Locked In with Ian Bick - In PRISON with His Son & Teaching His Children Shoplifting | Andrew Hager

Episode Date: August 27, 2023

Few people know more about the generational impact of drug use more than Andrew Hager. Andrew had the deck stacked against him before he was born: his mother was a 15-year-old addict, and his father died while driving drunk before Andrew was born. He used drugs throughout his life and was in and out of prison. Two of his four children also served time, and his daughter died from a drug overdose at age 27. But after success with a 12-step program, faith in God, and a purpose to help those with their own addictions, Andrew has been sober for more than eight years.  Connect with Andrew Hager: https://www.facebook.com/AndrewHagerLive/ Connect with Ian Bick:  https://www.ianbick.com/ 00:00 Intro  01:15 Childhood 10:00 Drinking, Drugs, and Having kids  13:34 Shoplifting with kids  15:04 Using with his kids  19:29 Lack of Love and Lack of Compassion  24:20 Prison with his Son  31:19 Getting Clean in Prison  33:02 Hustling in Prison  33:55 Trial  37:57 Life After Getting Clean, Sharing his story  42:06 Skydiving and Blessings in Life  47:37 Daughters passing  52:03 Using Pain to help others  1:00:20 Son is still in Prison  1:06:10 Message  Subscribe to our membership program on YouTube to get early access to interviews, see behind the scenes photos, live chat with Ian & more: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRvVklIft6DMelVW18M0oBw/join Powered by Q29 Productions, LLC Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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On today's episode, I have Andrew Hager here to tell his story of addiction, of crime, of prison, to hear everything he's been through in his life. Guys, you guys are going to love this episode. I had the honor and the pleasure of meeting Andrew when I was giving a speech in Pensacola, Florida. I sit with him on the National Reentry Association for Professionals Board, and this guy, he's enthusiastic, he's energetic, and he's here to inspire change in the world. Thank you guys for tuning into the show. Thank you guys for all the love and support. You give us week after week for making us a top 200 podcast in the world for society and culture.

The show is growing day after day, and it wouldn't be here the way it is without you guys. Thank you guys again. Make sure you guys tune in, leave us a like, a comment, a subscribe. on YouTube or if you're listening to this on our audio streaming platforms, leave us a review. Sit back, relax, and enjoy my interview with the one, the only, Andrew Hager. Andrew Hager, welcome to the show, man. I'm putting you on the hot seat right now. I just want you to know I've been hyping you up to the guys for weeks. Bryce met you in Pensacola when I was there for the first time meeting you.

But now you're on the show and I hyped you up to the audience in the intro we did earlier. saying how much energy you're going to bring to the show, how great you are, you know, all that love and energy pour out. I mean, you've accumulated like almost a million followers on Facebook because of that energy. So I'm excited to see it on the show today. Don't overthink it, man. Okay. Definitely not overthinking. But no, it's a privilege and honor to be here with you, Ian, just see what you're doing and, you know, letting people get their message out there, you know, that we can recover, that we do, we can turn things that we're around, reentry. Yeah, and you do it in such a great way. Like, I see you speak in Pensacola.

I mean, like, that was, we just met for the first time a few months ago, and we really hit it off. And I remember you approached me, like, you didn't know if I'd like you or not. You were like, yeah, we followed you, but I don't know. You and Jimmy refer to me as like at a different level. I'm like, what are you? You know, you don't have to look at me any different. But we hit it off.

We connected. And I promise you we'd have you on the show. And here we are. And again, what a privilege and honor. But no, when I did that, because I don't have a problem. I'm gonna get the pom-poms out for people. We're just seeing somebody, you know, prospering in life. A young man such as yourself, see, because, you know, that's what I'm supposed to do.

Yeah. You know, haters going, hey, we need those haters. Oh, Lord. Stop. I'm just saying. But no, man, it's an honor and privilege. Once again, to be here with you today to get a message out there because I was dealing with some stuff I didn't know I was dealing with. You know, growing up, chaos wasn't chaos.

Yeah. So let's talk about that. Let's start at your childhood, man. Where are you from, what childhood like, and what are those young Andrew Haker years look like for you? Man, you know, and that seemed to be the root of the problem. The little boy issues. You know, I grew up, my grandparents raised me, I never knew my father. Yamava Resort and Casino at San Manuel is California's number one entertainment destination for today's superstars.

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vibe, star level, and amenities like pools and spas and beach fronts. And wait, I'm not done. Stop cutting me up. My mother abandoned me at six months old. She bounced, got remarried. You know, like again, my father died a month and a half before I was born. And my mother's mother and father took me in. I had two younger uncles already in the house. They were huffing pain out back, you know, already tattooing their face before it was a cool thing to do, you know. things of that nature, right? That's a lot, man. It's a lot, you know, and we would go,

my grandparents would take me to Goodwill boxes and we weren't putting anything in them. We were taking, you know, again, you know, just the things like that. I remember when Christmas, Conway and Loretta was playing. You know who that is? No. When a whole lot of December's, fall in on your face.

Before my time, man. Your Auburn hair is faded and silk. Anyway, yeah, man, so Christmas is good, right? The trees up, they're drinking. I'm six years old. right the Christmas tree's up and they're having a good time and next thing I know my grandmother then broke a fifth bottle and stabbed my grandfathers through the cut I'm talking I'm a little boy now we have the paramedics and the police there right yeah and again you know I'm just a little

boy right these things aren't normal I started visiting the penitentiary as a little boy to see a grandmother to see my see my uncles and and all yeah you know did your grandmother go to prison She didn't go to prison over that. And she had been locked up several times for shoplifting, stealing guns and so forth. Your grandmother. Granny didn't play. You know, when you think grandparents, you don't, you think innocent, you know? You don't think crime.

Even if you're a young kid, you're thinking that the grandparent is so much older. Maybe they did that, you know, 50 years ago, but we don't hear about it as grandchildren. And again, chaos was a chaos. You know, but, I mean, she pulled it together. She got it together later on life. You know, they suffer from the disease of alcoholism. You can call it a disease or a choice, you know, which, you know, I didn't care at the time what you call it.

I just wanted my grandparents because that was my safe haven, you know, and things like that. I grew up with a lot of verbal abuse. My grandfather would tell me I was a feeble-minded little dumb son of a bitch, you know, and again, I'm a little boy, right? Yeah. And it did take effect, you know, things like that. And then I start at school.

My grandmother, I was her pride and joy. I was her baby boy. Now, they'd already got their lives together a little more, right? With the party and with the drinking. She stopped drinking. And she got a job with the, you know, with the city. She was a janitor, right, and things like that. So, I lost track.

Yeah, it happens. But, no, you know, again, the little boy issues, the people behind a little dumb son of a bitch. My grandfather said, but my grandmother, you know, would put me on the school bus. When I first started school, you know, first grade, they put me in special ed because I couldn't read or write like the other kids. And I started masking because I'm already feeling like less than. Yeah, how did that make you feel? It made me feel terrible. You know, it made me feel like I wasn't good enough.

You know, I'm a kid, right? And, you know, going through that, so I started putting a mask on, the he-he-h-ha-ha. You know, and any attention was attention. So, you know, and I got to look at these things through all this process as the little boy. Were you bullied a lot, too? because you were in special ed classes? I was made fun of, yeah. I mean, kids, you know, even up until middle school, you know,

the bell ring, people changing classes. I was in the same class all day. My buddies rode by, you know what I mean? Yeah. At the headbutt them, you know, hit them in their soup coolers, that kind of thing. But you shouldn't have been in those classes, right? No, no, I mean, I wouldn't, no, I was in them for a reason,

but, you know, I started to progress, you know what I mean? I started to do better things that. My mother huff paint, bro, when she was pregnant with me. And that had effects me. I have no idea. I'm a walking, talking miracle. You better ask somebody. Hallelujah.

Hey, we promised we were going to do that the whole interview. You're going to keep me laughing. I'm so sorry. No, no. I love the energy, man. That's great. I mean, I remember the first time hearing you speak, every other line was, you know, hallelujah.

Getting that crazy guy with me. But no, man, and this is real because he's a little boy issues and feeling less thin and not worthy and you know i said i wouldn't do these things man i started having kids at her early age i had my first child you know i'm 16 years old you know i don't even dude i ain't got walking around since i have no job skills i'm talking about the insanity right i'm being you know just not even a squirrel turd you know seeking everything outside of me to fix me you know with material things with sex you know what i mean and i started having kids so i had my first kid at 16 and then I have my second kid at 17 by a different female so there's two females right

and and 19 I have my third child by another female a year after that I have another child right so I have I have four kids huh and ain't raised none of them yeah no no I don't know I look here I'm a coward I don't know how to be a man and I started so I started stuffing this pain right the only way I knew how I started going to jail at her early age right I got I was putting an alternative school you know

I was putting an alternative school around 14 15 and then you know of course like going through this process my first obsession was the female and again not knowing you know again trying to fix me outside of me so I started like I'm gonna put her in the trunk she don't want to be with you know more what you mean

who Lord you're gonna put the girl that doesn't want she broke up with me hold up put her in the trunk. What you mean, girl? No, I didn't put her in the trunk. I thought about it. There's no statute of limitations, man. What's going on? Wait, so you start committing crime at 14 years old? Yeah, like I said, I got sent to alternative school, and you get this, you know, you're no saint. Why, you're throwing stones living the glass house over there. I didn't talk to your daddy. Anyway, we, like I said, man, you know, and I started doing dope, man. I started, See, I lived in a neighborhood where it was so easy to get to cop, right?

Yeah. The neighborhood I'm from is, it was, you know, it was ours down. We were in the Lexington Herald Leader, which is a big newspaper around Fayette County up in Kentucky, and we were labeled as white trash. That's when you could get away with those kind of things. Like I said, I'm 51. So back then you could write whatever, right? And it's whatever.

And, you know, just going through these things, man, just chaos was a chaos. I saw a guy get murdered when I was 13. I was riding a bicycle and up on Willard Street from where I'm from the neighborhood. So a guy got to get shot and die. Are you doing drugs at this age, too? At this age, I'm drinking a little bit with my buddies, you know what we do and smoking weed, things of that nature. Nothing crazy, just normal. Just, you know, what kids do, I guess.

I don't know. I think it's pretty standard for kids to dabble. Maybe not so much in alcohol. I mean, I think we drink at parties, but not like a fall on alcoholism. Yes, yes. Well, and here's the thing. It was so easy for me to cop, right? I had a neighbor a little behind me, and I'd rest of soap,

and he knew I could get powder, you know, I could get Coke, and thing that I had before the, you know, crack hit real big. And I started, you know, cop and cope for him. And he started, we started shooting up with this dude. You know what I mean? I'm 16, 15, 16 at the time. I've already had my first kid, and I didn't even talk to the lady.

after that. You had a kid at 16 years old. Yes. Andrew. I didn't have it. I helped with. You helped create it. It's just a same.

So no one's giving you like the talk of what? No, I didn't have any of that. The birds and the bees and hey, if you don't pull out this happens. You know, none of that. You can't even be an active father at that age, right? No, no. I mean, I didn't have walking around since. You know, I'm still, I don't know how to live, man.

I'm still seeking happiness outside of me. I'm trying to fix me outside of me. material things, females of tension, right? But you're causing more destruction while trying to fix yourself? More destruction. So then the child support starts with that. So I start shooting coke with the neighbor. Again, you know, because I, you know, I can cop and I wouldn't think about things.

And, you know, and again, like I told you at 16, at 17, I had another kid by another female. You know, I had my daughter and we'll talk about that. So now I've got two kids, man, that don't have a father. What are you doing for work? I'm not. You're not working. You're just having kids and doing drugs. Running around just selling some dime bags, you know what I mean?

And, you know, just the insanity. And what are the kids' mothers? Are they stable parents or are these kids coming into the world in foster care or something? You know, my oldest son, she's in prison. We'll talk about that. His mother was pretty stable at the time and, you know, did the best she could. You know what I'm saying? And actually it was my cousin's girl.

My cousin had a baby buyer. He asked me to take her home one day until she got me and her. Wait, your cousin? It's not. So is this incest? No, no, she wasn't my. Here he goes. I think you just said.

It was my cousin's girlfriend at the time. So you stole the cousin's girlfriend? I didn't mean to. What do you mean you didn't mean to? It takes two to tango. She's like, you don't got to take me straight home. And I'm like, where you want to go? She said, wherever you want to go.

Oh, man. I didn't know you had this player side of you. Play-o, player. What up, no. You're so innocent in the glass house over there. You're the one that's a brother. I'm just a boy, right? But no, Ian, man, like, for real, you know, just like, you know,

and as it progressed, man, you know, my son, man, I remember so many times my son, he was five, you know, and his brother, Justice, is about my third, you know, their mother, you know, the third female, bro. So here's three different females. Three different kids. And four. But when do you have your fourth kid?

Around 20, 21, 22. That's a lot of kids by the time you're that young. Yeah, no kidding, bro, right? Wow. It's a lot. And not, you know, so here it is. When I did come around, when their mother would allow me, I would take them shoplifting. You took your kid shoplifting.

Yeah, they would think they were going to get ice cream, right? Of course, they would get the ice cream. I'm a full-blown crack monster by now. You know what I mean? They would think they're going to get this ice cream, and I'm going, taking them shoplifting, and the insanity way of my thinking, full-blown rock monster at this time, right?

And my insanity was, oh, I'm teaching them some job skills. You know, I'm teaching them how to live off the land. So you've got to break this down. You take your kids for ice cream, and then you go shoplifting. How does this work? Where are you guys going? They didn't go get to ice cream,

because there was no money for ice cream. We went shoplifting, and we sold the stuff. that I sold, then we went and cop dope, and then I would go back to one of these gas stations and steal ice cream and give them to them. And they saw this, you know, again, you know, that's how it was. And Jordan would say he was five or six a time. Ask his mother, why doesn't my father love me? Bro, why doesn't my father love me? You know, because a fish teach a fish how to swim, a bird, teach a bird how to fly. Me as a man, I'm supposed to teach my kids. My son, my daughters, how to be productive member of society, to be respectful to get respect.

They didn't have a snowballs chance in a microwave messing with a daddy like me. I had to look at these things, right? As time went on, I started using with my kids, man. The kids are using, too? Yes. How old did they want? I'm talking about a vicious cycle, man. I'm talking about generational curses.

Jordan pretty much started the same age. He started smoking weed, and then the wren-ren and woo-wooop, you know, all the the fake, you know what I'm saying? And as it progressed, he was 17. He started using the 30s, the oxy cotton 30s. You know, the pill mill was going on. They caught us pill bill. He's going to Florida, the whole, you know what I mean?

And he got real heavy on those. So, of course, what I taught him, right? He started stealing, and we were dope sick one day, and we're up on Red Mile Road over in Lexington, and we're in a little Chvette, And, of course, we both got the Obama phones, you know what I mean? The little, where they put the time on them once a month. Yes, Lord, a minute to winter.

Lord, I'm mercy, Jesus. So we're riding, and we're dope sick, man. We're feigning, right? And Jordan's upset, and he's like, pull over, let me out. So I pull over and let him out. We're in an 87-Shvette. There's no insurance. The tags are dead, so I don't stowed some tags off a Cadillac at this motel hotel off a brand-new cat.

Come on. What the... I'm talking to insanity, right? And I get down the road, five, ten minutes on the road, the phone rings. It's my son, Daddy, come pick me up. I'm talking about, man, be, you know, with the greatest willpower and the most sincere desire to stop using dope, man, I could not stop. And I created this. So I turned around and pick my son up, and he gets over in some bushes, and he pulls out, you know, a couple of

of laptops, some iPads, you know, just pulling all the stuff where he done broke into a house. Do you know what I asked my son, Ian? What'd you ask him? I said, did you wear gloves? Were there any cameras? That's not normal. Andrew, this whole thing's heartbreaking, man. It really is, and it gets worse because it's not normal. Again, the insanity, not knowing, you know, again, not seeing this. Do you think this all stems from your mom using while you were in her stomach?

It went before she even has you? No, I can't. I wouldn't say that. I think it stems from chaos not being chaos that this was a normal way of life. I started visiting penitentiaries. And, of course, I've been locked up when my kids were little, then I want them to come see me. Now I miss them. You know, and I'd ask their mothers to, you know, we bring the kids to come see me.

But you didn't choose that. Maybe later on you did. But as a kid, you didn't choose that. didn't choose to live with your grandparents. You didn't choose to be exposed to that. And they weren't bad people. I was very fortunate. My grandparents actually took me in once they got sober. But they had their demons too. They had their demons. You know, I'm talking about the things I remember, you know, because later on life, I was my granny's pride and joy. I was a baby boy, right? I watched my grandfather. I'm coming over to the schoolhouse hill and he's laid out in a side

yard with paramedics room. Now, he'd been sober for 10, 15 years. A good man. I use his water, his electric guy, ate his groceries. I didn't stop. This man was. This man was the only father I know. How many times do you think you were arrested and put in jail in your teenage years? Oh man. Teenage, not so much. When I hit 18, it was on and popping. And this is mostly for shoplifting? Yeah. Deadbeat, child support. They were locking you up for child support. Child support. Child support, trafficking, you know, things like that. Did all of your kids, were your kids aware that they each, that they were related, but they each had separate mothers in a way? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, they all knew they had brothers and sisters that, you know, with different mothers.

So they could process that at least? Yeah, they could, they could. But, you know, like... Did you love them at that point in time? Man, I didn't even love myself. Yeah, that's tough. I didn't even know what love was, and there was no, you know, no affection shown. Like, now my grandparents, like I said, they started doing a lot better, and I knew they loved me.

So with my grandmother, like I said, she was a janitor, all these years, you know, She put me on the school bus, you know, did the best she could with, you know, what she had. And I remember, see, like I said, I'm full-blown addict, man. I'm off the chain, right? This woman raised me, huh? I was her pride and joy. I was her baby boy at that time of my life, the only woman that I ever truly loved. Do you think that lack of love for your kids has affected them as they've gotten older?

Oh, yeah, I caused a lot of trauma. We'll get to that. I mean, I did, you know, cause a lot of trauma. And I'm going to get back my grandmother real quick. after my grandfather, he passed away that day that I didn't stop, and I didn't go to this man's funeral who raised me, the best of his ability. You know, I'm not paying them out to be bad people. They just suffer from the same thing I do, you know.

So I go into the house. It's like three in the morning. My grandfather had been passed away for probably six months or so, and my grandmother smoked, and I sneak into the house like three of the morning. I ain't washed. I ain't took a bath, ass-stinking. I've been up on dope, crack, you know, I'm dirty. and I go in and she's asleep in her bed but she'd been smoking she smoked the rail 100s

and it was it was still lit and it was burning a hole in the mattress like three you know it was burning the mattress was a hole in it whoop and I go in being the good grandson I am and get a cup of water and put the fire out but I didn't wake her up she's breathing I went and found her purse and stole all of her money now they'll mind it she's on a fixed income she's old she's frail bro I stole every penny she had and loved, and me being in the attic that I am, the good grandson, I go back three days later. My grandmother crying, don't you love me, Andrew? Don't you love me? What have I done for you to do this?

Not realizing that I have a condition that don't give a shit about her, it don't give a shit about my kids, that if I can't muster anything up to stop this, because I'm gone. There's nothing there. It's just a shell of a man that's only purpose in life is to get more dope. I created this. And her crying, please, please, I'll find a way to eat, Andrew. Please just get some help. Now, I mind you, this woman raised me, buddy, makes sure I had school clothes,

made sure I had bathwater, you know what I mean? Make sure I had food. And to do that time. her. You're talking about shame and guilt. And later on, like I told you, Jordan, why don't my mom, why don't my daddy love me? And I'm taking them shoplifting and this and that. And we go on and we're using together. So they catch Jordan on a B&E and he's 18 now and they lock him up. See, I was on Clark Street, the old jail many, many times from flagrant non-support, habitual offender, habitual shoplifter, right? 365. Counting time ain't no punk because you sat right there in that jail cell

from 365 load of them, the old jail, Clark Street. In that process, they're building a new jail. Why were they building that new jail, Ann? They was building it for my kids. See, I created this. I'm not confused. My granddaughter, Jordan was like me. He started having children early, 15, 16 years old.

Probably she's four years old, right? And my other granddaughters are at the hospital just born Raylan. CPS stuff sent him rescue. is Browley, because me, Jordan, and their mother are using. Comes in four years old, y'all. Blind hair, blue eyes, Briley. CPS picks her up. She's kicking and screaming.

Looking at me, Papa, all saved me. Man, I couldn't even save myself. You know? It gets so deep. See, we downplay it. We don't want to look. See, I feel bad about all this stuff I've done, but have I dug deep enough to see the trauma that I've created.

and I had to dig, man, so here's what happens. They took Browley, she was rescued by CPS, doing for her what we couldn't do. And Jordan winds up, like I said, getting locked up for some B&Es. So he's over in the new jail, right? This is years later. And he's over in the new jail, man, looking at real time. He just turned 18, man. He's a kid.

You know what that feels like? And never know love for me. I told you all what kind of father I was. So I wind up getting locked up on a different chart. See, at Cali, they built a new jail, and it holds 1,500. It's 80 men to a unit, right? 80 men to a unit. And Jordan was in unit FFF, and I go in, and it's a program pod.

They have a 12-step program, and they have a religious pod. They have a GED pod. They have a re-entry pot. And, of course, I'm a frequent flyer, so most of the CEOs do me, and they've gotten promotions and stuff. so I put in for a GED so I can be in there with my son. Huh? A father and a son in prison.

I didn't see anything wrong with that. And how old are you when he's 18? When he's 18, oh, let me, you don't got to do the math. I told you this in special ed. Okay, so you're in your 30s. Right, so here we are, right? And a father and a son are in prison. I'm around 40 at this time.

And you didn't even, you couldn't support him through the legal process because you are going through your own legal shit. Well, if I get real honest, because I knew his mom was going to put money on his books. So if you struggled so much financially, your kids and their grandkids must have been even worse financially. Well, yeah. I mean, for real.

They know nothing but poverty. Poverty. And here's what it, you know, so in that whole sense, bro, like, I'm locked up with my son. I'm going out, I'm dope sick. Anybody coming off opiates knows. I'm shitting on myself. I can't sleep.

my leg you know the restless legs the whole nine and jordan's done been in there a while and i get in there and i'm in the unit i got my my jumpsuit on backwards this crazy so here's my son that i haven't done anything for to be a father gets me up to walk the loop makes me eat right be you know what i mean and and things like that and there we are locked up i start to get better about the 17th 18th day i can finally sleep because I'm detoxing in jail. You don't get no comfort meds in fed care. They don't give you no comfort meds. You ain't get none of that.

You know what I mean? And feel the pain to heal the pain. And so at this time, and I didn't tell you the story, I'm facing a PFO-1, a persistent felony offender, automatic 10. I made a wrong turn. I was out going to cops from dope three in the morning. Like I said, I've been up seven days. and made a wrong turn.

And when it happened, the police, somebody had broke in TGI Fridays off Nicholasville Road, and I made a wrong turn right into it. It was in February, and there was snow on the ground, and I was in this little Fort Ranger. It was in my truck, and it had one of those Walmart safes on the back, and you go to the rich neighborhoods and pick up the track, you know, what you can say anyway.

So they pulled me out of the truck. I looked apart. dude i'll be on dope i'm going to cop they took my shoes off my feet don't fit you know what i mean took my coat off i'm out in the code uh but they're going to arrest me for reckless driving no insurance and uh you know all that stuff and that's all they got because i didn't break in there they saw the safe was it the tg i safe well you whoo whoop uh but officer fetcoe said uh do you have anything on your person that's going to poke stick or harm me and i said no ma'am he said you call me sir or you call me Sergeant Fentco.

I said, okay, honey, and now he's pissed. You know what I mean? And because I had the little kangaroo pouch still on, and I said, well, I'm job of security. You need to talk to me a little better, and all that good stuff, because I think I'm funny. But he sticks his hand into the kangaroo pouch, and I had a syringe in there without a cap on it with blood in it

that I'd been using the shoot up. I had blood right under my arms where I'd been shooting up. And this officer that protects your family, my family, sticks his hand in there and the needle pokes him and draws blood so i got hit for a third degree of assault on a police officer now i'm handcuffed mind you and uh they came back and said you know hit me with the pf o one persistent felony offender because that's all i know see i get comfortable in there i'll go rest up would you rather be in prison at that time period when you're an addict uh heck no i want to get out and get high you know uh the whole thing was you know i've had charges

Wanted endangerment with motor vehicles because of my addiction. Well, my choice is, you know, I want to run over somebody because, you know, it's insanity. But so that, you know, there's the PFO-1, and so they offer me 10 years. Do you take it? No, I'm taking it to trial. You go to trial. I go to trial with legal aid lawyers. I didn't have no paid attorney.

I mean, I burned every bridge, bro. You know, and I start hustling newcomers. You know, I started hustling the fish. A fellow come in, he was brand new first time locked up, and me and Jordan were in the same cell. You know, I'm better now. They selled you guys up together. Yes.

It was a big unit. He was over here. I was across the street, so I'm waking up, seeing my son. We're talking, you know, the first time we ever bonded. In prison, the first time a father and son ever bombed. It was county waiting to go to trial. Are you guys having any emotional conversations? Yes, very much so.

You know, again, you know. Are you apologizing? Not at that time because I'm still not in my right mind. But we're, you know, he's talking about, you know, when he gets out, he wants to do this and wish I would get myself together, you know, and things like that. And, you know, we're doing it like that. But so he gets granted, he keeps doing it, he's doing the program, and he's got Judge Gorsoni looking at the five years,

and he gets it probated with the completion of the, the hopes that are on the outside. So he gets a blessing. And I'm waiting to go to the trial and I haven't told you about my other son. You know, just as a good kid, been buying his own school clothes since he's 13. He shows up at my trial, right? Because, see, I can wear regular, you know, you can wear your regular clothes. And what I had in my property, you had blood on them, ribs on them, cigarette burns on them.

Real deal junkie, man. And my son that I have harmed, who's got some. Since one or two things happened with this process, people end up with their kids. They either despise drugs and alcohol or they follow your footsteps. So my son, Justice, had been blessed by being around one of my uncles on my father's side, which I wasn't around much growing up because I didn't know him. But he was already buying his own school clothes at 13 at this time. He's 16, and he shows up at the courthouse and brings me a new pair of khakis,

a pair of dress slippers and a nice button down so I can wear it in the court that day during the trial. And, you know, it's just like you see on TV. There's 13 of them. They have an alternate in case one of them falls out. You never know. But my illegal aid was DeKole Baudridge, and she was pregnant at the time, real emotional,

and things like my son sat in that courtroom, justice. And I watched him, you know, he'd cheer up, because it was tough. they're telling you know they're playing the footage and me just you know real piece of work and they weren't they weren't coming off 10 years at that time i'd accumulated 14 months incarceration in county waiting to go to trial and of course um man like still harming people man was there access to drugs in the county joe uh yeah and so you were actively doing drugs i was not okay so you're getting clean by this i'm starting to get a piece of uh some mind back like

man, you know, because Carlton Robinson, he's a, he's in Narcotics Anonymous. I broke his anonymity. He's going to have to be all right. With that is 2023. The man looked at me and said, do you love your kids? He was a program director where my son was in the program and I got mad. Hell yeah, I love my kids. Kind of dumbass question is that? It was a damn good question. I mean, you could have just been saying you did that out of, because that's what's normal a parent loves their kid that's a normal statement but did you actually genuinely love them that's what he said he says well your actions show different in that register just in that moment it really registered like what my actions do show yeah i don't give a shit so i'm going to trial there's

you know like i said man this is so real like just the pain, you know, that I've caused, the trauma that I have created, the insanity, man, the people I've harmed. All this stuff was, well, I was 42 years old, and I'm still in here hustling fish, you know, like the one guy that comes in, I learn about he's brand new first time in jail, find out his dad's a plastic surgeon, and he's got all this money, you know what I mean, just hustling, right? The guards come at the dudes like, man, they're trying to get me for extortion, you know, just the insanity. Still hustling.

How would you hustle these guys in prison and make money off of them? I would just do it. I knew he was a fish, found out his dad was a plastic cert. And he's locked up on some, the charges are still stayed, but they may go fed because it was a lot of meth and a lot of cash. There was the only thing to save him. There was no firearms. And I was, oh, he's new. Let me get under him.

You know, treat him not. You know what I mean? Just treat him nice. Next thing I know. He's like, do you want anything? Y'all are you commissory? Here's how you do that. You know, here's how you do can't.

You know what I mean? Plus they got hot cart, cold car coming. The next thing. But you do it in an innocent way. Yeah. So you're not like taking a shank, you know, press on that. No, no, I'm not, I'm going to put, you know, punch him in a soup cooler's and that. And that ain't no way to treat people, man.

So you were never violent in prison. No, no. No, never, ever. You were just an addict that was trying to get his next fix. Just a dope fiend junkie, man. It couldn't stay out of there. So what happens at trial? Do you lose?

Do you win? It comes back, like I said, man, you know, assault is with the intent to harm somebody. It wasn't like I had that needle on my purse and without a cap on it. You know, I set out to drive, oh, they're going to pull me over in this pole. He's going to poke himself. Nicole Bauders was a beast. She was so emotional. She's pregnant anyway.

A lot of tears. And, you know, Judge Quersoni says, has the jury reached a verdict? And they put me on the stand. They usually don't do that. But my, she decided to put me on the stand. and they prep me. I thought I was OJ, because they came into the county two weeks in a row. I'm in the, you know what I mean?

Prepping me. And the prosecutor said, Mr. Hager, I have one question for you. Why are we here today? And see, I started to get a sound mind. I was, well, we're here today because I'm a junkie. I had a needle on my person without a cap on it when I shouldn't have. And I left it as that. So they go, and they liberate.

Is that, did I say it right? Deliberate. Is it deliberate? Yeah, deliberate. That's what I said. That's what I said. I'm tired of this. So they go back in, bro.

They go back in and... Deliberate. Yeah, whatever they were doing. And they're gone for like, you know, not long, maybe three, four hours, right? Wasn't that major. And they took lunch and everything and they come back in. And this is wild, y'all, because I'm getting ready. I could get 10 years for being a junkie.

Judge Quassoni says has the jury reached avert Yes we have your honor So the little sheriff dude The little baila walks over The juror hands them the paper Takes it back just like you see on law and order I'm like what is going on in here? It shows you were watching getting high to him

That was happening in real life to you This is real Yes this is real So they go over there and he hands Judge Crosonni Judge Crosonni said we the jury find a defendant Andrew Joe Hager, the second, and he paused, not guilty. So I start crying. I look back, my son, you know, he's just like... Not guilty on everything. They're not guilty across the board, and I started hugging my legal aide, Nicole Bauders.

She's in California working now, and Matt Ryan was the other legalist. He was ahead, and just like, man, man, this is what my life is. came to. Was that your wake-up call right then again? 42 years old, and all I had to my name was how I was over-hustling some dude that didn't know what was going, you know, that just take, take. Everybody came in contact with me, left off worse than they were when they met me. And I started to have to look at these things, man. My children, my grandchildren, my grandmother, my grandfather, just hurting everybody that came into my path.

I had to look at these things, man. And in that time, like, I wanted something else finally. I didn't want to do drugs no more. I didn't know how to stop, bro. I didn't want to keep going to jail, you know? 42 years old, man. And because somebody feels sorry for me, give me a honey bun. You know what I mean?

The insanity. So it was released. I did the program to us that program again, like, and started to believe. There was a pastor that came in the whole time I was there, Chris Norman. He's got a church called Reality Churchdale. He came into the facility every Saturday. I couldn't stand this dude because I'm on my bunk feeling sorry for myself. And he'd come in every day, hey, we're having church on the rec yard.

I'd love to have you. I'm like, you know, because that jailhouse religion and all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But these guys would go out there and I'd watch, and they'd come back in. They're giggling, happy. I'm over here facing 10. What's, what's going on? I'm talking about the process before the trial, right?

So he kept on every Saturday, so I finally go, and it felt better, right? I finally started putting some paper and looking at me, the root of the problem, and started to look, and I know that sounds, you know, whatever, but I had to start looking these things, and again, they release me after the trial. So I go and I go to Wendy's. I feel an application. They don't call me back.

I go to McDonald's. They don't call me back. I go to a temporary service and they put me on. So I've been there three days and they call me to the third day. I'm doing good. And I'm starting to feel good about myself. They call me and say, hey, look, man, your background checks back. We can't use you no more, right?

But see, I gained some stuff right here, right? I knew I didn't have to live that way if I didn't pick up dope. So what I did, it was consequences of my past. It's nobody's fault but mine. Don't come back here. We can't use your background. I get it. I can't be mad at these people.

So I kept on, you hear me? So I finally get a job a week later at MD Electric over in Shelbyville, and I couldn't even read a tape measure, hear me. Shut your mouth. Can you bend pipe? Well, what I do at is already straight. what's going on in here so i'm there man and i just i kept doing what i was what i was what i had to be told man yeah you needed some structure and directed you needed structure bro and i didn't have any

and uh started doing that and i but you're trying you know like that's a biggest thing yeah well and i didn't quit bro i kept doing what you know what people showed me and and again i got the job i was md electric for three and a half years and they liked me so much you know i knew never had a DUI, but I had no insurance over in Kentucky. That's worth it in the DUI. I had two of those and you know what I mean. So they took out a special policy for me to drive a truck because it's, you know, and things like that. But I kept doing this and I started, I had a voice and I didn't even know it. Oh, man, here's how I got on the whole social media, dude. You're going to trip. I went, Jordan made me a Facebook because I see y'all these young, dude. This one,

Facebook was not for old people. What year is this? Like, 2016. All right, so you're free and clear, you're clean. And I'm doing it. I'm working. I'm living life on life terms, man. Feeling what I have to feel. And he made me the whole 2014, he made me the faith, but I went live in 2016. I thought, I didn't know the live button meant live, y'all, that you want to.

I told you I was a special ed. And I'm all up in Burlington Coat Factory live, remember me? I used to come here and steal this shit. I don't live like yet today, thanks to the program of Narcotics Anonymous. And I'm live. Well, a lot of people start watching it while I'm live. And I'm like, what is in? What is it?

Oh, Lord. I'm, I'm slow. But I'm doing that, man. And some people in the fellowship were mad. You're breaking an unanimity. I said, well, it's my an anionemnity. Well, people know you're in A now. What if you get high?

I said, well, you have on a narcotics anonymous shirt. What if you get high? Hmm. Don't put that devil on me. Hmm. So, but then I had people start reaching out. and was like, hey, man, would you keep doing these videos that really help me? You know, and stuff?

I'm like, what is wrong? I thought people were weird because I'm really like, you know what I mean? I had a guy out of Florida, Ben Rogotinsky. Call me. I hung up on him the first time. He's, hey, this is Ben Rogenton. I'm starting this podcast, this radio show, Recovery Radio FM. We'd love to fly your Florida.

And I mind you, I've never been on a plane in my life. You know what I mean? So I hung up the first time. another buddy of mine called, dude, know this dude's real, bro. Answer, so he calls me back. We want to fly you to Florida and do this, this and this. And I'm like, wow, cool.

So I do it, but the whole thing was they fly me to Florida to go skydiving. You ever been skydiving? Never. I want to go skydiving. Yeah, well, the first time, you ever been? The first time, you've got to go tandem. So I had this dude strapped at my back,

and I'm sitting in his lap. It was like being back in prison. You were so weird. You actually went skydiving. Yes. So you go from prisoned addict to all this to those times. To just these blessings, man. And I do this.

I hit the ground running. I said, Skidobobabelle, we came to get down, recovery radio FM, huh, ain't playing around. How'd in hell today with no mind of mood aftering substance. Let's get busy living. And they were like that. What?

The crowd ate it up. They ate it up. Andrew, do you ever think about what would have happened if you were found guilty that day? No, that's a good question. I mean, you wouldn't be here right now. I wouldn't be here. I'm going to share with you.

And again, man, it's such a pleasure, young man. I hear your testimony, see where you're at, and how things have happened and look at the growth in your life today and the blessing, just meeting your father today with such a blessing, and I got to dig deep, you know, and ask him a lot of things. I know. That's just what life is. He's a good man, yeah.

Those are the blessings. It's not the material things, man. And it's the precious, priceless, members we'll make today. So I told you both of my granddaughters were adopted out, probably in Raylan. And I used to take their daddy's shoplifted, right? And they're back in my life today. I get to go pick them up. And they're, you know, the man, the woman that adopted down, their father, their adopted father,

he is a bigwig, police officer. Well, I won't say what state, but bigwig, right? He allows me, he did for me what I couldn't do for my grandchildren. I get to pick them up. I actually just had them two days ago. I'd be calling you, you say, hey, I can't talk. I'm taking the grandkids. No, oh, you did the same day.

Yes, the other day. I love that answer. When you called, and again, man, this is real to me. I know it's normal to you, normal folks. I get that. But this was such a blessing because I got to take them to the Nike outlet, and they got to pick out what they wanted. you know

probably wanted some air max something white on white shadow I don't know what they was and Raylan wanted some something I don't know but forces or something but anyway they got to pick them up and I got to pay for them man

you know these are I'm talking about these kids dude that are blameless that don't get to pick out who their parents are right and see and I go back to me because I robbed my children of their childhood and we don't

see that man as addicts as junkies we're out there using we don't see the trauma that we cause in their life because don't think that your daughter or your son ain't wondering where their daddy at when they're in there at the school function donuts for dads a daddy daughter dance or just uh you know something going on at school and all the other parents are there but you ain't and little jimmy's looking at your son at your daughter where's your daddy where's your mama we're causing trauma y'all How do you fix that, though? How do you write the wrongs of the past when it's so deep? It's so traumatic.

You can. Like I said, now I pick them up today, right? Yeah, but that's not your kids in general. That's your grandkids. Oh, let me tell you about my kids. Don't get off me, devil. Oh, Lord, don't give me, shoot me down. We're putting the heat on you.

Put the heat on, son. Put the heat on. So I'm over at justice, right? I go over, I was over here yesterday, right? They want to be around me. They want to see me today. Now, I'm not looking for that. at a boy because I'm doing what I should have been doing all my life. I just got caught up

in some insanity, some upbringing that led me down a path that I thought there was no light at the end and to, you know, put dope on it. Let me, y'all, look here, I told you all about my son, Jordan, check us out. He married a judge's daughter. Oh, Lord, we hit a lake, baby. Yeah, yeah. And that's, look here, man, we have a great relationship. He called. He called, He called me last week. He got a brand new, not brand new. It's a 2017. It's brand new to me. Silverado, one of them extended cabs. And he called his daddy. Daddy, can you run me his car lot? Pick my truck up. My news, you know, that's real. So we're breaking generational curses right here. And how do you write the wrongs? You can't go back in the past. You're right. But you can rebuild. Some things can be restored, right? Through him. You'll make up for a lost time. Yeah, we, I've got some precious prices of memories today. Sequel 2nd Corinthians 517, old things will pass the way all things are made new.

You know what I'm talking about? If I'm in him, he isn't me. I'm brand new, baby, you can't tell me nothing. John 1, the word was God, the word is God. Can I get an amen? Don't shoot me down because I'm preaching real good. Hallelujah. But that's the original literature, and that's where I'm at today.

I don't care. I ain't trying to irritate nobody's demon. I'm just telling you what works for me because I'll get into this. Mark, second chapter, one through ten, it talks about that man. He was a pair of, you know, he could walk, talk, see, and he was just a hot mess. But his friends had faith in God and Jesus, and they cut the hole in the house and dropped him in, and God healed him. Hallelujah. And you know, that's why my circle's important today.

I don't get caught up on the wide path, huh? What about your other kids? Well, which ones? Well, you have three more, right? I got them. Oh, we're getting real now. So, 2017, there was 78,000 Americans died of overdose, and the number has grown, grown, right? This was 2017.

My daughter at 27 years old was one of those. Oh, wow. Overdose and died. The last two years of her life, I had tried to get her into treatment. I got her into treatment twice, and she left both times. The second time, I drove her an hour and a half away, and the whole time she said, I hate you, Andrew Hager. I hate you.

And I can't, you know, like I said, I wasn't a father. And this is when you were sober when you were trying to get her sober. Yes, I had a, yes, I was sober at the time. I've been sober. I'm going on 10 years now. My sobriety date, my clean date, depending on what fellowship are you. And I'm talking about no minor mood altering substance, but I don't care how you get clean, get clean.

You know, what works for you, works for you. But total absence is what works for me. it's February the 7th, 2014, and for that day I'm truly grateful. But yeah, man, 2017, man, I buried my daughter, bro. I'm sorry, man. Yeah, man, beautiful girl. But, I mean, I wasn't, you know, again, I was trying to restore some things and do it what I'm supposed to, and she told me she hated me.

She cussed me out. That was her last words, and it's funny because Friday I got to be at the same treatment center to share. When you were with her trying to help get her. clean, did it give you the perspective that not many users like yourself get to see because you got to see the other end of the spectrum of all the people that loved and cared for you that tried to help you along the way? And now you're seeing what could have happened to you first-handed if you didn't go down that path. Right. Well, yeah, I had a lot of hope, man.

You know, regardless, her cussing me, kicking and screaming. She went. She went. Like I said, No, it was two hours and a half away. And she went, cussed the whole time, kicking and screaming. I threatened her. Kentucky's got a thing called Casey loss, where you can force a loved one into treatment, right? And I threatened her with that. Either they go to treatment or they go to jail.

There's no criminal charges, but they would be held because, again, they don't know how to live, right? So, yeah, man, I had a whole lot of hope. I got a call from the treatment center probably 26 hours later. that she had left and I knew, you know, what I suffer from. You know, it's, you know, it's to kill, you know, kill, still, and destroy, cunning baffling, powerful, it's insidious, the disease of addiction, the condition of addiction, whatever you want to call it.

But I got the call a month later, and they told me to go to the UK hospital and Lexington, and I'm standing over her dead body, bro. You know what I mean? And she's 27, and you're talking about pain, shame, and guilt. This thing was on me like a gorilla. And I'm sure it still lives at you. Yeah, it told me what a piece of shit I was for not being a father. You know, but I have to forgive me, man.

It was a hard part for me, and it's tough, man. How do you forgive yourself after that? Man, day to day, like, you know, again, being in the original literature, not a, you know, just to look at, you know, God died on the cross and just like, man, you know, it is what it is. And that's where I go. You know, I'm not trying to lure anybody to believe what I believe. but if you want to go to heaven, get on, you better get in him right. Hallelujah.

Talk to me. But for real, man, it wasn't easy. Like I said, I want, this condition was telling me to go use. You're a piece of shit, Andrew. Why didn't you do this? You couldn't help your daughter. Go use. What I do?

You did the opposite. I told on it. I took away its power. If you can seal it, you can't heal it. I'm crying, it's not flying. I'm calling my buddy Teddy Milton. I'm calling my friend Alicia Howard. I'm calling, you know, I'm calling all these people, Jerry Hartley.

I'm telling how I'm feeling, man. And I says, males at male pride usually would hold that, you know what I mean? You don't want to, you know what I'm saying? But I was completely honest, and I did pick up. But, you know, again, like seven years ago, you know, like I said, you know, when all that happened even before that, I've been so blessed in this process. I have a, I'm the chair, I'm the CEO. of blameless children.

We're an organization out of Kentucky, of course, the website Blamelessheart.org. We had our sixth annual blameless children event. And what that is is the therapeutic value of one blameless child helping another to see they're not alone, because it is real. You're right, the poverty, the people are not loved. You know, these kids, I had a kid up there

shared about cleaning onto a casket. of a mother that she didn't even know. And the only thing she had to remember about was pictures that she wasn't even in. This is real. Yeah. I mean, Andrew, something I'm curious about. I'm sure a lot of our listeners are going to be curious about whether they've struggled with addiction or other issues in their lives.

How does a man such as yourself that has gone through so much trauma, losing everything, loss of a child, everything you've been through since childhood, how do you maintain positivity, how do you maintain hope, how do you get up every day when, you know, honestly, quite frankly, the average person might have given up by now if they were in your shoes after suffering through so much and going through so much loss and grief? It's pretty simple, man. I'm so blessed. I'm sitting here with you. I'm right here in the now today. I'm just so blessed. You know, like I said, I have a job. I work for late coming and recovery. I get I get paid to do what I'm supposed to do anyway, help people show on my way out that hell,

has an exit, you know, be like today. I can get up every day, man, because I'm not in the jail cell, bro. I'm not there in fear of this judge is going to give me 10, 20 years, man. I ain't worried about the police looking for me. Hear me? I've been on high-speed chases everything, dude. I'm not living like I'm not waiting on that state trade. I don't have to fill out, huh, commissary order, hear me?

I don't have to get canteen today. See, these are the little, these are big things to me. I don't got to set on some stainless to take a dump today, you know what I don't got to live in here with all these dirty men. You appreciate so much more after you go. Oh, I don't, son. Yeah, I mean, like, I just look at everything. The fact that, like, people are, like, flying me out to go and share my story, you know? Yes.

Like, just you take things for so much more than grand. Like, I remember a year ago, I was working my ass. for a company that could replace me if I died the next day, like right away. And I was working all these hours and overtime and killing myself and not prioritizing friends or family. And like, I'm just so, like, grateful and blessed right now to be able to not only do this, which I'm super passionate about, and I got my passion back after not having it for so long and going through all the trauma I went through and everything, but just to have free time. Like, I value that. Like I will like I'll be hanging out with people that are close to me now and I you know like I'll put my phones away on the side and they're like you know you could keep your phone around me and I'm like no I just want like I want to be in the moment like I'm enjoying this like I couldn't do this a year ago and I'm grateful and I'm lucky that I was given a platform and work towards having a platform to be able to do this just like you yourself have been able to create a career out of what you're doing and people believe in us on social media and they help propel.

that but it just it means so much to be able to have that time to be able to dedicate that time to other people and to share that time you know being able to be there you know for my dad who's getting older spending time with him at Whole Foods or wherever I was working or wherever I could be working now or if I was in prison right now I wouldn't have that time so it just it puts everything into perspective I'm sure someone like you who lost so much time to addiction can understand it on that I know, I'm with you. I mean, you know, again, like, look what you're doing, man. I got to hear you speak over in Pensacola.

It was uplifted. It was encouraging. It was beautiful. And, you know, and, you know, and, of course, God is using you. Like, you know, just seeing your dad today, you know, we talked when you tore up the boat dock when you was a young man, he had to pay $1,000. When you, you know, when the golf car and you pay it, you go out and terrorized and he had to pay that money. You know what I mean? You remember?

Huh? You remember all this? You should have told you all this, Andrew, but it's public record. Yeah. I mean, and this was, you know, before the big fed charge. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you're out there buck wild. Don't want, I don't want.

Andrew, every single thing in my life literally happened for a reason. Like, I think about it every day. The thing, and this is why I love Jimmy so much, our good dear friend, Jimmy McGill. Jim Jim, Jim Bo. Because he's all about taking our pain and turning it into our purpose. And if I had never went to prison, like even if I got probation or house arrest, I wouldn't have the same outcome.

If I had never stepped foot in a federal prison, I would not have what I have now. I would not be on the path to where I'm heading. And we all know where it's going. We can see where it's going. And it's only a matter of time before I get there. And that's not out of like cockiness or anything like that. Just like it's, that's the truth.

Like we're building something great that's so beyond me. I've been able to create my purpose and find my purpose. Just like you have. And that carries someone way more than anything else could ever. And it so does, you know, because it's not about. It's not about prestige. It's about, I'm going to tell you what I've seen, and I'll tell you what I got.

What I've seen, that man, your father, is one proud man today. Proud. That's, dude, that's so beautiful. And I'm being real, I don't want to get emotional. I'll start crying, but it's real, though, bro. That man is so proud of his son today. And you put him through hell.

You know? You did. Those are your choices. I know. But look at you to take. And see, that's the hope, bro. That's the whole thing. And people are looking for hope, man.

Everybody's looking for hope. You got these mothers, their kids are out here strung out or their kids are in prison for some dumb shit. And they hear your testimony. They hear my testimony. They hear my testimony, they hear Michael, like, coming in recovery. And it's like, that's hope, man. People are looking for hope.

You know what I'm saying? And I think that's why this resonates with so many people. Because you hear a story like yours. You hear a story like mine. It gives people hope. Yes. You don't have to be the person that you once were. I mean, like what Rogan says, you know, your past is not you anymore.

And for so long people in the world, they hear one bad, like it's like classic high school, you know, the girl that sleeps around. They call a horse or slut or whatever. That's not her. That's her past decisions. But that's not her as a person. Well, we're seeking love. And again, you know, I didn't know how I couldn't get love and I was hurt. And I put dope on it and they grabbed me.

which I you know again that's that's basically what went down I don't know where I was going with that but you're right we're looking for hope I'm just blessed man I get to you know I have a man so much things I was asked a friend of mine Jerry Hartley and she just passed away about three months ago and she played a big part in this before we well to do on the council huge huge you know in the community pillar of the community with the mayor and everything and she helped me to find my voice in a way to not feel less than because I've always felt less than

because again back to the little boy issue being in special ed and she always told me nobody's above you nobody's below you and um you know again she cancer got you know she passed away of cancer and again her family and there was dude I'm serious this they couldn't even have it at a funeral home because there were so many people there they had to have it at the church oh and her family asked me to speak and it was like wow and I wanted to honor her and you know so I prayed and again you know I don't know man where I was going with that I just know that we have a voice today and and you know for real our past doesn't define us right it's where we're going today and what we bring to the table and how we lift others up that you know that are stuck absolutely now another thing I want to touch on is

you have a son that's in prison now currently right yes yep how does that affect you how do you instill the values that you became into him and do you see like a younger young self oh definitely yeah clearly you know clearly do uh he caught you know the thing is i can put money for his you know for his can'tine uh that's one thing um i can take his phone calls and be positive today um you know and just you know when he calls i'll be a positive possible like look dude you know this is of your own doing because he was one of the ones that would always blame me you've never been a father and he tried to make me feel guilty like you said how did you forgive yourself well i had to forget myself if i didn't forgive myself there's no reason to be here no right one you know what i mean

it is what it is like i said there a lot of these relationships to be restored and he tried to hit me about a couple months ago because he was in and you know like you know you never was a dad well okay well check this out you know he called from prison and tell me i said i said you know i said We check us out. You ain't going to hold me hostage. I'm not going to do this time with you. The reason why you're locked up. You're adult now because you committed the crime.

You know what I mean? And he chilled out and looked at it. I get you, I get you're in there and you're caught up right now and you're feeling some kind of way and you're wanting to vent. But, you know, I'm out here doing it. I'm out here living. You know what I'm saying? It's a lot.

Like he calls pretty often sometimes and I have to like, look, dude, I'm working. You know what I mean? He signed for 10. He shot my brother, didn't kill him, which was his uncle, he didn't kill him out there on meth. And, you know, he's been gone almost six years now. He got a, you know, in hot 10 years, the PFO-1. He got light for it. You know, they came at him with 24.

And again, he took the plea without going to court. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So are you thinking about how you're going to be there for him when he gets out? I'm thinking that he's got to grow up. That tough love too, you know? But is it that simple? Because people, you know, you needed that help too.

Well, what help? I got to help of being told about myself and finally owning it. Yeah. That's the help by God. You got to put work in. Yeah. You know, and that's kind of where I'm at, you know, it was all God for me. And you're right.

People would live me up. You know what I mean? it wasn't they not financially but lift me up encourage me and sometimes that's all you need and that's all i needed because i didn't know what that felt like that had a boy right glory be to god i didn't know what that felt like man you're doing a heart you're doing good yeah you know and i have been blessed we do this thing like i said we have this event every year with these kids it's amazing and again being with you know i mean i got to come to new york with my boss today who does that you know old two dollar crack kid needle junkie. Oh, me, not me now, but I don't know, man. Just so much good things are coming out of this

and being able to be like today. And that's my job, man. I get to, I get to be there for people. It could be a lot. I can't forget to fill my cup up. You know, I had a guy called into the thing I'd do on Facebook, and this was last week and said he wanted to kill himself. And I was, oh, my gosh, you know what I mean? But I can remember. I said, man, I know what it's like to feel worthless. I know what it's like to feel that nobody loves you, that you have nothing to offer, but that's a lie. And he stayed on the air with him. We were 45 minutes, but the time we were done,

he's giggling and laughing. That's great. Checked on him the next day. You know what I mean? And that's our job, you know, as creators, when you're giving platforms like this. Because the universe, God, whatever you believe in, can take that away too if you're not using that.

Or, you know, like I said, we've got to know the difference is who's feeding our ego and our spirit, because people want something from you now. I'm seeing that. It's the same feeling like when I was running the night club and everyone's coming out of the woodwork because they want to meet the artists and stuff. Now it's different and it's only going to get worse or better,

whichever way you look at it as I continue to grow. And you're staying vigilant. Yeah, and I'm very close of who I let into my circle. You know, I mean, I'm open to hearing things from different people because you need perspective and you need opportunity. but I'm not the same kid that I was 10 years ago with the same like platform. Not easy to manipulate today.

It's a lot different and it's a lot to think about. And as I get older and more mature and stuff, it's going to be interesting to see. Like, I'm excited to see 10 years. I'm not rushing anything. Right, right, right. I want to, you know, 10 years ago because I'm young. So when I'm 30, I want to look back and like, wow.

And I just look back in the last six months because I've come so far. Right. And like I started this not. knowing what the direction is and now I'm good like if this ended tomorrow the show like I'd be okay okay because we did something you know and people didn't believe in it at first and we created something that's now you know that that's powerful it is it's very powerful I mean and it is and you got your team these guys have been with you believed in you you know what I mean but you're gonna have that evil committee I like to call it what they're going to come out of woodwork if I want something

but again that's why I stay visited about who's feeding my ego and my spirit and knowing the difference, you know, in this process. It's just, again, dude, how, I mean, you said it, bro, we are people asking us to come speak a wretch like me, hear me? And again, it's all about to hope. Hey, man, can I get a praise God out there?

Hallelujah you one time. Andrew, because there's a lot of kids that grew up the way you do in this world. Exactly. That don't have voices. They come from broken homes. struggling with addiction or alcoholism or whatever, you know. If you could sit down with one of those little boys in a room alone,

how do you get him or what advice would you give him so that he doesn't fall down the same path you did and ruin those, you know, 20 or 30 years of his life? Probably nine and just try to get in and listen, hey, what's going on? Just be in here to show that I care and build trust. You know, because sometimes that's it. bottle stuff up and we hide it and we keep it buried and then it explodes and there we are probably just trying to listen to the kid um Sunday we gave away six uh 600 pair of these Nike

I forget what they're called but they were they were from uh baby sizes all I know up until third uh second third first second third grade up just a size three youth uh we got to do that through the blameless children. And, of course, through Toyberg, these are our sponsors like coming on recovery, we got to do this, dude. And I watched it. It was kind of bittersweet. Because like you said, you said this early poverty and seeing these kids,

I get it, man. And I was just a crave, Bub, how are you doing? What's more crazy you going? And that means something. See, that means something. These little boys, these little kids, these little girls. One little girl, and she's about four. She's showing her shoes out.

You know, she's brand new. Yeah. But again, like I said, it was a beautiful thing, but it was really sad, too. Like, okay, what can we do? What can we do? Okay, they got new shoes to start school now, okay? But what can we really do? And it's just continue to encourage and let them know, hey, you know?

And I know God has blessed me with that. I have, you know, blessed me to be able to get the pommas out and, you know, be inspiring people. I know, bro, what it's like to feel worthless. For real, like I said, to feel like nobody loves you, man. You know what I mean? I remember, man, this is really, and I remember so many times, man, using against my will praying not to use, and I would use anyway,

and be in the state of mind where if I had a gun, I'd blew my brains out. But the truth of the matter, if I had a pistol, I would have ponder to get more dope. I'm talking about how insidious the condition of addiction is and being caught up and I'm going on 10 years free. Boy, I'm talking about freedom. See, I got all there's relief in this process. There was so many times I got relief, huh? But relief is temporary.

Now I have freedom today. And I want to share that with people and know there's a way out. They don't got to stay stuck in poverty. They don't got to stay stuck in these generational curses. They don't got to stay stuck, man. They don't got to stay stuck. You are somebody. I don't care about your education.

I don't care about, you know, your cars. trucks, I want you to find this freedom that I have to prosper, to be happy, and not put it in people, places, and things. Oh, I got the New Jordans, well, that's temporary. I got the Cadillac, well, that's temporary. That will wear off. The newness wears off now where you at. I want you to find this perfect peace in him, Isaiah 9-6.

I'm trying to tell you, the Prince of Peace will supply you with that power. Don't shoot me down because I'm preaching real good. Who, Lord! Hallelujah. Thank you so much for coming out of you today. I love you too, man. You've been a great. I'm glad to talk to you today. It's been an absolute pleasure. Thank you for flying out here. I'm honored, man. I love you, I'm proud of you. And I'll see a couple weeks in Arkansas with our good friend Jimmy. Jim Bo. And we're serving on the board together, National Association Reentry Professional. Yeah, we got to get her on the show. Yeah, that would be all. I love you, man. I love you, too, man. Like I said, you better keep calling me once a week. I will. I will. I'm excited. I'm really excited to see, you know, where God takes you in this. I know that makes a lot of people uncomfortable. That's where I'm at. That's what works for me, so let me be where I'm at. And I really am. You know, meeting your dad today and I'll shut up.

I'm not trying to hold you hostage. But that's what's beautiful to me. That really is, man. I'll be honest, that's the real blessings of this thing. And again, you know, just where you're at. And this man is so proud of his son today. It's amazing. Thank you for letting me share. Thank you for having me here. Yeah, and we'll have your socials putting on the bio. Anyone wants to connect with you,

and we'll get you the videos and the photos. All right. What are you doing? What are you doing? What's wrong with me? Bryce, what up? Will I get to meet Bryce's mama? Oh, man.

Shut your mouth. You can't tell me nothing.