Locked In with Ian Bick - I Was a U.S. Marine — Then I Went to Prison | Anthony Lopez

Episode Date: October 1, 2025

Anthony Lopez grew up in the South Bronx, where street life was everywhere. His mom pushed him to join the U.S. Marines to escape the cycle — and he went on to serve in Iraq. But one mistake changed everything. After being caught with a gun off base, Anthony was discharged from the military and sent straight to Rikers Island, eventually serving time in New York State Prison. #USMarine #MarineToPrison #PrisonStory #VeteranLife #PrisonInterview #TrueCrimePodcast #PrisonDocumentary #lockedinpodcast Thank you to PRIZEPICKS for sponsoring this episode: Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/IANBICK and use code IANBICK and get $50 in lineups when you play your first $5 lineup! Connect with Anthony Lopez: https://www.instagram.com/ceotoneofficial?igsh=N2ltcm81dm9xbXdh Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Presented by Tyson 2.0 & Wooooo Energy: https://tyson20.com/ https://woooooenergy.com/ Use code LOCKEDIN for 20% OFF Wooooo Energy Buy Merch: http://www.ianbick.com/shop Timestamps: 00:00 From U.S. Marine to Prison Inmate: Anthony Lopez’s Story 01:10 Growing Up in the Bronx & Early Influences 03:31 Family, Values & Street Temptations 05:16 Teenage Years: Hustle, Risk & Survival 06:56 Choosing the Military to Escape the Streets 10:00 Boot Camp, Infantry Training & Discipline 13:44 Deploying to Iraq: First Impressions & Fear 17:19 Combat, Trauma & Losing Friends Overseas 22:31 Life in Iraq: Mental Toll & Survival Mode 25:53 Coming Home: PTSD & Struggling to Adjust 29:13 Trouble in NYC: Stop-and-Frisk & Arrest 34:32 Military Discharge & Facing Criminal Charges 41:46 Court Battles, Sentencing & Feeling Betrayed 47:13 Rikers Island: Inside One of America’s Toughest Jails 50:51 Prison Life: Survival, Violence & Finding Purpose 56:01 Upstate Prison: Fishkill & Building a New Mindset 01:01:49 Becoming a Mentor: Teaching & Rehabilitation Work 01:07:09 Release & Reconnecting with Family 01:13:32 Adjusting to Life After Prison 01:20:47 Lessons Learned & Advice for Young Men 01:27:03 Breaking the Cycle: Creating a Better Future 01:34:08 Final Reflections & Words of Hope Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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to escape the streets, served in Iraq, and then one mistake got him discharged, sent to Rikers Island and eventually to New York State Prison. Today, he shares the raw story of how he went from soldiered to inmate and what he learned along the way. Tone, welcome to Lockton. Thanks so much for coming to Miami. You left Miami to come to a little bit of the fall, colder weather, but you're here. Yeah, I'm happy to be here. Thanks for having me on the platform. Yeah, and we got a guest today doing the interview. We've been trying to kick her out, but she wanted to stay. She wanted to check my paperwork. Yeah, she came to check your paperwork. This is Bella. Hard launched her on the Instagram. We had just adopted her from Dawes and Danbury this past weekend.

She's a little sweet four-year-old Jack Russell Terrier. Shout out Bella. She's really attached now. This is her first interview. She's been in the room. So if you act up, you're getting the boot, Bella. Bella, you sold my paperwork. You know what's going on.

Did you grow up in Miami? No, I'm from the Bronx, born and raised. What was that like growing up? The Bronx was a beautiful nightmare. It was in my home, there was nothing but love. I grew up with both parents. I had everything I needed, Ian, at home. When I walked outside my building, hip hop was being created outside my door.

You know, things that go on in a poor neighborhood in the Bronx. But the Bronx is a beautiful place. Just at home, that's where the love was. Once you left that door, there was no love outside. What would your parents do for work? My parents were a regular middle class. My mother worked in a real estate office, and my father was the super of the buildings on the block where I grew up in.

So my father was always around. My mother, you know, hardworking, Latino people. You know, I'm Dominican and Puerto Rican. So I have those roots. It was a beautiful place to grow up, but a disaster all at the same time. You know what I'm saying? Why do you say disaster? Because outside, it was all the influences.

It was the what goes on in the poor community. drug dealing, stealing, robbing. I never looked at it like it was us against each other in the community. I always looked at it like it was us against the system.

There was love, but there was also chaos. And that's what comes along with the drug dealing and what comes along with the drug use and poverty as well. Everybody's trying to make it out. There's a million ways out the hood,

but no signs say out. Do you feel like your family struggled with poverty? I feel like my parents gave me the best that they could. I feel like that although we lived in a bad neighborhood, they made sure that I had clothes on my back, you know, food on the table every night. It was just love.

It was love at home, and it was a great place to be. And we were all affected by it in some way or another, you know, shootouts in the hood, you know, people using drugs, you know, people stealing. we try to make the best out of a difficult situation. Latinos, we have this camaraderie amongst each other and we have this community amongst each other that's truly a beautiful thing. And that's what you see in the Bronx.

It was like a fairy tale, like the movie. You ever seen a Bronx tale yet? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's how I grew up. Going to Morris Park, getting a slice, going to Yankee Stadium, riding the trains, cutting school. You know, my mother, she tried.

She tried to, you know, hold on to me, but I was seduced by the culture. You know, like I said, hip hop was being created right outside my door. And the street culture was, you know, hip hop derives from the street culture. What were some values your parents instilled in you as a kid? Integrity.

My mother was big on integrity, hard work. My mother always told me, even if you clean in a toilet, do it with excellence. And that's something that I always took with me my whole life. Everything you do, do it well. Show up early to places.

Keep your word. Those are values that were instilled in me growing up by my parents, too hardworking individuals, who try to give their kids the best that they can do under the circumstances that they were in. Do you feel like your parents were strict on you? Yes. I feel like my parents were strict. Like I said, my mother tried to keep me in the house.

But, you know, after a while, she couldn't keep me in the house, and I had to be a man, and I ventured out, and I wanted to see what the world outside had for me. How old were you when you first experienced the world? I say about 16. I say at about 16, I was in a place where my mother couldn't control me. She couldn't tell me, stay at home. My mother was more the disciplinarian in the household.

You see that a lot in Latino household. My mother was the one throwing the chancletta and, you know, screaming. And my father was kind of like, yo, listen, I don't want no problems with her, man. You know, so she was kind of the tough one. And my father, you know, he kind of tried to keep me out of trouble and always said, always asks me, you need something. You need money. I love you, son. I had a lot of love growing up.

It was just the outside environment that affects you when you grow up and the buggy down. Do you think if you were taught more about the outside environment in your younger years, it could have went differently? I think so. I think communication is key. I'm a father of two, so I try to keep it real with my children. My daughter Madison, she's 15, and my son Zion, he's going to be six. And, you know, I speak to my daughter about what's really out there.

I feel like my mother took more of the approach of trying to shield me and trying to keep me from it. Because that's what her heart told that to do at the time. When you become a parent, you realize how difficult it is. When you're a kid, everybody thinks their parents don't know shit. How would you have described yourself as a teenager? As a teenager, I was ambitious. Growing up, I always wanted more. That's why I wanted to go outside.

I was seduced by, you know, the drug dealer with the gold chain and the drop-top beaming with the Lyskin girl. because, you know, growing up 80s, 90s, 2000s, that's what was out there. And I wanted a piece. I wanted a piece of the pie. I wanted to feel the power of what it felt like when, you know, the guy who had the block walks through and everybody's just looking in awe. And he has all the jury and all the opportunities because they say, hey, it's opportunities out here. But the only opportunity or the first opportunity that you encounter when you grow up in the Bronx is illegal activity.

You say to yourself, hey, this is what's going to get me out of here. college seems far-fetched, you know, it's all seems like a dream because what's in front of you is the reality. What was the thing that you thought would get you out of there? I didn't know. At the time, I was just trying to find myself. I loved hip-hop. Hip-hop culture was being created in the Bronx at that time. So I know I wanted to do something in the hip-hop industry because we were all affected by it, fashion, what we wear, how we talk, even getting involved in street activity.

It all goes along with hip hop culture And it becomes one So it's something that you're attracted to when you're young So what happens at 16? At 16 I start to Venture out in the street Doing petty stuff selling marijuana, small time Just trying to really find myself and see what's going on

My mother's trying to desperately keep me in the house You know, she used to take me to church I grew up in church You know it reached me to a point And then after that I was totally, you know, I wanted to take me to church. to just have my own thoughts and kind of go outside and see what I could do with the environment.

And that's what it was, growing up in the streets, hanging out with your friends in front of the building, you know, people getting shot, drugs being sold. It was normal. It was normal. And what saved me from, you know, the fate of having a life sentence or getting killed, I feel was like the love that I had at home. The love and that support system that no matter what happened outside,

I could always go home and I could always have that love inside the house. Were you a good student in high school? Were you taking it seriously? No, I wasn't a good student. I was always smart. I was always ambitious. I just learned differently. I felt like I learned differently than others.

Everybody's not going to be able to read a book and get 100 on the SATs and all that stuff. Someone must learn differently. I'm a visual learner. I love podcasting. I love journalism. I love all of those things. So I feel like the teacher. were just paid to show up and leave.

You know, nobody learns, nobody succeeds. They just pass you. So a lot of it is, like I said, is the system. It was us in the environment, fighting the environment and the system trying to hold us and keep us down. But there was love in the community. Were you thinking about college? No. I thought about college one time in the 10th grade.

And then I went to go see a counselor. And the counselor told me that, based on my... grades, I would never make it to college. That's what she said. She said, you'll never be in college. Your grades are terrible. So where does that even leave a kid? When you're being told that 10th grade, how are you even supposed to think about the future or any type of future when you're being told that? It leaves you confused. It leaves you confused as to your next steps. And, you know, you go back to the mentality like, hey, I need to be doing what my homie is doing on the street. I need to be doing what, you know, what my guys are doing because, you know, there's no hope because

there's only certain ways out. That's what's presented to you. College, military. You know, my parents weren't really entrepreneurs. They worked hard and they were good, you know, hard workers. But they didn't really have like an entrepreneurial aspect. What type of people were you hanging around? I was hanging around the guys in my neighborhood.

You know, New York is different. I feel like in some places it's segregated. I love Miami, but Miami is a little bit more, and I'm speaking toward, you know, the poverty-stricken places is more segregated. Where New York, it doesn't matter if you black, white, Jewish, if you live in the projects, if you live in the hood, you're just like us, and you're part of us.

So I hung out with everybody. The wonderful thing about growing up in New York is the diversity, the people you get to meet. You know, I had friends that were Italian, that lived in Morris Park, and they would take me to their houses, and I would eat, you know, lasagna and have fresh mozzarella and just be exposed to all these different cultures besides my own.

Because I was exposed to Dominican and Puerto Rican culture in the Bronx and in my neighborhood. But when I left my neighborhood was when I got exposed to different cultures and realized what truly a melting pot, New York, really is. Did you get into any trouble at all in your teenage years? Small trouble. I feel like my mother saw the path I was going on. and she really was trying to push me toward joining the military because in her mind that was the way out.

She's seen where I was going, which, you know, ended up there anyway. But she's seen where I was going and she kind of said, hey, you know, I need to get my son out of this. You know, I need to figure out a way for my son to leave this area. And that was one of the ways. But growing up, I couldn't see, you know, I couldn't really see past the neighborhood. You know, everything was what was around me. I was just trying to survive the neighborhood.

and, you know, just growing up as a regular kid is just the extreme environment causes you to have different thoughts and just, you know, want to explore these different things that's out there. So did your mom put military in your mind for the first time? Yeah, yeah. She met a Marine recruiter. And, you know, she saw him with the dress blues and, you know, he started talking, you know, talking that stuff to her. She took his card and brought it back to me and asked me what I thought about it. Because she was just a mother seeing that her son was headed down the wrong path,

and she wanted to me to not go down that path like any parent would. What did you know about the military? I knew nothing. I knew absolutely nothing. There was one kid in my neighborhood that joined the Marines, and then he quickly moved. I knew nothing. I knew what I saw on TV. Did it interest you when she brought it up to you?

No. No, no, I didn't have an interest. I wanted to hang outside. in front of the building. I wanted to be out. I wanted to, you know, explore drug dealing further in order to see what I could achieve. I wanted to beamer. I wanted the Cuban link. I wanted all the things that the guys had in the neighborhood. So I never thought about the military at all. Which route do you end up taking? Do you go after the drugs and the beamer and the chain or do you go for the military or something else? So my mother gave me an ultimatum. She said, well, either you

join the military or I can't have you in the house, you know, doing negative things. My mother is a Christian to this day. She's a born-again Christian. She loves Jesus. She's a woman that, you know, my mother never broke the law. My mother gets a speeding ticket and for her she's not a good American. You know, she's very special. She's very strict and she believes in positivity, positive all the time.

She loves everybody as she loves herself. and she wanted to really get me out of that mode. So you end up joining the military? Yeah, so okay. Yeah, so I ended up joining. She kicked me out the house. I lived with my grandmother at the time, and my grandmother passed away in my arms.

One day my grandmother was having a heart attack. I saw that she was like not well because my mother said, hey, if you don't join the military, if you don't get your act together, you can't live under my roof. It's not happening. So I didn't want to at that time. So I said, you know, I love you.

to go, you know. And I moved there with my grandmother. My grandmother passed away in my arms. And it was one of the most saddest moments in my life. After that, I joined. How old are you when you joined? I was 18 years old. And did you get the high school diploma or now? Yeah, I got the high school diploma. My mother begged me. She said, please, you know, get this diploma. Don't drop out. You know, I wanted to drop out. But she was like, please, you know, just do this, do it for me. I ended up getting the diploma. And subsequently, you know, I was going to, um, and subsequently, joining the United States Marine Corps. Do you think you could have at least gone to like a community college,

would the grades have allowed you to do that, or there was no option other than the military? Absolutely, of course. You don't know. You know, you're going based on what these teachers are telling you that don't really care about you. You know, they don't care about the kids. They just want to show up, get a check, and go. They're not from your neighborhood. They live in Long Island.

They live in all these other places. And the love is not there. The love is not there for the student. The love is not there for the job. I know things have changed now, but we're talking about, you know, 25 years ago, as long as it's been when I was in school.

And, you know, they're not getting paid the best. They're teachers in the Bronx. So unfortunately, they're not giving their best. So, you know, you're going by what they say. And when you're young, the school counselor has a huge effect on you. The teacher, what the teacher says has a huge effect on you. And on your psyche. So you go by what they say,

and you say, hey, maybe they're right. Maybe I have to be a drug dealer. Maybe I have to be a robber. Maybe I have to be, that's my only future. There's no roadmap. But soon I would learn that I would look in the mirror and say, I'm my way out. So anybody looking at this podcast, you know you're your way out.

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to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. That's code Ian Bick to get $50 in lineups after you play your first $5 lineup. Prize picks, it's good to be right. What year was it that you joined the military? 2003. So it was in the middle of the war? Yeah, it was not a good time to join. What did you know about the war at that point?

I didn't know much. I knew that I was angry because of the World Trade Center. That affected me greatly. I remember being in school and all the 11th. arms are going off, the teachers are all running around frantic. I was a junior in high school, and I knew something bad had happened. I called my mom and she said, you know, come home as soon as they release you from school, come straight home. And when I went home and you looked at, you should turn the TV on and on TV, you saw the second plane hit the tower and it was life-changing.

For any New Yorker, I'm sure, if you lived in New York, you. York during 9-11, you were affected by that, absolutely. So that was major for me. Did you feel like you had purpose in life for the first time joining the military? No. I didn't feel like I had purpose. I felt like it was just an escape. I felt like I was going from one extreme growing up in the Bronx to another extreme, which is the United States Marine Corps. I didn't feel like it gave me purpose, although the brotherhood is still alive to this day. I speak to my brothers that I served with and, you know, some guys are doing good, some guys are not. But we always try to keep that camaraderie there.

But the military didn't give me any purpose. It just gave me an escape out of the Bronx. Did you go in with a plan? Like, I'm going to just do one term or did you want to move up, become an officer? What was kind of the plan? When I got there, I was part of the group that couldn't wait until the four years was over to get out. I didn't know what I was getting into. The United States Marine Corps is the roughest and toughest.

If the U.S. can't depend on anybody, they depend on the U.S. Marines. So I didn't know what I was getting myself into. When I got to Paris Island, I realized this was much more than what I bargained for. Training was probably a wake-up call for you. Absolutely. You know, the drill instructors, you know, at the end, once you graduate, you understand why they treat you how they do. But when you there, you know, and the drill instructor is trying to kill you every day.

When you go to sleep, those are the last guys you see. When you wake up, those are the first guys you see. You think like they, when the fuck does this guy go to sleep? Go home. What the fuck? Like, they have to train you to go to war. It's very difficult. Paras Island is a huge wake-up call.

We're going to see who's tough and who's not. when you get there. Because the drilling structures, they on you. I mean, they break you down mentally and physically in order for you to have that eagle globe and anchor in order for you to call yourself a Marine at the end. A lot of guys don't make it. You know, some do.

Do you think it made you more disciplined as a person? It made me more confident as a person because I said, man, if I can make it through this, I can make it through anything. There's things that I've taken with me now that I live with now. Like I said, trying to be on time everywhere, you know, being organized, things like that. But it gave me confidence.

That's what I feel. That's what it did for me. So you make it through basic training. Do they ship you off right away? So I make it through basic training. That was rough. And then you go into the fleet Marine Force where you learn to do your job. I was a mortar man.

I was in the infantry. So that was the first mistake I made. I joined the Marine Corps infantry during the wartime. That's a bad idea. You know, then you learn that the recruiters get paid extra if they put you in the infantry. Like I said, it's the imaginary player, right, Jay-Z, imaginary players, Cardi B, imaginary players. It's the element that you don't know is there that's working against you.

That the recruiter gets paid more if they put you in the infantry. So, you know, when you're in boot camp, the drill instructor passes by and says, hey, who here joined the infantry? I raise my hand, raise my hand. He got the paperwork. Oh, you'll be dead. You're not going to make it. You joined the United States infantry.

You joined the Marine Corps infantry. You're a machine gun in the United States Marine Corps. You'll be dead, son. Bad idea. That's the type of things that they tell you. You know, it's psychological breakdown, but when you're going through it, you're like, damn, you know what I mean?

It's like, it's unbelievable to go through it. It's something you've got to be there to know. And you don't have a choice to switch at that point when they're saying. No, no. You're not switching, especially when we go in a war with Iraq. You know, there's no switching. So what happens after that?

When you, you know, after I got out, I joined the fleet. I'm in North Carolina Camp Lejeune, just learning how to kill. It was infantry, learning how to kill. So that's what you learn. If you're a machine gunner, you learn how to operate the machine gun. If you're a mortarman, you know how to operate the mortar. If you were 0-3-11, you know. You learn how to use your rifle and you learn how to do the job.

Do you think using guns in the military kind of quench that taste that you had for the streets? Yeah. I think it took an impressionable young man who already had violent tendencies and it turned it up. It turned the volume up. You know, it turned the volume up as far as... there, but now when you join the Marine Corps, you know the time is going to come. The time is coming when I'm going to have to pull the trigger and take a life. And it becomes easy as you go. But do you think it helped you more rather than be in the streets at that period of time?

Like if you had to pick between the streets and the military, being in the military was the right. I was better in the streets. Oh, you were better in the street? Yeah, yeah, I was better in the streets, I feel like. Yeah. But the streets probably would have led to prison at the time. Granted, that happened either way in the story. All right. So once you go through Camp Lejeune,

what happens? I'm in Camp Lejeune. You know, we're getting ready to go. Hey, we leave in the six months. In six months, you're going to go to the shit. Most of you're not going to make it back.

So we're getting ready to go. Objective is get to Iraq, do the job, try to survive it and come back. Do you feel like you're prepared to go over there? Physically and training

I was prepared. Mentally, I was not. I wasn't prepared for the beast that I was going to encounter. I wasn't prepared for losing my friends. I wasn't prepared for killing on a daily.

I wasn't prepared for waking up in the morning and shitting in a tin bucket and then having to burn the bucket at night. I wasn't prepared for having a lie to my parents when I call them and say, hey, we see that there's a lot of action

going on where you at. How's it up? Nah, don't look at that, Ma. It's cool. It's lies. It's cap. What am I going to tell my mother? I'm calling her at 3 in the morning.

She can't sleep. She's up waiting for that phone call. What am I going to say? I'm here dodging bullets, ma. I'm not going to say that. I try to spare my mother that grief. And I just told her, you know, don't watch the TV. This is a bunch of bullshit.

Are these things they told you and just didn't register in your mind until they actually happened or they just never told you about? during training. You can't prepare for that. You can't, that was a war that was noon. There was nobody in my platoon that ever went to Iraq. We all was going for the first time. You had veterans, obviously.

You had guys that went to Vietnam and Desert Storm and things like that. But nobody was prepared for Operation Iraqi Freedom. We were all learning it as we go. And when you get to Iraq and you realize what's really going on, it's an eye open. Nobody can't prepare you for it. It's like prison. You've got to go and be there yourself to really understand. What was the first moment that hit you when you were out in Iraq?

So we get there. We have to drive from convoy from Kuwait to Alambar Providence, Iraq, where we were. There's a group in the Navy called the Seabees, and you can put them anywhere and they make a makeshift base for you. You could put them anywhere with supplies, and these guys are skilled and they make a base. When we get there, two Marines die from an improvised explosive device, day one. And one of the Marines that got killed was like, he looks like the guy from Captain America. This guy is the fastest, strongest, best at everything back in the rear, back when in North Carolina. This guy is what the Marine Corps wants you to look like.

He dies day one. So I tell myself, I'm definitely getting killed in here. If the guy who's the best in the platoon gets killed day one, there's no, I have no chance of survival. And you have to really tap into yourself and tap into a different, you have to turn into a different animal. How did death affect you the first time? Seeing somebody die, you mean?

Yeah. It definitely affected me because these were, it affected me. You know, I felt terrible because these were, These were the guys that I shared meals with that, you know, when we were, you know, we slept in tents together. We were brothers. So to see them lose their lives, the first day we get there was, it was tragic. I realized at that point that I might have made a bad decision at that point. But at that point, you're in too deep and you can't leave.

Absolutely. There's no, in the Marine Corps, there's no retreat, no surrender. There's no, there's none of that. When you got there, did you know how long you were going to physically be there for? Eight months. We knew that that was an estimated time frame. Could be longer. Definitely not shorter, but could be longer.

What was a moment that happened there that you still think about to this day? One day I wake up and a buddy and I were walking toward the head, toward the makeshift bathroom. And then I realized it was the middle of the night. because you couldn't go, if you had to wake up in the middle of night to use the bathroom, you had to have a, you know, what they call a battle buddy with you, you know, somebody with you just in case things pop off, you weren't there by yourself. And me and my brother, Dawsonville, Willis, shout out to my brother. As we walked toward the bathroom, I realized that I forgot my helmet, that I forgot my

helmet. And he's like, yo, go back and get it. So as we go back and get it, and, uh, uh, uh, A mortar hits the bathroom where we were going. I would have been dead. If I didn't go back to get the helmet, I'd have died. And he'd have died. When something like that happens, how do you move forward?

Like, do you freeze up in the moment? Does that affect your performance and the minutes, the moments, the days after? You got to get past it. You can't dwell on it because the objective is survival. I got to get out of here alive. You know. Thank God. I didn't have a wife and kids like I have now.

I was young. I just had my parents, but I wanted to get back to my parents. I didn't want to die there. I didn't want my story to end like that. What were you thinking about the future when you were over there? I wasn't. You were still just living in the moment? I wasn't.

I was thinking about not getting my head blown off in Iraq. That was objective, number one. I wasn't thinking about being an entrepreneur. I wasn't thinking about doing anything. I had my Nass CDs. I had my 50 Cent CDs. and I was listening to hip hop. Hip hop is what I woke up to and went to sleep to.

It was, you know, that's why I love hip hop because it was something that it took me out of that environment for a while and brought me back to my neighborhood. But, yeah, objective number one was surviving the environment. Do you think the military made you more mature? No. Why? Mature in what way.

Anyway, in life, in perspective, and at that period of time, not now, but back then? I mean, it exposed me to things that I didn't, that the South Bronx didn't expose me to. The Bronx didn't make me a killer. The Marine Corps made me a killer. You understand what I'm saying? I didn't take a life while I was in the streets.

How does that make you feel? It's just, it's, it's, it's the reality. It's the harsh reality. I think parents don't know what is going on. especially when you grow up in the hood, your parents just want you out. They want you to escape. If you have a good parent or good parents,

they want you to get out the environment and the system says, join the military as a way out. Do you feel resentment towards your mom for giving you that ultimatum? No. No, I don't. Now that I'm a parent,

I know that it's the hardest job you can possibly have being a parent. You love your child, so much and you have views and you have expectations that you try to instill in your child

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Price line. Present how she wanted the best for me at the end of the day. Knowing what you know now, do you know that there's other options to get out of the street? other than the military? Of course. Of course. And anytime I talk to a young person,

anytime I'm in the hood and I'm speaking to the guys, I always let them know, man. You got options. You got options. But first, you have to change, you know, you're stinking thinking. You have to realize that you're your way out.

Nothing or nobody can save you, but you. So do you think you still had that negative street life type of thinking throughout your journey through the Marines? Yeah. Yeah. That didn't go away. That remained.

But the military is just, it's a tough place, especially the United States Marine Corps and being deployed and going to Iraq. It's just so much PTSD and trauma, you know, that you go through, you know, having to take a life. You say to yourself, you know, because it got to a point that I was like, hey, man, this is not even my beef. This is not my problem. You know, you, you, you, you, they inspire you.

when you're there. But it's not my problem. What makes the grass grow? Blood, blood, blood. That's what they teach you. How long were you in the military for? I was in the military for three years. And did you just do one tour in Iraq or multiple?

Just one. What happened when you came back from that first tour? When I came back, I saw what happens when you come back, you know? You get a big parade. Your family's there. Everybody says you're a hero, but you don't feel like a hero. Why didn't you feel like a hero? Because of the things that I had to do to get that title.

You know, even to this day, I struggle with survivors' remorse. Why me? Why did I make it out? You know, did I kill an innocent person when we ran up in this house and shot everybody? that's what Marines do. We're not dating politics. We're not baking cakes in.

You know what I'm saying? We're killing. So, you know, I live with that trauma to this day. I pray daily, you know, that God forgives me for what I had to do. You know, people say, you know, pastors would tell you, or people would tell you, hey, you know, David in the Bible killed and all this, you know, to try to make you feel better. You know, God understands, but the trauma remains, you know, when you have to go into a high. house and when you have to kill and then you realize hey you know we just killed a woman or we just killed you know because the government is telling you these are bad people in there and the marine

corps is is no it's no i can't or i won't i won't i won't going you're not thinking like that because you want to be there for your brother that's next to you you don't want to tell your brother no i'm not going to go on this raid or i'm scared to go on the raid you're not saying that because i don't want you to die. I want to be there with you. Now, we're going. I'm going with you. They got one of our brothers hostage or they killed one of ours over there. Who want a volunteer to go over there? We're in there. You're not going to touch one of the minds and it's going to go and punish. Because it's not about the Marines at that time. It's about my brother. It's about the love and camaraderie that I have for my brother. It's not about the flag. It's not about the Eagle Globe and

Nanka, it's not about the government. It's not about none of that shit. It's about my brother and the love that I got for my brother. That's what it's about at that moment. So that's the motivation to get you to pull the trigger. But that's what they don't tell you before you join. How, if ever, do you make peace and amends with what you witnessed over there and your actions over there? Time heals all wounds, or it gets better over time.

you know, you're not your greatest mistake. And I believe that there's more to life. And I have a purpose. So my belief in myself is what gets me through it. When I look in the mirror, I say, hey, you that dude, you know, you that nigger. Let's go. Let's get up. Let's get to it.

You know what I'm saying? And that's always something that was instilled in me from my parents. You're special. You can be something. And that's what I instilled in my children. How did you spend your rest of your time enlisted once, your tour came to an end after those eight months. Once those eight months was over,

you come back and you're not going to be in the Marine Corps and say, hey, I can't sleep because I have PTSD. I need to go see the psychiatrist. The sergeant's going to look at you like, you're crazy. You need to see the wizard now? No, don't tell me that.

Please. That's the culture. The culture is not, hey, how are you feeling today? How's life? That's not the culture. The culture is. suck it the fuck up and let's get past it because we might have to go back. So there was plenty of guys in the unit struggling with mental health.

You see it. You wake up in the barracks. You know, another Marine is outside in a tent. I found the Marine outside sleeping in the tent. I said, bro, you're not in Iraq no more. You don't got to sleep in the tent. Nah, bro, I'm good. I want to sleep in the tent.

I want to stay out here. There's something wrong with that. But he can't go tell the sergeant, I need to go see the psychiatrist because it's looked at as weakness and weakness is not tolerated. Do you think you were struggling mentally? I think the South Bronx might have prepared me a little bit

for the Marine Corps. I don't think I was struggling, you know, as much as other guys. Other guys were struggling, struggling, struggling. You know what I mean? They were really going through it. You know, that's where I learned how to drink. I was never alcoholic, but I learned.

how to drink in the Marine Corps. You guys think y'all know how to drink? Y'all can't drink. These guys, drink, drink. And a lot of guys, you know, they drown their sorrows in Jack Daniels and they, you know, seeking love, you know,

going to the strip club, going to trying to release whatever trauma you have in a negative way. Because in your unit, you can't, you can. They tell you you can. They say, yeah, if you have in mental, Because when you come back, you got to see the mental health specialist.

They got to make sure that you're right. Most guys are going in their line. Yeah, I'm good. No, I'm good to be done with it. So you serve our country. What happens when you leave? Do they set you up for success? Do they give you a plan?

No. Or do they kind of just leave you at the bus stop and that's it. Yeah, there's no plan. What ended up happened to me was when I got back, I wanted to be home. I wanted to be in my community. I wanted to be, you know, with my family. But there was PTSD there. There were certain things there that were not normal

that I wasn't dealing with because the environment I was in wasn't conducive to sharing or, like I said, going to see the psychiatrist or telling somebody you have a problem. That's not conducive. So I went back any chance I could. You know, the sergeant would say,

You motherfuckers that live in New York, don't drive to New York. You only got 96 hours. Lopez, you in that, you and you in there too. Don't drive to New York. I'm like, no, I'm not driving to New York. As soon as the formation is over, my car's already started.

I'm driving in New York. I wanted to be around family. I wanted to be around my community. But I also can let go of the gun. I needed the gun on me. And that's PTSD. I had to have it on me. And that leads to the prison time.

So you're still in the military when you got arrested? Correct. All right, so tell us what happens. So I'm driving back to New York. New York don't play with guns. If you're in New York, don't have a gun. Move to Florida. Florida, they like guns.

In New York, you're getting fired. You get caught with a gun. They don't care who you are. That's just how. it is in New York. So I was going back, but I needed the gun on me. Because in one side of me was saying, man, I just came back from committing legal murders for the United States Marine Corps. Ain't nobody punking me in the hood. It's not happening. You know, I had a chip on my shoulder, so to speak, you know, and anger in my heart. So I had to have the weapon on me. I ended up

getting caught. There was something going on called stop and frisk. You know what Stop and Frisk is? Yeah. Yeah. Stopping frisk is you are Latino or black kid on the corner with a hoodie on. Hey, you, come over here. There's no stop and fris in the white neighborhoods, Ian? How many stopping frisk cases is there in the white neighborhoods?

There's none because you don't fit the profile. But in the Bronx, you black or Hispanic, you got a hoodie on. Hey, you, come over here. Get against the wall. Oh, you got a gun on them. get the handcuffs, you know, and there begins the journey. What my mother tried to save me from, I ended up going down that route anyway. So you took a pistol, a military pistol?

Yeah. And you weren't allowed to carry at all outside of the base. They don't care if you were in the military. It's kind of interesting that, you know, you go serve in a war and you can't even get a carry license or the right to carry after that. You still got to go to the process like everybody else. So they stop you, they find the gun on you. Did they give you a chance to explain yourself or anything? I told them I was in the military and that changed it for the cops.

The cops were like, they looked at each other like, oh shit. All right. They said, we're going to bring you into the precinct. They called my commanding officer. My commanding officer was like, you getting caught with me getting caught with a gun in Manhattan for the commanding officer. That's a regular Monday. They don't, having a gun for them is like they don't give a fuck. You know, this is what we do.

They get it. And they were like, release him immediately. And they released me. Oh, so there was no issue. Yeah, right then. In the moment. At the moment, yeah. They said, man, hey, you know, your commanding officer, you know, they had a,

the commanding officer had to speak to whoever he had to speak to. At the end of the day, they took the cuffs off. And New York didn't charge you in that moment. In that moment. And then I was ordered directly back. Now, technically, were you allowed? I know they said don't leave the base, but were you allowed to leave the base as long as you made that? Yeah, yeah, I was allowed to leave the base.

I wouldn't allow. They didn't want me, they didn't want Marines driving how many hours from. Was that 13 hours? Exactly. You drive in 13 hours going, 13 hours come back. You only got 96 hours, Liberty. So that's not the time.

When they give you a larger block of time is when you're allowed to go, you know, if you live in Phoenix, if you live in California, you live in Connecticut, wherever you live, then you could go. A 96 hour is a break. Stay in the barracks,

go out to have a room, restaurant, stay local. Don't drive to New York. But the New Yorkers, we can't, we can't escape it. We wanted to go back. Did you have any ill intentions with the gun? No. You just wanted to, was it like to be cool or, or do you think it was going back to your childhood self, wanting to be in that street light? Ian, you know what happens? If they catch you when you and Iraq, without your rifle for one second, that's a problem. How do you turn it off? How do I turn the switch off, Ian? How do I go from...

This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. My rifle is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. You tell me, Ian, how to turn it off. You can't. The only option would be to be confined to that base,

and that's no way to live either. You can't turn it off. It's an expectation that's not there. A Marine that just came six months ago from killing got caught with a gun. Is that far-fetched? How far-fetched is that? You tell me.

I don't think it's far-fetched. Granted that there's no ill intentions. Which you said they're not. There's not, even if there was. I think, yeah, it would be a different circumstance. If, like, you're going and hanging out with, like, a gang or something, you know, that would be different. But even so, is it far-fetched for a Marine just six months ago you was a hero? Yeah, it's not far-fetched.

I would probably do the same. You can't sleep without it. You understand what I'm saying, Ian? It's a psychological thing. They train you. You can't sleep without it. If you was, and everybody watching the millions of people watching out there, anybody that was in the Marine Corps would tell you he's right.

It's a safety is you can't be without it. Now I don't want to be near it. You understand what I'm saying? But it took years to get to that point. So the cops let you out. And then you just drive right away back or do you finish your 96 hours? No, no. You know finishing the 96 hours.

You drive. Get your ass here immediately. How long were you back for when you got popped? Like a few hours or? Yeah. Maybe it was, I got there at night the next day. Okay. So then you drive back.

What are you thinking on that car ride back? I don't know. I'm thinking I'm good. I'm thinking if they release me, I'm good. I'm going to just have to deal with, you know, what my unit is. it got in store for me. I thought I was going to get punished by the Marine Corps. Maybe get busted down a rank.

Get my pay docketed or whatever. And that was going to be it. I had no idea. It was going to be way big a problem than when it was. So what happens? You get back to the base. I get back. I'll go see my sergeant in command and he says, we love you, man. This ain't shit for us. But we got the DA calling. blowing up the phone every day for you. The Marine Court told me for us, it's not a thing. For them it is, though.

They tried to shield me. They try to keep me. They try to hold me. The DA, she had a heart on for me. She wanted me back, and she wanted me to go to court. She wanted me on Rikers, and she wanted me in jail. Why couldn't they let it go? When does New York let anything go?

When does the great state of New York let anything go when it has to do with the people that live in their communities? When do they let it go? Ian, you tell me, when do they let it go? They never let it go. Unless you're a rich political figure. Okay. Then they'll look the other way. But if you're a poor kid from the ghetto, and let's keep in mind, six months ago, I was a hero.

Six months before that, I was a hero. He's an American hero. So what happens? Do the cops come and pick you up, or do you... The Marine Corps tells them he's going to go back. You don't need to come in here and put him in handcuffs. He's going to go back. We know this guy.

Y'all know he served in Iraq, right? Yeah, we don't care. I saw the look in the sergeant's eyes. He wanted to cry. I saw the emotion. He knew what was about to happen to me. For them, it's not a thing. And he said, you don't need to come over here and put the handcuffs on him.

He told me, because he said, are you going to go back? If I give him my word and I say that you're going to go back, are you going to go back? I said, yeah, I'm going to go back. You got my word. So he told him, y'all not coming over here and putting handcuffs on him. He'll go back, he'll turn the self there. And that's what I did. And did you get discharged from the military?

I did. Dishonorably? No, no, no. They wouldn't, my unit wouldn't allow it. I got something that's called an OTH other than honorable. It's kind of like a, it's like. Like a no. It's not bad, not good.

What is that, like the no contest type plea in a criminal court? I guess. I can't compare it to that. It's just like a, like I said, it's not a dishonorable, but it's not an honorable. You're in a military purgatory, so to speak. Did you get to keep your benefits? Some, but the ones that were important,

that were really important, they took away. So what, this was year three of the military? This was year three. I had a year left. You had a year left. Okay. So do they discharge, do you get that discharge before you leave? I got the discharge on Rikers.

Oh, on Rikers. You get the paper. So, yeah, he's a C-73, I got the paper with. You were still having hoped that you would be able to stay in? Or did you know it was shot at that point? No, they told me. While you didn't tell me they want you, bro. They want you.

You see, it depends on what political climate you're in. That was the time when they were like, we're against the war in Iraq. What do you mean? Yeah, yeah, you guys are bad. Y'all over there killing people. You guys are bad. We're against it.

No, no more. No more Iraq. That's what America does. So you get back to New York. you go and turn yourself in. I get back to New York. I turn myself in. You know, my parents are going through it.

In my mother's mind, she was like, I thought I was about to be freed from this. I thought this was not happening. And I ended up going down that route. We could laugh about it now. But at the time, we thought the world was ending. Like I said, the DA wanted prison time. She wanted prison time.

And one memory that sticks out in my mind, and I still remember it to this day, is sitting in the courtroom my first court hearing I spent three months in the tombs in Manhattan like the county I didn't go to Rikers yet that was going to be fun but I didn't go there yet I'm in the tombs I go to my first court hearing

and I got my unit in the back sergeants, Marines somehow they knew and they all took the trip to be there to support me and then the DA says he's a killer he was probably in Iraq killing babies he needs to be in prison and at that moment I was having an out-of-body experience Ian I was outside my body watching myself in the courtroom I couldn't believe it I couldn't believe that six months months ago, I was an American

hero. And now I have this DA woman who I bet if we played anybody, you, whoever, if I play the tape of your life back, there'll be things that you did that you weren't proud of.

Ian, right? Yes or no? Of course. Her, the judge, whoever. Anyone in life. Everybody makes mistakes. They never asked the question, is he good? mentally? He was in the Marine Corps. There's a bunch of Marines here. He was just in Iraq committing legal murders on our behalf

so that you could be a DA and you judge could sit in that seat. Because I'm sure if I was her son, I'm sure if I was her nephew, if I was her husband, the vibe would be different, Ian, yes or no? Correct. The vibe will be, let's sit down with him, man. Let's have a conversation. Maybe he has PTSD. Maybe he sleeps with the gun under his pillow every night still. Maybe we need to have us sit down and talk to him. He's one of us.

He's a Marine who served overseas on behalf of his country. Because if I was a rich white kid, a politician's son that kills people in a DUI driving, kills a whole family, mother, father, the kid, the dog even died. They get probation. I've seen it. I'm not asking you, I'm telling you, I've seen it. You killed the whole family.

Nah, he's good, give him probation. You telling me that my circumstance didn't warrant probation? Come on, bro. What was the official charge that they booked you with? Criminal possession of a weapon. And they didn't give you bail? You said you were in the county. I had bail.

I didn't bail out. Why? My mother was going to, I didn't. Did you know you were doing time and you just figured to start running it? Yeah, I didn't. I didn't. It's just so you where my mind state was at. You were just kind of giving up.

Yeah. How much time are you facing? I ended up taking a plea, four year plea. I got an extra year and a half for cursing around the courtroom. The judge or the prosecutor? The DA. So, but when you first get booked and you meet with a lawyer, how much time do you face? Three and a half.

It was only three and a half. Yeah. Okay. For our first time offense. No criminal record. A Marine. Decorated. Combat veteran.

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It was just possession. They try to put a robbery on it. They try to put a robbery because I was hanging out with my friends. So they, you know, if people don't know the criminal justice system, they don't know a lot of the times the DA's trying to throw shit up there and see what sticks. You know what I'm saying? That's what they're doing. They're trying to throw all the

charges at you they could throw to see what sticks. I ended up just getting busted for the gun. So do you think they were after you because of who you were with? Were they troubled people? No. The DA made it clear he's a potential threat to society.

She was against the war and she didn't want, she didn't like this war in Iraq, she was against it and she was on a mission that if you was in the military or if you was somebody like me who was in Iraq doing

what it is that we do, you make a mistake, you come across her desk, you're doing jail time. Period. How long are you in there for before you actually take the plea deal? I was, I did two years before I took the plea.

So that was between county and Rikers? That was between county and Rikers. My lawyer's like, you're not going home, brother. You know. Why did they switch you from the county to Rikers? Just to keep the rotation going. New guys coming in. You know, the guys that have been there for a while,

you're going to the island. Tell us that experience on Rikers Island as a U.S. Marine. It's not even as a U.S. Marine. tell you the experience just as a regular person. Rikers Island, the only thing that could have prepared me for Rikers Island was Iraq. Rikers Island is like hell on earth. As soon as you get on the bus and you go across the bridge, you realize, yo, this some shit. I'm really in it.

You get to the holding pin. Dudes is crying. Dudes is stabbed. On Rikers, the inmates run Rikers. Not the correction officers. That's what it is. When was the first time you realized that at Rikers? When I got there and I got into the bullpen, I realized when I saw a gang member that was a friend of mine from my neighborhood and I saw that he was running around moving from bullpen to bullpen and the officers were opening the bullpen doors for him and he was doing or whatever he wanted, I knew that this was a dysfunctional place.

The CEOs are not doing the job. They give the job to the inmates. Did being locked up and kind of in a cage trigger PTSD at all from Iraq? That's a great question. I would say PTSD is triggered by normal things. It's called compounding PTSD, that's what I like to call it. PTSD on top of PTSD. So you go from the Marine Corps, you go from Iraq, eating MRI, shitting in buckets,

killing people every day to being in Rikers. So I felt right at home. so to speak. It wasn't a hard to adjust. No. If anything, the conditions

were probably a little bit better. Yeah. A tiny bit, Ian. Just a little bit. You got some bathrooms.

Yeah. We got bathrooms. How did the correctional officers treat you? They don't give a fuck. They didn't care that you were in? Yeah, they don't give a fuck. They don't care.

You was in the Marine Corps. You was this, you was that. When you on Rikas, you that didn't number. That's you that number. You ain't shit. Inmate.

So I went from being called. the Marine to being called an inmate. How did that make you feel? I was angry. I was angry at the system. I was angry that I didn't get the leniency that I expected based on what I went through. They went from zero to 60. They went from being an American hero to being an inmate.

It was rough because mentally I was like, you know, you get in that stage. And, you know, you was locked up. You get in that stage when, you know, you feel bad for yourself in the beginning. You know, you think you're a victim in the beginning. And then you got to be able to conquer that and realize that you're the one that put you here. And then once you get that, you're able to grow and move on and move and get rid of the stink and thinking. When you're in there, do you feel like you're still a soldier, kind of following rules, obeying orders, or does it kind of shift you into, okay, I'm an inmate now?

I'm one of these guys from the street. Yeah, I shifted to the street mentality. I was ready familiar with it. I knew the Marine Corps couldn't help me. I knew that that was done. The day I got to Rikers Island, I closed that chapter. When I got those papers and they said, you're no longer in the Marine Corps,

I realized that that's overweight. I got to get past it. When do you think that first real shift was physically in there? Did you have to do something to another inmate? Did you get into any altercations? Yeah, I mean, the shift happened. would say the day that I got the paperwork and I realized the Marine Corps wasn't going to come save me. That's when I realized that hey, you know, it's, um, it's time to turn it up. You know,

it's the gangster shit now. Um, and Rikers was just Rikers. It was violence every day. Um, like I said, the inmates ran, um, ran the houses. Like I said, my buddies were there. The guys from the neighborhood were there on the island. So I was right at home. Do you feel like you finally got a taste of what you were searching for as a kid being in that street life? I feel like I finally understood my mother and what she was trying to keep me away from. I didn't understand it when I was young, but I feel like at that moment, I realized this is what she didn't want. Did you realize in that moment that's not what you wanted either? Yeah.

I said, she tried. She really tried. This is what she was trying to save me from. And I didn't want that. I realized that day one on the Rikers Island, I realized this is not what I want for my life. I don't want to have to be making these prison meals and getting your shit tossed every day. You know, the CEOs, you know, I got my cell search every day for some reason. You know, that's not what I wanted.

That's not the place that I wanted to be. I didn't want to deal with that. Tell us the worst thing you witnessed at Rikers during your time there. So when I got on the island, I know a lot of people come on your platform and, you know, everybody has a story to tell when they tell their story. When I got on Rikers, I met some Thénidarios, some good brothers. And one guy that was in my neighborhood, that was from my neighborhood, became a Thinitadio on Rikers Island. And we were going to the barbershop. When you are Rikas, don't go to the barbershop.

Don't even go eat chow. The safest place for you is in the cell. Once you leave that housing unit, anything can happen at any time. And I became acclimated with my environment. You know, I carried a razor with me. You know, I was already violent, so getting into altercations was not the issue for me. I walked around, like, if anybody tests me, they gained their face cut. you know I was I was I was I was I immersed myself in the in the in the environment that I was in

that's what I was good at when I was in Iraq I was there when I was on the island when I was in prison I was there um I had the ability to to turn off wanting to be in the street to turn it off and just get in survival mode because that's what I am I'm a survivor um the one of the craziest things I seen on Reich is I don't want to say the craziest I'm trying to go back in my memory bank um you got me you know preparing for the interview of having to go back and think and relive all these memories. I seen a guy spit a razor out from underneath his tongue and do some shit with it. That's when I said, oh, yeah, this is the major leagues of criminality in here.

He had two razors in his mouth. I tried to do it, cut my gums immediately. I said, this ain't for me. I'm not this skilled. So I seen him spit the razor out and cut a guy right in the barbershop. Boom. Buck 50. He got through the mag with the razor.

Who let him through the mag with the razor? The CEO. Because you got to go through the mag, right? But like I said, the COs are the gang members. The COs are the... How do you get the razor? It was a razor from the street. How did he get it?

The CEO gave it to him. Do you think people lie about the jail and prison stories? Yeah, definitely. Why do you say that? that. Lie in what way. What do you mean? Like, sensationalize it?

Or just make them up? I mean, what, what, like, on the platform? Yeah, I mean, I'm curious. You're someone that has watched every episode and you've also been to Rikers, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I think some of it is, you know,

they want to tell you what you want to hear. So it depends. Everybody's not meant to be on these platforms. What I've noticed for my experience is that I think people study other people's episodes and they're thinking that it needs to be a certain way when all they have to do is just be themselves. Absolutely.

And that will normally do the best is what I've realized. You don't even have to give a crazy story. You just have to be raw and genuine and it'll hit with the people. Absolutely. It's like the algorithm detects that. You have to come in on these, if this is what you want to do,

if you want to come on these platforms and you want to go viral, people to read through that. That's why I'm not wearing shades. Because I want you to look at my face. I want you to see my face. The sunglasses things are funny when people come and wear the sunglasses.

That's what I didn't want to do. Because I'm not coming on this platform to tell my story just to come on this platform. I flew from Miami to come here. I'm coming on this platform to inspire people, to let people know you're not your greatest mistake. To let people know you have a future, even if he wasn't in in prison.

But it's up to you to change. Prison didn't change me. Prison didn't reform me. I reform myself and God. So when you come in on these platforms and you're not genuine, you're not telling your real story, you're not helping no one.

You're just coming on here, cap it. But I'm from the South Bronx, Ian, we don't cap. I respect that. So after the two years, you take the plea deal for four? For the four. For the four.

That's four flat? The four flat. So does that mean? Five years post-release. So four flat and you already served two, does that mean you get released at sentencing? Nah, I still got to do, you got to do, what, 85? Oh, it's 85. Yeah, you got to do more time.

Okay, so there was no option for like 50% parole or anything. No, no. You're going to do the time. You're going to go to Rikers. You're going to be on Rikers and discover that dysfunctional, you know, environment. And then they're going to send you upstate. So you have to do the rest of the time. And then you got to come out and you got to do double jeopardy.

You got to do the double jeopardy. You got to do your time. And then you got to come home and do five years in post-release. If you piss wrong, you're going back upstate. What did the judge say? You see how it works? Yeah. What did the judge say to you at sentencing?

The judge was very quiet. The judge was very reserved, very quiet. I think he felt bad for me. Did you speak at sentencing? No. Do you think if you spoke it would have changed the outcome? No. Why?

I spoke. I cursed the ass out. Oh, you cursed the prosecutor. Yeah, you did say that. Yeah, that's what I spoke. I was very angry. Not by, you see, it wasn't the being held accountable

that was making me angry, Ian. It was what she said because you wasn't there. She wasn't there pulling the trigger. She had no right to say what she said because she wasn't there pulling the trigger. So that's what made me upset. Not being held accountable, I was ready to do my time.

So did you curse her up before he handed that in the sentence or after? I cursed her up after she called me a menace. But that was before you got sentenced. That was the day that I took the plea. But before the judge actually said this is your sentence? She was recommending more time. She wanted five. She wanted a total of 10.

She wanted five on up north, and she wanted five. Post release, the judge was like, come on. So do you think you cursing her out affected your sentence at all? Yeah. I got the extra half. Okay. So if you didn't do that, you would have got a little less time?

Probably. I would have just to three and a half. How much time did you have to do upstate? I can't remember the exact months. I mean, we could look. If you do a four-year sentence, you do, you know, I did almost two on Rikers. So almost two on Rikers, you got another maybe like 20 months to do. Where upstate did they send you?

So I landed in Fishkill Correctional Facility. Oh, right here. You know, funny, I was on Facebook and I saw one in those police scanner Facebook groups. I guess there was like a riot or something the other day because it said like multiple EMS called COs down. It was like a whole thing the other day. Yeah, so when I got to Downstate, one of my bros was like he came from Fishkill to do a dental procedure in Downstate. He was like, yo, you got to go to Fishkill. It's sweet.

I'm like word he's like yeah bro you got to go to fish guilt you know um they got trailers um you know I want it you know what I'm saying they got trailers um they got this they got that and they just started to tell me like yo that's where you want to be I didn't want to go to be in buffalo or you know they'll send you 12 hours away and I wanted visits I knew it was more conducive for me to be I'm an hour away from the Bronx I'm gonna be on the visit floor every week you know I have people that love me and wanted to see me. So I said, yo, how do I get there?

What do I got to do? He said, act like you're going to kill yourself. They're going to send you to fish kill because that's the number one mental health facility in the state. So I got back. That was during child. I got back.

And I said, damn, man. Do I really want to do? Because you know what happens when you try to fake like you're going to kill yourself. The COs is going to beat your ass. They tell you, don't play with that. Don't fake hang up. Because if you fake hang up, we're going to go in that cell and whoop that ass. So I said, fuck it.

I said, fuck it. I'm going to fish kill, man. They're not going to send me up north. So I take the sheet off the bat. I do it right before count time when the seal is going to walk around. So I put the sheet around my neck. The seal's like, Lopez, take the sheet. You know, stop the bullshit.

I know you're not killing you. This is what he literally says. I've seen your girl on the visit floor. I know you ain't trying to die in here. Take the sheet off of your neck. I still got the sheet. The seal is trying to warm me. He's like, I'm going to press the button.

If I press the button, you know they're going to come up here, what they're going to do. I refuse. He presses the button. I hear the rumblings or the footsteps with the Ninja Turtles. We call them the Ninja Turtles. They got the shield. They got the helmet. They got the baton.

And they come in there to use it. So they go in there. they beat me up a little bit they put me in the they take me to the psych you know they put you in the cell naked you don't got no clothes for 24 hours you're naked in there

I'm in there naked 24 hours yo why you want to kill yourself I said I was in the Marine Corps I was in Iraq fucking lying next day they come back yo you was in the Marine Corps

you in Iraq all right we're going to give you mental help they put on your paperwork. He's a bug out on the paperwork. We give me mental health. So that landed me in Fishkill.

So you did this all to get moved to a different prison. Nah, I was in downstate. I didn't want to get shipped all the way up north if I wanted visits. So I do this, taking the advice of one of my friends ends up working. So I fake try to kill myself.

I knew once they saw my jacket and once they seen, yo, this guy's the real deal. He was in Iraq and all of that for real, they couldn't refuse it. No psych is going to tell you, nah, you're good when you got that type of paperwork and you got that jacket that you was in the infantry,

you was in Iraq, they take that shit serious, whether you're going to kill yourself or not. Obviously, we know some brothers come from that environment and they, you know, they factory reset themselves because they can't deal with the trauma. So I ended up going to Fishkill. That's a woman's prison too?

The woman and men? Downstate? Fishkill. Is that downstate that you're referring to? No, I went to Fishkill. Downstate is the holding facility. Okay. It's where you get your number. What they call the DIN number is where they figure out where they're going to send you.

Is where you go after you get sentenced? Okay. So Fishkill, is that woman's and men? No, no, there's no women's and men. It's just men's. Now is it women? I have no idea. Okay, got it.

One of my friends, you know. And what is that designated as like a low security prison? It's a medium. A medium. A medium. Okay. It's a medium. There's a fence. There's Bob Wier.

It's a medium. But it's a mental health facility. So they have mental health units. They have a lot of Sykes on. So if you are in that hub, Sing Sing, Fishgill, Downstate, I forget, you know, it's a long time. Downstate, if you in that hub and you got. Yamava Resort and Casino at San Manuel is California's number one entertainment destination for today's superstars. the Jonas Brothers return to the Yamava

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In prison? Yeah. Nah. Yeah, at this facility? Nah. Yeah. I did that so that I could go to Fishkill. And it was one of the best decisions I made.

They didn't help you over there? Nah, I mean, what they're going to do? You want meds? Nah, I don't want meds. That's all they're going to do. You're going to go see the psych. So the psych don't give a fuck, Ian. You're going to go see the psych.

You want meds? Yes or no. I see the meds guys on the meds. On the medication, they like zombies. It's kind of crazy how prison hasn't really evolved at all when it comes to the mental health aspect because that was 2004 or five, six, 2006. And when I went to prison in 2016, it's the same crap.

You have an issue with meds for everything. That's how they solved the problems, Ian. And I realized when I saw the guys on the meds, and, you know, I was a guy of a certain integrity, of a certain status. I didn't want to be on meds. I felt like, you know, at that time, I felt like it's less than you're like an addict, you know.

And I grew up in hip-hop culture, you know, you glorify the deal and not the addict. So I never, I never, I didn't. And I felt like, I genuinely felt like meds wasn't going to help me. It was never an option for me. How is Fishkill compared to Rikers? Much better. Much better.

The violence, on upstate, I say people try to stay away from it because the good thing about the good and bad things about Fishkill was that there was a lot of guys there that had the L in the back. They 25 the life, 20 to life. There were guys that were in other prisons upstate, Clinton, Attica, you know, Green Haven. they would

after a certain amount of time they would lower the classification and lower to a medium and that's where these guys were going it was a benefit because you had guys that had heads on their shoulders you had reformed gangsters who wanted to help

and wanted to teach you and wanted to say hey you here because of you the Marine Coen put you here the DA ain't put you here you here cause of you and you know God always blessed me

I got around some really, you know, guys that had a lot of time. Shout out my brother Al, Aliccate. And it was guys that had, that genuinely had love for me. You know, people come on your platform and, you know, they tell what their truth is. And a lot of guys had bad experiences because of the people that they were around. I was always blessed to be around shot callers, guys who were, had respect in the state. But most importantly, guys who wanted, who thought they were never going to get out and wanted me to live vicariously to them through them.

And they used to tell me, Tone, you special. This is not for you, bro. You got to get out there and make it. You're going to make it to help us get out. So that's, I was embraced with love. And some people would think, you got to be lying. It can't be love in prison. There's love in prison.

There's love everywhere. In the worst places on earth, there's love. There's somebody that I take a liking to you and say, hey, man, you better than this. this is how you changed. This is how I changed. And I ran into those guys in Fishkill. And that's what helped me.

And you think they kept you out of trouble in prison? They tried. They tried. But also, these guys were walking a thin line. You know, when you're locked up and, you know, you're going home in less than two years and your best friends are guys that got 25 the life, they live by a certain standard. They're not letting the CEO talk. to them any kind of way.

And I'm looking at them like, damn, Mr. CEO. They're looking at, they're looking at me like, what you mean? He got to go. Like, these guys are serious. I don't feel like I would have found that in other mediums or in other places where it's a bunch of the OG is 21. You know, you're not going to find that type of discipline. You know, these guys waking up, working out.

You know, wake up, work out. We don't do drugs. We love everybody, but if anybody crosses us, they're out of here. These were my friends. These were the guys that I was around all the time 24-7. Now, you came out of prison in that era where I was really frowned upon to be a felon to have been in prison, anything like that. Yeah, yeah. How was that for you?

You know, a turning point for me was when I got to Fishkill, rest in peace, my brother, Mike. He took his own life in Florida when he came home years ago. He was the coordinator of a program called ART, anger replacement training. And he said, man, you know, if you help us in ART, if you help us teach this program, that cut your time a little bit. You had to be a certain type of person, Ian, to do this program. You were interviewed by like the warden of the prison to do this program because you had to be somebody that was respected by the population because anybody who had a violent crime, murder, robbery, assault, they had to take A.R.T. Anybody that have been up north, they know.

They had to take A.R.T. in order to get their good time. I had six months good time. I wanted all of that. I need to be leaving here expeditiously. and you had to be of a certain type of respect because you can't sit there and teach a class of 20 inmates and tell the inmate that got two bodies, your thinking is wrong. You need to be accountable. You know what's accountability?

That could be a problem. That could be a problem in the yard. That could be a problem in the classroom. So they wanted a certain type of person to teach this program. So the inmates that ran the program, we had five lifers that ran the program, they picked the person. They made the suggestion,

yo, we think tone is good enough to teach the program. He has respect on the compound. He speaks well. He was a Marine, and he really cares. Because you can't fake that. You can't fake.

I really care, man. I want you to go home. I know you got nothing to go home to. But I want you to go home. You got to do this program to go home, bro. You got to be able to pass the test. I got to teach you and prepare you for the test at the end of the program so that you could get your good time. Bro, I want you to get that good time.

You can't fake that. You can't fake that. So I ended up teaching ART and that was another turning point for me, waking up early, preparing the curriculum, taking it serious, you know, going there, you know, teaching these skills saying, hey, boys fight, men talk. Because communication, what's the biggest conception about communication, Ian? The biggest conception about communication is that it has been achieved. What now said, you need to chill if you short, preparing deep thought to hit the streets

again. I wrote that. I had that written in the classroom. Because if you're short, you got to chill. Prepare yourself for the street so that you don't got to go back because you have five years post-release supervision. And they want you to go back as the prison industrial complex. New York State is making millions from that den number that you got.

And I really took that job seriously. That helped me pass the time. It gave me purpose. and it gave me purpose and I realized, hey, this is what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm supposed to be inspiring other people. That's my job. That's my gift. My gift is the ability to talk that shit, how we say in the Bronx.

And I utilize that gift in the ART program, teaching the inmates. You know, a lot of them after they passed, they would see me in the yard and be like, yo, tone, man. Fuck, man, you was, you was, you was, you was busing my balls in the class, making me. me do the test and all that shit, but I got my good time. And I couldn't, I wouldn't have made it without you. Because a lot of them want to quit. Fuck that. I'm going to max out.

I never understood that. What do you mean you want to max out? You want to do the whole time? You're bugging. How I'm going to tell a guy who was stabbing everybody in Clinton. Now he's in Fishgill looking at me. I'm about to go home in 16 months. I'm telling him he's bugging.

But they were receptive because they knew I cared. and seeing those guys go home and telling me I was one of the reasons why they got to go home that was all the fulfillment, that was all the reward I needed. Did your parents stay supportive throughout your sentence? Of course. My parents came to see me

every week. My wife came to see me. My daughter and her mother were living in Miami at the time. That's why I ended up relocating over there because I told myself, man, if it gets dark and I got to wash cars,

shout out to all my, you know, everybody working at the car wash. We love you. I love you. Shout out to them. But what I'm saying is, if it gets dark and I got to wash cars in, as long as I could take my daughter to school in the morning, it's all worth it. It's all worth it. That's why I ended up going back moving to Miami and it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

But my wife would, my wife would fly my daughter. She'd go get her, bring her to, I always had. I always have visits. I lived like Goodfellas in prison. It's nothing that you could have in prison that I didn't have. You know, my commissary was always on Max. You know, I had a chef. I had, you know, I lived like the sopranos in prison.

What kind of food would the chef make you? Oh, man, you know, I'm Dominican, so we like three Gulpers. You ever had three Gulpers? Ian, for real? Had Mofungo. Mofongo's Puerto Rico. So it's the same It's the mash plantains

In essence it's the same thing Okay Just two cultures make it differently So you had the Puerto Rican Monfongo that's real I gotta bring you the Tregulpes Next time I come see you I probably had I just don't know the name

Because I've had Dominicans cook for me Yeah yeah so we had the Tregalpes Going you know we had You know the seafood rice going Anytime I came back from the yard My bowl was there full I never washed the dish Were you one those people

I put on weight in prison rather than those weight. Yeah, yeah, I'll put on prison in weight. I hit the, you know, I was hit the weights and stuff. I was bigger. I had more muscle mass, but I never went to the mess hall. I never went to Chowell. They called Child of sleeping, you know. I was one of the guys that always had somebody there cooking with them, you know,

cooking for me, you know, washing my bowls, you know. I said, man, if I'm going to be in here, I'm a living here as good as possible. So you met your wife in the military? No, I met her before that. Oh, before you even went into the service. Oh, and you guys got married young? Yeah. We got married in Fishkill Correctional Facility.

I don't know what she wants me to tell of this. Oh, you guys got married there. Okay. Yeah, yeah. She was crazy enough. She stayed supportive, though. Yeah, she was crazy enough to marry me in Fishkill Correctional Facility. Shout out my wife.

Did you give her a real wedding after or no? Nah, she didn't. I gave her other stuff. Okay. I gave her honeymoon? Yeah, I gave her honeymoon. I gave her son. I gave her supportive husband,

somebody that's going to be there, ride or die. You know, a lot of prison relationships they end when you get out. You know, we've been married, you know, it seems like forever. And she was supportive. She was there with me

throughout the whole time. And, you know, I told her, I said, listen, it's not the movies. I'm going to do jail for real. And she said, I believe in you. I think you're a good man.

And I'm going to stay with you. And she stayed with me. And we got married in Fishgills. What was the biggest challenge when you got out of prison. I mean, everybody goes through the financial stuff, trying to find the job. You worked at Whole Foods.

Best decision I ever made. Yeah, yeah. I always tell people that when they come here. Yeah. I'm not the type of guy to sit on my ass. I need to, when I got home, I got straight to it. I wanted to be in the hip-hop space. I wanted to be, I tried so many things.

My wife was supportive with me in my journey of trying this and trying that and trying that. I'm like you. We are entrepreneurs. We have entrepreneurial spirit. So I came out. I was doing working here, working there. But I think the biggest challenge for me was just finding like, all right, now what?

You know, I went from these extremes, from Iraq to prison and from the streets before that. So it was just trying to find what's my lane? What do I want to do? I knew I was never going back. but just finding my lane, I feel like finding what I wanted to do and how I wanted to live the rest of my life. But having that family structure there when I got out helped me a lot because I knew I was safe.

As long as I was around family, I was safe. And I told myself, no matter what, as long as you got your freedom, you good. So I didn't stress. Now, this is, you know, over 10 years now, almost 50. Shout out Wu Energy. Rick Flair. So this is almost like 15 years Since you've been out of prison

Yeah I was released Yeah Do you feel like you accomplished What you set out to do after prison Those promises you made to yourself? Yeah I got off parole I accomplished that

I said they're not going to violate me I got out parole That was my biggest accomplishment The day that I went to go sign the paper I was like God is the greatest I'm finally off of this Because you're walking on eggshells

When you're on parole You could go back upstate in a New York binning, you back in Fishkill. So when I signed those papers, that was one of the greatest days of my life. The day I was released, the warden and Fishkill at the time, he shook my hand and he told me, he found that I was a Marine and all that. And he saw what I did with ART and how we grew the program and how a lot of inmates were saying, man, these guys are you got teaching the program,

are great guys. So I began to get that respect from the staff. And he shook my hand and he said, I know you're not coming back. He said, I'm not going to see you again because I know you're not coming back. I think he felt like everybody else. He felt like that I was destined for more and that I wasn't coming back. He was right on that. And I told him, yeah, you're right.

If there was one lesson prison taught you, what do you think it is? Hmm. That's a good question. I never thought of that. I never gave that any thought. I feel like it taught me ultimate, gave me ultimate. confidence. It gave me the understanding that nobody was going to come and save me. If I wanted to correct my life and I wanted to be successful, it's 100% on my back. It depends on me. And anybody

who's watching this, I want you to know that. Nobody's going to come and save you. Your mother can't save you. Your father can't save you. You have to take that look in the mirror and know, hey, it's me. I'm going to be the one to get me out. and you have to change your mentality because the system is against you. If you were young, Latino or black kid growing up in the hood, they want to keep you there. But you have to look into yourself. Find your talent, what you're good at, and what you love to do, what you would do for free, nurture that talent, and that's going to take you everywhere you want to go.

And don't let your emotions and a temporary feeling give you a long-term consequence. because there's guys that are not coming out. There's guys that are not coming out, that they got life. And they wish they would have the opportunity to come out and sit here with you and do what we're doing right now. Now, we were talking off camera before we started about kind of your mentality now and how you're not waiting for someone else to come save you. I think that's so relatable for our audience

because I get so many people that come in asking to connect them to this person, that person, because that person could help them get to the next level. so if you kind of want to share what your mindset is now. Absolutely. And what your plans are for the future. People will only help you if you're helping yourself. You know, nobody, even when you're in prison, if you're scared to fight or scared to defend yourself,

nobody else is going to save you. So people only help you if you help yourself. So you've got to be able to create those opportunities, especially in business. You know, like we was talking about in business, you have opportunity and you have leverage. If you don't have the leverage, you've got to look for the opportunity in order to create that leverage. And everybody has a story.

And you look at the rappers now. Even the rappers are podcasting. You know, that goes to show you, you know, so if you young, all the guys that want to be rappers, you know, there's no more. Unless you're Playboy Cardi or, you know, NBA young boy, you know, the labels is not spending a ton of money no more for these rappers. You know, they spend $2 million to get back 2.1 if they get it back. So all the rappers now are starting podcasts because there's value in telling your story. And everybody's story is unique. And if you're genuine and you put into work, you know, people will help you.

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Being the platform, streets on music, on YouTube, and we're going to hit that hard. What's something you want to tell your teenage self? Don't listen to nobody. Don't listen to nobody. Follow your dreams and follow your heart. I think there was a lot of things that I wanted to do. And whether it was my environment or, you know, other people, they discourage you based on their own trauma. So they can make it.

So they want a trauma bond with you. So they want to tell you now you're not going to make it. It's like that teacher that tells you're never going to go to college. That teacher that tells you that is dealing with her. Hopefully he or she can get past it. Because that's not what you tell a kid. When I see kids now, my own kids or your kids, whoever's kids, I try to, you know, water them instilling them.

You could be, I tell my daughter, you could be anything you want to be. You just got to work hard and stay consistent and put your heart into it and be true to yourself. And I try to pass those gems on because that's what it's about. It's about passing the gems to the next generation and empowering the next generation and opening the eyes of the young, of the, you know, the young kids in the ghetto and letting them know, there's more than the Bronx. Leave the Bronx. There's more than your neighborhood.

You ever been to California? You ever been to Miami? You know, exposure is everything. When you expose the young generation to different things, not saying I wasn't exposed, my mother took me on vacations and, you know, did things. like that, but mentally you think there's only your neighborhood. And that's not true. There's more to life than just your neighborhood. So I would tell myself just to follow your heart and not be, you know, not, not be so

pressured by what other people think and other people's expectations of you. Because nobody's born a criminal. It's a learned behavior. It's something that you learn to do. And they put that title on you because you made a mistake or you did this, hey, he's a criminal. but you wasn't born that way. You don't have to be your father. You don't have to be your grandfather.

You can be different breaking the cycle because that's what it's about. It's about breaking the cycle. It's about saying, hey, I didn't have my father around. I'm going to be a good father. I'm going to be there for my kids. And that's what it's all about. And, you know, that's what I, that's my, that's the journey I'm on.

The journey I'm on is to use social media, technology, has made a way for everybody. Everybody got a voice now. You see your comments. Everybody's told, yo, there's that. Everybody has a voice and everybody has the ability to share that, share their experiences and share what they're going through and how they feel. Whether it's good enough for people to repost it or for your platform to grow, that's on you.

What's the difference between one rapper from the next? They both got the same story. One just tells it better. So that's what it's all about. It's all about using these platforms to inspire. I told you before we got on air that you inspired me, you know, to work on my platform and work on myself. And just the preparation in coming here has opened up my eyes and opened up opportunities and opened up, you know, it put a flame under the wood, so to speak. And that's what it's about.

That's what it's about. You know, the gang can't save you. New York City is, when I was growing up, you had gangs, but it wasn't, now gangs are New York out here now. Everybody's in the gang. The gang can't save you. They can't save you. You're going to end up on Rikers.

You're going to end up in Fiske. You're going to end up in Clinton, correctional facility, picking up cigarette butts for 25 cents an hour. So you can't work at the supermarket because that's degrading. Because in the streets, we praise the drug dealer or we praise the guy that comes home for prison. When I came home from prison, I was a celebrity in my block, Ian.

Oh, we love you. When I came back from Iraq, it wasn't the same. The guy that comes back from Yale getting a master's, he don't get praised. the guy that comes back from prison gets praised. So it's a lot of work that has to be done in these neighborhoods. It's a lot of work. And it's going to take guys like you and guys like me to get on these platforms

and give this information so that people are able to change. Because it's all about the mentality. It's the stinking thinking. That's what they call it up north, stink and thinking. And that's what it's about. It's about changing the mindset of the youth. Because I'd rather talk to a young person. When I talk to guys my age or older,

these guys got everything figured out. All right, got you. I have a two second conversation with you. Once I feel like you feel like you got everything figured out, I'm good. I can't waste my time on you. I'd rather talk to young people. So that's the goal. The goal is to be able to.

I seen when you went into the prison to do the peace of party. And I seen the look on the eyes of the inmates. And you know being locked up what that meant for them. Somebody looking outside in, they're like pizza party. This guy thinks he's Mon Luther King. It's not about that. It's about getting that relief for that time. Because that piece of when you locked up, that shit is everything.

Look at hip-hop culture. Look at what's happening in Atlanta. It's turmoil. Young thug, the guy that this is the ultimate street guy. He's a rat. He's not a rat. It's crazy. It's so silly.

Snitching is part of the street. when I grew up when I was coming up the guys that was in the street they told me toned snitchers is a part of the street you know that right it's not a surprise somebody snitches but they idolizing these guys

and the rap lyrics and saying this and that stay away from the street completely because there's no value there's no 401K there's no long term there's death or prison everybody comes oh I'm going to be the guy to change it

I'm going to do things differently Stinking, thinking. You're not no smarter than the last guy that caught the life bid. Okay? So it's something that is up, the politics of the street that causes the people to think, oh, this guy's a snitch, this guy's not a snitch, this guy's this, this guy's that.

Forget about that. Don't even be in the street because there's nothing there. But you've got to be able to find options. There's a million ways out the hood, but no signs say out. you need to get options you need options what can you do you know what's your option fine what you're good at what's your talent what would you do for free that's what i mean i tell young people immediately what would you do for free oh i you know my daughter i i designed clothes even if i didn't get paid

okay that's that's your passion i go to my neighborhood because you got me you got me flying over here coming to my neighborhood again i go to my neighborhood and i see nothing has changed. It's all the same guys. And if it's not the same guys as different faces, the same circus with different clowns, search within yourself,

find what it is that you love, and pursue that. You're living in 2025. Tony, I appreciate you coming on the show today, man. Ian, thank you for having me on the platform. My goal was to come on here and inspire, so I hope I did that. Absolutely.

and go back and enjoy Miami. Absolutely.