Locked In with Ian Bick - I Was a Teen Drug Dealer — Then I Robbed My Plug & Went To Prison | Nick Marshall

Episode Date: August 12, 2025

Nick Marshal seemed like a regular kid from New Jersey — good family, middle-class upbringing, and a bright future. But peer pressure and street life led him into drug dealing while still in high school. By 20, Nick was deep in the game: selling, using, and even robbing his suppliers. He tried to walk away, but one final robbery got him caught — and landed him in prison. In this interview, Nick opens up about his rise and fall in the drug world, the day he got arrested, what prison was really like, and how he rebuilt his life in New York’s nightlife scene after serving 3 years behind bars. #DrugGameSurvivor #PrisonToRedemption #TrueCrimeStories #NYCNightlife #ExDealerStory #FromStreetsToSuccess #LockedInPodcast #SecondChanceJourney Connect with Nick Marshall: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thenickmarshall/ Buy his book: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Try-Again/Nick-Marshall/9781632280985 Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Get 50% off the Magic Mind offer here: https://www.magicmind.com/IANB50. #magicmind #mentalwealth #mentalperformance Presented by Tyson 2.0 & Wooooo Energy: https://tyson20.com/ https://woooooenergy.com/ Use code LOCKEDIN for 20% OFF Wooooo Energy Buy Merch: http://www.ianbick.com/shop Timestamps: 00:00 The Setup: Chaos, Crime, and Fear 00:52 Meet Nick Marshall: Double Life Begins 02:15 Try Again: Writing and Redemption 04:53 Coming Clean: Telling His Story 05:36 Second Chances & Hard Work 06:55 Sponsor Break: Magic Mind 07:50 Early Years: Growing Up in New Jersey 09:02 Anger, Fights, and Bullying 11:39 First Job, First Crime 13:33 Drug Dealing Origins 15:55 Transferring Schools & More Trouble 20:10 The Teen Drug Game Ramps Up 22:43 Family Troubles & Selling Escalates 26:02 High Life, High Risk: Nightclubs & Escalation 30:16 Robbery Plans and Downfall 33:02 A Life Unraveling 36:40 Violent Turns and Final Heist 40:19 The Aftermath: Panic and Guilt 43:15 The Arrest: Facing Justice 50:19 Jail: First Experiences & Reality Sets In 01:05:00 Legal Battle: Attorneys and Pleas 01:16:08 A Shot at Redemption 01:21:22 Prison Time 01:38:09 Prison Lessons and Survival 01:50:19 Life After Prison: Rebuilding 01:56:03 What I Learned: Reflections and Advice 02:00:30 Closing Lessons & Farewell Powered by: Just Media House : https://www.justmediahouse.com/ Creative direction, design, assets, support by FWRD: https://www.fwrd.co Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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adrenaline's rushing. Everything's going across. Get those fuck up. And then all of a sudden, he busts through with the gun. Get up. As soon as they saw the gun, you could see and feel their fear. And they just started to get up. And then we just started taking them, tossing them into the room. The one kid didn't want to get up. And I remember picking him up and looking him in eyes. And he looked me dead in the eye. He knew it was me. Nick Marshall had a good upbringing in New Jersey, but chasing street status led him into a double life. By high school, he was selling drugs, doing drugs, and climbing fast in the game. Then he started rock. robbing his own suppliers. Just when he tried to walk away, one last job pulled him back in, and it cost him everything. At 20 years old, Nick was busted and sentenced to three years in prison. But he didn't stay down. Today, he's found a second shot at success in New York's nightlife industry. This is the story of how fast it can rise and how hard it can fall.

Nick, welcome to Lockton, man. Thanks so much for coming up from New York City to be here today. I appreciate it, man. Thank you for having me genuinely. Yeah, it's a pleasure. And I want to promote your book at the top of this episode if you want to just tell the audience the elevator pitch behind this. All right. So the book is called Try Again, an ex-convict's path from prison to prosperity. Prosperity, I would love to have put in quotes because I'm still not as prosperous as one would like.

But it's definitely gotten a lot better. And I wrote a memoir about my struggles and what I went through in getting to prison. My agent was able to sell, quote unquote, sell that. when I got on the call, they loved it. And they said, but we can't publish it. It's too much crime, violence, drugs. I was like, well, what am I here for? And they said, we want you to write a self-help book.

And I said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I need help. I can't help other people. I mean, what is this? And they're like, no, no, no, we believe in your story and what you've done with your life since. And got off that line and my agent said, this is Simon and Schuster, an imprint of them. This is it, buddy. You either do it or we're done. And I was like, all right, give me a day.

And after a dad decided, I looked over the past 20 years of my life and the struggles I had been through up down, baseline, so on and so forth. And I said, I think there's a story here that may inspire people because it's based on hard work and never giving up no matter how much adversity is standing in front of you. So I wrote it and it's basically the past 20 years since I got out of prison and I was on parole. And my parole was tricky because I was sentenced under the NERRA Act in New Jersey, which is called the No Early Release Act. It's reserved for violent crimes. I was, I think, the second person in the state sentenced under it. So they didn't understand whether there'd be parole or not because you had to do 85% of your sentence,

similar to you in the federal system. And it wasn't as if they were just tagging on three months or four months of parole after the fact. They were tagging on the entire top number. So essentially it was like getting a six and getting out in three years. And with that said, it just, I told the story and, you know, it's just got published on the 25th of March and we're doing publicity for it. And that's how I found you. That's awesome, man. I wonder how many people in your circle are going to be shocked to find out today when they listen to this that you went to prison all those years ago.

Probably a lot. I definitely, I wore it on my sleeve in certain respects, and I'll tell that story at some point I tell it in the book because I was dating a girl and she was a good girl from a good family and I was 24 and I'd just gotten out of prison. I was hiding it and lying about my applications and just basically filling in the gaps of those three years that I was gone. And we got serious after about three weeks and I was like, serious, but I really cared for her. And I was like, we'll have to tell her who I am because if I don't, what will happen? And I did and it was difficult.

And after that point, I sort of towed the line of telling everyone and being up front and telling no one. So I was like a dichotomy. So some people knew everything and like a lot, a very, very large swath knew nothing. So yeah, I think a lot of people would be surprised. Yeah, that's what I love. I love those guests that come on the show that you look at them and you don't think they went to prison and, you know, and it just changes throughout the course of the episode. It's like, wow, this guy went to prison. He has this insane story.

And that's, I feel like the way people kind of look at me in a way, too, about my story. And I was so embarrassed by talking about prison or even going to prison. And then once I owned it, my whole life changed. So if we can inspire people to do that and talk about it, I think it changes the world. I think that is the most important part of what I'm doing, what you're doing. I'm glad that you believe the same as me. Everyone deserves a second chance, sometimes even a third and fourth chance. But it's all circumstantial, and I believe that everything starts with hard work, right?

If you're scrubbing toilets, scrub them to the best of your abilities. I always use as examples. So if I've heard it before, I apologize. And before you know it, you're going to be managing the cleaning crew. You're going to be doing this and doing that. Everything is about upward mobility and how you get there is hard work and dedication, showing up on time, you know, not giving lip, dressing a certain way, speaking a certain way, not drawing attention to yourself and keeping your head down and really focus.

It's work. None of us want to work unless you're doing something creative or something you love. That's fun. That's the dream. But most people, you know, lawyers working 80 to 100 hours a week. You think they love reading that much legalese day in and day out? No, but they love the paycheck and what the paycheck does for the lifestyle. Absolutely.

Well, now, before we jump more in your story, we have to do the Magic Mind mental performance shot. No alcohol in it, so don't worry. Good, good. I started working with Magic Mind last year, and I take one of these before every interview. Cool. Best serve, cool. Do you like matcha? I do.

Yeah, match and flavored. Yeah, it smells great. Now do we just shoot it? Yeah, I just shoot it. I got the whole thing down. Wow. Mmm. It's got a zest to it.

Yeah, it doesn't leave you with that hangover like some energy drinks does. And it really literally locks you. And I mean, we're locked in right now. We actually are locked in. That's the irony. They like locked the door behind us. The air conditioner went off. And I'm like, oh, okay, we really are locked in.

I got the prison cell upstairs. Yeah, that's pretty cool. These things are great. And if you're a coffee guy, you can have this with coffee too. But it helps dial you in sometimes, you know, or in my world, I'm doing a couple interviews could get drained or unfocused, and these just bring me back to life and can really help me focus on the interview. So I love these.

And unlike a lot of other brands, they give 50% off to people that sign up for this using code ENB50. It's magicmind.com, Ian B50, and we'll have that link in the episode description. But they're great. And I have people that message me all the time. They're like, hey, are these actually good? I'm like, yeah, we stock them.

You saw our fridge out there. I did see the fridge. I can attest that this flavor is good. And that's the truth. I just had it. It's good. It gives you a nice little thing. And it definitely goes down quite easy.

Yeah. And what I love about Magic Mind, too, is they'll hear our guests talking about it. And then they'll always email me and be like, hey, we'd love to send some to that guest that really enjoyed it. So they're really good about that. And they're just a great company. And they taste good. So, yeah, everyone check out MagicMind. Magicmind.com slash E&B50 and grab your mental performance shots.

And if you like these a lot, I'll, I'll send you home with some today. I appreciate that. Yeah, you definitely got to try. I may take you up on absolutely. So Nick, where do you grow up? Where are you from? So I'm from Bergen County, New Jersey. I grew up in a small town called Westwood that I say small town, but now it's like the rival to Ridgewood in the area. It's become a little Ridgewood, which is a, dare I say, an affluent town. And when I was growing up, it was not like that. It was on the cusp, you know, it was kind of middle of the road. I grew up very when there was a true middle class and within those classes, I would believe we were a very middle, middle class family, maybe a little bit lower middle class,

but hovering on the teetering on the edge. We definitely had a good family, wonderful mother and father, younger brother. I was always provided anything one needs to succeed in the sense of love, support, caring, education. and I threw it all the way at every turn. Really, I guess, jump right in. Run with it. At a young age, I was kind of, I was an angry kid, you know, a kind of kid who's like fighting all the time.

And this is like fifth, six, seventh grade. So like, but like bloody noses, you know, real boxing style, street fighting, you know, little kid fights, right? But fighting nonetheless. us neighbors, rivals. And then as I got older, slightly older, I started being bullied. Suddenly I wasn't a fighter. I was more of a hate, can we curse on this?

I was a fucking pussy, right? So I was like getting my ass kicked and not having the balls to do anything about it. And then like punching a tree and like busting my hand up. Like it was the total antithesis of what I was earlier on. And I don't know why. I don't know it's because the kids were bigger. there was more at stake. So socially, I didn't have many friends.

So I think that kind of played into it for me. And I remember, you know, many, many nights crying myself to sleep. Like my parents never knew anything, nothing. They just thought, they used to make a joke. You have a friend of a week. And I was like, yeah, because no one wants to be friends with me. Like, they'll come. We'll hang out.

They'll play my video games that you bought me. But then they don't want to hang out with me. And then we're not friends anymore. So I sort of experienced that growing up at a younger age around 12, 13, 14. And then that anger started, like I started just getting angry, right? And it became a bit of a problem because I was punching holes in the wall, kicking holes in the wall. I was like breaking my parents' house up. And, you know, at one point my mother gave me an axe and told me to go outside to a tree that had been cut down.

And she said, no more you're going to ruin my house. you're going to go outside and take your anger out on the tree. And I'll tell you, it worked because you're so exhausted swinging an axe. It doesn't last very long. That's it. All the anger's out, exhaustion, and you go to bed and wake up a new day. Well, it's one of many stories about anger. But it kind of started there.

And then I remember I was 13, and I was athlete playing sports. And right before I went to, I was in between grade school in ninth grade. and I told my father I needed a job. And he's like, you'll work your whole life. I just put you a pair of Jordans. What do you need money for? And I was like, pizza and this, I want to take a girl to the movies. He's like, no, you don't need a job.

Play sports and eventually you'll be successful. That was his rationale. Great, Dad. Well, that didn't really work for me. I found a job pumping gas at a gas station. And this is the kind of, for me, where everything began to go wrong. I was young. I had access to cash credit card machines, a lot of downtime.

I was a loan. And then my mentor was 18, 17. You get your license at 17 in Jersey or 18 at that time. Kid whose father was a local town cop, so I thought he was a good kid, who taught me everything in the worst way possible. So he took me under his wing. By the time I was 13, I had sold my first bag. marijuana for him. I had enlisted another kid that I used to fight with. He used to be my moral enemy and to go sell to all his friends who were like the wrong side of the track group where I was

like the athlete kid was no one wanted to do smoke weed if you're playing football and wrestling. But if you weren't at that time, it was a big deal. So now I'm selling drugs as a middleman. I'm working at a gas station, earning cash money. Then I start thinking of how to rob people's credit cards and just take money and then i was doing that for a while like a little scumbag and then um he one day he was like hey let's go to manhattan i was like oh i've never been or i'd had been once with my parents i was scared shitless because we're talking about like dinkins era manhattan like very very different and um again in his car i go and he takes me up to fucking harlem to some drug spot and i'm in the middle of the ghetto essentially and it is wild outside like this is like I mean this is like no joke

like when you see like the cans with the fire in them people shooting fireworks off in them gunshots laughing drinking 40 smoking weed and I'm sitting there like this like a little like you like oh my god I'm so fucking scared and he's like yo relax I got you all of a sudden he goes don't move I'm gonna lock you in the car I'll be right back I'm like you're gonna be right back I'm thinking he's to take me with him. So I'm scared on both sides. He locks the door. And before he does, he reaches on the seat,

pulls out a burner and puts it in his waist. And I'm like, for those of you don't know what a burner is, it's a gun. puts in his waist. I'm fucking 13 years old. And I'm like, I'm freaking out. Like, I'm like losing my shit. Why did I come?

I'm sweating. I'm like, goosebumps. And he's like, just stay here. Don't move. So he leaves. Some dude comes around, like, staring. in the car in the tint like this like a petrified child 20 minutes later he comes out he daps the guy up apparently he knew the guy gives him whatever comes into the car he's like oh you met my boy he watches

my car for me i'm like i'm like about to cry i'm like get me back to new jersey puts the gun away puts the weed in the stash spot and then he takes out a tinfoil thing and he's like you want a bump and i'm like what is that is this coke man and i'm like no you're a drug And like all I'd ever heard from my father was stay away from drugs. Heroin kills, cocaine kill is bad for you. Just stay away from drugs. Weed, I never thought was anywhere near that. So that's why I was dealing it to be cool and try to make an extra buck.

But once I saw that, I wrote this guy off. I was like, I'm done. I'm going back to be an athlete. I went to a private high school, Catholic high school. Only now, prior to going, I had been a bit of under the hip hop influence, listening to NWA, public enemy, dressing a certain way, mannerisms a certain way, really trying to find my way as a kid to fit in anywhere where I would be accepted. And I brought that acceptance that I had from a group of individuals that I played sports with and that came around the station

at times and that I sold drugs to, to this Catholic school. And at that time, that was not the thing to do and it was frowned upon and I was looked down upon and I was bullied even further. I mean, I remember being jumped in the shower naked. That sucked. Like five or six dude, towels in the sock, you know, soap bars in the socks, beating the shit out of me while I'm laying on a ground slipping because you can't get your footing. And also just too scared to really fight back. So it was a bunch of that that started what was to become the monster. that was created. I've never heard of a drug dealer getting bullied.

Well, this is the funny part, right? So because I was a middleman, no one knew I was selling drugs. It was him, who was a big drug dealer at the age of 18, and the kid that was hanging out with the wrong side of the tracks, and I was just giving it to him and taking it from him. No one knew anything. It was literally a transaction. Like, I'd go in the back of the gas station, go to the stash spot.

I'd be like, hey, we have stuff. there, yeah, we do, go get it. Get it, give it to him, take the money, put the money back in the stash pot or direct to him. That was it. Now, ironically, and we'll find out why later, this guy ended up going to prison for armed robbery, who was my mentor. Didn't know it at the time. Found it out many, many years later. So now here I am being bullied in this Catholic school, and I'm miserable. Sports are miserable because I'm getting, I think, I have no friend, so I'm becoming a wise ass in class to try to get attention. Then I'm going home and upset because I have no friends.

Then I'm going to practice and because I had detention, I'm late. So I'm running hills and now the team has to crab hills or do this because it's a group punishment. So I'm creating enemies everywhere I go. So it became very uncomfortable. Year two, I started hanging out with some of these guys from the other side of the tracks again in the summer break. And I decided I want to go to public school.

Went back. My parents like, absolutely not. We paid for you to go here. We borrowed money for you to go here. This is your education. You're playing sports. You're a three sport athlete. This is your future. It's like, okay. Within six weeks in the new year, it got so bad. I was just begging to get out. Every day it was miserable. Fighting, running from people is horrible. So one day I'm walking. Looking to start 2026 with an unforgettable getaway. Fiji Airways sale is on now. Fly non-stop round-trip to Fiji from just 748. Or enjoy a sunny Fiji stopover on your way to Australia with round-trip fairs starting from 839. As a One World Alliance member and American Airlines Advantage program partner, your miles go further across the South Pacific. Book now at Fiji Airways.com or contact your local travel agent. Conditions apply.

By Jostin's ring table and I just decide to steal a ring. Just take it. I get back after lunch to my locker and I'm like, what the fuck? This is a worthless piece of metal. Toss into my varsity jacket, go to class. I'm sitting in class, knock on the door, teacher leaves, comes back, Mr. Marshall, boom, boom, boom. Next thing, you know, I'm sitting in front of the headmaster of the school and they're like, you stole this ring.

How dare you steal in the house of God? And I'm like, I didn't take anything. I create this elaborate lie. I deny everything. I blame some poor kid who wasn't even one of my tormentors, just some kid. because I thought it was more believable. And they suspended me for three days upon investigation. And three days later, they brought my whole family in.

And they're like, so. And now I'm sitting in front of the headmaster, who's an old, or archdiocese's brother in his whole garb, two people standing by his side, me like this, my parents like here. And all of a sudden they're like, so we've completed our investigation. I'm like, yeah. So who was it? It was him, right?

And they were like, Mr. Marshall, it was you. you, we know it's you. And because you happen to be a dean's list student, we don't want to ruin the rest of your life. So we are going to ask you to leave. We're not going to expel you unless you don't leave. If you don't leave by years end, you're expelled, it'll be on your record. You'll never be able to get into college, so on and so forth. So I'm like happy. I'm like, yes, my parents are like staring at me. I'm like, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. So I got what I wanted, right? So fast forward to finish the year. Now at this point, like I'm the biggest news in this Catholic high school ever because like no one's ever gotten kicked out of there. I had the most, apparently the most

detention hours ever. And I was serving them in the morning and the evenings. And then I leave. And that next summer is when it all just kind of changed. So now I'm angry at being bullied. I'm angry at life. I hate everyone except for my crew. And my crew happened to be African-American kids that move from get, you know, Patterson, Passaic, rough areas into the suburb to get a better life. Well, that usually works until you don't want it to work. And most of the kids back then, it was cool to be a badass. So I remember I was the first one to turn 17 and get my learners permit or car. And the first day I get my car that my grandfather helped buy me with my savings from the gas station,

we drove to Ogden Ave in the Bronx and bought a sacks of weed. And we went up there with, I think, $40 each. The next morning, I had $80. That next afternoon, the next morning, 160, 1-60. Boom, boom, boom, boom. And we just kept doing this. Flipping it, smoking it, flipping it, smoking it. Well, one day we go to Ogden in the spot, not good.

So boy, I'm with this kid Jay, he was like, yo, let's go to Edgecombe. Go 168th in Edgecom, I know a spot. So we go there, we cop totally different product. So now it's like small little dime bags of like Purple Hays. So it's good weed. It's no longer swag. Right.

So I was pushing dirt, flipping dirt. Now I have good weed. So it's a different mathematical equation. So now I'm like, all right, well, in order to make this work, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that. and then retrain the clientele, give it to them to try first, take the hit financially. And I'm learning all this at 17 years old, like very quickly.

Then I start building more money. So now I have like, call a thousand bucks cash. Fucking 17 years old, it's a lot of money. I'm like, $1,000 back in the 90s. And we go over the bridge one day, and when we come back, luckily the spot was hot and we had to come back with nothing. But when we came back, there was a police stop.

And all the cops were there just searching people as they came through the bridge. Because at that time, we didn't have the technology. So they just used random shit because they knew how much drugs were running over that bridge. Like real players, not like my little dime bag shit. But so it freaked me out. It scared me.

So I was like, this is too much risk. I'm going to find someone local and I'm going to buy weight. So I started searching, found someone to buy weight. from and I bought my first ounce. So I bought my first ounce. Then I went to Greenwich Village. I bought a scale. I bought bags. I did all the, you know, come back to my apartment, lay it out or my apartment, my bedroom and my parents house. Right. Lay it all out and I'm doing the math and I'm like, all right, my ounce costs me 320. This is what kind of, this is how much I can offer for this amount. I was like, shit, I just made, you know, almost two, two and a half times

my money. This is great. Let's see how quick I can get rid of this. And that's how I started. Well, that little kernel became very, very quickly growing. And before you knew it, I was the town drug dealer. And now this is where I was no longer bullied. Because what I realized is that when you have something people want, it creates a sense of power. Whether it's real power or it's not, in that sense, suddenly to not be bullied alone was power. Then all the girls were starting to take interest to me, even though their jock friends hated me, from a different perspective. So now I was giving girls free drugs to ingratiate myself with them. I was selling drugs through them to their people. And then I had other people working for me selling drugs in different

facets of the community. Then the cops, local town cops, started coming on. They kind of got what was going on, started following me. Every time my car left my driveway, within 10 minutes a cop would be behind me. It was as if all of them knew there was radio, like it was becoming bad. During this time, my parents were getting divorce and my mother moved out because she said, she couldn't handle me. There were strange people coming to the house all day and night. She knew what I was doing. They knew what I was doing. They couldn't stop me. And I was off living this life. Well, at that point, it really went crazy because now I'm now almost 18 at this point. And I'm about to be a senior in high school or just grad halfway through senior year of high

school. And again, I'm amalgamating my dates. But so just bear with me. But it's all within that condensed timeline. You went to public school. Yeah, public school. Yeah. So now I'm in public school. And I was on work study program too. like I only needed to fulfill gym in English for the first two hours of the day. So I went school from 8 to 10. Then I went from 10. I had to go to an accountant's office three times a week for two hours. That's it. So I only had a lot of free time in my senior year of high school. And what I do with it, sold drugs, right? Start doing them. So now with the house essentially being my house because my father's at work 12 hours a day, my younger brothers at school,

I went nuts. I invited who became my gunman to live with me because now I was selling in different towns and I never knew what was going to happen. Someone tried to rob me once. It didn't work out, but it scared me enough that I realized I needed protection. So now I gave him room and board, paid him.

He lived in my bedroom, slept on the floor, and his 44 Ruger was underneath my bed every night, along with all of our drugs in my safe, drugs. Then we started going to clubs and I went to the tunnel for the first time and I fell in love. I did ecstasy there for the first time, a little bit of ketamine. Oh, it's like night, night and day to my suburban experience. And now I had all this money. So I started going every single week. And before you know it, two things happen. One, I met a real drug dealer. And two, I met a debutant who I was sleeping with and she had nothing to do all day but drugs what did you just call her a

debutant what is that it's like a it's like you're so rich that you have like a coming out party to society and she was so rich and she her dad bought her she was like 19 years old she owned her own apartment on eighth street off university in crudwich village like and i used to be there day in and day out and we used to just do drugs and then have sex and then go to the silver spoons diner and eat milkshakes and burgers and shit because we needed sustenance back after all the drugs and then just repeat that and at that point now so track of take one track back the drug dealer so i meet him at first he gives me a little stuff to try i tell him i'm big in new jersey which wasn't a lie just wasn't i was big in one thing marijuana and it wasn't that

big but I was moving a good deal of money at that time. So he goes ahead and he tells me, I want to introduce you to my boss. Great. So I show up to this apartment and it's scary. And I'm like, all right, I'm built for this. I can do this. But they're two white dudes. So I didn't even think like I wasn't that scary. I was like, all right, they weren't like intimidating, you know, size wise or anything. So I was like, I could probably beat them if I had to. And like, whatever unless they got guns that I'm fuck so I remember sitting down with them he's like well how much you move and I started telling him he's all right that's good he's like so can you move ecstasy and I was like probably I was like nobody knows what ecstasy is by me but I'm sure

I could sell it because I just did it and it was amazing I was like so just give me enough so I can start giving people pills to get them hooked and then I'll buy them he's like all right I like your head where your head's at so he's like here's what we're going to do I'm going to give you this on the arm. I was like, what's that mean? He's like, I'm going to give this to you. You have two weeks to give me my money. And if you don't give me my money, we're going to come looking for you. And I was like, okay. So it was like a hundred pack of E, right, 100 pills. And it was a lick. K, just one lick, four jars at that time. And I was like, what's this? He's like, that's K. See if you can move that too. I was like, yeah, I've heard it.

that. I did a bump. It's kind of crazy. And he's like, yeah, yeah. So I take it back. I give it to, now at this point, I have kids working for me that are my brother's friends in high school. So they're running all the high school stuff. I'm dealing with all the town, older townsmen that want drugs that they're coming to this little kid to get. And I start distributing it all, giving it away for free. Try this. Sure enough, as soon as they tried X-C, ketamine moves slower, but the ecstasy moves so fucking quick. It was like, I think I gave away like 10, 20 pills. And next thing, you know, I sold 80 the rest of the 100 pack in like less than the two weeks.

So I take all the money. I go back and I'm like, take my share. Like, holy shit. Now I'm really making money. So he's like, great. So we started that. And now I got my gunman living at home. I had met the debutante by this time within that time frame.

So I'm spending three, four days a week getting blasts. I had like a five pill a day ecstasy habit. I would just dump ecstasy all day long and then do K and then smoke weed to get alive again. And then go to clubs. I was at Spy Bar. I was at like Mumba. I was like every Twylo, every nightclub you could think of in New York, I was there because now I had access and I had a lot of money. So that's all you needed, access and money.

So that's how I started getting really. bad. But then my business started falling apart because I was going, I think at one point, and again, perspective. At that point, at this height, I was making about $3 to $4,000 a week cash. Now, I'm 18 years old and I live in my parents. A sizable amount of money, right? Put it in perspective of what it would be today. It was 1997, right? So it's a lot of, it's probably like 10 grand today, right? Maybe more. Yeah, a week. And you have no expenses. No expenses. Yeah. So like today, it would be like 10 grand a week. And it's a nice number, right?

In cash. Yeah, it's great. In cash. And all I'm doing is blowing it. Going into the Versacee store, I'll take those sunglasses. Going into Neiman Marcus, private shopper. Here's my stack of cats. Just fill the dressing room.

Boom, boom, boom. Nothing to show for it. Didn't buy a car. Didn't buy, oh, I used to buy Movado watches. And then my crew used to steal them from me. So I just buy another one. And it was the running joke. Oh, you lost another Movado.

I'm like, bro, one of you motherfuckers stole it from me. Like, I pay you. and you still steal my shit. I get it. It's how this game works, right? So around that time, I was getting so fucked out of my mind. My business was failing.

So now I'm like struggling. And during this, a town cop started sitting, parking his entire eight-hour shift in front of my house. Because people were running drugs in and out of my house while I was gone through my gunman

who was running everything for me because he was just sitting in the house, just doing everything. And my mother wasn't there. She wasn't living there. My father was at work 12 hours. My brother was at school and playing sports and being a good kid. And I was fucking everything up.

And my mind at that point falling apart. So one day I get a phone call from him and he goes, yo, you need to come home now. I was like, why? He's like, your mother just came home. I'm like, what? So I show up and my mother's living in the basement. I'm like, what are you doing here? She's like, what am I doing here?

This is my house. She lost it on me, to her credit. And I said, fine, I'll leave. So I pack Mike up and I move out. I go again my own apartment in West New York, pay cash. They won't let me pay cash. I call my father. I was like, they need you to sign this.

He's like, how can you afford $900 a month at 18 years old? I go, dad, that's a stupid fucking question. And he's like, all right, fine. So he signs for the apartment for me. I give him all the cash, pay the year up front. And I go about my business. Now, this is where the wheels really start to fall off. So obviously my business is already suffering.

Now I've moved towns. So it's more of travel time. And there's other people now selling drugs. I'm not the only game in town. So I'm losing customers. I'm never there. I'm fucked out of my mind. I'm forgetting about picking up shipments.

I'm late with payments. I'm spending too much money and not having enough money to pay my suppliers. So one day, my good old. crew decides to say, why don't we rob your supplier? And I was like, no, that's crazy. They're like, no, we used to do stickups all the time. And I was like, really? They're like, yeah, bro, what the fuck?

You think this shit is gravy is real out here. You know, and I'm like, all right, cool. All right, I'll set them up. So, went to the city, clocked them, figured out everything, how people entered the building, how they left. I sat there for two, three days, just monitoring everything. And went back and was like, here's the city. the schedule, here's everything, here's when the delivery comes, and this is when you got to hit

them. And we bought walkie-talkies, like, three-ways, everything. We drove into the city. We had lookouts on the corner. Two of my boys masked up, took the burner, duct tape them to a toilet, pistol-whipped them, and took all the fucking drugs and money. We get off, we're racing away. All of a sudden we go to get on the fucking FDR.

Police everywhere. I almost shit my pants. I was so scared. I got like, God knows how much drugs, guns, everything in this fucking car, and there's cops everywhere.

And I'm like, we're done, we're done. And then the one cop just stands in front of us and goes like this. And we're like, what?

What? It was fucking Clinton's motorcade. So we're like, holy shit. We're fucking, we did it. We did this. We go back to my house.

We're sitting in my bedroom. pounds of weed throwing them at each other's head taking the money throwing it pills of x-tie here you want one like it was like it was shit you see in the movies i think our for i think it was like 40 grand worth of cash drugs at that time it's a lot of fucking money for a bunch of little five little fucking kids to have and so now now we have the thirst for it right so this and again i went forward to come back. That was before I left my house. So now I'm in my own apartment and my business is coming down. And sorry, I'm doing this off the cuff. So it's like, I don't have my notepad here. And so now we're sitting in this new apartment and I'm getting a lecture from my gunman, basically,

who's now living with me in my new apartment on a couch. So he's got an upgrade. I have my bedroom. He's got a couch. And he's like, you're fucking shit off. You're ruining. And I'm like, fuck you. I want to be. I don't even know if I wouldn't do this anymore. He's like, all right, fuck it. Let's go rob this guy. All right. So we get fucked up. We go up the block to rob this Coke dealer we know. He leaves. My guy breaks in, comes out 20 minutes later, freaked out. He's like, go, go, go. I'm like, what? How much we get? He's like, there was nothing there. I got two bags. As soon as he pulled that out, I knew I was done. I was like, oh, I'm fucked. He takes the two bags. We get fucked out of our mind. And during this time, we get a phone call.

People know what's going on. Someone told someone. And now I'm scared. While all this is going on, my father calls me and says, answer your phone. Your cousin's calling you. I was like, all right. Now, I idolize my cousin. My cousin was one of the top three commercial editors in the world.

Every PepsiG spot, super famous guy and had everything. right apartment in paris loft in new york great business money every you know girls everything i aspired to through selling drugs he had so i'm waiting by the phone pick up the call i'm like hey what's up he's he's like you fucking piece of shit you're breaking your father's heart he's like get to my fucking office tomorrow 8 a m don't fucking be late hangs up the phone oh so i run next morning this the day after the drug deal or excuse me the robbery i go to his office he sits me down he's like you're a piece of shit you're you're you're fucking beyond piece of shit he's like it's one thing he goes I do drugs I do more fucking drugs than you've ever seen

but I don't steal from people I don't fucking rob people I don't fucking sell drugs he goes I do them because I make enough fucking money to do them and I was so oppressed I was like yeah yeah that's what I want to do them and he's like all right well now you have a job only you're not allowed to sell drugs anymore I'm like okay fine fine so I go back break the news to my gunman. He's obviously upset because I say, and that means you're going to have to leave. He's like, all right, I'll find a place.

Cool. I was like, I'll give you two weeks. So I stop everything. I call my guys. I was like, how much you owe me that? Keep half. Just give me half. I'm like cutting deals with my supplier.

Just give me half the money. I want out that much, right? I'm like trying to go straight. I'm done. I'm going straight. Yeah. Well, then I go into the office for the first two weeks,

first few days, everything's great. I'm eating crow. I'm learning a real job. It's crazy. I come home. There's nothing in my apartment. Mike's sitting on the fucking floor.

I've been robbed. He was held at gunpoint by the guy that we robbed the coke from. Everything is gone in my apartment. And now I'm like, fuck. So I was like, just wires hanging on my wall. The couch was the only thing remaining

because it was too big to fucking take. All the TVs are gone, the PlayStation, everything. my money my watches all the drugs everything that was left's gone so it's like fuck so i pick up the phone i'm like yo he's like you fucking piece of shit i was like all right listen i don't want in this game anymore i don't want violence how do i get my shit back he's like how do you get your shit back i should fucking kill you for robbing me i was like all right yes yes okay you're right how do i get my shit back and he's like give me four grand i was like four grand for my fucking

You know, I was just the attitude. And he's like, dude, are you out of your fucking mind yelling at me? I was like, oh, no, no, no, you're right. You're right. Four grand, four grand. Fuck. So I go grab four grand. I have a stash spot that I had not in the apartment.

And he's like, meet me here. I'm like, alone. No, don't come with your guy. Come alone. So now I'm like, all right, you got four grand cash on you. He wants to meet you at an empty lot in Jersey City over by the projects. You already know what that is and what that looks like. like are you going to go and I'm like yeah I got to go I got to just do this so I did it

that's me talking to myself I pull up to his word he was there alone trunk was popped standing out there he had his burner on him so I knew like this is not something to play with and he literally started counting out my stereo system my TV I just gave him the whole four grand at one point I was like no this is here it is just give me everything back I loaded my car with my shit and I drove back to the apartment. When I got back to the apartment, I said, Mike, I need you out tomorrow. Right? That's it. Done. I'm done with this life. Fast forward four months. I lose my job with my cousin, threaten to kill him, lose my apartment. And by the way, why? Because I got my first few paychecks. I was paid every two weeks. Do you know how

much my paycheck was? $1,200 bucks. $225 take home. That's it. Every two weeks. I was a P. I was the lowest scum on the totem pole. And I couldn't afford a $900 rent at $220 take home every two weeks. And all my money was just tossing it for months at a time to make it up and still trying to live a lifestyle. Like go to grab a bite or do this or go to the movies. I just dreamed everything. I went into the poor house. I lost everything.

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See full terms at mintmobile.com. I lost the job and I threatened to kill my cousin. So none of that worked out. Well, upon losing the apartment, I get another call from my other cousin. He goes, your father told me you lost your apartment. Come live with me in grandma's house. I'm like, all right.

He goes, you'll be protected, you'll be around family, and you can get your head out of your ass and start fresh. It was great. So I have an ego, obviously. And the next morning, once I got settled, I went into the city and I started passing around my resume to every editorial house with my cousin's name on it like a reference. And every interview I'd sit there as I was now going from some PA job, I wanted to be

an assistant editor. I had no experience. I didn't know what was doing. I lied on my resume, lied about everything and used my cousin's name. And then every interview I sat in, they were like. like wow you work from what's he like i've heard things about i'm like ah he's an asshole i was like that's why i'm leaving i have to leave i got to grow i can't work with that asshole that's he that's why he's got the name he's got i was like throwing him under the bus sure enough one hippie stoner dude

decides to buy it all gives me a job like great so now i'm making a few bucks not much more but whatever i'm commuting back and forth in the path going to carney i was now living in carney new Jersey right next to Newark. And I basically am doing nothing every day because my boss is a stoner. So I'm teaching myself how to cut on an avid off of music video footage. And I'm just sitting there all day doing nothing. Phone rings. Interesting. Yo, what's up? One of my old cronies, crew members. Yo, blah, blah, I don't want to name names. Blah, blah, has got took over your everything. He's crushing He's making you look like a fool. He's so, he's, everyone wants to be around and blah, blah, blah.

He's making so much money. I was in his place last night. Had a hundred thousand liquid, just cash and drugs. So now I'm like, to go for my turf, it's got a hundred grand. I need money. I was like, nah, no, no, no. He's like, yo, it's so easy, though. He doesn't, he doesn't even own a gun.

He's got nothing. Like, he doesn't have protection. He's just, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, I'll call you right back. So call my other boy. He's like, I'm down. Call my other boy. He's like, I'm down.

I'm like, great. So we come up with this stupid fucking idea to just walk into a house party and rob them. Because it's in his parents' mansion in a very leafy suburb of New Jersey. So we think it will be that easy. So we get in the car. I pick everyone up. We drive up. We go in.

And as soon as we ring the doorbell, I start feeling weird. A, I've never done a robbery for. B, we don't have masks. We're who we are. Everyone knows us. We're going to a party and we're going to rob everyone. So dumb idea from the start. My idea.

So it was really dumb, right? Because I just wasn't experienced and didn't think this one through. And we get to the door and this girl opens the door and she's like, and they're like, who's here? Who's here? And we start to like walk in the front door. and you can feel like the tension, the pin drop. And then the girl hugs my guy, who's my gunman,

and she feels the burner on his waist. And she just goes white, starts shaking. And the guy who owns the house, the drug dude comes over and what's going on? Why are you guys even here? I didn't invite you guys to my house. And all of a sudden, Mike, to his credit, knew right away. He's been in this situation before.

He goes, now we didn't want to be invited anyway. Fuck, we're leaving. Now we're good. That's all right. And she's like, yeah, leave. Like, you could just tell how fucking scared she was. Because she knows these dudes are real. They'll do it.

And they don't care. And, you know, I never had to do it before, but everyone knew my reputation of the people I was around. And the fact that if you took something from us, we'd get it back, one way or another. And we get in the car and I pull off and I start flipping out. What the fuck? What the fuck? We could have had them, motherfuckers. We could have taken them.

I was like, I'm whiling out. I'm going fucking nuts. And all of a sudden, Mike turns to me. He's in passage of she's like, fuck you, you fucking pussy. You don't do shit. You ain't never robbed anyone. You ain't never shot a gun. You ain't never fucking pistol whip nobody.

You ain't never had a gun pulled on you. Fucking nobody. You're a pussy. Start fucking lighting me up. And now, where do you think I went? Back to the party? No. I went back to my youth of being bullied.

I haven't been bullied since I've been selling drugs. But now it's my gunman, my right hand, my muscle telling me I'm a pussy. So I fucking steaming, steaming. I remember dropping everyone off at their houses. Finally I get to his house wherever he was staying. I was like, get out. He's like, yo, listen, man. Just listen to me.

He's like, look at me. He's like trying to level with me. He's like, listen, this isn't your world, bro. I never forget this conversation. He looked me dead in the eye. And he said, this isn't for you. I'm sorry I called you a pussy, but it's not for you.

Please don't do anything fucking stupid. Because I can see in your eyes, your wheels are turning. Don't do what you're thinking of doing. Just trust me. I was like, get the fuck out of the car. Right? Mad.

As soon as he gets out, call this one guy. Call another guy. They're in. They're in. Call another guy. He's like, yeah, I can get you a gun. Boom, boom, boom. Next day, I'm pulling rope from, what's it called, Target,

then I'm getting gloves from a hardware store, then I'm getting masks from Kmart. I'm getting walkie talk. I'm fucking on, I'm lost. I am on it. I'm fucking going to do this. I'm going to do it myself. You should call me a fucking pussy?

All right, here we go. So I was just, next day, fucking leave work early. Boom, set everything up, blah, blah, blah. I had the instructions of what was going to go on, how to get in the house, so on and so forth. We pull up to the house, pull up in the cut of a, you know, a dark area, put the masks on. My boy pulls the gun. This is a true story too. And that's when I was like, are you sure we need that?

I'm the one who had gotten it for us. And he was like, yeah, we should have it. And I was like, all right. Now right there, I could have changed arm robbery, a strong arm robbery, which arm robbery is 25 years, top line. Strong arms like five or seven. So right off the bat, instead of facing 25 years, I could have been facing seven. Little things you think about.

Obviously, I shouldn't have done it in the first place, but I'm just, you know, there was something in me that said, don't take the gun. And this is the same house you tried to go to the night before. Yes, the night before, right? So we break in through the back. Everything's open as such. and we burst into a door, kick it open, and there's seven kids on the floor

drugged out of their mind, having a party. And I'm like, get the fuck up. Get the fuck up. Everyone's just like, and adrenaline's rushing. Everything's going across. Get the fuck up! And then all of a sudden,

he busts through with the gun. Get up! As soon as they saw the gun, you could see and feel their fear, and they just started to get up. And then we just started taking them, tossing them into the gun. the room. So basically we moved them from one room to the other and we're tossing, we're tossing,

but the one kid didn't want to get up, the kid who was the actual drug dealer. And I remember picking him up and looking him in an eye and he looked me dead in the eye. He knew it was me. He knew it. I knew he knew. And I fucking yoked him and tossed him into the other room hard. And then we went for all the drugs, gathered everything, pulled the safe that he had out, blah blah. It was that like, it was just at that point, adrenaline,

we didn't know what we were doing. We knew what we were doing. And it just take everything and go. And running outside while the gunman held them in the bathroom altogether without their cell phones. And running, I remember running down this like palatial house's lawn, sliding into the car,

grab, I'm shaking, fucking tossing the, bag into the trunk, starting the car, start driving the car before he's running out the door, putting the, with the gun like this, and he jumps in the back sea, and we just take off, no light, nothing. We're about, and this is in like a private development, too, like a Ritzie development. So we're like just exiting development onto the main road. We're, quarter mile maybe, I'm doing higher than the speed limit, but not really speeding, just kind of

like freaking out. We got the masks off. We don't know what to do. We're yelling at each other. We're arguing. There's just so many things going on. All of a sudden, sirens coming this way. And I'm like, heart drops. We're done. We're done. And shirons right past us. Doesn't turn around. So I'm like, New York, New York, because we're at the border. So we cross the New York border. And I'm like, whew. All right, we're at least we're in New York. Right? Like we're not in the state of New Jersey. This is going to take a lot more for them to figure out how to put an APB out, how to figure out. Like, whatever.

But now we're crossing the Tapin Z Bridge and the phone rings. And my stupid fucking ass picks it up. Bow, my boy smacks it out. My fucking takes the phone, throws it out over the GWB. Takes every other phone, throws it out. Takes the gun, tosses it out into the fucking. over the GWA into the water. We're all yelling each other,

freaking out each other. I get across to the other side. I see like a pullover area on the Henry Hudson. We pull over, we stop, take a deep breath, open the back, take the safe. It's like a fire safe, one of the start breaking it open, doing whatever,

fucking yelling at each other. It's like chaos. Finally the safe breaks open. And it's like, p, p, p, p, p. And we're all just looking at one another. And it just got worse from there. Because we started counting up the cash,

looking at the drugs that came from the safe. And we were like, this is $20,000 worth of shit. So now we're like, really like, you got to be fucking kidding me. We just risked our lives, our freedom, everything for 20 grand. And we'd done this before, as I said. I was like, really fruitful and no risk or little risk. And I'd never done it. So now my adrenaline's like my ego's flying, my anger, my fear.

I'm like everything, right? And I was, oh, fuck, oh, fuck. All right. Okay, fine. And then we had a co-defendant who set it up and I went to go give him the drugs. And we chipped him down heavily because of the amount and try to make it like there was nothing. But at that point, he's like, they knows us. They're calling me.

I'm like, what do you? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. They don't know anything. They only know what you let them know and what they think they fucking know. I had masks on, I had gloves on. We didn't leave anything there. There's no fucking DNA in that house. And I left drugs on the back porch so they knew that it was a drug robbery, not just some fucking random act of violence.

So shut the fuck up and we're going to be fine. Big argument ensues there. As soon as I left, we get back in the car, they're like, he's going to rat. I was like, I know he's going to rat. I was like, I know he's going to rat. Right? He's going to tell truth. He's going to save himself.

Okay. Now the, now the question is, what the fuck do we do? So I drop everyone off. I go back to my grandmother's house and car name of my cousin's apartment. He's not home. So now I'm like, fuck. I decide to cook a lick. And I just sit on the couch, put, I don't know why, a clockwork orange was on. Love the movie. Kind of fitting, it seemed. And I sniff the entire fucking lick. Probably could have died. Maybe whatever. All I know is about 1145 the next morning. I woke up out like a slumber where you're like drilling on yourself. And I'm like and now I'm like seeing images from the night before. Holy shit. I, oh, this is real. I did that. Oh my God. I'm feeling sick. I want to vomit. I can't vomit. I'm like. And I look at my phone. 40 something miss calls. I'm like, oh. So I was like, And I gotta be at work. Then I was like,

I'm late for work. So I go to work. Sitting in work, I'm freak the fuck out. Calls are coming. This guy, this guy. Everything's leading to us, but no one can prove anything.

Finally, my boy, he's like, I bought a train ticket. I'm out. My next boy, I'm getting out of here. Lay low.

Don't leave your house. I go home from work. I tell my boss, I'm like, I'm going to try to come back tomorrow. What do you mean? You're trying to come back tomorrow. I was like,

oh, no, sorry. I see in the morning. My head's so fucked up. Like, do. I get home. I'm sitting there looking through the blinds all night long, like a fucking tweaker, just thinking someone's coming for me. Someone's coming from me. At this point, I turn my phone off to try to like, maybe the cell towers or something. I don't know. So I'm freaking the fuck out. Next morning, I was like, what are you so nervous? No one came last night? You're good.

No, it's, I go into work, sitting at work, cutting a Madonna video. I'm like, bop in my head along to the music like whatever it was like a virgin I don't know prayer or something whatever the fucking music she was saying was at that time and all of a sudden my phone rings it's a strange number I was like oh don't answer it

then it's my brother and I'm like yo it's up he's like what the fuck did you do? I was like what are you talking about he's like two fucking Burgentownie detectives just showed up to dad's house and I was like what he's like what the fuck did you do i was like nothing i'll talk to you later just don't don't tell them

anything i don't live with grandma i don't live here you don't know where i am click now i'm like fuck then the strange number calls again hello try to be tough right hi hi is this uh is this nick marshall i was like yeah who's this like oh this is such such from the Byrne County detective's office. There was a robbery in this neighborhood last night. And we just want to understand some people, your name has come up. You know, we don't think you have anything to do with it. But would you mind coming to the station out here in X and to talk to us?

And I'm like, do I need a lawyer? Like, no, you don't need a lawyer? And I'm like, all right. Yeah, I'll be there. So I start gathering my back to leave work. Suddenly my stoner boss finally decides he wants to work that day. He was, where are you going? I was like, yeah, I got to go.

He's like, you're just leaving in the middle of the day. You just got here. You are, you know, like, and I was like, he was like, you're late yesterday. And today, I was like, listen, buddy, I got to go. I don't know what to tell you, but I have to go right now. You shouldn't be talking to me like that. You're my employee. I was like, well, you know what?

Maybe I shouldn't be your employee anymore. I got to go. And I just leave, right? I'm freaking the fuck on. I'm in the path train. I'm like, oh, fuck, fuck, fuck. I get home. my cousin's there my cousin's like don't go fucking meet them without a lawyer my cousin has his own

little issues with the law but it's all like low level bullshit right and he's like no don't go and i'm like no i'm fucking going i was like they they said i didn't do anything i don't have anything hide i have an alibi he's like all right bro good luck it's who i go i drive up park the car go inside they're like he mr marshall's here they're all night me shake my hand sit me down play good cop bad cop i'm like no this is my timeline this is where i was i already had the alibi locked so i figured boom was that my friend's house watching the yankee game his parents were going to vie for it i was like i got three people saying i was right here there you go i'm good anything else well why would they think i don't know the guy doesn't like me

i don't know you know he's a drug dealer right like it was like you know i was fucking doing whatever I couldn't. And they're like, all right. I was like, so can I go? They're like, yeah, you can go. Oh, wait. Do you mind if we walk you out? I was like, sure. They walk me out. And they're like, oh, this is your car? The same car I used for robbery. I'm like, this is your car? I was like, yeah. They're like, do you mind if we take a look? And I know I have nothing in there. And he's like, I was like, sure. He goes, in the trunk too. I was like, sure. Pop trunk. These guys, leaf around pulls out a field hockey stick that we used to use to beat the shit out of people when they were owed us money or anything else and it's probably got some blood on it but you know nothing

noticeable like nothing like if it would a DNA scan it could be but not like on it so he's like huh play much field hockey and i was like my girlfriend does it's like quick i was like yeah that was a good one i was like i've never dated a field hockey player anyway and he's like oh interesting puts it back He goes, well, Mr. Marshall, we really enjoyed our talk. You have a nice night now. Stay safe. I'm like, you too, officer, take care. I leave.

I feel this relief. I'm like, ha, I am fucking good. It's like, I shouldn't have quit my job over that. I'm good. So I go home, tell my cousin, he goes, if they call you again, you get a lawyer. That's it. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I go out, get a meal, have a glass of wine, fucking chill.

in. Mind you him, 19, 19 years old at this point. 19. Almost 20, right? Right around there. Actually, I just turned 20. And the next day,

late in the afternoon, I get a phone call. Hey, Mr. Marshall, it's a, hey, so look, we pretty much wrap this thing up and you're looking good. So, um, we just have one more question. I think kind of's going to tie this whole thing together for us.

So would you mind coming back up to the station? I said, really feel comfortable with that. Maybe I'll have my lawyer. No, no, no, you don't need a lawyer. You know, you can meet us someplace. Where do you live? I was like, what does it matter where I live? I was like, why don't we meet for a drink? I say this to fucking two Burkown County to Texas. I'm 20 years old. Why don't we meet for a drink? Like, we're friends. They go, oh, that's a great idea. Where do you want to meet? And I go, uh, uh, hulahans on Route 17 South. I like it there. I fucking get in the car and I drive over there. And I'm sorry, one thing before that. As I was a lot.

I'm leaving. My cousin goes, where are you going? I go. I'm going to me to Texas for a drink. On Route 17. He goes, no, do not fucking go. I'll call the lawyer right now. I was like, dude, I'm fine. They want to grab a drink with me. He goes, you're not even 21, dude. You're not 21. You really think Bergen County detectives want to grab a drink with you. Use your fucking head, you idiot. And I was like, no, no, no, I'm good, I'm good. I leave. I parked the car. And as I parked the car, I step out, I take a few steps. I see them step out of their car. I wave, they wave to me.

As soon as I wave, they, guns drawn. More hands on the crew. Boom. I'm like, oh, oh, fuck, fuck. They're like, you're under arrest for the arm robbery. And blah, blah, blah, blah. You have the right to remain side. I was like, I'm sitting there.

And by the way, the kicker was when I, that this hula hands I had gone to before. So I knew people. And like coming in and now I'm sitting on the fucking on the car like this. And their guns drawn. So now I'm really freaking out. Then once they cuff me, I calm down. And I was like, don't say a fucking word.

Lawyer up. They stuffed me in the back of the car. It's mad, uncomfortable. And I just stoke. They're like, oh, I don't have much to say today, do you, Mr. Marshall? You really almost got us the other day with that. We almost bought it. If it weren't for your cell phones pinging in the tower,

or your co-defendant's so quickly telling us on each other, And I was like just sitting here. I'm like, lawyer. Lawyer. Like, oh, lawyer. Don't worry. You'll get a chance for the lawyer, Mr. Marshall. Kept fucking with me.

We get up to the station and then the cops had interviewed us. The interview me the day before. Now it was like real good cop, bad cop, but like worse. Like one picked me up, bang me on the table. Just fucking tell me. And the other one's like, don't touch him, Lou, or whatever. And I'm like, I'm literally in a police movie at this point. I'm just fucking, I'm lawyer, lawyer.

All right, how about this? Before your lawyer comes, give us a second. Sure enough, they come back with three fucking statements. And they slide them across and they're like, so before you call your lawyer, we just want to let you know. You're going to jail tonight. A judge is waiting on his way down right now to whatever it's called you. I'm also blanking at the moment, arraign you. essentially.

And we just want to know one thing. There was one person who was quick to give you guys up. And I'm like, fuck. So I look at the statement, scan it over, see the sign copy. Let me know, scan it up. I was like, all right, I'll talk. Whoa, wait. They would go get the recorder.

And I said, I'm just going to tell you exactly what happened because I did orchestrate it. Here's what happened. I laid it out. They recorded it. Judge came in, arraigned me. about an hour after that, Bergen County van was there to pick me up.

Picks me up, brings me to jail. I've never been to jail, right? I had never been handcuffed before that. Now I'm getting like the crash course in it. So now I'm like, all right, okay, this is sucks. Not too bad. Then I get to the county jail and strip search and everything else. And I'm like, whoa, hey, all right, this is a little, all right.

Then they throw me in the tank. And in Burden County, and you may or may not have experienced this. Like they're the newer jails, so they're like pods. They look like that HBO series Oz, sort of. So that was encouraging that it wasn't as dismal as I've seen in other elements. So I was like, oh, okay, fine. And like all walks of life. Like the guy who just didn't pay his child support, fucking a real murderer, a real fucking arm robber unlike me.

Like, you know what I'm saying? Like real shit in all different walks. So I'm like trying to calm myself by seeing that juxtaposition. and being like, oh, okay. And then I start listening to the conversations. And I'm like, oh, everyone's just asking each other what they're in for. Then they get to me. Arm robbery.

Oh, shit, you've got armed robbery. Now all of a sudden I get respect. I'm like, great. I'll ride this. All right, I'll ride the respect card for the arm robbery. So I end up spending the night, wake up the next morning at 5 a.m. for breakfast, all new. But now that things are weighing on me, I'm like, what the fuck am I going to do? Everyone's using the phones.

Everyone waiting to call their lawyers. I don't have a lawyer. My father told me, if you ever go to jail, stay there. So I just thought, I'm stay there. I don't know what I'm facing now either. I have no idea the severity of my charges. I have my charges in my hand, in a folded up, but I don't know how serious they are. So then that morning at breakfast, I don't say anything.

That day at lunch, one of the guys is like, yo, would you get locked out for? Oregon armed robbery's like he goes you know that carries 25 years right I was like what what so now I'm like what the fuck so I'm like all right well the only person I trust to call is my cousin so that night I wait and I call my cousin he's like where have you been we've been worried sick I was like obviously a burn county jail you just accepted the charges he was like I know but I'm just oh your father's worried he'll come bail you out what's your bail I'm like 50,000 dollars he's like what the fuck did you do now I guess he'd been in jail quite a bit

and his bail was probably like $250, $500,000. I just dropped $50,000 bail on him and he was like freaking out. So now I know between my lunch conversation and my cousin's reaction, oh fuck I'm fucked. Like I am beyond fucked.

And I'm just sitting here stunt now. Now everything, the gravity of the situation is coming on me and I'm like holy shit, this is crazy. So I'm sitting in the kind of jail. He's like, all right, I'm going to get in touch of your father. call me lunchtime.

I'll get them to be here at the hab about tomorrow. We'll talk. Okay, great. So sure enough, I do. And I'll never forget my poor father. When he gets on the phone, he goes, how much is your bill again? I said, $50,000. Like, he thought Mark misheard it.

And I was like, and he goes, my God, son, what did you do? And that voice, that, that fucking phrase has sat with me my entire life. because of the disappointment and the pain I caused him that I realized finally what I was causing my family. And it hurts so fucking much to hear that. And he's like, all right, I can't afford that,

but I'm going to talk to an attorney and we'll see what we can do and we'll go from there. Call me at dinner time at home, okay? Dinner time, call him at home. Spoke to the attorney. There's something called a bail reduction hearing. He's going to get you on the docket this week. You just stay tight, okay?

You just stay tight. I'm going to go sell your car. Okay. My father's a used car dealer, so that was an easy. USAA knows dynamic duos can save the day, like superheroes and sidekicks or auto and home insurance. With USAA, you can bundle your auto and home and save up to 10%. Tap the banner to learn more and get a quote at usa.com slash bundle.

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And, uh, I'm just sitting there. Just minding my business. Watching fucking Jerry Springer, watching fucking cops, watching people play dominoes watching people do you know sala and fucking you know praying and and doing this and doing that and i'm just like i had watched oz but i didn't really watch oz the way you watch the pranoes or other thing i was like in passing this i was like

what the fuck this is new this is not life to me this is horrible depression sets in mind frame sets in i'm not going to live my life like this I refuse to live my life like this. I am going to change my life. I am going to change everything. Now, I'm doing this day two, facing 25 years. Fast forward to day six, they get my bail reduction hearing. The judge drops it from 50 to 25 based on the fact of my age, my family roots.

I have no money. They don't think of my flight risk, so on and so forth. So I get out the following night. So I spent seven days in the county jail. And my father picks me up one night. after the seventh day, going in the eighth day, whatever it was. And we talk. Obviously, he's angry.

But now he's more concerned as a father, as a parent, what's going to happen? So he's like, look, I have to, I had to tell your mother. She's devastated. She wants to see you. She wants you to call her tomorrow. And we're going to use whatever we have to do to get you an attorney and fight this. And we have your college fund that you never used. so that's going to be what we start with and I was like okay thank you like I'm sorry I'm sorry like

I was just like repentant I was sad I was disappointed and the next day I met my mother for lunch in Hackensack and my father got me a beat beat her car like a piece of shit off the lot like and I took that to meet her she worked in Hackensack at the time I picked her up and we went to lunch and I had explained to her what I'd done how bad I'd gotten, where my current mind frame was, all the mistakes I've made, and kind of like, you know, apologized and just really said, Mama, I'm sorry I've disappointed you. I'm sorry, I've ruined my life. I know this was never what you wanted. And she said, okay, you know, thank you, but that's not for now. For now is how do we move forward? She goes, I've been

researching criminal attorneys, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'll get a second job. I'll do anything for you not to have to go prison. I will pay anything. I was like, Mom, I wish it were that easy. I just, I don't know. It's very serious. She's like, okay, let's pick a time next week to sit and meet the final two attorneys in person.

You go research. We'll compare notes. So for the next week, that's what we did. So after a lot of research, And a lot of stress. We decided on two attorneys. One was a gentleman named Gallantucci, who his claim to fame was getting the state trooper who shot the kids in the van on the highway off and getting him like a next to nothing deal as a murderer. So that was his claim to fame.

I walk in his office and it's all cop shit. And I'm like, I don't know if I trust this fucking guy. He's defending cops. He's like, he's everywhere I look, it's cops, cops, cops. And I'm like, and he's a big, strong burly man, big handshake. And all he was talking about was plea, plea, plea. And I was like, I'm not fucking taking a plea. I had a mask and gloves and there's no gun.

I'm not fucking taking a plea. No way. What evidence do they have? Again, I have no idea other than the cell phone pings. What evidence they actually have? And he's like, I'll get discovery. We'll work through it. blah blah. And I'm like, okay.

He was like, what's your retainer? He's like 25,000. And if we go to trial, 100, 150, walk. I'm like, wish I would have saved more of that drug money in my head. Mom and I leave. What do you think? I don't know. I don't like the way he's talking about plea. Like, let's meet the other guy. The second guy, Brian Neary. So Brian Neary's claim to fame is he got Biggie Smalls off gun charges and he got DMX off something else. So I was like, this is my kind of guy. This is my people.

Like, you know, I want this, right? Let's go. As soon as I get there, I love him. NYU graduate, his wife's an actress on a soap opera. I'm like, I'm in awe. I'm in the office of what I want my life to be 20 years from now, right? Some sort of level of success and beautiful wife and family. I'm like, this is the guy.

But then I start, then I look at him. He's got a bow tie on and glasses. And I said, oh, interesting. The other guy was sharp. He looked like a mobster's attorney. This guy was like, something interesting about this guy. Then he speaks. And he's like, you had on mask, right?

I was like, yeah. All of you? Yeah. Gloves? Yeah. Where'd they go? Gone. Where?

Dumpster in New York someplace. Interesting. Where's the gun? Gone. Will it ever come back? Nope. Interesting. You know, you look like a backstreet boy?

I said, I've heard that before at that time. And really, like, no shave and, like, little, like, I kind of did. And I go, yeah, he goes, you know, I just don't see a jury. The guy looks like you believing that you went and held seven people at gunpoint in an armed robbery. I just don't see it. So I think we go to trial. And I was like, really?

He's like, yeah. How are your grades in school? I was like, great. I was like, Dean's List, my first year in college, but I just kind of dropped out. did never really went back he's like juries don't like kids who got nothing going for them but they like people who have things going for them and i was like really he's like yeah it's like okay so we leave and my mom's like i like i love him and his retainer was the same his quote was the same so the next day my mother wrote out the 25 000 check and looked at me and said i told you you should

have went to the university of delaware Now you're spending this on your freedom, potential freedom. I'm sorry. I was like, well, I'm sorry, you know. A whole bunch of sorries at this point. So fast forward, I went back to school. I stayed living at my grandmothers. I got a job at Houlehands.

The same Hoorhands I got arrested at. I became a waiter and learned how to be a waiter and make some money. So I did that at night. And then I went to Jersey City University during the day. How long did that go on for? So this was my entirety of my bail. So the entirety of the negotiations. So basically once he was retained, he was like, you know this, you're facing 25 years.

And I was like, yeah, I know. That's what I heard. So his, the first plea offer was 20 years. Hearing that was fucking disturbing. And I was like, no. He's like, no, of course not. No. I told him no.

Just keep going to school. The first plea offer came within the first two weeks, by the way. They just won it wrapped up. And how old are you and you got arrested? 20. Okay. So now I'm like, all right, fuck. So I'm working every night. I'm burning the midnight oil.

I'm doing good in school. The months start going by the calendar. The pleas start going off. We're about two months in and the pleas went from 20 years down to 12. We're making progress, but not much. I'm not taking a fucking 12-year plea. Okay. So at that time, I was in geology, excuse me, geology class.

I don't know, class I had to take. And the professor goes, Mr. Marshall, can please stay after class? I'm like, what did I do? I'm good. Like, I'm a good student now. I'm like raising my hand. He's like, hey, everyone leaves.

He's like, it's almost like secretive. He's like, do you want to be a geologist? And I was like, no, I don't want to be a geologist. I don't even know what the fuck this is, tectonic plates and shit. Like he goes, no, no, I worked at Exxon. Look at the car I have. Look at the life I have.

Look at the house. And he's like trying to sell me on being a geologist. basically saying like, there's a lot of money in being a geologist. You can work for big oil. And I'm like, in my head, I'm laughing. I'm like, I'm going to prison, dude. I was like, I don't know for how long, but I'm going to prison. So chances are I'm not thinking about my future right now.

And he goes, well, what do you want to do? I was like, well, I want to be a director. I want to make films. He goes, oh, we got a great program here for that. I said, yeah, but I want to, if I do it, I want to do the best. He goes, what's the best? I go, arguably USC and NYU, but NYU. And he goes, really?

I'll write your recommendation. Now, I'm even further laughing. I actually laughed out loud. I was like, oh, that's so nice of you, professor. Yeah, I don't think it's for me. I don't know. I just think my life, right now, I think I have a little bit other, I have other things to concentrate on.

And again, I'm hiding it. No one knows this shit. Just a regular college student. So he's just think about it from you. Think about it. So that night I go home and I can't stop thinking about it. So I go on my computer and I look, going to NYU and I look at everything.

And one of the things is personal essay. I'm like, oh, all right. I take a camcorder, ask my cousin to act, ask someone at the old editing company to edit, make my two and a half minute short film or four minute short film, whatever it was. Then I write the essay about my life and leave out the prison and a drug deal, but all the other stuff, right? The hard time, the bullet, the, and I just sweeten it up enough that someone's going to feel bad enough for me, but not think I'm a total scumbag because I'm out robbing people and I leave all the real true criminality out,

toss the fucking application in. Holidays come and go. It's a sad Christmas to think it may be my last. Shit like that starts getting to you, right? You really, you felt it. Like, when you know, chances are you gone, it's like, it's hurtful. You just start to appreciate things more. So now the pleas are down eight years.

Now we're down to six. Still not taking it. I get home from school sometime in the late spring, about the end of the semester. And I'm dropping mail off to my grandmother, my aunt, and I get to my, and I see the fucking blue insignia. I'm like, huh, it's a thin. I'm like, ah, I didn't get in.

That's what they say, right? It's a thin you didn't get in. I was like, cool. So I go upstairs, sit down on the couch, my cousin's not there. And I have a moment. I'm holding this thing in my hand. And I'm like, huh.

This is interesting. Fuck it, Nick. Just open it. So I open it. Start reading. I get in. I read it again. Start crying.

Read it again. I'm crying. This is the only accomplishment I've ever had in my fucking life. It is a program that mostly does not accept transfers, number one, which I was. Number two, it accepts 32 people a semester. And it is the most prestigious film program in the country, if not the world. And I'm crying because I know. that I finally accomplished something,

but that I probably won't get to do it. Call my mother. Tears. My father. He didn't cry, but you could tell. Did not feel happy for me. Two hours after that, and I shit you not,

I do not joke about this. I don't talk about anything I've said, but this specifically, two fucking hours later, Neri calls me. And I go, I got it in NYU. He goes, Nick, that's amazing.

Congratulations. Are you sitting down? I need you to sit down. And I was like, I knew just when he took a deep breath. He's like, your co-defendants just took a plea for three years with 85%. We have no legs to stand on if you go to trial. And I just like, everything stopped. Like my, like everything I've ever thought about, got angry about, got happy about,

it was like a flat line of life. Like, it was like I was dead. I was floating above myself. And when I finally got to, got the courage to speak. I was like, okay, so I can be out in nine months. He was, well, no, they're offering you four years because you orchestrated it. I'm fighting it, and I think we're going to get down to three because you all did it together. But they're also sentencing you with a very strange sentence. They're doing a one-year mandatory stip in addition to the no early

release act, which is 85% of your sentence. And then you have parole on top. I was like, whoa, whoa. So now my ego comes out again. Well, I'm doing the math. Well, that's six years. He's like, no, no, no. Well, I mean, technically it could be construed as six years, but there's double jeopardy involved. So, like, if you do max out on your three doing the 85%,

which is essentially a max out, do they have the right to give you parole? The law's too new. You'd be the second person ever sentenced on it. I'm like, great. Great. So I'm the fucking test dummy. So I was like, all right. Um, okay, what am I going to say?

Take the fucking plea, but don't take four, take three. So he goes, all right, I'll work on it. That next month while he worked on it. Because now I'm in the limbo of I don't have a sentencing date. I know I'm going away for at least three years, if not more, than everyone else. And now all the things that I've been doing positive, there's no fucking point. Now the only point is make enough money to keep stashing away. So when I get out, I have some kind of money.

saved so that's what i do go work at bars i change jobs i go in the city i go in my resume i pretend to be a bartender i get a job i start working at a gay neighborhood the gays love me it was fucking great they're tipping me like crazy i'm i'm the the man in chelsea the cute guy who looks like sean penn in his younger years oh oh it's great right no one knows no one knows i'm going to prison and all this is happening and then one day in walks these two suits. And I slightly recognized the guy and he slightly recognized me. And I'm like, he goes, Nick Marshall? He goes, such and such. Don't want to name his name because he's a good, successful man, but he comes up in my book. He's like, oh my God. He is, before I was in trouble,

and I was a little youth with one or two friends in baseball, before all the real bullying and everything else. His young, he's the older brother of that kid. So he used to babysit me. We used to play video games together. And I decide to just drop it all on the bar and tell him what I'm going through. And he goes, oh my God, I'm so sorry. Because when are you going? I was like, I don't know, soon. I'm kind of waiting. It's like, you know, I'm a money manager. I'll manage your money while you're gone, you'll earn an interest, you'll make something in the market, I'll worry about it, and I'll deal with your mother. I can offer that support for you. Like, I feel horrible. Like, this is a horrible story. I was like, yeah, yeah, that's great. So he gives me his number. And now I have a

goal. I'm like, all right, well, I have, I think it was like, $3,500 saved at that point. So I'm like, oh, I'm going to get, if I keep working this many day, maybe I could have $6 or $8,000, $10,000 to get me through years from now when I'm off. And I'll be 24 with $10,000. And I'll be 24 with $10,000. like you know i'm trying to think like that and i get his information i start on this goal and then i get a call from neri weeks later and he's like i got you the three pending the judge's approval he's like the prosecutor will not agree to it it's going to be on the judge in the courtroom but i think we have a case it's like okay print it he goes all right your sentencing date september 22nd it's like dude you know this when they give you that fucking date there is nothing nothing so real in life

as the date they tell you're going to fucking die to the outside world they're literally telling you when you're done when when everything tangible any any conversations you have any normalcy you have your bed your clothes everything your freedom is going to be gone and you are subsequently dead to the world because really no one cares when you're in there their lives go on they may care they may write you a letter they may take a phone call but they're not in your shoes they don't experience what it's like to be there and the loneliness and the depravity and the violence and everything else that we'll get to in the next few minutes they don't get that so then i got suicidal i started getting fucking hammered at work and driving home drunk twice

I hit the side of the Holland tunnel. Neither time was I arrested. One time I woke up, my car was on three wheels. Parked outside my apartment. I tried. I tried to do it like a pussy, though. Like, if it happens, not only was that irresponsible,

because God forbid I'd taken someone else's life or my own, it was the lowest depths of depression. And I don't know if you got there. And I don't know if everyone gets there, but I got there. And I didn't snap out of it. I was going through the motions. So much so that I remember I had crossed on this girl. I was dating her, really cared about her.

And I'd known her since I was 16. And she had gone to NYU. And I remember she knew I was going. And some kid that she grew up with in Newark had went, that she was friends with. So she knew what it was all about. He had been there for three years already. So she had like feelings towards empathy towards it.

And then she went, well, if it's your last night, I'll see you on your last night. I was like, yeah, really? You'll see me on last night. It looked great. So I went for some, now my whole two days, three days before that last night was admitting to all my regulars where I was going.

You'd be, the amount of overwhelming, support that these bar regulars gave me. They took, they gave me, they took my full name, where prison I was going to wear, about how to reach me, blah, blah. They ultimately, a lot of them sent me letters that I still have today, which is just to go and show how humanity, how kind most people are. They would just want to support. I was a bartender.

I was just a guy who made them drinks and gave them a plate of sushi. That's it. But they saw something in me. They felt away about me. and they gave me that love and respect to be that kind. And I got so hammered having drinks with a few of them and random people that night. And the phone, I just kept calling the girl and she just kept putting it to the voicemail. And I remember my phone died.

I was drunk. I got to a pay phone outside her dorm room, hammered, called her. And she'd put it the voicemail. I remember leaving like the most sad, depressing message. I'm losing my life tomorrow. I thought you were going to be there for me. And, you know, getting back in my car, drunk, crying hysterically, wiping tears, trying to get back to my grandmother's house in Kearney. And I did.

And I woke up the next morning to my cousin and my father standing over my bed. You're still fucking sleeping? Get the fuck up. Your sentencing. It's like 30 months. minutes and I'm like what oh so I'm hammered like I'm still drunk you can my father's like oh oh do you have to do that I was that really like like that's what you care about now like like that is the least of my worries what is the judge going to say you know give you more time for being drunk and late

to your sentencing no so it's not the way it works so I was fucking hammered get dressed take shower, put on my silly clothes, hug my cousin, walk down the steps. And I describe my book, like, walking down those steps brought back my entire childhood that I had forgotten because of all the things that had happened. The good childhood, the Christmases, the care, the family, the love, the learning, the growing up. And all that stuff was just as memories, I walked down these stairs onto the pavement to get in my dad's car. And then we were, when we got in the car, my dad got drafted in Vietnam, and he never talked about it because of what he experienced.

But he won the Gold Star for bravery. And I didn't even know this until his now wife pulled it up eight years ago, to put this in perspective. But at this time, we're driving to the courthouse in Hackintack. And it's like a 20-minute drive. I'm hung over. I want to vomit. I'm scared.

I'm confused. And he's stoic, but he's nervous. His son, his eldest son is going to have, he's losing his son to prison, which he never thought, getting out. Because he is a self-made guy to get out of the shit that he grew up in to bring us to a leafy suburb. So it's probably like his biggest nightmare. And I'm sitting there and they finally just like, listen, when I got drafted in Vietnam, I was scared. And I knew many people who didn't come home prior to me going. And I knew the wrists.

And they looked at me. He's like, son, you're not going to die. And I was like, all right, thanks. But it was like, now I'm joking about it in the laughing because you're laughing too, but it was like so fucking dead serious. He was like, you're not going to die. You may get beat up. You may get hurt, but you're not going to die.

And I was like, yeah, yeah, you're right. You're right. And then when we got to the courtroom, I vomited on the side of the steps in the You can imagine how that played when all these lawyers and other people are going up and I'm fucking vomiting on the side. Anyway, with that out of my system, I go through security. And as I get through security, I'll never forget my poor mother, standing there, like the angelic charyub that she is. She's a lovely woman. She's so nice.

And she's sitting there like crying, tissues in her hand. And I walk up and I hug her. and I said, mom, listen, and I looked at her, and I knew I had to be strong for her. I said, Mom, I'm going to be fine. I'm going to be more than fine. I'm going to get through this. I'm going to make something on myself. And I gave her that same talk in a different manner than my father did to be the man for her as her eldest son.

I said, this is the last time I'm going to be able to hug you for a while. So let's make it count. And I gave her a big hug. I said, now sit in the back of the courtroom because I don't want you up front. and her and my father sat separately in the back of the courtroom while I was sentenced. And it happened very quickly. And then they all, I was the last one because they were trying to give me four years. And then my lawyer eloquently argued on my behalf.

And the judge let the prosecutor spew his bullshit and of why I was the mastermind about, which is true. But like, fuck you. We're all kids. I'm a 20 year old kid, bro. Like, I'm not a fucking. criminal mastermind. If I was, I wouldn't be sitting here right now. Like, not here in that courtroom. I would have been Scott free. And the judge was like, look, aggravating factors,

outweigh mitigating factors, four to one, but you all fucking did it, right? You all went in there, you all had this, you're all going to prison for the same time. And the prosecutor starts to go out. He's like, no, judge is great. I was like, this is fucking awesome, judge. And then that's when they hit the gavel and you remember that that's the fucking that's like if you think all the other stuff that we've talked about is like a big deal audience that one when you hear the gavel go and the and the bailiff comes over to remand you then you're like because you're not cuffed at this point and now you get cuffed in front of the whole courtroom so what i did was i could hear people crying in the back my mother one of them and i turned around and i smiled and i was mild the words i'm going to

to be all right. And when they walked us into that room and that holding pen, it was like, I'm here to do this fucking time, not to let the time do me. I'm going to fucking make something out of myself. And guess what I'm going to use is my North Star. NYU. Because not many people who dream of being a filmmaker ever even have the opportunity to apply there. Nevertheless, get in. And even though they wouldn't fucking defer me, I want my honor. degree one day um it was my hope and it was what made me say i am going to keep my head down i'm not going to get involved in drugs i'm not going to get involved in violence i'm going to do my fucking time the right way i'm going to read i'm going to teach myself how to write

and i'm going to read give myself a degree in moral literature that was my goal read every fucking thing i can get my hands on and that was the beginning did the um people that you guys robbed, did they report it to the cops? Is that how they got on your jail? It's always so interesting hearing these robbery stories when like one criminal robs another criminal and they end up calling the police. Yeah, well, it's crazy because you would think

in my stupid fucking head, I always thought, I'm a crook, you're a crook, let's handle this on the street. What are you going to do? You're going to come at me? All right, great, I got guns, I got knives, I got brass knuckles, I got baseball bats, let's fucking go. but that's not the way it is most of the time or some of the time and also we were kids and it was his parents house

and it was like there's a lot of other things I'm not blaming look I made a mistake I want to be very fucking crystal clear I shouldn't have done what I did but I did think because he was a drug dealer I wasn't committing a crime I genuinely thought that I just thought there's some street shit work it out I didn't know armed robbery was the what I was doing I didn't realize 25 years was the number I was looking at. Do you know in the state of New Jersey, armed robbery carries more than fucking rape?

And to me, rape is the most disgusting fucking thing you can do. That's most things. Murder is justified. A lot. I'm sorry. You could justify murder. If you raped my daughter, I'd fucking kill you. I see in Connecticut, like I read the news times of all these cases where these sex offenders get less time than I got in prison.

Yeah. It's crazy. It's crazy. And you're like, who fucking made this law up? Like, isn't there a caveat? Like I robbed another drug dealer of his drugs. I didn't take the diamonds and pearls that were upstairs or the watches or any of the shit that his parents own. I took his drugs and his drugs in cash only.

That's it. It's the states that have the problem because I think the federal guidelines and sentencing are dialed in on sex offenders. But it's states that are where the issues is. Yes. Because in the Fed, they're not sentencing someone to two years. There's mandatory minimums. In Connecticut, though, I see sex offenders getting two years. And, you know, it's crazy.

It is crazy. I see that all the time. And it's like, you know, when you look at the way this justice system is written, obviously it so aversely affects poor and disenfranchised individuals and African-American and Latino youths specifically and overall, of all ages. But like, to me, it's like some of it's just not common sense. Some of it's so outlandish. And, you know, to get into now the story. of prison is I started in Burden County Jail. My father made some phone calls, found someone who knew

someone who was a CEO, and they got me a job in the maintenance department. So I spent about a month on the tier. I watched, so this is a fucked up story. This is a fucked up story. So you would know this too. So you know how every day after dinner someone else has to clean up mop the floor or whatnot Put the shit away and help the trays and push it back because the kitchen workers just dropped them off Right so my co-defendant was this dude mad cool and like very like tough he was Roommates with arguably the craziest fucking lunatic any of us have ever come across he he must have been like 260 jacked looked like just animalistic right

everyone was scared of him he worked in the kitchen he spoke to no one except for my boy who was his roommate my co-defendant and they had this weird like symbiotic relationship almost like a great white shark and the thing that swims aside it and my and and we're gonna mind you this was like a very very tough crazy looking individual everyone stayed away from

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Visit Benihana.com. Vinihana.com. correctly correct. Now that term is not allowed a transsexual individual. And he was very flamboy or she, whatever he was,

whatever transition he was at was very flamboyant. And a lot of people on the tier didn't like that, right? Some did because they let him suck his dick or, you know, get jerked off or do whatever sexual fucking favors they had going in their time. That's on them.

That's cool whatever people want to do but overall he was very he was like the fake tough like sassy well let's just say this poor gentleman was elected to clean up after dinner one day and i think i told this on kevin's too so i'm sorry if i'm repeating the same story but he started mopping and everyone's like pretty much done except the kitchen guy. He's eating. And this mop, mop, mop. And this guy's eating slow.

And you know the rules when you're eating in prison. This dude's just like, and now mind you, everyone's seeing this because now the whole tears come out on the tier to watch what's about, because you know that's the other thing. When something's about to pop off, you feel it. Everyone know it. Like it's like sirens go up.

Everyone knows some shit's about to happen. They don't know what. But in this case, We all knew what? This guy. Touches his foot with the mop. Stair off. Goes back to have another bite.

The other dude touches again in that manner. I've never seen someone. He popped up like fucking Superman. Like it was like a, it was out of a movie, a Marvel movie. He popped up, grabbed the fucking guy. I literally fucking tossed him across the thing, then chased onto him, took him and started taking his head and smashing it until he cracked his head open so much that the blood started pouring out and like chunks of what after he got really must have been a little piece

of his like, I don't want to say brain, but something back there was still left on the floor like yellowish, not red. It was horrifying to watch. It was, it happened so quick. And he just did and everyone's like, oh, there was like, there wasn't cheering. There was a collective gasp and awe from everyone. And then when he realized when he came out of his blackout and he looks up, he's looking up like this and he looks around and he goes to the mop, he grabs the mop and he twists in his hand like this and he takes it out like a spear, like a, like a Donatello from fucking the Ninja Turtles.

And he's like this and he's like this. And now the cops, all the COs are like, all right, now we should go in. maybe we should call it. And they don't do shit. But now they're getting off their ass because now they're like, holy shit. We got one guy's bleeding out on the fucking pavement. And we get this other lunatic with a stick now, a weapon in the tier.

So they start hitting all the alarms. And the only thing you could hear is my boy, Digo, yo, whatever his name was. And he goes, drops the stick and he runs into his cell. As soon as that happened, who cops locked down, boom, boom. infirmary came, everything. I always, that was probably the most violent thing I saw and witnessed firsthand in prison. And ironically, it was in the county. Yeah, they do say county jails are the worst for violence.

It can be. Because you just have too many different walks of life in the same thing. And in the county, you either don't work or you work. And we were in a workers pod, which was, you know, supposed to keep us busy so we didn't just fight all day. But in this particular instance, you understand why. that was some scary shit and you know i worked maintenance so luckily i was out of the pod you know nine 10 hours a day i was drinking dunkin donuts having a bagel or donut with the cops sometimes a bagel on christmas and holidays they brought in um italian subs from like a logo because

i was one of three people four people three white guys and one black guy and we were all trusted So I used to clean the jail all around along with paint things, unclogged toilets, do everything. Now, 85% of the time I had a CO with me. Out of the 85, he looked the other way 50, right? So then what happened, I kind of broke my rule. I started to get in with this cool kid. So I like to watch TV at night. and there was only two TVs on the tier.

And the way this tier worked was in one corner, the TVs were in the corner, corner, corner, top, corner, bottom. And we used to have plastic bins. I don't know if it was yours guys, but we had plastic bins, right? Where we put our shit in, notebooks, letters, and clothes, you know, like, whatever, underwear, socks, shit like that. So we used to drag the bins out and sit on the bins to watch TV because it's comfortable. only in order to do that to get closer to TV,

this junta, which he wasn't really a junta because he wasn't a gang member. He was a white dude, but he ran shit because he was obviously selling drug to someone doing some shit on the side. He had the whole corner of the tier. So in order to watch TV, like I was sitting there trying to watch Martin in night,

and I was like way on the other side and like, I'm like, how do I get in there? Like, I got to get to know this guy. So sure enough, I kind of inched my way into getting to know him. blessing and a curse. So he took a liking to me. So suddenly I started getting, he got weed one day. I smoked out, smoked weed with him one day. I was, oh my God, this is great. But then I was like, no, you're misbehaving, Nick. No, you got to do your bid. You got to, you told yourself you're going to be smart, not stupid. But I was feeling being cool again or being fitting in or having some juice. So my ego got

involved. So now I'm like chilling, hanging out with him. And one day he's like, yeah, come here. come to myself. I was like, sure. He's like, yeah. You think you get on the cleaning route tomorrow? I was like, I don't know. It's like 50-50. Like sometimes it's, he's like, no, no.

I'm asking. You think you can get on tomorrow? I was like, I could try. He's like, try hard. And I was like, what's up? He's like, here's the way it's going to work. He's like, my girl drops, my girl puts the drugs in the drop ceiling,

blah, blah, blah, you know, starts giving me the whole thing. And I'm like, everything starts clicking. I'm like, well, that's how he has weed. That's how the, that's why this guy's making this move. They used to have like fish hooks between the, like, I say fish hooks. It was like newspapers tied together that would push the drugs underneath the door between the two pods. So there's all these like tricks on how to move drugs, right? So here I am and I'm like, I'm telling myself I'm not going to do it.

And instead I fucking do it. I get on that cleaning crew. I go in. Officer goes that way. I go this way. Boom, boom. I jump up. grab the drug sure enough they were there

whack them in a pack boom boom boom get out cops like oh you're done it was like yeah yeah all clean here and he's like all right you guys got to get searched now I was like cool he's like just drop the Zamboni across the thing so instead of getting searched I took drugs and stuffed them in the Zamboni

because there was a blind spot the camera now mind you I had done this before so I learned it from other people wasn't like I was just like going off just trying to shorten the story because we've already been here for a minute. And we, you know, so then I basically smuggled fucking drugs into the county jail for this dude. So I could watch TV close to his cell. But that was the only real crime I committed in prison.

You know, I feel like because you had that entrepreneurial sense, most people that go to prison for drugs or any type of business related have that business mindset and they find themselves doing something like that in prison. Like I was entrepreneurial before prison, so I got myself involved in. Shit, I did not need to get involved in in prison. Like, I would be the runner. So I left the camp to smuggle back bags for $200. I did not need $200.

And I would have got an extra five years in prison if I got caught off the grounds. If you get caught on the grounds, it's just an out of bounds. But if I actually left, but for $200. Yeah. And a couple of foods, just because I wanted to hustle. You know? I was gambling. I was playing dice. I was doing all the rush. That's what it is. You get this rush and you're like, like I said, ego. I had three months left up. I said that I've run through the woods to get bags.

Wow. Most ridiculous thing ever. So did you achieve your goal of bettering yourself while you were in prison for those years? Yes. It was a struggle. When I got to state prison, it became a real big struggle because of the segregation. So I'm not presidents. I don't believe in that shit. I'm not. trying to join the Aryan fucking nation. And there was seven white dudes that sat together. First day I saw it and I sat at a different table, all the way from other people, closer to some Spanish kids.

It was definitely very racially segregated. And then it goes into gang affiliation. And I remember they came up to me like, why are you sitting over there? I was like, no reason. I'd just like to be by myself. I'm just here to do my bid. So that set me off with a bad taste for them.

And then one of the bunk mates that I was close to was a Latin king who I found out I sold drugs to his people at the Mount Prospect in Newark so he had an affinity for me so he introduced me to one of the junta's of the Nyetas so then I started hanging out with the Nyetas and Nyetas essentially became my protectors because there was a blood that wanted to get me that yeah it was like serious like this motherfucker hated me like it was if I didn't have protection I would be fucked up probably would stab me too um just Because I know that's how he got down.

It wasn't his first bid. He was nuts. And like, you could just tell, like, he was very, very, very deep-rooted in his gang shit and his lifestyle. And he did not like me. And the Nyatta's kind of put a block on that by saying, oh, you hit him. We're going to hit you. And the Nietta's outnumbered everyone because there's just so many of them. They used to make the joke.

Like, every time it was a fight. It's like, they're fucking another Spanish dude popping out of that woodwork, right? Because they're, you didn't know who Nietta is. Like, you knew who the kings were. You knew who the bloods were. You knew the god bodies. You knew the, you know, white supremacy, neo-Nazi gangs. But you didn't know the Niatas because they roll different.

They were just like all of a sudden they pop up. There were more of them. So they protected me, which allowed me to keep my head down and stay away from trouble. Because I didn't get involved in it. I was just friends with them. I sat with them. I ate with them. I watched TV with them.

When I was out on a, you know, a yard job. I hung out with them. So, you know, that was that was one way I kept my head down. And the rest was just schedule and routine. So like when I woke up at 6 in the morning, after breakfast, if I had an hour before work, I read for an hour. When I went to work, I went to work all day, came back, I wrote for two hours. I read for three hours. I went to bed.

Repeat. I didn't watch nearly as much TV as I did in the county jail because I was like, first of all, what's on TV? Jerry Springer. I don't need to watch Jerry Springer. I'm sorry. This is not educationally. healthy for me. So, and I just felt that I was wasting my mind away.

And I also was very, very savvy and getting good jobs. I got like, I got one time, but at the time I got to a camp, I was doing like, I was the weight coordinator. And what that meant was, I opened the weight room, took out some weights and waited two hours and worked out while I was doing it with everyone else and then put the weights back. That was my job. So I never had to leave the tier. So I read at that point, I was reading like six to eight hours a day.

Then I would write for two hours a day. I would go for runs around the baseball diamond or the softball diamond or whatever it was. And just basically, I had a lot of fresh air at that point and a lot of mental clarity. And then eventually I went to a halfway house. How much time did you end up doing? Two years, six months and 20 days. So they really hit you with that 85 percent? Yeah, they hit me with the full 85.

And your co-defendants did 85? Yeah. All of them, yeah. Do you talk to any of them to this day? I talk to two. What happened to them? Did they become successful? One who I don't speak to has had a wonderful, successful life.

He cleaned himself up and I'm very pleased and happy for him. I do not speak to him. I never have. But those old wounds to me are old wounds and I only wish people the best. The other two, one is amazing right now. He is a breathwork coach that just started. in his sessions and his teachings started speaking about his experience in prison because he went to Bordentown and Bordentown was recently shuttered because it makes Rikers look like a playground

and I don't want to say that but Rikers bad but Bordentown was called gladiator school because every single day you fought for your life there was no there was not a day in Bordantown where there wasn't a fight or stabbing period full stop there was four tiers A wing B Wings C wing D wing And they were, it was all the gang members. So it was like, if you look at like Northern State, New Jersey, where they put all the gang leaders and members, that's a 23-hour lockdown. Imagine that with no lockdown. That's bored in town for kids. 19 to 28.

So that was another thing maybe different than you. The top line age in the prisons I went to based on my age in sentencing was 28 years old. So rape wasn't as prevalent as it was. would be how I'd have gone to Rottway. Then I may be speaking a whole different tune, real talk. You know, I may be crying about my, you know, experiences there versus laughing at them or, you know, trying to talk whimsically about them versus some serious, serious stuff. Do you think that your parents didn't give you enough attention as a child?

They probably gave me too much attention. I think I think that I'm very good at hiding things. and compartmentalizing, and I think that I was able to hide quite a bit from them. Do you think that the divorce had a big effect on you? Or was it too late at that point? But the effect it did have was I went from, I don't give a fuck to, I don't give a fuck, two very different mindsets, right? So like, when you start saying you don't give a fuck and truly mean it and activate,

like their nickname for me, my career was ruthless because I was fucking ruthless. because I was fucking ruthless. You owed me money? I'm getting my motherfucking money one way or another. That's it. Like I, there's no like, oh, I feel a bat. Nope. You wrong me.

You get wronged. That's it. I was a very, very different person than I am now. That took a lot of time to get over. Tell us about the success that you were able to achieve after all of this. Because this is, you know, this wraps up when you're 23, 24. Yeah, it's put behind you. How old do you know?

I'm 46. You're 46? Yeah. You look good for 46. Thanks, bud. Everyone, people in the comments always rip me when I, like, tell people they look good for their age. But, I mean, it's true. No, no, no.

Listen, I appreciate it. I'm thankful for it. I do a lot of yoga. I work out a lot. Look, what I did, and I wrote everything I'm about to say now in Cliff Notes version is the book, right? I came out. I was forced to live in my father's basement with his new wife and kids

it was like entering a new family nothing but love and support but new family I had a parole officer and my parole officer was like you gotta get a job I was like yeah I got a job he's like okay cool what's your job was like oh I work in a moving company but I'm not gonna keep the job he's like whoa what do you mean yucky

I was like look I want to be a director but I don't have enough money to go back to school so I'm gonna be an actor and I'll go to acting school during the day and I'll work at bars and restaurants at night. He's like, whoa, whoa, where? I was like in Manhattan. He's like, oh, you can't do that. So basically my story is about

the difficulty of working through the parole system while just trying to do good and just being a kid or a young adult and working because of all the stopgaps they have. I tell stories about getting a new parole officer and then being like I was on quarterly, four times a year. They dropped me back. down to weekly. No reason, because it was a new parole officer. And they have that power.

They just fuck with you. The recidivism rate in this country, you may know this is 66%. That means 66 out of 100 people go back to prison. That's a huge number. That's not a positive reinforcement of the prison system. That's a negative reinforcement. It should be the inverse. It should be 33% go back in 66, have a life upon doing their time. That's not the case. So I, I navigated that. I worked in restaurants. I waited tables. I bartended. I bartended. I started bar managing. I was always, if my goal was this, if I'm going to spend 40 hours a week doing something, I'm going to do it to the best of my ability. Now, was that a detriment at times to my acting career? Yeah. Because there was a point where all things were considered equal, and then my acting buddy started getting real work, and you probably know their names right now. And they're doing it for real. And me, I'm really not much anymore, but I am still writing. I am directing soon. And why? Because I got caught up in the high life of nightlife. I was at the top of, you know, I was running up and down and one oak, which are arguably two of the greatest New York City nightclubs that were ever, that may have ever

been, right, within, you know, top 10. And celebrity havens, billionaires, schemers, you know, Some of my clients are people you've read about who are like doing long prison stints now or are living off their yacht in China because nobody can find them. But those were people I took their credit cards, got their numbers, said come to the club, went to their after parties at their hotels, went on their yachts or their private planes. And that was a lifestyle I was living, very removed from prison. But that to me was a very empty and vapid lifestyle. And it was really just so I would be able to support my acting habit. and eventually be able to be a full-time artist. So that's the success.

I mean, the success right now is I'm not back in prison. I'm not a criminal. I have some things going for me. I just wrote a book. We're trying to sell the movie rights. I'm currently casting and fundraising for my first feature, which is different than this. It's called a long road.

And it's basically based on my life about a convict reintegrating in society. but it's a shitty theme. He has to become a criminal again in order to ultimately free himself and his family. So I'm taking a piss on the system because of how difficult it is to really go straight.

That's funny because that's like the project I did where I had to go back, you know, to prison. Yeah, with Mr. Beast. Yeah, to make it, you know, all right. Which is crazy, right? It's funny how that, you know, comes full circle. It's very cool. What do you think is the biggest lesson

you want people to take away from your story. Don't do what I did. Here, like the biggest lessons, I'll tell you, don't do what I did. Don't let your ego create a monster. Don't, if you're being bullied, and now I can't imagine being cyber bullied, there has to be a better way to combat against it.

Yes, you're hurt. You're saddened, but like figure out a way to direct that hurt and pain into something positive, not into something negative. Don't let other people make you worse, right? Or make you into something you're not. And then the biggest thing I've always said is,

just work your ass off. That's it. Listen, I've been fucking fired so many times. I have. But I've also quit more times that I've been fired at a principle of me saying, fuck you, I'm not doing this because I can get a job tomorrow doing the same thing. in a better circumstance.

But do not think you're owed anything. Because in life, you're owed nothing. I don't care what walk of life. You're not owed anything. You need to work for it. And I think you and I talked about that earlier. It's like you're working for this. Like you five years ago,

had you been able to publish your book, it wouldn't have the same impact because you didn't have the same end result to talk full circle about what your messaging is. That's hard work. You did all this, right? No one made you do this. You did this.

You took a bad experience and made it better for you and for others to be able to not commiserate, but like to understand what it's like to live in these shoes that society sticks their nose up to and turns their head to. And I think that's like for me a big takeaway. Like just and be kind. Be like nice to people. Don't get me wrong. I have a reputation for being a dick.

But yeah, if you do a door in New York City, you're not supposed to be everyone's friend until they're inside. Once they're inside, I'm their best friend. But prior to that, they're not. So, yeah, I have that. What's one thing you wish you could tell your childhood self? Don't do it. Everything's going to be all right. Don't do it. Stay away. Those cool people, they're not cool. That's the funny thing, right? When you think about, like, high school, especially now with like Facebook or something, right? the prom king and queen the coolest people in high school the blah blah blah are they the most successful people in life 90% I would say no I was just listening to that on a podcast

I forgot I think it was Diary of a CEO where they were talking about this exact thing I'd rather go back and be the biggest nerd that was like picked on but not bullied because right now I'd be sitting on my yacht not doing anything that I'm doing right why because it's the nerds it's the schoolastic people who are labeled a certain way in that environment who succeed

in life for the most part because they work hard and they take what they're doing for what it is this math problem this essay this project this is all going to better me in the long run and they don't get caught up in the nonsense usually sometimes you do now you can't escape it yeah the people i envied in high school the popular ones you know the people that i thought were above me, it didn't turn out the way you would expect based on how much you envied them. You know, it doesn't correlate to each other. No, it doesn't. I would say, you know, look, we all have dream.

Start your dreams early. Just start working early, right? If you're an athlete, you don't, you start when you start and you don't stop until the universe tells you, sorry, bro, no more. Whether that's your body gives out, whether that's you're just not talented enough, whether that's, you know, you got injured something, right? Who knows? But that's the way I like to look at it, like from an athletic standpoint. Imagine we were scholastically athletic. Absolutely. Well, Nick, thanks so much for coming on the show, man. You're an incredible guest. Couldn't have asked for a better guest. Dude, that's so kind. I'm sorry. I went so over. No, no, no. You're good, man. The audience loves

these interviews, you know? Cool. And you told your story so beautifully. And everyone, check out his book. We'll have the link in the description this episode. Thank you, man. I really appreciate it. Yeah. Yeah, I appreciate you, man. Thanks.