Locked In with Ian Bick - My Best Friend Killed Someone — Then Confessed the Murder to Me | Louis Ruggiero

Episode Date: August 26, 2025

Louis Ruggiero grew up in New York City with privilege and connections — his mother, Rosanna Scotto, is a famous Fox News anchor, and his father is an attorney. But behind the perfect image, Louis was spiraling into addiction. College introduced him to Xanax, which quickly led to harder drugs, arrests, and trouble that was often swept away by his family’s influence. His life took a shocking turn when a close friend confessed a murder to him, forcing Louis to testify in a high-profile trial. In this interview, Louis reveals his struggles with drugs, what it was like to be caught up in a murder case, and how he’s working to turn his life around. #LouisRuggiero #RosannaScotto #AddictionRecovery #MurderTrial #DrugAddiction #NYCStories #TrueCrimePodcast #lockedinpodcast Connect with Louis Ruggiero: YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@NothingsOffTheTable Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nothingsoffpod/?hl=en TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@nothingsoffpod Website: https://linktr.ee/nothingsoffthetable Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Presented by Tyson 2.0 & Wooooo Energy: https://tyson20.com/ https://woooooenergy.com/ Use code LOCKEDIN for 20% OFF Wooooo Energy Buy Merch: http://www.ianbick.com/shop Timestamps: 00:00 A Dark Confession and Introduction 00:52 Meet Lewis: Background and Podcast 02:26 Twelve Years of Chaos 03:03 Growing Up Privileged in New York 04:42 Life with a Famous Mother 06:26 Spotlight Pressure and Acting Out 08:18 Rebellion and Early Signs 10:24 Parents' Presence and Family Dynamics 11:37 The Straight-Laced Sister 12:29 Making Amends and Lifelong Change 13:10 Hazy Future Plans and Pressure 14:31 High School Troubles and Africa Experience 16:03 Xanax: The Real Start of Addiction 17:56 Family History and the Addictive Personality 18:33 Barstar: College, Drugs, and Escalation 19:23 Interventions and Denial 20:54 Deceit, Probation, and Court-Ordered Programs 23:18 A Violent Encounter and New Addictions 24:22 Losing Friends and Facing the Law 26:06 White Privilege and Justice 27:41 Revolving Door of Addiction and Jail 28:58 Relapse and Deeper Descent 30:32 Confession of a Murder 35:01 After the Confession: Investigation and Fallout 39:05 Rock Bottom and Family Intervention 41:03 Rehab, FBI Subpoena, and Trial 44:52 Testifying in a Murder Case 47:56 Staying Sober Through Chaos 48:55 Falling Back and the Battle for Sobriety 49:54 Daily Recovery Work and Lasting Change 51:01 Living Amends and Generational Healing 54:05 Enabling, Gambling, and Hard Lessons 57:04 Gambling: Vegas, Apps, and Addiction 01:00:32 Reflection: Parental Trust and Actions 01:03:32 Integrity, Character, and Redemption 01:05:00 Advice to My Younger Self 01:05:16 Wrapping Up and Looking Ahead Powered by: Just Media House : https://www.justmediahouse.com/ Creative direction, design, assets, support by FWRD: https://www.fwrd.co Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Graham and Hemi are registered trademarks of that'sia, US LLC. At the time, I had a friend, and he brutally murdered somebody, rolled his body up in a comfort, threw him out his third floor window, drove the body from New York City all the way to Jersey, buried and burned it. Two days after he did it, met me at the gym, and confessed the whole murder to me. Lewis Virgio grew up in New York City with every advantage. His mother, Rosanna Scotto, a well-known Fox News anchor, and his father, a successful attorney. But behind the privilege and connections, Lewis was secretly sped.

spiraling. College introduced him to Xanax, which soon led to harder drugs and constant trouble with the law, always covered up by his family's influence. But things took a darker turn when one of his closest friends confessed a murder to him, forcing Lewis to testify in a trial that would change his life forever. Now he opens up about addiction, privilege, and his journey to finally getting clean. Lewis, welcome to Locked in, man. So glad we can finally make this happen. Thanks, bro. I appreciate you having me. Yeah, thanks to Kevin for, you know, connecting us. And we've been, you launched your podcast if you want to tell the audience about that. Yeah, I launched my podcast.

First week of May, it's called Nothing's Off the Table with Lewis Regero. It's all about overcoming adversity, people in sobriety who were, you know, ex-addicts, ex-alcoholics, ex-gamblers. I'm an ex-gambler as well. So I've kind of been trying to focus on that a bit more recently with just all. all the gambling that's so prevalent now and legalized and stuff like that. So, yeah, started in May. It's been going great.

I love it. I'm really enjoying it. And just the feedback I've been getting from people who are watching it and just giving people some hope that, you know, there's a better way of life out there is really meaningful. So, but I couldn't have done it without, you know, you and Kevin giving me some guidance, some help and a little bit of the secret sauce. and yeah, appreciate you having me today, bro. Yeah, I think it's cool that you're able to create that and it's working because

so many people ask me on, like, social media, how they can convert their story into social media or getting a podcast going and stuff. So if they see people like you who, what, six months ago, never thought you would ever be doing a podcast, but you did have a story where you went through hardship in this world and you were able to convert it into something. I think that's really inspiring for people. Yeah, bro, I went through like, fucking hell for for 12 years from like eight from like 18 until I was really 28 30 years old it was

a lot of ups and downs mainly downs and the ups and downs weren't the downs weren't like oh I got a flat tire I got a speeding ticket it was like arrests overdoses you know moving across the country to try to get sober bailouts escaping jail time by like near indians escaping death. It was just fucking chaotic, dude. Where'd you grow up? I grew up in New York City. I grew up on the Upper East Side. Went to school on the Upper West Side. Came from a, I guess, loving home with two parents who worked a lot.

I grew up with my dad's an attorney. Boring shit, though. Like real estate law, like nothing exciting. And my mom's a news anchor in New York for the last, she's going to get mad at me for saying this, but almost 40 years. 40 years, bro. Wow. She's on Fox 5.

She's the co-anchor of Good Day New York. She started doing the 10 o'clock news back before I was even a thought. And it's just kind of progressed. She's like the queen of New York, as New York as it could possibly be. She's been with Fox the whole career? She started at ABC 7. in Atlanta when she graduated college.

Then she moved up to New York. She was at ABC 7 in New York. And then they fired her because they didn't back in that time, bro, back in the 80s and 90s, they really loved like the blonde hair, blue-eyed women and they didn't like the Italian dark hair. Like that wasn't the look for TV news. So they fired her.

And then she went to Fox 5 and she was a, you know, in the field as a reporter and kind of worked her way up through the rankings. and I think in the early 90s, she started doing the 10 o'clock news as an anchor on the weekends, and then they moved her to primetime weekdays, and she's crushing it, bro.

What was it like growing up with your mom on TV? You know, it's like you don't, I didn't know anything else. You know, there was a part of me that when I was growing up from, before I was born up until a sophomore year of high school, she did the 10 o'clock news. So she worked from 3 p.m. till midnight. So I didn't really see my mom that much.

She would come home for an hour or so to have dinner with my sister and I. And then she'd go back to work. But, you know, all my friends and my friend's parents, like, oh, my God, your mom's on TV. And, you know, it was so cool. And it was like, yeah, I'm like really proud of her. But also the flip side of it was like, I didn't see my mom that much. And as I got older, I would say, like, once you get to, like, middle school,

high school stages, you start to realize that every move you make is being watched. And because my mom was so respected and so accomplished, that pressure automatically transfers over to you as a kid. And when you're making mistakes or you're getting in trouble, the spotlight's even bigger on you. And dude, I was in trouble from basically when I came out of the womb up until, my late 20s, like constantly in trouble. I was a little kid fucking stealing shit and getting in trouble at school, always getting suspended detention.

It was constant chaos. And then when I got to college, I found drugs and alcohol and I was like, oh, this is fucking incredible. I love this. I feel so great. I don't have this pressure and I don't care what people think of me and I don't care that I'm getting straight D's in all of my classes.

and it kind of, you know, went on from there, but you didn't, I didn't really know what it was like to have a mom who wasn't famous or who wasn't in the spotlight. And I think as I got older, I kind of started to really understand the pressures that came with it, but also the flip side of it was that I had a lot more opportunities to succeed in life. and when I would get in trouble, there was a lot of easier way out. People liked my mom, judges, court officers, you name it, they liked my mom, so they gave me the benefit of the doubt that my family would straighten me out.

And I've escaped so many fucking bad situations simply because I'm my mother's son, to be honest. I call it white privilege, sure. But, yeah. Where do you think that trouble side of you came from. Dude, I don't know. I was just like, we say in AA, like, when I was born, like, I felt like I didn't fit in my spacesuit, you know what I mean? Like, I just didn't feel like I fit in the body that I was

born into. And I always felt like I needed to be the loudest one in the room, the class clown, et cetera, et cetera. And it was just constant trouble, bro. I don't, I don't know if it was, it was, I feel like I was an alcoholic before I was an alcoholic. And my brain was wired from a young age. I enjoyed doing the wrong thing more than the right thing. Like, if I was given that opportunity right way, wrong way, I always picked the wrong way. It was, it was harder for me to do the right thing than it was for me to do the wrong thing. And, you know, I, it took a long time to figure out that and accept that I was why,

that way and that I'd have to do a lot of work to kind of reverse my way of thinking because by the time I got to my late 20s and I couldn't take the way I was living anymore, all those behaviors were more than a habit, right? I was behaving like that since I was fucking two years old. And we went to family therapy, my mom, my dad, and I, and the therapist said to them, can you write out a timeline of your child's life, like things you remember, that are very in the forefront of your mind, starting from when he was a baby all the way up until now. And my dad told a story about how I was in first or second grade,

and I came home from school, and we were getting my homework out to go over my homework, and I had this other kid's pencil bag. Remember when we were in school, you had your pencil bag with your name on it, and you had all your pencils and pens in there, and he opens up my bag, and I have this other kid's pencil bag,

case in my bag and he's like, why do you have this pencil case? It's not yours. He's like, I don't know. And I was like, I stole it. And my dad was best friends with the kid's father. And my dad was telling me, he's like, I was so embarrassed that I had to go and take this pencil case back to the kid's father and say, my son stole this from your kid. I don't know what's wrong with him. Um, but that is like, just like, a small example of what I was doing before, you know, I was getting into, like, serious trouble. It was just those little things or I'd go to the bodega across the street. I'd steal a Snickers bar every time I walked in there for no reason at all. Mom, let me get five bucks. I'm going to buy a Snickers bar. Okay. I'd go take the five bucks, pocket it, and still steal the Snickers bar. It was just

chaos from the jump, bro. Do you think your parents were present and loving as much as they could it been yes i think that you know there there was a lot of times where i wanted my parents around more than they were um and you know there were times where i was confused why my nanny was always picking me up from school and all my friends had their moms picking them up from school and it also that also took me a long time to kind of realize that my parents were working their ass off to give my sister and I, the best possible life that they could, they could give us. And, um, you know, the flip side of it is that I didn't see them that much. But when they were home on the weekends, it was very loving. Um, my dad coached me in all my sports up until I was in high school. My mom and

dad came to every single basketball game, football game, baseball game. They never missed the game. Um, so yeah, for the most part, they were, if they weren't at work, they were very present. And they were attentive and they were loving and they were caring and you know we my sister and I never worried about food or house or clothes We we we we got did you did did did. Did your sister act out the way you did too? No My sister's an angel older or younger older I'm 31 my sister's 36 she Fucking straight-A student she could read a Harry Potter book in a day She never got in trouble at school went to a very good high school in the city,

went to a very good college, no issues. And then there's me. It's like I can't even read a fucking coloring book at this point. I refuse. I can't do well in school. I have ADHD. I'm dyslexic.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So she made your parents want to have another kid and then they got duped. Pretty much. I was the devil child. It's okay. I was a devil child too, but I was first board.

Yeah, but look at you. You figured it out. It worked out, but it's still a lot of people. pain and hurt you cause them all those years too. Yeah. I'm sure your parents can relate to that. Yeah.

And I think, you know, the life I live now is the amends that I'm making, right? And the amends for me is not just, mom, I'm sorry, I did all of this to you. Forgive me and trust me and let's move on with our lives. Like my amends is going to be every single day until the day my mom and dad aren't here anymore, you know? And that's because of just 25 years of chaos that I caused and pain and, suffering and, you know, when I was a kid, it was like, why does he behave like this? And then when I was an adult, it was like, is the phone call I'm getting tonight from the New York

Police Department or from the hospital that my son is dead? There was no in between. When you were in high school, what were your plans for the future? If you had any, what were you thinking about getting into? I loved sports. I thought that I was going to go to college and I was going to become like a sports agent or work somewhere in the sports fields. And I didn't, I didn't really know. I think what I knew more than that was that I wanted to go to college and party and, you know, hit on girls and like live that frat boy life.

But I didn't really like, I didn't really apply myself, you know? I was just kind of like, oh, I'll figure it out. Like everything was like what was right in front of me. There was never any like, oh, I'm going to do this. and I have to accomplish these things before I get to that place. It was like, oh, I'll just fucking figure it out. We'll just wing it.

And I think that also was a case of like confusion on what I wanted to do in life and also being my mom's son and the pressure. And like, I need to be this person to make my parents proud when in actuality my parents were just like, you, if you want to be a garbage man and that will make you happy, like, go be a garbage man. You want to be a firefighter, go be a firefighter. It was just like these things that I put in my mind that weren't actually real. Do you end up going to college? I did. I went to George Washington University for three years on and off.

Was that because of your grades or because of connections to get in? So in high school, I went to Catholic school from, kindergarten through fifth grade got kicked out then i went to this school in brooklyn from fifth grade to seventh grade got kicked out then i went to this this school on the upper west side and it was like for it was like known at the time for kids who had gotten kicked out of the good private schools and like were troubled but like they were nice and we're going to help these kids and they had learned disabilities whatever so i went to this high school and uh i got in trouble my sophomore year, gone into a fight with this kid in class. And all the deans wanted to throw me out.

And the headmaster was just like this kid, like he has something. We just need to straighten him out. And he, instead of kicking me out, he actually sent me to Africa that summer. He sent me to Tanzania with one of my teachers. And I did 30 days community service in Tanzania. It was actually an incredible trip. Can't talk about everything that happened on that trip. Shout out, Miss. see but um it was a really amazing trip i came back and i did really well my my junior year my senior year of high school i did well my ac t somehow um i got into gw and my first semester at gw i was offered a i was pledging a fraternity and i was offered to zanx for the first time and i'll never forget the feeling of just like relief and comfort and

and like nothing else mattered anymore and that I was okay. And that was kind of where my addiction really started. Like I didn't have, in high school, I didn't really try hard drugs. I drank occasionally. I smoked weed a lot, but I played three sports and like athletics for me

is kind of what kept me out of trouble. So I didn't really have that addiction thing in high school. And then when I got to college and I tried to Xanax for the first time, I was like, ooh, I like this. I want to feel like this all the time. Yamava Resort and Casino at San Manuel is California's number one entertainment destination

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Like I could pull myself away, but I've also heard a lot of guests describe this situation before where it's just that one time changes everything. I mean, so what's interesting is that my dad's side of the family, there's a long, history of alcoholism, drug addiction, compulsive gambling. And it was never spoken about in my house. And when I got to college and I tried it for the first time, like, it was like an, whoa, like, I've never felt this good before in my life. And it wasn't necessarily like the physical sensation of doing drugs for the first time.

It was more of the emotional sensation of like my brain. that's constantly saying I'm not good enough or I don't fit in or I'm not worthy was finally like turned off. And, you know, that feeling to me is like when the drugs and alcohol became the solution to my problem. Because my problem isn't drugs and alcohol. My problem is my thinking.

And even when I'm not on drugs and alcohol, my thinking is skewed. And that's where the journey has taken me. and that's where I've had to understand that, like, I can stop drinking and drugging, no problem. But my way of thinking is just fucked up, bro. And unless I work on myself and fix that, I'll always go back to the drink or I'll always go back to the drug.

What happens after you tried that Xanax for the first time? Dude, I, uh, I was, my nickname in college was Bar Star. Bar Star? Bar Star. Why Bar Star? Bro, I was just eating Zan's all day. Oh, like a bar, like a bar, Xanax.

Yeah, like a bar Xanax. Yeah, so I was the bar star. And I was like buying Xanax off Silk Road when Bitcoin was like $12 and it was showing up to my college dorm in like fucking Chinese DVD boxes. And I went from like, bro, I was like tried my first Xanax. And then like two weeks later, I'm doing 20 milligrams of Xanax a day. Wake up, pop two sticks, start my day, not go to class. two more sticks, two more sticks, two more sticks, drinking.

And I, my first semester of college, I come home for Christmas break and my parents were just like looking at me. They're like, something's off. We don't know what's up. And I wind up, I go out one night, I get super fucked up. And when I was out, I wasn't answering my phone whenever. So my parents, my dad went through my backpack and found like a Ziploc freezer. bag full of just Xanax.

Like stuffed, bro, stuff to the brim. And the next day, walking to the kitchen, my dad's like, what's this? It's like, ah, it's my friends. He's got a problem. I took it from him. I don't want him doing them. My dad's just like looking at me like, dude, like, you think I'm some fucking rookie, you know?

And I convinced him that everything was fine. I go back to, you know, second semester freshman year. And my second week back, I basically was 51-50ed by Metropolitan Police Department in D.C. They found me sleeping on the Lincoln Memorial Bridge at like 3 o'clock in the morning. And I was like, dude, I was fucked up. And, you know, talk about white privilege. I was supposed to be there for 72 hours. And at the time, my mom was very close with the police commissioner of New York.

and she called him and she was like, you got to get my fucking son out of there. He calls down to D.C. My mom comes and picks me up like 12 hours later. I come home. And I basically tell him like, oh, I'm just on a bad, I'm in a bad place.

I'm not addicted. Da-da-da-da-da. They send me to an intensive outpatient in Lower Manhattan called Hazeldon, which is actually where I met Kevin. We were in group together. And that was the first time you guys met? Yeah, that was.

was 2013. Wow. And that didn't start my journey. It was like I really believed at that time that I wasn't an addict or an alcoholic that I just was in a bad place. And I stayed home for the rest of the semester. And it was kind of this agreement with my parents that like when I go back, I'm going to drink. I'm going to smoke pot. And I'll pee in a cup. once a week with my therapist. And as long as I'm not doing any other drugs, like everything's fine. And that's what I did. It went back, tried doing that. Next thing I know, I'm like timing when I can use cocaine and Xanax and other drugs,

how long it takes to get out of my pee and be, you know, not show up to the therapist, say I was in a tutoring session. And just like the craziness, the lies and the deceit was in like, full, full effect. And my second semester, sophomore year, I get into this crazy bar fight. I got knocked out. I get my face stomped on.

And I end up in the hospital, like, bro, like my face is like, my mom shows up, again, not for fucking parent weekend for a good time, like, either picking me up out of jail or picking me up out of the hospital. And like, my face is like fucking mangled, bro. mangled, covered in blood. And, you know, they're like, all right, this is it. Like, we're done. You're not going back to school.

And I convinced them I'm going back to school. But during this time, I was given, you know, percocet's and oxycon because my face ran two fractured cheekbones, fully collapsed nose. And I was like, oh, I can't do Xanax. But these feel really good, too. I like these a lot. And that started my oxy cotton use.

And, yeah, man, I went back my junior year. And my first semester junior year, my best friend at the time passed away from an accidental overdose at college. And that was the first time in my life where I was like, I think I have a problem. I knew he died from an overdose from oxies. and that entire week from the moment I learned he passed away that morning through the funeral that entire week I'm snorting oxicon and it was not a little oxicon it was progressively getting more and more and it was at the time I was like I don't want to do this but I couldn't stop and that kind of progressed

I was in a really bad place. I had a lot of survivors guilt. Why him? Why not me? I'm the piece of shit. He was not. He was a great kid. He deserves to have a second chance.

And I wind up going about six months later. I'm at Marquis, the nightclub in New York City. And I'm back to doing Xanax again. I'm mixing Xanax in OxyContin. I'm drinking. And I stole a woman's purse from Marquis. and I walk outside. I'm fucked up.

I walk outside and undercover cop is like, whose bag is at? I'm like, oh, like, it's my girlfriends. They're like, what's your girlfriend's name? I'm like, make up some name. The cop goes through the bag, seize the license in the woman's bag. It's obviously not my girlfriend.

And he asked me for ID. I hand him a fake ID and a bag of Coke falls out of my wallet. But so I get arrested and, you know, when I was growing up, my parents would always say, like, if you ever get in trouble, like, you're going to ruin your mom's career. You'll be in the paper and blah, blah, blah. And so I get arrested for this. And I spend about, I spend about 36 hours in central bookings in New York, which is like hell on earth. And I get out.

My dad is in the courtroom waiting for me to see a judge. I'm like, fuck, this is so bad. I go home, go to sleep, wake up the next day, and like, I'm all over in New York Post, daily news, daily mail. They're pulling pictures of me at frat parties from my Facebook and posting it and me looking like just a total douche, which, by the way,

I fucking was a total douche. And to make a long story short, I was put on probation. I had a complete one-year court ordered a drug program and basically stay clean for a year we'll drop all three felonies to a you know peeing in the street and um i did but i stole didn't think i had a problem i was like seven months in i was on amazon buying a wizinator you know what a wizenator yeah nems was was telling us about that and a couple other guests yeah yeah it's a it's a fake dick and

And I just, bro, I just, I didn't want to be sober. I didn't think that that was what the problem was in my life. I was blaming all these other circumstances other than just maybe listening to what these people were saying in these programs or in Alcoholics Anonymous. And I was in this court order program and they, they made me go to AA meetings. I had to get a slip signed. And so I would go to the meetings, get my slip signed and then leave. And, you know, six months in, I'm, I have a Wizzinator and I'm fucking partying, doing drugs, you name it. And I'm showing up with a fake penis and peeing clean.

And I get off that. And the day, the day I was off that, bro, the day I was off that. The first call I made was to my drug dealer. And I was like, okay, now I'm really free. I can do whatever I want. It's all good. I'm of a record. But the shame and like the embarrassment and like it, it was bad.

It was bad. I don't know how else to describe the delusion that I was living in that everything was fine. All my friends at college basically abandoned me. My parents were furious but also supportive. Like they didn't want to keep kicking me when I was down. Um, but I knew that like my mom was like, what the fuck is wrong with my son. And I've learned years later that it actually turned into, she thought, what the fuck is wrong with me?

Am I a bad parent? Why is my son behaving like this? I didn't raise him like this. Um, yeah, bro, that, that was like, that was a slight message from God. being like, all right, bro, I'm going to put you to the fire. And here's an opportunity for you to like open up your fucking eyes and see what's going on. And if you go this way, things will get good. And you can go this way.

And it's going to keep getting worse. And I went this way. And it got worse. Now, was getting into that program to get the charges dropped standard for a first time offender like you? Or was that like a special privilege because of your mom's connections? Because I know in Connecticut we have a program like that, like for a first time of funder. I think it was so there was there was it was twofold because when it happened, the Manhattan district attorney really wanted to to fuck me because of who my mom was.

And they didn't want the press to be like, oh, the kids getting off easy because of it's because of his mom. And if this was someone else with not as good circumstances, he'd be in Rikers or whatever, the case is. But I think it was a little bit of both. I do. I do think that they were like, okay, he comes from a good family. He's a fucking junkie.

And he needs to get his life straight. And then there was also the part of it that was like there needs to be some type of consequence for him. And that was the court ordered normally. I think it would be shorter than a year. But. a year's what felt like

fucking 20 years for me at that time because all I wanted to do is just get fucked up. Now that you're older, seeing what your mom was able to get you out of? What does that tell you

about the criminal justice system? What have you learned about that aspect of it? You know, I have this conversation a lot with a lot of people because I feel like the criminal justice system

is not set up to actually help people. Right? And I think obviously there are crimes like murder or armed robbery or violent crimes or sexual assaults. Like even in some of those cases, you could make the case that these people are emotionally unwell and throwing people in prison isn't actually helping.

But in a case like mine, I was a sick and suffering child, right? I was 19. I was 19 at the time, hooked on drugs. There are a ton of 19, 20, 21, 22, young kids, whatever the ages, that are hooked on drugs. I know from my personal experience,

being from a good family, I stole money for drugs. I stole shit for drugs. From my family, from my friends, from strangers, it didn't matter because when I'm in, that zone, bro, I don't care about the consequences. All I care about is where I'm getting my next fix. And so you have a lot of people out there who are suffering like that. They steal something

or whatever the case is, they go to a judge and the judge is like, you're just another, you're just another number to them. And so they say, okay, you're going to prison. You've stolen fucking 10 times in the last three years. I don't care that you're strung out on heroin. I don't care that you're strung out on crack, meth, whatever it is, you're going to prison. This person goes to prison, and I'm sure, as you know, there's drugs in prison also. Some people maybe get clean in prison. Some people continue to use drugs in prison. But most of the time, when that person gets out of prison, they go back to the street, they go back to the same area they were residing in before then, and they go back to drinking and drugging. And the cycle continues and continues and continues.

what I'd love to see from the criminal justice system and our government as a whole is actually how can we help these people? What can we do for addicts? Because addiction, especially now with fentanyl and all this other shit, it's a prison. That in itself is a prison.

I described my addictions as I was a prisoner of my own mind for, you know, 15 years. Um, but that in itself is, is a prison and sending them to a prison is not actually helping anything. So instead of sending these people to prison, why don't we, why don't we create state programs or state rehabilitation centers with drug and alcohol counseling and fucking send them to there and actually trying to help these people? And even if it only works for 10% of those people, that's 10% more.

that we're actually helping compared to just this revolving door of addicts in and out of the criminal justice system who get out, commit crimes, or die. Because that's what's happening, bro. You're not snorting coke anymore. You're snorting coke with fentanyl and you're dying. You're not doing heroin. You're doing heroin with fentanyl and you're dying. We could spend a whole fucking five hours on this. I'm

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you can bundle your auto and home and save up to 10% Tap the banner to learn more and get a quote at usa.com Slash bundle restrictions apply It's sad It really is sad. What happens after that period of time you were just describing when you were 19 with the Wizzinator probation getting off of that?

What happens next to you finish college? No. I get off of that probation. Start snorting oxies again. Six months later, I'm doing 900 milligrams of Oxycontin a day. I was snorting the M30s, the Roxies. I'd wake up. I'd pop five, snort five, just to, like, not be dope sick.

you know and um i was really alone i was stealing hand over fist from my family i was pawning my mother's jewelry pawning watches um it was horrible and at the time bro i was doing $1,200 a day in roxies and towards the end of that i wasn't even getting high i was just like trying to be baseline to not feel sick and And at the time I had a friend and he brutally murdered somebody and he confessed the murder to me. This was my court case ended in March of 2016. This was my court case ended in February of 2016. This was November of 2016.

My ex friend brutally murdered somebody. Actually, a kid from Stanford, Connecticut. He brutally murdered him, rolled his body up in a comforter, threw him out his third floor window, drove the body from New York City all the way to Jersey, buried and burned it. And then two days after he did it, met me at the gym and confessed the whole murder to me. Play by play, everything he did. And at that time, bro, I was like, I wasn't strung out, but I was like heavily using oxies. And I was in the locker room and this kid was like a pathological liar. And at that time, we weren't really hanging out as much as we had used to because he was just totally off his rocker.

And at that time, bro, I didn't want to be in trouble anymore. I just wanted to do my drugs in peace. Like, I didn't want to be borderline getting into fights or getting arrested anymore. And he confessed his whole thing to me. I go to the Nick game from the locker room. I'm like, like, all right, dude. Tells me the whole thing. I'm like, like, yeah, okay.

Grazers was like, LJ, I'm fucking serious. I'm like, you're a good little Jew boy from Manhattan. You're not in Goodfellas. And he was like, he's like, yeah, he's like, look, he's like, cops are calling me. He's like, I'm not picking up. I'm like, all right, dude, whatever. I'm like, I'm going to shower.

I'm going to the Knicks game. He's like, listen, he's like, don't tell anybody what I told you and my lawyer said to stay off the phones. Then he texted me that. Then he texted me that. I go to the nick game my friend and I tell my friend everything. I'm like, yo, Jimmy just told me this. He's like, bro, that kid's crazy.

He'll say anything for attention. I'm like, I know, I know. So the next day, I'm going from my therapist office, which I don't even tell my therapist that because I'm like, in my head, I'm like, there's no way that this fucking kid did that. I don't believe him. It doesn't even cross my mind. And I'm walking back to the gym and I'm like,

you know what? Let me walk down this block and see what's going on. Like if he did this, there's going to be police trucks and shit. So I'm walking by. I look down the block and there's NYPD crime unit trucks, dogs, the fucking guys in hazmat suits like wheeling out his super fucking flamboyant Louis Vuitton luggage bags, like the big luggage bags that I know are only his. And so now I'm like looking at that, bro. And I'm like, holy fucking shit. This motherfucker did it.

Now I'm spinning. Now, bro, I'm like tweaking. I'm like, holy fuck. And then I'm like looking at my text. I'm like, oh my God, he fucking texting me this. Holy shit. I call my mom and tell my mom like, blah blah blah. My mom's like, shut the fuck off and get home right now.

So I run home. We call her. my dad's partner who is a criminal defense attorney and he's like all right listen like we're not going to say anything and I'm like at this time we're turning on the news and like it's all over the news that this kid is missing so now I'm like you know basically told my mom like if they don't find this kid then I'm gonna I'm going to the police station because like I have a general idea of where they put him thank God that night they found the body the uh

Jimmy's friend who murdered the kid with him cracked and basically told the cops everything and told them where the body was. And, um, dude, I was like, I was bugging out and I was not in a good place. I was strung out on fucking oxies. I was November of 2016 and then December 7th of 2016 about a little less than a month later, I, um, it all came crashing down basically. my mom went into the safe to like put on her beautiful jewelry for some beautiful gala and like the fucking shit's cleared out and um she basically calls me and pretends everything is okay hey can you

come home i got i got to talk to you about something i'm like yeah sure i'll come home walk into my living room and my first ever aa sponsor his name's ronnie a old school italian guy he's got the big cross and veneers and he's fucking tan in December and he sits down he's like he's like oh come here my mom him my dad like sit down kid he's like you have two options option a you get honest with us you tell us what the fuck you're on you tell us where the jewelry is and your mom will continue to support you financially spiritually and emotionally but you're going to rehab tomorrow. Option B, you pack your bags and you get the fuck out. Just like that. I was like, hmm, option B pack my bags. I leave. And I was on my own for like three days and I basically

overdosed, came home, got on my hands and knees begged for help and I went to rehab next day. I went to Sierra Tucson. That was my my first. real moment of like, okay, I can't keep living like this anymore. And, um, I was in rehab for 40 days and then I went out to L.A. and to go to sober living. And day two, I'm in sober living. I get subpoenaed by the FBI for the murder trial. And, um, you know, they basically were like had, dude, they had fucking Snapchat pictures, me and him would send each other. Like pictures, remember when Snapchat was like, the, thing.

It's still kind of hot right now. Yeah, still kind of. It is. But I remember, yeah. And like, oh, it's like it deletes.

Once you view it, it delete. No, bro. They had everything. We send each other on Snapchat. And this is because they wanted you to testify and they saw your tax between you guys. Yeah. And like,

we were doing shit that wasn't legal together. We were doing fucked up shit. We were both fucking addicts, junkies, bookmaking. drugs, you name it, we were trying to do it. And so to make a long story short, they were like, yo, like, are you either going to tell us what he told you

because he texted me saying, don't tell anybody what I told you and stay off the phone. Fucking genius. And, or you tell us what he told you or, you know, good luck. We may charge you with some things and you'll be on your own. and basically I talked it over with my family and my attorney and I was like, look, like, I'm, you know, 60 days sober. Like, I want to clean my life.

Like, I had nothing to do with this. I'll tell them what he told me. And we basically met with them and I told them what he said. And then they gave that information to the district attorney in Manhattan. And then that embarked fucking three years of, uh, two years. of me flying back and forth from L.A. to New York to prepare for this trial, which, you know, the funny thing is like, that whole time, bro, the DA, the Manhattan DA is telling me,

don't worry, we're going to, we're going to offer him a plea deal of like 25 years, and he's going to take it. You won't have to testify. So I don't want to fucking testify. A, I don't want to testify because it's going to be all over the papers again. B, if I testify, they're going to cross-examine me, and he's going to tell his lawyers all the dirty shit that he knows about me, and I'm going to get fucking plastered.

And, um, and see, bro, I just like, I didn't want to go. I didn't want to deal with that. No plea deal. He went to trial. I testified. And, um, I was the last witness, the prosecution called. Um, and, um, and, you know, the, the prosecution was basically like, I was like their, their ace in the hole.

I was their star witness for that case because there was a lot of circumstantial evidence. They didn't know Jimmy was blaming Larry for the murder. Larry was saying that Jimmy did it and I just helped clean up the body. And so there was, they couldn't pin which one actually did it. And the only thing they had that was substantial was his confession to me. Um, so that was a very trying time in my life and my early sobriety. Um, and I think some, some grace in that was the kid who was murdered, um, his father called me after the trial and after he was sentenced, he got, Jimmy got sentenced to 28 years to life in

prison. Uh, the kid who was murdered, his father called me and said, I just want to say, you're so brave. my family really appreciates you you did the right thing and um you know we can't thank you enough and that for me was enough to know that i made the right decision even though you know people comment on like my mom's instagram like my mom post me people will be like oh that's the fucking snitch and it's like you know what i'm i wasn't there i had fucking nothing to do with it and what the fuck would you do i mean you really have a choice anyways the guy never should have text and do that. And the funny thing is, okay, so I, I did, uh, my first episode was like early May and

Kevin interviewed me for my first episode and we talked about this and it went viral on TikTok. The whole murder confession, two parts did like over like three or four million. And then, uh, someone from Jimmy's Instagram account posted a picture of him and it was like, never rat on your friends and always keep your mouth shut. I saw my oh fuck so I call my my dad's partner and I'm like

realistically what are the chance of this motherfucker getting out on parole in 40 years and he starts laughing he was like yeah it's probably unlikely but I mean he probably would have went down though regardless yeah

and I think the kid was delusional and he's obviously a sociopath and has shown absolutely no remorse for what he's done if he thinks that the attitude is some mob movie, that like, you're never in the mob, bro. Like, you, I actually met him because his adopted, his dad who adopted him was best friends with my mom.

He was like this famous jeweler to the stars. He did, like, engagement rings for Melania Trump and earrings for Oprah and calls my mom one day I was like, oh, this kid showed up on my doorstep. Long story short, we took a DNA test. He's my son.

Lo and behold, we found out later on that it wasn't actually his adopted son. It was his little fucking boy toy and that he was basically gay for pay. Are we allowed to say that on here? People have said way worse. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So, yeah, I was dude, it was a fucked up story. and Netflix is doing like, you know, like New York homicide or like they do those homicide special. They're doing one on the Jimmy Rackover case and they asked me to be on it. And I was like, no, I'm good. Rather tell it from my side of things. So, yeah, that happened.

It's fucked up. How did you stay sober during this whole period? I don't have a choice. I really didn't have a choice. But at that time, I was, I had accepted I was an addict. I was going to AA meetings all the time. I made all these new young friends in Los Angeles,

in recovery, in sobriety, and I was enjoying being in sobriety. And I had a new job. I was working at this concierge company doing like high-end events and experiences, meet and greets with Taylor Swift and shit like that. And I started making a lot of money. The court case ended.

And then I stopped going to AA. and long story short, that was, uh, that was 2020. And from like 2020 to 2023, I was not sober. I was in and out, couldn't get longer than like, you know, three to six months of sobriety. Went to Cartagena, Columbia for a week, stayed for three months in a drug psychosis in 2022, came back to New York from L.A. Because I got evicted for throwing crazy house parties during COVID. Came back to New York.

I was working a job in New York. Got fired for drinking and drug in. Went back to L.A., January of 20203, and I was like, all right, that's it. I'm done. I quit. I surrender. And I just dove headfirst into AA and was like, I got a sponsor. And I said to him, I was like, I will do anything you tell me to do.

You tell me to jump off that fucking bridge. I will do it. Just like, please help me. Like, I can't live like this anymore. And that's what I've been doing the last two and a half years, bro, is just like sticking to the solution of what this program has to offer, right? And like even two and a half years in, like, I'm very clear cut and understand that like, just because I don't drink or do drugs doesn't mean that like I'm cured.

You know, like my way of thinking is still skewed. And like unless I do work daily on myself to get into a place of neutrality, like I wake up restless, irritable discontent. Like I woke up today. And I was like, oh, like, I don't know if I should go to this, Ian Bick, like, is he going to like me? Like, I don't know. Like, I don't really want to, like,

maybe I'm just going to say, like, the restaurant's busy. Like, restaurant's fucking dead today, by the way. Like, but, like, that's the way I, like, I don't, that's the way I think. That's the way I just wake up, bro. Like, I've been excited for this for weeks. And then the days here, I'm like, ah, don't know like is he gonna like me am i going to be good enough like just those are the thoughts that have like flowed through my mind since a young boy that led me to drink and drug and the drink and drug

is what turned those thoughts off um so yeah you know it was uh it's a journey now i'm dedicated to my recovery like i i speak about it a lot like i put my recovery first my recovery comes before my fiance and before my 18 year old son, 18 month old son. If I put my son and my fiancee before my recovery, I'll lose my recovery and I'll lose everything else. And, you know, my fiance also like really respects that and understands that and gives me the space to like hit meetings and like that means a little bit less time with them. But like go to my meetings, sponsor other guys, help other people. And, bro that's kind of where the podcast came from was just like i've been through all this crazy shit and i've made it out to the other side um and i live an amazing beautiful life now

it's possible for anybody it really is possible for anybody that feeling you're just describing from childhood do you know why that or where that feeling comes from did something happen specifically in your childhood that caused that reaction i think that's like the pressure of being born into my as my mom's son just like really big shoes to fill and she never put that pressure on my sister and I like that pressure was just felt innately from the circumstances I was born into you know and like some people say oh you fucking spoiled brat like yeah okay I'm fucking spoiled but like just because I'm spoiled doesn't mean that like my thinking is going to be good all the time um

I had a friend in college whose father's worth, like, legitimately $20 billion. And the kid shot heroin for three years. Oh, it's a good family. His dad's got $20 million. It's fucking on yachts in Italy every summer. Addiction doesn't choose you based off of your net worth, color, creed, religion, where you grew up, where you didn't grow up. Like, I believe, and some people don't agree with this,

but I believe that, like, addiction is genetic. and you are genetically predisposed to this disease. And like for me, like I look at my, my mom's side of the family, there's no addiction, but my dad's side of the family is like, my grandfather,

my dad's dad was a compulsive gambler that gambled away the house three times growing up for my father. My dad has three sisters. One of them passed away from an accidental overdose at 69 years old. The other one is an active alcoholic at 71 years old.

and my aunt Nancy, my godmother, she's a normie, you know, civilian. But like our whole entire Ruggiero side of the family, like, it's active, bro. That gene is fucking active. And so for me, like, I think the understanding that I've come to the last two and a half years is that, like, what I'm doing is I'm breaking a generational curse. And like, I'm breaking a generational curse for my son, you know? and we spoke about making amends before. And last night at a meeting,

I was a meeting on Step 9, which was made a list of all people we have harmed and became willing to make an amends to them unless we would cause injury to them or others. And I was thinking about all of my amends that I have to make to people are all living amends because I've said, sorry, eight million times already, but the only person I don't have to make an amends to,

and I hope I never have to is my son. And like that for me is like the biggest thing I'm holding on to in my sobriety is like, I have not fucked up this kid yet. He has not seen his father fucked up high, gambling, none of my shit. And I know I got to do daily work to keep it that way. Do you think your parents supporting you all those years enabled you in a way?

Yes. Would it have been better off they just cut you off from day one? So I'll speak specifically to my compulsive gambling. I don't know if my mom's are like this. I don't know. I don't know. You know, fuck.

My mom has bailed me out seven figures from my gambling addiction the last like eight years or so. And listen, my mom, there were times where I'd call her panicked. Like, if I don't get this money, I'm going to go to jail or these guys are going to kill me.

And my mom didn't want that, obviously. and so she bailed me out. But every time she bailed me out, it enabled me to keep doing it because I never faced any real consequences. I never faced any real pain or like hardship to get out of like a $300,000 jam.

It was just like, call mommy and like make some fucking sob story up and pray she bails me out. And like the flip side of it is like, okay, I'm sick. I'm a gambler, but the worst thing you could do for any addict, whether it's drugs, alcohol, or gambling is bail them out. I think my, specifically my gambling could have been shortened if, like, the first time

I ever got into a jam, it was 10 grand to a bookie. And my mom paid it and said, I'm, I'm only doing it this one time. I'll never do it again, which was a lie. She did it like a hundred more times. But if she, that 10 grand, she was just like, no. I'm not giving you money for it. for gambling. I'm not bailing you out. You're a fucking moron. Fucking figure it out. Go get two jobs. If she had said that to me, I'm not saying I would have, I would have never gambled again,

but maybe not. Maybe I would have been like, okay, this is so fucked up. I'm working two jobs now or whatever I'm doing to pay this guy back. I never want to be in this position again. But the bailouts definitely like, too, they definitely enabled me. Yeah, the way I think of gambling, because I used to be a really big gambler. And when you ask, up all the losses when you look at it in the bigger picture, like looking back at everything, it's like, wow, if I had just not done that, I would have been better off. I would have had that money. Like every time I went to gamble to pay a bill at the nightclub, yeah, I'd win most the times. So I didn't get blacklisted by like, say, the chain smokers, you know, agent. But then,

you know, the times I lost when you look back on it, I would have been better off not going and just finding another. Ryan Reynolds here from Mintmobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same premium wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistance assistants assistants switch you to MintMobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do at mintmobile.com slash switch. Up front payment of $45 for three month plan equivalent to $15 per month required.

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Like, go to Vegas. Go look at the win. There have been to the win in Vegas? I've actually only been to Vegas once when I was 18 on a family trip, but we're going in October. Bro, when you go to Vegas, go to the win. It's my favorite place. I've lost millions of dollars there.

They probably love you. I hate it now. They did love me. It is so fucking nice. It's so beautiful. Bro, the casino smells good. They like put shit in the HVAC to make it smell good. Everything there is geared towards making people gamble more.

They pick colors that the brain likes more for you to gamble and drink more. All the colors, the red, the this, the that, the smell. everything makes it more enticing. So the crazy thing is this. You look at Vegas, you think that fucking place is built off winners? No. And yet you keep going back, you keep going back. And they suck people in.

I think like now, bro, it's like you could gamble and your boxers laying in bed from 9 a.m. until 9 a.m. the next day. Like I used to bet five grand on Chinese ping pong. and I could you couldn't watch it bro I would just sit there and watch the ball go over this fucking scream back and forth back and forth because there's no streaming where am I going to stream Chinese ping pong

bro now you can literally bet how much prison time did he's going to get isn't it crazy it's the craziest thing you can bet anything but I've seen like those apps how insane like you could lose money very fast like it's just quicker than ever and the crazy thing is this the more you bet, you'll get a host.

Let's say, oh, Ian, you lost 50K this week. Here's two fucking front row tickets to the Yankees World Series game. Or like, you know, we'll give you, you lost 50K this week. Here's 5K and free bets. They just keep sucking you in. It's like, bro, I don't care how rich you are. You lose 50K in a week. Like, you got a problem.

50K is 50K. And they prey on these people. Did you see this story about the dude, the young guy who worked for the Jaguars, the Jacksonville Jaguars, he was like in the finance department, and he basically stole $22 million from the Jaguars through like this virtual like payback program and he was like making fake invoices, stole $22 million. Of that $22 million, $21 million was deposited over an 18 month period of time into his Fandual account.

It's crazy. And his Fandual host was texting him like, yo, I know this is against like the protocols and like whatever, but like, why are having you bet today? Like, we're going to fly you out to F1 Miami. Like, and like you look at, they looked at his LinkedIn. He was just like account manager at the Jaguars. Like, how does an account manager at the Jaguars have $21 million to gamble? But they don't care because it's money.

How do you think your parents feel about you now? I think the last, I'd say the last year there's been. a shift in uh i think it's less fear and worry um i think they finally are like seeing i'm taking my recovery seriously and i'm really committed and it's not like a three-month stint and then i'm back to my bullshit um like a couple weeks ago my mom and i got to an argument in the kitchen overwork and yelled at her and I walked outside

and as soon as I walked outside I was like fuck I gotta go back here and apologize walked right back in I said mom I'm sorry for yelling she's like you can't yell me I'm like I'm upset I'm sorry for yelling at you like I shouldn't have done that

and she kind of looked at me and she was like okay forgive you she was like genuinely confused that like I came back in to apologize and she said to me a couple days later that like

that showed real growth And like those are the kind of behaviors that when I exhibit that she now knows that like I'm taking this shit seriously and that like I'm genuinely trying to change. But dude, I don't think my parents will ever fully trust me again. Like I caused 15 years worth of chaos. They may never trust me again. And if they do, it'll probably take 15 years of like absolutely no chaos for them to say I trust you. I think actions are a big part of it though too. You know, actions speak louder than words.

Yeah. I don't think like I don't ask, I don't beg for forgiveness. I don't beg them to trust me. I don't like, I'm not like, why don't you do this? I'm just like, if I do the right thing every single day, the days stack up and eventually over time your parent, like, they'll see that. And it may take them two, three, four, five years to see that or it may take them two, three months.

Like, that's not up to me. That's not in my control. What's in my control is like right decision, wrong decision. Which one am I going to choose? And I think having conversations like this and even starting your own podcast show your character today. I mean, I was talking to my dad about this earlier. I don't know if you watched it, but the Mr. Beast video at the end on the last day, there was a really powerful decision for me to make in that.

And that really got to show like the world, what my character is at heart that I didn't take that deal to screw over the other guy. Yeah. And there was all these people from that was the red button. That was the button to him. hit it to steal all the money. And my dad's like, you know, I think it really shined light on who you are compared to what people from, say, like my hometown and the news articles and everything. Yeah. Because if you went off of the news articles and how I was portrayed and how a lot of people think of me locally. They probably thought you were to hit that button. Exactly. But it doesn't

match up, you know, my actions versus what was said about me. Yeah. So I think that really spun it differently. And my dad also was like, did I want to hit it? Yeah. Obviously, a part of me wanted to hit it, but it's morally wrong. I knew the difference between right and wrong. Like, I wasn't actually going to hit it. I thought about in the sense where it's like, wow, this could pay off everything, you know? Yeah. But I couldn't do it. It's like, it's like one that, you know what I compare it to? It's one of those thoughts of if I won the lottery, you know, I could do X, Y, and Z with it. So that's what my thought was. Yeah. But I wasn't actually going to win the lottery and I wasn't actually going to hit that button. I also really, like my mindset,

my mindset has really shifted the last like two and a half years and believing more and like good carmic energy like even like you know a true sense of character is like what you do when nobody's watching you know and like I had periods of time or like when you were watching I'd be like a man of integrity but then like behind the scenes I'm not being a man of integrity and today like I'm really focused on like no one's watched me right now like I could get away with this and no one would know it's like you know what if i do that that's going to block me off from a blessing that god wants to give me because god is always watching and um you know you don't have to necessarily believe in god it could be a creator higher power whatever you want to call it but like

i believe now that like those things you do behind the scenes that no one's going to give you credit for are opening your life up to all the amazing blessings that you will receive you will receive that everyone can enjoy together, you know. So that's, that's probably the biggest shift in my last two, two and a half years of sobriety. What's a piece of advice you wish you could give to your younger self if you go back in time? Oh, great question. That you are worthy and that you are lovable and that you're a good kid.

Last part, especially. Because I was a bad kid. I love that. Well, Lewis, thanks so much for coming on the show today. Thanks for having me, bro. Appreciate it. Yeah, I appreciate it and looking forward to doing yours now. Yes, sir. Awesome. And we'll have the link to your episode, I mean, to your podcast and everything in the description of this episode.

I appreciate that, bro.