Locked In with Ian Bick - From Love to Lockup: My Baby Daddy's Shocking Drug Arrest and Prison Sentence | Anamaria Morales

Episode Date: September 4, 2024

Anamaria Morales opens up about the life-altering moment her baby daddy was arrested on drug charges and sent to prison. Anamaria shares her raw and unfiltered story, revealing the emotional rollercoaster of navigating life as a single mother, the challenges of maintaining a relationship with someone behind bars, and the impact this experience has had on her and her child. #LifeAfterLockup #SingleMother #DrugArrest #PrisonLife #FamilyDrama #Resilience #RealLifeStruggles #BehindBars Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Thank you to our Sponsors this week: Magic Mind: Visit https://www.magicmind.com/lockedin And get up to 56% off your subscription for the next 10 days with my code: LOCKEDIN Presented by Tyson 2.0 & Wooooo Energy: https://tyson20.com/ https://woooooenergy.com/ Buy Merch: https://lockedinbrand.com Use code lockedin at checkout to get 20% off your order Timestamps: 00:00:00 - An Interesting Story from a Connecticut Native 00:03:58 - Building Strong Relationships with Children 00:07:42 - Bad Decisions and the System 00:11:53 - The Importance of Mentorship and Support in Schools 00:15:54 - The Importance of a Supportive Village 00:20:07 - Funny Memories and Poor Decisions 00:24:13 - Finding Love and Healing 00:28:24 - The Importance of Love and Prayer 00:32:18 - My Daughter's Father in Jail 00:36:28 - The Importance of Father Figures 00:40:47 - Dealing with the Consequences 00:44:48 - Moving On and Finding Motivation 00:48:55 - Dancing and Losing My Job 00:52:54 - A Mother's Love 00:57:07 - Navigating Life with an Incarcerated Parent 01:01:34 - A Moment of Clarity 01:05:36 - God's Bigger Purpose Powered by: Just Media House : https://www.justmediahouse.com/ Creative direction, design, assets, support by FWRD: https://www.fwrd.co Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Moving is a big step. Trust Mayflower to make it a confident one. Get a free move quote at mayflower.com. Mayflower. With you every step of the way. Annie, welcome to Lockton. We met a few weeks ago. You came in through a mutual friend,

and you wanted to start a podcast, and then you happen to have an interesting story, too. So we invite you on the show, And now here we are. And you're a Connecticut local. I am. You live in the area. I'm a native.

You're a native. Foreign raised. Yeah. It's so fascinating, you know, that people have so many interesting stories in such like a close proximity of where we're filming the podcast. You know, I believe that the universe is aligning. And I feel like I'm walking in my purpose. Finally, it's like a couple of trials and tribulations. But I'm here.

And it's nice to meet you. Thank you for having me. Yeah, of course. So did you grow up in Connecticut? I did. I was born and raised in Danbury. Really? Yes.

Oh, like me. No, you too? Well, I was born in Manhattan, but we lived here our whole life. My family, I mean, my mom's an immigrant, but when her and her family came, they came to New York. I guess it's a thing. They come to New York, and then, funny story, I had two uncles who owned, like a bodega in the lower east side of Manhattan. And one day, these kids are. these men came in with like masks and a gun and robbed one of my uncles at gunpoint.

And then the next day, my other uncle went and bought a gun. And my other uncle was like, fuck this. I'm selling this. I'm moving. We're moving. And everyone's like, where are we moving to Connecticut? I always wondered how my life would be different if I was raised. I would go to New York on like the summers, you know, to visit family and stuff like that.

But if I was raised in New York, do you ever wonder that? Yeah, I mean, I was actually talking to someone last week about living in New York City, and I think it just makes you tougher. You get a different childhood experience. Absolutely. So it makes you more independent and a lot tougher, and you definitely miss out on the way you would grow up and say, Danbury or in the suburbs. I feel like, luckily, I was always curious. I was always a curious kid, so I wasn't as sheltered.

And I'm thankful for that now because, like, a lot of my kids. cousins that really had to grow up in, like, the projects, like, in the Lower East Side, you know, or wherever they were raised, they had it tougher with the schools, with growing up, addictions, you know, unless you're, like, really, really strong builds and you just know what you want from, like, from a diaper, it's hard to easily get pulled. You know, I'm going through that now with my daughter. And she's, even though Danbury now is not how Danbury used to be. You know that, right?

Well, I don't know. I've like, I'm seeing a new side of Danbury recently because I started mentoring some children that are going through the probation department, juveniles. And, you know, some of their cases, like gang involved shootings. We didn't have that. And when I was growing up, like we had like some, I guess, quote unquote, race wars that they would call it in high school. But no one was bringing like a gun to school or anything. And now, like a couple years ago, there was a shooting at the mall where a gun went. off and, you know, their stabbings and people dying and these teenagers are getting guns.

It's crazy. When I lived over here at those condos, there was like teenage kids robbing cars and leaving them parked there. This was like a thing where they were like selling the cars or someone was paying them and they were like taking the parts or whatever they do when you like rob these cars. And they were like when I found out how old these kids were, they were like 14, 15, 16. there were kids. So, and I have a goddaughter who's 20 now, and my daughter's 15. And the things that I hear from my daughter, the things that I hear from my goddaughter, it's sad, you know, even the things that, like, my daughter and my goddaughter are experiencing,

like the things they're going through, like, you really, really, really have to have tough skin and you really, really, really have to have a relationship with your children. Sometimes I know it's hard to really connect with your children if you're, you know, if you're a single parent or if you come from a house room two parents and you guys both work or if you're a stay-at-home mom or a stay-at-home dad and, you know, you're keeping up with the house, you're keeping up with the kids. It's hard to just, and if you have more than one child, I can only imagine. But it's so important to balance and to make sure that you're pouring into your children. I always say you teach them all, you teach them well and watch them lead the way. Like,

the children are the future. Yeah, I mean, what I've learned recently from the show and interviewing people, I think it 100% has to do with where you're coming from, like, environment-wise. Absolutely. Because if you take two kids, like I went to Danbury High School and say one of these individuals that I was just referring to, both go to Danbury High School because sometimes people blame the school or they'll blame the police or whatever. And if we're coming from the same town, the same area, I don't think the school is the problem. Then you look at the outer layer is the police the problem, you know, and maybe they are, maybe they're not. I don't know what the crime rates are exactly. But then you look at the backgrounds that individuals are coming from.

And I'm not saying whether you come for money or not, because in this show we've seen people come from great families that have fallen into addiction or crime or vice versa. And there's people that come from no money that make it that are successful and vice versa. So I think it has to do with what you are saying about parenting and having that relationship. It all stems from that environment, whether the parents there, whether the parents incarcerated, what that situation is. You have to have love. You have to have a home. I don't care if you were raised in a studio apartment or if you were raised in a million-dollar home.

You have to make your home a home. and it starts with love. And I feel like that's what a lot of kids that end up becoming adults are missing. And you see it. Like you see it now, you know, with dating, with just people, with, like, on one hand, how many friends could you say you have that you could call in the middle of the night? God forbid there's an emergency. or if you just need someone to vent to or talk to, you know, people aren't as compassionate as we once were.

And I think that's what we're all missing a little bit more of, just being a good person. It doesn't, it costs you nothing to be a good person. It costs you nothing to do a good deed every day. It costs you nothing to just, you see someone sad one day or like, sometimes randomly I do it in little ways. Like I'll be at Dunkin' Donuts and I'll be like, hey, I want to get the person behind me, whatever they just ordered, you know?

Like, someone did that to me one time, and I was having, like, the shittiest day. You heard that horn. That was confirmation. And someone I went to pay, I was like, how much? I'm like, almost in tears. And they're like, oh, that guy or it was a woman. I think it was a woman. She's like, she took care of it.

I'm like, and then it just melted my heart. And I'm like, God, I'm so blessed. What am I really complaining about? Yeah. I mean, and a lot of its morals, too, like having those parents. to bring you up on morals. And these individuals, this was my first week with them, and I took them to get food and to get a haircut.

And they don't even really say, like, thank you. And you realize where that comes from. How you were raised. You know, how you're raised. How old are they? They're 116 and 117. So how do you tell them that politely? Like, hey, you know.

I think it's more of a, because I've seen people say, oh, you have to do that, like, give orders. And I personally think that's not the way to learn. I think you show by actions and the more time, like, I'm investing my time into spending time with them and showing them like this studio that this came from a bad experience, but there's good in it. Now, if you take out the bad experience, you show them the opportunity. And it's also training and showing individuals that you don't need college to be successful. That you can do all these different things and that, you know, there's a different way of looking at the world. So I have and I can also relate to them because I was in their shoes.

I was on house arrest. I was in prison. I got into trouble. Not for anything like they got in trouble for, but I've been down their path. I heard about your story a little bit. I looked in. I did a little bit of homework. Yeah.

You have an interest, a very interesting story. I lived a lot, you know, at a very young age. At a very young age. Yeah. I give it to you. You were like advanced. Your mind was like out there. Yeah.

I just, a lot of my decisions were based on, you know, money like it had to do with being in a tough financial position when you're in a tough financial position you make bad choices um it was never for the wrong reasons it was just you know it was i was dealt a shitty hand by my own doing and uh i made decisions but they turned out to be the best thing that could ever happen to me and so now here we are um and now i just want to you know i'm very big on trying to get back to the community because i think that the system is doing it the wrong way. We're going to take a quick pause, you guys, to talk about Magic Mind, one of the sponsors for today's episode. Guys, you need to give Magic Mind a try. And with the promo

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whenever, they'll help you relax, de-stress, and help you function better throughout the day. So guys, give Magic Mind a try. Whenever you get a chance, go to the description of this episode, click on that link, and order your subscription to Magic Mind. I've been speaking on this for at least a week now. The system wasn't meant for us. You know, if you're high up, maybe sometimes. But for just day-to-day Americans, the system was not made.

for us and prisons. So it's like you go to prison, right? Let's say it's nonviolence. So drugs, for instance, right? So now you're a felon. After you serve your time, you come home, now you're a felon. So whether you have work experience or you don't or you had a degree before you went in, but you're a felon now.

So now 95% of those jobs that are out there that are hiring aren't going to hire you because now you have this label. Instead of, yes, the crime is a crime, you know. But like you said, you never did what you did with, like, bad intention. You were, to me, it was like you were just on survival mode. You were trying to branch out. You were trying to do things in a way that you didn't get enough knowledge on, you know? And what did they do?

Okay, they gave you prison time. Did they consider your age? They consider your background? No, they don't care. The system does not care. Like, look at what's happening in Rikers. I feel like prisons, jails, they should take the time to really, and I feel like in schools too. They should offer, like, more than mentors to all the students, to all the individuals.

Or, like, you know, or this should come, like, a package, like, in the school. they should have like a therapist. I feel like it's very important to speak to someone who's not judging you, who doesn't know you, who can guide you. Or, you know, sometimes we're not raised. Like you said, the kids that you're tutoring, mentoring, they don't say thank you. You took them to get a haircut. You know how many, I take my son to get all his haircuts. And, like, I see other moms there too.

And I'm just like, I feel bad for the kids that don't have their dads around, you know? And it's like you took these boys to get a haircut. Like, it's like the little things, you know? And they couldn't even say thank you. I feel like that in prisons, they should make it more like of an adult institute. It shouldn't be like prison, like a rat, like in a cage. It should be more like, how can we help you make better decisions? How can we enlighten you, empower you to be the man, like what's your calling?

Let's dig deep. let's let go of the trauma. The other day, it was my son just graduated kindergarten and his father's not here. My son graduated preschool last year and his father, unfortunately, wasn't able to be there.

And, you know, now that I'm a single mom playing mom and dad in my home, I find myself, like, juggling and pouring more into, like, I was doing a lot of healing and a lot of, like, self-affection, you know, and how I can better my family's situation and how I can pour into theirs. You can't pour into someone's cup

if you're pouring from an empty cup. Yeah. So I found myself like drained. I found myself very lost. And I'm going through my son's book bag and it was like Field Day. Do you remember Field Day when you were yet? Yeah, of course.

So he always had... Wasn't it like the best day of the year? Oh my God. I used to love doing the little balloon hopping in the potato bag. You know, like things from when you were innocent, right? The good old days. Yes, the good old days, right?

No responsibilities. And I volunteered. And this was Monday or Tuesday. And I forgot my mind is spinning. I have so much going on, you know. Like now I'm like, as I'm adulting, I'm writing my agenda down, writing my planner out, writing my week out. I forgot that it was my son's field day. So when I get to the school, the teacher's like, I'm like, well, she's like it's field day.

I'm like, oh, my God. Oh, yeah, that's right. I'm not even in sneakers. I'm in, like, flip-flops. I'm sliding all over the fields. But it was seeing my son's face and his classmates was priceless. And it just reminded me that it really takes a village. It takes a village to pour into these children.

It takes a village to... There was this kid that my son was always complaining about. Like, Mom, he's always pushing me. He's always mean to me. And I noticed the kid was like angry. And he was like looking around trying to see like if he saw like his mom or dad, I think. And I noticed he was just angry. And at one point he couldn't like get his feet in the bag.

And he was like kicking the bag, throwing the bag. Like the little boy was so angry. And I was like, here, I'll help you. And I'm like helping him get in the bag. And he looked at me. You know what he said? Thank you. I'm like, oh, he's a.

sweet boy he's just but why is he so angry he has to be like five or six you know and that kind of like it just goes to say it really does take a village yeah and my daughter's father did 10 years federal he came home when she was 10 you know i was a young i had my daughter as a teenager and i was just on survival mode i'm like oh my god now i'm Like mom, I didn't look at it like mom and dad, but I'm like, oh my God, now, you know, what am I going to do? How am I going to, like, raise my daughter? Thank God. Thank God.

I have a mother and a brother that were, like, super, super always supportive and fell in love with my daughter and her godmother was great to treated her, like, their own, you know, not everyone has. I give it to these parents, these single parents that don't have help. I don't know how they do it, but they do it. They figure it out, you know, I give it to them. I applaud them because seeing that feels like it just reminded me like, you know what, I am doing a great job. Regardless of what it looks like from the outside to others, I know what the sacrifices that I'm taking. And my children do know their manners and they are polite.

And my kids are super, super sweet. And that makes me very proud. Like my son, he's so helpful. He was helping other kids. He's like, here, here. Like he's such like a little man, you know. he holds the doors for me. He's like, no, mom, you go.

Like, he's a little gentleman, you know? And I'm happy that he's being raised like that because, like you said, the kids are missing that. This generation, for sure, is missing it. This generation right here, I wasn't a saint growing up. Like, I wasn't. I'm not going to see her and paint a picture. Like, no.

There's things that I wouldn't change anything because I wouldn't be here right now in my life, like in this position of, like, where I see God taking it. but of course there was things that you probably, you know, however, you would have chose this like A instead of going C or B, you know. But sometimes we dug these own rabbit holes for like, like you said, like how you ended up in prison.

You dug your own rabbit hole, right? Did you mean to? No, I feel like we become lost when we're not grounded. And that's something that I'm tapping into now. And that's something that like I'm trying to show my kids. Yeah, I mean, everyone in this world has made a mistake that could have landed them in prison and got them into trouble. And I think you have a super interesting perspective because you are someone that often goes unrepresented in, say, the criminal justice system. Obviously, they hear the wife and the kids speak at like a sentencing, but it's not like the news is necessarily interviewing you unless you're a high profile case to see what your story is.

And oftentimes when an individual gets incarcerated, like a husband or a wife, they have an immediate effect on that family. So you're a clear representation of what kind of like navigating that life after, you know, losing someone to the criminal justice system. It's a loss. It really is a loss. It was a loss for me. It was a loss for my daughter, my daughter's father. It was a loss for his oldest daughter. It was a loss for his mother. His mother and his father both got very ill.

His sister, his brother, his niece that he left at that time. You know, it's a loss for his friends that stuck around. You know, it's a loss. And whether people knew or didn't know, everyone was trying to, I had no idea. When I met my daughter's father, he was my cousin, my older cousins, husbands now, best friend growing up. So I met him when I was like 12 years old at my grandmother's like 85th birthday party. And he was just funny.

I just remember him being funny, right? Not my type, but super funny. Like he was hilarious. Sometimes really all you need is come up with a few jokes. You could probably, you know, get the girl you want. Seriously, I couldn't stop laughing with him. That's one thing that he is very funny until this day, even though. he gets on my nerves but um you know you don't realize the damage you do on the outside and i feel bad

terrible for my daughter now so when her dad got arrested she was eight months he came home when she was 10 and he had to start literally from zero you know and his parents he's Puerto Rican. His parents were immigrants. He came here, I think, when he was like 12, 13. You know, he didn't even know how to write. He didn't really know how to like, but he was like in church. He was very like with the piano, crazy, super talented naturally. He just like picked up on it. And I think with his first daughter, he just, I don't know where he went left, but he made poor. decisions that got him into the trouble that he got to when I had my daughter. And he had a car dealership at the time. Like this guy could sell water to a well. He, it was like, I think it was

his friends, but he was working there. And he was good. Like, when I tell you, he had like the hustler's mouth. Like, he just, he has it naturally in him. But sometimes you get desperate. Sometimes you lose the sight of the bigger picture and you have to walk before you run you know every you have to start somewhere but just if you're doing it with your heart if it's something you're happy getting up every morning and doing it you're going to continue to do it and one day it's just going to take off and you're going to look back and be like yeah i started really really small and look where look look how big i grow you know do you think selfishness plays a role and and and and and and and and these actions because if he had taken a second to think like I have a daughter on the way I have a

daughter from my last relationship I have this woman in my life let me stop doing what I'm doing and adjust so this doesn't end badly do you think that it plays a part in it so I think it starts from a good place not necessarily like the hustle and then it becomes more like selfish or maybe it becomes greedy than selfish and then it becomes more like a ego. And when people are so ego driven, they lose the sight of the big picture. They lose the sight of,

I seen this man be into church. And then I remember, like, when I was with him still, telling him, like, please, let's go to church. Like, on Sunday, can we go? And he would be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, selling me a dream. Sunday would come.

I remember one day, I will never forgive him for this. he took my car keys and put him in a safe. So I couldn't go to church. I realized now that that was like that enemy, like the devil having a hold on him. Because that man would not go to church. And I remember one day being like, why don't you want to go to church?

And he's like, I don't feel right. I'm like, but Jesus, if we're talking like biblical or whatever, like he wasn't hanging out at church. He was hanging out with the people who need. needed God, the people who needed guidance, the people that gave up on him. Like, let's go to church. He just wouldn't go. And I don't think it really hit him on everything that he was missing with his family and so he was in there. And I really, I was so young, I wasn't looking like, oh my God, my daughter's going to be 10 when he comes home. It's, it completely, completely, completely

made me almost give up on God. I wasn't raised with the father. My mother, like I said, she was an immigrant when she came here. Shout out to my mother because I love her to pieces, and she did try to give me and my brother the best she knew how to. We all make poor decisions when we're lost, you know? And then, like, coming to this country, like if you're an immigrant, if you come to this country, you feel like you made it.

And then I feel like it's the ego sometimes. It gets the best of you. I've seen it happen all the time. And I feel like my mom lost sight of like, well, she didn't really have it. Growing up, her father was always, my mother grew very poor. My grandfather used to just, I don't know, he would just roam the streets like a dog. Like what's that saying? like give a dog a ball.

Like he would just come home. He would leave. My mom would tell me that he would leave and come back like every three months, six months. Like whenever he wanted to. But my grandmother was married three times. And she just kind of like settled. Not settled, but she's like, whatever it is what it is, you know. And but when my mother was young, she was very, very, very hard, especially on my mother.

You know, my mother told me some things that I remember when I was younger. I'm like, so why do you speak to her if she treated you like this or if she did this to you or, you know, to this day my mother has trauma behind it that she never healed from. And I noticed that growing up, like I said, my mother did her best, but there wasn't love. There was never like a home. I kind of raised myself. And at the time it was me and my cousin, Jeffrey, we were like. like the younger ones, and he was older than me, like, by a year or two.

And it was just, like, us on survival mode. Like, you ever grew up in a house? Me and my cousins, we all grew up super, super close, like, brothers and sisters. There would be, like, peanut butter, no jelly. Milk, no cereal. Like, it was one thing, but we never had a full meal, so we just had to, like, make it work. Like, I remember eating Sighti Jaws, like, out of the cans or, like, trying to cook something. I'm, like, seven years old trying to cook something on a chair, like, telling him to, like, pass me stuff.

You know, like the Vienna sausages in the can? Yes. Those, like, slap. I remember one day we wanted something sweet and we, like, finished the change. So I'm like, damn, there was like pet mold dismo. This is so nasty. We were, like, taking it. Like, it was like the bubble gum flavor.

I could never know. But, like, you know, so we made it work. And so there was not love, you know. And I think my grandmother, though, because maybe she was tough on my mother. But later on in life, She gave her life to God completely. And she was Catholic. And I got this for her, actually, when she passed away.

And she installed in me and all my cousins, like, just having respect and having morals and principles and just saying, thank you, you know, or excuse me or holding the door, just having good gestures. Like, she made us all be better people. And it's funny, Memorial Weekend, my cousin, I have one cousin I love her. that lives local and her and her husband did like a nice barbecue at the home. And we were talking about that. And rest and peace to both of my grandparents because they're not here. But anymore. But my grandmother did.

My grandmother, like, she showered us with love. It's so true what they say, like the grandparents spoiling. Like, she didn't spoil us, but she spoiled us with love. She would make us pray. Oh, my God, we did the roses. I was like five years old on my knees. She was not playing. Everybody had to be on their knees for like an hour doing the rosary.

And we all went around and like, you know, and I appreciate that now. It helped make you who you are today and how you raise your kids. Yes. So what's it like to be in that situation where so like the average person, if you're dating someone or you're married to someone with no kids and you have a significant other that gets arrested or goes to jail, you can cut ties without a second thought. but in the situation where you have a child involved, you're kind of thrown into something that you didn't sign up for

where it's like you have to, you know, really think about staying with this individual, whether it's a husband or a wife, and put what they did aside for the betterment of your child's growth and how they grow up. What's that like for you to be in that position and what decision did you ultimately pick? So it's kind of different for both of my children

because for my daughter I was a lot younger, for my son, you know, I'm in my 30s now, and it's different now. But with my daughter, I loved her dad. And I was devastated. I remember, like, I wouldn't get out of bad. I was depressed. My family was like, maybe you need to get away for a little bit. They sent me to Dominican Republic.

And my aunt, she laughs about it to the day. She was like, you were just rocking on the chair, like, in the back. Like from the whole time that I was there, like I was just so depressed. I didn't want to eat. Didn't want to get out of bed. And I'm like, oh my God, 10 years, 10 years. And I just had to put my big girl panties on and I had to figure it out. And I didn't really have like a plan.

I think the plan was money. You know how you felt like you just wanted to make money? I feel like I just needed to make money. And when I got back to the States, after coming back from DR. And I made some poor decisions. I, at the time, because I don't knock no one's hustle, like I didn't get a chance to go to college.

I had my daughter young. And, you know, growing up where I'm from them, it's like the man seeing my uncles, how they are with their wives and how my mom, like, you know, like, whether the woman wants to work or follow a career, I do believe, like, the man should be the provider, you know, and the woman should take care of home. But nowadays we're living in a society where, like, I don't even know if you have that,

God bless you. But you really, as a woman now, I give it to the women that are stepping up. And I have some amazing women friends that are like boss, bitches respectfully. Like, they're doing their thing, you know. But from my daughter and my situation, like, I remember when my daughter was like five. And there was like a good daddy and daughter dance. And I remember this just like breaking my heart. Like my brother, I think after my brother.

He ended up going with her. But when she got home, she was like, mom, where's my dad? And I remember having this like, you know, conversation with him. He's like, I think I should tell her. I'm like, no, we're not going to tell her. And he's like, I think we should tell her. And I was like, no, we're not going to tell her. And he's like, yeah, but every time she tells me, she asks me, like, when is she going to see me?

When is she going to see me? and so he was federal when she was younger like they used to have him in Valhalla but then like I feel like after he got sentenced he was like everywhere like Texas or whatever they would like just move around and it got harder to go see him but when he was younger it was a little easier because it was more local um so one day she comes and she's like mom dad's in jail I'm like I'm like I'm wanted to kill him. But you know what? It actually, she like understood, like, she didn't know why. She just knew that daddy did something he shouldn't have done. And now he asked to, you know, take the consequence that came with it. But, like, he loves her and he's going to call her every day.

And he's, if mommy can bring her to see her, like, mommy will. And that she has, like, a father that loves. and he used to call every day. And he built an amazing relationship with my daughter that, like, I don't, some kids don't even have what their dad's being made because they're working or whatever the case is. Like, she's a daddy's girl for sure. But, you know, when I got with my son's father, we were together for like four or five years without having a kid. And my daughter was like five or six when I met him.

and my daughter was born hard of hearing but they didn't tell me this in the hospital I discovered I didn't know if it was like her speech or hearing and after we went through all the analysts they told me she was 50% like loss of hearing and going through that alone

you know like I remember they had to put her in anesthesia and going through that alone and like me being like God where how come like why am I going through this alone like I didn't picture You know, being raised without a father, like I didn't picture me having a kid and now here I am raising a kid alone. But unlike my father, my father chose not to be in my life. Her father chose to be in her life, but because of one choice, now he has to pay 10 years of not being in her life. I don't think that's fair.

Was it ever a thought to keep her away from him? Never. Because you didn't want her exposed to that environment. Never because. Never because I always say if, like, the father wants to be a father, you have to let him. Like, I hate when I hear stories of, like, I don't have either of their fathers on, like, child support, any of that. Like, I never did. I just feel like if you want to be a father, you're going to be a father.

One day they're going to get older and they're going to see you for who you are, you know? And as long as he wanted to be a part of her life. Before I switched to wealth front, my APY was probably 0.1. Once I switched to chit-ching with the wealth front cash account earn up to 4. point two percent APY on your cash. I can trust wealth front is taking care of me. Make your money earn more. Get started at wealthfront.com. Clients were paid $1,000 for their testimonials, creating a conflict of interest. Howcomes vary. 3.3% base APY as of January 30th,000 at 2026,000, 25,000 boost for three months on up to $150,000. Direct deposit $1,000 a month and fund an investing account for a 0.25% increase. Cash account offered by Wealthfront Brogeridge LLC member FINRA SIPC, not a bank. Yamava Resort and Casino at San Manuel is California's number one entertainment destination for the biggest. shows this summer. Catch vocal powerhouse Christina Aguilera July 21st. Rock out to

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I don't, maybe because he hit it in the nail, like, out of, like, maybe five is, like, a prime age. And I remember when I started dating, my son's father, like, she's like, you're not my dad. My dad is in jail. I'm like, oh, my God. Oh, that's actually very interesting, because what's it like to date? when the guy finds out that the child's father is in prison to begin with, because that could be intimidating for a guy that has no kids that is already intimidated by a single mother.

I think that that was definitely, it's always like the question you got. Like, oh, where's her dad? So, like, it didn't work out. Were you guys married? Did he get divorced? Like, is he an active dad? Is he proactive? Is he not?

Like, you know what? And, you know, I'm very honest. I try to be as transparent, but like, not overshare, but like, you know, just enough. And I'm honest. I'm like, he's in prison, you know, later on. Like, I never been the tip to bring a whole bunch of men around my children, unless I knew, like, this is it. We're serious. We're locked in.

I never, like, growing up, I had a lot of uncles. that would like disappear that my mom would like bring around. She's like, oh, that's your uncle Jose. That's your uncle Tom. That's your uncle. Whatever. George. Like, you know, sometimes you get attached. And then Uncle George stops coming over and you're like, damn, where did Uncle George go?

And now, like, I give it to my mom now because it's not easy. It's not easy being a single mom and dating and trying to find balance a butt. So for my daughter, the first man she met was my son's father. And luckily for me, he was very, like, understanding. And he, like, he was like, I don't want to be your dad, you know? And I would never, like, one day she calls him dad. He ended up, like, growing on her, you know? And he, like, corrected her, but, like, I forgot exactly what he said.

He was like, no, like, maybe I'll be dad number two, but you have your dad and your dad loves you. And she's like, okay. And when I got the hearing aids for her finally, like she was like five. So she went like five years without language. He was so like hands on. He was researching things like how to enable her, how to make her like, you know, live like how to prosper in life. He was like, oh, we got to get her a speech pathologist. We had to do this.

I'm like, what is that? And he's like, don't worry. I looked at the best one in the area. And he was like on top of it, you know. and we never made her feel like she couldn't do anything, you know? Like we always pushed her to her limits. And, you know, she's amazing now. But she's another one.

She doesn't really want to go to college. And that's okay because I don't believe college is for everyone. I think college is kind of a gimmick, you know? But unless you know 100%, like you want to be like a doctor or a lawyer, then obviously, yes, you need advance and high-level training and you have to get degrees to go, you know, to get to that point. But I feel like, you know, the other day she told me something like, you know, I look at my son's father, Kenny. I look at Kenny like my dad.

You know, my dad wasn't here for 10 years. Remember? I'm like, no, you know your dad loves you. She was like, yeah, but Kenny was my dad. Kenny was there for me. Kenny was there for me. He was always like at like my ballet. He was always here.

He was always there. He was always like, Mom, she just starts crying. And, you know, since she's older, I would just, was like, look. And then I start crying, and we were just crying to cry babies. And I'm like, Kenny might be away for a while. And that was really hard. But I think that's when it, like, hit me too that I'm going to do this again, you know? Yeah, that's another insanely interesting aspect of, of,

your story is that you had the strength to go through this all the first time and then now you're thrown into it again how does that make you feel like do you feel like that that's the universe telling you something absolutely absolutely i've never been you know what's crazy i was so angry at first i really didn't notice that i was so angry like everything happened so fast you know um But God's been, like, talking to me for, like, a while. And I thought that God spoke to everyone. And I told my mom this. Because I thought when you prayed, God spoke to you, like, you had answers.

I don't know. That's how it was raised feeling. And I remember, like, God never spoke to me. So I'm just like, you know, I told you I stopped believing in God for a long time. I remember telling my mom, like, there's no God. My dad wasn't around. My dad didn't love me. There's no God.

You know, my daughter's father's in jail. There's no God. like why has my life been so difficult? Like how come things aren't working out in my favor? And then when my son's father went to jail, like I said, we were on and off. Like when I got pregnant, I think he felt like, oh, I got her now. Like, she's not going anywhere.

And he was wrong. Like, I just wasn't having it anymore. I wasn't dealing with it. I already dealt with enough. He put me through a lot. And I feel like that's what comes with the game, you know? Like the more money, the more status you have. The more money, the more problems you have, the more money, the more women you're going to attract.

And my grandmother used to always say it, so it's like biblical. Like there's going to be a point in time because men are either they're sending them to war or they're incarcerated. That there's going to be more women than men. And we're living in that time now. And when I got the call that, They picked him up and I think like the day before, I haven't seen him at this point for months. We weren't even speaking because every time like we would break up, I would leave him. We were, it was, it was bad.

Like, and you know, nobody wins on the family foods. Like the kids unfortunately get the shorten of the stick because we're not, you know, I've learned like even if you get divorced, you know, even if you separate. it's so important to keep a healthy relationship for the sake of the child. I think it's a beautiful thing when like parents are separated and they remarry, but like for birthdays or like even taking vacations, like they come together. Like they can all be together like one big happy family.

There's like movies like that. Like I think that that's amazing and I think if you have that, like God bless because so many people are living in their ego not with love. And when I got the phone call that, my son's father got arrested the day before that's where I left off um I wrote him like a lengthy message and honestly it was like from God like it was like just I remember I went to court to hear like what they were going to say and I remember like they try to make him out to be like a monster I'm

telling you he had a 10 million dollar bond 10 million who gets a 10 million dollar bond honestly like if he killed someone yeah killers violence Right. It was nonviolent. They gave them a $10 million bond. Insane. And I was just like, oh, my, I was like, drop it in mind. I was like losing it. I was just like my friends, my knew, like a lot of us, we all went to school together.

And like, they were like picking me up, like keep it together. I'm like, oh, my God. I'm like, you know. Here we go again. Yes, that's what I'm thinking. But now that I'm older, I'm like, fuck, there's two now. Like, what am I? God, God.

God. And honestly, God humbled me completely to the point that like I lost it all again. I feel like my whole life though it's always been like I get it, I get up and then I fall back down. And then I climb back up. I get up again and then I fall down. It's been like that kind of my whole life. When you got involved with these individuals, did you know that they were involved in criminal behavior? With my daughter's father, I didn't know until it was, like, happening. He basically got, I don't know how someone told him that, like, they were coming for him. He was involved in, like, what do you call that? Like an indictment.

Indictment. Indictment where it was like 20 people. There was, like, crazy from, like, Miami, Puerto Rico, New York. Like a Rico case. Yes, basically. And there was, like, a kingpin. And then it was, like, all his, like, dodgers. and, or like, just guilty by affiliation.

And I found out, like, a month, two, three months before. And I'm like, what? Were you in denial when you found out? I mean, it didn't really hit me until, like, my daughter was, like, two. And then I'm like, shit, I got to get the ball. Like, you know, I was in denial for super long. I think I was in denial his whole bid, actually. That he actually did it?

Or? Yes. Because you look at these women whose husbands or even reverse, you know, the husbands who have wives that are accused of crazy crimes. And that's a tough position to be in because, you know, on one side you married this person you had no idea about and you're trying to support them and be there through it. But on the other side, the whole world is against them. It's a lot of pressure. You know, so with my son's father, I found myself getting really angry because. you know, we, we kept to ourselves.

Like, I was always with the kids. He was always, you know, doing family activities with us, whether we were together or not together. He thrived on, like, just, you know, doing well for the kids and being there as much as he could because he did always want kids and he did always want a family. And we were engaged and planning a wedding.

and, you know, we were trying to get there, but we were, like, never on the same page. So when I met, me and Kenny went to high school together, actually in Danbury. And I, like, so after Destiny's dad went to prison, I went to visit him one time in Valhalla. My daughter was, like, one and a half. And I remember I went with my friend Linda.

And we went to the visit, and the girl that he told me I'd never had to, worry about. Guess who was there? That girl. Hi, Karen. She was there. And I'm like, but you know, I'm thinking like his front, you know, this was a surprise. I popped up on him. Then I see Karen give him a kiss. And the COs at that center, they were cool. They knew me already. I was like, Linda, hold up. I passed her the baby. I went crazy on this girl. I smacked her. I remember her nose was bleeding. I remember the CEOs. We're like, we're going to arrest you got to come down, but they like, let me get my hits in.

And I looked at him and I was like, I am disgusted. Like, that's it. And you know what? That gave me the motivation, honestly, though, to keep going. That made it actually easier for me to, like, just be like, okay, now I got to move on. But I never let go of the hurt, like, of the pain, the pain from that relationship, like, before he went in, you know, his poor decisions that he made in that relationship with me. and up to the point he always tried to make me feel like I was crazy

I wasn't cheating, you're insecure I wasn't you're this, you're that, you're nag, you're that, no, like, no, it was all right in front of me but I wanted to be like ride or die and after that it made it easier for me to like move on and I moved to Atlanta I was like I need to get the fuck away from here

and that didn't last long before I moved to Atlanta I had some friends in the city that I made throughout the years. And I remember there was this strip club called Sin City. You ever been there? In Waterbury? No, it was in the Bronx.

Oh, no, I've never been out there. Wow, those were the days. Like, Sin City was a vibe. Like, if you know, you know. And yes, I was in there, like underage, but whatever. I think you could have been 18 to get in, though, in 21 to drink. I think if I'm not mistaken, or was that soos? I don't know.

But one day I started waitressing there. I had a job waitressing. And like my first night, I see these strippers just like and these guys just like, I'm like, look, that's what I'm chasing the money. So like the next day I convinced my friend, we went, we bought stripper shoes. We auditioned. They were like, you know, if you dance, you cannot go back to waitressing. We're like, we don't care.

So I remember dancing. And I remember like the first time I saw like, it's like that song, bands to make a dance. You know, me and my friends dropped on the floor. We cashed out like 10,000 that night. between like one, two, three, was it three of us? Three or four of us. And I was like, oh, my God.

The next day I went back. I'm like, let's do it again. And my uncle was there celebrating, like, his friend's birthday. I guess since it was the spot back then. Oh, my. And he saw you there naked. What? His friends were like, isn't that your knees?

Yo, he grabbed me by my hair so quick. And, like, I tripped over. It was embarrassing. I fell, cups, everything, bottles went flying in the air. He was like, what the, like, he, like, pushed me to the back. I remember just crying and being like, I need money. Like, you know, I was so angry. I stopped believing in God at this point.

And I was like, fuck that. So then I had reached out to one of my friends. One of my friends, okay, one of the friends that I had made at that point, she was like, you know what we need to do? I'm like, what? She's like, we need to go to Atlanta. And I'm like, Atlanta, Georgia? She was like, yes.

And I'm like, I was thinking more Miami. You know, at the beach. She was like, no. Atlanta, that's where it's at. So I come home and I'm like, Mom, I'm moving to Atlanta. She's like, are you crazy? She's like, no, no, no. Well, let's keep destiny here.

And then you go back and forth once you get settled. So I was like, bam. So I go to Atlanta. You know, the A totally showed me a lot. And you know, out there it's more common, sad to say, for like the husbands or the baby dads or the boyfriends to be incarcerated, you know. And I felt almost like I was home. I always say Atlanta is like my home away from home. Like there's no judgment.

Like everyone's in their own little lane in their own little world. Well, this was Atlanta back then. I don't know how Atlanta is now. but it did not last that long. I was out there, though, for like four years, and then three years, three years. And then I ended up moving back because I met a guy, and that's another story.

But when I moved back, it was like the holidays. I was like home visiting family. And I bumped into Kenny. We were like at Square One. And he was like, mind you, I haven't seen him since high school. Like, growing up, I used to hate him because he used to throw rocks at me. Like when we, he had a sister, rest in peace.

She died a few years back. But his sister and my cousin were like super close. So I remember just telling like his sister like, oh my God, I hate your brother. Like, why is he so annoying? She would always be like, he likes you. He likes you. I'm like, I was like, no, he doesn't. He's always picking at me.

He's always making fun of me. Like I remember like in high school one time, he threw like a paper plane at my head and I was so embarrassed because it was like in the lunchroom and I wanted to kill him and he was like he just like ran and after that I was like I just like wrote him off so here we are we're like in our I was oh my god I was young in my early 20s and I bump into him and he was like what's up Anna and I'm like Kenny I was like oh my God and it was like he got the girl he was trying to get the girl he always wanted and then I looked at him like what do you want like you're going to throw rocks out and you're going to throw rocks out and me and he remember like he has a smile he always had like a really nice smile and I remember like from our first date it just there were some red flags but I ended up just like I fell in love with at the time he lived with his mother I don't even think he had a car and he was so sweet to his mother Like I remember his mother would love to talk

To this day, Fifth I love to talk She cooks her ass off and she cooks really good And she loves to talk And he would just sit there and talk to her And let her speak and let her talk about Not her vent about like What the ladies are saying or whatever You know the gossip, you know, and the family, whatever

And like he would just always hear her out And I fell in love with that Because I always wanted like I told you I didn't have that growing up like a family You know like a mom that when my mother were never that close growing up. So I was closer to like my older cousins. But after they, you know, got older and got married and, you know, I moved away.

And a lot of my family went against with what I was doing or they didn't know. And then or they found out. And then it was, you know, like controversy in the family. Like I was always kind of like the black sheep. So I felt like with Kenny, he more like understood me. And then he's like, where's her father? And I'm like, he's in prison. And he was like, damn, how long?

And I'm like, 10 years. He's like, and then I think he like kind of just took the initiative and like stepped up and played that role like for her. We're almost halfway through the year and a lot of people are running on empty without fully realizing it. Grow therapy helps you find care that's covered by insurance before burnout becomes the baseline. Whether it's your first time in therapy or your 50th, grow makes it easier to find. find a therapist who fits you, not the other way around. They connect you with thousands of independent licensed therapists across the U.S., offering both virtual and in-person sessions, nights and weekends. You can search by what matters like insurance, specialty, identity,

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have. So why would you think he would put himself in a position to go to prison then? You know, I don't know. His brother once told me that Kenny's super smart, like very, very intelligent. His mother told me that he like went to college and like the first month he like dropped out. Like he was just like, this is not like for me. I don't know.

Like he just wanted like, you know, faster money. and he ended up dropping out. But his brother told me when he was younger, he used to get, you know, the cassette players, and he used to put, like, beats, and he used to rap. And honestly, like, I feel like the music, like, yes, I love rap. I love, I listen to everything. My playlist is, like, everything from, like, country to pop to, like, everything,

techno, house, you know. And, like, I think he thought that he was a rapper. But he never showed me the side of him. That was like the geeky side of him. You know, Kenny always try to be like cool and nonchalant and laid back. And he had like this whole other side of him that like, I don't even think I ever really got to see the real Roeim. I feel like I was close to it. But I feel like he had also had a lot of hurt.

And remind you, I didn't see Kenny in years. Like Kenny before that had went to jail for like a year for, um. for like drugs. And his sister passed away that year when he was in jail. And I think they give you the option if you want to go or not go. And he chose to not go. And him and his sister were very close. And I think, you know, till this day that's something.

He had to deal with, you know, and his father is around. But growing up, his father wasn't around. The mother tells me stories all the time. Like, he ended up being just like his dad, like, with the women and, you know. And she went through a lot. And now, with, like, the knowledge that I have, she was doing her best. And I actually, she's been more like a mother to me. And, like, thank God for her because she helps me tremendously, like, with my son.

And, but here I am again. and I'm seeing like how it's affecting the family. Like, that poor woman probably aged like another 10 years in a year. And I try to like slow down and I go there and like she's always cooking and, you know, I'll bring my little bottle of wine and I'll just sit there and listen to her. And, you know, it's been very, very, very hard and not knowing the outcome. Like I said, I don't feel like his. his trial is even, his case is fair, like a $10 million bond.

It doesn't make sense. Were there things that you did with your daughter having an incarcerated father that you learned since then and plan on doing differently with your son, who now has an incarcerated father? Yes. I feel like planning one week and out the month to go and visit him wherever they put him. I'm going to, as he gets older, even now, start, like, helping him write letters to his father, communicating with him and, you know, opening up, like, writing his emotions. So, and helping him express and how he feels is okay.

Because every day isn't easy. Like, I remember what my daughter, like, sometimes she would break down and cry. But, like, if we were somewhere and, like, you know, you see, like, a daughter. with her father. And, like, she wouldn't say anything, but I could see it. Because growing up, I used to, like, resent my father so much for not being around. And my father had ten daughters. Ten daughters by ten different women.

He wasn't there for none of us. Holy cow. Yeah. Do you think that that psychology kind of transfers to you, which kind of leads you to picking the men that you end up choosing? Absolutely. You know, I never connected it like that until now. now that like, I mean, Kenny fucked me up so bad.

Like, out of like, he was the one who like, boop, boop, got my pass code and like. We all have that one person. Do we? I think everyone goes through it. He put me through it. He really did. And I got a therapist this year.

Well, last year, Dennis. I love him. Shout out to Dennis. Shout out to tennis. He's amazing. I love him. And he's been helping me, like, just. embraced, you know, my story and the things that happened to me from, like, adolescence

until now. And yes, like, I think with the men that I've chosen, it was like me looking for love in all the wrong places. And then me trying to be loyal or me trying to hold on because I don't feel like no one in my life truly ever fought for me. What advice would you give to the woman or the men because the men do go through this too? We've had some prison female inmates on the show who have had husbands. What advice would you give to them that are going through a situation that was and is similar to yours? Like one's inside and the other one's out?

Yeah, like they're having to raise a child on the outside. They're navigating. Maybe their husband or wife just got arrested and they're faced with whether they support them or not. And then you have a kid in the mix and how do you work out visitations? What general advice would you give to these individuals just to make it through it? It's hard. You know, it's hard.

And it does take a village. And it is okay to ask for help. And it is okay to cry and to let it out. It is okay to, you know, feel your emotions and not suppress them or hide them or keep them in a box and that you're carrying that you don't even realize you're carrying. And at the end of the day, that's their mother, that's their father. Who are we to say, oh, you made this poor decision, oh, you're cut off. You want to just encourage them to learn and to grow. You know, I feel like I've done a lot of digging and searching and soul searching

and trying to get grounded. Like, I mean, I started doing yoga. I started doing green juice. I started taking ginger shots. Like one day I prayed to God so hard. And like when I woke up like God, like I had like this download. Like you need a fast for three days. No eating, no drinking, just fast.

And I meditated. I meditated by the third day. And I journaled all this. And it's weird because I was telling this to like a friend. They're like, they say you should journal it. I'm like, really? I'm like, I don't know why I just started. But I've been into that lately like just writing, trying to be more organized,

getting ready for my podcast and things that I want to talk about. So I just started journaling it. And by the third day, like, I feel like I snapped out of the Matrix. And I'm seeing so much clear. Like, I have a stigmatism. I'm literally seeing so much clearer. And it healed a part of me. I feel like I'm not where I want to be, but I know I'm on the direction where I need to be.

I know that now. And I understand that the things that I went through from, like, my daughter's father, from having my daughter. And so, like, my son now, this is all for a greater purpose. I didn't really know what I was searching for, but I always knew I wanted a family. And not every family looks like a husband and wife and their children. Sometimes it's just a mom and her two kids.

And right now, like, those are the ones I'm fighting for. And my son loves his dad. My daughter loves his dad. Shit, I still love his dad. all you can do is just be there, really support them, and help them understand what they weren't. Like, sometimes, unfortunately, it takes someone to lose it all to start appreciating what they had.

Or it's probably what they always wanted, but they weren't appreciating it. They were either caught in like the Matrix or their ego that they were like, wow, I have a beautiful son. And wow, God gave me a beautiful stepdaughter. Wow, a beautiful wife. But, like, you know, just a family. This is, you know, the American dream, but doing it the right way.

And I think that's beautiful that you're, like, interning and you're mentoring with these children. It takes a village. Thank you, Annie. I appreciate the kind words. And I appreciate you coming on the show today to share your perspective. And hopefully this helps someone that's listening on the show, which I think it will, because there's a lot of people that often, as we said before, go unheard and their voices go unheard who are in similar situations. Yeah, and these aren't bad people.

I don't think that I know for a fact my son's father is not a bad person. He just got handled, like, you know, like bad cards at a poker table. And he tried his best hand, you know, what he could at the time. and it's just so important like going within and doing the healing. I feel like if we target the traumas, the baggage, you're carrying the negativity, and you take it away and you follow, you know, whatever religion, I was every religion to at one point. I was like Muslim for a little bit.

I was just like everything. I was all over the place trying to find like where I fit in. As long as you believe in God, the universe. love, like love is God, God is love. The universe is one. And as long as you're good to yourself and good to the souls, the people around you, God will enlighten you. He will put you exactly where you need to be and your voice to be heard where it needs to be heard.

And I hope this does touch someone or two. And it makes them just, you know, you really shouldn't judge a book by its cover. You really don't know the layers and layers and layers of, you know, things that life has, like fetch them. And unfortunately, this is one that I'm dealing with, and I'm still dealing with it. But I'm learning so much, and I know God has a bigger purpose.