Locked In with Ian Bick - Lamar Odom: How I Survived Addiction

Episode Date: December 17, 2025

NBA champion Lamar Odom joins the show to reflect on his life story — from growing up in South Jamaica, Queens and becoming a top NBA draft pick, to winning championships with Kobe Bryant on the Lakers, navigating fame, addiction, and the pressures that came with his rise. Lamar opens up about the challenges he faced during the height of his career, his marriage to Khloé Kardashian, the 2015 incident in Nevada that nearly cost him his life, the strokes and medical aftermath he fought through, and how an ibogaine treatment helped him rebuild and reconnect with himself. We discuss childhood trauma, the start of addiction, the intensity of NBA life, loss, recovery, rebuilding relationships, and what he hopes others can take from his journey. This episode highlights Lamar’s rise, fall, and comeback — a story of resilience, survival, and growth that continues to inspire people around the world. _____________________________________________ #LamarOdom #NBAStories #LakersNation #KobeBryantEra #AddictionRecovery #RedemptionStory #CelebrityInterview #lockedinpodcast _____________________________________________ Connect with Lamar Odom: https://www.instagram.com/lamarodom/ Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Shop Locked In Merch: http://www.ianbick.com/shop _____________________________________________ Timestamps: 00:00 Lamar Odom on Health, Fame & Surviving Rock Bottom 00:54 Growing Up Without a Father: Childhood, Family & Adversity 03:54 Fatherless Upbringing and the Impact on Identity 05:56 Basketball as an Escape and Early Passion for Sports 08:50 High School Years: Shyness, Loss & NBA Dreams 13:13 College Basketball, Pressure & Early Exposure 17:45 Growing Up in Queens: Friends, Streets & Staying Focused 18:49 NBA Draft Night, LA Clippers & Rookie Year Reality 23:19 Early NBA Money Mistakes & Adjusting to Life in Los Angeles 27:07 Miami to Lakers: Playing Alongside Kobe Bryant 30:01 NBA Championships, Sacrifice & Life Off the Court 32:36 Addiction, Family Tragedy & Coping with Pain 36:16 Marriage to Khloé Kardashian & Reality TV Fame 41:52 The End of the NBA Career & Personal Regrets 44:00 First Use & the Beginning of Addiction 47:00 Rehab, Recovery Attempts & Ibogaine Therapy 50:00 The Vegas Incident, Overdose & Fighting to Survive 56:00 Recovery, Public Scrutiny & Second Chances 01:00:01 Life After Kardashian & Rebuilding After 2015 01:03:43 Lessons Learned, Motivation & Helping Others 01:06:03 Fatherhood, Growth & Lamar Odom’s Final Reflections Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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I'm sitting and see the sign. I can't even. I don't get my diaper change every three, four hours because I can't even hold my powers. What do you think is the greatest lesson Kobe taught you kind of behind closed doors? I've done a lot of drugs in my life. When I did that drug, it was so strong. I was just wishing that it would turn off. Like, oh, please stop.

How do you think your son's death impacted you? We back then probably cost me $30 million. How does Chloe Kardashian come in? into your life. Kind of like an orgasm. Like my body had an orgasm on the inside. It woke up a beast. You know Lamar Odom's name, the NBA star, the reality TV icon, the headlines.

But behind all that was a man fighting childhood trauma, addiction, fame, and a night in 2015 that nearly killed him. Today, he's telling the truth. Lamar, welcome to Lockton Man. Thanks so much for taking the time to be here today. Oh, no problem, man. Thanks for having me. Yeah, you didn't know I was a white kid that went to prison before.

Nah, that was new to me. That was new to me, but everybody got a story to tell in this world. Yeah, I'm glad I wasn't as nerdy as you expected. Yeah, nah, that's real, though. Shit, I never walked on that line before. I lived a full life, but I've never been locked up in my life. I'm sure there's a lot of opportunities along the way that could have gotten you on that other side, too. Yeah, I think it's, you know, I don't know what you were locked up for, but usually comes down to, to the, to this.

decision making. Yeah. And I remember, I remember being like 10 years old and my mother, the second part of her life, she was a correction officer on Mike's Island. And she followed in her brother's footsteps. My uncle was a correction officer on Mike's Island for like 25 years, Officer Mercer. And I remember getting out the call one night. She dropped me off to my father's house. He's living a project. It was like a lot of kids. Like ran downstairs because they were, I guess, were happy to see me or whatever. And I remember getting out the car and she told me,

they used to call me Mukha when I was little. And I don't know, for some reason, I guess it's the atmosphere. She said, Mook, if you ever go to jail, that's what I'm not going to, I'm never fucking with you. If you ever go to jail, I'm never going to fuck with you. And I think that right there just kind of put me in the right direction for the rest of my life. I ain't ever want to lose the love or any respect to my moms at that point in my life. Where do you grow up?

Southside, Jamaica, Queens. I'm from Queens. Queens is the most diverse borough in New York, in the world. It's the most diverse place in the world, called the National Geographic. Was your dad in the picture? No, my father was, um, he was a, um, he was a most diverse place in the world. He was battling addiction. He was addicted to heroin.

So, you know, he couldn't take care of himself, let alone take care of a little boy. When my mom's left him, she never really ever even, I don't think ever seen him again in her life. How old are you when your mom told you about your dad and what he was going through? Oh, no, I mean, I was, I was like six years old. I remember the day. That she left him. Crazy day.

We went to the store and just never came back. She asked him, what do you want it from the store and everything? I think his answer was a 40 ounce of beer. And we went to Queens, and she never looked back after that. What do you think was your worst moment in your childhood? I probably would say that. I'll probably say that's probably the most traumatizing thing. a young boy or a young child could probably go through at that time without losing one of them.

You know, I lost one of them, but not in the physical form. How much of an impact do you think it had growing up without a father? Shit. I mean, I could just think about all the relationships that I can think of with friends that did have their father around. that stern voice in the back of your mind, even as far as, even as discipline and far as work ethic is concerned, just to make you better before you know what being a man, you know, really is. What do you think was your happiest moment in childhood?

Oh, probably came through sports, you know, having my mother there. for some of those moments in sports. Were you passionate about sports from the beginning? Yeah, because sports probably acted like a father to me in so many different ways. Gave me a reason to want to be my best, to want to win, told me early how to use a team, how to manipulate the situation that I'm in.

whether it's to manifest it or physically actually manipulating people, and of course, in a positive way. Do you think that's a blessing and a curse? What's that? There's two sides to it, like it's a positive and a negative being able to manipulate? Yeah, I mean, if you use it the wrong way for a negative, for a negative doing or for selfish, reasons. Was it always basketball or were you interested in other sports growing up? I played football and I played quarterback and I also of course played basketball. Basketball is my first love, something that came naturally to me. I knew how to play it not just physically but

just using my mind, even knowing how to put the pieces. to the puzzle together and know how to make my teammates better. You know how to really found out how to do that at an early age. What was young Lamar like in high school? I was shy, quiet, so spoken. Like took my time to really open up to people. But when you got to know me, you got to know me. Do you think that's a misconception about you now?

I think I still have some of those same traits. I think for whatever reasons, you know, as adults, we don't have to be guarded to some degree. You can't let everybody in at any given time because, you know, a lot of people, you know, try to take advantage for the selfish reasons. Was there ever a point in your child? where your life could have went a totally different direction and it didn't? Yeah, I think when my mother passed away, I could have really, you know, gave up, I had a reason to be disrupted or detoured for my dream.

What was your dream at that point? What were you thinking about for the future? Oh, well, I mean, I knew when I was 10 years old, that I was going to play in the NBA that David Stein was going to call my name one day and I was going to, you know, play in the NBA. What do you think made you different from the millions of kids

that think that exact thought? I don't know. I just knew, you know, from an early age, I knew I felt that I was close to guard. from things that I experienced. And I kind of understood through sports, you know, the strength, believe it or not, of manifestation, of, you know, being able to see things

and being able to, I'm almost willing to it in existence. And I think, you know, every sportsman at the, you know, prime of his career, he goes through those godly moments, often on the court or the field, whatever his particular sport is. That's something that he's doing on the, or current moments. What do you think was the most important lesson your mom taught you?

I think be fair. You know, just, you know, play hard, but just always play the right way. Even though I don't know if that really pays off at the end of the day. But I kind of try to, you know, try to live my life like that. Do you end up finishing high school?

What happens? Oh, yeah, I went to high school. It's crazy that you said that. My mother passed away. I kind of like, I kind of like really kind of gave up on school. I never really put my best foot forward since the eighth grade. So I guess in some ways you can say it kind of like, you know, not more figuratively kind of like dropped out of high school really. After she passed away, I never really gave a fuck about school.

Was high school a requirement to play in the NBA? Well, I mean, we got a certain, you know, we got to play in high school to play. At that time, it was to play college basketball, so you have to have some type of education to at least play basketball. Yeah, so I'm going to say, yeah. So you were able to finish high school successful? Yeah, I was able to finish high school and go to college for one year, two years. I went to college to play. Which college?

I went to the university, row down. Oh, URI. Yeah, I went to URI. I used to do shows at URI. Yeah? At the, what was the big arena there? The Ryan Center, was that there when you were playing? Yeah, no.

I probably helped build the Ryan Center. Wow, that's crazy. Yeah. Why URI? Why do you pick there? Well, I had to because I'm I supposed to go to YONOV, but they had said I cheated on my SAT

to get the proper grades to play. in school or whatever. And after they caught me, wow. You thought this was your run club era. Turns out it was more of a thinking about run club era.

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They had all kind of handwriting analysts. Yeah, it was a tough time. Were you already being scouted and looked at when you were in high school? Yeah, I don't have since that early age. Yeah. So what was the talk of the town at that time about you? From agents to... Yeah, I mean, I could have made the jump from high school to the NBA,

but I told my grandmother that I would at least try college. Did your grandmother raise you after your mom then? Yeah, my grandmother raised me. She graduated. She went back to college at 50 years old to graduate. So I told I at least, you know, try it out. What career did she want to go? She was a nurse at the time.

Now, throughout your teenage years, did you ever try drugs or dabbling drugs? I smoke marijuana. But you never had any addiction issues? You know what? I don't know. I probably was addicted to marijuana at a young age, but you're not really, you know, it's not, at that time of my life, it's not really hurting me, I guess, the little bit that I'm smoking. And I'm playing a lot of basketball around grownups for the most part of the day.

So it's not like I can just, I got time to smoke pot all day or anything like that. Did you have an opinion on drugs at the time? I mean, I knew they were harmful because where I grew up at, like I can see it. And I grew up in a crack cocaine era. So I've seen it by like, every day just from going to the park.

And like I told you that my father was a heroin addict, so it was close to home. But I mean, yeah, I did see it. I did have an opinion on it. I knew that they were harmful. But of course, you try to stay away from them as much as possible. Do you think your vision for your career, your NBA career and everything as a kid

kept you away from the streets and dreams? drugs growing up? Subconsciously, probably. 100%. You know if you're trying to be one of the best players in the NBA that, you know, you can't do drugs every day. And I wish that would have just helped me

kind of make a better decision to stay away from them, in general. But, you know, life or life. The traumas of life probably, you know, bring you to do things that you thought you would never do. What were your friends like growing up? Just like I guess any normal kid from Queens, we all love hip-hop music and like to go to Jamaica Avenue for our fashion and things like that.

Of course, some of us like girls more than others. But I was into, you know, 15, 16 years old. I was into basketball or rap music and you know, little females here right there. Every year I go on this impossible hunt for the perfect holiday gift. It has to feel personal, but not cheesy. Thoughtful, but not over the top. And every year, I end up overthinking it.

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Yeah, I think that happens naturally and organically. As you, I'm not going to say progress, but as life changes for you, then you're surrounded and your friends, it'll naturally change. and that can be sometimes, you know, we had for kids growing up, especially that really, that we really, you know, trust our friends' opinions, things like that. What happens after college, after those two years?

Oh, then I, um, I got drafted into the NBA in 1999. To which team? The L.A. Clippers, which at that time, they were like the worst. team. I'm in the NBA. For so many other different reasons that they had a really, really horrible

owner. Yeah, I didn't really learn too much in that situation. One thing about me, when I'm on a basketball court, and I love to

have the appetite for learning because I've been blessed with so much natural basketball knowledge. But I always like to learn. My grandmother always told me if you're not, when you stop learning, it's when you stop living. Would you love the most about basketball? How you can get better at it on your own.

If you've got a ball and an appetite, I could always go somewhere and perfect your craft, whether it's dribbling or shooting, you know, just doing as many drills to your dead tired. There's so many, you know, cardio drills that you can do on your own. With the basketball, you can just perfect your skills by yourself. On your own, that's what I really love about the sport. How old were you when you got signed or drafted?

I was 19 years old. Was it what you expected? I would say that and then something. In a worse way or a good way? No, in an amazing way. In an amazing way. I mean, there's a lot thrown, you know, to you. But, you know, God guided me through it and I got through it.

A lot of learning experiences. I wish I knew about money back then. And even if it's not the dollars in the sense, even if it was just about the power of it, put life as education. I was fortunate enough to live it. What mistake do you think you made with money? Spent it too much.

What was the first big purchase you made? I was always trying to buy my grandmother. a home, but she wouldn't let me. I think it probably was a S-500, a bend. I always wanted a big-body binns. I got it. I didn't take care of it. I wish I would have took care of my possessions a lot better that I had.

What was it like to live in L.A. after living in New York? It was different. It was a culture shock. But I liked it. You know, you know, where, Women in New York wear sneakers, women in L.A. wear open-toe high heels. You know what I'm saying?

It's just different. I mean, at that time, the weed is a lot better here. At that time, what was important in my life was just taking care of my family and I was having my first child when I was 19 years old. Did you get married to the mom? No. Chloe Kardashian was the only person I've ever been married to.

Were you smoking weed when you first started playing? Yeah. And they didn't allow that, right? No, they didn't allow it. I got weed, marijuana back then probably cost me $30 million. $30 million on weed? I mean, not on weed, but I got suspended twice. Oh, okay.

And my last suspension was right before I was going to re-up on my rookie contract. That was when you first started. Yeah. So all the three or four other guys that I got drafted with, they all got $92 million, I think. Yeah. Because of the weed suspension, I got $64. Oh, so they took $30 million off? I'm just saying they probably would have gave me.

This was marijuana was, you know, you just looked down upon if you were. Might as well have been sniffing coke. You know what I'm saying? Do you think the NBA covered it up at all? Well, I don't know if they covered it up, but I know you can smoke marijuana now in the NBA. I think they probably just caught on to it. What about your team? Do you think they turned a blind eye because you were a good player?

No, I mean, I don't know. Do it to my team, definitely knew. But, you know, you're a teammate. You ain't going to rat on me or tell them, you know. Why do you think you're attracted to marijuana? What do you like about it? I don't know. I guess the way it made me feel. You know, I think, after COVID, I think everybody should be prescribed marijuana.

I love edibles. You love edibles? Yeah, I do the Mike Tyson ones. They're so good. There you go. Yeah. People are full of surprises, especially when you travel together. Thankfully, Verbo is not. When you book a Verbo, you get Verbo care and 24-7 live support.

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The Clippers? I went to Miami for one year. Why Miami? Why do you end up there? They became me the biggest deal at that point my rookie contract was up. Why did it only last a year? Because I got traded

to L.A. for Shaquille O'Neill, me and two other players from Miami. Oh, and Shaquille went to... Miami. Okay. And I went to the Lakers. But then eventually he went to the Lakers.

No, Chiquel came from the Lakers. Oh, he came? Oh, that's when he left. Yeah. Oh, okay. I was in that trade. Oh. I forgot who wrote the book.

I was reading it when I was doing the Mr. Beast video this year. There was a book, I forgot which player. Was it Ronnie something? I forgot the name of it. I'll have to figure it out. But they talked about that trade. Yeah.

I think you were mentioned in it too now that I think about it. Yeah, probably so. So you went to the Lakers. What was the reputation of the Lakers at the time? Well, they were the Lakers. The Lakers, the reputation for the Lakers. It's always been, it's always been good.

How do you feel finally making it to the Lakers? Well, I don't know if my, that wasn't really my goal. To be honest with you, at that point in my career, I wouldn't know, the Lakers probably the only place I would rather, if I had to leave Miami, Lakers would probably be the only place I would rather go because I knew how it was because I was in L.A., but I was on the other side of L.A. as a clipper. So I could just imagine how good it could be in L.A. You know, as a Laker, with the opportunity to play with Kobe Bryant. I know there's a lot of upside to that.

What year did you join the Lakers? 2004. 2005. How old were you at that point? 25 or 26. What was it like to play with Kobe? It was, It was intense.

It was intense. You know, but he was so prepared and prepared to be great that, you know, when you walked in an arena with him to play basketball and, you know, he was your teammate. you just felt like you had a chance to at least compete in that game if you were able to, you know, follow the energy that he was given off before going into battle. And it was a blessing just to, you know, be involved with that. What do you think is the greatest lesson Kobe taught you kind of behind closed doors? Write your own checks.

Figuratively or literally? Literally. And figuratively. Is that advice you took? At the time I didn't, but I do now. That's a way to go. Yeah. I do now.

What was it like being on a winning team? Well, obviously, it was everything ever, you know, Fight that way. I guess is what I manifested when I was, you know, 10 years old or 11 years old. I never had any, I don't have no brothers and sisters or anything like that. So I really gravitate to having a teammate and having people that you on the same page on, all going for one goal. And, you know, I learned a lot from.

You know, my teammates and the winning situations that I was on, how to humble yourself, especially when it's all about the team. It's supposed to be all about the team. How would you have described yourself at the peak of your career? Unselfishly good. I had a package that normally people my own sides, You know, they don't really have the ball handling and the passing ability that I had

and the ability to make teammates better. As you started to reach that, you know, pinnacle of your career, what was going on off the court? Well, it depends on, you know, what part of my career. You're talking about what year you're talking about. I mean, I lived a real full life off the first. court. What about when you won your first championship? That was 2000, so I wasn't married yet or anything like that. I probably was selfish in a good way. I think, you know, as an athlete or athletes we're all, in a sense, selfish, you know,

with no harm meant to do to anyone. But I think it's a healthy selfish that in life we all have to take, right? If we want to take steps to be our best selves. Were you dabbling with any drugs at all at that point? Um, 2009. I can't really remember the times or, but I probably was. I probably was.

More than marijuana? No, it was never more than marijuana. I don't know when, are you trying to ask me when cocaine became my, my preference? Just any type of drug other than marijuana. When it became my preference or when did I look for it? do it. I would probably say after my son passed away and my son passed away in 2006.

So I would think maybe the year before that is when I became, when I got introduced to cocaine. Before his death? Yeah. How old is your son when he passed away? Six months. What happened? He died from sudden infant death syndrome.

It's cool. I'm sorry for your loss. No, it's cool. It, um, yeah, shit, tell his mother, you're sorry. But, I mean, it didn't, you know, it, um, it, you know, it, uh, it, you know, makes me stronger, I guess.

Was it the same mother as your first child? Yeah, they have the same mother. And you never decide to marry her or take it seriously to the next level? No. No. No, for whatever reason, I guess, I no disrespect to her, but I didn't take her hand in marriage.

You think you weren't ready for that level of commitment at that age? No, at 19 I definitely, I definitely, I wasn't. And I guess, I mean, we remain friends now. And it's probably good that I didn't. I definitely wasn't ready to marry anyone at that point in time of my life. This episode is brought to you by prize picks. It is the holiday season, the best time of the year for sports, bull games, basketball matchups, playoff pushes,

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And I know that God's watching everything that we do. Looking back on an hour to you, as you handled that moment and even the years to come differently? I mean, I think any human being will look at any mistake that they made. in a past and wish that they handled anything differently, whether it's doing drugs or a misshot or not working hard enough or not passing a test. I think that's a human reactionist to wish that we can do things differently. How does Chloe Kardashian come into your life?

How does she come into my life? How do you guys cross paths? Oh, I met her at a, at a party that she was hosting for what was soon to be a teammate that I've known before. The NBA, his name is Ron Ortiz. I met Ron Ortiz probably when we were like 12 years old. In Queens playing basketball, with him or against him. And he was coming to join us on the Lakers, and he had a party, and she was there.

That's when the first time I ever met her. What year was that? That was 2009. So was it love at first sight when you met her that day? Did you see where it was going to become? Shit, I mean, we got married 30 days later. Oh, it was 30 days from that party? Yeah.

Wow. So it was intense. And you were still playing actively in the NBA? Yeah. What was it about Chloe? that you that attracted you to her? I probably was her eyes. Her eyes reminded me in my mother's eyes a little bit.

And she was a truth teller. I felt like I always got derail from her. Was keeping up with the Kardashians the thing in 2009? I think it was, but I really wasn't that hip to it. Like, you know, I wasn't really into reality TV or anything like that. Yeah, describing how your personality was in your early years, did that make you kind of iffy to marry her? No, because, I mean, I'm really like, you know, I'm aware of my surroundings.

And at the end of the day, I'm an entertainer, but of a different sorts, right? I play for the Lakers, so I kind of, I get it. But I just didn't really know what reality TV was or didn't know the strength of it was until I met her. Was that marriage just for show, or was it legitimate? No, it was, yeah, I wouldn't get married for someone else's pleasure, that's not the way I move or roll. No, it was for real.

And it was, it's funny, because like, Like I watch reality TV nowadays and I can tell like a lot of them like scripted. I can be honest with me and Chloe's, it really wasn't, we had a show for two or three years. It really wasn't scripted. I mean, they might have put us in positions, but to be places or do certain things. But after that, they just let it let us rock. Why do you think you chose to get married that quickly in your mind? I have no idea.

It was just a feeling. It was my gut feeling. It was my gut feeling. Honestly, it was my gut feeling. What was it like to be married to her in the beginning? I mean, it was always, it was always good. It was like, you know, the red carpet and some. You know what I mean?

If you could imagine being in the peak of your career, you know, being a Laker and then, I'm just the first black Kardashian at that time, right? Like, it's a lot of strength and power, especially in this city for one young man to have. Probably too much. If he wasn't ready for it, and I probably wasn't ready for it. I was just living my life. Do you think that Kardashians are misunderstood? Yeah, yeah. I mean, you've probably seen into a life

that very few will ever get to see. Yeah, I think they are. I think they are. And I think, you know, if you understand family, then you could understand them. And the power of family and the power of, you know, getting love from your family and receiving love from your family. I mean, it's showing that how love conquers old, really.

Why did your career come to an end? Well, age. I'm 45. I don't know no 45-year-old basketball players in the NBA or anybody who played in the NBA past their 40s. You know, when I was younger, I didn't, you know, really take care of my body the way I should have. So it ended naturally? There wasn't any issues?

No. No. Is there anything you wish you did differently during your career? Well, I wish I never was introduced to cocaine or any other, you know, narcotic substance, you know, stronger than marijuana. I wish I would have stopped there. I think, you know, me doing other drugs gave people, you know, the green light. or the right for judgment.

And I think I could have just really avoided that if I were just stayed on a straight path, kept it like. What was the first time trying cocaine like for you? Actually, honestly, it was kind of like an orgasmic. It was like my body had an orgasm on the inside. But it woke up a beast. Because you're doing it again.

And you're chasing that dragon, you're trying to chase that feeling that you're never going to get again in any attic that can tell you that. Any person that's an alcoholic or has any type of mental disease when it comes to drugs or alcohol. Because that's all the attic is is mentally, you know, you have a mental brain disease that you probably don't even know. Do you think it got passed down from your dad? Probably so. At any point did you ever think Because it could be genetic Yeah, at any point did you ever think

I don't want to be like my dad Always Always one of the reasons why I don't Fuck around there Because I have children You know, I got to be a stand-up role model For somebody or something At least for them, at least for God

Would you have considered yourself an addict When you married Chloe and did she know about it? No, yeah, I mean When I married her, I would I consider myself an addict, but I didn't really understand what an addict was at that time before, you know, my stint in rehab, going once or twice, and learning that you have a diseased brain.

And so when I really break it down like that, the last thing I really want to do is feed narcotic to a disease brain. When was the first time you went to rehab? I forgot the year. I forgot the year. I must have had to be 2000. That's maybe nine when I met Chloe.

So you guys were married at the time? Yeah. How did she react to that? Well, she was for it. Yeah, it hurt her that I was, you know, to see me like that. I guess it hurt anyway to see her husband like that. Why do you think rehab didn't help you that first time? Because I only went to get out and do drugs again.

I didn't go for... the um to actually beat it i think the second time of helping then the time um after that and then i was a guy uh i tried a african a plant medicine called ibrahimine yeah i've heard of that and um i did it and i've done a lot of drugs in my life and when i did that drug it was so strong i was just wishing that it would turn off like oh please should stop, stop. Because I heard when they took it, they said that, you know, my African ancestors used it to revisit their loved more than I no longer hear.

But after further testing that they found out that it heals anxiety, PTSD, depression, and addiction. So when I heard that, I was like, I got to try. try, but you can. There's illegal here in the States. So I had to go to Mexico to try and have it. That shit was strong as a motherfucker, though. What was the vision you had during it?

I've heard that people have a very vivid trip or vision. Yeah, well, they said that the first person that you probably see, you can come to visit you, probably the person in your family who you, you know, have the dearest feeling for. And it's crazy because the first person I can remember seeing was a big picture, like big as that light right there. The vision of my cousin Sierra. Where I helped raise with my grandmother. Then I got to see my son again.

Like at the age he passed away at like six, 12, and then the age he would have been in. The time was like 14, 15. I kept hearing my mother's voice and my grandmother's voice. I woke up a new man. What feeling do you think you experienced the most during your addiction? Why do you think you were so lost? No appreciation when you're fighting your addiction. Everything depreciates.

Relationships, for the most part, through shame and, you know, you're not having an ability to show up for yourself, so you're damn sure. Can't show up for anybody. I think that's probably my most proudest moment, man. I just probably had about not doing drugs that I could show up. Like, if the work is in front of me, I'm going to show up at least for it. You know what I mean?

To be able to put my best foot forward and, you know, to let everybody know that God is in the room. You know what I mean? When I'm here, you know, I wasted so much time or, like, you know, living in shame. Gotta hide and sneak. Like, I don't really have to hide and sneak, you know what I mean, to do anything anymore. The freedom feels good. I don't have a manager or anything like that.

You know, how I was able to make this, you know, this podcast happened between me. I guess I just went to my, me and my role, and my phone, off my phone, you know what I'm saying? booked it and now we're here. Fellas, buckle up because Blue Chew just switched the game up.

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How long were you married to Chloe for? Six, seven years or something like that. Why did that marriage end? I think probably because of my ability not to stop, you know, using drugs. Then, you know, I had the incident and had the braw through and all that shit where they tried to kill me. That was in 2015. I think it was in 2015. Can you tell us about that? Well, I had it, it's crazy.

I had, um, it's what I was just thinking about people, like when people know your, you know, you know, in weak spots, they'll try to expose them. And I was, you know, I was just signing the voice papers to Chloe, with Chloe. And I used to always see this, I was living in Vegas. And I used to always see this, this HBO reality show and this brothel in Las Vegas. It was called, I think, The Cat House.

I don't know if you know, that was called the, whatever the fucking thing. The Cat House? It was called the Cat House. And I was like, all right. I guess I'm going to the cat house. But I was mad as fuck because I didn't really have

the cocaine on me to really make it a party the way I wanted to make it. All right, fuck, I'm getting divorced. I might as well really have the time of my life. You know what I mean? So I told you I didn't have cocaine to take so I called them they're our hour away and perrump so they got to come get me and you know drive me back to to the cat house and so they come down and get me remember I told

I didn't have any cocaine to take to come down and get me take me back up to the cat house I get there I put $75,000 on my car I tell you, you know who my ex-wife is. Let's keep this a secret. I can't have this get out. I sit down, have a drink. I'll wake up three days later from a coma. What do you think happened?

I don't know. I wish I knew. I mean, you know, I never sold drugs in my life, but as a drug dealer, I want to know what it was because that shit had to be some good shit to knock me out for three days. I don't know. I don't know how they even got it in me and my sister.

Do you remember the last moment at all? It was just the drink? I remember I sat down, had a drink. I woke up three days later. But that wasn't the, that's just the beginning. When I woke up, I couldn't walk or talk. Like, that shit really, like, fuck me up. I had 12 strokes and six heart attacks.

What was your first thought when you woke up? How to fuck I get here, but I couldn't, I couldn't even. I couldn't walk or talk. I couldn't even say what happened to me or I couldn't even get the words to murmur my mouth for months or weeks at least at a time. Did you know at the time what the public was saying about you? I could give a fuck about that. I had other fish to fry.

Like I had to learn. I couldn't hold my bowels. You talk about being humbled. fuck being called the crackhead or a drug addict. I'm a two-time champion in this city. I'm sitting and see the signer, and I can't even, I got to get my fucking diaper change every three, four hours, because I can't even hold my powers.

I got to learn how to walk. I can give a fuck about what people are saying. I could just imagine what they're saying, oh, fuck he did it again. That's why Chloe left him, good, but fuck that. I had, I mean, first of all, I had to, you know, it took me some time, not really, but just, like, just till recently, I mean, obviously I'm probably here for a reason, right? Because I don't know, no, I don't fucking know, celebrity, no person that gets, first of all, totally, totally disadvantaged you. and took an advantage of being able to be put in that position.

I think it's probably one of the only reasons why, like, God save me because I didn't really say, yo, let me take a eight ball of cocaine and do it before I go to the strip club. I mean, before I go to the strip club or hang out, anything like that. You know. So, but, like, it's kind of, like,

medically impossible to have 12 strokes. six heart attacks and survive. Whether you're awake or not awake, I don't know if you could probably find anybody that... I mean, one stroke from one fuck, it'll be like, can't even move aside, you know what I mean? So, I don't know, six strokes, 12 heart attacks, I'm probably here for a reason.

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My story, I guess, hopefully it changed their lives. When did you first have that realization? Was it after you were fully recovered or while I was laying in your bed and the feeling of You want to, you have the second chance. You want to help people. You want to do the right thing. Oh, I mean, I go through that realization every day. What else could it be for? I mean, my purpose got to be, I mean, bigger than me.

Well, you know, huge isn't, you know, for me. But the first time you had that was that in the hospital bed? No, that took me some time. You know, but I never really felt, I never asked the, you know, Lord, like, why or question, you know, my journey. Right? What we could do is live it. Do you think that situation almost rekindled your relationship with Chloe?

Really unfair because only she knows. I mean, that was her feelings. Do you wish it did at the time? Or, I don't know. That's unfair. For me or anybody that I have in my life or all going to have in my life, in the future. All I can do is live in a present,

and the present try to be my best self. What have the years look like since that moment in 2015? Obviously, we're 10 years later now. How have you since rebuilt, and what does life look like now? Well, it's a journey. A uphill, you know, journey. It's a lot of uncertainty,

but I think the uncertainty is the reason for life. You know, it keeps me going. It keeps me wanting to work. wanting to better myself and better every situation than I'm in. Work myself to a billion dollars. Do you have regrets? Yeah, but we got to learn a little of regrets. Yeah, we got to learn a little regrets.

Shows growth. If there's one thing you could change, what do you think that would be? I'll be doing reality TV. You still want to do reality TV? Yeah, because I know the strength of it. You'd still probably be in the Kardashians right now? No, yeah, I mean, I guess. I could be, but I mean, I could do.

Hopefully I get enough shit popping in my life where they'll find a reason to want to follow me. Do they ever call you for like a cameo or anything? I just did one. Did the, um, their premiere, the premiere, uh, season open I just did. For the Kardashians? But you don't watch it, you were saying? I don't, I don't watch it. I'll do the work and then.

I don't really watch, like, I don't watch Chloe in the wall, go back and watch old highlights in the reality. Oh, yeah, because you guys. set a spin-off too, right? Yeah. What's your relationship with her today? Do you guys talk? No.

No. Is it weird on set, like when you go, or it's kept separate? I haven't seen her until I just did that one episode. And it was awkward for me. Not seeing her for so long. Like, I mean, imagine you going to, you know, hanging out with a girl that you dated in eighth grade. And it was like, you know what I'm saying? Well, the current girlfriend.

would be pissed. Yeah, and then everybody, when it was on tape and you taped it. Yeah, is it weird to have so much of your life and vulnerable moments when you were at your lowest point in life, too, put out there for the world? I think when you make the decision to live it

and you live it, you live the weirdness away. But I think for anybody, it'll be a little weird or awkward the first time. I think as you do it more and more and more and more, you get used to it. Some of us like the camera. Some of us look good on camera.

Some of us, you know, you know, like the attention that reality TV did for them or for others. A lot of people wasn't famous before reality TV. Or you wouldn't know who the fuck they were. If it wasn't for reality TV.

And I'm not just talking about my family. I'm talking about for a lot of people out there who've benefited from putting their life out there. It's like a secret society. What's something you would tell your teenage self if you could go back in time

and sit across from him to that? Don't be scared. The truth that you can speak, that you speak can hold a room and people would listen to your truth. Because a lot of times I think when I've been through in life, if I can share it with people

the ups and downs, They can help motivate a lot of people. And I can really use my life as a motivational tool. I think they'll make me a motivational speaker. But the punk bitch in me can't get over this fear of speaking to people. Even if they're waiting for me, and if they're waiting for you, can't really say anything wrong to an audience. to an audience that's waiting for you.

But I can't really get myself to make this a job of mine. So maybe this interview that I'm doing what you will help me get out my shell. Is it the idea of being in front of a crowd or is it more? I just think it's the crowd. What else could it be? Because you're fine in person. I'm 100% fine in person. Better in person, I think.

Yeah. I don't know. There's got to be people that reach out to you too. to public speak, right? Always. Hopefully you can get me, this could be my audition tape. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Well, people, that's the new wave right now, you know, talking about addiction and prison and everything. I know because I could definitely have my own, that's one of my goals in life is to have my own rehab center, to have a place where I can, you know, make people, the people especially that can't take care of themselves, right? Can't make the switch on to just say no.

To have my own sin and talk daily about how important it is to stay clean and sober. Have you had struggles along your sobriety journey since getting sober? I think every day is a struggle. And I think I tend to put myself in situations. situations that I'm going to have to, you know, use my strong know, which was a lot hard for me at one point in my time, one point in my life. What's your relationship with your kid now? My kids? I was growing every day. They just went back to New York, maybe like a month ago.

Oh, they live in New York? Yeah, they live in New York. Do you come visit at all? Yeah. You got to come and stop by and say hello? Of course. Of course I will. Of course I will. My daughter. is 28 and my son is 23. What do they think of your journey? It's a journey. I was talking to my son the other day.

I was like, my life is kind of like, like, like, black, like, young, like, forest gumpish, like, been so many, like, random places and random things that I've done. I would never think that I would do in life, but, you know, you never know. If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.

I like that. Well, Lamar, I appreciate you come out on the show today, man. I appreciate you more.