Locked In with Ian Bick - I Was Sentenced to Life at 17 — How I Survived California’s Most Brutal Prisons| Brian Warth

Episode Date: March 4, 2026

Brian Warth was caught in a bitter custody battle and traumatized by his brother's murder before the streets of California sucked him into a life of crime. After committing a murder at just 16 years old, he was sentenced to life in prison, forcing him to survive the brutality of LA County youth facilities and maximum security penitentiaries as a teenager. He reveals the raw reality of growing up behind bars and how Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger eventually signed his parole after 16 hard years. _____________________________________________ #ianbick #lockedin #lockedinpodcast #prisonlife #lifesentence #prisonsurvival #californiaprison #truecrime _____________________________________________ Connect with Brian Warth: YouTube: BrianWarthTV Instragram: _brianwarth Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/brian.warth Book: Young Man Arise! https://www.amazon.com/Young-Man-Arise-Brian-Warth/dp/162952607X _____________________________________________ Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ _____________________________________________ Shop Locked In Merch: http://www.ianbick.com/shop _____________________________________________ Timestamps: 00:00 The Arrest That Changed Everything 04:41 Broken Home: Custody Battles & Family Struggles 08:52 Growing Up Around Gangs 15:09 Trauma, Loss & Joining a Gang 19:49 Running Away and Getting Pulled Into Street Life 25:38 Gang Violence, Early Arrests & Escalation 33:51 The Crime That Put Him Facing Life in Prison 45:06 Juvenile Hall, Jail & Sentencing Day 54:21 The Turning Point: Faith and Change 01:01:13 Youth Prison: Inside the “Gladiator School” 01:13:59 From Youth Prison to Adult Prison 01:18:43 Learning Prison Politics & Survival 01:25:28 How He Survived Prison Mentally & Physically 01:33:36 Parole Hearings, Hope & Crushing Setbacks 01:45:40 Walking Out of Prison After Years Inside 01:52:08 Rebuilding Life After Prison 02:06:00 Forgiveness, Restorative Justice & Healing 02:09:00 Final Lessons, Advice & Book Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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built for endless browsing. It's built to help you find and own a home. With agents who close twice as many deals, when you find the one, you've got a real shot at getting it. Get started at redfin.com. Own the dream. I got shot when I was 14 years old. The rival gang members tried to kill me. They shot at me about five times, less than 10 feet away. L.A. County Jail as a teenager. What's that like? They called it Gladiator School because there's a lot of fights, a lot of gang banging. You're talking about the worst juveniles of California. Now, the politics of the gangs and in your location that you mainly stayed at, what was that like? They brought a bloodhound to every cell.

Bloodhound, what is that? Well, they were looking for the body. Did that make you a target? I'm 21 years old at this time in Iron One State Prison. And I caught word that I'm gonna get stabbed. Imagine being 17 years old and told you're going to prison for the rest of your life. Ryan Worth didn't just imagine it. He lived it.

From LA County Youth Lockups to maximum security yards, he had to become a man in the most brutal way possible. I grew up in Los Angeles County, Southern California. What was your upbringing like? Well, I came from my mom and dad were never married. So they were in like a custody battle over me when I was young. My mom and my dad were at odds with one another. It was like a war going on. And I later learned out it was the law.

At that time, it was the longest running custody. battle in LA County history at that time. So as a little kid, I would go in front of judges. I would be evaluated by psychiatrists. And the main point was, who do I want to live with? My mom or my dad. My mom and my dad. And that's a big pressure for a little kid.

I remember one time the judge gave my dad custody of me and said, you're going to go live with your dad. But in my eight-year-old mind, I interpreted as the judge saying, I would never see my mom again. I was like, what? And so I went as a young kid, I went back and forth from my mom's house to my dad's house.

And my mom was raising. She had kids, both of them had kids prior to me. So I have brothers and sisters on my mom's side and I have a brother and a sister on my dad's side. How old were you, do you think, when you realized that probably wasn't normal? Maybe comparing yourself to another family or another kid your age?

I was probably a, an adult because that was normal for me. So I was in the water, right? A fish doesn't know they're in the water. And so I never realized that that was abnormal until an adult and seeing how family structures should be. But my mom had kids from various guys and they were my brothers and sisters and we grew up in one house with her as our, you know, protector and guardian.

And so it was normal to me to have my mom. to have a boyfriend and be in the house and live live in there with us. My mom used to take me to like the bars when I was little. I didn't realize this, but you used to be able to take your kids to bars a long time ago. And I'll be playing the video games in the bar. In my mind right now, it still doesn't like, how does that even happen? But the environment, the culture, I guess in the mid-80s was a little, it was different. Who do you think you're closer to your mom or your dad?

Oh, growing up, my mom, my dad loved me. My dad tried to do all he could do to help me. And he was fighting for me because he wanted to protect me. But I was the youngest of all my brothers and sisters. So I was a mama's boy, right? I was mama's boy. And, yeah, I was closer to my mom because my dad, my dad was a Vietnam veteran. And he came back from Vietnam with some mental issues, you know, challenging issues.

Not so much mental in the sense of like crazy, but just drinking, alcohol. And he was a strict disciplinarian when I was younger. And of course, as a young kid, you don't like that. You want to be free. My mom was more liberal. She was more permissive. And so, yeah, I didn't like living at my dad's when I was little. How was what you have described yourself as a kid?

As a kid, I was the youngest of multiple boys and a girl. So I was spoiled by my mom, by my sister. I developed a bad attitude, like a chip on my shoulder as I turned 11 and 12 years old. But generally speaking, I was like a follower as a little kid. I was a follower. What do you think triggered that bad chip on your shoulder? Well, I developed a bad attitude. When I was about seven years old, my oldest brother was shot and killed.

He was 15 years old when he died and got murdered by a gang member. And I grew up in the gang infested areas of Los Angeles. And with my mom and dad court custody over me, battling. For example, like at my mom's house, My dad at a certain season was like an enemy. And they would shield, even the neighborhood kids, they didn't like my dad. And so that contradiction, those contradictions, the gang environment, built up anchor inside of me. It developed a bad attitude.

Like, I always like to share that I was not an evil kid. I didn't wake up, you know, as a teenager trying to say, who could I kill? Who could I murder or, you know, no, I was, I had a bad attitude. I just wouldn't listen. I came to a point in my life where I wouldn't listen to wisdom. Oh, go on. Yeah, I wouldn't listen to wisdom or advice. Do you think that's a common misconception among these kids that join gangs at a young age?

I think so. I think most of them are not super predators. They described my generation that got thrown into prison as super predators. And I think that was a misconception. I think many of them developed bad attitudes. I believe many of them came from broken homes, single mothers doing the best they can, but can't control a 12-year-old who has a bad attitude.

What did you know about gangs back then at that age? Well, I was raised in the gang culture. So to me it was normal. Like I saw gang members come into my brother's room like this. and get tattoos and drink my house at a time was what they called the local kickback house where all the gang members will come and get drunk and get high. So I saw gang members since a little kid. So again, it was like the fish analogy.

I was in the water. A fish doesn't know they're in the water. And so I was, they fed me. They took care of me. I was little. They were like, man, that's David's little brother. and they gave me attention. So they even told me when I was little that I swore I would never be like them.

That's what they told me. Did you look up to them at all? For sure. I looked up to the gang members. I was in the sixth grade. And you know how schools have Halloween Day and you dress as a certain character? And some people come to school as Hercules or Ho-Hogan. I came to school on Halloween Day or the celebration that the school had as a gang member.

I took my brother's gang member clothing, his glasses, his clothing, and I went to school that day dressed up as a gang member. I was in the sixth grade. I never forget that. Did anyone say anything, your mom, teachers, you know, administration? My dad. My dad saw it coming, man. God bless my dad, man. My dad saw it coming.

He tried to help me. He tried. Again, everybody was in it. Everybody was there. They may not have been directly contributing to it, but that's all they knew. It's all they knew. No, you said your house was kind of the hangout spot. Yeah. Why did your parents allow that? Well, my mom at different times was a single mother and she worked a lot. She worked a lot. So she's raising one, two, three, four, four kids by herself. And at different times she had boyfriends, but they weren't like raising us. And so she worked a lot.

She was doing the best that she could. And again, it's hard for a single mother to control a 15-year-old boy like my brother or my other brother who at that time was like 13 years old or my other brother, a female for the most part, not going to control everything they do. And I think also my mom for a season adopted the attitude. I rather them hang out here at the house than on the streets. That was one of the attitudes she adopted. I rather than be in the backyard in a relatively safe, contained environment,

then hanging out on the corner street where someone could get shot or in the park where other things could happen. and that perspective allowed it to come into the home. For example, when my oldest brother got shot and killed at the age of 15 years old, I was like seven years old. I went into his room. I was mad. I remember being angry because, again, I was the youngest. He was the oldest and he spoiled me.

And his room was like a gang member shrine. That's the close I can compare it to, meaning there was gang graffiti all over the room on the walls they wrote you know gang graffiti and i remember on the side of by the door somebody drew a silhouette of his face and they dug a hole by where the bullet hit his face at and i said i stood there as a seven-year-old boy i feeling angry like i lost my big brother and i remember hitting the wall um as i walked out the door and that built this bad attitude and chip on my shoulder but in the And the attitude was like, I'd rather them do it here at the house than somewhere else. Why do you think his death didn't cause you to go down a more positive path, keep you away from the streets?

Well, the gang members became my family. I grew up with them, went to school with them. Their older brothers were my brother's friends. And they provided for me, I didn't know it back then, as I look back now. they provided to me a sense of family. They provided for me a sense of belonging. And so instead of turning on them, I embrace them. They would feed me like the girls, the older girls.

My mom would be gone and I'll be hungry. They would cook dinner. They'll be in my kitchen and they'll cook me dinner and they'll feed me before they left to go party. And so they filled in a gap in my heart now as I look back. and that's the main reason why you don't turn on them and say, man, forget, you know, forget this life. Because you would think the average thought or train of mind would think that thought, like, man, they just killed my brother and causing pain and et cetera. People are full of surprises, especially when you travel together. Thankfully, Verbo is not.

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For Jeff, trying any salsa is like playing Russian roulette with a flamethrower. Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on antacids, ginger tea, and milk. Habaniero? More like habanier, yes. Save the everyday with Amazon. They became family. Why do you think that they become family in regards to someone dying, but not when someone goes to prison? You hear a lot of stories when the gang kind of leaves you when you go to prison. Yeah.

But they supported you when your brother passed. You know what, Ian, you have discovered like one of the big questions of the ages. I've wrestled with this, okay? I've wrestled with this. and I haven't drawn a final conclusion. But let me tell you, I was there when my brother, I was there when my brother died,

not where he died at, but alive. So I saw, I felt the emotions. I felt the crying. You know, the neighborhood kids went and did a fundraiser in the community. When gang members died, the community, the gang members, sometimes they'll do a car wash

and they'll bring the money to the mom to help pay for the, funeral. So I was there. I experienced, you know, people crying in the front yard. I experienced the stories, right? This longing through the years. Oh, I wish David, who was my brother, I wish he was still alive, you know, I wish he never died. So I experienced that longing. And then eventually I go to prison and I'm dead to many people. And that same longing of my brother was not there for me. Right.

And I'm alive. This is what I'm thinking, because I got years to process this in prison. I'm alive, right? I'm dead, but I'm alive. And very few, if not anybody, is reaching out to say anything. Here's some money.

Here's some help or anything like that. So what you discovered is a real phenomenon. I have not drawn a conclusion by that. other than to say this, I realize when you go to prison, prison severs the strongest relationships. It severs the strongest relationships. It breaks down mother and son relationship. It breaks down father and son. For the most part, there are some exceptions.

But prison has a way of severing relationships. And I've experienced that. I've experienced that. Don't get me wrong. There are several people that stayed very close to me. and are a main factor of my rehabilitation. But by and large, that same longing, that same love was not there. It was not there.

I think out of sight, out of mind. It makes you wonder what the outcome would have been if it was reversed, if they just left you alone and didn't care for you when he passed away. Yeah. I think we would have probably reached out to them. That's how crazy it is. Like the mentality is insane. Like, we're there.

That's all we know. this is our family. And even if you push me away, I'm going to, it's like a, in a weird way, it's like an abusive relationship where the person getting abused still reaches out for that relationship. Where does your path lead after his death? After my brother's death, again, I developed a bad attitude, a chip on my shoulder. And I started to get into trouble at around 12 years old. I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life and I officially got jumped into the neighborhood gang.

That's when different gangs have different things where you get become part of that gang. But in our particular situation, you get beat up for a certain amount of minutes and it happens three times at three different occasions. And then your official member of the gang. So at 12 years old, I officially got joined the neighborhood gang. And my life went on a downward spiral. And I began to mess up in school. I begin to run away from home. Every time I didn't get my way at my house, I would run away and I would sleep in the park.

I was sleep in abandoned homes. And I had options. Like my dad loved me. My mom loved me. They tried to help me. So shout out to them. They tried to help me. Like they moved me out of California to Texas.

My mom moved out of Los Angeles to Texas to try to get me away from all the, from the violence and that culture. So I went to Texas, a small town outside of Fort Worth. It was called Keller, Texas. In front of my house, Ion, was cows. I'm dressed like an L.A. gang member going to this school in Texas where, they're wearing cowboy hats and boots. It was a culture shock. And in front of my house was cows.

And so they tried to help me. That didn't last. Eventually, I ran away from Texas. And I was about 16 years old. I actually got a car. And I drove all the way back. I planned it out. I went to the library in Keller, Texas,

right outside of Fort Worth, made a copy of the map. on how to get back to Los Angeles. And I saved up like $200 for gas. And to my shame, I didn't even tell my mom. I left my mom in Texas. Like, I didn't tell her. That's how messed up my mind was.

I was getting in trouble in school. You know how you get detention? Like, after school, you have to go to detention. Well, that added up, and then I had to go to Saturday school. And then that added up. And then eventually I was suspended from school. And then I just was too much. I said, I'm gone.

I'm out of here. and I took off and I hit that freeway. I planned everything but food. I planned everything like money, a map. I forgot to bring food. And so like a couple hours into this thing, I am hungry. And I don't have enough money. All I have is money enough for gas to get to L.A.

But thank goodness I brought a banana. So I think I ate like a banana. It took me two and a half days to drive back from, Texas, Dallas, Fort Worth to Los Angeles. And I remember coming up from the San Diego, California kind of area, and the Border Patrol pulled me over. I'm thankful they pulled me over because my car almost overheated. If they didn't pull me over, my car would have broke down.

I remember sleeping on the side of the road, like in the truck stop. It was cold at night, and I had a big knife, a crowbar, right, just for a sense of protection. And I came back to Los Angeles. You know, 16 years old. And boy, that was one of the biggest mistakes in my life. This was the late 80s. The gang warfare in Los Angeles at that time was on the verge of peaking.

Where did you stay when you got back? What was the plan? The same day I drove into Los Angeles. I pulled into my neighborhood, my gang neighborhood. I made a left. I can still see it in my mind today. I made a left, Eon. as I pulled into my gang neighborhood, my oldest brother was driving out.

What? So I like try to dodge him because he's my oldest brother. I'm ducking. And I drive off to one of my homeboys house. I pull up in park. A minute later, I look, guess who's coming around the corner? My oldest brother, the same person I just passed by. He saw me.

and he came and I remember he double parked in the street and I got out of my car and he kicked my door and he said he screamed at me why'd you leave mom why'd you leave mom and this was the first time I'm skinny I've always been skinny my brother of course is bigger than me he's not buff but it was bigger than me. And he used to, you know, beat us up, right? And he swung at me. And I don't know if I ducked or I dodged it and I swung back at him, swung back at him. And I can't remember if I, like, you know, I know I hit him and I didn't knock him out or nothing. Don't get me wrong. But it just stopped him. And it was like the first time I ever stopped my big brother from like going first. in the fight.

And he left. And I felt like, whoa, you know what I mean? I was like, you know, stopping your big brother in the street. It was kind of major in my mind. So I went into the house, to my homeboy's house, and, you know, he fed me. And I started to live on the street, started living my car. And I had ran away. before and the cold thing about running away eon is that at first everybody you know accepts you like

oh there goes brian let's hang out right but after a while they know you don't have nowhere to go so they're like trying to dodge you because they know if you hang out with brian he's not going to go nowhere like he's going to be with you at 3 a.m in the morning because he ain't got nowhere to go so if it's fun at first but after a while it's like it gets it wears on you it wears on you you know i'm in the middle of the night trying to find somewhere to sleep at. And so eventually, I go back to my dad's house because my dad stayed in Los Angeles and I go to live with my dad. And my dad lived in a home with my grandma, my aunts, and many of my cousins. So at his house, that's what that environment was. And a lot of people in Los Angeles like that, maybe even New York, right, where all the family lives in one

house. And so when I went back to my dad's house, now I had a car. I was 16 years old. And I realized then that my dad could not control me. Like I had a realization. My dad couldn't control me. So I started going out at night and I started partying and I'd come home whenever I wanted to come home. And up into that point, my dad would physically try to stop me. Like he was a dad. My dad was like a dad. He would physically, one time he tried to wrestle me not to go because he was not, didn't want me to go. And my grandma came in and she had to break us up and said and told my dad, just let him go,

let him go. And I realized, oh my goodness, my dad can't control me no more. And the cold thing was, Ian, I couldn't control myself. I couldn't control myself. And now I'm going to the streets. I have a car. And I'm getting high. I'm getting drunk.

I'm not coming back at all. Maybe the next day I'm coming back to the house sleeping and my life continues on a downward spiral. Are all the kids in the gang or all the people in the gang your age? Or is it mixed? There's different generations. There's different generations. So I have older brothers that are older than me. And then I have another older brother that's younger than my oldest brother.

And there's a generation for him. And then there's a generation for me. At the time when I was growing up, I was the youngest generation. So I had most of the time been the youngest person when I was growing up. I was like 12 years old. Everybody else was like 14 up to 21, 22. And back then to a 14-year-old being 21, you were old. You were old.

Like my older homeboys that were like 25 and 30, to me they were like grandmonds and grandparents back then. And I didn't really see them because they had they were in a whole different other category of people. So to answer your questions, there's different generations depending upon how old your gang is. There's some gangs in LA that are old, real old. So you have multiple generations. You have newer gangs that only have one generation. Now, is everyone in your generation pretty much on the same path, not going to school, kind of living on their own? Yes and no. I come from a neighborhood in L.A. that had working class first generation immigrants from Mexico for the most

part. And they were working class. So the people I hung around with, their parents were hard workers, for the most part. They were hard workers. The dads were like strict people from like Mexico that came to the United States and they found a way to make a living. And so there were people in my generation that also had parents, but they were working all the time. So there was no one to watch after them. A long time ago, they used to call them latchkey kids, where the parents worked all the time, so there was no supervision amongst the kids

and they could do whatever they wanted to do. So there were different gang members. Different, like, you didn't identify them. You didn't say you're a different gang member. But looking back, there were gang members that just like to party. There were gang members that just wanted to be around there. And then there were gang members that were active,

like part of the street warfare. And so you had different kind of like groups of people. So what happens next? So I went in and out of jail at an early age for small things, like spray painting on the wall. I would spray paint gang graffiti on the wall, get caught, and go to juvenile. hall. When I was 14 years old, I got arrested for attempted murder, a gang-related shooting.

And I remember they sent me to juvenile hall. And I prayed to God. I said, God, if you get me out of here, you know, I'll go back to school. I was trying to do a plea bargain with God in a cell. And I had a couple crime partners who were 18 years old, and I was 14. At this particular time, I was 14. And a couple days later, I got a DA reject. And they released me. from this attempted murder charge. But the sad thing was I didn't heed the warning. I didn't learn the lesson. So I went back to the streets and started going in and out of jail at an early age for small things, running away from home.

I wasn't like a, I wasn't a type of gang member that would like steal things. I wasn't a thief. Right. And so in the late 80s, that's when the gang warfare in Los Angeles all across. Los Angeles kind of broke out. And, you know, I got shot when I was 14 years old. Rival gang members tried to kill me. They shot at me about five times, less than 10 feet away. And by the grace of God, I only got hit one time in my left arm, but it was paralyzed. That's also helped form in me a bad attitude. I went into that hospital. I thought I was this

gang member, Ian, right? I was this gang member. Because I was 14 years old, they put me in the little kids ward so i'm looking around guess what they have drawn on the walls scooby-doo all these cartoon characters and here i am thinking i was this bad gang member and i'm in this room full of scooby-due drawings on the on the wall and about a month later they released me from the from the hospital my arm was my hand was paralyzed uh i couldn't sleep and i'd be in pain in pain like at one o'clock in the morning watching black and white movies. And all I can think about was how could I get revenge? Like anger was percoling in my mind.

And so I got caught up. I got caught up in that gang violence of Los Angeles in the late 80s. And ultimately, I found myself arrested for the last time at the age of 16 years old. I was arrested for a gang-related shooting, a murder. So you're running out of closet space. The good news, you don't need to stop shopping. You just need to start selling with The Real Real. The Real Real Real is the world's largest and most trusted resource for authenticated luxury resale.

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And I had this new guy from my neighborhood. He was new. He was younger than me. And I had befriended him. When I came back from Texas, I befriended him, befriended him. And so I would bring him along with me in my car. Because when you had a car, I was 16 years old, and I had a car. That was big time, like almost, almost big time. Like, if you had rims on it and

big stereo, you would be next level. But I didn't have all that. But just to have a car, you know, you were like, you know, you just had a little bit of favor. And so I brought this younger guy, he was a year younger than me, close to me. And we would hang out. We would go to different places. We would get drunk and hang out. And it was summer school. And in Los Angeles, during the summer, they also have summer school where you can make up classes. And so one day, he told me, he said, hey, I got a gun. I got a gun. I said, you got a gun.

Where's your gun at? He says, it's at my school in the locker. Back then they used to have lockers where you could put your stuff in the school. So I told him, go get the gun, bring the gun. So the next day he brought this gun. And it was an old shotgun, one-shot shotgun. And he handed it to me. And, you know, we had different guns at different times.

But when you grab a gun, at least for me, like something clicked in my mind. You know, it gave me a sense of false bravery. Because you got to remember, people are getting shot. people are getting kidnapped. When I was in the late 80s and in L.A., people were getting kidnapped and tortured. And so it was so violent that I wouldn't, if I had to go home like at one in the morning,

I wouldn't stop at a stop sign. I would run the neighborhood stop signs just so I'm not going to stop because if you stop, you make yourself a victim. So that was the culture of what was going on. So when I grabbed that gun, I felt a sense of safety. It was false, but I felt it.

And so I put it in my car and I hit it in the quarter pound. I had a 1980 Monte Carlo back then that was the lowrider cars in Los Angeles. It was Regals, Monte Carlo's cutlasses. And you had small tires. Like now people have big tires. Back then it was small tires with rims, laces and Dayton's and stuff like that. So I hid the gun in the quarter panel of the door and I begin to drive around with it. and it gave me again the sense of confidence,

a sense of protection. And one day the police pulled me over. And I got out, they put me on the curve, they sat me on the curve, and I said to myself, oh, man, I'm going to jail. I'm going to jail because of the gun. They went into my car and they searched my car. They didn't find it.

They didn't find the gun. And so that made me feel invincible. It was a false feeling, but it made me feel invincible. So now I'm going everywhere, gun, right? I'm going everywhere. And so one day during summer school, I go pick up my friend. I have the gun in my car and we say, let's go to the local high school and cruise around to see what's going on. You know, let's just go to the local high school. So we drive to the local high school and when we get there, we realized they didn't have school at that school.

Like there was no school at that school. We didn't know that. So it just so happens that the school was adjacent to our rival gang's neighborhood. It was adjacent to the rival gang's neighborhood. So I go to turn around, but I go one block into my rival gang's neighborhood. And I drive down the street. And as I'm turning out of the neighborhood, I see gang riding on the neighborhood. I see gang riding on the neighborhood. the wall. Their rival gang members riding on the wall. So the idea said, wow, let's spray paint on the wall. Let's back then one of the lower levels of like gang banging that didn't that didn't commit you to violence is spray painting on the wall. So if you see a rival gang member's name or neighborhood on the wall, you know, you cross it out with other spray paint. That was a sign of disrespect. and it was like nonviolent. It leads to violence, but at that moment, you didn't have to, you know, fight nobody. So we said, let's spray paint on the wall.

Well, I didn't have a can of spray paint. So I drive all the way back to my neighborhood somewhere and I get the can of spray paint. And we drive all the way back. You see how one thing leads to another? Just one thing leads to another. And when we drove back, I went down that same block. and as I went down that same block now all of a sudden

there were gang members hanging out on the street and I drove by them and as I turned the corner to where the gang riding was at I slowed down and now we decided it was too risky to get out

because we had to get out the truck the car, not truck, the car and spray paint on the wall and this is happening fact So this is not like, you know, we're not thinking long term on this. But we conclude it's too risky to get out of the car and spray paint on the wall. So I begin to drive away. And then we said, man, let's shoot at them.

Let's shoot at them. And I slowed down and I pulled out the gun regretfully. I handed a gun to my friend and we drove back around and regretfully. We shot at the rival gang members. And one of the gang members got in a car and started to chase us. And so here I am. I'm driving being chased right to the different streets. And I'm 16 years old at this time.

me on. So some of these thoughts are way out, right? Like, I'm thinking in my mind, I know how to get away from somebody getting chased because I see movies and you don't try to out drive them by going on a straight distance. You start hitting corners. You turn left, you turn right, you turn left, you turn right. This is just going on in my mind. And so I started doing that. I start hitting corners, start hitting corners. Start hitting corners. And I drive and we get away. We get away. And I drive back to my neighborhood and I drop off my friend and all of a sudden the sense of paranoia hits. It's a sense of paranoia. I didn't know it was paranoia back then, but it was a sense of paranoia.

I hear helicopters in the sky and I'm thinking, oh my goodness, they're following me. They're following me. And they're not following me. But it's just a sense of paranoia is coming over me. and I go hang out a little bit and eventually I go back home and I found out that regretfully, somebody died. How'd that make you feel when you found out? Well, I wasn't thinking about the person at that frame of mind that I was in. you know we had just got shot i'd been shot before my friends had just been shot you know we've had

home shot up where my nieces were at so when you're in that culture and that frame of mind at that moment i'm not thinking about regretfully i'm not thinking about the person who died i'm not thinking about them is there any part in your mind that thinks that you're going to get caught not at that moment because again you have to go back to a 16 year old mind frame and I had got away I got away so like I got away I'm not going to get caught in my 16 year old mind if I was going to get caught I would have got caught right then and there but because I got away in my mind I'm thinking I'm free as a bird but again that's a 16 year old immature gang member mind that's off because these are professionals.

Police officers are professionals. This is their career. They know what they're doing. Now, do you think regardless of age, if you were 16 at that time and you just thought about the consequences of your actions, that would have made a difference or no

because of your age and your mindset at the time? No, it wouldn't have made a difference because of the culture that I was in. Remember, culture is powerful. No matter what culture you're in, it blinds you. culture blind you no matter what culture you're in the values of particular cultures blind you

so i was loyal to my gang and i was loyal to what was going on and there was warfare going on the people were getting shot left and right the the year that i got arrested on if i remember correctly it was the highest murder rate of los angeles county it was the highest murder rate for all that. And remember, Los Angeles was, was, I believe, I don't know about now, but was, it is now, the gang capital of the nation. How did you get arrested? How did you get caught?

Oh, man. So, again, I come, I'm living with my dad and my grandma's house, with my aunts, and my 39 cousins. And I'm sleeping in my room the next day. And I hear a knock on my door. and I think it's my grandma waking me up to go to school, but it wasn't. It was the sheriff's department.

It was the police. The very next day. Years later, I've concluded, these guys are professionals. They know what they're doing. This is their career. The very next day, Eon, they're knocking on, not even my front door, on my bedroom. They're knocking on my bedroom. And I got a big out.

They're knocking on my bedroom. So they bang down the door, they put their gun to my head. I get on my knees. They handcuff me. and they jerked me up, and they begin to escort me through the living room. And this is one of the most shameful mornings of my life because a huge part of my family is sitting in the corner with my grandma who helped raise me. Like my grandma helped raise me. She fed me when I was sick and took care of me when I didn't feel good.

And to this day, I can still see her in my mind's eye. Sitting in that corner with tears in her eyes, as I walked by in handcuffs, she cried out. What did you do? what did you do? And so I just put my head down and they took me to the police car that was double parked. I didn't realize it at this time.

My dad told me years later. My dad worked nights, you know, night shifts. So he came home in the morning. He was driving home from work and they pulled him over down the street. He thought he was getting a ticket. Uh-uh. They said, we're looking for your son for murder.

And, you know, where is he at? Right? They pulled my dad over down the street. They surrounded the whole house. And so there I was in that cop car. And I was slipping into darkness. I didn't realize how much darkness I was going to slip into. And 15 minutes later, that detective came and they drove me off. And I was looking out the window. And that detective turned around and he slapped me with his words. He said, you better take a good look at them streets, boy, because you'll never see them. again. I still had a chip on my shoulder. I didn't want to let nobody tell me what to do, so I stared deeper into them street. I looked at the people going to school or work, and for them, it was the start of another normal day, but for me, it was the beginning of the end. I was slipping into darkness, man. They took me into that police station. They booked me for one murder and one attempted murder. And because I was 16 years old, they took me to juvenile hall first. And back then, when you get arrested for a murder, you have to spend three days in the hole.

They had to spend three days in the hole. And the very next morning after my crime, Yon, that police, man, they got me. They got me. My crime happened like at 2 p.m. in the afternoon. It wasn't at nighttime. And I'm in a white car. You know, and so it was so dumb. What I did was so dumb.

What about the others in the car? Did they get caught at the same time? Or with me? Yeah. No. They didn't get caught for like. probably two weeks. So did they offer you an opportunity to snitch?

Of course. That's what they do. And they took me to, when we got to the police station, they took me to a room just like the movies. They showed me a picture of the deceased. So you know this guy, right? And tell me what happened. But no, I was raised with a street code, Eon. You don't talk to nobody, right?

I didn't know nothing. At that time, I didn't know nothing. nothing. I was not around. I'm such a dumb thing that I was doing in the broad daylight white car, I had a dent on the side of my car, a dent on the side of my car. I had Texas license plates, because remember, I actually got the car in Texas, Texas license plate. I was so dumb. So I'm in that interrogation room. I don't know nothing. I don't know nothing. Do you think following that street code was the right move looking back on it? That's a good question. I think, it's the right move for the moment because these guys are professionals. They're going to find out

what happened. It's not like I'm a serial killer. It's not like I'm a professional bank robber. No, they'll find out what happened as they do their investigation. So I didn't tell. I didn't tell. The only reason why I'm talking right now is because everything has already been processed. It's years later. My crime partner's already out of prison. Right. So he's already living in his life. That's the only reason why I'm telling it now because I wouldn't want to put nobody hurt anybody or put anybody in jeopardy. But back then, back then, let them figure it out. But I'm not contributing to, you know, because you're going to hold it against you too. They're going to hold it against you.

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first night in the cell? Is it during, you know, trial or is it during sentencing? When is it that it, like, actually genuinely hits you? Eon, it's a process. It's not one moment in time. I can point to several major moments of my incarceration where it hit me more and more and more. Now, early on, early on, I remember I was in Juvenile Hall and I was going through the court process and I was playing flag football. You get to play flag football. And I had a Polynesian brother on my team from Samoa. Shout out to the Samoans.

And he was on my team. And in the play, I accidentally hit my full. front mouth to his forehead and it knocked me out. I got knocked out, right? I woke up in the infirmary, which is the hospital. That's what they call the hospital in prison. And I woke up, I said to myself, where am I? What am I doing here? What's going on? And Eon, I kid you not, I had to relive being arrested again for murder. And that was one of the first eye-opening, crushing moments where the way to my situation became to become more real and real and real.

It happened again after I was sentenced to life in prison too. It happened years later when I'm in prison, you know, if we get to that point. So it's moments. It's not one moment. Did you go to trial? Did you take a plea deal? I did not go to trial. Thank God. My dad hired a lawyer. And his name was Mr. Lordin. And he was African American brother. And he was a pillar in the Los Angeles circles of lawyers and legal stuff. and they were trying to throw the book at me.

They put a, you know, back then they had like special gang prosecutors. And they were trying to throw a book at me. And my lawyer was able to negotiate a plea bargain. And he urged me, take the plea bargain. you're not going to win. They're throwing the book at people. And people were coming back with double life, triple life. I didn't want to take a plea bargain.

I didn't want to take no plea bargain. But again, I'm 16 years old, 17 years old. So I'm not like, you're in the county jail. I was in juvenile, but I was in Los Angeles County jail. And people are fighting their cases. And you have this sense of you may be able to go home. But my lawyer, God rest of so, he was able to negotiate a plea bargain. And the gang prosecutor for some reason was on vacation.

And so there was a stand-in that allowed that plea bargain to stand before the judge. And when that regular gang prosecutor came back, he was mad. No, we should not have given this. Remember, I got arrested during the height of gang murders in L.A. County. Now you still got life So it wasn't much of a deal No Well there was

I still got life I got 15 of life Plus one year for a gun Even having one year for a gun It was a Was a blessing Because people were getting like Five 10 years for a gun

Yeah but I still had life But I thank God for my dad Ian Because my dad In the midst of all that process he would tell me, son, listen to me, do this, do this, do this, do this, do this.

And one day, society will have mercy on you and you'll go home. He would feed me this. I got so mad at times, I'm because I even told him one time, Dad, no, I got a life sentence. He didn't budge. And so he kept a silver lining of hope. Like I had a fraction of hope. Thank God for my dad. Shout out to my dad.

I love them. Even though I rebelled against him, you know, when I was little. But yeah. So, yeah, I had a life sentence. When I was in jail, they had a no parole policy. I was in prison with people 40 years to life, et cetera, et cetera. They were never going home. But my dad kept a little bit of hope.

Now, L.A. County Jail is a teenager. What's that like? Oh, my goodness. I was in juvenile hall, Ian, and I got in trouble. I was getting in riots and I got kicked out of juvenile hall. They put me in the hole for like three months. I was in a room like this, right, by myself for like three months. And one day I heard the shackles.

You remember them shackles? I was in that room for so long to me that when the guard would come to see if you're all right, I would act like I was crazy. Like I would do upside down push-ups, right? just act like I was crazy, get a little more attention. But one day I heard the shackles come, and they kicked me out of juvenile hall. And they told me that L.A. County is the worst of the worst. Los Angeles County Jail is the worst of the worst.

I think it's like the biggest jail in the world, maybe. And if you survive the L.A. County Jail, you can survive anywhere. So they came and shackled me down, waist, ankles. and I think I was in jail at that time maybe six months or so I'm not sure and so they drive me in a little bus a little van oh man that van was a fresh breath of fresh air

because you get to see everything but it was just like a mile away you know and I had heard horror stories about the L.A. County Jail but again I'm a gang member right gang members run the county jail but I'm skinny I like young right so you still have

in the back of your mind, this fear of the unknown. And so I go, it's like a spaceship in Star Wars. The front door opens up. And I go in there, shackled down within, I kid you not, within the first five minutes, I heard the alarm. Burp, bur, bur, and I looked, and one of the sheriffs was dragging somebody across the hall with his hair, by his hair.

First five minutes. Now, I got kicked out of Juvenile Hall at 17 years old. So they took, I went to the LA County Jail as a 17 year old. You're not supposed to go there to your 18 years old.

So they had a juvenile section before you turned 18. So they booked me and they set me up to the juvenile section. And let me tell you something, Eon, it was a room full of the worst juveniles of L.A. County.

About 18 of them in one room, bunks, triple bunks, right? no supervision no supervision no windows throw you in there thank god i had got transferred with two people like two gang members because they were in the riot too in juvenile hall right one of them they were both big i was skinny but one was really big and he was from compton california so thank god we go into the room with three people that gives you a little leverage it makes you feel a little better, right? And I didn't know at that time, but they were jumping everybody who came in that room.

Like, whoever went into that room, they were jumping. When I say jump, it means beating them up. But because I came with two people that most of the people in there didn't like that tradition, they didn't like it, but they didn't want to stand up against it. But because I came in with two people and one of them was really big, I kind of had leverage, right? I had leverage or we had leverage. I wasn't by myself. And, So we walked into that room They shut the door And they didn't have bunks

There was no it was more people in the room Than they had beds And so for the first night Maybe two nights I forgot how long I slept under the bed In the L.A. County Jail, I come from under the bed I slept under the bed And I slept with one eye open

I slept with one eye open Eventually I realized I have to go to sleep Like you eventually realize you got to go to sleep And so I slept with one eye open. When they fed you in this juvenile section, they don't even assign you food. They just have trays.

And they present the trays to the room. And we're like hyenas. First come, first herb. They're just fighting over food right there. And if you get five bananas, you get five bananas. You get five trays. You get five trays. If you get nothing, you get nothing.

So there's a strategy to it. You have to listen for the carts to come down the hallway. And hopefully, you know, you're, you know they're coming so you can get ready to run to the door. And you're like, kina's kicking everything. So I stayed in that room for several months and eventually I turned 18 years old. I turned 18 years old in Los Angeles County Jail. And they transferred me to the main line. They transferred me to the mainline.

In fact, actually, me back on up. before they transferred me to the main line, they transferred us to one-man sales on a row with like 50 cells with a one-man cell. Have you ever been in a one-man cell? Yeah. All right?

It's so small you can touch both sides. And the bunk next to you is cut into your cell because that's how they maximize space. It's not in your cell, but one person sleeps on top, another one, you know, the next cell, they sleep on the bottom. And there's bars and there's a toilet.

and there's rats falling around. I turned 18 years old in that one-man cell. You know what I did for my birthday? I had a Snickers bar. And Snickers bar in the L.A. County Jail was like gold. It's like a brick of gold. I created a fishing line, ripped my sheet. I tied the snickers to the end of it,

and I threw it in the tier, which is the hallway on the ground, knowing that everybody's going to try to fish for it, right? Because it's like a brick of gold. And as I threw it in the tear, everybody would try to fit. As they got close to like getting it, like one person's almost going to get it. Guess what I'll do? I'll yank it. And I did that for like 10 times.

It was weird, crazy birthday gift at 18 years old. It was just weird. And then because I turned 18 years old, actually I got sentenced. I got sentenced to life when I was 17 years old in that cell, from that cell. I got sentenced to life. They took me to the Compton Courthouse one day and in a big room full of people, the judge hit her hammer and she said,

Mr. Worth, we sent you to life in prison. I was 17 years old. And I was numb. I was numb. You ever seen on TV, like the news, somebody gets sentenced to death? I've always wondered, like, how come they're not saying nothing?

Like, how come they're not, like, hold on, wait up. me say something, right? But I realized you're numb. You're like a walking zombie because of the pressure. It's the darkness that is that is around you, the mental darkness, the environment. And so I got sentenced to life. I stepped back and a man in his 40s to me at that time was old, 40 years old, was old at that time. He stepped forward and the judge sentenced him to three years in prison and he broke down in tears. He broke down in tears. He began to sob like a little baby. And I didn't say nothing. but inside I was screaming at that guy like, what are you doing? Like, why are you crying?

Didn't you just see what happened to me? And I couldn't understand his pain. I couldn't understand his frustration, but eventually I would. They took me back to the LA County jail. They put me in that one man's cell. I was sitting there. I was crushed, you know. This is one of the moments when you asked, you know, did you have one of the moments that it realized, you came to realization, well, there's several moments. This was one of the moments. I just got sentenced to life. I'm in that one man's cell, 17 years old. My face is pressed against my knees. and I felt like I was suffocating like a snake was wrapped around my neck and I felt, Eon, that Satan was laughing at me.

I felt like the devil was laughing at me. I was never going to be a father, never going to be a husband, never going to be free. And you were young when you were into prison, so you could probably identify this. There's with this, there's nothing worse than a teenager full of dreams and even energy, but slammed down in a one-man cell condemned to die a slow death in prison. There's nothing worse than that feeling right there. My short life flashed before my eyes. All of a sudden, like, I begin to regret at that moment.

That's what I first started to regret. All of a sudden, I begin to regret every time I didn't listen to my dad, or every time I didn't listen to my teachers, or every time I didn't go to school or church. Like, I begin to regret. That's when regret started to fall upon me. And then I heard it. noise in the hallway.

And I got up and I put my face, it was bars. So I put my face against the bars and I looked and it was a frail, elderly, volunteer chaplain. Remember the chaplain's in prison? No. He was walking down the tier, the hallway passing out Christian literature, just old books, old literature. And I didn't want to talk to nobody.

I was mad. And, but he came to my front of my cell door, the cell. wall. And so I got up and in my mind I said I'm going to drop the bomb on this guy. And I said, so I got up and I went to his face. You know, there's bars. And I said, Mr. I just got sentenced to life in prison. What in the world can you do for me? What can you do for me? You know, society doesn't want me. What can you do for? My life is over. And to my surprise, man, this old man, He reached through the bars and he grabbed my hands. And he said a quiet prayer over me.

He prayed over me in the name of Jesus right then and there. He prayed for me. This old man was not a friend. He wasn't even ex-gang member. He wasn't even an ex-drug addict, right? He was just an old man that had a heart for broken people. And he prayed for me. And he walked away.

I never seen him again. I never seen him again. I think about two days later or so I woke up in the county jail. and I had an encounter with God. Have you ever had an encounter with God when you're in prison? Like a God moment? I think I turned to God for the first time ever in my life. Like you're in prison.

Yeah, well, I mean, you're in those moments where, I mean, even like going into sentencing and stuff where, like, you know, they always say you turn to, you know, a higher spear when you need them the most, but never when you don't need them, you know, when you're first starting out on that journey. So I had a lot of religious cellmates. and a lot of times, especially in the shoe, because I did so much time in solitary, it's religious books are all that's there.

So, you know, I got familiar with the Bible and I would highlight, like, quotes in it. And, you know, just like some of those religious, like fairy tale type stories that they would have and stuff. Your heart was more open. Yeah, I was open to that. I remember reading a statement, they said, a man is in a great place when all he can turn to his God. And I had a God, I've had different God moments in prison, but that was. like the catalyst. I woke up and I felt as if God impressed upon my heart. Brian, if you serve me and don't give up, eventually, I'll set you free from prison to impact

the world with the gospel. I had this, this God moment. And I realized that with this, you know, you had moments of clarity at different times in your prison experience. moments of clarity. And I realized that sooner or later, unless I died first, I was going to wake up in a prison gray old, walking around in a prison yard. I was going to look up to heaven and I was going to wish I would have changed my life when I was younger. Like, I had that realization. And that did something to me, man. That did something to me. Like, that was the catalyst of me turning to my heart over to God and just taking baby steps of restoration. But I was still in the L.A. County Jail.

I was surrounded by hyenas and lions and snakes. And so I didn't learn, you don't learn how to live right overnight, but that was the catalyst. And so they eventually sent me to the main line of the county jail. And I was able to endure it. and persevere it, persevere in it. Ryan Reynolds here for MintMobile. I don't know if you knew this,

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Up front payment of $45 for three-month plan equivalent to $15 per month required. Intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options of Taxes and Feas and Feasful Terms at MintMobil.com. And then eventually they sent me to youth prison first. Now those feelings you were describing that first night back in the cell after you got sentenced to feeling broken. Do you think if you told your teenage self, I mean, you're still a teenager, but those years before the shooting, if you told yourself that you were going to experience those feelings, would you have still done it?

Well, I work a lot with teenagers today and I speak around the world and I share my story, thousands of teenagers. And I look sometimes, Eon, and I wonder if I'm ever getting through. I wonder if I'm ever getting through. I don't, there's a vast, a lot of them I'm not getting through to. It's just seeds that in a later time is hopefully going to help them out. But in that moment, I could tell my story and could be as powerful as ever. And someone and a teenager, because of, I believe, you know, the brokenness of their heart,

even the state of their mind, is hard to crack that in one kind of statement or one story. It's hard to crack that. So my answer would be, I don't think so. I don't think it would have woke me up. I think it takes an actual crushing to wake you up. And that's what it did to me. It crushed me. The whole experience, crush me.

Now, what's a youth prison they send you to? Yeah, so I got sentenced. I got tried as an adult. So even though I was 16 years old when I was arrested, in California back then, you could be 16 years old. If you got arrested for a major crime, they'll try you as an adult. That meant you would do an adult sentence. But because I was 16 years old, they said, well, let's send them to youth prison first and help them take advantage of some of the programs.

And so I went to Heman G. Stark Youth Training Facility in Ontario, California. It was all by the cows, man. It was by cows. You can't get away from the cows. Man, can't get away from the cows. I never thought about that. I can't get away from the cows. And it smelled.

The first couple days it smells, but then you get used to it. But it's called Gladiator School. It's called Gladiator School, Ion. Why? Because you have all these young gang members. You have all these young gang members. And they're not listening to nobody. And so I got thrown into the fire, man. I got thrown into the fire.

Youth prison is like fire. You know, maybe that cow is symbolic because the cow shows you the life you could have had in Texas. And then you see the cow again when it's the other end of it. You could be right. you know, that could be a sign like, hey, I gave you an opportunity. And, yeah. Now, you said this prison was supposed to be, you know, for kids to get on the right footing to start their sentences. But you say it's gladiator school.

Yeah, they called it gladiator school because there's a lot of fights, a lot of gang banging. You're talking about the worst juveniles of California in together. And so there's gangbangers. going on. There's fighting going on. They're stabbing going on. And there's, and it's ruled by a young mentality. And they'll do things there that you wouldn't do an adult prison because of the supervision. Give us an example. Well, they had rules, right? They had like major rules. I'm to tell you one rule. If you dropped your prison comb and it landed on the brussels, you couldn't pick it up. Yeah, you couldn't pick it up. You just had to

leave it there. Why? What's a lot? I don't know why. That's just a rule. I don't know why. So they had rules. You couldn't talk extensively to African Americans or people of other race. You couldn't, I know that's generally in a lot of prisons, but this is next level type stuff, right? You, they almost try to make you racist. Where do you sit with your gang at that point? So remember I had that God encounter, but I didn't learn how to live right overnight, right? And I'm starting my life sentence. And I'm just taking it one step out of time, Eon. Like I'm taking it one step at a time.

So I'm perceived as still a gang member. When I went there, I'm perceived as still a gang member. They're still view me as a gang member. And then eventually, eventually, I have enough courage to stand up and say, I'm not gang banging no more. I chose not to gang bang no more. And so eventually I did that.

Like that was a moment of maturity right there. I remember when I first started doing that, I found one of the guys that I was in juvenile hall with because eventually after so many years, you growing up with people in prison. You were in their institution, that institution, So I remember going to this one guy, he was from northeast Los Angeles, and I targeting him saying, I'm going to tell him that I no longer gang bang. And this was like, when you do that, when you do that, you come up from under the protection of the gangs.

You come up from under there. And so it's a big thing, right? And I had enough courage, you know, and I pulled them to the side. and I wrote about it in my book and I told him, hey, I no longer gang bang no more. And he responded positive. Like he responded positive. What I learned about in prison, what happens,

particularly in California prisons, is when you stop gangbanging, I started serving the Lord. I started following the ways of the Bible. And when you do that, at first, everybody questions you, everybody suspects you because they think you're doing it out of fear or they think you're doing it to get away from something. But after you show consistency, they start to respect you and they start to give you a sense of honor.

How long were you in the youth prison for? I was there for three years, two and a half years. And I was there for two and a half years. I started to serve the Lord there. And all of a sudden, a lot more gang members started serving the Lord. And they stopped gang banging. When I went there, there was very few. But then there was what we call in our language a revival.

And a lot of young gang members started serving the Lord and going to church. And so that was a cool experience to experience to see that. And we had a chaplain who was a pastor. He began to pastor me. He began to mentor me. He began to help me. And about two and a half years later, Eon, one of the prisoners killed a staff member. This is at the youth prison.

At the youth prison. They killed a staff member. I remember that morning. I was waiting to get a visit and they locked us all down. And about two hours later, they brought a bloodhound to every cell. Like a bloodhound, what is that? Well, they were looking for the body. and come to find out later that one of the lifer prisoners who had been there for like 10 years,

because after you're in prison, a particular prison for 10 years, you get favor with the staff and they put down their kind of guard. This dude was, apparently he was a psychopath, and he killed a staff member, and regretfully, he put her in a trash can and dumped her in the bigger trash can that is by the kitchen and the local trash company came and dumped that trash barrel can into the trash can and took her unknowingly, as sad as that sounds, to the local dump. And so they couldn't find the body. They found the person because of blood or whatever it may be.

And I think it took them, I don't know, maybe about a week later, they found her body in the dump. of Pomona, California. And as a result of that, the governor back then, his name was Pete Wilson. He signed a new law kicking everybody out who was tried as an adult in youth prison and sending them to state prison. He kicked them all out. Wow. So they knew who the murderer was that same day because I guess the guard didn't show up to a roll call

or whatever it was. And they found the murderer, but not the body. Yes. That's why they put the bloodhound in my cell. Right? for the body and it was a sad thing because this guy which he just flipped out well he just flipped out and he's on death row today last last I checked right or learned about it he's on deaf he was already arrested for murder he was in there for life sentence so he messed up everybody's

you know everybody's situation because they kicked us all out I was 20 years old at that time so would you have stayed there longer I would have stayed there until probably 25 years old but they have programs there like i got my gED i got my g ed and everybody was laughing at me like they didn't want to give me a gd that's a high school equivalency the prison didn't want to let me have it because i had a life sentence don't make sense you're going to get a high school equivalency if you have a life sentence but you know you could press into things and i kind of pressed into it i got my g ed in prison so the point is you're supposed to take advantage of the various trades and stuff right there but because that guy regretfully killed that staff member they

kicked us all out and sent us to adult prison. And I'm going to tell you something else, Eon, because I was working in the kitchen, did you ever work in the kitchen? Yeah, I worked there a lot, yeah. I worked in the kitchen. I was the baker. Oh, you had juice, bro.

You had juice. We had a fresh scratch bakery. Oh, yeah. Like, you were getting fat over there, right? So I worked in the kitchen, but I was a line man. I was a line man, and I would, you know, give the people the food. And because I worked in the kitchen, there was about eight of us. They said that he brought the body through the kitchen.

So guess what, Jan? They put me under investigation for murder. They put everybody who worked into the kitchen under investigation for murder. So when they brought in Greyhound buses, or not Greyhound, we called him Grey Goose, right, buses. And they shipped hundreds of youth to adult prisons. They kept us there. and they transferred us to Chino State Prison, which is one of the oldest state prisons, and they transferred us to Ad Seg, solitary confinement.

They call it Palm Hall. I had just watched a segment on Palm Hall on the news, and they hold all the worst gang member prisoners in Palm Hall, right, in that ad seg. And so here I am 20 years old. I still look like I'm 17. And I'm shackled down with my cellie and about six other us. And they take us to Palm Hall. This is a notorious hole in all of California.

And all I have is my boxers on now at this stage, right? And they walk us like our cell. There's like three tiers. And when I say tier, I mean hallways. A lot of people don't know what a tier is. It's like floors. And there's like three floors with like 50 cells. I don't know, 50 cells.

And it's dark. It's like an old prison. And my cell is on the third tier at the end. So I have to walk from the start all the way to the end. And I'm shackled down into my boxers. And I look like I'm 17 years old. And I'm looking into the cells. And these old buff, tattooed prisoners are staring at me.

Right. And Eon, you probably could identify this. I'm trying to look tough, bro. But you can't look tough. tough when you look 17 years old. Like, I don't have tattoos on me. I look like I'm white, because I'm part white, so I look white, you know, too. I'm skinny, got a long neck, but I'm trying to look tough. Have you ever tried to look tough in prison? Of course. Right. Like, you try to look tough, bro, but you can't. Like, you just can't because I'm not made like that,

right? But I'm trying and I'm shackled down. And I have to walk this long tear. And every cell is this hardcore, you know, criminal staring at me. And I just walk that walk and they take me up to my cell and they put me on my cellie. And in Palm Hall, they don't just have bars. They have cages. They put a cage, a metal net over you. Guess why they put the metal net? Because people are throwing stuff down.

Yes. And guess why else? Why? So you don't get stabbed by spears. People are throwing spears? Yes. How would they make a spear? Well, dart type spears.

Not like you think. you know, jungle type spears, but dart. Like little shake type guys. Yeah, like that, you know what I mean? And so they put net, you have the bars, and then it's like a cage over you, right? So we're in this cell, and it's hot. Oh, my goodness, it's hot. It's like, it's hot.

And I'm on this top bunk. They give me my paperwork. I'm already in jail for life sentence. I'm already in jail for murder regretfully. They give me this paperwork, and they say under investigation for murder. What? You got to remember eventually I got to go to the parole board. And in prison like you know, you learn this. It doesn't matter what's true or not.

If it's on paper, it's going to be held against you. Like whatever's on paper is going to be held against you. They're not going to go investigate nothing. But anyways, I remember being in that cell, dude. And I was like, oh, my goodness, bro. So I stayed in that whole, I was crying out to everybody. Like my girlfriend, like, call the news. You know what I mean?

Like, called the news. Right. I was writing. You can talk to them, but I was writing. Where do you get a girlfriend from? That was from the streets? My wife right now, God bless her. Shout out to Laura.

She's my childhood sweetheart. We've been married for 20, going on 29 years right now. And we first met when we were 13 years old in my neighborhood. And she was walking down the street with a group of girls. And I was in the backseat with a group of guys. And back then, when you see girls walking down in your neighborhood, we pulled over. And I was too shy to talk to her. So my friends, you know, they engaged in a conversation.

But that's how I met her. And she was my girlfriend when I got arrested. And by the grace of God, she's a miracle. She stayed with me for that full 16 years. We got married in prison. But at the time of Chino State Prison, as I described, we were just girlfriend and boyfriend. Wow. That's incredible.

It's a miracle. She would visit me almost every week. She's a miracle. I love that lady. Now, do you think she would have stayed if you didn't get out? So she had a dream from God. So I don't recommend women to marry guys in prison, just generally speaking. But hers was somewhat of an exception.

She had a dream from God. She felt called by God. So I like to believe she would have stayed with me no matter what. I like to believe that. But she had faith that one day I was going to go home. You always have faith, right? No matter what's going to happen. If you're on deaf row, you could believe me, then people on deaf row are believing one day they're going to go home.

Or at least getting the call to stall it. Yeah, they believe in. So you got to have a fraction of hope. How long were you in Chino for? So I turned 21 years old in Chino State Prison. So I was in the hole for maybe a month or so. I went to Mainline. I was there, I think, a month or so.

I turned 21 years old. My wife came, my girlfriend came visit me. God bless her. And then eventually they sent me to my regular prison, which was Ironwood State Prison in California. It was on the border of California and Arizona. I call it three cities down from hell because it was so hot. And that's a maximum security prison? It is a level three.

So Palm Hall, where I was at was a maximum hole. But then they sent me to a level three. So in California, you have four. levels and then you have ad sag right which is isolation right so it was a level three because I had done a couple years in youth prison they do a point system you know the more years you do in prison the less points you get down and then you can go to another level so it was a level three what's a mobility like in there in a level three it depends upon uh what classification you on there's people in a level three that have to be in at 430 they don't ever go out

out after 4.30 p.m. 430 p.m. That's the count time. Yeah. So it depends upon your classification. When I was first there, because I had a life sentence, I was in a classification that I had to be in by 430. I forgot the name. They call it a name, but I forgot the name. But 430, you're in the building. And then during the day, what's that like? You could probably get a job or you could go to the yard. It's like open yard. So yard opens like an 8 a.m. yard open and you go to the yard if you don't have a job you just hang out maybe work out i went to state prison adult prison and immediately they take the family visits away and the weights because someone killed someone with the weights well it wasn't one thing it was several things

they were like well how we're going to put a send somebody to prison and they get buff and they come out and they do more crimes and they were fighting that for so many years it just so happened to happened when I went in there. And I remember when I was in Palm Hall in Chino because it was the month Tupac died. That's how I remember in my mind. Tupac died. I believe September 1996. That's when I was in Palm Hall. Wow. Yeah, you kind of remember things off different crazy situations. But now the politics of the gangs and in your location that you mainly stayed at, what was that like? Yeah. So in California, the gangs rule the prison yards.

And you have people that are from the south of California. You have people from the north. And then you have the African American gangs. In the southern prisons, you don't have too many people from up north. So it's predominantly people, gang members from the south. And they run the gangs. If you're not a gang member, you're still, hang around with gang members. You're still in that group of gang members just by your ethnicity,

just by your ethnicity. Now, let me tell you something that was odd about me, I, is I grew up in the Mexican culture of Los Angeles. I was from a Mexican gang. Remember, my mom and dad never got married. My mom is Hispanic and she's mixed with Irish, but she's Hispanic. Her mom is Hispanic. And so she had kids from, from other Hispanics. So her sons and daughters are Hispanic, right? So I grew up in the Mexican culture. I joined a Mexican gang.

So, but I am a mixed. I'm mixed of, my dad was born in the island of Guam, a mix of white, and then I have Hispanic as well. But again, I grew up in Mexican culture, joined a Mexican gang. So when I became a Christian in prison, you come out from that gang protection per se but you are still grouped amongst the southsiders like on my file I'm still a south sider on my file I'm still a gang member

so they'll they still you still are in that category now it all depends upon who's running the yard it depends upon the individual gang members If you have favor with them, then they leave you alone. They leave you alone. Do your program. Just don't tell on nobody. You know, they don't tell you that, but you know you can't do anything to violate the prison politics. So in your case, they left you alone?

They left me alone, right? They left me alone. And again, in my case, I did so many years in prison that for some people I grew up with in prison. So they know me for like five years in different institutions. institutions. Hey, that's Brian. Remember I told you when you first start serving the Lord, there's a lot of suspicion, but as you gain credibility, then they start to kind of honor you and they respect you. They give you respect. So in my situation, I got blessed. Like, they liked me for the most part. But there's different seasons, right? Your life can flip at any second. As you know, it can flip at any seconds. I had

different moments. One time, I heard that they were going to stab me. I'm serving the Lord, bro. I'm 21 years old at this time in Iron One State Prison at that same prison. And I caught word that I'm going to get stabbed. And I'm like, what in the world is that? And I'm in my cell. And one of my biggest fears, probably my biggest fear in prison, Eon, is going protective custody. even though I was serving the Lord I didn't want to go protective custody I don't know I still had a sense of pride and I just didn't want to do that

you know I want it to serve the Lord with integrity and still be good in the eyes of gang members without compromising my faith but you know still be good with respect so I was in that cell and they said they're going to stab me then

and I'm like what am I going to do like what am I going to do? So I pray to God. I said, God, give me some wisdom. Like, what do I do? Have you ever prayed to God in a cell? Yeah. Yeah, I pray to God, like, give me some wisdom.

And I believe God gave me wisdom what to do. So I concluded that I'm going to go up to the shock collar of where I'm from on the yard. Because in prison, you have different what they call cars, different groups, depending upon where you're from. even from where L.A. L.A. is big. You have different parts. It's like New York has different boroughs.

In L.A., there's different parts. And so there's cars, different cars. And I grew up at a particular section of L.A. County. And so I said, I'm going to go up to the shot caller. And I'm going to tell him who I am in sense of, now who I am being bad, but like, what's going on? And so I went out to the yard and my heart is beating fast, right? and I spot the shot collar

and now I'm waiting like I feel like I'm waiting for the right moment right and it's just I have to be courageous at this moment and I don't want to go protective custody and I don't want to get stabbed I didn't do nothing I didn't violate no prison politics I didn't do nothing wrong

and finally I see a moment and I go up to the shot collar and I introduce myself respectfully and I tell him, let him know where I'm from. I let him know my old gang where I'm from. And I forgot exactly what I told him, but my goal was to let him know that I didn't do anything to violate any prison politics.

And it worked. It worked. He responded positively. I'm telling you, Eon, for the most part, gang members, they operate off honor and respect. For the most part, they operate off honor and respect. And if you carry yourself with honor and carry yourself respect, for the most part, they'll reciprocate that. It's when you, you know, show weakness and when you demonstrate weakness and demonstrate, you know, violating prison rules that you put your life on the line.

What did he say to you after? What do you do? I forgot the exact words he said to me, but it worked out because he responded positive to me. And he shook my hand. And that was it. And no one bothered it. No one bothered me. Did you ever have any other altercations later on in your prison sentence or were you able to stay pretty clear?

You mean physical altercations? My physical altercations happened early on when I was in jail. like the fights. It happened early on. But as I started doing years in prison, again, by the grace of God, one of the things that helped me, Eon, was my personality. My personality was my protection. Why?

Because I would befriend people. And they would like me. They would like me. Like gang members, hardcore gang members. people are doing drugs, I would play basketball with them, right? And I'm skinny and I'm tall, so they're trying to get me physically in the basketball, and I would yell at them, right? They like that.

Like, you got to show, you know, you got to show you mean business, right? And so my personality, and I think it was developed in prison. You know, I look back now, I say I had to develop a personality because that's how I disarmed people. That's how I survived. Somebody asked me, how did you survive in prison? Well, by the grace of God, but it has. happened by and large by my personality disarming people. They became my friends. They started liking me.

They would go to dinner with me or allow me to go to dinner with them. Now, every once in a while, you'll get young people that came to prison and they would see me and they would, they would, test who I was. And I had a strategy for that. You know what my strategy was? What? I would get next to the prisoner of influence who I had faced. with and I would start like horse playing around with them right whether it's on the basketball court there's one guy named Grizzly he was from a big gang Grizzly was a big guy they called him Grizzly right but he was a bubbly guy he liked to play basketball he

liked to win and we would battle at basketball like he would battle me and I'd battle him and then we'll be on the same team would win together you know it gives you sense of confidence and so he'd be in the day room and he's loud drinks a lot of pruno gets high he's loud so people fear him and he'll be in the day room and so one time there was this young gang member who you know I just sensed a bad vibe and you know again look how I look I'm skinny I don't have tattoos I look like this while I was in prison right except I didn't have my hair parted right and so this young guy was testing who I was you know I just felt a bad vibe so I would go with grizzly and I would like horseplay with him you know maybe you know sock them up a little bit you know something just horseplay

And what that did was in their mind, they're like, who's this guy? Me? Like, who's this guy? He must have, you know, must be somebody, which I was nobody, but in their mind. And so that was part of my strategy on how to survive in prison. Did you keep track of time in there? Like the days, the weeks, a month? Man, I just went through my box of stuff in prison, Eon, and I seen a calendar I made.

I made a makeshift calendar, and I penciled out the days. March 1997 first, March 1st, it's a Sunday, you know, Monday, you know, I made a calendar. And on one of the days I seen, I said, I wrote down March 1997, today was a good day. The heck, my today's self looked at that like, what? Like, you must have a good day because to write that down in prison, So I did keep track of the time. The answer is yes. I created calendars.

When did you first have hope that there was an opportunity to be released? When I got sent to adult prison, Eon, they were all telling me I was going to die in prison. There was a no parole policy the governor had. One governor, they said, said, no blyfer is going to parole except in a pine box. And people had no hope. The prisoners had no hope. If you had a life sentence, you had no hope. And, you know, this drove people to heroin.

I would see people doing heroin right next to me or Pruno right next to me. And remember I had that God encounter when I was 17 years old, 18 years old, 17 years old. And I started taking small steps. Like, my mission was, let me tell you what my mission was, Eon, is I'm going to do so much good. and I'm going to accomplish so much in prison that sooner or later somebody's going to look into the prison system and say, what in the world

is this guy still doing in prison? What in the world is, he got to go. That was my vision, right? So I'd get my GED, I'll go to this. I got like 39,000 trade courses. I'm exaggerating. But in the midst of all that, people would tell me I was going to die in prison.

I wasn't going to go home. I was the youngest lifer on my prison yard at one time. But my dad would tell me one day, you're going to go home, one day. And when you have faith, Eon, like, I'm reading the Bible. You read that Bible, you see people there believing against impossible things. So that's what I'm feeding my soul on. You read the Bible in prison.

You read some of them stories. Like, they're going against Goliath, right? So I'm hoping against hope. I'm a young guy up in there. I'm believing for a miracle. And plus, I had that encounter with God. He said, if you serve me and don't give up, eventually I'm going to set you free from prison

to impact the world of the gospel. So I always held on to that hope. But I went up for parole over the very first time in 2002. I was about 20, I think I was 26 years old. My first time up for parole, Eon. And everybody told me nothing's going to happen. They had no parole policy.

And if you did get a parole date, you had been in jail for 40 years already. You were already old, and they're sending you back home old and no energy. And I think only 0.5% of all lifers received a date at that time. And I went up in that parole hearing with the grace of God, and I stood there. The parole board is made up of ex-conservative lawmakers. The governor appoints them, senators, sheriffs, right? And they're drilling me.

They sent the district attorney of L.A., big barely guy to come oppose my parole. row. And I'm sitting there and the commissioner, she reminded me of the show a long time ago. They had the weakest link and it was a lady who was the host. She showed no emotions. She was just stern. And she's looking at me. She said, Mr. Worth, is it true? Your oldest brother was shot, killed at the age of 15 in a gang-related shooting? And I said, yes. She said, is it true? Your other two brothers were shot multiple times? I said, yes. She said, is it true that you were shot in a gang were shooting at 14. And I said, yes. And then she threw the curveball. She said, well, isn't it true? You knew what you were doing before you committed your crime. And that was the

moment of truth right there. And I thank God for some good hands, older prisoners, Eon, because there's some good people in prison. A couple years before that, an older prison, his name was Larry Squire. Shout out to Larry. Old, he wasn't, to me he was old. To me, he was old. He had been in jail 15, 17 years. White brother. He had done. He had done. done some type of kidnapping or something like that. And he pulled me to the side. And he said, Brian, I'm going to do for you what I wish somebody would have did for me. And he prepared me for the parole board. He prepared me to sit. And I remember we would have mock parole hearings, Eon. And I would, you know, you shift the blame. You don't want to take no blame for nothing, right? You minimize your

responsibility in the crime. And Larry Squires will tell me, Brian, you're already doing the time. Stop it. Take responsibility for what you did. You're already. You already got sentenced. It's over with. Take responsibility. And so by the time I went up for parole and she asked me that question, by the grace of God, I was able to look her in the eye and say, yes, I knew what I was doing regretfully. But I'm not that 16-year-old boy no more.

Today I'm a young man with dreams and vision and morals and values and principles. And at the end of the parole here in the district attorney, you know, he had these little glasses. He looked at me. And he said on behalf of LA, we oppose parole for him. He grew up in gangs. He spent his adult life in prison. We opposed his parole.

And they said, we're going to break for recess and call you back. I went into a holding tank. You ever been one of them holding tanks? And I stood there. And my lawyer came in. And he goes, Brian, you did good. You did good. But it's your first time up for parole.

Nothing's going to happen today. Nothing's going to happen. Not a respect. I listened to him, but inward I ignored him. So I went up into that parole hearing after recess, and she looked at me and she said, Mr. Warth, we want you to know that we read your C file, we read the letters that you have of support, and we heard you out, and we've concluded that you are now suitable for parole. It didn't hit me. My lawyer had to nudge me. All of a sudden, he was a believer. He nudged.

Did you hear what she said? And all of a sudden, Eon, it felt like a great weight was taken off of my back. And literally, I'm not ashamed to say, my head hit that table. And I started to cry like a little baby. I started to cry right then and there. And then my lawyer hit me again and said, you just got to listen to what they said. And they went on at that parole hearing to grant me a release date in the future. I became the youngest inmate at that time with a life sentence in all of it.

a prison recent history, California, to receive a parole grant by the parole hearing. So you asked, when did you feel like you were going to go home? Like when was that kind of defining moment right then and there? It was a miracle. It turned the prison system upside down. People were calling from other prisoners. Is it true? Like it was a rumor like in other prisons across the United States. Somebody got found suitable. No, it ain't true. Call up, call up. And they would have their counselor to call up. Is it true? Somebody got found suitable. Did that make you a target?

No. It didn't make me a target, although in the back of my mind, I've had to put my guard up. At that time, Eon, it made me a symbol of hope. It made me a symbol of hope. There goes Brian. He got to parole date. There goes Brian, the youngest inmate with a parole date. Maybe one day I'm going to go home.

Maybe one day I'm going to go home. by the grace of God I became a symbol of hope but in the back of my mind yeah like okay I got to watch out like I can't get no write-ups you know what I mean I can't get no write-ups I'm not messing this up we're not gonna fumble the ball now how long does it take you to get released after that parole date so because I was the youngest inmate

because I received a release date on my first parole hearing my actual release date wasn't till like four years ahead of time Oh, you have to wait four years? Yeah, because I got it so early. Wow. And they calculate your time approximately four years, right? So, but the decision has to go through a review process.

And the board has to review their decision. They have 30 days to review their decision and either affirm it or decline it. And then after that, if they affirm it, the governor has 30 days to either affirm it, deny it, or not do anything about it. And by not doing anything about it, it lets it stand. So now, but the four years that you're referring to, I'm not caring. Right? Like, ooh, man, I got a pro date. Right?

Like, I've always learned, and you probably learn this too, Jan. When you're on death roll, if you get that sentence commuted to life without, guess what? You're celebrating. You're like, yeah. You're like, yeah, right? The average person's still crying. Like, I got life without.

I'm still going to die. No, that person, the person will life what out, when they get their sentence commuted to like 30 years to life, guess what they're doing? They're throwing a spread. Yes, the average person, like, oh, no. So to answer your question, I had four years. Oh, man, I'm going home.

I'm going home. However, four months later, I get a letter from the then governor of California. And mind you, I'm not getting letters from half my family. I'm not getting letters from only my girlfriend and my dad, right? And I got the letter from the governor, two-page letter. And he said, Brian grew up in gangs. He grew up in prison. And I still consider him a threat to society.

And I block his release date. I reverse his release date. So four months later, I sat there on square one. What do you do? What happens next? Well, it's a mental game, man. It's a spirit. You have to have heart, man, because prison crushes people, man.

Prison crushes people. It's hard. You have to tell your family. I got to tell my wife at that time because I got married in prison at 21. I got married at 21 and now it's 26 or something like that time. It's hard to have to tell them. But I figured I was ahead of the game. That's my thought.

So now you're strategizing, right? Like you're strategizing because you've got to position yourself. Remember my philosophy. I'm going to do so good that one day someone's going to over. open up that and look, hey, why is Brian still here? So I figure I'm ahead of the game. So I just, I put my head to the ground, keep my eyes on the Lord, and I just continue to do good. Five months later, I go back up for the parole board, go through the whole thing again. And guess what? They said, Brian, we believe you're suitable for parole. We grant you a release date.

They go against the governor. So I become the second. I get a second parole grant. Is it the same board between that year? I can't remember if it's the same, but they switch it out. I mean, if they paroled you once, what's the difference? You know, most people have to fight just to get that first approval. Most people, yes. However, they were denying people after the second time because the pressure of the governor. Remember the politics and tough on crime.

It was still tough on crime at that time. And so I'm like, yeah, right? Like, Brian got a parole date. I go tell my girlfriend, my wife, my dad. my dad were happy five months later guess what i get another letter from the governor i reverse his parole grant like day right so now they're playing ping pong with my life eon i'm living four months out of the year with a parole date and not knowing what's going to happen and then they reverse it i'm back with a life sentence I still had a life sentence, but the reality of life sentence still sinks in.

So something crazy happens before I go to the next parole hearing. California has a historical governor recall election. And they kick out the sitting governor, the one who said no lifer will be paroled except in a pine box. They kick them out of office. And guess who they usher into the new governor's spot? Arnold Schwarzenegger. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Morsenegger, mega superstar, buff brother, right?

Non-politician, never was a politician. He's ushered to the throne of California, right? And the very next morning, I see a newspaper clipping. You remember used to be in the dorm. Sometimes they put newspaper clippings in, right? And it says, governor won't block parole board. He's not a politician. He said, I'm going to allow the parole board decision to stand.

I appoint them. They're working on behalf of me. So I'm going to let them stand. So I'm like, it's another moment. Remember, it's not always one moment. It's a procession of moments. It's another moment. I'm going home.

I'm going home. Several months later, I go back for the parole board for the third time. Go through the whole process again. Brian, you're suitable for parole. We grant you a release date. Oh, man, I'm going home. Arnold Schwarzenegger says he's not blocking no parole dates. Four months later, I get a letter in the mail.

Guess who it's from? The governor. Arnold Schwarzenegger. He says the very same thing the previous governor says, and he reverses my parole date, blocks my parole date. What happened? Politics got a hold of him. At that time, one of the biggest political groups, unions, guess what it was?

What? The prison guards. Oh, they were against the parole? Of course. At that time, I don't know how it is now, but of course, at that time, they want to fill up the prisons. At that time, California and Texas had the largest prison population. At like 170,000, they would flip back and forth, right?

Like 170,000 prisoners. They were launching, like, people out of state into prisons. They had, like, an industrial thing of prisons, right? Making money. So, Governor Schwarzenegger blocked my parole, bro, and I was stuck there again. Now the pressure is cooking, bro. Now it's cooking. This happened three or four more times.

I went back up pro-prone, pro-grant. Go back up to the governor, block my release. I'm going up against Arnold Schwarzenegger. I'm going against Arnold Schwarzenegger. And the last time he reversed my parole date, Leon, it crushed me. It crushed me. I was probably about 31 years old at that time.

And I felt the sting of another level of hopelessness. I remember walking the prison yard. Like, how am I going to tell my dad? My dad's growing old, you know? He's growing old. He's getting tired. How am I going to tell my wife? At that time, I'd been married.

I got married in 7-11-97, at 21 years old. That's all I've been married like maybe nine, 10 years, I think, at that time. I'm going to tell my wife, you know. And I was crushed, man. I was crushed. It crushed me. I remember going to the chapel. You ever went to the chapel in prison?

Yeah. I used to watch the movies. The DVDs in there. Okay. I hope you weren't watching no pornoes in there. No. Some people, they were so crazy. I don't know why I said that,

but there were some crazy people that would watch. Anyways, I went to the chapel, and I remember getting down on my knees. I remember I told you I was in that one man's cell and it felt like Satan was laughing at me when I got sentenced to life. I almost felt similar situation right there. And I made a declaration of faith at that moment. And I remember just declaring, I said it to God. I said, God, it doesn't matter if you release me or not. It doesn't matter if I go home or if I die in prison.

I'm going to serve you no matter what. And at that moment, Eon, what I did, I laid down all my dreams to God. All my aspirations of freedom, all my aspirations of being a husband with my wife, all my aspirations of being a father. I wasn't a father at that time. And I know I'm sounding crazy,

but I really felt like at different points Satan was laughing at me and haunting me, like taunting me, saying you're never going to be a father. you're never going to be a father i remember being in prison sitting down and the weight of that life sent it like you're never going to be a father you're not going to know what it means to have a kid you know what i'm saying like i feel like crying right now right and uh i was in that chapel and i felt that again and i laid that all down i laid it all down i laid it all down and simultaneously around that same time we're talking about months my wife

again, I love her. Her name is Laura. God bless her. Up into that point, Eon, she was afraid to tell people about my situation because she was a successful real estate broker

and rightfully so because it's shameful to have no, your husband is in prison. But around that time, she threw caution to the wind and she stepped out in faith and she went to everybody

in the community, to mayors, she went to the sheriff Lee Baca of the Los Angeles County Sheriff. She cashed in on all her. her virtue, right? And there was another businessman. His name was Mike Valenti. Shout out,

he's rested in peace, but God bless his memory. He was a businessman. He said to Laura, I'm going to help get your husband out of prison. He went to all the business people in the community. Thank God for good hands people, man, that want to give somebody a second chance, right? That, that legitimately earn it, I guess. And my wife got 600 letters of support and she melded to Arnold Schwarzenegger. She came out. She wrote a website called the Free Brian campaign. She read the website, Free Brian campaign, man. My wife championed my freedom, man.

She champed in my freedom. And after I gave my dreams to the Lord, I got up. And one year, approximately after that, one year, I went to the parole process again. It said, you're rehabilitated. It went up to the parole board. It went to the government. governor. Now, Eon, the governor has 30 days to review. Historically, if you don't hear nothing past them 30 days, that means he reversed it because the letter's taken its time to get to you.

It could be caught up in a room somewhere, the letter. But if you, if he granted your release, then they would let you know and you have to be released, right? So 30 days passed by. And I didn't hear from the governor. and I was this close to be coming crushed again, dude. I was this close to be crushed again. And thank God again, my wife, she held on. She held on to believing. She said, my wife told me, I'm not going to go visit you because I believe you're going to be home.

That's the type of faith she had. I made her come see me the last day because I just wanted to visit. But her faith was like, I don't want to go back there because I know the paperwork is just being processed. So I didn't hear from the governor. I was at the canteen. Remember the canteen? Yeah, commissary. Commissary.

And I was in line on the yard. And one of the workers, no, one of the staff workers of the commissary, a lady, a female worker, not a prisoner, but a worker, she comes up to me. And she says, did you hear from the governor yet?

And I said, no, it's the past 30 days. And I really didn't want, want to say like oh it got took in because you really were trying to hold out but in my mind i'm like it doesn't doesn't look good and she whispered something to me she said make sure you never come back and she walked away it didn't hit me like you know just you got a cloud going on in your mind it didn't hit me i go back to my bunk that night and i'm laying on my bunk and this blood gang member from Englewood, from Englewood.

I'm trying to think of his name. Can't think of his name. God bless him. But he was a blood. I played basketball. Like we, you know, they see me play basketball and he was good in basketball. And I think his name was lowdown or something like that. He comes and he sits on my bunk.

And I get up because you're not supposed to sit on another race bunk, right? Like, so I'm getting up. Like, okay. And then I'm thinking. I'm thinking like because I had been an inmate pasture for like 10 years on the yard. I've been on that same yard by that time

for 10 years, that same yard. And so I'm thinking he's going to ask for prayer. I think he's going to tell me like a mom died or something, you know? So I say, what's happening? He goes, can I talk to you? I said, yeah, get up. And he says, can you keep a secret? I said, yeah, I could keep a secret.

He says, dog, you can't tell nobody. You can't even tell your wife. I'm like, what? This brother's tripping now. Right? Okay, yeah, I could keep a secret. He goes, did you hear my boss? The commissary lady? What she told you? He said, yeah, she said, don't come back when you go home.

He said, yeah, because you're going home. You're going home Monday. The governor approved your date. I said, what? She said, yeah, she saw the paperwork in the office. I said, oh, man. He said, congratulations, man. He walked away.

He walked away. And I go downstairs. I call my wife. And all of a sudden, I got to hold my word, right? I can't tell my wife. And all of a sudden, my wife noticed it different in my attitude. Like I'm not depressed or, you know, torn apart. I'm like, oh, yeah.

I said, come and visit me tomorrow. Come and visit me. She's like, no, uh-uh. I believe you're going up. No, come visit me tomorrow. What's going on? Nothing. Just come visit me.

And she came and visited me. I didn't tell her. I didn't tell her. And those were some of the longest nights of my life. And I, that Monday morning, I can't wait. I go to the program office where all the counselors are at. And the counselor comes out, he sticks his hands out to me. And he says, congratulations.

You're going home in the morning. Wow. That was the longest night of my life. 16 years later 16 years later I was arrested at 16 At that time I was 32 years old What was it like getting out?

Oh my goodness I couldn't sleep the last night in prison And they actually had a prayer circle for me Did you ever see any prayer circles in prison? Yeah Yeah you know a prayer circle right So there was a big prayer circle in the yard I'm talking about they weren't all Christians

They were like just sympathizers It's a win you know It's a win for every Me going home was a win for everybody. And so it stretched the whole yard. They had a prayer circle. And so eventually I went to sleep. And in the morning, in our prison, you know, you have early chow hall when you go home.

And I would be on the tables in the dorm or in the building and watch people go home for many years. You watch them go home. They had their bag. Now was my turn. And it was surreal, bro. Surreal. It was like a dream come true. And my friend walked me to the gate.

His name was Leo. And Leo helped me out. You know how you have certain people help you out in prison. He was older than me. He looked out after me like just, just helped me out. And he walked me to the gate. He still had like 10 years to do. I'll never forget seeing Leo as I walked.

There's several gates. This is the first gate of the prison, not out to society, right? But out of the yard. I walk away. I see Leo. I go to the R&R. call it receiving and release and they put me in a holding tank man i'm going home bro i'm going home they go through the process at that time eon they had they didn't let lifers just leave they gave you an armed

escort home at that time so they put me in a car with two parole agents that were armed they didn't want me to sit in the back they said i sat you know in the car and they're driving me off and i'm in the desert they got me in the desert this is blithe california three cities down from hell it's so hot and in the dorms they didn't have air conditioning so it's like oh my goodness it was terrible so we're driving out of the desert and at some point in time we stopped to get gas and i asked the pro agent can i go and use the restroom and he says bro you're free go wherever you want to go that was a moment right there and i went to the restroom and it was the first time i experienced self-flushing uranos it scared

the daylights out of me man they're like like what and i you know went back to the car i got car sick. I got car sick. I hadn't rode in a car in, you know, many, many years. And it was like a dream, man. I was like a dog in the back or, I mean, on the side of the window. You know how you row down the window and the dog sticks his heads out and he just, all he wants to do is breathe, right? That's how I was. I look like a German shepherd just breathing in. Like, you know, they say the dog is sniffing in identities and stuff like that. And I'm just taking it all in. I actually get car sick. I get car sick. And they took me to the parole office in Long Beach, California.

And there was a parolee in the little room. And I said, hey, man, I just got out of prison. Can I use your phone? I never had a cell phone. They barely started sneaking in cell phones in prison before I left. So I never had a cell phone. And he let me use a cell phone. I'll call my wife.

And from there, they drive me home. They give me an armed escort home. They put me on life parole, Eon. They put me on life parole. I had to go to psychiatrists. They put me on life parole. I couldn't go 50 miles out of my radius. Oh, it was wonderful, man.

It was a miracle, thank God. How long were you on parole for? Eventually, my parole agent, about four and a half years on parole, my parole agent says, I'm going to submit your name for being put off parole. And so, all right, he submitted my name. I got denied. It denied me because I was supposed to have life parole. They put it on paper, life parole.

Remember, I'm one of the few lifers to actually go home at this time. So it's like a new phenomenon. And so six months later, I get in the mail. I don't even get a letter, Eon. I get a card, a small card discharged from California Department of Corrections. Not even a letter. I get a card. And I'm thinking, oh, man, they're trying to set me up.

They're not even letting me know. So I carried that thing in my wallet for, I don't know. how long? How have you been able to rebuild your life since coming out of prison? And how many years has it been? I got released July 1st, 2008. How do we remember these dates? 17 years ago.

Yeah, it's going on 18 years in July. And one thing that helped me, Eon, is that I started to turn my life around in prison at a young age. So my preparation started at like 18 years old. Even though I didn't take big strides, it's a step by step by. step. The reason why I say that is I didn't get institutionalized while I was in prison. So I had a little advantage coming back, but certainly doing 16 years in prison, it does something to you, right? I had to have some type of, you know, something wrong with me, right? So I thank God for my wife. I thank God for my dad. They helped me to adjust. I thank God for good hands people who gave me a job.

rolling for Taddle gave me a job working at L-A-X and I was like a small business thing and I'm answering phones I don't know what I'm doing and he taught me the roads he was an Indian brother from India and they're shrewd man Indians they're shrewd business people man they know and he's he's it was a he's he's teaching me a bunch of stuff and it was a major adjustment within the first week my wife and I have a blowout we have argument you know you're in prison you're writing these letters and you're building this dream that in reality, most of it is probably not going to come true. And reality sets in.

And so we had some arguments. My wife, God bless her, she's a very independent girl. She survived 16 years by herself. She's a businesswoman. So when you mesh a relationship together, it's hard to live with somebody other than your celly, right? It's hard to live with your celly. how many times you get in a fight and an argument with your cellie?

So I did have some training, right? But we had major arguments at first, a major argument. She didn't want to let me drive. She didn't want to, she thought I was going to probably drive away into the sunset. Thank God for my mother-in-law. I have the best mother-in-law in the world. She said, Laura, let him drive. Let him drive.

But we've had blowouts at the beginning. I was very kind of, you know, like we'd go to the gas station neon. She was pregnant. and I had to re-learn to pump gas and a shame on me I would let her pump gas. I had to stop that. Like she's pregnant pumping gas. No, I got to pump the gas. But I wasn't used to all that.

Where are you at today? Today, God is allowing me to live that dream that he gave me. Today, I've been married for almost 29 years. Today I have three beautiful kids. I got a son, Eon. He's about to be 17 years old in about a month. His name is Nathaniel. In Hebrew, it means gift of God.

And he loves the Lord. And he's starting to blossom right now. Like right now he's starting to blossom. And he's starting to dress nice, like on his own, right? And I got two beautiful daughters, Sarah and Sophita. And they love the Lord. They're spunky. And I have an awesome job, man.

I think I have the best job in the whole world. I get to pasture. a church that is doing good in the community and in the world. One of our leaders just became the Southern California prison director for prison ministry. She oversees the volunteers of people that go into the prisons in Southern California, and she's coming out of our church. So I get to give back. I get to give back.

And I'm giving fresh hope. One thing I learned out, I got released in 2008. That's when the crash has. happened. The economic crash, people were losing their jobs, losing every homes, and hopelessness is real out there. And people need hope. They need hope. And I like to believe that my story gives people hope to live again, to dream again, to get back up, that their life can be restored. It's not over. It's not over. They've got to work hard. And by the grace of God, they got to go after what God put upon their heart. That's all I did, one step.

I went after what God put upon my heart. When I got out of prison, I started going to church, and I started working, and I started hanging around the right people. Church, working, hanging around the right people. That's it. Church, working, hanging around the right people. And being faithful, whatever you're doing, working hard, and just elevating. And I remember I was driving home from work one time, Eon, and a young lady clipped the back of my truck, right? Clipped it.

Little, just hit it. I'm like, oh my God, what do I do? We pulled over. I called my wife. And I say, what do I do? We're pulled over. She says, call the police. I'm not going to call the police.

She said, call the police. No, I'm not. Call the police. That was the first time ever I called the police. It was the first time ever the police came and left and didn't take me with them. So, by the grace of God, I'm doing good. And I'm doing good. And I'm trying to give back to society.

I'm trying to raise up other leaders that are giving back to society and doing good in their sphere of influence. You mentioned your dad a few times. What happened to your mom? My mom lives in Texas. She lives in a small town in Texas, and she retired. God bless her. She's been through so much in life, Eon.

She's witnessed the death of her husband. She's witnessed the death of her son. She's witnessed the incarceration of her baby son. and she is the strongest woman I know. She is the strongest woman I know. Not too long ago, a couple years ago, I got re, I contacted the person who killed my brother. And I brought him, Donald, and my mom together

for the very first time, some 30 years after he killed my brother. And my mom publicly forgave him in front of everybody. There's a YouTube story about it that I put on my channel, Brian Worf, TV. So my mom is doing good. She's up there in age. She's retired, but she's the strongest woman, I know. Did you get to have that same experience with the victim in your case? Yes, in a slightly different way. I was launching a church in the city where my crime happened.

And the night before the grand opening, I get a phone call. And the lady says, is this chapel have changed because that's the name of my church. She said, I said, yes. She said, are you guys having a grand opening tomorrow? And I said, I said, yes. I knew instinctively. I kind of knew who it was. She says, is this Pastor Brian? And my heart sunk. I said yes. She says, I'm the sister of the person you killed and I would like to meet you and talk with you. Man remember the moments so I agreed to meet with her after the church service the very next day. I'm giving my story in the church service five minutes into giving my story preaching the gospel her family comes in her side of the family because there's different branches of the family but her side of the family walk in about five of

them. They sit in the middle of all. It was the hardest sermon I ever gave. It was the hardest sermon I ever gave. So after the service, we go upstairs. And part of my church, I was blessed to have a sheriff, a police officer in our church, and he did security for us. And again, that church was like a couple miles away from my crime. We're trying to give back to society. So I have security. So I have security and he sat with us and we sat in a circle and i was able to look at the older sister and i was able to tell her that i was sorry for what i did and she asked a couple questions and the following sunday at all our church services she publicly forgave me for killing her brother and she for a season before she moved she joined our church eon she was part of our church going to our

bible studies going to our church service for a season and that is the power of reconciliation that's restorative justice that's an example you know restorative justice not just punishing the criminal but seemed somehow is there is there some level of reconciliation could there be and i'm just i'm thankful i'm thankful for her and i'm grateful and i'm grateful for her and i'm grateful I call her every now and then. I text her every now and then, and she wishes us well. She's our Christian sister.

What piece of advice would you give your teenage self? Get around the right people. Hang around the right people. Doesn't matter how good you are as an individual. You hang around the wrong people. You're going to get swept up into wrong things. Tell everyone about your book. Oh, I got my book right here.

Yeah, we'll have the link in the discussion. Yes, this is my book right here called Young Man Arise. get it on Amazon, Brian Worth, W-R-T-H, Young Manorize. You can go to my webpage, BrianWorth.com, or connect with me on Facebook or Instagram, or subscribe to our YouTube page, Brian Worf TV for inspirational videos. But get the book. It tells all the juicy details of my story. It'll give somebody fresh hope.

Awesome. Thanks again, Brian. Thank you, Ian, for having me.