Locked In with Ian Bick - I Was A Navy SEAL — Then I Got Kicked Out & Joined the French Foreign Legion | Taylor Cavanaugh

Episode Date: August 11, 2025

Taylor Cavanaugh’s journey is unlike anything you’ve heard. As a teenager with a criminal record, no one expected him to make it far—let alone become a Navy SEAL. But against all odds, Taylor completed BUD/S and joined SEAL Team 7. Just when it seemed like his life had turned around, legal trouble ended his military career. After being kicked out of the SEALs, Taylor spiraled into addiction and depression, eventually hitting rock bottom. That’s when he made a radical decision: to join the French Foreign Legion. In this interview, Taylor opens up about his fight for redemption, what it really takes to become a SEAL, and how he rebuilt his life from the ground up. #NavySEAL #FrenchForeignLegion #AddictionRecovery #TrueStory #RedemptionArc #VeteranInterview #LockedInWithIanBick #militaryjourney Connect with Taylor Cavanaugh: Website: www.taylorcavanaugh.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tcavofficial? YouTube: https://youtube.com/@tcavofficial? X: https://x.com/tcavofficial? Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Get 50% off the Magic Mind offer here: https://www.magicmind.com/IANB50. #magicmind #mentalwealth #mentalperformance Presented by Tyson 2.0 & Wooooo Energy: https://tyson20.com/ https://woooooenergy.com/ Use code LOCKEDIN for 20% OFF Wooooo Energy Buy Merch: http://www.ianbick.com/shop Timestamps: 00:00 Rock Bottom and Redemption Teaser 00:52 Podcast Introduction & Host Greeting 01:46 Taylor's Troubled Teen Years 03:36 Downward Spiral: Crime, College, and Jail 06:46 Pursuing the SEAL Dream Against All Odds 09:05 The Challenge of Becoming a Navy SEAL 13:41 Family, Discipline, and Early Influences 15:37 High School Life & Personality 19:14 College Struggles & Changing Goals 22:32 Legal Troubles and Military Waivers 26:36 Making It to SEAL Team 7 28:26 Deployment, Success, and the Start of a Downfall 31:45 Self-Destruction: Legal Issues and SEAL Career End 35:15 Life in the Civilian World: Addiction and Pressure 37:00 Hitting Rock Bottom Again 40:44 Homelessness and Suicidal Thoughts 41:43 Moment of Clarity: Choosing Life 42:32 Joining the French Foreign Legion 46:32 Selection Process & Life in the Legion 51:41 Foreign Legion Missions and Brotherhood 57:12 Adapting, Identity Loss & Mindset Shift 01:03:02 Realizations in the Legion: Zen and Discipline 01:09:14 Letting Go & Finding Lasting Happiness 01:14:13 Exiting the Legion and Telling His Story 01:19:41 Legacy, Discipline, and Teaching the Next Generation 01:23:01 Lessons Learned: Regret, Pride, and Redemption 01:26:00 Life in the Legion: Hazing, Culture, and Punishment 01:29:37 Advice to His Younger Self & Parenting 01:31:48 Looking Ahead: Legacy, Purpose, and Impact 01:34:32 Final Reflections & Farewell Powered by: Just Media House : https://www.justmediahouse.com/ Creative direction, design, assets, support by FWRD: https://www.fwrd.co Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and sat there bro really thinking of dude I'm just so tired of doing this I couldn't see the way out of this one I had just gone through all that stuff and built myself back up into the high-rise and now crushed it all again and I just was exhausted Taylor Kavanaugh defied the odds

when despite a criminal record as a teenager he fulfilled his dream of becoming a Navy SEAL he completed Buds join SEAL Team 7 and was living his childhood dream. But after getting into legal trouble, he was kicked out of the seals, and that's when everything spiraled. Taylor fell into addiction, depression,

and hit rock bottom. Desperate for redemption, he made a bold move and joined the French Foreign Legion. In this episode, Taylor opens up about his rise, his fall, and the journey that helped him take his life back. Taylor, welcome to Locked In, man.

Ian, man, thank you for having me. And thank you for everybody for listening. Locked in. I love the name of that podcast, man. That title was like locked in because it's locked in, tapped in, tuned in, bro. It means a bunch of things, dude. I dig it.

Yeah, it's like a play on words. Yeah. We interview people that went to prison, but it's also like you're focused, locked in. There's just so many ways to go about it. Yeah, man. And that never give it up on yourself, right? Even behind those walls and when the chips are down, you got that redemption arc.

And you're a good testimony to that, dude. That's for sure, you know, looking at your story. And it's a trip being here kind of surreal, like I had mentioned coming in, because I was in a Foreign Legion barracks room, dude, and I was watching you and then kind of learned about your story a little bit. I'm like, damn, dude. Because, I mean, you kicked off your teenage years pretty hardcore and into your 20s. I mean, you had created a mountain, a pile you kind of had to dig yourself out of.

And I'm very familiar with that, bro, of it looking insurmountable. And then, you know, then just starting to fucking climb, dude, and climb out. Yeah. And the way I had anticipated climbing was looked totally different than what I ended up doing to climb out of that hole, too. Yeah. Because I saw the, you're like, I was working at Whole Foods and things. And that resonated with me because when I was kind of, I went to jail and I was coming out of jail at 23. Not a long time, but I had to clean up some things in probation and whatever.

And that's kind of where kind of the story starts, really. is because, you know, childhood, all that shit, it doesn't really matter, right? I mean, everyone's got their things, and I was fortunate in a lot of ways, and maybe some other things were more difficult. But I had created a lot of problems coming out of my teenage years of getting kicked out of high school, losing scholarship opportunities, dealing drugs, ecstasy was the thing at the time, and trying to go play football, trying to go to school, failing at everything, getting kicked out of one college, and then failing at junior college.

And then kind of having that moment of clarity fixing some shit, moving back to Boston. So back on this coast and was living in a basement in my aunt and uncle's house. And this was about 19 to kind of give you the framework. And did some good things. Went to junior college, got my shit kind of organized and straight. But working in a fast, in a fish market and doing landscaping and just trying to go to junior college. coming back, but then through coming back to University of California, Santa Cruz, I had kind of lost my discipline a little bit.

Graduated, but had stacked a ton of misdemeanors. Knew I wanted to be a Navy SEAL, mind you. Knew I wanted to be a Navy SEAL from seven years old, but partying, girls, like just kind of got shelf and I'm like, well, I got to get through college. But in that process, I was so, I should say, I lacked self-awareness on such a massive scale. by the time I got out of college. I'm like, all right, I'm graduated, dude. Like, let's go.

I went to the recruiter in the Marines, and I'm like, hey, so I'll just sign up, man. Who's going to give me a gun? Let's do this. And they're like, dude, you have active court cases in your own probation. Like, you fucking, you can't just join the military. And I was like, oh, shit, dude, I got to like handle this. So I went and got a judge.

And I was up in San Francisco area at the time. And he's like, okay, well, I'm not just going to commute this. So six months in county. And I'm like, okay. Okay, well, fuck it, let's do it. You know, six months isn't like hard time or anything, but it was a lockdown facility. No, no yard time. You know, you're locked in and I didn't see the sunlight for three months.

And you know some of the shit in there. It's like, it's not pleasant. And you see people in the observation ward and poo painting and people fucking coming off. I was doing jail laundry so, like seven days a week just so I could get out of the pod. And you're just washing people's shit clothes coming in off the streets. Just, you know, it's sitting there going. Well, at least I'm going to try to clean this up with no guarantee I could even get in the military. No felonies, but just a lot of misdemeanors.

So by the time I got out, I was turned down by the Marines for tattoos. They said no to go. The Army turned me down for criminal background. And then so I was living on my mom's couch, 23, and this is why that story resonated coming to bring it back to is, you know, you're working to Whole Foods. I was working at Home Depot, you know, stocking boxes in the, fucking at night trying to train for military and the Navy was the only ones that would let me gave me a chance and they said look but your jobs that you can do the ability is you can wrestle shit or be a Navy SEAL if you can pass all the screening test because you're

you had drug charges and other things and so my my job selection was very limited so I said well okay well that was like destiny kind of directing it because I was people asked me well I didn't you wanted to be a Navy SEAL, why didn't you go there first? I was fucking scared, dude. I was scared to fail and end up on a fucking boat, which is not what I wanted. And no offense, anybody liked the boats, but it's just not what I wanted. I wanted a gun and to deploy. And I was scared I wasn't going to be able to do it.

Because growing up in San Diego, I knew a lot of guys, all American wrestlers, all American water polo players, guys that went to SEAL training and everybody failed. I never knew anybody that passed. I never met a seal. So it seemed like kind of this far off fucking goal. And I didn't even like telling people. It was like, oh, you're going to be a fucking Navy SEAL, cool guy, you know. And so I was scared.

I didn't like running. Runnings for the fucking enemy, dude. I hate it. So it's like, you know, long distance at least. But it was the only option. And so I said, okay, let's do this. Strategically got through MEPs and, you know, all that's the stress of administrative. answering and they had me do a lot of interviews with with federal investigators it was fucking

stressful man and it was a lot of like it was my dream going to get pulled for me at any moment that type of thing you know how how often for you you know also you're afraid yet your pass is going to like the door's going to shut it's fucking scary and it's uncomfortable shit but it was a reality that I created and made it through now I'm able to take the seal screener so I'm going and taking the seal screener I'm taking the seal screener I'm taking the seal screener I'm taking the seal screening tests. I'm training. I had to drop like 40 pounds in like six weeks.

So it was too heavy, man, coming out of jail. So I'm running. I'd never run more than three, four miles, bro, in my life. And now I'm running, you know, with an active duty seal at the time. Hans, love you, brother. And he was taking me into Pendleton, running five miles a day and puking every day. And I mean, every day on half-mile sprints. And just, I had never worked that hard in my life.

But I needed it. And I sought out these guys as like mentorship, which I'm a big fan of mentorship. I couldn't have pushed myself hard enough. I'd have been around. The first time I tried training, I was like, all right, I'm going to be a Navy Shield. Let's do this.

And I left my mom's fucking house, dude. I run out of the garage, dude. And I'm like, I had paced like a mile and a half, which is the test, you know, the initial test. And I go running. I made around the block. Dude, I didn't even fucking make it around into the next block, dude. And I had to stop.

And I was like, how far? Oh, dude, like a quarter mile, you know, or something. And I'm like, oh, shit. This is going to be an uphill fight. But I just kept showing up because I really thought it was my only option and the only thing I wanted to do. And so I just got obsessed and, like, delusional about it. Just visualized it every day. And it just became my whole world.

So stacking boxes at night, training in the day. And this went on for about nine months. I needed tattoo waivers, conduct waivers, all these different things. So I found the guys that some retired SEALs who were running this program, this Naval Special Warfare program and got FaceTime with them and just showed up every day and just kept training and got letters of recommendation. And finally I got my SEAL contract and shipped out, man. And it started into that whole process.

Were your parents in the military at all? My dad was in the Marine Corps. But just six in and out. And that's what brought us out from the East Coast, which I was born in Beverly Mass. and then to Orange County. So six in and that means just six years. Yeah, six in.

My dad's one of those. They go, once a Marine, always a Marine. When they hear my dad's Marine, he goes, yeah, once was enough thanks, though. You know, he, it was, my grandfather was a captain in the Navy who was Nixon's advisor, and he was like a nuclear physicist, really fucking smart dude. I don't know how that didn't trickle down to me, but smart dude, Naval Academy graduate, so officer. So my mom always wanted me to be an officer in the military, but that wasn't happening with my background.

And but a lot of pride for the military. Proud, American, proud, pride for the military was, it wasn't pushed on me. And definitely nobody in the family was like, hey, you should go in the military. That was never like a talk. It was just something I wanted to do from a young age. So if you wanted to do that from a young age, why get into trouble and go through all those obstacles early on? That's a fucking good question, bro. Looking back, it didn't make much sense.

I was immature. You know how, you know, say, say some people are old souls. I'd say I'm a very young soul. I had a lot of learning, dude, and I still do. And I just, I didn't really understand the repercussions and the magnitude of some decisions I made. I mean, almost all my presents are dead. Friends from that time are dead or in prison. You know, we were pushing the pace.

I mean, we were down in Mexico at 15, shooting steroids, going to strip clubs and coming back for football practice and thought it was normal, you know, and it just wasn't. It was pretty, you know, we were pushing the pace at a pretty young age. And that's so that just kind of continued. And I think pleasure seeking, not really having a clear path and not, and I don't like putting guidance, you know, having a, but my father wasn't really around, you know, so my mom was having a hard time raising me. I worked.

So even, you know, I was always dealing weed and. money and like like you you're a hustler right it's just it was just something that you had to work and so i always liked having money so i worked and and my mom was like okay well i was paying for a lot of my own shit and so just i was not as disciplined as i could have been and even if somebody tried to institute it on me i don't think i would have listened to be quite honest aren't military families normally disciplined and strict i wouldn't call us a military family though you know my dad went in the military for some uh i don't say i don't say i don't know i don't say i don't as a last minute from some other pinching stuff coming in.

And so we didn't, there wasn't a militant family. You know, it was a little bit different, a little bit more free-flowing than that. Who do you think you were more alike to, your mom or your dad? I would like to say I'm like my mom in some ways, but I'm a lot like my dad in a lot of ways, right? And it's bad and good.

But I definitely got my diligent kind of work ethic from my mom. My mom is a rock. I love my mom. I'm still very close with my mom. And we were just all in Idaho. We're going to Hawaii a little bit in a couple months altogether. So my mom was just diligent. She's done well financially, strictly.

But I remember her in her 40s. When I was young, she had me later waiting tables at Denny's. Me sitting at like graveyard shift while my mom waited tables, dude, as a little kid. And then working her way up, getting her master's and teaching and then becoming an administrator right all the way. And then retiring. you know, the beautiful house and money in the bank and invested. And so seeing my mom's diligent work, definitely I have some of that in me. How would people describe you in high school besides the trouble making aspect?

You know what? I was a good student though. Still, I was an academic All-American, even with getting kicked out for weed and stuff, you know, and fights. Most people that I come across who knew me in high school said I was a really fucking good guy. like respectful. I was always like a champion of the underdog. If I even underclassman or if I saw somebody getting picked on, I was always kind of like had no problem smashing a bully.

I've never, I don't have a mean streak in me. And so I always, I would consider myself friendly, man. I had a lot of friends. I had a big circle of friends at multiple high schools and I kind of floated around. I would say, I don't, free floating, good dude. but fun. Now in high school, did you see something

beyond the military at all? Or was your sights just sat on the military at that point? I had the military as, you know, the Navy SEAL. That's what I wanted to do. But I dabbled in other things.

Through college, I was like, sure, I wanted to be a doctor. So I went the pre-med route for a while. And then I realized that aptitude's a real thing. And I was in, it was in a multivariable calculus and organic chemistry.

And I realized I looked around and I was like, I'm not smart enough for this. You know, I was like, dude, I was struggling, right? For seized, you know, and I was like, this isn't going to work. So that was a pretty good realization, because then I shifted to like a pre-law major. And so I've always, I've always liked school.

I like learning. I just wasn't as disciplined as I could have been. Why did you decide to get into trouble? I didn't decide. I don't think anybody decides, you know, did you decide to get in trouble? I would say... Some people decide.

Yeah, I would say, I didn't. decide to get caught. I like the fun of, I like having fun, you know, but as you and I know well and a lot of people watching, fun runs its course or fun is fun until it's not. And that was going to prove to be a consistent theme of self-sabotage. It's all good until it's not. Even into the SEAL teams, man, when, you know, the stakes start getting raised and I ended up getting kicked out of the SEAL teams and going to jail as an act of duty SEAL. and then having to change my life and change countries and all that shit, man.

And it was all kind of rooted in not in self-sabotaging at the peak, right? Feeling good and riding that celebration high and feeling good and then fucking burn it all the ground. What were some of those misdemeanors you were getting? Knucklehead shit, drinking too much, you know, disturbing the peace, drunk in public. I got a DUI, misdemeanor DUI,

driving on a suspended. that type of shit, right? And just kind of stacked and, you know, violation of probation because it was, you know, and so all these things kind of stacked and the judge looked at it like, what the fuck, dude, you're not, you're not learning shit. And so I was out there like picking trash a lot of the weekends with the vest on. Bonjour, compadre. It's the Priceline negotiator.

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They can be pretty hard. Mine weren't bad because I didn't have, I don't even know if they do felonies anymore or if they have ever. But it was a long process. I mean, it took me nine months, you know, a better part of a year. And because you served the jail sentence, did they expunge everything? Or were those forever on your record? They're on the record.

They just commuted the probation. Okay. Yep. So now you get to Navy SEAL training. Tell us about that. Yeah, man. So I shipped out in 2010 in February. And then I went in right into a special warfare boot camp division.

We had about 100 SEAL candidates in the boot camp, right? That's way, way early. Only about, I think, nine of those guys ended up becoming SEALs out of that original 101. But we're not at Buds yet. Eight weeks of that. Then eight week based on water demolition. seal preparatory school then and then you screen out for that

that's about eight to 16 weeks depending upon where you go we flew back out to Coronado where the dance is and started class 284 we started with like we flew out with 400 guys classed up with 285

three weeks later we had 185 then through hell week we're at like 50 dudes and then from that original group about 13 passed but we graduated from other guys rolling in from different classes and stuff about about 40 something what was your attitude going into seal training were you more mature than you were a couple years prior I thought I was I was definitely focused right I wasn't playing I didn't I was once I locked into

that pipeline I really felt like oh shit this is my chance I you know I can't even believe I'm here you know and I still had that worry that something was gonna creep up and after hell week they had an issue with my security clearance they called me into the office I'm like oh fuck and then nothing Nothing ever happened from it. And I was so grateful to be there. It was hard as shit, harder than I thought it would ever be. Cold, very, very powerful experience.

But met a lot of sick dudes, knew I was exactly where I wanted to be. But a lot of fear mitigation, you know, uncertainty. Not sure if you can keep going, man. But I felt psychologically like I had painted myself into a corner. I had nowhere else to go, man. I mean, I had nowhere else to go. I was dead serious about my plan B was making plan A work. I didn't want to think about what plan B might be, right?

Because, you know, I was thinking serious. Let's just say that. And so every run, every, ever, I knew I had one good push regarding momentum. And I couldn't, and I was worried about injuries and, you know, particularly like heights. And so the obstacle courses and shit, you know, a lot of nervousness, man, you know, about every day is a test in some capacity. I'm good in the water though, so I can swim and do that type of stuff pretty, pretty easily. And so that was helpful, but I fucking am not good at running. And so that was substantial in a very, very challenging school.

It's six months of getting your dick smashed in the sand. And, you know, having help from other guys, seeing the cohesiveness of the class and how it comes together and leadership. And you see people at their, like, worst and best. It's very cool, crucible to see. Went through, graduated 284, then went into SQT class SEAL qualification training, 284. That was pretty badass because now it's like a little bit more professional. You're not really getting smashed.

Sometimes you are, but it's a little bit more of a finishing school. I should say, very elementary finishing, but mountain warfare up in Alaska, Codiak for a month. Then we're doing diving, combat diving with the rebreathers in the, in San Diego for a month. Then we're doing close quarters combat, shooting land warfare. Now, during land warfare is when Osama bin Laden got shot. So we're about to graduate SEAL training when that's happening.

Powerful because there was older brothers on that operation. And so it was a very cool time to be coming into the community. You think back in that 2011 time frame, so there was a lot of lights kind of being put on the community. and then of course extortion one seven happened in august right when we had that the two chinooks go down so and a lot of guys died so there was a lot of powerful energy in that time and seriousness seriousness seriousness man and a lot of respect to those guys and and um but knowing and our instructors were very clear about that right because how small the community is right everybody kind of knows each other or a lot of guys know each other

so they were very very hard on us i should say very clear about you know what we were walking into but it was exciting still it was exciting energy graduated with that with that school and um with that class 284 and then went to seal team seven and um guys get kind of farmed out to east coast and west coast you have a choice if people don't know you can choose if you want to go east coast or west coast and so you got all the country boys man they choose you know choose east coast and then you got you know the more of the west coast you know vibe you choose San Diego. And so I was so happy because, dude, I'm in my hometown at SEAL Team 7.

We're at the SEAL team I wanted to be at and was hit a good clip, dude. I hit a really good wake as far as momentum. Coming in as a new guy, volunteered for some early schools, communications would set me up really well to go to J-TAC, joint, to like coordinating bombs, getting drops. We're up at Fallon, working with the Top Gun Instructors. I'm like, damn, dude, this is pretty sick. And then I get sent to sniper school. So I'm going to sniper school right after that. We do an op down in Mexico where I almost died with Obama looking over.

He was like his maritime extraction force with a little mansion. He was running. It was the G20 summit. And they were worried about the cartels, kind of getting them in transit. So we're out there. And a big storm came. And I went in the fucking drink, dude, with no flotation, almost died. And just swam my way out of it.

in three o'clock in the morning in huge swells but that i was like dude i'm here right i'm at team seven we're doing this shit man and and and that flow i was so happy to be there so excited to be there and to kind of go back to mindset like where where was where i was at psychologically locked on dude really fucking focused there early really grateful seeing my cage man and just being at the SEAL team and guys that have been SEALs or even if they gone through any military selection, they show up at their unit. It's a cool feeling. It's a cool feeling and it's also

you know, a little bit stressful because you've got to perform. You know, you're, you're shark shit, man. You show up your, you're fucking nobody who's done anything. And there's guys with a lot of experience around you. So you just want to do well. It's like a, it's like a pressure. But it's a good pressure. And then we

deployed to Yemen. So we're doing low visibility operations in Yemen for about seven months. They had the Houthis and stuff out there. And coming back now, now, the speedwobles start a little bit, right, to kind of like go back to, I was, it's, I wouldn't say I was comfortable, but you start to get a little loose, right? I'm living downtown now. We're going out a little more, going harder and a pain a little more. and and still training hard, still working out, still there early, so I could kind of lie to myself. Like, ah, I'm good, dude. Performing. I'm working. But you're taking more risks, right? Your risk

management is starting to become, you're staying out later, you're going harder in a paint, you're hanging out and work chicks and this and that. And it's, things start to get a little loose. And going into this next year, we're working up for Iraq. And I hit a guy in a bar, right? And that caught, kicked off an aggravated assault. and there you go. Now I have an aggravated assault charge. They're flying brass up from the command. I'm getting out of jail.

Now I'm fighting a case in a different state as an Act duty seal with a top secret clearance. So my plea deal is six plus three. So I have a six plus three hanging over my head. On bail, they let me go to Iraq. So I go to fucking Iraq. Not wanting to come home, dude, because I'm facing a jury.

trial for if but it was easy because they had painted me to into a corner where a felony was I would have lost my career so I was like fuck it I'm taking to the box I don't give a shit whatever dude I wasn't worried about the time honestly I was worried about losing my trident so I'm on a roof and iraq and and you know it was ISIS at the time and just thinking about what I'm going back to I'm thinking man maybe I could just stay out here bro so I'm like volunteering to go stay out there longer and and just not wanting to come home and face the music, hemorrhaging cash on attorneys and things like that, and coming back,

and that was a stressful deployment, right? And I don't wish that on anybody, but is dealing with legal and life problems while you're on a deployment, and everyone's excited to come home, and you're just not. That sucked. But coming back,

and now this is 2015, to kind of give you the timeline. here. And so I've been in the SEAL teams about five years at this point. So I come back, we handle it, get misdemeanors, a ton of, a ton of money and things to keep everything kind of squashed down, if you know what I mean, and how to serve some time. So I take vacation to go to jail for a little bit, just a couple weeks, a few weeks, and come out. But I'm on formal probation for four years, like,

can't, can't drink, can't leave the city, can't own a weapon, can't do any of this stuff for, you know, saying,

it was very, very restrictive, but I kept my trident, got busted down, but could stay working. So, all right, all right,

so I'm back in it, doing, doing well, and I fuck up again, three months later, right? I'm locked on, and then I'm not,

right? I'm out at a concert and fucking, I get in a golf cart, that's the counties, and that's, that's how fucking stupid it is dude right that's how fucking dumb all this shit i think i thought i had it squared away and then fucking gave it all away now i was reading in chris kyle's book he said that

the seals would get into a lot of bar fights and a lot of it would just get swept under the rug yeah and sometimes it did but then sometimes it doesn't you know and and especially when there's been plenty of bar fights i've been in with as a seal who it's been no problem right but there this was And the thing at the concert wasn't even a fight. It was just me by myself in a golf cart. But I knew I was on probation, and then the cops kind of pulled me over in the parking lot, you know, joyriding with my shirt off at a fucking Jimmy Buffett concert. You can't make this shit up, dude.

I go running and they sick the dog on me. Dog bikes me. They fucking taser me once. I rip a taser out. I'm running. I'm jumping over fences like hundreds of people watching this. Tase me multiple more times and finally get me on the ground and then fucking smash me in the parking lot. bleeding

and I get thrown in the back of the car and I went and I fucking went just called TLCL Team 7 dude I was like I know I'm fucked I'm fucked right I knew it was the nail on the coffin and my career was over right I knew it I was like

I had just spent two years getting out of that shit just to fucking give it all away again it was so stupid so stupid so stupid And then I'd be like this fucking got yeah no shit. Yeah, a thousand percent. I agree. It was immature, stupid, selfish, all those things. But I and I did it to myself. I had no one else to blame.

And I, you know, I thought I had all the controls and measures put in place. And maybe you can agree with this. Like you think you got all these things and you don't really see it the, it, the, it being fucked up until after. And you go, damn, do, oh, I shouldn't have done that or this. It was just seemed innocent until it wasn't, man. Why do you think you were being so self-destructive? Self-worth, maybe. Lack of, lack of vision, lack of true purpose, lack of a deficiency in setting my next goal.

That was another piece. Maybe I wanted to scream for the next level or do those things, but I was just kind of comfortable and happy where I was. That's dangerous, man, for some people. For me, that's, even though it was at a high level, level and main staying there is challenging and you can't just be you know lackadaisical about it i needed to keep pushing and that's something that i make sure i remind myself of today is i have to keep setting those goals that are challenging on the on the on the horizon so i know clearly what i'm

working for so i understand the parameters i need to put in place now here for me is regarding discipline and I had no structured blueprint which I was operating on I kind of I worked out and I kind of did this sit but I didn't do what I had done in the legion which was lock on a daily blueprint that I didn't fucking change and didn't even change now this morning right still do that keeps me kind of grounded but the self-destruction was because the self-sabotage was lack of self-worth from the lack of work I was doing on myself lack of understanding of really the significance of decisions in the impact they can have. And also not thinking of others enough. Not thinking of what these decisions could have on my team, on the effectiveness of my

platoon, on all that shit. Did your SEAL brother start to lose respect for you after that charge, the first charge before you got kicked off? I think it was fine. I mean, maybe some of them were kind of pissed, but, you know, for the most part, it was what it was, right? It should happen. dudes fuck up getting a fight right you own it and you move on that was pretty much that the second time a bunch of dudes were fucking pissed thousand percent he called me like hey dude what the fuck dude you got a problem now we're like mustard at the team because like it was just added shit and now i'm pulled out of the platoon not going to iraq the second time right so i've missed i did a three full workups

and then missed missed that deployment because i was fucking in jail right so now this kicked off something else though because I was on formal probation so I have a new violent charge so I have federal marshals in a van trying to extradite me from California back to another state which I had interstate compact transfer with so I got

that going on. I'm fighting the new case, the civil charge which is I'm still getting sued from the other fucking case and new criminal charge and the violation bro I don't know how I was walking you know that feeling people watching that feeling that feeling who've been through serious legal shit

it feels like you're like carrying a thousand pound bags of cement. It's just this cloud that's heavy. And I was just trying to do everything in my power just to stay upright, man, and just keep moving. But it was hard.

But I knew it was over for me, right? And so I just, we get it all mitigated. Finally, I just talked to the attorney. I said, hey, if I do some more time up there, can we just fucking get rid of the interstate? So I went back up to that state, serve a little time, come back down, and now I'm done. Now I sign my DD-214.

Now I'm out with a general. I'm not right, a general under honorable circumstances, which was a fucking hookup for me. But it really wasn't that charge. It was a steroid test that actually got me kicked out because I was actually beating that new charge, right? Because it got why, it got, um, the San Diego chief of police ended up,

ended up throwing it away because of what it was. But Navy Jagg saw the, They're like, this guy fucking got bitten the, fought off a German Shepherd and pulled out two tasers. And he's definitely on performance-nancing drugs. So they sent my blood up. I passed the drug test. And then they came back with, hey, now we wanted you to do a steroid test. So I said, all right.

And I had this moment, man, where I had a fake dick in my locker. And for this exact moment. And I remember looking at it. and I said, fuck it. I'm going to do this normal. I'm not going to fucking sit here. I'm going to face the music. It is what it is.

And that was a pivotal moment because I remember putting it down, going, whatever happens, happens. I'm going to take it on the chin. And they sent that up, and I failed the shit out of it or passed that test. I lit it up, though, for sure. I was on a bunch of shit.

And there you go. Zero tolerance. They sent it to the Olympic Testing Center, and it was all diced. So I brought the heat on myself and nobody else to blame and was kicked out because of it, zero tolerance. And so I was out, man, DD-214, general with honorable circumstances, under honorable circumstances. And now I'm in the civilian world and moved in pretty good lateral step.

I had seen this coming. So it wasn't a shock. So I had leveraged my contacts, went into residential real estate development on a massive project in Southern California, multi-hundred million dollar project. So I'm like the number two guy. I don't know anything about construction, but I know how to work teams

and I know how to get information and I know how to be honest about what I don't know. So, you know, underground trenching. We did 19 million sales the first year. Stoked. Then we became legal

in California that year. So a former team guy came to me and he says, hey, we have this former Harvard guy and a venture capitalist and they're way I want to start this cannabis distribution company and you want to be the chief security officer and we're going to start building out and said, yep.

So I did a lateral step. It was of risk. But it ended up being a good move for me because building out this, I started performing and I was raising capital and doing things. But you know, think it's dicey. As you know, raising capital and doing stuff, man.

It's a dicey thing. And everybody gets fired. The venture capitalist keeps me because I'm pretty much the only one producing. and doing shit. Now I'm into high-rise, raising money for his other businesses and other startups and doing well. But during this time,

during this period of time, I was fucking burning the candle at both ends. I had no governor on his fur, I'm like, dude, I'm out of the teams, whatever, let's do this. I was taking Adderall every day, Xanax, weed, alcohol to take the edge off at night, you know, but not during the day, so I'm good, right? So it's like, I have these kind of lies I told myself.

And then I stack on an opiate habit at night. So I'm sniffing fentanyl sometimes at night, writing work emails, getting up early, taking out of all to get going. And you can't bend in reality that long. Your fucking world would come crashing down in it 100% did. So about two years to the day from when I had walked out of jail in the United States military, face down, cut up in my face. I pretty much get, you know, hey, you got to take a playoff. You're running a little too hard.

The venture capitalist boss said to me something that really resonated with me. And he's like, dude, you got to go take a couple plays off. You're like going hard on the pains. The CEO of this business now and stuff. But it was just the pressure was getting to me, man. And he goes, you were an asset. Now you're a liability. Bro.

For somebody that potentially, maybe has insecurity issues or something, you know, like me or overcompensates as far as achievement. And that was a blow because I like to be valuable to myself, to other people. I don't like to be seen as like a liability, man. But I 100% was to myself and everybody else around me. So I took a little time. I went to Big Island. I was like, just get me out of here. I'm going to, I'm going to like get off this shit. And like, so I moved all my shit out to the Big Island of Hawaii, Helo. Just because I knew it would be isolated, he also had some business ventures there.

He said, hey, just go sit tight for a little while. And we'll put you on another play out there. And it ended up I pretty much was getting marooned, right? There was some personal things with a current girlfriend, lawyer and stuff that was kind of complicated the situation with him and stuff. So I was like, well, but I just wanted to be done with all of it. It was too complex. And also, I wasn't right, man.

And so I wasn't I wasn't I was starting to get paranoid and I wasn't seeing reality clearly anymore. And if you've if anybody's ever been in that kind of a zone, it's like chaos, right? You start feeling these frictions. It was misalignment mass massively. When we're living out of alignment, all these things start to happen and paranoias and thoughts. And I was just fucked up, man. So I went out there, chilled for a little bit, but purposeless. really purposeless and it was hopeless and I really started to feel really lost out there.

I started having like weird visions, man, of the Bible and Enoch and like crazy stuff. I was making all these like connections. I don't know if I was losing my mind or finding my mind or whatever, but I got off opiates the first week. Like I flew out there with a couple pills and whatever and used them and then I'm like, all right, well, it'll be fine. do five days. I just white knuckled it.

Couldn't sleep. Was crawling out of my skin. I don't wish that on my worst enemy. I thought I wasn't addicted. Dead serious. Dead serious. I thought I wasn't addicted. That's how egotistical, you know, I was or am or whatever.

I legitimately thought I didn't have a problem. But you don't know if you don't have a problem if you always do it. You know, because you don't give yourself that break. and that devil had its hooks in me, man, that the opiates did. And it was a powerful feeling to get off that. Finally came out of it, came out of the fray. And then I'm there kind of floating, work, like working out, trying to get my body back and just trying to wait for that call,

wait for that next opportunity. And it wasn't coming. And I'm running out of money. You know, I had sold my shares in that company, but not much. And I'm just kind of running out and running on fumes. And next thing I know, um, broke. I got nowhere to go.

My fucking trucks got six bucks in it. I got negative money in my account. You know, and I go, oh, fuck. I'm homeless. That's how fast it happened. And I went, holy shit. Let me go park in the jungle. I went way deep where the volcanoes like erupting on the big island, like way deep in

where I knew nobody would fuck with me and I could just park and I sat and there had like DMT and a fucking thing that's somebody giving me and I'm like a little jug of vodka and I'm just sitting there dude I remember turning the key off on my Nissan frontier

and I sat there and I remember the engine turning off and it was like and it just the quiet of the jungle like that and it felt like the world just kind of reality

hit me. Oh shit, dude, you're homeless in your truck and this is your reality and you, and what are you gonna do about it? So I sat there, man, for a few days thinking about killing myself. I had a sawed-off shotgun on my passenger seat that I had procured from God knows where

and sat there, bro, really thinking of, dude, I'm just so tired of doing this. And I don't know how, any lows you've been in, but I was at a low of not seeing the way out. We talked about holes in, you know, of digging yourself out. I couldn't see the way out of this one. I had just gone through all that stuff and built myself back up into the high rise and now crushed it all again. And I just was exhausted.

That was the truth. So I sat there, man, and I would go for the, I was going straight native, dude. I had like no shoes on and walking around shorts and no shirt, just walking around the jungle, looking over cliffs going, I don't think that's high enough. and just just really quiet in my own internal dialogue and it was real not a pleasant place and I had this moment of clarity that was like bro you pussy me me me I aye aye I boo fucking who all this is your fault and I went yeah and what kind of damage are you going to leave for your mom your sister like is that really what you're going to leave them because of all the decisions you made

and you're now you're fucking sad now you're fucking whatever tired and you're not you don't have the balls to sack up again and i went you fucking right dude i went fuck it if i'm gonna die at least i'll do it with my boots on with some fucking honor and so i went i'm gonna join the french foreign legion and so that was the moment i decided that i was gonna fucking pop chocks man and go across the pond and ate pretty much when you finally find your thing You want the whole world to know about that thing. So you use a thing called Canva to make it an even bigger and better thing. Whether you want to create flyers for that thing,

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The sweep of wild coastlines, quiet locks and untamed landscapes. Fresh cuisine that feels rooted in the land. Come experience the kind of stillness that stays with you long after you leave. Plan your Scottish escape today at Expedia.com slash visit Scotland. A week and some change later, dude, I was in France. How do you even come up with that idea to join the French Foreign Legion? It had dropped in my radar probably as a kid reading in the libraries and stuff, the French Foreign Legion. And people that aren't aware, French Foreign Legion is a foreign fighter unit in France that's comprised of only foreigners, pretty much.

Maybe 1 to 3% is French guys. Only men, about 7,000 guys. 150 nations represented. You have to speak French. I knew no French. Everything's done in French, though. and there's no, it's about a 200 year old institution started by an old king to funnel guys

who were causing old foreigners who were in his bars and shit back onto the battlefield with the carrot of French citizenship modeled after the Roman legions. So I was aware they take guys with checkered backgrounds and kind of had this old heritage or reputation of taking robbers and thieves and they give you a fake name

and a fake social security number and so you operate under a fake name. And so you really become a different person, quite literally. So I was like, all right, well, let me see what's all this is about. And then it came back on my radar when I was getting out of jail and getting turned down by all the military branches. So I was like, well, if I want to serve, I want a gun, then maybe this is going to be the avenue I do.

So it always had kind of been there. I was aware of it as like a look red, grab bread situation, emergency handle, emergency hatch. And I needed one, bro. I needed a fucking emergency hatch And so So what I did man I took two fast cash loans out

From uh fucking called like one eight hundred cash or whatever the fuck And that's it I don't know how they fucking gave it to me because my credit was fucked at the time And Probably cost me four million percent interest But after I got out of French foreign legion boot camp I paid it back But that's how I got to France man

That's how I took a one-way ticket and there's only one way to join. There's no application. You can't call ahead. It's not like that. You have to go with your little bag and your passport and go bang on the door like Wizard of Oz

at two different locations in France. One in Paris, which is where I went called Fort Nogent, and then one down in South France. You just go knock on the door, man. Did you consider going in the private sector at all in the United States, like mercenaries or anything of that nature?

Yeah, yeah, I did. And they had some contacts, but here's the thing is you need some gap, money and shit. like burned in. So I was maxed out. I didn't have any leverage. You know, you got to kind of get your gear and get set. And I didn't have no, I had no time for that. So I had painted myself in a corner. Also, I wanted to pick the pen back up, man, and write an interesting story of my life. And I had never heard of a Navy SEAL being a French foreign legion error from my knowledge from all accounts.

I'm the only one. Maybe there was some guy, you know, a Vietnam era or some. somebody that has done it, but I haven't spoken to them or know about them. So I knew it was, and I wanted to do something I was proud of again. But I still had this thing of needing external validation to, like, put a band-aid on my identity. Like, I needed the title, you know, something, French foreign legionaire. Like, I still hadn't fixed that in me yet. And this was what I thought was going to be that thing, which I found out was not the

You can't have external validation to fix anything, right? And you never can. And that's something that I had to learn through my time there. But the process, man, I knocked on that door, said my little prayer. I got into France, burned in. I stayed at a hostel for a few days and, like, cleansed my system out. We're going for runs, pounding water, because I knew they were going to drug test me on the way in. So just kind of getting clean and getting right and went and fucking knocked on the door, handed up my passport, told me to get up on the pull-up bar.

and I didn't see that passport again for three years bro and they take it's it's an interesting group of who they take but when you go into that pipeline you start with IQ tests that's the first thing they do they search your bags IQ tests and they're going to go into psychological interviews who the fuck are you right are you who you say you are

if you have sexual crimes no go if you have you know international arms and shit like that with interpol issues they know for the most part sometimes but they know you're there you're not a fucking boy scout so i wasn't trying to really hide i was like yeah i got kicked out of the fucking military man i was in navy seal i brought my deed to 14 i was like i need a second chance i fuck my life up and they're like all right but they were still grilling me because they don't want issues with the united states government did i have war crime issues or why the fuck was i there why would i leave navy seals and come there but i'm like i got kicked out so that made sense but they

really dig into guys. And so you'll do medical evaluations, teeth, legs. If they don't like the way your legs are shaped, they'll fucking tell you to kick rocks. About one out of 15 guys pass through the selection, pass through the pre-selection and the selection. And by the end of the pre-selection, they'll give you a fake name. My name was Trent Clayson. And then that's you, bro. That's, nobody called me by my real name for the first two and a half years. After those two and a half years, you can route additional paperwork and get your passport back and do some stuff. But through the pre-selection and the selection process, you'll be sent down to the headquarter regiment down in Oban, France, South France.

And they'll do all that, all those batteries again. We'll do enhance psychological evaluation. What the fuck you're doing here? What do you want to do here? Are you right in the head? And then the Gestapo interviews, they call them. They're like an interrogation. And it's a group of guys that are the,

smart they're senior enlisted level guys who speak multiple languages or body language experts and they have a team of guys that go through open source background checks interpol background checks all that shit they're going to come assess you and for a few days man just grill your ass

and then say yay or nay and by the end of that they'll say hey and then you get your shit and go to boot camp if you if you made it if not The rest of guys, they tell to fucking leave, man. And it's a unique spot because it's like jail in the sense that you're out of the yard waiting for a lot of the time, a lot of sitting around. And there's cliques, there's cars, bro, everywhere. There's your Portuguese.

And it's all by language. So you've got your Portuguese speakers, your Brazilians, right? Your guys from Portugal. Then your Spanish speakers, your Russian speakers, which is a huge sect there. and because you got the Ukrainians, a lot of Ukrainians, a lot of, some Romanians speak Maldovians, guys from Moldova,

Russians, some, and you'll have guys from Belarus, all that shit, right? So these are like the outcasts from each country's military? Well, that's actually a really good question. Or like, what is that? Who joins? Who the fuck joins French Warland?

There's like three groups of guys, three types. There's the romantic, the guy who broke up with his fucking chick, and now he's going to go to war and, you know, those dudes get fucking smashed pretty quick. You have the machine to gear, machine of war, who guys who wants to fucking get some, crawl out of some dark hole in Russia or, you know, or wherever.

That is, you know, because we forget as Americans that a lot of countries don't do outside the country operations. A lot of countries don't deploy or are engaged in operations externally of their country. You think countries like what's Romania doing? You know, what's hungry doing? You know, you have guys that are warriors in those cultures but who don't really operate and don't have the options. Then you have the pragmatic guy who does it for the money and the passport. So that's a big chunk of guys.

And some of those guys who I'm talking about who want some action, also in their countries and their elite military. organization, they might make $900 a month. So they go to the French Foreign Legion. They're doubling, tripling their salary immediately. Or guys from Brazil, same shit. For us in the West, it's a step down. We're making shit money. But for the guys coming from Brazil, dude,

they're making it rain when they go back home. So your salaries, you know, French equivalent. But you're fighting for the French. Yes. So does that make you feel like you're going against your own country? Well, it's an allidation. But what if something happened and, it wasn't. I don't think it could because it's an allied nation. If it was, if it did, then I guess

it could, but is like, is Britain going to go against the United States? No. It's France. No, that's why we're all the same color, red, white, and blue. Right. There's a reason for that. So, I mean, it's an allied nation. It's, we have an agreement, right? And so it's a, we're, you're with NATO. So we actually deployed. So they sent me to South America first. I went to the mountain regiment, which was unique because I fucking don't really like the mountains particularly. And so we're training up in the French Alps. I'm getting my shit pushed in, dude, because I'm working with guys from Nepal. And they're smoking cigarettes, dude, walking up the hill. And I'm just getting smoke checked. I mean, we're up digging, sleeping in igloos and marching with guns

and skiing with weapons and packs. It was legit mountaineering with crampons and ice picks. So that is really fucking hard and the french foreign legion loves to fucking run a lot every morning five miles snow rain didn't matter freezing my nuts off the selection's very hard it's food deprivation sleep deprivation it was extremely challenging as far as the uh the physical side more but i'm more mean from a psychological aspect than that year fucking getting yelled out by some dude in french with a Russian accent. So you know, you're,

you're, you're having to learn French trial by fire. You're completely lost, you've completely lost your identity. And I'm dealing with my whole life's been lost. I, my whole life is, nobody even knew I was out there other than my mom,

you know, my dad, my sister, because I just wanted to, to just fucking do this thing and get right. I needed some, I was going into the foreign legion, as a vehicle of self-development.

I really needed it, man. I really needed the fucking time to let my brain heal, to just burn off some carmic debt. I felt like I had stacked, you know, whether I had been wrong by people,

but maybe I had wrong people too, right? And then I had some amends I needed to make and stuff, which I'm sure you can, you can understand. It's like there's just things we need to fix and damage. We need to fucking, build back, man. Pay back, build back, all those things, right?

And I was doing that. I had to do that during that time. I had to fucking fix my own financial issues. But what I learned while I was there, I had this realization, so we deployed to South America for doing deep jungle operations in French Guillaume, Guillaun-Fransei, which people don't know, France has territory

down in South America. It's between Brazil and Venezuela. And it's an old penal colony, and there is a lot of gold down there, bro. a lot of gold and it's fucking prolific the gold mining operations down there. Illegal and not. So we were blowing up gold mines, marching in the jungle, sleeping in the jungle for four months. That was a unique experience.

L'Enfer-Vare, green hell. That's what the French call it. And the seeing the jungle from a place that people don't normally see it, You're marching in the jungle with a weapon of Famos and you're in speaking in French and working with guys from Ukraine and It's just a it was interesting looking back and a very challenging I'm caring I'm the former Navy SEAL so I'm the fucking one getting voluntold to jump in the mercury ponds and pull out all the diesel engines and pipes and do the like hey navy seal hey fucking a leigh and I glow in the dark now dude I'm dead serious bro and and it was uh i loved it though really happy to be working because the regiment and the foreign legion is very hard the regimental life a lot of pressure though it's not it's it's a as an

institution it's very cold it's a very cold institution and you had a lot of eastern block guys from some rough backgrounds and they become leadership and it's got a very very tense culture about it very strict. You can have, there's no tattoo regulations, but you can have your, but you better have your fucking haircut. You can have your face blasted with tattoos,

but your fucking hair better be cut, right? That's just how the Foreign Legion is. Come back, do some, some inner anti-terrorism, domestic missions. The France used the French Foreign Legion to patrol the streets of France

for, you know, any terrorism presence, places of worship, tourist destinations, all that shit. So we were patrolling on the Riviera, dude, in Nice with a gun, was pretty cool. You know, chicks like, hey, you know, hey, bonjour. You're like, hey, what's up, you know? So that was an interesting experience with an HK416. Tough, you know, you're in weighted gear all day, walking hours and hours and hours.

It was challenging physically, but very cool. And you're learning French? Oh, yeah. I mean, everything's in French. So you're just, my French is not good, but it's good enough to be in the Foreign Legion, right? It's a, but all orders, all paperwork, everything's in French. Were there a lot of other Americans there too? No, just me.

So I'm very, very few Americans, very few Westerners in general. The, the nationality-wise, it's about like 10% guys from Nepal, 10% Ukraine at the time. This was before Ukraine kicked off. A lot of those guys went to go fight in the war. when that kicked off. And then a lot of guys from Brazil, South America, you know, Columbia, some from Venezuela,

you have some South Africans, you have spotted, you know, a handful of guys from different African nations, Romania, Hungary, Maldova, those are all kind of the bigger, nationality groups.

Would there be any joint missions with the Americans? So I worked with a few Americans. So fast forward to 2022 Ukraine kicks off right and so we have

well we what did it kick out in 21 or it had been going on for a while but we were deployed up to the Russian border in 2022 with NATO with the enhanced Ford presence battle group that was with the Estonians the Danish

UK and And there's like a handful of Americans that were kind of dabbled in there and the French. And we were the French Foreign Legion contingent in that dude. We'd roll out with like we had some pictures of it I posted dude with like 82 tanks bro in a roll.

I'd never seen any. I mean just a movement like that just the diesel's 3 million every couple days. Just the gas in a movement like that. You're like damn, just the diesel fuel. Very interesting because I'd never worked and it was cool because

I'd be moved through the woods. We're doing exercises and like a guy from UK would kind of reach and he'd see my patch and he'd be like, uh, and I'm like, hey, dude, it's cool, man. He needs to speak English. And he's like,

what the fuck are you doing out here, mate? You know, seeing with my French flag at the Legion entranjer patch and then hearing me talk. And he's like, what the fuck? And I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing out here, bro. But yes,

we work with some, uh, some NATO nations. Do you think that your initial downward spiral, uh, stem from your first deployment? No. No, I don't.

It was because I had already spiraled before, right? I had already, I'd already hit multiple levels of, I just hadn't corrected my actions. I just didn't correct that part of like, I'm just going to cut loose and there's going to be no problems. You play with fire enough, there's going to be problems. I like to push the pace and just going out and thinking everything's going to be all good, putting yourself in high-risk environments often,

and thinking you're going to be batting a thousand. I'm not happening. You know, and you're juggling axes, dude. You know, and I would just push the pace until something felt. One of those axes fell. You don't think that the SEALs instructors realized you had this aspect to your personality. I think a lot of guys have that push the pace, right? I mean, that pushed the pace because on the work side,

squared away, right? Always there, always present, their early, a lot of responsibility, higher performer, right? And then off the field. But it's like a football player, right? You'd be great on the field, but if you're fucking up off the field

and it fucks you up being on the field, well, then that's not going to work. So that was, that was, what I was running into was my off-the-field action started to affect my, my ability to perform. Was the French Foreign Legion what you expected it?

be? Yeah, it was in the sense that, well, I would say I didn't expect anything. I went in with no expectations, which is why it made it very tolerable. It's a very challenging institution psychologically because you shit on, man. You're, your shark shit on the bottom of the ocean. I mean, I was cleaning toilets, fucking, you know, just, A Navy SEAL come clean this toilet. Corvay shit, you know, and, uh, That was tough, but this, but I remember a pipe as a new guy showing up to this, my combat company.

And it's 60 rush, 60 ruskophones, Russian speakers in this building of a hundred dudes. There's a bar in the building. The day I show up, there's like a party. It smells like a frat house. There's people are just drunk. I'm crawling through the snow at night with my uniform on, dude, just getting hazed. And I went, oh my God, dude, this is going to suck. That kind of decided, but, you know, a little few weeks later, one night, the pipe burst in one of the toilets.

It's a fucking old military, right, buildings, you can imagine. And I get a bang on my door. Hey, a new guy, you know, go clean. And so I remember being there two, three in the morning, and I have a dustpan and there's piss all over the ground. And I'm scooping piss and putting it in like the good toilet and flushing it and just like scooping it from the dustpan for, Hours, bro. Hours. And I remember having this moment going,

well, this is, your reality is what you earned. Your reality is absolutely exactly where you need to be. There's a reason I'm here. I did, this is exactly where I need to be.

All my choices and actions have culminated to this moment of me scooping this piss dustpan into the fucking toilet. So how am I going to use this? So I really that moment was a was a switch for me when I was like fighting this like feeling this like fuck well man this sucks And going I just had this release where I went all right I'm gonna I'm gonna use this so what is this here to teach me? So I really started diving into Zen philosophy You know reading about samurai philosophers and

Stoicism and being present and then this is when I started to kind of going well how do I make myself feel good here if with all this external friction, I can, well, let me just control what I can control. So I started to wake up earlier than they made me. I was like, I can control my food. I was eating like cans of tuna in my, in my room, dude. And so it just started to formulate. And as you well know, like prison, man, it's programming.

So I just started to develop my program that made me feel good about myself. Because it's all you fucking have is your daily habits. I had nothing else. all everything was stripped from me fucking everything even my name so i started to build these daily habits that just made me feel good about myself and just hit him on rinse and repeat regardless of what was going on around me and the fuck fuck games and the sketch as they call it in the french military it's the bullshit dog and pony shit and the knee jerk reactions and the group punishment and all that i was like fuck it dude and i just tried to have this calm about me of even very very

challenging individuals to deal with in the foreign legion there are many what's this guy here to teach me it wasn't always perfect and i wasn't perfect there and i still had some times going out in france and kind of turning one on but after about a year i really started to dial that and then really locked it in going oh i got to get up early hold myself to a higher standard morally too the more and the moral side was not doing things that caused me shame and regret really holding myself to that standard of like closed doors open doors man all this shit matters i don't nobody gets away with shit and whether you think you and i thought oh dude i'm not a bad dude i'm not stealing i'm not pushing grambles in the street yeah but you can be stacking carmick

debt just by not being your best self and if you're hearing like a calling of like man i need to be doing you got to because every time you don't do it you stack friction you stack carmic debt and you're burning this shit off you're never getting ahead when i fucking actually bought into that and understood universal law, and principles on a deep level, going, oh, my internal state is my lens on the world. Let me get that straight. I'm responsible for it.

Nobody else is. That's when my whole life changed. And I started having great days every day, man. And every fucking day, even in the Foreign Legion. And that's when I wanted to really kind of tell my story about that. And that's when I put the camera down, man. in that Foreign Legion barrack room and just wanted to be like, I was suicidal in my truck.

Now, almost half decade later, right? Because it was there almost five years. Let me tell this story, man. How often were you getting put into combat situations in the Foreign Legion? Never. Never. No combat situations

in the Foreign Legion, because it was all security shit. Right? Even sketchy, there were some sketchy shit in the jungle and there's some guys with guns and stuff, but nobody's shooting at us like heavy combat. didn't really exist. We weren't in those situations. And even on the Russian border, there was stuff going on in Ukraine, but it wasn't, it was all kind of like fucking show of force shit, right? We weren't really in, in firefights. Was it harder to be a seal or in the French Foreign Legion?

David, getting into the SEAL teams, much harder, right? Actual selection and physically, very, very challenging. Also longer. The French Foreign Legion, day to day, much. harder because your life sucks for the most part you're living in a barracks room in the seals those living downtown right your pace shit you have no autonomy you're marching and singing hey i don't know if anybody's seen the fucking french foreign legion has a very interesting pace it's it's interesting the french foreign legion has a like a long pace and in the the 14th juliette right the the 14th of julya July, there's a cool military, like, parade in France that they walk down the street, Arc to Triumph, and they fucking salute the president.

The French Foreign Legion's always last. It's very cool. If people want to Google that or YouTube, it's a really cool march, the beards, and they have the pioneers and the French Foreign Legion, some of them guys can grow up beards in uniform. So it's cool, man. But you're marching, you're checking in, you're getting searched. You have very little time away from the base if you're not doing extra work duties You get some weekends off but you're training and working all fucking day and when you come back into the base

Sometimes you get drug tested searched fucking all that shit So it was the day-to-day was challenging Why do you think they pay better than the US? They don't pay better I thought you said you were making a lot more in the French foreign No no for guys in the from Brazil For guys in the West shit money So you were making more in the seals

Oh yeah Yeah, much more. Much more money in the SEAL teams. For guys at Western nations, it's a step. It's not terrible, especially on deployment. France does pay well. Flowing ad budget on metrics that look great, till the CFO sees them, that's bulls bend.

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maximum range based on EPA estimated combined fuel economy and a full tank of fuel. Actual mileage and range may vary. We're decent, but it's comparable to infantry pay, basic infantry pay. When you're in the French foreign legions, are you thinking about how you messed up in the seals and got kicked out of it? Every day. Every day for a while. I was like, fuck. You know, but then you realize that only goes so far.

and what am I going to do with that? There was a moment in the barracks, I'm sitting in the barracks by myself and I realized, what's the next thing? That's when I started looking into mercenary groups in Ukraine and mercenary groups in Africa,

which is why I went into the foreign region, 26 countries in Africa speak French. So I was like, okay, I'll be able to speak French and I'll have French Foreign Legion experience and seal experience. Then I realize I'm like, where does it end? Like, I'm never going to have my life to myself. never going to be able to have a family and someday I wanted that I wanted success I wanted to

make money and I wanted some control over my life so I was like I got to build that right I'm just going to keep following this like whatever and just chasing the dragon's tail until I take a bullet in the head or something you know and I was alone and I'm in my I was in my late 30s living in a barracks room nobody knows them out there just fucking like dude I want to I want to get connected with my family and, you know, so there was a lot of thought there, but then I realized there's no, I was like, oh, I'm still not happy. And I'm a Foreign Legion Air Navy SEAL. Oh, there is no other thing.

All the stuff I'm searching for, it's already in me. It's already in us. I have to build it and bring it out and nurture it and facilitate it by daily disciplines. Not, it is maintaining that purpose over pleasure. path. Constantly evolving and looking where I can grow and get better. Listening to that authentic voice that guides us. Conscience congruency.

Listening to what the fuck my conscience is telling me to do when it's like, don't do that, bro. I'm like, ah, just a little bit. Nah. Like, once we start actually listening to that, man, it thinks shit gets better. It's not always easy. And it's fascinating what we can justify.

We all do. it the devil's in the justification right well you don't need to justify a beautiful decision ever you don't need to justify getting up early and and and debate it you know it's just like yeah yeah we do it naturally we start justifying oh maybe just once i deserve it or the nobody you know that that process beware and that's when i started to really pay attention to my internal tone and dialogue and self-talk and what i was justifying and why and because i had some time because i had everything's stripped away. There's a lot of power in the simplicity of that barracks room

and washing my clothes in the fucking sink. I'm sure you've done it in prison, right? You're just bird bath and shit and setting it up. And, you know, there's power in that. Because you realize when you get out here, what you need to be happy. And that's probably been a lot of your power is coming out. And when you, at a young age, you realize you're like,

bro, I'm good there by doing these things. You can be good here. And then all the rest is just cherry on top. and then it's maintaining. You realize you need a lot less to be happy. A thousand percent. I think when you're unhappy, you think you need everything.

And then when you finally obtain happiness, then you realize it's a lot less that it's needed to retain that happiness. 100%. And often more things make us less happy. They weigh us down. That was powerful for me, man. For five years,

I had five shirts and two pairs of shoes. And I was saving money, making almost no money, when before I was making a lot more. and living paycheck to paycheck because habits, mindset, discipline, right? And then I was like, so when I got out, when I put that camera down and it kind of blew up, my story kind of went and started down this space of people reaching out to me and being like, hey, I appreciate you sharing your story and being authentic and, you know, talking about your low

moments because I talk about my failures, bro. I am a walking billboard of fucking up shit. but also not giving up on yourself, which I know is a lot of your is overcoming challenges, man. Overcoming setbacks. Dude, that setbacks just to set up, man. It's the story you tell yourself.

What is it? Are you just going to hang it up? If you are, then hang it up. But I don't suggest it because it's, you might as well, you're done. Annie back up. Any back up and see how it goes. And so that's when I just decided to,

I got, you know, getting out of the Foreign Legion and coming back here, I decided, you know, I'm going to take all those lessons and all those, the battle rhythm and the blueprint of like the things that I knew that made me happy in that barracks room. I still do in my master bathroom at my house on the golf course in the Gated community, right? And fast, you know, 19 months later, I'm engaged, have a beautiful baby. Business is booming. speaking, you know, writing, coaching. Shit's just locked on, man, because, and I haven't missed a day. Not a fucking day have I taken off or missed since I got out because I'm so grateful for the opportunity to be doing what I prayed for and visualized in that barracks room

of like visualizing what I wanted to, how I wanted my life to go when I got out because this was the second time I had the ability to transition and I fumbled the shit out of it. the first time. I fumbled the bag hard. Fumbled my life. And I wasn't going to do that again. And not perfect. Definitely not some finished piece in glass. And I've stumbled. But I've stayed so focused on my goals every morning, early, early starts, maintaining my mindfulness, maintaining my awareness of my hangups my my weaknesses of anger and and and pleasure seeking and things that take me off my course just being so aware of that and holding myself to the standard of like being very aware of what's what's made me made me fucking fall prior when and how do you

reach the point where you're like okay i'm done in the french foreign legion i'm going to go back to the states and rebuild my life well you you run your course right you run your your contract. In my specific instance, it was forced on me because I was in the back nine of my contract, so I'm done. I'm not going on another appointment. I have about six months left. I'm like, all right, well, let's start prepping this. I'm like, eh, I'm going to start recording some stuff and kind of putting my, my information out there, my story. I really wanted to share it. And so my, my first YouTube, you see me in a French sworn legion uniform. If you go all the way, all the way down to story one bro you see me

just telling my testimony about where I'm at prior to every seal in the French Foreign Legion and that was fine but it blew up pretty fast and the French foreign Legion was like hey take all this shit down and I was like no fuck that because I really I really felt like I was

it was a higher calling it hit so hard millions of views on first video first fucking video right or like 600,000 first video and then you know millions in the second one, but two uploads and I'm like, damn, dude.

And I was getting hundreds of emails from prior service guys going, hey dude, I was gonna, I had the gun in my hand and your fucking video popped up and I decided not to kill myself. People call it what you want, but I said, dude, there's no way.

I felt like I was on a higher calling. I had seen this play out and now it was coming to fruition and it was, the momentum was going. So I've tried to fight it administratively. I was actually in the hospital when they, when they hit me up, they're like, take it down.

I'm like, hey, that's not happening right now. So they, we played this administrative battle. I had a French lawyer who they were like, dude, you're not a legal citizen. You are in very legal gray area. And they could fucking put you on bread and water for three months. And they told me that. They're like, we're going to put you on bread and water and have you break big rocks and a little rocks until you take it down. And if you don't, we're just going to keep you in there and they'll kick you out anyway.

And I went, huh, it's a fucking tough. question. Lord was like you should probably just fucking leave. So I was like, all right. So I got a one-way ticket out of France, bro, and fucking broke my contract. Fucking done. And that was it. So you're like on the run from them? Not on the run, but yeah, because I'm not a French citizen. There's no, there's no, I'm a fucking American citizen. So I'm definitely not going back to France, though. So they gave you back the passport? I had the passport for years. I already had my first name back and all that shit. So I was already, they call it regularization situation military, but I'm not a French citizen.

I have no legal, fucking, or loyalty to France in general. So, and loyalty ends when you're gonna fucking put me in jail and fucking over some bullshit, dude. Would you ever go back to France? No, probably not. Do you think you're on like a list or something over there?

Possibly. Some people get kicked out of fucking bars. I'll get kicked out of countries, bro. They've never reached out at all or anything? No. Well, they can't. There's nothing to reach out to. I'm not a, there's no legal entity there.

I'm not French. It's not like you're an American and you leave your American military, right? It's a totally different situation. So that was what the lawyer suggested. They're like, dude, you have no rights here. You're fucked. And they're going to kick you out anyway and you'll get discharge papers, which will be, and you'll be four months in a fucking cell. So no dies. I'm surprised they even let you leave. Like they didn't try to restrain you or when you said no right away. I wasn't there. I was in the hospital. That was the beautiful thing. So I wasn't at the base or I, It would have been a fucking issue. Okay. You got lucky. Very. And some people will say,

oh, that puts an asterisk on my name, right? They're like, oh, you should have, you'll see. And I said this story very clearly about what, like, oh, you deserted the French military, the French. Fuck that, dude. Absolutely. It's not like we're on a battlefield and the through a thing. Dude, I ain't going to jail for my fucking YouTube in a foreign country where I'm not a

fucking citizen. You're a fucking idiot if you do that. And anybody that says that. That has never done shit and definitely Can't stay in my shoes, right? So don't armchair a quarterback Bro, you'd be a fucking idiot sitting a cell in a foreign country for some dumb shit Do you still stand by that decision? Thousand percent, dude, all you can always say is in retrospect

What was a smart decision or not? Dude, my fucking life's amazing I'm engaged, baby businesses booming I love my life every day and I've helped thousands of people I've stood by my word thousands of one-on-one coaching clients and mentorship and Zooms of prior veterans and

first responders. It's been all over the world, not just and I do that every day. Seven, eight hours of Zooms every day for a year and a half. I've not missed the day. So I've loved it. And it's been an amazing

experience. And once again, people say it's an asterisk. I say life's not a fucking fairy tale, man. what I've loved I tried to stay, bro. It wasn't possible. Irreconcilable differences. And a lot of times

they'll be like, you took an oath. I'm like, motherfucker, you have a fucking, you're divorced. Some fucking assholes saying that. I'm like, bro, you're divorced.

Talk about oaths. Fuck, get fucked. So it is what it is, man. And you got to, sometimes the institutions, bro, they don't give a fuck about you. News for you, bro.

You're a fucking number on a piece of paper. You got to do what's best for you. Do you think that since you were one of those few people that actually make it through seal trainings and, you know, it's so hard to even get into the SEAL team to begin with, do you think that gives you a certain type of personality that could also hurt you in a way? Yeah. Like makes you feel kind of untouchable and that kind of contributed to your mentality going through the SEALs and everything that transpired afterwards. Possibly. Possibly because you're confident, you're highly confident. You also have your risk management specialist.

You manage risk, and you push risk to the maximum. So that's definitely, it could be a double-edged sword. It's almost like it's a blessing and a curse. Like you're that tough to get through it, but it's also, it could be used against you too internally. Yeah, man, I've definitely pushed the, you could push the pace so far and push the line so far as you cross it. And I definitely have.

What happens when you get back from the Legion? Immediately I touched down, dude, I just kept lockstep pace. Got to see my mom, which was cool. And she fucking got right in it. Coaching daily. Just I have not missed any of my daily battle rhythm, which I started, you know, in that barracks room, man. And I've just kept kept it going. Where was your dad in all this?

He's in Boston right now, Boston area. So we'll talk time to time. We'll talk. We, you know, he's had his highs and lows. through all this stuff and he's still got some demons he battles or you know things that he goes through and but we

we always have kind of interesting connection how did he feel about you getting kicked out of the military he didn't give a fuck right I mean it is what it was I mean he understands how how how things go right shit's not perfect man and and my I'm definitely not

do you wish you could take that back seals anybody says that they don't regret anything I think that's kind of a weird statement I understand the the sentiment of it and that you like where you're at and all things,

the butterfly effect, everything's required. Yeah, of course, I understand. I wouldn't change anything in my life because I love where I'm at. However,

absolutely I look back and I would love to have redone that a little more cleanly. Both things, Legion and that. But, I mean, the Legion was different because I feel I was right in what I was doing.

But fucking up in the SEAL teams, I have regret about causing other, my platoon issues, my leadership issues, and derailing my career. I love the fucking SEAL teams. I had every plans to stay in career forever and potentially screen to the next level, if I would have ever made it.

Who knows, right? If extremely, I have a ton of respect for those guys at the tier one. level. That, but yeah, you know, I would have liked to have done that more responsibly. How do you think your former teammates view you today? It's a good question. I don't know. I can't really speak for them. I'm still connected with a lot of them. Guys who are team leads at the next level and we, I'm connected with a lot of guys throughout, but I'm sure there's guys that don't like me, but I have a lot of current teammates that

who guys were still in and prior service guys who, you know, we have a great relationship. How do you view yourself now? Proud. Proud of who I am, man. Because I am proud of what I do every day. Every day, man, holding myself to a higher standard and knowing I don't, I knowing what I do when doors are closed. So I'm really grateful, not grateful for myself.

I'm just grateful for the opportunity to be able to do it. Be healthy, be of clarity of mind. and be given the gifts and being able to give in the opportunity to prove myself every day. Do you think that feeling was what was missing when you're on the SEALs? Yes. I was happy to be there, but I gratitude's an action word. It's not a feeling. And being grateful for something means you prove that you're grateful for it.

You take action and prove it to take care of it. And that's not what I was doing. I was happy being there. I was stoked. I was proud. And I thought I was grateful, but I wasn't. I wasn't proving I was grateful. And that was the most important part, which I was missing.

Do you think your childhood self would be proud of where you're at today? Absolutely. Absolutely, man. The success level and my personal and professional life I've achieved a lot. There's people that have done a lot more than me, which I look up to, man. And so I don't really think I've done anything that particularly amazing. It's unique for sure. And it's been fucking hard.

and it's been an interesting path but when I was a child man I wanted to be a Navy SEAL and a Legion Air man and I did both those things Are people like people in your friend group Do they get curious about your time in the Legion? Yeah, yeah people ask me

You know about certain things Or something will come up and they'll ask Because it's so foreign quite literally It's just unique and it's a very weird institution I noticed on social media how much interest there is Yeah it's too Yeah it's a very because there's mystery behind those doors, man.

There's only one way to get in. It's in a foreign language, and it's got a crazy history to it, man. I mean, even in France, I mean, there was a team in from the parachute regiment back in the day that tried to kill the French president. Really? Yeah.

And they got pissed and they almost disbanded the Legion multiple times for humanitarian issues. They used to bury guys. I mean, the Legion's a brutal institution. That's why I would say. when they're tough on their people, man, and you've got to make the decisions that's right for you sometimes.

They used to bury people's head up in the sands in Algeria and people would die, and people still die from getting hazed in the Legion. And, you know, you're breaking big rocks into small rocks. I mean, when they put you in jail on the Legion, there's little jails on the bases, and they'll make you pick up a 15-kilometer rock and run 15-kilow rock and run 10, 10 kilometers,

and then put it down and stack it in a pyramid, and then go work, do yard work all day and shit, dude. There's pyramids, massive pyramids at all the regiments from punishments. That's a good thing you avoided trouble once you got out there. I got in trouble one time. So I got in trouble one time where the colonel saw me marching. And he goes, he called the combat company and he goes, it was December. I remember it very clearly.

And I get called down and they're fucking screaming at me. The sergeants and the officers and I'm in the push-up position for two hours in the hallway. What the fuck's going on, dude? And they're like, Le Colonel, El Eppel. He called and said, La Merican march com set merd.

He marches like shit. He saw me in the tattoo, Le Tattooage, he saw me. And I thought I was marching good, but maybe he didn't like my swag I had on it a little bit. And so they said, for my punishment,

I had to stack a pyramid as tall as me. And so as wide as me. Which six feet tall, man. Six feet tall, man. Six feet. feet wide and there's no fucking rocks near our combat company. So I had to put in the freezing snow, sleeting in December, I had to put a pack on, walk 10, 15 minutes, go pick up, put three rocks in my bag and walk 10, 15 minutes back.

It took me three days, 16 hours a day to fucking stack this thing, freezing my nuts off. And that fucking pyramid was still there for marching bad. 16 hours a day for three straight days. I bet you never marched bad again. No, bro. I was marching. dude knife hands what advice would you give your teenage self

if you could sit down with them today you'll never regret being more disciplined ever ever when I look back at my life and I think of moments in college high school of even in the SEAL teams you'll never regret being more disciplined and focusing on

your current profession purpose whatever it is That would be my 100% best advice. Is that the lesson you want to teach your kids? Yes. Building them a strong daily blueprint for discipline that they maintain. Reading, mindfulness. And that includes, what is that?

Waking, not being reactive. No phone, no email, no news right in the morning. Don't get sucked into the matrix right away. That's reactive. Letting yourself get centered, some movement, visualization. Getting clear on where you want to go every day, every morning. Do that piece. Do you want your kids to join the military?

I have no, no real, I think there's a lot of benefit to it. But I wouldn't push my kid to do any particular thing because you have to really want it. And you have to really do it for a reason. It's not just something like, hey, because dad did it, I don't feel, I wasn't pushed into it. And I wouldn't push my kids into it. Do you feel like that's a part of completing your legacy, though? Nope. Not at all. Not. I don't feel like that at all.

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My legacy is apart from the military. I don't really, it's something I did, but it's not who I am. if the opportunity ever presented itself would you have gone back right now yeah or if it had happened maybe when you were a little bit younger yeah well I didn't have too much gap before but if you know probably in the gap

after I got kicked out of the SEAL teams if they said I could get back in probably because I still was like I like the SEAL teams I really loved it I got a ton of respect and that's where my heart will always lie with the SEAL community I just I love it respect it we still stood on the shoulders of giants team guys from udt and world war two in vietnam fucking all respect for those guys and that's why we had the reputation and and then guys going obviously into iraq and all those other all those other conflicts built a seriously impressive reputation

and uh that i'm proud of having been a part of that where do you go from here what does the next five years look like i love what i'm doing now man impact impact now it's i want to have my message positively impact as many people as possible what is the tie down bro don't give up on yourself see how it works out keep putting one foot up front of the other all those old adages but man grab your nuts right elevate right we we all fucking veer off the path can you veer back on if you're fucking you know 40 something 40s and you're like feeling fat and you're like well bro, get back into it.

Get back to your fighting weight. You could be in the best shape by 50 as you've been in your life. Don't let it just backslide into the grave. It's not that, that if anything, would be, I hope my story just goes, damn, dude, you can really, and your story also, Ian, you can dig yourself into a fucking hole and come out. Better, bigger, stronger, faster, wiser. And you would have never known, and this would have worked out.

us sitting here, right? And you being in this cool studio and you would have never seen that, man, in your darkest moment when you thought your life was over, right? We both have those moments when you thought your fucking life was over. There's no way I'm gonna get out of this.

Yeah, you can. You can't. The only way you can't is if you decide to fucking throw in the towel. That's it. You have to take the risk. You have to take the risk.

And there's that, and that's that piece. It's like, even me leaving the Legion or whatever. or going into this venture when I'm like, oh dude, is this going to work? No, you got a step across that gap of uncertainty. Has to be.

There's no crazy, badass story where they're like, yeah, man, little Timmy, you know, the dragon, there he was. But he thought it was a little scary and so he just didn't. The end, it's like, that sounds fucking lame, dude. No, there's that step across the gap and you got to, you know, step across the bridge.

There's always that. You got to have it, whether it be investing that money, starting that thing, figuring out as you go along, putting the running shoes on. It's all these different areas. Sitting down with your wife and having a mindful conversation with your kids. Just bringing back the intentionality. That's what more of my story. I just want to, my story, just to raise consciousness. and people slightly.

Raise your mindfulness. Raise your consciousness about what you're doing. Bro, you waking up and just kind of looking, looking at your phone and doom scrolling and then fucking driving your car and feeling miserable, but not changing shit? Fuck that.

You deserve better. Your family deserves better, man. The world deserves better. It deserves people that are looking around aware, like trying to get after it. Trying to be better, evolve, hold each other to a higher standards. Our families deserve it,

especially as men, dude. The fish stinks from the head, Dude, it does. When dad comes in with a bad mood and bad energy, you don't have to say shit, the family feels it. And I'm a culprit of that too. When I come in with like heavy energy, I got to fix that.

Whatever that is. I got to fix that internal state because that's going out to everybody. I love that. Taylor, thanks so much for coming on the show today, man. Ian, man, this has been a real pleasure. Thanks to let me run my suck for a couple hours, bro.

But for real, dude, I'm proud of you, dude, for what you've done and your path and the impact you're having, bro it's it's badass dude so i appreciate everybody listening and and getting to spend a little time with you yeah same to you brother and best luck with your ventures and your podcast that you're getting ready to launch too appreciate man we'll have the link for that in the description absolutely brother