Locked In with Ian Bick - Shocking Secrets: Discovering My Dad is a Bank Robber & My Own Crime Victim Nightmare | Alana Wilson

Episode Date: July 9, 2024

Join Alana Wilson as she uncovers shocking family secrets. Alana reveals the unbelievable truth about her father's hidden life as a bank robber and shares her harrowing personal experience as a crime victim. Dive into the emotional rollercoaster of discovering a parent's criminal past and navigating the aftermath of her own traumatic crime story. Don't miss this compelling tale of betrayal, survival, and resilience. Hosted, Executive Produced & Edited By Ian Bick: https://www.instagram.com/ian_bick/?hl=en https://ianbick.com/ Connect with Alana Wilson: Ig @awhelpinghandsvillage Facebook and LinkedIn Alana Wilson’s Helping Hands Village Ig @Lanaslightspiritualinsights http://awhelpinghandsvillage.org Email: [e-mail] Powered by: Just Media House : https://www.justmediahouse.com/ Creative direction, design, assets, support by FWRD: https://www.fwrd.co Buy Merch: https://lockedinbrand.com Use code lockedin at checkout to get 20% off your order Timestamps: 00:00:00 - Sharing Stories of Abuse and Overcoming Challenges 00:03:34 - Alana Wilson's Helping Hands Village 00:07:25 - Growing up in Queens, New York 00:11:25 - Discovering My Father's Past 00:15:29 - The Dark Secrets of My Childhood 00:19:47 - Denial and Confusion in Traumatic Situations 00:24:10 - The Impact of Incarceration on Children 00:28:10 - Bullying and Trauma 00:31:43 - Overcoming Bullying and Self-Healing 00:35:45 - Recognizing Signs of Depression 00:39:30 - The Vulnerability of Prison Visits 00:43:23 - The Story of Uncle's Incarceration and its Effects 00:47:33 - Dealing with Depression and Low Self-Esteem 00:52:08 - Turning Trauma into Purpose 00:56:10 - The Struggles of Children with Incarcerated Parents 01:00:15 - Finding Support and Community 01:03:59 - Sharing Your Story Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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I'd been used in my house in my grandmother's house. both physically and by my uncle. And my uncle would always tell us he's not coming back for you. You know, I had these vague ideas of who he was, but, you know, they would always, you know, solidify that, you know, yes, he robbed banks and they would make jokes about it. They would say, oh, I'm Mexican. And I'm like, am I Mexican?

Like, I don't know even what I am, you know? Like I heard later on that he was Jamaican, but, you know, that was the point of what it was, you know, so. Alana, welcome to Locked in. Thank you for coming. You're a Connecticut resident, like 20 minutes away. Yeah, I live right nearby. I live like 20 minutes away.

Yeah, we get a lot of Connecticut people on the show. The people that were here before you, they came from Dallas, Texas. Oh, wow. That's far. Yeah, that people come from all over the country to little old, you know, Richfield, Connecticut. And it's funny because it's like when I did the club, we had talent coming in from all over the world to Danbury. Now here we are. I consider this Danbury, though.

This is right on the Ridgefield-Damberry border. Yeah. But we met at the re-entry event. Yeah, the job there. Yep, at Westcon a couple months ago or last month. And, you know, you said, hey, you'd be interested in coming on the show, and we wanted to have you. Yeah. Oh, that's so great.

I'm so glad to be here. I really am. Awesome. And you have a different perspective than a lot of the guests on the show. and it's always cool to switch it up. We're not just a show where it's just people that went to prison. Yeah. Or just people that have suffered through addiction.

What makes it special is that it's from people with all walks of life that come on. Right. Yeah. And I really love to be able to be the one to bring like a different side of things to the show for sure. Now, when we met, did you know about the show and kind of what we were doing before? So I did not know before. But it's funny because I had a date with a guy the other day and he knew he was like, oh my God, you were going on his show? And I was like, yeah.

Oh, awesome. And he was so heavy. He's like, I'm going to listen. Does he listen to the show anyways? He listened to the show anyways. Yeah. And he's like, oh, you're so lucky. That's so crazy.

Wow. What a small world. Yeah. I always run into people that I like knew that I grew up with in Danbury, like parents or adults who listen to the show and it's so random because I guess people like the big podcasters in the world you don't know them know them in real life so when you live in that town and people know you or have heard of you and run into you and they're like hey I listen to your show I think it's so cool yeah I would I would imagine honestly it's like I think that's so cool like doing a podcast and

you know just being involved with like so many people and like hearing all their stories you know it must be really crazy to sit in the seat that you're in and hear so many different perspectives and stories about, you know, surrounding incarceration, you know, so. Yeah, it's definitely, it's interesting and it's a lot because there's so many components to it. Like, I'd love to just hang out with everyone and do this and do that after, but there's just always, like, so go, go, go. And I'm just working on, like, restructuring my life so I could just focus on this. Yeah. We hired someone to run kind of the studio because we're building a studio business. So I could focus just on kind of locked in and doing what I'm doing.

That's awesome. Here and a couple of other clients that we have. But, you know, it's part of growth and expanding. And, you know, you own a business too that you were just telling me about. So definitely plug that in where people could find you for that. Yeah. So my business is, so I'm also the executive director of Alana Wilson's Helping Hands Village. So that's my main nonprofit.

It's not my business, but it's my nonprofit that I run. That's like the number one thing. But I do also have a business doing readings on the side, which is at Lana's Light Spiritual Insights on Instagram. We're on Facebook, Lana's Light Spiritual Insights. And I do these really cool like reading experiences where you can have readings in different places. You can do psych and sips at Aquila's Nest vineyards. You can do private readings, phone readings. I do it all. Yeah, that's awesome. Something I've been doing

lately is having the guest plug in their info right in the beginning because normally in podcasts, I do a ton of podcasts where the host plugs you in at the end and not everyone listens all the way to the end. Not everyone listens all the way to the end. Yeah, so I feel like it's so important to plug them in in the beginning because as people get to know you as a person and you're character and whatever, they already have that information to go and find you. And then we also put it in the bio as well. Right. Okay. So I'll just say my, I'll plug us in now. So Alana Wilson's Helping Hands Village on Instagram, it's at A.W. Helping Hands Village. Our website is A.W. Helpinghansvillage.org. We're also now newly on TikTok. We're AW Helping Hands

V-I-L on TikTok. So get ready to see some fun content. That's awesome. Yeah, TikTok is such a great space. Brings people together and, you know, it really helps promote small businesses and nonprofits and whatnot. Yeah. And we're pretty new, the nonprofit. So we're just looking to just expand and, you know, get more people donating, more people involved, volunteering. We're really just looking to go all over the U.S. with this. So what we have is we have these really great events and workshops where we teach children a certain skill set that their incarcerated parent is unable to teach or show them. So we do this through these, like I said, these workshops where we're teaching these kids

like anger management, coping skills, grief support, peer support. we're helping them to basically relearn themselves and the understanding that they have of themselves that they learned in the wrong way when they were young because of their low experiences, having an incarcerated parent or even just having an incarcerated family member. It does a number on a child. So we're helping kids and we help kids zero to 18. so cradle to career. And yeah.

No, you got into this because this hit close home to you. You went through what these children have experienced. And we were just talking about how I'm getting into mentoring, juveniles and Dan Barry and being a part of that. Because when I was going through the system, there was no types of programs or cool things or anything like that. Yeah, it's very, you know, it's tough out there. There's not, you have to make it cool.

You have to make reentry cool. Yeah. You have to make it fun and exciting. And I think that's how you make changes. But you went through what these children are facing and that you're dealing with directly at a young age yourself. Yeah. You grew up in New Fairfield? So no, I did not grow up in New Fairfield.

I grew up in Queens, New York. Okay. So I actually grew up not too far from where Nikki Minaj was raised in Queens. Are you guys friends? No. Definitely not. But she, so she was in like South Jamaica and I was raised in South Ozone Park. When I was born, I was born in Long Island.

And then, you know, my mom and my dad, they split. And my mom was unable to continue paying for the house. So it got foreclosed and she ended up having to move in with my grandmother. And so we all moved in with my grandmother. and I lived there for the next, I would say, till I was 12, 13, and that's where I stayed. And it was definitely an interesting experience. I did not grow up with a father. My father was incarcerated before I was born, and then he continued to be incarcerated

after I was born. When I was young, he left my life. And I didn't know where he went. I didn't know what happened to him. The earliest pictures I have with him are when I was three, but I don't exactly remember being left. But then it turned out that he was incarcerated, and that's at least why he says,

why he wasn't, he didn't ever come back or write a card or anything. We just never heard from him. But he basically, he was, you know, incarcerated for drug trafficking, bank robbery. He was in and out of jail. And he just was having trouble finding his way. So I never got to meet him again until I was 15. And I got in contact with him through my half sister, who I'd met at that age as well.

And she, it was, it was a okay experience, but we definitely butted heads for a while. You know, there were times where he was, you know, I would be on the phone with him. And, you know, the next thing you know, it would hang up. And then I wouldn't hear from him again for like four months. And, you know, he was not the best inmate. He was always getting in trouble, being thrown in the hole.

You know, he was, there were issues where there was one time where I had sent some selfies of myself. They were not sexual of any nature at all. And, you know, I sent him selfies. And an inmate said that I looked like a pinup girl. and like or one of the pinup girls that he knows and my father lost it on him and he was next thing you know he was thrown in the hole again and I was always unsure of of where it was that he was. So I remember fearing for his life and calling the prison at 15 years of age and hearing back that, oh, we'll let you know if he's dead. And that was something that was really scary for me is thinking that maybe my father's, dead and I won't get to know, you know, because I don't know any of the family members that

are close to that, to my father's side. I don't know any of them. And I didn't grow up around them. None of them came to look for me. But, yeah, it was hard. Yeah, because they can't give out any information. I remember when my parents used to call, they don't release anything. Yeah.

They're only going to tell you after it's too late. Yeah. Did your mother keep that he was in prison from you? No, no. Well, this is the thing. My mother didn't know. Um, this after I was born. He just, he left. Okay. So he, we didn't know where he was. We didn't know what happened. I think the last time that my mom had corresponded with him, um, was when she was talking to him about, um, like he asked her for pictures of us. And so, you know, my mom was like, well, you know, can you, I don't have money to, to get the pictures. You know, I'm, I'm a broke single mother. And, you know, it was always very hard for my mom. But, um, um, And he just didn't, you know, I didn't hear back again after that.

He didn't, you know, he didn't want to have to put out the money for the, to, for the pictures that he wanted of us to put on his desk to show off to people. So, you know, he honestly, it was rough. He didn't even have my name right. He would call me a Mala, which was hard, especially the fact that I always felt like, it was personal because, you know, he, he knew my brother and he would call to talk to my brother when I was little. And my, of course, you know, I had, I had been abused in my house, in my grandmother's house. And, you know, both physically and sexually by my uncle. And my uncle would always tell us he's not coming back for you. He, you know, I had these vague ideas of who he was, but, you know,

they would always, you know, solidify that, you know, yes, he robbed banks and they would make jokes about it. They would say, oh, I'm Mexican. And I'm like, am I Mexican? Like, I don't know even what I am, you know, like I heard later on that he was Jamaican, but, you know, it was, that was the point of what it was, you know, so. Do you think that parents, because you deal, work with kids whose parents are incarcerated, do you think that the parent, one of the parents should tell their child right away that they have a other parent in the system in prison and explain to the child what exactly that is? I would say it depends on the age.

I would 100% say it depends on the age. Obviously, if they're like just learning how to talk, you know, you're not going to confuse them with all of that information. But if they are of the age where they can understand and grasp the concept that daddy's not here or mommy's not here. I would say that it's best to explain it to them in a way that they can understand. And there's lots of books that can, you know, describe incarceration. There's an Elmo episode that talks about and explains incarceration to kids

and helps them work through their complex emotions because that's what it's all about is just helping them to better understand their own emotions, you know. I didn't understand. I was just told that he left and that he didn't want to be there and he never wanted to be involved. And I, you know, my uncle would tell me that he doesn't want to come back for you and he didn't even know your name. And, you know, it was hard watching fathers there for everybody else. And for me, it was like I didn't have one. And you know, Exema is unpredictable.

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I would say the age that I, the first time that I remember hearing that my father was in prison or he had, you know, been in and out of prison at one point. I believe that I might have been like seven or eight. And, you know, my uncle was just saying, you know, like, you know who he is, right? And I'm like, no. And then he pulls up a picture on Google of my father. And he's, you know, it's his mugshot. And I'm like, this is my father. And he was like, yeah, that's your father.

And he was like, you know, he was, you know, robbing banks. and he's, you know, doing all this. And he was, you know, he told me his position in the robbery. He told me everything about it. And they weren't trying to protect me. I do believe that my uncle had bad intentions by doing that. As I said before, he was, you know, both physically and sexually abusive towards me. So, you know, I really just, he made me feel like I was the only one.

there. Like, you know, he was the, like, he was the only one there for me. Like, he was the only one that I had as a father. So I really looked up to him like a father for a very long time, you know, despite, you know, what was going on. And, you know, it was, it was rough on me for sure. Was that your father's brother? No, that was my mother's brother. Interesting.

My father's brother was, he had died of an overdose from drugs. that was before I was born. Did you ever talk to your mom about what was going on with her brother? I, this is the thing. I didn't even know what was going on with her brother. That's the really sick part of it. I think that I really didn't know and didn't understand what he was doing to me. And I had later found out that he was doing it to his own daughter, my cousin as well.

and it was really a lonely place I had become, you know, suicidal. I'd become, you know, depressed in my teen years, just feeling like I had nothing and I had nobody. And, you know, what he was doing was he was sharing explicit stories with me. And he was showing me child pornography. He had tried to drug me. when I was, this is when I was being bullied at home because I had moved by this point, I had moved to upstate New York.

So when I was 13, I moved to upstate New York. At that point, you know, I had started to develop. I became something that was more interesting, I would say, to him. And, you know, but his thing was children. And, you know, that was something that I hadn't realized. until that point when he started showing me child pornography and he just kept saying, this is okay, you know, um, you know, people, cousins get together and like Adam and Eve did it. So like you, it's, it's normal.

And, um, I, uh, I part of me knew that it wasn't normal. Um, and I wasn't trying to like go with it or anything. Uh, and I was, would make sure that I wouldn't drink too much with him. So, and I was aware there was like an intuitive part of me that would make sure that like, okay, like don't drink too much with him. He will rape you. He will do something to you. And that was sad because, you know, I, he would also keep it secret and have me keep it secret by saying things like, you know, we are in the secret. This is the truth circle. Like this is the circle of truth. We keep everything within the circle of truth. And, um, you know, um, you know, this is, we are in the secret. This is the truth. Uh, we keep everything within the circle of truth. And, um, um, you know, um, You don't, you know, let anything leave the circle. And I believe that every time he would say that, he was almost, I don't want to say hypnotizing me, but he was definitely brainwashing me. And he would tell me he would kill me. There was one time it almost did come out to, it came out to a cousin of mine.

And, you know, the cousin tried to tell my mom and my mom didn't believe it. And it was because of the fact that it was this specific cousin that was causing trouble and whatnot. And so, you know, my mom was just like, oh, I don't, you know, I don't believe that, you know, whatever. And, you know, this is Max we're talking about. Like, I've let him be around both of my kids. And, you know, he's been a father to my kids and he wouldn't do this. And so my mom refused to believe it. But when this happened, my mom was like, can you believe this?

you know, like, can you believe that he did this? And to the, to the, to the, to the, to the uncle. And my uncle then talked to me privately. And the next time I saw him at the movie theaters and I will always remember walking in the movie theaters and him saying, me and Alana are going to go get popcorn. And it was strange. But I went with him to go get popcorn. And he said, you're going to keep this secret. You remember the circle of truth.

He said, I'm going to kill you if you open your mouth about what happened. And that was that. I, it almost brainwashed me and scared me to death to the point to where I literally fell into some form of a, a, a, like a, I don't want to say hypnosis. I was just, I forgot. I, it was like a, I forget the word for it. But in a dissociative amnesia, that's what it is. And I forgot it for a psychosis or something like that. So you, it's a form of disassociation where you disassociate so bad from the situation as a form of escape from in your mind to the point to where you don't remember what it is that even happened.

So it got to a point to where I forgot. I just forgot. And I remembered eight years later that this whole. thing happened. And I spoke to my mom and I told my mom and she believed me right away. And she just, she went to tell, you know, my cousin, his daughter. And then she broke down in tears and said that it had been happening to her. But she was unable to say anything because her mom was, her mom was a prostitute and she was on drugs and she left her at my grandmother's house when she was little. She's just 10 years older than me.

And her mom had also had another daughter and that daughter had been sexually abused at the age of three, came back from California with herpes at the age of three. and she got both of the kids got taken away from her and my cousin was placed with my uncle. And when my cousin was placed with my uncle, you know, there was social workers and everything involved in the situation trying to make sure she's all right

and they had no clue that he had been doing this to her since she was eight years of age. So it's really a sad situation, but... Is denial something that you see often with children that are going through this type of trauma in the household? I would definitely say so. It's funny because I had an energy of denial for so long. And it was because of the fact that I was just like, well, like in those moments when he was

showing me these things, the child pornography and he was doing these things to me and, you know, trying to get me drunk and, you know, the whole thing. I had thought of it like, you know, well, we watch Steve Wilcos all the time and we see child molesters and, you know, pedophiles all the time. And we don't believe that these people, you know, he always, we love to watch these people get kicked off the stage. And we love to watch these people get, you know, booed off the stage and the whole thing. And so I'm, I was thinking like, you know, he, then he must not be doing it. And it was weird because he was doing it.

And so there was just a sense of confusion. There was definitely denial, brainwashing, all of that that was at play. As you got older and you started to understand what happened to you, did you start to feel resentment or maybe even more resentment towards your father than you felt before because he was in prison? He wasn't there to protect. you and he's a father figure and should have been there and it could have all been avoided had he had been there um yeah i mean i remember just joking around about my father and not being there

from the time that i was little like because my uncle had created a space of this is funny this is hilarious you know that this man you know he's just robbing all these banks and he's doing all these things like this is so funny and so I believed it to be funny and so I believed it to be funny until it was not you know when I was 13 and I had had a sleepover with my friend um and my friend had told me she was just like you know so you don't really care that you know your father left you and I broke down in tears and I was just so devastated and I was just like you know why would leave me like why did he do this why is you know why doesn't he love me why aren't i lovable and you know it really you know created a space for me to be somebody that had no self self-esteem that a

very low self-esteem um you know i i i had this complex uh it was um you know i had an inferiority complex i was you know just messed up by the age of 18 i was you know putting myself out there in, you know, really, you know, overly sexually ways, you know, I was, you know, sleeping around. I was, you know, I had no, I had such extreme self-loathing because I was like, my father didn't want me. And, you know, I, on top of that, this happened to me, this is teaching me that I am not worthy, that I am not enough. And that, you know, if my, I think the biggest part of the of the abuse with my uncle the most devastating part of the whole situation was that he did it to me and it wasn't what happened that happened between the two of us it was

that he that he did it to me knowing who i was to him and it made me feel unlovable it made me feel like, why would he, why would he ruin our relationship and do this? That must mean that I'm not enough. That must mean that I'm, I'm unworthy of love and that I deserve for things like this to happen to me. And so over the years, I've been basically breaking down these complexes that I've had of myself, which has been hard, you know, it's, it's a journey, a healing journey, but I'm, I'm here for the ride. It's so important for people to realize how, incarceration doesn't just affect the person that's being incarcerated. I mean, you look at the indirect and then also the direct effect it had on you.

Yeah. And you didn't sign up for that. You were born into that. Yeah. That goes along with people that are born into crime or born into bad areas or born into addiction. The same thing happened to you in a sense where you were born into, you know, a one-parent household.

And then you're put into this traumatic situation that, you know, I commend you for. for overcoming that and getting through it. Thank you. And then having that father not there for you because of his actions, that put you in that situation. Yeah. And it's just, you know, when you look at the bigger picture and the domino effect on everything, you start to see, like, is this all worth it to do these things?

You know, and we have to look at that for our kids in the next generation. Right. Like look at how you did nothing wrong. You were just born. Yeah. And your life got thrown into a million pieces because of a. another person's actions. Yep.

And that also goes to the debate about who should be having kids. Yeah. If you're ready to have kids. And clearly, you know, at the time, he might not even have been ready to bring a child into the world. Yeah. But then you look at the other end, you know, then you wouldn't have been born if that was the case.

And you had to go through that so you could help others. Yeah. So it's such a, such an intricate thought-provoking thing to think about. Right. In conversation. Now, we know about the trauma. at home and that you were bullied at home, but were you also bullied in school for having a child, or a parent incarcerated?

Yeah. I mean, this is the thing. Like, I was constantly, you know, I just remember on the bus, you know, they would just, you know, make fun of me. You know, they would, they would call me the N-word. They would call me, because I was in a predominantly, like, white area. It was funny because I hadn't even been on a school bus. and I before that and I had remember my first time being on a school bus and it was just the craziest

experience and I'm like I felt I was previously in a very bad school before that where you would really always have to like watch your back and so I remember me and my brother were just like do we sit together and it was weird it was like you know all the kids were like why are they sitting together but it was like you know he was just a year older than me and and so we would just sit together and we wouldn't talk to people. We're like, don't talk to people. Don't talk to anybody. And finally, by the end of that year, you know, my brother had moved, you know,

to the back of the bus hanging out with all those people. But those people that were his friends, he had told about the situation. My mom had coached us to say, you know, listen, like you and your, you know, you and, you know, your brother were children of divorce, you know, like we, and then. that never even happened. My mom and dad were never even married, but she was just so embarrassed by the situation. She's like, I just want to move on. I just don't want to talk about the fact that, you know, he was incarcerated at all. And so let's just not talk about it. But my brother ended up telling the truth about the situation to his so-called friends who would bully me and harass

me. The sticks at me, they would just say that, you know, your father doesn't want you. And, you know, my dad's at home, where's yours? And there was all of that. They would laugh about the fact that, you know, they're like, do you want to rob banks too? And it was just like a running joke. But it wasn't. Choice hotels get you more of what you value.

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Following in your father's footsteps Did you ever think for a second Wow maybe I'm going to go to prison? Yeah, I This is the thing. My uncle used to have us sit there and watch Beyond Scared Street. And he would say, you see those people? And he would point to the TV.

He said, and we were little. We were like six or seven. And we'd be sitting there and he would point to the TV. He's like, you see those people? He's like, that's where you're going to go. He said, and it was prisoners. It was people in prison. And he would just say that that's where you're going to go.

And, you know, if you don't watch your behavior, that's where you're going to go. And so, you know, I would always be trying to prove, like, no, I'm not going to go there. But after a while, it became almost a feeling of like, hey, you know, like maybe that's where I'm supposed to be. And I remember around the age of 18, I just dropped out of school. I dropped out of school. I had perfect grades.

I, you know, was always like 3.0 or higher GPAs. You know, it would fluctuate throughout my life. but within the 3.0, you know, section, it was really, you know, those are my grades. And, you know, I ended up just dropping out, just leaving it all behind. And, you know, my aspirations were to strip. Honestly, I was like, well, this is, you know, this is all I'm good for anyway. And it was funny because, you know, my mom had seen the change in me where all of a sudden, like I was just this girl that was, I would wear these sweatshirts and these heavy baggy clothes

and I wouldn't do my makeup or anything. Like all the girls at 16, they did their makeup, they did their hair. I didn't do any of that stuff. And it was because of the fact that I was trying to cover up. I was trying to cover up. You know, I had also been sexually abused on the bus by one of my brother's friends as well. And so it was a situation where I was. just in a state of hell. I was being bullied at home. I was being bullied in school. I was just always

just in a state of hell. What would you tell someone that is currently or was bullied in school and is kind of facing the reality of that and reflecting back on it and, you know, it was just going through a tough time because of that. What would you tell them? It's so hard. Honestly, my thought process, the thing that helped me to get through is just to keep pushing. Just keep pushing, keep proving to yourself that you are better than that and you are better than them and focus on yourself. Focus on your healing. You know, when you work, it's good to work, but there's also a need for you to deal with the pain and to continuously give yourself these affirmations and tell yourself. Like when I was a preschool teacher, because I was also a preschool teacher,

I would do this thing called Affirmation Station with the kids and just making them look in the mirror and tell themselves, I am beautiful, I am amazing, I am good, I am smart. Because you don't know what those kids are hearing at home, you know? And I think that for a kid that's or a person that has went through bullying and is just trying to push through, there's a need to just continuously just the way that negative comments can penetrate your brain, positive comments can too if you tell them to yourself enough. And so that would be my suggestion is just continuously surround yourself with positivity and tell yourself positive things.

And you will start to believe it. And also just really make sure that the people and the negativity that reminds you of the bullying is also on the outside of your life as well. You don't want to have anything negative in your surrounding environment when you're healing. What about signs to look out for that, to see that a child's being picked on or something's going on at home? What are some warning signs that we as adults can look out for as we interact with kids or even have kids of our own one day? Yeah. Kids bundling up when it's not cold.

I remember I would wear a heavy sweatshirt in 90-degree weather to cover up and baggy clothes. And I remember the neighbor looking at my mom and saying, there's something wrong. Like, is she okay? Because I was so friendly, I used to talk and talk and talk and then all of a sudden I just stopped talking. So that would be another sign. is just somebody just, you know, your child just not talking anymore, not talking the way they used to, spending time alone isolating themselves, you know, just checking to see if they have friends, just making sure that their experiences are normal.

And if they're not normal, if they don't go spend time with friends, if they're very isolated, if they, you know, are very grumpy and easily agitated, you know, that became me. And, you know, around that time, I remember when I was 13 during that time, I had tried to kill myself. And that was exactly how it was. I tried to swallow pills and end it. And, you know, I had, you know, I almost did. And it was just a really bad situation at 16. My uncle used to keep guns around.

And I tried to shoot myself in the head with his gun that he had around the time that I was spending time with him because I really felt like I had nobody else. And even though he was doing what he was doing. And, you know, thankfully, his guns were always packed. But, you know, and they were always loaded. but this particular time when I tried to kill myself, it was not loaded. And I made it. And I didn't try again after that. And I figured that, you know what, I must be meant to make it.

If this happened, I must be meant to make it. You know, in middle school and high school, we would see kids that were going through depression and, you know, that would cut themselves or that would act out and lash out. And we would make fun of them for that because they were a week. and they were different. And, you know, as I get older and you interviewed these individuals who have gone through so much trauma in their life, you really start to see that perspective of what those individuals that were the outcast and school that we looked at as the crazy ones were going through. And you don't know what's going on in someone else's household and what's going on behind

the scenes. And I really think that's such an important lesson for the youth and even adults who are judging people at the workplace or anything just to, you know, right now I'm always thinking about what the other person's going through. Right. And walk a mile in their shoes because you don't know if they're having a bad day. So it's just about being kind and being nice to people and talking to them and just being receptive and open.

Yeah. Because there's so much anger, you know, in the world with individuals, getting mad at things. Like I was in the Duncan line the other day with my dad and he was like, why is it take it so long? So that, like, dad, it's not their fault. You know, chill out, all right? We don't need a, we're not in a rush. Right. Just chill out.

Don't, you're frustrated in the moment, but don't take it out on them. Exactly. Yeah. It's hard to live your life and to try to, you know, see through somebody else's eyes and walk in somebody else's shoes. I think it's hard, but it's something that we actively have to work on because you don't know what. somebody's going through. You have no clue. Absolutely. Did you visit your dad in prison?

No, he wouldn't let me. After, because he was in prison in Florida. So I think that made it, you know, harder to visit him as well. But he always said, no, I don't want you coming here. This is not a place for you. That's an interesting perspective because when I was in prison, you know, I didn't want my parents coming. Because I feel like as a man, you know, you kind of feel like vulnerable and it's just that you know people are looking at you in the visiting room they're seeing what you have your family you know it just it shows a sign of weakness it's such a vulnerable position to be in is is have is being in prison um i've never been in prison myself but you know i even know somebody right now that's in prison and it's really just the emotions that they go through

and I know my friend always talks about going, having people come in from Yukon to come and visit the prison. And he always just says like it's, you know, he hates it because he feels like he's in a zoo. And, you know, they're coming and they're poking fun at all the prisoners and they're looking at them. And it's just such a terrible thing. And, you know, I wouldn't wish it on anybody, but there's definitely a need for people to, you know, just try. to, you know, have more sympathy for people that go in there because they have a story too. They also make it so hard to go to the visits. Like, as an inmate, you're getting stripped out just to go on the visit. Then you're getting stripped out again on the way back. And it just makes it,

like it's supposed to be family rehabilitation and reintegrating into society with the visit. That's the importance of a visit and having that human connection. But they just make it so degrading just to even go through that and to see family members go through that. So that could also be, you know, on the other end of what your dad was feeling and what he was going through. How did it make you feel when he told you not to come? I don't think I felt anything, if I'm being honest. I had this weird, to this day, I'm still kind of numb towards him. I don't really feel like it's weird. Like all of a sudden, like, if I hear that he's in a bad situation, like, he told me one day, he was like, I'm in hot water. And I said, what do you mean? And he said, you know, they're after me in here.

And I was like, I immediately, you know, called the prison and I tried to get through to somebody and there was like panic. But then on the other hand, there's a sense of, I don't really care. Like, I'm, I'm just kind of, I think that I trained myself to be numb to him when I was younger. You know, my uncle would take us to the shooting range when I was 13 and have me shoot his picture, which was crazy. He was crazy. But I was basically, you know, taught to not really feel too much for him. So I didn't really feel much when he told me not to visit. I was just like, okay.

Have you ever understood his backstory, got to know who he is and why he did the things he did and what led him to become incarcerated? Um, I, I definitely, I've only seen him in person like two or three times, um, since, and I met him for the first time when I was 18. Um, was I, yeah, I was 18, I think. Um, but I, um, when I first met him and everything, you know, um, I was really just, you know, numb to him. but when I did hear his story, you know, like I was told by his sister that, you know, he's not the sharpest tool in the box. Like she would just say that. He's not the sharpest tool in the box. And she would say that, you know, he was, you know, when he was robbing the banks, he had robbed 11 banks across the borough of Long Island. And after he robbed one of them, I guess we would say this is the last one.

he had gotten, you know, the dye on him from the exploding money. And he was running from the police with the exploding, you know, the red dye on him. And it basically was like Hansel and Gretel where he like left a trail. So he left this trail of red dye and went to a barbecue. And my aunt's barbecue, his sister. and you know she told me that he was he was planning to stay

he was you know getting ready to go to the barbecue and you know she was like the police came after him and that was the end of it and you know he went to prison and he stayed there I believe for like he was supposed to do 10 years he did seven on good behavior that was before I was born

but this is the story she told me and so you know she's like you know he would have have, you know, different people that were, you know, around. His mother wasn't really motherly towards him. His mother snuck him out of the country when he was little because he's from Jamaica. And what she said was that he basically, you know, he, you know, was very, you know, missed his father. You know, but she kidnapped him, you know, out of the country.

So, you know, now he was here. But his mother wasn't very maternal to him at all. So his sister ended up really more raising him and being there for. for him. And so I know that that must have been hard, you know, when I hear that. I just believe it's more of an explanation rather than an excuse because there's no excuse for leaving your children. There's, you know, with his other children, I believe he was in and out of their lives rather than just not there like he was with us. But and I do believe that there must be something that must be making him just the way he is.

But he's, we have reconnected now. And, you know, he helps my brother out. And he's, you know, he's, he's very kind. He drives trucks now. And he's so far, he's been out of trouble since, like, 2018. And, yeah. What's been the effect that you've witnessed on your brother because of his incarceration growing up?

do you think it was a different effect than you? So my brother did struggle with drugs. My brother went down a different path. He's doing much better now. But, you know, on my brother's end, you know, there was more physical abuse with my uncle. If there was sexual abuse, we don't 100% know because he hasn't admitted it yet.

But, you know, there was definite physical abuse. You know, my brother is ADHD. so, you know, he would get beat for pretty much anything and my uncle would always brag about, you know, beating him when he was two and, you know, my brother went through a lot with that as well. And, you know, there was a whole scenario where, you know, my brother was under, you know, like my mom was cleaning, you know, my uncle's, you know, apartment. And he, she found, you know, underwear under my uncle's bed. And my mom believed. it to be my cousin's underwear. And she immediately didn't think of it as, you know, my uncle doing something to my cousin. She thought of it as, you know, Johnny brought this under the, and under the bedrooms playing with it or something, which is weird that she thought of it that way. But, you know, next thing you know, like my uncle, you know, beat him for that.

And it was sick because he knew the whole time that it was him that was, that was, doing something to my cousin. So, you know, he, my brother has, he definitely has some issues. He has some demons. I feel that the drugs that he's done has made it a lot worse. And, you know, he's, again, like I said, he's much better now. But, you know, he went through a very dark period with depression, with suicidal, you know, ideations and, you know, that whole thing. just trying to quiet his mind from, you know, all of the things that he was hearing in his head about himself.

And, you know, he also has very low self-esteem. And, you know, he's, as I said, he's doing better now, but he went through a very dark period for a while. What ended up happening to your uncle? He's around. He's around. When I was young, I, when I was, I don't want to say when I was young. When I was, I'm going to say when I first came out with the story, I did try to do something about the situation. I did go to the police and I told them and in telling them, child services case was opened, child protective services because he takes care of my little cousin, my cousin's son, so his grandson, he takes care. he takes care of.

And so in me, you know, giving a police report, another child protective services case was opened for my little cousin. And, you know, so they investigated and they didn't find anything. And with my uncle, I remember, you know, with my police report case, I remember they said to me, he's going to, like, we're going to break the door down, you know, like to go try to find, you know, some evidence of, you know, child pornography or something. And then all of a sudden, you know, they investigated and I'm so sure that they had the time, you know, to prepare my little cousin to not say anything and to, you know, make him look good and whatnot. But, you know, he was, you know, they didn't find anything. And so I had to go through the feeling of like, why doesn't anybody

believe me. And in a way, I'm glad that they didn't find anything because I don't think that at that time I had the psyche to be able to handle, or I should say, I didn't have the ability to be able to handle a court proceeding because I, them trying to discredit me, that would have been really rough on me. But thankfully, you know, right now, as it is, my, my mom, unfortunately, has to, you know, go back and forth, drop my grandmother off to him. Every week my grandmother has severely, you know, does really bad dementia. And, you know, she has to drop him off to him every week. And it's so rough on my mom.

And it's something that my mom has a lot of trouble handling is having to see this man at all to do anything. But, you know, and that was something that I had to work through as well. is having, I wouldn't see him, you know, but having to work through the fact that nothing's going to happen to him and that they didn't find anything and that he's still live in life. As a victim, how does that make you feel when the criminal justice system fails? It, it sucks, you know. It sucks. It's hard to have to, you know, go through. just this feeling of like you're not believed or like it's not enough or, you know,

what they technically told me is that it reached a statute of limitations. So because of what happened, it would have been classed as child abuse, rather than sexual abuse for some reason. It was ranked as child abuse in the exact way that they said. child endangerment. So it's crazy to me that what I said wasn't enough to make it be, you know, enough. But at the end of the day, you know, it is what it is. And I had to process my own grief and heal in my own way and deal with the issue.

that I had to deal with. And I think that everything happens for a reason. And I do believe that, you know, it's better for me. Not for him. I had since told all of my family members about him from, I have family members all over the world. I've told all of them about him. So it makes me feel better to know that nobody wants to interact with him anymore.

And, you know, it sucks that, you know, he can't be prosecuted, but... At first, I didn't think it was real. I woke up to this blinding light, and I was transported to another place. Pluto TV! Then I heard a voice. Come with me if you want to live. There were thousands of movies and shows, and they were all free. The truth is our city.

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even though there is that possibility that justice might not come? It depends on the person. It depends on whatever it is that they, you know, if they're in the throes of going through the grief, I don't think that everybody has the ability. Like I'm particularly strong. And I've realized that recently, that I'm stronger than I thought.

And I had the ability to be able to go and share my story, but my cousin took a very different turn and my cousin actually defended my uncle and expressed and said that he did this. but she stands by his side and she continues to stand by his side she continues to drop off

my cousin to his house this is something Child Protective Services looked into it and they apparently didn't find anything and this is you know I just have to tell myself that you know what I did everything that I could do to make sure

that he was not harmed. I called Child Protective protective services, this is all I can do. And I have to give it to God. And so that's what I did. I gave it to God. And I think that that's what somebody else should do too, is that they should really, if they have the strength and they feel like they would feel better by doing that,

by opening up and talking to police, then yeah, sure. But that's something that has to absolutely be that person's choice. and it has to absolutely be something that that person is willing to do and it would make them feel better. And if that's the case, then yeah, I would say, go ahead, go for it. What made you decide to turn your trauma as a child into your life's purpose and mission and start the nonprofit? Because there's a clear correlation of what you went through and what you're doing now to help others and use your experience in that way. Yeah. So I've always been somebody.

that has loved to help people. From the time that I was little, I remember the first time that I remember giving to somebody else was when I was, you know, I remember, you know, I had some extra money left over. I remember I had $100 that I brought to school

with me for something else. And it was sixth grade, I think, and the people came by to, you know, ask for donations for kids with cancer, and I just gave them the whole thing. and, you know, everybody else would have bought something else with it or they would have done something else with it. But I just decided I was like, you know what? Let me give this to help a child with cancer.

And I remember feeling so good about that. And that led me into, you know, feeling and knowing that I would do something to help other kids and to help other people. I just didn't know what yet. And as soon as I really started to interact with the, you know, the justice system. And with the, you know, the, the, whatever it is system where, you know,

you know, people are incarcerated. I, that got me into, um, just, um, knowing that, you know what? I, I had it pretty good. And I realized that. I, despite everything that I've been through,

which, you know, there's just probably so many more things that I just haven't even mentioned. I still have had it better than other kids. And I realized that. And I've been given, you know, my mom was a nurse. So my mom was working all the time. So, you know, she didn't make that much money, but she did make a good amount of money more than other kids.

You know, she would always be trying to replace, you know, what my father wasn't giving. She would try to fill the void and, you know, with things and with, whatever it is. And I think that that was something that helped me. But in a way, there was something missing. And so I think that where I kind of connected the dots with, you know, the nonprofit and with everything was where when I was 17. So I started my nonprofit when I was 17 for children of incarcerated parents when I had I done a report on children of incarcerated parents. And I learned all these really crazy statistics. I learned that 70% of children that have an incarcerated

parent are bound to be incarcerated themselves, which is an insane number. I learned that one to two percent of kids with incarcerated mothers and 13 to 25 percent of kids with incarcerated fathers don't graduate college. I learned, you know, so many more statistics. 2.7 million American children are incarcerated, have an incarcerated parent, I mean, in prison right now. And they're going through this. And they, you know, go through this, you know, all up until the age of 18 and more. You know, they're struggling.

They struggle with anxiety. there's high rates of diabetes as well as, you know, obesity in children with incarcerated, you know, children of incarceration. And that's because of the fact that they only have one parent at home and that parent is working. So who's the one that's going to make sure that they're eating right? And that was the case with us too. You know, my grandmother would, she would, you know, give us meals. but, you know, for the most part, we had a lot of freedom in the house. There was just a sense of, you know, there was no structure, like whatsoever.

And so, you know, we could eat whatever we wanted. And, you know, if there's like sugar, snacks and whatever, like we could eat all that. You know, it was only the weekends that, you know, my mom would really be there to monitor, like, what we were eating and stuff. And so I realized, you know, I'm still lucky, you know, because there's some kids that just their parents are just always. gone. You know, some kids turn to gangs. Some kids turn to, you know, they turn to drugs and, you know, they do all this because they're trying to numb the pain that they're experiencing by not having a father, not having a mother that's there. A lot of them, one thing that I'm very lucky with is that my father, you know, I didn't see his arrest, you know, and that's something

that I'm glad. Like, that would have caused me so much more trauma. A lot of these kids, they see their parent being arrested. And that causes so much more trauma to them. Watching that happen, watching their parent being suddenly taken away, it causes so much grief. And, you know, just they said it's worse than divorce or death for some kids. So, yeah. And it's important for these individuals and children to know that they're not alone.

Yeah. And even the parents that have a spouse, or a partner in prison that they're not alone either. Yeah. That there are so many people in this world. Like the stats are incredible. Yeah. That how many people there really are out there.

And so I think it's powerful for individuals to hear those numbers spoken because they're not alone and that there's people like you and other people that have been on the show that relate and they feel their pain. And, you know, there's this community of individuals that have these stories. Yeah. Right. Exactly. I think that, you know, my experiences made me realize, made me feel that I was alone. I don't want to say realize because then that would have meant that I was alone.

But it made me feel alone and it made me feel isolated. But there's, it's just amazing to know, like, that there are so many new resources now that there weren't back then for kids and for people. you know, there are so many things that, you know, you can reach out to, you know, you're a therapist. You can talk to a school counselor if you're at school. I utilize school counselors all the time. I had a social worker. I had a school counselor, especially around the time that I was suicidal. And, you know, it really helped me to just get through.

Also talking to your school about just rearranging, you know, your schedule, you know, sometimes being at school is hard and me being bullied was very difficult for me. It was hard for me to go to school. So the school had, you know, arranged a situation to where I could take my classes after the school, after the school day was done. And so I had, it was called Academy. And so I would do school afterwards. And so that, you know, it would help with my anxiety and it would help with everything. And so I'm just glad that I was able to, you know, get certain services, get the help that I needed back then. And, you know, I still had a very low period after that. But, you know, it was that for that reason that I was able to even graduate high school because, you know,

my grades dipped. And, you know, going through everything that I was going through my senior year, I, you know, I was, you know, on track to go to, like, some of the best colleges. And then all of a sudden, you know, like I just became really, really suicidal. And I, you know, I wasn't paying attention to my grades. And, you know, the second half of the last semester, I was able to do school at home for like a month, which was amazing. And, you know, you never know. There might be people out there that can help you with, you know, school and make your life just a little bit easier in some way. Make it so that you can, you know, get an elevator pass.

I used to get an elevator pass five minutes early. I forgot about those. Yes. The elevator pass. Yes. The sacred pass. I had one because my school was five towns large. I had a very large school.

And so I was, you know, I would just be terrified of the hallways. I had such anxiety. And they gave me an elevator pass five minutes early so I can leave and take the elevator and not have to worry about the stairwells or the stairs or what bullying might happen there or anything. So that was great for me. Yeah, there's so many different coping mechanisms and ways to ask for help now in today's world because of technology and social media. And it could bring people together. There is the harmful side to it, but there is the community side to it too.

Yeah. Yep. But, Alana, thank you so much for coming today and sharing your story. It was a wonderful conversation. It really was. And we appreciate you coming in today to share it. And I know it could be hard. but for your first podcast, I would say you absolutely nailed it.

You crushed it. Thank you so much. It was so great being here, honestly. It was, and it's so great talking to you.