Locked In with Ian Bick - Inside the Mind of a Dope Head | Skyler Ray

Episode Date: August 27, 2025

Skyler Ray grew up in Vancouver, Washington, facing abandonment, foster homes, and homelessness by the age of 18. What followed was years of drinking, drug abuse, and a severe dope addiction that left him in and out of jail and prison throughout his 20s. #PrisonStories #AddictionRecovery #HomelessToHope #LifeAfterPrison #DrugAddiction #RedemptionStory #FosterCareSurvivor #secondchances Connect with Skyler Ray: Website : Www.officialskylerray.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/share/1Ej83SgCPP/?mibextid=wwXIfr Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/officialskylerray?igsh=aGNyMWwzczdmdjIy&utm_source=qr Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/6KjuJzM3UL0mikvc9oCTVo?si=2oRIrVSZSga96WKJbk6Cww YouTube: https://youtube.com/@skylerray?si=RcGFG2WwaVR2amXH Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Presented by Tyson 2.0 & Wooooo Energy: https://tyson20.com/ https://woooooenergy.com/ Use code LOCKEDIN for 20% OFF Wooooo Energy Buy Merch: http://www.ianbick.com/shop Timestamps: 00:00 Skyler Ray’s Dark Years & Introduction 00:47 Locked In Podcast Beginnings 01:37 Road to Recovery Tour & Spreading Hope 04:07 Giving Back Through Music and Recovery 07:07 Skyler’s Difficult Childhood & Foster Care 14:09 Moving In With Dad & Early Teen Challenges 17:39 Abandonment, Attention Seeking, and School Life 22:05 Homelessness as a Teenager 25:48 Addiction, Street Life & Paranoia Park 29:45 Homeless Addicts: Myths & Realities 33:31 Doing Whatever It Takes for Drugs 36:26 The Harsh Cycle: Jail, Addiction & Recovery 42:09 Jail Psychosis, Paranoia & Dark Stories 46:00 Wild Tales from Behind Bars 50:55 Life on the Chain Gang & Dorm Drama 53:45 Jail, Prison, & the Desire for Change 56:33 Deciding to Get Sober for Music & New Perspective 01:00:23 Building a New Life: Boundaries and Accountability 01:02:44 Why Recovery is So Hard 01:03:28 Rebuilding Through Music After Sobriety 01:09:02 Meeting Kayla & Leveling Up Musically 01:12:00 Getting Hepatitis C & Overcoming Shame 01:14:39 Family Relationships & Setting Boundaries 01:17:31 Lessons to Younger Self & Final Reflections Powered by: Just Media House : https://www.justmediahouse.com/ Creative direction, design, assets, support by FWRD: https://www.fwrd.co Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Yamava Resort and Casino at San Manuel is California's number one entertainment destination for today's superstars. Catch the Jonas Brothers return to the Yamava Theater stage on April 30th, the powerful vocals of Demi Lovato on May 17th, and the signature Southern Country Rock of Eric Church on July 19th. Tickets on sale now at Yamavat Theater.com, only at Yamava Resort and Casino, celebrating its 40th anniversary. You in? Must be 21 to enter. Crack a Cayman Jack Margarita.

With real lime, blue agave nectar, and real margarita taste. Taste your escape. Cayman Jack, America's number one margarita. Cayman Jack is a premium malt beverage with flavors. Please drink responsibly. Camin Jack beverage company, Chicago, Illinois. How many discounts does USA Auto Insurance offer? Too many to say here.

Multi-vehicle discount. Safe driver discount? New vehicle discount. storage discount legacy how many discounts will you stack up tap the banner or visit usaaa.com slash auto discounts restrictions apply I used to get chemically induced schizophrenia so I would hear voices they would have like security walking around like homeless security and they're not like little CB radios so can you imagine like you're tripping out and you're getting high and CB radios are going off and stuff and I remember would be in there just tripping like on it and there was a few times I

thought we were like surrounded Giler Ray grew up in Vancouver Washington battling abandonment and bouncing through foster homes, but by high school he was drinking, using drugs, and by 18, he was homeless. His 20s were spent in and out of jail in prison, lost in a severe dope addiction. But today, he's turned that pain into purpose. In this episode, Skyler shares the raw stories

from his time behind bars and the road that finally led him to sobriety. Skyler, welcome to Lockton, man. Thank you. We've been talking about doing this for a while. Glad to have you here, and we can make this happen. Thank you, man.

It's honestly a pleasure to be here. I'm grateful for the opportunity and thank you for taking the time to see me today. Yeah, I always see you supporting me on Facebook. I appreciate you, man. Ever since I had Jared on, I think you were in his group of people years ago. So that's when you first came on my radar. Thank you, man. And my brother has the same name as you too.

Okay, I like that. Yeah, he's a good name. It is a good name. Does you spell it with the E R&A? E. Me too. A lot of, I think girls spell it with the A, right? Yes.

but everybody always puts my name on flyers and stuff with the A. And I'm like, you would think like if you pay me to bring me out or whatever, you would like put the E or like figure out how to spell the name. Yeah. So, you know, this episode comes out tomorrow night so you might as well tell people what you're in town for. Okay. So look, so I'm currently on the road of recovery tour and what we do is we bring recovery focused events to jails, prisons, and rehabs around the country. We have done 102 stops so far. it's me and my lady we put on concerts about recovery and help people in addiction and so what we do is on the 29th we'll be in fall river

for overdose awareness right there on waterfront and then on the 30th we will be in new milford Connecticut on the town green doing an overdose awareness and then we fly out to Houston Texas on the 31st then Vancouver Washington on the first and then we head out to Kentucky so we're all over the place but this is technically our East Coast spot, which I'm grateful to be able to come out here and be able to connect with like-minded people, but also be able to share a positive message because there's a lot of people hurting. And it's important to let them know that they are loved. And, you know, sometimes we can't control the outcome, but what we can do is lift each other up.

So it's a beautiful opportunity, man. I love what we do. And you host all these events yourself, like produce and put them together? Not all the events. Most of them, yes. these upcoming ones in Fall River and New Milford, Connecticut, those are being put together.

Sometimes people have an event and they'll fly us out for like the headline, the entertainment or be part of the entertainment. But normally, yes, me and my lady do. We travel around in our tour van. We usually have our little English bulldogs. She's like a 35-pound little girl, right?

That's daddy's little girl right there. Love her to death, right? But yeah, we travel around with all our sound equipment and we get in there, we run everything. And it's very, it's a dream come true to be able to do music for a living, but also be able to give back to the community that I once tried to destroy. And that's a beautiful thing about it, man. There's, there's no better, I never would have thought.

Because growing up on like Eminem and stuff, right, I just wanted to rap, you know? And I didn't know, like, then going through, like, my path and, like, fixing my life, I didn't know that I can change it to something positive and be able to have impact on people. And it's almost like getting your cake and eating it too. You know, so it's an honor. It's a privilege to be able to get opportunities like that. And it's something I don't take for granted because it makes me feel good inside to be able to give back. So let's talk about growing up for a second.

Where did you grow up? I grew up. I was born in San Jose, California. but like the first my memories are in Vancouver, Washington. Okay, I'm living with my mom. I'm living with my dad. Mom and dad not getting along. Okay.

My mom deals with a lot of like mental illnesses. Like depression, bipolar, some other stuff, you know. And so they packed up, she packed up me and my brother and left. Okay. And then we went to a shelter called the community house. And it's in Longview, Washington. So it's like a brand new city, never been there. And being a young kid, I didn't want to, I was judgmental.

I didn't want to eat what they were serving because it's like the homeless community, like they serve for a place to stay, you know? And I was looking at those people and I was like nine years old. I'm like, I'm not touching any of that. And so I was throwing a fit. And like me and my brother are like a lot of people's dynamics, right? You have the younger brother, which is me, right? I would cause the trouble.

My brother had put me in my place. I would run and go cry and tell, right? I was a little town, I'll tell. And that was kind of the dynamics, which if anybody has kids, I grew up with a sibling, they know the dynamic. Well, it was a lot for my mom. And my mom said, hey, I'll go get some food. I'll be right back. And so we sat on the corner, and we sat there for a couple hours, and she never came back, right?

And then eventually the staff of the shelter ended up calling CPS Child Protective Services. they came in, but they showed up with two police officers. They put us in different foster homes, or they put us in two different police cars, and then drove us to different foster homes. So within like 72 hours, 48 hours, I lost my dad, I lost my mom, I lost my brother. So that caused a lot of like abandonment issues, right, that I didn't know it at the time until I got older and had time to reflect hindsight and do work on myself and realize that's where a lot of my problems had.

the needs who want to be for attention, the needs who want to be popular, to have friends, the attention seeking, right? So that caused me a lot of trouble in school. I was that class clown that would crack jokes because it was, like, it felt good to see people laugh. I was like, cool, I got friends. Like, these are my peers. Like, they accept me. The only problem with that is I didn't know how to read the room, so I quickly became annoying, right?

Which would lead to fights because I had to be the toughest kid. I had to be, you know, which is crazy because now that I'm older, I don't identify as a tough guy. I'm a cornball. I'm a goofball, you know? I'm not some macho man. I'm not no ladies man. I'm just me.

And I'm comfortable in my skin. So it's truly a beautiful thing. So, yeah, growing up, I would say abandonment issues caused a lot of that. Just the need to want to do whatever to be liked. A lot of hardship came from that. And then, you know, being homeless and everything. So my whole story revolves around back to that. And it's crazy that I didn't identify that until I got older.

You know, so it's a little while to think about that I wasn't able to diagnose that and be able to figure out why it put me down my path. But you know what, though, I am 100% grateful that everything happened because I don't think I would be the man I am today. The principles, my morals, the code that I live by is. based purely on what I've been through. So, you know, the outcome is worth it. So do you end up in a like a group home or you got to foster homes? So foster homes. I was, how old are you at like high school? So I was nine. Oh, this is before. Yeah, I was nine years old. Fourth grade. Um, I bounced around quite a bit. A lot of were like temporary homes. The longest home I stayed in was maybe like a year and a half. Um, that was with my brother. We finally got placed in

the same home and then I kind of got in some trouble so I got moved. But yeah, there was times I was moving like every couple weeks. Definitely probably like 20 homes at least. Yeah, I moved around a lot. I was in one group home. That was like a week. Like I said, I was very like temporary. It was like here, here, here. And then like my caseworkers kept changing and everything like that.

I got out of foster care when I was 14. my mom I started getting like visits with her moved back in with her and then me and her disagreements right I had an anger problem she was dealing what she's dealing with it just wasn't a good fit

you know too much fire and went home you know so yeah then I ended up going to moving with my dad back in Portland and it wasn't really a good neighborhood and then so like I got into a lot of fights

I got into, I grew up in Gresham, so like outside, not grew up, but like lived, it was like outside of, it was in Gresham, outside of Portland. But at the time, there was a lot of gangs, Latino gangs, South Side, so their colors were blue. And I didn't bang at all, but my favorite color was red. And the way I dressed, they automatically just assumed I was a gang member. And, you know, I was hardheaded. They're like, take the color off. And I'm like, I'm not taking the color off. Like, I'm scared, but I'm like, I'm not, like, you're not going to embarrass me like that, you know?

So it was like always like, it was crazy because there was, it was mostly just Mexican around in the area, you know? And so, yeah, it was, I got into lots of fights. I got into trouble. First started, like, drinking and using at, like, a young age. Mostly it was just, like, weed and alcohol and stuff like that. But, yeah, so, you know, moving back in Portland, I didn't have a lot of. lot of good habits. Love my dad to death.

He's a good person. But when we're growing up, he was more of a friend than a positive role model, if that makes sense. What did he do for work? He was a painter. And your mom didn't work because of row shoes? Kind of, yeah. Sometimes.

I mean, she would work like Safeways and Fred Myers and fast food or, you know what I'm saying? So, yeah. She was like, honest. and off. Why did your dad let her take you if he knew of what was going on with her? You know, that's a good question. I don't think he really had much of a say. I know he was gone when we left. You know, I'm a little young to remember like the full details, but I'm pretty sure the best of my memory was, and especially like hair on my dad's side. My dad is always honest, so he owns up

the stuff even if he's in the wrong. I believe that he was at work and she packed us up and left. and then he tried to get in my mom was gonna be so upset she tried to get a hold of us but she spun so many stories that they didn't want him being able to have any like control any visits

anything like that like my grandpa was trying to get involved to get us back and the web was there so it was like no we don't want your father anywhere near you you know so that's kind of the outcome right there Do you hold a resentment over your parents for your childhood?

No, no, no, absolutely not. And I can honestly say that I know how hard this life is. And I know as an adult, like, making mistakes. Like, I'm 34. I finally feel like I'm old or mature enough to have a kid, right? Even though I don't have one. I feel like I'm finally mature enough the last few years. So I couldn't imagine dealing like my dad has, my mom has.

and trying to raise two kids, you know, that would be incredibly hard. And they were young. Like, my mom had my brother at 16, had me at like 20. So you're talking in your 20s trying to raise kids. Like, I know a lot of people do it, but I don't blame anybody for making mistakes. And, you know, I have no resentment, you know. It is what it is. I don't know.

I really don't hold resentment towards people. And truthfully, I think it gave me a destiny and it gave me a destiny. and it gave me a journey. Because it has put me on this path where I have been able to not only find success, right? I mean, that's the blessing in it all. But it finds me a path where I fit in.

It gave me a path where I feel comfortable and I found my peeps. You know what I'm saying? My people. And it's just like, I have people around me that love me and I don't know if I would be in that situation. I feel like everything has led me

to the moment that we are in right now. All right. So you start dabbling in alcohol and some minor drugs. Yeah. Getting into trouble a little bit. What happens? Well, 18.

A lot of the trouble came in, I was like 18, right? I'm homeless. I'm sleeping on the sidewalks. I'm sleeping under the bridges. I'm eating in the food lines, right? You know, someone, it's crazy because at the time, it was like I had standards, right?

You know, I basically tried every drug in the book, but I'm sitting there and, you know, someone's like, hey, you want to do some dope? and I was like, what's you mean? You know? They're like meth and I was like, you know? We're like, I was, I'm sorry. You got some meth, you know?

And I was like, yeah, I want to try it. Like, let's do some, you know? So I remember we went to this abandoned house and there was like eight or nine of us and we're getting high. We're smoking out of a light bulb. You know what I'm saying? And it's crazy because going back afterwards,

like most of us just wanted to go find some more dope after that. And it kind of fell in the situation like, you know, I'm homeless. I'm out there, you know, smoking, turns into shooting dope. Shooting dope turns into like sharing needles. Now you got Hep C, now you're running around, just gliding across the floor like your Chris Angel across the city blocks. You're about five different colors.

You're all picked out. You know, but I'd be sitting there and I remember someone approached me was like, would you like to sell some dope? And I was like, this actually makes sense because, for one, I can get high on my own supply. Like, this is perfect, right? I don't have to beg. Like, I'm moving up, like, upper, Escalants. Like, I'm the man in supply now, right? And second of all, like, my friend group is now all

customers. Like, what? How perfect is this? Like, the only people I hang around with constantly wants to buy some. I'm like, yeah, this makes sense. So started selling dope, right? Which led me to the jails, which led me to prison. Like, you know, I'm out there selling dope. And it's crazy because I would always be, you get picked up something as minor as probation for, like, trespassing. You're homeless. Of course, trespassing outside. You're like, you're downtown city of Portland, Oregon, you know, sleeping on the sidewalks, yeah, they're going to trespass you. So now you're on probation. And if you're on probation or parole, anybody's

dealt with that. Anytime the cops come up, they can start your pockets. You know? So that spun out of control quickly. Wishing you could be there live for the big game, soaking up the atmosphere of the crowd. But too often,

life gets busy. Or the price hold you back. Priceline is here to help you make it happen. With millions of deals on flights, hotels, and rental cars, you can go see the game live. Don't just dream about the trip. Book it with Price Line. Download the Priceline app or visitpriceline.com. Actual prices may vary, limited time offer.

You know, can you explain the light bulb thing? Because I've seen that before in the movies and references. Yeah. Why do they use a light bulb to smoke dope? Because no one has a pipe. No one has a pipe or the store that sells it is out or it's closed or no one has ID. Dude, we used to, there's a movie theater downtown. So I'm on 8th and Oak.

If anybody's watching this from Portland, so downtown outside of a place called New Avenues for Youth, if you go up like five city blocks and take a left like down to like on six, there's a movie theater and they used to have a low ceiling, right, where my little self could jump up and grab them, right? We would unscrew the light bulbs because they would just have like thousands of them hanging up Like the doorway lit up, you know? So we'd grab them and I used to be able to just open it with my teeth. Right?

And then you'd open it and then you dump the ends out. You pour the water in it, shake it up, dump it out. And then you just put the dope in and then you have like a little straw and then you just twist it. And just, it's crazy, but it's like there's no like I can't use today. Like you figure stuff out. If you ain't got a pipe, our homeboy's like, yeah, let me, but let me get a hit. You're like, nah, our homeboy burns it. We don't even got to stop in that doorway.

Let me go get a light bulb. You're not worried about any glass getting in it or anything like that. We weren't. We weren't. I mean, we were using puddle water to mix up the dope for shots. Tell us about that. Oh, God. We, it was, so you'd use whatever, right?

I remember we'd be, like, in Porter potty stalls, and you'd be trying to get what you can. Imagine being up for days, and you're just dehydrated because you ain't drinking or eating anything. And you're, like, spitting in your hand. And it's just, like, foam bubbles. You're like, trying to get what you can. and sucking it up.

To do your shot, right? People use water, soap, or not soap, but like soda. But, like, I remember it would be just raining all the time in Portland. And I just hold the little orange cap at the bottom of the thing or just scoop it off someone's hood and just, that was always better than spit, right? You would only go to spit if you're in the portal potty because, you know, there's, like, the public out there. You know, you'd be doing your thing.

It would be crazy because you'd be, like, paranoid. And you'd be, I would always have, like, a fake yawn down. So every time I'd pop out, you know, hit a yawn. Oh, he ain't high. So why do you have to mix it with water? To break it down. So that you could, you know, shoot it up. So it, like, solidifies or I don't know the proper term.

But, yeah, it breaks down. It's like a solution, you know, and then therefore you got it. You know? It's crazy the stuff that we used to do. And I'm sure a lot of people could relate because it's like you use whatever you can. You don't just wake up like a crackhead. Don't wake up in the morning and say, I'm not going to get high today. You know, that's just not happening.

Like, you got to do whatever. You got a light bulb. Let me go get one. There's no water. Okay, we're using this. Yeah, I would have some friends that would, like, mix up urine sometimes to, like, shoot it up. I mean, my people are, like, lower class, you know? Like, my people are, like, under a bridge and, like, sidewalks and, you know, camping out type stuff.

And so, like, you just use whatever. But those are my people. How do you go from living with your dad? to then homeless by 18. Was there something significant that happened in that timeline? Yeah, so my dad is like the typical American, right? Bills are paid for that month. But like as long as you got like, he would have his drink, he'd have it like his weed.

Bills are paid. So that was like counting as like baking it. We're good. We got a roof over our head. It was never like got money in the bank. I got like a year saved up. It was like got a bag of weed. I got me some drink.

you know, bills paid, like we're good to go. You know, we're surviving. So we would be in there and we were living off a place off of 156 in Powell. And it's crazy because you know how Roddy, Roddy Piper is? So he used to like WWE, like old Portland wrestling. So Portland wrestling was a thing. Someone became WWE wrestlers. Well, he used to own this tire shop right next to me that became like A1 guys after that.

So I lived right there in this orange house, but we didn't own it. and I live in my dad, my uncle, and then my uncle Ronnie, which is like an extension of the family, and then my auntie Cheryl, you know, and so we're all staying in this place, just getting by. You know, I'm in school still. I'm in high school. And the person that owns the house sold it because they wanted to take away the cul-de-sac, build behind it, they wanted to build in front. And so what they decided to do was to sell it, and the person who bought it is up in the price,

so we couldn't afford it anymore. So I remember sitting there and my dad and my uncle and sit us down and they're talking about where they're going to move to. And then after like a little bit, I was like, that's crazy because like no one mentioned like, what about me? It was like, this is what we're doing. And I was 18. So I was like, I have no guidebook. No one's like, no one to like really show me like what to do. I know you like move out at 18.

Is this where I like spread my wings and fly out? and I remember like okay so like I guess I figured out and had too much pride issues I was still dealing with my abandonment issues and attention seeking so I didn't in like ego problems so I didn't want to ask friends if I could couch surf or anything like that it was more like I would just be miserable by myself type thing and I always made the best of every situation I'm a jokester so I always stayed with a smile right and so I remember calling my mom like one last ditch moment and I remember calling her And I was like, what up, mom? And she's like, hey, I was like, you hear about dad and uncle?

Because, you know, like, when you go to complain about something? And so, like, you beat around the bush and you're hoping that someone's like, oh, that's no problem. Like, I could help you with that. And you hope they come up with the solution. Well, that was my last call to my mom when I say last call before I went homeless, you know? And I remember calling her. And I was like, hey, mom, she's like, hey, I was like, you're about uncle and dad moving out. And she's like, yeah, I did.

And just let you know you can't come stay with me. And I was like, okay. Okay, that's not why I was calling. You know, like, I'm deflected now. I'm upset. I'm hurt. And I'm like, yeah, that's not. I was just calling to see how you're doing.

But all right, I'll call you later. And she's like, hey, there's a shelter downtown. Right on top of the bridge, first and burnside. Go down there. There's resources. You can go down there and they'll feed you, take showers, things like that. So I was like, cool. That's what I'm going to do.

So I remember going down there. And I was so in awe because, like, I've had friends that, like, use hard drugs. my brother's been 13 years in prison, like in and out. Every time he gets out, always on meth. You know what I'm saying? On drugs. And so I remember going down there, but it was just like, I went inside the shelter and I was just like, this is gross. Like I'm looking at all the people like in active addiction. I was like, yeah, this isn't for me, you know, because I'm still, I'm young. I'm thinking I'm like some hot shot, you know, some cool kid. And I was like, no, this isn't for me. And I remember going outside and I met some kids that were like my age. And I remember

we're just tearing up going on beer runs, tearing up this, doing that. And I was like, this is kind of cool. And I believe that's where like the first, like, it was insane because there was a period of my time where I was obsessed with just hanging out and like being homeless. Like that was the life and like using every day and partying. You got to imagine. I'm 18 years old. Right.

And I fell in love. I became addicted to the chaos. And I think the reason for that is because being an 18. year old kid you got schools you got responsibility and now you're literally partying all day and night stay up as long as you want party pass out wherever wake up and continue the party like that's attractive for a young kid you know and so i found myself in this cycle and i kept going to jail once like i said once i was on probation i kept going to jail i kept going to prison i only been to prison once but i kept going to jail, right? And it's crazy because I would do six months. I would get out for three days.

Go back, do nine months, get out for three or get out for six days. Go back and do another nine months. Like that was a real stint. And the reason for that is because I was even smart about my business. Meaning, so you got the jail right downtown, right? Inverness or Inverness is the other one, MCDC right downtown Portland. And then you got the parole building about five, six blocks up. So it's less than a 10-minute walk, right? I'd be in there and I'm like, when I get out, I'm going to do better. When I get out, I'm going to get a job, never had a job, but I'm going to figure it out, right? Soon as I got out, I would get high before I made a 10-blocks down the street.

Like, that's crazy, right? So I would last as long as it took for the warrant to go out, right? They had this park called O'Brien Square, but all the locals called it Paranoia Park. and the reason for that is because it was the number one place to use drugs to sell drugs. It was a hot spot. They would have like the best French toast in the morning on Sundays and their feeds in the park, right? But everybody went there to do drugs and sell drugs. So we called it Paranoia Park because right across the street, maybe like, I don't know.

It literally across the street. So here's the park. Here's the street. And then on this side, there's a big old building right there. It's a cop station. and so they would always have cops parked out right there right over on like 8th in washington so you got the got all these cops out there they'd sit there have their lunch doing paperwork outside as dudes up there just like slam and dope and you're like what it's so insane to

think about but you quickly get comfortable with that routine next thing you know you're doing it you know they got the park benches you could hide your dope in so you sit over here so they come up and search you like you get arrested but you don't get caught with this stuff but like everybody would do it and you'd get paranoid because everybody's running around high You know, and you get the calls, like, you know, someone's like asking you for a bag from like a random number. You're like looking up seeing if everybody's, if the feds are peeking through the blind, you know. But yeah, we called it Paranoia Park. And it was just the whole thing was, it's amazing to think about how captivating it could be.

Because you're literally homeless. You look like crap. You know, you're about five different shades. You're blue, you're pink, your purple, your yellow. Skin's bad. You know what I'm saying? And you're just like, man, this is the life. You know, all your ambitions, like, go out the window.

And that's all you want. You're just upset. You keep getting put in timeout, which jail, whatever, you know? What do you think is a misconception the public has about these homeless addicts? I mean, we see it all the time. There's guys that are clearly struggling with addiction, men and women that are homeless, you know? And you're someone that's been in that position. You know, how do you feel about the way people look at you?

And what's something that the people that, do the looking, or misunderstanding of you. Well, you know, honestly, I get why they look. I get why they look because, you know, being out there, we're doing the most, and we don't look normal, you know, and we look shady because we are shady out there, you know. But I would think the misconception is that, you know, that we are humans. That is someone's daughter. That is someone's son.

That is someone's dad. That is someone's mom. I don't think people really understand that there's a lot of like mental illnesses that go behind addiction. You know, people aren't just out there running around high because life was perfect. You know, maybe they're off their medication. Maybe there's not the right type of funding to get these people transition the way properly. Don't get me wrong. A lot of people don't want the help and a lot of people don't want the transition.

But a lot of times that is the mental illnesses. You know, so I think people just disregard them or think of them as low lives. And, you know, but there's a lot of good people out there, you know, that are constantly overdosing or dying in the doorways or just never make it home because people want to sweep it under the rug and things like that. Don't get me wrong. It's up to the person to make that change. And, you know, it's up to that person to save themselves. No matter what somebody does for somebody, if they're not ready to put forth with action or back it up, it's not going to happen. Right. And so I, but I do think there's a misconception that people are just, just like dirt or they have nothing to use or no they're no they're no they're no they're no they're no they're no they're not useful to society but it's like I've known quite a bit of people that have got clean and have done a lot of amazing stuff and it's like their story's not over with you know they still might have a lot of crime in them they still might have a lot of using and bad stuff but it's

like they could actually offer a lot to society you know and that is someone's family member so I think if people think about that more than twice like what if that was my son. What if that was my daughter? I think people might be a little bit more harsh, you know, so. Not all the homeless people you've been around and I've lived with on the streets. How many of them do you actually think have exhausted every remedy and have genuinely tried to turn their life around, become stable, and they just haven't been able to get there and that's, you know, and they've genuinely tried them. I don't think very many. So it comes down to the individual then. Yeah, I think it comes down to the individual. I mean, I don't think people have, like, too many people have truly tried. They may have

felt like they truly tried. It may have felt like doors have been shut in their face, you know. Like, we see some homeless people and they're asking for money. Yeah. You know, and that's a very real situation. And you kind of think to yourself, well, has this person exhausted all remedy to try to figure out a way to make the money that they need? A lot of times, a lot of times there's wanting to buy drugs. And I can't say everybody. I know people that really do hold the signs and money for like a room for the night and they really do go get that.

Yes. People do. And I'm not saying, you know, it could change in the area, but the people I personally know, I can link and speak on my own experience is when I was involved with the Dillon, right? I used to know people that would fly signs or front of my bag or things like that and then would go fly signs and come back. What does fly signs mean?

Like the cardboard. Oh, okay. You know what I'm saying? you're out there like, oh, need food, my dog's sick, or whatever the reason is on it. Yeah, go fly signs. You know, make 40 bucks, 100 bucks. And, I mean, they're homeless. What else are they going to do?

So, I mean, they're chilling on the sidewalk anyway, so they might as well sit up there. They get their money. They send, like, their boyfriend off or the girlfriend off or they take quick break, go get some drugs, come back. I mean, you might as well just get money if you're going to be outside. How much money are they legitimately making? I mean, I think that can vary. That can vary. What's the most you've seen someone take?

from a son. Dude, there was this guy in Portland who was notorious. He'd be at the Lloyd Center. I don't know how much he would make, but I know he would make so much money because he would sit out there and he was like handicaps that I want to believe he was a handicap, but I mean, about to tell his story. I don't know if he is. But he would roll around and like ask for money and people would give him money always there every day for years, right? Over at the Lloyd Center Mall, right at Holiday Park, right? We'd get off the Mac Station. And I used to see him. going to the mall, I not used to see him like I seen him all the time. I seen him one time. And he had wads of cash and he was just depositing it in the bank.

You know what I'm like, yo? And I'm like, what are you doing? You know, he's like, oh, don't worry about it. Of course he gets offensive. But I was like, this guy has to make so much money. I mean, me personally, like the people I knew. I mean, I don't know, like maybe like a hundred bucks. I know some people would hit it more. We have a lot of people like, there's some like notorious corners where there's like this older, lady that's always there. I'm sure she's making bank. You know, but yeah, I mean, it just depends on the area who you are, you know. What's the worst thing you've done for drugs?

Like something you're really embarrassed of that you've done? Probably stole for drugs. To me, that's embarrassing. I'm sure I've grabbed something from a friend before or a family member or, you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, yeah, that would probably be it. Stole money or stole something from a family member a friend for drugs. To me, that's, that's super embarrassing. Um, I haven't done anything like off the wall,

you know, because other than that, I would like hustle for it. But to me, that's, because that's, like, breaking the trust. Like, that's so shameful. Like, you know, uh, do you think you knew the difference between right and wrong, but the drugs pushed you to do that? Oh, yeah. I know the difference. Oh, yeah. It's just, I wanted my priorities mattered more than theirs. Or my priorities mattered more than what they would feel are the result of them missing something. Because it was like, that'll be all right.

I'm getting high. You know? And that's all that matter. What was it like to go through the jails and those different stints while still being or having addiction issues? Because you didn't get clean each time that you did go.

No. I mean, it was, it was, it's like a long time out. A lot of times you just miss your friends. It's like, being at grandma and grandpas. You know what I'm saying?

Like you have an R.A., you fed, but like you miss your homeboys. You know, I really didn't get too many opportunities to use in jail. There's a few times I did. First of all, I was homeless. So when I get arrested, any money I have automatically gets taken for drug dealing, even if it wasn't much or whatever, right? And second of all, my peers aren't putting money on my books. Right. And so we have absolutely nothing. We are indigent all the way. You know, you get your little legal pad. You get your deodorant. You get your little call button when your shampoo runs out. Like that was, there was no money on the books. So I was never in the conversation to get drugs or get anything like that. You know, the only time I, you know, would get some as a friend came in or they owed me something and they would share it with me. You know, or this one time I got a mopping glow job. So like I would like the cops would pull me out in the middle of the night.

It was like a good job. You get paid like two bucks a day. It was like in the county jail. And they'd give you like they had the coffee machine upstairs. So you get your little coffee and get your extra like sack lunch. At sack lunch, people would buy that for drugs. You know?

And I remember getting a little bit of, it was like one of the first times I ever trade like heroin. And it was like mixed it in a cap and like did it. I was never a downer person. But it was drugs. And I was like, hell yeah, I want that.

Like you kidding me? Like how many sack lunches do you want? And I think it was like five or six. I was like, yeah let's do it you know and uh but other than that a few times i came across some bags in uh prison uh but you know i didn't use in prison i stayed out the way to me okay so i stayed way because for one i didn't want to waste no one's time i was broke for two i'm not a tough guy so i'm not going to play nobody or act like i got cards at the table right and for three i'm

not owing nobody nothing because let's be honest like i don't have anything besides I was a lunch tray coming. You know, and I'm not trying to get jacked up in the bathroom. I mean, I'm scrappy, but I'm also 5-5, so it's like, what am I going to do? Did you prefer to be in jail as someone that was homeless? I mean, you're getting your, fed your meals, you had a shower. You know, no, I didn't. And there are some people that do.

I have some people that get upset when they get released. They're like, ah, I had a corn. There was this one dude that was notorious. He would always, like, break the window. He got out, and he broke the window at the business next door. And then walked right back into the jail and said, hey, it's broke the window. You know, because that was his, that was his, he would always want to go in during the wintertime. Because people do want food.

People do want shelter. No, I didn't like it at all. No. It was, it was always like, it was, like I said, like time out. It was punishment, obviously. I just wanted to get back out there and get high again. I remember one time, do you ever remember the news, like the Occupy Portland? Portland's had something like crazy riots and stuff.

Yeah. So I was locked up during like, I was. Occupy Portland and we would see stuff and I got out in the middle of it, right? Crazy. It was crazy. So we're sitting there and I'd see it in the news, but all they would see in the news is like the protest and all this stuff. And I see all the campsites out there and I'm just like, that's wild. And I was like, wow, it's crazy. People are like just protesting. Like, because it's right outside the jail I was talking about, right? And I remember getting out and I walk out. My old nickname used to be skeezzo, right? Skeezzo. I got it when I was like 14. Somebody like called me. You know what? I'm saying and just stuck, you know? But I got out and someone's like, right on the porch out here, Skezo, now look, and I'm like, what up?

Like, what are you doing out here? You know? Because mind you, all I've been seen on the news, they don't show nothing about like the homeless. It was all homeless people. That's all it was. All the camping and stuff, that was all homeless people. I'm sure other people would show it for protest, but it was all homeless people,

like drugging and drinking and like shooting dope, selling dope. But I was like, I was like, what are you doing here? He's like, oh, everybody's here. He's like, hey. So we used to go inside. We'd have tents out there. And it would blow my mind because we're getting high. And you talk about sketch and paranoia, right?

Especially like when you've been cleaned for like four months because you're in jail or six months. And then you get out and you get high. So like I used to get chemically induced schizophrenia. So I would hear voices. And that's when it like first started happening was in there because they would have like security walking around like homeless security. And they're not like little CB radios. So can you imagine? You're tripping out and you're getting high and CB radios are going off and stuff, right?

And people like, we put locks on the tent because we thought, I don't know if it was real or not, but the rumor going around is there to have to have a warrant because of it's four walls. And it's a living environment with four walls and a sill in. Supposed of they had to have a warrant to come in versus like a regular tent. So everybody would put locks on it. So people would forget the codes or leave the keys. Just like stuck in the tent unless you want to cut your way out. And I remember would be in there just tripping, like on it.

And there was a few times I thought we were like surrounding. And it's just me like I'm cutting holes underneath the tent like slide in my dope underneath Because I thought if they come in and raid you can't say that was on me or in the room if it's underneath the tent Right and I remember there was a broom in there and I'd see shadows walk by and I was like poking the side of the tent I didn't know I would hear this whole thing like we got you surrounded out here like because people have like those little amplifier things that people are speaking there's all type stuff going on there's food I remember peeking out like underneath the tent outside and it's the gel and and so there's like news stations like news trucks all around and so it would just play in my whole schizophrenic trip this june the world comes to los angeles at the fiefa fan festival at the iconic los angeles memorial coliseum watch matches live on giant screen feel every goal with thousands of fans and celebrate with music culture and flavors from around the world join us june 11th through 14th opening weekend as the tournament kicks off in los angeles ticket

are just $10 in kids under 12 for free. Get yours now at Los Angeles FWC26.com. Ryan Reynolds here for MintMobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same premium wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying.

It's not just for celebrities, so do like I did and have one of your assistance assistants to switch you to MintMobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do at mintmobile.com slash switch. Up front payment of $45 for three-month plan, equivalent to $15.

per month required. Intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. See full terms at mintmobile.com. They got me surrounded. I thought I was like the last one to come out. So this is like a psychosis? Yes.

And I'd be in there for like a day and a half. And like I'm like, I'm like just going off. I'm rapping. I'm calling people names. I'm in there by myself, right? The tent's locked. I literally got a broom. And I'd see somebody walk by.

I like poke the side of it. You know? And I'm hearing like radios and I'm thinking they're like trying to get me, you know? and I'm like tripping balls and like all I see is the news stations I'm like seeing all the stuff because they're right across from the jail I'm tripping out and I'd be in there for like two days and eventually like I'd come out and it's just quiet no one's around no one's trying to get me but it was all in my head and it was so real and so scary like that can't be good for the heart right you think like they're just outside I'm like why aren't they coming to get me yet you know

I'm like taunting them and stuff and like somebody's just walking by is just hearing and some dude tripping in his tent, poking him with the broom and stuff. Now, when you wake up from this, do you remember anything? I do. I do. Well, a lot of times, like, I spent a lot of my time, like, in my addiction, like, 20. Like, especially when I first started getting arrested and started getting heavier into the dope. I spent a lot more time locked up than versus out, because, like I said, I never checked in. So it was just a matter of me getting ran.

My name ran. But, yeah, I would wake up, and I remember, because I would never intentionally go to sleep. I never tried to go to sleep. I'd go to I'd fall asleep when I stop moving right I would fall asleep sometimes I'd wake up in the park I'd wake up and just have like I'd be counting money and I'd wake up and like I'd have like a dope sack stuck to my cheek and stuff like downtown just you know money everywhere you know usually someone's like picked half the stuff I dropped you know I'd like wake up and like random like there's like four or five people like homeless people around me which I'm homeless as well right but like with a blanket over me and I'm just like where's my backpack and they're like oh so-and-so's got it or it's right here I'm like going through it's like money missing in and don't me. I promise you every time I'd fall asleep somewhere randomly, there'd be like a crowd around me when I woke up because I was the guy that would have some stuff,

you know? And so like, dude, I would get so paranoid. I used to sleepwalk around the city. So I'd go from like 8th and Oak, right, our paranoid park, which is the next block over, you know, and I would literally walk my routes that I

used to go make money at. You know, you had elephant right on this side of Burnside, They call it park blocks, but there's an elephant there. I remember I'd be stuck in there for a few times. If people put up cardboard, you go underneath there to do a shot, and you're too paranoid to get out, so you're stuck under there for like 24 hours, you know?

But I'm walking, and I would just sleepwalk, and I'd go from, like, elephant down to red doors right next to the Roseland Theater, down to, like, Burnside, Skidmore Fountain, loop back around to voodoo donuts, all the way back up there. And people would have videos on me, filming me, and they'd show me when I wake up, because I wouldn't intentionally go to sleep. So I'd fall asleep why I'm so stressed out walking that I would just keep going

I guess like cars would like stop in the middle of street like honking at me out of like bang their hood yelling at them But I don't remember any of that so it depends how deep of a Psychosis we're talking right if I'm sleeping and this would happen often You know I'd wake up like my headphones are missing my phone's missing you know my hats like like block down the street Backpacks missing I would always lose everything every time I would go into this but I'd be so paranoid like it could be like like one of my best friends and they'd be like what up and I'm like what up and I'm like he's looking at me crazy like he's like hey listen you want to go back to the hotel room or you know I want to buy something like nah he's he's gonna rob me or he's the feds right now so I would just walk and walk and

walk and walk and there was times like I wrote my feet my feet would just be hurting because you're homeless you know so I'd be like in the city blocks and I'd be sitting there sleeping I don't know if the wind blew me over I fell over or what happened you know miscalculated the bench just ended up on the ground, but people would have videos in me, and I'd be on my back, and my feet would still be moving, right? Yeah, I would get paranoid in sketch. I was definitely not built for drugs, that's for sure. Give us some good jail stories from your time and jail.

It was funny, I got this one. It's kind of inappropriate. So I was telling my lady about it. She's probably out there laughing right now. So there's this, I was coming off dope. I don't have too many crazy ones, so I was like, oh, this is the one I'm going to tell, right? And I'm in there, and I was coming off dope, and I've been in there for like two to three days, and I'm on the top tier, and I remember looking out, and I'm like, okay, like, no one's there.

Like, I'm so groggy. Like, I would usually sleep for, like, a week when you go to jail, right? Because you're coming off dope. And it was like two, three days in, and I go to lay down, and I go to rub one out, right? And I'm sitting there, and I'm laying, and I don't even have the blanket cover. I'm just like fall asleep while doing it because I'm so out of it. Oh, so embarrassing. And look, and this, the cop that was working happens to be like this young deputy who just

started, like, everybody would flirt with her, the guards would flirt with, the inmates. She had to be like 22, 23. Everybody thought she was attractive. I didn't even know she was working that shift because I was so groggy when I looked out. I just didn't see nobody. And I'm like, about to fall asleep and I'm just doing my thing. And I hear a bow on the door. no and I look up and it remind me of like you know when you have dog peas on a carpet and you're like no

you know and I'm sitting there and I look and I see her face and I'm like I'm just like horrified you know and I just throw the blanket over I curl up in a little fetal position and roll against the wall you're like I didn't want to look at anything you know I was like just please just let this pass please let this pass and I fall asleep and I couldn't have been asleep for long because I started to hear the doors click click click click click click click click click click click click and my door didn't click. It was like, click, click, click, click, click, click. And it's going around and I got up. And I'm like, that's weird. I was like, my door didn't click. And I'm hitting my call sign. And I was like, yo, I was like, my door didn't pop. I was like, I'm hungry. Can I get some food? And she's like, you are absolutely not. You are not coming nowhere down here.

I was like, what do you mean? She's like, you just wait in your cell. They're like, we'll have some officers come up and see. And I'm like, oh, she. Like, this is so embarrassing. And I remember after everybody got their food and the end of your trustee, and everybody went in their cell. Finally, like, I'm looking out, because I'm like, Gary is like, what's going to happen, right? I'm terror. I'm, like, horrified.

Like, I'm so embarrassed. This is so bad. This is, like, worst thing ever, right? I'm thinking. And I see all these cops come in. There's like, ten cops. I'm like, I just got caught doing this, and there's ten cops coming in. And they pop my sally port or my door, and they have me come down.

And one is so embarrassing because one of my homeboys was in the cell. And he's like, yo, what's going on? Skies out? Where are you going? And I was like, I don't know. And one of the trustees, like, you got caught jerking off, right? And I was like, no. And they carried me off, and I went to the hole for it.

Right? But it was crazy because, like, bless the girl's heart. Because they sat me down with her, like, a week later. And she wanted to have a conversation with me. She's like, hey, did you mean to do that? And, like, she could just tell the way, like, I, like, backed up, you know, when she asked me that. I was like, no, absolutely. I was like, I was coming off dope.

I was like, I would just take care of something, you know? And she's like, I figured, like, I could tell by the way you're acting your body language. They want to make sure it wasn't being like a sexual predator or anything, you know? And so she ended up, like, not pressing charges. They asked, do they want to press charges? And she said, no. So, like, they could have hit me for charges? And I was like, that's kind of weird.

Like, I'm in my home, you know, in some degree. You know, but that's probably, like, my most embarrassing story of my entire life. and a crazy, like, jail story, you know? I don't think I've really ever told a soul besides, like, three people on that one. And now everyone that listens to my podcast. And now everybody knows that one. But I figured I'd give you something good, you know.

Because, like I said, I stayed out the way, so I really don't have too many of them. I mean, there was a time we were on the chain gang, and there was a big old cop. His name was, like, Babcock. And he was a big old bald. He was, like, a Goldberg-type, like, 300-pound. Look like somebody big,

I hate Goldberg, you know. And, you know, we're on the chain gang and we're coming to court. And he was lipping off, the little guy, littleer than me, was lipping off to the cop. And the cop was like, oh, just shut up or whatever. And he's like, when we get out, I'm going to hit that cop in the mouth. And everybody's like, don't be hitting it. Because we're all handcuffed together. We're all shackled.

And we're like, don't hit the cop. Like, what's going to happen to us? Like, we don't want to get sprayed or mace. We're like, bro, you got nothing to prove like, you're good. You know? And I'm just like, I'm sitting there. I wasn't saying, I was like, bro, this is, I kind of wanted to see him hit the cop because I was kind of wonder what would happen. But I get like the repercussion because we're on the chain gang together.

And sure enough, the door popped and he hit him. And I remember they threw him on the ground, one like dropped the knee on and they're like twisting them up. And like all of us are just getting yank because we're all connected, you know. And they just started getting them. And I was like, yo, he did hit him though. You know, like that's crazy because I don't have. cahoons to be able to do something like that because you got to think charges you got to think like dude's like three times your size like dude's smaller than me and dude's big you know um

i would say probably another crazy one was uh we're in jail and there's this little guy and it's funny because we were like hyping him up the whole time he was he was walking around with like a shirt off it's like a dorm setting and he was like working out and he was doing like little like one little chair i mean he wasn't arms like this uh bless his soul right and he's like doing little work guys. Man, you're getting big. We used to always hype him and be nice to him because he was a nice guy, you know? Probably in like his 30s. But he would work out for like months in there. And like you'd go to visits and like feel good and feel buff. We'd always hype him. Well, there was like this big bullie dude. He was like this big. I was kind of scared. I was kind of scared. He was big. Like, he might get a hit in, but you probably definitely getting toasted. You know what I'm saying? Dude served most of his life in prison from what I know. Like I didn't want no smoke. I was like, hell no. You know? My mom, piece and cute.

I'm trying to get. I got good time and shit, you know. But dude was telling us, we had like our little cubby area. You had a bed, bed, bed, and a bunk bed like that. And then each little cubby section, like 80 people in the dorm. Well, we were all talking. And the guy was like, hey, shut your mouth or something like that. And he was like, it was disrespectful.

Everybody was quiet. Everybody's like, okay, okay. You know, we ain't going to say nothing to him. Biggest dude in the dorm, you know. it has a reputation of fighting and the little guy says you know I'm not going to shut my mouth I was like yo hey

and I was like it was one of those things like I wouldn't dare fight this guy but I'm curious if little man's gonna fight this guy right and because I'm little and he's little compared to me and so he's been so hyped up like the last few months thinking he's getting big and buff you know he's like started talking shit

and the guy is like we can handle it right now and little dude gets up takes off his shirt and he walked to the bathroom like he was stone cold Steve Austin the glass breaking I was that's how I was picturing in my hand I was like this is insane right and they get in there and I see big dude and little dude because the way the bathroom set up with the window you could see it but it's like starts right here right so like little dude you barely see like my nipple up and you see him just kind of get in there and they were hyping them up and but everyone at the end was like oh don't go in there don't go in there and he did it and the big dude hit him one time and just dropped him with the

slowest left hook and just melted him and dudes just like laying there and all the guards come in and they start taser and big dude and it's crazy because like you said you only see like this much and little dude hops up and you see him all frantic because he comes from being knocked out you know because he's laying there for like 15 seconds and he's frantic and you see him just dive like this and he starts hit the big dude and they start tasering them right and little dude's getting tased and he shit himself and he came out and he's like come on can't get so pants like this is so embarrassing you can't see it like down his leg you know i thought that was pretty wild i don't have too many crazy like fight stuff because when i seen stuff going off i try not to look but that was two times either i was part of the chain gang

or i was in the jail and dude was in my cubicle and i was like there's no way he's going to go fight this do it. But I mean, no one every, this dude was punking everybody out. And the littlest man in the dorm stood up to him. Didn't do much, but, you know, he stood up to him. So, how many years were you going through the cycle of in and out of jail and homelessness and addiction?

Yeah, I would say, in and out of jail. I probably did about five years total, jail and prison time. The last time I got hooked up for like 24 months, I don't think it was more in that. Maybe pushing six at the most, but five to six, I would say about five and uh it was just in and out man i even had a little bit of clean time for a little bit um

before i ended up in prison right so that i would say most of my 20s most of my 20s i did have a thing where i got this job and it was a sales job it was my first job i ever had and i remember going in there and doing it and they were like do you have any sales experience and i was like yes i do if you flip to the next page i was like my criminal history right there was like that sales experience. I was like it's a transferable skill. And he laughed and he hired me and I ended up doing really well at the sales job, right? I ended up becoming like a manager, had my own office. You know what the crazy thing is? My private office, right, actually overlooked Paranoia Park. So it was in the bank tower, the union bank tower, the U.S. Bank Tower, right above it. So when I thought

the feds worked up there, it was just people selling credit card processing. That's all it was, you know? But it was crazy because I'd be up there like in a suit and tie on salary and stuff. and getting bonuses and I'm just looking down there and see your old homeboys just tripping and geeking and tweaking you know uh yeah you see them moving and groove and I was like that's kind of crazy but you know that quickly fell out of control because I thought I could drink turns out I can't drink anything I do I'm just out of control and then cocaine went around and I thought I could do cocaine it's a sales job rich white people or not rich white people but people in sales and jobs and suits you know there's cocaine going around And so, like, we started doing that, and then quickly I couldn't afford it.

So then I went back to my drug of choice, you know? And so then from there, it fell back out, and then I ended up in prison this last time. So, I mean, there was probably, like, a good 10-year period of, like, addiction in jail and prison, at least on the hard stuff, you know. Would you end up in prison for that last time? Delivery. Yeah. So it was delivery and possession. That's it.

Like, because, like, and a lot of times if they catch you with, like, little enough weight, the first delivery is like a slap on the wrist. And so I got that. And then it was just, like, possession charges. And then this last time I got delivery. And then it automatically sentenced me. Like, they were trying to give me, I think it was 60 or 90 months. I can't remember exactly what it was. But I remember taking the call from my lawyer and it was like, I was like, being a hard head, I was like, I want to fight this.

Like, I, you know, like, when you're guilty. And you're like, nah, like, they don't got it. They don't know. And then, like, you're lying to, like, your public attorney. Because I'm like, they're public attorney. They work for the jails. They probably just going to run around and tell the cops what I did, you know? So I'm like, nah, I didn't sell no dope.

And I'm thinking I tricked the whole system, right? You know, you think you're clever. And I was like, I'm going to fight it. And she comes back and she's like, you can fight it. But just to let you know, like, you're looking at this amount of time. Or if you take the plea deal, we'll give you 24 months. And I was, like, sat for a day. And I was like, you know what?

let's just get this wrapped up. I already got like five, six months served in county. Let's just get it over with, you know. So, yeah, that was probably the best outcome for me, honestly. How old are you when you got out of prison? I was 28 years old. I got out two days after my 28th birthday. And are you sober when you get out?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was sober when I got out. So I got out because I was cleaned the whole time while I was in there. I had gate clearance. So we'd go out there, people would be, like, bringing stuff in, drugs, whatever. I would bring in like the stuff you really can't get caught. Like, you know, brought in a few lighters. We know how that gets in there.

But you had to get the commissary because I had no money on my books, right? But why everybody else was drinking and stuff like that, I just had my tobacco. And I had a cool shift lead guy that would like, he would let us smoke cigarettes as long as we did it away from the road. So we wouldn't get caught. Like if you got to call in, like, we're cutting it all. Like, no, no one is smoking.

I know where your guys' stashes are at for the tobacco on the vans. And like, you know, we'd have a little outhouse take turns smoking in there. And so I would go out there and like I stayed away from all of it. People would find like they'd clean up like homeless camps. I wouldn't drink. And it's crazy because when I was in there, I didn't do the reason why I stayed clean wasn't like be in recovery. I didn't want to be in recovery. I thought it was corny.

I thought it was cliche. I didn't want none to do with it. And I sure the hell wasn't going to a meeting because like to me that was a punishment. Right? You don't go to a meeting. you don't get your slips on, you go to jail. Why would I want to volunteer for that? Like that don't seem like something.

That's like a punishment, you know? So when I got clean, I was sitting on my bed and I was thinking about, you know, what do I want to do with my life? I've been doing music since 11 years old. I want to do music since 9 years old. That was always my passion. When I first heard Eminem, 1999, you know, I was like, this is it. This is all I ever want to do.

I want to make people feel what I felt when I listened to his music. And so it's just been on lock. That's the only candle that stayed lit the entire time through all the darkness. All the foster homes, all the addictions, the jails, prisons, homelessness, you know, all those things like that. And so I asked myself, what's my best shot at that? Because I'm telling you, I'm like 27 while I'm having this conversation and I'm in prison all my bunk. And I was like, let's be real. I've only had like 40,000 streams in like 17 years.

Like, what I'm doing is not cutting it. There's got to be a different answer. And I thought about it. I was like, what's something I've never done? I was like, I've never done music sober. Never have done that. Like, even 13, 14 years old, my first club performances. I was getting snuck around back drinking and smoking in the parking lot.

And like, you know, it's like my brother was four years older. So when he started drinking and using, that's when I started drinking and using. Right? Because I was like his little sidekick. And so I made this decision to get clean for music. And so like, like if you ever see like my logo, it's a microphone with wings. And the reason for that is because music gave me another chance at life. It gave me another opportunity.

And it brought me to recovery, right? And so, like, it's kind of like my call shot, my little Batman logo symbol that goes back to that conversation. Right? Because, you know, I got clean for music, but nowadays I stay clean because the life that, like, being clean has provided for me, I refuse to give up. Like, it's been incredible. Like, we've been able to travel around the world. We've been able to go outside the country. We have been able to rock arenas.

We have been able to do everything that I ever dreamed of as a little kid. And that's the thing is I told myself, you know, I owe that little nine-year-old boy a real shot to make his dreams come true before addiction came in. You know, and I got to give it a real honest effort. No, no half-ass in it. No cutting corners. You know, I got to have accountability with myself when no one's looking. And so that's what I try to live by. So when I got out a prison, you know, I did have a drink.

And I went to go meet up with somebody at a bar to pick up a rhyme book that I wrote. I wrote a few albums. I was like geeking and tweaking off some dope when I was in there. Last time I wrote like five or six albums, I was just in there grinding in like three days. That's all I was doing. And when I got transferred from jail to prison, the guard said I couldn't take nothing with me. So some random dude was like, I'll hold it for you. And I was like, sure, whatever.

I got to throw it out anyway. ways what's whatever you know so i get out and dude's like come meet me this is i got out november 30th 2018 i just turned 28 on the 28th of november right so two days after my birthday it is december 5th dude hits me is like yo i got your books you want to come get him i'm like where are you at and he's like oh i'm over at this bar and i thought to myself okay i told myself i had a reservation when i get out i'm gonna have a cigar and i'm gonna have me a drink i know what my drink i want is you know It's an AMF. Those are my favorite, right?

I felt like it was a rite of passage going to prison. Like, finally became a man, you know? So I was like, that's what I'm going to do. So I went out there and I had a drink. And on the way back, I started thinking about how I got to sneak into my silver living. We got keys. The only thing, like, you got six months free rent, but the only thing is, like, can't be doing anything. You know?

And so I remember sneaking back in. And I was, I remember saying the word, oh, I got to sneak. And at that moment, I was like, wait a second. everything I've been prepping myself for the last 24 months in prison is going out the window. That whole accountability, that whole conversation on the bunk absolutely means nothing if I'm going to start messing up now. I had to check myself because when I got out, I was like the first couple of days, I'm right on Burnside. So you know that shelter where my story starts? The building is literally connected to that. So I can look out my window smoking my cigarettes, right? And I

see the Burnside Bridge. Everybody's trapping right out there, you know, doing their thing. And it's crazy because like I'm out there and I remember I had a buddy of mine and he was like yo let's meet up he's like I got like a watch for you I got like a couple jackets I was like hell yeah he's like I got some money for you and I was like yeah where you at let's go and I remember we're riding around and I wasn't like tempted to get high because I knew I couldn't get high right I gave in on the drinks I was thinking about the whole time when I was in prison don't drink now when we get out you could have one and so like everybody's getting high like and I'm rolling around in this car and it kind of hit me how sketchy it was.

I know everybody's got warrants like this car's probably stolen. They're literally passing around the dope pipe. You want to hit it? And I was like, nah, no, I'm good. You know what I'm kicking it with them just because like the watch? A couple jackets and a little bit of money in my pocket, you know? And I remember getting back thinking to myself like I laid in bed that night and I was scared. I was like, all it takes is getting pulled over one time.

You know no one's going to be honest about who's the dope in the car is. Everybody's going down. They'll sort it out. later but it's like I just got out for that like I'm gonna lose everything and I was like I was mentally prepping so hard in prison about what I'm gonna do you know so when I get out I hit the ground running I was like I see it all disappearing and from that moment you know I was like it's time to make that change and so I started changing how I moved and realized like I can't be hanging out with old friends I got to set boundaries it's okay to love them from a distance think you know where

to go for happy hour think again Vinnie Hana's 369 happy hour offer $6. Pan-fried Gioza dumplings, $9 specialty sushi rolls, and signature cocktails like the Benihana Punch, mohitos, and more. It's unexpected. It's delicious. And it's perfect for meeting up with friends. Happy hour done differently.

Visit Benihana.com. That's benihana.com. America's first pledge was freedom. Jeep still carries that fighting spirit. With the Jeep declaration of deals, we're pledging our allegiance to the American people with great deals on the luxuriant. Grand Cherokee with available three-row seating premium craftsmanship and tech that turns every drive into an adventure

or Jeep Rangler with legendary four-by-four capability and open-air freedom because freedom deserves the vehicle built to carry it. Jeep, there's only one. Hurry into your local dealer for the Jeep Declaration of Deals. Jeep is won more awards over its lifetime than any other S-E-B branch. Even the Jeep Grillo or registered trademarks of XIA-US LLC. You know, doesn't mean you don't love them, but we have to put ourselves first. What do you think scares someone the most about recovery, about getting clean? getting sober. I think a lot of it is

having to deal with the trauma. People have been using for so long. They don't know how to be able to fit back into society. They may have never had success. They don't know where to start. They feel like all their bridges are burnt

between family, friends. They have no connection. It feels lonely. Because when people are out there, you take away the drugs. Then you take away everything, like their friends. the places, the environments. Now they got to start new. That's scary.

It's just like being intuationalized, you know? People have been locked up for so long. That's all they know. Like my brother, like, it's easier for him to be in prison. Like, when he gets, like, I'm just going to go back. And I'm just like, that's not the answer. This is the first time you've been out longer than a year. Like, let's stay out, you know, since you've been 18.

He's like, 38, you know? It's like, we've got to get it together, you know? But I think that is the scariest thing is having to start over. People don't know. They're not comfortable with. it and I always look at it like you know we use to be able to do with the drama or the trauma that we have been through all the broken pieces so we have headphones on right and so when we take those drugs away so it silences all the noise and reality of life that people that's why people are

using to escape so when you remove those headphones all that noise comes back and people still have those character defects people still have you know mental illnesses or people don't know how to maneuver through life properly. It's overwhelming. It's scarier. It's easy just to go out there and just use. That's all we've been doing. So it makes sense. People always take the easiest route. We're creatures a habit. You know, so I think that's the biggest thing. It's just where do you start?

You've never done it, you know? Tell us about your journey into music after getting clean. Was that something you were able to make money off of right away? Or did you have to work side job and build a career? How did that? Yeah. So it's crazy because, like, doing music since 11, got out of prison. With doing music that all the time, but never making anything besides a couple of dollar CDs like in school, right?

So I get out. Yeah, I got my old job back to sales job back. Thank God, right? And then it kind of came out of perfect time because, like, COVID happened. You know, so COVID happened. Got a couple of, like, stimulus checks. I was going from my job and I had Hep C at the time

I was taking the buses and I was like because it was like when it first started breaking out like you heard like someone died over here and I was like someone just died like five blocks away from work and at this time I had no car so I was taking three different buses

and I was like yo I don't feel comfortable I have Hep C like I'm probably the and I had kidney failure as a baby so I was like I'm probably the one that won't survive like I can't be on all these buses you know and so I was getting unemployment checks and during COVID

they were like double your stuff they were really good because they had the base pay yeah and then the stimulus checks came in and so like I read up on a bunch of merch and just got a bunch of merch and started slinging it right and so and I was like

yo so many people are so supportive like it was crazy so many people were like support me they were proud of me like I was flipping hoodies you know I was flipping hoodies in 90 degree weather 100 degree weather like it's in it's in insane. Like we still sell there in hot days. It is crazy, right? Um, but that's what gave me my first,

like, oh, this is actually sustainable. Like, okay, started throwing shows. Okay, like, now I'm getting like ticket money because we would do like our own stuff. You know, even like nowadays, the streaming money isn't much. Um, and, you know, it always feels like you're still broke because you invest every single dollar into it. Right? The more I make, the broker I am because you just invest everything. That's how you make it afloat. Right. Um, but yeah, I think that was, the transition was it was the perfect storm i met my lady too incredible her name is calum o'key and we met as two strangers right um i used to walk in prison with this guy and we'd walk laps sometimes we went to talk sometimes we'd listen to the radio and we would always walk laps and one day he was like you make

music and i was like yeah he's like when i get out you should let me manage you and i didn't want a fend guy i just liked him as a walking partner and i was like yeah yeah we could do that we could do that I never thought to ask him when he would get out. It just didn't cross my mind. I just knew I was like seven months to the gate. So I was like, yeah, whatever, buddy, you know? And so I get out. He happened to hit me up two days later.

He's like, guess what up? I just got out. He's like, can I be your manager? And I was like, and I tell this because Kayla is a huge key part to the success, everything. And he's like, can I be your manager? And I was like, I got to eat my words. Okay, let me, whatever. Yeah, let's do it.

And I said, let's try it out for a couple weeks. So he had his car in the shop, so he was taking the bus. He don't normally take the bus. Kayla, I don't know her at this point, right? My fiancee, she got into a car wreck. And so her car was down, and she would happen to be taking the bus. He was showing her the music. And he was like, look, so they're both on this bus.

They don't take buses normally, right? And he's like, look, I got this rapper I managed. That's me in the video. Like, look, you know, his name is Skylar Ray. And Kayla's like, I sing, right? and so he's like oh i got to connect you so he gave me a number and i'm telling you my brain was wired if i was like all i'm doing is music i told myself i'm not even going to try to get laid i'm not even going to like this was no i was not focused on women i didn't try i hit no women up i was

like i had vision boards all around my room long-term goals short-term goals dream goals and so like i hit her and i was like yeah let's meet up let's talk uh let's talk about music i heard you can sing so we meet at a diner on six an anarchy downtown portland oregon it's called the originals And I remember when she first walked in and she'll tell you this, when she sat down, I bought her dinner. And I had a notebook on her side and a notebook on my side. And we talked about our dreams. We talked about what we want to do with our lives, like music-wise.

Oh, you sing, okay, like, you know, like, what if we did a song together? And I was like, that'd be cool if we did like a music video. I was like, what if we did like a show, you know? And they're like, oh, like, what if we did like an album or went on tour? And like, fast forward nowadays, like, we have done all that together. We've been able to rock arenas. we've been able to gain hundreds of thousands of followers, tens of millions of streams. Like, it's been a blessing, but she's been a big help.

And I'll tell you why. So we're talking, and it's crazy because we're from two separate worlds. I'm like, tell me about yourself. She's like, I have a background in opera. I went to Queens College, you know, lived in Italy, like studied like music or classical train, like music theory, all this. She's like, tell me about you. And I was like, I'm a rapper and I just got out of prison. right and she's like okay but the thing is we're bonded over the same common dream when she was a little girl

and wanted to be maria carrie and she's in front of that mirror with a hairbrush singing i wanted to be m&m rapping in front of that mirror so two separate worlds she don't come from addiction right but we were bonded over the dreams of music Kayla showed me how to rap on beat and all my friends never told me I was off beat all those years. She's like, can I show you some? And so, like, she started, like, cut me because we had a little home studio.

She started, like, cut me and moving me in the pockets, right? And I was like, oh, that do sound good, you know? I knew something was off, but I thought it was because I was professional because you sent it to friends and they're just blowing smoke. Oh, that's fire, dog.

That's fire. That's hot. Like, I was off beat all those years. No wonder why I only had 40,000 streams. You know, most probably me playing them, you know? And so, like, she would move me in pocket and then we did about 30 shows off this album and I started hearing it my air started getting better and I remember after we did those shows I came back to record something new

and I like did something and I was like oh that's off and I was like oh I'm not on beat that's what it is so like since then like everything started shooting through the roof not to mention like she is hands down like star power like I've I've worked with Grammy and word winning sound engineers I've been on tour with big name artists I've worked with songs with platinum selling artists right I have never met an artist as talented as Kayla. Okay? And like extreme talent. Like she works really hard.

Don't get me wrong about that. But like just so much like pure talent. Like it's insane the way. Like I've been like I remember we're at Spokane Arena and I forgot my words. And she gives me so much confidence because like I'm a runner. You know what I'm saying? And so like I'm always running like I'm the type like I'll jump off the stage and hop on table to start rapping to you. Like, you know, but like, I'm running and I underestimate it.

It's the first time doing an arena. And, like, I'm gassed, you know? I'm sucking here and I'm looking around. I'm, like, seeing people looking at me. And, like, everything happens, like, in a millisecond. And I'm like, oh, God, they think I suck. I'm like, why are these people looking at me? I'm like, oh, geez, you know?

And I was like, oh, God, I'm in the middle of my verse. I'm supposed to be rapping right now. So I'm just, like, pause, just, like, looking around. And I'm, like, looking. And I, like, a daring headlights. So I remember looking at Kayla and she comes running across the stage and she's mouthed in my words. And I remember it exactly. And I pop back on.

Missed like a line and a half. But it's like she gives me so much confidence. And I know that's when that transition happened. She teach me it's okay to take that risk and just, you know, not to undervalue like the consistency of everyday work. Our small goals. Also, she teaches me that, you know, we gamble a lot on our careers. She teaches me that even like worst case scenario, we fail or lose everything, we still have each other. And she knows she pushes me.

She's honest with me. Like I said, 17 years of making music and no one told me I was offbeat. That's crazy, right? I don't blame my friends. Maybe they didn't hear it as well. But it's like things have just been, you know, now we're like torn. We're getting paid for shows. Like feature money, doing all this.

It's not a crazy enough money, but it does pay the bills. You know, I have dreams of time. taking it a lot higher. And I know I'll get there, but Kayla is, she's the key. She's the key. Now, you mentioned you had gotten hepatitis C. Was that from drugs? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

First time I ever shared a needle. And does that stay with you for life? It does, but you could take medicine. So I took medicine. That's one of my things that I'm really, like, proud of, is I was able to get, being clean. You have to be clean a certain amount of time. And you could take medicine for, like, six months. And then it's gone.

right but yeah the very first time i shared a needle and it's crazy because just like the first time like you you would you always tell you like share needles you're gonna get it and i was like i ain't worried about it right and i did it and i remember because i went to go give blood like a couple weeks later because i wasn't shooting dope regularly at that time it was like maybe once a couple months type thing you know and i did it and then i went to go like give blood like a couple weeks later a month later, whatever the time period was. And that was the only time I've ever done that. And they're like, they call me in the office.

They're like, no, we, like blacklist, we pulled my folder, took the black Sharpie. And I was like, yo. And so like that correlated directly. There was no other chance that besides that. So it's kind of crazy. You just got to be careful. But yeah, I definitely got that taken care of.

And so if you have to fill out of form now, if they say, do you have hepatitis? I think no. I think I could put no. I mean, I could be wrong. I could be wrong. I mean, I put no. Was that a conversation that came up when you start dating? I told her.

I told her. I'm very open. I'm very open. Yeah. I'm never really ashamed of my life. I take a lot of left turns and wrong turns, you know? But like, I don't believe there should be shame. I should be life lessons.

Like, I believe in turning my pain into motivation. You know, that anger, that sadness. Like, use that is feeling. If you don't think you can do it, well, go out there and prove yourself wrong. Go out there and prove them wrong. So, no, that's always been, she knows everything about me. What about jail or prison? I mean, guys would be very outspoken against guys that had like HIV or, you know, hepatitis or anything like that.

Would people treat you a certain way or did they just never found out? I don't think they ever knew. I don't think they never knew. If I had, if I had AIDS, I'd probably tell everybody, I don't have to tell everybody, but if someone else or whatever, you know, just because, like I'd try to be cautious. I don't want to get no one sick like that. Have seen. Nah. I don't know if anybody knew. A few of my people that I knew from the streets, we all knew. I mean, it's a pretty common theme when you're shooting dope. And that was the type of addicts

that I hung out with. I mean, we weren't just like casual users. How's your relationship with your parents now? Me and my dad are like best friends. Love my dad. Love my dad. We hang out all the time. Like, we go out to the movies, take them out to concerts. he has, it's funny, he has like this rock and roll band or this band that he likes, like it's outlaw music. And like, I found out there coming to town now. I'm, like, doing a song with is like one of his idols.

So it's really cool that I was able to share that. And they introduced him to it. And he was just geek. And he's like, for other tour band and stuff. They're like, yeah, we're going to do a song with your boy. Like, they brought us to open up for him. My dad got to see it like there. So that was cool.

But like, like, I talk to him, especially when I'm not like on tour at home. Sometimes two, three, four hours a day. We play like Madden together. like 2K. Like we'll run our teams. We'll play the GM and I'll stream it to them on Twitch and send them the link. And we'll play like the coaches. We'll pick the players and then like make trades and then we'll watch like our games.

You know, so we do that. My mom wish her the best. I hope she's doing well. I love her. I just don't talk to her right now. I have certain boundaries put in place where I don't feed in the negative energy. You know She hasn't really been too kind to me

And as an adult I don't have to put up with that I'm not a kid no more I don't you know I don't live in a house Where you're putting a roof over my head and feeding me As an adult I can say no I love you but you're not gonna talk to me like that Or you know I don't have to deal with that

That's that's I'm not involved in this You know so I don't talk to her currently at the moment Do you think you'll ever be able to rebuild that relationship? Oh I would love to I definitely would love to. I just don't know how or what or like I've tried. Like there's moments where things are happening and I'm just like, hey, I love you. And it's just like it doesn't change what's happening.

Like, you know, because while I tell her like, I'm only going to respond when you text something nice. If it's not nice, like you're not going to get a response. So if it goes three, four days you like texting me, like that's why because I don't feed into negativity. You know, I don't want to do with that. stress. So I would love to. I would absolutely love to. I love my mom to death. I would love to have a relationship with her. I get sad sometimes when I see people have relationships with their mom. Like my buddy bought his mom a dog and I was like, that's so dope. Like I would love to be able to like kick it with my mom. I mean we just went on a cruise. We just did Italy, France, Africa, Spain with her.

I think it might have been too much, you know. But yeah, it's like, bro, I'd love a relationship with my mom. Like I don't like I don't care what's the past is. I don't. I don't care what's the past is. don't care what you say even if you like tomorrow goes bad like i would like to have a relationship with you the day after that like you're my parent i only get one mom i get one dad like come on like don't i'm not doing anything crazy so let's have a relationship you know what's one piece of advice you wish you had when you're a teenager um before the homelessness yeah yeah yeah addiction if you love some go out there and do it and that you don't have to be the best you don't have to be the best in the room, you just have to be willing to outwork the person next to you. I wish I would have known

that. You know, for so long, I counted myself out or doubted myself or thinking, comparing myself to others, like, I'm not as good. I'm not going to be able to handle it. And it's just like, you don't have to be the best in the room. I'm not naturally talented at music. But I do work really hard, so I find a lot of success or get a lot of opportunities. Squeakwell gets the grease, right? And so, like, there's that. But also, like, if you love some, it's never too late, too late, change your dreams or chase your dreams and start over. I think that's a big thing. People forget that.

Even me, 30s, 40s, you know, it's like, we're still young. We're still, like, if health goes right, we're still in the first half of our life. Like, that's like playing a basketball game. You're in the second quarter and you're down by 10 and you're like, ah, it's over. It's like, no, go out there scored the second quarter. Like, you know, so I think about that, man. I just want to see people win. That's all.

Skylar, I appreciate you coming on the show today, man. I appreciate you. Yeah, I fully support everything you have going on, and I wish you the best in the future. Thank you. And we'll have the links to all your stuff in the description of this episode. Awesome, bro.