Loremen Podcast - Loremen S6Ep23 - Stone Watch 2025

Episode Date: July 3, 2025

James takes Alasdair on a whistle-stop tour of Britain's mobile stones, as catalogued in Janet and Colin Bord's The Secret Country. These standing stones were made for walking, and that's just what they'll do. Except when they're spinning around on the spot. Or not moving at all. Plus, we answer the questions no other podcast would dare ask: Do stones grow? (No) Should you go in a Piper's Hole? (No) Do stones respect / understand Daylight Savings? (We don't know) Catch James on the Stone Watch 2025 livestream on ⁠YouTube⁠. Check out the Quantum Mechanics Podcast's episode on Stone Watch 2025. Join... Us... at The Oxford Comedy ⁠Festival⁠ on the 10th July 2025 (2025). This episode was edited by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Joseph Burrows - Audio Editor⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the LoreFolk at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ko-fi.com/loremen⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Check the sweet, sweet merch here... ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.teepublic.com/stores/loremen-podcast?ref_id=24631⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ @loremenpod ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/loremenpodcast⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/loremenpod⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to Lawmen, a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from days of yore. I'm James Shake Shaft. I'm Alistair Beckett-Kingf. And Alistair, is that time of year? It's time for the Standing Stone Roundup. Hello, Alistair Beckett King. Good morning, James Shagshaft. Alistair, it's that time of year again. It's Stonewatch 2025. Actually we've just missed Stonewatch 2025.

Stonewatch! Stonewatch! Now, just bring me up to speed. Remind me, this is like a sort of 999 TV show from the 90s warning people about the dangers of stones. In a way. Oh, is it more like Badger Watch? Well, we've got night vision cameras.

It's a bit more Springwatch, Summerwatch, Autumnwatch, Winterwatch, Right. Badger Watch, Ghostwatch. Yeah. Those watches rather than like a crime watch. Okay. Yeah. Crime watch.

That's the one I was thinking of. There's no recreations. It's not. So it's, it's night vision rather than CCTV. Yes, exactly. What it is, is a standing stone localish to me called the Whore Stone in Endstone, which we've talked about before. We've done a couple of stones round up of the Cotswolds.

Quite. The rumour is, or what I say rumour, I mean folklore, that on Midsummer's Eve, the stone, or one of, it's a collection of three stones, which is represents a horse, a man and a dog. And either all of them, or just the man go down to the spring in Enston to drink at midnight on Midsummer's Eve. But James, we just had the equinox. So that means... I was there. Yeah, I was doing ellipsis there.

I was like, that means dot dot dot. I was setting you up to say what it means. Well, it means that we... That means... It was the other day. It was just the other day, yeah. Yeah. I and some other people role-playing spooky stuff nerds went along to the stones to hang out until midnight to see if the stones

would move and did did did did did did did did did did did breaking news. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh yeah. They did it this year. Spoiler alert. Not this time. Okay. Not this time. If you go to the Lawmen YouTube channel, you can find, we live streamed it, a stone not

moving. You can, you too can watch a stone not moving. That's available to watch, is it? You're allowed to just put that sort of thing on the internet, are you? Yeah. Yeah. And it's not just a still image. Well, no, I mentioned some stories.

I'm going to talk about some of them today. There's a little bit of a stone roundup we like to do around this time where we tell stories, tell tales of standing stones and not so standing stones from all around the country. Yeah. This year it didn't move. You're talking about this, like a sort of the manager of a football team after a defeat. Yeah.

We took the, like, yeah, there's a game of two halves, you know, you just got to get out there. Yeah. You know, it didn't move this year for us, but we were all there. You know, we put it, it wasn't, it was, to be honest, I don't think it was anything to do with the live stream and the stories we told, you know, you know, the stone didn't move this time for us. We go again, we regroup, We go again. We dig deep,

I believe, and we don't let it affect us. Yeah. But it has been four years on the trot now. Yeah. The fans are starting to get itchy. Yeah. The thing is, there's a couple of factors that I don't think we've factored in properly. First of all, British summertime. Okay, yeah. I'm not sure. The stones don't respect BST. I don't think the stones respect daylight savings. I don't respect daylight savings. You can hardly expect the very stones themselves to. No, I don't think, and I think daylight savings is only, it's about a hundred years old, isn't it?

I think it was brought in during the war. I want to say one of the wars. It was either a painter or a farmer. The good thing about there being two world wars, stay with me. The good thing about there being two world wars is you can say during the war and you've got twice the chance of being right. Well, you could say during a war and you've got a hundred percent chance of being right. Yeah.

Sad, sad satire there. Just sad news about wars there. Sad satire. Oh, good news for wars. Great news from the war point of view. Bad news for peace. Yeah. So BST, we don't know if the stones would respect that or even understand it, if you could explain the nature of time to a stone. But I think they might understand, given how time-based their movements are. explain the nature of time to a stone. But I think they might understand given how time-based their movements are. So actual midnight Greenwich Mean Time would be one in the morning BST, is that right? I guess so.

Yes, I think so. So did you wait till one in the morning? No, I couldn't be bothered. What? I mean, chances are they were moving around. There's a very real chance. The other thing is it might be that they're supposed to hear the striking of a bell from a church at midnight.

So it kind of doesn't matter what the actual time is. Can you hear the bell? I don't know. I don't think so because we're doing a big countdown. Maybe we over, we were too loud. We'll have a little, we'll be quiet next time. Next year. Next year you should bring a bell. There's another real, real big factor in here, Alistair, which is more than an hours

difference is the fact that Midsummer is a very vague name. Cause does it mean the Equinox, the 21st of June, or does it mean Midsummer's Day, which is three days later, the 24th of June? Right. Oh, so you could be there on the wrong night altogether. We could not only be one hour out, we could be three days out. Which is a lot of hours. That's molto hours.

I can't do the maths, but it's a load. 72 is three days,to hours. I can't do the maths, but it's a load. 72? Is three days 72 hours? I don't know. They didn't make another 48 hours, less half of that. Oh, okay. All right. Sorry. I was thinking of the series 24. I thought maybe they could have done the next day and then... Yeah. 48, 72. Yeah. Good maths, Alistair. Decent maths. 72 or 73 or 71 hours. So what's the solution? Do you just spend an entire week watching a stone live streaming it the whole time? We could pop a little webcam in the tree opposite the stone

and have it watch for us. I think everybody's got ring doorbells. All the paranoid middle-class people near where you live, James, will have ring doorbells. What you need to do is weaponize their antisocial anxieties and somehow get those ring doorbells all pointed at the stones. That's a very good idea, Alistair. If we're going to spend all this time surveilling one another in some kind of nightmarish surveillance state, we might as well see a magical stone.

Well, Anister, I've got some other options here of stones that I perhaps could have gone to see because I've been looking at Janet and Colin Baud's- That's not the name of a stone. No, I've been looking at Janet and Colin Baud's book, The Secret Country, More Mysterious Britain. Yes, it's the sequel The Secret Country, More Mysterious Britain. Yes. It's the sequel to Mysterious Britain. Yeah. Mysterious Britain.

The, the one, the excellent sequel, frankly, The Secret Country, which goes deeper. It goes deeper. It mentions the stones that you hadn't heard of from Mysterious Britain. So in the chapter of Stones on the move, it mentions that on Midsummer's Eve, the stones of St. Liven's chambered cairn near St. Nicholas in South Glamorgan, they whirl around three times and curtsy. Oh, so is that, do each one, does each stone spin on the spot or do they sort

of circle around like a dance? Alastair, I don't know. I would say if they were, hmm, if they were around in Kirtsey. It sounds to me like it's a dance. Yeah, because if they're Kirtsey, that makes it sound like it's all of them sort of hokey-cokeying their way around. Yeah, like a Kayleigh at a wedding. Well, they're in South Glamorgan. Do they even Kayleigh in Wales? I don't know, frankly. I don't want to know. The Welsh seem to be more about harmonic singing than Kayleighing, don't they?

And also rugby and also other stereotypes. And rugby and rugby, yeah. There's some stones on Dartmoor on Sitterford Tor, the stones of gray weathers, they go for a short walk at sunrise, very dignified. Just a little bracing walk. Very good. That was regarded as extremely good for your health in Victorian times. Whilst the long stone, also in Devon at Chagford.

Whoa, sorry, where? Chagford. Chagford. Okay. Chagford. Wow. That sounds like a? Jagford. Jagford. Okay. Jagford. Wow, that sounds like a detective you don't mess with. Exactly. An East London detective.

Longstone Jagford. Detective Jagford. Longstone Jagford. Yes. Oh, he's crooked. He's on the table. This stone turns round slowly at sunrise in order to warm each side in turn. Oh, lovely. And

Chagford probably would have like a very strong tan. So it's appropriate. Jason Vale A very what? Jason Vale A very strong tan. Jason Vale A strong tan. I thought you said a strong ham. And I wonder what on earth has ham got to do with this. But no, again, I mean, this is all from the secret country. I'll mention if I get to a different source, but the giant stone. Now, Alastair, you're not going to like this. I'm going to say some Orkney words. Some Orkney words.

Yeah. Yeet-nast-een. Roo-say? Row-say? In Orkney? I'm afraid I can't say which is the correct pronunciation. We need to speak to our Orkney correspondents. On New Year's morning, that walks down to the lock of scockness for a drink. Scockness? Scockness? How is it spelt? S-cockness.

S-C-O-C-K-N-E-S. Oh, okay. Yes, like cockness with an S. Like cockness, but with an S. Scockness. I guess you're right. There's another one on Orkney, the Stain a Coibune. Definitely not how it's said.

It goes down to a lock, as well to drink, but they have to be back before dawn. And apparently a sailor. Strict Orkney curfew. Yes. Now, this is perhaps a warning to me, because there a sailor stayed up to watch them and was crushed to death by the stone, sadly. Oh, because he was in its way or because it was affronted that he was spying? I think he was in its way rather than he'd angered or insulted the stone in some way.

There's another one in the Highlands in Inverness. I think I've got that one right. Yes, that's correct. The Stone of Petty. Which is not petty, it weighs eight tonnes. And it was about 500 yards inland and it marked the boundary between Culloden, Esteton. And during a stormy night in 1799, specifically the 20th of February 1799, it was transported 260 yards out to sea. Oh, wow. So it definitely actually moved this one. I believe so. Yeah. That's 760 yards.

What's that in? What's that in a distance? I know. What's that in meters? In football pitches. No, a. I know. In, in. It's, it's 694 meters. Wow. Half a, over half a kilometer. Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. 7.6 football pitches. So what's some kind of extraordinary landslide? Is there a scientific explanation for this or did it just walk there in the rain? It was predicted by a Highland seer. Oh yeah. Reverend John Morrison. Oh, I believe we've mentioned before.

Yeah. That's a lot of seers up there. And another, yeah, two seers in fact, foresaw this. Is he not the one who's in the Smiths? John Morrison, Jim Morrison. Jim Morrison was in the doors. The doors. Who's the one in the Smiths? John Morrison, Jim Morrison. Jim Morrison was in the doors. The doors. Who's the one in the Smiths?

But the Reverend John Morrison. The Reverend John Morrison. Oh, oh, that's Morrissey. Morrissey. Who's? And we're not going to be reporting his speech on this one. All right. What about, isn't the one called Johnny?

Is that Radiohead? There's Johnny Ma. Johnny Ma. So what you've, I see what's happened there. You've conflated Johnny Ma and Steven Patrick Morrissey. Yeah. And also maybe a little bit of Jim Morrison into, yeah. So these are all different guys.

Little bit of the lizard king into the Highland Seer Reverend John Morrison. Right. Yeah. Yeah. There was a, there's the, the Brahan Seer? Yes. Who we mentioned a few episodes ago. Yep.

He said about the stone. I think, I think, I'm not sure. I think it's just Brian. So I don't think that, I don't think the age is voiced. I did check if that's wrong. I apologize to Scotland in general, but I think it's Brian. We've got two Scottish people, so I'm going to do my two Scottish voices, but Alistair, you can choose which one gets which.

There's the little old lady one and the deep voice one. Scottish people. So I'm going to do my two Scottish voices, but Alistair, you can choose which one gets which. There's the little old lady one and the deep voice one. Oh, first I'd like the little old lady, please. Oh, for the seer, definitely a little old lady. Well, they're both seers. There's the John Morrison, which is the combination of Jim Morrison, Stephen Patrick Morrissey and Johnny Maher all wrapped up in a, in a, in a, in a Scottish Vicar. Scottish Vicar.

Yeah. What's the, what's the thing Vicar's way around the necks? Dog collar. Oh yeah. They still call it a dog collar. They must have another name for it. You'd think that wouldn't be cool nowadays. There are so many other things it can mean.

So Bransia. Okay. Yeah. A little un-loaded voice please. Okay. No one will see it removed or be able to account for its sudden and marvelous transportation. Very good, very good. Were you just pausing for praise there or was that the end of the quote?

That was the end of the quote. I was pausing for gravity. Alright then. And then the other one, Reverend John Morrison said during one of his sermons, he exclaimed, Reverend Johnny Mars, yes. Ye sinful and stiff-necked people, God will unless ye turn from your evil ways. Sweep ye, oh, this has gone Northern Irish, hasn't it? It's gone into that hinterland.

Sweep ye ear long into the place of torment, and as a sign of the truth of what I say, Hlachtob an Aban, large lo it be, will be carried soon without human agency a considerable distance seawords." Oh, very. Well, I mean, that happened. It did. And the fact that that happened... 26 years after he said that. Wow. And And that proves the existence of hell and eternal torment. Evidently so. I feel like I should have been told. Well, you should have looked up your stone law.

So a parish records of St. Mary's Church in Reading from 26 July 1602 says, this child was killed by a block which fell upon him, which block was found by the coroner's jury to be guilty of his death. Oh, they blamed the block. They blamed the block legally. And in East Anglia, a bunch of places they believed this, but particularly strongly it's believed in East Anglia, was that the stones grew. Blacksall stone in Suffolk is said to have grown from the size of a small loaf a century

ago to its present weight of about five tons. Wow. And this is from a book from the 70s. It's so flat out there. They don't have quarries and things or mountains. So I guess they don't know where stones get, they have to grow their own stones. They haven't got anywhere else to get them from. Well, in 1893, a Suffolk farmer declared that stones grew in the earth,

and there's no point clearing them off the land. That sounds like a lazy farmer. So I don't know how it is in that part of the country. Are they glacial erratics? I don't know if there were glaciers in that area. I don't know. But I think that's where these big stones, they're the remnants, aren't they? Things that were dragged along the bottom of glaciers. Yeah, but I don't think they're that erratic. No, these days they tend to be quite staid. There was another story from Suffolk. A clergyman who was trying to convince a man that stones did not grow said, but if you

put a stone on the mantelpiece and look at it in five years, you will find that it has not grown." To which the farmer replied, "'No, and I reckon if you put a tater there, it would not grow either.' Boom. Logic." Oh, except a potato would actually though, because they do sprout and grow eyes, don't they?

The eyes might come out, but you might get some liking on a little, on a little rock. Well, I don't, I, that's a little bit like Farmer destroys correct vicar, you know, boom, ah, the vicar is right. You know, I don't, I don't care if he destroyed him in a debate. I'm going to clip this up actually. We're going to clip that up. Farmer destroys vicar. Farmer destroys Vicar. You just need a still of a Vicar screaming. Being like, ah, blue-haired Vicar. Oh no, oh no. My last woke points or whatever it is they think people have. There's a whole bunch.

What I should have done, Alistair, is rather than waiting for a mid, an unspecified midnight hour, that might also be 1am. Yeah. What I should have done is gone to one of the Cockroast stones that there are many of in the UK. There's one in Wellington at Somerset. There's one in Lew in Cornwall. There's one in Hay.

There's one in Sheffield. Or there's a bunch in Sheffield. Which Hay is that? Hay as in Hay on Why? I don't know if it's Hay on Why. It's just called Hay. So I'm guessing it's not Hay on Why. Probably not. There's a cock crowing stone or Stump John at Hollow Meadows, which is definitely a Mario Kart track.

There's one in Derbyshire. The top most stone of the cheese ring in Cornwall responds to cock crows. All of these turn around when they hear the cock crow. I just need to download it. I'm going to go to the top of the screen. I'm going to go to the top of the screen. I'm going to go to the top of the screen. I'm going to go to the top of the screen.

I'm going to go to the top of the screen. I'm going to go to the top of the screen. I'm going to go to the top of the screen. I'm going to go to the top of the screen. I'm going to go to the top of the screen. I'm going to go to the top of the screen. I'm going to go to the top of the screen. I'm going to go to the top of the screen. I'm going to go to the top of the screen. I'm going. The topmost stone of the cheese-ringing corn will respond to cock crows. All of these turn around when they hear the cock crow. I just need to download an mp3 file of a cock crowing and boom, I'm going to be seeing some

stones moving. I've got some bad news, in a way. This is my end, finally, for the moving stones. There's a couple of stones with rhymes about them, so I'm going to have to read some poetry. Uh oh. Alistair Do you know the town of Darlington? Will Barron Yes, Darlow, yes. I do. Alistair Darlington in Durham.

Will Barron Yeah, again, it's not quite as fancy as you make find Darlington is pretty fancy. Okay, okay. So Northgate Street in Darlington. Darlington. There's a stone in Daloe. The Daloe Stone? Well, it's called Bulmer Stone on Northgate Street in Daloe, which is a granite boulder which stood and may still stand in front of the cottages

known at Northgate House. Now, I'm presuming this poem is written in the local cant. Is that right? Is that the right word? I think so. I think so. You may have just slandered someone from Daloh. What's the, what's, what would you say that, can you give me a little sample

of the Daloh accent? Cause obviously I'm basically a man. I would just do a generic Northeastern accent. I mean, it's, it's Durham. In Dunton Toon, there is a stain. All right. Okay. I see.

We're doing by Hugh Grove. Good. And more strange yet is to tell that yet turns nine times round a boot. When yet years ye croc clock. When yet years ye clock strike 12. When it hears the clock, not the cock crow. Yes, this one's the clock. This one's back to the clock. So it's all cocks and clocks.

In darn town town, there is a stain and most strange yet is to tell that yet turners nine times round abouty when yet is ye clock strike 12. Now nine there, I paused there because it was in Roman for some reason, and I don't know what the Roman accent is, but it was one X. There's another, there's a hamstone, Alistair, which is why I think you confused me earlier when you said about the ham, because I knew there was a hamstone coming up. Hamstone. In Somerset, in a town called Stokes sub Hamden, which is an interesting set of words and probably has a meaning if you were to Google them. You were to Stokes sub Hamden. Now this isn't written in some sort of code that works out as an accent.

It says, but I'm going to do one anyway. When hamstone ears, when hamstone ears, the Norton chimes at midnight clack, it rolls downhill to drink at Jacko Beards and back. Oh, nice. That sounds cool. I like the sound of Jacko Beards. So is Jacko Beards a pub? I don't know.

It's a pub or club, I'm guessing. Cause it's open at midnight. Yeah. It must be a club. It'd be awful if the stone got down there and then was wearing trainers, couldn't get in. Is that still a thing these days? I don't think it is, you know.

I don't think it is. I think, and I don't think it ever particularly was. I think it was just they didn't want kids in their nightclubs. Oh, maybe. Basically. But yeah, I think that was the way that that was the sort of. I think it was definitely a thing in Durham, but maybe, yeah, maybe it was, maybe it was not applied consistently.

Yes. I don't think so. Just for some reason, 14 year olds weren't allowed in because they were wearing trainers. And then I've got a couple of things. Do you want to know about some treasure stones? Because obviously the other reason there is a, there is a greed based reason for going to the whore stone in Enston. Because when the stone goes down to that river to drink at midnight or 1am on Midsummer's Eve, which is either the night of the 20th or 23rd of June, when it goes there, it reveals a hollow and in that hollow is a buried treasure. I bet taking treasure out of there comes with no negative consequences. Oh, there's a very real chance it will come back and squish you.

So there's a bunch of other treasures. They're often guarded by things, not necessarily just a stone coming and squishing. How fast does it move? I don't think a boulder could squish me. I think you'd see it coming. You'd think how nippy are they? You'd hear it definitely crushing through the, crashing through the trees. Maybe the, maybe the treasure is very heavy.

So you've really got to kind of, you know, start working out and you just crushed very, very slowly. Yeah. Maybe I'm running and then my, my untied trainers get caught and I can't get away. Oh, in the hand, in the, in the handles of the treasure chest. Yeah, exactly. So you shouldn't wear trainers, shouldn't have worn trainers. Exactly why you shouldn't have worn trainers.

Yeah. You should have worn slip ons. To the doorman at Klute in Durham. Or Jacko Beards, potentially. Yeah. But if you went to cost Castelcock by the river Taff in South Glamorgan, there is a treasure there, which belonged to either the little. Little Iver. Iver the little, yes. Oh, yes.

Lord of Morley. That was guarded by three huge eagles chained to the chest. And they. Which would have looked even bigger if you put them next to either in Cleveland. There's another one guarded by a bird, which was Raven or crow. The cockerels guarded a bunch of treasure treasure chests in underground passages. What the cockerels did. Yeah, I suppose cockerels are fairly, fairly

aggressive, but annoying as well. Yeah, I'm not sure that they fairly, fairly aggressive. They're annoying as well. Yeah. I'm not sure that they're that fearsome though, that they could actually guard treasure. Well they just begin to grow. Oh, I see. So they sound the alarm. Yes. Everything turns red.

Oh dear. In West Sussex, there's a treasure hoard that's guarded by snakes, and the angry hisses drive off anyone who tries to excavate it from the underground passage. There's a couple of monks that guard some other treasure. Now I don't know if we're ever going to do an episode on the Silly Isles. This is so silly. Does sound like something we would do. But this silly- there's a silly story from the silly Isles.

Piper's Hole, near the headland called Pininis. Pininis. I think it's actually Pinino and there's just one of them. Yeah, if you, if you venture into the Piper's Hole, you will never be seen again. Cause you'd be overcome by fatigue and the passage is too narrow to turn around and return. I see what a wearisome hole. Dogs which entered the passage were luckier. They were seen to emerge many days later, emaciated and almost hairless.

Oh, what's up? What's the hair? I don't know. Do you want to have a rope tied to your feet so someone could pull you out? Going on a skateboard? Yes. That's a good idea. Cause you go sideways as well. So you'd fit further. I suppose you could use one of these dogs to pull you in like a, like a husky. Like a small husky.

Yeah. Like a small husky, a small hairless emaciated husky. But Alistair, if you're thinking of profiting from these, treasures in the rain stones. Yeah, let's do it. I've got a warning for you. Okay. Okay. In the Rilleton Barrow on Bodmin Moor in Cornwall, there's a ghost. A ghost of a druid priest.

And this is near the cheese ring again. This used to sit on the druid's chair and would offer passers-by a drink of a magic potion from a gold cup. Now the thing about that magic potion, you couldn't finish it. As much as you tried to finish the cup, there was magic. You're never going to be able to finish it. Right. That's annoying. Yes. And a drunken hunter was angered by this and threw the dregs back in the druid ghost's face. angered by this and threw the dregs back in the druid ghost's face. It ended very badly. The drunken hunter and his horse were found dead in a ravine.

And oh, dear. Yeah. How does it how did anybody find out that this happened then? Well, he was buried still holding the cup. OK, he was holding and the cup still had something in it. I don't know about that. Don't think so. OK, well, I don't know. I don't know if you can. I don't know if you can extrapolate that story from a man holding a cup. Well, in 1818, a skeleton holding a gold beaker was discovered during excavations of the barrow.

And that cup is actually in the British Museum. Okay. How did that really happen? You could look at the Rilleton Hub. They definitely found a body with a cup. That's good. Great stuff. But if the magic potion was that your cup's going to be in the museum, which, you know, I've heard weirder potions, then it was very successful. But yeah, you can go see the Rilleton Cup to this day in the British Museum. Possibly. I haven't checked the website. It's there. It exists. That's what's important. It's there. It is there. That's one of them stories that's kind of like sort of a bit

of a folk memory maybe or something like that. Yeah. It sounds like maybe that's been reconstructed out of the thing that actually happened. Yeah. It might have been a, it might have been a, what's it called? A, but not a back for an M retro. What do they call it? you change the you, you must know this one. Yeah, I can't remember. We're going to have to edit this down. Yes. Retrofit.

Yes. Yeah, it feels like they've retrofitted a bit of folklore to the actual history. Yeah. So Alistair, that was, that was the Standing Stones roundup 2025. I don't know. I was trying to, I was trying to do like party poppers there, but it sounded more, more like a gun. That was a big party popper. Yeah.

Yeah. Was that someone scared at the party because a gun went off? I said very small elephant was started. Frightened an elephant again. Here's something that gets me about elephants. Jumbo is, let me just pause while I check what I had to say to make sure it's correct and an elephant again. Here's something that gets me about elephants. Hmm. Jumbo is, let me just pause while I check what I've had to say to make sure it's correct. No I can't, I can't stand up the thing I was about to say so it doesn't count as a fact.

Never mind. Never mind. Well I thought it was going to be like Jumbo, type of elephant. Dumbo, another type of elephant. Another type of elephant. Mongo, Hugh Grant's middle name. As far as we know, not elephant. Not an elephant.

Fair enough. Okay. So you ready to score my stones? I'd love to score them, yes. Do it at your peril. In my metropolitan arrogance, I'm happy to try. Excellent. To pass judgment. Don't chuck these score dregs back in my face like that Hunter did in the last story.

Okay. So first up naming. I peppered some lovely little names throughout. There've been some lovely names. Admittedly, you did cross the entirety of the British Isles in order to achieve it. From the silly Isles to the Piper's Hole. From the tip of the Pininis. All the way to the depths of Chag...

Chagford. Chagford. Chagford Longstone. Longstone Chagford. All the way up to the Pettystone. The Stone of Petty. Yes. Yeah, some great names.

It's a four out of five for names. Yes. Yeah, some great names. It's a four out of five for names. Yes. Wonderful. Very good names. Okay. What about supernaturalness? Well, there's a lot of stones that move. They do.

A lot of them, every single one of them, either moves from the spot to which it's rooted or spins around. Yes. Whirls around either on its own axis or as a part of a stone-based improvised caley. Yeah. Well, I think, you know, spinning stones, moving stones, I think that would be a four out of five because you're replete with perambulating stones, but you also had growing stones, a thing I haven't heard of before.

Yep. They grow to my memory. So this one in Suffolk grew from the size of a small loaf a century ago. And I've got to say this book was published first edition 1978. So that's almost 50, 150 years. It grew from a loaf to like four tons. So it's got to be six tons or something now. We extrapolate from that.

Yes. This stone will destroy us all. Five tons. Yeah. So I think it's got to be a five because of the absolutely bizarre idea that stones grow in the ground and get bigger. Yeah. Great.

Yes. Next. Very supernatural. Very supernatural. Next score is, it's RPM. Revolutions per minute. But the R stands for rocks. Rocks.

And M stands for midnight. Rocks per midnight. Yeah. Maybe it should be RRPMM. Is rocks revolutions per minute at midnight. Okay. Rock revolutions per minute at midnight. Yeah. Is RRPMM.

Of course. So what we're talking. Yeah. Great category. First of we're talking. Yeah. Great. Catech. First of all, good category name. Didn't, didn't really require any explanation.

So just one of the ideal types of category names. Yes. Yeah. Well, there were lots of rocks and lots of revolutions at midnight. I mean, if we count each individual revolution wins way over five. Uh-oh. Are we going to bounce back? We're not going to bounce back.

We don't bounce back on this show, but I think I will oh. Are we going to bounce back? We're not going to bounce back. We don't bounce back on the show. But I think I will publish, I'm going to punish you for the category not really zinging off the page. Yikes. So I think it's a three out of five for RRPMM. RRPMM? RPPMM? Yeah, I feel like if I can't remember the category.

It's simply RRPMM. Rock revolutions per Minute at Midnight. The A is one of the ones where they don't bother. They pretend it's not there. No, it's three. It's three due to not being a good category. Rupam? Rupamam?

Rupamam? I'm going to pronounce the A. Oh yeah, okay then. Rupamam? I don't think it's got good acronym potential. What's your final category, James? Final category is, are you ready to rock down at Jaco Beards? Great.

That sounds brilliant. That sounds like when you see like a music poster from the 1970s. There'll be a grotesque drawing of a man in sort of flares and a bowler hat for some reason, pointing at the sign in the corner. Yeah. An airbrush guy. Yeah. Are you ready to rock down at Jacko's pipe hole? What was it?

Jacko Beards. Jacko Beards. Which for the purpose of this is a nightclub exclusively for and run by Standing Stones. That's the sound of the stones approaching. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Tricked you. I was very tricked.

Think of how big a bouncer you would need. Oh my gosh. Yes. Get out of there little Ivar. This is not the job for you. Ivar the little. No unless he was just like really like he could really psychologically manipulate people. Like he just, like he would just undermine those rocks figuratively. And in some cases,

you might need to literally. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I saw you ready to rock rackets down at Jacko Beards. Cause are you ready to rock? It's great. It sounds like it sounds like one of our EP's. Definitely. Definitely. It's live at Jacko Beards. This was recorded live at Jacko Beards.

Yeah. Wow. Great name. Brilliant name. Ready to rock down at Jacko Beards with the lawmen. I can see you on the on the cover wearing a pair of sort of tinted spectacles. Mm hmm. And a bowler hat for some reason.

Yeah, bowler hat for some reason. I'd be holding a zither. And the audience. Which doesn't actually make it onto the hat for some reason? Yeah, bowler hat for some reason. I'd be holding a zither. And the audience... Which doesn't actually make it onto the recording for some reason. I don't think you... I was desperate to get a zither in and you didn't let me get away with it. Zizzin? Yeah.

And it's because the Stones are... they seem perpetually in a state of readiness to rock, to rock out, to go for a little dance. They wait all the year round for one big night. Yeah. But I guess we just. It's like the snowman, but with stones. Yes. And sadly, less David Bowie.

Well, you know, we could work on my impression for next year. Yeah. It's the old stone. Yeah, I think it's I think it's five out of five for are you ready to rock down at Jack O' Beards? And what's this in my pocket? The scarf? You mean it was true all along? A scarf made of stone?

A stone scarf that you would wear to a nightclub. And look out in the garden, Alistair. What's that on the ground? Some stones. Some pebbles. It was true. It was all true. I don't think a stone.

I don't think an adult stone should take a child to a nightclub. I'm just saying that I don't think that's appropriate. I know it was the eighties, but no. Hey, Jacko Beards is, you know, it's got a good safeguard and policy. Let's hope. I hope so. I love a good roundup. It's a good roundup. There's, to be honest, there's loads more to roundup.

I barely scraped the surface of these rocks. And you've been out in the field as well, James. And if you would like to hear some bonus extras from this and be kept abreast of development, please join us on patreon.com forward slash lawmen pod. Thank you very much to all the law folk that already do support us and join us there. And thank you very much to Joe for editing this episode. Thank you, Joe. Thank you to the Quantum Mechanics for joining me on Stonewatch 2025. Check out their episode of their podcast all about it. Why not come and see us live in Oxford? Actually, if you're in the area.

On July the 10th, 2025. 2025. Have you ever seen the cheese ring, by the way, on Bodwin? No. No. It's like a stack of stones. I'll show you a pic. Oh, it's like a can, but bigger, like a massive can.

Yeah. That's not a ring at all. No, it's a great big can. It's a great big can. And yeah, the top one's supposed to spin when it hears the cock crow. Right.