Locked In with Ian Bick - MLB Prospect Loses Everything & Spends 10 Years In Prison | Daniel Collins

Episode Date: June 22, 2023

With his father dedicating his life to seeing that his son plays professional baseball, Danny Collins is selected to play Minor League Baseball as a late-round draft pick under the Atlanta Braves organization. As a potential prospect to play for the major leagues, Danny's partying and drug addiction catch up to him - causing him to lose everything and eventually find himself spending 10 years in the Florida State Prison System. Listen to Danny's crazy life story unfold: from being at the top of the world to hitting rock bottom. This heartbreaking story will leave you inspired by his will to turn his life around.Connect with Danny Collins:https://instagram.com/confessionsofaconvict?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==http://www.containingluxury.comhttps://www.tiktok.com/@dannyfcollins?_t=8dJEzRo4ptj&_r=1https://beacons.ai/confessionsofaconvict?fbclid=PAAaYJ0zQbFxjzoGJZwY8lLA7I4y-WtRo6_BR5Sm7xu16VFBNr7C_kyhdNA9o_aem_th_AfotWzb32Zi0B50Hl4AkgPYdAhPWZsCYQllDHtDApU-9FQlVfrVxiNBsSM8CgwBB1G8 Connect with Ian Bick: https://www.ianbick.com/Subscribe to our membership program on YouTube to get early access to interviews, see behind the scenes photos & more:https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRvVklIft6DMelVW18M0oBw/joinPowered by Q29 Productions, LLC Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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and taste your escape. It's America's number one for a reason. Kamen Jack is a premium malt beverage with flavors. Please drink responsibly. Kaman Jack beverage company, Chicago, Illinois. We are back with another episode of Lockton with Ian Bick. On today's episode, we have a super, super exciting guest, Danny Collins, who in his early 20s is drafted to the Atlanta Braves,

and with a raging drug addiction, spirals out of control and loses everything, resulting in spending nearly 10 years in a Florida state prison. Thank you guys for tuning into the show. Make sure you guys like, comment, subscribe, and share, and sit back, relax, and enjoy locked in with Ian Bick. Danny Collins, welcome to the show today. Super, super excited to have you on.

We first met in Pensacola back in April at the National Reentry Association Conference that I'm now a board member of. And I met you, I met you and some of the other guys, and I knew we had to get you on the show. I'm glad you made the trip out here today. I appreciate you having me. Going to be throwing soft balls, curve balls, baseballs, the whole line yards. No, I keep them soft.

We need a lot of them in there. Awesome, man. All right, let's start at the beginning of your story. You have a super crazy story. This is definitely going to be one of our longer interviews. So let's start at the beginning. Where are you from and what's childhood like growing up for you? I was raised in Fort Pierce, Florida.

I was raised to believe my stepmom is my biological. mother. There was a time that I was playing basketball in front of my house. These two girls came riding by on a bicycle. One girl pointed to the other girl and said, Daniel, that's your sister, that's Rebecca, that's your sister, and I just kept on riding. And I didn't say anything. So I go in a house, don't say anything. A couple weeks later, I go to school, and the same girl comes up to me. She says, Daniel, you don't know me, but my name's Rebecca, and I'm your sister. And I, like, panicked. I ran down the hallway, didn't know what to say. Never communicated to my parents. There wasn't much communication in my household. But when I was nine, I got a little league, a birth certificate I had to take to the

little league coach. And on the birth certificate, I read it, and it said that my biological mother's name was Yolanda Fields, but the lady I was calling my mom, her name was Jamie. So the names didn't match up. And it was the first time that I really realized, but at nine years old, like, you don't know how to really process that stuff. So I remember going to my little league baseball coach and saying, one day I'm going to grow up and play professional baseball for the Braves, so maybe my mom would want me. And lo and behold, years later, I ended up signing. But not before, like, a lot of other crazy stuff happened in between when I was 16. I was dating as girl, and, you know, it's small town.

And I'm dating this girl. My parents are super strict, and they make me write down the name of the parents, and they make me write down, you know, the phone number and the address of where I'm going. Normally it's a girl's parents that do that and not the guy's parents. Yeah, my parents were super strict, right? And so I do this, and when I write it down, my dad looks at it. it and he's like you're not going i was like what do you mean i'm not going and he says it has something to do with your biological mother i'll talk to you about it later this is the first time ever in my household

that it's brought up that the lady that i've been calling my mom she raised me as my you know my mother but i always kind of knew that she wasn't and then obviously with the birth certificate i really saw that she wasn't but like i just felt like the way she treated me and the way she treated my sister was differently and a lot of that could have been my own perception because of how i felt on the inside but um so my dad's like you're not going over there so i go over there anyways of course because i didn't follow many rules when i was younger and when i get there i share what happened with the girl that i'm dating so the girls ended up her dad ended up being a cop and uh that's what my dad asked too she said he said is her dad a cop and i was like yeah and then that's when he said you're not going over there

has something to do with your biological mother so when i go over there anyways i share it with her She brings this to her dad and come to find out, I don't know, it was like a crazy story. Like her dad was related to my biological mother. They were like second or third cousins. So here I am dating this girl that like I'm related to. Some type of incest if anything happened. But I was a virgin. Like for real, a virgin.

I was a virgin. So. But yeah, like it was crazy. So I'm dating somebody that I'm related to. Come to find out I had two sisters with my biological mother that's still to this day that I never met. But that was like a big part of my life because I always had this resentment towards my family, towards my mother, even towards my stepmom for not knowing her. But that came like later on in life. What about like early on who was raising your real father?

My real father. And the stepmother who was. who was you always thought was your mother at first? Yeah. So that's who raised me. That's who, you know, we live paycheck to paycheck. We didn't grow up rich. What did they do for work?

So my dad worked, my dad dropped out of law school when he had me and when my biological mother left. So this is what I found out years later, but I didn't know at the time. So he ended up dropping out of law school and he came home and worked at a grocery store. He ended up being like a grocery store manager. And through time, he ended up working at for craft. foods so he's ended up working for them for like 25 30 years and my stepmom worked at a lumber yard still to the stay works there and I call her my mother but because she was there she was the only

mother I knew she was a mother figure she was the mother figure in my household but she was super strict like I used to get my ass beat if I made bees on my report card so like I was a straight A student there was a time like I had a B on a report card and I tried to like budget myself and it was so bad It was so obvious, right? But that's how scared I was. And sure enough, I ended up getting my ass-wuck behind it. Yeah, I remember the days when the report cards would, like, come in the mail or get handed directly to the parent at, like, the parent-teacher conferences.

Now I think it's different. Like, I remember at the end of high school, I would get my grades printed out. And it never got, like, sent to my parents. I'm sure it's all different now. So I remember I had, like, the report card. It was, like, big and had all your classes with the grades. But then down here would have, like, the, the behavior. So like my grades were always straight A's, but my behavior was always unsatisfactory. They had

satisfactory in and unsatisfactory. And so like I was a bad kid. Like I was always in trouble. But I compensated for that because I did very well in school. What do you think that was from? Like why were you like lashing out or acting out and being like that type of kid? Oh, I don't know. I mean, to me, I kind of chop it up to the relationship. that I had, like there was no love in my household. It was very disciplined, you know, there was no affection. So there was no, I love you. There was no hugging or touching or anything in my household. So it was very strict. It was performance-based love. It was like, okay, if you do A, B, and C, then D will happen, you know.

That's actually very interesting, too, because people that have, from my experience, childhoods like that, that carries on, like, for a while, sometimes even forever. Like, I've met people who come from those types of backgrounds and they have a hard time accepting love or even giving love because they didn't experience that as a child. Like, my parents raised me in a very loving and affectionate type way. So that's the type of person I am now. So it's interesting to see, like, the different families that people come from and how that, like, shapes us growing up and as humans. Yeah, family dynamics definitely play a role, especially with the emotional maturity. And I think that was a big part of my stories. I never knew how to mature emotionally because there was no

communication. We didn't talk about things. It was the, I come from the air where, you know, men, you suck it up and you get by, and that's what it is. And I remember even going to therapy with my dad when I was 18. They ended up sending us to therapy. And it was the first time I ever seen my dad cry and it was had to do with my biological mother so the whole conversation about her came up and he started bawling crying and i never went back because i didn't i couldn't stand to see my dad in that state it was a lot to process yeah and my dad was like my childhood hero so what about the relationship with your sister were you guys close at the time so i have a half sister with my stepmom and my dad which you didn't know at the time was your half sister though no i didn't so i just

just consider her to be my sister. Now I had two other sisters, my biological mother that I haven't met. Were you close with that half sister? I wasn't. And she tried to be. She was older or younger? She was younger. So I think my family was so like split down in the middle. It was like me and my dad and my stepmom and my sister. And there was always fights and arguments about the way I was raised. So my dad was real big on if you make straight A's, you play sports, you excel in, sports, I'm going to pay for your car, your gas, your insurance, make sure you have allowance. Whereas my mom was more old school, like, you know, you need to have a job, you need to learn responsibility, you need to take care of yourself. So there was always that fight there because

baseball and school did take up so much in my time. And there's many times, too, like where my mom would tell my dad, like, he needs to quit playing baseball and get a job and learn responsibility. and my dad's like, this is his job. You know, this is going to take him to college and maybe even beyond. And she wasn't going for it. Like I remember when I was standing there and she was like,

one in a million make it. You guys need to quit living in La La Land. And the reality is that chances are he's not going to make it. But your dad believed in you. My dad always. And that's all you need right there. You just need that one person,

especially your father, to believe in you. Yeah. And it goes from there. high school, are you, like, bullied or anything, too, while you're playing sports? I wasn't, no, I wasn't really booed. I mean, I was a little bit. I was picked on because I was different, but because I was smart and because of me playing baseball, like, it kind of got me in with the cool kids, but I was always seeking that

validation. Like, I wanted that acceptance. Like, I wanted the people to accept me. Are you popular then? Like, are you the popular sports guy? Yeah, I mean, I was definitely in the popular crowd. But also, like, kind of nerdy and awkward at the same time. So you're not like the dick jock type of person?

I mean, I guess. Depending who you ask. Who you ask, yeah. I mean, there was definitely moments. But I think for the most part, no, like I was, I was amicable with people. I was, you know, a likable guy. Like, my personality wasn't to be a dick or a jerk or treat people differently. I will say playing baseball, like a lot of my friends, like especially with Travel Ball, they all went to, like, the private school, and they come from wealthier families where dads are judges and attorneys, and whereas my family struggled. So, like, that was hard because I could compete at the same level with baseball as them, but I didn't always have, like, the nicer clothes, the practice or the equipment, and there was times that I would get to make fun of for that. Like, I would wear the same practice every single day.

And I remember kids would like taunt me because of that. And that's got to be hard to know you're different like at that time period. Do you think like the kids that come from the money and come from those backgrounds that you're just describing are like more or I would say less humbled and more like egotistical and assholes compared to what you were because of your background? Yeah. I mean, I think naturally when you have a sense of entitlement, it's going to make you. a little bit arrogant. And I think even part of me would go that way because I would want to pretend to be like them because I wanted to be accepted. So even if I didn't have money, I wanted to act like I did have money, you know, because I just wanted to fit in with the crowd. And so that

was hard. Literally the story of my high school career thinking that I was like this, you know, hot shot. I mean, I wore like a suit and tie to school and was carrying a briefcase and starting this business. And like I was a kid that bought everyone dinners and took out. everyone out just because I wanted to be liked. I wanted to be popular. Like I was chasing that whatever it was. You know, I was never addicted to drugs. I was addicted to the popularity and the thrill of it, people talking about me and just like in my own mind wanting to be like the center of attention and then the center of everything. Yeah. And that's what I tell people all the time. It's like you have that spiritual void. You have that void inside of you that you're seeking validation or

acceptance and it doesn't really matter where it comes from. And, I mean, in time, you know, that's what leads to some of the decisions people like us make. Yeah, and that's why I'm so, like, aware of it now, now that my platform's getting bigger and everything's coming together and, like, we're amassing hundreds of thousands of followers and listeners. I don't want to be like that person I was in high school that's chasing after that. I don't want to be like that person that's like, like, I don't want to be like so full of myself in that way and just chasing after those listeners and followers and everything.

everything like that. I just want to be me and be like a regular person when people come up to me, you know, be humble and and just act regular. Yeah. And not let that get to me like it did before when I had nothing in that sense. And now I have more of something that I never had ever. Yeah. It's just weird. And it's something that stays in my mind daily. Yeah. Because there have come a point where you become beholden to that, whether it's the people, you know, the followers, the likes, the attention, like, definitely I can identify with that. Are you drinking or doing any types of substances in high school while you're playing sports? I drank quite a bit. Like, I was the guy that would throw some high school parties. My parents came home to me throwing a party. That probably

didn't end well. No, it didn't. But, and then I had an aunt that lived right down the street, and she would always let me throw parties at her house. So, but, but again, it was, to, fit in like I wanted to be the cool kid and I wanted people to like me it was all about seeking you know that acceptance and do you think that acceptance came from one the affection aspect that we were talking on into like the money aspect you wanted more than what you I think it's the abandonment so when you have when people have abandonment or rejection issues like I did with my mother and it's wanting to have people like you but at the same time you'll push somebody away before they were able to reject you.

You know, and that's kind of how it works in my relationships. You know, that's how it worked in all my relationships. Like, I would pull you in. I'd be clingy, get you close, but then I would hurt you or push you away before you could hurt me. Yeah. Because in my mind, it was happening. It was inevitable.

It was coming. You were, like, traumatized by like that. Definitely childhood trauma. And I blame my parents for a lot. Like, not understanding that, obviously, parents don't get a manual that teaches them how to raise kids, you know? So like I was always resentful towards them, you know, so it was hard for me for a long time to even accept accountability for the way I responded to a lot of stuff. But when you have childhood trauma and you don't have access to resources to help people through that, then you never know really how that's going to turn out.

Yeah, I mean, I 100% get what you're saying. Like I feel it so hard not from my childhood, but just like where I'm at now, like when I'm getting into a relationship with someone. And I feel like I have like some past trauma from other people, like, abandoning me, other relationships because of like the past with the nightclub and going to prison and stuff, that that makes me kind of like anxious now. Like when I'm with someone and talking to someone like, oh, they're just going to like pack up and leave one day. And it's like a scary, like, abandonment type issue.

And I'm kind of like been trying to dive into like what causes that and the root of that and kind of like how to quell that anxiousness. I tell people all the time when people say that, weed or drinking is like the gateway to addiction. And I believe wholeheartedly that that's not the case. The gateway to addiction to me is untreated childhood trauma. And that's what ultimately leads to, because all that addiction is in any substance or even getting addicted to the money or the attention, it's just a symptom of the greater problem, which is really deep inside of us. You know, the problem has always been me.

and my inability to learn how to cope with life, learn how to process emotions and feelings, you know. And that's where the anxiety comes in. And that's where, you know, a lot of the PTSD comes into play. Yeah. And it's just, it's super important to work through it. Ask for help if you need the help and just keep going. Get up, get back onto the wagon and keep moving forward.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, go on. And when you're a kid, though, a lot of times you don't know where to turn to help. You know, especially if you're looking to your parents for guidance. and they're, you know, not once to communicate or show that affection, you know, like, I remember getting my ass beat, beat, you know, like, and it was, you know, come from the air of the belts and spanking and whooping and, you know, so that was kind of like the way that we

disciplined kids. And to me, it had an adverse effect. What year were you born just so the audience puts in a perspective? 83, okay, okay, cool. I mean, not cool that you're 40, but. Yeah, I'm 40. I'm old. Now, when do you realize you have an actual talent in baseball? I think people were telling me, like, growing up, I don't know that I ever fully believed in myself. It really hit home from me. I would say there was a year we won state championship in Travel Ball and Legion that I had a really good year.

But I think the year after I got drafted, so my sophomore year in college is when, And I realized, like, this could really, like, become something. Like, this could be a career if I played my cards right. So you didn't think it going from high school into college. I feel like it's fairly easier, so to say, to get a scholarship for sports into college, right, than it is to... I would say, so I went, I was an above average player in high school, but I wasn't, like, superstar status where people are going to go out of their way to come find me. And doesn't, like, when you're growing up, everyone says everyone's good? Like, I feel like parents are always like, ah, he's the best.

And then this and this. Of course. Of course. Parents always want to hype their kids up and they want to get mad about their playing time. Like, I'm very realistic about who I am and, like, where I was at. And, you know what I mean? Like, I try to be as, like, transparent and honest with myself.

Like, I think that's part of, like, my whole recovery process today anyways. But were you like that back then? I would, I don't know. It's hard for me to even. I don't think so. I mean, obviously, I think there was that there was arrogance like that, what do they call it? It's like this where you put out this facade where you act like you're superior or better than, but you really have like this inferiority complex, like on the inside where it's just,

you're so insecure, but you don't want the world to see that. So you project a certain person that you're not, you know? Yeah. And I think that was a big thing that I was doing when I was younger. Where did you end up going to college? I went to Indian River Community College. So at a high school, I didn't get hardly any offers at all for baseball. I got a couple like division to NAA school offers.

And the way baseball works is if you, for the draft anyways, for Major League Baseball draft, is that if you go to a junior college, you're draft eligible every year. But if you go to a four-year school, then you don't have draft eligibility until after you complete your junior year. But I didn't really have many offers coming out of high school anyways, except for our local community college, which happened to be a really good program. And that was a full ride? Not initially. So initially they gave me – I had a 75% academic scholarship because Florida had a bright future scholarship based on grades. And then I also had a 75% baseball scholarship.

So I was actually getting paid to go to college my freshman year. But one of the rules where I had to live at home. So I wasn't able to live in the dorms. But I went to the community college in my town. So not initially I didn't. But I got drafted to sign with the Braves after my freshman year. I got drafted late. So back then there was 50 rounds in the baseball draft.

My freshman year in college, I was like 1 in 4 with the 4.5 ERA. Like I did horrible. I was partying all the time. Like I was taking all the college kids that came in because we had college kids there from all over the world. We had swimmers. We had a national swim team that was like the best in the country. So they were getting swimmers from like Australia and Columbia and Venezuela. Is this a big school? No, it's a small community college.

But they were number one in the nation in swimming, both men and women. They won like they had like the longest streak ever for national championships. It's crazy if you look it up, any river community college. but they also didn't have much competition in the state. But they were getting like really good talent. And even our baseball team, we had a really good talent. After my sophomore year in college, we had like eight guys go pro that ended up going pro, plus another probably like 10 to went division one.

So we had a really good team my sophomore year. But I got drafted my freshman year in the 45th round. And they had like 50 rounds back then. But 45th round is nothing. Like they're going to offer you no money, but they had what was called a draft and follow. So after my freshman year in college, they drafted me in a 45th round. I say no, obviously, they're not offering me any money. But what they do offer is for me to sign my rights to them.

So with the draft and follow, you sign your rights to that team. You go back to school for another year. You mature on the baseball field. If you get better, they have like a week or two grace period before the next year's draft to sign you. if you don't do better, then you can, you're free to go back into the draft. Or if you don't want to sign with them, you go back into the draft. So I went back to school, I signed my rights to the Braves, went back to school my sophomore year, ended up having like the best year of baseball in my life.

That's when I knew like, okay, this is, this is real. And you didn't know before that when the Atlanta Braves are approaching you? I mean, that's every kid's dream. I know what I was growing up. I think we had one kid that went pro, pro football out of my high school. school out of thousands, you know, so the odds of someone like you coming from the small town and doing that. Yeah, it didn't be drafted. I think I kind of underestimated that, but. That's a huge accomplishment. And I didn't see it that way then. And this is the other thing, though, is like, I was

already starting to get into drugs then. So there was a guy on our team that was expected to get drafted. He was one of our catchers. This is on your college team. I'm on my college team. And he was really good. And he got drafted out of high school. He was expected to get drafted after our freshman year in college. He's actually watching the draft because they only do the couple first rounds televised. Then the rest of the draft is just you see it on the computer. You know, you can follow it. So I'm out partying on X, like been up for a couple of days, partying and not even following the draft. Well, I get a phone call from him and he calls me up and he's like, yo, they called me DC. So my initials. You're like, DC, man, you just got drafted.

by the Atlanta Braves, and I'm like, get out of here. Like, no way. I hung up the phone. You know, so he calls me back again and tells me, he's like, dude, I'm being dead serious. You got drafted. So I still didn't believe it. I was skeptical. Ended up getting off the phone with him. Still partied the rest of that night. Well, the next morning, I got a call from a guy by the name of Marco Patty. He says, Mr. Collins, congratulations. This is Marco Patty with the Atlanta Braves. we selected you in the 45th round of the draft. He said, now we have no intentions of signing you this year, but we would like to talk to you about what our plans are for you.

And that's what kind of opened up to that door. What was going through your mind when you're signed? Like who's your first phone call? What's your head space like? I called my dad, of course, because my dad was my hero. And I know that he sacrificed so much for me to be able to play baseball. So I called my dad. There was a girl that I called that I was dating.

and in college at the time that was on the volleyball team. But I don't think it really hit me until the following year when I went back to college. And this is literally every single college sports athlete's dream to get this phone call. It is. But they want that phone call earlier. Like they want the early round drafts, like where there's an opportunity for money. But most players, it doesn't even matter. They can just play.

You know, if you can sign, obviously that's a. big deal you know uh now what made you stand out what why why you why did they why were they interested in you six foot three left-handed pitcher i mean and what's the significance and that's exactly what they said because i was left-handed pitcher is like the number one way to to probably it's like the it's the most rare person they're athlete you know there's a left-hand first of all to be left-handed and a pitcher it's like the highest demand because you don't see it too often so and they use left-handed pitchers for, you know, they'll come in, they'll make a whole career out of just coming in and facing one batter. You know, that's how left-handed pitchers, like the longevity of what their career can be, just be cut based on that alone.

Because there's such a need for it. But in the fact that I was six-foot-three, and back then I was super skinny, though. I was probably 160 pounds, six-foot-360 pounds. So that was the big thing the Brays told me is like I needed to hit the gym when I go back to school the following year. you know, work out, gain some weight, mature. Now, say you got drafted as like a freshman or sophomore in college. Do you finish college or do you just like leave? Like the typical person that gets drafted? So if you get drafted, like I said earlier, the only way you can get drafted after your freshman or sophomore year is to go to juco junior college. So if you do that and then you

get drafted? Then you draft eligible. Then so if you decide to sign, then you have to report to camp. And you're done with college. You're done with college. Now you lose your college eligible. eligibility too. So that's the other thing. So because that's how like the young players get in. They just skip college completely. So if it doesn't work out professionally, then they're kind of starting back at zero. Yeah. Well, and then you lose your collegiate eligibility, which is a huge thing. But most people get it in their contract and I did too is that where the professional team like the Braves had to pay for my remaining years in college. So at that point, I still had two years left because I got my A degree. And I'd signed with that by you.

down in Miami after which is a good school which is a good school and back then they were like around 25 top 30 in the country um but even then I did that prematurely because I signed in the fall and had I waited till after the spring season because I matured so much from my sophomore year from my even from my freshman year but from my sophomore year from the fall to the spring like it was night and day I mean I ended up going from throwing like 87, 88 to like 90 to 92, touch 93, ended up throwing only no hitter in our college history. I started out the season as the number two pitcher by the end of the season. I was neck and neck with our number one who was also like really good. So you had a great year. You're officially signed with the Atlanta Braves.

They take you up on it. So after, yeah. So after my sophomore year, they had the grace period to sign me. They made me a few offers. My agent was like, ah, don't take it, don't take it. I ended up signing. Yeah, what was the whole process like with dealing with an agent, the money, the contract, being that young, you're what, 22 at the time? No, younger than that, 19. So what's that like? Yeah, so the way it works is that if you're, if you still have collegiate eligibility, you're not allowed to officially sign an agent. You can have a financial advisor, but the team still has to talk directly to you. They're not allowed to talk to him. If you sign with him officially, now you give up your amateur status, and now you're a professional, and you're no longer allowed to play college ball.

So the way that works is the team will make an offer to you. You take that offer to the agent, this guy that's going to be your agent, and he'll tell you yes or no. You take it back to them. You go back and forth that way. Now, once you officially sign it on the dotted line, now he gets his cut. So my agent was a guy by the name of Bill Rose and Brian Doyle. And it was DRM, which was Doyle Rose Management, something like that. But my agent Bill Rose was a part owner of the Yankees.

And Brian Doyle played for the Yankees. And he had like this really crazy world series with the Yankees. And that's what he kind of like his hype was. So you had a good team behind you. Yeah, I definitely had a good team that had some cloud. They found me. And it was through my college pitching coach. So my college pitching coach was a former pitching coach for the Dodgers, a guy by the name

Jim Stokel. So you're stacked on the roster for your team. Yeah, I had a lot of people behind me. And I had a lot more people that believed in me more than I believed in myself. Because I still, I was still like that insecure little boy. And I still had all this emotional trauma that I never processed. So I got in trouble even in college. They weren't even going to ask me to go back for my sophomore year.

Like I lost my scholarship after my freshman year because I did so horrible when I was partying all the time. The only reason they even brought me back was because another guy, one of our pitchers, ended up signing with the twins. So they needed, they had an opening the spot. And he ended up telling me I'll give you, you know, full scholarship. And I think part of that too was because the brave signed me. So that guarantees that scouts will come out here.

So you got another chance. So he gave me another shot. So back to the contract, what's that process like with the negotiating aspect? They had a weak grace period. So first day he calls, says, we're going to offer you $80,000. I take it to the agent. He says no. So they were thinking I can get somewhere around like $500,000.

So you're doing, you're the middleman. I'm the middleman. The agents, the agents, whatever you want to call them aren't talking. They're not allowed to. because then you give up your amateur status if you do it. So that's the hard part about it. It's like they're coming at me. I'm a young kid.

I have no idea about how the industry works, how people are, you know, like, obviously their goal is to sign you for as little money as they possibly can, you know, and to get you to give up the rest of your collegiate years. And they succeeded. I ended up doing it, and I probably shouldn't have.

How much did you sign for? $175,000. And out of that $175,000, how's the split work? How much do you get? How much? I had to give him 3% so it wasn't much. Now had the role's been reversed, your agent, financial plan or whatever you want to call them, done the negotiating, do you think you would have gotten more? Absolutely. So you got like taking advantage of it and railroaded in that scenario. Yeah, definitely don't believe that that should even be allowed. I don't know if they still do it, but. And you're a kid that came from no money.

So it was a lot of money to me. Yeah. I mean, that was a whole, and my dad's telling me so I'm calling my agent I'm calling my dad my agent saying no hold out we'll get you more your dad saying too and I was a lifelong Braves fan you got to think too like I wanted to play for the Braves I knew it was a good organization but my agent's saying no you're going to go anywhere from the second to the sixth round back in 2003 that's anywhere from 750,000 to you know 200,000 maybe a little less one you know 100,000 if you're six rounds so like I kind of fell into like fifth round money when I signed. Which is a lot of money back then. Back then. At that time, yeah, it was a lot of money. Fifth round money. If you're in the top five, ten rounds of draft, you know, then you're doing

well. And you also wanted to like stick it to your stepmom too that you could pull it off in the back of your mind. Oh God. Yeah, that was like a big thing. And I'll never forget because when I finally did sign that contract, you know, the scout for the Braves came in, the agent came. You know, they bring the big check and you got the big check. Can you cash that check or how does that work? how that works. No, because I ended up getting, I ended up breaking it down. I got multiple checks. So there was a different tax bracket. So that was something else that they told me. So I broke it down into a couple different checks to fall under a different tax bracket. So I remember I would get the check the first of January of each year. Which isn't even that much. No. I ended up blowing

through that money in, you know, no time at all, a couple years. I mean, you give a kid that much money that has no money. It comes from nothing and no emotional maturity. I mean, I look at when I was handed $500,000 or more than that and you see the outcome that that happened. So it's just, it's not a good mix. Yeah. And there was no one like giving you advice saying, hey, put it into a, you know, a business account, do this, do that. My dad was trying. I wasn't listening. Like he was trying and I got wrapped up with drug dealer friends, you know, people you call your friends that and they're really like, making money off my money. They leached on to you because now you're the rich, popular baseball player.

Yeah. And in my mind, like, this wasn't going to end. Like, this was just the beginning of, you know, like, in my mind, I'm going to make it to the big leagues. Like, at that point, like, I felt I had the talent to make it, you know. And this was a stepping stone to get to the next level. Yeah, you had to climb through the ranks of. And do your time, get the real money.

Yeah. Do you report to, like, camp right away? How does that work after the signing? Yeah. So I had to report our spring training was at Disney Wild World of Sports. And then they ended up sending me to advanced rookies. So they have low rookie and advanced rookies. Like that's your first stop.

And what does that mean? What's a difference between those two? Usually the low rookies, more like high school players, people that are coming out of high school. They have high school players in the league. Yeah, after their senior year, you got guys that literally signed right out of high school. That's crazy. 18 years old. Yeah.

So you got some, you know, like, Dominican players or Venezuelan players that they're signing at the age of 16. It's crazy. So you're in the advanced league. What's training like? What's it like for you? My first year, I was like one in six. I had one win, six losses, but I had a really good ERA. We just couldn't hit. Like our team wasn't that good, but. And you actually got playing time. Yeah, I was a starter. So, but there was a lot of politics to it. And the way baseball works is obviously the people that get the money invested in them, they get the playing time. there was a couple other guys that I've seen that were performing really well. But because they had

somebody who signed for a bunch of money sitting in front of them, then they didn't get the playing time. And that person that got the bunch of money could be doing horrible on the field and not putting up any kind of numbers, but because the investment was with them, it's a business, you know. And that's what that's the part of it I didn't like because I didn't understand it. You know, I was young. Do you get a salary too on top of your signing bonus? minor league players get paid jack like and i it's a crime and i think they started to make a change with it but what was your salary 800 dollars a month plus room and board or you you're paying yeah no they're paying for room and board okay food too food two meals they're giving you a per diem like 10 dollars a meal

what's that a fucking a couple big big doubles and big tickets back then we got it's 2003 so money i guess went a little bit further the dollar menu is actually the dollar menu back then now you go to McDonald's the dollar venue everything's like 225 it's crazy yeah so they it's crazy because in the minor leagues they there's no players union so they own the rights to you and it's strict i mean we literally had to have short haircuts our face had to be clean-shaven we had to have collared shirts on everywhere we went with our shirts tucked in with khaki pants on or shorts like anytime you represent the team this is how you had to go out and they give you literally $800 a month so i got to pay check, I think it was like $400 every two weeks.

But they did pay for the hotel. But when you're, anything that they pay for, you got to go by their rules. So you got to be in by 10 o'clock. They own you. Yeah. No alcohol, no girls. Like, and I was partying a lot. So that was trouble for me.

What was it like to be a professional athlete in an era where social media didn't exist? Like, what's that like back then? Uh, there was no smartphones. No, it wasn't. Yeah. I mean. Is it just like? girls waving you down they see you how does that work that's crazy you have girls literally

waiting in the hotel like and it's kind of what's funny it's i don't know if it's funny or not but so there's always with the braids there was this chick and i don't even know what the heck her real name was but she hopped at each brave dude she went by the name horny they called it like horny like and this is not even a joke like this is a real story and she would show up at spring training. She would show up at every minor league team. And like the running joke with the guys was that you had to sleep with her in order to get to the big leagues. Like you wouldn't make it unless, but she would take guys. And these guys would sign for $800,000, a million. She would take these guys to the mall and like buy them stuff. She would buy them stuff. Buy them stuff. Yeah. And I guess

she had daddy's money. Like, and it was insane. But there were so many. girls like that like you go to the hotel room yeah i mean anywhere you go they're waiting it's crazy like what some women or even men do because i have a lot of men that slide in my dms too oh yeah and i'm even i'm not even like a like a hugely famous person or anything but just seeing some of the yeah no like just seeing like some of the offers that people present they don't even know me and they you know they want to buy you stuff they want to do this they want to go out with you like these are complete random strangers that are doing this. So I could, I could imagine like, well, it was like back then. And I was wild. Like, I was chasing the nightlife. To me, it was just one big party. Like,

I just had no grasp on life. Like, I just had no understanding. Like, I wish I would have waited. It's even crazy because my roommate in college was a guy by the name of Steve Pierce. And he ended up winning the World Series MVP with the Red Sox in 2018. But he would always tell me, like, don't take the money go to school like wait just wait you're not ready yet he was in the major leagues before you right he ended up making it to the big leagues i signed before him oh you signed before he got drafted at the same time as me but he kept telling you not to take the name he didn't sign he said the only way i'm going to sign is that they offered me a million dollars and he he stuck to that i remember him telling me that and he stuck to that and they didn't when he ended up signing they didn't even offer

a million dollars but he made that and some because he had his head on straight like he was mentally and emotionally stable like i wasn't so he kept telling me not to sign and i remember sitting in prison and watching him on tv win the world series MVP and was thinking like wow like good for him but like that could have been me and this is like a super critical moment that like the audience needs to remember this moment if you're listening to this right now because it doesn't turn out well for you in the end like as we know but that really could have been you Like, that's haunting to think about. Like, that was everything you could have been.

That was, yeah, that was supposed to be my life. And I hated baseball. Like, I wouldn't even watch baseball because, like, I was so mad at myself, you know. But because he made it to the World Series, I had to watch it. So how do you get to that point? Where does it all go wrong? I know you're partying when you're playing. You're this famous, you know, guy now with the draft.

You're on the Atlanta Braves. where does it really turn bad? So in the minor leagues, like I'm known for partying. And you do look the part, by the way, of the baseball party. Well, I'm a Florida guy. So when our spring training was at Disney in Orlando, so like I was kind of like homegrown. So like I knew like the little local spots and stuff. But I started getting in trouble with the team first. And, you know, it's just breaking team rules, being out past curfew, drinking, having girls at the hotel. I mean, there was literally times where they come do room checks, and I got girls running out of the rooms, like, naked.

Like, it was just insanity. And switching rooms with other players, like, just doing a lot of dumb stuff, like really blowing a great opportunity. But so what happened, the last time I got in trouble was, like, the Bray's already told me, like, you're not allowed to go out anymore. At the time, the head of minor league operations was a guy by the name of Dayton Moore, who ended up becoming a general manager of the Kansas City Royals, years later, but he was like a rising star in the admin side of things. And, you know, they told me,

don't go out anymore. You need to, you know, lay low and get it together. When we all go out, there ends up being a big fight in downtown Orlando. And somehow my name gets thrown in the mix that I was there and the brave suspend me indefinitely. So what that means is that they still own the rights to me, but I got to pack it up and go home. But I was so messed up. I was so, out of it that at times that there was one time I passed out on the field because I was so malnourished. I went back to spring training after my first year in the minor leagues. I went back the second year. I was six three, 155 pounds, like strung out, like bad. And obviously everybody else knew. They used to make fun of me. You're the skinniest guy in pro ball. Like I

remember literally wrapping their hands around my wrist because of how skinny I was. Like I couldn't even get the ball to home plate. What kind of drugs were you doing that causes? Coke then. Like a whole bunch of Coke then, yeah. And drinking and Coke, drinking and Coke, drinking and Coke. So did you even process when they told you you were suspended indefinitely? Did that hit you? It didn't hit me because I was so far gone at that time. Even my agent was like, you need to come down because my agent was based out of like Miami area. Yeah, could they have saved you or anything? He was trying. Like my dad was trying. My agent was trying. Like I just wasn't listening. I'm couch surfing. I'm air mattress. surfing. I've got this money still. So like, you still have the money. Yeah. So I'm just partying. I've got drug dealer friends that are like flipping money. So you're making some

yeah, but no, but I'm not making it because I'm using it. How long into your contract was this? I played probably two and a half seasons before this really got bad. Yeah, well, I got bad after the first year. What do you think could have avoided this? Or was this just destined to happen? because of your early childhood, because of the money, because of everything put together? I think even when the people tried to step in, I would shut down anyways, but it would have took some serious type of inpatient type of treatment or intervention, which that never came. But the people that did try to help, my dad, you know, the coaches, my agent, I just, I wouldn't listen because I to me there was nothing wrong like I got this everything's fine like you don't I don't

see how bad it really is everybody outside looking in can see how bad it is but to me it's not that bad I can't imagine how heartbreaking it probably was for your dad to watch just for you to achieve that goal your dream and then just self-destruct yeah it's for it and he sacrificed everything for me so like that's the hardest part for me now like more than anything is because this guy literally raised me when my mom left me and gave up his career so you could have a career so i could have a career and made sure like so like that's probably still like the hardest part for me like super hard yeah i mean i'm sure it taunted you like every day since about everything i know like that what i've seen my dad do for me throughout everything that the lengths he's done to protect me and and to help me out and stuff

Like, that's long. I mean, so many times, like, he would bail me out of jail. I got arrested in spring training, like, at the Braves Field. I got arrested, like, he bailed me out there. The many times that I ended up getting in trouble down the road, like, there was times where, like, where I spent all my money, like, I owed drug dealers. Like, he's coming to pick me up in, like, these random locations, paying my debts. Like, when I tell you, I got bad, like, I was literally homeless in the streets,

just ending up in all different neighborhoods. but it's like, owing people money. I mean, like, it was, it's sad, like, really, like. Now, this didn't just happen overnight. So those first two and a half years playing, did the team, like, protect you and bury stuff under the rug when they, because someone had to have noticed that you were getting arrested, getting in trouble?

Well, I got arrested the first time when I was with the Braves, and they kind of act like it, it happened in the off season. But I was at the, the, the, the, the, the, defense happened in the off season, but I got arrested because there was a warrant out for my arrest. So I got arrested at the field. While you're practicing? Well, it was at nighttime. But I was supposed to be at the field the next morning to practice, yeah.

Okay. And so it was a misdemeanor charge, but it, they were like, well, it happened in the offseason. it was a misunderstanding, you know. So you're like, privilege to do? But it was definitely privileged. No, hands down,

you know, like, and that's, I think that was a big downfall for me too, is that every time that I would get in trouble, people would try to shield and protect me because of my career, not realizing that was really doing more damage, you know,

because if I would get arrested for disorderly intoxication or public intoxication, they'd slap me on my wrist. And then, send me right back out there but still untreated childhood trauma it just progressively got worse and i think that that's definitely changed in society a lot since back then with like the cover-ups and everything because you look at now they're cutting people right away someone gets arrested any types of sports they could be a top athlete yeah they're done that's it like anything hits the news you have to be very careful and too much stuff has hit the public eye now

And the advent of social media. You know, like you said, smartphones. So you didn't have smartphones back then. So it was easier to bury up. It was very easy to bury, you know, what was going on. And I was still, they invested this money in me. Like, they don't get that money back if they release me or something. You know, that ends up being my money.

And to them, that's not a whole lot of money. They're a billion dollar industry, you know, organization. But still. And I think them too, like they, everybody just wants to see you do well. You know, like they, you know, slap you upside the head and get it together now it doesn't just end with you getting cut and that's it everyone moves on with their life you end up in prison so what happens between the time you're you're suspended indefinitely and a prison sentence um i'm working like odd jobs i keep telling everybody

i'm going back to baseball i'm going back to baseball but were you planning on it or you were in my hand i was authentically planning on it like that was my plans but i was so wrapped up an addiction that it was impossible for that to happen. But in my mind, that's what I kept saying, because in my mind, I kept minimizing it. Like, it's not that bad. It's not that bad. You know, this is just going to go away.

Or I'll do it tomorrow. You know, and it's morning, and I just never got it together. So I ended up spending all the money, burnt, like, all my bridges, had nowhere to go. I go to treatment. Like, my dad's still, like, trying to get me help.

So I went to a treatment center in Jacksonville, Florida. And when I got out of treatment, I started work for a company up there. So I'm working up there for a while. And I meet my wife that I'm with now. And she's trying to help me. And I've had bouts, like, where I'd get it together and then I'd mess up and I'd mess up. But it got so bad, like where I had like multiple suicide attempts. Like I'm taking.

This is rock bottom. Yeah, I'm at rock bottom. And your agents have dropped you by this point. Agents have dropped me. I've lost everything. I mean, there was a point in time where I'm at my friend's house. He had a 4-10 rifle. Like, I shoot it.

It ends up just missing me. Goes through, like, the, I mean, I could have hurt somebody else. Like, I was just a mess. Another time I was in Jacksonville, I took, like, they had me on Suboxin. It was back when they had, like, the stop sign ones. And I took, like, 50 of those and, like, started, like, chewing them up. And I swallowed a whole bunch of, Syracquil, I took like 50, 100 milligrams seracill.

Thank God they ended up up in my stomach. But like I was just, I was ready to die. Like I was just hopeless. I lost everything, you know, like my whole life, my whole identity was in baseball. Did losing baseball propel the drug addiction down? Made it even worse. Because my identity's in baseball, you take that away, who am I?

You know, like I had no idea who I was. And my whole life was centered around baseball. Well, that's like one of the worst things that can ever happen to someone when you don't have your purpose and you're missing that identity. You're just like in limbo. I remember days where like I was like, what am I doing? Like I don't know what I'm doing. Like to wake up and not have a purpose that's scary and you combine that with drug use. You're in a you're in a dangerous situation right there. Very dangerous. And not only a danger to myself, but at that point, become a danger to society too. Like because and I wasn't intentional on wanting to hurt people, but just a natural

a byproduct of the decisions I was making was that somebody was going to get hurt. If not, I'm going to end up losing my life. But when I finally got in trouble, I'd lost everything. Even the wife that I'm with now, she's like telling me you can't come back because I'm using drugs, like can't come back home. So I start driving around. Now this company I'm working for out of Jacksonville, they gave me a company truck. And I was a marketing director for like this home inspection company. And this is early 20s or later? I'm 25. Okay. So you're driving around. Driving around.

At this point, I've done graduated in drugs to needle in my arm, pipe in my mouth. Like, I am using drugs by myself with nobody else around, like, have no friends. Like, you're a junkie, a full-blown junkie. I'm junked out, like, completely, like, bad, you know. But the company I'm working for, I'm literally driving around getting high. They had GPS on me. and I'm driving around from, I had to go to real estate agents and insurance agents to market our home inspections to them. And I'm driving around and they have to, they're tracking me.

So I'd stop and I'd just get high in the parking lot. I'd never go in. And then I'd go to the next stop and I'd go to the next stop. And I'm doing this for a while before she finally kicks me out, the wife I'm with now, Jody. And justifiably so because I'm obviously not. deserving of being there but i um i end up staying with a friend and my friend's selling drugs too at the time he's trying to cut me off as well because even the drug dealer wants to cut me off like that's how bad it's getting yeah like it got so bad and because i just had no off switch

and um so he doesn't want me to go back to his house but i got all my stuff at his house and i go knock on the door and his girlfriend's sister answers the door and I'm like hey do you mind if I come in to get some of myself and she's like yeah no problem she doesn't know that he doesn't really want me there so I go in I grab some of my stuff but then I go into the safe and I grab some of his stuff including some drugs and I leave well when I leave I get driving down the road and I'm like man I should have took everything at this point you know I was like that's stupid me and I should have grabbed the rest of my stuff so I go back to Bonjour, compadre. It's the...

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Look for the seal. Real California Milk. The house, I knock on the door again. This time she opens the door. You knock, you're polite. I'm polite. Yeah, this is crazy, right? So I knock on the door, she opens the door, but there's a look on her face, like, she's on the phone, like, probably like I'm not supposed to be there. But she doesn't say where that can come in. She's probably like, well, I don't know what, you know. But I know them well. You know, like I grew up with them. So like, when she opens the door and she kind of steps back, I just go in.

I go take the rest of the stuff and I leave. Well, as I'm. I'm leaving, here he comes with his girlfriend down the road, and I get my truck and I leave. Like, I don't care. Like, I'm just so far gone, I don't care. Well, she calls the cops. So I'm taking back roads out of the neighborhood, and I'm getting ready to go back down. I'm going to go beg and plead with my wife with, I'm with now, who's my girlfriend at the time, to see if maybe she'll let me in. Like, I really had no direction, like wandering aimlessly. Well, I get to, there's a road in my town that takes us out to 95. So I'm going down a back road called Engle Road.

Kings Highway ends up taking you out to 95. Well, I see a cop coming. So instead of me turning right, I go straight. Now, me and him, we're the only people on the road. It's late at night. So when I see him come my way, in my mind, I'm like, I'm not stopping. Because I see him stopping the intersection to turn around and come behind me. I said, I'm not stopping.

Like, he's going to have to kill me. Or, you know, like, this is not going to end well. So I end up taking off. He, you know, has the lights on him. We get in a high-speed chase. And I'm going down all these back roads in the town. And I end up at a dead end. I'm at a point where I've got multiple cops with their guns drawn on me.

I'm looking in the rearview mirror. And they're wanting me to get out of the car. And I'm like, I'm not. Like they have to kill me. Like literally like that's what I'm thinking like suicide by cop like my life. I was hopeless. Like I literally lost everything. You wanted to die.

I wanted to die at that point. And but I was too much of a coward to do it myself. And that's that's where the hard part was. So I dropped the truck into first gear. I spin it around. And now I'm going at them. But I'm not trying to hit them. I'm trying to get away from them.

And lucky enough I didn't hit them. And they didn't shoot me. Like, privilege, again, you know, we talked about privilege earlier. But, like, just the fact that I'm driving in the direction of cops with the vehicle and they didn't shoot. So we end up going on a high-speed chase again. But in my mind, I turn the headlights off. But every time I hit the brakes, they're on me. So in my mind, I'm like, I'm going to pull the fuse box.

The lights, maybe I can pull the lights and they'll stop chasing me. Now, I'm telling you, like, I'm gone, like on drugs. You're trying to be like a ghost. I don't even know what I'm thinking. So I go fumbling around for the fuse box while I look up and the road ends. And it's a big mound with yellow signs with, you know, pointing each direction. Like, you got to go left or right here. My truck went straight.

And I caught air. I braced myself and I hit, and I hit water. And my head hit the wind shield. and the truck started sinking. And when the truck started sinking, I started panicking. And it's filling up with water. It's filling up water.

I'm panicking. I start trying to beat the window, open the doors. I can't get it. Well, when a truck sinks, you know, it kind of like buoys out a little bit. So there's a hatch

and there's a camper on this truck. It's wrapped in the company I'm working for. It's a Maripro. It's all wrapped in this company. And that's how they identified me on the road. too, the cops, so they knew, like, who to chase. But so I don't know if I punched the glass or how it went, but somehow, and that's why I got this huge gas here, but I'm going through the back of the truck.

Well, I feel like somebody pulls me through, and then I go to swim up. Like, in my mind, all I'm trying to do is get air because I swallow so much water. I'm panicking. I just want to breathe. Like, I'm telling myself, I'm about to die. And the truck's still sinking. Well, there's a little pocket of air in the top corn. So I go up for this pocket of air and I grab the air and I'm still trying to think how I'm going to get out of this truck and there's the camper on the back of it. So I push on the hatch that pulls up. So as I push the corner pops out. Well, the truck's going down completely under at the same time that I'm trying to go up. But it's like a vacuum. It's like a black hole. It's just like sucking. And pulls my shorts off, pulls my shoes off.

I ended up feeling like somebody's pulling me out of the truck. So I swim up, the truck goes completely under, in my mind I'm still running, I'm on the run from the police. So I start swimming. I see cop lights up on the canal bank and on the canal bank. And I see a cue beam shine in the water. It's like a spotlight, you know how cops have the cue beam. So I see it, and I start swimming towards this cue beam,

and after I give up I can't run no more the current was so strong and I start swimming towards the cube being because I was ready to surrender well when I climb up on the canal bank it's a really steep canal bank I climb up I end up passing out I completely black out and when I wake up it's the next day and there's nobody in sight there's no cops there there's nothing like I'm covered in blood I just got a pair of box with breezes on a t-shirt, my hands sliced open, my face is out to here, like, my whole foot, leg, everything's filleted, like, and I start screaming at the top of my lungs. I'm, like, super high grass. We end up flipping in Taylor Creek Canal in four piers, but I'm screaming at the

top of my lungs. Well, some time passes. I don't even know how much time it is. Cop comes up, ambulance comes up, they get out of the vehicles, they go look in the water. There's obviously the truck is at the bottom of this canal bank, but I'm screaming at the top of my lungs, and now they come over, now I'm cussing them out. You know, you M. Muff-M-up. Motherfuckers left me here for dead. You pulled me out of this vehicle, and you left me here for dead. I need to get to the hospital.

And they're like, we didn't pull you out of the vehicle. And I'm like, what do you mean you didn't pull me out of the vehicle? Like, you definitely pulled me out of the vehicle. I need to get the hospital. And they're like, no, we thought you pulled a Houdini and disappeared. So I was like, when then what brought you back to the spot? And they said that there was a lady on the end of the street that called the cops said that there's a white male out here covered in blood, in his boxer briefs, screaming

bloody murder. So they end up loading me up in the back of the ambulance. They're taking me to the hospital. They keep asking me questions, and I'm so green at the time, they're asking me who was driving? And I'm like, I was driving. You know I was driving. You pulled me out of the vehicle and you left me there for dead.

And they were like, no, we didn't. like they stuck to that but whenever i said i was driving it was the whole time i was incriminating myself so i learned that later about the law because technically with the vehicle being in the water me there somebody else could have been driving a vehicle so um you're literally lucky to be alive lucky to be alive and that wasn't a wake-up call though for you at that moment it was it was at that moment but not long term it didn't last it wasn't anything substantial what do they end up charging you with um i got charged with two burglary of occupied dwellings for stealing from another criminal yeah for stealing from somebody that was stealing but i did steal him of auto watch and i think a laptop and a necklace along with

you know substances but and he was selling me drugs and a lot of other people too um but so i got charged with two burglary of occupied dwellings i got charged with a burglary of occupyinges i got charged with a burglary of convenience because I opened up his truck door. I got charged with possession of cocaine, aggravated fleeing and alluding, and assault on the officer. Because the officer said that when my vehicle was pointed in his direction, he was in fear of his life. So, like, my vehicle became a missile, which I can understand that, you know. Although I was never trying to hit him, like, I can understand where that could have, it's obviously a very dangerous situation, but. So this is the first time you're in serious, serious.

First time I've ever gotten serious trouble. Are you given bond or they hold you? No, so I was already out on bond for possession of cocaine. So yeah, I was out on bond for possession of cocaine so they revoked my bond. I couldn't get out. What's your dad saying to you? Uh, first of all, he thought, he kept thinking that the cops like literally pulled me out of that vehicle. But he's, he was upset, you know what I mean?

But my dad was like my biggest enabler. You know, like he, he. He was there for me. He got me the attorney. He answered the phone. He made sure I had canteen. He did whatever he could to like he was trying to protect me, you know. Was there still a relationship with your step sister or your stepmom? No, it was out the door at that point. So they never saw me, talk to me, you know. And you get jail time for this. So I sit in jail for like 16 months, fight in the case. And then yeah, they finally, I played out in front of the judge with the 10 year cap. And they gave me what I scored out to, which was 52. point six months in a year house arrest is what he gave me but and they was still trying to like because they knew of my baseball career and they were like but he was like somebody who's done this like i can't not make them see the inside of a prison you know so you think they still were lenient

on you i mean most people if you get too burglary of occupied dwellings just on paper that looks bad even though the circumstances of the case like the person that i took it from all my stuff was at this house you know like yeah but you really i think you needed rehab at that point i need a treatment for sure you didn't need prison but the fact that I got in a high-speed chase and put people in a cop in dangerous multiple cops probably I get it but maybe if they had given you rehab first yeah I mean I don't believe in and that prison works at all like so and I believe that's what progressively leads people to the high recidivism rates that we see today is because you slap them on the wrist slap them on wrist so you get a bunch of rest that lead up slap them on wrist slap on wrist turn them

loose and then you hit them with the prison where in that spam was their rehabilitation Like, the rehabilitation should have started the first time I got arrested for public intoxication, you know. So you go to prison. This is your first time ever in prison. First time in prison. I know you go a second time. So we'll focus on the second time. The first time, though, when do you get out? How old are you when you get out? 31. 31, you get out. How do you end up back in prison for a way longer sentence? It's crazy because I got out. I was doing well. I had an opportunity to go back and play baseball at this point. You had another chance to play baseball. I had cleaned myself up. Dude, you're giving a lot of chances through this whole thing.

I didn't go play, though. Okay. It would have been for the pros? It was on the table. It was independent ball. So. That would have paid? Yeah.

I mean, they pay. It's not, it's like below the minor league. So you got independent ball, which they pay you. And there's different levels of independent ball. Could that have led to? It could have led back to where you were. Where I was. And are you clean when you get out of jail that first time?

Yeah, the first time I was. So what happens? How does that get screwed up again? I'm working at a treatment center. I'm doing very well, clean for a while. You're probably like the community's looking at you in a positive light. Absolutely. Turn your life around. You know, ex-baseball players, you know, goes to prison, turns his life around.

I'm publicly speaking. I'm helping out. It's a good story, so. Yeah. And then I'm actually even helping with the sheriff's department. I'm helping with the public defender's office. You know, like every opportunity I get, I'm going back into jail. I'm speaking. I'm talking to the youth.

and I ended up marrying with my ex-wife and we had a fight or something and I relapsed. Just that one fight threw you over. Yeah, and I relapsed. What was it? What causes a relapse? Like, what was the trigger? I mean, anything can cause a relapse. Like relapse.

It ends up being, to me, it's an excuse. Like, the work was never done. So if you don't physically do the work inside, like, if you don't really work on yourself, it's only a matter of time. And like that's the difference between me now and any other time in the past is like this time I was willing to give up everything because I knew anything I put before my recovery

I would lose. So like I knew that I had to put in the work. And before I was always in a hurry to get back to baseball or to get back to a job or get back to this girl whereas this time I was like I don't care. Like I will give up everything. So at that time I'm working in treatment but I'm not really working on me at all.

So I'm not doing any recovery work. And I was working in the private treatment industry, which it was like back then it was the Wild Wild West. Like you make a lot of money off people going to treatment. And it was insane. Like I started making, I'm talking about a month or two out of prison. I'm making, you know, anywhere from $6,000 to $10,000 a month.

That's great money. Yeah, fresh out of prison off just getting people's insurance to get them into treatment. So, but it's, there's a lot of, it's unethical in so many ways because it's like a cycle, man. Like they would do what was called patient brokering where they would literally like pay people, pay these people to use their insurance to get into, like, I'll pay you $1,000 to come to our treatment facility because I know that our treatment facility is going to charge your insurance $60,000, you know, I'll pay you. So like, that's what they were doing. and then they were like paying us so they could do that like and that's illegal they ended up

getting arrested behind it the owners did so there is like some fraud aspect yeah but it was back then there was so much of it going on especially in south florida like that was like the hub for it and um so you're doing good and then all of a sudden doing really well and then all of a sudden yeah i relapse how bad was a relapse for me it's always bad you know because i don't stop so you just went full-blown drug addiction full-blown drug addiction uh my heart ex-wife at the time, like she hadn't known me in addiction. She only knew me in recovery. So like she's seen a whole other side of me and she ended up kicking me out. And that's a lot of pressure on so. Yeah. So being a convicted felon too, like getting out of prison, like I wasn't

able to put nothing in my name. So even though I'm making a bunch of money, the apartment's in her name because I couldn't put it in my name. And so she ends up kicking me out and justifiably so. Like I was a not when I'm in active addiction like look out. Like you don't. want any you know like I shouldn't be around anybody and that's probably good most for most addicts but anyway so she tells me to leave well now I have nowhere to go and my dad's like look you can stay at the house but you just got to be out of there before your mom gets home. Ah your stepmother my stepmom who you have no relationship. I had no relationship no it started to get a little better then but when I relapse they were trying to get me help and I wasn't you know

like they were trying to stop me you know like and i'm blaming her um the ex-wife because like i had found out some stuff and i blamed her but at the end of the day like it was just me i didn't do the work and um and uh and i was everything was a front like i was again trying to seek acceptance and validation i got real big into like the church and christianity and wanting to be you know and the faith wasn't real like it became religiosity and so Everything was just about look at me to accept me, you know, so I wanted to be validated. And so I ended up, you know, being super insecure, relapsing. So she, my dad's telling me, you can go to the house, you can shower there, you can eat there, whatever.

But please, whatever you do, first of all, don't go rob nobody else, don't go get in any trouble, and be out of there before your stepmom comes home. Well, of course she found out. And she wanted me to get help. They wanted me to get help. And they knew where that would lead for me. Me, an active addiction is like, it's off to the races. Like, you don't, you know, you're flipping a coin and what's going to happen.

Yeah. And so she called the cops because she wanted me to get help. And cops arrested me. They charged me to the burglary at my parents' house. And I had taken a wireless keyboard that was my dad's and sold it and some broken. jewelry and pond it so like super junky stuff where was all the money you were making that was all gone within a couple weeks of with my ex-wife yeah i'm talking about i went through i think 20,000 on drugs just on drugs and just a couple week time that's crazy yeah but i'm paying the guy to

come to the house like you're just throwing it out like you got it yeah like insane and then she cut me off too you know like I just I blew through some like I was just like when I blow through money like I blow through money and yeah um so you steal from your parents house what happens so they call the cops to get me help your parents called the cops yeah my stepmom called the cops like the cops find you and arrest you they find me they arrest me to charge me in the burglary and uh I sit in jails for a while like my dad's like I'm not bonding you out you need to sit there and you need to get it together and that's like the final straw there they're yeah and I did I sat there for a while but then they started off from me 15 years because of your record because of my record yeah and um

because of the previous so 15 years 15 years 15 years I'm like dad this isn't going away like because my dad's like no it's going away we're not going to press charges we just want you to like dry out and get back to where you were, you know, when you were doing good. And so when he saw that they weren't coming out to 15 years, he bonds me out. And my mom goes and signs the paperwork to like not press charges. Like, no, this isn't what we wanted. You know, like the state told her that they were going to get me help in exchange for depositions. Well, when they gave depositions, the state ended up offering me 15 years. finally the attorney got it down to seven and it was at the point where like I could have probably

taken it to trial you know if you took it the trial your parents could have just went on stand said he never burglarized the house yeah and that's what could have happened plus my dad said I could have anything in the house so even though he was an enabler like morally I'm 100% wrong but criminally like on on the technicality of the law like I've really had a strong chance You think they were just trying to roast you at this point? Yeah, well, I think that's what the system does anyways. But me too, because I think because I was doing so much in the community with the sheriff's department and with the public defender, you know, these are elected officials.

I feel like they maybe had to disassociate, you know, with me, distance themselves from me because here I am doing well and then I relapse. And now it's like... You're given so many chances. Yeah, given so many chances. chances like um got to wear it you know and me feeling guilty the way i felt anyways i was like i was wrong you know so like i'm not going to make my parents get on the sand and testify are your parents feeling guilty for calling in the first place uh my dad definitely felt horrible about the

whole situation i mean of course they did like they didn't want that to happen do you think it was inevitable though like it would have happened either way it might have been worse i might have ended up dead. Yeah. So, yeah, I feel like it may have saved my life. Even I don't wish prison upon my worst enemy because you never know. Like it's, you never know which way it's going to go. You could end up getting stabbed and dying in prison, you know, you just never know. But just the rate I was going, when they said seven years, like my wife I'm with now was like, no, don't sign it. That was their first offer. After the 15, they came to seven.

Yeah. And you end up taking that, though. I ended up taking it because I didn't want to put my parents on the stand. And I was wrong. Like, I felt so guilty anyways because I was doing so well and then I messed up again. And I was at the point, like, how does this keep happening to me? Like, how do I keep, you know, beating my head against the wall? So.

Now, when you accept the deal because you're on bond, do they just bring, do you self-surrender? How does that work? Yeah. They let me self-surrender. So you got to, most state cases you can't self-surrender. Normally, like when you're found guilty or whatever, they take you away. No, no, I signed a plea deal in the attorney's office, and then they get me a court date. So when I went in front of the judge.

That's when they cuffed you and brought you away. Okay. Where are you sent to for the seven-year prison sentence? State. So everybody goes to Orlando Reception Center, and then I went to Avon Park. So I was at Avon Park for about four years. I got sentenced to seven years. Seven in and five out.

Of probation. That's the five out. Five out, yeah. Now, were you at more of an advantage because you had already been in the system? Like you knew how things kind of worked? Yeah, because I was super green my first time. The second time was worse, though. You're probably getting into more trouble now that you know how the system works and everything like that.

I know how the system goes. I'm getting more hardened, more desensitized, you know. So let's talk about prison itself, what your prison experience was like. What was like a day in the life? What was the place like? What was the atmosphere? Who are you sold up? Like, who are you around?

As soon as you get off the bus at Avon Park, they say, welcome to camp cupcake. Like, it was known for being a sweet camp. Like, super laid back. Everybody's got phones. There's cigarettes. There's, you know, drugs. Whatever you want, there's at this camp. You know, like that was kind of what the reputation was.

So for me, like the first time I never got caught up in the subculture of it. But the second time I did. And again, it was that seeking acceptance and validation, you know, like. And it was hard to be in a relationship this time because I was back with my wife. And the first time I went to prison, like, there was no relationship. So you just kind of do your time and you go home. But like, when you're in a relationship and while you're incarcerated, your mind is like always on the streets and what's going on. So that was a little hard.

Now, when you say prison camp, is it? this like, is it gang free, politic free? Is this a laid back spot? I mean, no, there's politics anywhere you go. So it's a work camp. So it's not, the way politics work at work camps is a lot different than how they work at main units. Like there's still the flow, the ecosystem, the economy of, you know, how things flow in there. But technically like, you're not allowed to join a gang at a work camp. Like you got to join a gang at a main unit or, you know, at an X. Like, there's so many different, you know, rules and structure to the politics. But, yeah, I mean, there's definitely still gangs there. At that time, one of my good friends would happen to be one of

the headbloods on the pound. So his wife and my wife ended up going on a cruise together and becoming really good friends through the visiting park where you're both one of the visiting park every weekend. So like, he was like top dog. He ain't in, and he had to pound like and he had the pound like with the you know but he had it structured like he wasn't on any of the BS like there was no you're not putting down on you know white boys even like the chomos and stuff like that like so there were sex offenders at this camp a few yeah not the because it's a work camp so like but in florida work camps now they're starting to let a lot more um be at at the work camps but because they're going out the gate. Most sex offenders can't be it at work camps. But he wasn't allowing people to

put down. He didn't want to stop the flow of money. So you could extort and stuff like that, but like he kept the violence down. So anytime there's structure on a pound and you've got good politics and strong politics and strong leadership on the pound, the violence is down, the BS is down. So the guards really want it that way. Because the minute, the strength of the leadership leadership, the pound and there's no structure it becomes chaos well that's like what they say about the cartels and stuff that the CIA allows certain cartels to operate and this and that because it's it's because they're going to keep the peace it's going to exist it just they want to keep the peace in that sense like and and with him on the pound it was that way like for four years i'm talking about it was it was

like people were hanging out like it was literally now like when you say politics so we're not talking like government politics what do you mean by that uh i mean prison politics you know, there's codes that you go by, you know, there's different rules for living in prison, you know. I tell people this all the time, like, if I'm in prison and somebody comes and takes something out of my locker, I can't go knock on the window to the officer station and be like, hey, so-and-so took this out of my locker, you know what I mean? Like, no, you got to handle that. So like, but, um, I mean, just the way, there's, there's politics in so many different ways in prison. I mean, um, I'm curious about something.

Do you guys knock on the table to get up out of the prison lunch table? We do. What's the significance behind that? Because we did that in the feds and I was clueless as this young kid in prison when I saw that. So the big thing with us was like reception centers where you're not allowed to talk at the table. kind of like your way of saying, okay, I'm out, you know. But we still did it like at the work camp, but like our work camp was so loose that I mean, you're getting up off the table and you're walking and talking with people. But some people still did it every now and then they would just

knock and get up and go. But it's just like a sign of respect, you know. What is a work camp? Anyways, like what do you do at a work camp? So work camp, you got a job. Like you're going out the gate nine times out of ten like where are you going uh going to mow yards and like city ditches and random people's yards and parks and yeah and there's different jobs are you in like a jumpsuit or how does that work yeah you're still in a prison uniform wow so you're like the guys on the side of the street picking up garbage doing all that is there like an armed officer keep an eye on you guys of course yeah does anyone ever try to escape i i mean you see it happen but people to do it at that point are dumb because you're on your way out the door. I mean, but some people get,

get that kind of time or some people get to a work camp with still like nine years left, you know, because I think right when you drop under 10, you can qualify to go out the gate. And how much are you paid for these jobs? Nothing. So Ford doesn't pay inmates anything. Which is basically like slavery. Absolutely. So, and it's crazy because I never looked at it that way, but I had a friend of mine, his name is Rishon Clark. And him and I ended up, become a really good friends in prison. I'm this, we had completely two different upbringings, but he, uh, he tells me, he's like, he gets put on a DOT squad. So Department of Transportation, you go out the gate, you go Mo, weedy, all this stuff. So when he comes back to the dorm from

ICT, when he gets the job placement, he comes back to the dorm, he says, man, I'm going to confine it. And I was like, for what? He says, because they put me out to gate. And I was like, that's a good thing. Like, what's wrong? What's wrong? with that. You get to be away from prison. You'll probably get some good street food because the guards will give you some food out there every once in a while. It'll be like you're not even in prison. That's not a bad thing.

And he was like, it goes against everything I stand for. And I was like, what do you mean? He goes, it's modern day slavery. And that's when he went on to tell me about the 13th Amendment, the abolishment of slavery except when punished will by a crime. And when I went down that, and I really began to educate myself, like I completely understood

where he was coming from. You know, that prison ultimately became modern day slavery, you know. And that's really wild to think about. Like, when, when you see that written out and you put in perspective, it's exactly what it is. It's evolved. I mean, they're paying people, what, 10 bucks a month to work 40-hour weeks? And that's on the federal level. You're saying you didn't even get paid anything. Florida state jobs, you don't get paid at all. So, and if you think about that time, like slave labor was such an integral part of the southern an economy and you know you take that away what do you do you start making laws that literally target people to lock them up you know i mean on paper like what i did was like the high speech

is really bad but like stealing from a drug dealer my parents like 10 years in prison to me was a lot like when i could have just benefited from some like real treatment you because maybe that second prison sentence wouldn't even happened the recidivism wouldn't have happened if it was helped the first time During the second bit, are you on drugs or are you clean? No, I'm using. You're using in prison. I'm using, like, life just, yeah. You're just going with the flow.

I got caught up in the subculture. Of prison. Of prison the second time around. So what was the craziest thing you've seen in prison? Prison was super insane. So, I mean, at our camp, there was inmates paying guards, you know, to go in. to the bathroom and with their wives, you know, in the visiting park. And just to hook up with them?

Yeah. How much could you pay a guard to hook up with your wife? So, dude, it was so crazy because at this camp they had it where, like, they had like, you'd be like five or six couples, and each couple would pay that guard $50. So he's making, you know, $300, $400, $400 a walk sometimes. And he doesn't even have to do anything. All he's got to do is turn his butt back, you know. And there was a whole system.

place. So one couple goes into the bathroom, the other couple stands at the door and wait, and it was funny because there'd be times when like a guard would be, or not a guard, but one of the other inmates' visitors would be like wanting to appoint and tell. And the guy would be like, no, you can't say nothing because prison, you can't snitch. Even though like, the more you think about it, like, but these guys, not to justify it, but like, if you haven't got off in 10 years, 15 years. Can't knock the hustle, dude. Yeah, but you're also going into the bathroom that is that these visitors are using.

So, like, yeah. How much are they paying for this for a guard to turn a blind eye? Each couple is, like, they pay the guard 50 bucks. 50 cash, here you go. Yeah, but, and you multiply that by 6, 7, 8, 9. It's a good pay day. Yeah, it's a good pay day. Is this the most corrupt?

Guards aren't making much money. So is this the most corrupt thing you're seeing guards do, or is it worse? guards bringing drugs, phones, like... Are there a lot of cell phones? At Avon Park, there was nothing but cell phones everywhere. And what's everyone doing? Just they're on whatever, dating apps, making money. Yeah, this is back in the day.

They tightened down now. So, like, it ain't like that anymore, but... Yeah, I mean, like, a lot of people all make content about cell phones and prison and stuff. They're like, oh, that's snitching. But, like, if you literally Google it... Oh, this shit's been exposed. Like, this thing blew up in the last couple years. I mean, they literally have ranking of...

prisons with contraband, like which prisons have the most contraband. Yeah, they're not stupid. They know what goes on. It's all over TikTok. People cooking in the cells. Some prisons are, I see girls, there's this one girl I follow that does a live every night in her prison cell. So the prison is just giving them phones with social media. It's crazy. Yeah. And it rotates, like, which camps are sweet. So like, and you've got different regions in Florida for prisons. So like this camp will be sweet for a while. Well, then they'll crack down on this one. and then this one would be a little bit more lax. And I mean, there's no, and you got to figure, like, guards aren't making much, you know, to work inside of a prison. Unless they're overtime and all that.

Yeah, so it's easily, they're easily compromised. Like, you see it time and time getting, there's literally a guard that got arrested, and I'm friends with them still to this day, right? We need him on the podcast, but. We got to get him on the podcast because he's such a cool guy, man. But he got arrested because there's a guy, and I don't know. know how he fell for this and we told him he was dumb for falling for this one but there was a guy that had cash and he um or he needed cash so he told the guard i'll give you i think he said i'll give you three hundred dollars to bring me three hundred dollars now this guy's going to visit every week

three hundred dollars would be the easiest thing in the world to bring in cash because you can fold that thing up to small like that's super easy to get into a prison and uh so he tells the guard i'm going to bring you $300 or I'm going to bring you six my I'm going to have my dad meet you and bring you $600 you bring me 300 and you keep 300 so he goes and meets him at Walmart this the guy that's supposed to be his dad and it ends up being the inspector general the IG so and we're watching it on the news and like he's like one of the cool guards you know like he's one of the guards you want you know like he's treating inmates well but obviously he's doing so do they handcuff him right then and there and he's dragged off yeah they handcuffed him right then I think they check the

serial numbers of the money, but you could see him walking out with flowers out of the Walmart, because he went and bought flowers at the Walmart. How about did he do time? No, I think he ended up getting probation for it. Wow. Now, we had about an hour car ride here, and you told me two crazy stories from your time in prison. The first one, you got married in prison.

Yes. Can you explain that? Like, how does someone get full on married, like their wife comes, that there's a whole ceremony? Yeah. So there's some rules. to it like you have to have been together for X amount of time I believe it's like a minimal every year or something obviously they have to be on your visitation list and we had

to like get some paperwork signs so like she has to go get the marriage license and that was hard because to be able to get counties to sign off on it while I'm incarcerated so like to be able to have somebody know because I can't sign it you know, at the courthouse or wherever they go to get the marriage license. But anyway, so yeah, we got the chaplain to approve it. And they literally, they call you out and you get a few hours up in the- You get a private room? You get. Like, how does it work? You go to the visiting park. You go to the visiting park. Yeah, you're in the visitors park. And there was a couple inmates,

orderlies that were working up there, and then one guard. So like a ring bear? Do you guys get rings or their flowers? How does this all work? We just had a lady. There was a, like, a minister that married us. Yeah, you could have the whole ring.

We didn't have rings because we all got, we got tattoos. But, you know, like, I was broke. So that way, I'm just like, I've lost for words about like this whole marriage thing. So yeah, like it was a real ceremony. They had a minister come up there. Are you in a jumpsuit? Like, can you put on a suit? No, I'm in prison uniform. So she's in a white dress. I'm in a prison uniform. And they're

reading us. I've read, I wrote vows and everything. So can she spend time with you after? Yeah, so we could eat canteen up there. So we had a nice big ass chicken. You order, that's your wedding meal is chicken. Yeah, a chicken sandwich. And out of the vending a soda out of the vending machine so you guys didn't want to just wait until you got out no there was reason behind it so um so i could give her power of attorney uh she had to be married for that yeah so there was reasoning behind because we planned on having another ceremony out here but um for her to have power of attorney over me so she could make some you know legal decisions for me second crazy story i got to ask you about is you showed me a news article earlier about

this guy that was at this prison camp with you. Can you tell us about that? So when I get transferred from Camp Cupcake, which what they called Avalin Park when I got off the bus, Camp Cupcake, I got put under investigation. They said that I was doing stuff that I wasn't doing. Which you probably were. They couldn't prove it and I wasn't doing it. So not guilty. Model. Yeah, I was a model inmate. But they ended up transferring me to, a not-so cup cape camp it was a columbia CI so Columbia CI in the state of Florida is like notorious for being one of the worst camps like gang land stabbing's deaths like just insanity so I've always heard about it but I'd never experienced a camp like that anyway so I on the way there I know

that I'm going there because the guy that's working in classification tells me, you know, even when he pulls my folder, he tells me where I'm going, you know, he could usually pay that guy to do that. I don't know if that happened with the feds, but. They would normally just tell you if you have a cool guard. Yeah. You wouldn't have to pay them. So, yeah, sometimes you had to pay them.

It was a hustle for people in Florida prisons, like, to tell people where they're going, because technically you're not supposed to know for it being a security. Yeah, that was like it was in the Fed. everyone was so curious and there would always be the guards that would tell you. Yeah. So I think we would see that sometimes if there was a cool guard or cool inmate. It's crazy how everything's monetized. Everything's monetized.

Capitalism at its finest. But it goes to show like what people are saying like money buys power, especially in the justice system. And I think that's why people are so worked up and divided over the Trump thing and and this and that and weaponizing the government. And even like we were talking earlier about the Jeffrey Epstein thing about how he was like a sex offender that had a great prison stay his first time and that was solely because he had money. Yeah. And that inf-it's crazy. It literally changes everything.

Yeah. So go on. You got to this prison. Brian Stevenson said, wealth shapes justice in America, not culpability. So, and that's so true. But anyways, I get shipped to this camp. And of course, you know, like I'm asking everybody what it's like. I'm just curious. And so I,

So I get out the bus and the guy's like, dude, we're on lockdown. And I was like, for what? And he said, we just had an MIP. And I was pretty hit to prison at this time, but I still didn't know what an MIP was. So I was like, you know, at this point, I've been in, I did seven years, you know, calendar years. So, but I didn't know what the MIP was. And he said, I said, what's an MIP? And he said, it's a murder in prison.

And I was like, really, what happened? So he said that, uh, there's a guy that got he who he was getting nice you can tell a story yeah so there was a guy that was getting sexually assaulted and he he was getting sexually assaulted by his roommate and he was trying to get out of the cell and in florida if you're trying to get out of a cell like they're not going to move you or give you a bunk change unless you snitch so this guy wouldn't snitch but every day he's going through it where this guy's trying to sexually assaults him and stuff like that so anyways he waits for him to get high on k2 and when the guy gets high on k2 he ends up stabbing him to

death and every day that the guard was walking around when he was trying to move the guard would be like oh i i can't hear what you're saying i can't hear what you're saying so he stabs him to death he cuts his ear off, gouges his eyeballs out, puts his eyeballs in a cup, coffee cup, puts his ear on a necklace, wraps his body in a sheet, and then goes to the chow hall with the ear on the necklace and says to Sarge, can you hear me now? Can you hear me now talking into the ear? That's fucking nuts. So, so crazy they tell me this story, right? And you probably can't believe this. You're like, no. No, no way.

This is happening in prison. Because that was my reaction when you told me earlier. Yeah. Like literally, I had to pull the article up for people to see. And it's literally there. The headlines are bad, puts an ear on a necklace. Yeah, like it literally happened.

So are you like scared when you got there when you hear this story? Yeah, well, and then come to find out, it didn't even happen just then. Like, they were just trying to scare me up. It had happened a little bit before that. But it was, They were just, there were so many crazy stories.

So there was another one where a guard brought a gun in to the inmates. The inmates ended up shooting each other trying to get out of prison. Like this really happened. So, yeah. That just happened in, in the federal prison camp. That's why I really think they're going to be cracking down on all this because someone snuck a gun in to the camp to like kill one of their visitors. It wasn't even to kill another inmate.

Wow. That just ruins it for everyone. Yeah. The gun didn't go off. It like got jammed or whatever. But it's crazy. And, you know, hearing these stories from you, it just, it has me thinking. It's like, that's what I love about this podcast, because you could take any inmate and bring them on here, anyone that's been to prison.

And they're going to have a story. A crazy story. And it's different than the other one. Like, we don't have to sit here and every week talk about, you know, prison hustle, this, this. And even if you did do that, it everyone's is going to be different because there's a million different things. Yeah. Everyone has a unique experience. I mean, there was the time I woke up to my friend stabbing my bunky, like literally stabbing

him in the face. So what are you just like on the top bunk? Yeah, I got blood like, like, I hear him screaming and blood squirting all over the place and I'm like panicking. You can't do anything in that, right? You have to stay out of it. No, I stayed out of it. Yeah.

And it was racial too. So like that was another thing. So obviously in Florida, the politics of race aren't as serious as what you hear like on the West Coast. But still at this camp, it was a little bit more. hardcore than most camps because this was a game camp this was at Columbia the same camp but um I'm still mind-blown they're calling it a camp well I call it a camp they call it a correctional institution it's not a camp so the work camp I call it and you're right it's a CI it's a correctional

institution so you're watching your bunk make it's stabbed up and yeah I'm watching them get stabbed up I jump out of the bed obviously I'm like y'all go at like but in prison you can't stare at things you know like you got to yeah mind your own business get out like I jump out like it's and it's at breakfast time it's like right when the doors pop open so I get out and I let them do their thing does he die or is no he doesn't die but he's messed up and it all it was what he's stabbing him with is a sharpened down toothbrush so he filed down two toothbrushes and then like melded them together and wrapped him up so yeah like stabbing's in prison are very different than what someone would expect like a stabbing on the

street. Yeah. Like stabbing in prison could just be a couple like little holes in you. Yeah. Poking somebody. Yeah. So and that's more what more of this was like you was like you know like. That's crazy. But I mean still enough to blood shooting everywhere kind of create you know just enough still to traumatize you like you got to figure I went into prison the first time as like a grad you know went to college played professional baseball like kind of lived a sheltered life to. by the time I got out of prison, like I was completely, like, desensitized, like, becoming, like, a heart and criminal, you know, like, that was just the reality of my experience. How much time do you end up serving on those seven years? Five years, 11 months on that. So, and I did about four years on the first time I went to prison. So, like, almost 10 calendar years. Over the course of, like, your 30s.

Yeah. When do you? So from 26 to 37. What year do you get out? 21. 2021. This is like right at the peak of COVID. Yeah, I got out in June 15th to 2021.

So I'm right at. Are you sober when you get out? Yeah, but not for long. So you relapse again? No, I mean, I'm sober when I got out, but not in prison. I wasn't. Yeah, no, I know in prison you weren't. So by the time you actually got out this last bid, you were committed to turning your life around.

Yeah. What caused that? What was that like that aha moment where you're like, yeah, I need to get this on track? You know what? The only difference that really made for me was they put me in mental health court. And believe it or not, like that had a profound impact on my life because it gave me access to therapy, gave me access to medication, a psychiatrist. Like I was messed up in the head. Like I needed real stabilization. And I never had that before. So like my, I always tried to just work the 12 steps. If you just go to an AA or NA, like get a higher power and I'll be fine. And that works great for a lot of people.

But for me, that wasn't, it didn't work. And it's not meant for everyone. Yeah. And it wasn't part of my story. So like, but when I got access to real therapy with a one-on-one with a therapist, you know, the court's paid for all this. Like so and I had never been offered help on that level before from the courts. It was either slap on the wrist or prison.

You know, like there was no in between. So to me, that was the biggest difference is me being placed in mental health court. Like it genuinely saved my life. I'm a big advocate for like men's mental health, going to a therapist. I did a year of court-ordered therapy after. That shit changed my life. Yeah. And I got to sit with a woman that was a lot older than me.

She was in like her 80s, whole different perspective. Mm-hmm. Like definitely contributed to like my emotional intelligence. now, like taught me about feelings, about actions about everything. It just gave me, like, a whole new perspective. And that's, that's same thing with me. It's huge. Yeah. What did you end up, like, doing when you got out when you're in that headspace? Like, for work, for, for anything. Oh, so I started working in treatment again. Like, that was kind of like my go-to. Like, treatment's like the one job career industry that seems like they'll hire you if you're an

addict and a convicted felon. Like, those were, like, actually assets to getting hired. Because you can relate to the person. Because you can relate, yeah. I'd rather want someone treating me that it was been there. There's some insanity to it though, too, because they get a lot of people in early recovery. Like me, I was in early recovery. Like, I wasn't fit to be. You're walking on eggshells.

Yeah. And they ended up getting a supervisor position. So, like, I did that for a while. And I had, like, a brief relapse for a couple days. And damn near lost at all. And this was the first time where, I checked myself into rehab and got help. Back on track.

Back on track. Without anybody else, on my own volition, I did it. Like, without having to get arrested, without anything. But they ended up violating me with my probation. And you went back to prison for that? No, I didn't. I went to jail. After I went to treatment, I checked, I went into detox.

I went into inpatient treatment. I went into an inpatient treatment. I went into a halfway house. Like, I did the whole nine year. Like, I was fully committed. I genuinely wanted it. had that will to live again yeah and i mean my wife filed for divorce like i was at on the break of losing everything again just like that the wife you met in marr in prison my the wife i met in mary in prison

the one that you're still with now filed i'm still with now she filed for divorce she filed for divorce yeah after all that time like she finally was like you know what and i mean was that that tough love you needed to to stick that even at that point though like yeah i mean obviously that help because she didn't enable me but like at that point like i was so done I just needed the help. Like I needed real help and I wasn't getting it. So like I finally went to a treatment center that like genuinely gave a shit about the clients. It wasn't about money because I had shit insurance.

So like they wouldn't even, most places wouldn't even take it. But these people like I begged them to let me in. Like I begged them. Like I was crying. I was in tears. I was like please, you know, like I'm going to kill myself. Like this, the track that my life had been on is, you know, like I literally lost everything from all my 20s, all my 30s. like just gone, you know, and, um, and I'm not, I'm realistic, you know, like about the person I was.

Like, I know that I wasn't a good person. Like, I, I'm very open. Like, I feel like making yourself vulnerable is a big part of your, you know, like disclosing like really like, like, because before, like I would always minimize it. It wasn't that bad. You know, like, um, you know, a big part of my recovery is like owning like, you began to own your mistakes. Own my mistakes. Like, know that this, you know, like, the person I was. And know that I'm not defined by that, you know, but at the same time, like, there's a big power in that.

There's so much power. To be able to analyze all the shit you fucked up, relationships you lost, friendships, family, money, whatever. And you can get up and you can own it and you can use that shit as like fuel to keep going and to propel you to like a better person. Yeah. That makes you a very different. human being that a lot of people can't relate to and it and it gives you so much passion and energy

and like a will to live well i think you get a lot of people who go to prison and still want to play like that tough guy like oh i'm gangster or you know like i was this in prison i was that and like dude like there's nothing like glamorous about that in and most people like you go to prison and like everybody's a drug dealer like according to them let them tell it everybody's a drug dealer like Or a rapper. Yeah, like, but who's smoking the dope? Like, if everybody's selling it, like, who the hell's smoking it? Like, really?

And so, and that used to always get me. It's like, just be who you are. Like, if that's, you know, like, and that's how I feel like with me. Like, this is who I am. Like, this is what I did. Like, and I own it. Like, and I'm not proud of it. But there's freedom and saying, okay, like, yeah, like, I was bad.

Like, I was not a good husband. I was not a good son. Like I was not a good brother. Like I was not a good friend, you know, not a good father. And drug addiction, like I allowed it to rule my life. And that's a part of you. It's always going to be a part of you. Yeah.

And what matters is what you do with it now. Yeah. That defines you. But then I went, yeah. And when they put me in mental health court, like, and they got me medicated and, you know, stabilized. And like with a therapist. The therapist is what really to me changed things.

changed like it was a game changer so what have you been able to do to rebuild your life built like a strong foundation since you got out of prison how have you been able to turn it around so super active in my community you know um obviously my marriage has gotten a lot better like the best that it's ever been uh working for a company now this is like a big thing for me is because like I'm a huge prisoner rights advocate. Like we need major reform. We need restorative justice in our system where, you know, in America we treat crime, but we don't treat people. And that's why our recidivism rates are so high. And I was fortunate to have the chances and the opportunities and the resources I have. But the majority of people and you too, like, but the majority of people that come out of prison have

nothing. Like, and not a hope or a prayer. And so like that's a big part of my story now and my passion. is being able to give back. And I think the two biggest things that we face as convicted felons, and we face many barriers, and we talked about this earlier, but barriers to housing and barriers to employment.

And those were two big things for me. When I got out this time and I stopped working in the treatment industry, I was like, what am I going to do with my life? Like, I need something that I'm passionate about that what am I going to do for work? And nobody would hire me. I tried to go to like Home Depot and Target.

Like these places wouldn't hire me, But I was like, I know I have this skill set, the aptitude to be able to work at these places. But because I was fresh out of prison and my record was as extensive as it was, they were like, no. So there was a community organization that was teaching felons trades. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to give that a shot. Like I'm going to go learn like HVAC or something. Maybe I can start my own business.

So I go to this organization. It's called Project Lift. Huge help to my life. It's faith-based kind of organization, but they don't push it down your throat. But they teach you trades. And I'm there, and they had a party, and I end up meeting the guy that I work for now.

But at this party, I wasn't even going to go. My wife's like, you got to go. Just go. They wanted me to work there and help out. So I was like, okay, finally I went. The guy ended up meeting is making, tiny homes, but out of shipping containers. So like, I was like, dude, this is like brilliant, like a brilliant idea. So there's obviously a housing crisis. It's, you know, housing in Florida is

like very unaffordable. And being a convicted felon and knowing how hard it is to transition back in a society and be a returning citizen and not have access to housing, I was like, we could probably really make a difference in people's lives. So he offered me a job. I was like, dude, I'll take it. And I was working in the back at first, like building these things. And I don't really have much of a construction history. You know, like my life was, you know, college, baseball, never nothing construction.

But so I am working in the back and he sees like my passion. and that I have ability to connect with people. And he's like, dude, do you want to come up front? And I was like, man, I'd love to. So he moved me up front. He let me help with like the marketing and sales. And like right now, what I've been doing is connecting with a lot of nonprofits, a lot of impoverished, you know, communities and rural areas.

And we are providing, you know, affordable, viable housing solutions. So like that's a big part of like what I'm doing right now that's helping me is with like these container homes is creating a pathway to financial freedom for people. We're employing, you know, second chance or second chance employers. So people that are coming out of prison, they can't get a job. We're helping them get a trade or, you know, learn whether it's electrical, HVAC, any kind of trade, and have an opportunity to work. So and then, you know, I meet with like a lot of the county community. missioners in my community, you know, to help out, like, every chance I get, like, I want to be able to give back because I don't want youth or other people, like, going down the same road I went.

So, like, that's kind of like what. And you built a whole career around this, too. I built a whole career around it. Yeah, like, it's done very well. So you got your life back. I got my life back. And I thank God for somebody that was willing to take a chance on me and employ me and not be judgmental, you know, but it's, you know what's crazy is that my boss. So, he started this company and he's a licensed general contractor and he owned his own construction company for years and he kind of had like this coming to god moment where he started you know containing luxury which is we were manufacturing shipping containers in the tiny homes but he he um he said you know what your story and my story is just alike he said you know what the only

difference is you got caught and i started a business and i was like you know that's some of the realest, you know, shit that I've heard. Like somebody just being and, you know, he's like, I don't care about who you were in the past. I care about who you are today. And I was just like, I wish more people could be like that. And that's why these stories are so powerful. Yeah. Like this story you've sat and told for the last nearly two hours, like that's not going to just impact people that have been to prison. It impacts every single person that's struggling with mental health, struggling with addiction, struggling with job loss, struggling with relationship loss. People need to know, like, you could go through really bad shit for so long, everyone, like,

puts people down for going through the bad stuff. I remember when I got arrested, it was nothing but negative. There was no hope. There was jail for the rest of his life. His life's over. Where's the silver lining? Why can't someone turn that into a positive? Why can't they make it through?

There's such a stigma behind it. Like, your past does not have to define your future. Absolutely. And that's like that that's the message. I will say that over and over again that that's a message of it. And that's why like we love stories like your stories like mine that can motivate people, you know, to get help or just sometimes people need to hear another person struggles to know they made it through. And that there's hope. You know, and that's what we're, you know, you share the mess and then you turn it into a message. Like in a lot of people they get caught. It's not glorifying, you know, that past. But it's showing that, you know, even though we've been through some things. that you can still come to the other side of it. When I talked to the county commissioners, it was like last week. I was just speaking with our local county commissioners about...

I saw the clips from that. The benefits of mental health program, right? And how it really saved my life. And it was the first time I ever got placed in the diversion program and how America could benefit like countries like Norway where they treat inmates like human beings with dignity and respect. And I said, you know, we could really be.

benefit from that type of system here, you know, with the restorative justice, we're restoring people to themselves and to their family and to the community. And, um, but he said something that was really powerful then because he said, even if we can just help one person, it's not only helping them, but you're helping their kids, their mom, their dad. They're changing lives. And like you said, but like I think about like me when it, me getting well, like this is the best I've been these last couple years for a really long time. And the impact that it's had on my dad and my mom, like we have the best relationship ever now, like my sister, my wife, like that, you know, because for so many years, like they've been in such turmoil because of me and so much worry

and never know when they're going to get that phone call that either I'm dead or, you know, that I've done something that there's no turning back from. And, uh, but that I never really looked at it from that perspective, how much it impacts our loved ones. You know, like you said you were close with your dad, and I'm sure it killed him when you went to prison. And he still stuck by me. And now to see the joy on his face knowing that, like, if he were to pass away tomorrow, he would know that I'm good.

Like, I have this figured out. I'm on the right track. And, you know, I want to continue to show him that. And I think for me, like the ultimate redemption, my story is getting back to zero. Like a lot of people are trying to get rich or trying to do this. To me, it's getting to zero, man. That's when like, even into scoreboard. Yeah, all I want is an even scoreboard.

Like, I look at people like that sometimes maybe they're homeless or they have less or like, I'll have friends that complain about little shit. And like they'll compare me to them. They're like, oh, like you're successful, this and that. But like I'm behind you. Like I'm negative right now mentally, financially. So for me, it's all about getting to zero. Like to me, that's winning.

Yeah. To show that every single person that said I did shit intentionally, which whether it was true or not, whatever by whoever standard, that I can redeem myself, build this business, build this podcast, build the brand into something that no one ever imagined that I could do, turn it around, get to zero. I'm good with that. I could die the next day after that as long as I fulfill my mission to finish what I started.

Yep. And you've done a great job with it. Thank you. And that's what I'm so passionate about with the company I'm with now. Like we're literally providing like an affordable, viable housing solution to people that otherwise we're working with a nonprofit right now to help get the homeless out the streets like. And I know what it's like because I've been there. So I know what it's like to have nothing and to not even have shelters. So like that does. It gives me purpose.

And when you have purpose, you know. Your whole life changes. life changes because now, you know, like you said, there's a mission, you know, like I lost my identity. Like I know who I am today and it's not in so much what I do or how much money I have my socioeconomic status, but I'm comfortable in my own skin today, but it's, it is. It's so important to have purpose again. Yeah, I remember losing it for a while, like in between losing the nightclub, going to prison and then working, you know, at Whole Foods. I lost it for so many years. that was like six or seven years that I didn't have that.

And to get it back, to get that flame back, like the same hearing you talk about the homes, like looking at you when I first saw you doing your speech and on TikTok and stuff, like that's your passion. Yeah. And like to be able for me to have that back, like I don't take that for granted anymore. Like the days of complaining, like I'm living another day. I'm doing what I love to do and everything else will fall into place. What's like your next five years look like for you?

Do you have like a plan? Yeah, so obviously my plan is to help continue grow the company that I'm with now, you know, containing luxury into a company that's really providing sustainable affordable housing, actively given back in the community with advocating more for diversion programs than a more just and equitable system. I've got my friend Rishon that's going to be home in a couple years, like he had a huge impact on my life. And we plan on probably starting a podcast when he gets out.

But, and to give people hope, like to know that that real change can happen and that, you know, we need some restorative justice in America. And so, yeah, that's really, really where it's at is my focus is housing and employment and, you know, mental health, like you said, like just. And you're on the right track. for that. Now, I want to close out with this question. If you could go back to your 19-year-old self that was about to get that deal, that signing bonus, that would have changed his life forever, and you could have a sit-down conversation, look directly across that 19-year-old self. What do you say?

Don't take it. No, don't sell yourself short. You know, like you're worth so much more than that. So at that time, that was a lot of money. I put so much value of myself, my identity into that. So I tell them, you're worth so much more. Don't take that quick payout. Yeah. Don't settle for less. Take the easier, the easier, softer ways, not always better.

And you know what they say? They say it in relationships and it applies to life. Don't chase after it. It'll come to you. The things that are meant for you are going to come to you. And then, you know, obviously there's a little pursuit when it comes to women or whatever you have to put in some effort. But once you put in that pursuit,

if it's meant to be, it's going to stick around. Yeah. And just be genuine, authentic. And that's what I love about you. And like, that's what drew me to your show is. Like, you weren't some prison TikTok or trying to be something that you weren't. Like you did think the podcast wouldn't work though.

You admitted that earlier. I was like, there's no way just doing clips from a show you're doing great. I love it. Thank you, Danny. Where can people find you at? Confessions of a convict on Instagram, on TikTok it's Danny F. Collins and containing luxury definitely check containing luxury out so we're building manufacturing shipping containers into tiny homes. We're trying to do a lot of good in community with impoverished communities.

But yeah, and I think that's it. Awesome. I don't have no YouTube or anything yet. You will. You will. This will inspire you. But Danny, this has been great, man. This is definitely one of our like longer podcasts, but I think we definitely dove in.

to a lot. I think there's going to be a lot of takeaways. I feel really good about this podcast. So I'm happy, man. I'm glad you came out and you made the trip for us and I appreciate you having me. Thanks man. Hopefully your story helps us change at least one person's life.

That's it. If we've done that, we probably changed 10 lives.