know, my hair was all grown out, my facial hair, I'd pick marks all over my face. And, you know, the look of, fear in her face like i'll never forget that that day actually because you know and then as she creeped up past me and i'm like trying to waver down and get her roll down her window she like gets to the right where the street meets the end of the uh drive-thru and she rolls down her window and says get a job um you know this old lady in a Porsche and i'm like you know and at that moment i was like

man like what has happened to me like at one point like you know listen i i come from a good home you know i i never really like went without growing up like we weren't wealthy but we weren't poor and uh here i am you know wearing a size eight and a half shoe i'm a size 10 and a half you know and uh i had the same sweat outfit on for nine 10 weeks at a time what about a high Gene. Are you brushing your teeth? Are you taking a shower? What does that look like? Whenever the opportunity would present itself, of course, but it didn't present itself often. So I used to actually go to the Newark Airport. The bus would go right there. It's literally like three minutes from five minutes from like the ghetto where I used to hang out. And I'd go to the Newark Airport and they would allow us to sleep in the airport. They would allow us to use the bathrooms and get ourselves cleaned up. So I would try to get to the airport like once every two to three days, you know, at least. But there were times where, you know, before I knew about the airport and all that, like there were times where I went weeks without taking care of myself, you know. And, you know, there's been times where I've gone seven days without eating a bite of food or, you know, even there was a couple times where I was awake for six, seven days.

days at a time and uh that's a scary feeling man because you start losing like the sense of reality you know you start getting uh like reality isn't necessarily what it normally is is it like what they talk about with meth monsters and and things like that similar very similar i mean you know when you're awake your body's exhausted but your brain is like i was like running on jet fuel for for seven days at a time and my body was exhausted it but my brain was like bum bum going going going so you know you start getting to a point where paranoia comes and then you know once the paranoia comes then that's followed by like everybody's out to get you you know oh that's every car you just saw the same car five times you think they're coming

and get you like you know it's a very very difficult and sad way to live what are some crazy things you're seeing other homeless people doing around you. Maybe like the craziest thing you saw. I got some. So I'll give you a few. So they're in Newark. There's, you know, there's these, they're buildings. And, you know, you knock on the door, the doorman who's like the doorman, the dealers will

pay the doorman like a bundle a day or whatever, a couple bags a day to watch the door to make sure the cops aren't coming. These are dope holes, you know. So you knock on the. door the doorman let you in the dealer serves you and then you leave you know and go on with your day there was a guy with no arms and no legs and this guy was addicted to crack cocaine and heroin he had no arms and no legs so he literally would with no arms and no legs you know be able to fix up his stuff somehow do his stuff like you know i've seen uh unfortunately a gentleman

and get shot to my father was there for that one um you know a young kid a 17 year old kid um get shot out there and uh you know a white jeep we heard tires screeching we were out of McDonald's we heard tires screeching and a white Jeep comes flying by and all the sudden it was like a barrage of just you know cling cling cling cling you hear the you know bullets bouncing off shit my dad was sitting in the car two cars down from where my dad was sitting in the back window got blown out and went through the driver seat so mind you like my dad this is all like my dad's like terrified you know he's a grown man now and he hasn't seen anything like this in his lifetime and uh that's like what i was referring to before about him not having seen certain things in his life that he never should have to see but um you know pregnant women crawling up and down the stairs thinking they dropped a piece of coke, like literally, you know, women that are nine months pregnant, 10 months pregnant, you know, selling their bodies. And it's a, it's a vicious, vicious cycle out there, man. Are they, like, having sex with each other, the homeless people? Is there, like, a hookup culture?

Not real. No, it's not. I mean, I'm sure there are. I mean, I, that's like the last thing that I wanted to do while I was out there. Like, I didn't want nothing but just my, what I was out there doing, my drugs. But, you know, I mean, there's a lot of, I mean, it's definitely a thing, you know, there's a lot of, you know, prostitutes and stuff like that and people have their needs. But, I mean, for me, man, you know, in Newark, like, you know, HIV is a very serious thing out there.

Hep C. Like, it's a city riddled with needles and drugs and all types of stuff. Is it like what we see in TV and movie? where like cops will come to homeless people to get information or tips see if they've seen anything out there man the cops are ruthless like they're not going to go to the homeless they're going to find you know anybody they can and yoke them up and throw them in the back of the car and literally threaten to knock all their teeth out and say hey you know if you don't you know where did you get

your shit oh i don't know where i got it it was some random guy they'll say bullshit you know and then literally they will knock your teeth out. Like, it's almost like, you know, you don't think that type of stuff exists until you're in a city like that. You know what I mean? Because I've seen it. I've been through it, you know. It was one time, you know, I was, I wasn't even doing nothing wrong. I was driving.

And a couple detectives were driving towards me. They put their spotlight right in my face. while I'm driving. They flip around. I did have stuff on me and you know they yanked me out of the car, threw me in the back of their car, towed my car, took my shit, literally drove me around for hours just threatening me, you know, and then eventually, you know, they dragged me out of it because I was being, I was mouthing off to them and I was being a jerk and, you know, they dragged me out of the car and beat my ass, you know, right on the side of the street. It was like almost three in the morning. I had no clue where I was.

And, you know, they even took one of my, even one of my shoes, you know, they don't care. That's wild. I know. Now, if we ran your record today, do you have any arrests or any type of? Yeah, but nothing substantial. I have quite a few different, like, possession things. I have some, I've had a couple, three, three DUIs, thankfully only one of them stuck. Three DUIs?

Three DUIs. For alcohol or for drugs? All drugs. And all of them, I wasn't even driving. Most of the time I had overdosed in the car and the police show up. Yeah. You know, it's... So you never went to jail like for a long period or anything.

Your jail was kind of like the rehab facilities. Correct. That was my institution. So before we get to the rehabs, yeah. Give me the worst time where you were or you nearly succumbed to an overdose. Well, so full transparency, and this is like tough to, it's a tough thing for me to talk about, but I'm actually okay nowadays, but, you know, I've been pronounced on alive three times. One time in Waterbury, Connecticut, one time in Newark and one time in Brewster. You know, there has been over 20 overdoses that I've had, but those three are the three.

the ones that like I will never forget you know and one uh two of them it was just black like I didn't know what had happened until the EMTs you know woke me up and they're like he's back he's back and I'm like what the hell is going on my eyes or my ears are bleeding my nose is bleeding and uh you know I'd just been Narcan so I'm very out of it I feel sick um but the one time this is a wild story At this point, you know, I had, it was like one of the times where I was in and out of these facilities. You know, I had like 30 days sober. I had dropped my daughter off in Jersey. And on my way home, I was like, you know what?

I'm going to get one bag. I'm not going to do it. I'm just going to hold on to it. I get it. I drive all the way back to Brewster. You know, I pulled into the Burger King parking lot on Route 22. and weirdly my neighbor who's a EMT like was in the parking lot and he came up to my car he's like hey will what's going on man what are you doing here i'm like oh i'm just hanging out getting ready

to leave um he's like all right man i'll see you later i ended up doing not even a quarter of what was in this bag like it was literally a couple grains of salt you know um um um a couple grains of salt you know um I immediately did it. I put my car and drive and I get onto the main road and that's all I can remember, right? Lights out. So my car thankfully rolled to a stop in the middle of this main road, Route 22.

This is where it gets wild. So I have, you know, two very good friends I grew up with. One of them had saw my car at the the time i had an orange uh... w rx you know very you can't miss it it was a bright orange car and um... so he

is in the car with his mother and i'm up here and he's beeping the horn like messing with me and i was stopped in the middle of the road he's like he's like you know he's probably thinking like what the hell's going on he thought i was on my phone because my head was down um so eventually you know he pulls up behind me real close he's holding the horn like messing with me yelling out the window

and I didn't know any of this I was unconscious he gets out of the car and realize this is like one of my best friends gets out of the car and realize what was going on and literally he you know immediately he called 911

and you know when I came to I looked to my right like after the EMTs got there they narcan me I came to and I looked to my right and I saw him his mother and my other best friend standing on the side of the road all crying and I'm like like whoa like what is happening you know what I mean like divine intervention my best friend

like found me overdosed in the middle of the fucking like what are the chance you know for him to be pulling up on Route 22 which is like a very busy road for him to be pulling up see my car know that something's wrong. He said he felt like something was wrong. So he gets out. He called 911. You know, he was hitting me in the chest, trying to keep me. And, you know, he saved my life that day by calling the ambulance and being there.

If it wasn't for him, I bet you people would have just drove around me. Everybody would have kept driving around me. Are you still friends with him to this day? Yes. Now, if that ambulance didn't have Narcan, would you have lived? I don't think so. No, definitely not. That's wild.

I mean, because there's some states that it's not mandated to carry it. I think it's getting a lot more, you know, nowadays, you don't even need a prescription for it. You could go into any pharmacy and get it pretty much. But yeah, man, that was one of the ones where weird stuff was happening while I was unconscious. Like, you know, I had like, I guess you could say, like, like, I guess you could say, like, like an outer body type of deal, like situation where I literally was like, you know, like an aerial view of everything that was happening. And then, you know, when I woke up, I was like back in my car, you know, I was in my seat.

And then when I got in the ambulance and they took me to the hospital, the same thing happened. I must have went unconscious again because the Narcan wears off, you know. and that's what's dangerous man is you know Narcan can wear off and you can fall back into your overdose and I was in the ambulance and then all of a sudden I remember saying like I'm really tired

and then I closed my eyes again and next thing I know I was like shalt aerial view like looking at the ambulance driving and and I kept hearing like you know We like I kept we lost them.

We lost them. We lost them. And then out of nowhere, boom, I'm back in. It was very weird. So, you know, a lot of people wonder what happens. Like when you, I believe that something does happen for sure when people, you know, cross over. I don't. There's something.

I don't know what because thankfully it wasn't my time. But did you continue to use after this? After that, yes, I did. Why do you think you continued even after going through that experience? Well, so when it comes to this stuff, it's, I always tell people, like willpower, it doesn't exist when you're struggling with an addiction. You know, like, if you don't get help, you're not going to, there's no shot that you're just going to get better. Like, it really does take work. Like addiction, it's a chemical imbalance of the brain that is caused from,

the narcotics, you know, and without those chemicals being stabilized in your brain, you know, you, the chances of success are slim to none, you know, and to be honest, like a lot of places, like these facilities that I've been to in the past, they don't necessarily fix the problem. It's more of just they, you know, you're there for 30 days, you dry out, you have some sober time under your belt and then they send you on your way and um you know for for me it was life or death it wasn't like a joke and unfortunately i you know i had good insurance so i was taken advantage of by a lot of different places um during this time there was a lot of bad stuff going on in south florida with insurance fraud and all types of stuff with rehabs back in the day um they call it

body brokering you know and um there were people that used to get paid to go to rehab and there were facilities getting kickbacks for clients going to rehab and you know a 19 year old kid that doesn't necessarily want to get sober you know a marketer comes up to him and says hey i'll give you a thousand bucks go get high and go to this rehab of course he's going to do it you know so you know nowadays that stuff doesn't really exist the way it used to but that's why, you know, we're doing what we're doing. Me and my partner were opening up this rehab is because, man, like, you know, everybody says, oh, we're going to be different, you know, we're going to do something different.

Well, here's the thing. I'm going to do something different. And it's because I've learned everything that doesn't work, you know. Through my experience, like, I can't even imagine the amount of money that has gone into, into trying to keep me alive, you know, and if I could prevent that for, you know, another family I'm going to. Like, you know, we're humans. People, people unfortunately have struggles, you know. I mean, people end up taking the wrong path. And I just don't believe that, like, nobody's too far gone. Nobody. And there's a lot of people that say, like, oh, I've been using for 20, 30 years, I can't go. That's bullshit, you know. If you want it bad enough, you will get it, anything in life.

So these rehabs are paying you personally? The rehabs weren't. So, like, how it used to work is, and I tried to steer clear of this because I already knew what time it was. It's not a good thing. People were dying left and right. So marketers would, you know, go around and find vulnerable addicts and alcoholics. You know, they would say, hey, are you looking to go to rehab? and, hey, I can give you two grand to stay for 30 days.

These are marketers, so they're like subcontractors, pretty much. Who are getting a piece of the pie from the rehabs? Correct. Wow. That's kind of like private prisons and whatnot with the state, and they're getting paid per each person, profiting off of another man's downfall. And, dude, I, at one point or another for about four years,

was brokered through South Florida. You know, I was, my family was manipulated. I was manipulated into, you know, I was sold a dream for so many years like, hey, you know, this place has a pool. This place is going to help you. This is what's best for you. And then none of it was true. It's just, you know, everybody was looking for a paycheck. And, you know, I've seen a lot of people die because, you know, they got that $2,000 for going to detox. And then, you know, you know, and they end up going out on a run that that takes their lives, you know, their lives. Now, you are a frequent flyer at these rehab facilities. Yeah. What are these facilities like? Give us like a summary of what you can expect when you go in. Of course.

Is it kind of like a prison or a jail? So the model, I've been to a lot of different types because there's a ton of different types. But, you know, there's like the bigger, more commercial programs that have, you know, 50 to 100 beds. And then there's the individualized programs that have only six beds, which is honestly what worked for me. You know, I went to an individualized program on my 44th time, and it changed my life forever. So, you know, these programs that you go to, like, you know, the ones you go on Google, you type in best rehab in the country. And, you know, they pay for their clicks, you know, so they'll get to the top of the Google list. You know, you'll go. You'll

go to the rehab, they'll fly you out, or, you know, you may have to pay for your flight, whatever. They'll get you to the rehab. You get there, you do an intake, which is, you know, they strip you, they'll make sure you don't have anything on you. And then, you know, they'll get you medicated and whatnot. And then they'll send you to your room. And these by far are nothing at all close to jail. A lot of them are very cushy and luxurious nowadays. But to be honest, it's more of like a like a like a damn high school reunion for a lot of like the bigger, bigger places because I mean, imagine this.

Imagine, you know, maybe 50, 50 kids all between the ages of, let's say, you know, 18 to 28 years old, all struggling with addiction and mental health issues. It's co-ed and everybody's trying to get their lives back together at the same. same time it's like one big you know it gets it gets a little hectic but but I'll tell you what you know a lot of these places like a lot of these places will do anything for if you're willing to to do the work they will do anything it takes to help you and you know after going to so many you know I realized that it's very hard to get better in a setting where let's say there's 50 clients and only two therapists. That's why when I went to treatment for the last time, I went to a small, more individualized program. It's absolutely gorgeous. It's actually,

it was ran out of a house, it's licensed, you know, everything, real deal facility, but it only had six clients. And I was able to get, you know, one-on-one help. You know, they offer equine therapy, which is like going down to the horse farms and walking with the horses. They have pools. They have pools. usually um you know they bring you to the gym two days a week or whatever it may be you're usually in group around eight hours a day so you know you wake up eat your breakfast and uh it's group time you know the weekends um usually like most facilities will bring you on like an outing and you know whether it's the beach whether it's to a movie whatever just to kind of get you out and make you feel like uh you're not uh confined you know

Any cell phone usage or no. So there are facilities out there that allow it. I think it's a terrible idea to allow somebody to have it on them. I think most places allow you to access it, to make your 15-minute phone call at night to your wife, to your family. But, you know, I think having it on you full-time, it's a liability, number one, because nowadays you could order alcohol off Uber Eats. Yeah.

And, you know, and you could also, you know, call a local dealer. You could, you know, so a lot of places do monitor it and it's very limited. Some places don't allow it at all. But, you know, I do think it's important, though, to, you know, in my opinion, like, that little 15-minute phone call at night really kept me going. You know what I mean? It kept me motivated and allowed me to focus on why I was there. And you had your daughter at this point, too.

Yep. Last time I went to treatment, she was probably, I think she was three, three years old. She gave you something to live for? Dude, if it wasn't for her, 100% I wouldn't be here. Like, I didn't have a purpose until, you know, and it wasn't always, you know, I think, I think it's like, I'm so stubborn to the point where I was like, dude, I can't let another man raise my kid. you know what I mean and this little girl deserves uh she deserves the world so you know there was a lot of times where I was having a hard time you know I would slip but I would immediately go right back to rehab or immediately seek some sort of help because at that point I was a father you know I didn't have the I couldn't disappear for a month or two you know what I mean I couldn't just go on a run

and possibly never come back you know my my uh my my my uh my my my My daughter one day she'll understand, but she truly saved my life. Do you think you'll ever sit down with her and have this conversation with her? Absolutely. Absolutely. And how will you make sure that she doesn't follow down? Because as you said, addiction runs in the family. Genetics. Yeah, genetics.

How do you make sure that that doesn't happen to her? You know, I'll tell you what, man. If I think a big part of like parenting is, you know, you tell a kid not to do something. like the more you hammer, hey, don't do this, like the more somebody's going to want to do it. You know what I mean? It's like as kids naturally, like whenever my mother told me not to do something, that's usually the thing I did. So I'm a very transparent person, you know, I believe that my daughter knows what I do for a living. She knows that I help people that are sick, you know, that are struggling and maybe don't have like a, that don't know what they want with life. But when that time

comes, you know, for me, the one thing I wish I had was full transparency, you know, growing up, like from my family, like, we didn't sit down and talk about, like, the dangers of, like, you know, drugs and, and alcohol, like, you know, it wasn't a, uh, it wasn't something that, like, you know, everybody in my family, like, warned us about, you know? So for me, I mean, I think it's important to be transparent. And I think there's a way. to go about everything but you know I don't think I don't think there's anything wrong with with her knowing the truth eventually because then she'll know she can come to me with whatever I'm not gonna be you know and for me and like yelling

or being angry isn't gonna solve anything life's about finding solution you know and I really believe that you know if a kid is struggling by by screaming and reprimanding them like that's not really necessarily going to help anything. You know, you've got to have like a healthy boundary with how you, with how you, you know, deliver your message to somebody, you know, and especially at a kid. Absolutely. Would have been some triggers for you after getting clean and what have you done to overcome those triggers. So, believe it or not, the last, you know, I'll have four years in December. But nowadays, my first six months, I experience like triggers, you know, little stuff like I'd, you know, I would watch a show that would, you know, set off something in my mind.

And, you know, I always look at it like this, like feelings or visitors. They come and they go. I always say that because a trigger, like, you know, if you get into the science of it, maximum 15 to 30 minutes, you're going to have cravings, right? if you can get through that craving the next one is not going to be as difficult to get through you know a lot of people give up before the miracle happens like things really do get better like nowadays like you know i've gone and going on interventions and uh have seen piles of drugs in front of i've seen people overdosed i've had to save lives sober you know like i've uh now i don't get triggered i just feel more it like makes me sick you know to my stomach now because i'm because, you know, I have a healthy fear of, like, the drugs, but I'm also, like, aware of, like, you got to respect it in a way because it's more, I'm aware of how powerful it is and how quickly things could change, you know? Yeah.

How do you think we get that message out to the youngsters before they start trying it to know how powerful it really is? Because these individuals don't know until they try it. And then once they try it, it's too late. too late you're 100 how do we change that well i think for for myself like i could speak on what i can do is just do my best to try to spread awareness you know i mean if you know i think a lot of people nowadays like a big issue is you know the educate the way people are being educated isn't necessarily helping it's like more of a joke like i remember you remember in school did you guys

have dare yeah we had there of course yeah like i feel like that was kind of like not a single person was like oh my god that's making me not want to go use you know what i mean like you know i think you know if somebody like at a younger age somebody like myself or you know somebody that has that life experience going into school speaking to these to these kids like like we're friends you know instead of more of it being like hey don't do this it's better off to to just to spread the awareness of what this could be you know like hey nobody's immune to this you know if you consistently do this no matter what you're gonna end up sick you're gonna end up physically addicted and there's a good chance that you may be suffering for the next

god knows how many years because addiction is a real thing you know so that's actually something where me and my my partner my best friend Connor um you know we've really been trying to like get into schools and and talk with these kids and you know the more people you're we could get a message out to the better. Yeah, tell us about what you do now for work and what you're creating. So the last few months I've actually, I stepped away from a job at a treatment facility that I was with for quite a while. But me and my best friend Connor, we grew up together, we used together for years, and we got

sober together. He's got 10 years sober. I'll have four years in December. you know, we've worked for two or three different facilities together. He has a large presence on TikTok as well. So, you know, a lot of work we do is through social media. And we've realized, like, if we want to get something done right, if we want to help these people right, we've got to do it ourselves.

Like a lot of programs out there that we've worked for or that we've been affiliated with, you know, we just believe that this could be done a lot better than it's being done. You know, money is in everything. And I feel that a lot of programs as they grow, they lose sight of what's important. And that's the client, you know, the client's experience. And, you know, we decided that we were going to open up our own treatment facility in Southern California. It is a six-bed detox residential.

So we're going to be like a 28, 30-day stay. You know, it's called California Wellness, and it's our baby. It's where, you know, we're going to help as many people as we can, and we're going to keep our integrity doing that. You know, we're going to keep our eyes on the fact that we have the power to save lives now, you know. And, you know, a lot of people, I think, get maybe experience a little bit of success. and their values change, you know, their lifestyle changes. And for me, I mean, this was the only thing that has kept me sober was helping other addicts and alcoholics.

You developed the purpose through your own struggles. Exactly. And not just that, but like to me, all my struggles, they're an asset now. Like. On job training. Dude, let me tell you, man, there's nothing anybody could tell me that would, like, you know, know, shock me or make me think of you a certain way. Like, I've seen it all and I've been through it all, you know, and in a way, I'm, I'm proud of who I am, you know, I don't, I don't ever feel

embarrassed to, to talk about my past or maybe even to, you know, to, to share some of these, you know, war stories because, you know, although it's hard to hear and some of it was painful, but I really believe that I you know I take a lesson with me from every single thing that happens in my life you know even like stuff like this like I'm I'm normally I have a difficult time like sharing my story I get anxious but for whatever reason it's not up to me like I feel like the universe whatever it is out there like this is my purpose and if I don't I could save a life today you know somebody could relate to me and for all I know this is what gets them just makes them decide to get help you know if I could do it maybe they can do it you know absolutely if you could go back to your teenage self right after that

accident when you're starting to dabble in substance use what would you say to that person what advice would you give him I would probably say hang on tight and and never give up because there were a few points, man, where I wanted to give up, you know? Like a lot, there was, as time went on, it got worse and worse, but at a very young age, man, I was exhausted, you know, and for people out there right now that, that might be battling this, like, I can guarantee you that they feel that there is no way out, you know, that, that this is what it is, this is going to be their lives until the drugs take them or they do something that puts them in prison for life or they die of an overdose but 100% there is a way out the only thing you need to do is literally allow

somebody else that has gotten through what you're struggling with let them take charge you don't know shit you know and until i let go of like what i thought i knew nothing changed i needed to literally let somebody, you know, show me the path because, you know, I don't know. I didn't even know who I was. You know what I mean? Like, if I didn't have the support and the people in my life that did help me, no shot I'd be here. You know, it's, it's, it's scary, man, because a lot of people don't think, like, oh, I can't tell my parents, right? That's a big thing I get every day on, on, on social media, people, how do I get sober without needing to go to rehab or detox or telling my family? Well, here's the thing. Like, the first thing that you can't do is keep it a secret.

Keeping, like, they say, our secrets keep us sick, you know, and if you're off the rip, like, trying to keep it a secret and do it on your own, the chances of success are like, are like nothing. And you know, it's hard to ask for help sometimes. It's embarrassing. It's hard. It takes a lot. 100%. But asking for help can be the change you need in your life, too.

Well, it doesn't always have to be painful to ask for help. You know, it's just you got to set aside your pride. And sometimes, man, like, it's best doing it with somebody, you know, like somebody that you can trust that you can lean on to go to your partner or your spouse, whatever it is and say, hey, I'm having some struggles. Like, you know, a lot of people have the fear of the unknown. Like, everybody makes it up to be worse than it's going to be. Like, you know, we always make the, oh, my God, it's going to go this way. We have this whole vision in our head on what's going to happen.

And it never ends up happening that way, you know. Well, that's how it is in, like, relationships and, you know, breakups and whatnot, that fear of not knowing if the person's ever going to talk to you again or anything like that. It's that unknown feeling. But, Will, thank you so much for coming on the show today. It's been an absolute pleasure. Thank you so much for having me, man. Yeah, man, looking forward to seeing more of you.

Absolutely. Yeah, you know, we wish you the best. We'll plug in all your information in the descriptions for people to reach out. Awesome. And you definitely have a book in you. You might want to think about that, too. You're not the first person that said that. Yeah, get the wheels churning.

Yeah, man. I appreciate it. Awesome. Thank you, brother.