Loremen Podcast - Loremen S6 Ep31 - Beware Cambridge with Matt Stewart

Episode Date: September 4, 2025

Matt Stewart (Do Go On Pod, Who Knew It? With Matt Stewart) joins James as Alasdair is laid-low having lost his voice. Matt is about to launch his UK tour and James gives him a stern warning about the city of Cambridge. Book yout tickets via his website www.mattstewartcomedy.com and check out his YouTube special and various podcasts. Listen to Alasdair (in full voice) guesting on The Rules Podcast and why not come and see the Loremen at Strange Days Festival of Forteana? This episode was edited by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Joseph Burrows - Audio Editor⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the LoreFolk at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ko-fi.com/loremen⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Check the sweet, sweet merch here... ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ @loremenpod ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/loremenpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There you are, pushing your newborn baby in a stroller through the park. The first time out of the house in weeks. You have your Starbucks, venty, because, you know, sleep deprivation. You meet your best friend, she asks you how it's going, you immediately begin to laugh, then cry, then laugh cry, that's totally normal, right? She smiles, you hug, there's no one else you'd rather share this with. You know, three and a half hour sleep is more than enough. Starbucks, it's never just coffee.

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I'm James Shakeshaft. And I'm Alistair Beckett King. Listener, don't get used to Alistair on this one, okay? I'll explain, James. I lost my voice on the very morning of this recording. A very early morning, because we were talking to Matt in Australia. But it is important that you believe I did lose my voice. my voice and didn't just make up a story to get out of doing a podcast at six in the

morning. It does sound like you've found your voice. I have, but several days have passed James. Was it just lying around? It was inside me all along. It got kicked under the fridge. Oh, don't let me laugh. It's only just come back. Better not listen to this episode because I warn Matt Stewart off going to Cambridge. here, yes, as the introduction will have briefed you, Alistair is, sadly, struck down with a lost voice. He's texted me already just before the recording to say his voice has been lost, but also to reassure me that he is a brave little soldier, which I actually 100% agree. I don't know if you're noticing this early morning timbre to my voice, but this is what the

bus driver gets. This level of, you know, return to the station. please you know there's a real that's the bus driver thinks i'm pretty classy we've got a special deputy guest law person please welcome oh my god that's do it i'm so excited to be here and also so jealous of the bus drop oh yeah they they get to see me do an extended run and jog to the bus stop whilst waving at the bus constantly waving at the bus because i think for any because I can't tell if they're looking at all. I have to be assured that they are not going to drive away. Also, slightly running the road, so they would have to run me over if they did want to...

You've got to lift the stakes. Actually, no, let's do a quick cultural exchange. If I said Frosties, you'd know what I was talking about. I think so. Are they the ones with the tiger? Yes, Tony the Tee. Yes. I don't think I've ever had them, but I believe they do exist here.

You're not going to have a wheatobix, are you? Wheatabix won't have made it across. I can't believe that gets out of the country. Well, I think we've got two versions of that. And I think it's very similar to the Vegemite. We think it's like, like the advertising is through childhood was all Vegemite, you know, such an Australian thing. And only as an adult I found out that it was just a knockoff of Marmite,

which is so funny because it's like, well, we're, you know, like kind of proud of it almost. And you'll see interviewers interviewing Hollywood celebrities who come out here. Go ahead, try some of this. This is our nasty little treat. It's like, well, it's actually, it was created like a few years after Marmite. I don't know the origins. I know that Marmite is a, is a byproduct of the brewing process. Yes, exactly the same.

And over here, the advertising angle has always been you either love it or hate it. Right. So you get described as something like. something is described as a marmite TV show in that you'd even love it or hate it. Like a coriander type thing. Cilantra, as you might say. Thank you for translating for me. Oh, no, I'd, salantra.

I don't, I think that's way too fancy. We say coriander. I think it's American cilantro, which is, I think, a superior word for it. Just continuing the cultural exchange. You say, you're ever so fancy with your bell peppers. You're all about the kepsicum. Kepsicum. What, are you Latin?

I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was speaking to a Latin person. Wait, hang on. Do you do aubergines, though? Because eggplant is very, very much the opposite of that eggplant. Eggplant, that was named by somebody who'd never seen an egg, right? Nothing about it. Or maybe the egg they'd seen was an emu egg.

Maybe. You know, because they're like big and blue. It's closer. I've never seen an emu egg. You know what? The funniest thing I learned about Benjamin, I did an episode of our podcast, do go on about it years ago. And I think the funniest factor, because this is what, I think that was when I found out that

Vajumite wasn't a unique Australian invention. Oh, no. For a little while, they changed its name to par will. And that was just so that they could have the marketing slogan, Mar might, but par will. It didn't, it didn't last very long. But yeah, it's awful. I'm doing a lot of images that I don't want to. It's not good.

Oh, I don't want that out of my breakfast toast. I'm actually, I'm also first time doing a show in Wales in Swansea, which is exciting. Yeah. Oh, good one. That should be fun. I've only ever spent half a day in Wales. Yeah. Travelling down through England and sort of popped across just to, you know, basically just to say we'd be in there.

And we ended up stopping in Wrexham because I'd been. watching that TV show a few years ago and we had a few drinks at that pub there that sort of... Really? By the stadium? Yeah.

Had a chat to the public in there. Off the telly? Wayne, I think. Yeah, off the telly. He was lovely. So, right, okay. So you're going to see Wales. That's great.

Wales is a beautiful country. You're also going to some places in England that you've been to before. You've got your, you've got your bristols? Not going to Bristol. I think, I think Swansea is sort of a standard. Of course, yes, just over the bridge. But I love Bristol, but I think it's sort of the idea is probably that hopefully the people,

like, because all those shows I've done in Bristol over the years has had a fair chunk of Welsh people come along. So hopefully it'll work in reverse as well. You know, it feels like I owe the Welsh one. They ask me every time I'm there, they're like, any chance you can come to us next time? I'm like, I would genuinely love to. So I'm glad to be getting there. But you've got a Birmingham and you've got a Manchester date. Edinburgh kicks it off at the Monkey Barrow, which is a great comedy club up there.

That is a lovely club, yes. And then finishing it all off in Londontown. Oh, in that London. London Town. With the Matman. You mates with the Matman. Oh, yeah. You know, the Lawman and the Matman.

Do you ever hang out? We've got them coming on in a couple of weeks. Can you give me a quick lesson. on the real name for Wales, the C, Y, M, C, Y, M, C, Cumry, C, Cumry. I'm not an expert on Wales and Welsh stuff. But that is way closer than where I was, you know, just reading it. Cymry. Cumry. Cumry. Okay. Sick. That is about all I know. Actually, no, I do know dinner for Mike Wedimind, which is there was my bike gone.

Okay. That really, I mean, I imagine this is. is probably how you learnt it, but it sounds like you just said you've got dinner for micro, yeah. And Weddy Mind might be like, you know. His surname. And what else? Pamphidoo.

Pamphidoo. Which is why me God. Oh, that's fantastic. Yeah, I think. Can you explain to me why English people don't call it Camru instead of ways? I mean, I know why they used to. not, but why do they still not? They used to not because you had no respect for them,

but that's changed now, right? I think just because a lot of people are very slow to change their minds, really. But you think it'll happen eventually? Probably. The way politics are going at the minute may, probably not. Okay. Yeah, okay, fair enough. It's just, it's one of those bizarre things to me that it's like, surely you get to name your own country. Yes, yes. You'd think as far as they've been devolves, they do have their own parliament and stuff. you'd hope, but it is like the stuff is called but then also we do

in England call other countries names that aren't their name. There's some that were quite close like Italy and Italia, France and France though evidently that is worlds away if you actually try to say it in France. Germany, that's completely different to Deutschland.

They're the ones that, I reckon the ones that are close, fair enough. You know, you're, you're making it a pronounceable in your, your mouth, you know. But when it, like, so I think you could change. Australia, Australia. Australia. You ever hear Angus Young say Australia? It's very fun.

He's, because he's got such a muddled accent because he was born in Glasgow, I think, and moved to Australia when he was, you know, seven or something. And then grew up in Australia and then sort of lived around the world. basically, you know, traveling the world's rest. But he says, Straoria, Straoria. Straoria. Straoria.

Straoria. He's like, yeah, I still feel a draw to shrouria. I love hearing him say it. But that's him having a go, right? I think that's, you know, like, I think if you'd say, you'd just say it's C-U-M-R-Y or something. Or, you know, I mean, as a, as a, as a stepping stone, maybe to eventually even spelling it the same,

but that would be more the equivalent of Italy to Italian. But you're aware of the name, right? That's true. That's true. It's on the road sides and stuff. Melbourne's still called Melbourne, you know. Could have been Batmania as well. Oh, that's right.

Because of old John Batman. Yes. A terrible guy. But a terrible guy. Yeah. Whereas I assume Melbourne, Lord Melbourne, probably a top bloke. Yeah, he never put a foot rod. I think anyone sort of in Victorian era aristocracy in England, I think they are all pretty solid.

I think, though, you've got to, well, if someone's at a stage where, like, a town or city's getting named after them, they probably haven't been. No. You know, you don't get to that stage without doing some quite bad things. Yes, when things have been named after you on the other side of the world. Yeah, yeah. What have you? What have you done? What sort of strings you've been pulling?

Yeah. I think he was just good mates with Queen Victoria, maybe. It's funny to live in a city and not really know much about the guy who's named after. Yes, but we don't have that many named after people in England. It's all like the things. It's named after things that were there like. Yes. Well, the place we're going to talk about today is a place that you're going to on your tour is Cambridge,

which I'm guessing because the river Cam. exists. I know that much. And it'll be a, it was simply a bridge over the river Cam originally. That's so good. I like, there's another different pronunciation we have, which I guess is most words, because we have different accents. Of course. I like how you say, tour, tour, tour, tour. Tor. Tor. Tor. Tor. On your tour. What do you say? Oh, we, now that I'm thinking about, we like, we are way off on it. I think we add in a syllable. or maybe, Tua. Oh, Tua.

Oh, Tua. Yeah, no. There are several places that, that is in the accent around here, Tua, Tua, Tua. Yeah, there's definitely some English accents that do that. Most of it we would have got from various parts of England, probably. I guess so, yeah. Right, so it's Cambridge. Now, I've got a level with you.

I am from, I grew up near Oxford. Oxford and Cambridge. I don't know if you know about this. They're two quite big university towns. They're rivals. So despite the fact I did not go to Oxford University, I still have this inherent distrust, just a bad feeling about Cambridge.

So I do, please be careful when you're there. Just look out for yourself. Right. Okay. Just be aware. Don't like wear my Oxford colours. So I'm going to prep you up on Cambridge because you're going to need to, you know, you should need to be ready for it, okay? Guide to Cambridge from an Oxford boy, an Oxford lad.

The text we're looking at today is friend of the show, law of the land, the law of the land. So first, I've got a few stories here just to give you a flavour of the town and some things to look out for. So Cambridge has, is one of them places that claims to have been built on seven hills because there's a few places that say that, like Stoke on Trent says it. And that is that, that's like an old school bragging thing before they had like, you know, you could brag about your sporting team or your industry or whatever. Yeah. Or your Wi-Fi speeds.

How many hills you had? Yeah. We've got seven, yes, built. I think it is. We got seven hills. How many hills you got? Six, seven, mate. I think it's meant to allude to like Rome being built on seven hills, I think.

So they're a bit like, yeah, we're a bit like Rome here in Cambridge. We're built on seven hills. We're actually a bit like Rome. Heard of Rome. We're a bit like that. Seven hills. Seven hills. Sadly, there's only two left somehow.

They've lost five hills. Oh, wow. Did that, like, is the idea that in battles with other, like, mini empires, they took, came in and took the hills away. I don't know what the story is of how they've lost them. I don't know if anyone's asked them where did they have them last or to like retrace their town footsteps. But all that's left is Castle Hill and Honey Hill.

But they've got names for the other hills. There was Market Hill, Senate House Hill, Pound Hill, St Andrew's Hill and Peas Hill. Okay. Well, you know what you do it. Or like one's a toilet, obviously. ones, you know, where people go to bone or pound. Honeyhill's still there, but weirdly the honey hills there, the pea hill, has gone.

Right. Yeah. I don't know, but I wonder if there was just a family of hills at the time. You know, Harry Hill and his life. And... And Mrs. Harry Hill. Yeah, so maybe that, you know, they have just moved away. Or died, probably.

It would have been a while ago. So, yeah, potentially. It would have perished. Yeah. So, yeah, first of all, that, you're going in with that sort of information. That's good. There used to be an abbey in Cambridge, an Augustinian priory, which was founded in 1098. Just after that guy in 1066 came in.

Yeah, yeah. But 30 years after. Bloody hell. Would he have still been around? Billy the conk. I think he would have been dead by then. But Billy the conk Jr. Oh, yeah. The lesser sequel.

Where did Billy the conk? What's Billy the conk's dates? 1087. We're firmly in the reign of Billy the conk too. I learned to 1066 not too long ago. I listened to a day. David Mitchell book. Oh, yeah, the Kings one.

Sort of like, yeah, which was fascinating. I'm like, I've always wanted there to be a brief book that just whips through all the kings and queens. And it did that. But it was funny at the start, but he was like, if you don't know that William the Conqueror came in 1066, he's like, basically, if you're listening to this book, you know this. He's like, if you'd be an absolute anomaly, if you don't know this. I'm like, I don't know if he's been ironic or what. I'm like, I don't know this. He's like, send me an email.

I'm like, should I send him an email? I think you should. I think you should. I think 1066 is one of them ones where it's like, it's so famous in the UK. It's like, it's a lot of people's pin numbers or like four-digit codes. 1966, if they're a football fan because of the World Cup, as disgust on, do you go on. Or I guess a St. Kilda fan. I can see the image.

It's good to say photo. That's not a photo. He's a funny-looking fellow. It's like, imagine the caricature of Daryl. That is interesting that 66 is two of the big dates, but maybe that's why they're big dates is because it's easy to remember. And 1666 was the Great Fire of London. Holy shit.

Oh, dear, we're blowing this case wide open. What happened in 1366? That's the next... Something big's coming up in Amir. what, 40 years, depending on when this is coming out. I'm assuming this is coming out next year. Okay, I think we're good. I think 1366, there's not too, just at a quick glance,

nothing's jumping out at me of like, you Britain changing events. But yeah, so this Abbey was there, was there until 1539 when it was dissolved and stripped of its contents. Now, dissolved sounds a little bit more piece. than what probably actually happened, doesn't it? It makes it sounds like it was, you know, it was like an Alka-Seltzer dropped in a thing of water, just sort of fading away.

Dissolved is a polite way of saying, smashed up and the people kind of forced to leave her best. So this, but this Abbey, this particular Abbey, you would have had to contend with there being a ghost because there was a ghost. I love it. A lot of people lived in it in 1904 to 1910. so like on the site of the Abbey

more than in the actual place because as mentioned it was dissolved there was a grey lady who they thought was maybe one of like a nun or someone and she would be seen by some people who lived there in around 1904 to

1911 and there were some kids that the children of the family living in Abbey House from 1904 were often visited by the Grey Lady who would come to their rooms after they were in bed. Now, they appear to not have been frightened of her, but they didn't like her very much.

That's brutal. I think you either want to be scared or liked. Like, you're a miracle. You're proving there's an afterlife. Yeah. And these kids are like, oh, she's fine, but, you know, she hangs around a bit. She's just there. It's awkward. That is so funny. The gray, I mean, just the name. the grey lady they haven't made it sound too exciting it's one step above the beige lady

the grey lady oh but I love a man I love a I love a ghost story and I think England's chockers with them right oh it's yeah it's full

it is full a lot of them are from that sort of era though like the 15-1600's time there was a lot like it was quite busy

politics-wise in the UK. So I guess it seems that that was because there was some sort of national crises that a lot of ghosts are kind of associated with that period. Like your classic sort of rough around the neck, ghost. Yes.

Headless often. That's around then. Because you had the civil war and stuff. Right. So there's a lot of ghosts being created. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But that takes us to Cambridge

Corpus Christi College, which is haunted by the ghost of Dr. Butts. A bit of fun, cheeky. There's a bit of fun, quite literally. Thank you. He was the Chancellor of the University during an outbreak of plague in 1630, and his ghost is said to haunt above the kitchens.

And according to an article, which appeared in the Occult Review in March 1905, there was enough occult stuff going around that there was a review magazine. just reviewing occult stuff. Because it wasn't, it was mainstream at times, like spiritualism and stuff. I don't know if that's quite occult stuff, but like there were beliefs that you could speak to the other side and that was a relatively mainstream idea at some point, right? There's a spiritualist church that was after, it kind of had its big day after the First World War again because a bunch of people died.

Because there were like quite respected people in science and politics and stuff. I can't think of a single example. but they feel like what believe is in in spiritualism. Yeah, well, Arthur Conan Doyle, the guy that invented Sherlock Holmes, was quite into it. Yes. But that's because his sons died in the war. Right. And it's only after that that you really got into it.

I think what's his name? He'll come up in a little bit. Isaac Newton, who was definitely a scientist. A lot of, he was quite into quite a lot of, you know, the thing turning led into gold. And a lot of it was kind of hidden. because it didn't really tally well with his actual science. Right. Because, yeah, they, there was a, yeah,

someone wanted to turn piss into gold, and that's how they discovered phosphorus or something. Yeah, I mean, that'd be the idea, wouldn't it? That's how they meant it fosters. He's having a pop, he's having to dig his own beers. His own, his own favorite beer, and that's canon. Is it really? It's funny because it is, I mean, you would have realized

coming to Australia that you can't even get it here. So it's basically just an English beer now. It's like Maryland cookies. You can't get them in Maryland? You can't get them in America. They're sort of touted as being this kind of American food. And yeah, no, you can't get them in America. They don't exist.

They are purely English. Isn't marketing so ridiculous? Yeah, it's just full fabrication. It's amazing to still get away with that sort of stuff. Yeah. But yeah, Foster's, I think it was a big beer before my time. But, yeah, the first one I had was when I went, you know, was backpacking through the UK years ago. Really?

And that wouldn't have been brewed in Australia. No, I don't think there is any Fosters brood in Australia anymore, as far as I know. Let's bring it back. Let's not be all right. It'll be all right. I mean, it's because there's like three or four, that's the brewery that does VB and Calp Draft and Melbourne Bitter. And I think that are all vaguely, vaguely similar beers. Like, not everyone would pass that point.

Yellow test, I don't think. Yellow beer. Yeah, Larga. Lager. Pretty inoffensive Lager. An undergraduate in 1904 looked up at the window and saw a man with long hair leaning out and glaring. So far so angry Dean, but...

I'm spooked? All he was was a head and shoulders. There was nothing else of him. So the undergraduate ran upstairs to get a better view and the figure had gone. and he spoke to people and the door to the room was locked. Oh my God. See the guy came up with the shampoo? Could have been.

It could easily. That is... Tim Otey. I've not heard of such a specter before. Just head and shoulders. Just a glaring. And just glaring. I like the shoulders were included though because you can do a little bit more body language with a glare if you've got shoulders, I think.

You can sort of stare and then, well, you can shrug. Yeah. Which is the... Like, if you stare at it. at someone and shrug him. I think that adds a lot to your game as a ghost. Ghost-wise, yeah. I think that is the sort of thing that would mean a kid would say they didn't like you.

I'm not afraid of him. I don't like him. He stares and shrugging head and shoulders is so funny. An apparition that's just the shrugger. The shrugger. The grey lady in the shrugging head. It's Dr. Butts, the shrugger. Ironically, it was just the top of his body, though, that was seen.

doctor buts. I don't know what his first name was. I mean, we're all guessing it Seymour. Yes. Because of the Simpsons. And he lost the rest of his body, I guess, in the plague. Like it was one big boil that popped and in the afterlife, it only head

and shoulders remained. It doesn't say. I reckon if I was going to be one small part of my body in the afterlife, I'd include the head in it because that's where a lot of, you know, a lot of things get done up there. I think, you know, pound for pound, I think the head, you know, it's like the where you think.

Yeah, mostly, where you talk, where you see. A lot of your senses come from up here. So I reckon if I had to pick, like, you know, equivalent would be like maybe your shin. That doesn't do a lot. No. A hand? Hands pretty good. Oh, yeah, that's true.

A-okay. Wait, but how brutal when you get a thumbs down from the thumb-up goes. From the thumb? Oh, no. He's known as the thumb-up goes. he disapproved of me. The student told this to a friend of theirs who was interested in spiritualism

and they held a seance and they managed to summon the ghost of Dr. Butts. A mist consolidated in the form of a man shrouded in white and it moved slowly around the room and they advanced on it with a crucifix and it seemed to sort of be pushed back

and the ghost said, it drives me back. Was Dr. Butts known as being like a heathen or anything? Doesn't really say why, man. Well, I guess maybe he's been taken over by an evil spirit who didn't like the crucifix. Could easily be.

Or what about this? Maybe it could have been taken over like by Jesus. Jesus wouldn't have liked the crucifix either. Or just reminded him, oh, wait a minute, I could just be in heaven. Yeah. What am I doing down here? Yeah. I've already done this.

Wasn't bothered about it the first time. Hmm? Gives a little shrug. Yeah, he shrugs and he's off. Just the head and shoulders sort of zooming up into heaven Just like a little mini rocket I've got a final story to tell you

I've looked up where your venue is What's the venue in Cambridge By the way, if you're listening to this On the day of release You've still got time To get to Cambridge Because I think it'll be Friday, isn't it?

Fifth of September Yeah, literally tomorrow At the junction now Not a mile, not one mile A stones throw, if you're an Olympic stone thrower away, is the Fitzwilliam Museum, a hop-skipping a 26-minute walk away from your venue. Whoa. Should I be going on to this place?

Well, not at midnight, because outside the Fitzwilliam Museum are two big stone lions. Yeah, they look cool enough there when they're still stone. But at midnight... Hang on. What? When those lions hear the clock strike midnight, they become alive. What? Yeah. And it's not just like on midsummer's Eve or something like that.

It's seemingly a daily occurrence. Every night. When they hear the clock strike midnight, they go down and either they drink from the run, which is water running through the gutters in Trumpington Street, or they just go inside the museum in a sort of night at the museum. format, I'm guessing. Oh, so they don't mall anyone. It doesn't say they do, but do you want to take that chance? Become the shrugging ghost. Oh, yeah, maybe

that's what happened. Like, a lion could take... From a lion's point of view, the head's the least interesting part. Whereas a shin, oh, you've got the calf round there. You'd be like head me the eighth as a lion. In digging. Wow, this is cool. So I'm going to go see those statues for sure, if I remember. which I reckon I might. Yeah.

This has got me so excited to go to Cambridge. Good. I want to see the butts, the butts man. The shrugger. The shrugger. So that's Cambridge. That's Corpus Christi College. Grey Lady is at the Abbey House.

Okay. I'm so keen to be bored by the Grey Lady. I just assumed she just like not a good conversation. Yeah. Just, oh, just a bit awkward. And then Fitzwilliam Museum for your lions. there is a tale just as a final, a final, final bit, just to warn you, a tale that the university guys played on a local one time, a little prank. So just be aware for this. So they local,

they referred to him as a bumpkin, was in the pub, having a drink, having a pipe, and he left his mule outside. And these two students, they took his mule away. They took the pack off the panniers and the sort of bridle and put them on one of them and had him stand outside the pub and then the bumpkin came out and was like, blah, and the guy was like, yes, I quarrelled with my father seven years ago and he was a wizard and cursed me to become a mule. Now those seven years are up and I return to my normal persona. I bid you good day and like took all his stuff off. And the guys just stole his mule. And then they sold. it to a nearby, you know,

mule, second-hand mule dealer. Oh, they muleed a mule. They got mulled off. The farmer went to the second-hand car dealer to buy a new mule and was very surprised to see his old mule there at a drop-down price. Cursed again. Yeah, that was his response was, I'm not buying you because you've obviously annoyed your dad again.

So just be, just, I'm just saying be careful in Cambridge. Okay, Matt. care of yourself. Okay. Yes. With my mule. But yes, please do go see Matt in Cambridge if you're there and Godspeed if you're there. Don't play any tricks on him. Come on. And that means I'll be in Edinburgh tonight then the day this comes. Oh right. Well, yeah, Edinburgh folk. Get up there. And then they go to Birmingham, Manchester, Swansea and London over the next week. Man, I'm pumped. We'll pop a link in the show notes. At the time of recording, I'm a couple days away from flying, but I cannot wait. Nice one. Can't wait to come see some go.

We are. Me and Alastair. We're going to come record Who Knewit with Matt Stewart. And that'll be out at some point, might, on your podcast feeds. Yeah, I reckon. I mean, we've done, we did that in the past. We did one last summer, toured. Sorry, toured. Torred. That sounds like someone saying turd in a really, really posh accent. It was a lot of fun. We'll pop some links in all the show notes. Thank you very much, Matt, for joining us here today. People have enjoyed your voice. They can hear it on the Do Go On Pod, the Who. Junior in Matt Stewart Pod, and they can see that voice coming out of your face on your tour around England. Also, we've got to listen to Australia. They're well aware of how they can see and hear your face. Yeah, yeah. I've also released a special a month or so ago called Best Man, which you can watch online from anywhere. Anywhere. Anywhere.

Wow, you've got to have a computer and some sort of connection to the internet. That's right. But yeah, it's on the Humdinger YouTube. Look at me, look at it. We're going to plug, plug crazy. This is basically bed bath and beyond. I want to, I want to plug so much stuff that the listeners can't, you know, it's all so mixed up that they can't grip onto anything. Yeah, it's best to muddy the message. They'll just be shrugging like Dr. Dr. Dr. Butz.

Doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doctor, doctor butts. Man, Dr. Bath is my new hero. I cannot wait to meet him. I don't know, you can't shake his hand, obviously, but, you know, tap shoulders or whatever you can do. do one of them hugs. Tap and shoulders it, Dr. Butts. Well, that's true. Nice one.

Well, thank you very much, Matt. Thank you so much, James. Nice one. So there, Alist, I hope you also take the sound advice. Yeah, I will never go to Cambridge now. And steer clear of Cambridge, thanks. Please do check out Matt Stewart's tour, which begins today, if you're listening to this today, the day that I think you're listening to this. It's a very good stand-up, Matt.

It's really worth checking out. Also, come see us. If you're listening to this the day, I think it is, at the Strange Days Festival. Ooh. Come and find us, find it on the internet or the link below. If you want to hear Alistair's voice more, check out the recent episode of The Rules podcast, and it's all in there. That's The Rules with Simon Weeks. And if you want to hear more, Alist, you could listen to bonus episodes of this podcast by joining us at patreon.com forward slash lawmenpod.

Thank you very much to all the people that do that already. Thank you very much to Joe for editing this episode. And I'm so glad you found your voice, Alistair. Thank you, James. We'll use it next week. That's so good. Your voice already is so nice to listen to anyway, but the early morning, timbre. Yeah, I think I've made up that pronunciation, but thanks for backing me up.

Oh, man, I just assume I'm learning. I'm learning right off the bat. It's one of the ones that I've only seen written down. Like, is it timber like a tree's about to fall over? or is it timbre because it's a bit French? I imagine that's probably the correct one, but yeah, I feel like I've heard timber, but, you know, I don't think Australian is going to start

preaching about pronunciation. Only simply is the data data issue. Right. To be honest, that's my only problem with the Australian accent. And to be fair, as previously discussed on the pod, Data is probably more accurate because you're using the same sound twice. Oh my God.