Locked In with Ian Bick - Love Behind Bars: Getting Married In Prison | Natasha Baxter

Episode Date: January 7, 2024

Join us in this eye-opening episode as Natasha Baxter shares her captivating journey of love and sacrifice. She opens up about her unexpected connection with a man sentenced to a lengthy prison term, their unconventional love story that led to a prison wedding, and the challenges she faces as a devoted prison wife. Tune in as Natasha paints a vivid picture of the highs and lows of her life, from the emotional rollercoaster visits behind bars to the unwavering commitment that keeps their relationship thriving against all odds. Join this channel to get early access to new episodes & Behind the Scenes Content: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRvVklIft6DMelVW18M0oBw/join Big thanks to FACTOR for sponsoring this episode. Visit https://www.factor75.com/pages/podcast?c=LOCKEDIN50&mealsize=8-1&c_comms=PERCENT&utm_source=podcast&utm_medium=cpm&utm_campaign=podcast50off&utm_content=act_podcast_podcastads&vs_campaign_id=07a8da85-76a7-4540-8dc1-4e6861f6b4c8 and use code lockedin50 to get 50% off your first box. Follow Ian Bick on Instagram: @ian_bick & Snapchat: ianbick Buy Merch: https://lockedinbrand.com Use code lockedin at checkout to get 20% off your order Connect with Ian Bick: https://www.ianbick.com Chapters: 00:00:00 - Intro 00:07:03 - Reconnecting After Many Years 00:09:26 - A Beautiful Genuine Heart 00:11:52 - Finalizing Plans to Go to Prison 00:14:10 - Recognizing the Connection 00:16:25 - Making my own decisions 00:18:42 - Convenient and Nutritious Meal Delivery 00:21:05 - Taking a Chance and Making Sacrifices 00:23:34 - Family Visitation in Prison 00:25:53 - Personal Experience with DWI 00:28:22 - Dealing with Judgmental People in Relationships 00:30:53 - Witnessing the Arrest 00:33:12 - Friends and Family Support in Times of Crisis 00:35:26 - Support in Prison 00:37:55 - Long-distance Relationship Challenges 00:40:10 - First Visit to Elmyra Prison 00:42:38 - Visiting in Prison 00:44:57 - Favorite Snacks in Prison 00:47:12 - Issues with Male Guards and Unequal Treatment 00:49:27 - Visiting During the Holidays 00:51:37 - Prison Wedding and Dealing with Guards' Moods 00:53:49 - The Process of Getting Married in Prison 00:56:08 - Disorganized Entrance to the Prison 00:58:24 - The Risk of Bringing Contraband into Prison 01:02:54 - Wedding Plans and Understanding Prison Life 01:05:25 - Finding Strength in Difficult Times 01:07:44 - Supporting Your Partner in Difficult Times Powered by Creative Evolution Studios https://creativeevolutionstudios.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So you guys get married in prison. Yeah. How does that work? How did you guys decide to do that? And what was that wedding like? So he asked me to marry him and I said yes. I mean, obviously I wasn't, you know, he wasn't really able to propose to me like in the prison, like on a visit because the CEO probably would have tackled him. So he didn't do that.

But yeah, he asked me to marry him and I said yes. Join us today in this eye-opening episode. as Natasha Baxter shares her captivating journey of love and sacrifice. She opens up about her unexpected connection with a man sentenced to a lengthy prison term, their unconventional love story that led to a prison wedding, and the challenges she faces as the devoted prison wife. Tune in as Natasha paints a vivid picture of the highs and lows of her life from the emotional roller coaster visits behind bars

to the unwavering commitment that keeps a relationship thriving against all odds. I'd like to thank my friends over at Factor, America's number one ready-to-eat meal delivery service. With Factor, skip all the meal prep hassle and get Factor's delicious, fresh, never-frozen meals delivered to your door. Head over to FactorMeals.com slash Locked in 50 and use code Locked in 50 to get 50% off. Big thanks to Factor for sponsoring today's episode. We're coming up on our 100th episode and one-year anniversary of launching the podcast, and I have a guest coming back on the show that I think you're all going to love and appreciate.

Remember to follow me on Instagram, Ian underscore Bick, and DM me who you think I should interview in 2024. I try to read all your guys' DMs to me and get back to you as soon as I can. Hope you sit back, relax, and get ready to lock in with Natasha Baxter. Natasha, welcome to Lockton.

Thank you. Thanks so much for driving out here today. So I met you on TikTok. Yes. You commented it on one of my videos. What was your comment? It was something about your husband in prison. Like something stuck out about it.

To be honest, I don't even know. I swear, I have like the brain cells of like, I don't know. Well, whatever it was, I posted a video and you commented on it. And I DM'd you right away. Yeah. Because of your story of how you're married to someone who's in prison. And then I think I saw one of your, some of your videos are about. going to visit him.

Yes. Like you reflect back on having a visit and whatnot. Yes. And you thought I was spam when I reached out to you. I did. I was like, what? I'm like, there's no way he's reaching out to me. I was like, I had a double check.

I'm like, oh my God, this is really him. And then you said you had to check with your husband to make sure it was okay and whatnot. Yeah. I just wanted to check with him to, you know, see if he was comfortable with me coming on here and kind of, you know, just talking a little bit about my experience and, you know, certain things that he might go through and he does go through. So I just had to get the okay from hubby first and they go through with it. I love that.

You have such like great energy. Thank you. Thank you. And you could tell like watching through someone's videos what a person's like. I always tell people I'm like people get to know me through my videos. Right. So you feel like you know someone through that, which is like the power of like social media and and TikTok in general. Exactly.

When did you first like stumble across the podcast and the clips? Oh my God. I don't even remember to be honest with you. I actually like file quite about. bit of people like, you know, prison talk videos and just profiles and stuff because I kind of like to get like a better perspective from like other people that have actually been incarcerated before. So I can just kind of get an idea of like what my husband might be going through and the things that he might be encountering that he may not be able to tell me, you know, especially being over the phone and

the calls being recorded and stuff and just maybe him not even being comfortable with saying certain things. So it's just kind of nice to see that and get like a different perspective from other people. Who's your favorite creator? You don't have to say me. I won't feel bad. Actually, I like, I like Jay Williams and I know he was on yours, right? Yeah. He's only on really YouTube, really. He has a TikTok. Yeah, he does. Yep. But yeah, Jay Williams, actually like Big Herk 9162. I'm you. I mean, of course I'm going to see you because hello. I've been top three. Yeah, definitely. But I would say, I forgot what his name is.

He was like, I think Rochester, like, Blood on the Razor Wire. Chad. Yes. Great guy. His YouTube. Yes, him too. I actually wanted to buy his book to just check it out. But I'll get there.

I'll get there. Yeah, he's a really good dude. I had him on the show. Yeah, yes. We stay in touch. And, like, I didn't know what to expect going into it. But he's like, because the way prison YouTubers are, like, they're portrayed a certain way. But when you meet them, they're very much different.

He's just like a real dude in that. sense. And have you heard a 1090 Jake? I think I have. It kind of rings a bell, but not like. Yeah, he's another big prison YouTuber and we just had him on. He was like nothing what I expected in a good way. Yeah. Just, you know, just how they present themselves, how they look and whatnot. Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Because like their personalities are like so much like, I don't know, like you wouldn't expect it to be that way. Yeah. You know, you expect them to be like maybe more closed off and like not as like talkative. Yeah.

Yeah. But I think it's so cool that we have you on the show. Like I've been looking forward to this interview since we talked because everyone's been asking for this. Yes. Everyone wants to know what it's like to like have a loved one in prison and to talk about it and everything like that. So I think the viewers are really going to connect with you on this. And just see like that loyalty and passion and love. It's like a little love episode, you know, right around the holidays.

Yeah. So where are you from? Where did like you grow up? So I'm from Syracuse, New York. That's where I grew up. That's where Carmel Anthony, you know, played Eschew. I think Vanessa Williams used to go to Eschew there. Taye Diggs, they're like Vanessa Williams is an actress and Taye Diggs is an actor.

He went to Eschew and she went to Eschew too. So that's what Syracuse is, you know, primarily known for is Syracuse University, Eschew campus, the basketball players. So, yeah. And what year were you born, like, about? I was born in 1989. 1980. So you're a few, I'm 95.

You're a few years older than me. Yep. 80s baby. How did you meet your current husband? So me and him actually, we were childhood friends. I've known him since I was like 15 years old. We grew up in the same neighborhood. We grew up in Eastwood Homes together.

So it's not a really, it's not a bad area of Syracuse. It's actually in like a pretty quiet, low-key area. I mean, now it's, well, it's not too bad now because my mom kind of still lives over there in that area too. so but it's not like a bad area um yeah and how did like you guys reconnect after all those years because you guys didn't stay together like the full time oh no oh my god so we it's so weird because like we were friends and then you know like we kind of had like crush on each other but like i don't know like it was kind of like we didn't really take it kind of to that level because you know we were still so kind of like young you know but like i hung out with him a couple times

I met his mom. And he ended up moving eventually. And I went to the other house that he had went to and hung out with him there. And then that's, you know, he like kissed me. And I was like, oh, my God. And then we lost contact, which was weird. And then, like, a couple years later, we would get back in contact with each other. So it was like we would reconnect and disconnect and reconnect.

And then one time we disconnected, he actually went to Puerto Rico and stayed there for, like, little while with some of his family. And then I would say like a couple years after he ended up coming back to Syracuse and stayed there. And yeah. So it was like a multi-year situation. Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

I mean, you know, he had his little situations and I had my situationhips, whatever. But, you know, that's what happens. Do you believe, like, someone that's meant for you will automatically, like, gravitate back towards you? I 100% believe that. If it's meant to be, it will happen. if it's, yeah. Do you think it like requires, though, like,

timing and also, like, certain people putting in a little bit of effort, or do you think it just naturally happens? I think it could be both. Yeah, I think it could be both. I think it just depends on, you know, the mind frame of both of the, you know, individuals and I guess kind of where they are, like, mentally in their own lives. Yeah. Yeah.

When did you realize, like, he's the one that you want to marry? Like, this is the man. It's just, man, so I'm going to kind of tell you, like, you know, with us reuniting. So basically, I would say when I saw him at his mother's funeral, and that's when me and him reunited, like after a couple years of us, you know, not seeing each other. And it's just seeing him like that in such, like, a vulnerable state because I was never used to seeing him like that before. Like I was, you know, if you, like, anybody that sees him would be like, oh, my God. Like, he just, why does he ever smile?

He looks so mean. Like, he does. But he is, like, he has such a beautiful, genuine heart, you know. And it's like, immediately, like, when he saw me and I saw him, it's like, I could see even though in that moment of sadness, like, I saw him light up when he saw me. And he was just like, Natasha, oh my God. I'm like, hi. You know? So I think it was like kind of there just seeing that, you know, how he was so vulnerable at that time, you know.

And then just even after her funeral and just being with him and helping him grieve through that because, I mean, it's not easy. I've never had to deal with the loss of a parent. So I couldn't even imagine the things that he was going through internally, mentally, mentally, and then having to get prepared to go to prison. You know, so he just had so much going on and just, like I said, just that moment of vulnerability, that's really kind of what captured my heart. And the fact that, you know, he's good looking, little easy on the eyes. Did you know when you reconnected that you were going to marry him? No, I did not.

Like, I actually told him, it's just, it was the weirdest thing because I was like, you know, I was like, I don't want a relationship. I just, you know, we can be friends. And, you know, I said, I understand, you know, Because in the beginning, he told me he was going away, but I didn't know he was going to prison. But he eventually told me he was like, I'm going to prison. I thought he was like moving in a different state. I was like, oh, yeah, it's okay.

And he's like, I'm going to person. I'm like, oh, okay, well, I can still write you, you know, maybe see you or whatever. And then, yep, I ended up falling in love with him. So when you reconnected, he was already found guilty or took a plea deal of whatever he was going through. Yes, yes. Was he up front with you about that, like, right away? Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.

I mean, it's like cut to the chase there, you know? Like, what's the point of playing games? Because he didn't have much time. Like, his, I think his mother's funeral was like November 12th. And he went to prison in January, like January 21st. So his case had concluded. Yeah, everything was like, yeah, everything was finalized. Like, he knew the date he was going in.

And they actually, the judge actually postponed him. going because he was actually supposed to go earlier, but because he talked to his lawyer and the judge basically was like, okay, I'll give you an extension because, you know, he had to get everything situated, you know, with the death of his mother. And then, you know, his dad moving and just having to get like the little bit of things together before he went away. So it was nice on the judge's end because he really didn't have to do that, but he did. So, you know, my husband and I were really like appreciative of that. Were you guys spending like a lot of time together?

Oh yeah, definitely. Right when you guys reconnected. Oh yeah. Yeah, definitely. I mean, I work a lot. So it was just kind of hard for me to like work and see him. But like literally after I would work, I would like go right to his house after I would get done working. Or I would like go home and then get changed, get dressed and then go right to his house and then just stay there with him until it was time for me to go to work.

And then I would go to work and do the same thing. When he told you about his situation, was that a turn off, a turn on? Like, how did that make you feel? I mean, I wouldn't really say it was a turn-up. I was kind of, like, shocked, honestly. But, like, he, like, I mean, I know he, you know, when we were younger, he's, like, a little rough on the, you know, roof on the edges or whatever. So, I mean, I'm not saying it was a surprise, but I just, I wasn't expecting him to say that.

Like, I said, I was just expecting him to say, you know, that he was moving out of town. Like, I didn't think he was saying he was going to prison. I'm like, oh, shit. Oh, this is different. Do you think it lightened the load on you because you knew who he was as a child or like before he got involved in anything? Oh, absolutely. I just, I was just like, I mean, hey, it is what it is. You know, like, like I said, I'm like, I'll come visit you here and there.

Like, not as often as I do now, but, you know. You had to sign up for a lot really getting into this. I had absolutely no idea what I was signing up for when I, just the whole organization. deal of everyone's arm like hit the mic. No, you're good. But yeah, I, oh my God, yeah. Yeah, it's been a roller coaster. How do you think you went from saying, I don't want a relationship, which is always the terrible when women say that, by the way, from saying that to all of a sudden, like, you're committed, you guys are getting married and you're... Tocovus is the go-to for premium handcrafted Western boots.

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Yeah, it's just, I mean, like, we just had, like, our connection. It's just, when you have that connection with somebody, it's like, you know, it's just like, bam, you know, you just, there's no question. It's like, you just, you know, you know that's your person. And I knew immediately, like I said, even after the funeral once me and him just talked, and I had that intimate, you know, those intimate moments with him, I knew right then and there. Like, he's my person, you know, even, and this was like, we didn't even talk about marriage like that.

Like, I just, I was just like, okay, you know, we can, you know, be together. Let's do this, you know. Do you think sometimes it takes someone a little bit longer to realize that's their person? Like if someone, it sounds like he knew in the beginning and maybe you were a little hesitant. I think the reason why is because he told me that, you know, he's never really had a woman be there for him, especially the way that I was, and especially in such a vulnerable moment that he was in, you know, because you're not going to expect, like,

a childhood friend or somebody from your past just automatically come into your life and then just be there through everything. So that was, like, really unexpected of me from his point of view because he thought, like, you know, I would talk to him for a couple months and I'd be like, bye. You know what I mean? Because so many women do that, you know,

when they're with. somebody and then they say, oh, prison, and then women are so quick. They're just like, okay, bye. Like, no, I'm going to get me a man, you know, free on the streets. And it's just when you have that connection with somebody, you know, okay? Even if you're in prison or you go away, like, we'll do this together. Like, you know? Yeah.

What did your parents or your family think when you, when you tell them this news? So my, my mom wasn't, she was like, you know, maybe you guys should wait. And so he comes home and I'm like, mom, like, he's, I'm not waiting all this. Like, I'm not going to be there for him. Like, I'm not going to hold him down while he's incarcerated and I'm not married to him. Like, and it's not even something that I put on him saying, hey, we got to be married if I'm going to hold you down. Like, that was, like I said, never, like a conversation with him in prison. But she basically was just like, yeah, you know, like, I think you guys should wait, you know.

And a couple, a lot of people were just like, you know, oh, you know, like some of my friends are like, oh, I don't know. maybe you should, you know, maybe you should rethink this. And I'm just like, this is my life, you know, like, I'm an adult and I can make my own choices. And if things don't go right, then they don't go right. And if they do go right, then I'll take that chance, you know, because in love and in relationships, you have to take chances. If you never take a chance, then how will you know it's going to, you know, manifest into something? Yeah.

You know? And then my dad, like, I'm like, I don't, I'm not really on, like, speaking terms with him. And it doesn't have to do with that situation. It's just always been like a very, like, weird relationship between me and him, even since I was a child. Just very, like, inconsistent in and out of my life all the time. But there was actually that moment where I was on speaking terms with him. And I told him, I said, hey, dad, like, I'm getting married, you know, to him. And he just, he was shocked.

And he was just like, well, okay. I mean, like, I ended up getting his blessing, which I wanted, but even if I didn't get his blessing, I still would have went through with it. Because like I said, it's my life, it's my decision, and, you know, that's, I mean, that's just how I feel. Hang on one second, folks. Let me tell you about one of my New Year's resolutions.

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Like you're taking a big risk on him because he could be an entirely different person when he gets out. Yeah. I mean, that's, that's, and I'm glad that you said that because there's actually been quite a bit of women that, you know, I'm, you know, on a couple like prison wife face, you know, Facebook groups and even like prison wives that I follow on TikTok. Some of them have stories where, oh, when he was in prison, he was one person. And when he came out, he completely just flipped on me and just was a completely different person. And it's just like, that's a chance you have to take. You know, it's like some women are extremely confident. they're like, oh, I know my man would never do that. I know. But it's usually the women who say, oh, my man would never, and their man are nevering. And they would do that. And they have done that.

So I think, like I said, you just have to take that chance and you have to really have that connection and know your person, you know. And also being willing to make sacrifices because you're giving up your emotional and physical needs by also taking a risk in this person too. Absolutely. Yeah. 100%. You guys get married before he goes to prison.

No, we got married at the prison. Okay, perfect. So we'll get into that. So how much time was he sentenced to? He was sentenced to seven, but he's doing six. Okay. Yeah, yep. Six years?

Yes. Will he get out earlier than six years? We're hoping that he will have work release. So, I mean, the thing is there's so many positives that are going for him right now. He's in his programs. He completed one of his programs. I believe it's ASAT or ART. I don't know.

There's like so many programs. It's like so hard to like keep track of all of them. But he had, he did complete one of his programs. So I was really happy and proud of him for that. He's doing, um, AA right now.

It's just certain programs that he has to complete in order for us to possibly get our family visits because we're in New York State. We are one of the states that qualify to get family visits. And not all prisons allow us. you know, incarcerated men to get family visits. So he just happens to be at a particular prison that allows, you know, certain individuals to get them. But he's doing really good.

He's in the honor dorm. He's doing his programs. He's in school. He has no major write-ups, like no write-ups at all. So he's doing everything he needs to, in order for us to possibly get those visits. What's a family visit? So a family visit is basically like family members can come to or, husband and wife, you know, him and me.

And basically you're like in a trailer and it looks like a home, like a little house. Oh, there have that? Yeah. That's so cool. Yeah. I think there's like four states that actually allow. I know it's New York State, California, and I don't know what the two other states are. But yeah, it's, I've heard some pretty, pretty good things about them.

Are there cameras? I don't think so. I would hope. So it's just like a private, like you guys. could do whatever, have a conversation, anything? Well, yeah. I mean, I've heard that, like, they have, like, count. So anytime, I don't know if there's, like, a phone that's in the actual trailer

and they have, like, the phone call and they have to pick up, like, hey, you got to go outside. So I think he just would have to go outside. And then, like, every time there's count, he has to go outside and make sure that he's seen by a guard. But, like I said, I don't know if that's how the dynamics work because I've never had a family visit before. Yeah. How long are you allowed to have a family visit before? is it for from what you've like read about it or heard about it? I think from what he said is two days. I think it would be like because I think he said you would go like I could choose if I wanted to go on a

weekday or a weekend and I think he said it's like three days. So I would go there the one day. That would be counted as one day. And then the next day I think it would be one day. And then the next day I'd have to wake up at like nine o'clock or eight o'clock in the morning. and then leave. You sleep there in this trip? Yeah. You stay the night there. That's so cool. Yeah.

And even like family members get come. I mean like there's some women that are like, you know, they have kids. They can have their kids come there and stay the night and like play games, watch movies, listen to music. They can bring food in and cook. Like you can bring actual real food, not prison food. Yeah. And cook.

Yeah. And it was on the prison compound itself, like on the ground. Yeah. Yeah. Well, no, no. It's, I think it's a different. prison that it's at from what I was told, but I mean, it's not really too far from where that is. I've never heard of this before. That's so cool. Yeah. You know, like in federal prison,

we're just sneaking off the grounds to do all this at a local motel. Oh my God. So what kind of crime did he commit? Was it like violent drug offense? So it was, it was a drug offense, but it, well, yeah, it was a drug offense and also he had a gun charge in the second degree. Yeah. So, because he was previously incarcerated before and that was a gun charge. So now he had a second offense. Exactly. So he got hammered kind of for the. Yeah.

It's like, you know, you think you would have learned your last one the first time. But, you know. And that didn't make you feel any differently about him, the charge or anything? No, I don't know. I just, I'm not the type of person that is judgmental, you know, because like I said, I'm going to be completely honest with you. You know, you asked me when we were in your office before. about if I had any, you know, if I got arrested or anything, I did.

You know, I ended up getting a DWI. This was a long time ago. This was like back in like 2000 and like, I think 15, 14-ish. And it was a nightmare. It was like I never thought that it would have ever happened to me. Like if a person was to look at me, they probably would be like, Natasha, really? It just, and it's crazy because I remember that night, like, I remember everything that night.

Like I wasn't blasted drunk and, like, blacked out and didn't know. Like, I know. I remember everything that happened that night. You know, I got pulled over by two state troopers because I was doing 10 over the speed limit. And I was just blasting my music, not paying attention and just, you know, being stupid. And, I mean, New York State, they don't play about that. So I got hammered. Like, I had to take a drug and alcohol abuse.

I had to go to a drug and alcohol abuse counselor. I had to go to a drug panel where I had to pay. obviously I had to pay everything out of pocket. I had to pay DMV fees. I had to pay lawyer fees. I got my license suspended. And I ended up having to go to like a, it's like a drug panel thing where you have to go to like the Justice Center. And they have people that have like family members of people who have gotten killed from drug drivers.

So it's like they put you there to kind of guilt trip you. You know what I mean? Which I get. I completely understand, you know, because DWI is nothing to play around with. You know, like, you could put yours, I could have killed myself. I could have killed somebody else. Even though I was completely like, I was aware of my surroundings. I knew what I was doing. I was just speeding.

So. Do you think because you went through that, it was easier for you to kind of, you know, still have love for him and look at what he didn't accept that? I mean, it's just, I mean, it's not even that. It's just I'm just not a judgmental type of person. You know, I try not to judge people based on things that they've done because I don't know what an individual has gone through, you know. And plus I'm, you know, I kind of grew up kind of in like rough neighborhoods as well. So I, you know, was kind of more aware of like, you know, not me knowing people per se that, you know, dealt drugs and stuff like.

that or was into criminal activity, but it's just I was around individuals that kind of knew other people that did things like that. So it's not like that was kind of new to me, if that makes sense. It's like I knew somebody that knew somebody that knew somebody, but like, you know. What would you say right now to all the judgmental people in the world? Because I've encountered them like in relationships, parents of those individuals that I've dated, friends, very judgmental because of the things we go through. What would you say to them?

I would just say that, you know, like, first of all, where do you come off judging a person? You've never been in that situation. You've never been in that predicament before. So how can you say, oh, this person, this, this person, that? Like, it's just not, I don't know. It's just, I don't know. Nobody is perfect. We've all made mistakes, you know.

That's how I feel about it. I literally love your energy. Do you have, like, a twin of you? A twin? a second person because we need more people like you at the world. Oh, my God. Yeah, you should do like a little podcast yourself or something. No, it's really good.

Like it's hard. Maybe because it's like you're older and like I'm not used to that. Yeah. Dealing with individuals with the same mentality as yours. Yeah. But it's nice to see that there are people that are out there like that. Oh, absolutely. Because it is hard to come come by nowadays.

Oh, yeah. Absolutely. So night before prison when he's he's about to go the next day. What's that like? Oh, man. It was rough. It was really rough. Not only on me, but on him.

It was, yeah. It was, we were at my house and we just talked. And I mean, honestly, that I'm not going to get into, you know, the details. But, you know, we, you know, had a little bit of intimate time. And, you know, we just, we cuddled, you know, like basically for the duration of the time that he had to go and we left my house and then we went to his house and he was like rushing and panicking and trying to like figure things out and he ended up leaving my car keys in my car and meanwhile we're in his house looking for my car keys and I'm like where's my car

keys we have to go to court now like you know I'm like we're all scrambling and stuff and then come to find out the car keys were in my car the whole time so we finally you know, got in the car. It was me, his dad, and his sister, and we got into the car, and we drove to the courthouse. And, you know, he obviously had to be in there before us.

So we parked and then went in. And that was really rough seeing him in the courtroom. And, you know, just seeing him, like, arrest in front of me. That was, like, that was pretty traumatic. Like, I don't know. I don't like the fact that the, excuse me, whoever the individual was that, like, handcuffed him. Like, I don't think he should have handcuffed him while he was in the courtroom.

I think he should have did it after he left the room just because, you know, his family was there. And it's just not something. Like, I know it was realistic. Like, that's the reality of the situation. Like, he's in court. He's going to go to prison. Like, I get that. But it's just, I feel like it should have been a little, it shouldn't have happened.

And so after he got out, you know, of the courtroom. Mm-hmm. So when's the first time you get to talk to him again after he gets taken away? So I got to talk to him the same day that he went to court. He called me, I don't even know how long it was. But he did call me the same day. And I immediately, as soon as he called me, because you only get like a couple minutes to talk. You know, I think it was like 15 minutes or whatever.

And immediately I sat the phone up. Set the phone up. I was like, don't worry about it. I was like, I'll call court or not core links. I don't even remember what like phone service it was first. But it is secure us now that we use. But it was another service that we used. And I made sure I had the phone set up and everything.

I said, baby, you don't have nothing to worry about it. I got the phone set up. And that's the biggest pain in the ass for anyone that doesn't know. Yes. I remember my parents going through that. Like you got to be technological savvy a little bit. You got to be patient. Yes.

And if no one knows, because it's not like the prison calls your family and says, hey, this is what you have to do. No, you have to do everything yourself. Everything. Like, I went into this and I knew absolutely nothing. I didn't know what I was doing, but I made sure I got it done. I made sure I figured it out because who else? Who else is going to help me?

Who else is, you know, I'm going to figure it out. And if you don't have anyone's numbers saved or like, and you're not allowed to have other inmates call your people, but you have to it a way to get them to set it up and say, hey, put money on so-and-so's books. Exactly. Did you guys have like an understanding of how you would support him, like, financially too or did he have something set up aside how did that look like um no because when he got um you know when he got his charges and everything he told me that the money that he had they took it

so it's not like he really had time to like save the money or stash it or whatever so i mean whatever but like it's not like he had time to do that so he didn't really like have anything to you know help him so I mean so did it fall on you to help him out I mean it's I wouldn't say it fell on me like I just I was willing to help him it's not like I was in a negative way yeah yeah it's not like I was like

forced like I was just like I'll help you you know if people want to help they can help friends want to help they can if family wants to help they can I don't think you know I don't think a person that gets in should expect friends or family to support them because at the end of the day, this is a crime they committed, you know, and it's their responsibility. But at the same time, you know, that's family. Those are friends, especially if it's a person like friends that they committed the crime with. And they, you know, they're like, oh, this is my boy. This is your boy. But when you get locked up, where is he? Yeah.

He doesn't pick the phone up or he doesn't help you, you know. to me it just doesn't make sense. Like, don't call somebody your friend, and then you see they're in a bad situation, and they're, like, probably at the lowest point in their life, and they can't even reach out to you for help. Like, what does that make you? At Hyundai of Glendale, Lisa New,

2026 Hyundai-Tuson-S-C front-wheel drive for $269 a month, plus tax for 36 months, with owner's assurance in America's best warranty, 10-year, 100,000 miles. Stubbed by Hyundai of Glendale today or Hyundai-of-Glendale.net. 36-month lease, 4,49 to its signing. license and dock fees extra plus government fees and taxes 7500 miles per year expires 6126 who available at this payment ph 71529 ph 7159 look like as an individual that's when

you realize who your true friends are who the rider dies are exactly i had two friends come visit me in prison and you know i always bring that up with my friends and we tease kind of our other friends that kind of drop me in our back in the picture um but you know that i'll never forget that like i'll always have love and appreciation for that. Yep. And I know that that's one thing that men, and even women in prison don't forget is who was there for them at the lowest point of their life when they were incarcerated. And they felt like they didn't have anybody.

So they definitely remember stuff like that. Absolutely. Yeah. That first night without him, what was that like for you? I cried like a baby. I did. I was, oh, it was terrible. It was so terrible.

I just, oh, it. It was a rough, not even the first night. Like, I would say the first month. It was rough because I, you know, you go from being with this person every single day and then they're just completely gone. I mean, not gone, but like physically that connection is cut off. And it was rough, you know, being used to being next to him and cuddling with him and falling asleep in his arms and then not being able to do that and just sleeping in my bed alone. So it just, it was hard. It was very, very hard for me to cope with.

What was something you used kind of like as a coping mechanism or like a support system for you to help get through that? I mean, honestly really didn't. The only support system I would say I had was the prison wife's Facebook groups and TikTok. I'm serious because like, you know, you were saying earlier about how people can be so judgmental to you. And it's like there was a part where it's not that like I was never embarrassed about my situation, but it's like I, knew if I was to tell people that certain people would kind of give me, like, you know, like, because people will do that because they're so quick to judge you and, oh, why are you with somebody that's incarcerated?

You can find a person that's free out here. But it's like it's not as simple as people think, you know. Yeah. But I, like I said, my support system, I would say is the Facebook, you know, the Facebook girls that I've became friends with a couple of them and people on TikTok. You guys like hang out the Facebook girls? I've never hung out with any of them, but I have, well, actually, no, no, no, no. This is like a prison wife that I met at the facility where he's at now.

But getting back to the support system. So basically, like, I keep in contact with some of them. Like, we text each other and just, hey, how are you? How's everything going? How's your man? You know, stuff like that. Like, there was one girl who was in, she, was in a Facebook prison wife's group and she actually lives in London in the UK. And her husband is,

oh my God, I forgot what, I forgot what person he, well, not prison, but just like where he is. But he's in the States and she's in, you know, the United Kingdom and they got married. Like, she came over to the States to get married to him and then she ended up having to go back. But I'm not in like contact with her anymore. Just because it was kind of like the situation was a little weird where she wanted me to be like a, how do you, like, when a person's in a different country and they like want you, not a visa, but just something like to that point where she like was like, oh, I'll give you some money. If you, like, just I'll give you whatever you need.

If you can just help me out. And I just didn't feel comfortable with that. I said, I'm sorry. Like, you know, you're cool. I like you. You know, you're a sweet girl, but I can't. I just don't feel comfortable doing that. And I didn't.

And I feel like after I said no, she just kind of stopped talking to me. And I mean, that's perfectly fine. But I didn't feel comfortable with it. And I'm not going to do something I don't feel comfortable with doing. Absolutely. Especially something like that. Because even though she said, oh, you won't be responsible, I would be responsible. Like really, I really would be responsible.

But I'm sorry, I'm like kind of backtracked here. What year did he go into prison? 2021, January 2021. So this is like COVID's kind of winding down a little bit. Well, I mean, COVID is still, it's still going on because when he went, when he left court and he went to the justice center because that's like the jail in Syracuse. And so he went there and I actually tried to visit him and they said that I couldn't visit him because they're like, oh, we stopped having visits for like months. But on their website, it was saying that they had visit days. And I'm like, well, your website's saying something completely different.

So, like, this is kind of like this information is not correct. So, yeah, COVID, oh, my God, that was a nightmare. How long did it take to visit him? Because I know there was a lot of COVID restrictions with visits across the country. I would say that I'd say maybe like a month. Like, it was a month, yeah. Because he went from the Justice Center. And then from there, I think he went to like Jamesville.

Then he went to Elmira. And Elmira is a reception prison. So he was in Amira. And I actually saw him on Valentine's Day. That was the first visit I had with him. And I mean, you know, oh, Jesus. Like it was, I tried to see. Walk us through that first visit.

So that was, it was interesting because I actually tried to see him before. And I wasn't able to see him because it was like so packed. And I went there and the guy that was in the center where you have to, like, sign your name and everything, he was like, I don't think you'll be able to get. And he was like, but you can try. So I waited there, like, for hours and hours. And he was like, yeah, I don't think you're going to get it. So I, like, drove all the way to Elmira for no reason.

So I was pretty pissed off. But I was just like, whatever, I tried, you know. So that I was like, I made sure that on Valentine's Day I was going to be, I was going to see him. And I was like one of the first people there. and I made sure I was one of the first people there. So I was there. And then they have, so they have, like, women. They were, like, in a line.

And then, like, there's the area, like, where you go in, where there's metal detectors and stuff, and the guards are there. So you had to, like, take the COVID test and you wait 15 minutes for the results to come. Then if they're, you know, negative, obviously, you go up and you show them. And then you got to wait in line.

Mind you, it's the winter. So we're outside standing in the cold, it's snowing out and we have to wait until we're being called inside. So that's pretty annoying. Then we have to go through the metal detectors, you know, put our jewelry and whatever's metal down and then go through it. And so that. And then we have to sign a paper. They take our picture.

I went in. And there's like a guard that's at like, like, it's like he's like in a little circle. like when you first go in. And at that time, there was like, you go in and then there's like rows to the left. And then each row has like a table. But then in the table, it's like, it's like a big table and you're like separated. And you know, you're going to have your mask on. So I sat at the table.

And, you know, when I come in, I sat at the table and I was, you know, waiting for him to come in. And I finally saw him. and I just lit up. I was like, oh, my God, I meet me. I was just so happy to see him, you know. It was Valentine's Day, so, you know, I was like, I got to see my baby. And I was a little emotional because I, you know, I just didn't like seeing him like that, you know. And knowing that there was nothing I could do but to just be there for those couple hours.

And then, yeah. It means a lot to the guy. Yeah. You know, it's a big process for. I was never like that because I didn't really care. I would just like throw on my clothes and go and I didn't have any like facial hair to shave or anything. But like I have friends that it would be an all day affair to get ready just for the visit. Yeah.

And then you do the visit and it's just like it's a whole thing. Yeah. Like for like I know for some guys it's like a like a routine thing that they do. Like my husband like he, you know, make sure he irons his clothes. He gets his edge up done. And he makes sure like, you know, he's got the Muslim oil if they have. You know, he just makes sure he looks nice. Sometimes he has, like, his glasses.

So he's like... Change up the boots, maybe, if he has a different pair of boots. What are things, like, you notice about him that stand-it? Because, like, all the men wear the same uniform, but what are some things that the men do that can, like, catch your eye inside prison when you're going to visit? Like, what do you mean? Like, maybe little things, like, the way they cut their hair or, like, you said, the glasses. Oh, yeah. Or, like, what are little things men can do in prison just to, like, to look.

Different from everyone else. So I would say that they can wear sweaters. Like they can wear sweaters. They don't have to wear like the state green shirts, but they can wear like some nice looking sweaters or nice looking like polo shirts. My husband has a few of those. So he, you know, has his sweaters on. He looks nice with those.

He gets his edge up. I always like, I knows everything because I don't see him that much. I mean, I see him like twice a month. But like I just, he cuts his nails. He gets his edge up done. He's got his glasses. You know, I'm like, oh, he look like you're working out. But he doesn't work out.

But I'm just like, babe, you're lying. I'm like, I know he work out. What about, is there vending machines? Yeah, yeah, there's vending machines. Yeah, explain what that's like with the vending machine. Because it's sacred for us med when we're in prison. I would always get like the cheeseburger or the sandwich. I get, well, because at first I really didn't know what he liked and what he didn't because he's kind of picky.

Sometimes he's like, oh, I want this. And the other days he's like, okay, I want that. But I mean, usually when I go to the prison, I'm like, I try to be like at least one of the first women in line so I can, you know, know that I'm going to be there. And I walk in and then immediately I go to the vending machines. I already know what he wants because I've been seen him for so long. So I just go to the vending machines. And there's been a couple times where, like, there will be a visit Saturday and Sunday. And Saturday, they'll be full. Sunday, nothing.

There have been times I've been there and they didn't even. have sodas in the, you know, the vending machines and have sodas and have water, nothing. Food. One time I went to the prison, there was, they had chocolate, like three chocolate bars in the vending machine, and that was it for the whole entire, like, visit. And I'm like, this is crazy. And I guess it's because they were transitioning from what, from like a vending machine lady, because there was actually a person that they hired that would be there on site and would fill the machines as people would keep coming and going to, you know, buy the food from the vending machines. And then she just, I don't know.

She got fired and then there's a new lady there. And that lady is, like, awesome. Like, she is on it. And I'm like, girl, I'm like, they need to give you a raise because you are like on it. She is. Like, she's awesome. What are his favorite snacks that you get them?

So he, oh my God, he loves these salsa, the salsa garden sun chips. He likes those. He loves those. The peanut Eminems. He loves the green. Mountain Dew. He loves the cold red Mountain Dew. If they don't have cold red, then

I got to go to the green mountain do. He also likes the what is it? It's the chicken. They have like the chicken with like Swiss cheese on it. He likes that. He doesn't really do the cheeseburgers because he says the cheeseburgers kind of messes time. So they have the real food vending machine with the

microwave then? Yeah, they have a microwave and then they have the vending machines like with the cold stuff. Yeah, with the good food. Yeah. Well, I guess you would call it good. Well, I was upgraded for like, Kavisar. Oh, yeah, definitely. How are the guards treating you?

Like, are some of, like, something I've noticed and talked among men is, like, sometimes some of the, maybe, like, the overweight or unattractive male guards are giving more of, like, the attractive woman visitors a hard time. I actually personally have never had, I wouldn't say I had, like, really an issue with a male CEO there. I would say, like,

like, actually, there was an incident that just happened. The last visit I went to where I was wearing a turtleneck, a black turtleneck, long sleeves, and the woman seals like, oh, you can't wear that. And I'm just like, I wore this in another visit before and nobody had an issue with it. And she's like, oh, well, you can't wear it because I guess it was kind of cropped and you could see my stomach a tiny bit. But there have been women in there that were way bigger than me and you could see their whole stomach. And they were all coming in.

And I'm like, okay. And the crazy thing is she was actually there when me and my husband got married. Like she was a CO to witness me and him getting married. And so I thought that was like kind of odd. I'm trying to think of there's other issues I had with any COs. I can't really, I can't really say I have. I know my husband has, there was, I know there was like one time where me and him were in a visit and I was already sitting at the table and he walked in. And literally as soon as he walks in, this woman, CO's like, blah, like she says his last name because, you know, they don't ever call you guys by your first name.

It's just either your dead number or your last name. So she calls him and she's like, you're not supposed to be wearing that shirt. And I'm just like, girl, it's like 9 o'clock in the morning and you're already barking on my husband. He just walked in for the visit, not even getting to the CO desk to figure out what the table is that he needs to be in. And I guess he was wearing a white t-shirt and wasn't supposed to wear it. And he was like, but I went in through, you know, because you got to, you know, the CEO has to check you over first before you can go on the visit. He said they didn't say anything to me. And she's like, oh, well, I'll let aside this time.

But he told me that she's a problematic CEO anyways. Like she always gets on guys and, like, just bothers them for no reason. Yeah. So. Do you think it's like a jealousy thing with some of these guards? I mean, I wouldn't be surprised it was. I mean, there's a lot of beautiful women that. come and see, you know.

They really are. Yeah, they're men. I mean. And some of the CEOs has got to be thinking how, like why? Yeah. Like, what's this beautiful woman doing with this guy? And I mean, like, you don't know the dynamics of the situation. Like, that's, again, judging, judging.

You don't know the situation. You don't know these people. You just know the crime they committed. You don't know what led them to their crime. You don't know how their childhood was. You don't know if they battled addiction. You don't know what I mean? There's so many things.

that play into a person going to prison or being incarcerated. It's not just, oh, this person's just a scumbag. No. Are there ever times where he doesn't want to visit? Because I know, like, sometimes guys can feel like that, or does he always push through and makes his best effort to present himself? He, well, there was a couple times. One time was on Christmas because he was, this is before he was in the honor dorm.

So he was like all the way in the back. So he had to walk like a mile. And it, you know, it snows really bad. And he was like, I don't have any thermals on. I just have to wear my state greens. He's like, I have to walk a mile in the snow. He's like, I don't want you to come. I'm like, I'm already on my way to see you.

Like, I'm coming. Like, it's Christmas. Like, you don't want me to see you on Christmas? I was like, do you know how many guys would like love for their, you know, wives or their women to come see them on Christmas? And then so when I get there and I'm driving, it's like a freaking snowstorm. And I'm just, they. shut the throughway down.

So I'm like driving through the back streets. I'm like, what the hell did I get myself into? But I get there safe and sound. And, you know, he looks a little grumpy. I'm like, but I bet you're glad that I came. He's like, no, I am. I am. I'm like, I know you are.

Do they do anything special for the holidays, like Christmas for them on a visit? Or it's just your plane visiting day? No. It was just a play visit. Do you guys take the pictures, like the prison pictures? Yep. Is that where they have like the prison photographer come? Do you get a copy of the photos too?

Oh, yeah, we both do. You both get a photo. I was always too chicken and like self-conscious to get up and take the photos. I don't know. It was just like the whole thing was always like embarrassing for me. And I hated going to get like stripped out in front of the guards. Oh, you guys had to get stripped out to take pictures? No, stripped out to come to the visit.

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. Before and after the visit, you get stripped out. And then at the camp, though, they didn't do that. So that was fine. But it was just always an ordeal, you know, and you don't know if the guards in a bad, like there's so many variables. Yep. Some of these guards are just like, they bring their miserable selves to their job.

And it really rubs off because when you're dealing with a people's person job, you know, you kind of got to leave that at the door and leave those emotions. Oh, they don't. Yeah, that would be like if I was in a miserable mood showing up to an interview. Yes. You know, then it doesn't work, you know? It just doesn't. Oh, absolutely.

And it's funny you say that because my husband tells me all the time, he's like, you better hope the Buffalo Bills win because if they don't win, those C-Os get pissed and they get in a horrible mood. Yeah. And then, you know, there's always those C-Os. Some of the C-Os are cool, but then sometimes there's that one C-O and they already know they're going to have a bad day. So you guys get married in prison. Yeah. How does that work?

How did you guys decide to do that? And what was that wedding like? So he asked me to marry him and I said yes. I mean, obviously, I wasn't, you know, he wasn't really able to propose to me, like, in the prison, like, on a visit because the CEO probably would have tackled him. So he didn't do that. But, yeah, he asked me to marry him, and I said yes. And we ended up doing the paperwork. So basically, we had to, well, we both had to separately write the superintendent of the prison.

Like, he had to write the president, you know, the superintendent. And then I did too, just basically requesting. for us to get married and me basically saying, you know, why I think, you know, he should let us get married because they don't have to let you get married. Like it's actually kind of like on them to like say, you know, hey, if you can or you can't because they're not going to let somebody get married that's constantly in the box all the time, you know, you're constantly fighting, you're constantly in the box, you're constantly in trouble and stuff. Why would you, they're not going to let you have that pro just get married. So, excuse me. But, so after

that, I would say like maybe a month or so after, we both got, I got an acceptance letter for us to get married and they gave us the paperwork to fill, they gave me the paperwork to fill out basically explaining like what I, what I, you know, can do what the date would be because I have to meet with his counselor. I have to go over some things. You know, they give us, you know, what we can't wear the rings, the pricing of the rings, and make sure you bring the receipt with the ring. Then I had to go to the prison and I had to meet with his counselor,

talk to her. And, you know, they ask her, you know, they ask like, oh, do you know what he's here for? Because there's some, actually, there's some women that marry these guys and they have no idea what their charges are. And it's like, how are you marrying somebody and you don't know their charges?

Like, that's crazy. Yeah. But she's like, you know what he's here for. I'm like, yeah, I know what he's here for. Like, yeah. Like, yeah. So, yeah, then after that, you know, we said, we got the date set on October 7th. We did not get to choose the day we got married.

They actually choose for you. But when he comes home, me and him are going to choose our own day. We're going to get married. Like, we're going to do the whole thing over. I'm going to get a new ring. Like, we're doing everything all over. Yeah. But so the day of the wedding, I'll get to that.

So they needed two witnesses. says my mother came and my husband's father came. And it was a little tough for his father to come because his dad has a lot of health problems. He has COPD and he's on oxygen. So it was a little difficult for him to come, but he did come. And I was actually at the hotel. I stayed at a hotel kind of close to where the prison was. And his sister had drove up the night previous before to meet up with me so we could kind of hang out.

and his dad came, she actually drove back to Syracuse to pick his dad up. Then he came and we were at the hotel and my mom was at the hotel with me too. Then we drove to the prison and then, you know, they checked us in with the papers and everything and we went through the metal detectors and everything. And then it just seemed actually kind of disorganized, like extremely disorganized because they were like, oh, you have to be at this time. And then like we're there and then like, you know, other women start. to showing up to because I mean we weren't the only ones that were getting married like there's

other people a lot of other people getting married um and then so we get into the we get into the prison and I get inside and he's like already sitting at a table and there's like a whole bunch of guys in the back and they're sitting at a table and immediately I like zoom right into him I'm like so they um marry people individually one at a time and then like me and him were like I think second to last or whatever And so they basically call you guys up and then you guys kind of like go up. And then there's the like officiant, the efficient. And he like signs the marriage certificate.

And he basically has you say like, you don't even get to say like bow. You just like say, you know, I do. I be wed. Like it's really quick. Like it's not anything like too drawn out. And then like, you know, my mom and his dad signed papers as witnesses. and sometimes they will have like if a person can't have a witness, they'll have like a CEO or they'll actually have other people

because I saw like people just kind of standing. And if a person like that's incarcerated doesn't have a witness, they can either get a person that's like incarcerated as their witness or they can have an outside person come in to be a witness. So but yeah, after that, you know, they had like a little area where we could take pictures. So we took pictures like me and him took pictures. and then me, him and my mom and his dad took pictures.

And then me and him had like a short visit. I think the visit was like maybe 15 minutes. And he didn't get to visit with his dad, which I thought was completely outrageous. Like, you know, it's like worse enough he doesn't, you know, he can't see his dad like that. Because like I said, his dad, you know, is an option. He can't take that drive to come see him. So it would have just been nice for him to be able to visit with him. But he did get to give his dad a hug.

he did get to talk to him for a second. He asked to see, oh, he's like, hey, can I just, you know, talk to my dad for a second? You know, they're like, oh, yeah, go ahead. So that was nice of them to do that, you know. But you guys got any alone time or anything or no? That was that alone time. That was it. Could you kiss?

I think we could, yeah. I'm pretty sure. But then, like, the thing that kind of got me upset was, like, there was a lady who took the pictures. And when we kissed you, like, oh, hey, okay. And I'm just like, you just got married. Like, damn, I can't even. What? Like, I don't know.

I'm just like, I don't have contraband on me. Like, come on. Like, seriously? Yeah. I'm like, I'm kissing my husband. Like, I don't, I would never. I'm just, I'm not that type of person to bring contraband into a prison. Like, my husband has too much going for himself and I got too much more for myself to catch a charge.

Like, uh, uh, if he ever asked you to bring contraband in, would you tell him now? My husband would never ask. But you know, some guys, some guys do ask women to do that. I'm like. Where do you define, like, how much you're willing to. do for love, right? Okay. Like, I know in the beginning, I said I'm not a judgmental person, but I'm going to say

this. If a man asks somebody to bring contraband in, especially their woman or wife, he's a scumback. Like, you're willing to not only put your wife or your girlfriend at risk, but also yourself. And that's another charge for you. That's maybe added, you know, more added on to your sentence. I mean, I don't know.

So I guess maybe I am a little bit judgment. No, that's fair. Have you seen other like women get caught or anything happen go down? This is when I was actually in El Maira. Well, when I went to visit my husband in El Mira, there was a woman that was there with a baby and she got caught. And I think she tried to have the drugs on the baby. Like they didn't like I didn't see it happen,

but I heard from other people and I actually saw the woman get walked out with like police. And I'm like, oh, they're going to take her baby from her. You know? it's just I don't understand like why women do that like why would you put yourself at risk to do something like that it's like you can show your love for them by being there to support them mentally you don't always have to be there to support them financially but i mean it helps but but you could be there you know to support them mentally and just be there if they need to vent talk to them but bringing a contraband to prisons is not it's it's just not the way oh i love you here's contraband no and half the time If we're going to really be real, half the time, it's not family members.

It's the people, the administration bringing it in. Yeah. And then they have the nerve to bring, to have canines in some of the places. And it's like, your canines are sniffing the wrong individuals. I think you need to take a look at, you know. Do you guys like people watch when you guys are in a visit at all? I mean, sometimes I try not to. I try to keep my focus on my husband, you know, with a limited time we have together.

but yeah, I mean, there's, I don't really see, like, I have never seen issues with people like fighting or arguing or anything like that. On the days that I go, because, you know, there's odd even days. So some women go on even days, some women go on odd. I go on odd days because that's just my husband's, you know, day to visit. But there have been some crazy women. Yeah. You probably see like fights and arguments happen to. Oh, yeah.

Not a fight, but I have seen like, so there was a day that I had went to visit my husband. It was on an even day. And there were these two particular women that I've never seen them because they're on even days. And they're two, I thought that they were friends. I think they were, I don't know. But like they were like literally like neck and neck with each other. I got this one first. I got that one first.

And it's like, girl, like we're all here to see them. Like we're all going to get it. you know, but they were like, I thought they were about to fight. I'm like, listen, I said, you guys are going to get kicked out and you guys are not going to be able to get your visits, you know? And like the girl, like she had a rope and she put, she put like the rope on the ramp and she's like, oh, yeah, the COC, I can do this. I'm like, what are you that CO pet? Like, you know what I mean? Like, we're all here to see our men, you know?

Like, it's just, I don't know. It's just weird. Do you guys have a honeymoon plan? Have you guys been talking about that? We have kind of, but it's because he was saying that he wants to do it in Puerto Rico, because that's where we're going to like get married. That's where we plan on getting married when he comes home. I mean, obviously it's not going to be right away,

but we do plan on getting married on the beach in Puerto Rico. Yeah. Just having like small, intimate, like I don't have to have a bunch of friends and family come. Like whoever wants to come can, but I'm not paying for anything. Like flight is for dad and mom. That's it. everybody else can pay their way because yeah. Yeah.

So you started watching prison TikTok. What are some things you've learned about what he lives through that he hasn't really necessarily opened up about telling you about, but you've been able to learn through watching the prison content? I guess I would say just, I don't, I mean, I don't know. Like, I guess, because I can't, well, I, I can't. Well, I guess I would say maybe like fights, like fights that go on because he doesn't really talk about that. I mean, I don't know if people like in the particular prison that he's at, you know, people get like, I don't know if I can say this on.

Yeah, you can say whatever. So I don't know if they get like stabbed or anything like that. But he hasn't told me anything about, you know, that. I mean, he does he has told me that they, you know, there's been people that. Like the person, like, you know, they go on lockdown. I've seen that on TikTok. I'm trying to think. I'm sorry, I'm like kind of drawn a blank here.

Yeah, you're totally good. Yeah. I mean, I'm honestly not sure. I just, I guess I just kind of like see what guys do and what they go through in there and just kind of like see like, oh, okay, my husband probably is going through that. Like I guess, like maybe family not like really being there. I don't know. I mean, I'm there, but I mean, I know I'm not like his family, but.

I mean, he could also be very open about things with you too. I know some people aren't. Yeah, I mean, he's, me and him have very, very good communication. So it's not like there's things that I don't know. But I'm sure there probably is things that he doesn't tell me to just, keep my mental okay. So you're about, what, two years into this, almost three years? Yep.

Have there been days where you're like, I don't think I could do this anymore? I would say there's been days where I've said, this is really hard for me right now. And I have, I mean, there's been times where I've been on the phone with him and I'm like, I can't do this. And he's like, what do you mean you can't do this? I'm like, I'm like, I don't mean I can't do this like with you, but it's just overwhelming, you know, with school, with work, with Bill.

with him in there, with the phones, with the emails, with just, it's so much. It's so much. I'm just one person, you know. And to not have, you know, your husband there, it's a lot. It's, you know, but that's what I signed up for. So what keeps you going. Him coming home. Us being together again, him coming home.

And just seeing his growth. And just seeing how strong he is. especially after he lost his mother and then going to prison. Like he doesn't even have time to, he didn't even have time to grieve. You know what I mean? So he's still in prison trying to grieve the death of his mother and he can't. He can't, you know, like he's not going to be able to do it until he comes home. Like person is not a place to be able to grieve the death of a parent, you know.

And like I said, his dad also has health issues as well. So not only is he dealing with his mother's death, but he's worrying about his dad's health as well. And it's just, it's just like, he keeps me grounded because I'm like, if I was him, I probably would have lost my damn marbles by now. And I'm just, I'm so surprised that he hasn't gotten into any fights and he's not flipping out. And, you know, because, I mean, I know he can be a little bit of a hot head. I've never witnessed his anger, but, you know, I know that he can get there if he wants to, just like anybody could. But maybe the same way you look at him for strength, he looks at you. and you help him get through it.

That's exactly what he says. He's like, you know, he's like, with you just being here and, you know, he's like, you could have left. You could have, you know, gone. And, you know, because he, like, during his prison, you know, one bit he had before, he was with somebody for a very short period of time. And she left him while he was in there. And he, I think that was just his fear of it. I was going to leave him.

Like, he didn't believe that I was going to be there. Like, even when he was home, he didn't think I was going to visit him. him and write him and be with him. And I said, no, I said, I'm the type of person. If I say I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it, you know? And I keep my word and I'm solid on my end. I'm a very faithful woman when that person is faithful to me. Yeah. So, I mean, sometimes we hear the term, or the phrase that our family members and loved ones do the bid with us. Do you believe in that? I do. 100%. Just because I'm not in prison and incarcerated doesn't mean that I don't get lonely and that I don't feel some of the things that he does, you know.

I'm there with him through the good times, through the bad times. I mean, just like he's there with me. Even if it's just on the phone and, you know, a couple hours of a visit, I mean, we definitely do the bid with them. What would you say to someone that has those feelings of, like, being overwhelmed by their partner situation or just whatever they're going through in life and on top of their own issues?

what would you say to that person to either get them to take a step back or to keep them going? And like what kind of advice would you give? Well, they're feeling overwhelmed. I would say just look at the things that you can control. You can't control anything or anyone else but yourself. You can't control anything or anyone else but your feelings, your thoughts and just yourself as an individual. So whatever is outside of, sorry. Try to break the microphone.

I keep up to that. I know, right? So like whatever is outside of you, and I tell this to my husband too. You know, whatever is outside of you, you can't control. So worry about self. You know, you can control your thoughts to a certain extent. You can center yourself. You know, if you're feeling overwhelmed, just think about how far you've come, you know, from being at this point to this, you know, to the point you're at now.

And just keep going. Yeah. That's all you can do. I love that. Yeah. I mean, people will find strength in that. Absolutely. And then what you're, like, you've taken on a lot.

You have a lot on your plate. I do. And you're a hustler, too. You're telling me all the things you have going on and on top of dealing with, you know, your relationship and the marriage on the same time. Yeah. But, you know, you just got, you got to keep pushing. Yeah.

It's definitely not what I expected as, you know, my first time getting married. But, I mean, hey, you know. You'll never forget. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I signed up for it, so