Locked In with Ian Bick - Inside a Brooklyn Addict’s Struggles with Drugs & Alcohol in the ’70s & ’80s | Joseph Fahey

Episode Date: May 1, 2025

Joseph Fahey reflects on his struggles with drugs and alcohol in Brooklyn during the 70s and 80s and the impact it had on him. #BrooklynAddiction #DrugAbuse #LifeStruggles #TrueCrime #MentalHealth #RecoveryJourney #70sAnd80s #StreetLife Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Presented by Tyson 2.0 & Wooooo Energy: https://tyson20.com/ https://woooooenergy.com/ Buy Merch: https://convictclothing.net/collections/convict-clothing-x-ian-bick Timestamps: 00:00:00 Brooklyn Roots and Family Legacy 00:06:08 Coping with Tragic Loss 00:10:43 Tragic Accident and its Impact on Family 00:16:02 Life in the Drug Trade: A Personal Story 00:21:09 Life of a Troubled Genius 00:26:28 Growing Up Amidst Cultural Diversity and Street Life 00:31:24 Growing Up in the Streets: Childhood Memories 00:36:18 A Night Under the Bridge: Escapes and Hiding 00:41:02 Struggles with High School and Addiction 00:46:13 The Bar Scene and Cocaine Culture in Brooklyn 00:51:17 A Night of Chaos and Addiction 00:56:28 Journey to Sobriety: First Detox Experience 01:01:22 From Addiction to Recovery: A Journey Through Struggle and Hope 01:06:32 Overcoming Addiction and Personal Growth 01:11:44 Overcoming Alcohol Addiction 01:18:10 Reflections on Marriage and Friendship Powered by: Just Media House : https://www.justmediahouse.com/ Creative direction, design, assets, support by FWRD: https://www.fwrd.co Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and get your trip right. Bad advice? You talking to me? Kayak. Got that right. Well, Joe, welcome to Locked In, man. Thanks to my dad for connecting us. And, you know, thanks for willing to come on today.

I know this is probably outside your comfort zone. But it's different. It's all right. And you've never done a podcast before. No, Holly ever watched me either. What inspired you to come on today? Your dad. That fucking guy, you know.

He told me about what you do here and stuff. And I was like, okay. He's like, your story would be. great, you know, because he knows I've been sober a long time and 31 years almost. And he's like, it's a good story, you know. He knows bits and pieces of it. I told him some, some things we used to do and, you know, things we got away with and whatever. But, you know, the good old days growing up in Brooklyn. So you were born in Brooklyn? I grew up in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn, yes. I'm my, I was born and raised, baby. He had the Duchess of Bay Ridge on here, Jordan Belford's ex-wife.

That's, she knew no Duchess of Bay Ridge. He's the Duchess of Bay Ridge. My grandfather was the Prince of Bay Ridge. He owned a lot of restaurants, a lot of bars and set a lot of people up. You know, my uncle's, my uncle, he's not really my uncle. He's my dad's best friend. Marty Golden's a state center of Bay Ridge for many years. And, you know, my roots go deep in Bay Ridge.

and my Irish roots and my Italian side of the family, but mostly my Irish side. And no, it goes deep. My dad owned the bar called Horse Feathers. We owned a restaurant called Hofbrow Bay Ridge. And we had a catering hall, Bay Ridge Manor, which is still there. It's still kind of within the family. My dad's best friend's family owns it for the last 20, maybe 30 years now.

Probably 30-something years now. So it's been there for like 75 years and still going strong. We had a bar down in Red Hook, Brooklyn. We had a cafeteria and property and stuff like that. You know, so like I was pretty much born with a silver spoon in my mouth, but things changed. Things changed, you know, and, you know, streets got the better of me. Were your parents together growing up? My parents, my mom and dad got divorced when I was like three years old.

but my dad was always around and I already had a stepfather in my life who's still in my life today but I remember my dad if I wasn't playing like baseball like playing on a sport team or something I was always in one of my grandfather's restaurants

or standing like milk crates cleaning dishes scrubbing pots or I used to love like going behind the bar and cleaning like picking up the grates behind the bar and cleaning because you always found change in money back there. You know, every now and then they clean up all the cigarette butts and stuff. And I used to light an old cigarette butt up and take some puffs off and stuff.

And that, you know, you smell all the old, like the stale alcohol and beer and the, like, beer with cigarette butts in it, you know, I just love that smell. Any type of smell of alcohol I love. And I was always, I was always around that, you know. I used to polish the liquor bottles behind the bar because there's a German bar, so everything had to be, like, perfect. You know, and we had to polish the wood on the bar

all the time and stuff. And I was doing that at like five years old, you know. And then we'd break the liquor bottles in the basement of the restaurant. We put garbage cans against the wall, and we just throw all the bottles against the wall so the glass would go into the garbage cans. You know, because back then there was no deposits or recyclable, you know.

And me and my brother used to do that. And we'd take the cheap liquor and put in the expensive bottles, you know, because that's how they made money, made more money. And we would suck on the bottle caps and run wild through the restaurant and stuff. Didn't they used to put, like, water in it too sometimes? I don't remember putting water. I just remember taking like the shit liquor and putting the expensive bottles. I'm sure they did.

I'm sure they did. But I don't remember doing that. Or maybe the water was already in there because, I mean, I was, I mean, my dad was still alive. My dad got killed when I was six, you know, 1944, 27, 1976. So I was born 69 July 1st. So I just remember doing those things, you know. I mean, I was still going there after he passed, but not as much.

It just seemed like it changed. How did your dad pass away? I came home from school one day. And it was a beautiful spring day. and I was in second grade. Yeah, it was in second grade. And I remember I came home. My parents didn't walk me to school.

I was by myself, you know. And I ran home because the school was up the street, over one block, already overpassed, and it was right there. And I got home, and my mother was there with my stepfather. and she's like, just, you got to sit down, we got to wait for your brother to get home. And I was like, okay, I just wanted to go outside

because it was a beautiful out. And I went in for my brother, and I remember my brother walking in the door. And I told him, I said, mom has to talk to us. I said to Aunt Kate died, you know, and he pushed me. He goes, don't say that, you know. That's not right.

And we sat down, and I was sitting here, And he was sitting next to me here. My mother was right here. My stepfather was right there. And she started crying. And I think my stepfather even cried a little bit. And she said, your dad got killed today. He died today.

And I just remember sitting there. Like, I didn't understand. Like, I didn't understand what was going on. And I was looking at my brother, and he, like, started freaking out. He started, like, what do you mean? It's not possible. they got to bring them back. Like he started losing his mind.

And he even yelled at me for not reacting. And like, I don't know. I was fucking six years old. I'm just sitting there. And he was a New York City cop. He was laid off at the time, but he was still played for the New York City finest football team. The police football team. He was one of the first members of that team.

And his name was Phil Fahey. and so the funeral was, you know, it was the police funeral. It was the American flag on the casket. I just remember it was dark. Everything seemed to slow down and everything was dark. And it was on the news. And I just remember for some reason in the church, like we had to sit in the back of the church. And I remember watching my grandmother walking up crying.

That's all I really remember of that. You know, I had a stepmother. my dad got remarried. I remember seeing her a little bit. And I don't know. It was just, you know, my parents were teenagers when they had kids, you know. And my mom dealt with it the best she could, you know.

And me and my brother, you know, it definitely took an effect on us. It definitely took an effect on us, especially him. You know, he definitely went down a crazy path. and our lives were not the same from that moment on. That's when my life changed that moment on. But I didn't know it then, but I found out years later in therapy and stuff like that.

You know, that's when my life changed. And every dream changed, every, you know, everything changed. You know, and as you get older, you realize what you, like, you know, I'm 55 now. So the things I missed, like I just told you, like, you know, I don't know how much my dad loved me. I don't know what his bad breath smelled like. I don't know what it feels like to hug him. Like I don't have like his hair.

I don't know how he smelled. You know, I don't like when he farted, I never smelled like, you know what I mean? Like I don't have any of that. You know, all those annoying things they hate about people, then when they're gone, you miss them, you know. I never had that with him, you know. Thank God I had it with others.

Thank God I'm very grateful that people step. up and that were good uncles and good role models, you know. A lot of his friends, like, you know, I call him uncle. Technically, they're not my uncle. His friend Marty Golden, you know, was helped me get sober, you know, led me in the right direction. I worked for him for years, always treated me like a son, yelled at me like a son, you know, when I needed it. His friend Joey Sheripper always looked out for me and the best they could, you know. They weren't perfect, but I don't, you know, they knew what they knew, you know, and they're always, they always been good to me.

My uncle Chip, my, just guy, my stepfather's best friend, Jimmy Martin, my stepfather, I mean, thank God for him, you know. And, I mean, there's, you know, all my cousins, anyone who knew my dad always would pull me aside and talk to me, you know, always, if I never need anything, like he had so many friends, I lose count, you know. So, but, you know, that's when my life changed. I didn't know, you know. Now, you were telling me before that your dad was killed by a drunk driver.

Yeah, he was on his way to Kennedy Airport. And he was with this guy, Robert Gehry, who was another role model to me. And he was driving him to the airport. I'm not sure if my dad was driving or Robert was driving. And they were stuck in traffic. And they were near Starrett City in Brooklyn. on their way to Kennedy Airport. And on the other side of the Bell Parkway,

a car went over to divider and landed on his car. And by the time the ambulance and everything got there and they transformed him, he didn't make it. But like 20 years after that, the guy, Robert, I was driving, give him a ride one day. And he's like, slow down, you drive like your dad. And I was like, and I just asked him, I said, so what happened that day?

And he said, well, we were on the way at the airport, and all of a sudden, next thing I know, I'm looking down at your dad, and I'm screaming, help him, help him. He's bleeding, he's bleeding, but no one can hear me. And then I woke up in the hospital. And I said, what do you mean looking down? He goes, I was up in the air. He goes, I was on my way up.

And I was like, okay. And there's no reason for him to make that up. And he said, you know, and I just, I was like, wow. He goes, you know, he goes, all I remember was screaming and no one could hear me. No one was listening to me. And then I woke up in the hospital and I found out a couple hours later, your dad died, you know. And he was 27 or 26 at the time. And so he was young.

And he was going to play football in Atlanta, I believe, in playing either the fire department in Atlanta or the police department in Atlanta. You know, and he never made it, you know, and it's, you know, it's, well, it sucked. Plain and simple, it sucked. It's those days, you know, it never, there hasn't been a day in my life that I don't think of my dad, you know. It used to be, well, what would life be like today if he was here, you know, how would I, what would I be doing? You know, because he was making money. My grandfather had a lot of restaurants. They were about to sign the rights to sell boys.

Had cold cuts in the state of Florida. It would be the first distributors, you know. And people say, if that happened, you'd be a gazillionaire or whatever. Yeah, but, you know, I mean, you could try to play some tapes in life how it would go. But, like, today, I kind of like my life. You know, I love my wife. I have two great boys. I got great nephews, nieces.

I got a great family. And, you know, we had our struggles And we lost people over the years, but, you know, but I got my life back when I got sober. March 1st, 19. Crack a Cayman Jack Margarita with real lime, blue-agave nectar, and real margarita taste.

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Everything like, like I said earlier, everything seemed dark after he died. Like it just seemed like I was be with my grandparents and my aunts and my cousins and it just wasn't the same You know People like I don't know it was just it was just it was uncomfortable for years But like when I played sports and stuff and I was outside I felt comfortable when I was acting out. I felt comfortable And And I always watched my mom my mom always drank and she always smoked weed

She could you know I got four I got one or I got one older brother and four younger brothers. My four younger brothers have a different dad, my stepfather. And we don't say we're half brothers. We're brothers. You know, and, uh, um, and my mom, she could, she could change diapers and roll a joint with the other hand at the same time. And she's always had a can of beer, always had a can of beer. Three meals a day. God forbid you had your fucking elbows on the table. You got smacked the back of the head. You know what I mean? It was like, you had all these rules, but she's smoking weed, you know? And, So, like, you had to go to church.

We used to go to church and put the envelope in there and grab the pamphlet and go play in the park and said, we went to church. You know what I mean? Like, we, you know, there was a lot of love. You know, it wasn't no neglect, you know, but you got smacked. You know, you took your beatings when you did something wrong. And I don't know, like, I knew one day I was going to smoke weed and I was going to drink because my mom does it. I remember them coming in school in the fourth. grade saying they found bags of glue and stuff and they would give us those speeches and I'd be like,

okay, I'd give my head. I'd be like, okay, well, my mom does it, my aunt does it. Like, you know, they smoke weed, so it's okay. I just won't do glue. Yeah. So, and when I was 13, you know, I just started smoking weed a little bit. I always took sips of liquor. Always played bartender and took sips of liquor and stuff like that. And then by the time I was 14, I started doing cocaine. And the first time I did cocaine, I was in Staten Island, Willow Brook Park, I think it was. It was in the backseat of a car. And they passed it to me, and I did it.

And it felt good. And I didn't stop for 10 years. And in that 10 years, there was a lot of, a lot of drama, a lot of violence. a lot of hanging out on street corners, bars, after hour clubs, a lot of loneliness, a lot of depression, a lot of, you know, it just took total control of me. You know, and it was, and I was drinking the whole time too, like, you know, but drinking's legal, it's acceptable, it's not a problem, blah, blah, blah.

But, you know, I started, you know, I tried it that one time, then next day I'm doing it, then I'm willing to buy it. And, you know, we would just drive around. Then we had the mirrors in the car. And we'd drive around, blast the music, drinking beers, and getting high. And then we go to someone's house and do it. And we'd be an after-hour club's doing it. And then we started selling it.

And we, you know, well, before we started selling that, we had a weed business on the corner where, they would give me the money. They would go see the other guy get the package. In an hour and a half, I'd make, you know, at 17, you make $200 in an hour and a half. It was good money. And then we had packages to hold on us, you know.

So we got $3, we got $2 a bag, you know, for this guy, Paul. And he had a runner. So the runner ran everything up. He got a dollar a bag. He ran up. So if he ran 100 bags up, he made $100 running from it from. and he'd run the money back to him. And I would collect the money.

This guy, Bobo, would get distributed. And then we all had our own package. So if you had like 12 packages on you times three, that's another $36 bucks, plus you made maybe 100 already, you know, so you could party all night, you know. And then we got smart. It was like, well, when we started selling Coke and we'll just, you know, and beepers started back then. This was like the late 80s, early 90s.

So we started giving everyone our paper numbers. And those things took off. So we started selling Coke. And we hooked up with the Puerto Ricans from Sunset Park. And they were a lot cheaper. You know, so like we were selling eight balls of Coke for $100. Everyone else was selling for $300. So we started making money and it started getting crazy.

And then we started selling 20 bags of base. I didn't really do that. I made some money, but a lot of my friends did that. And everything was a beeper business. Your beep will go off, you go to phone, telling them where to meet.

Or you had codes that you would, like certain streets, certain areas, you had codes. When they would beep, they would, you know, you would, like, beep them back sometimes, or they would say where they were,

and they were, and, you know, if you were the guy out there, you know, wait and you would hope he would show up, you know, like the end. But it was, everyone was making money.

I mean, we were making crazy money. But, I mean, I was getting high all the time, so I wasn't saving any money. And, uh, but what, what comes with that is violence, people trying to rob you. You're robbing people, you know, paranoia. Um, you know, you just, you turn into a different person. It just takes total control of you and, uh, you just, you know, it's, it's, you know, it's, you know, As much as it sounds glorious and the excitement that was behind it, and I mean, I seen some shit and I seen some people get hurt.

And I see some people take some good beatings. And, I mean, there's times I'd just be walking. Five guys jump out of a car and beat the little crap out of me for something we did two days before. And you don't even know what's happening. You know, I was on both sides of the defense of that. You know, seeing people OD. freaking out having bad trips, you know, it's just, it's just, you know, I think about it.

It's like, I'm so grateful I'm not part of that anymore, you know. But it was, it was a lot, you know, and, you know, you're chasing the high and you're chasing the money, you know. And, but if you're getting high, you're not making any money. You know, it's like, you know, don't get higher, you own supply. All right, I'll get higher and need supply. It's still, you're not making any fucking money. You know, you're just, it's just a way to get high. He's just surviving on the street to get high.

You know, and my older brother, my older brother's fucking robbing everybody. He robs any car. Like, if you left your car started and you ran in your house, second, he's jumping it and take it. You know, he's, you know, he robbed a bread truck one time, a peter bread. This guy started a peter bread route, some poor Greek guy. And he fucking stole the guy's truck, sold all the bread, and they burnt it. You know, they burnt the fucking truck. They blew it up in the park.

you know he was fucked up um but this is my roommate you know i'm laying in bed one night and he's robbing cars up the street and these irish guys chase him and he's like you better wake up he's run through as the basement of house out the back door these guys are chasing him with guns you know and uh you know it's like i'm sitting here sleeping and you know two guys come with guns through your house running chasing your brother you're like what the fuck is going on i mean he robbed everything he did not care you know and uh he wasn't I wasn't afraid to go to, it seemed like he wasn't afraid to go to prison. And he did many years.

And he just never got it and never, never could get sober for any time, period. And, but when he was, like, sober, he was, like a genius. Like, he knew how to make money. He had, like, he just had ideas, you know, and, and everyone thought he was nuts because he was nuts. And he died a couple years ago. He, uh, his heart, I guess his heart stopped, you know, from doing cocaine so many years and smoking crack, you know, it catches up to you. You know, and, uh, he was, he was a sick pup. He was a sick pup. And, and when he went to prison, you know, he told me a story. Like, when he was first time he was going to do time, he was 18, 18 or 19. He was in Brooklyn House of Detention. And this gangster ready, uh, Richie Hawkeye took him under his wing. He was like an Irish gangster. And the reason I know, like my brother called home all the time all day long.

He was on the phone. And that doesn't happen when people were in prison. Like he's calling every five minutes call him my mother. And sometimes this guy Richie would call, hey, how you doing, kid? And I'm talking to this guy. Yeah, how are you doing? And they were like the only white guys. There was like five white guys.

And everyone else was black and some Spanish. And my brother said, he was telling me, telling me about this guy. And he's like, you know, no one fucks with him and no, everyone leaves me alone. And it's good. He's like, so I got to stay by him, you know. And he said this guy came in who molested was medallessing kids. And he was a white guy. And my brother, my brother said, you know, the leader of the black guys came up to this guy, Richie, said, he's your people.

You better take care of it. and so all these guys are dead now, so it doesn't matter if I say their names. And so the guy Richie told everyone, we're going to go into the cell, and we're going to do what we need to do. And the guards, we're going to, like, just walk away. So my brothers, and they said, Phil,

you're going to be at the door. You're watching. If anyone comes, just tell us. Because he was the youngest, he was, I think he was 18, maybe 19. And he told me the story, like, right after it happened, he called. And I'm like, he's like, you know, so he goes to this guy, Richie goes in there. He goes, he breaks the guy's arms and his legs.

He says he absolutely just fucking annihilates this guy. He said, but the other three guys, three or four guys, fucking got scared and ran. And when he got up and he looked for him, he's like, where did everyone go? He's like, they left. he told him they left he goes and you stayed he goes yeah you told me to you know and then the guy richie went beat the shit out of all those guys too you know and uh and i'm like and when he told me a story i'm like it was attractive you know because now i'm on the game i'm a drug dealer i'm hanging on street corners and you know you could use stories like this to get ahead of people and

manipulate them you know because people are suckers and they believe that shit you know When my brother's doing time and he's hanging out with this guy, like, it ain't fucking really helping me. But I can manipulate people and do things with it. And that's what I used to do, you know, and get out of jams and shit like that. You know, if I had a fight, I fought. If I lost, I lost. You know, everyone's a tough guy. They never lost a fight.

They're full shit. Okay. But, you know, and that's like we went from playing with GI Joel dolls to fucking being drug dealers. on the corner and drinking and getting high and just total insanity. And I used to be like, you know, I used to like playing baseball. I used to like playing baseball. Like, what happened? What happened?

Like the streets of Brooklyn, like, you know, I said this other day, like, in Richfield, there's sick people in Richfield. But Brooklyn, there's just thousands of more sick people. It's just, you know, it was a different time. And you had to, like, you know, you always had to look over your shoulder. and you had to defend yourself or people will pick on you. You know, and I hung out a bunch of guys

who were, you know, they call us a little Irish mob. We'd get drunk and look for fights all the time. You know, and I grew up in mostly Irish neighborhood, you know, and Irish Italian. It was very diverse, you know, but white people diverse. You know, like you had Irish, Italian, Polish, Norwegian, A lot of Norwegians, Greek and German, you know, and a lot of Jews, Jewish people. And there was some Puerto Ricans.

You know, we all, and but like Greeks did not like the Irish. You know, they didn't like their kids hanging out with us, you know. Italians and Irish always hate each other, but at this point we're starting to like each other. and uh but Norwegians were just like the Irish just drink and the fight but it was you know

the good thing about going like you learn about other people and you learn how they you know the food and their cultures and stuff and like if you pay attention to that stuff it's pretty cool but when you get caught up in the game the street game like you could get caught up

in the street game and never get high and never drink it's just those streets they're vicious they take total control of you, you know, and it's remarkable how some people make it out of there. Like, I just couldn't, like, I didn't find it necessary. Like, why go to school? Why to work? Why work?

Why do these things, you know? Let's just get high and make money. Did you finish high school? I finished high school and rehab. Yeah, so, I mean, for 10 years, I drank a high, and it got to the point where I would hide in a room like this with the lights out getting high. I was too scared to go down the hallway to go to the bathroom. I would pee in a bottle, whatever.

I was the paranoia. I would talk to myself. I was hallucinate. And I freaked out one time. I was so high and drunk. And someone gave me some weed to calm down. And Bill Cosby was on TV. And he started talking to me through the TV.

And I started freaking. He's like, Joe, you got to calm down, buddy. And I was like, fuck. and I lost my mind. Like, yeah. Like, and I probably would have been in a blackout at that point, but I was so high on Coke that I was hallucinating. Like, electronic spiders used to come out of the TVs

and run through the walls and stuff. You know, I was like, it was, yeah, I was losing my mind. I was losing my mind. And, you know, and I didn't know how to get out of it. Like, how am I going to get out of this, you know? And I blamed everything on my dad not being here. You know, and I go into bars. and people knew who they knew my dad and they would buy me a drink and then they want a package

and I go get them a package and I make a little money and I make them buy me a drink and I would use that and I could go out for days with no money and party, you know, and where I grew up in Bay Ridge there was back then there was bars everywhere. You didn't need a car. There was drugs everywhere. There's everything you needed was there, you know, and you just, you went with the flood. Oh, any bar I went to, someone knew my dad, my grandfather or my uncle. And someone in my family, and I would get a drink.

And then this guy would start talking to me, telling me a story about my dad. And I'd be like, oh, yeah, but I'd use it. And then they'd get another drink. You know, where to get a Coke? Yeah, I could get a Coke. You know, and boom. When I was down and out, that's what I would do. And I would just survive and just survive, get through the addiction.

and, you know, and sometimes you take people's money, and there was this one bar. Kelly's Tavern, I think it was called, there had an entrance on Fifth Avenue and an entrance on Fourth Avenue. It was like the avenues came to, like, a point together, and I would tell people, like, say, you gave me 100 bucks. I'll be, yeah, wait here, I'll be right back.

I just walk through the bar, go out the other door and fucking leave. You know, and it's just, you know, You know, and the guy, and you drive by in your friend's car, and he's still waiting outside, you're like, sucker. You know, it was like, you know, I, you know, we just, that's, it was like, it was neighborhood, like, before we even started getting high and being drug dealers and, like, what we did, like, we throw snowballs at cars and buses. We'd ring the bell and run. We used to make dummies. Like, when we were, like, real young, we'd make dummies. One time we made this dummy, and we stopped, like, pants with new.

newspapers and stuff. We put a bunch of ketchup in it. And me and my, I think it was my friend Mark Mahaney. We were down by the bus stop. And all my other friends went up. There was a apartment building around the corner from us. And they went on the roof and they put the dummy on the edge of the building.

And I'd be like, oh my God, they're going to jump. They're going to jump. And the people on the bus stop. And they fucking threw the dummy. And it comes down and it hit the lamp post and all the ketchup on all over the place. And my neighbor was at the bus stop. He's like, you little fucks. Because for a minute, it looked real.

But to us, that was having fun. That was just regular Brooklyn fun. Fourth of July's, it was like a fucking war zone. We blow the neighborhoods up. Like, the Italian guys would just have a bonfire and just light fireworks all day long. And anything that blew up that didn't go off, they would let us take.

you know and uh and i'm like fucking eight years old running in in middle of these things i mean it was it was just a different time it was definitely unsafe i wouldn't let my kids do it but we survived and and you learn you get a lot of street spots from it a lot of common sense and um i wouldn't change it for the world you know the only thing i would want to change is having my dad in my life that's it you know, yeah, I got high for 10 years. I drank for 10 years heavy. I became an alcoholic, a drunk, a drug addict. And when I got sober, I walked into a rehab

many years of being sick and tired of being sick and tired and being depressed and not knowing and not liking where my life is and waking up on park benches and, you know, crashing on someone's couch and going in the store and using the deodorant and putting it back on the shelf and wearing the same underwear for a week

and turn them inside out, thinking they're clean, like you just start playing these mental games in your head. And you always think, like, you know, I had three meals a day. You know, I was taught right. You know, everything was like, what happened? Like, what happened? And it doesn't discriminate.

It doesn't matter where you come from or whatever. And I walked, into a rehab, you know, I started going to some meetings and started meeting people and, but I was, I didn't want to change my ways and I walked into a rehab, a therapeutic community, March 1st, 1994. And that's when my life changed. You know, I was there for a year and a half. They, they fucking verbally beat the shit out of you. there was a lot of guys looking at a lot of time there but they got a plea to go there

and some guys couldn't take it they left and went to prison like I was like you're out of your fucking mind and I was there I you know I never got caught doing anything like anytime I got caught I was like oh like I had a pound of weed on me and cops like just get the fuck out of here you know I was writing confidi one time and I got totally busted and they're like

they're like I told my dad died in line duty and the guy smacked the shit out of me and said that's how you respect to me let me go. Stolen cars, like got caught in stolen cars and they just fucking smack. Like, I always got lucky. This episode is brought to you by Redfin. You're listening to a podcast, which means you're probably multitasking, maybe even scrolling home listings on Redfin, saving homes without expecting to get them. But Redfin isn't just built for endless browsing. It's built to help you find and own a home. With agents who close twice as many deals,

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I'm told it's super easy to do at mintmobile.com slash switch. Up front payment of $45 for three-month plan, equivalent to $15 per month required. Intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See full terms at mintmobile.com. You know, I don't know why, but. Yeah, why do you think you had that luck and your brother didn't? I don't know.

I can't explain that. Well, my brother did it more, so I don't know if it was luck, you know. You were with him for a lot, right? I was. You lived together? Yeah, we lived together. but he stole cars, he stole anything. Like, I didn't really, I didn't steal that much.

Like, I'd rather make money on the side. And I just wasn't into that. You know what I mean? Um, and I thought it was, like, driving around this stolen car, I thought it was stupid. Like, you're going to get caught. Everyone always gets caught. Like, these guys used to leave stone cars on my street and they used to fight over the stolen cars. Who's cars who?

It's like, guys, the fucking cars are stolen. They're not yours. My brother, this guy, Sal, this guy, Stephen. used to fight over them. You know, they both have, like, three stolen cars. And, like, what car are they going to drive to? Like, they're fucking out of their minds. They're stolen.

They're not yours. And, and this, you know, there was, there was, like, that was a whole other thing. Like, I remember one time my friend Brian and Sal, they were getting into a fight with these guys. And these guys jumped out of their transams or IROC Zs. And my brother was walking by, and they were, these guys jumped out to fight them. And my brother jumped in the car and fucking stole it. So they got their asses. kick and they got their car stolen at the same time.

And then he found a place to sell it, you know. And so then he started jumping in cars and selling them all the time, you know. But like, like he would, he walked into a crack house one time in downtown Brooklyn, like Bedstai area. And back then, you know, black neighborhood was a black neighborhood, a white neighborhood. He went in there and he robbed him. And as he's running out, he jumped in a car. and he took off and they started chasing him because it was their car.

So he robbed the spot and he robbed their car. And now he's driving through Brooklyn and like down like bedstai area to Bay Ridge. That's like almost here to where I came from in Orange County, New York, but city streets. And they're chasing them. And now the cops are chasing because it's, you know, and so the drug deals ain't chasing them anymore. So now he's going to chase by the police, and he's on the BQE going towards the horizontal bridge. And back then, the bottom of the bridge used to be shut down, like at night. And he just, he went through the batteries and he was going on, he was on the bottom bridge.

Now they come from Staten Island. And he tried, like, you know, like the little intersections where you're not supposed to do U-turn. He tried to turn there, and he fucking crashed and started running, and they were shooting at him. You know, and he looked over the side of Arizona Bridge, and he climbed on the side of Arizona Bridge. And he found this, like, he climbed, and he went into this, like, it was like an L. Like, he got into a beam, and he laid there.

And he fell asleep. You know, how he had it? Like, he was under the Arizona bridge fucking sleeping. And meanwhile, there's boats and helicopters looking for him. And I remember because it was a beautiful spring night. And in the neighborhood, everyone was like, yeah, someone jumped off the bridge, some asshole jumped off the bridge.

And I remember, I was in 83rd and 5th. And I remember seeing the helicopters. And we were, like, laughing. And I go home that night. I go home. I'm sleeping. And my brother comes in whenever he came in. He's like, he wakes me out.

He goes, is anyone looking for me? And I'm like, no. I was like, what you do? And then he tells me this story. I was like, are you out of your fucking mind? He goes, yeah, I woke. I, goes, I fell asleep. I don't know how long I was sleeping up there.

He goes, but when I woke up, I smelled salt. and then he goes And I was like And I started remembering what happened And I climbed back up And I looked And I just walked off He walked off the bridge

And he walked right to our house Right along the BQE To the 79th Street exit Front Hampton Parkway exit by PS127 Over the overpass Right into our house And they never knew it was him No one noticed him

Walking back or followed him No no And because he was probably sleeping three, four hours up there, you know, maybe longer. He could have been up there 12 hours sleeping. I mean, he's dead now, so I don't know how to ask him. But, and this was my roommate, you know, and he did shit like this all the time. And I was more like hanging out of the corner, get into a scuffle, selling drugs.

And like, you know, I like chasing women more, you know, and partying, you know. and he was the opposite where he would just rob he'd rob anything like like we'd be in here doing this now he'd be going through everything out there we'd go out it'd be fucking gone like he'd steal anything

he came home with toilet seats one time like what the fuck you're doing with these he did not give a fuck you know and that's just who he was you know and uh and I was the opposite like I used to come home and just punch him in the face

while you're sleeping like I'd be walking with my girlfriend and guys would jump me and want to fight me and like she would have to fight too and like we'll fight because when you're someone's brother, you do the same shit. Like, I didn't rob car radios.

I didn't steal, I don't know how to steal a car. You know, I didn't know how to do that shit. Like, they do something with the screwdriver and, like, I just never did that crap. But, like, a lot of guys I grew up with did, you know. Like, the first time I was in a stolen car, I was probably 10 years old and my brother was driving. My friend Steven stole it, and he had to go to the bathroom. So he let my brother drive. And we're driving.

and within five minutes we get into an accident and someone said the cops were coming and he put it in reverse and he did about 90 going backwards almost killed two people, total two more cars and then next thing I know we're running and people are chasing us and I was 10 years old

and we're three blocks away from my house so it's like it's like going down here to you know three blocks is nothing and no one knew it was us it was like fucking one o'clock in the afternoon And but then my friend Mark's like, we're going to go back and get the key because our fingerprints are going to be on there. You know, I was 10, he was like 12. And then these guys grabbed me and I just started playing the crying game and saying,

they made me get in the car, you're bullying me and all this bullshit. And they let me go. That's funny. They never, they never, back then people didn't really rat people out. You know what I mean? Because there was a whole other world that, you know, you know, you kept your mouth shut. You know, and so I guess I got lucky. I mean, I was lucky because I could have got arrested for that.

I mean, I was, I don't know what had happened me at 10 years old. They probably would smack the shit out of me and took me home, but who knows? You know, but I remember that, like, you know, but that was fun. That was like, you know, instead of playing stickball, that's what we did. You know, shit like that, stupid shit. What about college? Did you want to go when you were in high school? Were you thinking about that?

I always thought about going to college, but high school was smoking weed, selling weed, pitching quarters and going to my girlfriend's house and party. And that was high school. High school was a fucking joke. I went to Fort Hamilton High School. It was a joke. It was, you know.

I remember when I came home one spring, my mother's sitting on the soup. She's like, you didn't go to school all year. It's like, nah. She's like, and she couldn't say anything now. She's like this big now and I'm fucking huge. You know, and, uh, but I started going back.

Because I was the youngest of all my friends, and I started going back. And I got up to like 36 credits. And then I just, my addiction took over, and I just couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. And, you know. But I always, like, I always, some people went to college. I just never, it just was never really talked about. You know, even like private college.

My grandfather would talk about it, but my grandfathers, but no. Where was your mom throughout all this? Do you feel like she enabled you at all? I don't think my mom knew how to handle me and my brother, especially my brother. She tried to protect us. I remember when my brother was the first time he was going to prison and she needed to get my own $7,000 bail for him. She took it out of my bank account. It was $7,501 to bail him out.

I remember she threw us all in the car. We had this old station wagon, had holes in it. Like you can see the street when you're driving. She was flying downtown Brooklyn, you know, to get to the court to bail him out. And I remember her running back out to get a dollar. She needed a dollar. And then he came out. She got him bailed out.

And he just went back to the same. Like, she tried. She, you know, she loved us. She loved us. unconditionally and uh but she had her own problems you know and i don't blame her for nothing you know she had her own problem she was a teenager having kids you know she had my brother when she was 17 she had me when she was 19 she had a miscarriage in between us and then she took off of six years and had four in a row you know and uh um it was you know and there was no favoritisms i don't think i don't

think so. I mean, my other brothers might think that I don't think so. We got treated the same. But when addiction takes over, you know, as much as your parents love you or anyone loves you, it's really doesn't, you're going to do what you're going to do, you know, and I used to blame. Like, oh, you don't love me enough. And I used to do that blame game, but none of that was true. None of them that was true. It was all bullshit. You know, it was the poor me's, you know, the poor me is my life would be better if my dad was alive. You know, my life would be this.

If you gave me a chance or gave me a job like you did my brother or my cousin, whatever, it's all bullshit. It's all bullshit. How big of an impact do you think that being exposed to alcohol in the restaurant such a young age had on you, you know, and your alcoholism later on in your teens and 20s? Um, I, I love, like, even your bar out there, I was attracted looking at it. You know what I mean? But I understand that today. I, at a young age, I loved it. I mean, I had my first bar fight when I was like five.

My, uh, my dad owned the bar called Horse Fathers in Brooklyn. And he had us for the weekend. My mother and Steph all went away or something or I don't know where they went, what they did. And he gave us a roll of quarters to play asteroids. And of course, my brother Rob, the quarters at the end, you know. And we got into a fight. And I remember they made a circle in the bar and I punched them in the fucking nose. And everyone cheered me on and they're holding me up.

I'm five years old because I had to be five when my dad was still around. And I just remember that excitement. I was like, this is cool. You know, and I just love everything. Like, I'm very comfortable going into a bar. It's just me. It's like, it's, it's, I don't know how to explain it. It's just comfortability.

It's just, it's like being in heaven. It's fucking, I love it. But today, I could go, like, I don't hang out in bars anymore. I'm in there. I'm comfortable. I don't think of drinking anymore. But back then it was like, you know, give me a shot of bourbon right now. Give me a do is, you know, give me a nice fucking tap beer, you know.

Let me do a blast of call. Like my routine was, I would do a blast of Coke. I would do a beer chaser. and do a shot of herb and then go do another blast of Coke, you know. And then I'd be fine and I could keep going. And I absolutely loved it. I fucking loved it. And all kinds of things happen in bars, all kinds of things.

You meet some fuck, and there's some good stories. But when you're in the middle of it, you start seeing it. And that's when then you just, oh, I ain't as bad as him. Like, I hung out in this bar where I drank for free. He was a good friend of my dad's. And he let me drink tap beer for free. And I used to watch the bartenders for him and stuff. And I was selling blow in there.

And I was making a lot of money selling blow. And, but he used to put like moisture brow on the fucking Budweiser taps. And that shit was, oh, the heartburn it gave you. It was fucking horrible. and but the bartenders used to put do with shots in my my fucking mug of beer you know and I would be drinking and be like this shit's disgusting and I'd be like why am I getting so fucking high like I'd be flying and I would drink like 12 of those fucking things and uh and uh And hair pops laugh at out there. I would drink like 12 of those fucking things. And I'd be fucking flying.

But I was so jacked on Coke. I would be yelling and screaming at people. I was fucking nuts. And they were like, and they called me junior. I don't know why they called me junior. And they were like, you got to calm down. You got to calm. I was like, fuck you.

You're fucking grease ball. Fuck you. And, you know, I used to take the mop out because there was a lot of Italian guys hung out. the mop out and I start mopping the floor. Like, what are you doing? I said, get all the grease off the floor from your fucking grease balls. And, uh, but, but I would get everyone, I made, you know, that's how I made money.

I, I, I just, we get everyone Coke. I would drink for free. The bartenders would give me a couple dollars for watching them and, and running, change the kegs or whatever, you know, helping clean up at the end of the night. And to me, I would, I would justify, I would justify to, denial that way. Like, well, I'm working, you know. I mean, I remember if, I remember when I first I got it. So I looked at it. The wonder bread man did cocaine, the tasty bread man did cocaine. The guy who opened the post office, the janitor was doing coke during the this older. There was

nurses and doctors who used to come by coke that worked in the hospital, victory memorial hospital. everyone in the bar, there was cops who got high. There was a Metfood in Bay Ridge where I fucking, one day, my brother says, go bring this to the guys at Metfood, you know, the store manager. The store manager of Metfood did Coke. So I figured he was going to buy it and like do it later on. I go into the back of the office in Metfood and this fucking Metfood's packed. It's still there today in Brooklyn, Bay Ridge.

It's like, it's always jam-packed. And these guys are doing blow. You know, they're not drinking. They're just doing blow. And they got the lights out in the office. And there's three of them back there. And they're, like, paranoid. And I'm like, the fuck are you guys doing?

And the produce guy, the manager of produce guy, this black guy, he was getting high. And he's fucking ducking under the apples and hiding behind the fucking tomatoes. And he's like, be quiet. I'm like, the fucking stores jamming. Be quiet, you know. And they're like, when you weren't high and you saw it. that you're like, that shit's sick. But then if you start getting high,

you're fucking high in behind the apples and you're fucking looking at the peak holes and stuff. And it's just like, it's total insanity, total insanity. And I never thought I would get out of it. But I was just finding the whole neighborhood was getting high. Like the bread guy would be parked on the side street the back of the bread truck getting high.

It's like you're supposed to be delivering the bread, you know. And it was fucking insane. Like everybody got high. Cocaine was everywhere, everywhere. They weren't doing that. They were just, they were alcoholic, or they were fucking OTB gambling, degenerate gamblers,

or they were religious freaks. And no one listened to those guys, you know. And then you had, you know, you had your crazy neighborhood guys. They were always shaking people down and, like, you had to avoid them, you know, or you had to, like, join them and hang out with them for a while because he really didn't have no choice.

I was coming home one time. My mother said, she's like, you can come home. Like she kicked me out, and she said, I was staying at my girlfriend's house, and she's like, you can come home. And I remember walking from my girlfriend lived on 85th and 3rd, and we lived on 78th and 6th. And I was walking along 3rd Avenue, and I was cutting up 79th Street. There used to be a gas station there. And this guy, Chrissy, was there.

And he was a guy he didn't really fuck with. He was an older guy and he was a shakedown guy. And he's like this, come here. I was like, fuck. He's like, what's up? He's like, make a phone call. I'm like, dude, I just want to go home. He's like, you ain't going home.

I'm like, fuck. So I call these guys and they show up. And, you know, I may, I sit down. Like, there was a little, like, wall there. Like, you could sit on by the phone booth. if I remember right So I kind of make him get out of the car To come to me

And he comes out of nowhere And he starts bitch slapping He's fucking slapping the shit out of him And he just takes all their shit And he's like, let's go He's like, you guys get the fuck out of him I'm like, motherfucker I just wanted to go home

You know, I like My mom wanted me to come home I wanted to like a hug You know, I just wanted I was fucking tired You know, I'm like 21 years old And I'm tired I'm like And next thing I know, we're in this house,

and he's smoking crack. And I didn't want to get high with him because I know I'm going to bug out. Of course, I did. And I start bugging out. And now this guy's fucking bugging out. And he walked with a mirror. He walked with a mirror to see who it was behind them

because he was always robbing people. And he's a guy you don't want to be standing next to. And then he takes a kitchen knife. He starts stabbing the closets. It's like, if anyone's in these closets, they're fucking dead. He stabbing the closets. I'm like, holy shit. And all of a sudden, this woman gets up.

This guy was there. I forgot what his name. He was there. But his girlfriend gets up. She was sleeping like behind the couch. And she had a witch hat on. And she gets up and she's like, what's going on? And he fucking flips.

I fucking left. I fucking got out of there. And then now I'm Jones. And I just wanted to go home, I just wanted to go fucking home. I just wanted to go fucking home. But no. No, the fucking streets. And I'm two blocks from my house right now.

And so I call these guys again. He just bitch slapped the shit out of. And I'm like, I said, listen, Chrissy wants some shit or he's going to fucking kill you guys. And these fucking idiots meet me and they give me some shit. Then I go home. And I got like four bags or whatever. There was like 20 bags of Coke. And I went in my house and I'm laying in my room just getting high.

and a couple days later I'm walking the avenue and the guy Chrissy pulls up he's like you motherfucker you use my name. They get hi and and I was like yeah I did yeah like but he wouldn't do anything to me for some reason he liked me and my stepfather had a friend that no one fucked ever fucked with

and he knew that this guy looked out for me and I used that to my advantage you know and And it's like you just play the game. You play the game. You know, I mean, I can sit here and bullshit and tell you all kinds of fights we got into and all that shit. Yeah, great. But, you know, you play, it's a survival game because you just feed in your addiction.

And it gets deeper and deeper and deeper. And you get depressed. You're scared. You're living in fear. You want to change. You don't know how to do it. All you do is manipulate. and you lie to your family,

you live to your loved ones, you know, you can't hold a job, you can't do anything. And, I mean, it's like, it's just horrible, you know, and I remember it was 30 years, 31 years ago around this time, I was hanging out on this pizzeria

and I'd deliver pizza, make a couple of hours, and they would feed me. I'd sell a little weed. I was going to meetings and stuff, and I didn't listen to anything anyone said. I didn't take any suggestions, and I just figured this is, I'll figure it out, you know, and the thing I didn't understand was I can't do it my way. My way doesn't work.

I can't do how my parents or loved ones or anyone's way. There's, you know, and this guy, Phil used to, like, encourage me to make phone calls and get into a therapeutic community. and somehow, I don't know where this guy came from. He knew my dad, and he would come meet me in this pizzeria, and he would make sure I ate and stuff. And the guys in the pizzeria are like, you got to watch out.

This guy might be a fag with everything was like an angle in Brooklyn. And it was nothing like that. And he, I guess he might have been sober and cleaning. He was just trying to help people, you know, or he's a religious guy, just trying to help people. And he kind of led me in the right direction along my dad's best friend, Marty Gold. And somehow I got into a detox and the first time I ever heard about addiction. And actually, let me go back a little.

That was November of 93. I got into a detox, St. John's detox and Rockaway Queens. And I didn't drink a drug for 21 days. And that was the longest in 10 years, you know. And I remember sitting there. I remember at the end, like my last day there, they did a test to see if I had a heart attack because I thought I had a heart attack like a year before that.

It was Easter Sunday. And I just remember, like, I had these chest pains and I kind of bounced off the couch. And I never went to the doctor, you know. Start drinking white wine because I knew it was good for you. My grandmother slept on a futon her whole life. Lived a 96, walked every day. I thought that wisdom was lost.

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I thought they said red wine is good for the wine. I was drinking white line. This fucking bartender, I told her, I think I had a heart attack. She's like, well, maybe she'd have some wine. I said, yeah, give me some wine. I think I drank a gallon of wine that night. This fucking lady genie. You know, you just around, like, you made you stupid,

and you always around stupid people. You know, it's just like, it's fucking insane. And I remember being this detail, and I took the TV, and I put it in the corner. her and I was one of the only white guys. There's a couple white guys. Mostly everyone was black in there. And I remember there's this nice little black lady.

She would watch TV with me. But then there's two black guys say, how come we got to watch what you're watching? And I said, because we are. I was ready to fight over the TV. And this lady, I remember her name. She was so nice. She goes, why don't you guys leave him alone?

He watches some good shows. And they just, they didn't say anything. And I was like, thank God. I'm ready to fight in rehab and the detox. You know what I mean? It's like And And there was this other guy

Going through everyone's drawers And shit Stealing all this shit The white guy And I was like he's like You're saying I ain't with you I ain't fucking with nobody I'm hanging out this young

This old lady watching TV I didn't not want to be there But I didn't want to get high anymore And I wanted to change my life And I was scared And I was lonely And And uh

I uh I left there and I remember I went to a meeting and this guy took me to a meeting, this guy I didn't like. I don't even know how he knew I needed to go to a meeting. I didn't like him. He was a fucking asshole, but he took me this meeting. And I'm like, I don't even know how it happened.

It was in Sunset Park, Brooklyn. It was in a basement of a church, like 53rd Street and 4th Avenue. And or a hall or something. And it was November. cold out and the windows were open or there was no heat and i just remember there's this guy in there he was wearing a leather vest but no no shirt underneath it and it's fucking freezing and i'm like this fucking guy's off his rocker and i remember this girl talking about how she got a bad hair cut and she paid all this money and shit and he's he just said you know what i don't want to hear about your

fucking hair car i want to hear about your fucking addiction and the shit you would doing and the cocks, you was sucking, all this shit. I was like, yeah, this place is good, you know, and I was just attracted to it. And I was like, wow, that was cool. So then I was willing to go, like, I kept going, but I wouldn't do anything. I would just do it my way. And then I started drinking again because I didn't think drinking was a problem. And those guys said maybe you should go to the other fellowship.

And I did, and it was the same thing. And you can't be selling it. you're going to a fellowship, you can't be selling the weed, the guys in his fellowship. You're like, it's not going to work. And I went to another detox

who's in Staten Island. And I listened. I participated. I, I really wanted to do it. And all of a sudden, this young lady sat next to me. Next day I know she's going to be hand jobs.

It's like, It's like, okay. And I remember this older guy looking. He was like, oh, you have a good time, Joe. You know, it's like, it was just, it was crazy. And then like two days later, I was like, yeah, I don't want to mess with you. Like, I want to get sober. And she just, then she was giving the next guy handjobs.

And it was like, whatever, you know. And I was 24 at the time. And when I left there after 10 days, I went right to a meeting like they told me to do. and there was a guy drinking a beer in the meeting before it started and some guy came up and he said put the beer outside, gave him a sandwich and a couple dollars, a homeless guy, and it started. And I was like, okay, I was cool.

Then I went over the, I got on the bus, went over the bridge to Brooklyn. I walked in my uncle's bar. I showed them my coin from detox and they were all like, like, who gives a fuck? And that night I was in a house and a board in a house. how bored and room with people shooting heroin and i started getting high and i was just started crying like what the fuck is going on why can't i stop this but the next day i went to a meeting and i told them i lied i have 11 days today and everyone clap for me and it felt good like they're clapping

for me you know and uh and then i uh the next day i had like 30 days and they really clap and then i had like 90 days and some guy said how many fucking days you're and i both You know, and then March 1st, 1994, because I kept going, I kept getting high and kept drinking, but I kept going. I kept hearing the word therapy community, therapy community. And this guy, Phil that I was telling you about, encouraged me to get on a list. And I had a call every day. And I just had to beg for like a quarter, getting the phone booth and call. And I was living in this board house.

I just bring a mattress. And this guy, like, say it was your room. I said, I'm staying with you, Ian, you don't have a choice. Because I wasn't sleeping on the fucking street. It was cold. And this guy was from Boston. Boston Rob, we called him. He was a sucker from Boston.

You know, and he left. It was his border room. I was there for like three weeks. And the land would be like, say, oh, he's back. His sister died of some bullshit. You know what I mean? And I stayed there. And it stunk in there.

It smelled like piss. It was fucking horrible. And, oh, I remember the one day I called. They're like, yeah, we have a bed for you. You got to be here tomorrow morning. And I got, that was the longest train ride from Brooklyn to Queens in my life. And I walked into that place and I never looked back. And it was tough.

I manipulated the first nine months. I was in there. I did everything my way. You know, and then I broke down. I started getting honest. They let me start over. They let me stay. And I finished high school in there.

You know, they had New York City off-site education services there. So they were like, well, you got to do your GED, but we could probably help you get your high school diploma, too. So I ended up going to have a GED and a high school diploma. And they did a graduation, the whole nine. I got to go to college for a year or semester or whatever. I went to Sullivan County Community College. I did culinary there.

It was pretty cool. You know, and then I was there for a year and a half. I learned a lot about the disease I have. I learned about getting honest. I used to sit in groups for like 12-hour groups, and you would have to put a deep, dark secret on a piece of paper, and they put it in the hat, and the council would pull it out, and then you would talk about your deep dark secret.

Like, she would try to encourage you to talk about it. And I was like, everyone was in their 30s or 40s or maybe even older. I was the youngest person in that room. And I remember this guy, this guy, Linwood, he was talking about how he raped a woman. And how he like fucking just ripped her apart. And there was this other girl, I forgot her name. And she's like, as he's talking, he's crying. Like, he's fucking crying.

And he's saying everything at then. And she just was like, you motherfucker. And she just fucking lost. like she lost her mind on him and I'm sitting there like holy shit this this this this is fucked up and but that encouraged me to get honest because they at the end they they hugged and she and it helped her get out because she was raped like that and he was honest enough to be honest about it and he did he did a lot he did 15 years for it and um and and and I I talked about something that happened to me when I was a kid.

And someone took advantage of me. I'll just leave it at that. But you just get it out of you and you get this weight off you. And you just feel a little free, I guess. And you know, and you realize like when you're in there, you're not the only one that has problems because that's the whole time you're out there. You're thinking, you're the only one.

only one that has problems. It's just me. It's just me. And you're not fucking alone. And you're not alone anymore. That was the, that was the gift. Like, I'm not alone. Like, people understand me, you know. I mean, my shoelaces on tight, I would drink and get high. You know, you might not understand them, but that's me. Like, my friend Rocco out there understands that. You know, you stub your toe. I got to get high now. I stubbed my fucking tell, you know. But it's, you know, and I started growing up in there and I started changing and I started changing my values and I started becoming the person I'm supposed to be, you know, and I never

look back and it's been going on 31 years now and, you know, I got out of there. I got a job. I got my own apartment. I mean, the first time I paid rent. I called my grandma. I paid my rent. She's like, you're fucking supposed to pay your rent. I mean, like things, that wasn't normal for me.

You know what I mean? But I still had a lot of bad behaviors when I first got out. You know, I was like, I go in the supermarket. I steal all the groceries and pay for like the ham. You know what I mean? I always stole deodorant. I still shit at work. And I still had bad habits.

But once I started working a program and putting principles in my life, when I did those things, I started feeling guilty. And I started growing up. Like when I was 26 is when I started really growing up. And I started changing and started changing my values. And I was around a bunch of people who didn't really judge me. They always encouraged me to do better. You know?

And when I did something wrong, they were like, oh, you made a mistake. You know, you got to change, you know, or you're going to always be, you know. They were just like, Joe, look in the mirror. There's the answer of all your problems, you know. They didn't degrade me. They didn't, you know, they're like, you know, you want to get kicked in the asshole all the time. Keep doing it your way. You know, we can't live by, we can't do things our way.

And it just started changing. And it was, the change was scary, like doing the right thing. Like, it was scary. Like, not driving like an asshole all the time, you know. Like, I used to never wear a seatbelt because I didn't think it was cool. I don't wear a fucking seatbelt. Like, I had that attitude. Fuck you, you know.

now I'm wearing a seatbelt and it's uncomfortable because I'm doing the right thing, you know, a seatbelt. I mean, that's how fucked up I was. And I remember walking into shop right and I ate a grape. I felt guilty because I ate a fucking grape off the counter, you know,

because I'm changing. And, you know, but if I didn't have a bunch of guys to help me and guide me, I would fucking run. I would run because I can't do it alone, you know. And they laughed. I mean, they're like, Joe, it's a grape.

Calm down. They're like, You go in the right direction, but you got to relax a little bit. Go eat another grape. It's okay. And, you know, I used to carry pounds of weed on me and cocaine and sell it. And now I'm worried about a fucking grape, you know, it's like insane. But those are the crossroads and those are the turning points.

And that's where you got to confront your fears and have a little faith. maybe say a prayer or bring God into the situation or pick up the phone and tell on yourself and say and get some guidance because, you know, I wouldn't be here today if I didn't have that, you know. And there's so many people that encouraged me and helped me and just, it could have just been giving me a hug or shaking my hand or they spoke at a meeting or something and they just said something inspiring, you know. and, you know, I met my wife. We have two kids. My boys are, you know, 20 and 22. They know my story. My wife has a story and, you know, they know about my brothers.

And, I mean, I have a younger brother. I didn't even talk about it. Who did the same shit my older brother did, you know. And, but this disease, it took my older brother. It took my younger brother last year. He drank himself to death, basically. He fell in his head, had a brain surgery,

and just his brain exploded. And we found him dead in his apartment last year. My mother died from just drinking beer. She had sophistic exploded. You know, my dad got killed by a drunk driver. I have an aunt in Florida. my dad's sister who's been doing pills her whole life. She's 70-something years old.

It's amazing she's still alive. My uncle died of, he had liver failure from drinking. It's done a number out of my family. And, you know, it's all acceptable. And it's all, it's just a beer. It's just a beer. It's just a beer. And she used to drive us around,

and she would have her can of beer and she had these magnets that went around. They would say seven up or a Coke or something with a straw, you know, and, I mean, it wasn't all horrible. There was a lot of good times, a lot of good family events, but, you know, alcohol destroyed a lot

and addiction, you know, and I don't preach it. I'm sober today, a long time. I'm grateful for that. It doesn't mean I'm better than anybody. I really just have today. And, uh, um, but for the grace of God, go I, you know, thank God I'm here today. And, uh, I don't need to be that gazillionaire.

I don't need to, uh, I mean, don't get me wrong. If I wouldn't lot, I'll be happy, but you know what I mean? But I got everything I need today, you know, not everything I want, but everything I need. You know, God provides, you know, um, I have a relationship with a higher power today. It's very simple. How you doing? Can you get me help me with this or guide me the right way? I feel good when I'm helping others.

When I can be a service to others and not getting anything in return, I feel good. You know, I got a successful career. Hopefully they don't hear my story because they don't know all this stuff. They know some of it. They're not going to let you near the items anymore. They're checking your pockets. They can check my pocket all they want. I don't care.

I got nothing to hide. And I don't live like that. You know what I mean? They have ideas, you know. And it's not just because I grew up in Brooklyn. It doesn't matter where you grow up. Shit happens. And people, I think we all have a path,

but a lot of us get out of it and we can help others with it. What I love about your story is that you're just, you know, a normal guy behind the counter that no one would ever know has this past and story. And I think that's inspiring to others. I mean, like if my dad didn't tell you about what he, he was going through with me being in prison and everything, you guys wouldn't have formed a relationship. And we wouldn't be here today.

Yeah. If I wasn't sober, I would have never had that conversation with your dad. Yeah. I could care less. So you don't know who you're going to inspire or who you're going to help. There could be someone that walks in to where you work and is struggling and you're the one that, you know. And that's God.

That's God in a nutshell, you know. Why do you think that your dad being killed by a drunk driver didn't inspire you or any of your family members to not ever drink or go down that person? It did, but 20 years later, you know. Why do you think it didn't have that direct effect, though, like you're six years old? I can't answer that from family members, you know, because I know my grandfather's still drank and his friends still drank. It was alcohol is just acceptable.

It's acceptable. I mean, it's legal. It's like weed today. It's acceptable, you know. But there's a bad side to it. You know what I mean? And I'm not one of those people who have two beers and go. home. Like, I don't fucking understand that. I have a brother who's like, yeah, I got to go to work tomorrow.

I was like, well, it's empty. It's like, you got to empty that. What's the matter with you? You know, I'm one of those people. And I didn't know that. I didn't know that. And I'm okay with it. It doesn't bother me, you know. And if people want to hold me to my past, then that's their problem, you know. I haven't been that person in 31 years, you know. It comes out every now and then, you know, I'm human. That's the one thing I learned, though, I'm human. I mean, we make mistakes. We're not perfect.

But at the end of the day, I mean, you can make an amends for your mistakes. And, like, you know, you're making an amends. And, you know, there's all kinds of amendses, you know. And I try to help others for the things I did on the streets that those people I hurt, that I can't make amends to, you know. If it's even trying to, like, train people at work to be better and learn more, you know. But they got to be willing to do it.

And I wasn't willing. Today I'm willing and I want to. And it's a good way to live, you know. Absolutely. I mean, I learned a lot because of it. It gave me, you know, I got that street education. You know, I went to the university of Sunday Night Street and Fifth Avenue. You know, it was a little tough, but, you know, I got my degrees.

And I got a lot of good people, you know. Like, I met my buddy out there. there right now. I met him. I met him. He was working in my house with my friend James, who I know forever. And my friend James, like, he's a great carpenter and stuff. And when he's working in my house, we bought our house like seven years ago and our new house. And he was redoing the bathroom. And I break his balls when they come home. He get all mad, all sensitive. And I'm like, and I just look at rice. I said, I'm just breaking his balls. I don't care. and one day I come home

and there's a hole and from the bathroom to the bedroom there's a hole in the wall I'm like James what fuck there's a hole in the wall like what happened and I know he's gonna fix it but I want to break his ball

he goes oh Rocco did that Ryan Rocco hears it he's like I didn't fucking do that you know what I mean and you know but that's like it's like we could talk seriously and we could talk smack we could talk

smack and go to serious conversation. Like, I never had that. I could talk to anyone of my friends today about what's going on in my life. You know, and I have a wife I could do that with. You know, and my wife is, she's my best friend. Always had my back.

And always been there for me. Even when I wanted to kill her. She wanted to kill me. I mean, I mean, I'm blessed. You know, and, uh, We've been married 22 years, going on 23 years. And, you know, it's, it's, and we had our struggles, but we got through it, you know, and, just like any other couple, you know, and, she has her demons, I have, boy.

And, and those, you know, supposedly goes into the family, so you worry about your kids, you know. And, but I never had a friend like her, you know. that I I mean maybe I did and I just didn't understand you know I was a kid but no she's

always had my back more than anybody and uh what attracted me to her I was hearing to speak one time and she was

uh she said uh you know when she liked to drink she was talked to her friends or whatever when she when she would drink she just like to get to fights

and everything I was like yeah baby that's your girl I said, I like how you talk. And then we just, you know, we were at this party and we started dancing. And that was it. That's awesome. I got looking at her boobs.

She's like, can you look at my face? I kept looking at her boobs. You know, and, but, you know, and the crazy thing is, and this is why I believe in God today. I'm not religious. I don't go to church for anything. I should, but I don't. I met my wife on 427, 1998. My dad died on 427, 1976.

And that was always a bad day for me. It was my grandparents' anniversary. My neighbor's anniversary of the Pizzards. I don't know why I remember that, but there was their anniversary. And that, and someone else died on that day. Something else happened. And it was always a bad day.

And I always fed into that negativity. But I met my wife on that day. And like bad things don't always have to be bad. It could turn into good and it did. You know, and what's even crazy, years later, my wife goes for an interview. She's doing medical billing. And the company she's working for

is taking on these new accounts from this other company out of Staten Island. So they had to go down there and meet the people down there. And she's talking to this guy, Steve. And he's like, Your last name's Fahey? And she's like, yeah, she goes, and he goes, you know, I had a good friend I grew up with in Brooklyn named Phil Fahey in Bay Ridge.

And she's like, yeah, that was my fallen law. Like she never met my dad, obviously. And the guy just, he was the only, he was a president of going to drive. He's like, what? She's like, yeah, I'm married to his son Joe. And he's like, he knew me when I was a kid. I didn't remember him. And he went from being like the president of this company to like, holy fucking shit.

I fucking grew up with this guy. We were drinking and he owned a bar. We're best friends and we do all this shit. And yeah, so I got to, yeah, small world. Yeah, small world. And I got to meet this guy and learn more about my dad. You know, I learned a lot more about my dad. I mean, that's how I learned about my dad by just meeting people, you know,

because the old school Irish don't tell you anything. Everything stays in the fucking house. It's a big secret, you know, in Italians. It's just, I don't know, I don't know if it's old school Irish or Italians or Jewish people or Jewish. I think it's just the way America was, you know, it's like. Like, fucking share things with your family. Let them know what's going on. Absolutely.

You know what I mean? It's fucking crazy. Well, Joe, thank you so much, man. We're fucking darned. I got more. You got more. You did great today, man. How do you feel?

I feel good. It's good to let it off your chest, right? Yeah, you didn't even say anything. I just went. You're pretty good, you fuck. You did a good job. Those are the best interviews. You know, you got the person comfortable

when my dad thought you were going to be nervous today. Fuck you, Mike. Can we see him out there? Yeah, we'll go out there too I love Mike. That's the best. He's a good man. You better give him more hugs, all right?

I take them to dinners. Give them hugs, okay?