Loremen Podcast - Loremen S5Ep57 - The Beasts of the North LIVE in Manchester

Episode Date: November 7, 2024

The Loremen travel to the North Country and meet the Trash Hounds of Lancashire. No, not the live lorefolk audience. We're talking tales of headless dogs, skeletal huntsmen and be-buttocked pipers. This is another episode from our "Sold Out" "National" "Tour". James brings stories of boggarts and barghests and Alasdair presents three northern eccentrics. And we briefly hop across the border to the Yorkshire village of Thickley Punchardon. For obvious reasons. Enjoy! This episode was edited by Joseph Burrows - Audio Editor. LoreBoys nether say die! Support the Loremen here (and get stuff): patreon.com/loremenpod ko-fi.com/loremen Check the sweet, sweet merch here... https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631 @loremenpod youtube.com/loremenpodcast www.instagram.com/loremenpod www.facebook.com/loremenpod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. With me, Alistair Beckett King. And me, James Shake Shaft. And James, the lawmen have traveled north. They did. To the North Country, the Northern Realm. Manchester.

Did you like it, James? Yeah, I loved it. I love Manchester. Mad for it, I was. Do you like it, James? Yeah, I loved it. I love Manchester. Mad for it. I was. Thank you. That's what I was.

That's all I want. That's all I wanted to say James. James, as you know, you told the story of the Levin Schumpf Bogart. We saw the return of the headless dog of somewhere. I can't remember. Manchester City Center. And I introduced you to a pedopathetic piper with a fine ass. Live from Manchester, it's the Beasts of the North.

Hello, Lorefolk. How's it going? Hello, Manchester! Hello, such a small proportion of Manchester. I don't know if the size of this room is coming across in audio, but it is huge, massive, massive room. Yes, I think we're actually now officially a quarter. We're one of the Manchester's... Yes, there's the Northern Quarter. Yeah, and there's the Law Folk Quarter. We passed through earlier, Victoria Zone. I like that when you get off of Piccadilly, there's like, there's the gay quarter and there's the law folk quarter. We passed through earlier, Victoria zone. I like that when you get off of Piccadilly, there's like, there's the gay quarter and

there's the Northern quarter. It's like being in a cool RPG Manchester basically. Just go and pick up some quests. Should we, should we get into it? Let's get started. Yes. So James and I, we're so excited to be in Manchester. We've both got loads of stories basically.

I, I have got three Northern legends for you. I think of it as three treasures, you know, like on a Chinese restaurant's menu. But then they are individually just peppers. And the name promises more than it delivers, but I do enjoy different colored peppers, so forgive me in advance is what I'm saying. So all my three treasures, my three northern legends, come from William Brockey's book, Legends and Superstitions of the County of Durham. Billy Brockey?

Yeah, Billy Brox. Is he the first time on the show, Billy Brox? No, I think we've mentioned Billy Brox before. Nice one. He published- Inventor of broccoli or just- No, although interestingly, I think, you know, the broccoli family who produced the- James Bond.

James Bond films. Yes. Invented broccoli. Yes. Yeah. Famously. Sorry, I just, you know, the broccoli family who produced the James Bond films invented broccoli. Yes. Yeah, famously. Sorry, that film was like, yeah. We all know that. All right. I thought maybe only I knew that, but okay. William Brockie, who's a Scottish writer, a border writer, who published

Legends and Superstitions of the County of Durham. Oof. Doesn't really work. In 1886, just a few years before he died, and the first Northern legend from his book that I'd like to tell you about is the wandering Piper, who Brocchi actually met in person in 1833. Now the wandering Piper was, he may have been a Scottish aristocrat, he might have been Lord Glenlion or Lord John Gordon. The idea was he'd engaged in some kind of gentleman's wager to travel the country playing the pipes.

Can I just ask what sort of pipes are we talking pan? Are we talking bag? Are we talking icing? History does not record. But it was one of the ones where people might give you money. And basically... Not bagpipes. ones where people might give you money and basically not bagpipes. So that is so offensive to my Scottish heritage, James. He was probably Scottish, the wandering piper, so they may well have been of the bag variety. And he was trying to raise a certain amount of money. He's basically a bet to see, could he make a certain amount of money without solicitation,

i.e. asking for it or begging. So he traveled the country raising the money and then in each town he would give that money away to a charitable institution. And William Brockie met him and writes, Durham, he made a donation of £1.15 to the Lying In charity. What? So the Lying In charity for the relief of poor married lying in women, which is... Wait a minute, are they for lions or against lions? No, lying in, lying in. Like, having a nap? No, past date 30?

If I forget that you have kids, like a lion for me is way later than that. That's like an hour before I'd normally get up, James. That's ridiculous. No, lying in was the state where after giving birth in those days, it was understood that women were- Might need a lie in. Might need a lie in. That's pretty progressive. Would stay in bed for a while.

Oh, good. Yeah, you know, he gave money to Durham, and he's recorded in the ledger book as the wandering piper. So this is a real person. We don't really know why he was doing it. He's quite an eccentric character. Brockie writes, whether it really was a wager and it. He's quite an eccentric character. Rocky writes, "'Whether it really was a wager,

"'and whether, if it was, he won it or not, "'we cannot say. "'We only recollect that he had a very fine ass.'" That's how he made his money. Let me finish. We only recollect that he had a very fine ass to carry his pipes. Well, if you're wondering that far, you're gonna need the glaze.

Give us a song on your bum pipes. Play us the bum pipes. And he spoke with a Sharp Highland accent that looked... I've gone a little bit more Glaswegian with the voice of Brockie. He spoke with a Sharp Highland accent and he looked like a real noble man with long fingers that would have pleased Lord Byron. Now people on the stream can see I've got actually quite small stubby fingers myself but James you've got long fingers. Yeah I've got Byron pleasers. Apparently there was a portrait of him published at the time and he traveled around the north,

this is most of the stories in the North East, I'm afraid to say. I know we're on the other side of the Pennines. But he was quite a proud man when he was in Sunderland, I think. A gentleman threw sixpence for him and it landed on the ground. And a little boy, you know, is followed by boys in the streets, presumably enchanted by the fine ass. The boy said, oh, there's a coin there. And he said, you know, you pick it up and put it in your pocket. He wouldn't stoop to pick it up.

If you wanted to give the wandering piper a coin, you had to put it into his hand or directly into his sporin. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Which is too intimate. That's like tucking it into his waistband. Do American listeners know what a sporin is? Do people on the stream know what a sporin is? It's like a Scottish bum bag.

No, it's like a Scottish fanny pack. Yes, a hairy Scottish fanny pack, which is getting demonetised. Let's just all Google that. So that is my first Northern Legend for you, the Wandering Piper and his fine, fine ass and pleasing fingers. Nice work. Well, well, well, I have something that I think we've touched upon the elements of this beast before. It's called a bar guest. Have you heard of the bar guest?

Yeah, it's often a big dog around Yorkshire area. It's a big dog. Also around your neck of the woods, around Durham, it's like a house elf kind of... Like the cold lead of Hilton. Yes. It's a bar guest. It's one of the formats of bar guests. But the one I'm on about is it's got big dog energy. It's bar guest comes from German, Berggeist, to mean town ghost. Oh, we all enjoyed that. There is some learning. So there was one that would knock around York,

old York, sorry, just for our American listeners, old York, old York. So old they named it old York. And it would go around the Snickleways, which is a feature of York. It's York's, I think peculiar to York. It's York's peculiar name for little alleyways. In Durham they're called Venals,

but lots of, and Edinburgh are called wines. Ah, a guinelle? Ginel? Ginel, yeah. Ginel. Ginel, yeah. Où est le Ginel? Où est mon petit Ginel? Pardonnez-moi, monsieur.

Le Ginel? Oui, dans le rue. That is the end of my French, I'm afraid. And apparently the house 1, The Shambles, the address in York, is called the Bar Guest. Oh, number 1, The Shambles. Number 1, The Shambles. Well, anyone who's been to York will know The Shambles. It's famously a higgledy-piggledy street with leaning old buildings that loom over you as you walk down.

It's where if you're on one side, you can shake hands with someone in the upper room on the other side of the street famously because they're cartoonishly crooked. And because they're from the North as well. So they're nice. That friendlier. If they were in London. You would just blank the person in the building opposite. So yeah, it would knock around Durham in the 1870s

near Darlington. Darlaw. Yeah, Darlington. I was very surprised to learn I was in Durham for some reason. Sounds like the poshest place imaginable. Darlington. Darlingtown. It's a town for my darlings.

That's where they live in the Janelles. James has so obviously not been to Darlington. It would take the format of a headless lady, a white cat, a rabbit, a dog, a black dog or a headless man who vanishes in flames. Which to be fair, that's all men. Ultimately, ultimately. That's got Pelton Bragg vibes. It's rare we get one with so many different forms that are clearly just several different

things and not one creature. One of which being a man being burned. Yeah. And there is a reference in Haunted England by Christ in a Hole. It's Christina Hole. Sorry, I don't think you said that in quite a show busy enough way. Bringing it right back to Manchester, a headless hound. I think we have mentioned this before in the podcast,

but it bears repeating, because be warned, a headless dog does stalk the streets of Manchester in the early years of the last century. It's being written in the 1970s, so the early years of the 1800s. In fact, Hardwick tells us that in 1825, a headless hound appeared outside the old church, now the cathedral, and it terrified a local tradesman named Drabble.

And I think this is the bit where you might remember them. It placed its paws on his shoulders and ran him round the town. It was the ghost dog that joy rode the trader. A breathtaking thing. He took his shoes off, left him in a ditch. the ghost dog that Joy rode. A breathtaking speed. Don't take his shoes off, left him in a ditch. He's up on bricks, just standing on two bricks. It ran him all around town, back to his house at a breathtaking speed,

and the Phantom was laid at some unknown date under the dry arch of the bridge over the Irwell. And you'd be interested to note, as Christ in a Hole, it's Christina Hole, oh I said that weirdly. Christ in a Hole, it's Christina Hole points out the long established rivalry between the twin cities of Manchester's and Salford, even though it was a Manchester ghost, it was laid on the Salford side of the river. It's like they're just chucking their ghost litter over there. So if the ghost escaped, it would start running around Salfordites. Salfordians? Salfordians.

Salfordians, great. It would start running around Salfordians and leave them burnt out on the side of the road. The little police-aware stick. That's a little bit of a spooky bar guest. Well, my next Northern legend is the wise man of Stokesley, which is, I'm afraid, also from the, well, he was called the Oracle of South Durham and Cleveland, even though Stokesley is now in Yorkshire. So I don't know if he ever was regarded as being in Durham. These are all from William Brockie's book and very few of them actually seem to take place in

Durham. But The Wise Man of Stokesley was perhaps, I think, one of the least impressive psychics we've ever had on the podcast. So prepare to not be impressed by his powers. That's a very low bar. What about that lady who floated home in London, but no one saw? It's a shame, just nobody saw. So his name was Old Wrightson or Ord Wrightson. And this was the turn of the 19th century. And he

was basically a cow whisperer. So the first example, first of all, he was the seventh son of a seventh daughter. Very progressive. Yeah. You go that girl specifically. He was a cow whisperer. So the first example is if someone had a problem with their cows, they would come to Old Wrightson for advice. and someone came in and he said, I'll stop you right there. And before the guy had a chance to tell him anything about the cow, he described it perfectly, which is not that impressive because they all do look quite alike cows. And so he just, I thought you said he described the problem with the cow. He described what the cow looked like and then he described where the cow was in the barn. And then he described the symptoms the cow was experiencing. So it was quite impressive. Oh, okay.

And then he said, I can't help. And the cow died. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

Whoa. Just as he predicted it would. So people were pretty impressed with this guy, old Rideson. Another case, of course, is the story of the lost shart. Whoa! Which, just to be clear, is the word shirt written in dialect for South Durham, North Cleveland. The miners, they would take their clothes off

before going underground. Brockie doesn't really go into details there, but it sounds pretty sexy. And one of the miners came back up and his shirt wasn't, you know, he couldn't find his shirt. And so he and his friend Elijah said, well, I know what we'll do. We'll go and ask old Wrightson for advice. And his friend Elijah, who for some reason is named, even though the guy who lost his

shot isn't, Elijah says, okay, but we're going to put him to the test. So as they left the try up trough pits, which was the name of the mine, they put him to the test and Elijah dropped his coat off at a pub called the West House, because reasoning, but when we get there, we can ask him about the location of the coat and the shirt. And if he's right about the coat, he'll know where the shirt is. Good science. That's good.

Is, oh yeah, I suppose. We know, yeah, we know where the coat is. So if he's right about that, he'll be right about the other thing. Right. Yes, I see. I get it. So they arrived at old Wrightson's house and he said, and I'm afraid it's written in perhaps the most extreme Yorkshire Northern dialect I've ever seen.

Would you require some assistance? Go on, give it a go, yeah. So there we go. Go on, James, you can play Old Wrightson. Whoa. What has Dedean with our court, Elijah? Very good. I think the slussie a west ass.

I think st-eat. I think st-eat. I think st-eat. Whoa. I think st-eat. I think st-eat. I think st-eat. I think st-eat.

I think st-eat. I think st-eat. I think st-eat. I think st-eat. I think st-eat. I think st-eat. I think st-eat. I think st-eat. I think st-eat. I think st-eat. Eats Wires Man Knows Aught About Chart. And these were the very words the man had used. Not my review, not my words, the words of Billy Broccoli.

So Wrightson, what actually happened there, in case you didn't follow that, as soon as they arrived, Wrightson repeated back to Elijah the words Elijah had said about putting him to the test. He knew that the coat was in the West House. Is that what I said? Yeah. Yep, that's what he said. I'll never... It's like the French bit earlier. No.

The wizard, it says, the wizard then described the shirt saying it had been made by a left-handed person, which was true, and finally said its owner would find it at home on his return. He added a warning as to giving salt out of the house, a most dangerous thing. No further information about that. And when the minor got home, he found not only was there a shirt there, it had been left by one of the other workmen who had pictured it by accident, but his mother, blooming mum, had only been giving away salt all morning. Yeah, exactly. She had been guilty of the dangerous act of giving salt away. So so right. So I was right. And I've got a couple more cases before we move on. A Miller lost his weights and the wise man predicted they would be found

in an ass midden, which, which is an ash pit. So ass is like ash midden like a, you know, a hole or a pit of some kind. Sorry, what hole? An ass midden. Okay. An ass midden. a hole or a pit of some kind. Sorry, a what hole? An ass midden. OK. An ass midden. An ash hole. Yeah, an ash hole. Sorry, the Internet. And sure enough, the weights were discovered.

All clam dwee ass. Not a direct quote. And not everybody took him seriously, old Wrightson. What? No. Bob Benison and his mate were... Bobby Benny. Bobby Benz were traveling to the fair and they had the idea that they might see old

Wrightson and have a bit of sport with him. So in they went and they sat down in front of the fire and Wrightson rather turned the tables on them. He put a couple of logs on the fire and it got hotter and hotter and it started burning so hot that they actually found it insufferable and they tried to move away but they found they were sort of hypnotized. He'd sort of magnetized them to their chairs and they weren't able to back away. It was burning hotter and hotter, the brocky says. After giving the men such a roasting as he deemed sufficient, the wizard at length set them free, scornfully bidding them to go to the fair and there tell their friends the sport they had with old Wrightson.

Needless to say, he had the last laugh. To quote Alan Partridge. So that's the story of perhaps for the most impressive psychic in Stokesley, specifically, old Wrightson. specifically. All right, so. OK, well, I've got a tale that comes from the county of Lancashire. So don't worry, I can do the accent. This comes from friend of the show, Laura the land. Laura the land. Yes, and it is definitely in the Lancashire chapter. So it's county wise. I'm fine today.

This comes from Levensham, which is now South Manchester and then was Farms. So many years ago wrote James Bowker in 1883, so this is pre-1883, this is what 1883 people thought was old. So there was a farmhouse on the road from Manchester to Stockport where Levensham Church now stands. The farm was called... in the local dialect... Eaud! Oh, it's like we're in Levensham.

It's like we're being chased out of Levensham. Old Daniel Burton. His farm prospered so well that jealous neighbors suspected he'd sold himself to devil. But it was actually due to a boggart named Puck. So he had his own pet boggart called Puck. Puck's a good classic, classic fairy type name, fairy sprite, Elfen. Is it Shakespeare?

Isn't it? Yes, there's a Puck in Midsummer Night's Dream. What happened was the boggart had done all the work, reaping and gleaning every field perfectly. Sorry, I apologize. Reaping and gleaning every field perfectly and stacking all sheaves in the barn, all in a shingle night.

But instead of being pleased, Daniel started to worry that he'd used his flaming horses. And if you're using horses that much on one night, you can't tire out horses. And Daniel shouted, Book, I think that spoiled your horses. And he retorted that he would never work in the stables or the fields again and vanished. And what's worse, the next morning all the sheaves had been taken out the barn and scattered all over the fields. So it's almost like he didn't do anything at all. An elaborate story from old Daniel Burton as to why he'd not bothered picking up the sheaves.

However, Puck did continue to work at the farm, just not in the stables or the field. He would carry out various household tasks until Daniel drove him away. A neighbor asked Daniel whether he missed the help of the boggart in the field. And he admitted that he did, but he was very pleased with the work that Puck did on the inside.

And he said, God bless Puck, the king of the fairies. And then with a shriek, Puck left. Oh, because I don't know, he couldn't take a compliment. A lot of northerners are like that. People think it's because he used the Lord's name and. Oh, yeah. Jesus finds I'm here. And there was also a laying of a ghost. Yeah. In a swampy area between Stockport,

Northenden and Didsbury, formerly Cheshire, now Greater Manchester, Fletcher Moss published, "'In the language of old folk who remember the occurrence, a boggart was laid there.'" There's a little account here, again, in the dialect, if you'll brace yourselves. The ghost was that of a miserly and dishonest grocer named Barrow, who'd sold watered milk.

What a crime. Yeah, basically he's cutting his own milk. Just to be clear, I don't know if it's going to come out on the recording, but when James said that, the entire crowd went, Oh, you can't have skimmed milk. Audibly several different people objected to that out loud. Quite right. Quite right. I like skimmed milk. Audibly several different people objected to that out loud. Quite right, quite right. I like skimmed milk. I mean, I am a vegan, but before I was a vegan, I liked skimmed milk.

That's the least milk. Milk. I know, and now I've gone all the way to no milk. It's like the silk cut of milk. I'm laughing, but I don't understand. The passing got everyone that has had a Bible and them that could pray as well when Boggart were out in Fomoon. They spread the cells and got around in and kept drawing nyer and nyer and the Boggart

made back for the churchyard. But they kept to be the circle and got to be the code by the yew tree. And then Passon whips out a bit of chalk and draws a holy circle round place and old folk join in and reads the Bibles and pray as hard as they could gabble. And the Passon sings and prays and bangs the book and ups about. And poor goes moods and jabbers and chudders, mumbles.

That's the only bit that's translated. And their fair bet him smothered him with grail for the devil would dwarf out of him. And now he lets him abide. Don't know why, but yeah, they got rid of him. So the devil was making the grocer be cheap. The mice, the ghost, no, no, no. Explain that.

Maybe I'm the only person who didn't follow that. The devil was making the ghost The ghost? No. Explain. Maybe I'm the only person who didn't follow that. The devil was making the ghost of the already miserly grocer whale on moonlit nights. Okay. And that was that much of a problem that the person had to start yopping about. I missed the fact that he died. I thought he was just a bad greengrocer. And they did an exorcism to make his prices more reasonable. Stop misusing apostrophes in the name of Christ.

You should see the amount of apostrophes in this, this account. Yeah, it's like someone's just sort of flipped commas over the page. So yes, that was the tale of the Levensham Boggerton, also one from Northenden. Well, my final Northern legend is Black Hugh, also known as the Big Huntsman, also known as the Huntsman of Thickley-Punchardom. Wow.

Punchardon. End of the show. Let's go straight on to naming. Thickly punchardon. I'm not sure exactly if I'm pronouncing that right. But if you're gonna punch, punch it thickly, I say. There were enough thicklies in Yorkshire that they had to distinguish one thickly from another. And the thickly we're talking about was thickly punchardon, named for Hugh de Ponchardon. That is Thistlebridge in French.

Ponchardon. So, it's not funny actually. But if you meet a Frenchman who's asking for the Thistle Bridge, there could be an altercation. You want to be wearing some kind of cricket box or something in that situation. So, Hugh de Pont Chardon was, A, as far as I can tell, French, and B, awful. Unrelated. Well, just look at his hobbies. Well, he was, now this is, this I think will go over well in Manchester.

He was driven out of London for being a lewd person. Imagine how bad you have to be to be too bad for London. He was a lewd person and a robber. He was basically a criminal. He'd fought in Scotland on behalf of the Bishop of London, Anthony Beck, which is so close to being my dad's name. That's like mere letters away from my dad's name. So that's very weird. He fought in Scotland on behalf of Anthony Beck. So he had basically had an in with the Bishop of Durham. So he was driven out of London and he, you know, he knocked on his

old friend, Anthony Beck and asked for a favor. Good at knocking on doors. Tapping on wood. In the end, Anthony Beck granted him the tenancy of a place called Fickley in the southeast of Bishop Auckland. Before you try and find this beautifully named place, don't look for it, it's not there anymore. I think it's just some stones covered in moss these days

somewhere in Bishop Auckland. Bishop Beck made Hugh de Pontchardin, also known as Black Hugh, his huntsman. And I'm going to read from the book now. Black Hugh, as he was named, died before the bishop and sometime after his decease, when his eminence, the bishop, was chasing the wild deer in Galtres Forest. Does anyone know how to pronounce that? G-A-L-T-R-E-S. I think it's Galtres. It's in Yorkshire. No? Galtres. Galtres. When he in Yorkshire. No? Galtas.

Galtas. When he was chasing the wild deer in Galtas Forest near the hill of Creek in Bulmere Wappentake in North Yorkshire. What? The Wappentakes. We've talked about the Wappentakes of Yorkshire. The Wappentakes. Is that like a hot take? No, it's not. Oh, he's had a Wappentake there. If that sentence was only like halfway through when you interrupt him, it's such a whoppin' take there. That sentence was only halfway through when you interrupted me, Jeff.

I'm so sorry. Such a long Victorian sentence. He was chasing wild deer in Goltres Forest near the Hill of Crake in Bullmere Whoppin' Take in North Yorkshire, granted to St Cuthbert with the surrounding territory for three miles, by Egfrid, King of Northumberland. Egg fried? You're telling me an egg fried this, King? You're telling me an egg fried this king? Suddenly, none of that was relevant.

Suddenly, Pontchardin galloped past the bishop on a white horse. And looking on him, the bishop asked, Hugh, what makest thou here? And Hugh answered, never a word, but lifted up his cloak and showed Sir Anthony his ribs. And then he said, so he did actually say some words. He said, and I don't know what I had to do, but I guess he his ribs. And then he said, so he did actually say some words. He said, and I don't know what accent to do, but I guess he's French. He said, set in bone and nothing more. Yeah, it doesn't really answer the question.

What was the question? The question was, Hugh, what makest thou here? Which is an old fashioned way of saying, what is the reason you've come here? Bearing in mind the implication being you are dead. So that's unusual behavior. Yes. It's non-standard.

And Hugh answers, set in bone and nothing more, which is cool, but doesn't make sense. But he's showing his ribs. None of the violets who were there saw Sir Hugh, only the bishop. And the said Hugh, adds the legend, went his way and Sir Anthony took courage and cheered the dogs and shortly afterwards was made the patriarch of Jerusalem. Again, unrelated. As related awards. But the silly people of Galtres, Galtres, the silly people of Galtres, again, it was a forest, it's barely a forest these days. The silly people of Galtres called the big huntsman,

Le Gros Venue. Oh, what's that French for of Galtres call the big huntsman, Le Gros Venue. Ooh, what's that French for? I think it means the big huntsman. Oh, so it imagines it. And he was twice seen after that by simple folk before the forest was felled at the time of Henry VII. And that was the story of Black Hugh, the big huntsman. Of Thickley-Punchardon, you didn't let me say that.

You got the full title there. Okay, well, I have a final story here, which comes from this book, Haunted Places of Cheshire, On the Trail of the Paranormal by Geoffrey Pearson, is a new font for every life. Son of a pear font for every laugh. Son of a pair.

Jeffrey Pearson. Yes, so this is In the Haunted Places range. We've talked about it before. I think we've had the story from this book from Sale. You remember the Lady and the Clock? Oh, yeah. Yes. Yeah. Well, this time we're going to a little village that I like to call and also the Ordnance Survey likes to call Tushingham. Tushingham or presumably it's a derivation of touching ham. It's from a pub called the Bluebell Inn. All these little sort of villages around this area of Cheshire seem to be like, you can

just name it after one thing. So it's an area of Tushingham or a separate village called Bell of the Hill, because it's the Bluebell pub on the hill. The whole area is thick with names. There's loads of scattered villages. We've got Tushingham, Bell of the Hill, Bradley Green, which I think that's just a bloke. It was just still enough for long enough that they named the place Grindley Blook, which is just a goblin. No Man's Heath, which sounds, that sounds-

Do you know it? Oh really? Is there housing there? No. Is there a man there? So is it just a Heath? It's just a standard heath then. Just call it a heath. Bickerton, which is where they invented... No! It's on the map! It's like being at a geography auction. Bickerton, which is where they invented arguments.

And of course, Duckington. Which is where they invented arguments. And of course, Duckington, which is where they invented ducks. But Alistair, do you remember the ghost duck? The ghost duck on the road to Stoke? Yes, on the road to Stoke from Stany. Yeah, for people who don't remember, which I think is no one here. So what it was, there was a road in Stany that went to Stoke, not that Stoke, and people were too scared to go down it

because there was a duck. Yeah. And eventually a posse was formed, and they beheaded that duck. It was a really angry duck. Yeah, at the end, certainly. You would be annoyed. And now people are too afraid to go down that road

because there's a headless ghost duck on that road. Did we do impressions of what that quack would sound like at the time? Oh, you'd be very wet. Can you imagine strangulating a quack? Ooh. Because they're already pretty. There's not much more you can do. Anyway, what we have here, Alistair and lore folk, is Ghost Duck 2.

Back in the habit. Or equally quack-electric Quack-a-loo. Ghost Duck 2, Ghost Duck Goes Bananas. According to... The legend, I'm not finished, the legend of Quackly's Quack. Return of the bread-eye, because ducks like bread. Oh, yes. It needs an explanation, but it was worth it.

Is that the second one? No, you're thinking of The Empire Strikes Quack. Keep that bit in. This is a very old story. It might even go back as far as the 14th century or the 1300s. So the landlord of the pub, the Bluebell Inn, which is still there, do look for it. It's still there. It's just not a pub anymore. It's an abandoned pub, unfortunately. The landlord had a pet duck. Given the context of the rest of the story, it has to be assumed that he really

liked this duck because no one else did. The duck would- Really bad vibes from this duck. It's an evil duck. People drinking in the pub, they're getting their ankles pecked by the duck. It's coming around pecking their ankles, probably stealing their peanuts. I don't know if ducks eat peanuts,

but this duck probably would just steal them and then spit them out. It's a bad duck. An evil gander? No, that's a goose, isn't it? An evil mallard. Oh, yes. Mallard, like the French. Malicious mallard. Lovely. Definitely. Nice alliteration. But in the mal, in mallard. French for bad. The locals decided something had to be done, so a trial was held.

something had to be done. So a trial was held. It's a classic duck trial. Duck trials. And the bird was found guilty. What was the allegation? What was the charge? I just be in a bad duck. Fair enough.

I think it's not listed. We can only assume that those were, those were the charges brought against it. Did the duck have counsel of any kind or was the duck representing itself? Might have been. For the benefit of the listener, a mime holding braces, which we all knew was what barristers do. I don't know. Lawyers, maybe. So yes, the bird was found guilty, executed. Oh my God, did they duck the duck?

I don't know if they ducked the duck or if they... Because that wouldn't work very well, killing of a duck. Hanging the duck, also difficult. You can't hang a bird, they just flutter. You'd have to swing it round. Look, I'm sorry. You'd have to use centrifugal force. It's the only way to hang a duck, really.

Simply, it sounds like fashion tips. Simply the only way to hang a duck. Yes, and then they buried it under the floorboards. Classic era. Why would you do that? You've made a big enemy of this duck. Yeah, big time. Why would you bury it under the floorboards?

Because it would stink up the place. And anyway, so it was probably quiet for a few nights in the pub. Probably a bit awkward as well with the owner. So it was my pet duck, guys. Why is there a very small courthouse? Diarama over here. Where's my duck? Where's my evil duck?

So they're drinking there and they're, oh, someone's nipped me ankle. It's a ghost duck. The duck has drinking there and they're, oh, someone's nipped me ankle. It's a ghost duck. The duck has returned in ghost format. So it's annoying from beyond the grave. The ghost duck grave or floorboards. And so the landlord decided to do things properly this time. They got 12 priests. The full 12 priests that you need to lay a ghost and they prayed and prayed. Was it a quiet week, priest-wise? I don't know, weddings, baptisms or funerals happening. How many priests do you need?

This is such a small little village. It's such a small village, there's a village that's named after the fact that there's no one there. Well, maybe it's because there were presumably 12 angry men judging the duck. Oh, do you think they were the jury? Maybe they were the jury. Yeah, it's probably to counterbalance the jury, I would guess. Right. Well, they prayed and prayed, which reduced the size of the duck. So similar to earlier when they're laying the duck, they all gathered around and prayed and prayed it and it's shrinking down and it's shrinking down.

Yeah, that's what we wanted, the ghost to be smaller. Thanks lads, that's what we exactly what we wanted. Well, they managed to get it down small enough that it could be popped in a wine bottle. Which of the bottle types has one of the smallest entrance holes, a milk bottle or one of the Pepsi gulps from the late 90s. Yeah, Sunny D. You had no problem getting a small duck in there. They popped it in that wine bottle, caught the bottle, sealed it into the wall. Did it immediately back up to full duck size? You'd know. Shaped to the bottle like angrily.

They had like a bill pressed down, frowning angrily. BDI. Or maybe they popped it in and then they had like loads of like really small little threads and they pulled it and all the feathers popped back out. Like I believe that's how you do a boat in a bottle. So yes, if you find yourself in the Bluebell Inn in Tushington and you hear faint squeaking, because that's what sound a quack would make when it's from within a bottle. Just watch your ankles. All right?

Watch your ankles. A lot of different ideas of what a duck ghost trapped in a bottle would sound like. Yes, but all valid, I think. That is the tale of the ghost duck of Tushingham. So, I think it's time to score these. I think that was almost a bevy of tales from the North. Would you say that was a bevy? As a six pack.

So, shall we score these bad boys? Let's score these naughty gentlemen and bad ducks. Yeah. As a sidestep from the norm, we're going to let the folk decide. Yes, because you told three fine stories. Yes, because you told three fine stories. Yes. And you told three fine stories. Yes. Slightly better researched. With better accent work.

I don't think so. I don't think so. Oh, well, you did the accents in mine. I did do a great accent. Good point. Good point. So because we told an equal number of stories, we're going to throw the scoring over to the law folk, all 600 of them, who are here in this venue. Weirdly, only 20 of them left there. But ideally, if the 40 people at the front could answer these questions, that would help

us. Just to be clear to the listener, the room only seats 40. It's a sellout. We're very successful. In percentage terms, this is great. This is the big time. Let's go with naming. Fickly Punch Hard On. Yes. Come on. What else do you need? What else do you need?

Tushingham. Tushingham. The place where they invented the Tushy. What was that guy's, with his bottom? Well, he was called the wandering piper, but he had a fine ass to carry his pipes. Yeah, exactly. Bell of the Hill. Bradley Green. The Oracle of South Durham and Cleveland. Snickalways.

What? Get out. A rogue four. Okay then, well, is it four or is it five? Five. It's a solid five. Absolutely solid. It's a good five. Next category, should we go with supernatural?

Supernatural. I mean, warm what you want. We've got ghost ducks coming out the wazoo. We've got... A huntsman? A spectral huntsman who flashes you his ribs? Something weird about ribs at some point, yes. Yeah, he said it was confusing, but he says like a real ghost would be confusing. Had the bar guest or burg-ghost. Yeah.

That was spooky. Headless lady, white cat, rabbit, dog, black dog, headless man. A guy who, if your cow is sick, will describe it so accurately and then not help. I did skip over a story where he helped someone with the cow. Yeah, you did that adapt. He did it at least once,

but I thought it was funnier to not include that. But he was a different cow. That first cow, dead. Super dead. We had Puck in Levensham. Celebrity sprite Puck off of Shakespeare. Yeah. Come on then. What were we talking? What were we talking for? Supernatural. Let's work up. Let's work up. Let's work up.

Okay. Let's hear it for three. Let's hear it for four. Okay. Let's hear it for five. Okay. All right. Oh, there was Okay. Let's hear it for five. Yeah! Okay. All right. Oh, there was a quack, a spectral quack in there. I'm noticing the people who've seen us in the South before, less impressed,

but the people of the North are just delighted to have anything happening. Just thrilled to be entertained in any way. Just the movement and the colors. Now this one, I think, might be boxing herself into a little bit of a corner here. What's the next category, James? The next category is Malady. Malady. Malady?

Malady. With this Janelle, you're really spoiling us. With fingers like that. Byron would weep. So, yes, Malady for... Well, there were many Maladies in the story. There was the cow. Sick.

There was the shirtless miner. He would have got sick without his jacket on. He lost his shirt, which doesn't sound healthy. The guy that was just ribs. Yeah, that's as ill, which doesn't sound healthy. The guy that was just ribs. Yeah, that's as ill as you can be is dead. A skeleton. And of course, the the ghost duck itself. Yes. Those those ankles are going to get infected.

Yeah. It's just sweet malala duck. We're malala canard. We're Caesar. So come on. What we're talking about. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee eeeeee eeeeee eeeeee eeeeee eeeeee eeeeee eeeeee eeeeee eeeeee eeeeee e e ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee No, one person going for two. Is that the person who's never listened to the podcast before? Three. Okay. If you're going on technical amount of ducks, then that's fair enough. Two ghost ducks. There were two ghost ducks, but then there were two alive ducks. So, maths.

Three, four. I'm so nervous because it could be a one. Based on the... It's one of those ones where it's all or nothing. I've heard a bit of a quack for four. Five? Oh! Oh, for people watching the livestream, it was such a loud noise that my voice just cut out.

The limiter kicked in and it cut the whole thing. Right, then. Okay. Is it a one? I think it's a four. It's a four. Okay. But they don't seem happy. I feel like maybe I alienated them by saying that the north was a drab place, I think it's a four. I think we went for four. It's a four. Okay. All righty. But they don't seem happy.

I feel like maybe I alienated them by saying that the North was a drab place, devoid of entertainment of any kind. Yes. Yeah, you did do that. Sorry. The final category is... What is it, James? It's animal bothering.

Slash bothering animals. So animal bothering is when you bother an animal, and bothering animals is when an animal bothers you. Yeah. Okay. Bother me once, said the animal. Shame on me. Bother me ankles.

Quack, quack, quack. Yeah. Killing a duck and then shrinking its ghost down and putting it into a bottle. That's annoying. That would be annoying for the duck. Yeah, that's not not bothering it. An animal that bothered someone though was the headless dog that ran that guy around town like he was a fox or coarser. Old Wrightson had several cows that were you know not well. I mean that's kind of the same as Malady really. Now that I think about it.

Yeah, now that we think about it. Kind of the same category twice. Very similar category. You tricked us, the audience, suggesting we use... The Huntsman. The Huntsman bothers animals. You can't not bother animals. And we don't know, but Hugh de Pontchardin was driven out of London for being a lewd person. And we don't know if he was bothering animals.

But whatever it was, he did enough of it to be kicked out of London. So let's just assume. Yes. Without any sort of trial. Any duck trial. I was doing a little quack gavel. I remember we should start on one this time. Alright, one.

Heads are being shaken. We're okay. It's not one. Two. Threeads are being shaken. We're okay. It's not one. Two. Three. More heads are being shaken. Four. Yeah.

Five. Oh, I begged for five. An entirely unearned five. Yes. Well, thank you very much, everybody. Thank you. Thank you for the structurally necessary high score at the end. Yes.

Thank you for joining us here, Ingrub. Thank you very much to Chris and John from A Lovely Time for having us here. Thanks to Ingrub for having us. Thank you, Lorefolk, for joining us. Thank you, the Streamy folks on the stream. And yeah, thanks. Thanks everyone. Thanks, Alice, for some great stories. Thank you James for also some great stories.

Yeah! That was a lot of stuff. We crammed a lot of stuff in there. We crammed a lot of stuff in there. And oh, if you want to watch that, you can do that on youtube.com forward slash lawmenpodcast. And there's some other lives on there and other videos and what's names most is I mean, it's all video. It's a video hosting site. If you go to patreon.com forward slash lawmenpod, you can join the law folk and you'll get to go in the Discord and chat with like-minded Lorefolk.

Pop in the Discord. And you get loads and loads of bonus episodes of Bits and Bobs and stuff. And thank you very much to all the people who already support us there. And thank you very much to Joe for editing this episode. And thanks to John from A Lovely Time and everyone who came to see us in Manchester. and everyone who came to see us in Manchester. I need to get my phrase in. What's my phrase? What's my entry phrase? I think your phrase is,

I had a second tongue put in to do this voice. I had a second tongue installed with this one. And it was L...