Locked In with Ian Bick - I Survived 10+ Years in Florida State Prison | Angela Nicolazzi

Episode Date: December 10, 2025

Angela Nicolazzi grew up in Brooklyn before moving to Florida, where her life took a dramatic turn. She became a mother at just 14 years old, struggled to stay on a stable path, and by 19 found herself involved in an armed robbery with her brother and her child’s father. That moment changed everything—Angela was charged with attempted murder and sentenced to 15 years in the Florida state prison system. In this episode of Locked In with Ian Bick, Angela shares her full story: her childhood, early motherhood, the events that led to her arrest, what life inside a Florida prison was really like, and how she rebuilt her identity after serving more than a decade behind bars. #FloridaStatePrison #PrisonSurvival #PrisonStory #LockedInWithIanBick #InmateStories #PrisonLife #TrueCrimePodcast #redemptionstory Thank you to AURA FRAMES & k9S.ORG for sponsoring this episode: Aura Frames: Exclusive $35 off Carver Mat at https://on.auraframes.com/LOCKEDIN. Promo Code LOCKEDIN K9s.org: Donate anytime at https://k9s.org/ Connect with Angela Nicolazzi: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/angela_nicolazzi?igsh=MXJyMGM1YmN6cHdtNg%3D%3D&utm_source=qr YouTube: https://youtube.com/@Angelanicolazzi?si=H7m1G2aUcTtHaBRH TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@angelanicolazzi?_r=1&_t=ZT-91VVbHl1NoE Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/share/1Aq3dWZedN/?mibextid=wwXIfr Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Shop Locked In Merch: http://www.ianbick.com/shop Timestamps: 00:00 Crime Preview: The Robbery, Arrest & How It All Started 02:00 Meet Angela: Her Story & Nonprofit Mission Today 04:20 Growing Up: From Brooklyn Streets to Jacksonville Life 08:00 Teen Pregnancy, Family Pressure & Early Responsibility 11:40 Young Motherhood: Struggles, Survival & Hard Choices 15:00 Family Tragedy Strikes & Life Spirals Out of Control 17:00 How the Crime Began: The Plan, Influences & Mindset 20:00 The Night of the Robbery: What Really Happened 23:00 Arrest, Shock & The Immediate Aftermath 27:00 County Jail Life: Coping with Loss, Fear & Reality 33:00 Daily Jail Routine: Spades, Tattoos & Learning to Survive 38:00 Facing the Charges: Court, Anxiety & Sentencing Day 43:00 Entering Prison: Adjustments, Lessons & LOL Housing 46:00 Violence, Relationships & Power Dynamics Behind Bars 51:00 Navigating the System: Survival Tactics & Mental Escape 54:00 Love Behind Bars: Bonds, Emotions & Complicated Attachments 58:00 Missing Motherhood: Watching Life Move On Without Her 01:03:00 Rehabilitation, Programs & Staying Strong Mentally 01:07:00 Counting Down the Years: Hope, Pain & Reality 01:12:00 Release Day: Re-Entry Struggles, Purpose & Finding Direction 01:17:00 Life After Prison: Obstacles, Growth & Giving Back 01:23:00 Forgiveness, Regret & Hard-Earned Life Lessons 01:27:00 Legacy, Impact & The Future Angela Is Building 01:30:00 Closing Thoughts & Final Reflections Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Listeners of this show will get a $75-sponsored job credit at Indeed.com slash podcast. That's Indeed.com slash podcast. Terms and conditions apply. Need a hiring hero? This is a job for Indeed sponsored jobs. The night of we're going to hit a lick, we're going to the spot. So who proposes this idea to you? All like in here while I'm in the back of the cop car after they grab. grab me is the police. I'm like, this cannot be real life. This is what's playing on my radio right now. I'm going down. Like, this is what's actually playing on my radio. And I'm in the back of the police

car. What's that very first night or day in county jail like when you get there? Do not get a girlfriend. It was the most fights, the most arguments at Lowell. One of my friends got her whole face cut over a girl. Give us a good fight story from your prison sentence. Angela Nikolazi became a mom at 14 and by 19 she was facing attempted murder charges and a 15-year Florida prison sentence. This is the story of how her entire life changed in just a few years. Angela, welcome to locked in. Thanks so much for coming out here today. Thanks for having me. It's a pleasure. Yeah, just interviewed Tanya. And now you're up next. You made her go first. Yes, I did. I did. Yes. She needed to go first, though. Yeah, no, she did great. She was nervous,

but she did good. I enjoyed watching it from the other side. Yeah, when we walked out, you weren't even watching it. I had a business call, as you seen, as you seen. I was being a Karen for a moment. You're all about your business. I am. Speaking of which plug in your nonprofit that you have going on. I do. So we have housing. It's called Finnish Wall Housing Communities in Tampa, Florida. I house women that are getting out of prison in reentry. We get them out of DOC, jail, homeless. We house them. We get them contracted with programs to get them ready for work, school, jobs, resume building, anything of that sort to give them a second chance into society. And what do you guys? I was looking for you, said you were looking for stuff. We are. We are looking for funding for beds and

donations. So we're always in need of women's hygiene, clothes, food. Also on our website, which is Finishwall Housing Communities.org, you can go on there and donate to a lady for a week, a Uber. We know how transportation is. So it's an obstacle getting out of prison. With that, you can fund a lady for a week or a day. They can go look for a job, go see their family, or whatever it is that you would like to do. That's great. And we'll have the link to all that in the description in this episode. Thank you.

Thank you. And that's one of your many businesses. You're quite the hustler. That's one of many, yes, and still more to come. And the crazy part is you've only been out of prison for a few years. Three and a half. After what, nearly 15-year sentence? I was sentenced to 15 years.

I served 12 years, nine months, 13 days. Wow. Incredible. Good for you. Thank you. Where did you grow up? So I was born in Brooklyn, New York. Oh, wow.

You're from Brooklyn? I haven't been home since I got locked up. My dad's from Brooklyn. Really? Yeah. Bensonhurst. I don't know where he's from. Okay.

I'm a Bensonhurst baby. My mom moved us to Jacksonville when I was about 13. So that was a major transition at a very vital age. I feel like you either, you're just getting to like know yourself a little bit. It was a turning point for me. So she moved us to Jacksonville at 13. And then that's where my life just started turning. Was your dad in the picture?

My dad was. He stayed in New York. They were not together. They've been best friends since they were actually 13. Great relationship them to, never the arguing or anything of that sort. So that was really good and easy for me growing up. However, leaving him, I think was a big part of me starting to gain anger issues, being mad at my mom, resenting my mom. Just really angry at that age.

So I think it really had to do with being so far from him. I would fly back and forth holidays or whenever we were available to do so, but it's not the same as seeing him every single day. What was your upbringing in New York like? I tell people all the time I wouldn't trade it for the world. Growing up in New York is so different. So I was telling Tanya last night seeing the city bus, I rode that to school. It's like I'd never rode a school bus until Florida. I was on the city bus or the train.

I had a very good upbringing in New York. So all my family was really close. You can walk a block. My cousin was right there. We went to school together. So I really enjoyed my childhood. I just remember like the snow going to the parks with my friends until dark. And like it was okay.

We just walked there, walked home, played in the snow, went to the pizzeria late night, went to the bakery and got hot bread when it was cold. Like I enjoyed my childhood. I had a really good childhood before Florida. Would your parents too for work? So my mom worked for an answering service for many, many years, which she would actually bring us to. They were like a family. We would go at night and chill with my mom while she worked.

My dad worked for the Board of Education for many years. So I would also go to his job. I was like the kid at the school before school or after actually going to school. So he worked for South Shore High School. What did your dad do for the Board of Education? So he did many things. To be honest, my dad, late night, he, like, cleaned the schools and during the day he was in the offices. So. My dad worked for the board education. Really? Yeah, but he was in Spanish Harlem. Are you my brother?

Imagine. Are you my brother? That would be crazy. That would be crazy. Yeah, he was a teacher and then he became an assistant principal, but that was in Spanish Harlem. Awesome. Yeah. I wonder if they knew each other at all. Yeah, that's crazy. Because that would have been at the, my dad was just getting retiring when I was in like 2000, 2001. Okay. Wow. Do you think. Long lost siblings. Yeah, I imagine. Do you think that your life would have turned out differently if you stay in New York? I try not to think about those things. I'm grateful for I am today. But I do believe that Florida changed it for the work. for sure. I was exposed to so much more than I ever was in New York. I think I was able to be a child in New York. And then when I got to Florida, it was like I couldn't be a kid anymore. Things were just different. Everything was different. Schools were different. And then I was so ahead of everybody. In New York, everything's first there. I feel like education is way ahead. So when I got to Florida, I was like ahead, but I wanted to fit in. And I started like failing just because I was getting bored. I was getting bored. I was like, I don't even want to do this work. I've already done this.

I'm ahead. So I don't know. I don't know. I would like to know if I had a glass wall to see, I would like to know what it would have been like. But here I am. How would you have described yourself as a person in your teenage years? I was a troubled teen. I was a teen mom. So at 14, I was a was pregnant. Grateful now. My daughter's 20. She's my best friend. She lives with me. We get to be not only mother and daughter, but friends and confide in each other. I started being angry a lot. I was fighting a lot. I fought all the time. Very combative, very argumentative. It was always just a battle. Everything was like a combat. Like I couldn't just listen. I didn't even have like a thought or think before I speak, I said things that even now, through my healing stages, I'm like, dang,

why did I say that? So just my teen years, very troubled. Why do you make the decision to go forward with the baby at that age? I don't know. You know, I think there was so much pressure on me to not have it that I wanted to do the complete opposite. For my mom, everybody in her ear, like, you're going to let her have that baby. let her have that baby. It was like, no, I'm going to make my own decision. I think also being such a

rebel at that age, because everybody thought it was so wrong, I was like, I'm going to prove them all wrong. And I'm going to have this baby. And I'm going to be the best mom I can be. How'd your mom react to your decision to keep it? It was up and down. I think my stepdad, her husband at the time, really was supporting me 100%. So he had an influence on her, like changing her mind and just supporting me also because at first she was against it. Like you're not ruining your life. You're not having this baby.

You're smart. You're going to finish school. And then it was like, okay, but I am either way with or without you. And with him saying like, this is her decision. Don't let her hate us later on down the line that she started, okay, you're pregnant. with my grandbaby and she started supporting me. Did you have a close relationship with your stepfather? I did. I did. At that time, he was there. He was around. He supported me. So I had the best of both worlds.

I had my dad in New York who financially spoiled me, was there anytime I picked up the phone. And then I had my stepdad who was physically present whenever I needed him. How did other kids in the school react to you being pregnant that young? It was traumatizing. So I was going to regular high school, Wolfson and Jacksonville, and it was a lot of whispering. You can only imagine. And kids are so mean. And they were just so mean and they would talk, talk, talk.

And then my mom decided that I was going to go to a pregnant school, which was Beulah Beal. So I would take the bus to my high school. So I still would see my high school friends and peers while I was pregnant. and then I would catch the bus from my high school to the pregnant school. And it was an all-girl pregnant school in Jacksonville. I didn't know those existed. So I didn't either until it happened. And the amount of teens, pregnant teens, is crazy.

Like, I didn't even know. I thought I was one in a trillion, but I wasn't. The school was full. And there was some teens that already had a baby. And they were on their second baby. I see why they were. made the show teen mom right after that. Real life.

You were just a few years behind that. Yeah. Yeah, and it's real life. So it is crazy. This is a Bose moment. You've been there before. Somebody's apartment, small talk that's going nowhere, plastic up that's almost empty.

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So do you feel like having a child that young was a lot easier because you were around people that were also having a child that young? Yeah, it was. It actually was because if I would have stayed in Wolfson, I don't, I would have been under a lot of stress versus being around women going through the same thing. We were able to like talk about things that I would not have been able to talk about in a around. regular high school. When you have a kid that young, are you thinking about your future at all or does it automatically get shifted to the baby, especially when you want to actually be a good mother or a good parent and raise a kid? That's good. So it does get shifted. At first, it's, you go through the trauma part. I was like in denial, I think, like this is really happening. And then you forget

about yourself. You know, you become selfless. It's all about being a mom. I was in law classes at Wolfson wanting to be a lawyer. That was my thing. And that was no longer a thing. So when my daughter was in daycare and I was in school, I was freaking out about her being in daycare. Is she getting taken care of? Picking her up with a wet diaper. Freaking out.

I remember just freaking out about that. I'm like, I'm not leaving her anymore. Forget school. I want to be a mom. So it does. It shifts. What about the child's dad? Where was he?

So he was there. He was. present every day the entire time. We were both young, but he was actually there through it all. It's a crazy story. He was my neighbor. He moved in next door with his grandma, and that's how we started having sex. And I would sneak over there and he would sneak. And one time my mom walked in and caught us. That was traumatic. And then around that time, I was pregnant. So my mom was marrying my stepdad at that time and I was the maid of honor and I was pregnant and we were like we have to keep this a secret because the wedding you know that was crazy I'll never forget that but he was around

he was great even though we were both young he did the best he could do I did the best I could do I remember him picking me up from the bus stop and carrying my book bag because I was big and pregnant and miserable walking home from the bus stop so we did the best we could do you think you Do you think you grew up really quickly once you had the baby? Extremely fast. Now I have full responsibilities. You know, my friends are going to prom. They're hanging out.

They're going to the movies. I'm at home being a mom. I never went to prom. I didn't graduate high school. At a high school, I graduated in the county jail. I extremely fast. My childhood was gone after that. Why do you think having the baby didn't protect you from getting into trouble?

And at that time, my mind was that I'm grown. Yeah, I'm 15 with a newborn, but I'm grown. I'm doing it. I'm going up all night. I'm providing. I'm, you know, later on when I got in trouble, I was working. I'm taking care of a household. I have now, because I have two kids. So at that time, 18, before I got locked up, I had another baby. So it's me, my child's father, the kids in the household, I'm grown. In my mind, I was already. grown and I knew everything. So there you have it. It's there wasn't no, well, I'm still young and I have a baby. I was an adult. So what ends up happening? Well, so around a year before I caught my charge, there was a really bad accident. My sister was in the car in front of us, three cars in front of us. I'm driving with my little sister and my baby in the car. My grandma's in the back seat. My brother's in the truck. The truck flipped six times.

My grandma passes away. During all of that happening, we find out that my sister's husband jerked the wheel. She jerked it the other way. That's what caused the truck to flip. Top Heavy Explorer. My family went through a lot of anger, hurt. He never got in trouble for it. my sister took the blame for him she was in a coma and she came to just a crazy experience and very

traumatic i didn't really know what trauma was until i got locked up when that took place everything in my family started shifting um i was mad at my brother for not whatever my brother started taking pills my sister got bad off on pills when she got out of the hospital because that's what they gave her for pain she was in the hospital for months in recovery after that. I was angry out her husband. There was a lot of just anger issues, a lot going on in my family at that time.

Nobody wanted to talk. Nobody really had any gatherings anymore. And everybody kind of was doing their own thing. At that time, my brother was getting in a lot of trouble. My daughter's dad was getting in a lot of trouble. They were stealing for money. They were, like I said, on pills. And I was going through a lot with my son's dad,

who was also an addict. him stealing from me, robbing me. It was just a whole lot of things. So at this time, I was in the transition of moving, needing money, they were, which my dad always gave me money. And I know now that was like hindering me from being the best I could be because it was like enabling me. So when all of that took place, everybody just started going down a different path. And that's how that's what led us to the armed robbery attempt to murder charge that I was charged with. My brother was my co-defendant and my daughter's dad. The holidays hit every year and suddenly I'm out here trying to find a gift that's personal enough to mean something,

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He was drinking. He was doing pills. He was hanging out with all the wrong people. Adults, he was hanging out with adults doing these things. Not things a 15-year-old should be doing. Before this, have you ever committed a crime? I mean, I stole out of the stores like a little kid. I remember stealing like a lip gloss.

My mom was like a manager at Kmart and I got caught and they were like your daughter's out there. But other than that, no. Like I never was the type to like go out and commit crimes. I never really did much. I smoked weed. So before prison like I never was like on pills or like anything like them or anything like that. I have tried it.

I've tried it all. didn't like any of it. Even now because of that, even before prison, I'm big on drinking and driving. I will not drink and drive. My friends are always like, it's one glass of wine. I'm like, one glass of wine can change your life, my life, everybody's life. So I just think it was a big shift at that time after that. So who proposes this idea to you? And what's going through your mind when it's proposed to you? So all of us, to be honest. Um, They had been hitting licks. And when I say licks, my baby dad, he would come.

I tell my daughter's stories all the time because he's still in prison. He's serving 40 years 20 mandatory. Crazy. And I tell her all the time, I'm like, girl, your dad, she was one years old. And he's like, hey, go to my grandmas. He would rob trains. He would have the map of where they're stopping and clear the trains. He'd call me and be like, go to my grandma.

There's all this stuff for you and Haley. She had a 52-inch screen TV. I'm like, she's one. Like, what do you want me to do with this? $4,000 bedroom sets. So I was introduced to that life because they were doing it. And I was like, dang, this is fast money. Like, they're hitting licks left and right.

They're coming up. So we had talked about it plenty of times. Like, oh, let's hit a lick. Let's hit a lick. But, like, never did it. And then I know they had hit some licks for like a bunch of computers and cameras. And they were selling this stuff for so much money. And I'm like, I'm over here struggling with two kids.

I worked at the Hilton for a little while in the restaurant with a newborn baby driving to the airport 45 minutes at 5 a.m. I don't want to do this. I want to do what they're doing. Like, you guys are hitting licks and getting all this money. Was he into crime when you met him or did he evolve into that? So when I met him, he was already in and out of the system. So his mom and dad both were on drugs, crackheads, really bad. He lived with his grandma, in and out of the system, in and out of DCF.

He had just got out of a program. Red flags. You don't see those when you're 14. You were probably attracted to that, though, right? Yeah, the bad boy lifestyle. Before prison, that's what I went for. Even now sometimes I'm like, if you never went to prison, you don't understand me. I just told you guys that.

Yeah, you said you're looking for a felon. I like my felons. Shout out to the felon. as long as the mind shifts because if not then you're going back. I'm not sending you commissary. Sorry. I'm not the ride or die no more. I can't do it.

So yeah, I feel like, yeah, I did like the bad boy thing before prison. I think most people could find that relatable. Yeah. Yeah, it's attractive, right? It's hot. It's like the adrenaline rush. And for him it was really an adrenaline rush. We were young.

It was the first time like I'm experiencing something like this. I'm hiding. He's hiding. I'm sneaking over there when my mom. mom's gone. So it was more like a rush. So paint the picture for us of this plan coming together and what happens. Well, like I said, we've been talking about it plenty of times. And then the night of, it's like we're going to hit a lick. We're going to the spot. This sounds really bad. And I've never said this. I've been on podcasts. I've been on TV. This sounds horrible probably right now with

where Trump's at. But there was a spot in Jacksonville where all the Mexicans are at. And they're illegal. Our victim was also illegal. Had that crime happened today, it probably would have been completely different. The guy was an illegal alien from Honduras and making money and sending it back over there. Our state prosecutor actually got him legal to testify. A whole other story. But we're all sitting there like, we're going to go to that spot. We're all the Mexicans are. And my baby's dad was going to put him at gunpoint and rob them. Seems so fun at that age. When I think now, like, what happened? What the hell was I thinking? And I just was telling Tanya, like, even my judge said, you were sober doing this. You're an idiot. You are sober. They're on drugs.

A lot of people that do these types of crimes have a background or they were high. You were sober. You did the sober. You just, and I think it was the adrenaline for me. Like, they've been doing this. They're getting fast money. It's just fast. Like, it's going to be fast. And then the man gets shot and it's not fast. What kind of business was the man and the victim? I, you know what? I don't know. I'm going to, if I have to guess, it's construction, right? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. So the plan was just to rob whatever cash they had on them. So this wasn't even going to be a six.

They could have had nothing on them. Could have nothing. We got nothing. We got nothing. So walk us through the robbery. What happens? A lot of that is like such a blur. I was in the truck and just like I just remember hearing gunshots.

And then my brother who was in the back seat jumping out and also discharging the firearm. and after that it's like a blur. I don't, I just, no panic. I like was panicking so bad. Like, let's go, let's go, let's go. That's all I can think of. I can't even tell you, like, I don't remember even seeing him. Like, did he fall?

Was he standing still till this day? I didn't know he was shot until they came in the interrogation room. Obviously they soup it up. it more. They said he was dead. He wasn't. He had a wound to the shoulder. But at the time, they're like, oh, he's dead. And I'm like, I'm going to jail for murder. This is really about to happen. So just dumb, stupid. So you never left the car yourself? Not at the time that that happened, no. So you're in the car. They pulled up. They got out. You stayed in the car. And he started running backwards. And when he started running backwards is when my baby's dad shot to stop him, I'm guessing.

You know, it's like just a impulsive decision. If he's running, how can I stop him? So what do they say when they get into the car to make their get away? You know what? I have no idea. Everybody was in a panic. Like, go. Just go. After that, we split up. They're doing whatever. I just remember, like, my brother stripping clothes. I don't know. My sister's babies died hoping with like the gun and stuff. And then I leave. I leave.

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Until the cops get me. Where do the cops get you and how long after this incident? Um, I got locked up same night. That's how dumb this was. When I leave, because they have my tag, so they get me. But, you know, till this day, I don't know what happened. But what I was told is my brother was in another car that got pulled over and that's how they got my brother. I don't even know what was taking place.

I got out of my truck and attempted to run. So the truck was your car? It was my car. Okay. So they had those plates and the registration and everything. Which they seized and decided they were going to keep. Suckers, brand new. Yeah.

And where were you at home at your place when they called you? No, I was driving. Oh, and they pulled you over. I stopped. This is how ratchet I was. I was listening to F the police by Boosie. And when I got pulled over, the cop was like basically cussing me out. Like, duh, whatever, you expect that.

And all I can hear while I'm in the back of the cop car after they grab me is fuck the police. I'm like, this cannot be real life. This is what's playing on my radio right now. I'm going down. Like, this is what's actually playing on my radio currently. And I'm in the back of the police car. And then I hear on the radio them calling, they got my brother. And I can hear it on the radio.

I'm like, fuck. What were the last words, if you remember, between your brother and your father of your kids before they all got arrested? I don't, I don't remember. Was that the last time you would see them? Yeah. Until, obviously. Until court or if I've seen them in the county. I had officers that would, like, look out and, you know, send kites and stuff to me and my brother to be able to communicate.

And send word or I'd see guys at court, hey, tell my brother, whatever. But actually seeing him was a long time. So how old are you when you get arrested when this happens? 19. You're 19. They take you to county jail. Do you get bond or do they keep you there? No, they keep us.

And then they, so I sat for three years on attempted armed robbery. Right when we're playing out in court is actually, because I sat in county three and a half years. right when we're getting ready to they make a plea or play guilty or whatever the case may be they amend us on first degree felony

attempted murder so they superseded it like they charged you with that otherwise by principle what would the charges have been like what how much time and how much time

would that have carried the max is 15 but it probably would have went way different five you do five for that versus having a first degree felony attempted murder so what was that first conversation

with the detectives like when they came in. It was insane because they told me somebody died. They told me my kids were taken, which was also a lie. Everything was lies. Like they told me that my brother had already told them that I was the one that did this and you know how that goes. And then they're saying that he's been in the gun on him and he's pinning the gun on him.

And then immediately my thing was to, if my baby's dad is saying my brother shot the gun, I know that's a lie. So I need to save my brother, right? So I need to tell them, no, he shot him. But the whole while they were just putting a sword together. And you're young, you're stupid. You don't even know that they're putting you guys all against each other, but really just piecing a story together. What does your mom say to you and even your dad when you get to talk to them?

It's really bittersweet. So my dad was always a support, which is also a soft subject. But my mom was so angry. And then it went from like her being angry to her wanting me to basically. take everything for my little brother because he's 15, I'm 19, I'm grown. But really, we're both still young. And she, for a long time, which is partially why our relationship is not as great as it used to be, took my brother's side. And like, he was perfect and he did no wrong. And he was there because of us. And when that's so far from the truth, the truth was that he was already troubled and going through all

these things. My brother left living with my mom right before this and was living with my sister for a little while. So the influence was already there. And I think that's where, like, a lot of my anger started coming back up after the case was because it was like, no, mom, like, we both are wrong. We both know better. You're just taking one side. What's going on in your mind about your kids when you first get locked up when you're sitting in county jail? I lost my mind for a little while, to be honest. My kids are separated. So when I go to jail, my mom gets my daughter and my son's dad gets my son because they have different dads. That was the one thing I never wanted for them because it was the one thing my mom instilled in us. Like, you guys stick together forever.

Like there's no parting, you know, like you guys are all you got. If something happens to me, me, you're all you got. Well, something happened to me, and that didn't happen. So my son went with my, his dad, my daughter went with my mom, and they seen each other, but they were together every day. You know, and my daughter was four and a half, and that was her little brother. So you imagine a four-year-old with a newborn for a year and a half. That was her whole life, which they're super close today. They make sure they see each other, like they're best friends. But for me, I was so angry. I was just angry for a long time, a very long time.

What's that very first night or day in county jail like when you get there? I mean, you're 19 years old. You've never been to jail before. I'm going to tell you how stupid I really was. Because I can only, I have the pen. I write my own story. And the truth is, I was dumb. When I got booked, you know, they give you that brown bag with the baloney sandwich.

Nobody ever wants that the first night. But I straight up told them, I'm leaving. I'm leaving in the morning. What? You're getting booked on attempted armed robbery. Somebody got shot. You're not leaving in the morning. In my mind, I was in such denial that I was like, I'm leaving.

You guys can have that back. I don't care. I'm leaving. So my first night wasn't the worst, actually. It was the reality after I went to first appearance. the next day. You go to first appearance and they're like, Robert, blah, blah, blah. And they're like, court date set. This was August 15th. Court date set for November. November? It's August. So it wasn't the first night. It was a second night.

I'm not leaving. I'm here. And my kids are out there. And I'm stuck. And so. So that second night, that was probably the first time I cried because the first night I didn't cry. I was in shock. I was in denial. I was just feeling all this. I didn't even cry. But that second night that I knew that I was stuck four months before court was tragic. What's your lawyer saying to you?

He's an idiot. He was an idiot. I had so many attorneys. So my brother, my mom got my brother. really good paid attorney. My baby's dad had a public defender. So because of that, I got a conflict of interest attorney. They don't care. Their interest is zero. My dad, so a year in the county, my dad dies. And that drastically changed me forever. It was really hard coming here to New York without seeing him because this is where we're from

and that's the memories I have of New York is him. So when he dies I go crazy. I'm in confinement. I'm fighting a lot. And during that time him getting me a lawyer I no longer have the money. When he passes away, who's going to pay

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slash donate. Thank you for helping make community safer one canine at a time. What was county jail like as a woman at that age, just in general over the course of those three years and in Florida. I will say this. County jail, they are always talking about how like prison is the worst. But I was in Duvall County Jail in 2009.

So we had no, all this stuff they have now, the tablets and all this video visit on the screen and we had none of that. You have nothing. We didn't have TVs. We had a little window you could peek out of the sea downtown. You could barely see if you get a good window. You have, we

had visitation once a week through a last. So that's how I seen my kids. I spent a lot of time in county playing spades. I know you and Tonya heard you guys talking about spades. Yeah, we're ripping a game right after this. Get ready. But Matt doesn't know how to play. What does he do? Get cards the client. No, just kidding.

No, you know how he knows how to play. What he knows how to play? I taught them Celo. So we used to play four, five, six during COVID and I would get all his friends. So did you guys play two cards or one? For speeds? Yeah. What do you mean? by two cards. Okay, so we play with two cards instead of putting down one. So if it's high, like, Ace King, you would put those two down. Oh, no, we'd just play one. Play one. So we played two. So I did that for a long time in the county. I would just play spades to pass time. And then we started doing like church in the day room, anything to pass time, because you have nothing but time.

Then I started doing tattoos. You would give people tattoos. Yes. I actually, I, I did this tattoo myself. I did this tattoo myself. Regret it. Pick and pokes. Those look good for a pick and poke. Yeah. Yeah.

They need to be fixed. But that's my mom's name. And then that is horrible story. But what would you use for the actual pick and poke? So we would crush up pencil lead and then put a little drop of shampoo in it. Probably isn't good for you. But that's what we did. Make the lead.

And then we would sharpen a staple. Put it in the end of a pencil erase. sir, tie string around it, make sure it's filed good, get it all tight, and dip the end of that in the ink, and then you just poke. And you would keep doing that, and the thread would hold the ink to go into your skin. Wild. Wild. So I started doing that to make money, because after my dad died, my mom supported me every now and then, but she was focused on, like, really taking care of my brother. Truth be told. So I had friends. that would look out every now and then.

But my dad was my main source of candy, of being taking, he did everything. So I started hustling. Like I did tattoos. I started working out in the county. It started in the county. Like, I need something to do, work out. And then I realized I started building friendships and family in the county.

You're in there three and a half years. My best friend, Erica Thomas, is still in prison. She will be home soon, and that's still my bestie, and she was there since county. You know, that's my family. We built families in there, so. What kind of charges are these women facing when you're in the county jail? Whoa, I've seen them all. I've seen them all.

It's so crazy because I was watching prison break before I caught my case. That was my favorite show. And I used to be like, I could never do that. And then I'm sitting in there and I'm like, oh, I'm in here with murders and child molesters and everything you could think of. Robbers and prostitutes and whatever it is. They're there. And then you see people you know because you're in the county. So you see and you're like, what are you in here for?

And they're like, oh, he's driving and driving that suspended or whatever. And you're like, and then they get out and you're like, oh, I'm still here. Then they come back and you're like, you're back. I can't get out one time. And the door for the county is like revolving. You see these people so many times and you're like, what are you doing? I just want to get out one time, you know. How do they react to someone your age?

So the officers actually traded us really good. I am actually so friends with a couple of the officers from the county that really took me and my best friend under our, like if I didn't want you in myself, you were getting moved out. If you didn't clean, if you didn't want me talking in the toilet, because that's, another way I passed time talking in the toilet. Tell everyone about that. Talking in the toilet. So the boys, so in Duval County, we're on the third floor. So the second, fourth, fifth, six is all guys.

So you're bored. You plunge out the toilet. You sit on it like this. You plunge it. All the water comes out just from the pressure. And then we would make microphones out of the tissue roll and styrofoam cups. And then you stick the styrofoam cup in. You stick all the tissue rolls.

We would take the pads, rip the pads apart, destruction of state property, rip the pads apart, tape the rolls together, and then we had a microphone. And we would just sit. All the love I had in the toilet, all the toilet relationships that I was getting out here and getting married to and shenanigans. But it passed time. I met rappers in the toilet that would rap to me. So that's how I passed a lot of my time. I talked in the toilet. And before you knew it, it was count time.

But we had this officer, Miss Shores. I loved her. She loved me so much. But she was a stickler for the toilet. So she would call out on the intercom because some cells, they can see you, like, talking on the toilet. And they'll be like, Nicolausie in 71, get your face out of the commode. And you're like, oh, shoot, caught.

And you heard me flush the toilet because they didn't want you talking in there. We even learn how to fish. So they would fish kites from fifth floor, fourth floor to the third floor to us. And it was crazy. Like tie that to a string, wrap it in some saran wrap from one of the baloney sandwiches and fish it down. Like it got crazy. But you learn survival skills. Like you learn how to maneuver time, master solitude, really master timing.

Like, I, the things I cooked in the county, Thanksgiving meals we had, it was crazy. What did your kids know about you being in there? Were they old enough to comprehend? What was going on? No. So my daughter was actually at my sisters when they bust down her door looking for us. Because she had my kids when I left to commit the crime. So vaguely for a while, I think she.

She just, like, remembered, like, the police coming in with guns, putting, laying them all down, procedure. But they didn't really understand at that time. I remember having the conversation when I was in prison, like, with my son. And he was like, yeah, even now, I just talked to my daughter. She's 20 now. And the other day, her, me and my little sister went out to eat. And, you know, she mentioned, like, they never really told us the truth about what happened. It was always, like, a different story.

Everybody had their own story for what happened. which is fine. There's your story, her story, my story, the truth, right? But they never really knew exactly what happened and the true story to it all. When did you find out that the guy didn't die? How long into your stay in county jail? It was a couple days. So for a little while, I'm thinking this guy's dead. And then it was after my mom spoke with some people, I guess, and that he was out of the hospital. It was just like, like an overnight he went in and then was out. And I was like, wait, he's out of the hospital.

And this whole time I think he's dead. Grateful for that. Grateful. Things could have been, I wouldn't be sitting here today, you know. It could have been spending life in prison. How long did it take you to feel a remorse for what happened that night? After my denial stage and realizing that I, because at first it's all like an I, I, I, I, I think like I'm in prison I'm or in jail I'm away from my kids I'm missing my family I fucked up

then it's oh my God he could have died I could have killed him he his daughter his wife so I want to say to be honest probably a year my first year was I I lost my truck I lost my house I lost my kids. I'm facing a life sentence. I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm mad. After my dad died, I realized how short life really is and to not take it for granted and realize that same thing for that guy, just an innocent bystander. Did you blame the father of your kids? I didn't blame, but in the beginning, there was that if I wouldn't have been a story. associated with you, this probably wouldn't ever happen. But now I feel so bad for him because he has so much time that he doesn't deserve. I believe, yes, we needed to pay for what we did. Do I believe

that he deserves 40 years 20 mandatory? Absolutely not. No. Do I believe he's reformed and could get out here and be a great guy? Yes, I do. So I think there was like that. yes, but not really, but possibly could have. When you're sitting in county jail and you're seeing other women get sentenced to pretty large amount of times, are you thinking to yourself, yeah, that's not going to happen to me? Like, I'm probably getting five years. Five years was it because when I seen my pre-sentence investigation officer, you already have a DOC number, which I want to say, anybody who goes through that, you're going to prison. They already gave you a DC number. You don't realize it at that moment. When that PSI investigator comes to see you, And they gave me J4-6-9.

That was my D.C. number for prison. That was my booking. That was everything. So I didn't know that when I was going through this. But, yeah, I'm going home on probation for five years all day. And then also on the other side of that, you see women getting out or doing county time. And I'm like, you got a year for the same thing I did. I'm still sitting here for three and a half.

mind blown. Why did they decide to escalated it to attempted murder? I believe at that time, my baby's dad had a chance of winning trial. My victim wanted no parts of this. He was illegal. He didn't want any parts. They persuaded him, as the state does best, to be a part of it. He had a really good chance beating that attempted armed robbery in trial,

but not attempted murder. Why is that? Because one, we never got money. Two, he never physically touched him or took anything from him for an attempt to robbery. And three, the guy wanted to know parts of it, didn't speak English, translation off, couldn't pinpoint anybody. Never seen me. That guy couldn't, I could probably be sitting right here with him and he would not even know who I am. Did you think about going to trial yourself?

Never. Never. I always was. from the day in there told, like, how scary trial is. And, like, if you lose, you get max. I'm like, well, I don't want that. So I'm going to gamble this a little bit longer. So never wanted to go to trial. My baby's father, now I wanted him to go to trial

to at least have that little bit of hope. But then when they amended us, that was over. Who gets sentenced first? and how do you find out about everything? How does the legal process unravel? I get sentenced first. I'm signing 10 years, I thought. I'm going in 10 years.

I already have 3.5 under my belt. I'm just going to do like 4. 4 and 1 half. And then me and my brother get sentenced same day, which was a setup by the state prosecutor because they praised my brother. He was in the youth upstairs, Y.O. he had better advantage as far as programming, rehabilitation.

He was on Beyond Scare Tray. So the state loved him. So, you know, with the plea and everything that took place, they sentenced us in the same room together, but me first. I thought we were both getting 10 years. And then the judge gives me 15. I'm in the hold and cell. Pissed.

I'm mad. I'm just so mad. I'm just like, I want to fight the judge at this point. My brother comes out and he's in chakos and I'm like, how much did you get? Like through the window and he said 10. And my heart just dropped. I'm like, discharge a firearm 10 years. You said this place was steps from the water.

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keep it real, look for the seal. Real California milk by real California farm families. And I go 15. Okay. Why did the judge decide to give you 15? He hated me. He hated me. You know, and I will say this for everybody, just in case everything you do in the county counts. So I fought a lot when my dad died, I fought a lot.

I was in and out of confinement. I did dumb stuff. Like they moved me to the first floor one time and I was like, I'm going to confinement so I could be on the third floor and see my friends and whatever the case may be and talking to toilet. Because on the first floor, you can't talk in the toilet. I'm devastated. I need to talk to my boyfriends in the toilet.

And so I'm doing everything you can think of to get in trouble. I had so many DRs, which are disciplinary reports, wrote by the staff, that I had to go to court in jail. I'm going to court, another court, for jail, for violating jailhouse rules. I didn't know that existed. That's a charge. It's a misdemeanor. So I was in so much trouble. Every time I went to court, I'm in orange jumps.

So in the county, you're in blue, green, blue is prison. In confinement, it's orange. So every time I go to court, I'm in orange with shackles. Confinement. And the judge used to be like, you're not going to learn, are you? And I was young. And I was just like, whatever. Always looked at him just like, whatever.

my brother being smarter and whoever was putting him up on game would go in there on his A game I'm doing programs I'm doing classes I'm on Beyond scared straight blah blah blah and the judge is like he's changing his life in here and then I'm like doing tattoos and I have all these D-Rs and I'm talking in the toilet they had caught mail so we would reroute mail I would put like a address a fake address from sender and then the jail's address with whoever my little boyfriend, toilet boyfriend was, and it would get rerouted to him. But sometimes Ms. Clark, who is the male lady in the jail, would catch it. Sometimes they wouldn't.

But when they would catch it, what I didn't know, it was going to my judge in my docket. I did not know that. And he would have my kites for me sending guys letters. And he's like, this is what you're doing other time? You're writing. And I'm like, I'm passing time. You know, it was just fun for me. but it did count and it all went against me at sentencing.

What did the letters say? Oh my God. What didn't they? I would write sex letters and everything. It was so bad. I mean, you're down bad. You're 3.5 years. I'm in the county.

I'm down bad. So, or just like, oh, my God, fantasizing the life we're going to live when we get out here. Never seen them, but. What happened to your baby daddy? He's in prison. When did you find out he got that much time, though? after we got sentenced, he took a plea. And it was like a few weeks, a couple weeks after.

And that's when he got the 40 years. Yeah. How did you react when you found out? Oh, that hurt. My daughter's dad has always been my friend. Like, we were friends. We were young. But he still wants the best for me.

And he always did. and he's just, he had a troubled lifestyle. He was one of those people that's a product of their environment. And I still want the best for him. I'm sad. And I wish he could get out. His daughter loves him. He loves our daughter.

So it's hard seeing me at least growing up with my dad and then my daughter not having hers. It sucks. Did they give him that much time because he was the one that pulled the trigger? Yeah. And because he had. priors. He had a juvenile record. He had whatever on his record already. So what do you actually plead out to? What's the charge? I'm robbery at septim murder. First degree felony. And that's for the 15 years. 15 years. So once you're sentenced and you plead out to that,

what happens? I go to prison. So I go to prison. It's funny because not funny. But when I get to Lull, which is where they were doing reception, when I went to prison, it was. It was, was a little bit different than Tanya, like when she was saying FWRC was not there. They were building the reception center for new intakes. When I went, when I got sentenced, they were just building that. So they were just starting to get that running and putting people there. I got stuck in Micdorm on the annex. I don't know if you've heard about the annex low, but it was, it is.

The worst compound ever. In Florida, the worst women's prison ever. That's where they killed the lady. That's where the rape went on. All the things goes on at Lowell. I get put in Mike Dorm, which is top security, close custody lifers, dorm is where I go. I don't even go to the R&O reception dorm. when they told me I was going to Mike Dorm, I'm like, Mike Dorm with the lifers.

So I sent a message. I had a friend who was a lifer. She still is. Bear, who was also my girlfriend in the county. She was at Loll in Mike Dorm. And I'm like, you've got to tell Bear I'm here, so I'm safe, right? I have to be up under a lifer because they're going to. I'll fight my way.

out, but I don't want to get cut. I'll fight my way out. So, thank God, nothing but God. I go in the quad with bear. And the lifers that were in that dorm, a couple of them actually paroled out, and I still talked to, they taught me what not to do, what to do, how to make my bed, how to wash my sheets in a bucket, how to survive, because it was a big transition. And I was in my dorm for a few months before I got transferred. And so they just really helped me because I, that was a tough time. So when you first get to prison, you can't use the phone yet until all your stuff's approved through classification. You're in limbo. You can't go to canteen yet. Like I said, they were just doing the reception thing. So I'm not even an R&O. But in R&O, you can't do nothing for like a week.

It's really hard to get any approvals. You got to wait on classification. You got to wait on all this stuff just to pick up the phone. Things have changed now. But then that's how it was. So I had to have her three way my family so I could tell my kids and thank God I had somebody there. So that was a big help for me. What did they teach you about what you can and can't do? What were those prison lessons? So other, unlike how Tanya thinks, get a girlfriend, I say the complete freaking opposite. Do not get a girlfriend. It was the most fights, the most arguments at Lowell.

One of my friends got her whole face cut over a girl. And they weren't even talking. One of the girls was so jealous looking through the window that they were playing cards together, playing spades, that the next morning, when we went out for work call, she cut the girl's face open. So I say don't get a girlfriend. I didn't really listen to that. But they tell you, like, majority of the fights is, I'm not going to say FWRC because people transition so fast, they're in and out. But like at Lowell are over girlfriends. Like, you don't talk to somebody else's girlfriend. You don't cook with somebody else's girlfriend. Don't even play space.

Like, unless you're with your girlfriend playing against their girlfriend, you don't do it. So there was a lot. You don't shower. Like when that girl showers are right behind her because then they think you're holding the shower for her. It was crazy. So a lot of things they were just like mind your business, stay to yourself, and you'll be fine. Now this woman, bear, how old does she? I love her.

What did she get life for? Her case is pretty big in Jacksonville. They killed, they murdered a boy and put him in the trash can. A baby. In Jacksonville. Not a baby. 16. The kid robbed her cousin and they

were getting back at him. But it went really bad. And so she has life. Bear is a couple years older than me. Oh, she's young. If you met her, you wouldn't even believe she was sentenced to life. She is

the most vibrant, uplifting, powerful person I've ever met in my life. She's been a big impact on my life even now. She told me when I got sentenced because I was like I can't I got to do all this time she's like you have a second chance though don't take it for granted do not and I haven't and it's like I'm doing it for some of those people that are never going to get out and be able to did looking at her regularly make you think about what would have happened if your victim died it it did that it made me think about that

knowing that she can't get out, no parole, nothing. And it also helped me become better because it's like that could have been me, but it's not. I have another chance. I have another opportunity. Like I need to tell my story. I need to be better. Get out here and live every day like it's your last.

You never know what could happen. And so it also impacted me in that way. Give us a good fight story from your prison sentence. You said you were getting in. Like my fighting? Yeah. You said you got a lot of fights. I was so, I've, I thought over the toilet all the time in the county jail.

Once I got to prison, I really stopped fighting, except with my girlfriends. That's who I used to fight. My girlfriends. I remember going to wreck, um, trail, and I slapped her in her face. Just ratchet. Why did I do that? Just crazy. Um, but I thought more in the county than anything and it was always over the toilet.

And I remember pushing a girl down the stairs and psycho. Why did I do that? I'm just so glad I'm not that person anymore. I mean, I can get there. But I really do my best not to. I don't place myself in those situations anymore. I don't know. I fought so much in the county.

I don't even know just one. I did flush a girl's face down the toilet. Tell us that story. Okay, so we were really territorial over our lines. So every four rooms is a toilet line And she plunged out downstairs Which was my line And you don't talk on my line

And she knew that And she's talking talking talking talking talking And she had her face all the way in the toilet Because once you get really in that toilet You don't make the mics anymore You just put your head in and you cover the outside With a nightgown And you're in there

Face first Thank God my skin is good Because all that And I was like Tanya I mean Tanya She's talking about me I was it was this girl um terra and I was like get out of get off my line and she was like hi you ain't and she went back on the toilet and started talking and I held her head in and I

flushed the toilet and we fought we ended up fighting and I was beating her up so bad my best friend Erica Thomas came down and was like get off her get off her before the police come yeah what was the biggest difference between county jail and the actual prison for you the freedom so once i left lull i went to gatson which is a private facility there's the dog program toastmasters there's all these programs it was a freedom because at work call you get out the door and you're actually starting to live some sort of a lifestyle like you can go to wreck and work out you can go to walk to the chow hall and get your food you can walk to class at six o'clock you can get in a program and at least you get that sense of like freedom

I have a locker full of like, back then we could buy sweatpants, sweatpants and sweatshirts. So now, like, you can't have sweatpants. But it was going to canteen shopping at the window, not like ordering on a bubble sheet. So it was just starting to really, like, grow and change and evolve versus sitting in the county with nothing, no TVs. I had an MP3 player. Now they have tablets. But back then it was MP3 players so I could listen to music. I could put my headphones in and jog.

I think it's just a sense of freedom. What was the hardest thing to adjust to? The officers. The officers being told what to do. I was a rebel. So I'm like, you're not, okay, it's count time. You can't go to the bathroom? Can't go to the bathroom.

If I got to go to the bathroom. Write me a CC. And I can just remember getting so many CCs at first. Out of control. I'm surprised I made my date, but I had so much time to do it. because I didn't want to hear that. And it's just like them knowing they have that control, controlling you, get in the yellow line. So now I want to walk out the wine just because you're screaming at me to do so.

And it was just adjusting to like that. But I know that structure, taking it out here has helped me. Did you ever try to control an officer? I did. Manipulate one? Yeah, all the time. It was how you survive. How would you do that?

Pretty girl privilege. Really. And then I had a good job. So once I started at Gadsden working out, that became my job every compound I went to because I was transferred quite a lot. And I mastered just proposing the wellness, like how great it is and how it reduces fights and how it gives women something to do. I got to the point where at FWRC, I had a pass. I can go on any compound. I would just be able to be like wellness, show my pass and get let in and teach classes.

So using that to my advantage, like, oh, I know that I'm like have a little bit of power now and just having them do what I want. Like being out the dorm even though they didn't call for movement yet. Or I'm not in this class, but they're going to let me go anyway because it's me. I'm neglect. So I'm going to go. Or, yeah. Or if I knew, if an officer even let me know that he thought I looked good, I was using that to the T. Like, okay, I got him.

Not going to say no names, but there was one at Gadsden that I already knew. If he's on the yard, I could do whatever I want. I could walk around with my friends. I could do whatever. What kind of signs are you looking for? Like, how do they know or how do you know that you could try him and get away with it? It's the same in the real world. The eyes, the looks, the comments, the gestures.

It's the same thing out here. I hear it all the time you talk with your eyes and I would do the same thing and as soon as they didn't Nicholas you don't try me or whatever and they talked about game it's game I got so good at it that again I won't say no names but I had a head of classification on my team and it was a woman and whatever I wanted you want somebody shipped sure you want whatever I wanted you want this job you this program, you get, you got it. And what do they get out of it? It seems like you have all the advantage of what you get out of it, but what do they get?

So I'll tell you what, I never, ever, ever had sex with an officer. Oh, they do that. I do know a girl that got pregnant in jail or in prison. I don't know if it's the thrill. I might have to message one and ask them what is it? Because a lot of women get their way. I was just telling Maddie Ice Lipcloths in prison

The things women will do for this Lipcloth break Is crazy But The officers will bring it to you And I never did anything in return Some women did They did

Something small as this and a pack of gum What would you promise though That you would do something and then didn't do it? I mean I would talk I was all talk I talked for days with them and never did nothing. That's all it was, though.

It's playing game, you know? It was, but it passed my time, and it got me where I needed to be. If I wanted to move in the dorm with my girlfriend or get her moved in, I knew the officer to do it. And I don't know if it was a thrill for them or what, because they never got anything for me. I can't say for the rest, because there are some, but... Were you into a woman when you were in prison?

Yes, I had so many girlfriends. That passes your time. I did the one thing they told me don't do get girlfriends. And I actually got separated from one of my girlfriends and went crazy on another compound and went psych to get back to my girlfriend. And sat in jail for like, I sat in confinement for like three, four months waiting to get to her. I made it, though. I made it my business.

The crazy part is the fact that I thought we were going to be out here living life together is crazy. Like I thought in my mind this was it. This is what I'm spending my life with. So you fell in love. in prison. Yeah. Crazy. It's crazy.

But you have nothing, like, they, and I'm not going to say any of that was fake because it wasn't. Some of those girls, they're still my greatest friends, the greatest bonds that I've built. They love me actually for me. It wasn't for my outfit because we had on raggedy blues. Well, mine were creased to death, but my were creased up, but we were all in the same clothes. We didn't have nothing. We had ramen noodles, some got canteen, some didn't.

So some did go with girls for canteen. But for me, you love me for me. We're at the bottom. We're in prison. And you actually build that bond. Like, you're hurting, I'm hurting. We can't, it was trauma bonding. It was.

It was trauma bonding. But I've built the best friendships out of those. I have girls that I dated that now I don't see like that, but they are my biggest supporters. If I post on social media, they're the first to repost, tell me how proud they are. Like, they support me genuinely. They know where I came from to where I am today. So, yeah, I was in love in prison a couple times.

I don't know. I thought I was bringing lifers home. I was going to wait on lifers. I was crazy. What's a romantic gesture someone can do in prison? Like from girls? Yeah, from girls. Like, what's a date night in prison?

No, it gets serious, okay? I have had girls make me. me flowers out of tissue paper like bocalf flowers so um you know i tell people i've had some of the best birthdays in prison the cakes that they make in prison you would not even believe it and it's like a big deal with your day right i'm celebrated big time here there's probably 65 people thousand people having my birthday but um cards all the time my girlfriend's brought me cards every day. And that's why it's so hard for me to date right now. I will say, I know it probably sounds crazy, but to be catered like that in prison, and these guys can't even step up halfway, you can't bring

flowers. You're not opening my car door. My girlfriend did all of that in prison with nothing. They cooked for me every night. They washed my clothes. They folded my stuff up. They cleaned my bed area. I'd get home from work. All my stuff was done. It's funny, but it was our life, right? that's all we have in there. And so it's like, you've got to step up your game. Because in prison, I was getting all of this. You can't do it. Like getting jewelry ordered from their family so that you can have a necklace or have

earrings, gold ball earrings were a big deal in prison. And it's like getting stuff like that. You're like, oh, they made me a strawberry cheesecake. Big deal. You walk in the dorm with all that stuff and people are looking like, dang, her girlfriend loves her, you know, but they made a way. So you can make, I can even make clothes out of anything. If you give me a t-shirt, I can make the cutest booty shorts.

Give me some elastic thread and I got you. And it was like getting those cute little different clothes than what we were every day made for me or embroidering because they would sew different things in your t-shirts. They're so, it blows my mind at the creativity that is sitting behind that fence. Would you run game on guys outside of prison based on your personality? After prison? No, during. Right now? No, while you're in prison, like, you know, like those right-of-prisoner things? No, I don't have the tolerance. My mouth is so slick. So the first time you get on my nerves, I'm going to be like, F you, after your money, don't call. Like, I don't need to call you.

I had a best friend, Nautra. I met him through his mom. He was there through my whole sentence, my whole bid. I mean, he disappeared every now and then, but in the county every week, if my kids didn't come, my mom didn't come, he was there. So he was their majority. If I needed anything, he was always there, packages, whatever I needed. So I was grateful for that. I never had, like, pen pals and stuff. I would always be like, oh, I want to get on a website and stuff. But I never really did that.

I never, like, talked to the phone with guys for money. I, my mouth. I'd be like, I don't like you for all anyways, click. So it just wouldn't work. It wouldn't work. What was it like to watch your kids grow up while you're in prison for all those years? That was hard.

I don't think there's words to explain it. I tell people all the time. I can't even explain it. It's like gut-wrenching. Like birthdays, I still can't believe my daughter's 20 and I left her at four. I'm grateful now because I'm able to do all the things I didn't get to do. But I feel like sometimes I'm trying to play catch up.

And I can't. It's gone. Like, there's no catch up. My son, he is like a rebel like me. So he is in and out. Like, but there's no words. It hurts beyond measure. I did my best with what I had. I seen them. They came to see me all the time. My daughter went through a phase where she didn't want to come up to the prison anymore. And that hurt. That hurt. She was about nine. And she, and then 10 and finally she came. But she was, it probably hurt her. Every time she came up there, she was probably confused. She was young.

My son came a lot and he was okay. But he was one when I left. So pretty much all he knows was me in prison. Versus my daughter being four and a half, kind of knowing a little bit or being with me and having that connection. That was the worst pain I've ever felt other than my dad dying. Even though they were physically your kids, did it feel like you were their mother mentally

through that time period? No. No. Honestly, when I would call home and, like, check on my daughter and stuff, it was like my mom was her mom. So my little sister just had a baby, and my daughter calls her niece. But it's really her cousin.

But they grew up together. My little sister and my daughter year apart. So they're sisters, basically. And I'm like, that's your cousin. You know, that's your cousin. her cousin, right? She's like, yeah, but I'm more like her Titi. Like, I'm her Titi. But I get it, though. They grew up together. So it's really hard to like think about. I blocked it out for so long because I would not have been able to move forward. If I stay stuck thinking about me not raising my kids, I will actually lose my mind.

Did you check in with your mom to find out how your brother was doing in prison? Yeah, all the time. How did he do? He did good. He thrived. And I think there's probably more to like, because men's prisons are different than what they go through than women. But he still was doing good, doing programs, taking advantage of the opportunity that he had. And once I got to prison, I did the same thing. I got state certifications for PC support.

Like I told you, I did toastmasters, leadership skills, public speaking, which is something I love doing. making an impact. I took life skills a hundred times, got my GD in the county. Well, it's actually a high school diploma because in the county they have a program where the city actually comes and does school. So I was able to get a high school diploma in the county, which helped a lot when you get to prison because you can't get in the programs without your GD. So then you got to go. And if you don't qualify, like Tanya couldn't even get in a program, then you're just screwed. You don't get the education part. But I was able to take advantage of all of that and he did too. So that was good. How do you count down that many years? You don't count until the end. I remember one day I was like,

wait, how much time do I have? Because I blocked it out for so long. And then I was down when I realized I was like, I'm down to my last three years. And those are like your vital years. Like when you get a three from 13, you can feel the fresh air. And that's when I started counting down. Before that, you just do your time. You do day for a day. Like, I'm in today. I'm going to deal with today. I'm not going to think about tomorrow. Tomorrow, I'm in today. How many discounts does USA auto insurance offer? Too many to say here. Multi-vehicle discount. Safe driver discount. New vehicle discount. Storage discount. How many discounts will you stack up? Tap the banner or visit usaaa.com

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Like you miss how many birthdays, that many holidays, your child's lives, your lives. Does it feel like that when you look at it now? Because I know for me, like the three years I did, it doesn't feel like I was gone for three years. But in the moment, it feels like you're gone for that period of time. It's still surreal. Like when you just, when I was just in there talking to you, and I was like, I did 12 years, I went to 13 years. I, whoa, I actually did that. Now it doesn't feel like that, but when you're in it, it feels like forever.

When I was in it, I thought I was never going to make it out. Now that I'm out here, I'm like, damn, I did that. That was fast. Like, it's gone in the blink of the night. When you get to the end of your sentence, what are you thinking about? future wise. It's crazy because my entire mind has shifted from that point. So I was in wellness, like I said.

So I wanted to be a wellness instructor. I wanted to get out here and do the same thing, which I still work out. And I still, till this day, I want to teach Zumba and dance fitness. But I'm doing so much right now that it's been getting pushed to the back burner. But I know that was my baby. I bolted in there and it still burns in my heart. At that time, I was going with a friend that I met in prison to Indiana, which I did. She has food trucks, businesses, very successful.

And I just wanted to immediately start working was all I could think about. I need to work. I need to work. I need to work. So that's what I did. And then I was like, wait, I'm doing all this, but my kids are way in Florida. I got to get back at least closer. I flew them to Indiana for two weeks.

And when they left, I broke. I couldn't even focus on working. anymore. I was making mistakes and you know I'm fresh out. She wants me to run social media. I'm like, what is social media? I don't even know how to post on Instagram. What is Instagram? I remember thinking about the post I used to post when I first came home and I'm like, oh my God, I'd believe it all of it because disaster. When I got locked up, MySpace was a thing. So that tells you where I was at. Myspace and Black Planet. I get out. Instagram's a thing. People are making money on TikTok, all this social media stuff. And she wants me to run social

media. Ma'am, I don't even know how to post. So she had a gem with boxers and professional boxers and she wants me to do all this. And I can't. Like I mentally can't. My kids are here. I'm dealing with acclimating back to society. And it was the first time, and this is also the first time I speak on this in any of the podcast I've done, it was the first time I fumbled a bag. she's well, well off doing amazing things. And I would have been a millionaire today had I stayed. The opportunity that I had in Indiana was massive. I got out and immediately had keys to a gym.

Not a membership. I had keys. I was running prime boxing gym. But I fumbled. My emotions were everywhere. I just did all this time. I don't know where to start. You're handing me.

people I don't even know like I'm still just in a phase of oh my gosh I'm free I don't know what's next I'm just trying to learn and with her being such a business woman it was like do it just do it you know and I'm like I don't know what to do you know so that was the first bag I fumbled I will say that and I can admit to that but at that time my last three years that's what I was working towards going home to run her gym, going home to work on her fruit trucks, going home to do all that, to then figure out what I was going to do with my kids or move here or whatever. But it happened way faster, just a few months. What was something that you expected and you were looking forward to when you got out that never came to fruition?

I want to say dance fitness because I put so much into it. But I did teach a few classes, so it did. But that was my heart and soul for years. So when I got to up WRC, they had no wellness. Like I got there from Gadsden where we have a gym, full Zumba, and I'm like, you guys have nothing? Oh, I'm proposing this today. Wellness was shut down for a little while because there was a lifer Ashley Dunn who was doing it,

but then she got in trouble. There was no more wellness for a while. And I built it back up. And I was like, if I can do that in here, I'm going to do that when I get home. So it's the one thing that has not fully come to fruition that I still was. wake up like I see people teaching or they're on live and stuff and I'm like that's supposed to be me I am the dance nobody does step aerobics or dance better than me like I know that I can come up with a dance in a step as soon as you give me a beat I'm there so that's the one thing that sometimes

I'm like I need to lock in on but it's also like trying to get established after 13 years you need cash flow I had to build my credit from nothing I I needed to pay rent. I needed to get a house. I'm a felon. I needed all these things. So that's why I did the transition house. And that's why I started a cleaning business. And I also bartend because I'm like, I need that first. But that's the one thing I would say that has not. That was on my list. Because passport, done, out of the country, done. Having a house done. Brand new card done. My kids done. Like all those things. I did it.

Took my kids on trips. And it's like, that's the one thing I have yet to really lock in. What was the hardest thing you had to face while reintegrating into society after that much time away? I couldn't be a mom immediately. I can't tell my kids, don't do this, don't do that. And people tell me all the time, like, oh, yeah, but you still are. I'm like, did you do it? did you do what I did and then do that? No. So getting out and I'm like, I want to tell my daughter

don't do this. Very hard. And I still did because in my heart, I'm still a mom. But I think that it was definitely facing that I'd been gone for so long that I can't just get out here and mom right away. I have to earn their trust. I have to earn that relationship back. You know, they went through things too. I'm gone. My daughter's dad's gone. My daughter went through a lot. So it's like earning that back before I just give all this pushback to them.

Like I'm just mommy. How have your charges affected you in everyday life? I refuse to let them. So that's a big thing for me. The only thing that it affected was me finding a place to live when I first came home. I would get approved for apartments and houses. and then I have gotten calls after being approved and putting down a down payment. And they're like, oh, it went to the other management and they seen your charges.

And they said, sorry, but we're going to refund you your money, but not your application fee. So here I am thousands of dollars later. Application fee, application fee. And that has been the hardest thing with my charges. Other than that, I spoke on a panel not that long ago and I told them. just like I said, I have the pen. So I'm rewriting my story. So you can't really hold anything against me that I'm already telling the world, right? So those are my charges. You can label me or judge me on that or you can get to know me today and know that I am making an impact and that that's not who I am. That's

who I was to be who I am today. So I don't let them, they told me I couldn't vote. I voted. Won't say through. I voted. They told me I couldn't get a passport. I went straight and got a passport. As soon as I got out, I went and got a passport. So they tell you all these things to hold you back. They're like, oh, felons can't do this. And I'm like, yes, we can. This, this and this. And I will research it. I will. felons will never be in these rooms. That's a lie. I've been in the room with the senator. I've been in all of these rooms. So I don't let it. I think that if we stay labeled as our charges, we're stuck. We're still stuck. We're in prison. We're mentally still in prison. Have you been able to make amends with the victim? I have it. I don't even know where he's up. I don't even know his name. I'm not even going to lie. I don't know his name. I'm not sure I could get that, but I don't know if he would even want, like, it's been so long. I don't know. I don't know.

Is that something you feel like you should do to make peace with yourself? I've made peace, to be honest, spiritually through that. I know that I'm already forgiven. I've paid my dues. I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't mind sitting down with him and just talking and telling him. And telling Yeah, like what happened and why and seeing where he's at. We would need a translator because he doesn't speak English. And I don't speak English, so. Just pokey-do. Do you think your sentence was just?

No, no. I think I'd be and my brother at the same time, I would have been, yes. But the fact that somebody can shoot a gun and get less time, I don't care what the reason is. I don't care if he did a million classes and I was in confinement. I don't care. I went through a lot. You told me my dad dying wasn't a mitigation. You didn't let me go to the funeral.

You told me my kids weren't a mitigation, but they're my whole life. So, no, no. Am I grateful that I didn't spend life or get 25? Absolutely. But do I think that a gunman should get less than me? No. Would you change anything if you could go back in time? No.

The only thing that, again, is me not raising my kids. But I want to change a thing. I love who I am today and I I wouldn't be here if I didn't go through all that. I think, no, I don't think. I know that not raising my kids hurt still a lot and my dad dying and me not even being able to go to the funeral. I haven't been back to the city since he was alive. So last night I was driving and I'm passing like Lafayette and I'm like, oh, my sister went to Lafayette. and all this and I'm just like, it was a wave of emotion in my head just like in all my heart,

like, dang. But I wouldn't change anything. I'm happy where I am today. I'm grateful. Life did what it needed to do for me to see through the lens that I see through. If your daughter got pregnant at 14, what would you tell her? I'd faint. I would probably tell her do not have that baby, but also I'd be there every step of the way.

I know how big it is as far as support because I had the support. And that's not what caused me to go to prison, right? Me being a mom at 14, it wasn't the cause. So I would support her through whatever decision she chose. Thank God she's 20 with no kids because I need her to just wait a little while longer. because my grandbaby is going to be spoiled. So I need her to wait a little bit longer. I want to travel a little bit more.

But I would support her. I would support her. How do you want people to remember you? As the woman who made an impact change. You know, if I can change one person's mind to make a dumb decision or to just see life differently. I love life. Like, I genuinely just love life.

I love waking up and being able to make coffee in the morning. You know, people take that for granted. You know, you laugh, but think about it. I love being able to choose. Do I want to go here to eat or here to eat? People just exist for a very long time and then they're gone, right? I want them to remember that I lived. I actually lived life.

I traveled. I smiled. I laughed. I cried. Not a lot because I'm not a cram. But I made a change. I housed women when they could have been homeless, regardless of what they did to me in prison,

because I've housed women that weren't so nice to me in prison. We didn't get along. But now you're homeless and you need somewhere to live. I got you. I'm going to take you. I'm going to get you in a program. I'm going to feed you. I'm going to clothe you.

I don't care about none of that. So that's how I want them to remember me. She made a change. She made an impact. She cares. She cares. She'll feed the homeless. She might still take a shot every now and then.

She's not perfect. You know, she has fun. She lives. She's thriving. What's the most important lesson you've learned in your life so far? Lesson to not take life for granted. When my dad died, I was so. mad that my commissary, because everybody knew he died except me, they were waiting on the chaplain

to tell me or to be able to call me to the office and they were busy. When I called home bitching about canteen money, my dad was dead. So I cherish every person in my life now that I talk to that I am associated with because tomorrow is not promised. So that's my biggest life lesson. Tomorrow is not promised. Love on those people that love on you. Love on the people you meet. Love on the unlove. I love that.

I love the homeless people. Everybody in Tampa knows. They run my car down when I drive. I work downtown Tampa. So they stand outside my job waving and they're like, hey, Danny's over there. They already know. I love the unloved. What do they call you Danny?

No, that's one of the homeless guys downtown. He'd be just waving outside of my job. And they're like, Danny's outside. They call him the sugar water guy because he just wants a glass of water with simple sugar in it. And I'm like so simple, but makes his whole day, right? Yeah. Simple. Water's pretty.

Get it for him. Well, I appreciate you coming on the show today. I appreciate you having me, Ian. It's been a pleasure other than Matt. He's troubled. He's trouble. He's got to get him. He's got to come work out tomorrow.

Yeah, you've got to make him come out. I'm going to be there. He's been ducking it. I know. I know. We're going to make Maddie Ice go work out. Awesome. You're going to be regretting this workout. It's tough. I don't know. I don't know. I've been through CrossFit. I told you. You can win free world lip gloss at Gadsden, whoever planks the longest. I remember crying, holding a plank. I have tears and sweat. I'm going to hold this 14-minute plank. I want to win this heartwalk challenge and get free world lip gloss.

You're funny. Well, thank you again for coming on the show. This was a great conversation. Thank you for having me.