Locked In with Ian Bick - How Childhood Trauma Led Me Down A Path Of Addiction | Jon Mendonca

Episode Date: April 30, 2024

Jon Mendonca shares his journey from addiction to sobriety as we hear firsthand accounts of loss, despair, and ultimately redemption. From battling addiction and hitting rock bottom to finding purpose and rebuilding relationships, discover the transformative power of self-development and the courage it takes to chase dreams after overcoming addiction. Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Creative direction, design, assets, support by FWRD: https://www.fwrd.co Connect with Jon Mendonca: https://linktr.ee/recoveryjon Tik tok- @recoveryjon IG- @recovery_jon Buy his book: https://www.amazon.com/Life-Lifes-Terms-Jonathan-Mendonca/dp/B0CQ6XLSPM Buy Merch: https://lockedinbrand.com Use code lockedin at checkout to get 20% off your order Timestamps: 00:00:00 - Intro 00:03:43 - From Addiction to Sobriety 00:07:21 - Losing Faith and Turning to Drugs 00:10:53 - Transition into Dealing 00:14:15 - The Start of dealing 00:17:32 - Unexpected Troubles 00:20:58 - The Material and Internal Rock Bottoms 00:24:26 - A Wakeup Call in Court 00:27:37 - Transforming My Life and Making Amends 00:30:53 - The Tragic Story of Tyler 00:34:14 - Dealing with Grief and Rebuilding Relationships 00:37:30 - Coping with Loss and Sobriety Journey 00:40:50 - The Misconceptions of the Sober Community 00:44:07 - Freedom to Chase Dreams 00:47:21 - Finding Purpose through Overcoming Addiction 00:50:43 - The Importance of Self-Development and Taking Care of Yourself Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Conditions apply. Two years later, I got arrested. Something really dumb. A girl that was in the drug game was taking money out of her mom's card. You know, I knew what I was dealing. It called me just to give a ride and I brought her into mobile. She took out money later. Her mom was like, where's all like $5,000?

You said you were getting like cigarettes every time. And she lied about it being her. So her mom called the cops. I had no idea what she was doing. I just gave her ride. And then they did video surveillance and saw me with her in a gas station taking out money. Welcome back to the Lockton with the InBickport. podcast. On today's episode, I have a Connecticut resident, John Mandanka, here to share his story

of overcoming addiction, tragedy in his family, and hitting rock bottom in his life. John dives deep into a story in this episode, and we hear by the end of it how he was able to turn it all around and carve a new life for himself. Thank you to all who listened to the show week after week, who leave us a review on Apple and Spotify, which, if you haven't already, please leave us that review It goes a long way to help pushing this show out to more people. And thank you to all of our subscribers on YouTube. We are almost at $250,000 in just over a year's time. I am so excited for the rest of this year and all of the content we have in store.

Now, I hope you sit back, relax, and get ready to lock in with John Mandanka. How do you pronounce your last name? Mendonca. Mandanka. Where is that from? Technically Portuguese. Portuguese. This is a big Portuguese community in Danbury.

Yeah. Yeah, my grandfather came from Harlem. moved to Danbury. Did you grow up going the Portuguese club? No, no. He was never like real Portuguese. It's just his background. Okay, gotcha.

And you were, where were you born? Danbury. Danbury. Danbury Hospital? Yeah. Oh. Interesting. 1990.

So we got a fellow Danbury resident on the show. Yeah. You might be our, maybe there was one. No, I think you might be our first Danbury resident on the show. We had someone in New Fairfield. Really? A lot of people that went to the Danbury Federal Prison come on the show.

I was curious about that. Yeah, they come on the show, and especially the woman. The woman ones are always interesting. And it's always weird when they come back because they're all like living in New York or other states. So they come back and pass through Danbury to get to here. So it's interesting. But John, welcome to Locked in, man. Pleasure to have you today.

You're an author of this great book, which you gifted us with. If you want to tell kind of like the audience what it's about and when you wrote it and where they can find it. Definitely. Thank you for having me. Happy to be here. I wrote that book. I published it in 2003 just last December. The story is in my story from just over 10 years of addiction into I just celebrated five years of sobriety March 3rd last month, or earlier this month. Congratulations. Thank you, thank you. And yeah, I mean, it's a long story, but a long story short, I, you know, got into opiates. I don't know exactly what we've.

could say on here or not. Oh, you're free to say whatever you want. All right. Yeah, I got to, you know, oxycotin opiates in high school. It was big in Connecticut. And, you know, went from a three-star athlete to, you know, a drug dealer, drug addict, just a few months later in my senior year of high school. Went through that and during COVID, I was just over a year sober.

I lost three friends in a week to overdose and mental health. And it was kind of like a breaking point. I was going to relapse. So I started posting online because I was the only way I could really get back. And I called to get lifted and called on my social media as that. And it took off really well. People reaching out for help. It was kind of like amends to my community.

You know, people are just proud of me. I was spreading hope. And from there, people started to say, you should write a book. And, you know, I thought about it, but I didn't have the tools too. So I stayed sober another two years. And then in July, I lost my younger brother to suicide. And that kind of prompted me, you know, I got to do something else big to help people. And he was really proud of my journey and mostly help people in the community and on social media.

So I decided to write a book. I was terrible in school. I graduated high school about one paper, so I had no idea what I was doing. And like sobriety, I mean, I asked for help. I reached out to people. I studied online, started typing. And for a year straight, stayed up until 3 a.m. every night of last year and published it on Amazon.

And by the grace of God, I went number one new releases on Amazon for all of its, all of its genres. I mean, addiction, recovery, alcoholism, and it's been an amazing journey since. So just try to spread hope and show people, you know, the tough life I came from and where you can end up. And you just started a podcast too you were telling me about. Yeah. Get Lifted Podcasts on Spotify and YouTube.

So far, we talk about, you know, just people's journeys of addiction to sobriety and try to share that. But coming soon, we'll have also therapists, gym trainers. The whole get lifted mentality is what I learned in sobriety. That really does nothing to do with drugs or alcohol, that it's, you know, getting lifted spiritually, mentally, physically. So we don't have to take anything. So we talk about, you know, what works, what tools they use, what lessons, 12 steps, therapists. and just try to, you know, raise some awareness to mental health. And potentially a new studio, too.

Yes, we were talking. So I'm excited about that. I've been trying to do it out in my house, and it just is not up to deep. Definitely. Well, I always try to help out where I can because I knew there was not the help for me when I got started. So it's good to know someone, especially locally.

Like, Danbury is such a, and Danver, this area is, like when you, it doesn't have the same, like, mainstream stuff, like a podcast studio, say that, like a New York City or any of these big cities would have. Yeah, no, it's cool. It's just fun of it. I was watching yours. And then someone's like, he's local.

And I was like, what? I googled your story. And I was like, damn, like 10 minutes away from him. Yeah, that's awesome. Well, I appreciate you reaching out and for you coming to be on the show today. What was childhood like growing up? What kind of kid were you like in your family? So that's why I think my story hits a lot of people.

I was the opposite of where my story ended up and where I'm working to be back today. I was in church every Sunday. CCD, my parents prayed with us. I had my brother and my two parents who were supportive. We had what we needed for the most part. Like middle class. Maybe when I was younger, lower middle class. But I was just that ADD little like crackhead kid like crazy energy. Always positive. Just wanted to become a Yankee and help my family. Baseball was my thing. Had a lot of promise in it and a lot of people I played around either ended up in that profession or in the MOV. But yeah. I went to do some trauma when I was 13. I watched my best friends, one of my good friends. Dad had a massive heart attack in front of me and passed away during paintball game. And that trauma was kind of what set me into anger and then set me into addiction. So I went from like, you know, up until 13, just like everyone's favorite kid.

And I saw that happen, didn't know how to cope with it. Probably had some PTSD. But from there, like never prayed again, never believed in God. lost on my faith and anger came soon after. I went probably probably my whole high school year without a door in my room because if someone told me something I didn't want to hear, I put my head through it

or my hand through it. So my dad was finally like, you're just a maniac. We're going to not give you anything that you could break, basically. And then I was introduced to, like, alcohol and drugs. And that's where things kind of took off pretty fast. What do you think it was about that death that kind of triggered you within? Honestly, reflecting on it, it's the biggest thing is probably losing my faith, you know,

and kind of having a resentment towards life and God just being like, you know, all I want to do is play baseball, make a lot of money, help my parents, help people. And, you know, I felt almost like life wronged me. I felt for my friend. I felt for his dad, his mom. And it kind of made me lose faith in just the good of life. You know, I was always waiting for like the next wrong thing to happen around the corner. Interesting. So that happens. What's the first drugs you start trying and using and that and that was in high school?

Yes. So that that happened right before my freshman year. And then the anger went on for like two years. So my sophomore year. Junior year, the first time I did anything, I drank alcohol, smoked weed. That went terribly. You know, all my friends were just having fun. And you could tell probably looking back on it. You know, I was just looking to escape. Every party, I started to fight. I was sleeping with someone's girlfriend. You know, I was crying. I made someone else cry.

It was just always too much. You know, I could never get enough. And then in the senior year, I actually got into selling oxycontin before I ever did it. Because I hurt my leg, realized I wasn't going to play sports anymore. I was failing off teams. So I was like, I need to get the money another way. And I got introduced to, you know, getting oxycontin at a really low price. something at a higher price, something I'm not proud of.

And one day someone was like, you got to do a line. And I did that a line and took me 11 years to get off of. Yeah, and that just scaled up from there. Do you think losing the sports was a big trigger for you too? Yeah, definitely. All my friends, you know, since the second grade, close-knit, we're all in the same teams, sleepovers all the time, in the gym together. And I lost that bond.

Half of the terror I was causing every time we partied, they pulled away. And then as we got older, I wasn't on the sports teams with them. So it was like we kind of grew apart. And then once I started, you know, selling and using, they definitely pulled apart because they weren't that type of kids. And you had told me that you moved out of Danbury to a different town to Brookfield. Yes. Was that hard on you to go into a different school district, kind of like those prime teenage years?

Yeah, I think it's funny you asked. I just was thinking about that. I didn't realize how much that probably affected me. You know, I came in there. No older brother. My brother always had me, you know, and I was like the popular type. So we had like older guys looking out from. But, you know, I think I felt alone and felt like I had to make a name for myself.

So whether it was in sports or in a fight and, you know, selling drugs, whatever, I had to be like, John Madonka, like, hear me roar, you know, because I felt just like, you know, I didn't know anyone. I was out of place. A lot of peer pressure. Yeah. So do you end up going off to college after high school or do you stay local? What do you do? So I get out of college. I kind of give up on talking to sports teams for scholarships and stuff.

I don't even think I played my full senior year. Of high school or college? High school. High school. So I go to Westcon, I went from one class. I sat down and the teacher told me, you know, you can't come in here late, blah, blah, blah, so dealing at me and I was just like such a madman. I was like, if I pay to be here, I'm paying you.

Don't tell me when I could show up. So I spent 10 minutes in college at Westcon, that was it. What were you going to school for? Did you have anything in mind? Just business. I was lost. I had no idea. I was delivering pizzas or any of a pizza restaurant. I really didn't know what to do. Like, baseball was my only thing from the day I was born until I graduated. How are your parents reacting to this? I'm sure they've seen, like, a change of behavior during this time.

Definitely. It was ugly in my household due to me. My parents didn't know, you know, parents don't know how to handle it. That's another reason I wrote the book. It's been cool to hear, like, a lot of parents reach out and just say how much it's guided them. I'm showing them, like, how much control they don't have because my parents tried everything. And I was just, there was no pinning me down. You know, I was a madman on the run. So you drop out of college after one class, pretty much. What do you get into? And what's your life kind of look like?

You're 18, I'm assuming 18, 19 years old. Yeah, that's when things kind of escalated. I remember one time driving down the street and I just left college and I got a call to, you know, pick up some drugs and, you know, kind of get more into the drug dealing world. and do some drugs. And I wasn't fully addicted opiates at the time. And I remember almost like the fork of the road moment. You know, what I do now is going to determine the rest of my life for a while.

And it was kind of subconscious. Before I knew it, I said, yeah, I'll meet you now. And that's when I got physically addicted opiates. I got into, you know, hanging out with the wrong crowd, you know, selling drugs, using drugs, selling them to support my habit, kind of trafficking, some from, you know, Queens and the Bronx to Connecticut to be sold for more and it's crazy when you look back

because just a year, year and a half before that, my only thing was play baseball be the next Derek Jeter or Yankee, work hard and do the right thing. And just within a year and a half, that change was monumental. How accessible we're purchasing the drugs? How does someone from Brookfield, which is like this small town in Connecticut,

get connections to even purchase drugs of this caliber? Yeah, I think that's where the epidemic opia epidemic really happened anywhere. We can get them from parents. I remember my first drug deal went wrong. I kind of pride of myself that I never got arrested for 10 years, like for the first seven or eight years of selling

drugs. So I'm not proud of now, but in the time it was different. But I should have known because my first drug deal, I was trying to get some money up to get into it. I was 18, you know. I was delivering pizzas and some older kids in town that already were into like, had some connections in the city and stuff like that. We're like, see if your parents have it in the cabinet.

So I opened it and when I look in there, my dad had like these percassettes from a tooth or elbow surgery or something. And it was like, don't take. Makes you puke. My mom wrote on there. And I said, oh, I got these perks. And they're like, yeah, we'll give you like 500 for the bottle. So I was like, wow, this is easier than I thought. Like I'm not making that a week working like 30 hours.

So I'll make the sale. Sure enough, man. The next morning the cops are at the front door holding the bottle in their hand. Like, why was this in the mobile parking lot? in the middle of town. In Brookfield? Yeah. Four corners.

Wow. So I guess the kid just took it and threw it. I took the bills like I should have done and sold it in a plastic bag. And, you know, our parents had looked at me and I was like, I don't know what you're talking about. But very accessible. Just through connections. Parents had them. And then you worked the latter, sadly.

You know, once you meet one dealer, you get his plug and his plug. And, you know, before you know what, I mean, I even told people at high school. even when I was 18 before I got out of high school when I got introduced to it I probably had 20 numbers I could call any of them at any time you know and then from there it went to heroin and other stuff like that

and you know Brookfield is a very small town I'm surprised you didn't get caught kind of like right away yeah I don't know how many drug busts Brookfield Connecticut has when you look at the like the statistics of it yeah I mean they uh I was just thinking about that the other day

I was thinking back and I was like you know it's kind of crazy to go seven years never get caught and to think about I don't even know if it was rap music or just you learn from others like where me and my friends learned this um me and my best friend who now passed away from overdose kind of had like a little thing together and sold together and uh by time we graduated we had three trap phones you know we would use different cars we knew where to meet we knew you know the whole skill of it um it's kind of crazy because at the time i was just kind of a teen you know and we knew like you don't want to meet in empty parking lots you want more

camouflage and more busyness so people don't really see what you're doing. So, yeah, it's, I don't even know where that comes from, but you learn quick. And you were still living at your parents during all of this? Yeah, it was. And that was the only way you were supporting yourself just through the drug sales? Actually, even my parents' friends always say, I'm a weird addict. I always had a job. Okay, that's a start.

Yeah, my dad instilled, you know, hard work. And I think it was also, that was also camouflage. If I had a job, it didn't look like I was just some drug addict drug dealer. You know, it's like, no, I have a job at work. I mean, I worked at restaurants. At one point, an addiction. I ran a call center of like 1,200 people as a senior manager. And I was like smoking crack doing heroin in the parking lot before.

So I was good at kind of like the double life thing, you know, to hide the addiction and things I was doing. When was the first time you actually got busted for something or arrested for anything? So I've been arrested like seven times. But the first time was when I was 17. the first couple arrests had nothing to do with what I was doing. The first one was with my parents, that anger. I was just fighting with my dad. They couldn't get me to calm down.

My dad just couldn't calm down either, trying to slow me down. And, you know, I was breaking stuff and causing a scene to my mom called the cops, thinking they would just like dissolve it. And they were like, no, no, he's got to come with us. So I got arrested for, like, you know, disturbing the peace, things like that. And then how does, what are the other arrests like from there? Because that only just escalates, right? Yeah.

So then two years later, I got arrested. Something really dumb. A girl that was in the drug game was taking money out of her mom's card. You know, knew I was dealing. It called me just to give a ride. And I brought her into mobile. She took out money later. Her mom was like, where's all like $5,000?

You said you were getting like cigarettes every time. And she lied about it being her. So her mom called the cops. I had no idea what she was doing. I just gave her ride. And then they did video surveillance and saw me with her in a gas station taking out money like she was by just standing there So they interrogated me. I told them there's a lot of the things you guys don't get me for and this isn't that I had nothing to do with this. I get rid of rides. I got arrested for that those got dropped

After a couple court dates and the mom said like it was her fault not mine Yeah, then I got arrested at blue and Danbury Ah good old blue yeah good old really drunken fight fueled by drugs and that was assault and I chased some kid up into the condos behind it and decided to throw a chair through one of the, like someone's living room door, glass door, and chase him in there.

So that was pretty a serious bunch of charges. Where do you think that the anger came from? I think just frustration with life. But what specifically do you think you were frustrated about? Probably just where I was. You know, 18 years of life, I literally could envision, like being on Yankee Stadium field.

I practice harder than anyone. It came easily. You know, I was never like this, like, all-star big home run hitter, but, like, it just, you know, I just had it in my mind and, like, the sports sense came with easily. And then, you know, I think to just think within a couple of years, like I said, to be like, this is where my life is at now. How did I get here? How do I get out?

And the stigma of addiction, you know? People thought I was just doing all that for fun. I was really just lost, you know, looking for help, looking for a way to be successful, to find myself, deal with the inner turmoil. Do you think that if you had something other than baseball to kind of channel yourself into or something even after baseball, it would have took in a different turn? Definitely, yeah. Like for now, I mean, that's the whole good lifting mentality.

We can get into that later, but of fitness, a meditation, prayer, all these things to help me cope, help me be, you know, spiritually at ease every day. But no one's really teaching that at that age. Like high school is not teaching that college. colleges and teaching that they're not really, because everyone's kind of like in their own world. The world's moving and they don't really take the time to see that one person that might be struggling in a classroom or your peers or anything like that. Yeah.

And that's a good way to Gateway and what I'm doing now. I'm trying to deal with schools. It's been really hard to get into them. Brookfield High School was all about it. And then they told me they couldn't fit it in. And now parents are telling me that they said it was too controversial. That's a whole other topic. But yeah, because instead I realized I was always just in trouble.

you know, oh, we'll suspend you. We'll do that. Like, well, that's not helping me cope or see what the problem is. So I'm trying to also have like some business things building now of, I'm holding a Zoom meeting April 2nd. We can buy a spot and parents can come on with their kids and hear my story. And I can talk about the tools and things that I use today and talk about. Because honestly, that should be just next to math.

I think that should be there. If you look at my brother, like, you know, they teach you for 17 years, 8 hours a day, math, history, English, but they don't teach you how not to want to take your own life, how to deal with loss and trauma, PTSD, depression. So, yeah, that's a whole other topic that I spend a lot of my time trying to devote to. What do you think was rock bottom for you out of your whole situation? I always say there's two rock bottoms. There's like the material kind.

So after that last arrest, I didn't get arrested for a while after that fight. And that was kind of, like I said, my excuse for everything. Like I do all this, but I don't get in trouble, so I know what I'm doing. So I know when I was cocky. And I went on to do that for years later. And then, you know, God works in weird ways. It bit me in the butt. I got arrested like four times and he, and then two years.

Once was twice in a week. A DUI parked in front of my parents' house. I went through the entire police station. Drugs packed in my boxers. A week later, I got arrested for possession in Brewster, New York, driving with drugs, no registration, no license. I thought it was a good idea to like, so I had a lot of cocaine on me and the cops pulled me over and I knew I was already in trouble in some other states.

So I poured out all the coke on the floor and obviously they came up and like, dude, it's not snowing. It's a been over the summer, two o'clock in the morning. What is this? So I got in trouble for open container, a lot of charges. And then I blew off court and for my DUI in Connecticut and that and Bruce. to New York, so I had more in simple states. And exactly a year later, and this is how things work out weird in life, I get arrested in

the same exact spot, on the same spot of the road. Like, literally just replay a year later, but now with warrants for last year. And more drugs on me, open container, no license. I think there was weapons at that time. And it all just started crumbling, you know. So that's like the material side, and then there's an inside. You know, my brother really wanted nothing to do with me. He was cool enough to, like, say what's up.

But we didn't spend time in years. That was really quality time. You know, he was just afraid of when I was going to die. My parents basically just said, hey, what's up when I walked by? Like, you know, I'm living a lot, and I lied about it my entire life. So it was just the feeling of loneliness, depression, being, you know, your friends, you're 27, 28, your friends are getting married, having kids. You're running from the cops.

Your friends are dying. You know, you have holes in your shoes while you're serving. You can't rub it out a couple dollars together because the addiction takes over everything else you were doing and Just kind of gave up so I got arrested that last time That's when I was like I wanted to help. I wasn't afraid to just come out and say it So it forced me to there was an incident at the jail With my money and stuff like that to bail myself out so I was forced to call my parents and they got me into a rehab And yeah, that's when things started to turn around

Um When the times you got to be able to arrested that was by Brookfield police? Only once, the DUI. And then the other one was by Brewster, the state troopers. Yeah, well, actually, the first three. So the one when I was real young, the one with a girl with the credit card, was Brookfield. The DUI was Brookfield, and then the two other were Brewster in New York.

And you didn't end up serving any type of jail time for any of this. No, so that was the kind of come-to-jesus moment for me, the rock bottom. So I had court, and so you could see that I feel kind of untouchable. like what crimes to get caught with like how to have certain stuff hit in like I knew what would give me time what wouldn't um and we had ways to have other people do something so like you know if they did get caught it wasn't me getting caught um and I thought it was just a joke I went to court one day rooster after that last time before I went to rehab and I walked in there I was you know high on heroin I was like I got this this one of they're going to give me a ticket and I remember I got up in front

the judge and he just snapped on me he was like dude you're facing like minimum four years Like, do you think this is a joke? I'm, like, nodding off, like, smirking. And that was a wake-up call because I think, you know, I almost shit my pants. I was like, hey, I'm four years of minimum. Like, I thought I got away with everything else. So, yeah, they made a deal with me to, obviously, I had to pay a lot of fines. I had to go away to detox for seven days, 30-day rehab.

So they looked at that as, like, doing a month or something. And he said, when I get out, I'll reevaluate and see where you're at. And if you're not sober and you're back in a different life, we'll just put you away for some good time and if not we'll give you another chance he's like I'll take a chance on you because I was honest for the first time so when he snapped on me my answer was sir I was like I don't think this is funny I was like I think my life is hell I was like I just spoken from the whole courtroom poured out almost cried I was like I'm addicted to heroin and opiates I was like I've been doing this for 10 years I can't find my way out and I was like if you put me in jail I really

don't care I was like I'm just dying in jailer my next two options unless I found a way out and he took a chance on me so I didn't take that for granted and you got sober in that rehab For the most part I got sober there When I went there I never did opiates again I stayed sober for seven months relapsed

An alcohol and cocaine Moved to Yonkers And did that for a year And then I came back And got back into the 12 steps And I've been sober since March 3rd 2019 You know a lot of people that come on the show

A reoccurring thing is that They did go to rehab once But they It never works the first time for them Why do you think that is Knowing everything you know now and dealing with people in the space? Just on education and the unwillingness and open-mindedness.

So when you go in, it's just a lot. You're like, okay, how am I doing this? How is this going to help me? How? What are we doing here? And you don't really know how to apply yourself. You know, it's like if I give you a math problem, you know how to do it because we learn that.

So it's like additions to drug, whatever. And it's going to end up with the answer. When you go in there, just they're throwing all the stuff at you have therapist. You have go to AA or NA do the steps. Like, what are the steps? Like, obviously you're reluctant a lot of it. It sounds crazy. So, you know, your only answer in spiritual release is to go back and get hot.

So by the time you get out, life hits you again. And it's like you don't have that get lifted formula, you know, or the 12 steps or faith to help you. So once stress starts building up, like, I got to quiet the noise again and people relapse. Because when you get out, almost everyone has, I'm not special. Almost everyone has court dates, warrants, credit card bills. that's drug dealers looking for them. You know what I mean? So it's a lot of stress to just walk back

and be like, I'm going to stay Zen now. Did you stop selling at that point when you finished the rehab? Yeah, before I went in, I stopped. I stopped about a year or two before I got sober just because that was when fentanyl started hit and, you know, everyone started dropping. And, you know, people didn't talk about it like it's cool, but when you're in it, it's not a cool life.

And it takes a serious toll on you. So, you know, I was stuck in it, but I never wanted to really be there. And I thought I did when I was younger. When people started to die, I don't want bodies on my head, you know, and I don't want to be in this life. I would rather help people, you know. So I started to get out once fed and all came.

I slowly made my way out and never did it again. What the judge say to you when you went back to the court after the rehab? It was really cool. He, you know, he praised me. And I thanked him for his opportunity. And he just said, I hope to never see you again. Because if I do, we won't even have a conversation. You're going to do some time.

but he was like just go out help others and keep doing what you're doing I had to have people from like my 12 step meetings come and prove that I've been going to meetings I had to have a therapist that they were talking to I had to prove basically I was doing the right thing and take drug tests go to classes after that they made sure I was doing what they said but it was cool it was a cool moment and actually I'm scheduled next week to go drop him off on my books to thank him so no that's incredible is that the Danbury Courthouse? That was a Brewster. Brewster.

Yeah. That could have turned out very differently. Definitely. Because a lot of people, you hear a lot of people in your scenario, they don't, you know, it's usually jail time right away, especially with the charges you got. Definitely. And I don't know if it's God being lucky, but I know a lot of it boils down to honesty. I mean, I have a picture on my social media of my, one of my mugshots, and you could

just see the, like, the evil, the depression in my eyes. And I think him just looking at me and me being like, I'm looking at me being honest and like I'm not choosing this man I'm stuck like physically on an airwind for last 10 years I can't get off you know hit his heart somewhere and you must have been like it sounds like he wants to help let me take a shot on them where is it was there a lot of press covered on like your multiple arrests and whatnot not really um they always did the stupid ones like the credit card one was on the front page of the news times with you in it too yeah and I thought I was working at union savings bank and that day they called me and said come to corporate tomorrow and they fired me union savings bank fired

you for that arrest. I was like 17 or 19 or 18. I was young. And I tried telling him I have nothing to do with this. I bet you a million dollars I get to drop the first court date. You deal with people's banks. This is a credit card fraud on the front page. So I lost my job for that.

But no, the other ones, even my brother got arrested for something so stupid, like a campfire. When he was like 17 drinking in the woods, that was in the paper. None of these other ones were to DUI, nothing. Once you started getting sober, did you start to mend your relationship with your brother. Yeah, so the one thing that sobriety's given me is the ability to make amends. So he was alive for two years of my sobriety. And it was cool. I took him to Yankee games. He got on my softball team in Brookfield. You know, those are special nights. Took us back to baseball in our childhood. Just hanging out, watching range of games at the house.

I made an actual sentence to him. I took him on a hike on top of the mountain, just, you know, took responsibility for everything I did and told him I wouldn't put him to that again. I'd work on myself for the rest of my life and help people. So, you know, he definitely went through some trauma through my nights in life. But he definitely was turning around and he trusted me. And he'd always tell me he's proud of me. And he'd go to bars and stuff in town. And people would tell him, man, your brother's killing it.

He's helping a lot of people. So that was my way to make amends to him. What was his name? Tyler. Tyler? Yeah. And he was older than you? No, he was three years younger.

And it was just you and Tyler? Yep. So how does that go start to spiral? downhill for him. Were you a part of, like, in his life closely? Um, like, At Hyundai of Glendale, Lisa New, 2026 Hyundai Tucson S.C.

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conditions apply the down spiral yeah um you know it's just different he never was a drug addict um you know he partied he'd mess around sometimes definitely like to drink a lot um and i think a lot of the child my anger and stuff you know he just have to like hide in his room i mean my dad fought so i think a lot of that took a toll on him and he again didn't know how to cope um you know and you you get bullied in high school, things start to just affect you, affect you. And he always was a big drinker. And we still don't, you know, a suicide, you never get an answer. So he told me that, you know, one night they were partying.

He did like a little MDMA in that his brain was never the sense since. He had a lot of anxiety, he said, and stuff like that. But he also got in two-car accidents of people hitting him years before he died. And, you know, my parents think he might have had, like, concussions from that. So you never really have a real answer, but I just started to see it two years before he just stopped all of his hobbies. He was like a genius when I came to hobbies. You know, kind of like you, you took this on, and now I was a sudden you have the big production within a year. He would learn photography, and in a couple months, he was a perfectionist.

He would learn fishing, hunting. He'd have the nicest gear, and he was perfectionist. And then one day, it was work and drink with his buddies. And, you know, that was alarming. For me being addict, I could see how that's a dark hole and something's going on there. and yeah when he got in a fight with his girlfriend he was actually saying he thought about getting help for drinking

because he was still very successful and he wasn't like a drinker all day that type of alcoholic but he knew like drinking was affecting his life and he said I'll have you help with me because I hope to stop and a couple nights later he was fighting his girlfriend at 5am drunk and took his own life so yeah

when you think about it now do you wish that you had tried to step in when you noticed those warning signs early on? Yeah, I did. We had some conversations. We tried to help someone that doesn't always go well. So he was very back and forth. Sometimes he wanted help and sometimes it was like, I'm good.

We had an argument one time. He was like, I'm a grown man, I'm a dude I want. And he even said how like men's health and the stigma on it. He's like, I'm not supposed to need help like this. I'm a grown man. He was a big dude tattered up. I said successful. HVAC career.

So he just, I think, you know, might have been a mix of wanting to ask for help and being ready for it. But he did reach out to therapists, but due to COVID, they were like, yeah, we could see you in three months. That's what they said? And like a couple weeks later, he took his own life. There was nothing available on Zoom or better help or anything like that? Not with them, but we also just started looking because he just asked. So, you know, maybe more search would have helped. But the first or second people that we reached out to that lined up with his pretty good health care, that's what they told him. Yeah. So was, once you found out, was there triggers in your mind to start using again

to go down back into kind of like your dark place? That's a very traumatic thing to deal with internally. Yeah, I mean, that was definitely the hardest thing I've been through in my life. And I used to actually tell him, because he was like, he'd drive fast, he had a sick challenger. You know, I didn't know he partied for fun. So I was like, bro, if something ever happens to you, that might be the one thing that makes me relapse.

And I don't know, maybe I had a few thoughts of drinking. Just because the pain was so bad emotionally. and the mental pain and confusion of what was going on. But, you know, prayer got me through it. Right away, I reached out to my sober network. And I don't really deal with that. I think that's a stigma that people do. Some people do struggle every day,

but the program I've been taught going through 12 steps, praying daily, finding some type of faith or higher power, not exactly in a religion. But in using my get lifted plan, you know, I don't have that obsession. I don't think about drinking ever or using. I mean, maybe once a month for two seconds. If you got out one day a drink on a beach, it would be fun, and then that just floats away.

But no, probably just once or twice, but right away, that's what 12 steps taught me, my menser. I wouldn't do that to him, and now it was time for John to be there for his parents. So right away, that thought went away. I said, no, it's time to buckle in. You know, I'd say his eulogy, drive my parents to the services, move with my parents to South Carolina after, you know, and trying to finally step up for my family. Oh, your parents moved away out of the state. Yeah, they sold their childhood home because they always wanted to, but he would never move down there.

So that was their thing to finally go and enjoy their life. And they sold my child's home in Brookfield, and they moved to where my grandparents live in Murals in South Carolina. How did that affect your guy's relationship? Because I feel like you've probably spent a lot of time rebuilding it with them. And then your brother's passing, that could have caused some more tension between an already fragile relationship. With my parents? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

you know and it's tough because you got to realize that they're going through something possibly even more a little traumatic their son so you definitely you know all i tried to do would be there for them i think at times they saw it and it kind of made more amends with them um they're incredibly proud of me for saying sober through it they're incredibly proud of me for the book all my speaking engagements my business i started um but it definitely makes it weird your whole dynamic changes and there's times where i've been tough on them and then i've told you myself, I have to have people, you know, a little patience for them because they're, they're struggling. And we're all grieving. And they're strong. I mean, they went through everything with me for 12 years,

and then their other son takes their life. So it's kind of like, my mom said a lot of time, she's like, I had your funeral planned and we even would put money aside for it. Because that day was coming. They weren't ready for this. But I'm proud of them. And they're both well. And, you know, we're all grieving. But they, uh, it was good to go spend time with them. It's obviously the day on makes different now with them being far away. Do they check in often with you after that to make sure you were okay that you weren't thinking about relapsing or to making sure that their other son was on the straight and arrow still?

Yeah, they're amazing about that. Sure, there's times where it's like really there and then we all get in our own world, but they're really cool in a way it brings you closer. You know, I think they saw the vulnerability there and things I was going through and they were worried about it. So, you know, they made sure that I had what I needed. But it was hard because, you know, your parents have each other. I was single at the time.

My only brother's gone. So I was kind of alone in it. It was a weird thing where, like, I had them there. But other than my good friend that was, and a few friends were around me all the time after that. And my sober network, you know, at night and stuff like that. It was kind of just me there watching Yankee and thinking about my brother. I kind of was like, you know, figuring out on my own. Do you think you'll ever have a drink again?

No, I don't know, though. I'll never say no. I used to pressure me a lot in the beginning to be like, I'll never drink again. So now I tell people I might drink tomorrow. I just know today I won't and tomorrow I do the same thing. It's really one day at a time. But I have no desire to. I tell people if I have the desire and I feel like it's the right thing, I'll pick up a drink.

I just this means way more to me giving back the amends me to my family and I don't trust how I would drink safely as an addict. Yeah, do you think that if you do have that one drink that could just unleash something that was that you've closed? inside of you. Yeah, I do. We'll see, because I've definitely grown a lot. Some people are like, whoa, you've grown a lot mentally, spiritually, physically. You know, you look at life different, your perspectives, different now.

But I remember one conversation with me and my brother, have my dad. And my dad was like, we were both hung over. And he's like, I don't know why you guys got to drink like that, like just have two beers. And we both looked at them. It's kind of scary. And this is where mental health, like addiction really is a disease around you. We both looked at him and said, if you had two beers in a fridge, I'm not even drinking him at no point. you know and that was eye opening to him because he was like I just don't get that because my parents aren't addicts

and uh you know that's that's a different mindset of an addict it's like there's no point for me if this would one beer you told me to have it's like that's that doesn't do it yeah it's like I mean 30 at least and you know there is that whole debate like I've seen in the recovery space that if you were addicted to drugs and you know if you're in recovery you can have alcohol and if you're addicted to alcohol and you're in recovery, then you can have like marijuana or if you're addicted to cocaine and you're in recovery, then you can have marijuana. There's like a whole debate around that to kind of, in like the sober community of what's acceptable, what's kind of frowned upon. And for you, you were, you had struggles with addiction with all of the components pretty much.

Yeah. I think I approved it for everyone. And what you do, if you're a real addict, it's not going to go well. A drug's a drug. You know what I mean? Sex, gambling, anything could be. So I always have to be in check of where I'm at spiritually. But that's how I got into cocaine and alcohol. I never really drink because I mean you do opiates every day. You could die if you drink too much. And that's your main thing. So when I got sober, I was like, you know what? I got jacked. I got tan. I felt good. You know, I got a job. I was like, I could drink. Look at my friends. I'm normal again. And I tried to drink right for a year straight in Yonkers. And every night. while trying to stop because it wouldn't go well.

So next day, I'd be like, I'm not going to drink today. And it'd be the same thing and cocaine. And it's all the same stuff. It's a, you're chasing a high. You know what I mean? So whatever the high is and that dopamine hit, that can be anything. How do you feel about marijuana? Do you use it all?

No. So I've never had any mind-altering substances since March 3rd of 2019. It's all the same to me. I don't judge people. You know, it's hard because my TikTok is big on recovery. And we have different people. the podcast and people do have different stories and if that works for them that's great my recovery is not their recovery um but i have a lot of experience of my own and about working with thousands of others

and uh 98% of time it turns out the same and even if not um someone once told me how free do you want to be so you know i got friends of smoke and they're not where i'm at they don't have a book they don't have a business they're not out there helping people you know and thriving and sober you know it kind of dumbs them down to be or i smoke but i don't even have a job or i smoke and You know, I just work a little and do this or that, you know. And that's fine, too. I don't judge them. But when I got sober, I said I'm going to put the same energy into my sobriety as I did my addiction.

So, you know, it gives me a passion and a drive that most people can't compete with. Now, you've used the term sober community a few times. What does that mean? What does that mean to you? And what exactly is that? So because of the traditions and it being anonymous, I can't state what 12-step program I go to, but there's NA, AA, there's millions of them. or hundreds.

But through going to 12-step meetings, you know, I've built a sober, you meet sober network. Other sober guys, a sponsor, friends, and, you know, they just become friends, but they're all sober. So, like, I could hit up some of my friends and say, let's go to the gym,

let's go to casino, let's go watch an Inky game. But, like, those are the friends, I could do the same with, but, you know, say I'm having relationship problems or struggling with my brother's death or something.

Thinking about drinking, that's who I reach out to. How accessible are these programs for the average person. Way more than people think. They're everywhere. Yeah, so what do you think is like the biggest misconception versus what the reality is about these programs?

Number one, a religion. Everyone, I mean, I had one viral video and everyone was like, A, A's a religion, it's a cult, and A's the same thing, and they don't talk about a religion. So religion would be Muslim, Catholic, Judaism. It's formulated on a higher power in faith. So your higher power could be, you know,

Mine could be my brother, you know, someone that's passed away. It could be Jesus. It could be a religion if you choose it. It could be energy and astrology. So a lot of people think it's like, oh, I don't like religion, so I'm not going there. There's nothing to do with religion. You know, it's just finding some kind of higher power you look up to, whether it's the moon. You know what I mean?

No one cares. They never talk about a religion. And I think the other thing is that people just sit around and tell drunk stories. Maybe they do at some meetings. But if you find the right ones, it's just personal development. I remember my parents, my brother came to my meeting when I celebrated two years sober. And they looked at the 12 steps and the way people share it. And the world should have AA and NAA and 12 steps in their life just because it's a design for living is what it's called.

And I just teach you how to clear resentments, make amends, deal with trauma, things of that grief, anything. It's literally a way to live your best life. Will you go into bars at all now? Like say your friends want to go into a bar. Are you okay in that kind of environment? Yeah, so those are things get pretty funny for people. I wrote this whole book while bartending in Yonkers. Oh, you're a bartender?

Yeah. Really? Yeah. That's an interesting perspective. Yeah, it always warps people's mind. The sober bartender. Yeah, so that's what I mean I don't have an obsession. So I'll go anywhere.

I even know my parents are coming up in a couple weeks. That's what you should have titled the book, The Sober Bartender. Maybe that'll be the next book. Yeah, so your parents, what were you saying about them? Oh, they're coming up and we're going to, like, this big bar, and then we're going to a casino for the weekend. and then I can go anywhere. You know, clubs.

I'm not big on it, like, because you do change the situations you like to be in. But if there's a reason for me to be there, I could be there and I have no obsession to drink. So I've actually bartended most of my sobriety because it gives me the freedom to, like, chase my dreams on the side. So you don't have, like, that urge at all, like you're sitting at the bar, your friends are having a drink, or maybe if you're, like, you're dating and there's a girl and she's like, oh, let's have some fun. Like, you don't have that urge at all? No, not at all. It's just, it's so simple like that.

Because for others, it's a lot harder. It is. And you know, I don't think to judge people. It's maybe I'm lucky or whatever you want to call it. But it's, for me, it's, I took all the suggestions. So once I started praying, I don't even know what, I had no faith in God or anything. Someone just told me to pray and go to meetings. Once I did that, I did the steps that it flushed away.

It wasn't anything I did. People always like, even the bartend, I think, like, you're amazing. Oh, my God, you don't bartend. You bartend, you don't want a drink. I'm like, I don't do anything. I just don't want to drink. But like I said, I can relate with addicts that I'm still an addict.

So once in a blue moon, you know, my friends are doing a bunch of blowing drinking. It's like, I could let loose tonight. But really quickly, I'm honest with myself. How many discounts does USAA auto insurance offer? Too many to say here. Multi-vehicle discount. Safe driver discount. New vehicle discount.

Storage discount. How many discounts will you stack up? Tap the banner or visit usa.a.com slash auto discounts. Restrictions apply. That's not what we're trying to do. And it's not going to lead down a good path. No, you were saying that you're on soul. social media talking about your story and there's a lot of, there's like a recovery side to social

media. What's that? Like, what are the videos that you talk about and make and what have been like the most popular? I know you mentioned one about the religion aspect of it. Yeah. So my TikTok is recovery John or at Get Lifted with 3Ds. And that's another part of that sober community. It's been so cool.

My podcast has been four people so far that never met in person. I just met on there. It's been a whole new A new side to my sobriety You know because instead of just people around me There's people from South Africa, Canada That are messaging me that my videos help them A lot of the videos

I started with sober comedy So it'd kind of be like dark humor of like You know embarrassing things I did Or whatnot And it helps people because they could relate They didn't feel alone in their You know stupid decisions or embarrassing moments And then I started to get to the educational side

So I try to mix it up. And I'll talk about things like that. Like one of my videos I just did was about being nervous to go to your first meeting and what you could expect. And right away, there's hundreds of comments of either people saying, like, oh, I needed to know that. Now I'm going to go to one today. Or people like, I felt the same way. Now I'm 10 years sober. But it's been really cool to just share experience, strength, and hope, you know, on a platform to help other people just like you do with yours.

You know, people could relate to being in trouble. and crazy stories and, you know, it makes people feel not alone. Now that slogan that you coined, that's like the name of your brand, I guess you would call it. How did that come about? So that was after my three friends passed away in that week in COVID. And I was just riddled with grief. I felt that at that time I felt the relapse coming. I was only a year in.

And, you know, I thought about what I do to not relapse. Because obviously I was like, what worked before they all died in this grief, how am I going to? do it even more. And I started posting. And then one night, you know, talking to my parents, I'd been posting for a couple months. And I would do like motivation Mondays. I'd give people insights into the tools and lessons I learned to make me feel better and try to say like, just kind of an addict doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

Like just as a person that's helped me so much that I don't have to be an addict anymore that uses. And my parents came up. So right away, I tried to make it kind of like a spin on words. So they get lifted, like get high. But also get lifted spiritually. mentally, physically. And yeah, so I used that and just teaching people daily how to take care of yourself spiritually, mentally, physically, to feel whole because I got sober and all the sober people

around me, like are just normal humans, started to hear what I was saying, like, that's amazing, you know, I've been depressed forever or my divorce is really hurting me or my dad's an addict and I'm just depressed over it. And then I would be like, try this, this and this and then come back and be like, oh, I'm thriving in life, or even my friends that weren't addicts, you know, they'd be like, I just don't feel like whole or whatnot. And I'd give them just the tools I picked up from other people and 12 steps and stuff. And they'd get lifted. So it became kind of like the brand name.

And I just started get lifted John LLC for speaking engagements and stuff like that. That's awesome. What did you end up getting into for work after? I know you said you were bartending, but is that the only thing you do? Or did you have other components? I mean, through my addiction, I've done everything. I have my electrical certificate. it. I've been, I've done tile floors. I was an oil rig engineer in West Virginia for my uncle for a

year. I've done everything. But yeah, no, I literally just two weeks ago stopped working in the bar to try to fully take on the book. I have a lot of book signing, speak engagements, the podcast, and coming up with virtual events to speak to parents and students and anyone struggling that needs to hear a way out. This is like what you're passionate about the most right now and you feel like your purpose has taken you down this path? Absolutely, yeah. I mean, it's in my heart, and it's why I prayed for it.

It's all coming together. So it's been a leap of faith, because, as you know, I just published this. So, like, financially, it's all coming together slowly. It takes time. It does, yeah, so it's having that patience. But God, in a weird way, just keeps pushing me out of every bar I go into. I got fired once for, like, the dumbest thing. Another one, like, the energy was just so off fast, and it's, like,

I just keep getting pushed in to do this, and it's what I want to do. So I finally dove fully into it. What's some advice you would give to someone that's had kind of a, you know, rugged path and hasn't really found themselves yet, and it's kind of looking to figure out what their passions are or what their purposes or what they should do next. What would you tell them? Ask for help, be open-minded, and take suggestions because it's out there.

A lot of people ask me for help, but they don't. Then you tell them what to do or, like, what work for me? And they're like, no, no, I don't pray. I don't need a meeting. I don't need to work out. So it's really that how free do you want to be? You know, I could choose today to just hang out and play video games. By the end of the day, I'm not going to feel too good.

So it's that get lifted mentality of, or self-development, whatever you want to call it, of I got to take care of myself. You know, and it will be okay. I mean, look at me. Ten years of addiction didn't think I'd get out of it. You know, even my friends passed away, didn't know how to deal with that. My brother passed away. It felt like it was all over. And every time, you know, just holding on tight.

and doing the work, it doesn't just come, you know. Faith without works is dead. So if I do the work, I'll have the faith and feel good. If I'm just going to hang out, I'm going to sit in that pain and it's not going to go anywhere. The friends have passed due to addiction, do you ever think to yourself why it wasn't you? Yeah, that's something I've spoke about a lot. It's kind of like I went to war and came back, but I didn't, you know. I think Brookfield High School alone, let alone from all my other addiction dealing friends,

that small school, we've lost at least 20 people, just a mental health and addiction. So it's kind of weird, actually, yesterday. My younger brother's best friend, his brother died. I graduated with him. And he'd been sober for a while, and I guess it was a random heart attack or something. But, you know, I just started tearing up

because you almost feel like why me. I got grateful to me, obviously. But, you know, my best friends, my brother, I think there's four of us that's made it out. And some are so struggling, and it's just, it's something I deal with a lot. You know, I talk to a therapist. I need to restart talking to the therapist because I move, things change. But I talk to one because you kind of feel just like, yeah, like you went to war,

you came back and it's like where do these people go and why am I the one here? But that's what pushes the passion for all this is to spread that message. What do you say, the people that are men that feel a certain stigma around therapy? I look at it as the same as a gym. And that's the education I want to give kids and everyone that'll listen is that everyone like I work out a lot. I'm a little bit fit. But if I don't do that work, I'm not going to be fit or strong or healthy. And it's the same with your mind and your spirit when I thought that.

You know, so look at it as a gym for that, you know. No one comes here with a life plan from God of how to perfectly live. So it's good to check in with someone to have someone work you through emotions. So I look at it as the same as a workout for my spirit or my mind, you know, and same with learning and stuff that's a workout to build and grow my minds. Absolutely. Well, John, thank you so much for coming on the show today and sharing your story. And it's heartbreaking, man.

I'm really sorry for your loss and all the trauma you've endured, but I'm also happy at the same time that it's kind of brought you full circle to where you're supposed to be in life. And sometimes we don't realize that, you know, the loss is. and the trauma and the bad times bring us to exactly where we need to be. And I think that's really powerful. And your story does a really good job at showing that and hopefully give some hope and inspiration to someone

who is struggling and going through it. Absolutely. Well, thank you for having me on. I'm just grateful to be here and be able to give back and try to share a message of hope that, you know, even through all that I live a life of my wildest dreams today. So hopefully someone else can find some hope and messages.