Locked In with Ian Bick - I Was a Child Actor — Then I Got Hooked on Drugs | Rivkah Reyes

Episode Date: March 10, 2026

Rivkah Reyes became known for their role as Katie in the hit movie School of Rock, performing alongside Jack Black and becoming part of one of the most iconic music comedies of the early 2000s. But life after childhood fame didn’t turn out the way many people might expect. In this episode of Locked In with Ian Bick, Rivkah opens up about growing up in the spotlight, the pressures that came after the movie, and the struggles that followed including addiction, identity, and trying to find stability after early success. Rivkah shares the reality of what life was like after School of Rock, how fame at a young age can shape a person’s path, and what it took to confront those challenges and begin rebuilding. _____________________________________________ #ianbick #lockedinpodcast #schoolofrock #childstar #childactor #addictionstory #celebrityinterview #truecrimepodcast _____________________________________________ Connect with Rivkah Reyes: https://www.instagram.com/rivkah.reyes/ _____________________________________________ Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ _____________________________________________ Shop Locked In Merch: http://www.ianbick.com/shop _____________________________________________ Timestamps: 00:00 From Normal Kid to Child Actor 05:50 Childhood, School, and Family Life 11:00 Discovering Creativity and Performing 17:00 Getting Cast in School of Rock 21:00 Life After Fame and Rejection 24:00 Struggling With Identity and Fitting In 28:00 Bullying, Escapism, and Early Addiction 33:00 Drug Use, Consequences, and Hitting Bottom 38:00 Getting Sober and Turning Life Around 43:00 Reflecting on Addiction and Recovery 47:00 Advice for Young People Struggling 51:00 New Projects and What’s Next Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Kayak, got that right. For our premiere, I'll never forget this. Like, I walked into the bathroom in L.A. And this girl was doing Coke, and I was just like, this skinny model type. She must have been, like, in her early 20s. Or maybe older. I don't know. You can never tell these days.

But she was doing drugs in her nose. And I was like, what is that? Do you think you turned to the drugs and alcohol because you wanted to fit in? Coated it in this, like, oh, I'm just a party girl. I just love to party. Oh, it's just, I do stand up in a musician. This is just like the community that we're in is and everybody drinks and everybody uses like this and everybody does a little blow every once in a while. It wasn't just drinking a little bit and doing a little blow and it wasn't just a party girl.

Do you, you know, think that if you never got cast in School of Rock, you wouldn't have been at that indie festival where you had your first drink and that kind of launches everything? And I also kind of feel like I'm lucky that I didn't end up on one of those like Nickelodeon shows that Dan Schneider was the showrunner on because I have friends that were on. those shows and they're dumb. Most people think becoming a child star means your life is set forever. Rivka Reyes learned the hard way that fame at a young age can come with struggles no one sees behind the scenes. You write rock and roll? Yeah.

Well, yes. Oh, wow. I saw what I just did there. Rivka, welcome to Lockton. Thanks so much for coming on the show today. Thanks for having me. Yeah, we're out of the home studio. We're in New York City right now.

Our city, baby. You live in the city? I live in Bushwick. Likely place for me to be as a lesbian DJ. Oh, you're a DJ too? I DJ some, yeah. I DJ line dancing parties on Wednesdays and Sundays. Like, are you the host too?

That's got to be. Yeah, I teach a DJ. I'm dancing on the stage. It's a fun time. Does anyone ever recognize you? Yeah, constantly. But then sometimes I get recognized for line dancing. Like, I was in a Pilates class the other day,

and this girl was like, I love your line dancing classes. And I was just like, whoa. It's cool to be recognized for something other than the thing. Did you grow up in the city? I came here for School of Rock. And I would, my family's from here. But I grew up in Chicago. Okay.

What was that, like, growing up there? In Chicago, it was all right. We grew up in Boys Town, which is, like, the Gabrihood, which was really cute. And then I went to a pretty, like, gnarly public school for like, you know, kindergarten through fifth grade. And then after the movie, things got weird. So I had to transfer to a private school.

Now, when you say gnarly, do you mean, like, violent? Was it that type of? It was, well, so they had something called the gifted program, which is, like, coded for, like, the white kids. And, you know, it was a pretty, without it being actually this, like, segregated school. And so I was in the gifted program, but my sister, who is darker skin than I was, was in the regular program. And she was subject to a lot of, like, discrimination and stuff from her teachers. And, you know, even within my class of, like, the gifted kids, there were, like, people of color who were, like, yeah, like, treated horribly.

Were you and your sister at the same age? No. No, my sisters are twins and they're four years younger than me. And then I have a brother who is 11 years younger than me. Only boy in the family? Yeah. So you're the oldest. Mm-hmm.

Was that hard being the oldest? Kind of. Not really. I was kind of like the little, like, princess daughter, like, mommy and daddy's favorite little angel until I started being bad. And so I started acting out and being a fucking menace to society when I was like in high school. What do your parents do for work? My mom was a stay-at-home mom. mom until I was like in middle school and she started teaching jewelry classes, which was really

cool and designing jewelry. My dad had a bunch of jobs. He was a manager at a leather store. Yeah, they made all these like cool custom jackets for like the bowls, like of that era, like, you know, the good era. And like Michael Jackson came into the store one. I was like two and like Michael Jackson was in my dad's like leather store. What else? And then he now runs a building company, building restaurants, retail, some residential, but mostly restaurants. So he owns it? Yeah.

So do you get your sense of like entrepreneurialism through him and the arts from your mom? Sure. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. My dad's very artistic as well. Like he's a visual artist. He does these like charcoal trawings. And my mom was very, very gifted musically, very good singer, played a couple instruments.

And they, they, I think when I was in utero, were sensing that I was going to be an artistically gifted child. And so my mom would play classical music on a, what are those called, cassette players? She put it on her belly while I was in there kicking around. And sometimes she would play. like Whitney Houston, Mariah, et cetera, the divas while I was in there. And then I came out a diva myself, I guess. And I started playing guitar when I was four. So, I mean, I kind of knew what I wanted to do when I was very, very young.

Was the guitar the first thing you were passionate about? Yeah, they put me in these baby music or baby music classes called Baby Steps, where it was just learning about rhythm and percussion and like clapping on the beat and what a half note was and what a rest was in music. And it's like music theory for literal toddlers. And then by the time you were four in this program, they were like, you can pick from these instruments. And at first we thought violin because that seemed like the kind of stereotypical thing, I guess, for an Asian kid to do. And then I had one violin lesson, and I guess the legend has it that I held the violin, like a guitar and was trying to strum it. And so my parents were like, yeah, I think she's supposed to be a guitar player.

And so we switched right away. That's awesome. But yeah, I was pretty immediately passionate about it. I'm the kind of girl who, when I get a new hobby, I'm like all in until I find another one that. scratches the itch more, I guess. Or maybe it's more that when I get a hobby, I like being bad at it. And then once I become sort of like an expert at it, I'm like, okay, on to the next thing that I'm bad at. Like being bad at stuff.

And I can get good at it. How would you have described yourself back then as a kid before the bad side of you came out that you were referring to? Before evil Rifco was born. Um, very, very dedicated, disciplined. I'd wake up, practice guitar before school, get on from school, do my homework as fast as I could well, too. Like, I was good at school so that I could practice guitar. And then I had lessons a couple times a week. I had like a solo lesson than a group lesson. And I was very obsessive. Like I kind of had like an addictive personality from a, like a solo lesson. And I was very obsessive. Like I kind of had like an addictive personality from a, a super young age. Like, it started with food for sure. Like, I would, you know, go to the fridge and, like, eat a single slice of American cheese and I'd come back for two and then I'd come back for three. And then I'd, like, be sick from eating so much dairy. And the same thing with sugar. I was also, like, very obsessive with, like, my friends, like, where if any of my friends were

mad at me, I'd be like, I'm going to kill myself. Like, it was very immediately just an intense personality and very dramatic, very performative. I'm a Leo. So very, um, I think the star is born. Would kids bully you? Yeah. Oh yeah. I was immensely bullied because all the other kids were doing like gymnastics and like ice skating and cool like athletic stuff. And I was just like the weird guitar girl with the Doc Martins. And yeah, I kind of felt like I didn't have too many friends in school. I had a lot of friends that were my dad's friends' kids, but we didn't go to the same school, and then I had my sisters.

And so I kind of kept to myself. And then I had my friends from, like, guitar classes and stuff. But in school, I was kind of black sheep vibes. Did you think about acting at all as a kid, or was that kind of put on to you? Kind of. I mean, we, my sisters and I used to write little plays, skits, sketches, movies, things, radio plays. And we were all just very creative and imaginative.

We didn't watch too much TV. So we kind of just were left to our own imaginations to come up with just ways to play. And a lot of it was just, I think what I learned. later on it's improv. Like, did you ever do improv training? Yeah, I did theater camp all throughout younger years. Did musical theater all throughout high school. Okay.

Wait, talk about it. Wait, okay, musicals. Yeah, I did, you're in town, Anna, get your gun, foot loose, and hairspray. Fun, okay. Yeah. They always had me dress up as like Milton Burrow and Sullivan, dressed like a woman stuff. Great. So, yeah, that was my life.

I was never into the sports. Yeah, I mean, I was. was very like gangly and like lanky and taller than all my other classmates, like girl classmates, too. So I just kind of stuck out. Um, musical wise, uh, I did Sweeney Todd and Beauty and the Beast random. And then there was a musical called Moby Dick, the musical that we did. I've heard of that. Yeah, I was like, we, we had a low budget. Um, and then my middle school, like, instead of doing a full musical, we would just do a musical review. So the director, um, of these reviews would just pick songs from her favorite musicals and then just cast us as whatever. And that was really fun because then I was like in seventh grade and I was just like,

maybe this time I'll be lucky. Like I was like born to play a hag or like a like just drunk flusy. I don't know. No, do you make it to high school at all when it was normal you before? Yeah. Yeah. School of Rock. I mean, I had my first drink when I was 11. I talk about this pretty publicly that I had my first drink at 11 at the Toronto Film Festival, which feels like such a huge flex. But it was pretty immediately kind of like not chill. I won't say like I had my first drink at 11 and then I became a raging alcoholic and drug addict. But once I got to high school, my freshman year of high school, I started seeing my friends around me drink and smoke.

weed and I was just like, yeah, whatever they, however they have access to that, I want that. And so I just started hanging out with the kids who had the drugs and I became the girl who had the drugs and, you know, it all kind of just snowballed into, cut to my junior year of college and I'm showing up to play rehearsal like, hoked out of my mind. And I just truly don't know how I got there. I sometimes I'm like, I have gaps in my memory where I'm like, how did I go from being like, pretty good student dedicated to my work and my craft to being a

kind of like coked out the loser and it's like, I don't know. I think it just if you want to ruin your life, do coke. This episode is brought to you by Redfin. You're listening to a podcast, which means you're probably multitasking. Maybe even scrolling home listings on Redfin,

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Pluto TV, stream now, pay never. What I always say? Do you think you turn to the drugs and alcohol because you wanted to fit in? Sure, a little bit. A little of it was the pure pressure of it all. I also had pretty severe anxiety. And yeah, God, I just wanted people to like. me. I just wanted to be cool. I was in a band. I was a band with all boys and, you know, they were all

a little older than me. And so when they would smoke cigarettes, I would smoke cigarettes. When they would drink, I would drink. When they would, you know, smoke weed, I would smoke weed. And it was just kind of acceptance thing, like wanting to be liked, wanting to fit in, wanting to seem cool. But also, I like the effect. I love the feeling. of just like, like after having a drink or after that first hit of a blunt or whatever. Yeah. And I like with Coke, like when I first did Coke, I was on the night of like one of my like improv show like graduation performances.

And I was so funny and I was so sharp and my references were really good. I was like, where did I get that? wow, it must be from this drug. And so every time I did it from then on, it was like an attempt to recreate that initial performance of, I had the best show ever. And every time I do this drug, I have an amazing show, which quickly I realized it was not the case.

And I'd also realized quickly that when I used to do Coke, I used to just like all of my own secrets and everybody else's secrets would just come out. and I couldn't control it or stop it. And then I ended up burning a bunch of fucking bridges, losing all my friends. Like, yeah, cheating on everybody, fucking multiple people on the same improv team.

Like, it was just really toxic. Yeah, then I hit a certain point where I was just like, wow, I'm going to, like, die probably if I keep on doing this. Or if I don't die from the drug, it'll be just because I'm miserable and I clock out. When you were in high school, what was your plan for the future? Did you have a path you wanted to go? Yeah.

I mean, before I got heavily into drugs, I wanted to be on Broadway. I wanted to be a big Broadway star. I loved musicals, as I mentioned. And I really was trying to go down that path. But then it was honestly, I transferred school. So they went to a pretty, like, zipped up Catholic school for the first two years. And then my grades kind of were shitty. so I transferred to a less good, like it was like the Catholic school that the kids who got kicked out of my high school were sent to because they were bad.

And then I started, you know, dating the school's weed dealer and just, of course, you know, got so, so into smoking weed and running around with this dealer boy that I just kind of lost myself. I lost my sense of what I wanted. I remember, you know, I was still doing musicals at that shitty school, but I showed up late to play rehearsal one day and I lost my character. Like, I was the lead in this musical, anything goes. And I showed up five minutes late because I had to smoke that blunt with my boyfriend because we were having a fight. And I lost my role to some other girl named Christina. She wasn't even that good. And I, sorry.

Sorry, Christina, if you're out there watching. I'm sure you're not. I'm sure you have a baby now. Like, congratulations. But, yeah, I lost my role. And I, it was kind of the first time I experienced real consequences of my using. But I didn't care. Like, I didn't care because I just wanted to be high.

What did your parents think about your drug use if they knew about it at all? I kept the Coke a pretty good secret, but I was always grounded. Like my parents, whenever they would catch me either drinking or smoking weed or even smoking cigarettes, I was grounded. And there was a time where I was at a high school party at the bad high school. And I like got blackout drunk and I came home with like all these like hickies on my neck. from the like boy that I was kissing at the time. And I was punished so bad. I got my phone taken away.

I couldn't like go do band practice. You know, they were, I think they were extremely worried about me. Because addiction runs kind of in both sides of my family. Like in many different ways. It's like mostly alcohol. But yeah, food stuff, shopping stuff. I think probably gambling somewhere in there. as well.

Directly by your parents or further? No, no. Like my dad had some substance issues. I don't think he would appreciate me talking about them on this level of public. But yeah, he had some substance issues that he prefers to keep secret. And then, of course, he pins it all on his other family members. He's like, oh, your Uncle Johnny was a big junkie. And it's like, all right.

Pot kettle. And then on my mom's side, there's a lot of drinking. Yeah, it's like, you know, Filipino family, our parties are just ragers. Our funerals are like, they're really fun. But everyone's blacked out. And, yeah, I don't know. I'm like the sober one in my family. It's pretty tough sometimes.

But, yeah, I wouldn't trade sobriety for anything because it's giving me my life back. And I have a great life now. but yeah, back in the day, it was rough. How old were you when school of rock came along? Ten. Ten years. We're jumping around. We're kind of back and forth.

Yeah. So it happened before high school. Yeah. Yeah, I was 10. I was in fifth grade. And yeah, that kind of came through. I had been on this NPR show called From the Top, which showcased young classical musicians because I was classically training guitar.

I played a couple songs, and then they did this cute little interview for me. and I guess casting from School of Rock found me to be charming and they brought me in for an audition. I'd never acted before aside from like the family, you know, plays that we would write and stuff and the playing pretend. But I think that like trained me and made me a natural at it. And then I, yeah, I had one audition. They had me come in and read some lines, play guitar and just kind of be myself. And then they called me back. And after the callback, for the callback, they were like, we want to see you rock out.

So I, like, played a Lenny Kravitz song. And I, like, had these, like, cool hair extensions that my mom got me from limited to. And I booked it based on that, on that second audition. And it was my first time auditioning for anything. And I think it gave me this complex of, like, oh, yeah, this is going to be easy, walk in the park. And then I faced so much rejection, like, from Hollywood, because I was. a certain height or I wasn't white enough or I wasn't of color enough or I wasn't fill in the blank enough. A lot of it was just like nepotism. A lot of the roles I lost,

I lost to like Emma Roberts and Miley Cyrus. So they had like built in, you know, famous family members and no shade, love the girls, but you know, I'm really glad that I went down the path that I did because I think being in the public eye and having drug addiction, probably would have been really bad for me, seeing what it did to some of my fellow child actor friends. Was that movie successful right away, or was it something that took years to kind of grow? School of Rock?

Yeah. Well, I was older when I saw it. How old are you? I'm 30. Okay. You're a few years older than me. Yeah. Yeah, so I saw it a few years after.

Got it. Was it on Disney Channel, too? No. It wasn't Disney. Camp Rock was on Disney. A lot of people are like, a lot of people confuse those. I didn't see Squirrel. of rock in theaters, though.

You know, I think we saw it in our classroom. They showed us. I think in, like, a music class. Because I went to private school, Montessori School for a few years. So I think that was the first time I saw it. Huh. Yeah. School of Rock was pretty immediately widely successful.

Yeah, I was getting recognized, which is crazy as a child. Like, to be walking around, you know, wherever. I mean, Chicago, my hometown or like a suburb of Chicago and having kids be like, for parents. even. And it still happens to this day. Yeah. I mean,

I think a part of that is because I'm pretty online. Do a lot of podcasts. But yeah. Yeah. I don't think we knew. I don't think I knew how big of a deal it was until it came out. And then I was like cut to me having meetings with meetings with Nickelodeon, just hanging out with the Osbournes, you know, like during that era

when they had their reality show too. And like being flown out like in the middle of sixth grade to go beyond Leno, you know? Just, I was just like, oh, this is my life now. And I am working. This is work. This is my job now. And to be fully honest, I loved it. And I still love it. I love a press cycle. I love a tour. I love to get to travel for acting or music or both. But because I didn't immediately get Disney Channel level success, I kind of went crazy because I was expecting all of these things to just fall into my lap.

And when it didn't happen, it gave me... Yeah, a bit of a whatever the opposite of an ego boost is. I guess an ego death. I experienced ego death at 11 years old because I wasn't, I didn't have the nepotism to play Hannah Montana, you know? Would you compare to giving it that high that you would later experience in life with drugs and alcohol? Definitely. I mean, being an actor, an artist,

but any job that you have to like face just rejection, rejection, rejection, you're like chasing after that time that you didn't get rejected. And for me, like, the first thing I ever auditioned for being School of Rock and I got it and it being so widely loved and being everyone's like favorite movie. Not everybody, but like a lot of people will cite School of Rock as either their family's comfort movie or the movie that made them want to be a musician when they were a kid. Like what an honor, but also like big fucking shoes to fill, big to live up to. And so for a long time, I mean, even still sometimes, I am kind of chasing that dragon of like, when's the next big thing going to be? And I audition for some big shit. Like even recently I auditioned for fucking like Marty Supreme.

And when I didn't get it, I was like, yeah, that makes sense because I'm not a fucking Nepal baby. And then it goes back to like the whole thing with Hannah Montana. And it's just these like repeated thoughts, these like resentments that kind of keep me in. like scarcity mindset, fear of like financial insecurity, fear of failure, fear of being forgotten, you know, whatever, career bullshit, that I kind of lose sight of why I do this in the first place, which is like, I'm still doing this for the little girl who was so excited to wake up before sunrise to practice guitar. I'm still doing this for my family who believes in me so much and they're so supportive

and they are right or die for everything that I do, except for when I was doing drugs. But yeah, yeah. Do you think you're exposed to that party or nightlife scene while in that world at that young age? Definitely, yeah.

I mean, that was the era of like Lindsay Lohen and like the girls of that kind of early a early 2000s party girl era. and we, for our premiere, I'll never forget this. Like, I walked into the bathroom in L.A. And this girl was doing Coke, and I was just like, this skinny model type. She must have been, like, in her early 20s or maybe older. I don't know.

You can never tell these days. But she was doing drugs in her nose. And I was like, what is that? I had never seen it before. I had never seen it on TV or anything like that. And I was just like, what is that? and my mom was like, um, she's doing drugs and like escorted me away. And I was just like, what? Like, oh my God. And she was just like, yeah, that's just what this kind of world is.

You got to be careful. And I was a dare kid too. Like, dare would come to my school and be like, don't do drugs. You're going to die. And then I'd be like, I will never do drugs. But then cut to, I did drugs for many years. I'm like, yeah. kind of 14 years old when I started smoking weed until I was 24 when I got sober. Amazon presents Jeff versus Taco Truck Salsa, whether it's Verde, Roja, or the orange one. For Jeff, trying any salsa is like playing Russian roulette with a flamethrower. Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on antacids, ginger tea, and milk. Habaniero?

Like Habinier, yes. Save the Everyday with Amazon. At that time, do you ever think that you would have been that girl in the bathroom? No. No, but then I was. Yeah. So, so, that's so wild. I never thought that when I was 10. I saw that. I was just like, that's crazy. That's disgusting. That's bad. And then, yeah, there were many times where I was doing coke off the back of a toilet, like in a far alone. And yeah, never

once did I like, you know, look at myself and be like, this is your life. It wasn't until I started losing friends, losing jobs, losing my sense of reality, losing my sense of humanity, that I started looking in the mirror and seeing Little Riv and being like, damn,

you fucked up. You're a disappointment. When you're thrown into the spotlight at that young age, how long does it take for the high to kind of run off. It never runs off. I don't know. I still feel like I'm writing it out sometimes. Yeah, I was just saying this last night to somebody I was on a date with.

Like, anytime I have a microphone in my hand, I just feel like I'm on top of the world. I have the power, you know? Like, I love performing. And anytime I'm not performing or on set or doing this, like I'm kind of just, I have to find ways to feed my soul without being like on stage or or putting on a show because, yeah, it's a quick way to burn out and crash out and lose your sense of self. Why do you think that next big role didn't come to you right away? You know, you have that high of school of rock.

You're on top of the world. Why didn't something happen next? I don't really think about that. Like, I think honestly, it's just, it was timing. It was timing and, you know, I came from nothing. I didn't have, like, industry connections. I got an agent right after School of Rock, and I, again, I auditioned a lot. I didn't book anything for years, not even, like, a commercial.

I came close on a lot of things. I got a lot of callbacks for Hannah Montana, but, you know, I just, it wasn't an epa baby. I maybe, you know, just didn't look a certain way. And of course, when you're like 12, 13 year old girl hearing that you didn't get something because you weren't a certain kind of pretty, it fucks with you. And I started, you know, looking at my body a little too much or like just over-analizing the way I looked and thinking about the way I looked and, you know, developed a pretty gnarly eating disorder and just anything I could do to just not be myself. I would do it. I would lie.

I would like tell dumb stories that were not true. Just to escape. Yeah. But I don't really, now I'm kind of like really grateful that that I didn't immediately pop off. Yeah, there are times where I really like, yeah, that Hannah Montana money would be nice right now. I'm like working on an album.

And it's just like everybody needs $500 from me every day to make this fucking album. And I'm like, it'd be nice to have like some like multi-cam sitcom in syndication just airing on E or something that I just haven't set for life on School of Rock. You know, I get residuals, but it's not, it's not, it's not New York rent residuals. But yeah, I'm grateful that I had sort of that like slink back into reality and kind of like a level of. obscurity where I could kind of do drugs in private and crash out in private and come out of that and get sober. And now things are starting to pick back up. I mean, the last, it's been a slow burn. Like the last couple years in my career have been a nice sustainable pace where it's not like

instant overnight success again. But yeah, of course, I'm like, like still kind of fantasizing about it. It's like, when's the night going to be? It's like overnight success, they say is built in 20 years. I'm like, but when's the night going to be that I pivot into? And she was an overnight success story. I'm like, baby, like, you already had that in 2000 and fucking three with School of Rock. I don't know if I'll get it again. But I'm also like kind of not attached to it because anytime I like attach myself to something like that, it starts the cycle of like and chase and chase and chase where I'm told I'm not supposed to chase things. I am to attract them and call them in.

When you look back on the cause and effect of it all, do you know think that if you never got cast in school of rock, you wouldn't have been at that indie festival where you had your first drink and that kind of launches everything? No, I don't know. I don't really think about that. like that sliding door, I guess. I think I would have probably ended up a drug addict anyway because it runs in my family. And I, you know, without School of Rock, I had that, like, eagerness to be cool and people please and impress people. Like, from a super young age. I also loved truth or dare and stuff like that, like when I would always be like, dare.

And I would do anything to get that, like, approval from. my peers. Yeah. No, I think I probably still would have ended up going down the path that I did. But, yeah, everything happens for a reason not to be chugie and use that terminology. But I think the path that kind of unfolded the way it did was kind of predestined or whatever predetermined by the gods. Do you relate it all to a lot of the childhood actors that are sharing their experiences of that period of time, especially in the last couple of years, all of that that's come out? Yeah, yeah.

And I also kind of feel like I'm lucky that I didn't end up on one of those, like, Nickelodeon shows that Dan Schneider was the showrunner on. Because I have friends that were on those shows, and they're fucked up. Like, they have trauma, like big trauma about it. And I'm glad that my mom kind of intuitively felt there was something off about him and that whole crew. And yeah, sorry, what was the question? About if you relate to a lot of the childhood actors that have been sharing their experiences. Yeah. I read Jeanette McCurdy's book.

And I related to a lot of it. I mean, my mom wasn't abusive like that. Like she she definitely had moments where, you know, I mean, it was like just a generational thing, I think, where, you know, women of a certain era, like, kind of maybe unknowingly, like, instill, like, eating disorders into their daughters. I'm also, like, the eldest daughter. So there's, like, a lot of trauma that comes with that. I'm just, like, being your, like, family's therapist. Like, your parents come to you and your siblings come to you. And there's a lot of just, like, triangulate.

but yeah I definitely relate to a lot of the struggles there's a lot of us former child doctors that are friends with each other now and anytime we see each other in the wild we'll always do this thing of like oh yeah you were in this thing when you were a kid I was in this thing when I was a kid like you know we the trauma but then you see you know more problematic I guess, like, people that were child actors that grew up to be, like, absolute fucking assholes. Like, Shilabuff, like, just came out as a homophobe. Yeah, I saw that interview that... So, fuck.

I don't know why they let him even do that interview. I don't know why they let him speak publicly at all after what he did to FK Twigs. Like, sorry, like, I don't think we should be platforming abusers at all. But, yeah, it just, like, it drives me crazy. And it makes me so sad because Holes is one of my favorite fucking movies. an iconic movie. I can fix that. It's so good.

It's so good. It's like one of the most quotable movies and has some of the best actors in it ever. Like Sigourney Weaver, Patricia Arquette, Deulay Hill. Are you kidding? Star-studded cast. But he didn't even get famous for that. He got famous for Transformers. Even Stevens.

Oh. Oh, I guess even, I didn't even think about Even Stevens. Yeah. I was like the gig that made him. And then it was Holes. And then it was, oh, there was also one where he played like a mentally challenged kid. Do you remember that Disney Channel original movie?

No. Oh, I know what you're talking about. Yeah. Where he like played a disabled child. And then it was holes and then it was Transformers after that. But yeah. God, that movie's so good. Ugh, Madam Zerone.

Icon. Anyway, what were we talking about? How bad does your addiction get after high school once you graduate? It was a quick. It was bad. You know, and I coded it in this like, oh, I'm just a party girl. I just love to party. Oh, it's just, I do stand up in a musician.

Like, this is just like the community that we're in is and everybody drinks and everybody uses like this. And everybody does a little blow every once in a while. I wasn't just drinking a little bit and doing a little blow. And I wasn't just a party girl. I was like crashing out all the time. I was like fucking like suicidal when I wasn't high. I was working at a bar and I would show up to work high as high. fuck go do blow in the bathroom come back tend bar drink on the job i got fired from bartending jobs

for being drunk on the job which is like how do you get that fucking drunk to get fired from a bartending job it made no sense but can't make sense out of something that makes no sense um yeah i mean it quickly spiraled it got really really bad but it didn't get bad enough that it went to this point of no return. I kind of always intuitively knew that my drinking and using would have to come to an end. Because I think from maybe the like second or third time I got drunk, like this was like in high school, I knew I had a problem. But I didn't start trying to get sober until I was, yeah, it was like 2015 or 16. assaulted while I was blacked out and I was just like, oh, this is serious now. And then I kind of had all these vain attempts at, like futile attempts at sobriety where I would stop drinking for like two weeks and then something bad would happen or like the Cubs would win the World Series. And I was just like, fuck yeah. And then I would just get fucking blacked out again. Or a relationship issue would happen and I'd get high over it. You know, I would drink at things and I would use at things.

And then, yeah, like I said, like just causing drama in my friend group, cheating, stealing, lying, all of it. And then one of the tells that I had a problem was that I was like in a group of all my friends, the soberest one on that night because of the amount of blow that I had done. And so I was made the designated driver and I didn't have a license, nor did I know how to drive a car. But I drove a car that night. I somehow was sober enough to, like, make it the, like, 10-minute drive to get my friends to where they needed to go. And that was a miracle that I didn't, like, die or kill all my friends. Like, but, yeah, it's just, I kind of just spiraled into almost, like, the gates of insanity or death were, like, near. and I remember one night looking in the mirror and being like,

you need help, girl, go get help. And I didn't. I continued to drink and use. And then there was just like a random day. It was like a random Tuesday. And somebody, I was at work. I was on this show. And some girl was like,

I'd really drink because it shows up on camera. And I was just like, I got to stop drinking. And then he did. Like a week later after I heard that. I kind of just stopped. It was like, I felt a voice. voice was having a glass of champagne, the voice was like, hey, what if this was your last drink? And I was just like, okay. And it was. And I haven't done anything perfectly since then. I mean,

I'm sober eight years now, but I've cheated in sobriety. I've lied. I've stolen in sobriety. But it's just, it's easier to navigate life soberly as much as sometimes I'll like wake up and I miss it. or, you know, I don't miss the consequences, though. I just miss the feeling. And I can experience, like, relief and comfort and euphoria through things that don't kill my brain cells, like drugs, you know. The public would see, you know, some of these childhood stars have incidents like you're just describing in the car. Would you ever look at those, like, you know, Lindsay Lohan with the DUI and there's so many of, Yeah, I mean, even one of my friends from school of rock did, too.

Like, he had, he had a couple run-ins with the law. And I was just like, whatever is out there protecting me? Because I did crimes. I was just joking. I was like, I'm a fella. I just never got caught. Like, I just never got caught. Yeah, I mean, I've, like, committed fraud.

So, like, on a first Tinder date, I committed fraud. So, like, and things like that. And, yeah, I am very lucky. I'm very fucking lucky. I'm like, whatever ancestors or God or universal life force that's out there protecting me, you're doing a really good job. Like, thanks, buddy.

Thank you, Diva, out there. But, yeah, I sometimes I'm like, I don't know how I'm alive. I don't know how I didn't go to jail. I don't know how I'm not in, like, a psych ward somewhere. I mean, I think it just goes to show that there's so many people that aren't even that or out there high profile are still going through those types of situations. and that's why people would find that relatable. Mm-hmm.

I mean, yeah, I like watch these fucking videos of Britney Spears, and I'm like, that's not her. Like, she's not in there. Like, what is that? Like, poor thing. And I just, I feel so, again, I just feel so lucky. I, like, want to help everybody as much as I can. And if that's through my art,

or if that's through just, like, sharing my story, my experience, my strength, my hope on a podcast like tea party let's do it and like you know i've eight years sober like i said at night i love partying i'm a i'm a dj and bushwick you know i'm a i'm a i host events like weekly and that's like a big part of my income now you know and i wouldn't be able to do that if i was still drinking and using free is great but only if it's useful free credit scores from some apps can differ by as much as 100 points from your actual FICO score that 90% of top lenders use when you apply for a credit card, personal loan, car loan or mortgage. That can mean a higher interest rate, a bigger monthly payment, or worse.

Denied. My FICO gives you your actual FICO score. The score lenders use straight from the company that created it. For the moments that matter, get the score that matters, your FICO score. Visit myfico.com and get started for free today. When you were deep in your addiction, what do you think was going through your mind most of the time? Was there one reoccurring thought? Yeah, when's the next time I can be high?

When's the next time I can get laid? When's the next time I can have this amount of money so that I can buy more drugs? But let's be honest, I wasn't really buying many drugs. I was like trading, like, I was dating people that had drugs so that I wouldn't have to pay for them, you know? I learned that in high school when I dated the dealer. You know, I always knew how to manipulate my way into,

a good time. And, yeah, sex works part of my story, too. I, you know, did that for a couple years. And just, like, it fucking sucked. It sucked. There were many, like, run-ins where I was just, like, wow, like, I should be dead. But, you know, I'm not. Thank God.

It's a good thing. It's a good thing. I love being alive. Being alive, big sleigh. What do you think addiction has taught you about yourself now that you're sober? Ooh, that's a really good question. What has addiction taught me about myself now that I'm sober? That it is, it is a disease and it ought to be treated like one. And when somebody else in my life is exhibiting signs of being a drug addict or even like not a drug addict, but like a, food addict or like somebody with an eating disorder or sex addict or love addict or whatever, um, that they should be treated with the same kind of tenderness and,

and patients and care as you would treat somebody that had cancer because it is a fucking debilitating, debilitating disease. Um, and, and, you know, it's also taught me that that same tenacity and discipline that I had for guitar when I was younger. If I apply that to my sobriety and my recovery, like, it results in things that are, I think, even cooler than being in school of rock, you know? Just like I have such a beautiful community. I built this line dancing thing with one of my best friends. And like, you know, we just like get to make people happy twice a week by teaching them how to fucking boot scoot and boogie. Like, and it's so cute and it's so special and that maybe the reason

why I keep on narrowly escaping death and institutions is because whatever force is out there God, I say God because it's one syllable. It's easier to say than like whatever force is out there. God just wants me to be here to be of service in whatever way that is, whether it's teaching line dancing or sharing, you know, in front of 500 people about my sobriety. Yeah, I think it's, I think it is a lot about that. It is just like giving back however I can. How do you stay sober in such a community where, you know, it kind of puts it on you to do the opposite? Just the world in general. Yeah, the world being the community.

that puts it on you to drink. Yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, I mean, it's, I mean, I'm, I mean, New York has an amazing, uh, sober community. I, I also like to just play the tape through in my head, like, I was in L.A. last week, and I was having dinner with some friends and there was like a tin of edible gummies, weed gummies on the table. And I was like looking at it and they were like Turkish delight kind of watermelon flavored. And I think some of the proceeds from the company went to like aid for Gaza. And it was like a queer woman owned company. I was like, this is literally like being marketed to me so well. And I was just like started to do this thing where I was just like, yeah, like weed wasn't ever really my problem.

and like, you know, edibles, like, probably for my anxiety. And I've been having night, you know, issues where I can't get to sleep too good. And I started to justify why I should do the drugs. And then I paused. I was like, Rivka, like, come on. Like, come on. You really want to blow eight years of sobriety on a watermelon-flavored weed gummy? Like, girl.

And once I took that second to like zoom out and look at it from kind of the God's Eye view or the big picture lens, I kind of laughed. I was just like, I'm so silly. Like that is so silly that I would just do that just because something like had fun packaging. But it's quick. It'll fucking get you. Like addiction and alcoholism man is a cunning, baffling, powerful disease. It'll get you. Are you sober?

Yeah, for the, for the most part. Yeah. Like, I'll drink occasionally, but I went through a four-month gap of no drinking, and then I had a couple drinks on vacation. But for the most part, yeah, I like to keep my mind clear. And especially in this line of work, you can be showing up hungover or I'm a lightweight, too. And also just, I think what really put it in perspective for me was going to, like, say, out to a restaurant or whatever, you have a couple drinks and then you drive home.

home, you could, there's a high chance of you being over the limit. And when you're in the suburbs of Connecticut, you have to drive everywhere. You can't really walk. So I would hate to be in one of those positions where I did get pulled over and lose everything I've worked hard to rebuild after, you know, hitting rock bottom in my life. So I think that keeps me grounded. And I just hear so many stories on the podcast of people that have battled addiction, you know, who had really no choice when, you know, their mother gave them heroin, you know, an eighth grade or, you know, one thing led to another, and it just, you know, it's awful. But I definitely have an addictive personality. So I know that as well. A lot of us do. A lot of us in this generation, I think, do. And, like, we're like fucking iPad babies now,

like, where we're just, like, so addicted to the screens and the phones and stuff where I literally say to myself once a day, like, I wish I could just roll my phone onto the fucking train tracks and just never look at it again, but I have to. use it for work. I'm like actually thinking about like one of my reels that I posted, um, that I scheduled to be posted at like 1145. It's like 12.5. I'm like, I wonder how the reel's doing. Like it's just constant. It's just constant. Like I miss my phone right now. It's scary. It's bad. What's some advice you would tell your younger self if you could sit across from her today. You know, I just saw Alyssa Liu be interviewed and they asked her the same question and

she's like, nothing. You'll figure it out. And I kind of love that answer. Yeah, like, she figured it out. Like, we're doing pretty good. We're doing pretty good. Yeah, you figured it out. I guess I would say, good job. Good job, buddy. You'll get there. What, do you change anything? I'd be like, you're gay. Yeah, I mean, I did waste a lot of time, like, dating men and trying to make that work for me. But then I kind of just realized every time I fuck a man, it's self-harm, so stop doing that. Although, occasionally it happens again, and I'm like, yeah, it's still self-harm. Don't do it again. But I think we're out of that now. But again, no, I like, I don't think I would change anything. I, like, don't regret the past, nor do I wish to shut the door on it. That's

straight out of AA. Like, you know, it's like, my past is, is sometimes my greatest asset because I can use it and transmute it and tell the story. And it's like giving like, she lived to tell the tale. And I'm sure one day I'll write an amazing book, like about my past. No, I wouldn't change anything. Where do you go from here? What's next? Well, I have an album coming out. I'm working on new music. I was in bands for a long time and I was always like the only girl in the band and I got sick of it. So I was just like, you know what? I'm going solo and I pulled a Stevie Nix and here we are. And so I've got new music coming out. My first single is slated to release on April 24th. It's called Miss Congeniality and a couple movies coming out this year. Working on a movie that I wrote with one

my dear, dear friends and just more line dancing, trying to bring the message of line dancing nationwide. Well, maybe we'll see you there one night. Yeah. Oh, my God. Come and dance with us. We're at Desert Five Spot every Wednesday and Sunday. Wednesday's beginners.

Sundays is not beginners. We'll be at the beginners. Hell yeah. Well, Rivka, I appreciate you coming out on the show today. It means a lot. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Yeah, of course.

Yeah. Awesome. Yay.