Locked In with Ian Bick - Life Shattered: Tragic Motorcycle Accident Sparks Police Harassment | Steph France

Episode Date: August 27, 2024

We explore the heart-wrenching story of a Steph France whose life was forever changed after she accidentally hit and killed someone on a motorcycle. What followed was not only a personal tragedy but also a grueling ordeal of police harassment and legal battles. We discuss the emotional and psychological toll this incident took on her, the challenges she faced in seeking justice, and the broader implications of such life-altering events. This episode is a poignant look at guilt, redemption, and the complexities of navigating the legal system after an unimaginable tragedy. Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Connect with Steph France: https://www.tiktok.com/@kalmkaos3?_t=8pB0vgsru2A&_r=1 https://www.instagram.com/kalmkaos3? Check out her films: https://youtu.be/uFeAFESHijc?si=EpOQG7whJVdrZjTa https://youtu.be/c4St8jawo2Y?si=5ydl8AvJPtqUBMn5 Presented by Tyson 2.0 & Wooooo Energy: https://tyson20.com/ https://woooooenergy.com/ Powered by: Just Media House : https://www.justmediahouse.com/ Creative direction, design, assets, support by FWRD: https://www.fwrd.co Buy Merch: https://lockedinbrand.com Use code lockedin at checkout to get 20% off your order Timestamps: 00:00:00 - Small Town Memories 00:03:12 - Troublemaker in Catholic School 00:06:14 - Bullying and Misdiagnosis 00:09:08 - Transitioning to Public School 00:12:05 - The Accident 00:15:15 - A Traumatic Incident 00:18:34 - Media Coverage and Legal Trouble 00:21:31 - Life Keeps Moving 00:24:43 - Tales from My Teenage Years 00:27:43 - Questioning Mortality and Alternate Scenarios 00:30:40 - Witnessing Graphic Accidents on TV 00:33:58 - Harassment from the Police 00:37:09 - Stalking and Harassment by Police 00:40:10 - Corruption and Abuse of Power 00:43:23 - Overcoming Trauma 00:46:37 - Finding Support in Others Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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And as the odds move, you can buy in or out anytime throughout the post season. For a limited time, download the Kalshi app and use code hoops to get $10 when you trade $10. KLSHI, Kalshi. She, trade on anything. You know Stepford Housewives? That movie? That was based on the town I grew up in.

A lot of, like, very wealthy moms. And a lot of kids that did a lot of drugs. It was a lot of drugs. Hardcore. So everyone was, like, great cars. I had this, like, a little beat up. I had this, like, super old Mercedes 1988. The doors wouldn't open.

It's a sunroof. I had climbing in and out. I had no radio. I had a boom box. I would travel with. So I didn't fit in very well there, but it wasn't bad. It wasn't bad. The old boombox, like we saw in the TV shows and movies.

I had a little black, like, tiny boombox that I would always put tapes in and whatnot back in the day. Remember when a beat was cool? Like the amps in the back you put in a trunk and they were like so loud. That was the hottest thing in the town. In the Jetta. Yep, yep. People would love that. Boom, boom.

It was like, but yeah. Did you have a big face? family growing up, like siblings, mom, dad around? I had my mom. I have an older sister, who's my complete opposite. My dad left when I was eight, but he moved back recently. So that's fun. We get to now, like I know him now, we're reconnecting with hang out. He's very funny. So, but yeah, so he's a small family. I have an uncle, but I don't really talk to him. We haven't talked to him in a long time.

So, yeah, small. How much do you think your dad leaving impacted you as a child? Oh, a bunch. A bunch. It's a big factor because I was also in martial arts for a, like, since I was four. And that was like our thing. So that was right on when I just quit, you know? So, yeah, a lot, a lot.

What kind of martial arts, like karate or something more extreme? Karate. Well, now, I mean, I've done a lot now. I used to teach. So, Shaolin Kempo, Ludukon Kempo, regular boxing, grappling a little bit, jujitsu, some judo.

Judo, I didn't really, wasn't really, it's all like, to me, it's like self-defense. So if you have to wear a ghee and you've got to use it to bring someone down, in real life, you're not going to have a ghee. Like, no one's going to have a ghee in real life, so I didn't really like that.

But the rest of them, yeah. I was supposed to be my whole goal of my dream when I was a kid was to be the female jetly. That was it. And a stand-out comedian. So I was always a weird kid, you know? Yeah, so you're pretty badass. Don't fuck with you. I did a little tag of showman's karate and grappling growing up, grappling, kickboxing, and I did boxing recently.

I'm not really an athletic type kid. I was a theater nerd. I did the musicals all four years of high school. I love. We were actually, on the 48, we might actually get stuck with me. It's possible if we have a musical, if we have to make one, so now I know who to call. Like, you're in it. No, no, no, no, no.

Those years are well behind me. Actually, when I got arrested, I was in my cowboy boots because they needed to put me in shoes without laces. So those were in my closet from when I was in Annie, get your gun. So they had me put those on. That's very cool. It was pretty funny. When you were in high school and growing up, What do you think people would describe you as if we had like your closest friend here with us today from that time?

Oh, man. I was super artistic. I did plays and stuff. Love that. But I was also a big troublemaker. I was not, I have like, they said I had like ODD, which is like oppositional defiance disorder. So I didn't really get along with the teachers. And I was like, I was.

I mean, obviously. I'm very gay. So people were a little rough, but I did go to a Catholic school before that, so it was like easy. But yeah, I was kind of, I was a little bit of a rebel, I'd say. I would just walk out of school if I wanted to. I just did not care, you know. Wait, you just said it was easy to be in Catholic school? No, it was easier to be in the public school rather than, because I went to an all-girl Catholic

before that. That must have been tough. That was like Catholic schoolgirls. Oh my God. Psychologically, they will just, you know, right it. So when I went to, like, they will get to you. But in public school, it was more so physical. So to me, I was like, that's it, dude. Like, that's it. Like, that's really? You know what I mean? So it wasn't that bad for me. So, yeah. Yeah, I can't imagine being at an all-girls school at that age. I mean, kids are mean. And in that setting, they're probably even meaner. Oh, yeah. And all the teachers were nuns married to Jesus, which is okay. That's totally cool. But like, like, they didn't like me because the way I dressed and looked because they just knew they knew it. They knew it was gay. Everyone knew it. And were you know you were back then? Yes. I came out in second grade

to my mom. I didn't know how to pronounce it. I was like, I'm a lesbian. She was like, sweetheart, we all know. Okay. Like I came out of the womb. I have a picture of me like three years old. I had like a like a beater tucked into these like jeans like hiked up high with a belt.

My hair was super short. Like I was just a little, I was a little Lesbo since the beginning. So Was your mom supportive? She was always supportive. My dad, um, iffy, if he, but now he is. You know, he's really, he's, he's a Mormon, he's very conservative.

So he'll say some stuff like, listen, I don't like gay marriage, but you can get married. I'm like, that's not the same dad. That doesn't work that way. So. Why do you think your parents still put you in a Catholic school knowing that you'd probably have a hard time? I think just for the education purposes, like my mom, wanted us to have a really, my sister was super smart, super smart. So I feel like she wanted to send her there because, you know, I was this sister.

I had to go. I had to go with her. But we ended up getting kicked out of there. So. You both got kicked out? They asked politely for us to leave because there were rumors going on that had bars on my windows. Like people thought I was like a witch or something. Like it was terrible. They thought you were a witch.

Yeah, like they were like, oh my God, he's a criminal. I'm like, what? Then there was a rumor where I pushed them. none down the stairs. I was like, where did that happen? I didn't know where. I was like, what? Yeah. So you're like the outcast. Yeah. Oh, yeah, big time. How do you think that affected you mentally at that age?

Um, a lot. A lot. Um, just because I got, just because I have bullied a lot there, you know, which is a lot worse in public school, like I said. Um, I had to get my first fist fight, um, in Barrington with a boy because I had two boys. They experimented with men. They're like, let's just bring two boys. just two boys. And one of them,

Johnny and John A and Jop B, oh, yeah, I'm not going to say that last name's. That was in second grade, first fist fight. That was when it started. My mom got called in, and after that, it was like, they just wanted me out. But so, yeah, being in a tough school and stuff,

kind of makes you a little sick of being bullied, you know? Yeah, now you said they were diagnosing you with some behavior type disorders. Do you think that that was accurately diagnosed or do you feel like when you're young like that they'd kind of just throw stuff out there and you don't really have a chance to say that's not true or maybe that was just a feeling in the moment and not a permanent thing? I think that there are a lot of, I mean, I was diagnosed with like OCD, a lot of different things, but I think there are some diagnosis. They just, because I was

in special education because of my OCD and my ODD. I think it's absolutely overdiagnosed because maybe people just don't want to listen. And like teachers can be nasty, so once you fight with them once, they're like, oh boy, that's it, O DTA. Like, you know what I mean? So, yeah, I think it's, I don't, yeah, I don't really think I have ODD anymore, so I guess it isn't real or it could be real.

I don't want to say anything bad, but you know what I mean? Did your mom and your parents in general just believe in that diagnosis right off the bat? Well, my dad wasn't around, but my mom, she believed yeah yeah I mean I also had to go yeah the OCD I had a lot of problems the kid

a lot of problems but I medicated now and that's the good thing so yeah I feel like there's a lot of kids out there that are just like thrown on to you know meds for behavioral type stuff like I remember dating girls and you know in middle school and high school and they were just like depression they're like throwing out stuff the doctors and they're on all these types of medications

and I wonder like if how accurate that is and if they should actually be on it. That's I feel like a lot of therapists and psychiatrists, they're just like, um, we don't know what to do here. So take some meds. You know what I mean? It's like if you, I feel like if you have to take them, take them. But a lot like hyperactive kids and then just assuming they have ADD or whatever, maybe they just don't like the topic. That's it. I'm not saying it's not real. My stepfather is an ADD specialist of Rhode Island, so I can be very careful what I say. He diagnosed a lot of people.

So I think it's real, but if you're a kid, maybe you just don't like it. You know, maybe you just don't like the class you're sitting in. Yeah. How hard was it to transition from private school and all girls Catholic school to public school? I tried to reduce the bullying because I heard it was like so bad. Everyone was like, oh my God, at public school. And so I tried to be girly. I tried to play straight for a little bit.

And it was my straight phase. So I dressed all girly. Went in after like probably like two months. I was like, I can't do it anymore. I can't do it. But the transition was actually a lot easier. People were just, and I made friends with the bad kids. The bathroom kids, they all hung out and like cigarettes in the bathroom.

That was like my first go-to. I was like, what's up, guys? All the outcasts. So it's like, I liked it a lot better, a lot better. Were you like a goth girl, like in that group that go to Hot Topic or Spencers and dress? With Django jeans or elephant pants? I was, I was in between like, like, ghetto and Gothic. I was in that stage.

You know what I mean? That emo-y, like sagging, oh, sorry, sagging pants, like totally thought out loved rap, like all big gold chains. I just thought I was, I don't know, I wanted to be like a rapper. I don't know. I didn't want to talk about it. You know what? So humiliating. Do you do the gaugged ears at all?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, they shrunk down, though, surprisingly. Oh, really? A lot of my friends, they like pinched in, you know, when they get too big. I tried to do it, but I only got to the first level and I gave up and I'm like, yeah, this is not for me. I wanted to fit into that, like, skater, you know, emo type group because I was in, like, seventh, eighth grade.

You want to be a skater boy? Yeah, I grew my hair out a little bit, and then I put a little. blonde highlights and I look like a chipmunk. My face was really chubby and it wasn't good. I was, I had, I wanted to be Justin Timberlake at one point. So I had, I had super, I used to be really like big. I used to weigh 208 pounds. So I probably contributed to the bullying, bullying. But I wanted to be Justin Timberlake. So I frosted my, I cut my hair and I frosted the tips of my hair. It was humiliating. It was so bad. But I mean, we're all, we're all like that in high school, right?

Yeah. Did you make it through high school okay? Like no issues. It was normal for the most part besides the bullying? But what besides the accident? Because I got into it when I was 17. 17. So take us up until that point in time.

You're 17 years old and your life is for the most part normal. And then one thing happens and it changes drastically forever. And I think it's important for individuals just learned about the people listening. Just learned about your backstory at a pretty normal life minus the bullying. And then all of a sudden something happens. happens. Yeah. And that can happen to anyone. Yeah. So, um, I was, you know, I was like, do you want to talk about the night of like what happened happened? Yeah, or even how you started your day that day. Oh, just normal went to, I think it was a Saturday. So like we used to all hang out in, um,

parking lots of Dunkin Donuts. That was like where everyone was. So I was just like, we hung out there and then my girl for the time, um, needed to be dropped off. So I dropped her off at her house. It was like 11 o'clock, I want to say. So, yeah, I was driving back. And one of my friends, because, like, racing was, like, so cool. You know, everyone was, like, racing. I wasn't because my OCD. So I had to, like, turn.

I was the dorkiest driver ever. I was, like, obeying the speed limit. I always have been. He, like, my friend, like, sped in front of me and took a turn. So I'm, like, laughing. I'm like, okay. Put my blinker on, I turn. And then it okay.

kind of blacks out a little bit. Like I, I felt a glass popping at me. Like, I felt the boom, boom. I think I hit my head against the window or the steering wheel because of my eye was, I had a concussion. My eye was like half shut. It just was like lazy. And it was a, yeah, I pull in, I hear a big bang. I kind of like black out a little bit or either emotionally or, physically. So yeah, I remember sitting in the car and they was just screaming. Like, people just screaming. So my friends start banging the window. At this point, like my ears are like, bang, you know when you're about to pass out and your ears go, bang, and I'm seeing like dots, but I'm just like gripping the steering. I have no idea what happened. My friends ran over. They're like,

oh, it wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault. I was like, what wasn't my fault? And then they're like, you hit somebody. like, or they hit you because they think that it was, I don't want to like, in case they're listening, I don't want to make it seem like, you know, but I was turning and I guess they went up on the sidewalk. People say that he didn't have headlights on. I don't know. I don't remember. But yeah, up on the sidewalk, bounced off my car, hit the windshield, and then fell off of it. So that's what they were telling me. And he was on a motorcycle.

Yeah. People were saying he wasn't running a house. Like there was his people, because he was riding with a few people, they were screaming. They were like, you kill them. He's dead. You're an idiot. Like screaming at me. I was just really confused.

I was so confused because in my mind, I'm like, no, no, no. You know, I was a kid. And you were completely sober. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. answering. I didn't do anything. I didn't drink. I didn't smoke because I would panic too much. So, yeah, sober, everything. I remember looking back, and I swear to God he was sitting up. But I guess that can happen, too.

Like you can have a big brain injury and still be able to kind of like coherently sit up. So I think mentally I was really clung on that. And I was like, well, at least he's sitting up. he's okay um but still i just was in this weird state of mind where i just couldn't you know like kind of in shock i guess um police came uh my mom showed up and she saw my face so she's like you got to get in the ambulance or whatever i was like i want to go home because i was just so i don't know i can't express how I how it felt, I just kept repeating, I want to go home, want to go home. And she's like, you can't, you can't. So I got put on a stretch or whatever in the ambulance. Then I just remember a bunch of lights and the EMT was like, because I just kept screaming.

I was like, I see you're right, see you're right, see you're right. Because then I heard people saying, like, he's dying. As I'm like being pushing the stretch around here and like his friends or whatever being like, he's dying like he's like gurgling or like something like that um so i'm in the stretcher and the and i just kept screaming i was like i see okay is you okay is you okay is you okay and the emt was like we don't know yet then it was quiet and then he's like how's your summer i was like it was good until now so um but he was very nice to me went to the hospital um yeah i he was still alive at that point. So, but again, I think I was clinging on to that.

So I went home. I had to wear that really uncomfortable neck thing. You know what I mean? Yeah, I had to wear it to school. And even then, like, even in school, just didn't hit me. It was almost like it just didn't happen. Like, I woke up, and that was it. My brain was just like, nope.

It was almost like my brain was trying to protect me. It was just like, we're just going to shut it down right here. You're not going to remember anything. Not yet. Did he go to that school? No. Was he older or younger? He was older.

I think he was 20-ish. I don't want to say. They didn't tell me much because I was, because after I found out that he died, I was, like, in a bad state. So, you know, we don't really talk about it. I haven't discussed it publicly. My mom doesn't talk about it with me that much. So, yeah. And did the cops talk to you?

up until that point yet when you went back to school or not at all? So, um, so, so what happened, so when I found out, they didn't talk to me on, on the scene at all. That's a little strange, right? Yeah. Um, but they talked to me a whole lot after, um, anyway, but I'll, you know, I'll go from when I found out that he died. No one really told me I read in the newspaper.

and because I was all over the newspaper because I was 17, they couldn't say my name, but it's like, they made it all my fault. It was all my fault. I was recklessly driving. I didn't use my blinker. I whipped into the parking lot. I hit him head on.

And again, I'm not going to say, I'm not going to point any fingers because I don't want to speak ill of the dead, you know. So it's like, no, no. Like I said, it blacked out. I just don't remember that part, which, sucks. But anyways, yeah, I had a lot of problems with the cops after all the in and out

to court because I was in, out, in, out. And the cops decided that they wanted to make sure that my license got taken. Because before that, his parents wanted to sue my mom for half a million and they also wanted to be charged for manslaughter. But they're deep. But they're deep. their agreement with my lawyer was if I plead guilty to like negligent driving and if I met them in person, they wouldn't sue my mom or go after for manslaughter or anything like that. Because I was like, my lawyer scared me. He was like, you're facing five, you know, years. He's like, so if you want to fight this for five years when they could potentially just say no and like throw you in jail, he's like, do you want this, do you want to come back to court for five years, like over and over?

And they said mentally it was best for me just to move on. USAA knows dynamic duos can save the day, like superheroes and sidekicks or auto and home insurance. With USAA, you can bundle your auto and home and save up to 10%. Tap the banner to learn more and get a quote at usa.com slash bundle. Restrictions apply. The NBA playoffs are here and now you can trade every game on Kalshi. You can also trade on who wins each series, the conference finals, and the championship. San Antonio is currently trading at 22% to win it all, meaning a $100 trade pays out four

55 if they take the title. On Calci, you're training against other people in a live market. No house, no odds makers. And as the odds move, you can buy in or out anytime throughout the post season. For a limited time, download the Calci app and use code hoops to get $10 when you trade $10. KLSHI, Calci, trade on anything. And they never took a statement from you at the scene. Nope.

Nothing. Not even, did they take witness statements for anyone? They did. I think they took his witness statements. I don't remember them approaching any of my friends. Even afterwards, they never approached your friends? I'm trying to remember. They could have after I was in the ambulance,

but I remember talking to them. All they said to me, what I remember is like, license registration, blah, blah, and they were like, you know, where's your mother? You might have to call, you know, not your mother, your parents, may I go to call somebody? And then they just walked away from me, and they were just all over there.

So my mom showed up. It was like just me and a couple of my friends that were trying to explain to what was going on. Maybe it was an age factor, which is why they didn't talk to you. That's possible. Because you were 17. Maybe she could have talked to you.

They could have talked to your mom and she shut it down. It's possible. Very possible. What was going through your mind being 17 and seeing yourself all over the paper in a negative light? I was kind of, no one asked me what happened. No one asked me.

They just went on and just publicized this stuff without even asking me what happened my point of view. And everyone knew it was me because there were so many people there. But yeah, it was kind of like, I didn't really know how to think. You know, I was just like,

I am, my whole life is like, done. That's like how it went in my mind. But life is still moving around you and going on which is it's an interesting concept like that most these traumatic things can happen to an individual

and life is still going. It doesn't just stop. It doesn't pause. It just keeps moving. Yep and that yeah. That was like I feel like I felt like I was stuck in time and everyone was just doing their thing. Yeah. Were kids picking on you or giving you a hard

time because of what happened? And did people know that it was you, even though they weren't saying your name in the papers? People knew it was me because words spread fast in that school. Yeah, at first, because I have PTSD, I didn't know what literally meant post-traumatic. So when my brain shut it down, and then it randomly, it just hit me. Then I started realizing, I was like, everyone's looking at me funny in the hallways. My friends are being, like, weird with me. They're not really wanting to talk to me or hang out with me.

Then they started screaming like murder. Not my friends. My friends, I'll get to that after, but yeah, people were screaming like murder at me in the hallway. I remember about a teacher, a gym teacher, and she came up to me randomly and she was like, so, how does it feel? And I was like, how does, what do you mean? And she's like, you know, killing, killing him. She's like, you know, he was a really good kid.

And I was just like, okay. Yeah. So there's a lot of those kind of moments. And then, of course, people would be calling on my friends, like telling them to ask me, like, how I sleep at night, all that stuff. And then, because I was, yeah, I was very, at that point, I was very quiet. I was getting a lot of death threats. Supposedly, like, his people were going to have guns,

and they were going to come after me. So, you know, I was staying at my girlfriend at the Times house. She wasn't helpful. She was cheating on me at the time. So, yeah, but even people would contact her, and they'd be, like, ask her this and this. And I'm, like, looking at her, ask, you know, and I'm like, why are they saying that?

She's like, well, they're entitled. No, yeah, she was like, you know, people are going to say things. And then even my friends were, you know, not the ones that were there. Not my close, close ones, but my close ones that were on the outside circle. They were like, well, everyone's entitled to their opinions. And that was like a kick in the face, you know. Did your friends stay supportive after it made the papers and people found out what happened?

Or did you see some of them start to distance themselves from you? Well, the ones that were there that saw it, We're still my friends. The other ones kind of, yeah, because I was so, no one wanted to be around me at that point. And, yeah, they kind of separated. What's something you wanted people to know while that was happening? While the people were being mean to you, teasing you, giving you a hard time, what was going through your mind that you wish you could have told people at the time?

My sad story, you know. because I have like OCD and I know that my driving was I always use my blinker. Even I'm pulling to a parking spot. Like I'm just, I was weird like that. I was a little weirdo growing up. In fact, after the accident,

I had to get a medical because I was a special ed. So I had to get a medical because it took me two hours to get to school because I would just do perpetual circles to make sure I didn't hit anything. Because when I was driving, I would hear, like, screaming. I'd hear random bangs.

I'd have to pull over my car. Get out of my car. You know, walk around it. And I just started, it just became really, I like to call it my OCDDDD. It just went in a circle and I just would drive and drive. And then each time I went around, it was like I thought I hit something new.

Had it do another lap. Up, something else, another lap. And like, I never hid anything. But it was just like, my brain was just clinging on to it, you know? Was there? someone for you to talk to, like a therapist or a counselor or someone that was there for you in that capacity? I tried to talk to a therapist. I've had them growing up my whole life. I've had like

13 of them since I was like eight. But this, I remember one in particular that literally, because I wouldn't talk about it. And the whole thing was me to talk about it. So he would just keep pushing and pushing. And I would just keep changing the subject. Let's talk about you. You know what I mean? And eventually he was like, I can't help you anymore. And I was like, what do you mean you can't help me? He's like, I can't help you. You won't talk about it. You won't, you know, I don't know what to do with you.

I really can't help you. I think it's not useful if you keep coming here. And I got mad because I was a teenager. And I was like, I flipped him off and walked out. That was the end of that. There's no, I was looking for groups, people that, you know, went through that experience. were none. I was too embarrassed that if I went to a group, people would know me and, like, argue with me about it. Then I heard from one of my friends that one of her neighbors got into an

accident with the most, like, listen, they died. So we were scheduled to meet, uh, to talk, but then he killed himself. So that was kind of a little bit alone at that point. Did you have any thoughts of self-harm going during during that time period? Yeah. I mean, I think that's probably, yeah, I mean, probably not, it's kind of, I feel like it would be a natural thing for anybody to kind of question their own, you know, mortality because it's like, because you always think to yourself, you're like, am I going to go to hell? You know what I mean? So it's like, your whole existence is just questioned. It's their whole life. Did you think about thoughts of what you? You know, you could have done differently. And when I mean differently, it's more like if I did something

different during that day, like didn't go out, didn't pick up my friend or made a turn or made a wrong turn or something which would have altered the time. Would that situation still happen or would it have happened with someone else? Because those are thoughts like I always play through my mind with scenarios. Like if something was just even a couple minutes off or the outcome could have changed drastically. That was, I'm like, why did I get a coffee? Like, why did I want to coffee. It was late at night. Why would I want a coffee? You know? I just shouldn't, I, I, I don't know why. I can't, I don't drink coffee to this day. So, yeah. No, you, you don't drink coffee to this day. Because of that, you've never had a coffee since. Yeah, I mean, I've had, of course, I've, like, had a sip of black

coffee when I really needed some energy, but I don't, yeah, I don't like drink a coffee. I don't like going to dung a donuts. I don't like going to any coffee places. so yeah I always think about like you know whether you're running out on gas at a certain time or traffic or this or getting a phone call or running late if that prevents you from like that's a universe telling you yep that you have to do this way don't get frustrated follow it this way because it could avoid something else from happening yep and that was one of the big things that I had I was really angry that like the universe kind of because I was like why you know what I mean I just didn't I was so young. I just couldn't comprehend it at that point. So I was just, I got like, I went through those stages. I got like super angry. And then I got sad and then, et cetera.

You said you were going to court. Did you end up getting arrested or charged with anything? No, but they wanted to. But then the parents stepped in and they were like, you know, if she meets us, you know, if we meet her, we won't do anything. So, but I had to plead guilty for, I think it was negligent driving. And I remember seeing the judge and he said something like, he's like, I don't want to do any more damage. You know, so I'm just going to send you these classes. And then once these classes, like four are their kids there.

And they were like drag racers. They were like, oh my God, dude, I hit like 115, blah, blah. I'm like looking around and I'm like, well, I don't understand why I'm here. And then the TV went on and it was just all footage. of like real accidents. And it wasn't like YouTube. It wasn't like blurred out or just really quickly chopped down.

No, it was like motorcycle accidents, a lot of them. And smushed, their faces were just, their brains were spewing out, their eyeballs were popping out, like really graphic stuff. So I to sit through that for a couple days. So that wasn't really funny though.

So this was, since you were 17, seen, did this all get expunged or, like, sealed on your record? Yeah. So if someone were to search for it, it wouldn't even come up. Right. And after that happened, what was it like to meet with his parents? And why did they want to meet with you? I don't, I don't really know.

I think that when they, it was me, my mom, and they came in the room, and the first thing his father said, sorry, I'm a little emotional about it, was, he was like, I just really want to see the face of the person who killed my son. So that hurt a lot. But, yeah, I just kept saying I'm sorry for your loss. Over and over.

And then the mom hugged me, and she was like, I want you to move on from this and be do something big with your life and be somebody live for two she said so sorry

I'm not sure I'm crying your podcast man no no no you're not the first and you won't be the last there's some tissues oh Alan's gonna get Max

I ruined my makeup oh oh why did he do the makeup for you she did it yeah she did my makeup but uh oh I thought you said Alan oh I called her Alan

this is my nickname yeah I call her the short one the little one she's my best friend okay so yeah Alan she's okay with that Oh, she, yeah, she loves it.

Well, no, she doesn't live it. Okay. You guys are an interesting group out there. Yeah. Very supportive, though. Yeah, they're very supportive. I'm thankful for that. I don't even think even they know all the details of it.

So, yeah, they're listening right now, so. Have you talked about it since opened up with anyone after you had that closure of talking to his parents? Yeah, I've, you know, had those. drunk cry sessions where you just burst out and yell it, a lot. I still have them all the time. So, yeah. How does it make you feel when you see on the news of like the individuals that cause an accident where, you know, they are speeding?

Or you see the drag racers or someone loses a life because they're going 120 miles an hour or that newlywed couple where the wife died on her wedding because. because there was a drunk driver that ran into it. And you look at all of these things. And, you know, is there something going through your mind when you see that, knowing that, you know, yours wasn't like that at all, but it was portrayed in kind of the same light by your community. Yeah, I get kind of mad about it.

Because I'm like, you know, like that's bad, junk driving. Like, that's, they messed up, you know. But at the same time, I also know that they're probably being punished enough. You know, their own minds are probably punishing them a lot. So depending on the situation, if they like really met, like drunk driving, that's, yeah, you know. But sometimes I feel bad because I know what that burden is like. The NBA playoffs are here and now you can trade every game on Kelsey. You can also trade on who wins each series, the conference finals, and the championship.

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KLSHI, Calci, trade on anything. Does it ever go away, the feelings that you've experienced? Nope. And how do you cope with them? how do you move forward? What keeps you going? I just pack it in, you know? I pack it in.

I just try not to think about it, but I think about it every single day. And I still have a problem driving. I didn't even get into the police and what they did after it because they were made things a lot worse. They were just being in, yeah. I'd go to court for that.

to get them away from me because... What happened with the police? So after the accident, they randomly, I don't know why, but it became like their mission was to take my license. So they wanted to catch me doing anything, anything. And it's a small town. So they have nothing better to do. You know what I mean?

They can't really find the drugs. People are doing drugs in their houses. So I was always driving around. But yeah. So they would follow me from school. There was one parked, and then once I turned my car on, one of them would pull up, and then I'd pull up, and then one would be behind me. And they'd follow me everywhere.

I got pulled over for doing 27 and 25. In the middle of the winter, I mean, he was sitting on my hands. I couldn't put a sweatshirt on. They did a search because they told me I'd have to wait for two hours for a girl officer. Like, you don't want to be sitting out here in the cold. do you? And I was like, no. So I let them search me. But they followed me. They pulled me over so many times. And every time I saw them, one time they pulled me over, my mom, my mom gave me cookies, a bag of of cookies, right? And they got crumbled. I was at the park with my friends, and they pull up

with their little, they used to wear sweaters like party patrol, because there's so many parties there. Dorkiest thing ever. I don't know why they wore them, but came out of the woodwork, like out of the bush, with their like bikes or whatever. They're like, oh, Miss France. Oh, fancy this is you here. I'm like, what a surprise, you know. They opened my car and they found the cookies and one guy pulls it out and he's like,

oh, you're so screwed. You're so screwed right now. I was like, am I? He's like, oh, you're so done. And I'm like, their oatmeal cookies. And then his partner was like, smell them. He did. And he's like, well, next time, you know,

have some full ones in here. And I was like, what, dude? Like, it was just that. And so it got so bad. Even when I was going shopping, they'd wait for me outside. And they'd be like, oh, let me see your license. Like, why? You still got it?

Oh, what a shame you still got it. The speed and take it when I was doing 27 and 25, when I went to court, the lawyer was like telling his story. Then I told mine, and I had witnesses. and the judge goes, well, I have an officer telling me a story. I'm going to believe him. Like, he's his own, like he doesn't need a, you know what I mean? It was just like not really fair.

And then, because the officer kept being like, it has nothing. I don't even know about her accident. I don't even know. However, afterwards, I'm walking out. And he's like, we just don't want her hurting anybody else, Your Honor. And I was like, okay. So my mom is an attorney. So she had to go in the court and tell a judge that they were,

were just stalking me. They were just stalking me. And yes, the judge had to tell them to leave me alone. At that point, we changed my license plate and then we moved to East Greenwich to get away from it because they were really bad. So yeah, they were not very nice, not very nice. Why do you think they were so hard on you? Do you think that in their mind they had already made up that you were the guilty party of that accident and they made it their mission to come after you? Oh, yeah. Yeah, because the article, I mean, they were just all, you know, she was speeding and didn't put her blinker on and just all this like stuff. And so they probably read it.

Yeah, and they just hated me. So maybe they even knew the parents. I don't know. I don't know. How did that make you feel about police in general and law enforcement as you got older? Do you have like a chip on your shoulder about it? Or have you been able to move past that aspect of it? That town, those cops, no.

I don't think I'll ever, I don't even like, I haven't driven there and I barely drive now, but I haven't gone down there in years. I'm going to avoid that place because they're probably still officers. I like police officers. They can be kind of cool. Some of them cannot be. And so I'm very cautious when I talk to any police officer now. And I'm always afraid that they'll look at my license and recognize me or something like that.

But, yeah, so I don't really hold a grudge. Because I know there are cool ones out there somewhere, somewhere. But, yeah, so I don't like the whole grudges, unless it's them. I just don't want to go back there. When you do see police misconduct on TV, does it, are you more understanding of that, that it is real and it does happen because of the situation you were in? Oh, absolutely. Oh, yeah.

Because there are some people that believe that, you know, it can't be the police. They do nothing wrong. like they're all good. And that's not necessarily the case. There is a wide level of corruption out there. It does happen. It is very real. Oh, yeah.

And they could be really nasty too. And they abused their power. And that's why I had to leave. You know, police shouldn't bother people so much that they have to leave. Because I, how could you, I have to hit like 25 exactly. Like 27, 25? Once my friend was eating a lollipop. and he's like, oh, that's that Coke?

Oh, Steph, you have coke in your car? I'm like, why is there coke in a lollipop? Like, why would that even be a thing? Like, that's how they were trying real hard to catch me with something. Yeah. Did the friends that you lost because of this ever come back into your life? We're friends on Facebook. We don't talk much.

I have a friend that she lost her sister. shortly after in a more not a motorist like just a car accident and I guess her sister got like ran off the road and I remember hearing all around school they're like everyone thinks it was you so but I don't think she believes that she's my friend on Facebook and she's never been mean to me so I don't think came from her you know yeah yeah I mean when I when I was going through my stuff I lost a ton of people who I thought was my friend who kind of talked badly about me and now that my life has changed they're starting to kind of weasel their way back in. But I'm wiser now and no not to do that.

And it's always funny you see how the support shifts, especially on social media. One second they're bashing you when you do something wrong and then the next second when you're back on top, they're all in your good graces. Yep, because, yeah, I'm making films now and they're winning a lot of stuff. And now everyone's like, oh, oh, he's Steph. And I'm like, oh, hi, how are you?

You know? Now, if you had a daughter right now and she was going through something similar, what would you say to her in those moments to kind of help her navigate through it? That's tough. I'd probably say, don't kill yourself, first off,

and that things get better, you know, eventually, eventually. I mean, you always think about it, but you handle it better. You know, you learn, it's kind of, try to move on as best you can. That's, yeah. Is there something you wish your mom had done differently to help you get through it now that you're older?

Not really. Not really, because it got so bad, you know, I was so distraught for so long that my mom, who's lover, my best, she's awesome. She actually did me a favor because she, I was, I was crazy. Because once I moved to East Greenwich, for four years, I didn't have any friends. It's like everyone just kind of really vanished. Like I still had my good friends, but it just dwindles. So I was by myself for four years, like by myself.

Like I read a bunch of books. And so she did me a favor. And one time I was upset because I heard someone say something about it, through the grapevine. And she just said, she's like, stop. crying. Knock it off. Time to move on. Move on. And I think that was just some tough love. And I think that made a big difference because I, yeah, I wouldn't want to be a person who's still, you know, I was about to say still crying over it, but I just did. You know, still so stuck in it. You know, so that really helped me get out of it. What about your dad?

Did what happened to you help bring him back into your life at all at that time? Or was he still kind of distant? He's still distant because he lived in New Jersey, so I didn't really see him much. He left when I was nine. Yeah, and I saw maybe once or twice a year. Do you wish you had that father figure to help get you through that to be there for you to protect you? Sure. You know, and then I find out literally like probably three years ago, no, probably four years ago.

He told me, oh, the, I think a sergeant or captains with my good buddy. my frat buddies or something like that. And I was like, what? He's like, yeah. Why didn't tell me they were picking? I would have went right to him. And he's like, I spoke to him. And he's like, oh, that's your daughter?

I wish you told me. I would have left her alone. I'm like, dude, you know? But yeah. Have you and your dad had that conversation in death about what happened? Not really. We don't really talk about it. I just don't really talk about it much.

Still. Well, you're doing a great job. I'm doing it right now. Does it feel good being able to talk about it openly? Yeah, it feels good because I, you know, I really wanted the people to know, you know, because that guy killed himself and the thoughts there. And I don't, I didn't have a community or like anything like that. So anybody else is going through it.

I just want to let them to know. I want them to know not don't, don't do anything stupid, you know. It'll get better, a little, you know. NBA playoffs are here, and now you can trade every game on Kalshi. You can also trade on who wins each series, the conference finals, and the championship. San Antonio is currently trading at 22% to win it all, meaning a $100 trade pays out $455 if they take the title. On Kalshi, you're trading against other people in a live market, no house, no odds makers. And as the odds move, you can buy in or out any time throughout the post season. For a limited time, download the Kalshi app and use code hoops to get $10 when you trade $10. KLSHI, Kalshi, trade on anything. The NBA playoffs are here, and now you can trade every game on Cali.

You can also trade on who wins each series, the conference finals, and the championship. San Antonio is currently trading at 22% to win it all, meaning a $100 trade pays out $455 if they take the title. On Calci, you're trading against other people in a live market, no house, no odds makers. And as the odds move, you can buy in or out any time throughout the post season. For a limited time, download the Calci app and use code hoops to get $10 when you trade $10. KLSHI, Calci, Trade on Anything. It's still tough. It'll always be tough, but it gets better. Now, when you meet someone new, say, like in your scenario, a girlfriend, when you're getting into a new relationship, what's it like to share the trauma from the past with that new person and let them in?

Because, you know, part of getting into a relationship is the other person needs to understand why you operate a certain way, why you tick a certain way. And a lot of that has to do with your past and your trauma. And that as we get older, we realize how we have to handle it and share that with others. What has that been like for you? If at all, you've been able to open up to someone about it. I had an ex that I, a girl that dated after the accident. Not helpful. Not helpful.

Actually, her friends were like threatening me and she just let it happen. And her thing was, again, they're entitled to an opinion. As they grew older than my girlfriend now, super supportive. And she loves to drive. So it's like we're a match. Like, it works, because I hate driving now. Still, so she loves it. She's always like, I want to cruise.

I'm like, good, perfect. I'll just sleep in the passenger. Like, that works. So she's super supportive, which I'm grateful for. Because I didn't want to tell her, I told her. Again, like, you know, especially you have a couple of wines, get a little talkative. Then, and usually it was like, I had a reminder of it somewhere. You know, like a motorcycle would pass by.

or I saw some on a TV about a motorcycle accident. And then I would just like kind of blurt it out. And yeah, I'm lucky. She's super supportive. So, yeah. No, something I've learned in life and just talking to individuals on the show is that the worst things that happen to us turn out to be the best things. And they have a reason for why we experienced that and went through that.

Reflecting back on it now, why do you think that that happened to you? I think I have a lot of messages that I need to say. And I think if I didn't talk to his mom, I don't think I would have been so driven to help people and to make films with really good messages. I just don't think I would have the drive. So, you know, I don't want to say everything happens for reasons. I hate using it in this situation

because I wish it didn't happen. But it put me on a certain line that is good, you know, because I wouldn't have had the gumption or even the idea, really, to start making films. Yeah, it's a tough crossroad. Like, I think about, you know, my past and you think about your past and you're like, I really wish that didn't happen.

But how can I take that back when I have this now? Yeah. And you apply that to everyone who shares such a traumatic story. And, you know, it's just, it's tough. It's a crossroads because you don't want to say that it's okay that that happened. But at the same time, if you take that away out of your life, you're not the same person you are now. You don't have the people around you that you have now. And life is just different.

So it's such a big part of us, you know, and those bad times are important. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, like I said, I feel like I would have been a massive troublemaker if I didn't have this kind of set me on a path where I was like, all right, I got to be someone big now. I got to do something big. So it helped me in a way, but did not at the same time. Well, Steph, thank you so much for trusting me with your story today.

And thank you for sharing and best of luck in your film career. Looking forward to seeing some of your work. We'll have your links in the description. description of this episode. And I wish you the best. But thanks for having me all. I really appreciate it.