Locked In with Ian Bick - Inside the Life of a Former Massachusetts Junkie| Devin Donovan

Episode Date: June 17, 2025

Devin Donovan talks about the brutal reality of heroin addiction in Massachusetts and the daily struggles that came with it. #HeroinAddiction #Massachusetts #DrugEpidemic #TrueCrime #LifeStruggles #RecoveryJourney #OvercomingAddiction #healthcrisis Connect With Devin Donovan: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/devindon22?igsh=cDQwbXQ2czJsNzZ2 Youtube: https://youtube.com/@laceup617?si=vaPrXFnzVZulQcvt Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Presented by Tyson 2.0 & Wooooo Energy: https://tyson20.com/ https://woooooenergy.com/ Buy Merch: https://convictclothing.net/collections/convict-clothing-x-ian-bick Timestamps: 00:00:00 Overcoming Challenges with Family and Upbringing 00:03:41 Coping with a Parent Incarcerated 00:07:21 Childhood and Early Influences 00:11:12 Transition from Percocets to Heroin: A Costly Habit 00:14:47 Overcoming Homelessness and Addiction in Massachusetts 00:18:43 Overcoming Addiction and Finding Purpose 00:22:37 Rebuilding a Relationship with My Mom 00:26:28 Navigating the Legal System: My Arrest and Charges 00:30:22 A Case of Mistaken Identity and Legal Troubles 00:34:00 Struggles on the Path to Sobriety 00:37:55 Reflections on Family and Early Influences 00:41:42 Embarrassing Moments During Addiction 00:45:28 Overcoming Rock Bottom 00:49:29 Embracing Discomfort for Personal Growth 00:52:58 Navigating Recovery and Fatherhood 00:56:31 Life Lessons from Sobriety and Addiction Recovery 01:00:00 Motivation and Inspiration for Future Generations Powered by: Just Media House : https://www.justmediahouse.com/ Creative direction, design, assets, support by FWRD: https://www.fwrd.co Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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That's Treasure Island.com. Devin, welcome to Lockton. Brother, we had your co-host Joe on the show. His episode will be out before years came out. But thanks so much for coming all over from Massachusetts. Thank you for having me, man. I appreciate it. Day after an ice storm, we made it work.

We had no power in the studio yesterday, but powers back on. We're good to roll. And the wind died out there. It wasn't as bad as they said it was going to be today. I guess the rain didn't really freeze overnight like they thought it would. But I'm glad I worked down. Thanks for making the trip. Yeah, of course, man.

Thank you for having me. Thank you for having me. I'm grateful to be here. I still showed up no matter what. I mean, I would have missed it for the world, so I appreciate it. Yeah, no, you know, plug in your podcast again so you guys get that promo on here. Yeah, definitely. It's at LaceUp 617 on YouTube.

On Instagram, it's at Devendon 22 and at Juno underscore 2627. Awesome, man. Yeah, so we'll have that in the link in the description too. Sweet, sweet. So did you grow up in Massachusetts? Yeah, I grew up in Mass. I grew up in Drake it right next to wool But you know I bounced around

I bounced around a lot as a kid You know what I mean Yeah so like last time I was here I told you You know being shooter I was good friends with my father You know what I mean He's always done right by me

And been a good dude But yeah I grew up in Massachusetts man It's like a love-hate thing You know what I mean Who'd you grow up with? My grandmother raised me My grandmother raised me. Mother, father were both addicted to drugs, you know, at a young age.

Like it's basically from the time I was born. You know, so my grandmother, my grandmother gave me, you know, a good life growing up. I had everything I wanted and needed for the most part, you know. But I think there was always like that void, you know what I mean? Like not wondering where my parents were, why I'd, I'd like, you know, why I'd go to school or why I'd go to, like, these, you know, events and sports was a big part growing up and, you know, why my parents went around. And, you know, I saw a lot of things. You know, average kid probably didn't see, you know, so.

When did you realize, or how old were you when your grandmother told you about the situation with your parents? So she, she hid it from me for a while, to be honest with you. I kind of started to figure it out, like, on my own, which is kind of. kind of messed up in a way. You know, I wish maybe some people were a little more honest with me about it. But, you know, like, you know, I say this a lot. And it's true. You know, my mother was, you know, my mother was on methadone.

She told me she was going to the dentist every day. And I would get in the car with her and think she was going to the dentist, not knowing nothing of it. I'm like five, six years old, you know. And, you know, she was going to get her methadone. And my father would be away for work. And you know what I mean? He'd really be in Bill Wrecka House of Correction and Cambridge Jail, which isn't there anymore. But, you know, so other people would tell me.

But I'd say the first time I really realized that it was like probably like 13 years old and maybe 12, 13. And I was at a baseball game. And my father, my father had gone arrested and my family hit it from. me and he was on the front page of the Lowell Sun and for an armed home invasion and I thought it was another one of those times where I thought he was away for work you know but it's like I started putting two two and two together I'm like if he's away for work why isn't he calling as much why am I not like seeing him or whatever you know whatever and you know he never really wanted me to go go visit him in jail you know which I understand but but yeah

A couple kids were, like, making fun of it. You know what I mean? They're at the game. It was like, oh, where's your dad? But, but, blah, but. You know, that's the first time. I was like, damn, like, I thought, like, my dad was, like, a bad person, not knowing, you know, not knowing. Really, that, like, we all just make bad decisions, you know.

Was it just you or did you have siblings? I'm an only child. Wow. I'm an only child. That probably made it a little bit more difficult. Yeah, it was tough, man. It was tough for sure. I was very close with, like, my grandmother, aunts, uncles, all that.

stuff. Was your grandpa in the picture? No, so my grandparents on my father's side, I'm also very close with, but it was just my maternal grandmother, and then I had my grandparents on my father's side too. So grandma, Nana, Papa, and then my grandmother on my mom's side. What did she do for work? My grandmother on my mother's side was a real estate agent. She worked very hard.

She raised my mom and my aunt, you know, pretty much by herself. And, you know, it's actually funny to think about that, too, because, you know, as they say, like, my mom, my mom turned out to be, you know, an addict. And her sister, my aunt turned out to be, like, you know, the complete opposite. You know, I was worked in the same, worked at World General for 20 years. You know, beautiful house, beautiful family, goes on vacation like three, four times a year. Just complete citizen, you know, so that's an interesting component to it. Did you guys grow up struggling for money or you personally grow up struggling being raised by your grandmother? A little bit, you know, it was definitely hard for her.

You know what I mean? It was definitely hard. I didn't come from money for sure. You know, I didn't, you know, financial insecurity was definitely a, you know. a part of it for sure. You know, like, I remember there was a time where I wanted to, you know, I was big in a basketball, right? And I wanted to play on like a certain AAU team.

And, you know, sports are expensive and stuff. You don't realize it when you're a kid, you know. But, but yeah, it was tough, man. It was tough. I mean, but she, like I said, she went above and beyond for me. You know, I had the PlayStation's. I had the Xboxes. You know, she really did the best she could for me, you know.

Would kids at school make fun? of you because you were being raised by your grandmother? No, I don't think so. I don't think they made fun of me. I just, I don't know. It's like one of those things where like I felt that I was different from other people. Now, maybe that was just like my own insecurity. You know what I mean?

I'm not really sure. But, but yeah, I think people always kind of like knew and wouldn't say it, but like they knew, like, what's up with Devin? Like his parents aren't around or like, you know what I mean? I think they knew because they'd come over and it'd be, you know, just me, my grandmother, and that was it, you know, for as long as I could remember. So, and, you know, like a lot of my friends, you know, met my dad and, like, the times my dad was, like, sober and in recovery, like, he was, he was the best, you know what I mean?

I think, you know, we, you know, a lot of my friends loved my dad, you know, it's just like he wasn't, wasn't always around, you know, so. How would people describe you? as a kid. How would they describe me? I would say maybe a little bit of a class clown,

maybe a little bit, I don't know, probably honestly looking back on it, probably the type of kid that would do whatever to fit in and get attention, honestly, whether it was fighting, whether it was saying or doing something stupid. I don't know, I was never really,

a huge fan of school, to be honest with you. I mean, when I applied myself, I did well, but I didn't apply myself often. Did you have plans for college? Did you have a career in mind? I didn't really have a career in mind, but I did want to play college basketball, and, you know, that got messed up when I started, you know,

I started getting into drugs and alcohol, and, you know, I stopped caring about school and sports as much, You know, people used to always joke with me. Like, you could have been the next Chris Herron. You know what I mean? But, no, I didn't even make it that far. How old were you when you first got exposed to drugs and alcohol? So I first started smoking weed around, I mean, just smoking weed at like 13, 14, like any normal kid.

I loved it. I'd smoking on the weekends and stuff like that. And then started smoking it right away and then started hanging out with, you know, people I didn't realize I was hanging out with, you know what I mean? I started hanging out with a couple serious people. And, you know, when you asked, like, what would you describe yourself as a kid, you know, I was almost like a chameleon dude because I could fit in with the jocks. I could fit in with the people that sold drugs, the people that did drugs.

I could be whoever you wanted me to be, you know. And that's almost like a blessing and a curse in a way, you know. But yeah, so what was the question? I apologize. How old were you when you first got into drugs and alcohol? Okay. So, yeah, I started with the perks around probably like 16, 17, and quickly got introduced to heroin at 17, 17, 18.

I was doing heroin, yeah. Why perks, how did you get introduced to them and why did you decide to make that choice to use them? Yeah, yeah. So I had a best friend who grew up right across the street from me. You know, he, you know, a lot of, he came from, you know, he came from like a Dominican household. And a lot of, you know, a lot of Dominicans in the World Warrants area. And, you know, a lot of them sell drugs.

And, you know, he was somebody that I started smoking weed with. and started, you know, at first it was just like we love smoking weed and playing basketball and I'd stay over his house all the time. And then, you know, he was my neighbor too. And his father, his father was a drug dealer and sold perk 30s. And, you know, I got into those. And at that same time, I was selling weed to a guy that was, he was in, he was a veteran. He served in the military.

And he got like about, I think he got like 100. 120 or 150 of the perk 30s a month. And I'd sell him weed. He'd give me some back. He'd try to have me sell the perks for him. And I just started taking him in. I didn't really know what I was getting into. But one thing I did know is I loved the way they made me feel.

So, you know, not realizing I was going to open Pandora's box, but it did. You know, it did. So, yeah, that's how it happened. And then why the switch from that to heroin? Why take that step up? Yeah. Yeah. So I, you know, perk 30s are pretty expensive.

You know what I mean? I basically, you know, I was probably doing, probably got to the point I was doing like 10 perk 30s a day. And it's like if you do the math on that, it's probably, you know, somewhere around 300 bucks a day. And at this time, they weren't, you know, they were real. They weren't fake with, you know, pressed with fentanyl or whatever like they are now. But, you know, I had a scream and habit.

started getting sick and you know i uh i realized you know people would always say oh you save money if you buy heroin it's cheaper it's better it's cheaper you know and um you know that was the truth in some sense but you know all your money's going to it either way so you know um but yeah that um there was a lot of things i said i would never end up doing you know my dad always would tell me you're going to have to learn the hard way you know what i mean um my father took me like down Mass Ave one time, which, you know, like anywhere, Kensington, you know, similar, similar circumstance. And he's like, if you keep it up, you're going to end up down here, you know what I mean? And I was like, yeah, whatever, dude, you're full of shit.

You know what I mean? Didn't want to listen to him when he was 100% right. You know what I mean? And he ended up, so shortly after, shortly out, like in the middle between, right before I like transition from the perk 30s to the heroin, my father passed away from an over. overdose in 2016. And after that happened, I just went off the deep end, honestly. You know, you would think it would do the opposite, right?

And that's what my grandmother always says. She's like, you know, you were exposed to it and you grew up around it. And she's like, you know, I would have thought you'd go the opposite way. But, you know, I just played the victim mentality, you know, and blamed everyone else for my problems, you know. It was easier to do at the time, you know. So, yeah. How does it progress?

How does it get worse from there? Do you finish high school or are you working a job? What does that look like? Yeah. So I ended up getting arrested in high school. I got kicked out my senior year. I got ripped out of English class and handcuffs. I had robbed some kid.

I ate like a bunch of annex bars the night before. And I don't know. Just had this master plan that I was going to just rob this kid for weed and money. And he ended up telling on me and they ripped me out of a class. class and put me in handcuffs. Yeah, by that time, like, I didn't, you know, it was senior year. I didn't care about basketball anymore. I didn't care about anything.

And, you know, they, I was still 17 at that time. They kicked me out. So I got tried as a juvenile. The kid, I don't think the kid ended up showing up to court or whatever. But, you know, basically they kicked me out of school. They expelled me. I ended up going to like my first adolescent detox

behavioral facility and I ended up appealing the expulsion. They're like they're like we'll let you graduate we'll give you a diploma but you're never allowed on school property again and you're not allowed to like be a graduation or any of that shit and I was like all right fine so

you're telling me I can just stay home and I can graduate and get fucked up I was like all right sweet so that was pretty much that you know and then yeah there was really nothing after high school dude after high school was just um balls to the wall drug use to be honest with you i ended up uh i ended up homeless um in lowell homeless in boston um all over massachusetts really you know and um yeah you know i had all these friends going to college and uh

doing all this stuff man and i had those same dreams and aspirations you know but i just uh i don't know I made some bad decisions and I got, you know, I had to pay the consequences of them. You know what I mean? I ended up getting in trouble with the law a little bit. You know what I mean? I definitely got luckier than I should, you know, I definitely, you know, prison. County bids are part of my story. Prison not so much, you know, but I've definitely been lucky when it comes to that.

Were you looking for someone to help you? Like, do you wish that you had an active family member that was, you know, healthy enough? or not an addict to kind of save you from the streets or anything like that? Yeah, it would have been nice, like, having a, would have been nice having, like, a, you know, I mean, I guess like my grandfather, my grandfather was almost like a father figure to me because, you know, he was normal, man. He was an iron worker for 30 years.

God rest of his soul, he was an iron worker, tough guy, you know, Irish Catholic household. But yeah, I mean, I wish I had a little more guidance, man, for sure. But I feel like at the same time, it was there. Like my uncle gave me a lot of guidance. My grandfather, they tried helping me in a lot of ways. I just don't think, I think it was just young and dumb. You know, I wasn't maybe ready to hear it.

Or I had to learn through my own pain and suffering, you know, to come out the other side, luckily. Share with us some of those real raw rock bottom moments being a homeless addict, you know, what that's like and how, you know. This episode is brought to you by Redfin. You're listening to a podcast, which means you're probably multitasking, maybe even scrolling home listings on Redfin, saving homes without expecting to get them. But Redfin isn't just built for endless browsing. It's built to help you find and own a home. With agents who close twice as many deals, when you find the one, you find the one. You've got a real shot at getting it. Get started at redfin.com. Own the dream. Brutal, that really is. Yeah, I mean, it was tough.

So probably a couple of the worst experiences I had was in Worcester and Lawrence. I had an ex-girlfriend from Framingham Mass. We met at an AA meeting. I had like a Charlie card and an EBT card and I was like let's go you know what I mean like anyone out there that's newly sober I don't recommend finding a girlfriend at a meeting but that's what happened dude and um we uh we just literally ended up all around all around Massachusetts but yeah man it it's um you know I got to put my pride aside a little bit to say

this but it it is the truth you know what I mean anybody that's ever like been out there with me. Like I was literally like picking cigarettes up off the ground smoking them like fucking boosting out of stores you know

gorilla boosting I'd run in some store and just grab a bunch of shit give it to the drug dealer let's see one time I was in Worcester I was really

I was a mess dude I was probably 100 pounds lighter than what I was so I'm 6'1 the lightest I was at one time was like 135 and I was yeah I could pull up some pictures probably if I dig deep.

But I try to forget those times in life, you know. But I got to remember them too. So there was one time I was at a detox in Worcester Mass, and I went in there with my ex. And she like snuck drugs in. She like, you know those lighter leashes or whatever? She like put a bag of dope, bag of heroin in the lighter leash and like snuck it in. But they stole it when we went in.

So whatever. we ended up leaving together I was so sunburnt dude I had fallen asleep in Crystal Park in Worcester I was so sunburnt dude they ended up sending me to the hospital from detox

like they gave me like antibiotics prednisone like all this I still have scars in my chest from it dude I fell I nodded out in a park in like the hottest day of the year it wasn't the best idea the best day to do it for sure

but we left like that that's how deep it got me right is um you know i'm sitting there i got scabs all over me sunburnt and uh and like in my head i'm just like telling myself like you know deep down it's like i didn't i didn't think i was worth it man i didn't have like any purpose i just you know thought i was going to die from an overdose just like my dad you know what i mean i mean that's that's um oh that's just the card i was out and that's just how it's going to be and it is what it is, you know, and

so we left that, with all the scars on my chest, we left that place and the guy looked at me, the guy that worked there looked at me, and he's like, you're going to die. And I was like, yeah, whatever, dude, go fuck yourself. You know what I mean? And, like

10 minutes later, I'm in a wife-beater, and I'm walking down the street and I have two big boxes of pamper's on each shoulder. I'm going to meet the drug dealer. And that same guy that was working at the detox that told me I was going to die is out there smoking a cigarette and I'm with my ex dude and you want to just talk about like just just fucking shame and guilt and like you know it's it sucks man because um you know it's been a long time since I lived like that

honestly um I'd love to say I've been sober since that point that's not the case but you know um you know, I started meeting a lot of good people in recovery and I'm lucky to have made it out. I've overdosed about 10 or 11 times and, you know, I don't necessarily understand why, you know, my father overdosed once and he's gone, you know, and thank God for Narcan and thank God for, you know, all the resources that we're starting to get out there now. I'll say that. Did you have resentment towards your parents? Like, did you blame them for your addiction?

Oh, absolutely, absolutely. I've done all types of, I've done all types of grief counseling and, you know, therapy and stuff. I've honestly probably gotten the most out of doing step work with like a sponsor as far as like in a, like that with the AA format of it, you know. Because I, I blamed them for everything, man. I thought that I blamed everyone for everything. You know, I was. I was a real sick individual, man. I thought it was everyone else's fault for why I ended up the way I did. And, you know, maybe there is some truth to, maybe there is some truth to, you know, like, you know, growing up feeling like I couldn't talk to people feeling, you know, it was always like, it was always like what happens in this house, stays in this house, and, you know, whatever.

And, yeah, I mean, I definitely hold a resentment towards them, or held a resentment towards them. But, you know, it's funny how life works. It comes full circle, you know, because fast forward a little bit, you know, I ended up having, I ended up having twin girls. And, you know, having twin girls, man, really, really gave me a purpose and a different perspective. And it also made me realize, too, that, you know, when someone's in the grips of addiction, they're not able to be there for the people they love.

You know what I mean? And that I started to understand that, you know, it wasn't necessarily their choice that they weren't around. You know what I mean? They were the same as I was. You know what I mean? And it's just, it's unfortunate, but it is what it is, you know. What happened to your mom?

So my mom is, that's funny. That's what you asked that. My mom is still around. we're closer than we were i'll say that much um i was always um i was always a lot closer with my dad because like sports and stuff but you know me and my mom talk um my mother uh helps out with my children a lot um to this day um and uh yeah me and my mom um have a growing relationship you know I mean, it's a work in progress for sure. You know what I mean? But, you know, my mom's definitely better than she was. You know what I mean? She's definitely better than she was. That's for sure.

She was a mess, too. So I'm grateful that she's still around, you know. Why do you think addicts get to the point where, you know, they're putting addiction over getting food or, you know, going to the point where you're, you know, smoking cigarette butts wherever you could find or dig it through the trash or anything just to get that next fix. I don't know, man. That's a million dollar question right there. It's powerful. It really is.

And that's the thing. Like I've been that guy that, you know, I've bumped into a friend and they've handed me $20 and I haven't eaten for three days. And like, you know, I'd rather go, I was the type that like I'd rather walk into a Cumberland farms and like steal something to eat than spend a, you know, spend something on, you know, if I could get a 20 bag of heroin or a 40 bag of heroin, then. that's just that's just what I was going to do you know I don't know I don't know it's just powerful man I think I think they say the disease of addiction you know like it doesn't it doesn't necessarily respond to logic or reason you know because here's a kid that has every reason in the world to to get sober he's got a good family he's got kids why does he keep messing up you know what I mean I think it's a direct I think with any

I think it comes down to like, I think pain. Pain is a big motivator for me. I think any time I've ever been successful in life has come from some type of pain or adversity or not, things not going as I planned for them to go. Like, yeah, I think, I think that's about it. Share with us some of your run-ins with law enforcement while, you know, you were homeless on the streets battling addiction. Yeah.

So, my first, one of them was, you know, I've had a couple of possession charges. I had a possession charge in wool, possession charge in Lawrence, got caught, got caught with heroin, cocaine. And then there was a couple times, one time in Worcester. And this tells you everything you need to know about Worcester right here, right? is I'm with my ex we're smoking crack and like a church stoop sorry sorry god

but it's like four in the morning on a Tuesday right the cops fly by and he puts it in reverse and I'm like oh fuck so I start tucking shit right I knew I knew what time it was I started tucking shit

he starts walking up to us and I wasn't able to tuck everything there was still crack pipe there's still a couple baggies whatever and he takes the drugs and he's like we're charging you with trespassing. I'm like,

where the fuck's Ashton Cutsher, dude? Am I being punked? Like, you're not, didn't charge me a possession of anything, charged me to trespassing. And, like, at that time, like, I didn't really have much on my record.

Like, and it was four in the morning on a Tuesday. They bring me to the fucking, they bring us to the courthouse in Worcester. They were driving like assholes in the paddy wagon, too, bouncing around all over the place.

And, uh, I sat in the holding cell all day. From like 4 a.m. to like 4 p.m. just for them to tell you, oh, yeah, charges are being dismissed or whatever. It was trespassing, dude. I was standing on a stoop. But, yeah, that was interesting, to say the least.

And then one other time, I got a breaking an unering charge out of Framingham. That was probably my biggest, biggest charge was breaking an ring. You know, and an interesting story with that was. the kid that I allegedly did it with, my co-defendant ended up passing away during the trial. And Jesse DiMilio, God rest his soul. But yeah, yeah, so I ended up getting pretty lucky with that, too. On the break and entering charge, they said that we broke into a sober house, which never happened. But that's a whole other story.

So it's kind of crazy. And they charged you with felonies and you went to trial the two of us? I took it to trial. I took it to trial. Because it ended up coming out. So I was in a detox facility the night that it happened. And I had that on the pay. I came to realize that they didn't really have much on me, dude.

So I got picked up. Rewind a little bit. I left the detox facility. I got picked up on a warrant for that. And, you know, it was during the pandemic. They held me. It was a shit show. But it ended up coming out.

I'm like telling my lawyer, I'm like, dude, right here, the night of the crime, I had proof that I was in a detox facility in Massachusetts from the time that it happened. The time that it happened, it was like, I don't know, it was actually in February, too. It was like February 24th or something like that. And I had proof on paper. And they thought they had me, but they didn't. So I ended up, yeah, I still don't have a felony on my record, if you could believe that. I've been very lucky, dude, very lucky.

Why do you think they thought it was you? There must have been something that happened, right? Yeah, so the kid, and this is, like, well-known, too, that, like, a lot of, I've told a lot of people this. So the kid that ended up dying, not to talk bad about him, but he was the one, he was the one that did it. And, you know, he didn't want to come out and say, so I ended up, dude, and he died. I ended up having to go to court for this for a long time, dude. Like, I couldn't, it was just a pain in the ass, man. I finally, like, you know, I finally got through that.

But, yeah. So you went to a full-blown trial with a jury and everything? Yeah, it was crazy. And they found you not guilty then? Yes, correct. It was crazy. It was absolute madness, dude. And I sat during the pandemic.

And then... Were you homeless during that time of the trial? Yeah, yeah. So what would you do? What are you wearing? Like, how does that... I'll never forget. So, and this is, this is it too.

Like I, during this time, like, between probably 20, between 2018 and probably 2020, 2020, 2021, I had, like, no contact with my family, like, whatsoever. And that wasn't by their choice, you know what I mean? I just, I was just so deep in it, you know what I mean? And, yeah, I was running around framing him with my ex at the time. And I actually used to live in that sober house. And, you know, it came out, I don't know, I didn't even realize. But when I got picked up on the warrant, I'm like, what do you guys? I was so confused, dude.

I was so confused. And then I was like, talk. I'm like, you know, some people believed me and then some didn't, right? Because, you know, why would they believe me? It's something I probably would do. You know what I mean? But, yeah, the kid said to the cops, all that would, he used my name and said it was me. And, you know, the kid that died, never showed up had to show up to court for it or nothing.

I forget exactly the time period of when he died. But, yeah, I was homeless in framing him. And a friend of mine hit me up on Facebook Messenger. And he was like, yo, I heard your name called in the courtroom today. I'm like, what? And like, some time had gone by. And the kid had died and whatever. And I'm like, what, dude?

So I had to go to court. And, yeah, like, they were like probation. They kept checking in on me. Like I ended up going to a halfway house. And like, you know, that's another part of my story. I've been to a lot of halfway houses. And, yeah, I just couldn't. I couldn't get rid of it, dude.

And it was driving me nuts. But eventually, like, you know, the paperwork came out that I was in the detox facility. And, you know, it wasn't me. And I was going to say who did it or what? You know what I mean? But, yeah, it was a shit show. You almost would have been better off not having bail and just staying in because you would have been better off in prison. 100%.

100% and that like came to my mind too is like you know I uh I don't know I didn't really have a lot going on outside so it would have been you know I probably should have went away maybe it would help me you know if I fucking did did the time in prison um but yeah so that was a crazy story did a party you want to get sober because you kept going to different detoxes and trying your things out yeah yeah absolutely um part of me definitely did um you know I ended up going to like my first, I ended up going to like my first AA meeting with my father. And then shortly after he died, I went to my first halfway house in South Boston, the Cushing House.

It's not there anymore. Tell people what a halfway house is. Yeah, halfway house. So a lot of people think like halfway house is like for people just coming from jail or whatever, which is the case in some cases. But, you know, at least like in Massachusetts, a halfway house is like a state run, a state run program facility that you know

you can go there and you can try to get back on your feet and get your life back together you know so a lot of times you know it's like a structured living environment where there's staff members and you know you slowly earn privileges and

you know I went to I went to the Cushing House in South Boston and you know I was still like very numb to the fact that my father had died but like that was my first time giving it an actual shot and uh you know so around from like 18 to 18 to um 26 25 26 i mean there's bits and periods of sobriety in there but um you know i uh i was all around boston pretty much trying to get sober um I've been to Maine.

I've been to, I've been all over me. I did the shuffle for sure, as they say. Now, these halfway houses are voluntary. They're not court-ordered in your case. Yeah, so a couple of them, like, was, a couple of them were court-ordered. So, like, the Cushing House one at that time was court-ordered because I had just had the thing with the thing with high school, like, when I got in trouble in high school. So I still had that, like, hanging over my head.

But most of them, most of them were optional. You know what I mean? Most of them were optional. And it's funny. I was actually in the Cushing House. I just missed 1090 Jake when he was there. He was there with a friend of mine, Jared, Jared Hessek. And I reached out to Jake probably a couple months back when we started the podcast up.

And he hit me back and showed me some love. So that was cool. He was just getting out of prison at that time? Yeah, yeah, I think so. Yeah, he worked at the same. smoke shot and that that was funny i was dm in them i was like oh i used to buy k2 with that smoke shop and this and that was funny but um yeah um yeah i loved living in south boston dude i loved it was the best at uh you know it was like my first time like you know they'd take us all over

the place we'd go to meetings go to castle island and you know it was just fun man it was like the first time like a seed was planted and i like had fun like post drugs and alcohol you know getting sober and like having real fun. It was a good time. Why do you think those, you know, stays between the time you started going to the sober houses and the halfway houses up until when you finally got clean? Why do you think none of those worked for you while you were in and out? Yeah.

So I think a lot of the reason they didn't work was because I probably just wasn't willing, definitely because I just wasn't willing to put in the work, you know, as far as, you know, like I talked to you, I've done a lot of therapy. I've done a lot of step work. I still continue to go to meetings. I have a higher power. I have God in my life. You know, I truly believe that.

I believe everything happens for a reason, you know. But at that time, like, I just still had that victim mentality. And, you know, some people would tell me to go to meetings and I would deviate and I'd, you know, drink red bulls and hang out with the girl outside the meeting. and, you know, I've basically done everything, everything wrong you could possibly imagine when it comes to, like, you know, trying to get sober, you know what I mean. So, yeah, I think it just comes down to, like, willingness and, like, going through enough pain, you know what I mean? I think that was the main thing. What were some things on your journey to try to get sober that you realized now weren't helping you?

But they might work for other people, but in your case, it didn't help you. It didn't work for you. Yeah. Because getting sober looks different for everyone. Yeah, of course. Of course. For me, I realized that I realized that I had to really get involved in a community, which is something that, you know, I really had to start hanging around different people, right?

I had to start hanging around people that had dreams and aspirations and goals and people that like had what I wanted you know what I mean because they say you are who you surround yourself right with right so if I'm if I'm if I'm um you know if I'm always hanging out and not to judge anyone you know but if I'm always hanging out um with the cool people so to speak or like you know the people that I I wanted to fit in around whether it was you know as bean shooter would say the Irish the Irish Rolex the Irish jewelry you know like the people with um the ankle bracelet and the cool stories and playing whist like all that shit like i've done all that like it's fun don't get me wrong but um but yeah man i just um women was a problem for me gambling was a problem for me

love to gamble um and like i i was i resent my that's another thing like i resented my father for for that because like he loved gambling he loved um you know like the first time i ever watched like Goodfellas and American Gangster was like with my father, you know what I mean? So like I looked up to him and like that was like part of like the mask and facade that like I wanted to be, you know what I mean? I wanted to want to be that. And here I am, you know, it didn't happen. What happened to your relationship with your grandmother after high school?

Like why did you all of a sudden stop living with her was like that fight or the robbery, the final straw with her? We're gonna. Yamava Resort and Casino at San Manuel is California's number one entertainment destination for today's superstars. Catch the Jonas Brothers return to the Yamava Theater stage on April 30th, the powerful vocals of Demi Lovato on May 17th, and the signature Southern Country Rock of Eric Church on July 19th. Tickets on sale now at Yamavat Theater.com, only at Yamava Resort and Casino, celebrating its 40th anniversary. You in? Must be 21 to enter. What's the difference between butter and butter made from real California dairy?

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Download the Priceline app or visit Priceline.com. Actual prices may vary, limited time offer. What did that look like? How that deteriorate? Yeah, so we have a great relationship to this day. But during this time, you know, I just, I don't know, man, I just, I think it was like one of those things where if I wanted to live in her house and be under her roof and respect her that I had to be clean and I just wasn't and I wasn't willing to be and I wasn't, you know,

I didn't, I don't know. I was, it's sad, but I, I, I was comfortable with staying in a tent or being up for a week straight and not eating. I was comfortable with that. And, um, you know, it's sad. Um, but yeah, that was really the, the only thing. There was nothing like she, you know, she did. And I was like in a different part of the state too.

Like if any time that like I was in Lowell or around, like she would, you know, she'd come give me food or I'd go shower at her house and stuff like that, you know, but, but, um, but, but, No, I just, I was just caught up, you know. Do you think that was the wrong approach looking back on it for her to handle it that way? Like, do you wish you had a little bit more support? Maybe, maybe. But I think, like, any time that I, like, you know, there was one time in particular. I was sleeping in the back of a car with my action framing him.

And, you know, all that pandemic money ran out. And I gave her a call. And I was like, I was sick as a dog, man, probably sicker than I've ever been. Dope sick. And I called her and I was like, I've had enough. Like, I want to go to detox. And I went and I ended up putting like 18 months of sobriety together at that time.

But, you know, gambling, all that stuff. It catches up to you. You know what I mean? It's like anything you say anything you put in front of your recovery, you're going to lose. Right. So it's like, to this day, like, I try to keep. recovery number one you know I try to keep it in that number one priority because with that I'm able to show up for my kids I'm able to show up for the people I

love and when all my priorities are out of whack and I'm not taking care of myself then this disease of addiction it'll take care of me so I try to try to do that during a spirit of time did you ever have a job did you try to get a job did you work a normal job yeah I did I worked at a I did a couple construction jobs. I know you asked me that. I just got beating around it. Yeah, I did excavation from my father's friend for a while.

It worked for an excavation company out of Bill Rooka Mass. I just all types of different construction, man. I couldn't hold the job, though, Ian. That was the thing. I couldn't hold the job. I'd rather hustle and fucking. run into uh macy's and grab everything off the shelf and you know and make money that way you know and um it became hard honestly it was hard for me like at first like having to like get a real job and

like not like know what it was like to like you know have like a quick quick come up from like drug money or from stealing or any of that like you know that was it's all part of like the changing process you know and uh yeah what's something that happened during you know the height of your addiction that you look back on now and you know you're really embarrassed by or you're like I'm not that person anymore what would you say that moment would be I'd say um I don't want to incriminate myself here but there's a particular story um I just told it on my podcast the other day um the guy comes up to me I'm living in this sober house in Medford the guy comes up to me and he goes um you're trying to make some money

And it's his sober house. He didn't know I was getting high in the sober house, but that's besides the point. He's like, you're trying to make some money. I'm like, yeah, absolutely, what do I have to do? So he goes, it was during the pandemic. He goes, my boy's going to call you like 4 o'clock and tell you what you need to do. I'm like, all right, but she calls me. And he worked for, I'm not going to say who he worked for, but he worked for, you know,

it was like a state job and he had to get the vaccine. right and um i ended up going and getting the vaccine for him with his id i walked in the star market with his id got the vaccine he paid me cash to do it because they wouldn't they wouldn't like they weren't buying the whole like he didn't want to get the vaccine thing and religious reasons and all that they weren't buying it and he didn't want to lose his pension and i did that for i did that how much would you get i only got like 1500 bucks if that wait they gave you that much money? Yeah. That's pretty good money. Because they could have bought a fake COVID card for 200 bucks. Yeah, right? He could have, yeah, no, 100%. Wait, they didn't check your ID when you walked in? Yeah, I kind of looked like him. Dude, it was crazy. I was- So you used his ID? Yeah, I used his ID. Yeah, I used his ID and I went in and I got it, yeah. So he literally could have bought a fake COVID card for a couple of bucks. Yeah, he's a donkey. He's a donkey for that. I am too, though. I mean, you made your money. Yeah, I mean, I did what I had to do at that time. You know what I mean?

So did you get your own COVID shot too? No. Oh, God. So you were just taking, wait, so if you got it twice. I got it twice. So you just have multiple COVID shots going on? I have multiple COVID shots and I don't have one for myself on paper. So yeah, that's an embarrassing story.

Yeah. Yeah. So describe your journey to getting sober what that looked like. What was the final, you know, rock bottom straw that it took you to getting sober and then what that process looked like? Yeah. Um, rock bottom for me, man, was, um, I told you I had twin girls and, um, I was sober during that time. And, uh, you know, I was there for their birth. I was with the mother of my kids at the time.

Every, I had an apartment. I had a car. I had just gotten to the union. Everything was going good. And, um, you know, uh, looking back, like, it probably wasn't the most healthy relationship with my kid's mother and I wasn't too happy. but needless to say I relapsed, right? And, you know, at that time, I hadn't, so right now, about three years clean from opiates, right?

I stopped. I got on the Vivitrel shot, which saved my life in a sense, right? It's, you know, a lot of people say, like, Suboxin methadone, like, you know, it's really only a bandaid, you know, you want to fix your internal problems. but, you know, Vivitral helps me a lot as far as opiates go. And, yeah, so I, rock bottom, I lost, I ended up, I ended up losing my children. They were about six months old.

I ended up losing my children, lost the apartment, lost the relationship with my kid's mother. And, yeah, that was rock bottom for me, man, because it was like an emotional bottom. You know what I mean? And all that stuff from my parents not being there for me as a kid to, you know, like, wanting to break the cycle and realizing, like, how I have this, like, responsibility now and this purpose. And the most selfish thing I could do is, you know, put drugs and alcohol before my children. You know what I mean?

I don't ever want to be in that place again in my life, you know. And I try to do what I have to do. a daily basis so that I never go back there. You know, I pray every day. I have a sponsor. I do the 12th, I've been to the 12 steps, and, you know, I go to meetings on a daily basis, and that's what helps me and staying connected with people. You know, I want to give a shout out to Rockland Recovery and to Eddie McGrath because, you know, that program really separated itself. like from all the others. You know,

I've been to probably 20 plus program, halfway houses, detoxes, you know, all that stuff, right? And Eddie's really separated itself, Rockland Recovery Group.

And, you know. What made it different? What made it stand out? Yeah. So I think what made it different was definitely like, you know, they say the opposite of addiction is connection,

right? And Rockland says that a lot. And it's the truth, right? because coming in, you know, with your tail tucked between your legs after relapsing for the hundredth time, right, in my case. And, like, you know, having people that really treat you like you're the same as them, you're not better than, you're not less than, like, true genuine, compassionate people

that, like, they take the time out of their day to talk to you and see how you're feeling. and they push the steps and they push connection. You know what I mean? They push like, you know, if you're having a bad day, man, go talk to somebody about it. It's all right to be vulnerable. It's all the, you know, all the, you know, so I try, I try, you know, I pulled a tough guy card out of my back pocket from time to time. But for the most part, I try to just be my authentic self, you know,

and try to be vulnerable and open. and honest for people. What were some things that helped you stay on track after, you know, you get released from that facility? Yeah. You know, obviously the more you push forward, the more sober days you have behind you, but what kept you gaining those days? Yeah.

So, um, I think like just staying, staying busy, staying consistent, staying disciplined. I mean, always in my life, man. I would kind of plateau, right? I would kind of plateau. And, you know, it's interesting too, right? Because, you know, for someone that's listening, anyone that's listening to this, you know, I always thought like, oh, I had, you know, I had 18 months before. I had a year before.

And, you know, I'm a little shy of that right now. But as far as, like, how I felt internally and, like, the work I was doing on myself, it's not even comparable. You know what I mean? I don't gamble. anymore. There's a lot of, like, behaviors I had to change. You know what I mean?

They say, you know, drugs and alcohol is just like a symptom. And, you know, it's really in your mind. You know what I mean? Changing the way you think and getting uncomfortable. And you have to get uncomfortable to grow, right? So I think that's a big part of it, man. And my sponsor said this to me not too long ago. And he's like, I think, you know, I think you're doing great.

He's like, I still think, you know, and that's why. I surround myself with people, right, with like, you know, mama mentality, Bell Belichick mentality, like, do your job. And like, there's always room for improvement, right? Because I don't need, I've had, you know, I've had plenty of people that are going to co-sign my behavior and say, yeah, let's go to the casino, let's go to the strip club, let's do this or that, which, you know, I'm, I'm sure if I do any of those things, I'm not going to, I'm not going to get high, you know what I mean?

But it's, it's a slippery slope, you know what I mean? I'd rather have two feet in than one foot in and one foot out, you know, so, yeah, he was just saying to me, like, you know, I think, you know, you're still still a little comfortable and institutionalized and you have to, you know, break those things. And I need people like that to, like, crack a Cayman Jack Margarita and taste your escape. It's America's number one for a reason. Kamen Jack is a premium malt beverage with flavors. Please drink responsibly. Kamenjack beverage company, Chicago, Illinois. How many discounts does USAA auto insurance offer? Too many to say here.

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Help me be aware of these different things, you know. How did you start rebuilding your life once you, you know, you knew in your mind you were sober, you didn't plan on going back to drugs? Yeah. Or at least in that interim moment, how do you start to rebuild? Yeah, so. it's a long process man um you know there's some things from you know there's some things i still i still have um there's a lot that i've learned i think the i think um you can't take away someone's experience right

so any time that i've um just done the next right thing man and tried to be a good person and and show up and listen to listen to um you know my mentors so to speak, listen to these people, they're not going to steer me in the wrong direction. So, you know, it's been a process, man. Like, I didn't, I didn't have a license until I was like 22 years old, you know what I mean, which is crazy. But, you know, I didn't have a license.

I didn't have a car. I didn't have a lot of things. And, like, you know, I messed up my credit. I'm still working on rebuilding my credit. You know, certain things. Some things take longer than others. You know what I mean? And I think that's a message I was talking with someone the other day.

like everyone's uh everyone's uh everyone's time frame is different right some per some people might some people might have the white picket fence in the house in in a couple years and and some people it might take a little longer but i think at the end of the day if you're if you're um if you're bettering yourself each and every day and you're staying consistent um you know you're gonna you're gonna crush those goals and you're gonna get there you know it's just uh sometimes it doesn't always happen as quick as we want them to, but it's going to happen, you know. What about your kids? Were you able to get them back?

Yeah. So I have custody of my kids. Right now, I'm still, I'm like transitioning. I'm still, I'm still in a sober living house at this time. But I'm trying, I see my kids all the time. And my kids are like everything to me, you know what I mean? Outside of, you know, outside of like me having to put my my recovery first and stuff, it's like that's the biggest blessing that's given me is like

being able to be there for my kids and help out. And, you know, like I said, my mom helps me out a lot with that. But yeah, when I lost them, the court got involved and all that stuff. And that's been like a process, you know, of trying to like go through that whole process, you know, making sure that I'm fit, a fit father, you know what I mean, which I surround myself with a lot of people that, you know, are good fathers in recovery, right? Because it's like if I want to learn how to be the best dad I can be, then that's who I'm going to surround myself with.

Do you feel like your mom is trying to make an effort with you to make amends for her actions and not being there in the past? 100%, yeah, which is great in a way. You know what I mean? I think I, like, left this part out a little bit earlier, you know. My mom's great, right? But she, you know, at the end of the day, she's still a little unwell in some ways and you know that's okay but um yeah i think she's you know

i think she's big on like the whole redemption thing and um wants to just wants to be there um for them uh and make up for things which is great you know i'm grateful for my mother and grateful for that because um if it wasn't for my mother and my grandmother at that time like um you know my kids would have ended up in the system and um you know now i can see them whenever I want and take them wherever I want. It's a great feeling. It's a great feeling. How are you going to make sure your kids don't fall down the same path like you did with your

parents? Yeah. So I think, I don't know. I mean, they're still really young, but I've thought about these things. Like,

I don't, I don't know. I want my kids to be able to feel like they can come to me with anything, right? I want them to feel like they can be vulnerable. They can talk to me. Because, like,

you know, I don't think, I don't think keeping your feelings in helps. You know, I really don't. I think your feelings are going to come out in some way, shape, or form, you know. And yeah, I think just making them feel loved, right? And I think being the best dad I can be and them growing up in a household, you know, hopefully with two loving parents, but if not, at least, you know, one loving parent that, you know,

that, you know, does the best they can for them and makes them feel loved each and every day. You know, I think, I think that's, they say, they say the best ability is availability. You know what I mean? And I think just being physically and emotionally available for them will be huge. No, you mentioned you're still with a sober living house now.

What does that look like? What's it like to live in a sober living house on, you know, while staying clean and everything like that? Yeah, it can be brutal. I'm not going to lie to it. It can be tough, you know, because like any, any program, right, any sober house, you can be around people that have no interest in wanting to stay clean.

But, you know, there's a lot of people, man, that need to learn how to, and I had to, I had to, and I still have to. I try to remain teachable, but, you know, you have to, like, do your chore, and you have to show up to a house meeting, like, once a week, and you have a curve you, right? Because, you know, they're trying to, you know, they're trying to teach people to be responsible again, right? And trying to teach people like making your bed and being up at a certain time and like punctuality and all these things that are like important in life that probably get lost, you know, somewhere down the line when you're, when you're smoking cigarettes off the

ground or, you know, like in my case or whatever it is, you know. But yeah, it can be a lot of, a lot of drama, you know, people stealing people's food and shit like that. It's, uh, me and a, me and Jake Scali are working on something right now. We're going to do like a sober full house. And it's like going to be like full house, but, uh, sober house version. So that'll be. Yeah, I've walked in, I've visited like some sober houses at my friends own. And, um, you know, it kind of really brings you back to the basics of how to live.

Like it reminded me of prison a little bit. It reminded me, even though you got way more freedom. Of course. But just that living dynamic and being around those individuals, it kind of really strips it down and it teaches you the basics all over again. It's like you're relearning stuff after addiction. Yeah. And that's the thing, too, is, you know, we got guys from all different walks of life, right? We have some street guys.

We have some guys that grew up in the suburbs. And like, it doesn't matter where you're from, right? Addiction doesn't discriminate. but you know some people are less familiar with certain things like reaching over plates and taking people's seats and shit like that you know but I don't know I'm trying to break that that whole mentality you know like and like talent on people too like you know and um it's a it's I don't know it's tough but um you know we all just do the best we can man at the end of the day where we're hopefully we're all there for the same reason and uh got one comment

goal and that's getting clean and getting our lives together and our family back and you know some people uh you know so it's a lot of people i've seen a lot of people uh change their lives man and and do big things and um yeah it's great it's great what advice would you give to your teenage self before you ever try to drug like if you could you know look back stand next to yourself and you're just about to take that pill for the first time or that shot of heroin yeah what would you tell that person. I would go, if you, if you were asking me right now, if I could go back, I'd go back in a heartbeat.

I 100% would. Not that like, you know, I try to, you know, I try to wear it as like armor now. You know, like I'm not, I'm not ashamed to say like I'm an addict. I'm in recovery. But, you know, if I could have, if I could have gone back and change that, I would have. I would definitely tell myself to, you know, to stay in school, man, to listen, to play sports to find something you're passionate about and stick to it and find a career and uh you know drugs and alcohol isn't going to fix your problems it's not going to make you um you know it's not

going to it's not going to make you feel better it might make you feel better in the short term but in the long term it's going to give you a whole lot of problems you know like i i lost i lost everything to it i really did you know and um you know it's it's uh it's an amazing thing, you know, like being able to be in the depths of hell and come back, you know, they say, they say spiritualities for people, oh shit, what's Joe say? Religions for people that never been in hell, spirituality's for people that been to hell and back or something like that. And, you know, it's like, just crazy, man, I think about, yeah.

Well, Devin, I appreciate you coming on the show today and sharing your story with me. Thank you, Ian. I appreciate you having me, bro. Yeah, of course. And I wish you the best on your recovery journey and, you know, just keep pushing forward. Keep doing what you're doing. And, you know, you'll be an inspiration to many more that will follow that path. Thank you, bro. I absolutely will. Thank you for having me. Thank you.