Locked In with Ian Bick - Inmate Reveals How He Became A Correctional Officer | Louis Essig

Episode Date: March 31, 2024

Louis Essig shares his journey of hitting rock bottom, spending time in jail and how life came full circle for him as he ended up as an officer at the same jail he was incarcerated in. Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Connect with Louis Essig: Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@getagrippodcast614 YT : https://youtube.com/@GetaGripPodcast614 Instagram : @louisessig Facebook : https://www.facebook.com/louis.essig?mibextid=ZbWKwL Creative direction, design, assets, support by FWRD: https://www.fwrd.co Buy Merch: https://lockedinbrand.com Use code lockedin at checkout to get 20% off your order Timestamps: 00:00:00 - Intro 00:05:42 - Growing Up in a Small Town 00:11:54 - Unprecedented Experiences at Grand View Schools, the Beginning of using 00:18:13 - College 00:24:17 - Overcoming Background and Stereotypes 00:30:03 - Feeling like I didn't belong at college 00:35:57 - Life as a Dealer 00:42:08 - My Experience in Jail 00:48:16 - The Ham Sandwich incident 00:54:12 - Homelessness 01:00:18 - The Breaking Point 01:06:24 - The Cycle of Jail Sentences 01:12:12 - The Hustler Mentality 01:18:13 - Working at the Minimum Security Prison 01:24:31 - Respect from the Inmates Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Service is not available in all areas. I was laying in my bunk. and this dude in the day room army crawled under this guy's bunk and stole his ham sandwich. Okay. And so dude wakes up to eat his ham sandwich. She's like, where the ham sandwich? So now everyone's trying to figure out who stole the sandwich. I'm sitting there.

I know who did it. I don't get shit. I'm just watching this shit laughing. And eventually they figured out it was him. And when I tell you, I watch this dude get his face just, I mean, I've never, he got jumped. He sound like, I've never heard a human. being make the sound that his body made. He sounded like a dial-up motive.

Welcome back to the Locked-in with the InBick podcast on today's episode. I have an interesting story for you guys. We have Lewis Esseg, who's here to share his story of addiction, run-ins with the law, and the entertaining stories of prison that come along with it. But what's fascinating about Lewis's story, and it's the very first of its kind on the show, is that after Lewis gets out of prison, he becomes a correctional officer as a felon himself. So we get to dive into that dynamic of what it's like to become a correctional officer as someone who is formally incarcerated. So it's going to be an entertaining episode. And I hope you guys sit back, relax, and get ready to lock in with Lewis Essegg.

Lewis, man, welcome to locked in coming to us today from Columbus, Columbus, Ohio. I think we've had a couple of people on the show that have been from Columbus. Yeah, I know you had Kyle Overmire on. Yeah, love Kyle. Great, great, great. episode. Anytime you have like a corrupt cop or dirty detective or anything like that, it does numbers and the people love it. He's a good guy too. Like he's doing really great things in Columbus. Really nice guy and his energy is great. My dad had picked him up when like it was like last summer. We had more of a bigger team and everything like that. And now it's just me as you could see. But he was like talking to my dad the whole car right now. Every time he texts me with a guest option, he's like say hello to your dad for me and this and that.

Yeah, yeah, he's a good guy. He's a good guy. And you guys drove in, right? Yeah. I can't do a nine-hour car. Yeah, that's tough. Well, seven, we hit seven, and then we started to feel it. Like, me and Bruno did some catching up, and my buddy who came with me.

And, yeah, after about seven hours, we were like, all right, I'm feeling this a little bit. And you're tall, too. Yeah, I'm six foot four. Yeah. Six four? Yeah. You remind me of Johnny Mitchell a little bit. He's tall and skinny, and he's got that build the same as you.

Dude, everyone told me when I hit 30 that my metabolism would slow down. I was going to gain weight. Can't gain a pound. Well, sometimes it's for the better, you know? Crush a double whopper, walk around the block, and lose three pounds. I mean, that's great. I wish I had a metabolism like that. I hear that all the time.

I eat one double whopper and I'm like slumped over and lazy. Like whenever I eat fast food or like sweets and stuff, like it just, it's hard to operate afterwards. Yeah, yeah. But everyone's body's different and whatnot. It is what it is. I'll take it. Are you guys doing anything after this?

I think we're just going to head back. We thought about hitting New York City. Oh, do you pass through there on the way to Ohio? Yeah, I just, we drove, and I know driving through there is brutal, so. Yeah, I was just driving in L.A., and that sucks. Yeah. It was like, so we went one place, and that was 20 minutes, and then the way back from the same place was like an hour. I was down to Miami back in November, and like I told you, I'm in logistics.

And guys, I would send down to Miami in their trucks. They'd make the traffic's terrible. I never understood it until I went down there. And I was like, yeah, I can imagine driving a huge truck through Miami might be an issue. Yeah, I give credit. L.A. though, is probably 10 times worse. I get a lot of people that watch a show that are truck drivers and stuff, and they just listen for hours while they're driving.

So shout out to all the truck drivers that are doing their thing. Absolutely. I could never do that. I'm terrible when it comes to big trucks. I get nervous and stuff. No, and it's not. Yeah, I couldn't drive the truck and the nonstop just, you know, moving everywhere. I couldn't do it either.

Absolutely. But yeah, Lewis, it's a pleasure to have you on, man. Thank you. It's an honor. We've been talking about this for, I think, a couple months now. I was checking out your social media today. You're getting into comedy. You have a podcast.

What is it called? Get a grip. It's called Get a Grip Podcast. Essentially what we do is we share stories about, you know, addiction. I'm in recovery. And we try to throw some humor behind it. You know what I mean? Lighten up the mood.

Raise awareness. You know, I speak in high schools. I, which I'm very fortunate to do that. That's one of my favorite things in the world to do. Correctional facilities. I've spoken to parents in suburban communities specifically. I grew up in a suburban community and, you know, ended up homeless strung out. And, you know, my whole goal is to raise awareness.

You know, I'm a part of a nonprofit called StarTalk in Grandview, Grandview Heights, Ohio, where I grew up. And, you know, the whole goal is just to raise awareness within the community that, like, I know you guys think things like this can't happen here, but I'm here to tell you they can. And that's kind of our goal. So it's, yeah, it's a lot of fun. fun. It's a lot of fun. So did you grow up in Columbus, Ohio? I did. Born and raised. Yep. What's that like? I mean, Columbus, so I grew up in Grandview and it's like, it's one of those small towns where as a kid growing up there, you, you're like, oh, I can't wait to get out of here. You know what I mean? It's like, it's so small. There's nothing to do. And I ended up moving back.

So now I live back in Grandview. It's funny you say that because I've seen a lot of friends that get out of like Danbury, because we were just talking that Danbury is kind of a similar town. Yeah. To where you grew up and people go and then they come back years later and they move back. Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly what happened to me. So I can't wait to get out of here and the next thing, you know, I'm living back there. I love the community.

I really do. So. Well, how old were you when you moved out? So, I mean, I moved at, well, I didn't really move. I kind of just went to jail a bunch. But we moved to 2008. eight when the financial crisis hit, my dad got laid off. We ended up selling the house and moving over to the west side of Columbus, which I know you're

probably not familiar with, but it's not, didn't help my cause at the time. You think it was where I was at in life? Oh, yeah. Made things much more accessible. What did your parents do for work? Well, so I guess I give you a little background about my family. So growing up was like super normal for me. I don't have stories of like wanting or needing for anything or like hand me down clothes or like

you know not having food on the table you know I always had everything I needed as a kid what I will say is my mom she passed away from an overdose four years ago her father died of cirrhosis of the liver due to alcoholism her mother committed suicide don't know if that's related to alcoholism necessarily, but certainly mental health. My sister is in recovery now. She's got just over a year. And then like I said, my dad passed away from cancer five months ago. But to answer your question, my dad worked for a debt collection agency and my mom was just a stay-at-home mom. Yeah. Were you close with your sister growing up? Yeah. I'd say we were close. you know, once I started getting into the things that didn't really, I mean, they were negative.

You know, obviously that always drives a wedge between you and your family. So we were close until we, until I started screwing up, essentially. So it seems like from what you're just describing a lot of your, like the traumatic things that happened kind of happened later in life and that the childhood was on the most part a little normal. Yeah, yeah. So, like, my childhood, I mean, Grandview were, like, my graduating class was like 92 kids and were K through 12. So you know these kids from, you know, your best friends with these guys from when they're this tall until you graduate. And for me, like, my childhood was totally normal. Like, I was like the ringleader in the kindergarten circus.

I was, I was a good runner. You know, I remember I, we do this thing. called the Pumpkin Run. I placed first place in my age group. I played football. I was very active as a kid growing up. And, you know, I always say the first like introduction or information I was given about drugs and alcohol was dare. Did you, did you have the whole dare thing? We had the dare and then what was it like the bear or something? It was a lion. It was a lion. But there was something else where it was like a like one of those wilderness fire type. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know what you're talking about yet. He was a dog. Smokey the bear or something. Yeah, but I think we had like, there was like a dog. They're like a bulldog that represented dare or something in the costume. I don't know. But it's interesting you bring up there because a lot of people will come on the show saying dare didn't do anything to help them. So here's what I'll tell you about dare.

We did dare in fifth grade. And what I took away from dare was that if I abused alcohol or I used drugs, it was going to, who ruined my life and there would be immediate consequences. So in my mind as a kid, I'm thinking, well, as soon as I have a drink or if I smoke some weed or I use a drug, there's going to be immediate consequences, okay? And that's what I took away from dare as a fifth grader. And so moving into high school, again, you know, you grow up with these kids. My freshman year, I didn't touch a drink or a drug.

I made honor roll one time, and you can never take that away from me. That's mine forever. One time honor roll as a freshman. You know, played sports. I ended up playing golf. But I didn't touch a drink or a drug until I was 16, my sophomore year in high school. You know, if I was a kid, and I've said this before, I think the best thing would be having someone like you

or having someone that's battled addiction or went to prison come down into the school. And say all the fucked up shit you went through. To me, that's a deterrent. Not some thing in a costume who's never experienced drug use. And that's what I, you know, when, so initially we did a community event. And I mean, we packed the room.

You know, Grandview so small. And when I made my return to tell my story, like parents showed up who knew me as a kid, just to support me. And we had someone ask a, question. They were like, well, Winslow is speaking in the schools. And there were members of the school there, staff members. And initially they pushed back because, you know, my story, I'm very blunt. I'm very raw. And they pushed back. And we were like, no, like, this is like,

this is something that can help the kids. And, you know, I was fortunate enough for them to let me in. They actually integrated me into their curriculum. And I speak to the 10th grade biology class. and what they do is I tell my story and then they teach the science band addiction and you know I always tell grandview schools like this is groundbreaking like what you're doing is unprecedented like other districts do not do this

and it's awesome that you guys are allowing this to happen you know I really enjoy it it's one of my favorite things to do I don't get paid to do it I take PTO from work to do it it's it's so much fun was that the same school you went It is. Do you have any of the teachers?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Some of them are still there. So here's a question for you. What if we had the teachers here today, what would they say or how would they describe you from back then compared to how would they describe you to now? To present day, Lewis. I mean, I was always kind of a class clown. I was one of those kids and this was part of my problem is that I thought I was like the smartest guy in the room, which ended up hurting me down the road.

but I never really had to try to like if I could just get by and get a B or C, I was cool with it. Like I never really applied myself. But I would say probably described as kind of a class clown. I was semi-popular, probably for the wrong reasons, which we'll get into. But I think the change and the humility that I have today, you know, being in recovery, I mean, it's a huge difference. And they're all just super proud of me, you know, to watch me turn around and come get back. When do you think your problems first started? Do you have like a defining moment that affected you?

Yes. So like I said, my freshman year, I never touched a drink or a drug. And that was from dare. I was actually terrified of drugs and alcohol because I thought that if I used them, it was going to immediately ruin my life. And I remember sophomore year rolled around. And I started watching my buddies go out to parties. and they'd come back to school Monday and they'd pass their tests and they'd go to practice and everything was fine and I looked at that and I was like well what the fuck where are these consequences that

dare told me like if you do this it's going to ruin your life and um the defining moment for me was Thanksgiving I remember it like it was yesterday it was Thanksgiving break sophomore year and I went to a party and I drank some beers and I smoked some weed and like the entire fucking world opened up. And I was like, this is it. Like this was, this is the missing piece. You know, and I could talk to girls and I was funny and I felt and you come back to school Monday and people like, oh, that was a great party. And I felt popular. You know what I mean? Um, obviously as a 16 year old, I didn't know I was genetically predisposed to addiction. I mean, I just told you, you know, obviously it runs deep in my blood.

But that's where it, that's where it started. And it all revolved around wanting to belong and wanting to fit in. You know, like there was some piece missing inside of me and that filled that hole until it didn't. Where do you think that comes from, that emotional want? Does that come from childhood, you know, not feeling enough love? I mean, are you born with that? Does that develop?

You know, growing up, like I said, my childhood, as a kid, you don't necessarily peek behind the curtain. You don't know what's going on behind the scenes with your parents. You're just growing up. And my dad, I always describe it like this. Like, my dad was like the engine, right? So I'm like a 1997 Honda Civic, right? My dad's the engine, and that thing can run for 300,000 miles. My mom's side of the tree is completely fucked up.

So this Honda cord with this engine that can run for 300,000 miles, it's got a bunch of dents in the fucking car. It's all banged up. But it keeps going. You know, it keeps driving. And then that's kind of how I describe it. It's like, you know, one side of my brain is my dad. My dad raised me in a way that I'm so fortunate for. I think that if he hadn't raised me the way he did, I wouldn't be where I'm at today, quite frankly.

Like it was just kind of a bonus to my recovery But, you know, I remember after that party I was like, well, let me take it easy. I'll do this once a month. You know, I'll go out and I'll party once a month. And then junior year rolled around And I was like, you know, all right, we had open lunch at Grandview,

which meant we could leave for an hour. So like the normal kids, would go to like McDonald's or Wendy's, and I would go like smoke weed or drink alcohol at lunch. And I remember like I got into Adderall. I mean, it's easier for me to tell you what drugs I didn't do

versus the ones I did do. And, you know, by senior year, I was a professional alcoholic addict, you know. And growing up in the town I grew up in, I decided that, you know, I don't really want to pay from me. my drugs anymore. So I started selling drugs. And in a town like that, it was very simple, you know, a lot of kids with money. And I knew that. And, you know, I just started selling whatever

I could get my hands on. What's something you wish, a parent or one of your parents, a teacher, a friend would have said to you back then to maybe persuade you to get you to stop or to notice and say, hey, let's get you some help. I don't know that there's any, specific thing that could have been said to me because I didn't experience consequences for quite a while and as a kid you know especially me man I'm so hard-headed I'm so stubborn um you know I'm not sure there's specific words but I think you know for instance like the things I'm doing now would have made me think deeper into maybe I shouldn't head down this road And I wish there had been more information back then like there is now.

You know, and a lot's changed in the recovery community and the justice system even to help addicts and alcoholics like myself. But I don't think there's any specific set of words that could form a sentence that would have necessarily deterred me. But some sort of presentation or real life experience may have made me. think a little harder about it, if that makes sense. Yeah. So when you got into drug dealing, what kind of drugs are you selling? And where are you getting them from? How much are you selling them for?

So when I first started selling drugs, it started with weed. I mean, naturally, it's normally where it starts. You know, I love smoking weed. And I, you know, I had one guy who was just the man. I mean, I have one guy. I didn't eat anybody else. He had it all. He had everything I needed.

And it started with weed. And then it's, you know, I would find, I would find kids that had like ADD or ADHD. And I'd like buy their prescriptions of Adderall for super cheap. And then I'd sell them to, you know, I'd just tax kids for these drugs. You know, it wasn't hard. You know, I'd sell, sell weed at $20 a gram, which is outrageously expensive. back then especially. I would sell Adderall and I mean LSD mushrooms.

It was, I had access to everything, which was phenomenal at the time. But ultimately didn't end well for me. Were you working at all? Like a normal job in high school? No. No, I didn't work in high school. Never had a job in high school. My job was to sell drugs and graduate.

wait, that's all I wanted. And the thing with Grandview is like there's these massive expectations, you know, there's, you're growing up with all these kids that are extremely smart. And I always felt that pressure like, oh, man, like I got to go to college. I got to, you know, my, growing up, I thought I was going to go to college, get a degree, get a six figure gig, and, you know, have a family and build a home and have a white picket fence. And that's kind of just what I expected out of myself, you know, in the community I grew up in. How are you as a student? I was good enough. Yeah, I was good enough. I think I graduated with like a 3.2. Not bad for someone that's an addict. I didn't even try. Yeah.

I wasn't even trying. And like I said, like senior year, all bets were off. Like I said, I was a professional alcoholic addict. I was getting high every single day. Anything I could get my hands on, I was putting it into my body without even thinking about it. You know, at that point, I had dabbled in ecstasy, LSD, mushroom. marijuana, Adderall, no cocaine yet, marijuana religiously. I mean, it was every single day.

And how'd that make you feel? Did you feel better? Like emotionally. I think it just, so there's two pieces to that. So it made me feel like I belonged, right, initially, because I, you know, everyone wanted to spend time around me. I was fun. It was, you know, it was exciting.

and there were no consequences. And I was just like, you know, this is, this is just what high school kids do. They party, whatever. The other piece was in selling drugs, my phone would blow up, right? And I felt needed. And that felt even better. To like being a position where I felt like people needed me made me feel good,

which I'm sure you can understand. Like, it just, it made me feel, I don't know, popular good. It feels good when people need you. I don't know. You know, it was for the wrong reasons, but it felt good. And I think everyone can relate to that in one way or another, whether it's relationships or the feeling of wanting to be wanted or anything. Yeah. We all want that.

We all want to be loved and needed. Yeah, absolutely. And so by the time, so I applied at one college, one university. I applied at Ohio University because I knew, A, my grades were going to. enough to get in and B, they had a dope Halloween party. I swear to God, that is the only reason I applied to that school because I knew they were a party. It was the only school I applied to. This is Ohio State. Oh, OU, Ohio University down in Athens. That's different than Ohio State. Yes, yes. Ohio State's a good school, right? Oh, yeah. I don't know that my 3.2 would have

got me into Ohio State. Because they have like a good nursing program there, right? Yeah. Yeah, my cousin, I think, went there. Yeah, OSU is, it's a very good university. I don't think my grades were good enough to get in. I didn't even bother applying. I just applied to the party school. Because I was like, I'll just go down there and do the same shit I'm doing up here. Yeah.

Did you have a major going into it? Yeah, computer science. Okay. Yeah, we were talking before. I told you I used to build like gaming PCs and stuff. Why computer science back then? I don't know, dude. I just, I was always a technology guy.

I was a complete nerd. Like, I always loved, you know, poking around with computers. learning new stuff, gaming, all that. And it just, it just kind of made sense. I didn't really know what I was going to do. I just knew I like computers. And the word computer was in the major. So I was like, yeah, I'll just major computer science.

Do you think that that is a problem in today's world? Like, with not, like, do you think someone should be sitting you down and talking about what you should major and putting a little bit more insight, rather? I just feel like we see so many people that are like, let me get a business major. Let me do this and it's such a vague major and people are wasting all of this money. I mean, I'll tell you this. My current job, I went in the logistics gig I'm at now prior to working at, or I'm sorry, post jail where I worked at, which we'll get into. But hiring class of 13 people, I was the only one without a degree and I was the only one with a felony. And so I remember like we sat down at lunch and everyone was like, yeah, my name's Billy.

I graduated from Michigan State. my name's Corey and I went to Penn State and I went to OSU and I was like yeah I'm Lewis I dropped out you know and I got two felonies good to meet you're hired yeah good to meet you so I was like sitting there

at lunch like oh my God like I am quite different than these people or at least that's what I felt like I'm not you know what I mean but because of everything on paper people to just look at you differently because of your background

I think eventually it'll be an asset because you look at it's 100% an asset. You look at someone as long as if they were able to overcome addiction or mental health struggles or prison, that's a tough motherfucker. Yeah. You know, I want that person in my corner all day. Anybody in recovery that I've met, they are the hardest working motherfuckers I've ever met in my life. Because they have a chip on their shoulder and they feel like they have something to prove. and once you get out of that, you never want to go back. I think that the questions on job application shouldn't be whether or not you have a felony.

It should be like maybe whether or not you're currently active in crime or currently use it. Yeah, I agree. Not about the past because the past doesn't matter. It's the present. Yeah, no, 100%. And, you know, for me, it's always like once I get to the interview and I can, you know, show people Lewis before they see. the background, that normally helps. But there's still barriers that comes with having a record.

I'm actually getting my stuff expunged here in May, which is going to be really, I have a buddy. I grew up with a friend and my friend's dad is a big attorney in Columbus, and he's going to take care of that for me. And he reached out to me, it was like, you want me to expunge your stuff? I was like, yes. I can't imagine not checking the box, like to just not be a criminal anymore. Well, when you get big on social media from your comedy clips, then you won't have to do that ever again.

I hope so. I hope so. Yeah, and it's it, you know, it's funny you brought that up because we're talking about the past and not judging someone. We've been sitting here for almost a half hour now, and we haven't even got into the jail or the real drug use. Let's dive in. No, but what I'm saying is that people just got to know the real you. Like, they got to understand who you are and where you came from, which is all. And it's a big factor of this show and platform.

Yeah. People get to know the person before they come out and say, yeah, I'm Lewis and I went to jail or this and that. Because then people are already forming an opinion. Yep. Now we're getting into it and people have an opinion, but it's not biased against that. Correct. Correct. Yeah.

I like that aspect of it. That's awesome. Because that's what the news doesn't do. I know. They're very quick to come out with all the negative shit. Oh, trust me, dude. The first time I got arrested, it was plastered all over the Tri-V Village news, which is like the local news in Columbus, like, oh, heroin

found on Lewis Esseig and da-da-da-da. I read that article. Yeah, yeah. It's, yeah, that's a fantastic story. But at least you were at the kind of the bottom of the article. They didn't they didn't plug you at the top. They put the other two guys. So, did you make it

through college? So, one part I haven't mentioned. So that summer between my senior year of high school and my freshman year of college, I graduated in 2009. So it's been a while. 15 years. It doesn't feel like it, but it's been 15 years. And I remember I went to my guy to

re-up, you know, get whatever I needed. And he was like, yo, like can you move oxies? And I was like, I mean, yeah, probably. I don't see why that would be an issue. And he turned me on to oxy cotton. And this is back when Purdue, like the original oxy cotton, before Purdue got pressed down on, they changed the formula. This is when they were cheap. The pill mills in Florida were cranks. And I remember he gave me like a bunch of oxy 80s and a bunch of, you know, 30s. And, you know, I got home. And I was like, well, I got to see what this is all about before I see. You know what I mean?

Before I sell it. And I remember I snorted a line of oxycotton. And I was like, this is it. Like this, this takes me out of myself completely. It was perfect. I loved it. And I picked up an oxycotton habit immediately. And I had the resources and the money at the time from selling drugs to just do it every day.

Now, how are you snorting oxy, chop it up? Yeah, I mean, it's like a pill, right? Yeah, so back in the day, it used to be, you'd get like a hose clamp and you could like shave it down. What do you mean? What's a hose clamp? You get it like a hardware store and you could just take the pill and it would shave it perfectly into like fine powder. And, you know, you do 20 milligrams. Just do a little line.

And that's better than swallowing it. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Much more effective. Did you learn that on your own or did someone tell you? I just, I knew because I was snorting Adderall too. So like I knew that like that was the way to ingest drugs. You know what I mean? At that time. And it escalated much further from that. So that summer, you know, three months. I mean, I was doing oxcotton every day as an 18 year old. And quite frankly, I didn't even know that, you know, I could become physically dependent on it. Because I hadn't seen. any consequences. And I'm like, I'm going to college. Everything's good. And I got down to OU. And, you know, I went with my buddy Bruno who films our stuff. And we went down there together. And I got down to OU. And I all of a sudden I wasn't the big man anymore. You know what I mean? Like, I was well known in Grandview. And I was needed and wanted and felt like I belong. And I got down to and all those feelings came back.

And it was like, shit, like I'm, you know, I'm nobody now. And I got through, they were quarterly back then. They weren't semesters. And I got through two quarters. And what I would do is through those two quarters is I would attend class, Monday through Friday. Then my girlfriend at the time would pick me up.

I'd come back to Columbus. I'd re-up, get what I needed because I was, you know, I needed the drugs. And then I'd come back, go to school, do the same thing. I did for two quarters. every single weekend I'd leave, go back to Columbus. And then eventually I sold my dad some bullshit story about how I was going to come back home and go to Columbus State and transfer to OSU. I knew that wouldn't going to happen. You know what I mean?

I just, I couldn't take it to you. I was so uncomfortable. You know, it wasn't the classes. It wasn't me struggling with school. I was just, I felt like I didn't belong. And I came back home. Do you think your parents had any inkling of what you're up to? And did they ever try to intervene?

My dad was drafted into Vietnam. So he was very much pull yourself up by your bootstraps kind of guy. Gentle but firm when he raised me. But I think for him, he didn't know about the pills. He didn't know about the, yeah, he just thought I was partying like a regular, you know, like college kids do. And my mom was, you know, she was prescribed oxy cotton for, quite some time. And, you know, I guess, I mean, she was an active, alcoholic, and addict for quite, quite a while.

But it was not, they, they knew, but I don't think they realized how bad it was, if that makes sense. Yeah. Do you wish that they intervened and tried to stop in? It wouldn't have stopped me. It wouldn't have stopped you. No. What would have stopped you?

What eventually stopped me was just getting arrested. But back then, what if you looked at. if you look, when you look back on it now, you don't think there could have been anything that could have stopped. At that point, dude, you're talking to an 18 year old kid who's selling drugs. My head's so big I can barely fit through a fucking door because of my ego. You know, I, and that was part of, that's part of my problem is I always think I got all the answers. I can out maneuver you. I can outsmart you.

I, you know, I don't think at that point there's anything anyone could have said. Because what are you going to point at? Yeah. What are you going to say? Where am I failing? I'm in school, passing my classes, no consequences. What are you going to say to me? Like, there was, I don't think anyone could have said anything to me at that point

that would have stopped me. What about rehab? Do you think that would have helped? I would have left. Like if they stuck you somewhere? No, I would have left. Yeah, but couldn't they put you in one of those like mandated ones where you can't leave when you're a kid?

I mean, yeah, I suppose they could have. I don't think it would have mattered. Yeah. I mean, I'm just being honest. No, of course. You know, I'm, once I start, I can't stop. You know, and, you know, when I came home from Ohio University, I just started selling drugs again.

And I ended up getting a job at a burger place just for a little extra income, you know. And to, you know, if some of my parents were like, oh, at least he has a job. Moved in with my girlfriend. And around like 2011. 11, 2012 is when the pill mills got shut down in Florida. And Purdue changed the formula to oxy cotton. And I remember it was like this big, like, mythical thing where my guy would be like, it's coming. Like, it's going to happen.

And I was like, yeah, whatever. And then it happened. And when it happened, the streets got flooded with heroin. And the prices of pills went way up. And it became unaffordable. and I remember I was at work. I was at work one day and I had run out of pills. I mean, I went for, I went years without missing a day.

And I remember I was extremely sick because, you know, I was dope sick. I needed the drug. And of course, you know, naturally I'm selling drugs to all my coworkers at five guys at the burger place. And so they all knew what I was about. And my guy was like, hey, man, like, you know, I could. can get you something that'll make you feel better. And I was like, okay, because I'm standing over a flat iron grill flipping burgers dope sick. Okay, it's not a fun place to be, quite frankly.

It's very uncomfortable. And so he ended up getting me a bag of heroin. And the first time I used heroin was actually in the bathroom on the clock at my job on the baby changing station. I snorted a line of heroin. And I always tell people, like, if that doesn't give you an idea of the complete and total disregard are to add for my life at that point, I, you know, I don't think anything will. Because normal people don't do that shit, you know? I mean, thinking back, and that's insane. Who does, who does heroin on their job on the clock for the first time? For the first time. It's pretty fucked. Yeah,

it's completely fucked up. And on the baby changing stuff, the diaper change. Oh, dude, I, I just determined those weren't even for changing diapers. Those were there to use drugs. Like, you know, Speedway bathrooms, gas station bathrooms, whatever. Were you selling out of the Burger King too? Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was awesome. We had a parking lot back there that was like kind of tucked away. It was perfect. I've had guys where they say they're addicts and selling and it's like through the drive-thru window.

Oh, yeah. Well, you didn't get that far? No, I always tried to be a little careful. Yeah, that's a little bit obvious. Yeah, I was as careful as I could be about it. but you know I was I was a decent dope dealer Were you making money? Yeah, I did all right

But were you actually like building money Or are you just spending it on more drugs for yourself? A combination of both Okay I mean I could get those pills for For cheap and then just double the price 100% profit Same with the weed

I mean it was I just I was plugged in I got lucky I had one guy that had it all Didn't have to fish around and, you know, it was really, really good until it wasn't. What do you think you were doing sales-wise a week? I mean, I don't know, a grand.

So you aren't, you're in mine. No, I'm not going to sit here and be like, oh, yeah, I'm fucking moving kilos. I got bricks in the trunk. No, no, I was just. You're like a high school drug dealer level. Yeah, like $1,500 a week, which is good. I mean, shit, that's good money. That was the profit after expenses.

Yeah. Like, it was good money. And I was moving anything to get my hands on. It didn't matter. And I was, you know, I learned very quickly that service became very important. And it's funny because that actually is translated into my sales job that I'm in now. That like when you get hit up and if you can get it to them quick or they can come to you and get it quick, that regardless of the price was more important, the service level. Yeah, because they could just switch to someone else if you don't answer.

and then you're out of a customer. Correct. Correct. One man's loss is another man's gain. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. So take us to when you first got arrested. All right. So I started using heroin. Like I said, the first time I did it was at my job. And, I mean, literally, shortly after that, dude, it was just a complete downward spiral.

Like, eventually I would get fired from my job. My girlfriend broke up with me. You know, she used to get high with me. partied. It was a lot of fun. And then once I started doing heroin, she was like, nope, this is over with. I ended up moving back home with mom and dad. You know, any meaningful relationship that I had was destroyed. I couldn't keep a dollar in my pocket.

You know, my customers, as far as drug dealing, I would start picking them off one by one, ripping them off just to get what I needed. So I actually ruined my drug. drug dealing career because of heroin, you know, needing heroin for myself. And when I moved back home with mom and dad, you know, I don't talk about this often, but I will share it with you. You know, like I said, I didn't have anybody left except for mom and dad. And like I said, mom was an active addict and I started getting high with mom. She became my running buddy, just me and her. Wow.

Ripping and running. The first time I got arrested, the Grandview so small, these cops knew who I was. They knew who I was. They were after me, like 100%. I was always very careful driving around. I knew that they knew my car. They knew who I was. They knew what I was doing. And I was going to score one day. And it was wintertime. And I pull out, I have my car running on the street. I pull out. I have my car running on the street. I pull out. I get to the stop sign and I see a Grandview cop sitting right here. So I hang a left because I'm like, all right, if I hang a left and drive towards him, he's going to have to make a U-turn, which will give me time hopefully to get around the block, get back home to my driveway because I knew he was going to pull me over. And my mom was with me. I ended up getting arrested for a looting. It was a misdemeanor alluding charge.

I drove like four blocks. I don't know why I did it, but I drove like four blocks. and I remember one of the cops came up and was like, you know, because they called my dad and my, you know, everybody knew my dad. And he was like, yo, like, we can take this to mayor's court. Like, we don't got to arrest him. And the one cop was like, no, he's going down to the county. I was like, all right, whatever. So I'm in the back of this cop car down to going down to county jail.

And I'm like running my mouth because I know it's a misdemeanor. It's my first charge. So I'm getting an OR. I'm getting released on Miami cognizance. That was my mindset. So I'm talking all this shit. like yeah you know I'm gonna be I'll be out tomorrow so whatever buddy um we get down there they book me in and it was wintertime I had a coat on and I had this coat that had this like

zipper here where I would I would put things so they booked me in and I'm getting booked in a misdemeanor and they start searching my my clothes and they pull a fucking bag of dope out and as you know A, that's in felony drug possession charge, and B, because I'm in a jail, it turned into conveyance. So I got charged with F3, conveyance, and F5 possession. This is what the article is based on? Yes.

Okay. And I swear to God, this is true, the article you read where I said it was brown sugar, I swear to God, it was brown sugar. Because what I do is, I'd sell fake dope to people and shit. And I forgot that was even in my coat. And trust me,

If it was real dope, I wouldn't have forgotten it was there. Wait, so I've never seen dope before in real life. It looks like brown sugar. It's, well, yeah, like it, some of it was powder and then there was like black tar. But the powder, you know, it, yeah, it kind of does. Or I'd like cut it down with brown sugar or something. So I'm like, they pull this out and I'm like, no, it's brown sugar. It's brown sugar.

And I remember one of the deputies was like, yeah, that's what I put on my oatmeal. And I'm sitting there like, oh my God, I look like such an idiot right now. Like, this is so ridiculous and embarrassing. But that was the truth. But unfortunately, when they tested it, that bag did have heroin in it. So it tested positive for heroin. Don't they test the drug itself, though? I don't, buddy.

All I know is they charge me with it. Which was a felony. And that was your first ever arrest and felony. Yeah. And it was an F5 possession, F3 conveyance. So I'm sitting there. You know, the way I grew up and the privilege. and the opportunity I had. I'm sitting down in county like what the fuck how like how am I

sitting here with two felonies now yeah like this is it was startling to me I'd never I'd never experienced jail I never thought I'd end up there did you get a bond or were you stuck there for a little bit no they dismissed my felonies for future indictment and I ended up getting out pretty quickly I think I that was the one time the dad bailed me out of jail okay so when you what do you mean dismissed for a future indictment like Like that they give you the option to charge you? So, yeah, they dismiss it for future indictment. And essentially it goes to like the grand jury.

And then eventually they decide if they're going to actually indict you on the charges. Those didn't come back for quite some time. After that first jail visit, I mean, I don't know if you're familiar with the workhouse down in Franklin County. it is one of the worst jails in the country. It is 24-7 lockdown. You do not leave your tank. You do not go outside. You do not smell fresh air.

You do not go to the gym. You are literally 24-7 lockdown. Like, it is a terrible county jail. Sounds like jail. Yeah. No, I mean, it was awful. And after that first arrest, I mean, the floodgates just over. opened up. And I hear that all the time, too. Like, yeah, after the first one, you just get, you know,

they come in threes or whatever. And so, you know, naturally, I was so deep into it at that point. And I had eventually switched over to IV drug use. So I started shooting cocaine, heroin, crack, meth. I mean, you name it. I was loaded up in a needle. And I was to the point where I, you know, I mentioned how I snorted heroin the first time. I got to a point where, in my mind, if I was not shooting drugs, I was wasting them. That's how I looked at it. And I mean, dude, it was just in and out. I would, you know, I'd go for a month. I'd go for a couple weeks. I started like committing, you know, a little petty crimes. I'd do shoplifting and breaking into cars and stuff like that. So I'd get tagged with misdemeanors here and there. Do do a month, do two months, do three months, do a couple days, whatever. And it just, it revolving door. dude, just in and out. And it became normal. What was your go-to store for shoplifting?

I mean, Walmart was, Walmart never caught me. Meyer caught me once. What, smuggling out like a ham or something? So, no. So I actually had a guy who bought Legos off me. I, like, somehow connected with this guy who would, like, go to toy conventions and set up a stand and sell toys. And so he would be like, yo, I need XYZ. And I'd go into Meyer and load up Legos in my fucking coat.

And I remember I'd hit the same Meyer like every day. And I went in there one day and the loss prevention guy finally got me, got me at the door. He goes, I've seen you in here before. And I knew what you were doing, but I was never able to catch you in the act. And I remembered your Denver Broncos coat. So he knew who I was. And he pulled me back there.

And I was like, hey, I mean, you did your. your job better than me today. You know, what do you want me to say? And like I said, dude, the jail thing became normal. Like, once you learn the etiquette and how it operates, it became a regular. Yeah, no, yeah, I just, whatever. It's occupational hazard.

What was the most interesting thing you learned about jail during your stays? Oh, God. I mean, dude, I have so many just ridiculous stories about what I've seen in that place. It's, I mean, you know, respect is very important in jail. Minding your own business, very important in jail. I remember one of the most ridiculous things I ever saw. And I always, I enjoyed the entertainment that came with the fights and the ridiculous shit that would go on, people would do. But I remember

one day there was this guy and Franklin County is always overcrowded. So there's never enough bunks for everyone. So there's people sleeping in the day room, like just on mats on concrete. And I remember everyone was to sleep one day and I was laying in my bunk.

And this dude in the day room army crawled under this guy's bunk and stole his ham sandwich. Okay? And so dude, wakes up to eat his ham sandwich. He's like, where the fuck's my ham sandwich?

So now everyone's trying to figure out who stole the sandwich. I'm sitting there. I know who did it. I don't give a shit. I'm just watching this shit laughing. And eventually they figured out it was him. So he goes during lunch one day the guards come to drop off lunch. And he taps out of the tank.

And tapping out of the tank is like, yo, get me the fuck out of here. I'm about to get my ass beat, essentially. That's what we called it, tapping out. Pound on the door. Come get me, Deb. come get me. But he didn't do that. When they came for lunch, he just walked out and was like,

yo, you got to get me out of here. He told him he was suicidal, which naturally they take him to an ISO cell, put him in the turtle suit. And they ended up three days later bringing him back to our tank. He didn't think that was going to happen. And when I tell you, I watch this dude get his face just,

I mean, I've never, he got jumped. He sound, like, I've never heard a human being make the sound that his body made. He sounded like a dial-up modem. Like a 50, you remember dial-up modems? Like, his body was, like, he was making noises I've never heard before, and I just watched this guy get his ass beat over a ham sandwich. And it was just, I mean, dude, I've seen,

I've seen guys come in and, you know, they'll pull their papers, find out what they're there for. If they're there for sex offenses, they just get their asses beat, or they'll just harass them. And, like, I remember they'd make them. do like sit-ups and and you know jumping jacks and when he would stop they'd hit him with body

shots and punch on them and you know I did the best I could to avoid stuff like that like naturally you know I ended up in multiple fights I mean you could look at me I'm skinny and you know people try you and you either get out there

you don't and if you don't get out there it's not good you didn't have any advantages because you were tall like I I My reach helped. Okay. My reach helped. I won a couple.

I won a couple. I lost more than I won. I'm surprised people would even fuck with you, though, because you're kind of tall and bigger. Yeah, but you got to understand every time I go to jail, I'd be detoxing. So I'm automatically a mark. You come in and you're dope sick and guys are like, yeah, let me get that tray. You know what I mean? Or like, here's a honey bun.

Let me get your tray. Because I couldn't eat. When you're going through withdrawals, you can't, you don't have an appetite. And, you know, so guys would be like, oh, let me get your tray, let me get your tray. I'm like, no, fuck off, no. You know, you're not taking my shit. And if there's a problem, whatever. And if I win the fight or lose the fight, so be it.

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PH7159. And it was only because I was dope sick and it just made you a mark. Yeah, you would see a lot of addicts even when they had access to drugs in jail that would sell their tray for like two or three fish pouches or commissaries so they could go buy a cigarette or they would, guys would literally give up a meal. Correct. Because they had no money coming from the street. just so they could get high or smoke a cigarette. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I saw it all the time. Isn't that crazy? You'd rather go without eating just so you could get the fix? I mean, dude, the disease is, you know, it's centered in the mind. And, you know, again, dude, like for me, I put a drink or a drug in my body. I have no off button. So do you think that drugs are the issue, or is it the mind and that development of wanting those drugs in the first place.

Drugs and alcohol are the solution to alcoholism. That's how I see it. And, you know, that, that, that fixed the problem, right? That fixed the problem. But ultimately, once I got sober, I realized I had a lot of hard work to do. And then that took some time, dude. Like, I, you know, I was in and out, in and out, in and out. and then eventually I got a DUI.

I passed out. Actually, I'll tell you the whole story. It was a good day for me. Let me tell you about a good day for Lewis when he was at the bottom. Okay. So I had money for a hotel room, which was awesome. Not like a motel sex. Yeah, no, it was actually a day's in.

So it's a piece of crap hotel. I had money for McDonald's. I had money for cigarettes. I had my drugs of choice, multiple times. drugs of choice. And it was me, my buddy, and my mom just getting high in this hotel room. And for some reason, I decided that I wanted to go get some snacks. You know, let's make it bad. I got some snacks. So I get in the car and I'm blasted. I mean, I'm completely torn up. I'm, you know, destroyed. And I go to get these snacks. I remember checking out at a Kroger getting a box of

Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and then I woke up in the hospital. And apparently I had passed out in the middle of an intersection. Officer obviously saw it. I was taken to the hospital. And I remember I didn't leave the drugs in the hotel because I knew if I did that, I'd come back and they might be gone. So I wanted to bring them with me. And I remember I woke up in the hospital.

My dad was there, and I grabbed my wallet, and I was like, fuck because the drugs weren't in my wallet anymore. And so I got charged with a DUI. I got charged with two more possession, felony possession charges, which also were dismissed for future indictment, but it got to put on probation for the DUI. So in a small town like this,

you really are like a piece of shit. Like people know you. Yes. Yeah. It's why small town suck. Oh, dude, it got to the point where it was like parents would be like, yes, don't hang out with Lewis. Like I think if I got arrested,

in like New York City or like a big city, it wouldn't have had the same effect. No. Because it's a small town, everyone's talking about, the local newspapers publishing it. Yep. Like a case like mine probably wouldn't even got picked up

in like a city paper in the city. Yeah. It's crazy how they have those effects. And it could do a lot of mental health damage to that. Yeah, dude. I mean, it was everyone knew who I was. Everyone knew what I was doing. And, you know, I got put on probation for that DUI.

and I remember obviously when you get put on probation you have to piss in a cup and you have to piss clean. I remember I bought a bag of dope like five days before I had to go pee and I stayed sober through those five.

It was white knuckle. It was awful. But I had my bag of dope ready so that after I piss clean I'd come home and get high. I pissed clean the first time. I came home. I got high.

I mentioned I don't have an off button and I'd pick back up. up, started using, and I couldn't stop. And naturally, when it came time to go piss again, I was like, I'm just not going to show up because I'm going to light this cup up like a Christmas tree, you know? And at that point, I mean, things were so bad that dad had had enough, you know, and he was like, just get the fuck out. And that, and you know, you asked me earlier, is there anything that someone could have said or done, that was huge.

He did that to protect himself. It was like, you got to go. Get out. And I ended up homeless. And, you know, I didn't wake up one day and say, you know, when I grew up, I want to be a junkie. You know, that was not in the cards for me. I never saw that coming.

and, you know, it was, I was okay with it. I had no responsibilities. I don't have to answer to anyone. As long as I could eat, get my dope, I was cool. That sounds crazy. Yeah. But that's what it was. How old are you when you became homeless?

I want to say 23, 24. I ended up, so my dad kicked me out. There was a church that was nearby where we lived. And I knew that if I went to a church, they would give me food, they might give me money, they might give me clothes. Because, you know, in my mind as a manipulator and an active addiction, naturally I'm going to go somewhere where I know I can get something. I want to take something from you. And I knew that they're church people, you know, they're religious, they're very helpful. They want to help people like me.

And I ended up going to this church. I got a sleeping bag. They fed me. They gave me some cash. And I was like, cool, right on perfect. I found this nice wooded area. Kind of close to where my dad's condo was and where my mom lived. And I laid down that night in the woods and fell asleep in that sleeping bag.

I didn't have a tent. Nothing covering me. And I woke up at like two, three in the morning. And it was pouring down rain. I just remember pulling that sleeping bag over my head, dude, and just laying there like, how the fuck did you end up in this? place. Like, you know, I told you how I grew up and how I was raised and the privilege and the opportunities I had. And there I was homeless in a fucking sleeping bag strung out. Like, and most people would be like, certainly that was your bottom. That was not the bottom. It was the

start of the bottom. It was like, you know, I was like here, but my bottom, I sunk further. I didn't you know I never thought I'd end up homeless dude let alone shooting heroin sticking a needle in my arm like I didn't see it I didn't see it and there I was how long were you homeless for? I was homeless for probably about a month when I violated that misdemeanor probation they did indict me on all four of the felonies

so because one of them was an F3 conveyance and I had three other F5s the marshals came looking for me I remember one day I was walking down this road you know going to go where I panhandle I used to fly signs or I'd go up to guys at gas stations like hey can I wash your windows for five fucking bucks or whatever the case most of the people would be like here's five bucks

just gets fuck away from me like you know what I mean but I was walking down the road one day and I remember this like it's like a Mazda sedan just like a regular car pulled up but it had I had like limo tent windows. And I knew what it was. I knew it was them. And they hopped out.

And I was never one to resist or argue because the consequences were the consequences. I knew the game. I was in the game. That's what I call it. It was the game. And they hopped out. They arrested me. Got me on the felonies and back to jail I went, which no big deal.

You know, you sit there in the holding cell getting booked in. You're like, all right, time to go into bid mode. You know, get ready. and I sat for five months that time Which you know Everything I heard from people in there that had been to prison We're like I would fucking much rather be in prison Than this place for six months

I'd rather do two fucking years in prison than this crap Yeah Like it was awful That's how they get people to plead out Yeah yeah dude exactly yeah they continue you They continue it they continue it And you're sitting there and you're just like fuck this skip me out of here.

And I went to court, and I remember the judge told me, she said, you know, Mr. Esseg, these are your first felonies. So we, you know, we're probably going to do probation. And if you violate probation, I am going to send you to prison for the maximum amount of time I can. And I went back to that holding cell behind the courtroom. And I sat there and I was like, fuck.

You know, I was like, I'm fucked. because I knew that I was going to violate. And for the first time ever, I asked for help. And my public defender, you know, he came back and I was like, listen, buddy, I was like, can we go to like rehab or is there like some kind of other option here to get me out of this? And he ended up getting me in this like special docket drug court program, which got me out from under that judge who was going to send me to prison. I was going to violate.

There was no question about it. it. And I knew that. I knew I was going to prison if I took paper, you know, if I took probation. And I ended up in this drug court program. That was like a, what, diverted prosecution type program? Yeah, it wasn't even in lieu of. So it wasn't even like, oh, if you complete it will drop your felony. It was like, no, you're convicted, but you're still doing this drug court thing. And I remember they gave me this like pamphlet for this drug court program. And I'm reading through this pamphlet and it's like pissing a cup five days a week.

week, go see your probation officer every Tuesday. You would go in front of the judge every Thursday. You had to do intensive outpatient. You had to go see a therapist. And so I like bring this pamphlet back to Jit, back to the county. And I'm reading through it with all my guys in the tank. And they're like, what the fuck are you? Why did you not take probation? Why? This is terrible. And I'm sitting there and I'm like, yeah, you're right. I'm an idiot. Why would I do this? House arrest was part of it. and I just I was reading through this shit and I was like God this is going to be awful you know like how am I going to how can I do this go to three you know recovery meetings a week like it was so much stuff and I was just like god damn it I should just take the probation but you did it I did it I did it I did it so do you think prison was your breaking point mentally in your mind like you made it through homelessness addiction all of this but for some reason that idea of a long prison stay was. was what did it for you to get clean? I think that helped, but ultimately, like, I don't know, man.

I always say that I was too much, I was like passively suicidal. So, like, I was too much of a coward to pull the trigger. I wanted to get clean, but I didn't know how. And, you know, we describe that as the jumping off point. And so, like, if I had overdosed or got hit by a bus or, like, got shot, so be it. No big deal. I'm ready. I'm ready to go. I just could. I was too much a coward to do it myself. And yeah, that, that, that threat that that judge made, it, it sparked something. It at least got me to ask for help. And so I took this special docket drug court program and I got out on a Wednesday after doing five months.

And Friday morning rolled around. I was on house arrest and I was in this house. Nobody was there. And I play something that I call the drug screen game where, okay, if I use at 8 a.m. on Friday, and I drink a shit ton of water and cranberry juice or vinegar or whatever the hell fucking people drink to detox or get it out of their system, then maybe by Monday I'll be clean when I go to piss in a cup. I didn't consider anything else but that. So I call my guy. He pulls up and he's like, oh, this shit's fire. Take it easy.

And I'm like, yeah, buddy, I've heard you say that a million times. It's trash fucking 50% of the time. So I'm not, you know, he tells me,

oh, this shit's really strong. And I'm like, yeah, whatever, buddy, sure. You know, I've heard that before

and it's been terrible. I went up to the bathroom. This was Friday morning. I'd been out for two days. three, I guess, in total, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. And I did a line of heroin. I snorted it. I didn't shoot it.

And I managed to get outside into the front yard to light a cigarette and I overdosed and I fell out in the front yard. I don't make it out of that house. I'm not sitting here with you today. I'm dead. No one finds me. I die in that house. Somehow I got outside. I don't know how.

I don't remember how. I just know that I woke up in an ambulance and saw. Fish Lewis, first thing I looked down to was my ankle monitor. And I was like, fuck, I'm off my monitor. And I'm going to the hospital. So like, you know, that's an eight, 10 hours stay, depending on how long you're there. There's no explaining that. There's no excuse, lie, nothing I could come up with to tell my probation officer why I was off my monitor for 10 hours. Medical emergency. Yeah, I mean, but, but it just there was nothing I could do to get out of it. I knew I was screwed.

So Monday rolled around, and I decided I was going to just tell the truth, you know, which I hadn't done. You know, I, it was a very slow process. And I went in, I brought my hospital paperwork, and I was like, I overdosed. You know, that's why I was off my monitor. And I loved my house rest officer. She was so fantastic, wonderful person, loved her. And I remember she was like, okay, Lewis, well, you just go sit out in the lobby and let me get with the judge. and we'll figure out what we're going to do.

She comes out like 45 minutes later. She's like, we're going to go down to the fourth floor now. And the fourth floor is probation. The fifth floor is house arrest and the drug test slab. And we got in the elevator and she wouldn't look at me in the eye. And I was like, all right, I'm going back to jail. And I knew it right then and there. Naturally, I went back.

I don't know if you've ever been arrested for a probation violation. But what they do is they bring a camera out. they film you and they handcuff you and then they take you to jail. Why a camera? I don't know. It's so weird. Like you walk in and they're like prepared.

They like pop out with a camera and then there's a guy with handcuffs and they just cuff you and you're just like all right. That was always my fear whenever visiting the probation officer. What? Just like getting arrested

and getting taken in. Oh yeah. It's just like it's a scary thought because they have that power. And there's no trial. And the thing is, is, dude, like... They could literally sign a piece of paper saying, yeah, you violated.

Yeah, yeah. And, and, you know, like, for me, I just decided to tell the truth. Like, whatever. And so I was out for a grand total of five days after doing five months, and straight back I go. How long did you do that second time? The second time, it was only like a month. And the thing, and that's because of the drug court program. Like, they are there to help, right?

and they give you multiple chances. So, I mean, to my point earlier, if I had taken probation, I got high two days later after I did the five months. It would have been over with. Right then and there, I would have gone straight to prison. But because I took this drug court program, they let me out after 30 days, put me back on house arrest, and I decided that I was going to begrudgingly check all their boxes.

You know, I was going to piss clean. I was going to go to court. The judge would be like, how was your week? And I'd be like, good. be like, do you do anything? I was like, yeah, the meetings you told me to go to. Like, I was a complete dickhead. Like, I was begrudgingly doing everything.

I'd go to recovery meetings. I'd sit in the corner and look angry, so no one would talk to me. Like, I didn't listen. I didn't pay attention. But I strung six months together. And, you know, you can never discount physical sobriety, but there's so much more to recovery than just not putting drugs and alcohol in my body. And so I strung six months together.

And my life did get better. You know what I mean? Like I maintained a job and, but I was still just a complete asshole because I wasn't working any kind of program. You know? Yeah. And, you know, naturally after that I would relapse. I ended up giving them like four dirty urins for cocaine.

And I remember the judge was like, eh, we're thinking about a higher level of treatment. And I knew what that meant. I meant back to jail, back to some facility, back to some institution. And I remember I was desperate. I was super desperate. I'll do anything to get sober because I was facing consequences again. So my willingness was at the highest level it had ever been.

And so I started taking suggestions. And I began to realize quickly that, you know, fuck, maybe the judge who, sees people just like me all the time, maybe he actually does know what's best for me. Or maybe if I go to a recovery meeting and there's a guy with 30 years sober that tells me to do X, Y, and Z,

fuck, he could tell me to go stand in the corner of my head and spin in circles and if that's going to keep me sober, I would have fucking done it. Like, I was desperate. And so I got like three, I strung like three weeks together before they had like assessed me for this minimum security prison. And I strung three weeks together.

I went to court. And I was telling the judge like, yeah, man, like, I'm a manager. I was like a manager at a sub shop. I thought that was like, I was like hot shit. It's like, yeah, I'm a manager now. And I, you know, I'm working this program and I got it. I got it. And I love

my judge, my former judge, because what he would do is he'd let you dig your own grave. So he'd let you like rant and rave, like a moron and just sit there and listen and be like, okay, yes, okay, Mr. Eszig. And I understand what you're saying, but we're going to take you into custody today. and I was floored

because in my mind I was like I'm doing everything right I'm doing everything right but I gave him 40 or yearns for cocaine so it didn't matter you know what I mean and back jail I went how many months in total do you think you did throughout this whole

escapade of jail sentences I mean dude I did probably a year total in house arrest at different times I probably did a year plus in the county all in total just from multiple arrests

and sitting forever waiting to go to court I spent a good amount of time there I became very used to that place so what was the final moment where you decided to actually get clean because you're what seven years yeah on the third

if I you know assuming I make it there the next thing you got 24 more hours yeah I will I'll have seven years and eight months That's awesome. Oh, it's a miracle. It's a complete miracle. I was a total flow bottom junkie. The moment for me was when I realized I didn't have the answers anymore because I tried everything. I had tried just drinking or, you know, I remember one time I was like, I'm going to take some acid. And then like, if I take a much of acid, maybe like I'll find God or like I'll, you know, I'll, I'll like, something will be revealed to me and then I'll just get clean. Like, that's the time. type of psycho thinking I had, or if I just do cocaine, or if I just, oh, I'll just do this and not this and try this and not this and none of it worked. And it, it, it only changed when I began to

take suggestions. Like, that's when, when I admitted to myself that I no longer had a solution, that's when things changed. And so I go to this minimum security prison and, uh, I ended up doing six months there. Well, not, I mean, not quite. I'll just, under six months. And I decided I was going to take the meeting seriously, you know, the recovery meetings that people would bring in. They had like aOD classes, drug and alcohol classes. I decided I was going to take that seriously.

I was not a fucking star inmate. You know, I was smoking cigarettes. I was still doing all that shit behind the scenes. I wouldn't get in high, though. You know, I was, I played storeman a little bit, sell some kind of. commissary, sell tobacco. It's in my blood, man. What do you want to say? You're a hustler. I'm a hustler.

Entrepreneur. Yeah, I'm a hustler. It is what it is. I've always been that way. Like, as a kid, I would do, like, lemonade stands and sell, like, Pokemon cards, like, on my street. Like, I mean, yeah, it's just, I'm a hustler. It is what it is. But I took the things that I needed that I knew, I knew my problem. And that I was so, I felt so fortunate for that because there were so many guys I'd seen in jail that just, they didn't know what the problem was. But I was fortunate to know what it was. And so I knew what I needed to do to get to the right place.

And I took all that stuff very seriously. And it changed my life, you know. That's awesome, man. It was, yeah, like I was very fortunate. I got out and I got a job at a pizza shop. making $7.25 an hour. Isn't that so humbling, though, when you look back on it? I was stoked.

Dude, I was so fucking happy had someone hired me. Like, just the fact that I had a job. I was like, oh, this is awesome. You know what I mean? I was on house arrest again, you know, which, again, it's a part of the deal, part of the drug court program. And I remember the GM and the AGM at the pizza shop wanted to promote me to management.

and the district manager came in to meet me and I told him like, hey man, just so you know I have a couple felonies and his tone completely switched. He was like, yeah, like, okay, like we'll talk about this down the road. And I'm sitting there like, are you fucking kidding me? Like I can't manage a pizza shop because I have felonies. And dude, those barriers just kept coming up, you know? And I don't know if you dealt with it.

But I mean, I ran into so many barriers. because of that. It was absurd. Like, I couldn't believe it. And, you know, I was taking my recovery seriously, and it was like, all right, well, you don't want me. On to the next, you know. And that's how I approached it. That's the right attitude right there.

Yeah. Like, I mean, if you're, if you're going to tell me I can't manage a peaches shop because of my felonies later. Yeah. If someone doesn't see you for who you are as a person in the present, then fuck them. Yeah. It might be a temporary loss for you because you need that in the moment. Like every opportunity I didn't get at the time where I thought I wanted it the most turned out to be a blessing. And that's what always got me into trouble financially when I was making decisions.

So it was because I thought that was the end of the world. So if I didn't do it, so like if I needed money to pay a bill, I'd go to the casino, which would get me in trouble because I wasn't supposed to go out of state. But had I just been patient and waited and looked at it as, okay, you know, this is the universe telling me. It's not my time for that moment. Just waited out. I would have been so good. So now, if someone doesn't want to work with me or someone doesn't want to do this or that, okay, it's not my time for that.

It's not meant to be. Life continues on. And what I've realized is life comes full circle. Oh, dude. The people that shut you out and burn a bridge with you will eventually need you at some point or want something or it'll come around. Everything comes full circle. Yeah, yeah.

And it's funny, man, because, like, I've dealt with tragedy in my sobriety. And I've also had wonderful times. And if I look back at everything, like you just said, it's all perfect. I mean, even the terrible shit, you know, there's a lesson in everything. And I look back at the past seven years and eight months, and it happened perfectly. Like, it did come full circle. And, you know, so I ended up leaving Donato's. I was like, fuck you.

You know, you don't want to make me a fucking manager. Fuck off. So, I mean, straight up. And I got into hospitality. I ended up working at a hotel. And I started busing tables at a fine dining restaurant. And, you know, at this time, I had finally found a place that would rent to me. I mean, dude, finding people that will rent to felons is fucking brutal.

I ended up in a Section 8 housing, like, community, facility. whatever that overlooked my felonies and I mean it was a complete piece of crap apartment like roaches you know everyone around me section 8 but I'm paying rent to stay there but I didn't give a shit because it was like okay well I have a place to live now you know and then I bought a car and you know that that was a big deal for me but once I started busing tables and fine dining and realized like you know I'm a bit of a salesman I can talk I was like well maybe I can just maybe I can just work in fine dining. You know, maybe that's, maybe that's what I'm going to do.

And I ended up staying at the hotel doing hospitality and I got into fine dining. I eventually jumped from that restaurant to a different restaurant and became a server. And around the time COVID hit, well, prior to COVID, I started speaking in the community and actually the judge who sentenced me to that minimum security prison, I sat on a panel with him and we spoke together. That was huge for me. I went to his courtroom. I said, hey, you willing to do this with me? He said, yeah, absolutely. And it's so funny, man, because like people in jail like, oh, fuck this judge or fuck this probation officer, it's like, well, A, they have a job to do. You know what I mean? And B, they're actually there to help if you choose

to reach out to them for help. You know, a lot of people just overlook the fact that, I mean, they're supposed to be resources. But instead, the attitude is like, oh, fuck him. He sent me to prison. And I decided I was going to use them as resources, you know? And so I started sitting on panels with him, speaking in the community, this, that, and the other. And then 2020 came when COVID hit. And I remember I walked into the restaurant that night.

And I was the V-server, like the number one guy. I was the guy that if we were weeded, the GM would be like, Lewis, grab these two tables. Like, you're the best. Grab these two tables. Take care of this. Take care of this. We walked in Sunday night and the governor closed restaurants. I was fucking terrified, dude.

Like, I'd lost my job. And, you know, as a felon, I was like, well, what the fuck do I do? Like, what? I didn't know what to do. It's scary. Like, what if I lose my place? What if I can't pay? my rent? What if I can't make my car payment? And I just got this bright idea. I was just like,

let me go back to the judge. And I asked him if he could get me a job like with the county, like, you know, working for a drug court program or something. And then I was like, well, what if I could go back to that jail, that minimum security prison I was at and work there? He's like, I'll write your reference letter. And he did. And he did. And, and, And I went and I applied and they hired me. And I ended up working at the minimum security prison that I was locked up at. What were you doing there? So I started out as a CEO.

They let you work as a CEO with felonies? It's, it's the facility, it is labeled as a minimum security prison. And prior to COVID, they would like let you do work release. It's kind of, it's a different kind of facility. But it is a minimum security prison. But after COVID, no one left. So it's just prison at that point. Like everyone's there.

They're doing their time. There's no work release. There's no nothing. And I started as a CEO. And I actually was a CEO on the unit that I used to live on. Talk about life coming full circle. Oh, dude. When I walked through the first time, like, I was like, this is fucking insane.

like how I didn't plan that you know what I mean it wasn't like oh I'm going to come back and work here one day like I never even that never even crossed my mind um and yeah I started as a CEO and I you know it's interesting man because to be on the other side of the fence and watch these guys and the selfishness dude of some of the people in prison

getting on the phone put money on my books I need money on my books I need money on my books like yelling at their girls and you know worried that they're out doing something they shouldn't be doing and you know observing that

it's like that was me bro like I was that selfish piece of shit that just got on the phone and was like I need money I need money I need money and to observe that from a different standpoint was really eye opening for me like it it changed

the way I looked at things. From there, I got promoted. I ended up, I was in shift operations, is what they called it. And essentially, my role was to oversee the entire facility as a whole

and do security. So when fights would break out, you know, I'm security. I'm the guy running in to break up the fight, which I fucking loved, dude.

Like when I would hear Code Red get called over the radio, I was like, fuck yeah. Like, let's see, let's see what's going on. you just run to wherever, you don't know what's happening. And that adrenaline rush was so much fun for me.

Like, I really enjoyed it. And then I got promoted again, and I can confidently say that I am the first former inmate to ever reach leadership at that facility. I don't know if that were ever happened again, but as it stands today, I am the first former inmate to reach leadership of that facility. And they made me a being,

They made me the supervisor on the unit I used to live on. So now I'm managing the COs and the entire unit. Did you get respect from the COs? I got respect all the way across the board. Even from the inmates, everyone. Was anyone trying you at all, like trying to see if you could become corrupt at all? So, no, no. Because here's the thing, like, I always said that me being incarcerated was bad.

better training than they could have ever given me. So like, you know, you go through your training. You watch your little training videos about how, oh, yeah, inmates's going to, you know, try to get you to bring in tobacco. And it's like, I mean, give me a fucking break. I know the game. I'm not doing that shit. Like, I'm not, I'm not, this is my livelihood.

Like, this is my job. I'm taking it seriously. But no, I was never tried in that regard. And 90% of the guys, once they found out that I was them, I mean, I always told him, I was like, I'm you. Like, I know I have a radio and keys, and I'm a cop. I mean, look, I have a fucking cop haircut. But, like, once they found out

that I was just like them, the amount of respect I got, I mean, dude, that unit was run so smooth. Like, and if guys would do dumb shit, I'd call them out on it. Like, what the, what are you doing? You know what I mean? And they respected that. I wonder if that's, like, the long term way to go with the criminal justice system.

I know they're doing that with like peer recovery, hiring former addicts into jails. And it's not on the federal level, but it's on the state level. They're hiring into jails. I wonder if that's like the long-term way of thinking. I mean, when I was there, there was a guy who did the job I ended up doing. He's a probation officer now. He was arrested for, he actually tried to take a cop's gun and do suicide by cop. He lived.

And, you know, he ended up working there and moved up. into probation, he actually just got a pardon from the governor in the state of Ohio. He's having me on for some film he's doing, but he, I remember interactions with him when I was locked up, and he never told me, but I could tell he got it, you know, and that's where the respect came from, from the inmates. Like, they just, you know, I was, I was firm, fair, and consistent. Because I remember as an inmate, when a certain CEO comes on, you want to know what to expect, you know? And so when I, when I was on my shift, I was firm, I was fair, I was consistent. And that was really important. You know, I was, I mean, I wrote people up. I wrote a lot of people up.

But they knew if Lewis was writing you up, it wasn't for some bullshit. Like, you fucked up. And ultimately, my goal was to make. the culture on that on that unit where 90% of the inmates were trying to do things positive and the guys who were behaving negatively were the minority and they would get called out for it and that that was always my goal and I you know I got to have interactions one-on-one interactions with the inmates and talk to them and help them I did I loved it I loved it and I was very very good at it you know I could de-escalate very well I mean I'm not big but you know what I'd run under the unit during a fight. All I had to do was do.

And they were just like, oh, that's Lewis. You know, that's my guy. How to make you feel when, you know, when you were like locking the doors on someone to know that you were in that same spot not too long ago? One of the, one of the craziest experiences I had or eye-opening experiences was there was a guy who I was locked up with there that came back. and I remember he came into intake and he saw me and he was like

you work here I was like yeah I work here and he ended up trying to jump the fucking fence and the way that facility worked is if you get terminated you break rules whatever you go back to jail parole violation and then they ship you to

a higher security prison and I actually had to cuff that guy up and parole came and picked him up and he told me as I was cuffing him he's like Lou if it wasn't you I'd be turning the fuck up right now like I'd be I'd be showing out and that's the kind of respect I earned dude

I was able to change the culture in that place and I think I hope that every facility every rehab every institution moves in that direction because it works. Absolutely. You know?

Why'd you end up leaving that job? So a couple of reasons. First one, I would become very emotionally attached to some of the inmates because, you know, naturally I would get close to them. And they'd get out and they'd die. And they'd get out and they'd die. And they'd get out and they die. And there was this one gentleman who I caught him smoking. And again, I'm firm, fair, consistent.

I'm not letting you off. I caught you. Face the consequences. And the way that facility worked is you could have your out date pushed back for stuff like that. And so he got his out date push back a week. And I remember that entire week, he was freaking out. He was like, I'm going to miss my daughter's first birthday. I'm going to miss my daughter's first birthday.

Like, why did you do this to me, Lewis? Like, it was almost like he was offended that I did it. You know what I mean? Because I was an inmate. So he was like, why would you do this to me? And I was like, buddy, it's my job. What, you know, what do you want me to say? You fucked up.

And so that entire week, he's flipping out. He's flipping out. You know, I missed my daughter's first birthday. He gets out three days later. He overdoses and dies. He will never get to see his daughter again. He will never get to see another birthday. And stuff like that, dude, just it hurt.

it hurt to watch, especially when you spend so much time with them and you get close to them. Like, it was just a tough pill to swallow, you know. And, you know, I eventually left. That was a big reason for why I left. It's just hard to watch, man. And, you know, eventually I just decided I could bring recovery meetings back in there for free and just try to help people that way. But I couldn't stand watching these guys die.

It was hard. Yeah, because, I mean, that could have very well been you. Yeah, it should have been me. I should have died 10 times over, dude. I mean, I've had guns put to my head. You know, I remember one time, this is back when things were okay. I had this guy hit me up for an ounce of weed. And I had never dealt with him before.

It was like one of my buddy's cousins. And it kind of set off a red flag for me. I was like, man, he wants an ounce right. off the rip. Like, it's, it's kind of weird. And, uh, I told him, I was like, well, I don't, I don't have that. I did. But I was like, I don't have an ounce for you. But I'll, you know, I'll sell you a quarter. So I go to meet this guy actually at the same burger place, that parking lot, like I said, was perfect, perfect place to sell drugs. I pull up and, uh, I, I, I get out of the car. He, like, I'm waving him over to, like, come to my car. And he's like,

no, no, come over here. There's a driver and a guy in the past. There's a guy in the past. seat. The guy in the passenger seat is the guy who called me. It's a minivan. So I get out of the car, go over, slide the door open in the minivan, get in, shut the door, and get pistol whipped in the back of the head. There was a guy in the trunk with a gun. Pistol whip me, ran my pockets, got me for like two grand in cash, which why I brought that with me? I had no idea because I felt like something was off from the beginning. You know, took everything, took my car, ran through my car, drove it around the block, dropped it back off, and they just threw me out of the car.

I mean, yeah, dude, I should have died numerous times. Like, I've had guns put to my head three or four times. Wow. Yeah. Fortunately, nobody pulled the trigger. Dude, fucking incredible story, man. Yeah, I mean, and, you know, after I left the jail, I went into this sales gig and

you know I love what I'm doing now it's it's a lot of fun you know obviously you can tell I'm a talker, a bit of a salesman that's good good trait to have oh dude you're comfortable you know everything I went through like all that life experience translated into me being a great salesman and that'll carry over into I know you're getting into social media and whatnot that'll help

yeah and and I mean it's not you know the social media thing is is fantastic. In our podcast, you know, get a grip podcast. My nickname always was Lewis Grip. That was my nickname. That fits.

And so, you know, we were naturally, we were like, well, it's just called get a grip podcast. Like, get a fucking grip.

Like, you know what I mean? Like figure it out. And, you know, so we're trying to do something that is, you know,

we can raise awareness. We can share stories, crazy stories of our adventures, our quests out there as addicts. and bring some humor to it, bring some light to it. Like it's, you know, people in recovery laugh at that stuff now. Like, we can laugh at it. It's funny now.

A lot of people are afraid to do that. You know, a lot of people are afraid to come out and say, you know, this is what I did. This is what happened. You know, they want to hide it. I own it. It is what it is, man. It's my story. You know, and I'm here today.

And, you know, part of going into the schools and sharing with the 10th grade, about the dangers and, you know, just consider, you know, you could get pulled over with a single Vicodin, and that's a felony. Like, they don't know that. These kids don't think about that. I didn't think about that in high school. And to give them that information and share that with them is so, it's so important, man. And I want to reach the world.

You know, I want the message to spread past Columbus, Ohio. past Grandview. You know, I'm still going to be very involved in the community, but I want to get the message out to everybody. It's so important, you know. I didn't think I'd be sitting here with you. I didn't think I would be either a year ago. Yeah.

I had no idea I was starting a podcast. Yeah. But, you know, life has a funny way of bringing you to exactly where you're supposed to be, and the things that you think are the worst end up being the best thing that could ever. happened to you. Yeah. Yeah. And like I said, dude, everything, you know, I mean, watching my mom get rolled out her dead body on a stretcher that day when she overdosed,

like, I didn't drink her ewes over it. You know, I, um, and in a weird way, when she passed away, it was a, it was an easier pill to swallow than when my dad died of cancer because I understood why she passed away, because I knew the disease so well. And I know that it's jails, institutions, or death. I know those are the options. And I can't wave a magic wand

over anyone and get them sober. You know what I mean? I tried to help her. I try, you know, and I she passed away. You know, she'd make it. It is what it is. And then when my dad died of cancer, man, like, I'm not going to lie, I was, I was rough. You know, because he watched me, my mom,

my sister go through addiction just destroy our entire lives and then for him to get hit with cancer on the back end of it it was just like dude what what the fuck man and that was tough for me but yet again I didn't have to drink or use over it

what advice would you give your teenage self if you could go back in time and sit down with your teenage self God that's a really good question and I would probably talk to myself the same way I'm talking to you today, honestly. I would be completely honest and blunt. And, you know, Lewis, you know, you're predisposed to this disease. And, you know, you're smart, you're a smart kid.

You're capable of anything. You know, I always heard that. I always heard the word fucking potential. You should drive me fucking insane. Oh, you have so much potential. You have so much potential. You know, and I would tell myself that you do have potential. And you're capable of anything, you know, and don't go down that road.

You know, again, I would explain it the exact same way I'm explaining it to you. Lewis, thank you for coming on the show today, man. It was an honor to talk to you today. And listen to your incredible story, man. You've come so far. so much more to go and a journey ahead of you. Yeah. No, I mean, I appreciate you having me on, man.

I mean, I, you know, just to come on to a platform any way I can and share the message is, is so important. And, you know, to be sitting with someone who's experienced some of the things I've experienced, you know, and share that with them is, it's awesome. Like, what you're doing is fantastic. You know, my pleasure, do. Like absolutely, it's an honor to be here, seriously. Thank you, man.

It means a lot. And just for you to allow me to come on and spread the message further is special to me. Yeah, my doors are open to anyone that wants to share their story. That's what we're all about. We're for the little guys. Yeah. So we're going to keep doing that and keep getting it out there.