Locked In with Ian Bick - Inside My Federal RICO Case: How Meth Changed My Life | Chris Stroud

Episode Date: January 7, 2025

Chris Stroud's life changed when he became involved in a federal RICO case for selling methamphetamine, leading to a prison sentence. In this interview, Chris shares his experiences, detailing how he got involved in drug trafficking, the legal battles he faced, his time in federal prison, and the challenges of rebuilding his life after incarceration. #FederalRICOCase #MethDealingStory #InsideRICOCase #FederalPrisonJourney #TrueCrimeStory #DrugCharges #RICOCaseExplained #LifeAfterPrison Connect with Chris Stroud: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FieldOfNoise1?mibextid=LQQJ4d Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fieldofnoise/profilecard/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== Websites: https://healthyliferecovery.com/ https://bajarehab.com/ https://steppingstonesd.org/ Thank you to our sponsors this week: PrizePicks: Visit https://prizepicks.onelink.me/LME0/IANBICK & download the app today & use code IANBICK to get $50 instantly after you play your first $5 lineup! Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Presented by Tyson 2.0 & Wooooo Energy: https://tyson20.com/ https://woooooenergy.com/ Buy Merch: https://www.ianbick.com/shop Use code lockedin at checkout to get 20% off your order Timestamps: 00:00:00 Growing Up with Addicted Parents 00:05:00 Joining the Army to Escape Troubled Times 00:09:48 Motorcycle Accident and Identity Confusion 00:14:44 Arrest and Extradition to LA County 00:19:50 Discovering a Daughter at 32 00:24:24 Struggles with Addiction and Consequences 00:29:38 Journey Through Addiction and Attempts at Recovery 00:35:22 Regrets and Attempted Reconnection with Children 00:40:39 Transition to San Diego: Selling Meth and Weed 00:45:54 Weed Growing Venture in Arizona Turns Dramatic 00:50:54 Navigating a RICO Case and Negotiating a Plea Deal 00:56:09 Life in Orange County Jail: A Personal Account 01:01:00 Navigating Racial Dynamics in California Prisons 01:05:59 Overcoming Addiction: A Journey of Recovery 01:11:08 Healing in an LGBTQ Community 01:16:22 Finding Purpose and Motivation Through Recovery 01:21:06 Upcoming Meeting and Travel Plans Powered by: Just Media House : https://www.justmediahouse.com/ Creative direction, design, assets, support by FWRD: https://www.fwrd.co Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Welcome to Lockton. Where'd you come from today? San Diego. San Diego, wow. Yeah. The warm weather. Love it. You probably suck getting off the plane here. No, dude, like driving here from the city was beautiful, bro. It's so different. Perfect time of year. It's the fall, end of the fall weather, but it's cold. If you came a few days earlier, it was warmer. Dude, this is, it's just as cold in San Diego right now. This, really? This weather? Yeah. Holy cow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I don't know. I like California.

weather. I hate like really cool temperatures like waking up and the morning's the worst when you get up around here and it's like in the 40s or the 30s. I don't think they have that. That's a little too cold. Yeah, they don't have that in San Diego. But yeah, thanks again for coming, man. Thank you for the shirt. This is your friend's company. Yeah. If you want to just explain what it is and where people can find this at. So it's just a friend of mine. He started a, can I say? Yeah, yeah, you could say. So he started this thing with the friend of his, just t-shirts that were fuck fentanyl because of so many people dying of the fentanyl crisis. And then he started his own podcast. And he's killing it right now.

That's awesome. So, you know, I just wanted to give you that and kind of promote his thing because he's doing a lot of good out there. What's the name of his podcast? Fuck fentanyl. Oh, that's the name of it too. Okay. Yeah. That's awesome.

Were you on his show before? It was, yeah. That was the first podcast I did. How did you guys meet? So we both work in treatment. Yeah. So he works at the same company I used to work at. Awesome.

Now, did you grow up in San Diego? No, I grew up in L.A. County. Okay. Yeah. Mom, dad, siblings? Mom, dad, no sibling. It was my stepdad. I was born in Lone Pine to Lone,

It's a little tiny town in central California. You know, and then my mom and dad were both drug addicts when I was growing up. And then they got sober when I was 11 or 12 years old. And by, I mean, I think by then it was already too late for me. I was already in this groove of getting in trouble. But my mom, my dad went from my stepdad, went from using drugs to be in a California correctional officer. Oh, he became a correctional officer?

Yeah. Wow. Did he had never gotten arrested before then? Nothing major, no. No. And this was way back in the 80s when he started. So it was right before they really started doing background checks. If he would have tried a couple years later, I don't think he would have got in.

Oh, there was a time where they weren't doing background checks. They did, but not like they do now. Okay. So. Did he retire from that job? He did. was his whole career. Wow. So it must have been interesting to see what you would later go through from his perspective. Yeah, we don't talk no more. Oh, you guys don't talk no. Are you, him and your

mom still together? My mom passed when she was 50. I'm sorry to hear that. Did you guys have a close relationship growing up? So my stepdad was my hero growing up. You know, he could walk into a room and everybody would immediately just be drawn to this dude. And he just had that personality. And my mom bless her soul we we loved each other but we could not stand each other we were really you know

she was only 15 years she had me right after she turned 16 so we were more like brother and sister yeah it's tough when you when you have a child really young yeah but I can imagine you guys had a very close relationship in that sense because of the age yeah growing when I was young

she was my everything you know But as I got older, I kind of like started hanging out with my dad and just kind of, I just didn't want to be around my mom. She had some mental health issues and she tried. She did the best she could, you know. So it was, I'm not angry with her anymore. I've had to process that. But, you know, she really did the best she could with what she had. They both did.

Did kids make fun of you at all because of how young your mom was? No, no. I looked really young my whole life. I had rosy red cheeks. I went in the Army when I was 17 and they called me Rosie. And it was just, that's kind of why I got made fun of because I looked so young. In high school, I looked like I was in seventh grade except for I was tall. So in high school, do you end up graduating high school? So you don't. So do you leave high school? So do you leave high school? school to go into the army? Yeah, it was either, I was already selling drugs and I, some things were going on in Lancaster. That's where we moved from Lone Pine to Lancaster. And things were going on and I, I just went to my Deceptad and I said, hey, I got to get out of here. I'm going to end up either dead or in jail if I don't get out of here. And he's like, join the army. So they signed and I was in a month later. Did you want to genuinely join the Army?

Like yourself? I think I... That's a good question. I don't know. Because I didn't stay in the Army. So I think if I would have went in at an older age, I probably would have retired. But I went in when I was 17 and I did good for a while.

And then immediately, that's where it's where I found crack cocaine was in the Army. I started dating a stripper and it was all downhill from there. You know, I have this joke. I smoked crack one time for 20 years straight. It was, yeah, just took over my life.

What drugs were you using before the Army? I've done meth before the Army, a lot of weed, mostly just meth and weed. So how'd you first get into math? I think a friend had it You know I went over to his house And he's like you want to try this? And I tried it and I didn't really

I didn't start using I was smoking weed a lot in high school And selling weed but The harder drugs didn't start until I was in the army Do you feel like you were trying to escape Something in your childhood That made you want to try math Or drugs in general?

No, because the weird thing is, I remember growing up. And, you know, when I was like 10 or 11, I started to notice some things that were different with my parents. You know, before I got to be about 11 years old, all my friends were my parents' kids. So everything seemed normal. Then I started getting friends whose parents didn't use drugs. And I started to see this different dynamic. You know, they'd eat dinner together, you know, do things together. And I was like, this is, this is cool but weird, you know.

And then my grandparents lived right across the street from us. So they tried to, like, instill some stuff in me that, but I was just, you know, and then I remember thinking, I'm never going to be like my parents, you know, and I ended up being way worse than my parents. Now, once you meet the stripper, where was that? that were you at a different base out of California? Yeah, I was in Georgia. Augusta, Georgia.

Okay. How long into your stay at the Army did this happen? About a year. Oh, so you made it through Basic. Made through Basic, made through AIT, and then I got to my permanent duty station. I got stationed in Georgia, you know. I was hoping to be stationed in Germany or something like that, but I got stationed right in Georgia.

And where you cleaned that full year, that you were in the Army? Oh, you were still using? Yeah, I was smoking weed, doing acid, doing ecstasy, you know, there's drugs all over in the Army. Back then, was it easier, more accessible? Maybe less drug screens than there is probably now. No, I mean, I don't know what it's like now,

but if they suspected and they'd test you and they also would do randoms. But you got lucky, I guess, for that year? I got lucky for that year, yeah. Yeah, real lucky. Were you able to still? focus or are you just doing like just the right amount of drugs um no soon as i met so i would go to atlanta with my buddy you know on our days off and like do acid go to shows do some x-sac-see and then

come back and just be okay but once i met the stripper and started doing cocaine no i mean the first night i i smoked crack i robbed some dude you know and then i started to I started robbing drug dealers on the street corners, like within a week or two of smoking crack. While in the Army? Yeah. And you're 19 years old? Yeah.

About 19, yeah. Are you wearing your uniform while you're going robbing these guys? No. Okay. No. So basically once I started smoking crack, I decided I'm going to take some time away from the Army and just not show up. So AWOL.

A-WOL. Yeah. How long were you AWOL for? The first time I was AWOL for about 28 days. And then I, because I knew after 30 days you're a deserter. So I went back and then went AWOL again and then I got in a motorcycle accident and I broke my femur bone. And I had my buddy's ID because he was older so I can get into bars. And so when I was in the hospital, they phoned my first sergeant and said, hey, Mike's in the hospital, but he was in formation at PT.

So they're like, wait, I thought you were in the hospital. And then they put two and two together and realized it was me. and then I got out of the hospital, my leg got a little bit better, and then off I went again. Hey, it's your host of Locked in, and I have to tell you about something that's added more excitement to my life lately.

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Prize picks run your game. Do you wish you, looking back on it now, do you wish you stay at the course in the military? Sometimes, but I don't really regret a whole lot because of where I'm at today. You know, I can look back on my past and everything that I've done and everything that I went through has maybe the man I am. today. And I'm pretty happy with my life right now.

So what happens after that? After the military? Yeah. I get out of the Army, go back to Lancaster. And I tried to get sober. And I remember I started going to NA meetings. And I get this guy, he's, I'm not going to say his name, but I get this guy as a sponsor and he's uh he's on a parole and he comes over to my house and my dad's there and my dad

you were talking and my dad's a CEO you can't have anybody that's on parole so my dad's like hey bro you can't come up you can't come to the house no more because I can't get in trouble for that so I end up starting using again and I I end up going to Missouri with this girl to my life is so crazy. So I go to Missouri with this girl and why I'm in Missouri, I get a job. And I'm there, I'm guessing a couple months, maybe a little bit longer. And I get a knock at my door one night. And I look out my window and it's cops everywhere.

And I'm like, what the fuck? So open the door. And they're like, you Chris Stroud? And I'm like, yeah. And they're like, you're under arrest. And I'm like, for what? And they're like, attempted murder. And I'm like, what are you talking about?

You know, because the night before some guys came to my house and jumped me. And I got this bar, chased him out, and I shoved it through the back of the car window or the side window of the car. And it hit this guy in the eye. So I'm immediately going, they came to my house and attacked me. And he's like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, what are you talking about? He's like, you got a warrant out of L.A. County for attempted murder. And it was the guy that was my sponsor.

He said that I tried to do a drive-by shooting on him. And I don't remember doing it. And I got off because I wasn't, you know, I was out of the state, you know, when the shooting happened. So he actually got shot at? I don't, I've never talked to the dude, but they came, they came all the way to Missouri and got me. Wow. They rested me in Missouri and then L.A. County came and extradited me. So they never arrested you for the pipe or whatever through the window?

No. They didn't even know about it. So I'm lucky. You know, I was like just dry snitching on myself there. Wow. So when did this alleged shooting supposedly happen? So this was in 93. And you would have been early 20s? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So I spent some time in jail in Missouri waiting for extradition. And then they went to L.A. County jail. And that was a shit show. You know. you know, white guy in L.A. County jail, white kid with rosy red cheeks, you know, and I'm not in there with guys that, you know, just selling drugs. I'm in the dungeons with murderers and gang members.

And I'm going to lie, I was scared shitless. Were you in there with the Menendez brothers at all? I was in there at the same time as them, yep. Were you in the same unit? No, because they were in protective custody. Oh, okay. So. Oh, so how they were portrayed in the series.

I don't know if you watched it or not, They were in Gen Pop, I guess, in the series. So I think for a while, but my understanding when I, wait, what I remember from being there is that they were in protective custody. One of them was for, for, so I don't know why, but. Because you would have been probably kind of around the same age, maybe a little younger. Yeah, I was like 19, 20, 21. And they were maybe mid-20s, I think, or early 20s. So 93, when, I think didn't they get sentenced in 93?

somewhere around. I know they were in L.A. County Jail first, so they would have been... Wow, that's so crazy. Yeah. You probably were watching all this now unfold, and you're like, wow, I was there during that time. I just watched the whole thing, and I'm like, yeah, I was there. Remember those county blues? So, I mean, L.A. County Jails has a pretty notorious reputation.

Yeah. Yeah. It was... And I'd never been to, like, I've been to, like, jail before, but never, like, jail, you know? Like, I've been to smaller jails, you know, just for the... the night or something like that, but going there and being stuck there, you know, it was horrible. And my grandfather bailed me out, paid cash to bail me out, so he didn't lose the bail money

to the bondsman. And I remember they made me, my grandfather made me sleep on the floor next to his bed because they thought I was going to take off. You know, I was like, but I wouldn't do that to my grandfather. What did he do for work? He owned an ARCO AMPM and Lone Pine. Okay. Yeah.

So he had a little bit of money. He did well for himself. Yeah. And how did your dad react to the news that you were back in L.A. now under attempted murder charges? Well, at that point, they really didn't know too much about, they knew I had a drug problem, you know. And I think my mom had felt responsible for that because the way I was raised. and me and my stepdad and my mom still were talking and they helped. You know, they were part of getting me out.

But it wasn't, it was after that that I really started to burn the bridges with my stepdad and my mom, you know, they would let me come stay with them and I would steal from them and steal their cars and write bad checks and breaking into the neighbor's house and just all kinds of, just bullshit. it. So once you got arrested for that, are you thinking in your mind, wait, did I actually do this? Well, I mean, I don't, I know I didn't do it, but there sometimes I'm like, I do remember driving by the due to house, but the day the shooting happened, I was in, I was in Missouri. That's why I got off, you know, because if I would have been in the state, I would have been fucked.

Did it end up going to trial? No, we ended up hiring. My grandparents hired a good lawyer. and the girl I was dating at the time, her mom was in Missouri, and she was a L.A. County Sheriff. And she was there when I was there. So she was able, her, my girlfriend and her mom were able to say,

he was in Missouri the day the shooting happened. I feel like back then it was a lot easier to go off of someone's word when there was like an accusation because there wasn't like there was like a GPS. Yes, I could have showed right then. And there are the cops that you were in a different state. Didn't have no cell phones. That's, you know. Yeah.

But they still made us hire an investigator and go all the way. You know, the investigator had to go to Missouri and take statements and all that shit. So it costs a lot of money. So once you were let go found Anderson or whatever before it even made it to trial, do you go back to Missouri? No, no. And that's another thing. So I don't know if you want me to skip forward. Not just, yeah, share what?

So the summer, I get this message. And it's weird because on Messenger, I didn't know. I see to see this message pop up at the top of my messenger feed. And it's from this woman in the name. She's going to hate me. But the name sounded familiar. And I'm like, and she says, do you want to know who your daughter is? And I'm like, and it took me about a week to, to,

to figure out that it was the girl that I was dating and she got pregnant while I was there. And I just found out this summer I got a 32 year old daughter. You didn't know she? I don't remember. Dude, that part of my life was so chaotic, you know, and she tells me things about the way things were going with us. And I just don't remember. I was so screwed up on drugs that I just don't. I don't, yeah.

Yeah. There's parts sometimes kind of come back. I kind of remember her telling me she was pregnant, but she tells me all this other stuff, and I just don't, you know. If you're ready to refresh your wardrobe for spring, Bome is one of my go-to spots. They have the best everyday pieces. Think really good denim, easy dresses, and outfits you can actually wear on repeat. Everything feels current without being over the top.

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Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan. But yeah. Do you have memories from your childhood still? Or do the drugs kind of like erase that and blotch that out? Like years of continued drug use? I mean, I remember my childhood to some degree, but because I didn't have the worst childhood. I'm going to be honest. Like there's people that have had a lot worse childhood.

There wasn't a lot of physical abuse, you know, almost none. It was a lot of neglect and emotional abuse. but again, I had my grandparents right across the street that I could always run to when things were difficult. Did your dad have to separate himself from you while you were fighting those charges? No, no. Okay.

No, and afterwards, I think I went and stayed with them shortly and then moved to Carson City and immediately started right back up. Carson City is Nevada. Nevada. I remember that from Conair. Yeah. That's the only reason why I remember.

remember that. So you go to Carson City, your, what are you, early 20s? Yeah, early 20s and it was my, my mom's mom and her husband, they were trying to help me out. And I moved up there with them. And they did a lot to help me out. And I just fucked them over. You know, I remember they, they helped me get a vehicle and I ended up getting a job. And then I met this girl. And then I started driving down to Lancaster, picking up meth and bringing it back up to Carson City. And I had to leave Carson City because some of the meth I had picked up was bad. And it was people were going to the hospital. And my girlfriend, she's like, dude, people want to kill you right now.

So I left Carson City on a Friday night hitchhiker, Friday morning hitchhike and I just ended up in Seattle. How are you going? No, go ahead. Who were you getting the meth from? Just one of my connects down in Lancaster. Are these just other white guys or the drugs? This is a white chick. A white chick.

Oh, you're getting the meth from a chick. Yeah. And she had her own supplier. Yeah. Wow. Interesting. Do you feel like a woman at the time were kind of like your detrimental type of point? So. Like your weak spot.

They were my weak spot and also my saving grace in a way because, you know, I was homeless for years, but the women I lived with just didn't know it, you know, honestly. And it's, it's, it's not, it's funny, but it's not, you know, because I, I would, I'd run through women, you know, and, dude, I was a dirt bag. I'm going to be honest. I was a fucking dirt bag. And if I ran through you, usually I date a girl about, I don't think girls ever last more than two years before they were like to get the fuck out. Or I was already, I just disappear. What do you think you were searching for?

I think I was looking for myself, you know? And the thing is with me and crack, it was this thing where it was this love, hate thing. like I would do it and when I didn't want to. That's why I was explaining to your friend out there is like I never, a lot of people don't, some people don't agree with this, but people in recovery understand this. It's once I put something in my body, I no longer have a choice whether I use. I can't control the amount I use and I can't stop when I want to. and the only thing that it's ever stopped me is handcuffs

and that even that doesn't even stop me you know and with crack I mean my get down for 30 plus years was I would smoke crack burn through all my money and then I'd go rob dealers

on the street in every city I lived in I mean I've lived in in every city in the West Coast. And I've had to leave every single one of them because I've just burnt, burn it to the ground where I wasn't safe anymore. Now, when you say robbing a dealer, are you getting their money or their drugs? No, they're drugs.

That's all you cared about just so you could get high yourself or so you could resell. I mean, if they, if, I never sold crack. Yeah. Just meth? Just meth, yeah. Okay. Yeah. So cocaine for me was that was, I never even tried to sell cocaine because if it,

I had cocaine. It was either going to go in my arm or I was going to cook it up and smoke it. So you end up leaving Carson City because you're on the run from people you sold bad meth too? Yeah. Did anyone die from it? No. Just some people ended up in the hospital. Like even my girlfriend, her lips swelled up really big, like some kind of allergic reaction.

Did she know you were a drug dealer? Well, yeah, she was driving down with me. Okay. Yeah. And she didn't mind that you were picking up from another. woman that was the... I don't, I think I left her out of it. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. So where do you go from there after you leave? So I hitched to Seattle. And I remember I get up there. I got from Carson City to Seattle in like 30 hours hitchhiking, which was because I was, I looked so innocent. You know, I didn't have all these tattoos and the rosy red cheeks.

And it just looked innocent. it. And I get up there and I'm determined I'm not going to smoke crack. And I go to the Union Gospel mission up there and I get a bed there and I get a job at McDonald's and then I get a job at the kingdom. And then I go into this pizza place this one day and I see this girl. And I'm like, fuck. And she's, you know, immediately were like hanging out and within a couple weeks I'm moving with her

and it's kind of a party house bunch of college kids and they didn't really realize what they're getting into yeah and that's when I kind of started to sell meth

like big time there is in Seattle but again it makes some money and I'd go smoke it up and when I smoke crack. Was there a high demand for meth in that time period? Yeah. Yeah. It was right when it was coming away from Biker Dope into more like the

crystal and it was, you could actually make money back then. What would the typical sale be worth? I mean, like an eight ball was like $350. $350? $350? Yeah. Wow. So what's a profit margin on that? I mean, what was I? I was buying an ounce for like, I think like $800 back then. Wow. Yeah. So that's really good money. Yeah. I mean, decent, but I still, I had stuff, you know, but I didn't think. Yeah. I didn't really start making money until later on with meth, like real money.

So do you find a good new connect in Seattle and how hard was that to find? So it was just hit or miss. I found a couple good connects up there. And, you know, I was selling for about, I don't know, a year or two. And then everybody started to get busted. And I've always had this weird knack like for I either burn the place out or when people start getting busted. I just bounce. I'll drop everything.

Like I told my girlfriend and said, I'm leaving Seattle tomorrow. You can either come with me or not, but I'm leaving. And we fucking packed up our U-Haul and went to San Francisco. Don't know why we went to San Francisco thinking we can afford living there.

And we were there a little while and we realized we couldn't afford it. So we started making our way back up. And we had the U-Haul like a month longer when we were supposed to and it got taken finally so we started hitchhiking up and down the coast you know we hitchhack down to L.A.

and then all the way back up to where she was from Mount Vernon and yeah it was just I would try to stay sober and I couldn't you know I wasn't trying to stay sober I was trying to not smoke crack and I just couldn't do it.

Where do you guys end up to kind of settle down. So her parents tried to help us out. We got a little apartment up in Mount Vernon. And I just remember we were, I think it was New Year's Eve or something like that. And we were supposed to go to Seattle for like to hang out and party. And she went down and I stole her friend's car and did a bunch of cocaine and quailudes and just all kinds of stuff.

and I get pulled over the next morning, a felony stop and end up in jail for grand theft. But they, I've been so lucky, so lucky because she gave me the keys. So they just said it was a criminal, I don't know, it wasn't, I didn't get grand theft. It was just like criminal possession, you know, longer. I don't know what it was called, but I ended up in jail. for a couple days. Me and her broke up

and I ended up back in Seattle and this is kind of when I this is probably 95, 96 this is when I kind of try to start really getting sober like okay, you know what I'm going to go to treatment and then get out

and I started doing meetings and stuff like that but I would get 30, 60, 90 days and end up relapsing. It was just kind of back and forth, back and forth. You know, but that's where I really started to, like I would rob the drug dealers. And this is how crazy it is with me with crack.

So I'd buy crack on one corner, on university, up in the University District. And the next day, go right back. just, you know, I've been chased by, you know, through people's houses, you know, because I'm so out of my mind, you know, I'm married this girl, she's, she's, I got a 20 rolled up with a bunch of ones. And the guy standing, he's looking at me. And I don't even realize it's the dude I robbed that night, last night. And she, she, she, he looks at me and he's like, aren't you that dude?

to rob me last night and I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about and we just start squabbling and next thing I'm just, I'm taking off. You know, because it's my, that's what I did.

How long to take you to find an actual connect that would become like your supplier to get into the major meth dealing? That wasn't until I moved to L.A. Back to L.A. now. Yeah. Yeah.

But so, was in Seattle and then I went to Portland and then Santa Cruz and then you know back to my parents' house and then I ended up in L.A. For a few years

well no I was in Santa I went to Santa Barbara too. I was in Santa Barbara for five years but I wasn't selling math I was selling a lot I like Ecstasy and I had a business partner up there I did okay with that but again

I ended up burning bridges with this guy who you know dude is really good to me and you know I remember he rented a car for me and I got it fucking I got pulled over without a license and I gave me I gave the cops his name

but the wrong birth date so you know he ended up paying like five grand for the for the car so you had like a really long run of getting lucky like in and out different cities i did yeah yeah all while high yeah yeah and honestly it's it's you know the color of my skin i'm gonna be honest like if i would have been black or mexican i wouldn't got i wouldn't got away with what i did to be honest which is shitty You know, there's so many times that cops have caught me getting high And they're just like, you need to leave

You know Do you wish that you would have gotten like caught and discipline back then? You know, I, yeah, because I think about if my mom and dad Would have let me get in trouble as a teenager I wonder sometimes if I would have learned my lesson younger But again, I don't really regret too much You know, the only thing I really regret is the time I've missed with my kids. You know, I've got four kids that I don't have a relationship with any of them.

You know, that's the one thing I wish I could fix. And I'm hoping that as long as I stay sober and I keep doing what I'm doing, they'll see that I've changed. But like with my daughter that I found out about this summer, we've emailed, you know, and I email her here and there, but I'm not going to be pushy because it's, I don't think I have the right to just try to barge into her life. You know, this is something she's got to decide if she wants to relationship with me. How old were you when you had your first kid?

She was my first, but I didn't know about it for years. Yeah. You know, and then I got another daughter, and then I got two sons. all from different women. So now you're back in L.A. You're probably in your 30s? No. So I was in Santa Barbara from my late 30s to early 40s.

And then, like I said, I did, I mean, when I say did okay there, I don't know why I even say that because I was off the chain. That was probably one of the worst times for me, really, as far as smoke and crack but I was able to kind of like have this facade of being okay because I was selling enough drugs to not be

robbing as many crack dealers as I used to. But when I moved to L.A. You know, I ended up meeting this guy who sold me pounds for super cheap. And that's when I really started to

kind of get meth. When I started, when I started moving weight, the meth helped me kind of really get away from the crack. Like, I wasn't smoking as much crack. So I was able to kind of maintain a little bit. And I was under this delusion that, oh, things are cool. I'm not smoking crack. You know, maybe a couple times, you know, here and there, two or three times a year at

at this point. But I'm shooting up Matt, Matt, mad amounts, a mad. some meth and still committing crime and transporting drugs from L.A. to San Diego and shipping them from L.A. to New York and Chicago. You know, I'm so lucky I didn't get busted for that. How are you able to do all of this a while, you know, high? Like not thinking straight, not being clear. You just like seeing it from other people do it? I mean, I'd just been selling drugs my whole life, you know, and I wasn't, I wasn't very good when I'm, you know, when I'm smoking crack, that's all I think about. But with the meth, like I said, I was under this delusion because I had money, I had a car, I had a place to live, I had a girlfriend.

I felt like, oh, things are fine. Everything is fine, you know, but I look at pictures of me when I was high, during that time and I was fucking miserable. I was like 60 pounds lighter than I am now. And I'm not a big guy. So just imagine. Yeah. You know, dark circles under my eyes, a shaved head, you know. This is the first time I've had hair in years.

Usually it's big bald. So, yeah. Well, most people don't have hair at your age. So you did it reverse. Yeah. You saved it for later years. Yeah. It worked out.

Everybody down, they're like, why didn't you grow your hair? And I'm like, I don't. no. Just, you know, didn't wanted to have that look, I guess, that intimidating look. You know, and I had prison tattoos on my neck. So you had prison tattoos by the time you got to L.A. again. I had one here and then I got another one when I was in federal prison. But that didn't happen yet. No, that didn't happen yet. Okay. The connect you made in L.A. white guy? and was he with a criminal organization at all or just kind of solo? I think it was just solo, you know, but I think it all comes from one place.

Yeah. But you never got involved with like those heavy hitter type people. Well, my indictment when I went to federal prison, I'm just going to say this. They're south of the border. I'll just say that. But you probably never met a single one of them. Yeah. Yeah.

So how long is your run in L.A. And then what are you doing? So I'm just selling, I'm selling weight in L.A. And I'm going from L.A. to San Diego. And I'm selling in San Diego and L.A. And then things get hot in L.A. So I moved to San Diego. And I just pick up in San Diego.

And I'm there. I moved back to San Diego, 2015. and not really smoking that much crack, but I'm selling a lot of meth. And I remember about a year and a half before the Fed picked me up, I was just like, I gotta stop doing this. My luck's gonna run out.

I felt it. You know, like a lot of people that sell drugs, they'll tell you that they felt it before they got busted. And I remember telling myself, okay, I'm just gonna do it for one more year. One more year. Just save up some money.

Did it for a year. Didn't have nothing saved. And got busted. Now, do you have people under you or is it just do you move in this? I mean, I got people selling for me, but not, you know, it's just, I would sell ounces to people and they would, you know. So they weren't doing it for me, but I didn't, I tried not to sell little amounts if I could. How does the meth come packaged when you're buying in bulk? Usually just in a fucking big baggy, like a big freezer bag.

And you have to break it down yourself individually? Yeah. And do you have like a scale set up and everything? Yeah. So you were able to function enough to do all of that. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

I was growing wheat at the same time. And did you have your own place or where were you living? Yeah. I had my own apartment. I had one bedroom blown that out as a grow room. in their apartment building. Did you ever get involved with like cooking math at all? Or are you just?

No, I mean, I knew some cooks, but I didn't get involved with that. It didn't intrigue you. No, too much math, I think. You know, so. Hey, you know you're staying your own lane. Yeah. Yeah. How much money would you say you were making a week at that time?

So, I mean, I remember when I was in L.A., right before I went to back to San Diego, So I remember, I think I made like $60 or $70,000 in like five months. You know, and I thought I was doing okay. But I wasn't, I was never this big time drug dealer, you know. It was more of, you know, when you start selling drugs, it's, it's, and especially if you're doing them, it's an ego thing too. you know, it kind of, it's, that's just as hard to get away from it as, as the drugs itself, you know, because, you know, I, I tell girls now is like, I have no game. None. Zero. Because I've never had to have game because I've always had a sack. And it's always been easy for me, you know. So it's like, I don't even know how to talk to women. If I, if I meet a girl, I'm like, Oh, so you're saying the girls just naturally came to you. Yeah, I mean, I mean, if you have, if you have dope, girls are going to, they're going to come to you.

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Is that hard to date now and talk to people now? So no, I mean, I've met this amazing woman. She's got nine years sober. She works in treatment like I do. She's in school. You know, me and her both work two jobs. And she's also in school and she volunteers.

So we don't see each other a lot. But that's, this is the first time I've met somebody where I've taken it slow and just didn't jump in the sack with them. And it's really cool to experience this. because I'm really, you know, even though we don't spend a lot of time together, when we do, we get to know each other, you know, and, you know, I don't know where it's going, but, you know, it's cool. You know, I wish we could see each other more often, but we're both so busy. It's life. Yeah, life.

So tell us about how your lucky streak ends and you end up getting caught. So I'm dating this. This is so 2018. I have this, all of a sudden my luck just runs out, right? Runs out. So I'm going to backtrack a little bit. So me and my stepdad in 2011, we end up going, he buys some property in Arizona. And I go out there and we start growing weed together.

He finances it. I do all the, all the work. and I don't want to get into it because I don't want, I don't know, he'll probably never hear this, but he doesn't talk to me anyway, but some shit went down and the gun got pulled and the cops ended up coming because the gun goes off. And I end up leaving Arizona. You know, they want me to press charges against my stepdad for assault. and I told him no. And why I'm in, why, because when I go back to San Diego from Arizona after all this with my dad, with my stepdad, I keep getting these emails and calls from the police saying that we want you to press charges against your dad.

And I'm like, no, I'm not going to do that. And they said, well, if you don't, we're going to charge you with felony grow. And I'm like, whatever, do what you got to do. But I'm not going to press charges against my. stepdad. I don't hear from them again until 2018. I'm leaving a casino in San Diego and I get pulled over for for taillight or something. And they tell me I have a warrant out of Arizona for growing weed. Almost seven years had gone by. Like if it would have been a few more months, I think the statute of limitations would have been up. So I end up going to jail in Arizona.

I'm on probation. And I come back to California when I'm not supposed to be in California. Kind of doing my thing. And the girl I'm dating at the time, she comes in and she says, hey, have you seen this indictment? And I'm like, no.

And I look at it. And there's 43 people on the indictment. Some names are not there. It just says, mail this age from San Diego, but the names that were there, I knew almost all of them. And I'm like, I look down at like, I think I was number 38. And it said 47-year-old male from San Diego.

And I'm like, fuck. Is that me? Right? Nothing happens for eight months. And then I'm at another casino and I'm playing blackjack. I got cards in my hand and I hear Mr. Stroud. And I look up and it's the tribal police, they got, their guns drawn and everything.

And I'm like, whoa, this is a little excessive for probation violation. I'm thinking they're coming to get me because I'm out of Arizona. Get into county jail in San Diego. And I'm like, are you guys going to book me? I just want to get a bunk. And they're like, no, the feds are going to come get you in the morning. And I just knew. I knew right then and there.

I knew what it was. And I'm like, all right, time to get comfortable. Why do you think they waited eight months? I think they were watching me. You know, because I don't know if I said it. If they would have got me for what I was really doing, I would still be in prison. Had all those suppliers dried up too? Because did they all get busted when that indictment first came out?

So that indictment came out and it was connected to Mexico. God, I don't know. I shouldn't have said that actually. But it was that indictment. And then like three other indictments came. out after that because of that indictment. I mean, I think in total like 300-something people got busted over like three years. Wow.

And in like three or four different indictments that were all kind of connected. It's crazy that you saw it and you knew that it could potentially be. Well, I just, it just, I knew so many people on that, on the list. I was like, it's got to be me, you know. And I remember I was, I was working. And I just, I kept seeing these fucking. look like they're just undercover cop cars, but it kept seeing them drive by.

And, of course, I'm on meth, so I'm thinking, oh, maybe I'm just being paranoid. But I wasn't. So the feds come and they pick you up. What do you end up getting charged with? So the original charge was conspiracy distribute over 500 pounds of meth and money laundering for a certain organization. I'm just not going to.

Yeah. Were you actually money laundering or was it just tied into it? Everybody on the indictment got the same charges. And then when they broke down the charges and the only evidence they had against me was talking about 9 grams of heroin or 12 grams of heroin. On the phone? On the phone. So they had you on a wiretap? So this was just one big RICO.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. And you're probably a very low on the total. I'm full guy. Low. low. And I remember I'm sitting in, and it's called GO. It's, I don't know, you know what geo is. It's a private prison company. Oh, a geo. Yeah, like GEO. Yes, I know what those are.

Okay. So I'm there and I'm waiting on, just waiting. And I remember they keep coming to get me for court and they want me to go talk to the U.S. attorney and I got all the all the boys. over here. You can't go talk to the U.S. Attorney. You can't do that. And I'm like, fuck you, I'm not going. Trying to, you know, like, my original sentencing guidelines were three to 20 years. So I don't know how much time I'm looking at. And I'm, my head's already thinking, okay, well, I can't go talk, you know, to anybody.

I was, my lawyer was telling me, here's what my lawyer is telling me. He's like, you got to cooperate. I'm like, fuck you. You see what's on my paperwork. I'm not cooperating, period. It's not happening. And he keeps coming in. And finally, I had missed three appointments with the U.S.

attorney. I told him no, three times. And my attorney and the investigator come in, and they meet with me. And the investigator goes, listen, if you do not come and hear the charges against you, at least let the U.S. attorney read you the charges, he's going to just give you a flat 10.

And I'm like, what do you mean read the charges? He's telling me I got to go cooperate. He's like, no, this is just where are you going to go, it's a proffer? Reverse proffers. Yeah. Regular proffers where you're talking. Yeah, reverse whatever. They tell you the charges, right?

Yeah. So I thought about it and I'm like, all right, how can I work this to where I don't get in trouble with the people, with, with the boys. and maybe not get 10 years. So I go and I listen to the charges and they have audio of me. And so they play the audio and I just was like, you know what, shut it off.

And I said, Mr. Sutton, he was a U.S. attorney, I said, I don't mean no, I don't want to waste your time and my time. But I don't know anything about anything. And even if I did, I couldn't say anything. You know, you see what's going on here. And he's like, would you take 36 months? And I'm like, 36 months, 10 years.

I said, yes. But the only thing that I'm going to ask you for is on my paperwork, my name can be the only name on there. I said, if you can do that for me, I'll fucking take the deal. And he did it. you know, so that saved my ass because you know the deal. If you sign and there's anybody else's name on that paperwork,

you're admitting guilt for them too. Yeah, that's something I learned in federal prison. Like I had some old bunk baits or people that I stayed with that took plea deals, but there's other people's names on there. So technically they're labeled as a snitch. Yeah. Even though they didn't testify or anything too. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, and now I look back on it and all that bravado and all that bravado and all that bullshit. Yeah, I mean, I've always been streetwise. I've always kind of kept my mouth shut. But now I look back on it. And I don't hate people for doing that shit. I'm a grown-ass man now.

And you know what? If you don't want to spend 20 years in prison and you do something like that, I'm not going to hate you for it. Back in the day, I would have. But now that I'm sober and things have changed, it's just. But it's honestly, like, don't get involved to be getting. with. Absolutely.

Because that's part of the game too, you know. It really does get, it's like a whole different, you know, rabbit hole. So you plead out to the 36 months. Yeah. And honestly, I only got 24 months. Oh, the judge gave you 24 months. The judge gave me 24 months. I think that was it because I was in during COVID.

Okay. So a lot of people that were in during COVID got a lot of time knocked off. So you got sentenced during COVID is what happened? Yeah. And you were on bond? during this whole thing? No. Oh,

they fucking were not giving me any kind of bond or I sat and waited. So did you get like time served almost? Yeah. So I spent I got busted September 3rd of 19 and I got out

May 15th of 21. So do you spend your whole time in the geo location? No, so before I knew exactly all like how much time I was going to get I was in jail for like three months

causing all kinds of shit because I was politic and so they send me to Orange County Jail right and you gotta understand when I'm in jail I'm like eating I'm working out shaved head you know and I get to Orange County Jail

and some shit's going on there there's there's this guy that has the house for the white guys and I'm hearing all kinds of shit and I'm like, so I take the house and shit goes... Wait, you become like the shot caller kind of. Just for the house.

Just for that pod. I wasn't like a yard guy or nothing like that. But it was a skinhead. I don't want to even get into it. But so I have the house for it's a dorms of 200 men. And I fucking hate being in dorms. So I'm causing all kinds of.

of shit, right? And I remember I met Chow one day. I'm leaving the Chow Hall and this I get thrown up against the wall. And this cop goes, are you Hollywood? And I'm like, I don't know what you're talking about. And he goes, lift up your shirt. And I used to have this big tattoo of California on my back said, Hollywood. And he's like, what is this? I said, I'm not going to tell you shit, you know, like you got to find out. So they threw me in two men and, you know, I was there for about eight months. So the politics are really that bad even in the county jails out there in California. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Wow. Because out here there's not really that many politics because most people are awaiting their sentence or not really serving time. Yeah. And that was a joint like federal and state one or

just federal? So Orange County Jail has a federal contract, but it's just a county jail. So were you mixed in with the state guys? I was mixing with the county guys, yeah. Wow. Ah, they didn't even keep you separate. Well, they do have a Santa Ana, which is only for feds, but I didn't get that lucky. So were you, like, kind of highly regarded because you were a Fed case, like top tier, like a criminal? I mean, the younger guys maybe thought that, but there's some guys that, you know, from Orange County that, you know, they've been sitting in there for eight, ten years fighting their case for multiple murders, you know. I didn't want none of that. You know, once I realized I was only going to get 20 months, I fucking, when I got to Victorville prison, I told, I said, listen, keep me out of your fucking shit. I'm not going to put no work in. I'm not going to carry your dope.

If there's a riot, I'll do what I have to, but leave me the fuck alone. Victorville, the pen. Not the penitentiary, the medium. Okay. Yeah. And because why? You were just about the sake, because. because I just, I was like,

I figured, you know what? I got lucky. I want to do my time and get the fuck out. I don't want to catch no more time. I remember there's a skinhead that, I moved into a cell and he had the pod, and he's like, you're going to hold my knife. And I said, bro, listen,

if you do anything to get me more time, I'm going to fucking kill you. Like, I'm not. playing your fucking game. And there's another guy in there from Lakeside that he was like, told the dude's like, listen, just leave Hollywood alone. He wants to do his time.

He's an older dude. Leave him the fuck alone. Do not get him no more time. And so I got lucky. I knew some guys in there that kind of knew me from the street and just let me do my time and not have to worry about a bunch of shit. So you didn't have to spend that much time in an actual federal facility?

Because going by the timeline, like you saw... So eight months. I think maybe... I think I did a total of 20 months on that. So, yeah, about a year. A year on the yard? Yeah. And that was with the good time with everything.

Yeah. Yeah. And it was during COVID. So it was like being the whole. Oh, so did he sentence you to 20 months, including the jail time you already did, or plus that? Include everything. I was in for 20 months.

Okay. total across the board. Yeah. Would you have rather just stayed at the county jail? No. No. You just

I don't, I mean, no, no. It was all the same because, you know, because of COVID, it didn't matter where I was at.

We were just locked down. So it didn't matter. Did you know there was going to be a lot of politics going into the federal facility? I knew if I stayed in California that I was.

So. Yeah, I wonder why California is so political in prison. I think it's just racial. And as much as I don't like the racial stuff, I think it prevents a lot of violence that could happen. Because, you know, I'm not going to go up to another race and just that can't happen. I can't just go. If I have a problem with another race, we have to talk to the, you know,

the people that have the keys. and work it out some way because if you fuck up, there's going to be a riot. Were guys respectful of how little time you had left when you got to Victorville? Yeah, for the most part.

You know, I think it's because I was older too. You know, and I knew a few people there from San Diego, so it wasn't like I, you know, that helped, you know, knowing people from the streets helped. Yeah. So you leave from Victorville to go home. Yeah, I go, I get out.

And this is kind of the addiction, right? I remember guys would come in and they would be like, I said, what do you, what do you get, what did you get violated for? I got high and I'm like, you're a fucking idiot. You can't stay sober to stay out of prison and I get out. And I can't stay sober. I, you know, honestly, the Fed, P.O. And I don't know how they are out here, but they're, they're fucking amazing.

They don't want to throw you back in prison. You know, I remember my PO, I go and I, I knew I was going to test dirty. So I called him and say, hey, can we meet? And we meet face to face. And I say, hey, that test is going to be dirty. You know? And he gave me a couple chances and I kept calling him and meeting with him. And he's like, if you test dirty again, I'm going to violate you.

And they, I got tested the next day. and I just jumped into treatment, right? Had no one, this is, so I was, I got out in May and I got sober in October, early October. No intention to stay in sober. Didn't want to stay sober. I just was kind of doing it to prolong going back to prison. And I went to treatment at this great facility. It's called Stepping Stone.

I work there now. and funny thing is it's primarily LGBTQ, you know, but I, there was, I had a choice between that place, a behavior modification program or back to prison. So I went there and something happened, man, like, I just realized I didn't want to, I don't want to live this way no more. And I realized I didn't know how to live life normally at all. And I, you know, kind of dealt with some issues that I've had, you know, some anger issues with my mom, with just some trauma. And I remember when I got out of treatment, I was scared, chilless.

I was convinced that there's no way I'm going to stay sober. And I remember I got out on a Wednesday and I went to a meeting Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday night. and I asked three different people to sponsor me. And they all told me no. You know, like prison tattoos, bald head. The guys I was asking were just not having any part of that, you know. And then this is how God works in my life, right? So I go to a meeting on a Saturday morning and I'm sitting there and they called

this guy next to me. And he says, my name is so-and-so and I'm a recovered alcoholic. like, we don't fucking recover from this thing. What are you talking about? You know, I've read the big book over and over. Right in the first page it says we recover from this shit, you know? And I didn't think, I didn't, I looked at the dude. I liked what he had to say, but I looked at him and I was like, this dude is square.

Right? And walk up to my buddy Tommy and I said, dude, I need a fucking sponsor. I'm going to get loaded. if I don't start doing something different. And he points out this guy that's covered in tattoos. You can tell he spent years and years in prison. And he says, go talk to that, dude. I start walking away and he's like, Chris, come here.

Go talk to this dude. Go talk to Jared. Tommy, that dude's a square. He goes, fucking go talk to him. Basically, don't judge a book by his cover. And that man changed my life. I mean, it's God, but God put that man in my life

because he showed me a new way to live. You know, show me that I can recover from this thing. You know, I'm always going to be a drug addict. Always. I'm not cured. But I live in this recovered state because I've done the work, which means I don't suffer from that physical allergy. When I was explaining this to your friend out there,

like, when I put something in my body, I'm screwed because I, I don't know if I'm going to end up in prison or if I'm going to, I don't know what's going to happen. And that's the difference between me and people that can choose whether they, you know, use or not. I can't. I can't. I've never been able to do that. You know, so this man showed me a way to stay sober and be happy and walk through some shit, sober, you know.

Walk through, almost got loaded with almost two years. years, you know, but luckily I'd done the work to stay sober. You know, I work in treatment now. I work at a place called Healthy Life Recovery in San Diego. I work at Steppingstone. And then I volunteer at this place in Mexico. It's called Baja Rehab. And it's a lockdown facility. And it's for people like me basically that can't stay sober. They've been to treatment multiple times in the states and they walk out. You know, like it's really cool to see these, a lot of it's younger, younger early 20s. People's parents, people are dying of fentanyl.

So their parents take them to Mexico and they put them in this lockdown facility and you just see this change. Because they get away from the drugs and away from the streets long enough to start letting the fog clear. You know, it's an amazing place. So, yeah, I mean, my life is amazing today, bro. Amazing. I'm so grateful for everything that I've been through. You know, I know my story's a little jumbled, but everything that I've been through has got me to where I'm at today. you know and that's why I wanted to come on this podcast because I'm hoping that there's people out there

they're going to hear this that I understand that hopelessness and I hope that they get some hope from this that as long as you're still alive you have a chance to change your life you know it doesn't matter where you're at USAA knows dynamic duos can save the day like superheroes and sidekicks or auto and home With USAA, you can bundle your auto and home and save up to 10%. Tap the banner to learn more and get a quote at usaa.com slash bundle. Restrictions apply. My grandmother slept on a futon her whole life. Lived a 96, walked every day.

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Just, it's absolutely possible. Do you think that, you know, healing those wounds that you are looking for at a young age that we were talking about earlier was a big step in your recovery, too? Yeah. Like figuring out what? those issues were and kind of addressing those? Absolutely. You know, you know, when I was in treatment this last time,

there's a guy there that I, he's now my boss now. And they have this thing called family group. And this is how much of an asshole I was in treatment. I was so angry. My first family group was, it was the people with over 30 days and then like outside family members would come in, but one of the, this woman was there, her son had just died.

And I was sitting there with my arms crossed, just angry, like this is fucking stupid. Why do I have to be here? You know? And it was because I didn't realize it was just, I felt. Because I, you know, like, I don't really have a whole lot of family left. You know, my mom's passed. My grandfather passed.

my real grandmother the only person my family that talks to me that I grew up with is my step-grandmother you know so this man asked me to write a letter

to my mom and it was super I didn't realize how how angry I was at her you know and I realized that I was angry at her for so she left me with my grandparents the first part of my life, first few years.

And then she came and got me. And I didn't realize this until I got sober, but I was really angry at her for doing that because she couldn't even take care of herself. So why did she come get her kid when she could have left me with my grandparents? But, I mean, what mother doesn't want to be with her kid, right? So I get it.

But writing this letter and then, and then he asked me to read in front of the whole group. And that's when the healing process started because I'm this big tattooed dude in a mostly LGBTQ community, just bawling why I'm reading this, you know. And that's when I finally just let go of all that shit. And I started to, you know, actually be honest with my therapist, you know, get honest. that was one of the biggest things because I didn't want to be honest with anybody

didn't even want to be honest with myself How do you feel about your prison tattoos now? They're all covered. You got them all covered up. Yeah, I got a whole back piece now that's still getting worked on but you can't see the Hollywood. I mean, if you look, I'm sure you can see it,

but I just, you know, all that, that's who I used to be. you know, it's always going to be part of me, but I just wanted to get all that stuff covered up. So I didn't have to look in the mirror and be reminded. I'm glad I didn't get my face blasted. Why were you thinking about it? Oh, guys were trying to get me to get my face blasted,

you know, when I was in there, I'm like, at one point, I almost did. You know, I think it was before I realized how much time I was going to get when I thought was I was still looking at like years and years. But I'm glad I didn't. Do you feel like you participated in those prison politics because it felt like a family in a way or fulfilled something that you were missing? No, you kind of have to.

So that whole thing in Orange County, so I knew that if there was someone that had the house and they were considered bad and I didn't do nothing and I get sent up, right? and they find out, I'm just as screwed as that dude because we can't let our own people fuck up. We got to, you know, and that's how California is.

You got to handle your shit or you're fucked. So. How hard is it to, you know, think about that you've spent so many years of your life, you know, battling addiction in prison

and time away from, you know, not with your kids. and family and just everything you missed out on, does that kind of haunt you at all? No. Get used to. Like I said, the only thing I regret is the time I miss with my kids.

You know, I got a daughter that she'll probably never speak to me. This is, you know, I don't even know if she knows I'm alive. My son, Jacob, I really hope that he will reach out to me one day because I spent the first three years of his life with him. And then I got a son up in Washington named Chance that I've reached out to his mom. But again, I'm not going to, I have no right to just try to intrude on their lives. You know, so I'm hoping that they will eventually experience enough life to know that life happens and shit happens. and it doesn't mean I don't love them.

I was just a selfish and I didn't know any other way to live, you know. But I would love to have a relationship with them all. But as far as the time in prison, you know, all the time that on the street doing what I did, I'm grateful for that because I can use that. I use that today, my jobs, you know, like I can relate to these people. that are coming in, you know, I worked at a detox in San Diego for about 11 months, and it was a county run facility. And there was guys I knew from prison coming through there. And they're like, bro, you're sober, you know. And when they, people that know me, you know, they see that I'm sober. They're like, you were, I cannot fucking believe you're sober.

I never thought you would be sober. And they see that I'm sober. So. you know, I'm grateful, grateful for all of it, man. What advice would you give to someone that's struggling to get sober? Stop doing it your way. Take some fucking advice from people that have walked this road. You know, if you really want to get sober, stay out of your own head and do shit you don't want to do. Because I'm going to tell you right now,

even today, if I start doing what, Chris wants to do, I'm fucked. You know, if I stopped doing the things that keep me sober, I will get loaded again, 100%. You know, I get a daily reprieved contingent on my spiritual maintenance. That's why when I left here, I went outside and I kind of stood there and I just prayed for a minute because, you know, I don't want this to, I don't want this to be me. I want this to be God speaking. through me, you know, because I'm not, I'm not a very elegant speaker. I'm sure you can tell. I thought you did amazing, man. Yeah. You know, I just don't give up. That's what that's, don't give up. As long as you're alive, you have a chance, you know, and like I said,

if there's people out there that need help, you know, we'll put some contact information on, on whatever, however you guys do that or I'll put it on my, I'll figure something out. You know, but you just don't give up. There's help out there. And life is amazing, sober. You know? And it's not always great, but it's better than it was.

All you got to do is just keep pushing forward as long as you know you can have more days ahead of you than you have behind you. That's my goal. My goal is to get the same amount of years sober that I used. So I got to make it to, I think, 87 or 88. But that's good motivation. Yeah.

It keeps you on track. You just got to find something that keeps you going, like gets you up every day. Do I love my jobs. I love my jobs. I work a lot. But I love my jobs. I surf, you know, I kind of, I've started doing stand-up comments. Really? Yeah. That's cool.

Well, I did it once. I did pretty good. I did pretty good, you know, like I choked at first, but I pulled out of it. Why comedy? I think it's a good platform, you know, like a lot of people, I know, there's people in recovery that do comedy and I think any way to get a message out, especially if you can turn a lot of like stuff, dark stuff into. humor, people can relate to that. Are your jokes about your past in your life? Yeah. Yeah. It's, you know, talk about smoking crack and, you know, rob and crack dealers.

And, yeah, I got to laugh at it, you know, because I shouldn't be here. You know, and I'm guessing a lot of the guys that come on your podcast probably can say the same thing is like, you know, like people ask me, why do I believe in God? And I don't even know, you know, it's just, I just know there's something bigger out there than me. And I believe that God's always been carrying me because I know people that have tried doing what I did one time and they get killed. You know, so why me? You know, why did I get to walk through all the shit that I went through? And it's because God had a purpose for me.

I ask myself that every day, you know, and once you find that purpose and I feel like that keeps you going, you know, like you're on the right track. Just like I found, I found mine with this. You know, everyone, I feel like everyone that's come on the show has kind of found their purpose. Because when you look at it, you're like, wow, I should not be here right now. When you look at all the stories compared to some people who have not lived that life but have followed down that same path somewhat, but don't get to live to tell the tale. Dude, you're killing it. Like, you're blowing up. It's coming together.

It is, dude. Because I would listen and then all of a sudden I seen all these lights recently and I'm like, oh, fuck, I'm going to be on camera. I was like, I got all nervous. Yeah. No, it's cool. But it also helps out of just me and the guest. You know, it's very comfortable, relaxed. And it's just a very normal experience.

I've totally forgot about all of it. See, it's pretty cool. Yeah. It is. Yeah. It's comfortable and it just, that's what it's all about, you know, just normal people sitting down and just having a conversation. And that's when it comes out the best. Yeah, I feel, you made me feel comfortable.

You made me forget about the whole, all this shit. So, yeah, I did my job right today. Well, Chris, thank you so much for coming on the platform. Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it. Of course. I hope you enjoy your time in New York City or going to the city today. Yeah.

And funny thing is, is I have a friend that's in my home group. He just so happens. He's going to be in New York today. And he's staying two blocks away from me. Awesome. It wasn't planned. Oh, cool. So you guys get to see each other?

Yeah. I'm probably going to go to a meeting tonight. Oh, you should have brought him today to come in. I think he's flying in, yeah. Oh, okay. Cool. Well, I hope you enjoy that and safe travels back to California and keep killing it with everything you're doing. Thank you.