Locked In with Ian Bick - Joining A 1% Biker Gang, Surviving Jail & Overcoming Addiction | Felipe Santos

Episode Date: February 29, 2024

Felipe Santos shares his story of traveling down the path of addiction, having nearly 18 felonies on his record, spending time in county jail, the ins & outs of joining a 1% biker gang & how he was able to turn his life around. Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Creative direction, design, assets, support by FWRD: https://www.fwrd.co Connect with Felipe Santos: https://www.instagram.com/chop_safil?igsh=MWQ0YXg1Znp3Z29zYQ== Buy Merch: https://lockedinbrand.com Use code lockedin at checkout to get 20% off your order Timestamps: 00:00:00 - Intro 00:02:55 - Growing up in an Urban Neighborhood 00:05:40 - The Beginning of Troubles 00:08:34 - Memories of High School and Private School Experience 00:16:44 - A Hiccup on the Way Back from the Bronx 00:19:44 - Falling into Trouble 00:22:38 - Funny County Jail Story 00:25:25 - Initiating into a Biker Gang, 00:31:08 - Joining a Biker Gang 00:34:02 -Birth of My Son 00:37:01 - The Baby's Health and Future Path 00:40:00 - The Influence of Environment on Career Paths 00:44:30 - Reflections on Past Mistakes 00:47:26 - Getting Clean and Rebuilding Life 00:56:18 - Success and helping others 00:59:08 - Connection and Gratitude Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

There was situations, there was fights, there was times where it was like shit might pop off and you got to be ready. We had one big fight with, we had one big fight with Hell's Angels, right? And, you know, you don't think it's going to go down like that. And it went down and there's guns popping off everywhere and everything. And again, it's one of those like, where the fuck am I? Welcome back to another episode of Locked In. I have Felipe Santos here with me today to share his story of his numerous run ends with the law, struggles with addiction, his time as a 1% biker, and how he was able to turn it

all around and create a successful life for himself. I need to give everyone that subscribes to our YouTube channel or follows us on Spotify and Apple and always leaves us a comment or a review, a big thank you. It really does a tremendous amount to push our show out to more people, and I wouldn't be here without you guys, and I'm never going to forget that. So thank you again. for all the love and support you give week after week, day after day, month after month for this show. We've grown tremendously because of you guys. And remember, if you want to stay up to date on more information on the show,

give me a follow at Ian underscore Bick on my Instagram. Now sit back, relax, and get ready to lock in with Felipe Santos. Phil, welcome to locked in, man. It's a pleasure to have you here today. Thanks for having me, man. I really appreciate it. Of course. We connected on Instagram, and you caught my attention with your big jazz.

to the tattoos. That's always an interesting conversation when you have someone with the tattoos on. Because, you know, this is a video-based podcast, so people get attracted to that and they see that, and it's always like a stopping point. People get surprised when I have tattoos because I have the baby face, but my sleeves are covered. I was surprised when you had tattoos. So you're absolutely right. A lot of people are because they see me head up on TikTok, but then when they see like the full-length videos and they realize I have tattoos, they're always shocked. You put in the work. Yeah, because I don't really fit the part of like inmate or convict or whatever. But, Phil, you have a pretty interesting story.

I was doing a little bit of research and from what you told me on Instagram. And, you know, I'm looking forward to diving into it today. Cool. Let's go. Let's do it. Where are you from? Where do you grow up? Well, I was born in Newark, New Jersey, and I grew in the town next door, which is Harrison,

but pretty much ran around in that area over there. Okay. And then like full family, mom, dad? Yeah. So my parents are Portuguese immigrants. It's a big Portuguese community in Newark in that section. So they came here, I believe, like in the early 70s. And then, you know, my mom worked and my dad worked all the time.

I have no brothers and sisters. It was just me. Oh, your only child? Yeah. How is that? Well, it's interesting because, like, right? People who have brothers are like, that must have been nice. But it was really lonely, right?

And the thing is, my mom worked all day and my dad worked all day. So, and back then we're talking about the 80s and the 90s. They just let your kids out all the time, right? And so I ran the streets. That's why I started getting into that. I started looking for older role models, and it was in front of a, we had a basketball courts in front,

and that's who I tended to, like, you know, gravitate it towards. There wasn't any other options, obviously, but that's, it led me into that. What was the neighborhood like? It was like, you want to hear something funny, right? So, like, I didn't know how poor it was until I moved out. And it was, like, working class poor. Like, everybody had jobs.

Everybody, you know, You know, if you needed the car, if you needed sneakers. So we were fed. It wasn't nothing like that, but it was very urban. And there wasn't too many gangs involved or nothing like that, but it was definitely like a lot of my friends were in and out of jail all the time. So I knew that already. And so growing up, I was really, it was like, I can't wait to go to jail.

Not that I want to, but just to say that I was in jail, which is crazy. Yeah, like a stripe kind of. Yeah, like a stripe. Yeah, like they'll respect me more because I had no. brothers or sisters. I had nobody to protect me. I had to protect myself. So it was always fight or flight. And I wasn't a big fighter. When I had to, I would. I wouldn't look for it. So it was always kind of just like, what could I do to get an advantage? How would you compare like your financial situation to your friend's financial situation at that point?

I mean, my parents, so they came, we lived in a 10, a 10 apartment building, right? which my dad eventually owned. He bought it with my uncle. So they would look at it like, wow, you own the building, but there was a mortgage. He wasn't really making money. And he was living there and everything. Like, they were good. They were all right.

My parents put me in private school. I started getting in trouble a lot. So they were like, let me put you in private school. I think I actually got in more, it was Catholic school. I got even more trouble because all the other bad kids were there. But it was very similar in the sense of like what our finances were compared to everybody else. How would your friends describe you? if we had them here today.

Back then or now? Yeah, back then. Back, a wise ass, a big fucking mouth. I should get punched in the fucking mouth. Teachers, everybody was just like,

you're going to be no good. You're going to... And they were right. You know, like I was setting it up so that... I didn't know. Look, I couldn't stay still when I was...

Even now, I can't stay still, right? Whether it's ADHD or whatever it is, I didn't get diagnosed. knows when I was supposed to. And thank God I didn't, so don't use that as a crutch. But, so I skateboarded a lot, right? I played a ball a lot. I didn't want to go home.

I always wanted to be out. And, you know, I got into trouble like that. You know, I looked for trouble because it gave me something to do. What was the first bit of trouble you think you got in? That was serious. That was serious? I started getting trouble in school. Like, I started stealing.

Stealing was my first, like, get high. Right? I started, I remember, I moved from Newark to Harrison. I still remember. And it was kindergarten. And I remember my dad got called into school from work, so he was pissed that he had to leave because I stole the hot wheels car. One hot wheels car. But that was like the beginning of it.

And then I just remember being a little klepto the whole time, like store. Like I had to, I got off on getting off. And then I remember in school, like, it was Catholic school. So there was like fundraising and shit. And I would steal the door. I knew where there was in the desk. I started doing that stuff. So stealing was definitely like the first time I was getting in trouble with a lot of that stuff. Why do you think that was? What was it for you? It got me out of me, right? I got attention at it. Believe it. Every time I got in trouble, my dad would give me attention. My dad would beat the shit out of me. And listen, I deserved everyone, right? That was just his way of dealing with it. But it was almost like I got to spend time with my dad. And then afterwards, he would feel good.

guilty and then he would just like I skate if I wanted a new deck or some shit like after a couple days he'd feel so bad back then they were like 50 bucks he'd give me 50 dollars to buy a new deck um so I I also developed the skill of manipulation and um but but absolutely it was it was attention you know I just wanted uh I got high and like getting off right the adrenaline and then I also got another reaction and getting um the attention to somebody when I couldn't otherwise. And what about how was your mom in all of this when when you were stealing and we heard about your dad's reaction? What was your mom's reaction? My mom, my mom worked too. My mom, my dad was definitely the, he dished out the discipline, right? My mom would tell him.

My mom tried to protect me. She tried to help me the whole time. Like they both did. They did the best job that they could, you know. I took them hostage, man. That's the reality of it. There was no, you know, my dad came in when he had to, but I took them hostage. Do you have kids now? I do. Do you handle your kids the same way your parents did? If they were to go down the same path that you did, would you handle it the same way? Listen, the answer is always, well, not only, but the answer is no, but there are some things

that I took away from it. Like, I don't hit my kids, right? I got a smack. I got a 12-year-old boy and a 3-year-old girl. and I discipline them differently, and it's more of like my voice, right? Like, I don't yell. I don't yell at all to anybody,

but they do hear it when my tone changes. But I started that early, you know? I also say, like, when my son was born, I was like, I hope he's not like me, right? Because I was horrible. I couldn't stay still. I was just, I was a terror. And I have the best son.

My daughter's three. My daughter, I could see a little spiciness in her already. And I'm, you know, I got some concerns sometimes, you know what I mean? But like, but I handle it differently, absolutely. You do have that voice. Like you have that scary kind of like deep voice. So if you make it even deeper, it's probably, it's probably pretty serious. I'm a little run down too.

I got coming off of something. Yeah, I was sick so bad last week. I finally, I'm still a little stuffy from it. It's crazy. It's going around. I just got back from Miami yesterday. I just got rid of this cough that I had for like a month. I was good for a week, I guess, from flying.

I just came in and then boom, I got it again. They're saying like RSV, COVID, all of the stuff's going around. It's something. It doesn't matter, but it's definitely something. Yeah, you're breathing and you're still kicking. So that's all that counts. So do you end up finishing high school? I did end up finishing.

I got kicked out in the beginning of junior year. I was going to Catholic high school, and then I went to public high school. And at that time, I was like smoking weed. I had long hair all the way. I know it's crazy, but I had long hair all the way down to hair. You had long hair? Yeah. I'll show you pitch after.

It was, we're talking like 95. I graduated 96, so I was skating. I was hanging out with some of the people from the movie kids. Harold Hunter and them. I was always in the city. That's why we were talking before about a previous guest that. Brandon Novak. Brandon Novak, I know who he is.

And Bam and all them. They're about the same age or Brandon is. We would skate to Brooklyn Banks. That's kind of where I was just smoking weed and drinking, just really chilling. And I got kicked out. Like I said, I went to public school in my hometown, and then I graduated. Would you ever send your kids to private school after you went through that? Because I went to private school, I don't think I would send my kids to private school.

I'm with you. You know what I mean? Like, listen, I know it's different now, so they say, right? But, like, there was a lot of nuns. And then in high school, it was brothers, they called it. And, you know, it was, I think it was more the curriculum. You know what I mean? for me because it was just like repetitive and just,

and I get it, what they were doing and everything. And I don't know. I wouldn't. That's the answer. I think the problem with private school is it lacks the social development, social skills that a kid needs. Because when I went to private school,

I lost that and it was hard to integrate back into public school for high school, not having that. So I think that's like a huge element to it. Yeah. So like probably similar to your parents, they put you there to protect you. I was getting bullied, yeah. Yeah, but the same thing happens though.

you're not developing that skill. Like, bullying sucks. I don't like it, but there is a little, look, I talked to my son about that, right? I'm like, listen, somebody bullies you and bothers you, you tell them to stop. After a couple times, you might have to punch them in the fuck of those. This is exactly what my dad said.

You punch him, they never bother you again. Yeah, like, they're going to be like, oh, shit, this little fuck, you know, hit me. And at the same time, I'm not just, I'm not, like, because my son's a good kid, right? He's like a sweet kid and everything. He likes dirt bikes, all this, the cars and everything. You know, he's cool. But, you know, I can see where some kids, because he's scrawny, you know what I mean?

Some kids, but I'm just like, you got to, like, I won't change his environment. You know what I mean? And you know, that's a lot like prison. Exactly. That same mindset. Yeah, it's like you can't, like, what are you going to do? You got to change. You know what I mean?

So you got to protect yourself. So that's, and it's like, you have to adapt to your environment. Yeah. So you graduate high school. Do you go off to college? I did a tour of all the county colleges. A tour. I did a tour.

So I wanted to be an architect or so I thought I tried. So like I excelled in like testing and and my SATs back then and even with my my drug use and drinking a little bit. And I remember when I got kicked out, they put me in like all AP classes, right? And I never did homework or nothing like that. That's where, but they were like it's a lot more hands on. So I had like, I had, was it honors or AP physics? And it was cool because, like, they would see a bullet dropping off the table and I can measure it. It wasn't just like reading from a book and memorizing stuff, right, and testing like that.

And the same thing with English classes, we would go into the city and see a play. And so I was getting like good grades in that stuff. But it wasn't enough because I fucked up so bad. It wasn't enough to go to a regular college. So I was like, cool, let me do the community college thing. But then I started getting into heavier drug use, you know what I mean? And the way my schedule was coming up, you know what I mean? It was drugs before college.

What kind of drugs that we talked about? So like when I was like 18, it was like, you know, I started, I did a lot of acid too. That was a big thing for me. I think you're probably what the first that I've talked about to an acid. Acid was in the 90s. I would go to Central Park. It was strawberry fields they call it and you buy like a sheet. Anyway, I did a lot of acid, right?

Then it started, it went into heavier drugs, right? Because just people I was around. So I started getting into Coke a lot. And then around that time with college, I started getting into heroin. And just using or are you selling to? No. So like you always try to like sell a little bit so you can get off or you think. So it never works out that way.

At least for me, it didn't. I said I was selling a lot, but I was doing it. You know, you're just doing it too. It's not, wasn't a career path for me. Do you think you were using it to escape like something tremendous? in your mind, or were you doing it just for the feeling? It was fun to be cool, fit in. I think I started doing drugs because it was fun.

Listen, I wanted to fit in. I was shy, right? So, like, I had social skills when I acted a fool, and, like, I can make people laugh and stuff like that. But, like, talking to a girl, meeting somebody new, I really didn't have those skills or I didn't develop them. And I knew when I started, I knew from smoking weed and everything, I could say the stuff that I never said before.

can save the day, like superheroes and sidekicks or auto and home insurance. With USAA, you can bundle your auto and home and save up to 10%. Tap the banner to learn more and get a quote at usaa.com slash bundle. Restrictions apply. Lots of places can expose you to identity theft. Oh no. That's why LifeLock monitors hundreds of millions of data points a second for threats to your identity, which is way more than anyone can do on their own. If we find anything suspicious, like new loans or changes to your financial accounts, we alert you right away, all through text, phone, email, or the LifeLock app. Get the alerts that could make all the difference. Save up to 30% your first year at lifelock.com slash podcast. Terms apply. And then, and I had fun though, too, right? In the beginning,

it was fun. And then when I started getting more into the heroin, it was more like, it was the feeling, but I was like, oh, shit, it was something else. I thought I was the smoothest motherfucker around, right? I could talk to girls. I could fuck and not come for hours. You know what I mean? It was just like, it was very orgasmic, right? I really believe when I first started doing heroin,

I was like, I fucking found it. This is what I was looking for. Yeah, I feel like a lot of people use drugs or liquor to get that type of feeling. And, I mean, half is about escaping something. And the other half is once they try it and they find it. which is why there's like this very negative power and influencing with your friends in high school,

like with drugs and liquor, because it just takes that one time to try it and you go down a bad path. Yeah, also in that time, remember in the 90s, it was like most of my idols were dying from heroin overdoses. So like I played the drums to when I was in band, so like Kirk Cobain, heroin overdose. I think Shane from Blind Melon overdosed.

And if they weren't, they were getting high too. Scott Wheeling from Stone Temple Pilots It was doing heroin You know what I mean? Like not that it was glamorized like that But the people I look up to Are doing that Then obviously I should be doing it too

That's kind of how I was looking at at the time Did your parents have any inkling of your drug use? Not at first Like they knew I fucked around You know what I mean? Not at first All of a sudden When I first started doing heroin

By no coincidence The bracelet started coming out Right So I started getting locked up a lot That's how they really started to find out. What's the first time you got locked up? The first time I got locked up. I got locked up for, like, I lost my license.

So that was a bad sign already. And I'm just 18, right? I lost my license. But like the first time I really got locked up and I went to county, I was coming back from the Bronx. And we would buy our Coke there, right? We'd go to this apartment building up there, whatever. We bought Coke and we were driving back into Newark.

And there was a checkpoint. And it was me, my buddy, and another buddy. and they found it. So next thing you know, I go to, I end up in county jail, right? And it's the first time I need bail, right? All the other ones were just like ROR or something like that. So that's when they're really like, shit hit the fan that they knew I had a problem. And what do they say to you when that happens?

Well, the first thing is like they put the house up as collateral to get me out, right? And, like, they were pissed. There was, you know what, like, I don't, like, they were pissed. You know what I mean? But, like, I don't think they knew and I don't think I knew how long of a road this was going to be. They were just like, let's get him out and let's figure it out. Yeah, good parents. Yeah.

Listen, my parents were great. It's like pros and cons, you know what I mean? Did they enable me? Maybe if they cut it off, I would have, you know, who's the site? but they were phenomenal parents. Were you working when you were in and out of college hopping around? I was. I was doing, I always had jobs.

You know what I mean? Like I hustled. I did something. I stopped that. I ended up going to Lincoln Tech, which is for automotive because I liked cars. So I started and, you know, I started working in the auto industry. What else? I was a barista.

You're a barista? Yeah, because you get tip money and shit. I know. I know. look like this at the time, right? But what else did I do? Some construction, some, you know, some bullshit like that. Nothing really that held it together for a long time, you know? Yeah. So that was like late teens, early 20s? Yeah. And do you end up getting your college degree at all? No, no, never. I just hopped from one to the other. Like, I learned

it was funny because I was like in an architecture class and I was already doing heroin. And I went to go get heroin and I got beat. I went to Newark and I got beat, right? So I went to school and then I'm like, fuck my back starting to hurt, starting to get pains. I'm like, what the fuck is it? I had no idea. And I'm like, I went to the bathroom and I'm like laying on the floor like spasmed. I'm like, what the fuck?

I went to the professor. I'm like, yo, I got to get the fuck out of here. Didn't even cross my mind. I'm driving home just like, I get home and I'm just like how, what could I take Tylen? And I'm like, I heard heroin It's just like a pain reliever.

You know what I mean? And so like I ended up getting $20. I think I went to my dad's job or something. And I went and I copped and I got some. As soon as I did it, I went, oh, fuck. Like it clicked like I have a habit. You know what I mean? And it's like, because I knew how I didn't know all the details, right?

My buddy gave it to me and I didn't know you could get sick from it. So once that happened, school went just, I had another job. School just went right out the door. And then that was. would you say like the full blown addiction aspect that's when it really started yeah like i was just sniffing it back then and um you could sniff heroin yeah oh i didn't i didn't know that on the ready so on the east coast you get sniff heroin on the west coast it's more like black tar uh in florida because i've been there too is a mixture of both of them but uh yeah in the east

coast you can sniff heroin okay is that safer than injecting it or it doesn't you know what it's like it's like it's like coke right so like you can sniff coke you could smoke though you could smoke though Coke and you could shoot Coke, it's the same thing with heroin. Right? So you can sniff it, you can smoke it, and you could shoot it. And each one is a different level, right? As soon as it hits the bloodstream, once you do it intravenously, it's over. I mean, you could drink alcohol.

You could shoot alcohol, too. Okay, so what happens next year? You're using, what are you doing to, I guess, make money aside from the odd jobs? What kind of trouble are you getting into? They're stealing involved always. You know what I mean? I'm like manipulating, scam. robbing my parents fucking blind all the time you know um just when you're a drug addict like full

blown like it doesn't matter you're just like not even one day it's just one fix to the next then um what happened was like i was like cool how do i get the fuck off this shit because i didn't want to be a drug addict forever right i wasn't like glorifying it um so that's when it started getting more into like you start hearing about how to get off so first my buddy's like yeah if you take xanax you could kick fucking uh heroin in four days So I did it, but now I got a Xanax and a heroin, fucking addict addiction. Then he's like, hey, you could do methadone. Right?

So now I got a methadone and a fucking heroin addiction. So like I'm just like culminating all this shit because I'm looking for, I'm not looking to deal with the root of the issue. I'm looking just like the symptoms. And I'll fast forward a little bit. So I'm getting locked up a lot. Right. So I'm getting all these little felonies. A lot of county stuff in and out of jail.

I'm getting used to it, which is not. fucking good. And then I start shooting it. And then it's just like, it's all fucking over. I'm like hanging out in the projects. You know, just I got no car. I'm not homeless because my parents always let me stay there. But I would stay more in the projects just because that's where all the drugs were than

anything else. What do you think the root causes were now that, you know, you made it through to the other side and you look back on it? The root causes. I didn't know how to focus all this energy that I had. I focused it on all the bad things. I didn't learn it, whatever. It's, you know, like, to this day, like there's certain things, like the instant gratification.

It kind of always looked for that. And, you know, I think that was definitely one of the things that led me into it. Give us, like, a funny county jail story. Everyone's always got one, especially when someone's like a former addict. A funny county jail story. This is when you know you've been to jail too many times. So I got, and it was mainly like Newark. So it was Newark.

So I remember, man, I forgot what I got. I don't know if it was like a looting police and some shit. It was like a bigger charge. So they brought me right to county. And then they put you in, you know, it was the second floor there. It was like the med unit to watch over you, right? So that's where you get your pills and all that other shit. So then they're like, cool, they're going to send me to the, I forgot what it was,

quarantine or some shit like that fourth floor. And then I get there and I see one of my buddies from outside and we're like, yo, what's up? We're hugging. You know what I mean? And he's like, look, I'm here with more friends. And you know, it's like, it was at that moment. I knew I fucked up.

You know what I mean? And I remember like, this is when you know it gets serious too. Like, I was like, cool. Let me call my mom, right? And so he's like, don't worry about it. Use the phone right here. So I used the phone. And then these other gang members, it was their phone.

You know what I mean? So it started to get a little, you know, it almost blew up. Like it went away good, but like I didn't know the dynamics of jail that much. Like I knew a little bit of it. Do you know what I mean? But I didn't know like whose phone that was, whose toilet that was, especially when it was in a big quarantine unit like that. But yeah, it was just like.

like eye opening when I was like, I got the wrong fucking friends, man. If they're all here and we're all high-fiving and saying, you know, like, welcome, it was definitely eye-opening. Did you run with like a gang, or were you a part of anyone, or were you just stuck to yourself?

Listen, I ran with other junkies. What happened later is like, I started getting into, I was always into motorcycles, and then I started getting into the biker scene. You got into a biker game? Yeah. Really?

I was in that for like 10 years. You look like the biker game. I know. I fit the motorcycles. mold. Is that where the tattoos come from? I just maybe. Maybe. Like I started getting tattooed before that,

but it was definitely like, remember, that was my role model, right? Like, outlaw, gangster, do what the fuck you want to do. It started with skateboarding. You know what I mean? It was skateboarding was not what it is now in the sense of like accepted. I remember the town next door to me, if you

skateboarded it, they would take your board. Like it was against the law of skateboard over there. So it was still like, you know. and tattoos came with the territory and then again my role models right I've seen all these guys ride a motorcycle I'm like that's fucking cool and you guys get fucked up oh my god

how do you get like initiated into a biker gang or linked up with that because you can't just like approach them and say hey I want to join right it was different for me like I knew some people right so I knew some people from the projects right and it was like a mixed race a biker gang

look I was looking for brotherhood Just like anybody that talks about gangs and stuff like that, usually, you look for brotherhood. I look for these people. They not only got respect. They demanded respect. And I was like, cool, this is my end to get in it. And I was still getting fucked up. I managed to get a bike together.

And, you know, like anything else, in the beginning, it's really fun. So you have to bring a bike with you. You have to have your own bike. So the rules are. So the bike club I was in, right? It started in the 2000s. It eventually became a 1% or bike club. But first, it was like, you need a bike to get in.

That's first and foremost, right? But then the rules are when your 1% or bike club is like, it has to be American made. So it has to be either a Harley or a victory. And we tend to go more with the Harleys. And then there's other rules and stuff like that. You know what it was? Like initiation, I think it's like for anybody.

It's, they're going to initiate more of the people that they have to test that they're unsure about. I was cool with a bunch of, like, the big dogs over there. So, like, I did a little bit prospecting for a little bit. But I wasn't going to do some bitch shit. You know what I mean? I just, I would have left, you know? It's not me.

They asked me to do security and stuff like that cool. But if it was some bitch shit, like, I wasn't that guy. So what does the term 1% mean in that? Because we hear that at 1% biker gangs? So we're not the other 99%. So 1% there is an outlaw. Biker Club, you know, you have your own set of rules and everything. You have a book that you abide by.

You have meetings. We call it church. You know, and you're on the fringes of society. Now, do these guys have jobs? Most of them have jobs. So they work like a regular job and then you guys come as a part of this group. Yeah, like it starts like that, right? Like most people have jobs.

Usually it's working class. Not too many lawyers and doctors in there. But iron workers, right, carpenters. I was a carpenter for a while. utilities, stuff like that, right? Mechanics, working class. And it is a brotherhood, you know? There's another aspect to it too, right?

And it's like anything else. It's like prison. You could be over here on this side or you could be all the way to the right doing some other illegal shit too. And they tolerated drug use as a biker gang? They knew I got high. I just didn't get high in front of them.

Okay. Right? Towards the end, it changed a little bit. I saw that. But, you know, I would get called in once in a while where they were like, hey, you've rolled your motorcycle with your colors on into the fucking projects. You can't be doing that shit. You know, I'm saying it nicer than they said it to me. So they gave me the one.

Like I said, I knew some people, so they always kind of like guided me a little bit. Towards the end, that club, I don't want to say they accepted it or tolerated it. I think it depended on who the member is, if it's okay to get high or not. But, and again, it's perspective, right? Some people will be like, weed and drinking is cool. Cokes, cool, heroin is like a no-no, right? But then they do methamphetamine. So it's all, it's like anything else, man.

You know what I mean? It's who you are more than what the rule is. Now, is the biker gang like a criminal organization, or is it just like a normal biker gang? It's a normal biker gang, right? There's criminal elements to it. I'm not saying mine was, right? I'm just saying there was people that did. There's people in school that do crimes.

You know what I mean? Like, as a whole, who I belong to, that's not what they're for. But listen, but it is territorial, right? Like, we had lots of big fights with other national clubs trying to, like, take our city. And we were all from Newark, right? So, like, that was our thing. So when other bike, so, you know, you brought, it's like when you're a kid and, you know, you go to the town next door, you end up fighting for, you know, fighting for the girls or some shit like that, you know,

or in prison or anything else. So it wasn't like you were extorting businesses or doing like that. Listen, I wasn't doing none of that shit. You know, I really just wanted to ride and hang out and party. And I still have some great friendships in that. I didn't really go on the illegal shit just because, look, I had a couple felonies already. So I know, like, the next time I get locked up, the judge wasn't going to look me. So I kind of like stayed away from that shit.

And I was already doing the drug thing. I was more focused on that. Was law enforcement down your back as a member of a member? a biker gang? Like, wearing the patch and being out as a group? Like, they were, but not like that. You know what I mean? Listen, we would see, like, feds watching once in a while, you know, especially when

we had big events and we had them with other national biker clubs, you know, because they're watching them too. So, like, I knew they were watching. I would hear rumblings, you know what I mean, of stuff like that. But they really wouldn't, unless you do some dumb shit, they really weren't messing with you. You guys, like, go cross country and stuff? So I went all the way to Miami. On the bikes?

Yeah, on the bike. In March. How long is that? So I left in March, which was snowing back here. It was like 2014. So it's like we rode to Georgia for like a day somewhere around there. Once it gets dark, you kind of like hit the hotel. So you don't want to ride at night.

And then it took us another day to get to Miami. And you guys just drive all day. Yeah. It's fun. It's really cool. It's a cool experience. I want to do cross country one day. But that's one thing.

We used to ride a lot. You know, I went to Massachusetts a bunch of times. you know, especially support other members and stuff like that. But that was why I wanted, I wanted to, remember, I have no brothers and sisters. I'm looking for brotherhood the whole time. I want to, like, be a part of. I want to call people, bro. I want them to check up on me and vice versa.

So that was the appeal of it. How old are you when you joined? In my 20s. So, like mid-20s or late 20s, something like that. How'd your parents feel that you were in a biker game? Yeah, my parents were so traumatized already. That's just the icing of the cake. They're just like, you know, he's got friends.

Yeah, I don't think you were bringing him home for dinner. No, no. They were, they accepted who I was at that point, you know what I mean? You know, they just like, my parents were just like wishing that I didn't die or nothing bad happened to me. That was, that was, when I got locked up, every time I got locked up and I would call my mom or some shit, she would tell me. She was like, I could actually fucking sleep now because I know you're locked. At first, I didn't think it was real.

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PH71465-9. You know, like, I wouldn't come in the house at night or some shit like that or bother them or they get, she's like, she was at peace, at least for a little bit because I was locked up. Were there ever situations that you kind of got put in that were against your morals? Always. Because you were running with like a group like this? Before that. And, yeah, listen, there was like, there was like, like fights we had to, like, I don't want to fucking, you know what I mean?

Like, there was situations, there was fights. There was times where it was like shit might pop off and you got to be ready. We had one big fight with, we had one big fight with Hell's Angels, right? And, you know, you don't think it's going to go down like that. And it went down and there's guns popping off everywhere and everything. And again, it's one of those like, where the fuck am I? You know what I mean? Like kicking down doors and then going to hospitals.

It was, but you know what? Like, I hung on the projects a lot too, not just to get high, like the address. the action, like the lifestyle was, your heart's, you know what I mean? Like pumping, you're just, you know, it was addictive. The lifestyle was probably more addicted than the drugs. It was like in the moment, you just like fight or flight, right? And then afterwards, you're like, oh shit. But like the more times those things happen, I was like, all right, I don't know if this is for me.

Because when I joined, it was for a different reason and then it's becoming something else. Why do you think you had that change mindset? Well, I'll reverse it a little bit. So like a couple things. So I went to Florida to try to get clean in 2005. I did a rehab here in New Jersey. And then I went to Florida Del Rey. It's like the rehab capital of the world.

So I went there and I stayed clean for a little bit. I came back, continued using, I found the girl that was getting high to. And I was like, it's fucking great. This is a jackpot. We both have similar goals. she already had two kids, two daughters, and she was my running partner for a while. Eventually she got pregnant with my son now,

and I was getting tired of getting high. So I was like coming to like, I was, I was, what happened was like, I don't want to be an old junkie. Like it was so much work because I'm like, I can't even fucking die. I don't want to be this guy that's like running the streets until he's 60, you know? So I started to try to get help.

and everything. I started going to recovery to narcotics anonymous meetings. And then in 2011, my son was born and my son was born addicted because she was getting high the whole time. We both were getting high the whole time. My son was born addictive, had to stay in the hospital for two months. I would go see him every day. I would actually act like I'm a wonderful dad because I'd see him every day. But I would also, the projects were really close to the hospital. So it was like two birds, one stone. And then my son came out. out. And I wasn't like, I didn't have this revelation like, I'm going to get clean for my son. I was already tired and everything. And then he was born in June. I got clean November 4th of that

year, 2011. So when I got clean, the first thing is like my mom was helping with the baby. I told the baby's mother, like she had to go to rehab or she had to get out. We were living on my parents' house. She went to rehab. She never, she never completed. She dipped. And so my son kind of like stayed with my mom. I got clean. I'm going to meetings. And that's where I'm going back into like my perspective started to change on things, right? So I'm in this bike club. I'm hanging out and everything. And I don't find that much of a use for it anymore. You know, I got, I got clean. I have a job. I became a union carpenter. I ended up getting full custody of my son. And so like I still have the

camaraderies. I have a lot of friends in that bike club and other white clubs too that I have, but because it started going a different direction too, first I wasn't okay with anybody telling me what to do, really. Like, I just, I wanted to belong, but I don't want to, like, you know, become the bitch. And so, like, my new ideals or morals were conflicting with the old ones. So when you said your son was born, addicted, addictive, was that word? Addicted. Addicted.

Yeah. What does that mean? So she was shooting heroin still and doing Xanax and methadone. So when you have the fetus inside you, when they're born, they're born addicted to. Same thing if somebody smokes crack all the time or does methamphetamines. But the thing with opiates is there's a withdrawal period of it. So the baby just can't come home with you. They have to stay in the Nick unit and they have to actually wean them off what they're on.

Is child services getting involved at that point? A million percent. Yeah. As soon as it happens, the child services. it right away? Yep. Okay. So the thing was,

I forgot exactly how it was, but I manipulated something because I was the father so they had no right to test me, but they tested her. So technically the baby could kind of like stay with me. It worked out where we brought the baby home, right?

My son. And then within a few months, she made her decision to keep running and I didn't. And so. Do you think you should have been allowed to bring the child home? Yeah, because I don't think the other options are like my parents helped.

You know what I mean? And they were there all the time every day. So I do believe it was the best decision. And what are some of like the health ramifications he's facing now, if there are any? That's always up to, like, I don't see any, you know? He's a good kid. He's, I think it's just like he knows my history. He's been to meetings with me and everything.

So we talk openly in front of him. He understands the whole thing. He's 12. I don't feel guilty about it. Like, it's just like I'm not going to let that, you know, change my life. I'm in such a different part of my life where it's more positive and everything. And we focus on that and even with my son. So I don't think there's any ramifications of it.

Are you worried he might fall down on that path too? I mean, he's got the gene, right? And my daughter, too. Him not so much. My daughter, it's one of those like, I don't want. it about it's like maybe you know like I'm watching out more for her how's that than him but but again like the relationship I have with him and I've seen the thing is like going to meetings all the time and I constantly go I people talk about their kids and some are great kids and sent some and some end up

picking up right and start getting high too and it's like there's no you know right or wrong how it happened I just have to be vigilant pay attention to it. I'm also not going to rob him necessarily of his childhood and growing up too. I'm sure he's going to taste alcohol. I'm sure. Not sure, but he might smoke some weed.

I'd just rather be there for him and communicate with him. Here's the other thing. He knows we have such a good fucking time now and everything that we do that getting high or drinking isn't going to make it better. Yeah.

I mean, a lot of it comes down to the parents, right? How they raise their children in that environment. But, I mean, then you look at it, your parents didn't raise you. in necessarily a bad environment. Maybe the neighborhood was bad. But do you think if you lived in a different neighborhood, you would have ended up differently?

Absolutely. It's almost like, like A and B test, right? So my cousin is one year older than me. We both grew up in the same big tenement building in Newark. We moved to Harrison, which is working class. He moved to another town, which is more suburban. Both went to Catholic school. He went to Columbia.

Right? And then he went to University of Pennsylvania and became a corporate lawyer. And now he runs a bank and I went the other route. And you think that's solely directed? No, but I think it plays a big part because my environment was like that was available. And where he grew up and I remember going there on the weekends, hanging out and sleeping over, it didn't exist. Like the options, you know how it is. Like you'll find whatever you're looking for. But I believe that like I would have known to be looking for it. if I live there. Like, it's more of a percentage. You know what I mean? I don't think it eliminates it, but I think I'd have a better chance there. So do you think parents should be cautious when they're raising their children

on where they choose to kind of settle down and live? Of course, but not everybody has that option, right? Like, I live in a nice area, right? I pay a lot of taxes. And people are like, you're crazy. I'm like, no, but I pay tax. The reason I pay high taxes is because I like my neighbors. I pay for my neighbors.

and my son goes to great school system, public school system there. His friends, I look at it, right? We live in a fluent area. I look at it and I see his friends and I'm like, the shit they talk about and compare and what their parents got and shit, I'm like, blown away. But at the same time, I'm like, that's why the fuck I do what I do. That's why we moved. That's why I bust my ass and hustle to make sure, not just give my son everything, but just like, you know, provide these opportunities. Because growing up, I knew there was only, it's what I knew, that there was two options.

It's almost like you're a cop or a criminal, right? Like cop, construction worker or criminal and you hustle, right? My son has that many more options, right? Just in terms of whether it's school, whether it's entrepreneur, he's into like a lot of business stuff like I am, right? Or he wants to go to the corporate route. He has so many more options than me. And so 2011 is the year. you get clean.

Up until that point, how many times do you think you got arrested and what was like your longest jail sentence? I just, I did a lot of county, small little county bids. I know I have 18 felonies. 18? Yeah. And the thing is like, they're like 18, but my parents helped me out a lot, right? In the beginning, like lawyers and back then, it's still like that.

It's who you know. So the attorney we got was like knew some judges and because they're trying to get me out of it. After a while, my parents were like, we're not bailing you out. you actually need to go to jail. And so, like, they started, they started piling up arrests. I don't know. You know. That's so funny.

And they had you in the orange jumpsuits, too. What was that? You were in. Yeah, you got to stand out. Oh, I've never seen it in, like, the jumpsuits. That's funny. So, and is, like, the guard, like in the truck or something, like, by the road? Yeah.

There's, like, two usually, right? And so, like, they'd watch you. They develop a relationship just like anything else. They know your, they know your, prison's a little different, you know what I mean? Because usually they have higher bids, anything over a year. But they know you're like ready to go home soon or some shit like that. They're just like they put you out there and they hopefully think you're not going to escape. How many years of your life do you think you kind of wasted in and out of like odd jobs and drug use and whatnot?

I understand the question. I wouldn't say wasted, right? Because, like, I don't have any regret. Like, I learned so much during that time. Is it a requirement for me to be where I'm at now? Obviously, no. But I wouldn't change anything. Like, I had to go through it to, like, to get to this side.

How many years did, I guess, not wasted? How many years did it take up? Oh, I was getting high for, like, two decades. I got cleaned at 33, I think. Two decades? Yeah, pretty much. About, right? I think, like, 13, 14, I started getting higher drinking.

maybe a little bit before that, some point, and I was on heroin for 15 of those years, you know, so I was just like... When you reflect back on it, do you, does it seem like a small amount of time? Like, I reflect back on, like, going to prison and that, and it just feels like a lifetime ago, and it happened fast. But when you're in the moment, it feels like it's dragging on forever. In the moment, like I said, like, I thought I was going to be a fucking zombie forever. And I, like, whenever I caught a glimpse of clarity and I was like,

what the fuck? Like, how did I get into this shit? So, like, I think, I have 12 years clean. I've been getting high longer than I'm clean still. So once that flips, once I have that time, it becomes a little different. Does it seem a long? Anybody who meets me now, they're just like, there's no way. You have 18 felonies or not that I brag about it, right?

But when they kind of find out or some shit, there's no way you've done this, you did that. They're like blown away because I'm like the complete total opposite person that I was, you know, it's weird because like the high school called me to go speak at the high school and I was like you're sure it and I did it and it felt good but I still second guess it sometimes right because I'm just like are you fucking positive like you guys fucking hated me you know and there's still some administration there and everything and I understand and then you know I was totally anti-cop and shit you know and then I have now I have friends that are law enforcement you know I mean that's just that's just what happens.

You know, so it's like a complete, complete 180. Did you find it harder to rebuild a life at 33 when you decide to get clean? Like, was it harder then than it would have been like in your early 20s to get things on track, get a stable career, get a job, a family, all of that? I thought so at the time, right? I'm 33. And so like, I'm like, I fucked up, you know, like 18 to that's when I'm supposed to get my shit together, either go to college or get a career or something like that.

And what happened was, again, like going into recovery and everything, I've seen other people get clean, get jobs, get cars, get girlfriends, have a life. And I'm like, if this motherfucker who was eaten out of a trash can could do it, I could do it. Like, that was my example. So it became easier just because I've seen it in front of me. So like, I'll give you a little. So I got cleaning November 4, 2011. I wasn't working.

I made sure not to work because I really wanted to focus on my recovery and staying clean. And eventually I got into the Carpenters Union. My buddy who was clean and was out of prison too and I identified with was helping me.

He was a foreman there. He got me in. And then, you know, I busted my ass and I climbed, you know, as quickly as I could through there. And once I started doing that I didn't start to like get in my own apartment, getting my own car.

You know what I mean? It wasn't like, oh shit, I came too late to the party. You know, it was like, all right, I could do this. What do you think are the biggest misconceptions about recovery in the world? So what's funny is like when I first got clean, it was frowned upon. It was like, well, drug use and recovery, right? People didn't understand it. Now everybody knows somebody that's fucked up.

So like I get DMs. I get phone calls. I get, please help these people. And, you know, sometimes they think I could just put the fucking cape on. They're like, look at me, look how successful and everything I am. I'm going to save you. And, you know, the biggest misconception is, like, you can't help somebody until they're ready to be helped. Like, my parents tried, friends tried, everybody.

I went to every rehab. I did some weird fucking procedures that I never heard of. You know what I mean? To get clean. And until I was ready to get clean, I couldn't get clean. what do you think that like how do we get someone to that point about being ready to get clean because sometimes it's too late for until that you know for that person to be ready yeah so what's like the intermediary to get that you know so what we say is they need the gift of desperation okay right because when you're desperate or when your backs against the wall that's when you get creative or that's when other options that you never had in front of you pop up so my gift like the gift that was given to me

of desperation it's different for everybody you'll hear like some people say like they hit a bottom right rock bottom or this the problem with a rock bottom is there's always other levels underneath it the rock bottom for you is probably not the same as me there's certain things that you won't do and certain things that maybe I would do um

mine was like I had a big hole right and uh I just like I felt like I had no soul I felt like uh I was just the body and everything. And so, like, I didn't, I knew it for a while and I tried and I didn't want to live like that no more, you know. Because I hit all those other rock bottoms before.

I've been to jail, right? I OD'd a couple times. I was revived. I had a son that was born addictive. Those are really easy for a lot of people. Like, if my son was that like that, I changed my life. If I ever got locked up, I changed my life. All those consequences didn't matter until I made the.

decision that, all right, enough's enough and I want to get clean. But it needs to be before the person dies from their addiction, you know? I know we say that they need to be desperate, but sometimes just they can't get to that point of desperation before passing. Yes. It's tough, you know? It's tough. Like, I earned it.

I earned my seat. I put in the work. I was going to three meetings a day, not because I thought I'd get small. martyr, but just I didn't want to go home and be by myself. That was my biggest thing, right? So, you know, and I went to meetings and I took commitments and I've spoken in jails and institutions and all that shit. Not to like, and I really don't ever say shit like that because I don't want to, you know,

put it out there. But in the sense of like, that's what I needed to do for me. I needed to get into the service work. I needed to do it. But in the sense of like how, like, what's the big sign or some shit like that? That's the thing there isn't one. That's what's so frustrating. parents and everybody else, or when you see loved ones that are struggling out there,

you know, some lady selling her body or some shit like that to get hot. How do you stop that? Isn't that desperate enough? When you're in it, though, you don't know it. You know what I mean? And then you've done so much shit that you're just looking for the next fix not to think about all the shit that you've done before. And you get caught in that vicious cycle.

Yeah. No, it's tough and that's the world we're living in right now. And it always makes you wonder, like, why it works for one person and it doesn't work for the next person and why someone was able to make it and the other person wasn't able to make it. Listen, I have friends that are locked up. I have friends that are dead. And, you know, and I'm like, how the fuck, why, why me? I don't question it like that because I just took the opportunity and like, cool, this is my door and I've been there before, but a lot of times it like me. So the thing with it is like, I knew when I got clean, I didn't want to be mediocre. Like, I didn't get, I didn't want,

I knew I wanted to get clean and be happy, right? I didn't want to be miserable. I didn't want to be angry. I didn't want to be mad. That was a lot of work. And if those were my condom, I might as well still get high. So I knew I wanted to get clean.

So I mean, so I knew I wanted to change my perspective on my life. So I also knew I have this one opportunity, right? I got clean. What am I going to do in my life? And that's where it switched with me. So I started doing more personal development. I did like Tony Robbins. I still go to him.

I went to outside things. I got a lot into business. I met my wife in recovery, right? She was like a year after me or something like that. And we've been pulling it together. And just like, I wanted to be successful, not monetarily, but just like in life. I wanted to make sure like I'm taking advantage

of this second chance. What's your life like now? My life like now. It's amazing. It really is. You know, I travel the world. whether it's business, vacation, um,

the shit that I was looking for when I was a kid, the freedom to do whatever the fuck I wanted to do, I almost have it now. Like I'm pretty close and doing it the right way. Mm-hmm. Which is just like incredible, you know, um, some people are like, hey, do you think you switched your,

you know, all the effort and everything you put into getting high into what you do now? I don't have the answer for that. I don't think it's exactly. But I do think like whatever I focused on back then is what I got and whatever I focused on now is what I got. And look, I surround myself with positive people, solution-based people, you know, people that are going to pick me up when I'm down. I don't need a co-sign from anything else.

So like I'm very selective of who's in my circle and who's around me. And I also want to make sure I go into other circles to just ever keep expanding that. What are takeaways you want people to learn from your story? Or even if your kids were watching this one day. What's crazy now is that like, I don't know if it's a movement or some shit. I'm starting to see that like being clean, not getting high, not drinking. It's like a superpower, right? Where when I was growing up, it was like, okay, it's cool to drink.

It's cool to get high. You know, like the artists were doing it and everything. Like I'm starting to see that movement. And obviously it's because I'm clean too, but like it is. I have this clarity. I have this superpower where I could see shit where it's not cloudy or nothing like that. And I have more fucking fun now than I would have had getting high at my best time. Yeah.

And that's why it's important for people to hear that. So they know, like they can look at the people that are having fun and know that. Like I get a lot of put in like this, a lot of people comment on my stuff. And like I'll read some of the comments where it's like, you know, it's cool that you've been able to take prison and turn it into something like this. So it kind of shows that there's another life outside of that, like outside of that situation that could be born from it. And it gives people, like it shows that there's something better.

Yeah, like I said, like I didn't get clean to just not do drugs. You know, like, I was like, if I'm going to get clean, I really want to be fucking happy. I really want to do shit. and I want to like not like I want to go here because it's still like part of that 1% club the biker club part of this part of that it's still like how far could I go right and that's where I'm at now in my life which is like cool I've done this I've hit this milestone we have these businesses where financially successful and everything what else could I do how far could I go

and I also believe like I didn't sign up for it but I believe I am an example right I believe that people could look to me and I get a lot of DMs like that. They're like, yo, keep going. Somebody from high school that I barely remember who it is. She's like, hey, you probably don't remember me, but your story helped me and I was showing this to somebody else who's struggling. Right. So by me being successful and proving it and doing it, helps somebody down the line, right? If it helps just one person, I'm blown away. Were you able to just walk away from the one person biker club? No.

So you're still a part of it? No, I'm not. I'm not. I retired. What do you do you retire? So if you can't walk away, did you get kicked out? Or are you on the lamb? There's different ones, right? So like, I did 10 years. Okay. So that was my 10 years. And we came to an agreement. To leave. Yeah. I'm still friends with them.

Like, once you get in, it's hard to just walk, right? Well, no, because it's like anything else. If you keep the door open, then they're going to come in, get out, come in. Like, it doesn't make sense. You know what I mean? So, like, you know, we don't make it easy to come in. and we don't make it easy for you to go out. Like you got to make your decision. Again, like I came in a different way where like I knew a lot of the top dogs and I was cool with them. The funny thing is one of them was the national president, right, for the several chapters that we have.

And he left too, right? And he's a fucking motivational speaker now. Really? Yeah. So like, it's weird because like we almost had all the same mindset. like this is where we're at at the time and it was the bike club and then a bunch of us kind of left, you know?

But yeah, it wasn't just like, hey, leave. You know what I mean? There was a bunch of meetings and a couple. Meetings, yeah. Yeah. Are you ever worried about like that catching up to you? In the beginning I was just based on enemies, right? So like that's the other reason why I left.

I was like, I got to look behind my back all the fucking time and shit. And I just didn't want to. And I still feel certain type of way towards other clubs sometimes when I see them. but nah at this point I left in 2016 I think at this point it's been what eight years or some shit you might be safe in the clear I think I'm good now

Not in the lamb Yeah no yeah ready My ego would tell me people are looking for me But always fucking looking for me But it's always like a paranoid Like from past when you make decisions And whatnot Yeah

But yeah but Phil Thank you for coming on the show today man It's been great chatting with you And connecting finally I know we've been talking on Instagram for a little bit So I'm glad we can make happen. No, thank you for having me, man. I've been watching you for a while. Like I said, I love what you're doing. I love the guests that you're doing. I really believe I could

add something to this and again, thank you.