Loremen Podcast - Loremen S6Ep22 - The Ghosts of 50 Berkeley Square, London

Episode Date: June 26, 2025

In the midst of a heatwave, James brings the temperature down with the chilling tale of a ghost named Bloody Bones. The loreboys visit the most notorious haunted house in London. It's the Victorian eq...uivalent of the Cat Bin Lady (but with ghosts in a house rather than a cat in a... well, you know). Prepare yourself for tales of hubris and horror, plus a typewritten message from the beyond! Join... Us... at The Oxford Comedy Festival on the 10th July 2025 (2025). This episode was edited by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Joseph Burrows - Audio Editor⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the LoreFolk at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ko-fi.com/loremen⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Check the sweet, sweet merch here... ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ @loremenpod ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/loremenpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. I'm James Shake Shaft. I'm Alistair Beckett King. And Alistair, we're having another mini heatwave but fortunately I have a chilling tale for us. Huey! Whoa. So put, pop your ice creams down everyone and maybe get a hot cream.
Starting point is 00:00:28 You know, I'll just grab a hot cream. So give me a wait, huh? Three hot creams. Hot creams for everyone. Can I have a cream extra hot? Sure, we don't do hot cream. What? Good day to you.
Starting point is 00:00:41 I'll take my business to a place where people do hot creams. This is the tale of 50 Barkley Square. Hey Alistair Beckett King. Hey James, shake shaft. Thank you. How are you doing? I'm well, thank you. Bit warm, Shake Shaft. Thank you. How are you doing? I'm well, thank you. Bit warm, a little bit warm. I'm glad you're warm because I'm about to chill you. Would that be with a ghostly tale? It is with a ghostly tale. So that should bring you down to sort of standard,
Starting point is 00:01:16 standard temperature. Oh good, a spooky thermostat. Yes, but thermostats don't call the house. No, that's true. Okay. I should have said a spooky temperature regulating system. Yeah. Cause it trips off the tongue. Alistair, have you heard of 50 Berkeley square or is it Berkeley? I'm sure it's, I've never heard of it. I'm sure it's Berkeley square. I'm sure it's Berkeley square.
Starting point is 00:01:38 I'm very confident that it's Berkeley square. No. And in fact, you sent me a message about 50 Barkley square and I assumed it was a standup gig because it's an address in London. And I thought that you were relaunching Shakespeare standup career. I got very excited. I thought it was a soft launch. I thought you were keeping it under the radar.
Starting point is 00:01:57 Oh no, I'm sorry. Not. I'm sorry. It's not true. It's are you, are you, are you qu those rumours that I started two seconds ago? Exactly. Although, is it a subtle reverse psychology come get me play? Mmm. Yeah, maybe it is. Fans of the shaft, that's how I refer to your fans. There's an apostrophe
Starting point is 00:02:19 there. Apostrophe shaft. Fans of the shaft should just turn up at 50 Barkley Square in case there's a secret impromptu roof gig. Oh, wait, wait, wait. You shouldn't because it is now close to the public. Oh, all right. So it's really not a standard thing at all. No, it is a house in Barkley Square. It's number 50. This is in Mayfair in London's glittering London district. Oh, yes. I've heard of it from Monopoly. Yes. So Mayfair, that is your top end Monopoly. That's your dark blue, isn't it? Yeah. Your Pentonville's.
Starting point is 00:02:54 That's a prison. Oh yeah. Isn't it? Yeah, it is a prison. It's Mayfair and Pall Mall. Pall Mall. Or Paul Mall. Well, I never know how to say it.
Starting point is 00:03:05 And what's the other one? What's the other blue one on the English? It's only the two. It's just two. It's Mayfair and Pal Mal. I mean, just a fun fact that everyone who listened to this podcast already knows. Monopoly is based on a game originated by a woman who got no credit and it was a satire on capitalism.
Starting point is 00:03:25 It was called the Evil Evil Landlords game, I think. I may be editorializing. You might have put a couple of extra evils in there. Anyone who listens to this podcast knows that. If they didn't know it already, they know it because they saw that Hugh Grant film recently. I don't think that's that widely known because I tried to do a whole bit of stand up about how Hungry Hungry Hippos was originally socialist, and that they stripped it of its meaning, and nobody ever got that. Oh, that's good though. Is it a game adaptation of Animal Farm?
Starting point is 00:03:57 Maybe you're making me realise what was missing was a punchline from that idea. Can I go through my primary texts for this? Because I've got three books in front of me. First of all, I've got Friend of the Show, Law of the Land by Westwood and Simpson. Law of the Land, lovely. Law of the Land. Little bit of Law of the Land. Little bit of Law of the Land.
Starting point is 00:04:20 It's a book that sounds like it's being said by Cilla Black. Law of the land. It is the law of the land, not a person called Laura the land. I've also got Steve Roud's book, London law, the legends and traditions of the world's most vibrant cities. Also I believe a friend of the podcast that's made an appearance before. Definitely. And massive fiend of the show Haunted Britain by Anthony D Hippersley Cox. Oh yeah, I recognize that name.
Starting point is 00:04:55 Which I've now taken to singing his name to the tune of Huey Lewis and the News' is hip to be square. It's hip as Lee Cox. Long time listeners of the show, tick off your Back to the Future reference there. I was in a bleak, a bleak Back to the Future reference. Oh, but it was still there. It was fading away out of existence. All right, all right. I'm sorry, listener. I got him off track. I passed a shop recently in East London's trendy East London district. It was called
Starting point is 00:05:30 Biff Mode. Biff Mode. I just, I think it was like a wig shop or something. I just imagine like the staff in there were just really rude. Like whenever you started browsing the shop, they're like, what are you looking at, butt head? And at the end of every day they get covered in manure for some reason. Oh yeah, weirdly that shopkeeper hated manure. Something that they have a long running familial hatred for. All of their ancestors hated manure
Starting point is 00:05:56 as well. Very friendly to my mum though. Always wanted to pass on their wishes. Yep. Yes. All of these talk about 50 Berkeley Square, and I don't know if it's too famous for it because they all refer to it as possibly the most famous haunted house in London. What, more famous than Scratching Fanny of Cochlein's house? Well, I guess so, but I think, I don't know, I think they didn't have the SEO. Yeah, true. Also, I don't know what house that happened in because I got distracted
Starting point is 00:06:25 by other words. So this was a story that comes from Victorian times. And as it says in Law of the Land, a grisly legend circulated about 50 Berkeley Square. And this apparently arose in the 1850s. And the house was occupied by an eccentric recluse, Mr. Myers, Thomas Myers, not Michael Myers, fortunately, for horror fans. Yeah, Thomas Myers, and he let his house fall into decay, and he just lived in the one room, and it's said, it's your classic, whatever that Dickens story is. He was men who have been jilted at a wedding and then he just locked himself up in his house. There were letters in notes and queries, which is
Starting point is 00:07:13 sort of like a text version of points of view. That's a reference for people of a certain age for people of a younger age. Points of view is like a TV version of the reply guys. So is that a point of view where people would write into the television to moan really about things? Imagine my horror. Why oh, why oh why? Yeah, there were a series of stock openings to the letters. I think people who like our show will probably know of the points of view theme tune from it being mentioned on Adam and Joe podcast back in the day. Cause it was blah, boobity, ba da, ba ba, blah, blah, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue,
Starting point is 00:07:52 blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue,
Starting point is 00:08:00 blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blue, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, doobity, blah, blah. That kind of says, this is what we think of your opinions. Yeah. Some crazy gibberish. Exactly. I think that was the subtle point. So according to notes and queries, November, 1872, a letter was written in by an H.A.B. and was replied to by Lord Littleton. The question goes, haunted houses. Can your
Starting point is 00:08:25 readers inform me of any houses now closed as being haunted? Is there a house in Berkeley Square, London, with this repute as I have been informed? Okay. Hmm. Sounds like someone is on a bit of a fishing expedition. Yeah. Lyttelton replies, it is quite true that there is a house in Berkeley Square, number 50, said to be haunted and long unoccupied on that account. There are strange stories about it, into which this deponent cannot enter. A couple of months later, another correspondent, EMP, which if this was an action movie, I would have to explain was an electromagnetic pulse, which would knock out all electronics in the area.
Starting point is 00:09:07 Because somehow people don't know that yet. I think that's because EMPs don't go off as often as you would think, considering we have the technology to knock out all electronics in the area. You'd think that would be happening all the time. But anyone who watches an action movie has watched another action movie with an EMP in it by now. I would like that actually a fully explained film where people are like, it's a heist and someone will not know what a heist was. A bunch of people and they wear snazzy outfits.
Starting point is 00:09:35 And they're like, what's a casino? And like, gee, OK. Gambling. Do you understand the concept of money? No, this is all new to me. This is going to take ages, this plan. So yes, EMP, the person, not the electromagnetic pulse, which will knock out all electronics in the area. As everyone knows.
Starting point is 00:09:57 As everyone knows. Wrote to say that he had been to the house and it was not unoccupied. And he was asking Littleton if he had any further reason for supposing the house to be haunted. Lyttelton did not reply. And that was the end of the story at that point. Yeah. And the mystery of Barclay Square seemed to go quiet in the
Starting point is 00:10:15 public journals for a few years. On the 25th of December, 1880 edition of Notes and Queries, for many years, the Lady One took down to dinner was sure to tell you of the strange horrors connected with number 50, Barclay Square. So it's a thing people are talking about in London, this haunted house. But they were too polite to actually write openly about it to the, to the magazines. Is that the idea? They were being quite vague.
Starting point is 00:10:40 Cause so far it's quite like, you know, like when you send someone a WhatsApp and they don't get back to you for six months and then they finally do. Like three years later another thing appears about Barclay Square. Yes. Well, in 1879 in the magazine Mayfair, which I think is a different magazine nowadays. Probably. Probably don't Google it at work. Not without a smoking jacket.
Starting point is 00:11:03 It said that the dreary house was standing empty with windows caked and blackened by dust. And it was never quite clear what it was haunted by, but just that it was haunted. It sounds like what I refer to was one of their murder houses. Yeah. You know, occasionally you'll see on a street house where they've covered the windows with newspaper. Yes. Yeah. In order to improve the appearance of it.
Starting point is 00:11:27 The ultimate murder house has, often has a tree growing out the chimney. I like a tree where you wouldn't expect a tree. So yeah, according to this, this Mayfair magazine, it repeated some of the tales and urged the owner to clean up the property and the evil it seems was centered in one of the top floor rooms, and a maid was given it as her bedroom, with disastrous results. Would you like to hear the account? I'd love to.
Starting point is 00:11:54 I feel very badly for this maid. Yeah, yeah. If true, yes, this is quite sad. An hour or two after the household was at rest, it was awakened by fearful screams from the new servant's room, and she was found standing in the middle of the floor as rigid as a corpse with hideously glaring eyes. She had suddenly become a hopeless and raving mad woman who never found a lucid interval wherein to tell what had made her so.
Starting point is 00:12:22 Wow, for the rest of her life? Okay, and did they follow up on that? That's no, just the room was left unused. They just picked her up by her legs and slipped her into one of those laundry chutes straight out the back of the house. Never thought about her again. Presumably so. The room though, they looked into. So, and some while later, a sceptical guest insisted on spending the night in there. I think they might turn into another raving lunatic.
Starting point is 00:12:49 Well, yes. So what he did, because it was a he, he arranged with the host, if he'd, if he rang the bell once, he was fine. If he rang it twice, someone needs to come and help him right away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Going nuts, yeah. And after a little while of silence of him being in the room, the bell rang frantically. They rushed upstairs and they found him dead. That's way better than I was expecting. Hubris? Yeah, this guy's name was Hubris.
Starting point is 00:13:21 It was once for fine, two for I need help, and then loads of times for I'm dead. Three for dead. I've been dead. Now this is unusual, because I was talking about this recently, because ghosts don't kill people, really. Like in real ghost stories, if I can use the term real ghost stories, in ghost stories that are really told and people really believe, Nobody is killed by a ghost, usually. It's only in fiction and especially movies where ghosts are trying to kill you and make you dead. In real ghost stories, usually they just scare people.
Starting point is 00:13:54 And they could scare you as what happened to a couple of sailors that went and stayed there. One of the sailors was apparently sent completely mad or another one that they managed to escape to tell the tale. And the other sailor jumped from the window to safety. Unfortunately, that safety was the iron railings below, which impaled him to his death. Gee, whoa, ouch. That isn't safety. That is not safety. You've forgotten that you are not at sea and the land is a less welcoming body.
Starting point is 00:14:33 According to its hippos, Lee Cucks, that the terror was caused by a Mr. Dupre of Wilton Park who kept a lunatic brother there. Not my words, the words of Hipsley Cox. And that was what turned into the haunting. Another one of a woman who dived out of the window to escape an evil uncle. Why did they, have these people not heard of doors? No. Oh, sorry. Wait, no. She, she, she was the cause of the? No. Oh, sorry. Wait, no.
Starting point is 00:15:05 She, she, she was the cause of the haunting. So yeah, okay. I could see he would have been in the doorway. So that's why she went out the window. Yeah, that makes sense. And according to the Mayfair journalist, other people, many other people have met the same fate as the Ringy Bell man being presumably scared to death. To D.
Starting point is 00:15:23 Yeah. And apparently- S to D. Wow.. To D. Yeah. And apparently- Being est to D. Wow. Est to D. Yes. And the owner only visited the house twice a year and he would go into that locked upstairs room presumably to practice black magic. There was a lot of people to debunk it. Mates who'd worked in the house, a butler who'd worked with the previous owner in the 1850s, they denied any ghostly happenings, but I think they're all kind of a little bit
Starting point is 00:15:50 before when it happened. In December, 1880, in the notes and queries, they printed a particularly important piece of evidence. So the letter was addressed to the late Bishop Thorwell from 22nd of January 1871. Thorwell, I'm guessing that's not how you say their name. It's probably like Thuil or something like that. Oh, maybe. Yeah. I've known Thorwells, Thorwells, and you don't pronounce the L and I guess it's the same, I guess it's a cognate name.
Starting point is 00:16:20 Thorwell. Yeah, maybe. What sort of voice do you want? Do you want to hear some Landon voice? For the Reverend? Yeah. Oh, you want to do of voice do you want this? You want to hear some Landon voice? For the Reverend? Yeah. Oh, you want to do a Cockney Geezer Reverend? A Cockney Geezer Reverend?
Starting point is 00:16:30 Do a Cockney Wide Boy Reverend. So this is a slightly more detailed... It can get you a deal on wafers. This is a more detailed account of the Ringy Bell Man. Ghosts remind me that I never told you a story. Mrs. Blank, related to us when she was last here about a haunted house in Barkley Square. S, pointed it out to me last spring. The delabberated, forsaken, dusty look of the house quite suits the reputation for ghosts. Miss H, who repeated the tale to Miss P, was told by some RC friends of hers. Sorry, that's
Starting point is 00:17:03 the letters R and C, not a swear. I guess he means Roman Catholic, which if anything is more of an insult from this guy. Was told by some RC friends of hers that a family they knew, I had the haunted house, wherever it was, in Berkeley Square for a London season, as there were daughters to be brought out, one of whom was already engaged.
Starting point is 00:17:23 They spent a short time in the house without finding anything amiss. Then they invited the young lady's lover to join them, and the next bedroom, which they had not occupied, was made ready for him. And the housemaid was either sleeping there, or else still busy with her preparations at twelve o'clock the night before his arrival. The hour had no sooner struck than piercing shrieks were heard loud enough to razz the old household. They rushed upstairs, flung open the door of the haunted room and found the unfortunate housemaid lying at the foot of the bed in strong convulsions. Her eyes were fixed with a stare of expressive horror upon a remote corner of the chamber,
Starting point is 00:18:03 and an agony of fear seemed to possess her. Yet the bystanders saw nothing. They took her to St. George's hospital. Oh, so this is why she wasn't just chucked out the back. This is the same housemaid from before. This is a slightly more cockney version. A slightly different version of it because she's lying down. It's more wide boy. She's lying down, she's not standing up, but it's the same person, right? Yes. She died in the morning refusing to the last to give any account of what she had seen. She could not speak of it.
Starting point is 00:18:33 Oh, so she died now. She could not speak it. She said it was far too horrible. The expected guest arrived that day. He was told the story and that it was arranged that he should not occupy the haunted room. He voted it all nonsense and insisted upon sleeping there. I mean, she's literally just died or dying of it. She died that morning.
Starting point is 00:18:52 He, however, agreed to sit out past 12 and to ring if anything unusual occurred. But, he added, on no account come to me when I ring first, because I may be unnecessarily alarmed and seize the bell on the impulse at the moment. Wait until you hear a second ring. Okay. So this is another version of the sceptic, right? Yes, this is the sceptic. So in this case, it looks like it's one for scared, two for very scared. What is the code for dead? We'll find out. Is betrothed expostulated in vain. He did not believe in apparitions and he would solve the mystery. She listened in a misery of suspense when a time of trial drew near.
Starting point is 00:19:34 At last the bell rang once, but faintly. Then there was an interval of a few dreadful minutes and a tremendous peal sounded around the house. Everyone hurried breathless to the haunted room. They found the guest exactly in the same place where the dead ass made a lane. Convolced as she was, his eyes fixed in or upon the same spot where hers had been fixed the night before. He never revealed his experiences. They were too awful, he said, ever to mention.
Starting point is 00:20:03 Okay, so he didn't die. The family left the house at once. He didn't die. This time round. In this version. So for him, it's faint ring for, one ring for scared, two for come get me. And then it seems like a faint ring for, ah, this is bad. And then a very, very loud ring for, yeah, it was right. I was wrong to be a skeptic. But do we know if they married in the end? It just says the family left the house at once.
Starting point is 00:20:33 I have to say, deeply, profoundly chaste of the young couple to actually not come up with some kind of brilliant scam in order to share a room that night. Because you think, oh, the bell. Yeah, yeah. I'll be ringing that a bit, but don't come up. Just remember when you hear that, it proves I'm in the room all night. I feel like that was the scam. Obviously, the ghost got in in the way of that plan. So, some of the reasons listed are, is the mad brother locked away, the girl that was escaping the evil uncle or a Scottish maid was tortured there. Oh dear.
Starting point is 00:21:13 But I think that might be a convolution of the ghost story about the maid being scared. It does sound a little bit familiar. But do you want to know what the sailors saw? Oh yeah, those sailors, well, the one who was skewered. Yeah, one that was skewered and the other one either, according to different stories, went mad or escaped to tell the tale. Oh yes, please. And R. Thurston Hopkins describes this horrible intruder. It stood for a moment in a dark corner and the sailors could not see what manner of face
Starting point is 00:21:44 the thing possessed. or human but soon it began to move towards them it cracked. Pantied shuffled across the room making scratchy sounds on the bare boards which might have been the scraping of horny claws. J.A. Brooks speaks of a horrible shapeless object which slid into the room. So that's the site that terrified them to the point of losing their wits. As a final addendum to the story, it was said that the house was eventually let again towards the end of the 19th century and the rent was one peppercorn for the first three years. Wow. I've heard the phrase peppercorn rent, but I didn't know that was literal that you could
Starting point is 00:22:29 rent something for a peppercorn. They were charged only a peppercorn rent for the first three years. Presumably that's a month. I mean, that would be silly. Wow. But they would have to pay a huge forfeit if they lost their nerve and quitted. Okay. All right.
Starting point is 00:22:44 So is that the property owner trying to launder its reputation for being haunted? Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. These days in London, I don't think you could, you wouldn't even have to do that. I don't think you could get even a bed seat for a peppercorn. In today's market, no way. Steve Rowd in London Law gives the last word on the story, which was told by the late Lady C.
Starting point is 00:23:06 Is that C with a blank line, because that looks really bad. It does look bad. A house in Berkeley Square was alleged to be badly haunted, so a priest was called in to exorcise the ghosts or poltergeists who were infesting it. Apparently, they were extremely up-to-date spooks, for after the priest had departed, it was found that a typewriter had been moved from a writing table in a distant corner of the drawing room and placed conspicuously on a table in the centre of the room, while in it was left a badly typed script which
Starting point is 00:23:35 bore the message, Most uncomfortable have gone never to return. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha to return. Presumably signed ghost. The ghost typed a message on a typewriter, did it? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why is that more implausible than leaving a sound on a recording or scratching a message on a chalkboard?
Starting point is 00:24:00 I don't know. Absurd. What's sending a maid mad. Have gone. Most uncomfortable. Have gone. Never to return. All right. Very convenient and definitely a thing that the ghost actually did. If I could give zero stars, I would. That's on Ghost Travago or whatever. Yeah. Spook Advisor. Yeah, I guess so.
Starting point is 00:24:25 Yes. Yes. Haunted. Haunted. Spook Advisor works the best. So you're ready to score me? Hopefully better than that ghosted with the typewriter. Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:24:36 Yeah. Okay. So first of all, names. Just a little reminder there. Yeah. Well, Hepersley Cox, great name. And you added a little something by singing it every time it's come up. Oh, by the way, on the old Hipposley Cox train, do you remember we found there was that book,
Starting point is 00:24:55 The History of Sausages? Yes, I do. And it was written by Anthony and Araminta Hipsley Cox. Yeah. We weren't sure if it was the same. It definitely is because. Oh, part of the dynasty. So in Haunted Britain, it says on the dust cover that during the last three years, Mr. Cox and his wife have driven over 12,000 miles from their home in North Devon to inspect
Starting point is 00:25:20 and select more than a thousand sites for Haunted Britain. By the way, Haunted Britain is great. It has a bunch of maps at the back. It's got a full... Is it Gazetteer? What's a Gazetteer like when you rank Gazers? It is dedicated for Araminta remembering the occasional alarm and many excursions we have shared. For any... I think that's an open and shut case that that is Anthony and Araminta, husband and wife. Husband and wife, sausage ghost team. Sausage slash ghost, those are their expertise.
Starting point is 00:25:48 To the sausage mobile. That was sliding down a pole. Was it made of sausages? I think so, yeah, a string of sausages. One big German one. I think it was a string. An unrolled Cumberland. It unrolls and then you slide down and it rolls back up like a snail.
Starting point is 00:26:08 And straight out to a sausage or ghost related emergency. So how do you score me then for names? That little aside has distracted and delighted me. So I'm in a good mood. There's not many others to be honest. Barclay Square. There's not loads. 50 Barclay Square though is quite a good name for a haunted house.
Starting point is 00:26:24 It sounds good. It's a good address. Very respectable. I'll say it's a three. Because I enjoyed the research you did into the hip, hisly, coxies. Just both closing and blowing that case wide open at the same time, if you can imagine such a thing. Simultaneously. Yes. Okay. Then second category, supernatural. Well, I'm torn here because if you ask me, if you ask me honestly, James, I don't think that this house is haunted. What? I think it's more because you've already.
Starting point is 00:26:55 I think the ghosts left. I know. I don't think the ghost left. I think the stories were made up because they sound like fictionalized ghost stories, there isn't good evidence that they really happened. Yeah. And I think that typewriter story is clearly the work of the landlord trying to just draw a line under it. You know, just trying to do a little bit of fan fiction to the ghost and be like, and the ghost, you know, Pucci went back to his home planet. So that, I don't believe that there was a real haunting, if you know what I mean. I don't believe, I don't think I believe it.
Starting point is 00:27:27 As it says in Law of the Land, fictional writers picked up versions of the legend and so there's a lot more was built onto it afterwards, like the sailors and the Mad Brother story and stuff like that. But I suppose I can't start marking stories down due to not being true, can I? Good God, no. Not at this stage. Otherwise, the whole premise of the podcast falls apart and we'd have to reevaluate every previous episode. Yeah, we're not re-recording the scores for them. But how spooky was it? Very spooky. Everyone loses it or leaps out of a window. And do you remember the... The scratching claws of the
Starting point is 00:28:04 apparition in the corner? They could not see what manner of face the thing possessed, animal or human. It crept, panted, shuffled across the room. So have you got a typewriter? I suppose that's just like getting a text in those days. It's like getting an SMS. I like the way the writer said it must have been very up to date. And I was like, what, what newfangled gizmo is this going to be
Starting point is 00:28:29 about? Oh, the typewriter. Yeah. The typewriter. So what are we, what are we talking? A five, a five for Supernatural. It's a five. Yes. Come on. For the record, don't believe it. I don't know a word. Okay. My third category is friends of the show. Well, there are a lot of friends this time. Well, we obviously we got Laura, we got Laura the land.
Starting point is 00:28:51 Yes, Laura. Hippers Lee Cucks. We've got Steve Rouds London law. And I've just realized we've read that many times two of the accounts come from friends of the show. Elliot O'Donnell. Oh, the incredibly unreli. Elliot O'Donnell. Oh! The incredibly unreliable Elliot O'Donnell, if that's what he would be called if he was
Starting point is 00:29:09 a hip-hop artist. It seems that he was the originator of the Sailor's story. No way! The guy who makes everything up? Yes. There's a little quote from him. When I first visited London in the early 90s, I soon found my way to Berkeley Square. Oh, he's Irish now, because we know who he is.
Starting point is 00:29:29 And although no number, blank, was no longer a topic of conversation, having lost his ghostly notoriety, I was nevertheless thrilled when I saw it. Then few people questioned the truth of its once having been really haunted. The stories told about it were generally accepted as facts. So I published my account and then a little goblin jumped out of a box at me, but he ran off. And he ran away. He ran away. Oh, he should have seen the speed on him. Oh, he was fast. Another version, the Mr. Dupre locking up his brother in one of the attics, that story
Starting point is 00:30:03 is first noted by Augustus Hare. Augustus Hare! Augustus Hare! Who I don't think invented things. I think he was sincere. Yes, I think he was just told stories too. In 1872, it said that the house was to be let £100 for the first year, £200 the second, £300 the third, but if you leave with that time, you have to forfeit
Starting point is 00:30:25 a thousand pounds. Okay. All right. And the house will be furnished in any style or taste the tenant chooses. Really? That's a great deal. Presumably no tenant chose not haunted. That's a bit more than a peppercorn though, right? That is more than a peppercorn. But doesn't, a peppercorn rent just means cheap, right? Usually it's euphemistic. I might. Okay, anyway, score for Friends of the Show. So many friends.
Starting point is 00:30:50 How many was that numerically? We've got Hare. O'Donnell. We've got Laura the Lamb. Hippersley Cox. Hippersley Cox. Westwood and Simpson. Westwood and Simpson.
Starting point is 00:30:59 And Steve Roud. And Steve Roud. I mean, it's a full house. Yeah, that's five., it's a full house. So it's five out of five for friends in the sense that we've read their books and they don't know us. Yeah, and some of them are dead. Because they are serious, serious academics and or dead.
Starting point is 00:31:17 And some of the friends are simply a book, not even the author. I'm sure the listeners to this podcast can relate to all your friends being books. Sorry, zing on the listeners there. Rare listeners zing. Sorry about that. Oh no, I think that's a compliment. Okay. Unfortunately.
Starting point is 00:31:34 I intended it as a zing. What's the final category then, James? So the final category is, is Barclay's worse than his bitely. Okay. Explain that category for me. Would you like Okay, explain that counterpoint for me. Would you like me to explain? Please do explain it. And thank you for saying that in the voice of the ghost.
Starting point is 00:31:49 I'm going now. The board of Biggie Ghost. Going now and you can rent the house for a normal amount. Bye. Had a lovely summer here. Will be back again when you least expect. Yes. So, his Barclay was worth his bitely because apart from the stories of people being so scared they died or went fully mad for the rest of their lives, the ghost, it didn't
Starting point is 00:32:19 physically harm people. Yes. It scared people without really doing anything. Yeah. It just sort of shuffled about doing its thing. Looking for a, trying to just write a message. And similarly, you've got that skeptic who talked a big talk about, I'm a Roman Catholic, I'm afraid of nothing. I ain't afraid of nobody. But then he was.
Starting point is 00:32:39 I ain't afraid of no ghosts. Oh no, that is the ghost saying that. That doesn't make any sense. Should have been the cockney. Yeah. And in Hibbsley Cox's sausages. So what are you saying for Barclay's worth and his bikely? Yeah, his bark is worse than his bikely. I'm going to say it's a four out of five. Nice. There you go. I'm glad you kicked up that storm about getting a hot cream instead of an ice cream. Yes, oh I needed my hot cream.
Starting point is 00:33:12 There is some bonus stuff, there'll be a little bit of bonus after the end music plays out, so do stick around to that. But if you want to hear even more bonus material, please join us, they can join us on patreon.com forward slash lawmen pod. And if you want to join us in real life, we are doing a gig in Oxford on the 11th of July, 2025. Thank you very much to all the people who already do support us on the patreon.com forward slash lawmen pod. And thank you very much to Joe for editing this episode.
Starting point is 00:33:41 Thank you Joe. Thank you the listener, Please give us ratings and reviews in places that genuinely does make a difference. I was going to say we are having a little mini heatwave at the minute. Well, I don't want you to visualize this too closely, but I'm wearing a dressing gown, Hugh Hefner style. Well, not a smoking jacket, but just a dressing gown. You I'm wearing a dressing gown, Hugh Hefner style. Well, not a smoking jacket, but just a dressing gown. You're giving people a dressing down in your dressing gown?
Starting point is 00:34:10 I'm giving you a dressing down in my dressing gown. Do you think Hugh Hefner ever had to fire anyone? And do you think he at least put a suit on for that? I honestly don't think the lifestyle, his much admired lifestyle is, it sounds any good at all. I just, it seems, I dunno, like a Scrooge McDuck with women instead of coins. Don't know. It doesn't seem, doesn't seem satisfying. It doesn't seem practical. It doesn't seem practical. Let them out of the vault.

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