Locked In with Ian Bick - I Went From MMA Fighter to Prison… Then Fought My Way Back | Brennan Ward

Starting point is 00:00:02 Crack a Cayman Jack Margarita with real lime, blue agave nectar, and real margarita taste. Taste your escape. Cayman Jack, America's number one margarita. Cayman Jack is a premium malt beverage with flavors. Please drink responsibly. Camin Jack beverage company, Chicago, Illinois. USAA knows dynamic duos can save the day, like superheroes and sidekicks or auto and home insurance. With USAA, you can bundle your auto and home and save up to 10%.

Starting point is 00:00:40 Tap the banner to learn more and get a quote at usaaa.com slash bundle. Restrictions apply. Amazon presents Jeff versus Taco Truck Salsa, whether it's Verde, Roja, or the orange one. For Jeff, trying any salsa is like playing Russian roulette with a flamethrower. Luckily, Jeff saved with Amazon and stocked up on antacids, tea and milk. Habaniero, more like Habinier yes. Save the everyday with Amazon. I just show up to some fights. No training can't. None. And like dope sick. I can end up winning. You know, you make, you make someone's year's salary in a night. How much money do you think you lost?

Starting point is 00:01:25 Quite close to a million. Hey, we saw this is Brennan Ward. Listen to my story about some addiction, been to jail, pro fighting men, and everything in between. Brennan Ward talks about his MMA career, fighting while dope sick, how addiction took over his life, what led him to prison and how he made it back through bare-knuckle fighting. I grew up in a town called Waterford, Connecticut. It's right next to New London, you know, southeastern Connecticut down in the shoreline.

Starting point is 00:01:54 What was your upbringing like? Dude, it's super, super normally middle-class family, dad, union construction worker, mom, school teacher, two sisters, one younger, one older. You know, strict household. You know what I mean? Me and my sisters, you know, sports, very sports oriented, very, when I say strict, I mean, you know, we, you know, obeyed our parents.

Starting point is 00:02:18 It taught us good morals, good values. Just like a real normal, like middle class, like blue collar, blue collar life coming up. How would your parents have described you as a kid? I mean, my mom says I was good. I was good. She said I was good for most of my life, you know. But we were also very, you know, we were structured, super structural. You know, I was super like super ADD, like that classic ADHD kid, you know, like on fucking meds, you know, in second grade.

Starting point is 00:02:46 I'm like the kid lined up in the hallway for Ritalin. You know what I mean? And fucking second grade. So I was definitely, I was a handful for sure, you know, like as far as like needed structure, you know, needed sports, all that. And, uh, but I was afraid to step out of bounds. You know, we, we respected our parents. I was afraid to kind of step out. And then as I got older, you know, as I got out, as I got out, you know, when I like went away to college.

Starting point is 00:03:09 you know, when I tried the college thing, you know, and I got out from, away from mom and dad. I was like, oh, shit. Oh, this is great. Oh, I can stay out all night and fucking party. Like, yeah, this is cool. So would you have described yourself as a fighter as a kid? I mean, you know, I box and I wrestled. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:03:26 But, like, fighting in the street, not really. You know, I was kind of from, like, a town. If you guys are familiar with Waterford, Connecticut, sort of like an upper, like, upper middle class town. Not a whole lot of, like, tough guys. not a whole lot of beef. And I was small in high school, too. I was super small. And so not really.

Starting point is 00:03:45 No, I mean, I knew how to fight, obviously growing up boxing, growing up wrestling. Like, if a fight did happen, like, if we were at a fair out with some, like, redneck fair and fucking, you know, like the Durham fair, I'll fucking smoke a farm boy. You know what I mean? Easy. But, no, not really. Not really. What did you want to be when you grew up as a kid?

Starting point is 00:04:03 Man, you know, so it's funny, man, because I pulled out my book, this book that we did. and I think we were in fifth grade as like what we were going to do or a sixth grade, I was young. And I said I was going to be an Olympic wrestler and I was going to be in the Carpenter's Union. And I ended up being, you know, a professional fighter and I'm in the Carbner's Union.

Starting point is 00:04:23 So it was like not too far off. So yeah, I saw myself in the trades. And, you know, I did, I tried. I went the college route for a while. My mom, you know, wanted me to, you know, and I, there was a while there. I wanted to be a phys ed teacher. My mom was a phys ed teacher.

Starting point is 00:04:35 So I was like, well, if she wants me to go to college, you know, I'm gonna, I'll try to be a PE teacher, but I got kicked out of school. I got kicked out of several colleges and ended up in the trades kind of like I knew, like I knew I would, you know. I was kind of always destined for that for the trades. All the men in my family are in the trades, you know, so. Did you get arrested at all as a kid or had addiction issues? Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:04:57 So I started getting arrested, like towards the end of high school, you know, just like more like throwing snowballs at cars, you know what I'm saying? We're, you know, they're kind of like classic like high school kids. And then as I, so I started getting arrested towards the end of high school. And then it just from then, and once I started, like I never kind of stopped getting arrested. I got arrested a lot. You know what I mean? Did you use drugs at all in high school?

Starting point is 00:05:23 Yeah, well, we drank a lot. We were like a big time drinking town. You know, we started drinking, oh, man, you know, 13 years old, you know, 13, 12, 13, like sneaking beers. You know what I'm saying? you know, uh, uh, vikingans and oxies if you could get your hands on them, you know, and, uh, and that also never stopped. So once I started that, I never laid off the drugs and booze either, you know, even to this day, I fucking struggle, you know, I struggle with it.

Starting point is 00:05:53 You know, I like to think I can drink and do drugs, but like, I get in trouble every time, you know, like, I was just telling the kid out there, you know, I fucking couple months ago, I'm hemmed up at the casino and I end up catching another charge. You know, you know what I mean? You fucking beat some college wrestlers up for taking my cane. You know what I mean? Like, so I, you know, I'm like the type of personality, dude, once I start, man, I don't like to fucking stop, you know.

Starting point is 00:06:14 So coming out of college or when you left, you went right to trades? So, so coming out of college, so I went to, I went to a military college. I went to Norwich University in Vermont. And I was there for about a year and a half. And I got busted drinking a couple times. I actually got caught. So you're allowed to get caught drinking twice, right? And they put you on, like, it's called the VAT.

Starting point is 00:06:37 violation of alcohol policy, whatever. And in the middle of my second one, the, uh, uh, the RA was going through the garbage cans and found like a beer can, like a retard, put a beer can in the garbage comes to my room. And I fucking, with campus security. And we were drinking in there watching a Patriots game. So I hung a book bag on the door on the deadbolt so they couldn't get in. I fucking like, I barricaded the fucking door. I tried to like escape out the fucking window, dude.

Starting point is 00:07:03 I ended up getting arrested for that. It was wild. I like jumped out the window. It was just crazy shit. But I kicked out of that college, wrestled out West for a while, left that school, wrestled at Jay Wu, and then, yeah, I went right into the trades, man. So military school was for wrestling? Is that why I went there?

Starting point is 00:07:19 Oh, yeah, I wrestled at every college, just trying to get a degree, you know, trying to make mom a proud, you know. And so, yeah, then went right into the union. You know, I've been the Carpenter's Union now for about, you know, about 10 years, give or take. And so that's that side of it. Did the UFC or bare-knuckle fighting exist when you were going through school? Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:07:41 So when I was in, so I signed with Bellator, which is like one of the major MMA promotions. They ended up getting bought out by the PFL. And so I fought the PFL for a little bit. But I signed with Bellator when I was still in college. So that, you know, so I'm still in college making good money, fighting. You know, it was like the big league promotions. and so I fought I fought for years I was just like working the trades and fighting you know what I mean for you know up until this day it's been almost you know it's been fucking 15 20 years you know and that's a lot different than wrestling itself or yeah yeah the anime yeah it is it is what do you think is the biggest difference punching especially bare knuckle there's no wrestling in bare knuckle we're just you know and everyone you're getting hurt you're getting cut but you can see all like the scars on my face and you're just you know and everyone you're getting hurt you're getting cut like you can see all like the scars on my face and you're

Starting point is 00:08:32 You know, this is all bare-knuckle shit, all these scars. And, yeah, you know, and you're not getting paid to wrestling college. You know, we're getting paid. We're getting paid big bucks to fight. So when you're still in college and you got assigned to Bellator, is it enough to live off of? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, it was. It was enough to live off of.

Starting point is 00:08:52 You know, so my wrestling eligibility was done. I had no more wrestling eligibility. I was still trying to get that degree. And, like, you know, my parents are like, dude, like, you got to work. you know it's like you got to get you're not wrestling here you're going to school you need a job and i was like all right fuck i'm fighting i'm gonna turn pro so i had a couple fights you know it's like fighting's a lot like baseball you know like you fight for like the minor league promotions or local promotions and then if you're you know if you do well enough you get signed by the ufc bellator

Starting point is 00:09:19 one you know whatever one of the big leagues and i i got signed pretty much right away i had like three or four fights in the local scene like all knockouts i fought all and i fought all like decent guys because I was an All-American wrestler in college. So, like, I couldn't get easy fights. No, I couldn't get, like, I couldn't get, like, dudes to fight me because they're like, you know, like, you're trying to build your record. And then, like, here's this dude who's O&O as a pro who is a fucking college, All-American has an amateur boxing record.

Starting point is 00:09:45 So I had to fight, like, good dudes right away, which helped me out because I was able to get signed by Bellator. I was only, like, probably 4-0 when I got signed and started making, you know, 10 Gs a fight as a 22, 23-year-old kid. You know what I mean? And it was awesome. How many fights do you do a month or a year? Yeah, you do a year.

Starting point is 00:10:04 Like three to four a year. So that's not really that much money then. No, not at first. But once you start getting into it, once you start, when you've been fighting as long as I've been fighting, you know, you make someone's year's salary in a night. You know, you're easily making, you know, guys like me, you're easily making three, you know, three, 400 grand a year if you're staying busy. You know what I mean? What do you think made you a good fighter? just like man

Starting point is 00:10:28 I I I went off like a lot of I have like a lot of like pure athleticism that I went off of because like I said like a big part of my story is you know I was like I was you know getting wrapped up with the drugs and the booze and trouble and getting arrested you know and so I didn't train as hard as like the next guy all the time there were some fights I took it real seriously

Starting point is 00:10:49 but I've been able to just like my with like a lot of like sheer aggression tenacity and athleticism been able to survive in professional fighting since I had my first fight in 2000 my first pro fight in 08 you know what I mean and uh I've been in fucking almost 20 years I've still in this game I'm gonna be 38 years old and I'm still you know knocking around with the young guys you know so what's the average age for retirement man fuck I'm I'm over I'm above it for sure it's I would say it's I don't know like mid 30s guys are calling it quits certainly there's not a whole lot of dudes born in the 80s

Starting point is 00:11:25 that are still fighting pro at that level. You know what I mean? So when you're early on in your career, do you see that writing on the wall and you plan accordingly? If you're smart, not me though. I just thought it was never going to fucking, I thought the party was never going to end.

Starting point is 00:11:40 You know? I was just like, dude, I was just globe-trotting, man. I was just traveling and partying and fighting and training. And I just, you know, just being reckless. Reckless with my money, just reckless with everything. You know? I partied like crazy.

Starting point is 00:11:56 Had some good years, though. You know what I'm saying? I'm not going to sit back. Oh, I should have done this. I should have done that. Like, I got two beautiful, healthy children, man. I got a good house. Like, I got a good life.

Starting point is 00:12:06 I'm never going to say that I wish I did anything differently because what the fuck is the point of that? I can't. There's no going back in time, dude. What's done is done. And I had a crazy life. Some people, you know, they'll be like, dude, you live like, you live like 10 lives.

Starting point is 00:12:20 Yeah, dude. I've done all kinds of shit. All kinds of crazy shit. The craziest shit. that most people never dream of doing, it's like, shit, I forgot about it. I'll, like, remember. I'm like, oh, fuck. I remember when we were in fucking Tokyo? It's like, oh, I forgot about that. Yeah, you know, so I've had it. It's been a while. It's been a fucking. Bonjour, compadre. It's the price line negotiator. How do I negotiate so many great travel deals?

Starting point is 00:12:43 My greatest gadget. The Priceline app. It's got hotel deals, flight deals, rental car deals, all of those deals in a bundle, deals, game day deals, concert trip deals. No one deals more deals than price line. Hold your horses. There's more. The app let you filter hotels by neighborhood, vibe, star level, and amenities like pools and spas and beach fronts and, wait, I'm not done. Stop cutting me up. You thought this was your run club era. Turns out it was more of a thinking about run club era. The good news? Someone's marathon training is about to start. Sell your workout gear on Deepop. Just snap a few photos and we'll take care of the rest. They get their race day. They get their

Starting point is 00:13:24 fit and you get a payout for trying. Someone on Deepop wants what you've got. Start selling now. Deepop where taste recognizes taste. Feels like every product claims real protein these days. But real doesn't start on a label. It starts at the source. Like real California milk from California farm families, it's real dairy delivering high quality, complete protein with all nine essential amino acids to help build muscle, give you energy, and keep you satisfied longer. So keep it real. Look for the seal.

Starting point is 00:14:05 Real California milk. Wild ride. When you first started getting serious in the pros, how do you maintain partying and on top of, you know, the physical requirement it takes to be at that level? Well, dude, I mean, it took a toll. My training would take a hit. You know, I would lose. I lost fights.

Starting point is 00:14:23 I shouldn't have fucking lost. You know what I mean? I mean, dude, I would show up to some fights. I'm fighting a national TV, dude. And I'd show up to some fights not, like, no training camp, none. And like, dope sick. Dude, I flew to Japan fucking dopesick. And I had fought eight weeks before I was, it was going to be, it was a huge show.

Starting point is 00:14:43 New Year's Eve fighting and rising over in fucking Saitama Super Arena in Japan. And I fought eight weeks before. I got really bad. I got a bad cut in the fight. So I thought the fight a New Year's use probably be off. I'm fucking doing drugs. I'm fucking partying. And my manager's like, no, dude, like, it's on.

Starting point is 00:15:00 Like, this Japan fight is on. And I'm like, all right. He's, are you training? I'm like, yeah, fucking training, dude, for sure. And so, like, little by little, it's getting closer five weeks away. I'm like, all right. I'm like, next week, fucking done. I'm like, a month out, I'm fucking stopping.

Starting point is 00:15:16 Four weeks, three weeks, two weeks. I was like, fuck it. I'm just going to roll this thing. And my boy was going with me. He was like, dude, you can't fucking. bring shit with you, bro. You got to kick it. Dude, I fought one of the biggest fights ever, man, all fucking, dude, and I, I landed Japan. I got no fucking shit. I got no, I got no drugs. So I'm fucking not feeling good.

Starting point is 00:15:35 And I've been on anyone who, anyone who's listening to this who knows, dude, you know, I was fucking partying for like almost two months. And you just stop like that, dude. You're not going to be like deathly, definitely ill. But dude, you're, you caught a habit. You already caught a habit. So what's the one thing I can do over there? So I'm fucking drinking beers. So now, like, no jet lag, no sleep, dude, fucking no drugs. Just drinking beers, fighting fucking some Japanese superstar, bro. It was just crazy. But that's just an example of, like, shit that I, that, that the drugs and the booze that caused me to do. Because there's no other option. Got to fight. So tell us about that fight. What happens? Dude, I fucking ended up winning.

Starting point is 00:16:13 So I got, so like, yeah, dude, so it's pride, like pride fighting in Japan. Like, people listen to this. They know about pride. So it's, it's 10 minute round. 10 minute first round, dude. Fucking 10 minutes. And I'm fighting this fucking huge, jacked fucking Japanese, dude. We, like, land in the airport. It looks like life-sized cutouts of this dude,

Starting point is 00:16:30 like cardboard. I'm like, uh, he fucking taking pictures with it and shit. And, uh, this dude ragdolled me. Ragdolled me the first round. I didn't get,

Starting point is 00:16:37 I couldn't warm up, man. You know who Bob Sapp is? Fucking Bob Sap is. Big, huge black dude, he's an actor. He's the longest yard. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:45 Oh, yeah. Oh, the big jack guy? Yeah, yeah. That's him? Oh, wow. Bob Stap's fighting with you that night. And he's, I'm fighting like one or two fights before him. And I'm sleeping.

Starting point is 00:16:54 They give you like, you give you like these bamboo like pads to like chill on in the back like locker room. And I'm like, yeah, sick fucking. I'm fucking like out, dude. I'm this fucking bamboo mat, whatever the fuck is rice paddy, dude. And he's like, hey, bro. He's like, he's like, dude, you're, you're fighting. You get warmed up. I'm like, Bob.

Starting point is 00:17:12 I'm like, fucking leave me alone. Dude, like I'm fucking good. So I go out there, man. And I got fucking. And like they put you pride, dude. They're known for like their like, elaborate entrances. Like, their, their, their production dude is second to none in, like, the MMA world,

Starting point is 00:17:25 second to none. And, uh, so they put me, like, in this tube, like, in the floor. And it's like an elevator. And, like, they count you down. You like, you like, you like a pier out of the floor, like springs you up, dude. Like, ah. So, like, once I, like, I, like, spring up, dude, like 70,000 people in the stadium, you know, you kind of gets, you get, you get hyped up.

Starting point is 00:17:43 But yeah, I ended up getting fucking ragdoll in the first round. And, uh, the dude was good. The dude was tough. Um, and then, the second round you're allowed to you're first you're allowed to wear shoes you're lot to wear wrestling shoes over there and you're allowed to kick dudes in the face when they're on the ground which is different rule set than in the states so i so second round i ended up fucking limp legging out of a single and i was able to fucking soccer kick this dude in the face and even though

Starting point is 00:18:08 if you watch the fight he he blocked the kick but i kicked his hands so hard into his face i shattered i shattered his face and then i was just able to jump on his back and and uh and choke him out but yeah and then once that fight was done dude i just i don't even remember i don't even remember after i don't even remember being in fucking dude i was just so fucked up the whole time now a fight like that how much would you make i think for that fight i think i made 75 grand for that fight 75 gs and then you give some to management your management yeah management team pay your fucking taxes you know you're walking with you know 40 50 gs now where's your manager or your team in that scenario so i went over there with my who was like my coach and my and one of my best friends

Starting point is 00:18:48 my coach. It's just me and him went over there. And he's not noticing or saying anything? He kind of knows. He kind of like knows the deal. Like sort of kind of like he knows that I'm trying to hide it. You know what I mean? I had some friends that worked for the promotion who were out trying to fucking get me some shit. You know, my boy, um, uh, he'll maybe he'll be watching this. I'm sure he will. You know, you know, you're trying. You tried, bro. You tried. I was like, yo. I was like, I was like, I need something. I was like, we got to get some bikes. I was like, we have to get something, dude. and like Japan it's like the most like drug-free fucking dude like

Starting point is 00:19:21 you know like no drugs you know fuck out but I need some you know so he's like fuck it he's like let's just fucking rip some beers you know so that was that took the edge off you know now there's a lot of people that you know dream of performing at that level in sports and would do anything to trade places to be there

Starting point is 00:19:38 but yet you're kind of like blowing yes you know drugs and alcohol that used to keep me up that used to that used to fuck with me real bad that used to fuck with me And so I stopped fighting for a long. That's like those years. I was in and out of jail, in and out of rehab.

Starting point is 00:19:53 I stopped fighting for like four years. Almost right after that Japan fight. I think I fought a couple more times. It was all fucked up, not taking anything seriously. I was starting to fucking hang around with the motorcycle club and shit. And I was just done with fighting.

Starting point is 00:20:09 Now bring us back to, you know, when you first started drugs. You know what year that was when you first tried it? high school, high school for sure, probably 14 and 15 years old. You know, I remember seeing like the oxycons. I remember the news, like seeing them on the fucking news. And then like having a friend, I had a friend who had surgery on his either elbow or wrist.

Starting point is 00:20:33 And I remember the fucking pill bottle that he had. I was like, oh, dude, I was like, this is what they're talking about. This is like what people are so fucking addicted to. And I was like, let me fucking, let me try. And the kid was like, yeah, those. make me sick. And like, yo, like, and parents didn't know what the fuck they were either because they were on, they were on my boy's bedside fucking table. So I took fucking three of them, dude. I took three of them. They were probably like per 10s or whatever. I took three of them.

Starting point is 00:20:57 And I fucking puked my, I'll never forget. I puked my brains out outside of a fucking breakfast spot that we were at. And then after I threw up, I felt like every, I felt so fucking good, dude. And I was like, this is how I want to feel forever. I was like, this is it. and I was searching for that for until today. No, I was searching for that forever, you know. And that feeling still will be in the back on my mind. So it's always, it's always going to be a struggle for me. I'm not going to say, like, I was telling a cronan out there.

Starting point is 00:21:25 I said, dude, I'm never going to be the guy who's like this like pinnacle for, oh, come like, yo, for like sobriety. Because, like, dude, I struggle with it. You know what I'm saying? I'm fucking, I relaps. I fucking, I try again. I'm never going to stop trying to, like, live my life, right? but you know it's a struggle forever it's it's gonna be a struggle for me for the rest of my life you know is there anyone that was there to help you in the beginning stages of your career

Starting point is 00:21:49 like as far as like fighting or like with the drugs with that with the drugs you know trying to see your potential and help you get clean i mean it was mostly like you know it's like my family it was mostly like you know like i wanted to get clean and like not even to get clean like i because i don't i don't want to be misconstrued is like uh what i'm trying to say here So, like, my family, I wanted to, like, not disappoint them anymore. You know what I mean? I wanted to, I wanted to, like, stop getting in trouble. Because I get in trouble.

Starting point is 00:22:16 Like, I'm not the type. I can't, like, drink and do drugs and, like, behave myself. Like, I misbehave myself. It's even, like, the joke, like, with my family is like, oh, he's misbehaving. Like, Brent, you misbehaving? You misbehaving over there? I'm like, you're fucking misbehaving, you know? So I just wanted to, like, stop, you know, getting in trouble for, like, the shame of the family type deal.

Starting point is 00:22:37 You know what I mean? And, but I was a loose can. It was almost like, all right, like out of sight, out of mind type deal, especially like in my early 20s, like when I first started fighting pro, because I had all kinds of money, dude. You know, we, you know, we do pretty well. So I was, I didn't need anybody. I didn't need mom and dad. I never needed like, you know, I feel like, like a lot of guys my age that were struggling with,

Starting point is 00:23:00 with substances, dude, they were like living at home still with their parents and like needed mom and dad to like, you know, they're losing their jobs and like, like, they're still a mom and dad's house. Like, dude, I was just out there. That was just out there running wild. You know, it's almost like out of mind shit. And then when it got really carried away, like, I'd go to rehab. I think I went to the same, I think I went to rehab like four years in a row at like the same exact time.

Starting point is 00:23:22 Like to start of summer, fucking go to rehab, go to rehab, go to rehab, go to rehab, go to rehab, go to rehab, go to jail, go to rehab. You know what I mean? So, yeah. So to answer your question, they weren't like, Brian, like you need help. It was like, I would get in trouble. And I'd be, obviously I need some fucking help here. So, like, all right, fucking go to rehab. So I can go to rehab.

Starting point is 00:23:40 What was your parents for you on you being a professional fighter? Like, you tell your parents one day, hey, I'm making money fighting. I mean, so, like, my dad always had a boxing gym, you know? So my dad, my dad was on the scene. You know what I mean? He had a boxing gym now. So he knew, you know, he knew I had potential to be, you know, a good fighter and to make a living doing it, you know?

Starting point is 00:24:02 So he was, I'm sure in his mind, I could have done more with it. I'm sure in everybody's fucking mind, I could have gone farther or done more with it, you know, but yeah, like I said, we came from a family athlete. You know, my younger sister is a tremendous athlete. And so it was almost like that's what was expected. That was kind of what was, I feel like he was kind of like expected of me. Like, you, yo, you have this potential to do it. So do it. Like, you're not getting a fucking trophy or cookie from us because you're a pro fighter.

Starting point is 00:24:31 Like, yeah, of course you're a pro fighter. You're a good athlete and you're a good fighter. So go be a pro. Like, nice job. Now, in those early years, are you fighting? Do you think that the league turned a blind eye to your drug use? Or did they not know about it? I mean, they slowly, they slowly caught on.

Starting point is 00:24:50 So in those early years, you know, they slowly caught on to what was going on. You know what I mean? And I ultimately got released from Bellator and wasn't allowed. They were like, you're never fighting for us again. I was just burning bridges, dude. saying I was signing contracts to fight, fucking not pulling out two weeks before. Some sick fights, dude, that probably would have fucking soup.

Starting point is 00:25:16 Like big money fights, big name fights. I'm like signing these contracts, dude, and just like not showing up. You know, I'm hurt. Have my manager bail me out. I'm like, oh, Dave. He's like, fuck, weasie. All right. Yeah, I'll handle it.

Starting point is 00:25:30 So, and then finally got into it with the matchmaker, who since then we're cool now. He's a very good friend of mine. He was a good friend before. He's a good friend now. But he was sick of my shit. Sick of who I was running with. They were sick of who I was affiliating with.

Starting point is 00:25:45 And they fucking, they blacklisted me from Bellator. So then, you know, I'm sitting in rehab and I'm in jail. And I'm like, I was almost kicked out of the Carpenter's Union, dude. I'm not allowed to fight for anybody. The league I'm fighting for now, BKFC. I fucking almost burnt that bridge in 2018. I was just burning bridges fucking everywhere. And then so after the last time I got.

Starting point is 00:26:06 jail in rehab um um i was like yel um i was like up to my manager i was like i was like i want to fight again and he's like dude he's like i'll i'll try so he hits a bell to her he's say hey guess who's guess he wants to fight again and they're like they're like oh man they're like is he serious because dude i was a type of dude i was like that type of fighter i could put asses in the seats dude i was exciting man like win or lose the fight wasn't leaving the first round like i'm knocking somebody out getting knocked out in a gun gun fight. So they're like, yo, like this dude, this, I get views, man. Like, this dude is, well, if he's serious, we'll put him on. So dude, I fought for fucking chunk change, man.

Starting point is 00:26:45 They're like, okay, if he's serious, if he's serious, here's his number. This is what we're going to pay him. And it was like, yeah, I'll do it. I'll do it. That's when they were like, okay, he's, he's serious. You know, it's not just like a quick money grab. Like, I fought for fucking one fight contract. Like one fight deal. They're like, this is your fucking trial. Like, boom, you're fighting, dude, it was like fucking 10 and 10, dude. I fought for 20 grand. I hadn't fought for 20 grand probably since, like, my third pro fight. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:27:13 And like 10 years before, I took a huge step back. But I was like, yo, I'm going to show them that I'm fucking serious about it again. And I did. I went out and I smoked this dude. And I signed a, you know, I signed a contract right there. I signed another contract and another one. And I fought for them. You know, I was up for a fight of the year for them in 2023 versus Bahamasi.

Starting point is 00:27:34 and, you know, the rest was history. How much money do you think you lost in your career because of your addiction and just issues in general? Yeah, like, between drugs and partying and just like a wild lifestyle, I mean, probably like close to, probably close to a million. Probably close to a million. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:27:54 Just like, dude, I mean, there was a point in time, dude, I had like fucking, you know, motorcycles and trucks. I was that guy. I was that guy for a, as I think a lot of young guys are who get money like that, you know what I mean? Just living that crazy life and just never thought it was going to end. Probably, yeah, close to a million bucks. Now before Japan, were you getting arrested at all or would that come after?

Starting point is 00:28:17 Yeah, yeah. I was getting arrested before Japan. Anything major? No, DUIs. DoIs resisting arrest? Yeah, nothing like major, major, but oh, like partying. Always partying. Breach of peace.

Starting point is 00:28:31 You know what I'm saying? Fights with my next girlfriend, dude. fucking cops get me like fucking running down the road naked you know what i'm saying like shit like that you know what i mean and what would the league say about that when they see those arrests fucking dude as long as it wasn't going to interfere with the fight dude i got my bond pulled i got my bond pulled one time i i forget dude back in 20 i don't know 20 i don't know i don't know when it was i i'm sure we could find it figure it out uh any can't get ceo's figure out when it was no but like i got my bond pulled like a couple weeks before a fight. So now like I'm in fucking Corrigan,

Starting point is 00:29:07 dude, like supposed to be training, dude. And like I'm back like fucking, you know, you know what I mean? So it was starting to interfere a bit. You know what I mean? It was starting to interfere a bit. So do you end up doing the fight or? Yeah, I did the fight. Oh, they give the end of giving yeah. Yeah, we figured the shit out. Yeah. All right. So you mentioned earlier that after Japan, that's when you had a couple more fights and then took a long gap of time off. Yeah. What were you doing in that time? Drugs. Just doing drugs and, and, uh, I was working. just working the trades, doing construction. It's partying, a lot of drugs, a lot of drinking.

Starting point is 00:29:39 You know, I was prospecting for a motorcycle club. And, yeah, just fucking up to no good. Just up to no good. Why do you want to get involved in a motorcycle club? I don't know. I had always glorified it in my head. You know, I always, I just always thought it was so fucking cool. You know, I seen, I seen the, you know, I seen Hells Angels forever when I was young

Starting point is 00:30:01 And I just thought these dudes were, uh, I just thought it was very cool. And I had some friends that were, you know, associated with it. And, uh, thought I'd, you know, give that a shot, man. And, um, why'd that not work out? Because I was, I was doing drugs, man. The, the drugs affected everything. The drugs just affected everything. I just couldn't stop.

Starting point is 00:30:21 I was just unreliable, you know, I'm supposed to be going on trips, dude. And I'm supposed to be, you know, handling shit. And I'm just not, like, I'm not showing up. I'm just, you know. and eventually one day dude they fucking came up they came up to one of my job sites dude they drove right up

Starting point is 00:30:37 I was taking a fucking crane tressel apart Moses wheeler underneath the Moses wheeler bridge I'm taking apart the crane trestle underneath it and these fucking dudes rode right up drove right up onto the crane trestle past the fucking crane

Starting point is 00:30:49 dude and they fucking I seen him got out of the truck talked to my foreman like where's brend and I was like I was burning bolts off on this fucking trestle I look up I was like oh fuck dude just put my head back down and my formal comes over he's like be red is fuck face scared you

Starting point is 00:31:05 know he's like be be there's some guys here to talk to you i was like all right all right so i pop up okay and they already they already knew it wasn't some fucking gnarly thing they they knew that i knew that the fucking gig was up dude and that was it they're like where's your where's your where's your where's your where's your where's your where's your vest supposed to be in my truck supposed to have it at all the time you're not in my truck you know what i'm saying and i'm acting like i'm acting like oh it's somewhere and they're like dude you're fucking idiot like we're gonna send someone by to fucking grab your shit later you know so someone came to pick up my shit later that night but dude it's the drugs man the drugs just fucked with everything i was just just so unreliable on all

Starting point is 00:31:43 choice hotels get you more of what you value here's a little tune to help you remember same drive different day don't you wish you we're getting away pack your beds and come on through texas ohio alaska we're up there too comfort in It's calling your name Save on the stay Oh, and free waffles are yours to claim Well, I hope you like my little song Book Direct at Shoreshill Tales.com

Starting point is 00:32:13 If you love podcasts, you already know how to fit great stories into your busy day. So why not do the same thing with books? Everand is an affordable audiobook and e-book subscription That goes wherever you go. Your commute, your workout, your grocery run.

Starting point is 00:32:29 No rearranging your schedule. no carving out reading time. Just hit play. For a limited time, new members get two free books when they start a free trial. Go to everand.com to listen to claim yours.

Starting point is 00:32:40 That's eV-E-R-A-N-D.com slash listen. All fronts. You know what I mean? At that point in your life, what kind of drugs are you doing on the daily? Opiates, yeah. Yo, opiates, fentanyl.

Starting point is 00:32:52 You know, it turned to fentanyl. It turned to fentanyl. Heroin, you know, perks to heroin to fernol. That's the progression. That's a lot of people's progression. You know. Were you training at all during those off years?

Starting point is 00:33:03 Not really. No, not really. Like maybe if one of my boys needed like a sparring partner, you know, I'd show up and do a couple rounds. But as far as like training for myself, no, I wasn't doing shit. And what happens to your manager or agent or anything during that time? They're not there to pick you up and say, bro, you have so much potential. Let's get you clean. Let's let's do this.

Starting point is 00:33:23 I'm sure they were. I'm sure they were. And I'm sure there was some months. Yeah. Because you know what? Because that was, that's when I had signed. So Bellator got rid of me, done. And I was like, I'll go with BKFC, who I'm with now. And they're like, all right, great, let's go. I was assigned to fight Chris Lieben, fucking big name. Dude, it's me a big fight. And, yeah, I was just, I fucking, I bailed out of that one too. You know, I bail out of that one too.

Starting point is 00:33:50 And Feldman, Felben let me back. I'm fighting for them now. You know what I'm saying? But, you know, they get it. They, they get it. But my managers were definitely frustrated with me. because here I am talking like I want to fight again and just not putting in the work not backing up what I say at all. Do you think you developed any anger during that time period of you went from making all this money to now having to be a nine to five laborer?

Starting point is 00:34:14 Yeah, yeah, I definitely... Well, you know, I told myself that that's what I wanted to be doing. I told myself, because it was easy. It was easy to say, nah, you don't want to fight. I don't want to fight. I want to weld, you know, because I'm a good welder. You know, I was a good steal. you know, I'm a good carpenter, you know, so I took a lot of pride in it, you know, so

Starting point is 00:34:31 I was like, no, and I did put a lot of energy and effort, you know, into being a good carpenter, power driver, you know, welder. But deep down, absolutely, I was, I was angry at myself, you know, for, for squandering, like, dude, for squandering, like, dude, those are four, dude, that's from ages 29 to 30, to like 33. I didn't fight. Those are, those are your physical prime fucking years. that I was just running amok, dude,

Starting point is 00:35:00 like not taking advantage of it, you know? And now here I am, almost 38 years old. Now I'm like fighting again. I'm like, dude, if I did things right, I probably could have been done, you know? What do you think was your very worst day as an addict? Probably when I, probably, you know, when I was in jail, probably when I was in jail.

Starting point is 00:35:25 And I wasn't in for a super long time, dude. but um but it was like my it was like um i miss my daughter's first birthday my oldest daughter i missed her first birthday in october i missed uh i missed christmas you know new years you know i'm doing soboxins in jail dude just fucking and that's kind of when it hit me you know it's like when i'm sitting in that fucking jail cell and uh when i'm sitting in that cell dude and i'm like what the fuck man like what i'm missing that that was it i was like you know i'm getting high i was like dude i'm getting high in jail I'm fucking sticking Suboxes.

Starting point is 00:35:58 This is my fucking eyeball, dude. You know what I'm saying? And I have a daughter out there. You know, that was the worst. That was, that's when I was like, dude, this has to fucking stop. This has to stop. What does Suboxin the eyeball do? Oh, you need a very small, we just call them eye jammies.

Starting point is 00:36:16 You just need a very small piece. We'll get you high if you fucking stick it in your eyeball, dude. I'm surprised you don't, I'm surprised you haven't heard that one. No, I've never heard that before. Never had the eye jammies? No, I've just heard like. on the what the tongue and yeah you can do it if you you can snort them you can dissolve in water and snort them you can stick one in your eyeball you know what year do you go back to fighting

Starting point is 00:36:38 after that time period of being off yeah i went back to fighting 2022 after those this is before you got arrested that that other gap right no so i once i was done getting arrested and done going to rehab that's when i started fighting again so during that 2018 uh arrest that you weren't fighting during that time? No. Okay. So tell us about that first. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 00:37:02 So I was at a bar and, you know, we're getting fucked up at the bar and I go outside of, you know, have like a tip with my girlfriend and whether, you know, they say they saw her hit me or whatever. So they're going to try to arrest her. And I'm like, listen, dude. I'm like, no, it's all good here. So then they start coming after me. This is my hometown.

Starting point is 00:37:20 This is like the town I grew up in. And so the cops come at me, you know, and like, I grabbed the dude like by his wrist. I'm like, listen, dude. I'm like, let's just leave this alone, man. You know, like, go home. I'm going to go home. You go home. It is what it is.

Starting point is 00:37:33 And we ended up just scuffling, man. And I ended up just fucking, you know, tossed, just ragged on a bunch of these cops, man. They didn't know what the fuck they were doing. You hit the cops? Yeah, I got arrested for assault and an officer. You know what I mean? And I was just, I never punched any of them, but I was like just tossing them around. And I end up somehow getting handcuffed to one of them.

Starting point is 00:37:50 You know what I mean? So I'm dragging him around. He's a fucking guy's probably still on light duty. Who knows? You know what I mean? and they made it out to be a bigger deal than it was, but we were definitely, you know, tussling. And yeah, so that's ultimately why I ended up going to jail, you know,

Starting point is 00:38:04 was for, you know, and I was on probation at the time anyways for an evasion, you know, I ran away. I was, like, running from the cops. And they, yeah, I was running from the cops and they couldn't prove it was me. You know, I got arrested for felony evasion. I ended up just, like, pleading guilty to reckless driving and disobeying the signal of an officer, you know,

Starting point is 00:38:25 because we were fucked up after plowing snow all night, dude. And I just, like, led these cops on a fucking chase and, you know, got away. But they knew it was my truck, but no license plate. It was a long, long thing. But I was on probation for that when I fought these cops. So the judge was like, dude, enough's enough. Like, this dude's got to, you know. And now the news made a big deal out of that?

Starting point is 00:38:42 Yeah, they made a huge deal out of it. Yeah, that shit went viral. Because you were someone that was famous, I guess, for fighting. Yeah, right. And was a former athlete. Yep. Yeah. How'd that make you feel, seeing all those articles?

Starting point is 00:38:54 I, so I was obviously, it was like horrible. I felt bad for my family. You know what I'm saying? Like, first and foremost, I was, I didn't have kids yet then. But I felt bad for my mom and dad. I'm like, fuck, man. Like, here we go again. Like, I didn't want to like them to be like ashamed of me.

Starting point is 00:39:08 You know, it was never like for myself. I never really gave a fuck. You know what I mean? But it was like, I felt bad for my family that, uh, they got it now. Like, here's Brennan again, you know, getting fucked up. And I always, you know, so I always, I always felt bad. I always felt bad for them. Were you thinking about returning to fighting at all?

Starting point is 00:39:24 at that point in time? Honestly, I always, I was always wanting to return to it. I was always, like, playing with the idea of it. But I couldn't get clean, dude. I couldn't get my shit together, you know? And the level I was fighting at, I was fighting at such a high level that, like,

Starting point is 00:39:41 you gotta be all in. You got to be all in on it, you know? Do you think those altercations you got in to, for example, with the cops was because you weren't getting, I guess, that, like, fix of fighting? I don't know if that is much it, but I was definitely, like,

Starting point is 00:39:56 like internally, like angry with myself for like not, that was always in my subconscious. Like, dude, you're not, like, you should be fighting. You're not, you're not using the gift that God gave you. You know what I mean? Dude, I was, I had a lot of talent, a lot of skill. I was just like squandering it away. So when I would drink and get nuts, I would just get crazy.

Starting point is 00:40:14 Do you feel like you relate to some of those athletes that do have that skill, but then end up, you know, with like a prison sentence or gang banging or drugs or they lose everything, but they have that talent? Yeah, yeah, for sure. Because I could have been that guy. I could have easily kept it. I could have easily kept in going off the edge. But, you know, what saved me was having kids.

Starting point is 00:40:34 That's honestly what saved me was having my first daughter. Because I was like, I was like, I'm not going to be, I'm not going to leave this. I'm not going to leave her with no dad. There's no way. She's not going to have a dad in and out of prison, dude. I'm not going to, I'm just not doing it, you know. So that was enough for her. Just throw the brakes on everything, you know, for the most part.

Starting point is 00:40:52 What happened to that case with the assault on the cops? So I ended up So like my first offer was crazy Dude the first offer was like fucking like 10 years or something for that I was like dude And my lawyer was like don't worry about it So I ended up I fought it for years dude

Starting point is 00:41:05 You know how it is you can fight you I'm paying for lawyers dude We like fought it to the bitter end And I ended up taking 120 days And then seven years of probation With seven years suspended Which was like I was like Oh my gosh

Starting point is 00:41:19 And it was the scariest seven years dude And I just got off I just got off like less than a year ago and then I just caught another fucking charge you know I just caught another charge of December for fighting in the casino you know what I mean so like yeah it's

Starting point is 00:41:35 it was a long it was a long fucking seven years dude and I was playing with fire I was playing with fire the whole time with a seven years suspended sentence dude I was fucking playing with fire like the whole seven years that means you would have went back for seven years if you violated it all

Starting point is 00:41:51 wow you got lucky Yeah, look, super lucky, super lucky. So now 120 days, that's day for day. You have to do every day of that? No, dude, dude, Corona virus. It was like Corona was starting to hit, dude. We were like, and they were like putting a lot of inmates like on single cell holds, like who had been there for a long time.

Starting point is 00:42:07 I ended up doing like, I don't know, like 90 something, whatever, whatever it was. I didn't do the full 120. I ended up getting out. Like I didn't even know. Like they told me like on Tuesday that was getting out on Friday, you know, so. And this was in a Connecticut prison? Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:42:20 I was at Corrigan the whole time. Tell us about your experience there. Man, it was, dude, I, I hate to say it. I had a pretty, I had a pretty good experience in it, you know. It's, you know, I was on 23 and 1, you know, which was kind of gnarly. But I got a job in the AP room. So I was good. I was out of myself for like, fuck, almost 12 hours a day.

Starting point is 00:42:41 You know what I mean? And, yeah, didn't get, you know, like, a lot of people assumed I'd be like getting into fights in there and shit, you know. But there's a lot of local dudes, like a lot of guys from our area in this. I knew a lot of guys. guys in there. I knew a lot of guys. I knew a lot of the CEOs. You know what I mean? Um, so I was, you know, working in the AP room pretty much fucking from the time we woke up to the time we, you know, we, uh, you know, we, we, we hit the rack for bed. How'd they treat you in there? The inmates and the guards. Some of the guards were hardos. Some of the guards, you know,

Starting point is 00:43:11 because I had a reputation as a fighter. I know like one dude tried to punk me like my first, one of my first days in there when I was in, uh, when I was in the A-Pod, um, I was in there, kind of like fucking around with this kid. I was, I was, I was in, one of my cellmates was a kid I knew from the outside. And we were kind of like just like fucking around wrestling a little bit. And I like kicked like a chair. I like slid one of the metal chairs across the floor like, like, er, like that loud noise. And he was doing his check.

Starting point is 00:43:36 He was, you know, he was doing his checks. And he was walking by as like, like, I slid that chair and he stopped for a second. And I was like, what's up? Like, like, I was like, what's up? And he was like, okay. Like, nod his head. And I heard my door pop. And he's like, Ward, step on out here.

Starting point is 00:43:51 And I was like, oh what the fuck dude you know he's juiced up motherfucker he's got his hat like right in my face he's like what do you think my job is here what's my job here i was like i don't know dude i was like what's your fucking job here he's like to keep you fucking safe but you know just gave me the whole fucking hardo ceo fucking deal burning my face everyone in the whole fucking pot up oh shit you know what i mean but what am i going to do fucking knock this fucking idiot out dude give me a break you know i'll let him have his fucking moment in the sun you know went back in but a lot of the ceos were cool with me, man. I stayed in line there. I just stayed in my lane. You know, I went to work.

Starting point is 00:44:26 You know, I was handing at AP room, you know, handing out uniforms. You know what I mean? Fucking delivering, fucking delivering plates to people in the fucking transfer cells, the fucking intake cells, you know. And, but I will say, it was probably the time in my life where my anxiety was the lowest, dude. It was like, I was almost at, at peace in there, you know, because it was just like the same shit every day. Like, you knew what was going to happen. and yeah and it sounds crazy to say and I wonder if other guys can relate to that it's like that almost because like my life was so fucking chaotic at that time on the outside it was so chaotic that like finally when the gig was up dude and I went to do my bid I had some

Starting point is 00:45:07 fucking peace finally you know and I'm sure other guys can relate to that you know so no you still have the mentality of an addict while in there you mentioned you were doing drugs yeah yeah I found a way to get suboxins in there, you know. Yeah. So, yeah, and I felt super, and I did. Like you said, what was my lowest day as an addict? It was in there. You know, it was in there when I was using suboxys because here I am, you know,

Starting point is 00:45:31 my family just wanted me to come out and just be better and stop getting in trouble and stop going to jail, stop going to rehab. And here I am doing subs, you know, in jail and fucking, you know, so. Were you thinking about the future at all while you were in prison or were you just, your mind was still filled with a day? No, I was, I was, I was definitely thinking about the future when I was in there. I was going to change my shit around how I needed to fight again. I just had it in my head.

Starting point is 00:45:57 I had to fight again. I was like, I have to. I got a guy here and fight. And I did, you know, so that's good. Do you think it's one of those like movie type stories where you're in the cell, you're training, you're working out, right, to make your success return? Oh, I definitely, oh, I definitely, trained in there, dude. I went in at 205 and I came out at 195.

Starting point is 00:46:13 You know, I lost weight in there, dude. I was always, you know, we had weight, we had dumbbells. We had dumbbells in the AP room. We had a pull-up bar. You know, so like in between, you know, fucking boxing, everyone's shit up, dude, and handing out uniforms, man, I'd be fucking doing curls. I'd be doing pull-ups. You know, I'd be getting after it.

Starting point is 00:46:30 I was getting after in there. Was prison what you expected it to be? I mean, it sort of was. It sort of was. I can see how if you kept your, if you want to keep your nose clean, you can keep your nose clean. If you don't, you don't. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:46:44 There's plenty of trouble to get into in there, you know, as you know. you can just do your fucking bid and get out. You know, a lot of downtime. It's how well can you handle that fucking downtime, you know? And I handled it real well, man, because, like I said, my life was so chaotic on the outside. Always running and gunning. Always just fucking nonstop something, just chaos. So when I was in there, I was able to relax, man.

Starting point is 00:47:10 I was like to actually take a time out and fucking chill, you know. What do you think was the craziest thing you've ever done for drugs? Fuck, man. I see, I never had, I always, I always worked. I always had a fucking job. I always had money, dude. So I never, I was never the dude, like, stealing for drugs or doing this or, like, sticking people up. But, I mean, I did crazy shit when I was on drugs.

Starting point is 00:47:32 Like, my construction job, I'm a, I'm a union steelware. I'm in the carpenties union, but we're pile drivers, dude. Operating heavy machinery, dude. So I was just in a lot of dangerous situations being high. That's probably, like, the most, like, to answer your question, like, I was just always in very dangerous situation. And it made me super risky. Like, I would just have no, I would just, I felt like Superman, you know, so I would just be doing super reckless shit. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:47:57 When you're in the moment, do you think about the danger? No, no, you don't, you don't think about it. You don't think about it. And it's almost. And ironically enough, when I broke my leg, I broke it at work. I was bone sober. You know, it's crazy. Like, of all the times I was so fucked up at work doing crazy shit and didn't get hurt.

Starting point is 00:48:14 When I do get fucking crazy hurt, dude, I was, I was. bones over, which is wild. People are full of surprises, especially when you travel together. Thankfully, Verbo is not. When you book a Verbo, you get Verbo care and 24-7 live support. So your house doesn't surprise you like your friends might. If something's not as described or doesn't work, Verbo's there. Real people.

Starting point is 00:48:39 Real support. Anytime. Book today on the Verbo app. If you know, you Verbo. Terms apply. Seeverbo.com slash trust for details. At first, I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light, and I was transported to another place.

Starting point is 00:48:56 Pluto TV! Then I heard a voice. Come with me if you want to live. There were thousands of movies and shows, and they were all free. The truth is our series. It's just so beautiful. On Pluto TV, free streaming of Terminator 2, Fringe Arrow, the 100 NX files, may cause excitement, loss of sleep, and sudden belief in extraterrestrials.

Starting point is 00:49:14 No credit cards or alien encounters necessary. Pluto TV, stream now pay never. Save now at Whole Foods Market. It's the summer splash event, with great everyday prices on 365 brand ground beef for the grill and ice cream for dessert. They have yellow sales signs on ready to cook beef or chicken kebabs too. Level up with savory marinate, spices and rubs,

Starting point is 00:49:37 and complete your cookout with a crowd-pleasing cherry pie and their balsamic chicken salad. Available at the prepared foods counter. Get Summer Splash saving. now at Whole Foods Market. That's life, dude. Crazier things have happened, you know? So tell us about that journey once you get out of prison.

Starting point is 00:49:54 What happens? So I got out, so I went in, so I went in in 20, so when I got out, I went in at the end of 2019, you know, 2019, got out in 2020. Went, when, was dead broke. It was fucking broke, dude. You know, because I was on, I was on crazy drug runs. I would go on like, you know, eight, nine, 10 month runs, dudes, you know, selling all my shit, dude.

Starting point is 00:50:15 So I had nothing. So I had to go right back to work. I had to go right back to work. I had a job. I got my old union job back. Probably like two days after I got out. And, you know, started working again. Started building my name back up in the Carpenter's union with the pilot drivers, dude.

Starting point is 00:50:31 You know, get all my welding certs back, fucking caught up. So I got all that. And once I was set up at work again, once I was good with the union, I was like, all right, now I'm going to fucking put my focus on fighting again. So I was fighting. I was fighting and working. was training full time. I was working full time. And I was just fucking hell bent on getting my status back with the union and getting

Starting point is 00:50:54 back fighting on TV again. And I did it. I did them both, you know, so. How much do you think you spent on drugs in the course of your life? I mean, I know we talked about a couple minutes ago and I was like, I've blown millions, but like on drugs directly. Yeah. I mean, dude, think about it.

Starting point is 00:51:08 When you're doing perks, when you're doing fucking perks, bro, they're $30 a piece. You know what I'm saying? Until the fake fentanyl once come around. They're a little cheaper. But dude, if you got to do, if you're doing four or five of those a day, fuck, man. That's a fucking lot of money. You're spending 150 bucks a day minimum on those.

Starting point is 00:51:25 You know, so times that, you know, we actually do, in one of the rehabs I was in, that was like one of the exercises. So like we're outside on a picnic table. I was in the fucking Phoenix house in Rhode Island, dude, just fuck. It's just a shit fucking rehab. And we're like tennis balls, boys would be throwing dope in over the fence in tennis balls, dude. Oh, fuck.

Starting point is 00:51:41 But, you know, one of the counselors was like, we're going to figure out how much we spent on your drug choice. Dude, I think I stopped at like, like, 75 grand. And it can't, it got so good. I was like, I'm fucking good with this exercise. I was like, I don't want to know. I don't want to know how much I spent on this shit. You know what I mean? It's fucking sickening, dude. Sickening. You know? Were you still on drugs when you made your first return fight? No, no. I was clean. So you got clean after prison? Yeah, I got clean after prison. And I stayed clean for about four or five months, I think. And had that fight and slipped up and was using it again. And was using it

Starting point is 00:52:15 and fucking, you know, because I wasn't making a lot of money yet. Fighting. Like I told you, I signed that first fight back was not for a lot of cash. Dude, I didn't even have a car. I was driving a company truck. That's my only vehicle. So, dude, I had to borrow my dad's old Jeep to drive to, like, my first and second pro fights.

Starting point is 00:52:33 You know what I mean? I was in the hole, dude. I went from having it all to having fucking nothing, you know? My dad, I'm fucking, just let me borrow his car, driving around, fucking, driving the hoopty to work, driving the hoopty to the gym. you know really starting starting off scratch again so uh working construction man it's it's tough it was tough for me to be in that environment and not use because our job is so physically demanding you know i'm already like i like doing drugs i like to party and you know you're working your

Starting point is 00:53:00 ass off all day physical hard fucking labor dude you know fucking sweat and bleeding all day it's easy to fucking have a couple beers and a couple perks at the end of the day you know so i started using again before my second fight back and that was fucking fucking with me because I was using pretty much like right up until the fight you know and then I kicked it again after that fight I like barely squeaked the dude was tough I end up breaking the dude's ribs with a fucking body shot but I was fucking gasped he was fucking gasped the dude that fought some really good guys and like couldn't and like lost like some split decisions to dudes were like in the UFC like tough motherfuckers and uh I remember uh I'm sitting in the interview

Starting point is 00:53:38 room dude like fucking not feeling great because I've been drinking and using you know and uh big John McCarthy was like hey he's like this fucking this fucking dude has not been knocked out he's and i was like known for knocking dudes out he's like this dude doesn't get knocked out you know that and i'm like fuck this motherfucker dude and i was fucking first round giving it to this fucking guy and i was gas bro and i ended up second round like fucking hockey style dude shout out fucking amsbury bro i'm fucking got him by the back of his neck and fucking just straight body shots and i ended up breaking the dude's ribs and then i got then i was like all right i i sneak through this fucking fight there fights are only going to get harder so then i

Starting point is 00:54:14 got clean again, you know, and then fought a really good guy on CBS. Huge fight on CBS when Bellsor was on CBS. You know, millions of people watching. So I was pretty clean for that fight, you know, and then, and that's, that's my story, dude. That's off and on, off and on drugs, off and on booze. Don't they drug test? They do. How would you get past it?

Starting point is 00:54:37 You know, we say, dude, a drug test is an IQ test. That's what we say, man. That's what we've always, you know, it's not drug tests. It's a fucking I. test, man, who can't pass a drug test. I see dudes failing drug tests. How the fuck you do that? Well, I'd have fake piss on me everywhere I went. I'd have, dude,

Starting point is 00:54:52 I'd have a fake piss in my side. Dude, I'd be on certain jobs or you knew drug test was happening, bro. We got fake pissing, bro. We got fake piss in their socks, bro. Dude's got it in their gooch, bro, and their skibbies, dude, around their ball sacks, which stays temperature, you know, fucking, they tell

Starting point is 00:55:08 you to go piss in the cup, pull it out. Squeeze it in the cup. There you go, dude. Good to go. You know, it's interesting. Someone puts so much thought into that aspect, but they don't put that same energy into trying to get it clean. Oh, 100%. 100%.

Starting point is 00:55:22 That's, that's, dude, that's his tail is oldest time right there. The effort we put in to, you know, use in and not getting caught and lying, if you could just put that energy towards, you know, staying clean. You know, and I do. And when I try to stay clean, I stay clean. You know, I got a decent amount of clean time right now, you know? And I'll try to make it last as long as I can. Maybe it'll last forever.

Starting point is 00:55:45 Maybe it won't. But, you know, all I can do is just try, man. I just try. Tell us about that moment, you know, after you get back into the league, you're able to fight, you're five months clean, and then you decide to do drugs again. What's going through your mind in that moment? Fuck. Oh, man.

Starting point is 00:56:03 I don't know. It's a combination of a lot of things. Like, you know, you say boredom. It's like, oh, I'm fucking bored. Bored. It's like, but I'm not bored because I'm fucking working a gnarly fucking jobs. dude, climbing, fucking steel all day, fucking hanging off shit, welding, go home, got a crying baby.

Starting point is 00:56:20 Like, you're never bored. You're never bored. I'm skating all the time, dude. You know what I mean? But it's just something, I don't know. It's just something in as, you know, as dudes who enjoy, you know, I'm, I hate the addicts as addicts. Like, yeah, I get a lot of addicts, but I hate to like, because I can turn it off.

Starting point is 00:56:37 If I want to turn it off, I can fucking turn it off. So I just like to get hot. I just like to drink. I like to fucking party. And I just, I get to a point where I'm like, all right, I'm going. good. I'm good. I can handle it again. And I can for a little while until it gets out of hand again, you know, and then you got to fucking start all over, you know. So to answer your question, I think it's a lot of different things. A lot of factors, you know, stress, fucking, you know,

Starting point is 00:57:02 just wanting to fucking party. Dude, it just makes everything better. It's like, oh, man, I'm having a good day. Let's make this day fucking better. You know what I'm saying? It's fucking sniff a fucking couple perks, dude. And fucking make it a lot better. You know what I mean? when you weren't on drugs how would you feel? Like when the hike wears off Dude it's tough I gotta stay busy

Starting point is 00:57:22 I have to stay really fucking busy when I'm not doing drugs When I'm clean I gotta stay busy man And because it's hard for me It's fucking hard And especially right now With this broken leg Like dude I got some good clean time right now

Starting point is 00:57:34 And I got this leg I can't like my outlets are all physical Like I skate I skateboard a lot I surf a lot I'm always riding bikes with my kids running around with my kids you know so i really don't like training working i can't work right now i can't dude i can barely

Starting point is 00:57:49 train right now i can do like very little bit of boxing wrestling and jiu jituzs fucking out of the question you know i'm saying forget like actually fighting forget going to climb steel and fucking weld you know dude my my daughter they they i'll race you dad i race you dad to fuck man i can't i can't run so like the fact that all my i'm super i'm just cagey i'm super cagey when i'm not use, especially now when I had no physical, when I had no outlets right now, no outlets right now. So it's a, it's a dangerous time for me. It's probably why I'm clean right now, because I know that I'll go off. If I start partying right now, dude, I'll fucking go off.

Starting point is 00:58:24 Look what happened a couple months ago. I go out one fucking night. I'm supposed to bear, I'm supposed to be at the bare and uncle fights. I don't fucking, we show up for like fucking 10 minutes. We're fucking itchy. Yeah, let's go fucking, let's go party. Go party, fucking beat up some fucking college wrestlers dude to catch another assault charge. Awesome.

Starting point is 00:58:39 You know what I mean? So where do you think that itch to party comes from? I don't know. What is it about you? I mean, you're approaching 40 soon. Why, why want a party?

Starting point is 00:58:51 I don't know, man. I don't know. And it's easier, it's getting easier for me to hold it off now because I am realizing that. And that's what, you know, like that's what people say, people close to me and be like,

Starting point is 00:59:04 dude, you're going to be fucking 40. You're going to be 40. But I don't feel that. I don't feel that age at all. I don't feel that. Like, I see, like, I still feel like I'm fucking, it's probably my problem, dude. This is because I still feel like I'm 25.

Starting point is 00:59:16 You know what I mean? I'm still at the fucking skate park, dude, trying to fucking, like, bust fucking front side airs. I got no business. I got no business fucking being in the air right now, dude. You know what I'm saying? 200 pounds, almost 40 years old. Dude, I got no, I got no business doing that shit. But, like, I still want to be, I still, like, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:59:32 I'm wrapped up. I think, and because I've been partying so long, my whole life is kind of, like, ingrained and kind of who I, it's kind of became a part. of me. You know what I mean? What's a physical toll with that many years of drug use under your belt? Fuck, dude. I don't know. I think I must be some kind of freak, dude, because I feel good. Besides this leg, dude, I feel great. I'm in good shape. You know what I mean? I'm strong as fuck. I work out a lot. I'm always lifting weights. You know, I mean, maybe I'd be in a lot

Starting point is 01:00:00 better shape if I didn't fucking party and do drugs all these years. Maybe I'd be in worse shape. Who knows? Maybe it's fucking helped preserve me, dude. I don't know. I don't know. What about the the physical aspects of having a career in fighting. What does that do to you? What do you mean? Like, injury is long-lasting, you know, your teeth, your ears, anything like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you're looking at it.

Starting point is 01:00:22 Dude, my face is, I got scar. I got, my face is heavily scarred. You know, my ears are fucked up, missing teeth. You know, molars knocked out. Teeth are chip. Teeth are fake. You know, but it's fucking made me who I am, though. You know, it's all part of everything about.

Starting point is 01:00:39 everything that we've talked about today has gone into, you know, who I am, you know, and I can't change. I can't change anything, you know, I can't, I can't, I can't change any, I can't go back in time. I can't change what was. I can maybe change what could be. I'm just trying to do, I'm trying to do good by my kids. I got two kids. I'm trying to do good by my kids and give them a good life. And like I said, that's, they are the only reason that I'm not completely off the fucking rails. Why, you know? And, uh, yeah, man, that's, that's that, man.

Starting point is 01:01:13 What do you think about if your kids want to become fighters? Oh, man, I, my older one is a ruffian. They're both ruffians. And we play rough, because I'm like a kind of like a rough dude. And we, we play, we wrestle every night, dude. We play, you know, us, you know, me and the two girls, every night without fail, dude, we're, you know, our mom's in the other room. Guy, yeah, stop.

Starting point is 01:01:31 I can hear you knock the fucking TV off the wall. Like, you know, we roughhouse a lot. and my dad's got the gym. You know, so they're both in the gym all the time. You know, I would hopefully they wouldn't want to fight. I would be down for them to wrestle. Like my 6-year-old, I've been, she's super strong. You know, I'm then like, I might have her wrestle this summer.

Starting point is 01:01:50 Once my leg is better, I can get on the mat a little more. I might introduce her to wrestling a bit, you know, but like, hopefully they don't want to fight M&A, man. Like, I just seen some girls in a bare nut. BKFC, the girls, and there's some tough. These girls are so tough. Don't take it the wrong way. But I don't know if I want my daughters getting split. They get brutalized in there.

Starting point is 01:02:07 I mean, look at the girl Katie at the Tyson fight too. Brutal. Yeah. Brutal. You know, so we'll see. Whatever they want to do. You know, they both, you know, my older one, good grades. She works hard.

Starting point is 01:02:22 She's in sports. She's such a good kid. So whatever she wants to do, dude, I got her. And I'm not going to be the psycho dad, like pushing her into all these activities. I mean, yeah, activities in sports, they're, you know, they're mandatory, you know. But she like, she enjoys them. I don't feel weird about, you know, she's, you know, so if she wants to fight, fuck. Yamava Resort and Casino at San Manuel is California's number one entertainment destination for today's superstars.

Starting point is 01:02:47 Catch the Jonas Brothers return to the Yamava Theater stage on April 30th, the powerful vocals of Demi Lovato on May 17th, and the signature Southern Country Rock of Eric Church on July 19th. Tickets on sale now at Yamavaheater.com, only at Yamava Resort and Casino, celebrating its 40th anniversary. You win? Must be 21 to enter. This episode is brought to you by Redfin.

Starting point is 01:03:13 You're listening to a podcast, which means you're probably multitasking, maybe even scrolling home listings on Redfin, saving homes without expecting to get them. But Redfin isn't just built for endless browsing. It's built to help you find and own a home. With agents who close twice as many deals, when you find the one, you've got a real shot at getting it.

Starting point is 01:03:35 Get started. at redfin.com. Own the dream. Picture this. Me, Reese Witherspoon, in London. Ordering fish and chips so often, they might start wrapping me in paper. I'm traveling with my Wells Fargo

Starting point is 01:03:48 autograph journey card, so I earn rewards wherever I book travel. Five times points with hotels, four times with airlines, three times on restaurants and other travel, and one point on other purchases. Imagine getting rewarded for eating a toad in the hole.

Starting point is 01:04:02 Wait, what is a toad in the hole? Visit wellsfargo.com slash autograph journey. Terms apply. Hopefully she doesn't, but what am I going to say? No, you can't, you know? No, you mentioned earlier about that feeling of not wanting to disappoint your parents. Do you still feel that way today?

Starting point is 01:04:18 I do. I do still feel that way. Yeah, I do. Even at almost 40 years old, you know, because I've always, I've had this pattern in my whole life. I've had this pattern of getting in trouble. And even if I'm not getting in trouble with the law, dude, I'm like raising hell somewhere. Just chaotic.

Starting point is 01:04:34 I bring a lot of chaos with me. You know, and I know they're getting older, man. And they're just, they're fucking, I'm sure they're sick of it, man. And they're probably just waiting for the day where they have to stop worrying about me. Because, you know, like a parent will never stop worrying about their kids. Never. I know I'll never stop. I can see how they, I can see their point of view.

Starting point is 01:04:53 They're never going to stop worrying about me. But they wish that I could, like, be the man that they don't have to worry about. They're always, but I always give me a reason to worry. You know, every once. in a while, dude, I'm getting in trouble. I'm acting up. I'm misbehaving, like we said, you know, so, yeah, I think about it a lot. Do you think that feeling comes from something they did or didn't do in your childhood? I don't know. I don't know what. I mean, yeah, because they didn't get in trouble. You know, they didn't get in trouble. They were so put together. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:05:24 My dad worked a lot. My dad provided. My mom worked. She provided. Just this very, like, structured family. So, like, me getting in trouble all the time is, like, it's, like, it's, It's out of care. I am truly like the black sheep. Truly the black sheep of the family. And that's a blessing and a curse. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:05:41 But also, you know, if you, and not to say like, almost like famous, successful guy. But like, yo,

Starting point is 01:05:46 I've done a lot. Even despite all my issues, man, I've still accomplished some pretty good shit in my life. You know what I mean? So you can't turn a blind out of that. You guys say, all right,

Starting point is 01:05:55 we got to give it to the guy. Like, dude, I'm fucking give me 38 years old. And, you know, I'm still, I'm still fighting pro. I'm still fucking dudes up.

Starting point is 01:06:04 I'm still a successful pro fighter. You know what I mean? Like, I'm still on the scene, dude. I'm not, and dudes aren't like, oh, Ward's washed up, all this old dude. Like, they're like, yo, bro, like, Ward's going to fucking split, like, going to kill somebody tonight. Like, I'm still on the scene killing motherfuckers. You know what I mean? So it's like, yo, you can't, you can't dismiss that.

Starting point is 01:06:23 So, yeah, as much of a disappointment as maybe I have been in my life, you still can't fucking deny the fact that I'm still out here being a fucking animal in the ring and in the cage. You know what I mean? And fuck, dude, like, anything I do, I'm still, I fucking kill it. You know what I mean? You know, we're at the, dude, my mom's a nasty skier. We grew up skiing snowboard and we were fucking, dude, we're nasty. All of us.

Starting point is 01:06:47 I thought I was going to be a pro snowboarder until, like, wrestling really took off. You know, I'm still the dude now, almost 38 years old. Dude, you see me in the snowboard part? I'll be seeing the young kids. Dude, I'm fucking, dude. Yo, I'm going big off of every fucking jump in that park, dude. I'm doing fucking 720 still, dude. I'm still fucking busting shit.

Starting point is 01:07:04 You know, everything I do, I'm still, like, so they can't take shit like that away from me. You know what I mean? They can't take that away. That I'm definitely like a special dude, I think. You know what I mean? So. You know, they say don't live life with regrets, but do you ever think about those big deals, the big fights you lost because of your addiction?

Starting point is 01:07:22 Yeah, for sure. Definitely do. Definitely do. You know, living with no regrets for sure. And I'll sit here and say, oh, I have no regrets about the things I've done. And like, to an extent I haven't, but have I missed some fucking, some big. opportunities absolutely missed some huge opportunities so I fought for a title I fought for a title at 185 and then I dropped down a weight class to 170 and I was kind of fucking around and I had dude

Starting point is 01:07:48 the poster even came out I was supposed to fight for the title at 170 against the dude's teammate that I fought at 185 but I was like fucking around like I wasn't ready to fight because I was off doing whatever and that moment they're like yo does he want this fucking fight and I kind of took to uh because i wasn't ready for it because i was fucking partying and boom beltor signed a big name and they gave this dude the fight they they already came out with the poster it means i got it shano's got it on his fucking phone dude me and coruscop are supposed to bang out for the title just after i fought his teammate and i missed that was a big one i missed because i was pussy footing around fucking oh i need more money or whatever the fuck it was i was i was partying if not ready

Starting point is 01:08:26 to fight is what the fuck it was you know what i mean and i end up fighting on the undercar not the undercard on the main card, but I ended up fighting another dude on that card, and I fucking got my ankle broken, dude, you know? It's just like fucking, just little shit like that, you know, that you can't, yeah, like, do I regret it? I can say no, but was that a huge mis-opportunity? Fuck yeah. And I had a great stylistic matchup against that dude.

Starting point is 01:08:52 So I go out there and fucking starts this dude. Now I'm the 170-pound fucking world champ. What does that do for your career? Come on, dude. It puts you into a new category of money. once you had that belt around your waist you're making more money forever because of that how do you work past that internally you know

Starting point is 01:09:07 sometimes I go through my mind of things I've messed up on business wise or deals you know and you think about that a lot every day sometimes just fucking numb it bro no no suppress it um yeah just fucking I don't know Ian I guess just like it is like it is what it is type deal I'm big I'm like dude I can't go back I can't change that

Starting point is 01:09:29 Like that fucking happened and almost try to like block it out. I don't maybe that is a form of like suppressing it. You know what I mean? Like I just try to like, oh fuck. Like try not to think about that because that one fucking hurts. That one hurts. That hurts, you know. I pulled out of another fight.

Starting point is 01:09:47 I pulled out a lot of fights. All big name fights too. I feel like in those years where I was fucking off. I was like on fire those years too. Like going into those years dude, I was on fire. So I had all these opportunities for these huge. fights and I fucking was like yeah yeah yeah I'll fight that dude here comes the poster they're like here it is ward versus this guy war versus that guy and no uh dude oh i can't fight my elbow my this my that

Starting point is 01:10:11 you know pull out pull out pull out pull out fuck yeah those hurt those hurt to think about what do you think is the most important lesson you've learned throughout your life so far if you could share you know one piece to your younger self or to your kids what would that be yeah um just never one thing I've learned, one piece of advice that if there's anyone watching this that's seeing anyone who's familiar with my story or if you're not and now you are or my kids

Starting point is 01:10:40 if they ever fucking watch this when they're older is that you just don't stop moving just never stop scrapping. Just keep trying. I just keep trying every day. No matter what setbacks I have, no matter if I fuck up, dude, whether that be like losing a fight

Starting point is 01:10:56 or like fucking getting pissed off like quitting or losing a job in the union or whatever it is just keep fucking going i just i just keep going i'm just i'm never going to quit i'm never going to quit i'm never going to quit on myself i'm never going to quit on my family so in that and that shows dude my career has been like up and down my life has been up and down just this roller coaster this roller coaster ride man and i'll never stop dude so just don't as bad as times get just don't stop just don't stop trying just don't give up on yourself no matter how fucking shitty you can give up for it's in it's not to say it's all gonna be fucking easy like i can't it's so hard man

Starting point is 01:11:34 yeah have your hard days sulk fucking yeah so be depressed for a week or two yeah dude it's all good but just don't nothing's long term just keep fucking fighting keep fighting as long as as long as you're trying as long as you're trying you're that's and you're true to yourself you're not going to let yourself down you know even if the outcome is not what you want it hey dude at least i'm fucking trying man you know and i don't and i don't I've been lucky enough that when I do try and I keep moving, dude, I've been able to climb out of the holes. You know, and I'm never, no matter what life throws. I mean, dude, I'm never going to stop fucking scratching.

Starting point is 01:12:07 Scratching, scratching, scratching, you know? Like a big wave hold down, man. You know, you bail on a 20-foot waves holding you down, dude. And you know eventually you're going to get to the service. Just got to keep fucking calling. How long you've been sober for now? Fuck, man, like 30 days, 31 days today. What are you going to say to yourself when you get to that five-month mark again?

Starting point is 01:12:27 And then, you know, you're on that verge and you get that itch. Yeah, yeah. I'm, like, committed to getting a year. I want a year. I've never been six months. I would love to get a year of sobriety. I would love to get a fucking year. I've never had, I haven't had a year of sobriety since I was like fucking 14 years old.

Starting point is 01:12:43 You know what I mean? So when I hit that five month mark, my old record, I don't know, man. I don't know. Just keep going. Just keep fucking, just keep scratching. Do you have people in your life now to help keep you grounded? I have people in my life that hold me accountable. That's what I have.

Starting point is 01:13:01 I have people in my life that there's repercussions and there's there's ultimatums. You know what I'm saying? Like there's ultimatums. If you fucking use and you fucking drink, you're fucking out. You're not going to see your fucking kids. You're out.

Starting point is 01:13:15 You know what I mean? You're not coming around the family. There's just, there's ultimatums. And I'm under a microscope because people know that I have a problem. And I'm fucking, people know I'm fucking, I'm fighting.

Starting point is 01:13:25 And they know I'm a fucking problem. I'm constantly under scrutiny. You know what I mean? There's people watching. There's people watching and waiting for when is that other shoe going to fall. You know, so that alone, not that I have this support system, like, yo, Brian, you're better than that. You can do it. You can stay clean.

Starting point is 01:13:41 It's more of like, yo, if you fucking, if you fuck up, you're fucked. That's what it is for me, you know. And that's kind of what it is. When you've been using as long as I've been using and you keep fucking up and fucking up, it's eventually you can't blame the people around you for not. being so like gung-ho and supportive like go get them this time brend you can do it they're sick of it they're like yo stop stop fucking up now we're gonna have to give you ultimatums now we have to give you ultimatums you know what i mean and do you think that's what it takes to stay so i don't know

Starting point is 01:14:10 dude i don't know what it takes to stay sober because obviously nothing's really worked from me yet you know so i'm a work in progress man i think we all are yeah well brendan i appreciate you coming on the show and i wish you the best in your sobriety journey and everything in the future awesome man yeah thank you was this This is fun. This is a good one, man.

Locked In with Ian Bick - I Went From MMA Fighter to Prison… Then Fought My Way Back | Brennan Ward

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.