Locked In with Ian Bick - How I Survived a Brutal Drug Addiction | Brandon Heuser

Episode Date: November 9, 2025

Brandon Heuser opens up about his journey growing up in Dalton, Georgia, falling into addiction, hitting rock bottom, and fighting his way back. This is a raw, honest conversation about the reality of drug addiction — the chaos, the pain, the denial, the relapse cycles — and what it actually takes to rebuild your life. #AddictionRecovery #DrugAddiction #SobrietyJourney #RockBottom #RecoveryCommunity #MentalHealthAwareness #TrueStories #LockedInWithIanBick Thank you to BLUECHEW for sponsoring this episode: Visit https://bluechew.com/ and use promo code LOCKEDIN at checkout to get your first month of BlueChew & pay five bucks for shipping. Connect with Brandon Heuser: YouTube: https://youtube.com/@gospelofbrandon Email: [e-mail] Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Shop Locked In Merch: http://www.ianbick.com/shop Timestamps: 00:00 He Shares His Story for the First Time 04:40 Growing Up Without a Father & Filling the Void 07:00 Anger, Chaos, and the Streets Become Home 09:10 Drugs Enter the Picture — And Everything Changes 12:00 Addiction Takes Over: School, Friends, Life Slipping Away 15:40 Meeting His Biological Father for the First Time 18:45 Gangs, Violence & The Cycle He Couldn’t Escape 22:00 First Time in Jail — “I Thought This Made Me a Man” 25:10 Rock Bottom: The Moment That Broke Him 28:00 Recovery Begins — Faith, Surrender & Brutal Honesty 32:00 Rebuilding Life From Nothing 36:00 Facing Shame and Learning to Forgive Yourself 40:00 The Regrets That Still Hurt 44:40 Life After Addiction: Family, Purpose & Peace 48:00 Staying Sober When The World Pulls You Back 51:00 Judgment, Stigma & Proving People Wrong 54:20 Choosing Gratitude & Living Differently Today 01:00:00 Final Message That Someone Needs to Hear Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Whether you enjoy your coffee hot, cold, bold, or frothy, two good coffee creamers make every sip a good one. Two good coffee creamers, real goodness in every sip. Find them at your local Kroger in the creamer aisle. I got connected with Blas, Crips, and GDs, and because of his rep over there, his reputation, they brought me in and they started messing with me. And so now I was able to get a hold of things that my friends and people around me weren't able to get a hold of. What was the first piece of violence you witnessed? I remember getting in the shower. I got in the shower, man. I didn't wear no sandals.

Biggest mistake of my life. Tell us what it's like to truly be strung out during addiction. There was a time where I sold my body for drugs. Brandon Heiser grew up in a small town in Georgia, got pulled into the wrong circle, and before he knew it, he was addicted and losing himself. Brandon, welcome to Lockton. Man, thanks so much for coming out here today. I appreciate you have me on here. It's awesome. I appreciate you and I appreciate Pastor Mark for connecting us and making this happen today. Oh, yeah. So yeah, man, it's awesome. It's a great opportunity. You know, I love what you're doing, going in and giving people hope. You know, coming from my background, my father was in prison. That's why he wasn't in my life. And so, but to see you,

going in there and giving hope it's actually a taste of what I've actually had to do. You're doing it so much deeper, but I'm glad that I've even got to experience a little bit of that. But, yeah, it's powerful, man. I mean, I think any hope you give, whether it's big or small is powerful. You don't have to be doing it on the big stage in front of thousands of people to make a difference. All you have to do is inspire one person. That's right. And a lot of people get discouraged by wanting to share their story because they think it won't who's going to care. But if you think about it, by sharing your story, if it just touches one person, that's huge. That's what, That's all the matter.

That's one life that has changed. Where'd you grow up? So I grew up in Dalton, Georgia, right outside Chattanooga, Tennessee. So that's Northwest Georgia. I've heard of Chattanooga. Yeah, I'm right outside of Chattanooga, about 30 minutes. I spend a lot of time in Chattanooga. So when I tell people where I'm from, I don't really say Dalton all the time because

they're like, where it's the carpet capital of the world. But I tell them Chattanooga, Tennessee, you know, that's between Atlanta, and that's what they know where I'm at. That's really the carpet capital of the world? Yeah, it is where Warren Buffett made a lot of money. Ah, Danbury's Hat City. Like, it was the Hat Capital. Oh, well, okay.

At one point, they manufactured hats back in the day. Well, there you go. That's what we're known for carpet. What was Dalton like growing up? To be honest, it was kind of slow. It wasn't really fast-paced. Carpet meals everywhere. A little strip, you got to the mall.

Really didn't have much to do. We go to the mall, go bowling, watch a movie. That's about it. But I grew up in rocky faces right outside of Dalton. on a mountain. And so I lived in the woods. I got to live in the woods and that was pretty cool. Was your dad out of your life from when you were born?

Yeah, yeah. So my mom had me at 19. I was born in 1996. And so my dad, my biological father and my mom, they met in high school. And so after getting out of high school, she got pregnant with me. And then about one or two years old, my dad had began to, he was always, he was in drugs. and he was always doing stuff, and so he got arrested. He was very physically abusive to my mother,

and even still my mom tried to stay in it. It was like it was all she knew, so I have another brother. But by the age of three, he was out of my life. Yeah, he was gone. He went to prison. What he did was he was addicted to crack cocaine. And being an addict like that, he stole a lot. And so he would steal from companies.

He would take, he's taking thousands and thousands of dollars from company. And eventually he got caught and they threw the book at him. And so my mom got a restraining order on him and he was gone. How old are you when your mom explained this all to you? Oh, to be honest, it was probably when I was a teenager when I started getting more detail. But the thing is, is that I reconnected with him when I was 18. And so I got to hear his side of it too. But my mom, she tried to shelter me from it, protect me from it.

She just let me know that he wasn't in my life. She let me, as I got a little older, probably preteens, you know, young teen, 13 somewhere on there. She explained, you know, he was a drug addict and physically abusive and things like that because I had a lot of animosity about not having a father. Now, I had a bonus that I had a stepfather who came into my life, but it wasn't the same. I had this desire to have a father in my life. and knowing that he wasn't my real father,

I kind of held that against him, even though he tried. I love how you just called him a bonus dad. Yeah, well, I'm a bonus dad. So that's how I don't like saying step. I say bonus. Okay. That's new. I haven't heard that, but I'll take it.

Yeah. And, you know, I got a little girl. She may not be mine, but she's my bonus daughter. I'm her bonus dad. So that's how I look at it now. I love it. But I didn't look at it like that then, though. You know, but I'm kind of living the life that I had then,

and I'm realizing what a blessing it really is. And I'm just thankful for that. But yeah, so I had my mom, I had my bonus dad. He raised me. He's actually who I call my dad. You know, I just like to explain that to people because, you know, my biologic father, my bonus dad, so they understand. But he's my dad.

He raised me. And so my parents showed, they tried to teach me morals. Going through this mindset knowing that my father chose drugs over me and my brother and my family. And then so I'm living this life without him. My mom is trying to raise us correct, morally correct. She wants us to have a better life. We struggled a lot in the beginning.

We went from trailer to trailer apartment to apartment. But by 2005, 2006, around when I was like 10 or 11, we got a house. She finally was able to overcome dropping out of or not going to college. And to work where she was working, she ended up becoming a co-owner of that very business that she was working at. And so because she memorized everything it took over and it really was a blessing. And so right after around 2009 when there, I think there was a stock, there was a recession and all that. But after that, I was blessed. I had a blessed childhood and had everything I could ever want.

I had my own room, a bed, you know, I had my Xbox computer. Man, I was blessed. Anything a kid could really want I had, you know. But it just didn't ever seem to be enough because not only did I have father-ish, rejection issues. I also was exposed to a lot of adult content as a kid from like the age of four and up. I was exposed to all these things and it really messed with me. It caused me to have these feelings inside that were shameful. And so feeling like I couldn't tell nobody because I would be judged, I kept a lot of that in and it just caused me to be angry. I was a very angry child growing up.

They diagnosed me with bipolar. My mom said that I had a chemical, balance like my father, said that I was going to be just like him if I didn't get it together, things like that. And she was not from like a condescending play, but like trying to help me out, like, don't go the path he went. And so, but thinking that, you know, I just, I would punch holes in walls, man, I would break controllers. I just, I just had a lot of anger issues and I didn't know how to express myself. And so, man, going through that, I resorted to drugs. And resorting to drugs, marijuana was the gateway. I started hanging. out with friends and that's what we did. And I was influenced by certain rappers like

ludicrous, a soldier boy and three six mafia and all that. That's what I listened to. That's what I said. I'm from the country, but I'm hood country because that's what I grew up around. You know, when I was, I hung around a lot of the camps where I used to go and hang out with black and Hispanic communities. That's what was around. And so I kind of took to that culture. and my parents, especially my bonus that he used to get on me. He's like, why are you sagging your pants? You know, he used to get on me for all that stuff. But I was just really embracing the culture of what was going on that,

what I was singing on TV, Grand Theft Auto and all that. And so, but doing all those things and being exposed to that stuff, it kind of opened a door for me to kind of like, well, this is kind of cool. I kind of fit in with these guys and I didn't feel judged. I didn't feel. I felt like I was connected. and I was accepted. And so next thing you know, we're smoking weed.

We're breaking into houses, vandalism, just being punks. And hiding it from my mom, but my mom found out, well, she was very strict. She eventually got me, put me in Georgia Hope. This is a program for anger management and trying to get me out of addiction and stuff like that. And I didn't care nothing about it, but I wasn't for it. I told them what they wanted to hear, and I kept doing what I'm doing. And so, man, yeah, I put my parents through some stuff. What do you think it was about the drugs that you really leached onto or attached on to the first time you tried it?

It really, it just opened me up to feeling something different. A lot of times I had depression. I didn't. I had low self-esteem, rejection issues. You know, mentally, I just. I didn't feel loved. I didn't feel loved by my father. Didn't feel loved by my mother.

There's nothing that she did, you know, but because of the abuse she went through, she wasn't physically. Like when I say she wasn't intimate, like she wasn't a hugger or nothing like that, she was just a provider. And so longing for that, I kind of found peace and solace and drugs.

Like marijuana, it kind of got me out of my head. It, you know, it just kind of numbed me. And it was just enjoyed it. It was a high, you know, but it led to, it was never enough. You know, I just get more and more. If you ever know, you get built of tolerance. Next thing you know, I'm going from like a little bit to a lot in one session and just more and more.

But then I get connected to pills. And now I'm doing pills. And I'm in high school. And I'm going to school high every single day. And I don't think people really notice. My teachers don't really ever say anything. I'm never getting caught. My friends are getting caught, but I'm not getting caught.

but it's like I'm embracing it more and more and I'm opening myself up to even more. And eventually I found what I had always heard was that my father was addicted to crack. And I knew that was an upper. And so I started trying Adderall. I started trying uppers. And then eventually I got hooked to methamphetamine and crack cocaine. And so that completely changed the game for me. That set me on a tailspin.

I ended up getting on this, like I said, I'm passing through high school. Now I'm going in college. I end up dropping out of college because now I'm in the game. I'm selling. I'm doing this stuff. And what really got me into that is because it was opposite to my mother. My mother was, she didn't smoke, she didn't drink. And she would put me in church and all that.

I didn't want nothing to do with it, man, because I felt like it was forced on me. They was trying to make me something I didn't want to be. And so I just went wild. And that's why I took the drug so much because it was the opposite of what my mom wanted. Do you think she handled it the wrong way you lashing out and what the root causes of your issues were? Do you think there was a better way? In the beginning, yes. And my mom realized that as I got older, before she would try to, she would give me tests, drug tests weekly, make me do all this stuff.

Right? But eventually she learned she just had to let me go. And letting me go, even though I had to go down a hard path, I learned. learned so many lessons and I was able to look back and say, man, my parents were right. I wish I would have listened to my mom, listened to what they said, because everything they were trying to tell me was actually for my good. You know, so I was very hardheaded. So yeah, initially, when she was trying to make me do it her way, it wasn't helping, but she learned over the years, you know, to let me be. And so I learned. What were your aspirations in life? You said you went to college,

what was it for, what were you thinking of career-wise before everything kind of started to go downhill even more. Man, to be honest, I wanted to be in, like, a forensic scientist. I wanted, and like you said, I wanted to be in forensic scientists. I wanted to, I thought about going into the Marines or the Army. I thought about military. I was really into that stuff, you know, but I, even though I graduated with honors and I had all these opportunities, I kind of chose the lifestyle was living over that stuff.

and so I kind of just passed on it and then got, you know, left with some regret after a while. I was like, man, I really should have did that. I over here chose this and I should have went, you know? Why do you think you didn't choose that path? Because I found, I really, part of me at that time I found an identity in this stuff. I felt like that's who I was.

I felt like, you know what? I'm walking this path. I said, I always said I'll never be like my father, but there came a time where I said, you know what? I'm just like him and I don't even care. And that's kind of where I got to. I said, I can't escape this. And so this is what I'm going to be.

And I said, this is what it is. He did nothing. So what am I going to do? You know, so I'll just be a drug dealer. And that's what I said. If you're trying to make an entrance, I'm talking the kind she tells the group chat about. You need to check out Blue Chew. Blue Chew is the original service that delivers chewable tablets to help you have stronger,

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there was a lot of times where people would rob each other or set each other up and helping a buddy attack this other team, you could say, or other gang, they ended up coming back trying to get their stuff and they ended up busting up my car and destroying it. And so I had no way to even drive to college. That's why I dropped out. I didn't have a way to go. They busted everywhere in my car. And so, and then telling my parents what happened, none of them believed me. The cops came. They tried to say that I was making a story up and all that. And I said, you know what it is, what it is. And so not having a source of transportation, I kind of just accepted what the path was before me, that I'm done with school. It's over with. I'm in this lifestyle. I can make money this way.

I get my high. I get out of my, I'm good, you know. And so, but like I said, I got connected to these people. And at this time, dropping out of college, my mom was done with me. She was tired. She's like, she'd been trying to tell me not to do this stuff. She said, as long as I was living with her, I can't be doing drugs, I can't be selling all that stuff. She even got to the point where she was like, look, you can smoke weed. Just lay off this stuff. But I was like, no, I'm going to do it. And I eventually got connected to my biological father. They thought, my mom thought that if I met him, that it would deter me from that path, but it actually connected me to him and it actually made it even worse. And so, and that was not her intention, but that's kind of

what it happened. It kind of was like, I finally get to meet my father, you know, so go from three years old to 17, 18 years old, or 18 years old, and I'm like, this is him. And at the time, he was in a rehab in Dalton, Georgia, named Providence. And, but when he left, he, um, I stayed connected with him. And when my mom kicked me out, I moved in with him. And then moving in with him. And like I said, I'm doing, I'm doing meth and stuff. And at that time, I had got connected to some people in the cartel that were supplying it.

And he picked up on what I was doing. He could tell that I was using. And telling that I was using, he said, give me some. And so he relapses with me. And next thing you know, we're on a binge and we're doing drugs together. So now here I find myself with my biological father, my father who left me at three because he went to prison. I never seen him again.

Now I'm doing drugs with him. And I'm finding some kind of fulfillment in this. It's actually like, I'm actually like, it's a relationship, but it's actually, it wasn't a good relationship, but at that time I felt like it was, you know. and um but then coming from a background where my mom had all these rules i had to go to church i had to you know go and read the bible and do that stuff and i had to have make good grades right and had all these rules with him i could do whatever i wanted he didn't have no rules i did whatever i wanted but man that brought some roller coasters dude like so many things happened i'm telling you i'm like

as i look back i'm like wow i'm so glad that i'm a lot that i'm a lot like the fact that I'm even alive because he was well connected with in Chattanooga he knew the whole system out there he was well connected with the Bloods the Crips and GDs and he was my entrance into that see like I said I knew some of these people in the cartel is really Hispanics messing with the cartel but like they weren't messing with me I just went through some people to get in there and so but with the going to Chattanooga and getting connected I got connected with bloods Crips and GDs and because of his rep over there, his reputation, they brought me in and they started messing with me. And so now I was able to get a hold of things that my friends and people

around me weren't able to get a hold of like Molly and ecstasy and ass and stuff that doesn't seem like it's hard, but it was hard for them for some reason. And so it, but it opened me up to so much stuff like gang violence and people kicking in. doors and I got there's a dude over here to opening up a machete and it's like I don't even know for how long I'm going to live you know it's like your life is in danger every single day what was the first piece of violence you witnessed um going up into uh on a street named Kirby street in Chattanooga um I seen a dude walking down the street and he had a he lifted up his shirt and he was threatening threatening and I don't even know who it was towards I was just on the street

next thing you know I just seeing gunfire and that's all you hear you hear you hear gunfire and that's all you hear fire going on and we got out of there. But that right there let me know, like, I wasn't used to that. And I was like, this ain't no joke, you know, but my dad just kind of pet me up. He said this part of it, you're fine, you're with me. We ain't going to get hurt. You're good. Now, you were using these gangs to buy in bulk to sell to your friends. Yeah, yeah. And it wasn't in bulk like some people. Like, I wasn't no kingpin or not like that, nothing major. But I would buy, you know, a pound of weed or a quarter pound, something like that sometimes. And I would get like 50 pills. of ecstasy or something to give to my friends to go to parties because they were all in college

still some of these and so I would go and I would go over there and a lot of them liked like cocaine. And so being able to get that was what I supplied and it opened it up for me to supply my own high. I didn't really care about it. I didn't make a lot of money because the reason I didn't make a lot of money is because I was feeding my dad's addiction to crack cocaine and he was stealing from me. He was taken from me. So now I'm like, this man's supposed to love me. He says he loves me. Now he's, he stole my car that I had.

He, he's taking all my money. But, you know, he says he loves me. I was confused. But that was all I knew, you know. I didn't want to go back to my parents and my moms, you know. So I kind of accepted that. But that was really a rough time, though. It really showed me that everything I wanted,

I thought I wanted, I got, but it really was a miserable life. Because the thing is, is I didn't make so much money that I was cooling. I was an addict. I was strung out on meth. I was strung out on crack. And I went through seasons where, like I said, I grew up blessed. I went through seasons of being homeless. I got so strung out that on crack cocaine, because I was smoking it with my dad,

that I went to my mom's and I said, I can't do this no more. I need help. And she helped me get into a rehab. And in getting into a rehab, it was a Christian-based program, things called like Promise Land in LJ, Georgia. And I'm in there and, dude, I hated it. I hated it. I didn't like none of the people. They're in there reading the Bible. And I'm like, oh, I don't want to be here, you know, and I was making fun of all of them. But it came to a point where I started seeing them. And there was people in there who were serious about recovery. And they were really serious about their walk with God. And so I started reading the Bible, man.

And seek him like, okay, I'm clean right now. So I'm going to do this. And they would go up and they're like, dude, look, the dude who's making fun of us is reading the Bible now. Look at him. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. And my dad, he was in the program with me. He joined in with me.

But he ended up leaving. And so I'm still doing it. I'm still trying to do right and I'm trying to get right and clean and stay clean. But eventually there came an ultimatum where the leader of that whole thing was saying, like, if you can't follow our rules, then leave. You can pack your stuff up and go right now. And I kind of was like, fine. I packed up my stuff and I left that night. And I called my dad, moved back in with him, relapse.

So I went from a stretch of like four months being clean, getting out of that. lifestyle that I thought I was done with because of all the stuff that came with it and I got thrown right back into it and it was so much worse it got even worse um now I find myself man I'm not eating I'm staying up for days I've lost a hundred pounds I'm skin and bone I'm dying I've overdosed probably 15 times woke up in hospitals I can remember so many times where I was like I'm using methamphetamine but I'm like blacking out that's not normal I'm like going to sleep. And I remember crying out to God saying,

God, please don't let me die. Don't let me die. If you'll just save me, I'll give you my life. And he answered that prayer. So one day I was driving my dad's car, my biological dad's car, and I left and I went to a party. I got out that rehab, so I'm going to a party.

So I went to a party and got some weed. And I smoked. I didn't get crazy. But as I'm driving back to LJ, Georgia, I'm going up Fort Mountain, and I fall asleep behind the wheel. First time, I hear the side of the road going back up. I wake up. I'm like, oh, man, and I'm so close to the house. Second time, same thing.

The third time I find myself waking up. I'm off the side of the mountain, and I'm rolling, dude. Everywhere the car is crushed except where I'm at. You know, I'm like, oh, man. So I turned the car up and I climb up the mountain, dude. I don't even know how adrenaline was going because I was up that mountain. quick and I start walking and um as I get walking down the road I'm about I'm like literally half a mile away from the house and a cop rolls up and as he pulls up I'm like hello officer listen yes I just had a

wreck and he said put your hands behind your back I said look listen I got a little bit I had like two grams on me and he said I got a little bit of weed on me and he put my hands by my back and he tightened up handcuffs around me and threw me in the car and I'm like why is he being so aggressive. And I remember thinking to myself, all them times I lied to the police. I ran. I got away. But the one time I tell the truth and I get arrested. And so Georgia State Patrol, they arrest me for DUI, possession, failure to maintain lane and all this stuff, damaged the properties. And so I go into Murray County jail. And it's my first time being in jail. And I can remember sitting there thinking, this is what it is. Like, this is what my dad.

This is the life my dad chose. And here I am saying I'll know. never be like that and I'm living it. And thankfully, it was only 24 hours one day. But I remember stories in there. I mean, I remember being in there and thinking they gave me this rubber cup. And they give me this rubber cup and I'm eating the food and it's like, oh, this sucks. And I go to hand them the rubber cup back and they say, what are you doing? I said, you got to wash it. He said, that's your cup. You ain't given it. That's yours. That's yours. You better keep it. And I'm like, What? It's my cup. I was so confused. And I didn't realize that they, that you had a rubber cup that was yours and that's your cup. And then, like I said, I remember getting in the shower. I got in the shower, man. I didn't wear no sandals. Biggest mistake of my life. I was so grossed out. I didn't realize what they did in there. I didn't think about it. Dude, I was so disgusted. And then I remember sitting up on the bed and I'm looking down the dude below me. And I'm like, he's snoring. I got people out there. There's a dude in there. His teeth have been sharpened like shark teeth. They're just walking around.

And I'm like, what is going on in here? Like a bunch of animals, right? And I go down there and I see someone I know. I'm like, dude, dude, I know this dude. The reason how I knew him was a homeboy that I had. He was connected to him. And when it come to, we used to receive packages from California for some bud. And so that's how I recognize him.

And so those packages we used to get from California, they begin to get intercepted by the FBI. They started stopping those packages. and intercepting them. And so it got real sketchy. Like, we were like, oh, man, like, we're getting caught. And so I remember being in there seeing him. And when I was talking to him, he was like, I was like, what's up, man?

He said, what are you in here for? He said, uh, uh, just a parole violation. And I'm like, oh, okay. And the next thing I know the, when he walks away, dude said, don't let him lie to you. He was mugging a, he mugged an old lady and got caught up. I'm like, this dude, straight up lied to me. And I'm like, dude, I don't know who to trust because I was like, I thought I was cool with this guy.

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That was permanent. You have to wash it. That's yours. Yeah, that's yours. You carry around that spoon everywhere. It was a red spork and then like a brown or a tan or a someplace in orange or cup. Yeah. So we would have that and you'd have to wash it every time.

Because a lot of times when you're in the cells, you're getting water out of that sink. Yep, that's it. And that's it. It was crazy. Yep. And I was just like, this is wild. You know, and it wasn't fun. It really wasn't fun.

But like I said, I only did it for a day. But I could just literally think like, man, sitting in this. And the only reason that it was the day is because I got bailed out. I had my mom. My mom bailed me out. How much was the bail? Oh, man, I don't, I think it was probably, it was probably, it was a few thousand. It was definitely a few thousand.

Well, let me say this. It was, it had to have been a few thousand, especially with the attorney that we got. Because had we got an attorney, he was, he was able to get every charge dropped except for DUI. GSP does not drop DUIs. And so the possession and all the, all the stuff I had scales in the car and all that stuff. None of that got, I got affected. with that. Why did she agree to bail you out? Because I thought she kind of wrote you off. I think because I wrecked and I almost died that she, and like I had a black eye and stuff,

I think she realized, I don't know, I just said, because she had compassion. I mean, she does love me. I guess she just didn't want me being in there, you know. I'm sure the second go around, it wouldn't have been the same. But that first time, she had compassion on me. I think, I think seeing the car, which I'll give you some pictures of the car, man, everywhere the car was destroyed. I should be dead. I shouldn't be here. Everywhere the car was crushed except where I was. There's no way anyone would survive that.

I flipped 50 yards down a mountain. So it was definitely a miracle. It was all glory to God. If I would have died, I would have went to hell because I was abound in addiction. I did not believe in God. Like I said, I didn't care about church. I didn't care about religion. That wasn't for me.

I had that little taste in rehab, but that was it. So what happens to the DUI case? Did you got probation? I got probation. Okay. So I get probation. And so I have to go there. once a month.

Longest year of my life, because at that time, like, I'm not doing the hard. I'm still doing hard stuff, but like, I was just terrified of failing a drug test. I didn't want to stop using drugs, but I was terrified. But I brought in fake pee a lot. And thankfully, they didn't say nothing. They never, nothing never came of it. I served my time. I did my community service at a thrift store.

And that was like a thousand hours, something like that. It was a lot of time. and yeah I did that um but after that point uh after living that and going through all that I was like this is not for me I can't do this no more um because my like I said my biological father he's his rap sheet is like a dictionary and so like that one little thing I was like I can't do this no more and so I started um I moved away from I got separated from my biological father. I was living with a woman and I'm just working at this point. And the thing is, though, is that you got to think, I told you, I'm not going to be like my father. Now I'm like him

with the drugs now, right? But now I'm living with a woman and I find myself getting, I'm still using drugs. I find myself getting altercations where it's domestic violence and I'm having to run from the cops. I can tell you so many times where she called the cops on me and I had to run. And then like after like an hour or two, I'd go in the field to watch and they're still there. And like, literally, they told her, he's probably in the field over there, but they never came and got me. But I could have got caught up just like that. I should be in prison. I should be in jail because it was really bad. But God spared me. But I look back at all these things and I think so many times that I could have ended up in the system like that for a long time. And I didn't. And so I began to seek God.

And in seeking the Lord, dude, I read, I was reading the Bible and God revealed himself to me. Even while I was still using the drugs, even while I was still dealing with all this stuff, God used something from my childhood and he changed my life. I was walking down the side of the road because that DUI had no license, didn't have a vehicle. And so I go and look down on the side of the road and this guy pulls over and starts hollering at me. And I'm like, I can't hear him. So I'm walking back towards him. And as I walk back towards him, he's like, man, I don't normally do this.

But do you need a ride? And I thought to myself, people don't do that nowadays. But I said, no, I'm good. I got my mom coming to get me. I don't even a ride. And he says, all right. And he was because she was like, why am I stopping? And that was the Lord pulling him over because as I turn around to go back where I was,

I look down the side of the road and I see this Yu-Gi-O card, something I used to collect as a kid. And dude, the first thing in my mind is, I wonder how much that thing is work. because I used to collect you, get on Pokemon, and sell it. And so I was like, I went to go pick it up. And when I read it, my whole, like, everything froze. I read it and it said, righteous justice. And when I read that, I said, God is real. The Bible says in Psalms 335, he loves righteousness and justice.

Romans 3, that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God being justified freely by God's grace through Christ and His righteousness. Christ is our righteous justice. And I'm sitting there and I have my sac of weed and my secret. regrets, my dip, my vaping, all my problems. And I'm thinking, I'll give you my life tomorrow. See, I had already been through this where, you know, you get the religion, you know, but it's nothing serious. I had already been around all that. I'm like, but tomorrow, tomorrow, but tomorrow will turn it in the next week and the next month and the next year. And I hear this

voice in my head and he says, why don't you stop right now and give me your life? And I thought about my life. Rehab, jail, dying, I mean, overdosing, almost dying so much. times. Abortions. You know what I'm saying? And I'm like, you know what? I can't do this no more. And as I surrender, all I can smell is something dead in the woods. And it showed me that the life I was living was death. The life that I said that I would never walk down, I would never be like my father. The life that I ended up walking down and walking down, it's a generational curse, right? And I realized that that life was death. But then the sun creeped out behind a tree. and he said, but through the sun is life.

And I started crying my eyes out telling Jesus Christ I needed him, and he filled me with the Holy Spirit on the side of the road. I started folding this card up. I couldn't explain why. What's that looked like? Oh, it's a cross. It's a cross, man. And right here it says, 1996, the year I was born.

It was something as simple as that that opened my eyes to their being a higher power, and it was through Jesus. And so from that point on, it took me two months but after two months on December 15th, 2018 that's my sobriety date and I never went back

I still had a relationship with my father still had a relationship a healing and relationship with my mother because I had put her through so much and with my dad my bonus dad

because I put them so much but because I was trying to do right they were willing to meet me there and from that point I walked my path of deliverance and through the Lord, he began to change my desires. I no longer desired to be associated with gangs in the drug world, all that stuff.

I no longer desired. I didn't want to go to prison. I didn't want to go to jail. I didn't want to be in rehab. And as my desires change by 2019, God did something amazing. He opened up an opportunity for me to go into jails and to talk to the people inside and tell them my story. And doing that, I was able to give these guys letters so they could write their families. I was able to tell them about my testimony, about where my life had went, and how I should be where they are.

But even where they are, I was able to overcome. Because even though I should be there, and I've experienced a little bit of it, that there's still hope after this. Because there was people in there that I went to school with that I've seen, that seeing them in there. today their lives are completely changed. They have families. They have jobs. They have careers. They're not in the system. And these are people who are doing wild stuff that have serious background, but God has opened away for them. And it's been such an honor to be able to be used in that way. You know, and that's why I said, I honor you for what you do because, like you said, it's just that one. But that's why I say what you're doing is impacting so many people to give them hope because that's

what I want to do. I want to give them hope because how many people have said I'll never be like this. Because like you said, this wasn't new to me. This was, I experienced this. See, even though I went to prison, my dad was in prison and him going to prison affected me. And so even though I didn't go to prison, he did and it changed my life. And it made such an impact on me that it caused me to feel a certain, like a rejection. It felt like my dad never loved me. It showed me that I felt like I had no chance. I had no hope. But I realized that even through all that, that there was someone who did love me, and it was the Lord, and that even with all the mistakes I made, all the times that I was moving guns for those GDs, or I was helping assist with a prostitution ring or whatever else

I was doing, moving all those drugs. There was, man, there's people who could be dead because of the... Hey, you there, in the baby registry rabbit hole. The thing experienced parents agree on, a Nanit smart baby monitor. One camera, one app for video, breathing motion monitoring, and personalized sleep insights. All in one place. Check in from anywhere, get real-time safety notifications, and capture every sleepy smile and good night kiss. The best part, those insights help you get more sleep, starting night one. Add it to your registry or shop at N-N-N-I-T-com.

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So that car that I wrecked on the mountain, that was my biological father's car, I helped him get that car. He didn't have the money to get the car. So what I did was because of my clientele. I told one of my boys that I had just come across a bottle of percocets. And I said, I just need you to front me the money. I stole that money from him. And I gave him some money to get the car. And then we went to Chattanooga and we bought drugs.

And we had a binger. And so many people heard about that because he told everybody. And so many people heard about that. And everyone was like, what are you doing? What's wrong with you? what happened to you? You've changed and just to think that all them people that got to see that side of me. And I'm like, that was a horrible mistake.

I felt really bad about that. I felt bad. I've tried reaching out to him, connecting with him. I haven't been able to, but I hope that he sees this and knows that I'm sorry. I'll even pay him the money back. I have no problem doing that. But one thing to know that I was a different person than who I am today. Tell us what it's like to truly be strung out during,

addiction, what that feeling is, because you're talking about being strung out earlier. Yeah, man, it feels like you'll do anything you can to get what you want. Whatever it is you got to do. There was a time where I sold my body for drugs. Like I said, I told you I was exposed to adult content. And so being exposed to adult content and dealing with certain people who had touched me, it caused me to have certain, like, same-sex attraction this stuff. And so struggling with that, that was part of my shame and guilt, I ended up selling my body to a man.

I allowed him to perform stuff on me so I could get high on crack cocaine. And never have I felt so disgusted. But now I don't feel disgust because at that point in my life, it was a real low for me. But there's people out there who are doing that today. and they feel like there's no hope for them. And if God can forgive me, if Jesus can change my life and save me even from that lowest point,

he can save anybody. But I was to the point where I would steal from people, just like my father did. I will sell my body. I'm pretty sure he did too. I stole from my family, my own family. My great-grandfather was a Baptist preacher.

A great man. He loved me, but I would go in his wallet and I would take money out to go get high. And I was smiling his face like I never did anything. I can't describe, you know, and he forgave me. He never thought. I confessed it to him because there came a time where I, as I was changing,

but I was going through a place where I was going to confess to people and apologize instead of trying to hide it because a lot of people try to hide. See, what I'm doing here today is I want people to realize trying to hide your history, your story, it's not going to get you anywhere. You have to be honest with yourself. You've done these things. You're in this situation. What it is, what it is.

But guess what? There's tomorrow. There's more. You can do more. It's not the end of the road. It's what you choose to do that's going to change it through Christ. But we have to be honest with ourselves. And that's what I did. But I had to look at myself in the mirror and say, I'll never be this. I'll never be that. Well, guess what? I'm walking in this curse. I'm exactly what. Because my, it's just a cycle. My great-grandfather was a hell's angel in California. Right? And then got my dad. He's over here. He was connected to that. that and then he's living that and now I'm following that path. But I got free from that. But yeah, that is the biggest thing that has, that I think about is how I was treating family. People who loved me, the people who didn't even care about me, these gangs and these people that I was connected to in the game, they weren't my real friends. They were only using me.

But I gave a shirt off my back for them. But the people who cared about me, who wanted to see me succeed and do everything for me, I was treating them like trash. It was backwards. And I thank God that I was able to see that relationship restored with my great-grandfather. He passed early this year, but he got to see me come to Christ. Like I said, I have a relationship with my parents. My life is completely changed now. Can I tell you that, yes, I had all this history, but now I'm a husband. I have a beautiful wife. she is a gift from God. I couldn't have a better woman in my life who's there for me,

who knows everything about me. See, there was things, I'm sharing it here, but there's things that I felt like I could never tell people that I told her and she did not judge me. She supported me. I have a bonus daughter, right? She's eight years old. The same year that I had that where I paid for that woman to go to the doctor

and to terminate the pregnancy, it's the same year my little girl was born. God redeemed what was meant for evil and turned it around for good. And now I have a son who was born in July this year. He's turning three months and two days. And it looks just like his bomb, but he's got a mixture of me. But it's like I didn't have a father, but I'm going to be a father to him. He's not going to have to worry about not having someone there for him.

And even with whatever struggles he may have, I'm not going to try to force or nothing on him, but I'm also not going to pull back and not be there for him and let him do what he wants. I'm going to be there to guide him, to share with him, to raise him up and what he needs and with the way he should go, but to also know that he has someone here who is never going to judge him, he's always going to be there for him, just like my Lord was for me in my worst moments. And I just thank God that I'm here today to share this with y'all because there's hope for any of you struggling. if you're bound in addiction, you're struggling with shame, you're struggling with the orphan spirit because that's an orphan spirit that I had. I was born out of wedlock and it brought a, it's called a

bastard's curse, but I'm not a bastard. I have identity in Christ. I have a father in heaven who loves me. But I thank God that I also had a man, I had a man who was in my life from when I was three years old, that even though I rejected him and I pushed him away, I realized that he was a blessing too because he is not my step. Father, he's my bonus dad. He's a, he's my bonus dad. is who God put in my life because he filled the role and he did the position. I just didn't receive it. But now I'm living the same thing that way I treated him. I'm actually experiencing now. I'm a bonus father. And so I get to go through the same kind of similar experience as him, but I get to realize that it was actually a blessing. It was a blessing. I just didn't look at it that

way. But it's a beautiful thing. Do you think you went down the path you did because you wanted to be like your dad? Part of me wanted to be like him. I, um, because I would hear, the thing is, is I would hear stories about him and there was that longing to know him. There was a longing to know him. Um, I'm, I know there's people out there who know what I'm talking about. Like, if you don't, if you're without a parent, they're like, there's a longing to know who they are and to know where you come from. Like, there's a whole other side. It's like, I know this side, but what is this side? And so, yeah, and in that time, I was able to relate to him through that stuff, being like him.

That's how we related. And so, yeah, I kind of accepted that and took part of that because I felt like it gave me, it would feel that desire in me to have a relationship with my father. What do you think is the biggest misconception about addiction from your perspective? Biggest misconception of addiction. I think the biggest misconception in addiction is that you'll always be an addict. I don't think that's true. The thing is addiction is real, but you're not.

They try to tell you in those programs that you're always an addict, but yeah, you may have struggled with addiction, but when you overcome something, you've overcome something. And you can't overcome. That's like saying you're always a prisoner. No, when you get let out and you go back into the world, you're not a prisoner anymore, but you can carry that same mentality, right? We don't forget where we come from, but we don't also, we don't stay in that place.

And so I think that is one big misconception in my area in southern U.S., southeast U.S. that I've seen where a lot of people try to keep you in that place. There's a difference between being real with yourself and recognizing you're an addict and then going through your process of recovery and then like staying in that mindset, like you're never going to change. Do you ever have thoughts on the bad days of relapsing at all or trying to? Have I been tempted? Temptation?

Yes, I have. I've had temptations of using drugs or drinking alcohol and getting drunk, you know. I've definitely had those temptations, especially there's times. I've had thoughts of just, especially when it's hard times. But the Bible says that that temptation will come. You have flesh. We have flesh. But the flesh wars against the spirit and the spirit against the flesh.

I'm still human. I still have human desires, but I have to choose to be like Christ. and to choose to obey the word and to crucify that part of me, that old man, because the Bible says that's your old man. You're a new creation. And so, yes, I've had temptations, but I've always said no. I've said no. Now, after coming out of drug addiction, I did take on times where, like, I put addictions

in other things, like, let's say, like gaming or TV. I found other things that kind of cope, but eventually I learned and still learn how to be balanced, because you've got people out there who say you can't do none of this. and other people is like real extreme, we have to be balanced. There's nothing wrong with certain stuff, not drugs, but I'm talking about like entertainment

and things like that. But yeah, I did try to replace it, but we shouldn't replace our addictions. How do you find that balance? Through the Word of God is how I've done it. And just talking to the Lord, he'll tell me, hey, you're kind of putting this before me.

And so that's really how I've learned is putting when I put God first. We put God first, and then we love God. we love our neighbor and in loving the lord you know if anything that comes before him that's called an idol you're putting him but you're putting things before him and so to find balance is that we put him first and he allows us to have all these blessings but when we begin to worship our blessings like our jobs or a house or money or whatever it is um that's an issue but really it just takes

renewing the mind. And it's, you renew your mind is to find truth. And so finding truth is too much of this is bad. Okay? None of it, right, may not be beneficial,

right? And so, like food, too much food is bad. But no food at all is bad too. But finding that balance where you have, I need to eat this much food to sustain and to be nourished but not eat this much or it's going to cause me health issues. And that's kind of how you look at it.

And so if you set a goal, like I've also noticed that setting goals help. If you set goals, a lot of times like you said, what was my drive? I didn't have drive then. What I've been working on now is having goals in my life, opportunity and things that I want to set forward to. I want to achieve in my life with my family and with the ministry, significant revelation. because not only am I a husband and father, I'm also a pastor at a church now. God has completely changed my life.

And being around like-minded people also helps you how to find balance. Because there's people where you're weak, they're strong. And where they're weak, you're strong. And we need each other because iron sharpens iron. And so I can get around some people and they'll talk to them and I'll look at them and I'm like, you know what?

I can learn from that. Because how I would have handled that, would have been bad. But how they're handling it is actually mature, and I can glean from that. Does it make sense? And it helps teach you balance. We learn as we go.

Do you find that people judge you for your past, especially if you're still around the same area that you lived in? Most definitely. Most definitely have I been judged for my past. A lot of people, they have, they respond to you, they look at you as who you were, and then they look at you as you who you were, and then they look at you as who I am in Christ.

And so they see from one lifestyle to the next. And so they don't really know how to take it because, you know, to be honest, a lot of people have issues with God and they have issues with the Christ. And then seeing that, so they like to bring that stuff up to kind of come against that. But even with the people that have judged me, there's other people who have seen the change. and it's actually inspired them. And so there's going to be good, there's bad, there's going to be stuff that comes with it,

people who are going to talk about you. Man, I can, man, looking you up, there's a video about you, and this dude talking about how you're a fraud and all this stuff, and I'm not listening to that. You know, people are going to hate. Guess what? Hey, you there, in the baby registry rabbit hole.

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Those insights help you get more sleep. Starting night one. Add it to your registry or shop at Nanit.nit.com. Hey, you there. In the baby registry rabbit hole. The thing experienced parents agree on? A Nanit smart baby monitor. one camera, one app for video, breathing motion monitoring, and personalized sleep insights.

All in one place. Check in from anywhere. Get real-time safety notifications and capture every sleepy smile and good-night kiss. The best part? Those insights help you get more sleep, starting night one. Add it to your registry or shop at NANET.com. Hey, you there, in the baby registry rabbit hole. The thing experienced parents agree on, A Nanit Smart Baby Monitor. One camera, one app for video, breathing motion monitoring, and personalized sleep insights. All in one place. Check in from anywhere. Get real-time safety notifications and capture every sleepy smile and goodnight kiss.

The best part? Those insights help you get more sleep. Starting night one. Add it to your registry or shop at Nanit, N-A-N-I-T-com. We bless them. Bless those who curse you. You kind of need the hate. especially in my world.

It drives you. You know, well, it drives you personally, but also it's good for engagement. And, you know, it,

you don't want everyone to just love you. There needs to be, like you said, balance. So that kind of applies to that world too. Yeah. The balance aspect is,

you know, is important. Yeah, it is. You know, and like you said, that's not everyone is going to like you,

but also, it just helps you, it'll help you grow. That stuff helps you grow, you know. Before, like I said, I dealt with rage and stuff.

I probably could have lashed up. I used to fight a lot. People say stuff. I would fight them. But now I've learned to forgive them, give peace, listen to what they have to say. Maybe some of what their points are valid, right? And so, but when it comes to my past and who I used to be, that's not who I am no more. People can bring it up.

And I say, that used to be who I was. That's a horrible person right there. And I'm sorry if that affected you. But today, I'm a new creation. Is it hard to get past how you were before? Like, do you ever have those days where you think about it and you're like, wow, I can't believe I was that person? You beat yourself up over it. Many times it's called condemnation.

I have dealt with a lot of condemnation. The shame and the guilt. Because, man, the things that I have done, I've explained some of them, I've never just fully liked doing it. I've always had a conscience to where I felt guilt. Like if I lied to someone, I kind of felt bad for lying to them. Or like I said, the stuff that I did, I felt shame. I felt disgusting. I felt nasty.

And I think, like, man, I wish I just hadn't done that. Man, I wish I just hadn't done that. And then you tell, like that woman I was living with the domestic violence situation, all that. I had to tell her the truth because when I was with her, that's when I sold my body for drugs. And I had to tell her about that. I lied to her because that man went and told everybody and she caught wind of it. And I lied and lied and lied and tried to cover it up, cover it up. But she believed me.

But eventually I had to confess. And she says some hurtful stuff. But I, you know, it could have, I could have stayed in that place. And I'm not going to lie. There's times where I sat there in pity. And I'm like, man, what did I do? But I thank God that the Lord would speak to me. He'd say, you're my son.

His word would tell me I'm a new creation. I'm a new man. His word would tell me that while I was yet a sinner, Christ died for me. So yes, I did what I did. Yes, what I did was nasty, disgusting, shameful, but Christ and his love took it upon himself so that I could be righteous, so I could be forgiven, so that I could be clean. And so because I did that, that's not who I am. That isn't defined who I am.

And so, yeah, I've dealt with that. But what I would tell people is to not identify. with what you've done, identify with what you can be in God, because Pastor Mark would tell you, that's my pastor, that's my apostle in there. And he told me when I first encountered him, when I first met him,

I was coming out of a hard situation in Chattanooga. I had dealt with some people who, even in the church, what I found in the world, it didn't change when I got around in the church. There were people in the church who used me, financially too. Like I said, I would get the shirt off my back for them. Well, I did the same for these people. And I ended up going into bankruptcy. Because I gave them all my money and what they were doing with it was not what it was supposed to be done with it. And so I ended up leaving and going through that. And now I'm like in an extended stay, right? I'm riding a bicycle everywhere. Like, how am I going to get out of this? And the Lord connected me as in Chattanooga, Tennessee. And the Lord connected me with Pastor Mark in Douglasville, Georgia. And so I went and sold plasma. And so I went and sold plasma.

And I bought a Greyhound ticket and rode all the way down there. And when I rode all the way down there and I met them, it like changed my life. All that shame and all that guilt because and all that. And I was still trying to find family. I found family. These people, I told them, I got connected with them. They treated me like family. They served me.

I spent so much time serving other people. They served me. They took me out. They bought me dinner. they would pour into me. And so all that shame, all that guilt, all that abandonment I felt, they poured into me and that stuff began to break off. And I know it's the Lord through them, but they had, Pastor Mark had a good heart.

Pastor Amber has a good heart. And so meeting them, like I said, I got connected and it changed my life. I realized that whenever you're going through stuff, none of us are meant to walk alone. none of us are meant to walk alone. And that is where the issue comes is when we try to get away and separate and close off. But I've learned that there's people out there who are willing to help you. And if you want it, you can get the help. Say someone comes to you with a brutal addiction, like the one you survived.

How would you help them? Because talking about it is a lot easier, you know, said than done. And there's a lot of people out there that are, you know, that are struggling and kind of don't know it to start, but once they survive it like you have, then it's easy to talk about the process. But actually getting that person to commit to that process is the difficult part. It's not easy. So for my process was I did the 12 steps. Okay.

I did that process. Like I said, I was in a rehab and all that. But at the end of the day, you got to want it. But a lot of times we have a desire, but we feel like we're stuck. We're just, we can't. We keep falling in. It's a cycle. And that's where the power of the Holy Spirit comes in.

And that's just my truth is that the Lord changed my heart and desire. But he used, whenever I would continue in these things, he would convict me. He would convict me. I used to, I would read the word and I would see that I keep doing this stuff and I would get scared. I'd be like terrified. Like, oh, my, I'm still doing this stuff and I'm not supposed to. And in doing that, it began to change me. And so I had to learn that every day,

I heard go light up a blunt or go hit this dude up and get this, I would say no. Because I wanted to be free, I did not want that life no more. Even when the temptation arose, relying on the strength of God and his power, right, his word, I was able to overcome and say no and continuing to do so. The first day was hard. The second day was even harder. The third day was terrible. But the next thing you know, it got easier and easier.

And as I began to climb that mountain, it wasn't a struggle. And now, like I said, I'm at seven, I'm going on seven years that now I'm being sober. And I won't go back. But it took me getting to a place of saying no. I can say that the hardest thing for me to quit wasn't the drugs. It was actually tobacco. That was my hardest, the hardest addiction. I would go buy a pack of cigarettes, right?

And they're like, okay, I can't smoke no more and go pour water on it. Then 20 minutes later, go to the gas station and buy another pack of cigarettes. Smoke them. And then pour water. I'm like, what am I doing? Pour water on it. And go through that cycle. And then I would go and like, I'm not going to smoke no more.

So I started vaping where I dipped. And then I got to the point where I'm like, I'm done with this altogether. And so I just cold turkied it and said no. And then I haven't went back, man. You got to talk to Maddie. ice he's trying to quit he took his last zen today and he's like this is my last one I'm not buying anymore but I don't know like I'm just against that's like I don't do it personally I don't personally vape or do the zins or anything like that it's just not for me and so much money goes into it and stuff

um I don't know for sure it for sure does it's a it's a money pit and that's the thing is this stuff is also it brings financial hardship on you it really does um it can't a lot of people go through that but um The thing is, is you'll say, I'm done. And then when the temptation comes, because it's a stronghold, you just fall right back into it. And that's why if you fall down, get back up and keep going. Keep going. Don't stop. So if you don't be like, oh, I messed up, right?

And then you go, you're feeling that guilt and shame. And the next thing you know, you just kind of embrace it again. No, just like, all right, I messed up and get back up. Keep going. Even alcohol is so expensive. Like, when we go out to dinner and people are drinking, it's way more expensive the bill than when it's just food. You know, it's like, wow.

This is a completely, like, it's, it's a drastically different. Oh, for sure. And the thing, it is. And you go to, like, you go to, like, a nice restaurant, like, uh, go to a nice restaurant and you get a glass of wine. And I remember one time I went, it was really, it was a nice restaurant. You get a glass of wine. That thing, it was so strong.

It had me hammer. I'm like, I mean, no, you know, I'm like, oh, my look. It's like those $30 glasses. Yeah. And the next thing you look at that bill, $300. I'm like, what? Yeah. But that's how they get you.

Alcohol was my enemy because I didn't know when to stop. So I drank so much because it takes time. I would just keep hammering. And to the point, I black out. And so that's not good. Is it hard to be around people that drink now? No, it's not hard because in the beginning it would have been because it was a temptation.

But it only has the power that you allow it to have. if you allow it to have power over you, then it is. And I think that people who do struggle and know themselves should stay away. But like I feel like I'm strong enough. Like I said, I can go around it. And if somebody's doing that, I'm not going to come at them. They can do what they want, but it's not going to affect me and cause me to want to do it. That's what got me in this mess in the first place was peer pressure in school.

Part of it. But I learned my lesson from that. You don't let anyone pressure you into doing that, you know. What advice would you give your teenage self? My teenage self. Yeah. Like before you ever got addicted to drugs or anything, did anything wrong, what would you tell him? First off, I would say, follow Jesus because he's real.

He's the way. And then I would also say, listen to your mom. She cares. She's right. But I would also tell him, I would tell myself that that lifestyle you think you want isn't the lifestyle you really want. And I would talk about. the goals that I initially wanted as a child that kind of got that kind of just left me and say focus in on that because I had really good goals like you said had good ambitions but I threw

it all away for nothing you know um but yeah that's what I would say what's your relationship with your parents now oh it's great my mom my mom and my dad they they're so happy um they are thank God for my wife. They're like, thank you, someone to take him off our hands. You know, my mom told my wife said no refunds. That is funny. Yeah. But it's a beautiful thing, you know, like for them to be grandparents. See here in a couple days, we're going to be flying to Texas. So my son and my daughter are going to be staying with them for about four days. And so that's going to be interested. I know it's good. It's good for them. So all this. the stuff. My mom says this. All the stuff you put me through. This is what she says. So I'll

tell you this. She said how I was as a baby, easy. Teenage years, horrible. But she said, going through everything we went through, she's thankful for where I came out today. She, she is very proud. And my dad is very proud, too. They both knew that I had to go through this process. I had to. It was, but going through that process taught me so much. And I'm able to help others too. And so I'm thankful. And I'm glad that they still support me. Yeah, sometimes when you're going through such a, you know, like a really bad, terrible, crappy journey, you know, when you get to see that other side of it, how you come out, you're like, wow, that, that was meant for me. You know, I'm glad I went through that. Because when I was going through my stuff, in the moment, I wanted to die.

But now that I'm on the other side of it, I wouldn't take that or I wouldn't relive that or try to fix that and go back and turn back the clock for anything. Yeah, no, I wouldn't change it for nothing. I wouldn't change it either. Like, that's why I see. You go back and you can give advice, but in all reality, I'm glad I went through what I went through, just like you said. And it's strengthened. It's actually, I was, it's taught me how to love my parents back. I didn't love them correctly as a child or as a kid either. You know, I was very selfish, hateful and all that, even though I had my own issues, but now I'm able to show that. I tell them every time. Thank you. I tell them thank you because they, even though they were hard on me at times, they were there for me when I needed them. And I could say that. I wouldn't be here today

if it weren't from my parents. If it weren't for my parents, if it wasn't for my wife, and if it wasn't for significant revelation, Pastor Mark, Pastor Amber, I wouldn't be here. I love that. Well, Brandon, I appreciate you coming on the show today. Thank you. It was such a pleasure. I really appreciate you having me on the show. And I just want to throw a little plug in there for this book, Deep Deliverance by Pastor Mark, check it out. I'm telling you, this has changed my life, it'll change yours. It'll help you if you're trying to overcome addiction, if you're trying to overcome mindset and generational curses. This is the way. Awesome. Well, thanks again, brother. Thank you.