Locked In with Ian Bick - Hockey Star Reveals How He Went from the Ice to Robbing Houses and Ending Up in Prison | Hank Carisio

Episode Date: November 4, 2024

Hank Carisio shares his story of going from a hockey star to a life of crime that eventually led him to prison. In this episode, Hank talks about his transition from the ice rink to robbing houses, the experiences that led him down this path, and what he’s learned since. He provides insight into the challenges he faced, the decisions that brought him to prison, and his journey toward making better choices. #HockeyStar #LifeOfCrime #PrisonStory #TrueCrime #Redemption #CrimeAndPunishment #SportsToPrison #SecondChances Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Connect with Hank Carisio: Buy his hat: https://6bf49c-3b.myshopify.com/ FB: https://www.facebook.com/share/nTXGYGdY9znsugjB/?mibextid=LQQJ4d TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@surrender.2.win3?_t=8puayf7Dhtv&_r=1 Presented by Tyson 2.0 & Wooooo Energy: https://tyson20.com/ https://woooooenergy.com/ Thank you to our sponsors this week: MAGIC MIND: They have a limited offer you can use now, that gets you up to 48% off your first subscription or 20% off one time purchases with code LOCKED20 at checkout. You can claim it at: https://www.magicmind.com/locked Buy Merch: https://lockedinbrand.com Use code lockedin at checkout to get 20% off your order Timestamps: 00:00:00 Intro 00:05:50 Growing Up in Cheshire, Connecticut 00:10:45 First Experience with Alcohol 00:15:57 Challenges of Integrating into Public Schools 00:21:06 The High Cost of Rehab at Mountainside Recovery 00:27:00 The Reality of Home Robberies 00:31:22 Unexpected Arrest and Family Reactions 00:36:24 Lacrosse Scholarship and Second Chances 00:41:48 Navigating the Legal System and Probation 00:47:19 Experiencing Life in County Jail 00:52:33 Life in Prison: Rehab and Hustles 00:57:50 From Prison to Pursuing Hockey 01:03:24 Life-Altering Diagnosis and Addiction Journey 01:08:47 Journey to Sobriety: Moving to a Sober House 01:14:19 Transformative Journey through Career and Ego 01:19:29 Personal Growth and Relationships 01:24:59 Finding Hats on Social Media Powered by: Just Media House : https://www.justmediahouse.com/ Creative direction, design, assets, support by FWRD: https://www.fwrd.co Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ryan Reynolds here for MintMobil. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same premium wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistants assistants to switch you to MintMobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do at mintmobile.com slash switch. Up front payment of $45 for three month plan equivalent to $15 per month required. Intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available.

Taxes and fees extra. See full terms at Mintmobile.com. This June, the world comes to Los Angeles. Kick off FIFA World Cup 2026 at the FIFA fan festival at the iconic Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum. Watch matches live on Giant Scream. Feel every goal with thousands of fans and celebrate with music, culture, and flavors from around the world. Join us June 11th through 14th opening weekend as the tournament kicks off in Los Angeles. Tickets are just $10 and kids under 12 were free.

Get yours now at Los Angeles FWC26.com. Hank, welcome to Lockton, man, a fellow Connecticut resident. The crowd loves the Connecticut people. It's nice to be here, man. I haven't been in Ridgefield for a little while, so it's since I played hockey down here. Yeah, you have some ties to Danbury before or the team, a few teams after the trashers.

Yeah, I missed the big cash bags with the trashers, but I came in right after that for the hat tricks and fought my heart out for the Danbury Hattrix. Yeah, people are all. always, that's what they know Danbury for, the trashers, um, or tuxedos or anything like that. It's always funny. People come here and they're like, oh, you know AJ Galante? Like, yeah, the guy from everybody. Everybody knows AJ, right? So I've actually never met him, but, um, the story is classic. Yeah, I'm going to connect you guys. You guys would be great to do his podcast together

because he runs the talking trash one. That'd be awesome. Yeah, definitely. And now, thank you for the hat. You were just explaining, uh, the symbolism of this and what it means to you, which I thought was really cool. So I'm in recovery. I've been clean almost three years now, and the hat is surrender to win, which is, you know, surrender. It's a huge part of recovery. And you threw the little medallion holder in the front of the hat

because everybody keeps their little medallion on at home and puts it out a shelf. And you work hard to get a year clean or two years clean. And so I thought it would be a cool way to display it in a hat. and slip it in and be able to do that. Awesome. How many years sober are you now? I'm just coming up by three years,

almost right around two years and eight months right now. Awesome. Well, congratulations, man. Yeah, a lot of big changes going from prison, homelessness to having a stable life, married, a house, all in that short amount of time. It feels good, right? When you make it to the other side?

You don't know, you know, like I never could understand. Like, you go to. places like Hartford and the inner city and Waterbury and like I would feel so comfortable on the block buying drugs in the car like um wheeling dealing and dealing and now I go into the inner city of Hartford all the time for for recovery and like I feel uncomfortable and like now I know what so-called normal people feel like to be down on like whether it be Brooks street or Albany Avenue and Hartford and like feel a different vibe where it was like that was my comfort zone Yeah, and your whole atmosphere changes.

Like you probably don't go out as much or a club guy or anything like that. Well, I'm 40. I'm 40. We talked about that before. My club days are done, man. There are some guys that they're 40s that are, you know, the Connecticut crew, those guys, they just never leave the club scene some of them. They're at Mohican Sun at Shrine and what's the other one, just hanging out in the back. Yeah, I didn't want to be that guy.

Yeah, I didn't want to be that. I love a night in, you know, last night. I got high and watched Lord of the Rings. Oh, there you go. That's what I do. It's crazy the little things, man. Like, me and my wife went to the Big E last night. Right?

And just a good time. Like, you know, like, we could just get in the car and do things because I don't need anything to make me okay before we go. Yeah. Is it weird being in a relationship with someone that's not sober? For me, no. Like, I'm fucked up enough. Can I swear?

I don't know. I'm fucked up enough. Like for my wife, like I didn't need another, another mix of me in the equation. Like the great part is she comes from a background. She worked for DCF in the past. She knows enough about addiction to like understand but not understand at the same time. And it just kind of balances me out. Today's episode of Locked In is brought to you by Magic Mind, the world's first productivity shot.

If you're like me managing a pack schedule of interviews, editing, and planning, you know it's tough to stay focused and energized all day. That's where Magic Mind comes in. Made with natural ingredients, Magic Mind gives you sustained energy and helps reduce stress without the jitters or crashes from coffee. It's the ultimate productivity boost. And right now, they are offering a limited deal you won't want to miss. You can get up to 48% of your first subscription.

or 20% off a one-time purchase with my code Lock 20 at checkout. Just head over to www. Magicmind.com slash lock to claim it. That's www. www.magicmind.com slash locked and use code Lock 20 for serious savings. Whether you're looking to boost focus, get creative, or simply make it through the day with more energy, Magic Mind's got you covered. Try it out and see the difference it makes.

Thank you again to Magic Mind for being a proud sponsor of Locked in And I hope you enjoyed the rest of this episode You see, that's awesome And that's how you know you found your person When you have that balance Yeah, my wife's, I mean, this is going to be like my brag fest on my wife My wife's like my best friend, man Like I couldn't I never wanted to settle down

I never wanted to have kids I was going to be the guy, right? In the club till I met my wife And then I was like, you know, my parents had been married 42 years. My dad passed away from brain cancer. And I couldn't understand. I used to ask my dad, like, do you ever cheat on mom? Like, do you, like, I couldn't understand how they could just be together. And that was it. Right. And then I met my wife and I couldn't understand any other way. We'll have to run the cameras back out there to see if she's blushing during this. So,

you live in Connecticut now. Did you grow up in Connecticut? I grew up in Cheshire. Cheshire's a pretty famous town, Connecticut, for the wrong reasons. My brothers actually, I have two younger brothers. One of them went to school with, I can't think of the name of the family now, but the girl who was murdered and the house was burned and all that craziness. And the crazy part about that is I went into robin houses. So I guess it's a Cheshire thing.

Yeah. What did your parents do for work growing up? My parents were both psych nurses. Really? So I came from like a regular middle-class family. I grew up in Waterbury for the first 14 years of my life. So just a normal thing. My dad worked.

My dad was actually the head nurse at Big Cheshire. So he worked in the prison, like interviewed Michael Ross, who was the last person, I think, to be executed in Connecticut. it. So as kids, like I wasn't allowed to go past the stop side at the end of the street because there had to be some freaks. There's somebody out there who was going to kidnap us and take us. And I never equated it to anything to looking back now and be like, man, he was in a maximum, like, Cheshire, big Cheshire at that time.

They had the galleys. It was like, that was the northern at that time. And all the big criminals were there. And he's going to work for 15 years in this place. and then coming home with all these stories, like the Latin Kings riot, and they had to bring in the state cops. He was there for that.

That's actually when he got retired, was from that riot. Did your dad ever talk to tell stories? I know you were just talking about some of it, but did he go in death? Or I know some people like to leave work, you know, and those types of jobs at work with them. He was a story.

My dad was a storyteller, you know, guys getting stabbed in the neck with pencils. This was before cameras. So guys, you know, The galleys in Cheshire were stacked one on top of each other. So I think he said four tiers. And this is, listen, I don't know from, I only know secondhand, right? So COs, like, this is no cameras.

COs are kicking guys down the stairs. You know, people are getting thrown off the top of the galleys. So, like, all that stuff I heard through in the grapevine. How did that make you feel? Did it ever scare you or, like, I don't want to be anywhere near prison? Yeah, me, when I got to be. prison, I thought, like, I was so scared because I thought that that's what I was walking into in, like, a level two at Sibolski or, or Enfield or somewhere like that.

I was like, what, like, guys had five days a good time and they weren't going to risk anything to lose their five days of good time in any of these, like, level two places. Yeah. So did you just have you and your brothers or do you have sisters? I'm an older sister. So my sister is bad with ages, right? She's, uh, 18 months older than me. my two brothers are

33 and 30 Okay, so you're the second oldest I'm the second oldest What is that like being the second oldest And a family of four? With three boys and one girl You know, and I was the sports guy So my dad

Like I was like the Italian family Right so I was like the Like little King Henry Like I was You know I could do no wrong man And I was a really good kid Like up until I hit 16, 7

Like I didn't break rules like I was yes ma'am, you know, no sir. And I think that kind of led me to the point of like being locked down so much and always following the rules and like watching other kids have way more fun than me. And I kind of wanted in on that. Like I was always an outcast or not in the cool crowd. And I always had that desire to fit it. So do you think your parents being too strict on you? kind of hurt you in the long run or?

I think so too strict, right? And then everything was always at somebody else's fault, you know, that I did. It was don't, it was, you can't hang out with these kids because of what they do till the point where I was the kid that they had no other blame of like, I was the kid that nobody should be hanging out with.

You know, and it took a long time for them, like to not enable and entitle. And I come from a lot of that, right? mom always, you know, was a tiger mom in a different way. She always had my back. She was fierce. Even when her kids were wrong, she always was there. So describe, like, what the turning point, when that actual turning point was at 16, 17 years old where you, you know, your path changes?

I'll tell you what, I was playing. I was 16 years old. I was just about to get my driver's license. And I remember getting dropped off at one of my friends from Waterbury's house, right? and they wanted to smoke a joint or I think I smoked a joint and like they told me a drink of 40 right and I'd never done it.

I'm 16 years old, never done this before in my life. So I do that. Right? My dad's picking me up, comes back to pick me up. I go in, they tell me to put the toothpaste on my mouth.

Maybe it'll make everything, you know, go away. I'm like rocked, right? At this point because I've never put substance in my body. I get in the car with my dad and he knows right away. Like screaming at me. I go home that day and he puts a seat in the middle of the living room

and he puts me in the chair and he got like like my parents didn't really drink but they had alcohol so he got like a bottle of jack he said you're going to sit here and drink this until it's gone and like we'll see how much you like doing this after that. So

and your license it like We're not going to let you get your license, all that fun stuff. And so I sat there and drank the bottle until it wasn't going to be, like it was going to be a problem if I kept drinking. I'm puking. And like I did that. I didn't get in much trouble. Like nothing really happened.

Like I thought the world was going to end. I was going to be grounded forever. And nothing really happened. So fast forward a little bit. I'm 16, 17. I'm playing hockey with, um, 20-year-old kids, right? And they're talking about sniff and percisex in the locker room.

And the crazy part is one of those people who was talking about that is now my brother-in-law, right? Like, he's my brother-in-law today. And they're talking about how to crush them, like sniff them. And I'm like, my parents are psyched nurses. They do home care. They're taking care of cancer patients and stuff like that. They have all kinds of meds at home. I'm like, hmm, like, maybe.

maybe if I do this, like I'll fit in with these guys. And I remember from the beginning, I never, I never even thought about going home and, like, taking a couple of them. I did exactly what I was told. I went home. I found the Percocet, crushed it up, sniffed it the first time. And then I was like, oh, my God, this is, like, all those voices in my head that, like, were running, all the things that, like, made me feel, like, no self-esteem,

all that stuff left for that moment. And from that moment on, I chased it, like, more than anything in my life. Like, right from that first moment, I knew I was in trouble. And that's all I wanted was to feel that feeling all the time. Why do you think you were after that feeling, like, wanting to be liked? Because you weren't athlete. Athletes are normally popular and well-liked. Were you shy or picked on?

I was a little fat kid for a little while. Like, when I was 12 years old, I actually, I learned how to ride a bike at, like, like 18, I think I was two years old. I learned how to ride a bike, learned how to skate. I was a BMX champion in Connecticut by age five, right? So like from five to 10, I'm like this star. And 12, like you hit that 12 puberty age. And I was, I thought, like I looked back at pictures now and I wasn't as fat as I thought,

but I thought I was a little fat kid. And that never left from that time. And from moving from Waterbury to Cheshire, like, total change. And from kindergarten to eighth grade, I went to a school with 10 kids in my class. I went to this school called St. Mary Magdalene. It was in Oakville, Connecticut.

And I didn't know anything about anything, like, until I was, like, I remember, I didn't know what a blowjob was until I was, like, 16 years old. Right? Like, I didn't know about girls. Like, I was in this little molded community, and I didn't know nothing. I moved to Cheshire into this public school.

And even though Cheshire's not like, you know, Cheshire's just Cheshire, it was like a culture shock. I'm with, you know, 500 kids. Like, there's kids doing stuff on the back of the school bus. Like, I couldn't believe it. And I always felt like an outcast there. And my parents didn't have the kind of money that other people had in Cheshire, right?

So, like, you're pulling their school parking lot in Cheshire High School, there's BMWs, there's audits, there's sobs, and I'm pulling it in the green minivan that, thankfully I had. You know, but I didn't feel grateful at that point. So no matter what the sports was, socially dynamic-wise, I never felt like I fit in, right? So I was an All-American lacrosse player as well at Cheshire High School. I never thought I was any good at lacrosse.

And when I played hockey, I had to leave the high school. to play junior hockey. And everybody just thinks you're like, oh, he thinks he's too good for the high school hockey team or he thinks he's better than us. So they all kind of ostracize you at that point. Yeah, social skills in high school are so important.

I was in a Montessori school where they have like fourth through eighth grade in one classroom. And thank God I left at seventh grade to integrate into public middle school before going to the, you know, Danbury High School, which is one of the biggest high schools in Connecticut.

I would have struggled and I saw other kids that didn't go to a public. public middle school and then went into there and they were it was hard you know if you don't get those social skills you're kind of like sheltered and you're an outcast or the dynamic that like not everybody's the same right you go to a Montessori school you go to a catholic school like that a lot of the same demographic is together right and you go to these other schools and there's kids who don't want to go to class there's kids who are like you know fuck you to the teacher like that's not happening in the school where I came from and uh I just didn't know how to feel comfortable

I felt so uncomfortable all the time. And public high school teaches you life skills. Not like the big important ones like taxes and how to write a check and stuff, but it does teach you like people to people and getting those key social years. And all of that got screwed up for me, right? Because you go from, I went to Cheshire High School, then I played junior hockey. Then I moved to the Midwest at 17. And I went to an inner city high school and got tutored, right?

So I went to school at Andre Agadala, and it's called Lanfair High School in Illinois. And I'm playing junior hockey. Because in order to play hockey at, say, like, a Division I college level, I don't know if you know how it works. Like, you have to lead, like, you can't play in Connecticut in regular public school. Like, you could be the best player in public school by a mile. That may not even get you into Division III hockey in college.

The prep schools around here, the Avon Old Farms, the Loomish Chafee's, they get you the beginning, but then you always have to go play junior hockey. And I went and played junior hockey, right? You're playing in front of like 5,000 people, like you're the star of the show. Like at 16, 17 years old, and, like, I didn't want to go to school. Like, all my teammates weren't going to school. Most of my teammates had already graduated and were just playing hockey. So I went out there and I see this whole different dynamic of, man, like, I'm just going to be a pro hockey player, right?

Like, why do I need to go to school? Like, I just want to play hockey. And in order to play lacrosse at Cheshire High School, right? Like, this is where everything, everything's corrupted some sort of way to me, right? Because I'm playing hockey in this Illinois town and they want me to come back to play hockey at Cheshire High School. They want me to come back and play lacrosse at Cheshire High School because we got a chance to win a state championship, right? And I'm an All-American.

I'm the best defenseman. Probably, you know, my last year, I was like one of the best defensemen in the country. Scholarships. I had 60-something schools call on recruiting day to recruit me for lacrosse. I told them all I'm just going to play hockey. So they let me transfer back to Cheshire High School in March, right? after not being in this high school all year,

they let me transfer it back so I could play lacrosse. So I go back to school. They just put me in classes. I have no idea. These are classes that have been going on. Some of them all year, some of them half the year. And I would just go back to school and sit in the nurse's office until it was time to play lacrosse.

Wow. And that was like, that was my daily. I'd go in, I'd go to nurse. They'd like, how are you getting away with that? And I just, it was just always getting away with something. So do you go off to it like a D1 college for Lerlboro? I played, see this is, it gets like, I played Division I hockey at Merrimack. And this is where the story begins, right?

Where you get put in the system in Connecticut is I had an oxycott addiction. As soon as I walked on Merrimack campus. right and um my bright idea i was a i was a decent player there um my bright idea was the girls always leave their purses in the dorm room when they go to class and they take their backpacks right so all i have to do is find the girls dorm rooms sneak in take the money and i'll be okay so i justify that as like this is going to be no big deal right and um 2,000 students at Merrimack, after like a month of just robbing every dorm, like people caught on, right?

Like people, I'm drug-seeking, I'm robbing these dorms, and one day my coach came to me as like, we know what you're doing. And you could either go get help or we're going to ask you to leave the school. And of course, like my answer is, oh, I'll just go get help. and so I go get help. I go to, I don't know if people know, like there's these really bougie rehabs in Connecticut, right? Like High Watch Recovery Center,

there's Mountain Side Recovery Center and up towards the New York border where it's, you know, it's 60,000 a month to go to rehab. And if you have insurance, it's like to be like 10 grand to go for like a 30-day stay. So my rehab journey started at this place called High Watch. in Ken Connecticut

and I really went there because I had to not for any reason to stop doing drugs or like change I just needed to stop robbing dorms and like be able to go back and play hockey and through that I was introduced to like how to shoot heroin

in the rehab? I went to rehab to get clean like to stop doing drugs and I was basically told like why are you even bothering sniffing these pills you could just do heroin. And that seed had been planted. I wasn't ready to move on that yet, but that had been planted.

And, you know, I'd get home from Merrimack, my, I think I'd go there for a year. I go home my sophomore year. And I'm driving. I'll never forget the decision, right? I'm driving and I could go, I'm paying a lot of money to train in Stanford to train for hockey.

This is in the summertime. And I can go right and go to the train. facility and I'm sick, right, still doing oxies, still, opiates are so bad, man. You don't understand, people don't understand what it's like to wake up with the flu every day and understand like, I have a cure for it, but I just got to get some money for it first and I can cure this, this, this flu that I have. Because I look back at all the time that I got high, I spent way more time sick than I ever did high. Like I was always sick. I was always hurt and I was always looking for the next one.

So here I am sitting at this intersection and I get this bright idea. Like I've never been in trouble before. So like maybe I'll just go rob some houses and like it's not like first offense. It's not going to be that big a deal. And this shit is like crazy when I look back at it. Right. It's only a couple houses. It's, I'm a kid from Cheshire. Like, my. I'll get a lawyer. I had all this shit in my head that it was going to be okay. And that's what I started. That first day, I figured it's 11 in the morning.

So people are either at work or it's like a good time, not caring it's broad daylight, right? And I went to this neighborhood and I'm looking around and like I could never think about how to get that courage today to do that. But knocked down the door, you know, looked in the house, looked around, and like kicked in the door. And I know, you know, gold will get your money and jewelry and stuff like that. And, you know, the lovely racket of pawn shops I didn't know about at this time.

But I knew that if I got in that house and got some stuff, I could get some drugs. How are you scoping out a house like to make sure that they didn't have security or a dog or anything like that? This was like 2003. So there's no security system. Like, if I kicked in a door and the security system went off, like, I'm just going to leave, right? But most houses didn't have security at the time. There's no ring doorbells. There's none of that.

So it's like I'd ring the doorbell. I'd knock. I'd maybe walk around. And I'd be like, oh, I'm sorry. I got the wrong house. And if something like that happened. And then it started to get, like, that summer, I would put on a shirt and tie, right? And, like, pretend I was a real estate agent of some sort.

I don't know why I thought that would be okay. And then if somebody answered the door, at least I looked presentable. And if not, like, I'm kicking in the door and going in. And, like, to think about doing that today, like, I couldn't even imagine, you know, being in that position where, like, thinking it wasn't okay. Are these nice houses, like a nice neighborhood?

Yeah, this is. So no one's noticing you just kick down a door? You catch one at the end of this coldest act, right? where there's like not too many around and um you know that was the way i would do it like the nicest house at the end of the cul-de-sac that was tucked back a little bit you know i'll figure it out and and you know it worked it worked a lot of time and then you know i didn't realize as as a young um i thought i was a good criminal right and i'm pawning shit i'm using my id i'm pawned at the pawn shop and not understanding that the pawns

Shop is directly, like, hooked up to the PD, and, like, they call each other on a daily basis to see what's going on. And so before my—it was, like, three days before I was supposed to go back for my junior year. At Merrimack, cops come with a warrant, and they arrest me for six burglaries. So when you kick down a door, where's the first room in the house you go for first? Bedroom. Okay. Yeah, bedroom. What if there's a safe?

Do you bother with it or you're just taking anything? I'll take the whole thing. Like some people, it's, like now it's like, you know, this is like, whether it's my in-laws or my mom, like, if you have a safe in your house and it's not screwed down or like anything like that, like why do you have a safe? Like now you're telling me where everything is. And if it doesn't weigh 600 pounds or whatever, it's like somebody's just going to take the whole safe.

Yeah, those little baby safe are a joke. Unless you bolt them in, the little tiny ones. And even so, I bet you even if it's screwed in, you can whack it with a hammer. Yeah, like just rip it out of the wall. I mean, I became pretty good at, like, breaking into safes, right? Like, if, in those century safes, you get a pair of nail clippers and, like, the file that pops out and you hit that in the right way, those, those safes just pop right open. What was your biggest haul? I, um, probably, like, 20 years.

thousand in jewelry from a half and listen like I was not doing any professional casing or like this was just pure crapshoot like just so desperate and we went in this house and it must

been somebody who owned a jewelry store and they had a full like cabinet of just jewelry in the house and we just took all that and now you say we there was someone else with it at this time I had picked up like an accomplice from like the

travels on the road of like buying drugs and doing drugs and stuff like that and uh never i'll that's one thing i would never do again like never have somebody who can tell never no matter what and and it was and you know that that came back to bite me so now going back to when you first made that decision to steal from the purses at the school what triggered you in your mind to make that decision because you grew up a good kid what was it in your mind that's like i have to steal to get what I need for drugs. Why not work a job? Why not ask your parents?

What was that in your mind? Because I think I had already like exhausted all that resources. My parents kind of knew what was up at that point. You're in college playing a Division I sport. Like there is no time to work. You're training 10, 11 hours a day. Sometimes like between lifting and practice and all that stuff. And like I was like I came back to school with a habit.

And like coming back from the summer where I did have a job, right? And I was working and I could I could kind of buffer that habit. Here I am now. I have no money at school. I have a scholarship like fucking congratulations. Like you gave me a scholarship to go sit in a room at school like with no money. Like if I have no money, like my scholarship doesn't give me money. And that's not justification, but that in my head now this oxycott and thing like people don't talk about it, man.

that like it's heroin like oxycotton is just pill form heroin and it you know at the milligrams that it was at 80 milligrams you know i remember sniffing a couple percocets whether they were like 7.5 or 10 milligram percocet and that's 20 milligrams like now you're going up to these 80 milligram pills and i can't even tell you the state of mind that was in because you know delusional like irrational um being able to justify every one of your moves like America's first pledge was freedom. Jeep still carries that fighting spirit. With the Jeep Declaration of Deals,

we're pledging our allegiance to the American people with great deals on the luxurious Grand Cherokee, with available three-row seating, premium craftsmanship and tech that turns every drive into an adventure. Or Jeep Wrangler with legendary 4x4 capability and open-air freedom. Because freedom deserves the vehicle built to carry it. Jeep, there's only one. Hurry into your local dealer for the Jeep Declaration of Deals.

Jeep has won more awards over its lifetime than any other SUV brand. Even the Jeep Grill or registered trademarks of XE. AUSMLC. That's like what OxyContin does for you. Now, looking back on it now, do you think the college made the right decision by kind of turning a blind eye and sending you to rehab? Or do you think that they should have maybe turned you into the cops

or gave you some harsh penalties? Because that could have prevented the home robberies. All the little, all the things I got away with, you know, is what adds up to the end. And I say that all the time now. Like, listen, the only person you're fooling when you get away with shit is yourself. Right? Because you think you could get it.

away with a little more and you think things like maybe like I'm glad I didn't catch that charge right for robin robin those those kids at school because that would have been another charge on my record but other than that it's like maybe it would have stopped the momentum because oh it's just a slap like they just slapped me on the wrist all right so bring us now to the day you got arrested um when they you know they came to your house described that day um pulling in you know I think I was working on like flowers in the front yard with my mom my mom has no idea um they came the first time and they came like 10 deep and they arrested me actually for larceny right because they didn't have proof i was in the house at the time they just knew i had taken the stuff and went to the pawn

shop um so they came and arrested me for larceny my parents didn't know what was going on like didn't know anything about making bond or like what that entailed so they hauled me back. They didn't really say much the first time. They're like, we're going to get you for the rest of the stuff. We have your fingerprints inside the house. I'm like, yeah, at least, like, I was so cocky, man. I was like, yeah, right.

Like, they really took fingerprints for, like, these fucking little bit of burglaries. Like, my level of cocky was so, so crazy at that time. And so they take me back. They proxed me. They put me, they, so I go back home. And I think nothing of it, you know, and a couple of days go by and we're at home it's had to be like three in the morning right and my my

parents live like a cul-de-sac in Cheshire and a nice house three in the morning they come like 20 deep right and boom boom boom boom sirens on lights on coming down the street like they were definitely making a point of what they were doing and my dad wouldn't answer the door So I have me, my two brothers, my sister, my parents laid out in their bedroom on the floor, not moving. And my dad, like, being like, shut up, shut up. Like, we're not moving. We're not opening the door. And, like, I thought that they wouldn't go away.

And he was right. Like, he didn't make a move. He didn't make a sound. And they were yelling outside. And they were running their sirens. And they went away. And it's like, we'll turn you in tomorrow on our terms. like what it is.

So like they pulled the car in the garage or like getting away like a gangster. They threw me in the trunk and they brought me to the PD. And of course they hit me with the burglary charges there. Wait, they didn't have a warrant to go into the house. I guess in, I guess in terms of like knocking the door down, it wasn't my residence. So I don't know. It wasn't like they had a warrant to search or seize from the place.

I don't know exactly how that works, but they went away. Like I couldn't believe it Maybe because it was so early I didn't have anything for like possession of anything Or drugs or anything like that So once you get booked in What are your actual charges? What's the final count?

Burgly third I think I had five or six counts of burglary third And like I'm still thinking like Maybe I'll get AR Right? Because this is only my first Like this is only my first First thing I've never been in trouble before Like you're not getting fucking

an AR for six burglars. Like, that's out. So you're, like, AR is completely out of the picture. Like, we want you to go to prison. I'm like, finally it hit me, like, what? Like, okay. Like, I guess this is what we're dealing with now. So hiring a lawyer

and I didn't want to tell school I got arrested. So every Monday, you know how it works. Like, every Monday court, you're going to have to have court until, you know, you go to pre-trial or whatever it is. and I'm driving my parents because I didn't have a car.

They're driving to Merrimack at 6 in the morning, which is like a two-hour ride. They're driving me back to court in Waterbury. And I got to be in court whatever time in Waterbury at 9 a.m. or 10 a.m. when it starts. And I got to be back to Merrimack by 3 p.m. Because practice is going to start. And I live that live that live for like two months,

and I just couldn't keep it up. And one time the coach wanted to know. why I was kept missing class on Monday. And finally he showed up to my class and I wasn't there. And I didn't tell him exactly what happened, but I said, like, listen, I got to leave the school. So I left the school. Like, I didn't tell anybody exactly why.

But I had a case going on and I couldn't, it just couldn't do it. Yeah, it's interesting back then, you know, there wasn't like social media or anything. You would have been kicked out if it was in today's world right off the bat. Oh, yeah. You would have made it out of the police station without being kicked out. Or if I was at a better, if I was at a better hockey school,

like if I was at like a top 10 D1 hockey school there's no way I would have made it like a BU or a BC like there's no way I would have made it kind of like under the radar the way I did what's your parents reaction to the charges what are they saying to you and your siblings reaction disgusted man like they couldn't believe they just couldn't believe it you know and my dad um my dad was just like just appalled you know they're they've made it they've made a good life for us. They don't do drugs. They don't drink.

And here their kid is, like, supposed to be an NHL hockey player, going to school out of Division I scholarship and just kind of flushed it all away. You know, and I didn't realize how much that was hurting them at the time. I thought I was just hurting myself. But looking back on that,

and I didn't realize how hard it is to get scholarships, right? Because I'll tell you as it goes on, I got a Division I A hockey scholarship And then after I get thrown out of school And play I played for the hat tricks for a little bit And I got an offer to go back to college

And a Division I lacrosse scholarship At Quinepiac Just because of my merit of what I was As a high school lacrosse player This is after prison This is at I didn't end up going to prison the first time, right? So I go to court

For these home invasion For these six, they're considered burglary third. Okay. And the judge reads me all the way to this end point and like how pretty much like you have to go to prison for this. And, you know, we have to put. But I'm going to give you a second chance. And he said, I'm going to give you a four years suspended four years probation with a, I think it was a seven year cap. So seven years cap, four years probation.

on that charge. Do you think that you got away with that compared to, like, other people that might be going through the system? Like, you got let off easy for that? Super easy, man. Like, you know, if, and we talk about if I was a minority or if I was coming from the inner city or if I didn't have a lawyer, if I didn't have my parents to pay for a lawyer, like a public defender, I'm going to prison.

Like, no ifs and, like, do not pass go. You are going to prison. There's nothing to talk about. You just did six burglaries. Like, that's it. that's it and um you know at the time i thought again like i beat the system man like they can't get me i beat the system um it's no big deal you know and that that that's what led me to keep doing the same shit that i was doing you went back to robbing houses oh yeah wait to you're on probation

and you're robbing the houses again yeah so i go to i go to quipiac and um like got so many stories man Go to Quentin Piak and... How old are you at this time? 20... Probably 23 years old. Okay. So, go to Quentin Piak, like, I can't go back to school, man.

Like, I'm playing lacrosse. Like, it's great and everything, but I don't take it as seriously as hockey. And I'm just not there. So I drop out of Quentinpeak in March. And I'm just going to sell drugs for a living, right? Like, great idea. just going to sell drugs for a living.

I meet these kids from New York City, and we're just going to start moving weed back from California and back to Connecticut while on probation, right? But I'm not going to tell anybody I'm leaving the state, nothing like that. And we take a loan from, I take a loan from somebody who I probably shouldn't have taken a loan from. And I don't want to really get into too much here because who knows.

And like I fuck up the whole $50,000 deal, right? because I'm still getting high. I'm still doing the things I was doing before. I'm trying to run a drug business through California when, you know, California was the only place with legal OG Kush, you know, $3,000 a pound. And in New York, they're paying $9,000 a pound for OG Kush at this time in, like, 2005. So I got easy, foolproof.

You know, we're going to drive it back. We're going to mail it back. And there were so many times I picked up a 10-pound package at a, like a post office in Manhattan or New York City, not understanding like the ramifications of that either. And I'll never forget, like, I sent a package, and they sent it in their wrong name in New York. So I went to go pick it up and I didn't have an ID that matched.

So I had to run down to get a fake ID in New York, go back and pick up this package, not thinking anything of it until, like, the wheels fell off of that, man. And then it's back to robbing houses, right? Fuck up the $50,000. Fuck up everything in my life. And now I know better about how to rob houses this time, right? Because I'm not going to pawn anything.

I'm not going to make the mistakes I made before. And the second one, like, you know, it all sounds great with same mind. But then drugs get involved. At the second point now, I'm out of school. well like I've learned and progressed like the pill mills got shut off all the oxy cotton got shut off so now it's heroin time you know and it's it's shooting shooting heroin then I was introduced to shooting heroin and cocaine at the same time speedballing which is like a whole other monster in itself and I'm back to robin houses again and this time again I go in front of a judge my

lawyer knew the judge and I finished this has got to be three like my my probation finished early because I nobody drug tested me like no ramifications I go back in front of a judge the judge gives me the same sentence as the first time with with the burglaries wait how did you get caught the second time on the burglaries um I pawned one thing when I was high right upon the watch when I was high in watertown that somebody told me that this pawn shop doesn't tell it like can't convinced me to go in and kind of swindled me like this if pawn shop's not going to not connected to the copsters super clean they won't do that and there i was right and uh i get offered again the same deal seven year cap four years probation but i got drug court this time so like now i got a piss test

every i think it was every week for the whole length of the probation and i pissed dirty right and I came back to court and again I thought the lawyer is going to talk us out of this one. He goes in, he talks to the prosecutor. Yeah, you're going to prison. Like that day, you're going to prison. He's going to put you on a four-month remand. So you're just going

and you're going to sit for four months in prison. And I'm like, I can't believe it. I'm in my loafers in my suit, right? Like, I'm not even equipped now that you know how, like, go in with your sweatpants and your sweatshirt and your t-shirts. And I'm going to be sick. So that day, I went to prison, man.

You know, New Haven Correctional did the... Like, I'll never forget how degrading the processing rooms are, right? Like, go in, you strip butt naked, you're squatting, your coughing, the COs are fucking assholes. They're all screaming. in there they know like I feel like they know what they're doing right there's like an intimidation tactic um they're gonna let you know this is their house and you're in their house and uh i'll never forget being handed that mattress right after ap and having to drag my fucking

mattress down to this dorm that i'm going in and and for me my first stop was um new haven't overfilled so they had the gym. My first one was on a boat in the gym, man. And now I'm detoxing from heroin, cocaine. I'm detoxing in this gym that I have one bathroom for 60 people. Just a toilet. No showers in the gym either.

So I'm going to ship myself. I'm going to puke. I'm going to have to do all this in the same toilet that the other 60 guys are using and hopefully not piss anybody off because I'm doing it. You know? And that, and that That was an adventure, man. Was it the same judge that second case?

Yeah. So the same judge let you off? Yeah, I had an attorney. I don't know, man. I had an attorney who actually ended up going to Fed Prison after. Wait, what was his name? His name is David Kinney. Oh, I thought it was someone else that went to Fed Prison in Connecticut.

He was a federal attorney. But he was a defense attorney. and, dude, he always, I actually coached, me and my brother-in-law coached this kid in hockey. So he would just show up for me. Like, he would just show up and he was an awesome guy, man. Like, whatever he did is, you know, I think he got caught with some, like, hug scandal or something like that, but he always had my back. And I, like, I appreciate that now, for sure.

Why did your parents never, like, put you in rehab or anything during those years of probation? I think I was in and out a little bit but it was always like this was like Suboxone Like I would go on Suboxone And say I was on Suboxone And like really I was just taking the Suboxone And I was trying like

When I didn't have the money to get high Until I didn't want to take the Suboxone anymore So it was like always playing a game with them Where I'm trying to stay like I am staying clean Or I'm trying to stay clean They used to make these They're called

Naltraxone pellets and they would put it in your body and it lasts three months and you could like, you know, that would keep you clean so I would do that sometimes and then like what they didn't tell you is like the ball in the Naltraxone pellet that's in your arm. If you sit there and like push it and crush it, it'll break and it'll may only last a month. So there's my parents. They think that I'm not getting high for three months, but the thing's been gone for a month. So I definitely deceived and tricked and lied and they believed me, right? Which is today why, like, it's very hard for me to take anyone for face value who's getting high or drinking.

So now you're in prison for this four-month prison sentence. Tell us about, like, that whole experience after, you know, they brought you through processing. Who was, like, your first cellmate? What was that first night like? I was in the dorm. So it's, like, you don't realize the lights don't go off until a certain time. I think it's midnight, and they come right back on at 5 a.m. You know, everybody's a gangster in county especially.

It's, you know, they got locked up for whatever it is. Like, nobody's going to, I didn't realize nobody told the truth, right? Everybody's got a nickname. Nobody goes by their actual name. And, you know, I remember how hungry I was. One is like, I was telling my wife about this. I remember eating the salt soup packet for the ramen and like having to eat that

because we had no soups or the food like I was dying. So we're just eating soup packets to just get by. And like thinking about that now compared to like it's crazy. What kind of facility was it a max, a medium, a low? This was just, this was first starting and this is jail. So this is like county. It's all mixed in. but the blocks are high bond.

Everybody who's in the dorm is got to be under a $100,000 bond. Okay. So that was, you know, that was an experience, but I was, you know, here I am trying to swindle again. I'm on a four-month remand. I'm like, you know what, fuck it. I'll just cop. Like, let me see if I can cop out until, like, two years.

So I'm not, I'm going to, so I don't do this four months for free. I go back on probation. Like, let me see if I can ask my attorney to do this. this and if he could like figure it out. So try and talk, talk, talk, talk finally says, yeah, the judge will agree you could take a two-year, a two-year sentence and like everything, everything will be done after that. So you could take the two years and flat time. So you weren't worried about throwing away your sports career or anything?

It was done. The second arrest was that was it for me in terms of. of like college, right? Like, I hadn't really got into the pro sports thing at this point. And so this college is like, it's done, man. Like, the gig is up. You ever look back now and wish you took it more seriously? Dude, I wish I ever did it.

I went to college. I went to college for six years and I probably, I got no degree. Right? And I had it paid for and I had all the amenities. And, like, I think about where I'm at now, no drugs to go to college and like just chill and go to class and be able to have like that normal experience that other kids had. I would, I would love that. That would be ideal right now. You know what I mean? Like, oh, I'm just going to get up at nine, go to a couple classes,

do some homework, and then go home. Did you think that you would have failed probation if you, if you got out after the four months and did probation? Is that why you wanted to do two years? I don't want to keep the seven year cap, right? Like the seven year cap is, They can give you seven years if you screw up on probation again. And I just didn't want to, I was already going to be down for four, right? In Connecticut, it's 50, 50%. So most likely I'm going to be out on like T.S. Or some sort of parole in nine months.

So I might as well just sit down for the other five and ride it out and just get it over with instead of coming back and forth and back and forth. So once you take the two years, do they transfer you to a different facility? Yeah, I went to Sibolsky. And I think it's in Enfield. So it's another level two. Again, I'm comparing what I'm going to go to like, oh, no, I got to go to prison.

Like, I'm going to, like, I'm thinking I'm going to Big Cheshire, right? Or, like, somewhere that's super max, it's going to be, I'm going to be scared. I don't know how I'm going to do this. And I got to Sibolski, and I'm like, It's like a boys camp. And, like, there's nothing going on there that it's to be worried about. You know, you got four-man cubes. You know, everybody's playing gambling, playing cards, playing poker.

It was, you know, the thing that sucks in, you know, you get to prison and you get away from, like, the button shower, right? It's in county where you hit the button and it only lasts six seconds or whatever it is. So now you go to prison and it's like, oh, I get to the prison. to turn a shower on. Like the shower turns on. I actually get to keep the water and the shower on. So there was, you know, being grateful for the little things. But in terms of like deterring me from doing this or like, oh, no, I'd never want to come back here.

I thought it was like, okay. And were there like gang activity in the prison at all? Or what was that like politics, the prison politics? Like, again, I'm sure there was some, but it wasn't every day. Like, there was, you know, you had the Latin King, you had the Salitos, especially in Connecticut. But there was some semblance, but again, like in level two in Connecticut, it seemed like everybody was so worried about losing their five days of a month. So five days a month, like two months a year. I saw maybe one fight the whole time I was there.

What were some of the other charges that you were surrounded with in there? There were some people coming off of murder charges, like coming from above, but they, They were at, you know, they were under five years. A lot of, like, drugs, robbery, stuff like that. And are they your age? I was 28. Yeah, older, younger, kind of just a whole mix. You know, I think it's a little different fed-wise.

Like, you get, from what I understand is, like, you're in there with some people. Yeah, it's very diverse, diverse, backgrounds, diverse ages. I mean, you could be there with an 80-year-old man. Yeah, like that, that, that's, that, that, too much of that. But it was, like, I just remember, like, I played basketball. I was one of the only white kids who was able to play basketball. Like, it actually go out and be able to play with everybody else.

Just so, it really was like a, it was like a boys rehab is what I would consider it. It was like an all-male rehab. Were you getting clean inside prison? I was. Like, I couldn't afford, you know, people talk about drugs in prison. and, like, yes, you can get high in prison, but it's going to cost you a boatload. Even for, I think at that time,

they were selling, like, 8 milligram suboxone strips that were going for, you know, you could buy one on the street for, say, $5. A tenth of that was going, like, that's a $20 piece. So a full suboxone, you're going, you know, you're going $200. So I was like, you know what? I guess I'm not going to get high.

And were your parents sending you money? Or did you have to come up with a little prison hustle? Did you have a job there? They'd give me a little bit of money, right? Like in state prison, it's $75. It's like you're a big spender every week. So I would get like 50. I'd like to gamble.

I would play blackjack and, you know, play poker. But if you have $50 every week in prison, like you're doing really well. You know, a lot of guys don't have anything. I would make, like, candy balls and, you know, candies and stuff like that. And what are the s'mores, you know, with oatmeal cookies and some fluff in the middle? Like, I would just do stuff. And that was more to just stay busy or keep my sanity. Were guys, like, taking a liking to you because you were an athlete?

Yeah, there was. Some celebrity status? I was, like, a lot of people didn't believe me. You know, and then they'd have to, like, I had YouTube videos of me fighting and stuff like that, and they'd go, like, call whoever it was to check. And they'd be like, oh, you were telling the truth. Because I kind of kept myself, I didn't really say much. Because I didn't, like, one, I didn't look the way I do right now.

I was probably 190 pounds. Like, I'm still sick. Like, a lot of detox going on. And I just wanted to stay out of the fray for a while. Were you learning other, like, criminal activity while you're in there, too? Like, taking a liking to what some other guys were doing for money? Yeah, the scams, man. It's like the credit card scams and just learning about, you know, all the bodegas.

Like, I didn't know all the bodegas bought, all storing stuff and, like, the hood and stuff like that. So you could go in and rob CV. Like, what I was doing to go into houses. and what I was risking, I could have just went into CVS or a liquor store or, you know, boosting at Home Depot. Like, I could have done any of that stuff without any of the risk.

And I remember this one kid was telling me his big scam was he would just go get, go shop at Home Depot. And he would go through there. He would never leave the store. He'd get in the return line and he'd just return the shit. So, like, technically,

he never really committed a crime. Like he never left the store or stole anything. He would just pull up to the returns like with the five gallon paint things. And like they'd have, they would, at that point they were giving you gift cards for like $500 returns or less. And he would just get a gift card

without ever committing a crime. And I'm like, I'm thinking like, I got to put that in my back pocket just in case, you know, just in case I'd need it. Wow. Did any of the victims come forward at court, like to speak against you?

Thankfully, I never had that. You know, and this is coming from now where, like, I just got a pardon. It's three months ago. So all my charges I had pardoned, but I didn't have to face any of that. Like, they were all very pretty kind, and, like, we just want to see him get better. None of them wanted to throw the book at me. So that was, I was surprised by that. I thought people would show up.

court. I was waiting for like the victim statements, like to people, people to tell me, like, I made it so they could never be safe in their home again. Like, I would, I thought all that was coming. Yeah, because people are, you know, highly affected by those. That's like one of the, the worst crimes from a victim standpoint, too. Yeah, and I look at it now and I, like I said this while I was getting my partner is like, I can't imagine somebody coming in my house, you know? And, um, breaking the safety of my home. Like I understand that now as a 40-year-old guy, like what I did. But at the time, it wasn't like, again, there was that delusional thinking of like,

oh, this is no big deal. Yeah. So you get through those two years in prison. Do you do the full two years or do you get out early? Get out. I got, after a year I got what's called TS and I get this release and go back into society. and the rehab cycle starts for me, right? Because I'm still going to get high.

But I'm not willing to do what I did that got me back in prison. You know, and at this time, I start playing for the Hattricks in Danbury because I'm going to make a comeback in hockey. This is right after you got out of prison. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So they didn't, they let you join, no issues? I never said anything.

No one's searching games. Really? So, I mean, it never. It never came up. So when is this, like, 2016, 15? I was 12 years ago, so 2012. That's when the Hattrix were? Yeah, so 2012.

2012, I'd have to, yeah. So would it go Hattricks, then Whalers? Hattricks, Whalers, and then I think it went back to the Hackswaters. Oh, it went back to the Hattrix. That's what it was. Okay. Yeah, so I'm playing there, and I'm playing well, right, because I'm going to turn this into more like a

W.W.E thing at this time I'm just going to fight everyone and that's what I did for a while and I got actually I got called up to the East Coast Hockey League I played in the East Coast Hockey League for a little bit but I just couldn't I couldn't put the drugs down you know and it's like eventually enough is enough

and I remember I was playing in the East Coast League I was in Utah and I ran out of OxyCococ. and I made up this story that my mom was having open heart surgery, that I had to get home to Connecticut, that I had to book this flight, convinced him, come home, and pick up a bunch of heroin and pills and stuff like that, fly back,

and I went to a team dinner when I got back, and, you know, teams there, owners there, and I had taken so many pills and so much, so much dope that I fell asleep right in my salad. Like head in the ranch dressing, like the whole nine yards asleep. Somebody had to tap me. I had to pick up my head. Covered in dressing.

And that was it, right? Like, that's the end of that for you. And that was the end of my hockey career probably that night. How are you able to function as an athlete on drugs? I don't know. I think it's because I'm super ADHD. So when I took oxies or like when I took heroin It was kind of like a balancing out effect

I didn't get like I want to sit down and go to sleep And like I know because like when I would take cocaine It would calm me like calm me down up into a point And I don't know I always thought I played better Looking back did I probably not But the belief in my head was like yeah this is I can't feel anything. Like, my legs don't hurt.

Like, it makes me feel better. And as an athlete, I think, you know, I never gave myself credit for being, I thought everybody could see the way the game the way I did. I thought that that was a normal, like, occurrence of what I had. So I never thought I was very gifted. But looking back, like, people don't understand hockey or lacrosse the way I did. Why do you think you didn't resort back to crime while you were? back on drugs again.

Did hockey kind of keep you balanced in that regard? I just didn't want to go back to prison. Like the court system and the grind of everything in terms of showing up to court, having the pressure of court, like bond, you know, the threat of committing a crime and then having the whole crime on your head for the rest of the time. I just couldn't, I didn't want to do it anymore. I didn't want to do it anymore, but I still wanted to get high. So your hockey career pretty much ends at night when they find out about the drugs?

Or did they kick you off the team? They kicked me out. Yeah, they're like, we can't have this here. And again, this was a time where the NHLPA with the East Coast Hockey League, they have to offer you. At Serena and Lily, every piece is designed to make your home feel beautifully lived in. Since 2003, they've created heirloom quality furniture and decor using natural materials, bespoke patterns, and a signature color palette.

They partner with skilled craftspeople from North Carolina upholsters to textile makers in Portugal, so every detail is made to last. Explore new arrivals, gather swatches, or enjoy complementary design services in one of their 18 stores, or visit serena and lily.com. Bring timeless beauty home at serena and lily.com. Help first. And like, I wasn't up for somebody telling me like I had a drug problem at that time. So I denied the help. And like if I would have taken the help, I probably would have been. better off because they couldn't have just sent me home.

And the next day when I didn't take the help, they're like, yeah, we're releasing you. You're all done here. And where did you go after that? I went home. Like I ended up being, you know, at my parents' house until I wasn't welcome anymore. And, you know, through still getting high and being around my parents, it was like rehab after rehab. until like this is what happened, you know, almost three years ago is my dad was going to work every day. He's fine.

Like, been doing the same job for 17 years. He was a nurse in the inner city and, like, giving medication to psych patients. And one day, like, he just couldn't find his way to work anymore. Like, he couldn't, he didn't know where the patients were. He didn't know what was going on. And my brother took him to the ER. and he had a baseball-sized glioblastoma tumor in his head. And he was told that day, like, you're going to die from this.

You're never going to get better. And, like, eventually, you're going to end up in a wheelchair. So, like, his life changed in, like, that day, right? Like, he went to work. He was fine. Like, family's fine. Money's great. Like, everything's awesome.

And now you've got a death sentence, like, in one day. And I would love to say that that day I stopped doing drugs and that everything changed that day. But I was not there while my father was sick. I was still choosing to get high, choosing to do the things I did. And it got to a point where he passed away, he passed away February 5th, no, excuse me, February 8th of 2022. And I got clean on March 5th of 2022. Was that the catalyst, do you think? For sure, because it got, like, here I am, I couldn't justify, right?

Here I am. He has a disease that he's fighting so hard to cure. There's no cure. Can't do anything about it. And here I am with what they, at this point, like the disease of addiction. I'm told that there's no cure, but it can be arrested if I do some work. Like, I can stop this from happening. Like, there's programs.

And I couldn't justify. I'm still using and having the opportunity to not kill myself. And I'll never forget that happened. And then I was at a rehab right after my dad had passed and my mom brought me like a rehab suitcase, right? It's a trash bag filled with every possession you have. And she dropped it off to me and she's like, you need to do one and two things for me.

Like I need you, I'll give you enough money to get enough heroin to kill yourself. I need you to like either die right now and like get it over with because I can't I can't bury my son and my husband at a different time like I can't take this again so like I either need you to do that or you need to figure it out and for the first time in my life like I've thought about somebody more than I thought about myself you know and and like I thought about her feelings and what she was going through more than what I was going through and I was like I can't I can't let her down. What was the dynamic like with your siblings when you were going through

that phase of your life? Oh they don't. Even now, like I know this is like public, but they're very resentful at me. You know, like my younger brothers, I probably ruined their childhood. You know what I mean? Because my parents were always worried about me, keeping me alive and like how to

stop me from killing myself and they probably got a lot less attention because of that. So you know, I didn't see that at the time, but like how much of effect I had on their lives. And then now here goes my dad tragically taken. And I took all that time from them when they were younger. So, like, I've cheated them. You know, and my sister's always, my sister met my brother-in-law.

Like, they have a separate family and stuff like that. So she's more in my corner and, like, just wants to see me do well. But my brother, I could see the resent. There's definitely some resentment there, especially, like, doing well now and how things are going, it's not always like, congratulations. You think you'll ever be able to rebuild that relationship? I try. You know, I can only do my side of that, which is show up, be accountable, have integrity,

be there for my mom and try to rebuild. But, you know, I can't make them forgive me. And that's something that I've learned through 12-step programs and doing the work is, like I can only I can only do what I can do the rest I got to kind of leave up to either them or higher power So that last time in rehab do you believe that you know rehabs work as long as you have the mindset to want to change? Because the other time you're in rehab you didn't have the same result. I think rehabs work for people who've never been introduced to like being clean, right? and they may give you an idea,

but after your 30th rehab, is rehab going to teach you anything? No. You know, it's going to give you time to be abstinent from drugs, and it's going to give you time to, like, think about, really, are you done yet? You know, like, I had to decide, like,

am I done with this? Because it was always, I'm just going to smoke weed for me, right? Because with the way my mind is, like, I start smoking weed. I start taking dabs. I start taking 1,000 milligrams a day of edibles, and then I end up in the hood and waterberry shooting heroin.

But it always starts with a little something for me. Or like, I don't like to drink, but I just want to have one drink. And I would always start that way, and it would progress so quick. And this time I had to decide, like, you know, can I smoke weed? Can I have a drink? Maybe. but it is risking my whole life worth smoking a fucking blunt

or you know a bong hit on a weekend and finally I was like you know what let me try this way and see how it works out How long were you in that rehab for until you were able to start like actually rebuilding and putting the pieces together for a life? So 30 days I'm in the rehab

I met this this guy previous who had directed me to a sober house in Kent, Connecticut. So very expensive sober house, right? I have no money left to my name. Nobody willing to help me. Nothing going on. And this sober house called Tidewater gives me a scholarship to come in

because they knew, knew the kid I knew. They give me the ability to come up there. And Kent is in the middle of the sticks in the north, I think northwest corner of Connecticut. and, you know, I have no car at the time. And so I leave rehab. Somebody picks me up, you know, the kid who got me the bed at this sober house picks me up. My mom gives me $75.

Right? So I have $75. I got a bag. I got a garbage bag filled with clothes. And I'm going to the sober house that costs, you know, $200 a week. And I'm just going to go make it, like, I'm going to make it happen, right? I'm going to use the same. skills I use is an addict and I'm just going to go make it happen and I'll never forget that

ride up there and I get there and it's next to all the rehabs that I talked about at the beginning right the high watches the mountain sides and I'm in this silver house with like a bunch of 20 something year old kids you know and and I think I was 38 at the time I'm in there with all these like kids but it was like a breath of fresh air because a lot of these kids were staying clean right they had been clean a year or they'd been up there for a little while and um like i saw a new way to live because when i left prison the last time i remember the counselor saying to me you know i was like i don't know how i'm not going to drink and do drugs like everybody i know drinks and or everybody drinks and does drugs.

And the concert was like, no, Hank, everybody doesn't drink and do drugs. Everybody you know drinks and does drugs. And I was like, fuck. Like, that's okay. Okay. So I changed my environment. I go up there. And I really dove into a recovery program.

And like for me, like NA, Narcotics Anonymous was something that I chose to really get into. because I never really liked to drink. Like I, you know, I never had to pull the pull from alcohol the way I did from drugs. So like I, the understanding of like being powerless over drugs was really easy for me to understand. You know, and that process I would, so I get up to the rehab. I got $50 in my pocket. I call my friend. And I'm like, yeah, I just got to, I just got a rehab.

I just got to relax a couple days. He's like, what the fuck do you mean relax? You just relax for 30 days in rehab. He's like, get your ass out and go get a job. You got to pay for this sober house. You have no food. Like, you have nothing. And I walk down the street and I walked, you know, coming from playing hockey.

And like, I think I'm, you know, better than everybody else. I got a job in a factory. Reconditioning football helmets, you know, for $12 an hour. And that's the most money I've ever had in my life at that time. is from reconditioning those football, riding a bike back and forth to work, right, for the first six months. I'm riding a bike back and forth

because I have no other way to get there. And just the humbly experience of, like, people seeing you on a bike and riding to work and riding back. Like, I remember, like, man, this is where I am right now. You know, like, having a real vision of, like, this is what it is. Because for so long I was delusional.

right like I wasn't that bad you know like I'm only living in my parents house but it's a nice house like I don't have to live here I have a car like things were always it's okay well here I am 38 years old living in a sober house with no car with no money and I finally saw like where I was and it was like man you could keep doing what you're doing or like it's time it's time to make a change and so I did that job for like four months man and and I went to to meetings every day like they tell you to go and I got involved in and I remember tests right like little tests the recovery is you're supposed to put your recovery before everything else and I got an offer to get a job making like $25 an hour but I would be gone some nights I wouldn't be home for meetings and

stuff like that and I had a sponsor at the time and I called him I was so excited like I got a $12 an hour raise and this is what's going to happen but I may not be able to make it to many means it's like you're not taking that job like you I would suggest you don't take that job and you do what you said you were going to do and make this the most important thing in your life you know and I remember being like fuck this dude like what do you mean I'm not going to take like a raise or a job or like what do you talk about and I listened right the first time of my life somebody told me something I didn't like and I was like I listened and I finished the the going to meetings for a while and then I finally

took that job right and this big job that I was going to take that like I couldn't turn down was moving furniture right so like I'm moving furniture into places in New York City and like these these locations but they're going to pay me like what's see like a lot at the time right because it's all relative when you're making $13 an hour 25 like you're rich like I'm going to be rich from this and you know I did that for a while and and I noticed through doing this work and in like the rides to work back and forth on the bike like my ego got a little smaller right and I was I was willing to listen to some things and from doing the work to recovery you know you write you write step work and you look at like how on

unmanageable my life was when I was using in like, like how in every way, right? Like how was I as an employee? How was I as a brother? How was I as a, you know, a person in the community? Like, how was I manageable in any of these ways? And, you know, it brings you to a point that, you know, you find out that you're not the most important thing on the face of the earth, which is like a higher power, right? Like I, I, I, there's got to be some reason I'm here.

I can't control the weather. I can't control the way other people act or, or think. So there's got to be a reason. And then it brings you to, you know, I, I say now, like, I'm not in the outcome business. Like, I'm in the work business. Like, I show up, I put in effort, and usually good things happen. But I'm not in control of the outcome. You know, it's like whatever, you know, with your podcast, you started, you didn't know,

this was going to happen or this this happens but you put in the work you put in the dedication and somehow it things always seem to work out yeah even when you least expect it you know it's funny how life works yeah you just got to keep at it you got to stay persistent and consistent that's it and then you keep following stuff and you know you get to a point where you get rid of your demons and you write down all the stuff that you've been ashamed of or worried about and you find out like everybody has problems you know and the things that you thought were these deep dark secrets that somebody would judge you for you could never be better from um it's all fixable it's all it's all changing you know the the point i'm at now is looking at like other stuff right like character defects and stuff like that and

you know how i treat other people and how i treat my wife and who i am as a person and and i remember all that happening through this process and you know it came to like we were talking about before like I stayed celebrate through this whole time right like no no girls in my life at the beginning no

nothing I was focused and I made like a Facebook dating app an app or like profile and I met this this woman who was you know first off I couldn't figure out, like, why I'm almost 40, like, why would this younger, beautiful girl be

interested in me? And I had her meet me and my buddies. Like, all these kids I lived in this sober house with, right? Like, all these knuckleheads that I'm in a sober house with. And I invite her to come out with 11 of these guys on a boat and, like, not telling her that I'm sober, I'm clear, like, not telling her anything. what's going on. And like she's a trooper.

I guess she tells me that she like talked to her parents about it and her best friend and her best friend saying like, don't go. Like don't, what are you doing? Like we're going to find you in the lake or. But somehow something got her to go in that car. She came out there and like we had we had a good time. And, you know, I didn't tell her I didn't have a car. I didn't tell her I lived in a sober house.

I didn't tell her at that time I was only four months clean. But I knew I was done using it at that time. Like I knew I was invested. And when I met her, it was like, you know, that was, it was like love if, I guess you call it love at first sight. As corny as that sounds, it was like it was love at first sight. Do you think having someone helps keep you on the right track if it's the right person? Yes.

Yeah, because, again, it's somebody you, like, I knew that I cared about her. more than like I cared about me. You know, like, I started to, like, care about how she fell and, and cared about how to be a better man. And, like, I'm reading books about how to be a better, you know, a better partner. Or I'm thinking about being a dad now

when I was never thinking about any of that stuff. And, you know, we started from the bottom. Like, you know, she, she, I moved in with her after being out of the sober house, which I told her, like, that was my best. biggest thing like I'm not moving in with a woman you're not going to be able to tell me to leave um you know I'm not going to put myself in that position and all that bullshit I talked I ended up you know moving in with her at first and you know we just we we we didn't spend much I haven't

I don't think I've ever spent a night away from my wife in the we'll be married a year and the the over two years we've been together that's so awesome yeah so what does life look like now Life is awesome now. We bought a house in Connecticut, which is we bought in April. You know, I moved through different positions. Like we were talking about, I was, I didn't know, I was moving furniture, right?

And I didn't know what else I was going to do. And I remember my wife said, and be like, are you ever going to get, like, a real job? You know, and I'm driving from East Hampton to Kent, Connecticut every day. And I don't know. moving furniture into the city and then driving back an hour and a half and I didn't I was like pissed at first

she's like you ever gonna get a real like I was like real job like I have a real job you know she's like no one that you like they pay you when you're not there like you have PTO time and you have like a 401k and I'm like I couldn't even wrap my head around that but she planted a seed

and I was like you know what fuck it I'll take a shot and I crafted this resume that made me look like, you know, I thought, like, okay, I've recruited hockey players a little bit. Like, let me see if I could be a recruiter and I'll recruit. My parents were nurses. Like, this is the shit that, again, like, the dreaming mentality, like, I'll make it happen. And I went in, I crushed the interview.

They called me back. You know, we're going to offer you the job. Here's your background check, right? And I'm like, oh, here we go, right? and I wrote a letter, you know, at this time now, I hadn't been arrested for eight years. You know, I said because I haven't done anything to be arrested in eight years, but really I was just lucky. And they gave me the job.

And first time of my life, I'm going to, like, a corporate job. And I found out, you know, I'm pretty good once you tell me what to do or show me how to do it. And did that for a little bit. Went and got recruited to, like, recruit accountants and financial services. Did that for a little bit. And just recently I made a move to another position where a friend of mine who I have a ton of faith in has a plumbing company, Griswell plumbing, right? Throw it out there.

I'm sure like that. And I came over as, like, a general manager to help. help recreate his business and make it more profitable. How many discounts does USAA auto insurance offer? Too many to say here. Multi-vehicle discount. Safe driver discount. New vehicle discount. Storage discount. How many discounts will you stack up?

Tap the banner or visit usa.com slash auto discounts. Restrictions apply. Looking to start 2026 with an unforgettable getaway. Fiji Airway sale is on now. Fly non-stop round trip to Fiji from just 748. or enjoy a sunny Fiji stopover on your way to Australia with round-trip fairs starting from 839. As a one-world alliance member, an American Airlines Advantage program partner, your miles go further across the South Pacific. Book now at Fiji Airways.com or contact your local travel agent.

Conditions apply. Things that I've been through I seem to be pretty good at. How's your relationship with your mom now? It's good. I still talk to my mom every day. you know that it's there's friction between me and my my siblings and there's stuff that goes home on with them but I've always kept a strong connection with my mom and you know I guess I think I'm back to being her favorite she won't say that but you know she called this is one way to not get your siblings back on your side she calls me for advice she

calls me to be like like level-headed right like she calls me to to give her, you know, what sometimes she needs just a shoulder to cry on. And sometimes my brothers and sisters can't be that. I don't know. I have this weird thing with when people die, they're dead. You know, and I miss my dad a lot, but, like, he's not coming back. And, like, how do I live to best keep his legacy and keep, you know, how would he want us to live now that he's gone? And, like, I know he'd want me to take care of my mother to show up from my mother, you know.

to shower her as much as I can with gifts and stuff like that and just be the best man I can be. What do you think of the biggest life lessons you've learned throughout your journey? Treat other people the way they want to be treated, you know, and be honest, have integrity. You know, your word means everything. And the biggest thing for me now, life lesson now, is I don't ever want to be delusional about myself. right so like I surround myself with people who will tell me the truth about myself and for a long time I wanted all yes yes men around me I wanted people to say how great I was or like you know I was always right and now I have people who are like if I'm slipping or not doing the right thing like I need somebody

to tell me like stop being an asshole you know so I think circle and not being in delusion is huge awesome well Hank thank you so much man for taking the time to reach out and come on the show today You got it, man. I appreciate you. And where can people find your hats at? Well, you can find out my Facebook under Hank Carissio. There's a Shopify link. So if you just go read on my Facebook, it's right there. Yeah, we'll put your Facebook in the bio on any other social media you want.

Perfect, man. Awesome. Thanks.