Locked In with Ian Bick - I Was a Degenerate Gambler - Then I Owed Loan Sharks Thousands | Bo Joseph

Episode Date: October 19, 2025

Bo Joseph opens up about how his gambling addiction spiraled from high-school dropout to owing loan sharks hundreds of thousands of dollars. After his dad left, Bo stepped up to help support his family — but one bad decision led to another. What started as winning small bets quickly turned into an uncontrollable addiction that pushed him into crime, debt, and danger. #GamblingAddiction #DebtStory #LoanSharks #RedemptionStory #TrueCrimePodcast #AddictionRecovery #FinancialDownfall #lockedinpodcast Connect with Bo Joseph: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bojosephauthor?igsh=MW0yamZpYjM5ejl4eg== Buy his book: https://a.co/d/clvhr2a Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Shop Locked In Merch: http://www.ianbick.com/shop Timestamps: 00:00 Bo Joseph’s Story — From Crime to Redemption 00:45 How a Teenage Dropout Became the Family Provider 02:45 Growing Up Fast: Family Pressure & Life Lessons 06:15 When Dad Walked Out: The Moment Everything Changed 10:52 Becoming a Father at 18 & Trying to Stay Afloat 19:30 First Crimes: Robbery, Shoplifting & Survival Instincts 28:40 Gambling Addiction Begins — The Highs and Lows 38:57 Hustling to Survive: Scams, Schemes & Fast Money 01:02:25 Business Wins, Fraud Losses & Second Chances Gone Wrong 01:13:45 Living Under Fake Names & Dodging the Law 01:21:22 Drowning in Debt: The Cost of Gambling & Lies 01:33:10 Owing the Mafia Hundreds of Thousands — The Breaking Point 01:42:20 Loan Sharks, Violence & Near-Death Moments 01:54:18 The Final Confrontation That Changed Everything 02:05:30 Bo’s New Life: Recovery, Family & Redemption 02:12:40 Lessons from Rock Bottom & Finding Peace Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Tap the banner to learn more and get a quote at usa.com slash bundle. Restrictions apply. Guy falls out of the ceiling, pulls a gun out. And that was the first crime you ever committed in your life. They start showing up at my job. Where's the fucking money? I'll give you money. I'll give you a little bit.

You better give us something right now. Like I have it. Here's 80 bucks. I'm 80 bucks. Tell us about loan sharking. I turned around. They punched me in the face. Took the hot chocolate.

Throw it on me. Start kicking me on the floor right in the bagel store. You're crazy for this. This is a bad part. People are going to not like me after this. I'm sorry. Bo Joseph dropped out of school to help his family, became a dad at 18 and ended up owing loan sharks hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Today, he opens up about how gambling took everything from him and the one confrontation that changed his life forever. Bo, welcome to Lockton. Thanks so much for coming on the show today. Thank you so much for having me. I really do appreciate it. Yeah, this is the second podcast you've ever done your life. Yeah.

I've never listened to one before. Wait, ever? No, how do you even listen to mine? I see the reels I'll see, like the new heights or some Joe Rogan. I'll see a clip somewhere. Yeah. But that's it, yeah. Yeah, I like watching clips rather than like a full length, although there are some

podcast like I'll listen when I'm walking like Joe Rogan or Jay Shetty or a diary of a CEO. Those are good like full-length ones, something where I can like obtain knowledge from. I don't know if I necessarily listen to podcast for entertainment. If there's like a celebrity interview that like I'm curious about, then I'll I'll go and listen to that or like an actor or something. But otherwise I'll just watch it for like a motivational type purpose. Right. Yeah.

I'm going to start getting into it, especially if I'm going to be on that much at least Watch my own. Yeah, tell everyone about your book that's coming out. Yeah, so thank you. So I wrote a book about my life story. It's called The Beat Train, An American Loser by Bo Joseph. And I am both of those characters. I am the B train for a while when things are riding high.

Everybody wanted to get on board the B train. And then I was the American Loser when I really crashed and burned and ruined lots of people's lives and try my best to ruin my own. So it's a memoir that takes you from beginning to end and how it started and where we are now. And we'll have that link to the book in the description in this episode. I appreciate that. Thank you. It comes out today.

Awesome. Yeah. And this episode will be out Sunday. So today is Friday. So this will be out Sunday. Yeah, ever since I got back from doing the Mr. Beast video, I don't have really a back catalog anymore. So episodes come out a lot quicker, especially like last week when I was away and I had to cancel

some episodes yesterday and reschedule them because I was sick. I don't have a back catalog anymore. So it's quick turnaround time. But I do all my own editing. still. I've been doing it for a couple years now. So I'm able to turn it around quickly. I'll have this episode done 30 minutes after we finish recording, which is pretty cool. That's great. Yeah, I can't wait to see it. I'm so excited. I'm able to put it together, make the clips, have it all uploaded, good to go.

And then I send the thumbnails, like the photos we took to these guys in Siberia who do the actual thumbnail. It's a really cool process. And then I get it up very quickly, whereas if I had an editing team or someone I had to send it up, it would take two hours to upload the footage to whoever put in a Google Drive, then re-download it once it was done, and it would be a multiple-day thing, and you're waiting for someone else. Yeah, that's great that you keep control of your own, and you keep control of your content, too. Yeah, kind of like being in control. It's a way easier.

Where'd you grow up, though? So I grew up in Brooklyn, born and raised in Brooklyn, and then early teens moved to Staten Island, spent most of my life in Staten Island, and then on to Jersey. now here I am in Connecticut. What was your upbringing like? So, you know, I had a good upbringing in the beginning. I have good parents. They're really good people.

But, you know, they didn't always see eye to eye. They broke up and got back together a lot, which made it a little bit difficult at times. We had to move back in with my grandparents every time they would break up, and that really wasn't a good scene. My grandfather wasn't an alcoholic. You know, he was abusive to my grandma.

So every time my parents would break up, it was like, oh, no, we got to go back there. and, you know, glasses shattering and people crying. So, you know, that part was rough. When my parents were together, things were good. Me and my brother and sister were happy. You know, we lived a good life. But the inconsistency of the breaking up and getting back

is what really got things off the rails for a while. What did your parents do for work? Well, they're both retired now. My dad was a warehouse supervisor, dispatcher. You know, he had a nice job. He kind of ran things for them most of his career. My mom grew up in the accounting industry. working in Manhattan, commuting to him from work every day on this whole city bus thing.

And so she built a nice career for herself. They both just recently retired about a year ago. So would you say you guys struggled or didn't struggle growing up? We didn't struggle. We found a way. You know, I guess we get to a little bit later, but my dad left for a long period of time. That was a little bit of rough. You know, I dropped out of school, tried to pitch in and help out around the house.

But we never really struggled. Always kind of middle class, you know, lived in good neighborhoods, went to good schools, and found the way. My mom worked hard. I worked hard. And, you know, we tried not to let what was going on around us, you know, get in the way. Or some values they taught you. My work ethic, for sure, I got from both my parents.

I'm a bit of a workaholic now, you know, up 3.30, 4 o'clock every day. Got home around 9 o'clock last night. So they definitely taught me the importance of work ethic. And it sounds crazy, especially when you read the book and you hear the story. But I did get a lot of family values for them. Even though they were breaking up and my dad with different girlfriends and, you know, looking at it from a distance, you would say, what are you talking about? But we did grow up with a really tight-knit family, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, even now with my siblings, nieces and nephews. We are very, very tight.

We get together very often. So I would say I got my family values from them and my work ethic. What do you think was the worst thing that happened to you in your childhood? You know, the worst thing that happened. I mean, I guess the worst decision I made probably was dropping out of school. You know, it's 15 years old, 99 average. on a role. You know, the kid in class, always raising his hands,

having all the answers, getting 100 on every test. I really felt they had a bright future ahead of me if I would have just stayed the course. And then, you know, just abruptly dropping out of school, just deciding, okay, I'm not going back to school tomorrow. Really set me on the path. Again, I'm not blaming anybody. It's my own fault.

I have my own decisions. But that was the moment that really changed my, all to the course of my life. And that was all because your dad left? Yeah. You know, because he left. Again, I'm not blaming him, but, you know, my mom was struggling. You know, we needed the income.

I was smart. I was strong. I was able-bodied. And I didn't want her to lose her house. I didn't want us to go back to live with my grandparents. So, you know, I was the man in the house. I was the oldest brother. And, you know, again, 15 years old, I felt like I was 25.

And I said, yeah, I got this. Was your mom okay with you dropping out to support the family? No, not at all. But I pretty much told her she didn't have a choice. It was one of those. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. You can sign me out of school. And I had a girlfriend at the time whose father was willing to let me work under someone else's ID

because you had to be 18 to work there. He understood our situation. You know, he knew the kind of guy I was. He knew my parents were, you know, breaking up. So he offered me an opportunity. I said, I'm going to go to work. So either I'm going to do it illegally and get in trouble from school and have the true an officer's looking for me or you're going to sign me out.

You know, I pretty much told her, like, I will figure it out. Just trust me on this. one. And it was a hard sell. It wasn't as easy as just, I'm telling you, that that was like the short version. It was, it was weeks of that. But I just stopped going to school. And, you know, I was doing other things along the way. I was playing handball for money. I was pretty athletic, pretty good handball. It's funny thinking about it now, but I thought that was my way out. Like, I'm just going to play handball. I'm going to beat these guys every day. And, you know, five, ten dollars a game. I'll be just fine. But, so I stopped going to scores, playing handball all day. And then, you know,

the calls were coming. The letters were coming. She said, okay, you know, you win. I'll come sign you out. So do you think you wanted to quit school to actually support the family or because you had bigger ambitions at the time and you didn't really necessarily care for school? I cared for school. I'm very competitive. I liked being the smartest kid in the class. I liked people knowing that. I liked getting the high grades and older scores. So I didn't dislike school, but I was ready to go to work. I felt like I wasn't getting anything else out of school. I was a sophomore in high school.

So, you know, theoretically, there was two years left. I felt I had enough. Like, you know, we were, I'll never forget, I was sitting in math class and, like, we were doing, you know, adding shapes and stuff. I'm like, what am I going to do with this stuff? Like, I could be working right now. And I always worked. Like, I was a newspaper boy since I was a little boy. I worked on the ice cream truck at like 10, 11 years old.

You know, the ice cream truck came to town one day and someone ordered a bunch of stuff. And the guy gave her the wrong amount. You know, he was overcharging her. I said, no, it's whatever. It's not 1015, it's 9, 25. He said, no, and he added it up. He says, oh, well, it was pretty good. And then he did the next person.

He was like, okay, how much is their stuff? So I told him, he's like, you want a job, kid? I'm like, I'll ask my mom. He's like, I don't pay you in cash. I'll pay you in ice cream. He said, my, can I work in the ice cream truck? And she's like, yeah, sure. And every day came home like a little box of ice cream for us.

So I've always worked. I always had good work. I always liked making money. And I just felt I was ready. And having the connection where I was going to have a real job, you know, working in a real place. an hour and I was like, so you tell me I'm going to work all day and make like 30 bucks instead of sitting in school all day.

I'm like 150 bucks by the end of the week instead of sitting here. Like, let's do it. Like what am I wasting my time here for? Yeah, I mean, it must have been a lot of pressure though to having to support your family at that age. Well, my mom was working, you know, so she was the main breadwinner. You know, part of it was too that, you know, my dad just left. He didn't do it the right way.

So when he left, he just didn't come home from work one day. which was not like him. They would break up and he would come home late and he would pretend that he has like a long weekend out with the guys but he was really somewhere else. So that was the usual thing with him. He never just never came home. Like there was always, they'd have a big fight,

they'd scream and yell out of each other. She'd run in the room crying, he'd take his shit and leave. You know, so that was the breakups they had throughout my upbringing. He never didn't come home. He was responsible. You know, he always put the food on the table.

paycheck always came home. Even when he had girls on the side, he took care of the family. And then just not coming home one day, they were like, what the hell? And then she called work, and one of his friends made up a story. He was in a terrible accident, and, you know, his car was demolished, and we haven't seen him. We don't know where he is. So my mom's like calling hospitals, you know. So he did it pretty terribly. That's why I did it was so kind of abrupt. So, you know, I, once she found out that he actually, she left. He was with another woman. They were having a baby, which is kind of why he left. He got the girl pregnant.

He was like, want to start his life over again. I wanted to contribute. And I didn't want her to go after him. She was saying, oh, you know, I'm going to get a lawyer. He's got to pay child support. You know, we can get, you know, her friends are talking to her. Her relatives are talking to her. Like, you can have him arrested. You know, he's got to pay for these kids. It's not your problem. And I loved my dad. He was my best friend. And I didn't want him getting arrested. like, okay, and in a weird kind of way, I understood why he left. You know, he and I, again, I was a little boy, you know, maybe eight, nine years old.

He one time brought me to a park to meet one of his girlfriends. I didn't know at the time what it was. I kind of figured it out later. And, you know, he wasn't in love anymore. You know, he didn't, he was 18 years old when they had me. I was supposed to be an abortion. They weren't supposed to have me. my mom was going to have the abortion like on her way there

and he last minute said fuck it let's let's figure this out he was an 18 year old he has his dad left at a young age he supported his seven brothers and sisters and his mom and he was just like fuck like is this my life like I don't want this to be in my life and he was out he was dating and he wanted to leave I understood I didn't like it it's my dad I don't want him home and I don't like my mom crying but I didn't really hold a grudge in some weird way I felt like okay, guys, I wish you would have done it better. I wish you would have kind of been man enough to say,

hey, I'm not happy, I'm leaving, let's figure this shit out instead of disappearing on us. But I didn't want him to get arrested. So in the beginning when I was starting to play handball, I told her my dad was giving me money. I'm like, hey, when his friends called me and said, you know, he's been in touch with dad and he's really sorry. You know, he kind of found somebody else,

but he's going to start giving us money. But I hadn't heard from him. I didn't talk to his friend. And I was bringing home handball money saying, oh, but again, as a kid, I didn't think, like, what do you mean? You know what dad is? Where is he? Maybe we can just talk to him. Maybe he'll come home. Give me his number. Let me know when you're going to go meet him. And so I'm like, well, I'm not meeting him. I'm

meeting his friend and his friend's meeting him and dad don't want us to know where he is. And so that was really why I started doing it was I didn't want him to get in trouble. I didn't want us to lose the house. So I figured, okay, I can handle both of these things myself. That's sort of how the whole thing started. Did your feelings change towards your dad when he left? They changed when I found him. back then, you know, again, there's no Google, there's none of that stuff. But, you know, the phone bills used to get mailed to the house. I used to have every phone number that people would call.

And I remember that he, every time my mom were going to shower, my dad would go in the kitchen, you know, the little rotary phone, and he'd be on the phone whispering the whole time. As soon as the water would stop, he'd hang up, he'd come back and can't pretend like he was watching TV. So I knew, again, I'm 15, I'm not as sophisticated as I, you know, now, not that I'm much more sophisticated. But so my mom had this little brown tin box

that she used to keep every bill in. She's super, super organized. So I used to pull out the phone bills at night and then I knew all my relatives' numbers. So every once in a while, you know, back then, again, it's not cell phone. You're not calling 100 people when you're home. You're calling your sister, your mom.

So any number I didn't recognize, I would call and I would ask for him. And we had the same name. So I'd go, hey, can I please speak to Beau? Is Beau there? Can I speak to Bell? Sorry, wrong number. Sorry, wrong number. This went on for months and months. And then finally one day, I'm like,

Can I speak to Bo? And it's like, sure, who's calling? I'm like, oh, it's a friend from work. You know, so I'm like, you know, could it really be him? And it was like, you know, hey, hon, you have someone from work. And he has this thing, my dad, the way he answered the phone. He's always like, yellow. You know, he doesn't say hello.

I was like, yellow. So I heard that. I was like, son of a bitch. Now, mind you, I hadn't seen him. It's probably been five, six months. My mom's trying herself to sleep every night. I don't blame him. I've never blamed them for me dropping out.

Like, I made the decision myself. Many people's parents break up and they don't drop out of school. So it's not like I'm this big victim. Like, oh, I had it. I didn't have to do it. My mom probably would have figured it out. Probably would have downsized the house. Like, we've always figured it out.

So I don't hold them accountable for that. But we were struggling. And he took, my mom had got, he had just taught my mom how to drive before he left. He was planning it. He taught me how to drive at 14. I was 14 years old driving myself to school, picking my friends up and driving rest of school. I go to the bus stop, hey, hey, hop in. Had a little, like, punch buggy, like a little Volksberg and Beetle had no floor.

You know, we'd go over a puddle, we'd get wet. So I was picking my friends up. I'm like, oh, my dad's so cool. He taught me how to drive. My mom didn't know how to drive, so he taught her how to drive. And he had got her a new car. It was like the first new car we've ever really had. And that was the car he took to work that day.

So he took the new car. So then, anyways, I talked, I'm like, he answered the phone. He's like, hello. So I'm like, all right, that's him. I hung up the phone. and then used to be able to do like a reverse lookup then with a phone number. So you put in a phone number would give you an address. So I did that and I was like, okay, I had the address where he lived.

So I went and found him to my mother. I said, hey, I found dad. I know where he lives. I know it's the address. You want to go to the house. And she was very apprehensive at first. My mom's kind of, you know, really timid, really just whatever. So I said, let's fucking go.

So again, you know, MapQuest. I deal. And here I am, you know, just young kid. And as far, he's in Long Island. It was like an hour and a half drive, and we followed him out, and we got there. And, you know, it was a nice house. And we're sitting across the street just, like,

trying to work up the courage to go knock on the door. And all of a sudden, like, this young teenage girl comes, like, driving my mom's car and pulls into the driveway and gets out and gets out and get out. I'm like, I'm like, fucking son of a bitch. So I'm like, all right, fuck it, I'm going. So I go, knock on the door. You know, this blonde lady answers the door.

she's holding a baby, has my dad's big, beautiful eyes. So my dad has these big, beautiful blue eyes. And I look just like my dad, but I always wish I had his eyes. And I see this kid, I'm like, this motherfucker. I can't believe that. Like, it has to be my dad's kid, you know, and like, he got my dad's eyes. So, you know, I'm annoyed about the car. I'm annoyed that he disappeared.

You know, I'm annoyed that this, now he has a kid. And it was a boy, you know, and I'm his boy, you know. And so now I'm, now my balls are coming out kind of. I'm like, fuck this guy. So that was my first time. I was like, fuck him. And then she said, like, hey, I'm like, hey, is Bo here? And she's like, yeah, yeah, he's here.

I saw him. He's from work. He's expecting me. And then, you know, she calls him and he's wearing a bathrobe. She was wearing a bathrobe. Inside of the house was so beautiful, like so much nicer than mine. You know, he was younger than my mom, you know. And he comes walking over and he looks at me and he's like shaking his head.

And he's like, you know, only you, man. Like, only you. And that's what I pretty much told him. I said, dad, we don't want you back. We don't need you back. Like, I got this. It's my family now. You know, you don't want us.

Fine. We don't want you either. But you're going to pay for your fucking kids. Like, this girl's driving mom's car. You got this nice house. I see you have a nice new baby. I'm like, what's the baby's name? I thought maybe he, because me and him had the same name.

So he told me the baby's name. It wasn't me. And I said, you're going to start paying for us. You know, you can clearly afford it. He says you're right. You're 100% right. Will, I'll make it right. And to his credit,

I guess, you know, he started, you know, making child support payments and things really started getting better. It was probably about like a year or so after he left. Like it wasn't like right away. It's probably like a year, year and a half or so after he left. So I'm like 60, 18 years ago. You said this place was steps from the water. We just haven't found the steps yet.

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and the signature Southern Country Rock of Eric Church on July 19th. Tickets on sale now at Yamava Theater.com, only at Yamava Resort and Casino, celebrating its 40th anniversary. U.N. must be 21 to enter. 15 years old at this point. Do you end up going back to high school? No.

I was working. I got promoted a couple times pretty quickly. I've always been a very good worker. And then, you know, so you fast forward another year, I have a girlfriend, and I get her pregnant the way of my dad. got my mom pregnant and now I'm 18 and there was no way I was having that kid I didn't know my story I didn't know that my mom was literally at the abortion place ready to get

rid of me until my dad came in and like I told you earlier you know her dad was an alcoholic you know again my grandfather was a wonderful man went to the war saw some terrible outlandish shit came home started drinking himself nightmares that whole thing and just became a different person but he was he was a nut so um you know my girlfriend was pregnant and I was little, you know, I'm trying to help my mom. You know, I had a couple different girlfriend. I wasn't like the steady boyfriend type. I was working, doing my thing. I had this fake ID. So I talk about it in the book. I actually stole my uncle's ID. We look similar, my mother's brother. He's eight years older. So when I was 15, everyone thought I was 23. And it's funny, his name is

Caesar. So all my ID was Caesar, my paycheck was Caesar. The boss was my girlfriend's dad. Well, not this girl, my ex-girlfriend's dad, you know, the one who got me the job. And he used to cash my check for me in the store out of the register because I couldn't cash it. It wasn't my name. So he really helped me out a lot. And so all the crew in the story,

like, hey, let's go out, let's party. You want to come out with us? I'm like this 15-year-old kid, but I'm like, I had this ID, so I'm like, sure. And I started to be drinking really good and like, you know, keeping up with everybody and doing shots and stuff. You're doing like arm wrestling contest.

And it was funny because the bartender would say, oh, let me see your ID. So they'd be yelling Caesar, one more. So then the team knew, at work they called me Bo. But they didn't even know why. I told them like, Caesar's my middle name or something. So we'd be out and like literally I'd be having drinking contests. And the whole bar would be going, Caesar, Caesar, and I'm there just chugging this stuff.

So, you know, that whole thing. So I had that whole lifestyle going on where, you know, I was messing around with every girl at work. I'm like 15, 16 years old messing with like 20-year-old college chicks that think I'm 23 years old. So I was happy in my social life. I was not looking to settle down at all. And then I was only with this girl for two months. You know, we met in May. I remember getting her pregnant at the Fourth of July party.

Like, I remember, you know, we kind of snuck away. We're at someone's house. We're falling around. And, you know, it was about that time. And she's like, don't stop. I'm like, okay, you know, fine. I won't stop. And I'm like, what are the odds?

You know, and then a couple weeks later, it's like, hey, I'm pregnant. And I'm like, well, there's no way we're having this kid. She's like, no, I know, I know. But I was weighing on me a little bit My mom was like, there's something on your mind Just what's, so I told her And that's when she told me like, hey, have a seat, you know You were this close to not being here either

You know, she said, you know, I was 18 with your father And she was like, I had grandpa She said, there was no chance Grandpa would have killed your father He would have killed us both dead So we thought there was no way Your dad was supporting his brothers and sisters And look, look at you, you know, you're smart, you're this

She has such a, you know, you should get this kid a chance. And she said, me, plus, you're really all over the place. You know, you have a different girl all the time. You know, you're drinking, you're partying. I think you need to settle down. You really got off track these last few years. I think this would be good for you. And she talked me into it somehow.

And I liked the girl. She was a really nice, nice girl. She was like the other girls that I was out, you know, mess. I was real party checks. She was, you know, good girl, raised nice, didn't like to go out. Wife material. So I said, okay. So I talked.

her and say, hey, you want to try and give this thing a shot? Maybe we can do it. And she's like, yeah, sure, you know. Her dad was very strict. You know, they were from Italy. So I had to go talk to her dad. He kicked her out of the house. She moved in with me and my mom. Like, they didn't talk to us for months, her parents. So that's kind of how I got into this whole. And now I'm 18, about to have a kid in my own.

And, you know, so that's how that whole thing kind of came together. How do you feel about that decision now? Looking back on it, are you happy that your mom convinced you? Well, I wouldn't trade my daughter for anything. I have three beautiful grandkids, you know, from her. And, you know, despite all the terrible things that I went through, I'm here now. So I am like a big believer like that butterfly effect.

And I think if one thing along the way would have, you know, like I have my, you met my wife, the love of my life, I think she's the most perfect woman God ever created. And if I didn't go through all that stuff, she wouldn't be here. Her and I have two beautiful babies together. So I don't regret any of it, you know. I wouldn't advise it. You know, I would try to, you know, if my kids came to me in the same situation,

I would strongly suggest that they, you know, they don't have the baby and they move forward and, you know, build their life up first. Because my two kids didn't get the best version of me. My first two kids from my wife, they got the bad version, you know. They don't know what it's like to have a good dad. And that was one of my fears of what my daughter is,

like, I don't want her finding something. somebody like me. I wouldn't mind her finding somebody like me today. I would want her finding someone like, you know, 18 to 25 year old me. But that's all she knows. That's only male figure she had in her life. So, but luckily she's got an amazing husband. I love the guy to death. Um, way better husband and father than I ever was. Thank God. But I don't regret it. I don't, I don't regret it. I wonder, I wonder what my life would have been like. I wondered the career I could have had. I have a high opinion of myself. I think that I can accomplish anything

if I set my mind to it. And then, you know, that bad decision led to so many other... I take it back, it's not a bad decision. Baby, Daddy, love you. You know, a bad decision. I love you on my heart. Maybe a bad decision at the time. At the time, you know, I knew her mom for two months.

You know, we had nothing in common. Her family hated me. I was, you know, I didn't have my dad around. I was trying to take care of my parents. You know, I was with a bunch of different girls. I was in that phase of my life. I didn't go to college.

Those are like college years of just drinking and partying and doing stuff. So I should not have brought a baby into the world like that. And my daughter didn't, you know, she suffered as a result. You know, she suffered from me and my wife breaking out the way my parents did. You know, me throwing, punching holes in the wall and, you know. So if your child got pregnant at 18, would you make that same decision to give your child that advice? Like your parents did and their parents did? No, I would tell them to get rid of the baby.

I would definitely tell them that you're making big money. It took me 20 years to recover from all this stuff. 20 years and the carnage I left behind me. I would want that for them. I would want them to get their stuff together, build a foundation, welcome a baby in, have a steady relationship with your partner. That's what I would want for them. So that would be the advice I would give them.

So you're 18, you have a kid, what happens next? So I try to get a real job. Even then, I was working multiple jobs. I was pumping gas. I was delivering news. I never gave up my newspaper out. I'm very protective of my stuff. You know, so I was doing all these multiple jobs.

She's pregnant now. They had promoted me to department manager earlier on, maybe like around 16 years old. I was department manager. But that was when I told you I had a girlfriend at the time who got me the job. Her dad got me. They ended transferring him.

They're bringing a whole new manager team, so I don't have my connection there anymore. Plus, me and the girl had broken up. She actually left me for somebody else at work. There's a whole big story of that in the book. The guy, it's funny. The name of the chapter is called Johnny Butthole. His name was John Bartolo.

It's everything I wasn't. Big, strong, smart, had a great car. He was in college. All the girls in the store liked him and he had his eye for my girl. She was the prettiest girl there. And he kept saying to me, you wait until she's 18. It's over. And she was like a year older to me.

So he says, you know, I can't mess with her now. I'm like, there's no way she's leaving me. She'll never leave me for you. And she did. And it was funny because I tried fighting. I mean, beat my ass so many times. And one time I was ready. I was with my friend.

He was teaching me some things. So I went to the store and I picked up the PA system. He's named was John Bartolo. I'm like, John Butthole to the front, please. Johnny Butthole. Everyone's laughing. I'm like, I got him this time. And he's comedy.

He's like, you create. Beat my ass in the Stargap. So her and I broke up, of course. They're married, ironically enough. They're still together from, like, teenagers. So, you know, so I'm a new store, a new team, and, you know, I'm working around the clock. I'm getting like 80 hours a week, so, you know, 425 an hour, but overtime is 675.75. So now I'm really pimping my overtime hours, making 675 an hour.

And, you know, I'm doing everything. I tell them, anytime someone calls out, call me. Anytime, you know, I learned every department. It was a little hardware store. I learned how to make paint, learn how to cut the wood, learn how to work the forklift to unload the trucks, learn how to cut wallpaper, how to measure carpeting. So I learned every single department in the place. I learned to register.

You know, anytime you have a call out, call me. So they did. And I was getting like 70, 80 hours a week. But then, you know, my girlfriend's pregnant. We decided to get married. And I want to, I'm doing too many odd jobs now. And there's assistant manager opening. And I go to work that day.

You know, they had interviews all day lined up for like external candidates. So I said, okay, I'm going to crash this party. I got a suit. It doesn't even fit me. Cheapest suit I can get. And I go to work. and they do all their interviews and I go to the manager

and his name was Mr. Bradley and he's like, Bo, what are you all dressed up for? I said, Mr. Bradley, I know every department in the store on the first one in every day, on the last one out. When it snows, I'm outside,

I shovel the snow before you guys get here. I shovel your parking spot so when you come in, you have a place to go. How could you want anyone else in the world to be an assistant manager but me? You know, you know, you know, Joeline is pregnant, you know, I'm going to have a baby.

And, you know, one of my jobs there was I was the breakfast boy because I was the only one that didn't screw up breakfast. There was like six managers in the place. So they always sent people and they would mess it up, oh, why is there cheese on my thing? And, you know, I said a hot chocolate, you brought me a hot tea. So I

used to get the breakfast and they used to say, you know, Bo's going to get the breakfast. And I would be there even at the bagel shop, looking over the counter. I'm like, hey, I saw you put salt on that. I said plain. You'd make him a new one. And I'd always come back. I did that for months and months. And so he's in the office with the other assistant

managers. And then He's like, Bo. You're a high school dropout, man. Like, you can't do what you do well. He took 20 bucks. He put it in my shirt pocket. He said, go get us breakfast. And I was like, so humiliated.

They're laughing. The other assistant managers. And I was so much better than them, I felt. These guys were lazy, always in the office. You know, every time corporate would come, they would get in trouble for the store being so shitty, except for my little department. So, you know, I actually, I went to the bagel store. I started crying, you know, this big Jamop, 18-year-old, six-foot two.

knucklehead. I was so, I just felt like shit, you know. It was the first time like, you know, the high school dropout was thrown in my face.

It was brought up, you know, from other coworkers here and there, like, oh, shut up, you fucking drop out. You know, that would happen. But like, from my boss,

who I thought really respected me and I thought really appreciated me because all the stuff I would do for them and how reliable I was, that one hurt. So I went, I got everybody's breakfast.

And, you know, before I worked at day, I remember talking to Jolene. I'm like, hey, I'm getting this job, and we got to do, suit and we're practicing. She's asking me questions, interview questions, and, you know,

you're a high school dropout, why should I give you a chance? And I'd have an answer for it. And what makes you think you're more qualified? We practice all this stuff. You know, so I was like, I kind of wipe my tears off. I walk in, I gave everybody their breakfast. I took my 20 blocks out. I paid for it. I said, case you $20 back, this one's on me.

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, I quit. I said, you motherfuckers were all going to work for me one day. So I got out, I left. You know, Mr. Bradley chases me down. It's like, Bo, what are you doing? You have a baby on the way? I'm like, fuck you.

I told you go fuck yourself, right? Go fuck yourself. You don't want me, somebody else who want me. Let someone else get your fucking breakfast tomorrow. I hope they fuck it up. And that was it. And I go home and, you know, I get home early and Julian's like, what are you doing home? And I'm like, did you get the promotion?

I'm like, I quit. I quit. They don't want me. They think I'm a piece of shit. They think I'm a fucking loser. And she's like, well, what are we going to do? You know, we were living my mom at a time. You know, I had these other odd jobs, you know, we'll figure it out.

And, you know, her dad, who hated me, I took his beautiful only daughter, born in Italy. She was on this great path for success. I knock her up. They never even met me. They met me after she told him she was pregnant. He wanted her to be with an Italian to carry on the culture on this American knucklehead, my hat sideways. And he had his own plumbing bag. business. So she's like, you know, you can work with my dad. He needs an apprentice. I'm like,

fuck, I'd rather die. You know, but the dad came and he says, come work on my truck. You know, you got to support, you know, I have a grandchild coming. So I started working with him. It was terrible. He was so mean to me. You know, he only had, he didn't speak English. You know, well, the rest of the world knew he didn't speak English. He thought he spoke English, you know, it was one of those things. So it was funny. Every time I would try to correct him, he'd yell at me, you know, one time he got pulled over. And the cop was like, you know, he went through like three red lights. He was just a lunatic guy. And the cop pulls him over and he's yelling at the cop.

And so I'm thinking he's going to get arrested. So I said, officer, I'm sorry. You know, he doesn't speak English. Let me help you. Who knows speak English? You know speak English? I'm not. I'm talking English.

You're talking to bullshit. So I was that guy. You know, so he used to always, you know, do that to me. And he would fuck with me. He would like tell me to go to a truck to get something that wasn't there. He'd parked like three blocks away in Brooklyn. It's never already parking. He said, oh, go to the truck, take a dissent thing for me.

And then I come back and him and the, and the customers would be laughing at me. Like, he'd be doing it in the rain. He was just a dick to me. So I couldn't wait to get off his truck. So then I just started, you know, trying to, you know, my mission in life was always to get off his truck. And then I got a job as an assistant manager somewhere.

And the guy didn't want me. You know, the district manager hired me and said, you're going to go work in this store. And the manager was like, I don't want this fucking guy. He's a kid. I want a grown-up. A guy has no experience. I was applying assistant manager job.

I wasn't taking anything that wasn't. and assistant. Just to show the other guys like, these guys don't even know me and they'll give him a job. I worked for you guys for five years, open to close every fucking day, seven days a week. Didn't even clock in for half of it when your payroll budget was too high. I would work for free for you. So I was going to work on his truck until I got the assistant manager job and I did. And then this is where I made my first mistake. So in a weird, unexpected thing, I was, I go to Apple with my brother. This is probably like the next moment after going out, dropping out of school.

So my brother's like, hey, let's go meet for lunch. So we go, we meet for lunch. We're in the parking lot. There's an apple bees and there's a Chili's. So he's like, what are you in the mood for? I'm like, I don't really care. He's like, let's go to Applebee's. I wish he went to Chili's.

So we go to Applebee's. There's a football game on. So we're sitting at the bar and like everyone's talking about the game. And they're all talking about how this one team, one team, you know, the Chiefs were going to win the game. And I'm like, no fucking way, man. They can't run the ball. The Patriots are going to, like, you're crazy.

The Patriots suck. I said, they do suck. But this is what they're good at. And what they're good at is, it's going to, they're going to win this game. I was like, oh, I bet you $20. I said, okay, I bet you're 20 bucks. So we bet you're 20 bucks. And the Patriots won the game.

I was like, oh, dude, how the fuck did you come up with that? And I told him why. So the guy started really pressing me. He's like, well, here are the games coming this afternoon. Who do you think is going to win? So I'm like, well, I don't know about this. And I'm positive that this is going to happen. I tell them why he's going to win.

So he says, I'm going to call this into my bookie. I'm going to put a lot of money. If I win, I'm going to give you $100. Stay and watch the game. I don't even know what the bookie was. He calls it in and, you know, makes the bet. The team won. Guy pulls out $100.

Now, again, when you're making $4.25 an hour and then, you know, $6.75 and overtime, the guy handed you $100. It's like a day's pay, you know. and he's like, dude, you're fucking amazing. Like, you know, the way you analyze this stuff is different. He's like, what's your name? I said, my name is Bo. He says, no, I don't like that.

He goes, I'm going to call you the B-Train. He's like, you're the motherfucking B-train. And I have a few beers. And that's right, I am the motherfucking B-Train. He says, I'm going to hook you up with my bookie. He says, you should make bets. He says, you can make a lot of them. He's like, what do you do for a living?

Oh, I told him. He says, yeah, so he calls the guy right in front of him. He goes, I have this guy here. you know, he's pretty good at making bets. He's pretty good. His name is the B-Train. Give him a code. So I get it on the phone.

I'm like, hi, what's your name? What's this? Where do you live? We need your address. I give him that. It's okay. Show the guy, you know, your license. That's with you.

So I show the guy on my license. Okay. Every time you call, you're going to say your name is the B-Train and your code is, one, two, three, four, whatever it is. I don't want to make a bet and call. So I'm like, all right, all right. So the next week I just called. I'm like, hey, this is the B-Train.

Like, hey, be trained. I'm like, what's your code? Oh, this is my code. Like, what do you got? It's like, oh, give me the eagles and the cowboys. Like, for how much? I'm like, I don't know, 50 bucks. Okay, 50 bucks pays 42.

Okay, so I'm like, okay. And then, you know, so that guy that hooked me up with him was like my contact. And I won, you know, the guy would call me. I would go meet with him. He'd pay me like my 150 bucks. I'm like, this is fucking great. So I started betting. And like, I couldn't lose.

I couldn't lose. And the guy gave me advice. He said, listen, gambling gets bad. People start thinking they can never lose. He said, you have a really good way of analyzing it. You really do your homework on this stuff. Keep doing that. Like, don't bet games that you don't know.

Like, only do what you're doing. Like, the way you told me, I'm not sure about this. Don't bet those. Just bet the ones you're sure. That's okay. I couldn't miss, you know. So I start betting more and more. And like, I'm meeting this guy's hitting me like $3,000.

And like, that's like a month and a half paid for me. and we end up getting our own place, you know, well, kind of. My mother's tenant left. My mother had a two-family house. So we rent my mother's apartment. But I'm paying her full rent. We get a better car. You know, I'm getting the baby nice stuff.

And I'm making money gambling. You know, now I have this assistant manager job. And then things got off the rails. I start losing. And I break all the rules. I'm like, oh, shit, I'm down $100. You know, I'm down $500. Fuck.

I don't have $500. All right, what's the next game? Okay, give me, this team should win this. So you start chasing when you're gambling, not doing the research, betting games you shouldn't be betting. Next thing you know, I'm down like $3,000. No way of paying it. It may have been $3 million to me at that time.

You know, my paycheck is $500, $600. So I call my aunt, and I'm like, she was the one person in my family kind of had it together. That's actually who I named my first daughter after. My first daughter's named after her. And I said to listen I got in some trouble I'll pay you back

But you know Because the guy who was my cool friend And started being like bro Where's the fucking money like I have your address I'll come to your fucking house Like you don't want to fuck with us But I never saw that side of him before

I was like hey we'd meet We'd have a beer You know we'd have some wings And now I start losing And it's like where's my fucking money And I don't have it I said these guys I fucked up

So she said don't worry about it I'll give you the money And I don't want you to pay me back I just want you to promise me You're never ever ever going to gamble again You're smart, you're hardworking, you don't need this shit, don't do it. I said, I promise, this is fucking crazy. It's over.

So I go and I pay these guys. And that's all right, I quit. I retired, never get him again. I call the place high, this is the B-Train. Delete my shit. I'm never working here again. If I ever call you back, don't take my bets. It's over.

I want nothing to do with you guys. Okay, okay, okay. I paid in full. Leave me alone. So I get this job, and it was very far this job. I was driving. And we're struggling financial. I gave up all the other jobs

because I really wanted to grow. I'm doing the same thing. First one in, last one out, not getting paid for it. My schedule is nine to five. I'm there six to ten every day. The manager hates my guts. Sorry.

Doesn't want me in the store. Mean to me, disrespectful to me. I hate the guy. He's getting married. He asked me, I was his only assistant. Listen, I'm getting married on Friday. And then we have the honeymoon. you think you can close for me Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

Sure. I'll close for you, no problem, whatever you want. He was lazy. He used to never go to the bank. He used to always wait for me to go. Usually what you're supposed to do at night when you leave is take your money, go to night, drop and drop it. That's the company rule.

He would never do that. He just wanted to go home. So I would come next day, he'd be like, oh, well, take the money to the bank for me, take the money to the bank for me. So he had closed the last couple nights. He hadn't asked me to go to the bank. So I tell the story,

in the bug. I should have told it more fun this way, but I'm already committed. So I had another job where I was working on a medical waste truck part-time with a friend I had all the way back from that first store I worked in that hardware store. That was, you know, whenever I can, I would work on this truck a couple days a week, making a few bucks. So the stage was set, so he wasn't there. He hadn't gone to the bank in a couple days, and I worked it out for the guy to come in and rob us. really not because I needed the money, just because I fucking hated this guy.

And the money wouldn't have been, I mean, I was struggling, but it wasn't really what my thought process was. I just wanted to fuck this guy for like not going to, I wanted to get him in trouble. I had some weird twist of thing, like if he got in trouble for not going to the bank and he gets fired, maybe I'll get his job, I'll make more money, I have control over my schedule.

So, you know, he was a dick to me, and I had to take it. I had the wife, I had the kid, I was just sucking it up. So we set it up, you know, Closing guy falls out of the ceiling, pulls a gun out. It was a fake gun. It was a fake gun.

Girl cashiers are screaming. He's shut the fuck up, bitch. He punches me to make everything look real because he's just cameras back there. And he's hit me with the back. Open the fucking safe. So I opened the safe. You know, I noticed three days worth of money in it. Plus, you know, I told him wait until I bring all the cashier's in.

So you'll have all my money. Friday's our busiest day. So you'll have like, you know, Wednesday's money, Thursday's money. So I give him all the money. He leaves. He was wearing like this Mets jacket. He runs out the fire exit. I told him when you leave, I said the only phone back there is a fax machine phone.

Like rip it out of the wall when you leave. So I'm going to have to call the cops, you know, otherwise they're going to. So he rips the fax machine out. He throws it. And he runs out, you know. Everyone's screaming and crying. And one goes, I call the cops. I'm like, oh, he got rid of the phone.

Should I go out? So we open the office. We run to the store. Gives a time. I called the police. We were just robbed. This guy came out of the ceiling, punched me in the face.

And they're like, okay, okay, where are you? So I told him where we are. Like, give him a description. I'm like, I was wearing a mask. He had a Mets jacket, like a purple Mets jacket on. Okay, okay, okay.

We're sending officers on the way. Cops get there in like two minutes. They come in, like, a hundred cops are there. You guys, okay? They're like, okay? They'll give me ice for my eye. And then while they're there, like within like a minute of them getting there,

I hear on the speaker, or hey, we have a suspect, you know, purple meds jacket. You know, we have them in custody. So I'm saying to myself, oh my God, I'm fucked. Like, my life is over. There's no way this guy is going to just, you know, he's like, my good friend. And so they like, okay, they bring him in for a positive ID. So they bring him in, and it wasn't him.

It was just some other guy in the meds jacket that was running down the subway to catch a train. Because, you know, where's the money? He's like, I don't have the money on that what are you fucking talking about. And I'm like, is that him? is that him? And then I was going to about to say it's him, but then one of the girls, the kids, she was like, yeah, that's him. I'm like, yeah, that's him.

That's the fucking guy who punched me in the face. That's the guy who robbed us. So cops are really like, you know, they smack him. Where's the fucking money? Where's the fucking money? He's like, I don't know what you're talking about. So they go, they arrest the guy. They make me call the manager.

The manager comes. You know, he's got his tuxedo. His bow tie is down. He came and coming from his wedding. What happened? I'm like, oh, we got rob. We got robbed. So all this happens.

you know, the dust settles, I end up going home, a guy comes to my house, knocks on the door, my friend, opens the door, there was like $6,000, which again was a fortune to me back then, $6,000 each. It was $12,000. It was life-changing money for me,

so I'm like, you know what, fuck these guys, you know. And again, not that it's okay, it's definitely not okay, but we had shoplifters had came in maybe about three weeks earlier and stole a bunch of stuff. So I remember filling out the instant report,

and I was dealing with corporate on it. I'm like, man, This sucks. It's going to really hurt profitability. Like, no, you know, we have insurance for this dollar. We have a small deductible. Like, we'll pay like $1,000. Everything else is covered in insurance.

So, like, it's stuck in my head. So in my head, I'm like, okay, it's going to cost this big company $1,000. And I'm going to get to make this money. I was, like, three months behind on all my bills. I'm like, I justified it in my head. And like, they underpay me because I'm a fucking high school dropout. I know other assistant manager is making twice as much money as I am. Like, fuck these guys, which is, again, terrible.

But that's just what I thought. I mean, I can't change the way I thought. and he came to my house with the money like we hugged it out. I'm like, bro, like, what the fuck did you punch me in their face so hard? Like, what the fuck? He's like, dude, we had to make it look real.

I told him that they got this other poor bastard that, you know, they arrested this guy, which I'm sure they let him go. And he didn't do it, but I don't know. I didn't, like, follow up. But as I, the guilt in size started getting there. So, like, every day at work, like, someone would just look at me

and I'm like, oh, this guy knows. He knows I did it. They had no way of knowing, but I was just, you know, oh my God. And then one day, so one of the things I had done was there was, we were in a strip mall, there was pay phones outside. So I called my buddy and said, I told her, I'll call you and tell you when it's okay to come.

So I call them and I said, hey, you know, this is good time. You're going to come in around this time. Come in, ask to use the bathroom. They'll give you a key. The bathroom was in the back. You can climb up in the ceiling, there's drop ceiling tiles and then just wait there. No one's going to know you didn't leave. So come in like about a half hour before a clock.

I gave him the whole thing on the phone. That's what he does. The thing worked to perfection. And then the detectives were there to check it in on the manager. You know, they wanted video footage, all this stuff. And then about three weeks later, the manager called me over and said, hey, the detective wants to talk to you. So I'm like, oh, hey, how you doing? Is it a task a question?

I said, yeah, anything you want? He was like, did you make a phone call from the pay phone night of the burglary? So obviously he knows I did. That's too random of a question, so I can't say no. I said, yeah, I did. He said, there are no phones in the store? So, yeah, there's lots of phones in the store. And they were like, you ever use the phones in the store to call?

I said, yeah, yeah. So why did you use the pay phone, like that night, like an hour before closing? I said, honestly, it's personal. I don't really want to talk about it with you. It's kind of none of your business. It's a personal phone call. It's like, oh, it's not my business? I said, that's not your business.

Why have my phone call? They said, your store gets robbed for $12,000. You have a manager on duty. No one goes to the bank for three fucking days. You make a phone call an hour before using the pay phone. It's none of my fucking business. So I said, and the manager was there. So I said, well, I didn't need send you a business.

I'm going to stun his fucking business. I said, he don't like me, this guy. So I don't want to give any information. If you come outside with me, I'll explain to you. So I said, listen, I have a girlfriend. I said, I don't want people to work to know. Like, if I'm on the phone, somebody picks up, they can listen. You know, I don't want my wife to find out.

I don't want this guy to find out. But, you know, I called my girlfriend. It's okay, you know, we're going to get the call records, and we know around the time you're out there and your girlfriend's going to be, don't want to answer the phone? So, yeah, or her mom, you know, her parents. She lived with her parents.

But yeah, that's who answered the phone. It's like, okay, okay. So I come back in. I'm like, oh, my God, I'm going to jail for the rest of my life. This is over. I start looking for other jobs real quick. I said, I don't care where the fuck it is.

I got to get out of here. Within like a week, I found another job. So I just quit. I said, hey, I found another job, Larry. I know you hate me, I hate you, fuck you, fuck me, we're out of here, I quit. I'm just say, I just hope I never hear from these guys ever get, and I never did. So I'm like, okay. This June, the world comes to Los Angeles.

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Never doing that shit again. And that was the first crime you ever committed in your life? Well, it was a second crime. In the book, I don't know if this, well, I guess this discounts. So during the handball days, I started losing. My arm was killing. I couldn't keep up. I was winning like crazy and worst.

getting around so better players started coming. There were days where I was making like 300 bucks. You know, as a 15-year-old kid, just playing handball, I was toasting these guys on the court. So, like, other guys started coming, older guys started coming. And there was a day where I lost everything I had. I lost everything. Whatever I was winning, I was up.

I had money in my pocket. I lost all that. And I was going home. And again, it wasn't planned. But I guess if you have it in you, you have it in you, I guess. And this was like, again, this was straight-A student meet. This was like never got in trouble me. There's a chicken store by my house.

And as I was walking home from the bus, I just noticed the back door, chicken store was open. I just thought it was weird. So I'm like, I just went to check it. So I'm like, what's going on in here? So I walk in and I'm like, no one's going to. I'm like, hello, hello?

And I almost closed the door. But I'm like, what's just going on? So I walk in and the office door was open. And like there was the register tills on there. And they had all the money in there. So I'm like, fuck it. I'm like, I'm just going to take it. I lost all my handball money.

You know, my mom thinks I'm getting money from my dad. It wasn't much money. It was like 120 bucks, but whatever it was, I just took it in the book, it was a child that called Chicken Store. It was like, that's the first time. So I took the money from a chicken store. I went home, I gave him, I said,

oh, yeah, this is the money, you know, we got from dad today. And again, that was it. It didn't feel like, I robbed something. It didn't feel like it. But of course I know I did. But in the moment, I was just like, oh, fuck it.

I felt like someone, like, just dropped money on the floor. So that was the first bad thing I did. And that was about, like, you know, I'd say three or four years before. And then I had this problem with the, you know, I did this other thing. So I could just have the job. And at this point, me and my wife pretty much hate each other. Fighting every day, arguing every day, we couldn't be more different people. The stress of the money, stress of the baby, we just hated each other's face.

I decided to be show this face was like, I fucking hate that face. I hated her voice. She hated mine. But, you know, we're trying to keep it together for the sake of the baby. So I get this new job.

I'm like, okay, you know, got a new job, a new start. We'll figure it out. We don't figure it out. Finance is a bad. I start gambling again. You know, she's calling me a loser. Her parents call me a loser.

She's always borrowing money from her parents to pay the electric bill to pay the cable bill. I just can't make ends meet. I can't really afford the rent. where I had multiple jobs it was one thing but I'm throwing myself

into my career so I can't work with the jobs I start gambling again I never forget it it was the Stanley Cup it was the Devils they were big underdogs I heard everybody talking

yeah big underdogs the devils are gonna fucking kill these guys nobody can score on Brodor they have these great defense I don't care how good their offense is they can't score they're gonna lose every game like one-nothing like the devils are gonna win this thing

so I end up calling that number again I'm like, hi, this is the B train. I don't know if you still have me on file. And they were like, hold on, like, oh, yeah, yeah, we have you. I said, this was my code. So I'm like, yeah, it's still your code. I said, what are the odds for the devils to win the whole Stanley Cup? It was like four to one or five to one.

I'm like, what's the absolute most I can bet that you'll let me bet? And it was a small number. I'm going to say like 500 bucks or something. So I said, okay, I want 500 bucks on the devils to win the Stanley Cup. Devils swept them. They won the first four games. $2,000. I hadn't seen that guy for a couple of years.

You know, he calls me. He's like, oh shit, let's go. Welcome back. I'm like, I'm not back. I just knew that this was going to happen. And I knew it was easy fucking money. So I met him, made the money. During the hockey playoffs, it's also basketball playoffs.

I was sure the Knicks were going to win. No doubt in my mind. So I had this $2,000. Now, of course, I spent the $2,000. I paid up three months of the bills. We were behind. I got us all caught up. money's gone

Nicks lose and because I had that big win they up my limit to a thousand So I bet a thousand on Nicks I lost I'm like fuck So I started looking at what other series are going on All right so I'm down a thousand

You know how much can I bet I say well you gotta pay the thousand Before we let you bet So I don't pay any of my bills I scrape up my two paychecks I paid $1,000 I said I'm gonna get us on money back Now not only do I'm even there But now I'm behind again

Because I just made my last two pay Achecks. Long story short, I'm down like $5,000 with no way of paying it. I can't call my aunt. There's only so much I can do work-wise. I'm fucked. Did they extend your credit? Yeah.

Okay. They kept extending my credit. Because I was paying. Once you paid that $1,000 back, they gave you a credit. Yeah. And it was a good talker. I'm like, hey, I got this coming in. And I act like I was this big high roller.

But I built a history. Like I paid that $3,000 that last time. I paid this thousand this time. So they just opened it up. Wait through here later what they opened up to. So I don't know what to do. They start showing up at my job where I'm working. Where's the fucking money?

I'll give you money, give you a little bit. I'll give you that. You better give us something right now. Like I have it. Here's 80 bucks. I'm 80 bucks. I'm like, see me on Friday. I get paid.

So I was paying them. And then in the moment, it really felt like a gift from God. The armored car company came to get the money. as they did every day. They said, Armored Car was a very busy store. It would be like five or six deposit bags. I would sign a sheet. He would sign a sheet.

So they would write the bag numbers. It was the process. The money would take like 10 minutes every time. They'd open the bag. He'd write the number. He'd initial. I'd initial. He'd put it in this thing.

We'd do all of that. He leaves a bag of money falls out as he's going down the stairs. One of the bags is drops. On this little hallway, no cameras. And the guy just keeps walking. And I'm like, oh, shit. He keeps walking. He leaves.

The door closes behind them. So I just, instinctively, I just take it. I shove it down my pants. I just go and I work. Because these guys came in the morning. I work all day. I got this bag of money in my pants. I'm like, I'm going to wait and see if anybody says anything.

I go home. I had a fish tank. I put the money under the gravel. You know, under the gravel in my fish tank and my, you know, in the living room there. Just covered it up. I didn't tell my wife. I didn't tell nobody.

I didn't know how much was in there. I just left it. I go to work. I said nothing. Week, two weeks, three weeks. No one says anything. I'm saying there's no way they're going to say anything. Like, he signed it on camera, he put it in his bag.

It's his responsibility. They're never going to think that I have this money. Why would, how would I get it? Like, there's no way, if that money's missing, it's corporate dealing with the bank. Three weeks have passed. That's it. And I'm telling these guys, I'm like, guys, listen, I'm getting a big bonus in three weeks. I wanted to give myself time.

I had to scare the last time. I said, I promise you, I'm going to pay you in full. I'm saving all my checks. I'm like, I don't know what's in this bag. So finally, I'm like, this is the day. I go home, a night, I go in the fish tank, I wait for my wife to go to sleep. I take out all the money and all the shits on it. I open it up.

I owed these guys exactly $5,000. It was $5,000. I just couldn't believe it. I'm like, you know, God loves me. He knows I'm not a bad guy. He knows I just do dumb shit. And this was him saying, like he dropped it from the heavens. I pay the guy.

Go get my best. baking an egg and my yoo-hoo with the five bucks, keep the change, I'm liberated. I'm like, again, I'm not gambling anymore. It's over. I was, like I said, I was always a top performer at work.

They brought me as an assistant manager. They have a position there called First Assistant, which was like, next in line. You run the store of data managers off. So my manager's to me, he says, hey, Beau, corporate's coming in. They're going to interview. you for the first assistant's job.

You know, you're just, of course I'm interested in that. Like, I want you a fucking job one day. Yeah, of course I'm interested. So, okay, so I come in, be going back and talking to these two corporate guys and they ask me all these questions and like, weird questions, like not the question that was expecting. And they were like, so, you know, what was the last job you had? So I'm telling, oh, is an assistant manager in this place?

This is a place, you know, oh, why did you leave the last place? You know, I was just a little bit, just wanting something closer to home, a little bit baby, you know, a little baby, and like, oh, okay, okay. I went to stuff. said, where's the money? And I'm like, what money? I still didn't even, I put it together yet. They said, and the guy pulls out a badge

and the money you fucking took from the deposit. Where's the money? And I said, I don't know what you're talking about. So I says, okay, you're under arrest. So right, so it was never an interview. So they come, they arrest me in the store, in the back stock room, they walk me out. And I lived in this neighborhood.

So like, and I was the, guy at work. I'm arrogant at work. I know that I'm good. And I come in early. I stay late. I solve all the problems. I have this kind of aura about me at the place. Now they see me walking out in handcuffs. You know, neighbors. This shock on some of these guys' face, like,

what the fuck? You know? And they throw me in the car and they bring me down. And, you know, I'm sitting there and I'm scared out of my fucking life. You know, I'm this young guy, like maybe 20 years old now. Two-year-old baby. And the guy

sets me down with a legal pad. You know, they got me. You know, I'm scared out of my life. And the guy's like, listen, you're clearly not a bad guy. You know, just tell me why he took the money. And I said, I didn't take the money. The guy dropped the money. He dropped it on the floor and left.

I said, I just kind of felt like if you're walking down the street and a guy drops money out of his pocket and you pick it up, are you a thief? I don't think so. I said, I gave the guy the money. I did my job. I signed the paper. And the guy's like, yeah, I agree with you, man. you're right.

You didn't do anything wrong. I said, thank you. I said, I feel like I just got lucky. I felt like almost like hitting a scratch off. Like, I was like, yeah, I would feel the same way. Okay, I'm glad that you told me that now. I knew you weren't a bit. Just write it all down.

So I wrote it all down. Yeah, I got off the bag. Look it. He's like, you know, why did you wait three weeks? I told, oh, you know, I actually hit my fish tank. You know, hit it in my fish tank. So I wrote like three pages on a legal pad, basically signed a confession.

Again, I didn't think I was doing that. I'm thinking this guy is my friend. And he's like, he's like, listen, just tell us the truth. Fucks up, you're going to be okay. You know, you don't have any history. I told me, I still help my mom. I have a little baby. I'm just, I work 100 hours a week.

So I wrote this confession. And then the guy was like, okay. He says, you know, sit here, sit here. So I'm sitting in the holding cell. And the guy says, okay, you went to the courts. He said, you're going to be spending the night. He said, you know, whatever he told me. So I spend the night in the holding cell.

scared out of my... Because anybody they arrested it was through in that holding cell. So I'm sitting in there. At first it was just me. So I'm like, okay, you know, sitting down. I'm sitting down like, you're such an idiot. It's so fucking stupid.

Why the fuck did you do that? Then I'm going to myself, like, you know what? You really didn't do anything wrong. Like, the guy dropped the fucking money. Like, if he dropped it on the sidewalk, I don't understand. Like, I really got to that place. Like, why am I...

You know, they arrested me, obviously, for grand larceny. And I'm like, I didn't steal this money. Like, to me, stealing is you come in with a mask and a gun, give me your money. I said, if this guy would have dropped it, you know, on a sidewalk, if this guy forgets it in the truck and the next guy gets it, like I don't understand what I did.

I feel like I stumbled upon something. So I got to a place, I'm like, you know what, fuck it. Like, let's go to court. I'm not guilty here. And then as a night goes on, this guy comes into a hallway. I'm like, oh, what fuck is this guy, you know? Some big, nasty, you know, cursing the cops. Fuck you suck my dick pig.

You know, and I'm just sitting there this nice little boy sitting in the corner of my handfold. I'm like, holy shit. And then, you know, by the end of the night there's like 10 guys in this fucking cell. All fucking bad dudes, like lunatics and like, they're fighting with each other.

And I'm just sitting there scared out of my mind and saying, what do I got to do? So my mother, you know, of course I tell my mother what would have. I don't even call my wife, call my mom. You know, like, fuck this. She calls my uncle, the guy whose idea I was using Caesar, you know, all those years ago.

And, you know, he had like a, a, political kind of job. And so he had connections. So he calls, he said, my dumb-ass nephew, like this is what he did. He's not a bad fucking guy. Like, he can't go to jail. Like, my sister depends on him.

He's got a young kid. You know, straight A honor roll student. And if you look this kid up, like, he just, you know, he made a bad decision, but he's not a criminal. So, like, he had friends like that were like in the prosecutor, the DA's office. So, you know, he got me a lawyer. He goes, use this lawyer.

You know, so they bail me out, whatever. And then within a couple of weeks, he was like, listen, you're going to have, you're going to plead to shoplifting. It's going to be a misdemeanor. It shouldn't mess you up too much. But if people ask you, do you have a record telling me I have a misdemeanor for shoplifting? I'm like, shoplift. I'm not a fucking shoplifter, bro.

Or you can have a felony for grand larceny. I mean, you pick. He says, you know, you're not going to go to jail, but you're going to be on probation for five years. You know, you can have to go meet a probation over there every week. You're going to have to take a drug test. I said, I never did a drug. I never smoked a pot, never smoked a cigarette.

I'm like, why can I take a drug test? Dude, be fucking happy. This is all you have to do. So that's what I have. So I lose the job. And I get this five-year probation. So I'm like, okay, dodge the bullet. Go back to work on my father-in-law's truck.

You know, he's the one that call me American loser. That's why my book is called the B-training American loser. How did they find out that you were the one that took the money? because I well because of my confession they figured it out because it made sense because I was the one who signed the sheet that I gave him the money and you know this guy's you know

60 year old guy working for 40 years never had a problem in his life the armored car guy those armored car guys all high integrity guys massive background check guys they're all bonded so he goes in and like for the first time in his life he's missing a bag so he was like there's no way I fucking did this

you know so they just the next course of action would be to come to me. Like, did he leave the bag behind or what happened? Why do you think they waited so long to talk to you? I think that it just probably took them that long. To figure it out? I think it just had to take another long and figure it out because they go in as a process, you know, and maybe they were looking for the money, maybe they were interrogation.

The guy, I never knew. But once I confessed, it was over. You know what I mean? So did you repay the money? I had restitution as part of my thing. But it was a very, it was five years probation and I had the whole five years to pay it back. So they worked it out with, I don't remember the numbers was so long ago, but But each week, they actually garnished my paycheck.

So I didn't have a job for a while. I used to have to go to the court and I used to have to pay. And then once I had the job, it was part of the deal. I had to let the people know that I had a check garnishment and they had to do it. So I was working, you know, so I never working with my father-in-law on his truck for a long time trying to look for another job. And how old are you at this point? Like 20. 20 years old years.

Yeah. Because the baby was about to turn two. And then, you know, I'm trying to get jobs everywhere. And, you know, I was upfront about it and began to listen. so you know I have a misdemeanor. I figured it'd be better if they heard it for me than if they found out later. So I have this misdemeanor, you know, for shoplifting.

It was, I didn't mean to do it. I thought I paid for it. I didn't. Over a zealous security guard and, you know. So they were like, I get it. That shit happened. So, you know, it took me a few months to find this on the job, but I got a job as an assistant manager somewhere.

And I'm like, okay, things are going to be okay. You know, this is behind me. I'm getting through my probation period. working hard, you know, me and my wife at this point, just, it was the worst it's ever been. Because now, you know, I'm arrested, I'm misdemeanor, I'm working with her dad every day. He would introduce me as American Luceau.

Oh, this is a guy's a husband and my daughter is a fucking American loser. My daughter, I don't know why. My daughter, she's so pretty. She married his fucking American loser. That's how you said, introduce me, everybody. So, you know, I'm working on his truck. I'm still working on the medical waste truck.

I'm selling vacuums door-to-door, like cleaning people's fucking rugs, you know, trying just to make ends meet, trying to, you know, pay my bills. You know, and there's a story in the book where, like, one of the kids I went to high school. So, again, I was a smart kid in high school. I had the real, real pretty girlfriend. I was, like, the best kid in gym class. And I was a dick, you know.

I would think, I'd shoot a three point. And I was boisterous about it, you know? Now here I am, like, I'm vacuuming, like, you know, so this kid is now, like, you know, he's 20 years old. You know, he's got his own place. I'm knocking door to door selling vacuums. I'm like, I hated this fucking kid in school. And like part of where you're selling vacuums, it's like you vacuum their mattress, you vacuum their re-should them what a great vacuum it is and you try to get a deal.

And he's there with his brother and then I hear him in the other room. He's like, this is why you don't drop out of school. You become a fucking piece of shit like this kid vacuuming people's rugs for free. He's like, what do you mean for free? You know, I find a fucking vacuum. I hear him doing the whole thing. I just want to tell everybody that I had Bo, you know, fucking vacuuming my fucking rugs in my house for free. You know, he thought he was the shit back day.

You know, so I'm going to that really terrible, like almost like a self-loathing kind face. So fast-for- I get this other job. I quit. I couldn't wait to quit. I'm like, hey, you know, they called him no-no, which is grandpa in Italian. That's what my, you know, door used to call. So I used to call no-no. So I'm like, hey, no, no, I quit again, never coming back. So I got this job. Again, throw myself into the job. I'm going to be the greatest guy in the world. But me and my wife are just completely estranged. We don't talk to each other all, I start messing with all the girls at work, you know, very successful. There's crazy stories in the book about, you know, the store and how I ended up getting

promoted to manager. You know, a lot of weird things happen. I have a couple of girlfriends in the store that I'm kind of fooling around with. And then I come and get recruited to go to another job. So I'm like, okay, it was a big job. They came to my store. They loved the store. They loved me.

They loved my people. They were building this big store next store. It's a big company. And, you know, they offered a double my pay. So I'm like, I'm going to take it. If you take my team with me, you take my guys, you give them all raises, well, we'll come. And something happened to me where I'm like, you know what? A lot of my problems with my wife has been money problems.

We've always been behind in the bills. We've always had pressure. She's always thrown in my face how her friend's husband bought her this car or bought her these clothes and her friend gets to stop at this store, but she's got a shop at Kmart and all this shit. You should really belittle me a lot, you know. But I always said, you know what, I got this big job to duller my money. So I go to my wife and say, listen. listen, let's make shit work.

Like, let's get out of my mom's house. You know, let's just, let's get our own place. I have this good job now. I'm going to make good money. So she's like, you know, let's recognize, let's work this out. We have a beautiful baby here. Let's do this. Okay, let's do this.

Save my money. Put it down payment. I want to go buy a house. One of the girls I was messing with says to me, hey, listen, something you need to know. I know you say you want to break up. I know you want to get back with your wife.

You say you get back with your wife, you know, because she's pregnant. So I'm pregnant too. And I'm like, yeah, I don't fucking believe you. Like, you're not pregnant. Like, we fooled around a lot, but I know that I didn't finish himself. You're not pregnant. So you're probably just trying for me and have to break up with you.

Or if you are pregnant because she was married, I was married, you probably, your husband probably can't afford the fucking abortion. But like, don't try that shit with me. And so we got into a really bad argument. We left. We go our separate ways. And then I get this new job. I, you know, get my place.

And, you know, things start weird, things. start happening at home with my wife. You know, my cousin's hanging around the house a lot. He's a lot younger. So he's like six years younger. So we're 21. He's like 15. And I soon figure out that they're fooling around.

I'm at work all day and they're, so my cousin's pretty much banging my wife. And I'm like, what the fuck? You know, I'm pretty sure this is happening. Now, her and I were trying to have another baby because we'll get a new house. We'll have a new baby. We were so happy when we had this baby. Let's get that back. So we're trying to have a baby.

And I find out she's, you know, messing with my cousin. And then she gets pregnant. She comes back to me. She's like, hey, I'm pregnant. But I hadn't really confirmed she was best with my cousin. But I finally corner my cousin. I tell him, oh, just so you know, she told me everything, man. I'm not even mad at you.

She told me you guys were together. And, you know, she really loves you. She was this great guy. I just knew it, but I couldn't get her to admit it. And so he admits it. He's like, I can't believe she fucking told you. She we swore we would never say anything. He's a 15-year-old.

He's stupid. So he admitted to me. So now I have this whole thing. So I'm like, fuck you. I'm leaving you. I don't care. Like, get rid of this fucking baby. I'm starting over again.

But I don't know why we get three. We kind of reconcile. I have at a point in my head where I'm like, you know, I'm cheating on her every day at work with these checks. I'm a terrible husband. I'm absentee. I maybe deserved it. I'm going to assume the baby's mine. We're going to get together.

We had this. I had this job. We had this house. Things are going well. And I don't know why I get the gambling itch again. I start gambling. I'm down $3,000 the very first time. And I'm like, what the fuck am I going to do?

Like, this is a problem. I work at a payment plan. The guy hooks me up with a loan shark. The loan shark pays my bet. Pays my thing. I'm making monthly payments. Nothing's coming off the top. I mean, weekly payments.

Things are going okay. I'm like, okay. I'm going to, I'm going to, stop gambling. I can afford to pay this guy. The $3,000 is never going away, but I can afford like the $150 a week or whatever the hell I was paying the guy. I'm just going to focus on work and get promoted. I'm going to make my money the right way. I'm going to fix my family. I try to get promoted. They give the job to someone else. I get my balls twisted. I felt I deserved the promotion. So I said, you know what? I'm going to open my own business. I'm going to compete with these

fucking guys. I'm going to put these guys out of fucking business. I start, I ask my mom, you know, can you help me out? She takes out a law against her house. I opened up a competing store, it was a party store. So I opened up a store like a party supply store in Manhattan. I chose that location, you know, this point. I'm not telling you the whole story because it did so much in the book, but there was a time where I had gotten a job at this store in Manhattan,

a stationary store. All the reason why I got the job is I went, I ran out of resumes. I was out when I was looking for one of my jobs, I ran out of resumes. I went to the stationary store. I made a copy. I leave. I yelled at the manager

because the store was so fucked up and his people were so terrible. I had to wait forever. I said, you're in Times Square, Manhattan. The store is such a fucking hunk of shit. Your people are terrible. Like, you fucking suck.

I mean, you know, I don't know how this guy let you run this fucking store. Like, I've never seen worse employees in my life. It turns out he was the owner. He called me like a month later because I left my original resume.

I made copies that he had my, he held on to it. And he offered me a job to come. He said, listen, why don't you come fix my store for me? So I was working at the party store. He offered me some money. I quit the party store.

I went to go work for him. I fixed his whole store up. Things are going really well. I love it. Party store calls me back, offers me a promotion. I take it. I leave the guy. I take it.

So now I'm there. A couple years past, the guy called him stationary story. He says, listen, I'm going out of business. You know, you're right. I do suck at this. My father ran this forever. He gave it to me.

Do you want to come, want you come buy my business for me? So I'm thinking about it. I don't get this promotion. My mother takes out a loan. I go, I buy the, and now I'm keeping both jobs. I have that store in Broadway Times Square. It's doing outrageous.

I'm making a fucking fortune in that store. I could not believe it. I turned into a party store. It was a stationary store. I turned to a party store. Office parties, deliveries. I have guys on bikes going around, bringing balloons, bringing gifts, you know,

for a baby shower, birthday party, retirement party, all that type of stuff. I kept the, they had bulk stationary accounts. I set them up in my basement. I moved all the guys down. We just took, so you can't walk in and buy stationary anymore. I moved the copy center and stuff downstairs. They would send us orders.

So I kept a stationary business. Stores doing $6,000 a day. I bought myself a convertible Mercedes. I'm fucking pimping. I cannot believe it. I put a pool in the house. I put a fence in the house. I'm like, I can't, this is great.

I open up two more stores as time goes on. I have my own little thing. I'm keeping the other store. The one problem that I had was I couldn't get the overseas stuff. So what made the place I worked at so successful was they imported shit in bulk from China, all their seasonal stuff. I had to buy it secondhand in the U.S. I wasn't making that much money on that stuff.

I come up with a master plan. I'm going to trade with my stores. I was in charge of 10 stores. So the stuff that we can get locally, let's just call it paper plates, napkins table club. I'm bringing them to the store and I'm taking the China stuff in return. So here's a thousand dollars worth of this stuff. I'm taking $1,000 worth of that stuff. I'm bringing this stuff to my stores.

It's selling outrageously. So I'm doing that for about two years. I'm opening up all these stores. I'm just trading this merchandise. It seemed legit to me. I felt like I'd give you a thousand worth of shit. I'd take a thousand worth of shit. Someone had ratted me out.

The corporate starts watching me, getting cameras and all this stuff. And one day, my brother was my guy. He would go and he would pick up the stuff for me. He would bring the stuff and take the stuff back, him and a worker. He goes to the store, delivers the stuff, takes the stuff, cops come out and arrest him right there on the spot. They go to my store, so this is like, I want to say like 2 p.m.ish,

they go to my store in Broadway. They literally shut down Broadway. Cop cars everywhere. The whole street is shut down. My store is literally on Broadway and 40th Street. Shut down, they go in, they arrest all my guys. my wife is in there they arrest her

I was working for that company still I was still working for them I don't know anything this has happened they call me corporate says oh HR is here in this store

they're doing an open house I said why are you doing an open house they said I don't know they just want you to come they're going around different market having open houses I said all right whatever I mean I don't need any people

but whatever so I go to the house I go to the store I go there the techers are there and the rest they put me in the rest I'm like, what do, what I do, what I do?

So they added up time, all the stuff over all the years, worked out to about $300,000 worth of stuff. Now, I didn't steal $200,000 worth of stuff. I was trading, and I really didn't think anything was wrong with it in the moment. I did not think I was doing anything bad. But I wouldn't tell them. They didn't know I had my own business. They didn't know I had my own stores.

I was sloppy and stupid. I was hiring my people like on their days off to work in my stores. I knew they were good. I trained them. So, word just got out. Like, you know, Bo has his own business. By the, like, Bo has, like, three-po-bo-bo-Bel has a convertible Mercedes. Like, Bo has all this shit.

And, like, we were flamboyant. Like, Friday nights, I was taking my workers. I was getting, like, you know, going to the strip club, VIP in, the prettiest girl, bringing them back to my stores. You know, down in the basement where I had the print shop, the copy shop, and I made up a little area where I had, like, a couch, a bed, a TV. We're bringing the strippers back, and we're paying them, course and we're like every night like different checks we were I was completely out of control I'm not

going to say that I wasn't you know I was I wasn't like this good hardworking soldier boy you know I was a thousand dollar a night hookers driving this car um so they come they arrest me they shut all my stores down they empty all my stores out in U-Haul trucks all my guys they got statements from no one knew anything no one knew what I was doing they just thought there was a vendor so they all my guys pretty much signed statements saying listen I would say go do this this, Beau would say go do that, but would bring me this stuff. I'm still on probation. So now they bring me in the holding cell with my brother,

different holding cell. Now I'm in the tombs, now I'm down in like in Midtown South or whatever it was. It wasn't my little, you know, Staten Island, nice little holding cell. I'm here and it's like a, like four times a size of what I was in. And I am convinced I'm dead. I said, I have this already, I already have this record. I'm on probation, I'm violating my probation. I'm dead.

You know, the guy, I was sitting there, they asked me for my statement. I'm like, I'm not writing anything. I get me again, not writing anything. I don't know anything. I just want to wait for my lawyer, and that's it. So they come in and they say, okay, they tell my brother, okay, you're going to be able to get released. You're going to Rikers.

You're going to be spending a night in Rikers. And I'm like, I can't go to Rikers, man. Look how fucking pretty I am. I can't do this. I'm not built for this yet. And I'm sitting there, and I'm just crying. And I'm in the cell, I'm just sitting there crying. And then, you know, they're calling people out, like busload by bus slow.

Like, you know, these guys will come out, the six, seven guys would come. They handcuff them all together, you know, their legs, and they're, you know, and they, so then they end up calling my name, and I go. So I'm in, like, the chain gang. I'm handcuffed a guy in front of me, and they put us on the little van, and they bring us, I'm thinking going to Rikers, they bring me to somewhere else. I go to somewhere else. I go to somewhere else.

And I'm like, what's going on? I says, okay, somewhere about you. Some lawyer comes in. And he's like, oh, yeah, where's, you know, he calls me. And so I'm like, that's me. He's like, oh, come on out. So come on out. He's like, yeah, your Uncle Caesar sent me.

I said, sent you for what? He said, come to me. He's like, you know, what did you say? I didn't say anything. I don't know nothing. I don't know anything. I know nothing. It's okay.

You don't say, in other words, anybody ever again. I said, am I spending the night? He said, I'm trying to get you out. It's probably going to be some bail money. Who do you know that can help you? I says, my mom. I said, I have a house. I bought a house.

we could take a more. He said, okay, let me work on it. He came out. He said, okay, you're going home. He said, you know, we pled not guilty. We're, you know, buckle up because this is a problem. I said, okay. So come. So now they fired me, you know, from the job, obviously, you know. So I lose that job. My businesses are empty. I had nothing. Back on my father-in-law's plumbing truck. But now I'm like a 23, 24-year-old man, you know. Relax and let Ralph's delivery handle your grocery shopping this week. We start with only the freshest items, then review your list and carefully choose each one. Then we pack it all up and deliver it in as little as 30 minutes,

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and get a $250 credit. Go to LinkedIn.com slash campaign terms of conditions apply. We've had the second baby race. Now I have two kids. It's a very different situation. So what are they saying that the crime was? So the crime, they had me for grand loss. Because you're taking product that wasn't made from China and switching it with product that was from China?

What I didn't realize at the time was this was proprietary merchandise that I'm thinking they're just importing it from China. The company I worked for had manufacturing facilities in China. So they manufactured it for themselves. They weren't buying it from someone. They were making it in China and sending it here. They were the only ones allowed to sell it. They had proprietary. So there was like copyright stuff that I had broken too.

They were the only ones allowed to sell that type of merchandise because they were the ones who were making it, they were producing it for themselves. That's basically what it was. But what they told me was they never acknowledged my trading. They said, listen, our only form of currency is cash, check, or credit card. you are not allowed to trade merchandise. You don't get to make those decisions.

You're an employee of the company. So they looked at whatever I brought them didn't count. Only counted what left. Whatever I brought them didn't count. Now you were trading items. You weren't trading like, say, a napkin for a napkin. You were trading, say, like a plate for a napkin, like different items that you needed to sell in your store.

So I would trade like a tablecloth and plates for Halloween costumes. Okay, stuff that would have been more expensive for you to buy that they had the, access to for cheaper. Right. I could have bought exactly what they have. I could have bought similar stuff.

So it was really the seasonal stuff. You know, all the decoration you see in the house, you go out of the ceramic pumpkins, you know, on Halloween time, the stuff you put on the wall, the straw, you know, Christmas time, the Christmas trees,

the lights, the ornaments, all that stuff. To buy them locally would have been like triple the money. And I wouldn't have been able to compete. I would have to sell it for more. I didn't care that we had to pay for it more. But why would anyone come by it for me then? When all my other guys are importing stuff from overseas,

they're selling a tree for $19.99. I'm buying it for $17. I got to sell it for like $25. Why would anyone come by for me? So that was my thinking. And when the whole thing happened, I told my lawyer, I said, I didn't do anything.

This is going to be the easiest case of your life. I'm literally trading stuff. And I have it documented. Like every day, I don't have a document that I had the guy signing it. Because I didn't want to get in trouble. So I would write up something. I type it on my computer and be like, okay, delivered this.

One of the things that also happened was the retail, I was trading everything at retail. So let's say you buy this tablecloth for $2.99. I would trade it for this decoration for $2.99. But it wasn't the same because they do it based off cost. So the way I was doing it, it was in my benefit that I didn't really understand at the time. I'm thinking I would literally have stuff up, okay, here is $2,800 worth of stuff, I would go to the store that morning, the store and the company I worked for, I would get

everything I wanted and set it aside, do not touch, put paper roll, do not touch. And it matched up to the penny. I'm like, if I ever get in trouble for this, I want to at least be able to show, I had pictures of the stuff. So it all zeroed out, always. But there's every season, you know, you have a Valentine's Day. So it's Easter. Every holiday, you know, I had three stores, every holiday for three years, the stuff really ended up, and it was selling it off the shelf. and I start selling it for a little bit cheaper than they were. And I would tell people, why go shop at this place?

You can shop it here. So if they're selling it for $2.99, I'm selling it for $2.79 and stuff. So, you know, I understand why they're upset with me. But, you know, so when they found out about it, you know, when my lawyer I come back to me, I said, what did I really, really, really do? Like, maybe I violated company policy, so fucking fire me.

Like, what am I arrested for? Like, they emptied out my stores, all my shits in storage, you know, and he says, no, no, no, no. He said, you know, that's when he told me the currency thing that they don't consider your tablecloth's fucking currency. You stole this stuff. You could bring whatever you want. You know, they are the ones who make the decision.

They don't accept this. I said, okay, well, then tell them the fucking give it back. At least, let me, give me my shit back. Let me go back. If I'm going to go in trial and I'm going to have to fight this shit, fine. I want all my stuff back then. Then I guess you're not going to get your stuff back. It's not going to work that way.

I have old a document. I know what it is. Let them give it back. If they're not going to count it as a form of payment, why do they get to keep it? That shit costs me real money. I really bought that stuff. And I would tell my team at the time, like, don't order any of this stuff. I'll bring it to you on Friday.

So they wouldn't order it. I would order it. Same exact stuff from the same exact vendor. I would bring it to them, and I would take this other stuff. It seemed legitimate to me. And I said, so then he came to me with a plea deal early on. He said, listen, you have your on probation. You have a history of theft.

the prosecutor goes if you're found guilty you look at seven to ten years he said they're all and my biggest hang up in it I was ready to fight I'm like fuck this I really didn't think I stole anything but they had my brother

and he didn't you know and he's my little brother you know and I kind of became his dad when my dad left sort of so they said you know and I told my Lord Melo he said what's the most important thing to you I said well I don't want to go to jail

and I won't let my brother go so he came back and he was like listen, they'll drop the charges against your brother to give you off you three years in prison. You'll plead down, but you're going to have a felony for the rest of your life. I said, I can't last three days

in prison. I'm not built for that. I said, either I'm going to be someone's girlfriend every fucking day, or if I go and defend myself, this is going to keep adding time on. Like if someone tries to rate me and I choke them and kill them, like, you know, I'll never get out. If I go in there for one,

day I'm never going to get out. So we have to fight. But I feel terrible about my brother. So now I have no assets. So they froze all my assets. I have no way of going to work. I'm working on my father-in-law's fucking truck. I don't know what else, what to do. My mother already took a mortgage out on her house to help me buy my business in the first place. I took a mortgage out of my house for bail and for legal fees. The well is dry. The father's paying me like $150 a day on the truck. So what else can I do to get money? I have nothing else to do. I start gambling.

You go back to gambling. I had no choice in my mind. I had no choice. I am unhireable now. You know, I have a pending felony. I am on probation. I have a misdemeanor. I'm unhirable.

You know, and it broke my heart to a degree because I was so good what I did. My businesses were booming everywhere I worked. You know, it was funny. Right before I got fired, I won district manager a year, like three months before. Like, I won district manager

a year in this whole entire company while running three of my own stores. You know, like, I was doing this job part-time and I was better than everybody else there. I always had that work ethic, and I was always good at what I did. So I'm like, he's like, then we're going to have to go to trial.

He says, understand. They have video evidence. Like, you are going to jail. They have you taking the stuff out. And what they did was for months, they sent people into the store. They're, once the company figured it out, they called the police. The police had the text that coming to my stores for months and buying the stuff.

And they're recording it. So they record the transaction. They're buying the stuff. They're bringing it. They're building the case, having their receipt. Many times I was the one behind the registers selling it to them. So they had this iron-clad case. The only thing that we can do was, you know, my lawyer was, you know, my lawyer was a former congressman

who served his time, a friend of my uncle, who opened up his law practice after becoming a congressman and was trying to use that leverage but no one was hiring. The prosecutor was like, fuck this guy, you know,

he got a deal once before, you know, he's a bad guy, he's a fucking thief, fuck him. The prosecutor hated me. He was very disrespectful to me all the time. You know,

when we, there were times me, would be my defense attorney, me, the prosecutor, the DA, and we were talking about a plea deal because the guy said,

listen, my mother, so the son of the sad stuff was my mother, my grandmother and my aunt every day. They were coming to, I went on trial. Like, they were calling witnesses and stuff. My mother, my aunt, my grandmother sat in the front every day, and they just cried.

They cried. All you heard was this. All you heard was the sniffling in the courtroom and like, and the whimpering. Like, you know, three of the most important people in my life. You know, my aunt who bailed me out, I named my first child after. My mom and my grandma, my patron saint. You know, and I'm just sitting there and I'm saying to myself like, how did I get here, man?

You know, like, I've worked so hard every job, you know, 100-hour weeks. I kept getting promoted. I kept winning awards. Like, what am I doing here, man? You know, and I can't pay. My mom's taking out more loans to pay the lawyer. My businesses are dead. I start gambling.

I said, okay, I'm going to gamble the way I used to. And I was getting the newspaper. Every day I would get up, I'd go get up, I would go get in the newspaper. I would study. I would do all my stuff. I was on fucking fire. I had a shoe box. I had like $40,000 in my, I just, I couldn't lose.

In my closet, I had this money. So we're paying the bills. I don't have your mind going to truck every day. I don't even feel about it. I'm like, you know what? Go to truck. Oh, you're a fucking loser. You're going to go to jail.

Every day, you're going to fucking go to jail. I'll finally get my daughter a real fucking husband. Oh, my, I'll get my granddaughter a real father. I can't wait for you to go. Every day. I'm, like, okay, whatever. And I'm sitting there. I'm like, oh, yeah, Tennessee and the under all fucking day.

That's all I cared about. I ended up going. So, but I'm cheating on my wife like crazy. You know, we, we just, our relationship is just non-existent. We're just coexisting. Cheating on with this girl who was a bartender, I end up going, we go to a bar, just random bar, just us to him the bar talking to a guy, he's selling the bar. And he has tax problems, tells us all this stuff, and we sell the bar for us.

Like, oh, I'm $25,000. So sitting around, I'm like, you know, I got this money. I'm like, I need a job, you know. One thing leads to another way. make a deal on the napkin. Now I'm going to give him $30,000 now. He owed the IRS $30,000. I give it $30,000.

We just wrote this contract out there. I was going to buy the bar from him, put me on a payment plan. I was going to apply for the liquor license. I didn't realize I wasn't going to get it because of my criminal history. Long story short, I ended up buying this bar. This girl was super, super pretty.

She had a huge following. She was like, I'm going to quit the bar. I'll come work for you. She's bringing all her friends in. with my gambling money I'm renovating the bar I put in the kitchen we're delivering the bar

I change the name I have like open mic Mondays I have guys coming in doing like their wraps on Mondays we have karaoke Thursdays you know and the bar is thriving I'm making all this fucking money on the bar I don't own it

own it the other guy still owns it but we have this deal between us I'm making my payments to him everything's working out I end up getting all this trouble with the local town they came in looking for bribes

I didn't know how this shit worked you know basically you take care of us we take care of you I'm like get the fuck out of here take care of you you know I'm very anti-coped this phase in my life and again not anymore but you know when you're a bad guy

and you're getting in trouble you tempt to blame everybody else around you about yourself like that first cop that pretended to be my friend that got me to sign the confession I'm like he manipulated me you know he pretended to be my friend and he, you know, trick me into writing his confession if I never wrote that confession. Because, again, I really didn't think I stole that money either. You know, you can see there's something wrong with my brain. Like, I committed these two really terrible crimes, and I really

didn't believe that I did. I really believe that the guy dropped the bag. It's his fault. Fire him. He's negligent. He fired a fucking guy. It was my fault. And I'm trading stuff. So, but meanwhile, my life is falling apart now. So now I'm running the bar. I tell you guys to go fuck themselves. They come in. They shut us down. They're doing raids on us constantly. in underage people that they you know from the neighborhood that you know to shut me down to get me in trouble paying me fines so now I'm on trial for this other thing I have this I'm still on probation with this other thing now my bar is getting shut down I end up getting arrested there was a the cops came in one thing let to another a fight breaks out in the bar with the cops these undercover cops

I fight with my workers I hit the cop I get arrested Um, part of the arrest was, I had, I was serving minors. We weren't serving minors. They showed my bouncer one ID, but they were plants. They were plants from these guys. And then the cops came in, they show them their fake ID. So I had, so now I'm like, I am just, I'm, I'm fucked here. Um, I had to get a local lawyer from there.

It was in a different state than, then where I was in trouble. I was, you know, the bar was in Jersey. I'm in trouble in New York. Um, the lawyer kind of gets me out of the bar thing with the underage thing. It was like, they got me tickets. was closed. I had to pay some fines. All that stuff kind of got washed, but the bar was closed for a long period of time, so I lose some income. The sale officially goes through, so I own the bar during this time. You know, the time had passed and all this stuff had happened. So now I own the bar, but I don't own

the liquor license because I have the criminal record. So the other guy had to own the liquor license. I had a given a percentage of ownership. All this crazy shit going on. I start gambling. I turned the bar into a gambling hub for a while. I start taking bets, but no one's. those I'm the one taking bets. Because I end up being down, after I bought the bar and everything else, I ended up being down about $20,000. I'm like, you know, I don't know what the fuck to do. All the guys from the neighborhood, though, from the bar, they would come every morning,

they come in a night, coming on Sundays, they were all betting. I said, hey, I got a guy who's willing to take your action, you know, he pays you on the spot. You don't get away to the next week. He pays you this, but it was all going to be me. These guys were such bad gamblers. I was listening to their bets all the time. I start taking their bets.

They're paying me thinking I'm bringing the money to somebody else. I have these big mafia guys behind me. Word gets out that I'm taking bets. Please come in again. They start questioning me. I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about. They shut my bar down. I started doing further investigation.

As I'm gambling, I got into a point where I was down $100,000, two different guys. One guy shuts me off. He said, Bob, you got to start paying us. They know I had the businesses. They know I had all the stuff. So they really, they see my converter Mercedes. I have three stores. They don't know I'm on trial.

I have a bar. They think I'm this big millionaire guy with this endless, apply. Well, I was losing in the beginning, I was able to pay five grand, 10 grand, here you go, take it from the bar. I got to a point where I got too deep. So someone from the bar said, I know another guy. So then I start betting with this guy. I hit a couple of bets. I start paying this guy. Next thing you know, I'm down 100 grand to this guy. So I'm down $200,000. I'm like, I don't know what to do. I'm on trial. I am really considering at this point, like, I just got to take a bullet to the brain, you know. These guys are coming after me.

The first guy introduced me to a loan shark who I borrowed the money from from the loan shark. And I pay 50 grand to this guy, 50 grand to this guy. So I go, this guy 50. I go, this guy 50. I go, loan shark, $100,000. No one has taken my action. My bar is closed. It's it. There is literally nowhere for me to go.

Right when this thing happens, in a trial had gone on, I'd say, for about seven or eight months, my lawyer calls me. and he says they offered me a few deals in the past I said I'm not taking any deal that offers jail time I will fight it if I'm going to go to jail I'd rather just get convicted I'm not going to agree to go to jail for a year

I don't believe I'm either getting killed raped or never get out I'm just not going to do it I can't do it they're going to have to convict me that was my thing because they had come back with we'll drop the charges for your brother one year plead guilty have a felony

and even my mother told me to take it We sat with a lawyer. He says, it's not going to get better. It's not going to get better. He says, like, you've endeared yourself to these guys. They like you, for some reason. They see that you're kind of, like, you're a bit of an open book. You're very transparent.

They don't think you're this crazy criminal, but they have all this evidence. There is a victim. The company worked for is a victim. They owe the victim, you know, they have to go through with this thing. So I said, well, then I'm not taking it. Like, let's keep fucking going. But there's no more money to pay him. I said, well, you owe me money.

Your mom has no money. I said, we'll get there. We'll get there. We'll come this far. So now all this stuff have, all this guy's money, and the guy calls me and he says, come to my office. So we come there, and he says,

I was able to reach the people that I needed to reach. He said, no jail time, eight years probation. They keep all the stuff that you traded them. You don't get any other stuff back. You don't have to pay any restitution. They're going to consider that restitution. You're going to carry a felony.

for the rest of your life. So what's the charge? He said it's going to be, you know, possession of stolen property. He said, which is what you have, which is what you did. So I said, well, I'm already on probation. He says, I know. So you have two years left on that. Then there's, you know, eight years left to probation.

So you're going to be on probation for the next 10 years of your life. But you're not going to go to jail and you don't going to pay any money out of your pocket. You have a restraining order. You can never go in any of the stores ever again. You can't even shop there as a customer, which I did, by the way. Catch me if you can. And so that's how that whole thing ended. And he said to me, he said, you know, this is going to take about four to six weeks for everything.

He goes, go find the job now. Because once you get a felony, they're not going to hire you. Like right now, you know, the felony hasn't stuck yet. Went around, couldn't find a job. The felony comes. I'm getting jobs. They're firing me when the background checks are coming back. I start working on the fake IDs.

I'm buying fake IDs, you know, from people I meet through the gambling world. Oh, this is fine. So it's funny, I got an ID. Guy had the same name as me, and it was dead. So I used his ID to get the job. And like, three weeks in, people come to, you know, ask him to like, what's your real name?

I said, this is my name is. No, what's your real name is? Like, so-and-so is, you know, Bo Joseph is dead. And I show him, so I'm like, oh, my. my God, I'm on probation. So I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about. I said, you know, I said, maybe you meant to me that guy, and then they turn around. I run out the fire.

I said, I have, all the books, I have like three or four different stories. Once, you know, I said my dad and I had the same name. I started working under his ID. And there's a funny story where they threw me a 50th birthday party, which I wasn't expected. I even forgot what my dad's birthday was. But they had my ID and they called me to corporate. I'm like, oh, they figured me out again. I had just gotten caught my last two jobs.

I go to corporate. There's a surprise. It was really my dad's birthday, the doors might remember his ID. So the book has a lot of those funny stories when I've worked on other people's ID for a bunch of years. How would the tax form work? It was his problem.

My dad's had IRS problems forever. No, what I'm saying for you, like if you used a fake ID to get a job, don't you need to give them, fill out a tax form? Fill out the W-4, yeah. I would have a photo ID and a social. So I would fill it all out,

and I would get the paycheck would come to the store. No one would ever pay those taxes. And it was a fake social? It was a socially matched the ID Oh, they would give you that way about it So I did that two times Two times I had people's IDs And in the social match the ID

And then I had my dad So my dad social matched his ID So the three times I worked on the other people's stuff Everything matched I mean people never paid the attack My dad ended up getting an IRS trouble He had his own problems But then this ended up adding to his trouble

As a result of that I don't know about the other guys The one guy was dead And the other guy I never even knew who he was Tell us about loan sharking Because people are so curious about that So with a loan shark is they'll give you the money to pay your debt, but then you owe them money, and what they do is

they charge you tax every single week. They charge you a percentage, and nothing ever comes off the top. So the idea is you pay them, so let's just say you borrow $100,000 and they say, okay, you're on three points. That means I pay the guy $3,000 a week until I'm able to pay back the hundred. So nothing ever happens with the hundred. You just pay the money, and that's a big number. Most people would borrow like $5,000 from a loan shark. It's not a big deal. You know, you pay them back $150 a week. Most people can do that. That's where I did earlier on.

It's a much smaller number. And you pay them every single week. You go meet with them. You pay them. But nothing comes off the top. And usually they don't even let you pay that in installments. They don't want you to pay it off. They want you to keep paying them for the rest of your life.

So I can say, hey, I'll give you an extra 100. No, no, it doesn't work that way. When you can pay back the full thing, you come and you pay us back. And try not paying them back. You know, they send people after you. It's a big problem. So we get to that point now in my life where, I can't get a job.

I'm working on the fake IDs. I owe a couple hundred thousand dollars to three different mafia families. They know where I live. They're coming to my house. At the bagel store, I got jumped at my bagel store. They beat the shit of me and bagels.

They threw hot chocolate all over me. I got my bagel, my hot chocolate, and they pay your fucking debts. It's like on the corner of my house. I couldn't go anywhere. I was afraid to leave the house. They were coming to my house. or going to my mother's house.

I owed all these people money. I had no way of paying them. I start. Wait, tell us this hot chocolate story. So it's pretty terrible. So I went to the store. I ordered my, you know, my usual is, you know,

two scrambled eggs, well done bacon on a roll of butter. I've been getting that my whole life. So I ordered that. I get my yuhu, but it was wintertime. So I made myself the hot chocolate. And I get there,

I'm at the counter to pay. And I don't know. They just walked right up. to me, they smacked the shit out of my hands. I turned around, they punched me in the face, took the hot chocolate, threw it on me, started kicking me on the floor, right in the bagel store.

Pay your fucking debts, motherfucker. It was terrible. And I never knew who was sending, none of these guys knew about the other guys. They all thought I was the only one they owe money to. So I ended up having this grand idea because this is about, so I'd say the trial ended, you know, this is like the months of the trial ended.

I said to myself, okay, I can't get a job. I still had the three businesses that they were empty. I was behind on the rent, but I still had them. Like, they haven't been able to evict me from them. So I had a girlfriend that I was kind of messing with, that she was a hairdresser above one of the stores. And she used to always tell me how great her credit was.

And she always had a nice car. And I'm like, how do you get able to stuff? You're a fucking hairdresser. Oh, I have perfect credit, perfect credit. And her and I used to fool around a little bit. And so I said, you know what? I didn't really like her at all. But she really liked me.

So I ended up reaching out to her and saying, hey, listen, you know, my businesses, I got in some trouble. I could use your help. So we start dating, you know. I'm still married this whole time. But we start dating for a relationship. And I asked her to co-sign for these vendors to start shipping me merchandising. I changed all the company names because my other company obviously went out of business. I couldn't pay it.

I owed my vendors, my real vendors, I couldn't pay them. They took all my shit. I'm on trial. I had no job. So they took me out. So she opened up new accounts. be able to new companies under her name. She took out new accounts that she used a new company coming in.

They start shipping her. So now I open up my three stores again. So I'm like, okay. You know, it was like an epiphany. Oh, yeah, why don't I just do that? So now I'm back in business in my stores. I'm making money. I'm making all my minimum payments.

So the loan truck I'm making my payment to, the other two guys, I say, I don't know what I'm going to pay you back. I'll pay you a little bit every week. You know I'm not going anywhere. You can stop fucking beating me up. You can stop doing all this shit. And I'm making all these payments. And for a while, it was working.

I end up the bar, you know, I solved my problem with the bar, you know, getting shut down and all the stuff. I pay all my fines. I open the bar back up. So I'm like, okay, I'm kind of back here. I have my stores and not making the money the way they used to. I don't have any that seasonal stuff that was really driving the business. I'm not going to do that shit again.

So I'm, you know, but I'm surviving, you know, I'm breaking even. But, you know, the guys start getting a little bit more impatient. They start looking for money. You know, they come to my store. They're like, listen, you know, you can pay more than you're paying me. paying me this and it was starting to become a problem like you know they was sending people to the stores they was threatening me a lot they're showing at my house like bro you better start paying your debts um so i don't know what to do i'm kind of getting scared um and then where things kind of came

to a head was i start gambling again i find someone else that's going to take my action and i ended at winning i won like a decent amount i'm like 30 40 000 so i'm like okay i'm going to be okay I have that money. I'm making my stuff from here. I'm like, you know, I needed something more. So, sounds so stupid. I say it back, it's so embarrassing, say it back. But I started painting my face black.

I got a dreadlock wig. I put this mask on. And I started going around robbing bodegas at night. I got scared. Like, these guys were coming after me. I was afraid. So I went to Newark, New York, New Jersey. I had my gun and I'm just sitting there and I'm like, all right, let's do it.

I go in there, motherfucker, give me a fucking money. Scared out of my, no joke. I'm literally blasting Biggie Smalls in the car outside. You know, I know I'm on probation. I have all this stuff. I'm like, if I get caught with this, it's over. Like, if the police come, I'm just going to do it. I'm just, I'm not going to do it.

No way I'm going to get a third chance at this. I'm literally blasting Biggie, getting myself worked up. I'm like, come on, you got it. So I went in there. I robbed a couple of bodegas. came home, the money was so minimal. I'm like, oh my God. And just a crazy rush.

I'm sitting there. My heart's pounding. I'm sweating. I can't be if I fucking did this. So I went through a phase of that. Then I went through another phase of where I'm like, okay, I remember that party store, which I have a vengeance for these guys. Like, they really ruined my life with this.

I lost everything. I lost my businesses. My mother's house went foreclosure. My house went in foreclosure. I really felt like they ruined my life. There was a particular guy who me and him were adversaries at work. And he was the one, he was the vice president of loss prevention. He streamlined this whole thing to take me down that first time.

And it sucks when it's like an enemy. Like if it's just a random guy doing this job, we can live with it. We didn't like each other. We would have like cock fights all the time. And he's the guy who took me down. So it hurt me. And again, I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. I mean, I was doing something wrong.

I didn't think I was committing the crime to the level that I really didn't believe that. So I said, okay, I know all those stores. I used to manage them all. I know where they go do their night drops. I know where they're, you know, they're getting $4,000 or $5,000 a day. So I started doing the, you know, because the bodega's there wasn't much money. You go to a bodega at 2 o'clock in the morning.

I'm getting like $315. You know, there's no money in there. They dropped the money at the end of the day. I have just the overnight business. So I said, okay, I'm going to go get these guys back. So I started going to the banks. I know where they would go. I would literally sit there in my car.

I know these door closes at this time. The manager would have to go do the night drop at this time. My face black, mask on. I'm sitting there. I'd recognize the person. They used to work for me. They got out of the car, they start walking to the... I would run out, fucking tackle them.

Shut up, bitch, shut up. Give me the fucking money. Don't fucking move. I get it. Run of my car. I go home, $4,000. And that's how I was paying these guys for a while. $1,000 for you, $1,000 for you.

You're crazy for this. Well, it was desperate. You know, at the time... Everything seemed logical at a time. Like, yeah, of course. You know where these guys go. You know where their money is. You're going to wear them.

They're going to be looking for some big black guy with dreads, not some, you know, out of shape, bolding white guy. You know, so I thought that there was no way I would ever get caught with this stuff. And so I did that a couple times. And then one time I'm at the place and I see this lady who I don't recognize. And I'm like, wow, she must be like a new hire or something. So I'm waiting, I'm waiting, I'm waiting.

I go, I run, I tackle her. I try good money. She won't, she maces me. And I'm like, ah, I'm screaming. And I'm like, get it, let it go, let it go. And like, she's spraying me. And I'm trying to get my face. And like, just not on purpose.

Like this is like one of my things I am like most regret. I don't have a lot of regrets, believe it or not. Because I said this is kind of how I got here. I'm just flailing and I punch her in the face, not intentionally, but shatter her nose. She passes out. She's on the floor, unconscious, blood coming down in her face. She's fucking sitting there. And I'm looking down like, I'm still, my eyes are burning.

I'm running my face. I just, I scream at her. Like I get down on my knees. I'm like, like Stone Cold feet off. Like in her face. Like, why? The fuck did you make me do what the fuck is wrong? You know, and I take, she had three deposit bags.

So I took the three deposit bags and like, I'm still like blurry and she's just fucking sitting there. Her purse is sprawled out on the floor. Just literally laying there bleeding from her face. I get in the car, I go home, I count the money. It wasn't even the party store. This poor lady, she was like in a drug store that just happened to use the same thing. And there was like $20,000 in these bags.

So I was like, oh my God. So between that and then I hit my guy. gambling. So that's why I say, I have all this money. I'm like, okay, I'm paying these fucking guys off. Like, this is over. This is, I'm not Robin Bodegas. Like, I can start fucking, you know, paying these guys off one by one. I'm going to get this one guy who, you know, his name was Mani. I was most afraid of him. He did not fuck around. He was scary. The other guys were threatening you all the time. Mani was sending people. Like, Mani didn't, he didn't give a fuck, you know. There were, there were stories to make you scared, but like, there were people

that vowed in and he was just, like, kill him. people and like he was burying people places. Like, I believed it. I believed it about him. I didn't want any trouble with him. So I'm going to pay this guy off first. And then the money, the monthly money I'm paying him, the weekly money, I'll start paying this guy.

Like, I'm right there. So I end up calling him and saying, hey, I got your money. I'm going to come pay you off. When can I come see you? I want a hand-deliver it yourself. It's a lot of money. So he told me Friday. It was like a couple days away.

So I said, okay. I placed a insane six-team parley bets. When you do a parley, when you gamble, you win so much more, but you have to win all of them. So if I bet six games individually, $100 in, if I win three and lose three, I won 300, I lost 300, I'm even except for a little extra, you've got to pay when you lose. If you do a parlay and you bet six teams, you bet $100, you'll win like $10,000. But if you lose just one of them, you can go five and one, you'll lose your $100. bucks. So I did this six-team parlay. I bet like three or four thousand dollars and the

fucking thing hit. It was a baseball parlay. I could not believe that I hit this thing. And it was for like, I want to say like 30, 40,000 dollars. So I reach out and they didn't pay you to the following week Thursday. So to guys, listen, keep five grand, but pay me tomorrow. I'm like, I'm going to, I want to pay this other guy off to. No problem. They keep five grand. Come, come tomorrow. we'll give you the money, we'll give you five grand less. So I took it. So I called the other guy. I said, listen, I have, my number down to him was about $25 grand.

I said, hey, I have your money. Let me know when you want it. Okay, come in me. So now I have two guys taken care of. I just have one other guy left who I felt was like the least, I was the least concerned about. So I had the 50 for the one guy. I had 25 for another.

I had it. There's a chapter of book called Leather Jacket. I'm at my party store. I have the 50 grand in a fucking envelope, stick in the inside of my leather jacket pocket around my chair. I'm there with the girl who's upstairs hair, dresser girl. She's come down, he's to hang out, you know, play with each other during the day. The guy who I wasn't planning on paying back,

could ask me for money. He comes in with two guys into the store. And he's like, you're telling me this whole big fucking store, you can only pay me $500 a week. I need more money for me this has gone off for too long I said it's coming we have a deal

like honor your deal like the deal is 500 a week I'm paying you fine with I need more than that I said okay how much do you need what more do you need as I'm talking to him his guy's looking around

and he sees the leather jacket and the money is like literally protruding out the side or envelope and he's like you guys looking around so I'm looking at him so I'm like oh my god

so the guy starts walking behind the counter so I said well you can't go back that's just for us he can't get fucking go back he goes back there and he takes out and it's the fucking brick of cash.

So he opens it up and he shows the guy and like he on the hand throws it to the guy and the guy's like, fuck is this. I said, it's not for you. I owe somebody else something. Oh, he's more important to me. It's not more important than you. He's different than you. I owe him the money long. I owe him the money first.

My deal with you is 500 a week. My deal with him after paying back now. So I don't understand what the problem. He said, we're even. I say, I owe you 25. That's 50. He said, we're even. I said, you ain't fucking leave him with the money, bro. I'm not letting you fucking leave with the money. So what are you gonna fucking do? So I go, this guys come unmercifully beat the shit out of me in the store. I had a roll-up gate. They pressed her down thing. The gate comes down. The girl starts crying.

They beat her up so bad. She was in the hospital for like a week. Broke her nose. They beat her up so bad. They just kick a tiny, tiny little blonde little hairdresser girl. I'm getting fucking stomped on. They go up and down every aisle, throw everything on the floor, rip out my register, rip out my credit card machine, fucking torch the store. They rolled the gate up to leave, they smash the front door, they kick the front door, and they leave.

And I don't have the other guy's money, the guy that I'm really scared of. So, and it was a disaster. Like, we just fucking laid there. It was God awful, the worst being ever got my life. And I'm just sitting there. I got one shot in. I got one shot, I saw the guy coming,

I got one shot, and then the rest of it was over. I'm literally in the fetal position. In the feet, just getting kicked and punched. kicked the punch and I hear her screaming crime. I'm like, oh my fucking God. This sounds like something that would happen in a movie. Yeah, that's why I said I want to make a movie.

This whole thing was, you know, I never meant to write a book. I had on my laptop for about 20 years, this movie scenes with the music, you know, that's going to be playing in the background during these different scenes, all these different things. And there's so much haven't talked about. I'm just trying to get through like, you know, this part of stuff because it applies with the gambling. But there's so many other things that happen along the way that, you know, I've had this document on my computer, which is all these movie scenes, chronological order.

And, you know, what I envision. I even wrote, like, you know, this person is doing this in the scene. I thought I was making a movie. I'm like, at some point, I'm like, everyone who knows me, people who live through it, like, dude, like, you've got to make a movie out of this shit. So I always wrote it down so I wouldn't forget stuff. And I wouldn't forget the order that things happened in. And then I ended up just writing the book, you know, about a year ago.

But so this whole thing happens, and we're just sitting there and she's sitting there. I'm like, oh, my God, stores a fucking disaster. And like, you know, I'm apologizing to her so much. I'm like, you just don't deserve this, man. I'm like, everyone who comes into my life. Like, my mother's fucking going to lose her house. You know, my poor fucking wife, I cheat on her all the time. When I finally have money, I'm getting $1,000 a night fucking hookers.

Like, you know, I was just stupid. Like, you know, I'm getting the boys and it's like, you know, this Friday's Latin night. We'll get three Spanish chicks. And like, literally we're drinking coronas and playing salsa in the back. And then the next week is Asian night. We're ordering Chinese food. We're getting three Chinese girls. And it was just, you know, we, this podcast is sponsored by IQ bar.

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something else, it was just terrible. So what happens to the main loan jerk? So there's a chapter in the book called This Ends Tonight. So this whole thing happens. I spend a day with the girl, come down, I go home, my wife is crying in the room, in the kitchen. I said, what's the matter? she hands me a note. She said, you know, our daughter came home with this note today.

And it said, look how easy this was next time she won't come home. So I'm like, what the fuck is this? She's like, so my daughter was like, oh,

fifth grade-ish, it was like, yeah, your friend told me to get this to you. She's like, oh, tell daddy what happens. You're like,

your friend came to my school and said, oh, get this to your dad when you see him. So she didn't even know what it was. So I'm like,

what do you look like? What did this guy look like? He says, oh, you know, he looked like you. You know, like, I don't know who did this. You know, I don't know. There's three different people here.

So I'm like, I don't know who that person is. So I'm like, okay. So I tell my wife, I said, you got to leave me alone. So I'm literally upstairs in the bathroom mirror, talking to myself for about an hour. I was looking in the mirror saying, okay, you know, I had guns. You know, there were things that had happened, you know, other problems. I saw he was taking bets. I had a guy when I had the bar.

A guy wasn't paying his debt, so I told him the guys are coming after him. And he called me, said, I got the money. I said, okay, bring it to my house. He came to his house with, like, his other mafia-connected uncle came in, pulled a gun on me, and he's like, oh, I want to meet these guys. Like, there can't be anybody else. I know who the guys are that run, that take bets around here. I want to know who your guy is.

He's not allowed to be taking bets. I was the guy. So there's a whole part in the book about that where I had a whole situation with this, with that kid where, you know, guns were involved. I ended up shooting the guy, not killing him. I shot his uncle. he ran away, he got hit by a car he was in a crazy fucking

all these other things happened along the way so I have all this shit that I had gone through I'm like I just can't take it no more I went and got a life insurance policy I said okay I'm likely gonna die but I'm settling this I can't imagine that I'm not gonna die

so I go I mean the most they would give me $300,000 like you know what that's what I owe my mother I owe my mother $100,000 like $25,000 for giving me the thing I had a $180,000 mortgage on my house. I said, fine, beneficiary. My mother gets 125. My wife gets 180. I filled everything out. I got this life insurance policy. And, you know, I'm asking them, I said, what can happen for this to not get paid? If I get shot in the face tomorrow, is there like a 30-day window? There's like, what's the window for you to not have to pay this stuff out?

And they were like, you know, listen, once it's signed and it's certified and they're like, why, you plan? You're getting shot in the face tomorrow. I said, no, I just want to know. I want to make sure my wife is okay. And they said, yeah, the only thing is that you can't kill yourself. Like, if you kill you, yourself or if you lied about anything on the application about medications or if you're really a skydiver and you check nothing. But other than that, you're fine. So I said to my, I was okay dying. I was. I said, you know, this poor fucking girl, you know, got beat up. This wonderful, wonderful girl who used her credit to get me back in business. She just wanted me to like her. She just wanted me to tell her she was pretty. She's laying in her own fucking blood, her face fucking bastion. You know, my wife,

even though she did sleep with my cousin, and I still didn't know who the father was of my son. assumed he was mine. I never, I talked about in the book, I actually take him for a DNA test. I won't tell you what happened. I'll give these guys something to read the book for. I'm giving so much. But I didn't know if he was my kid. I ended up taking him for a DNA test. I just couldn't take it anymore. And that's a, wait to you see how that worked out. So the 11 shark. So, yeah, so all this happens. I made the chat of call this ends tonight. I go, I visit all three of them. The one guy's paid him full. So, you know, he's okay. I go to the the ones where his son worked.

His son worked in the mall. The son was at work? I go in. Beat the fuck out of his son in the mall. We're fighting. We go through the window. I scratch his fucking face. What the fuck?

I beat the fuck. I said, you tell him, I said, tell your dad next time you don't fucking come home. I said, I said, you don't come home next time. Beat the fuck out of his kid. Then I got to go see the other guy,

the guy who I told I had the money and now I don't have the money for. So he had this fucking And this is a bad part. People are going to not like me after this. I'm sorry, but it's what I did. And I'm not hiding for it anymore. So I go to his house.

He had these fucking pit bull in his front yard always. Slept outside, lived outside. Came in, popped the pit bull. The dog is there to kill you. It was me or the dog. But I was convinced this was the guy. Shoot the fucking dog. Go into the house.

Middle of the fucking night. I have a gun in the baseball baseball. that going to his daughter's room. I take the fucking daughter. I'm screaming, Manny, manny, manny, I got a fucking wife comes in screaming, crying, I had the fucking gun. I said to him, we're playing with daughters. Are we playing with daughters?

And he's like, Bo, put the fucking gun down. I said, are we playing with daughters? Is that what we're doing? That's what this is now? Is that what we're doing? Daughters crying, wife's screaming. Mani's a very calm guy. He said, Bo, put the fucking gun down. I'm going to fucking kill you. let's talk about this. Give the baby to my wife or give my daughter to the wife.

I said, I was scared to him. Even holding a guy, I was scared of him. Took it. I gave the daughter to the wife. And so, Mani says, come inside. I sit down. He said, what the fuck are you doing in my house? What the fuck are you doing?

I said, Mani, I know you sent someone to my daughter's school. I know it was you. So I didn't send anyone to your daughter's school. I said, Mani, I said, I'm not paying you. you back. I have no more money. It's over. I've gotten beat up enough. Not people trying to kidnap my fucking daughter. I've been paying you monthly payments for years. I have far paid you more than I owed you, like triple from what I actually owed you. You never gave me money. This was never your money. If I say jets instead of giants, you're paying me. It's a fucking word. I picked the wrong

fucking team a couple times. It's over. It's over. Unless you're going to kill me, it's over. I'm not paying you anything else. I am never walking around without this fucking gun on me, ever. I'm going to go to the bathroom in my house with my dick in one hand and the gun in the other. If you send somebody after, I'm just shooting everyone I don't fucking recognize anymore.

I'm not living like this anymore. So you sit in areas and calm down, calm down. He says, give me a second. I said, you're not leaving. I'm going to come with you. If you're going to start a gun and shoot me in the face. he says, come with me. So I came with me.

He came out. He had this fucking book of every single thing that everybody has paid him and who owes him what. It was like a regular go-to-school marble notebook, like a regular black and white, 69 cent. You know, the guy lives in his big fucking mansion. Goes through the book and adds up everything that I paid him through all the years. He had every fucking payment there. He said, we're good. I said, Manny, are we good, Manny?

Like, I don't want a problem. I said, you have this beautiful life. You don't work. Look at your house. You have people showing up at your house all fucking day with envelopes full of money. You don't do nothing. I said, I have nothing. I am better off dead.

I would rather die. My mother gets her money. My wife pays off the house. She can get a better husband and a better father for my kids. You have a lot to live for. I need you to tell me. He said, it's over. It's over.

I said, okay. I said, the guy you hooked me up with, the loan shark guy, I said, I can't pay him. He said, I'll take care of him. It's over. I said, Manny, said, it's over. So I said to him, I said, okay. So he says to me, shake hands. I shake his hand.

Still a little, she was thinking, I still not making out of this guy's house. And I said, I said, Mani, why did you send someone to my daughter's school for? after all this shit, all these years, why would you do that? He said, I didn't send anybody to school. He said, I went myself. He said, you and he said, yeah, I went myself. He said, you always lie to me.

You always tell me you're going to pay me. You never pay me. You always have a story. Oh, I got beat up on my story. I said, I did get beat up at my store. He said, you always have a fucking story. I got fucking sick of it. It's a lot of money.

You make me look fucking stupid. He said, but it's over. I said, okay. So I'm walking out. And I'm like, oh, fuck. I turn out. I said, man, one more thing. You said, you're not going to like this.

And he said, what? I said, I killed your dog. He said, what? I said, man, how am I going to get past your fucking dog? Like, what was I supposed to do? He's like, the fuck out of my house. He said to me, listen, you said this before, I forgot to tell you this part. He said to me, if you tell anybody, by the, his name's not really manny.

You know, I changed it because I had a deal with him. He said, if you tell anybody about this deal, It's over. He said, you will destroy me. If people know that you got away. His people knew me. He sent people to beat me up. He sent people to the house.

There are times we were friends. We would watch Monday night football at his house. We'd all be betting and stuff. So we had a bit of relationship for a while, somewhere in between. I said, man, why would I fucking do that boy? He said, okay, as long as you don't tell anybody, I'm going to tell everybody you came to the house and you paid me off. You came, the money, you'd have to be touched.

I don't tell the other guy. You paid me off. Call it even. We're square. If you go around telling people, oh I didn't pay many things you're gonna have a fucking promise you'll never hear from me ever again and then I'm leaving and then I'm like oh fuck by the way

I killed you talk and so we left and I never heard from any ever again so that's how you got out of owning loan sharks money the loan sharks and the gamble guys I end up going home and hopefully you never gambled again no like I'll do now like it's different now when you're betting against loan sharks and bookies they give you credit

you're betting with money you don't have you get in these holes like now a fan duel and, you know, you can put $100 on a card, you know, and you can bet $25 for different things. It's not a big deal. But I would have very, very, very long time without gambling at all. But, you know, I ended up, you know, I'm driving home. I'm parking in front of my house.

I'm just sitting there, and I'm just like, what the fuck, you know? And I go in and I, it's a line in the book, I tell my wife, I said, you know, I'm not going to be your shitty husband anymore. I can promise you that. I said, because I'm leaving. It's over. Like, I don't want you. I'm starting my life over.

I'm moving back in with my mother. It's over. I'm not doing anymore. You know, there's a story that I didn't get it to in the book. It's a big part of the book, actually, where I had this girlfriend for many years during all this stuff. She really stuck by my side. She was really wonderful.

I don't want to give way too much. But she passed away very unexpectedly. Really broke my husband. heart really ruined me and she wanted me so badly to leave my wife and start a relationship i didn't want to leave my kids i don't want to be my dad like i'm not leaving my kid i'm gonna i'm gonna stick this through um and she desperately wanted me to leave and i really think that if i would have left she she wouldn't have died because she would have been where she was you know the book tells about i don't want to get them i want people to enjoy the book a little bit but um it's a big part of the book by

relationship with her and how she dies it's pretty tragic pretty terrible and then after all this was over i'm like you know what it's just oh i'm just starting over and i move back in my mother, my sister's pink, strawberry short cake bedroom, have pink bed sheets on me. I got a job minimum wage, 30-something years old, working in a warehouse with handicapped adults, teaching them job skills in a warehouse, making minimum wage. And happiest I ever was in my fucking life. I owed nobody nothing. I wasn't coming home to a miserable fucking wife every day who fucking hated me and her family

hated me. I was back with my mom, who, you know, makes the best pasta and sauce in the world. great meal every night. And my mom, you know, I also left out, which again, because there's so much, I got my parents back together. They were gone for 14 years. My dad fell on really hard times. I'm wrapped up with all my bullshit. Someone had to take care of my mom. And I reached out to my dad, well, they led to another. When I had the bar, I brought them both to the bar. I didn't tell either then they were coming. Locked them in the bar, said, figure it out. And me and my brother went next door. And so my dad's back home at this point now. And they just kind of helped me get back on.

If you kind of returned the favor from dropping out of school 15 years earlier, you know, my mom co-signed for a car for me and, you know, just really helped me get my confidence back up and would watch the kids on my weekends and I had the kids so I can work. And I just started again from ground zero at that point, minimum wage. And then, you know, I won a big award for Staten Island. I got very involved in the community and for all the work I was doing with handicapped kids and adults.

I got recognized on the news. I ended up getting a real job where I told them. Hi, my name is Bo. I'm a convicted of Helen. I'm a high school dropout. If that's a deal breaker, I don't want to waste your time. Don't waste mine. And I wasn't getting jobs.

And in one place, a guy finally said, okay, listen, don't tell nobody that anymore. We don't do background checks here. So, you know, I ended up getting the job. I got promoted through time, became a vice president. Met my beautiful wife there. Got remarried. I had new kids.

End up, you know, job hopping in a bit for better opportunities. You know, now I'm a CEO. a $200 million company, super happily married, you know, great kids, successful at work, don't know nobody anything, no problems, you know, the past is in the past, but, you know, I ran from it from a long time.

I was, you know, I had so much anxiety hoping people wouldn't find out who I really was. I was ashamed, you know, I was ashamed that I had, I was ashamed because I was set up for success. I wasn't one of these kids, was in a broken home, I was a broken home,

but I wasn't getting abused, I had good parents who loved me and loved us. They gave me every opportunity to be successful. I just couldn't get out of my own way. It was bad decision after bad decision, not learning from a mistake and doing it again and then not learning again and doing it again. And once I got my stuff together,

once I have my wife here, I just, you know, I'm like, oh my God, these guys loved this version of me. This guy's so smart, he's so successful. He's such a great husband, such a great dad. And I'm like, you know, I accepted it, felt good for the first time. I was the American loser all this time. I was a piece of shit all this time.

But, you know, it felt disingenuous, to be honest with you. So I just started leading with it now. Like, okay, this is who I am and this is what I did and this is who I was. And I'm not that guy anymore. You know, I get back to my community. I am a provider. I try to be a good person.

I'm proud of the man I am today. You know, I'm still embarrassed at some of the things I did. People I hurt, you know, that hairdresser, you know, that poor girl, man. Her crime was just fucking liking me and buying my bullshit. You know, my ex-wife deserve better. She deserved better. And the worst part for me for her is now she has to sit and watch me now.

She has to sit and watch me, make this good money with this good job, be successful. I'm writing books. I'm on a podcast. I have a beautiful wife and new family. And she had a deal with that piece of shit, you know, fist fighting, her dad, you know, getting fired all the time and, you know, so she's the one I kind of feel bad for the most because not only she lived through the shit, the people who live through the shit I feel terrible for, she lived through the shit, and now the guy who she always thought that I was in my, the guy she married and

the guy whose baby she wanted was this guy. And I just went off the fucking rails and I was just I watched somebody else have this guy, you know, but. Now you're a better person though. I try to be. I try to be. You know, every day I try to do the right thing for the right reasons. And, you know, I'm very lucky too. I'm very lucky. many guys wouldn't have survived that first thing. If I didn't have an uncle that had these political connections, I would have been in jail for the first one and maybe never got out.

Maybe got killed. Who knows? Maybe had something so tragic happened to me in jail that had changed who I am inside. You see that happen all the time. And then the second one, they had to get away from again to go on trial and like literally win the trial

with all that stuff against you and get the deal that you were hoping to get and just give these guys their felony. So, you know, I am very, very, very lucky to even have had the opportunity. to turn things around. They're way better guys than me who did way less shit than I did.

But didn't even have the opportunity to be a better man. They either got rotten away in jail or something happened to them in jail that changed the course of their life forever. So, you know, I know how lucky I am. I'm proud that I didn't give up. I'm proud that I kept fighting.

I proud that I kept getting creative along the way and I confronted my shit and I dealt with stuff head on and came out the other side. I'm proud of that. I think there are guys who wouldn't have been able to do that either. I think there were guys that would have folded along the way too. You know, and I fucking, I looked it in the eye and said, let's go.

So I'm proud of that. You know, it's, it's, it's, it's, I'm so conflicted sometimes. You know, sometimes I'm, I see the guy in the mirror. I'm like, nice job, bro. Like, you're my dude. And other time they're going to say, you know, what the fuck is wrong with you, man? Like, you know, where could you be now if you didn't have to carry all this baggage, you know? For a long, I still can get clear at the airport, you know?

I can fly first class. I make good money, have a good job. I still got to wait in a long line because of my background. You know, I wasn't able to vote for so long. They just changed some of that stuff, but I wasn't able to vote. There were times where I wanted to volunteer for things at my kid's school, and they would run a background check because they have to. I'm like, oh, sorry, sir.

You know, so, you know, I have to live with that. You know, it still costs me opportunities. It's cost me, you know, lots of jobs and stuff. But I did it to myself. I mean, it's not a victim. It's not like, oh, man, poor me, you know. For years, I blamed the cop. I blame my dad.

You know, if you never fucking left, I probably would have got some scholarship to some Ivy League fucking school. I'd be the CEO of some big company right now. I felt that way for a very long time, you know, from like 15 to like 20, you know, like the cop that tricked me, you know. Like, the guy's doing this job. I was actually very good at his job. Here I am.

I should be glad to have people like that protecting society from muckleheads like me. You know, so it took me a long time to, you know, one of the things I teach my guys that were, I have 1,500 people who work for me now. And, you know, one of the things I teach them, and maybe someone listening to this will, can help them, I don't know. Even when you're wronged in life, even when something happens to you that you just got so unlucky, if you trace everything back to its root cause, you can always find something that you could have or should have done differently, always, no matter what it is.

And once I came to that realization, like, it's not the cop's fault, it's not my dad's fault for leaving. It's not my mom's fault. I blame my girlfriend's fault. Like, why would this guy let me let me fucking work under a fake ID? Why not sit me down and say, listen, son, stay in school, weather the storm. Like, I blamed all these people for long period of time. I was like, I was this 15-year-old boy. Like, what did I know? The adults in my life failed me. I carried that. You know, and I hated these people. And what was that getting me? What was it getting me? You know? And at the end of the day, when you just have a moment of clarity, none of that stuff,

like none of it was any of their fault. My dad was allowed to fall out of love with my mom. He was allowed to be an 18-year-old who got his girlfriend pregnant, who gave it the college fucking try for 14 years and say, I can't do this. He's allowed to fucking do that. He's allowed to do that.

That cop is allowed to fucking do his job and trick me to something. I was the idiot, not him. You know, that guy, that first boss of mine, he was allowed to help his daughter's boyfriend. He was allowed to do that. And, you know, I held so much animosity for his people so long. I was having anxiety attacks.

Like, I couldn't breathe. I was passing out. I was so damaged, you know. And then I get over that part. I forgive everybody because they didn't deserve, they didn't even need forgiveness. I fucked up, not them. You know, then I went to my self-loading phase. Like, oh, so you fucked it up.

I actually been mad at you for all these years. I went through that for a long time. Like, you know, I'm such a piece of shit. I hate the guy I saw in the, in the, mirror. You know, I was so embarrassed to myself. I ruined my family name. My kids. I'm like, my kids got grow up in my last name. I disgraced it, these poor fucking kids. So I went through that phase. You know, then you come out the other side and it's like, okay, you know what, ma'am, when you think that everybody has control over you, you're helpless.

You're helpless. So my life was determined. My success of failure depends on this guy's decision. It's not true. You have every fucking decision you have, you can have, you have control over. And that's so liberating. It's so liberating that every time you make a mistake, you're like, okay, where did you fuck up? Go back to back up. Yeah, you fucked up right there, didn't you? Okay, so when that happens again, what are you going to do differently? I'm probably going to do this. Okay, great. I'm not mad. I don't feel like shit. I don't think less of myself. Okay, I learned something I can move on, you know? So that is really what came out of all this for me is just really, you know,

and I don't want to get bad examples, but like no matter what someone is going through, you know, like I didn't realize that that gambling was as much of an addiction as it was. Like when I was up, you know, money and I'm just sitting there, I'm betting, I was, I'm betting on college, women's college volleyball at two in the morning,

you know, West Coast, you know, USC versus UCLA, what the fuck am I doing? But I have to pay this guy somehow, you know? So, but, you know, Really, nothing is anybody else's fault, no matter what they're doing to you. When you find a way to blame yourself, you empower yourself to solve the problem and move on from it. That's really where I got to now, and that's what helped me, I think, live the life I live now. Well, Beau, I appreciate you coming on the show today, man.

I appreciate you give me the opportunity, man. I know it's probably went on a lot longer than your thought. No, you're good, man. It's a roller coaster story, I get it. And again, thank you for let me talk about the book. You know, The Beat Train and American Loser comes out today. there's a lot in there. I think that if someone listens to it

or buys the book, I think they'll be happy that they did. And thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk about that. Of course.